# my dog is aggressive to one person



## gdgli (Aug 24, 2011)

Sorry you are having this problem but I have an idea as to what is going on. I would like to ask a few questions:

1. What kind of training have you done with this dog?
2. Who is responsible for training him?
3. How old are you?
4. How old is your brother? I know, teen but how old?
5. How many other dogs have you had?
6. How did you come by this dog?
7. Who else is the dog interacting with---family, friends, etc.?

I should withhold my opinion until you answer but I think I should say something. Not only does your dog need to be trained but you and your brother need to brush up on dogs and behavior. I had very similar experiences with my English Springer Spaniel. I learned many things the hard way and my training philosophy has changed. Believe me, I have been bitten as has my son. These incidents arose for the following reasons:

1. I had acquired a kennel dog who had not been socialized.
2. My approach to training was inappropriate.
3. I made many mistakes on interpreting dog body language.
4. My son made the same mistakes.
5. I let my son try to assert his dominance over this dog in a totally inappropriate way. One can assert dominance without the physical stuff. I love the expression "alphabetize yourself". This is more of an attitude rather than a display of physical strength.
6. I myself got bitten in the face due to my inappropriate play and my inability to understand dog body language.

I of course make many mistakes but tend not to repeat them, I am always learning. Going to obedience class regularly and consulting with my obedience teachers has helped. I would recommend that you do the same. I think that the dog and your brother represents a potentially explosive combination. In short, I would not trust them together. I don't mean to sound blunt and insensitive but you may now have a problem that requires training and a behaviorist (something which I have also done).


PM me about this if you would like.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

Your brother has created this problem. I am betting he is still mistreating your dog when you are not present. You need to find out what your brother is doing to that dog and stop it. You can't correct the dog's behavior if he is being provoked, and I believe he is being provoked. 

You need to get a behavior trainer to come work with you, but only if you can stop the treatment that is causing the aggressive behavior.


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## maltmalaise (Oct 27, 2018)

I agree my brother created this problem but he's not mistreating the dog anymore. He doesn't spend much time with him and when he does there's always someone around. He pets him and gives him treats (he even has no problem with my brother scratching his ear or his belly), but it seems like if he's around for too long he starts getting aggressive. I imagine the dog hasn't forgotten about the mistreatment and is afraid he will go back to his old ways or something.
I'm going to ask people about good trainers. Thank you for your reply and your concern!


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## DblTrblGolden2 (Aug 22, 2018)

As a young girl I had a Golden, Remington, he is the dog I judge all others by. I try not to but we all have that one dog that made us dog people to begin with. lol Remington hated one of my Uncles. I never knew why. He was never aggressive to anyone else, but no matter what I did he hated my Uncle. He would only really react when I was outside with him and my Uncle would come up. Never reacted in the house, never reacted when my Dad was outside with him and my Uncle came to visit. Years later, I'm guessing when my Dad thought I would find it informative and not berate my Uncle for it, I found out that when Remington was a puppy he jumped on my uncle. My uncle mistreated him for it. My Dad and Uncle apparently had an argument over it. It never happened again. Remington lived to be 14 years old. He went with me into my own house when I moved out of my parents. It didn't matter if my Uncle pulled in my driveway, new house - different property, you would have thought he was a guard dog. My Uncle could not get out of his truck if Remington was in the yard. 

I'm proud of him now, but for years I wondered what in the world the behavior was about. Dogs don't forget and sometimes maybe the people deserve it. If it's truly because your brother was mean to him he may not get over it. I have also figured out in my years of working with dogs that I think he may not have reacted when my Dad was with him because he felt secure. Remington may not have felt like I was in control when my Uncle appeared, or maybe he felt he needed to protect me. I'll never know but now that I'm older I consider it a person problem, not a dog problem. I do want to say this was 30+ years ago. Oh how I wish I'd have known back then, but I'm sure my Dad handled it that day. Your problem seems to be much more difficult since you live in the same house.


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## maltmalaise (Oct 27, 2018)

that's interesting and very helpful. Especially that he didn't attack when your dad was with him. Did he always dislike your uncle though?
What makes this more confusing is that my dog is sometimes very affectionate with my brother, but then snaps. He starts showing signs of course but my brother doesn't do anything to make him angry (nothing obvious at least), sometimes he's not even paying attention to him.

Yesterday we went to the vet. He was a little scared there because he doesn't like it. He'd put his head on my chest (and he seemed to find some comfort in my brother as well) and he was okay during the ride home but when we got home and my brother let him out of the car he attacked him and bit him. It seemed to me like he bit him because he was scared at the vet's, and it,s like he directs his negative emotions on him.
So, so far he only gets aggressive at home or in the car. Wait, maybe that's because my brother's only mistreated him at home? I've read dog's are very situational, that doesn't explain aggresion in the car though.
But maybe he's affectionate sometimes because they live together and he was his owner, so it's different than Remington and your uncle in that sense.

My brother told me though that the first time he bit him hard, my brother was sitting next to me and we were seeing something on his phone and the dog started barking, so he moved to another couch and the dog kept barking, my brother stood up, said calm down and remained calm himself (he moved his hands as if to say stop though) but he bit him.
This just adds to my confusion. My brother thinks he doesn't like him to be with the rest of the family. He also barked at him and bit him once we were both talking, not paying attention to him at all.

When my brother was rough with him I always told him to stop and it made very upset (I didn't yell at him or even fight though), I wonder if the dog picked up on that tension (because my brother didn't like me telling him what to do either, and I was constantly upset with my brother then because of the way he treated him).
I think there are some dogs that are mistreated and still listen to their owners but in this case my brother was the only one treating him like that. I was quite soft with him (maybe too much, tbh), and the rest of the family too for the most part, so now I wonder if he felt that contrast in treatment so it felt especially unfair or rough for him.


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## cwag (Apr 25, 2017)

I really think it would be helpful for you and your brother to have a few sessions with a good trainer. They can read the dog's body language and help you figure out what is going on and how to deal with it.


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## maltmalaise (Oct 27, 2018)

cwag said:


> I really think it would be helpful for you and your brother to have a few sessions with a good trainer. They can read the dog's body language and help you figure out what is going on and how to deal with it.


Hi, so far I've only found one trainer. He wants to meet the dog with my brother there, and he needs the dog to wear a muzzle to be safe. Muzzles aren't easy to find where I live, so I'm thinking about starting with some discipline training first, maybe monday.
Has anyone worked with muzzles? I think it's a great safety precaution but I'm a little worried about it making him fearful and more aggressive once it's off.


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## gdgli (Aug 24, 2011)

You need to condition him to the muzzle before using it.


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## DblTrblGolden2 (Aug 22, 2018)

maltmalaise said:


> that's interesting and very helpful. Especially that he didn't attack when your dad was with him. Did he always dislike your uncle though?
> What makes this more confusing is that my dog is sometimes very affectionate with my brother, but then snaps. He starts showing signs of course but my brother doesn't do anything to make him angry (nothing obvious at least), sometimes he's not even paying attention to him.
> 
> Yesterday we went to the vet. He was a little scared there because he doesn't like it. He'd put his head on my chest (and he seemed to find some comfort in my brother as well) and he was okay during the ride home but when we got home and my brother let him out of the car he attacked him and bit him. It seemed to me like he bit him because he was scared at the vet's, and it,s like he directs his negative emotions on him.
> ...


To answer your question my dog never liked my Uncle. He didn't have to though. When I moved out my Uncle would occasionally, 3-4 times a year, stop by if he saw me outside or something. I could control Remington though. If I said here, stay, Remington would come to my side immediately. Once I knew I had an issue I just always made sure Remington was listening to me when I would see my Uncle approach. I would suggest a lot of obedience training. You probably need a professional trainers help. I'm not sure I agree with a muzzle, but I'm not a trainer. I personally have never used a muzzle of any kind. It sounds like a trust issue to me. Keep in mind I never new what happened between my uncle and my dog. Remington has been gone for 20 years and I just recently was told that there was a reason he acted that way. This was also 30 years ago and honestly peoples mind sets on dogs were different back then.

If it was me I would make sure that I was in a position that I had the dogs trust and that I had a handle on him obedience wise. Make sure you have a firm foundation on heal, sit,stay, leave it..... I would also not have my brother in a position of authority with the dog. I guess what I'm saying is if you are there, and your brother is there you should be the one correcting the behavior. If I had a dog today with those issues I would only allow him near my brother when on a leash. I would assume that at the current age he is properly leashed trained. You definitely need someone to help teach you, and your dog together. My rule would be that until I trusted my training with the dog I wouldn't have my brother with him. I'm not a trainer though, so please seek out a professional. (Full disclosure I'm not sure I would like a trainer that wanted to muzzle my dog)

I wish you the best of luck.


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## Barlosh (Sep 1, 2018)

Agree with this ^^^^

Your brother must refrain from any negativity with him - only one person should be correcting bad behaviour. Doing some basic training with him yourself and gaining his trust and respect would go a long way to him responding to you in tricky situations. 
If your brother has been mean to him in the past he won't forget it so your brother needs positive reinforcement techniques to gain some trust - that's if he wants it and as they are living in the same house they need to at least be able to co exist. 
Does your brother generally have a 'short fuse' would you say, I mean does he get annoyed easily? If he does then the dog will know just by body language alone and that will make the behaviour all the more difficult to change. Golden are so very sensitive and also very smart aren't they? There's no fooling them and I just hope your brother isn't being mean when you're not there because I find your dogs intermittent aggression confusing that he trusts him sometimes and then turns on him as he does. 
I think you definitely need a behaviourist to assess him before going to a trainer as they can tell you more about this kind of demeanour and how best to help him out of it. I certainly wouldn't trust a trainer that muzzles dogs, that wouldn't give me much confidence in him and to do that to a dog is upsetting to start off with, also as has been said you need to desensitise him to a muzzle which takes time and patience with lots of positive reinforcement. A behaviourist would be my first port of call and also a full blood count plus thyroid panel to rule out any medical problems just in case his thyroid is off whack as that can cause temperament problems and aggression. 
In the meantime positive reinforcement when he's good with your brother may help, a pocketfull of treats and lots of praise for being good rather than negative attention for being bad will go a long way - your brother should carry treats to reward him too. 
Focus on his good behaviour much much more than his bad and you may find he'll respond well. 
Definitely get the bloods done though and a five panel thyroid test.


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## maltmalaise (Oct 27, 2018)

"This was also 30 years ago and honestly peoples mind sets on dogs were different back then." I live in a small town (in South America) and it seems like all trainers use choke chains and spanking for correcting behaviour, so I don't know if people's mind sets on dogs have changed a lot where I live :/
When we got our dog I read a lot about positive reinforcement and bite inhibition, so that's what I tried to do. I need to clarify he was a present for my brother, but then I was staying home all day (while my brother was at school), and seeing how my brother lost his temper on him I tried to train him myself to stop biting. My brother was teaching him commands though and teaching him where he was allowed to pee, etc.

My brother does have a short fuse. He gets annoyed, exasperated, etc. and he's a teen but the way he treated the dog was different to his usual self. He'd get really angry and yell, he'd look at the dog in the eye while grasping his ears, he'd shut his snout with his hands, etc. At that point he wasn't correcting him, he was just losing his temper on him. He did that when he bit him, as this dog was a very mouthy puppy. He was like that with everybody and he actually bit me more than anyone else. This was when he was 2-4 months though.

"If it was me I would make sure that I was in a position that I had the dogs trust and that I had a handle on him obedience wise."
I'm practising commands with him everyday. I've also started using a firmer voice, as I was too soft with him, and he's starting to pay more attention to me. He's not very obedient though and the times he's tried to attack my brother it doesn't seem like he would've listened. I'm now more aware of their interactions and take him away if I see he's getting too excited (trying to play) or tense.

"I find your dogs intermittent aggression confusing that he trusts him sometimes and then turns on him as he does."
The first times it really took me by surprise and I can't remember much about them. The past week he bit him after we'd gone to the vet. He bit him when we got home and my brother opened the door for him, I was getting out of the car and when I got there he'd already bit him. He hates going to the vet, he gets scared there, so I think it has to do with fear. Maybe he associates it with my brother.
I also realised my brother is the one that showers him and that's another situation that makes him scared (my mum's always there with them and my dog loves her), so I don't know if he's come to associate those scary situations with him. I'm going to take care of those two things from now on anyway.

I also don't like the muzzle because he's worn one at the vet's and that's always a negative experience for him. And there were other things I didn't like about the trainer.
We met and talked for an hour and he said he suggests neutering before a dog's 9 months old, which I don't know if it's good for behaviour but I know it's bad for a dog's health. He also said he works with choke chains to teach them to walk on leash and he usually uses a newspaper to threaten the dog when they're misbehaving (this is a common thing where I live but I don't like anything that involves fear, to be honest). He said he wouldn't use the newspaper on my dog as he has the (most likely fear based) aggression issue. However we took him for a 10-15 min walk with the choke chain and my dog was scared. I really didn't like it. I feel like this guy is used to working with easier cases, and he also said everyone including my brother would have to learn to walk him with it. I don't think having my brother using a choke chain on him would be a good idea.


I don't know if I'm too soft with the dog, but am I wrong in thinking correcting him using fear and discomfort is a good idea with a dog with these issues?
Now the problem is all trainers I've found work with choke chains. I found a clicker on an online store and I agree with you, the best solution would be to get really good with obedience (and having my brother read about dog body language and behaviour) before really attempting to make them get along. However this is difficult because I don't call the shots here.

My mum was willing to listen to me and told my little brother to listen to me too but after deciding this trainer might not work, she decided to meet another trainer. He also uses a choke chain and he's a guy that works with the military. I don't know much about this but I'll meet him tomorrow.
My mum wants to find a quick fix to this, so that's a problem. I understand her but I have a bad feeling about any fear based training with this dog.

I don't think I'll find a behaviourist or a trainer that works with positive reinforcement where I live. I have a training plan and I've started with it, but I don't know if this new trainer's plan will interfere with it. I'll meet him tomorrow and hopefully this will work.

We've thought if this doesn't get better rehoming him might be the only option. I'm afraid giving him up might make him fearful or something, maybe even aggresive to someone else, as he's very attached to all of us (even my brother sometimes)
Also, I've read about how neutering can make a dog more aggressive and it seems like it's impossible to know whether it'll have a positive effect on behaviour, so I don't want to do it.

I never considered those medical tests. Thank you, I will try to get him tested. I'm also going to buy a clicker but I don't know how things will turn out after we meet the other trainer.


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## Charliethree (Jul 18, 2010)

'I don't know if I'm too soft with the dog, but am I wrong in thinking correcting him using fear and discomfort is a good idea with a dog with these issues?'

No, you are not wrong in your thinking. 'Aggression' is more often than not a fear based behavior, often seen in insecure dogs, it is not a bid for control, or a display of 'dominance' it is a sign that the dog's warnings that say - 'this is making me scared', have been missed or ignored and the dog has been forced to escalate to getting physical (a last resort) in an effort to keep themselves safe from a perceived threat. 

Punishment/'corrections' serve no purpose other than to suppress behavior, it does address or resolve the reason - the emotions that drive the behavior the dog is displaying. Punish a dog for growling, for giving warning, for displaying 'aggressive' behavior, you run a very high risk of creating a dog who 'bites without warning' - 'out of the blue' - if or when that dog is in a situation he feels he has no other choice but to 'protect' himself. 

Your pup has been mistreated by your brother - he expects to be mistreated by him and has learned that 'biting' makes that 'threat' go away. Have you talked to your brother, does he want a good relationship with your dog? Is he interested in helping to change the pup's behavior, in working to change his behavior towards the dog? Does he understand that the dog is biting him because he is afraid, not because he is 'mean'? Is it possible to encourage him to at least try to interact with the dog in more positive ways, get him involved in the training sessions with you present? 


Muzzle training - a lot of people cringe at the idea, so I understand your feelings, but teaching a dog to wear a muzzle is not implying that the dog is a 'bad' dog, but a 'safety net' used to prevent bites from occurring when the dog must be put in a situation where biting is a risk - such as a painful or scary visit to a vet. It protects the dog from incurring (or adding to) a bite record, it protects those who must handle him from being bitten. A dog that learns to bite, (because his stress signals and warnings to stop have previously been ignored), to stop unwanted/uncomfortable behavior is at an increased risk of biting again, and potentially with more intensity, causing more severe damage to the victim - because it has learned that 'biting' makes the threat go away. 
Consider conditioning your pup to a muzzle so that if or when he needs to wear one at the vet it is less scary for him. 
https://www.clickertraining.com/muzzles

That being said, I would stay far away from a trainer who wants you to muzzle your dog, and then wants to use corrections to 'train' your dog's 'aggression' away, that trainer 'knows' on some level that what he may do to that dog may trigger the dog to bite him or potentially someone else. 

A couple of items that you might be interested in: Facebook page - Fearful Dogs run by Debbie Jacobs and the FearfulDogs. com website.
The book On Talking terms with Dogs by Turid Rugaas, can help you (and your brother) to learn at least the basics of understanding dog body language, and the signals they give when they are feeling stressed/worried.

The book: Help for your Fearful Dog' by Nicole Wilde is a good resource
The book: Scaredy Dog by Ali Brown may be helpful to you as well. 

I wish you well with your pup, hope things can get better for all of you.


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## DblTrblGolden2 (Aug 22, 2018)

My dogs are hunt/field trained by a trainer. He uses a much harsher voice then I do. My son and husband both work with my dogs and their voices are different and I would say more stern then my own. We all command the dogs with different voices and levels of tone. I tend to talk to them and quite honestly baby them, however, when I need to be in control I give clear, concise commands. It doesn't matter if my tone is "harsh", the dogs know my tone when I mean business. It is however extremely important that we all use the same exact commands. 

I truly wish you the best and feel you do need help from someone where you live. I believe that it is definitely an issue of insecurity on the dogs behalf. I also tend to agree that your brother may be sending some mixed signals to the dog. Golden's are smart and they do not forget. I think you currently only have one option. You have to limit his exposure to your brother while working on basic obedience and building his trust in you. I also am concerned that your vet suggested a muzzle, not that they would want you to use it, but it makes me wonder what they are seeing in the dog.


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## gdgli (Aug 24, 2011)

Please read THE CULTURE CLASH. There is an excellent discussion of bite threshold which you need to read. 

Example:


Factor A=no bite
Factor B=no bite


But Factor A + Factor B combined push dog above threshold=bite.


Also, by now, your brother is displaying triggers, that you might not recognize, that are causing bites.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

I think you have a very good assessment of the situation, and you are the best advocate for your dog. You are absolutely correct all of your dog's behaviour is fear based. 

Fear based training will back fire with him, it will make it worse. I hope you can find a better approach.


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## maltmalaise (Oct 27, 2018)

Sorry I wasn't clear with this. The vet has made him wear a muzzle to swallow his medicine, as far as I know. And the trainer wanted him to wear it only when my brother was around.
I'm certain my brother wouldn't try to hurt him or correct him like he used to, as the dog has already bit him around three times. He does want to get along with the dog and he thinks giving him away could make the dog more fearful and create more problems.


"Punish a dog for growling, for giving warning, for displaying 'aggressive' behavior, you run a very high risk of creating a dog who 'bites without warning' - 'out of the blue' - if or when that dog is in a situation he feels he has no other choice but to 'protect' himself." This had never occurred to me. Thank you.

My brother has been seeing him once or twice a day for a short time when the dogs is lying down. My brother pets him and the dog rolls onto his back and my brother rubs his belly.
So far they've had positive interactions, but I tell my brother to leave the room if the dog gets excited or tense (he hasn't been tense so far, but their interactions have been quite short).



We met another trainer today. He has 30+ years of experience, and since he's a sergeant I was a little afraid about his method. We talked and then he walked the dog on his own. The dog seemed to like him and seemed happy during the walk.
However the trainer said our dog seemed a little fearful. They walked a longer distance than we're used to, so maybe that's why.

Anyway, he said the first step in his training was gaining my dog's trust, which I like. The other trainer I'd seen (who wanted to use the muzzle) didn't take the time to interact with my dog before the training. We talked and then he just put the choke chain on him and we walked him together. My dog was afraid from the moment we left the house, so we ditched that guy.

I'm feeling very positive about this new guy. He has a lot of experience, he handles him nicely and my dog seemed to like him. We'll be working on obedience and leash walking. We won't have my brother around for the moment.
"Golden's are smart and they do not forget." This is pretty much what the trainer said.

Anyway, thanks a lot for the reading suggestions and tips!


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