# Bruiser - In loving memory



## Master_P (Aug 17, 2011)

I posted a little bit on these forums several years ago when Bruiser was diagnosed with epilepsy, and found so much support and encouragement that I don't know how I would've made it through that time without all of you. Over the next few years, I fell in love and got married - and Bruiser played a significant role in how I met my wife. I wanted to have a family so my children could come to know and love this very special boy who taught me more about unconditional love than anyone. He's a golden retriever. He lives for children and family. It's something I wanted him to experience in his home, but he didn't get that chance.

Tonight my heart is broken and empty. I have wept more in the past 24 hours than I ever thought possible. My mind is racing with the many questions grief stricken moms and dads face every time we lose a furry family member. Was I a good enough parent? Did s/he have a good life? Does s/he know how much I loved him/her? Why me? But even the most affirming answers would do nothing to diminish the grief.

Below are some thumbnails of our babies. Bruiser is with his baby sister Candy, a Jack Russell Terrier. Over the last few years, she would routinely lick his face to help keep it clean for him. Over the past two days, each time I came home from the hospital she would sniff my legs and shirt... knowing that I was with her brother. She gave me a puzzled look.. asking why he isn't here. Earlier tonight, I mentioned his name and her ears perked right up. Now her days are going to be lonely. Knowing this kills me.

There's a picture of us on my wedding day. After our ceremony, our photographer met us at a park to take pictures with our kids. This is my wifes favorite of us.

There's one of him this summer, when he managed to fit two tennis balls in his mouth. I call that one, "You will never be *this *happy!"

And then there are the baby pictures I fell in love with when he first came into my life. He would have turned 12 on Saturday.

There's so much more I could say that I don't know how to express. I experience emotional reminders everywhere... when I go enter our bedroom and it's dark, I tip-toe so I wouldn't step on him. It's become second nature. I see vitamins and medication for him, leashes, dog treats, food bowls, food bins... the wounds are all so raw. Heck, I still have to pick up all the dog poop in the backyard. That will be the last time I pick up his poop. Knowing this gets to me.

Before the doctor came in to take his pain away, as I held him in my arms, weeping into his neck... I looked up at her with tears streaming down my face and told her, "It's not supposed to be like this... he was supposed to have a family... I was supposed to give him a family... I was supposed to give him children to play with."

But as my sister reminded me yesterday, that was not Bruiser's life mission. I was 28 when he came into my life. My parents thought I was nuts. "Why did he get a dog? You're supposed to have a family, and THEN you get a dog!"... but my sister told them, "No, the dog will help him find the right girl so he can start his family." She was right. Bruiser found a jewel in my wife. That is his greatest and most precious gift to me, and that is his legacy. He taught me unconditional love, and has defined my mission in life to constantly strive to be a better husband, a better father (someday), and a better man.

I love you with all my heart Bruiser. I hope and pray that our souls will connect in the future.

Love always,
Papa


Bruiser
12/3/04 - 11/29/16


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Bruiser*

Dear Papa:

What you wrote about Bruiser, is so beautiful, touching and heart wrenching! I FEEL your pain so much.
I am sure that BRUISER was loved deeply and that he knew how much your loved him. We don't have
any children either, but I know Ken and I love our dogs as much as children could. Bruiser was meant to come
into your life, as you said, to bring your wife to you and to teach you unconditional love. I have a strong feeling
that someday when you are ready, Bruiser will have his paws in sending you another dog to love.

I want to add Bruiser to the 2016 Rainbow Bridge List, was the date Nov. 29th?
http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...y-list/395098-2016-rainbow-bridge-list-5.html
My Smooch and Snobear will watch over him at the Bridge.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss of Bruiser, he was a beautiful and very special boy. 

Godspeed Bruiser


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## B and G Mom (Oct 29, 2014)

I'm crying as I type. I feel your pain and loss, but it was clear that Bruiser was VERY VERY loved.

I've written before on this forum that there is nothing like a golden, that also means that there is nothing as terrible as their loss. I'm so so sorry for your loss of Bruiser.


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## Wolfeye (Sep 15, 2015)

Words can seldom express what we feel for our beloved pets, but yours are a wonderful tribute to Bruiser. I can answer one of the many questions absolutely:

*Yes*, he knew how much he was loved. He was a golden retriever. Their whole life is about love, giving and receiving. That's why they stab us directly in the heart when they die. It feels like love has evacuated your existence. But it doesn't have to be that way. Think of it as a wonderful, beloved book. You now know the whole, complete story. You and Bruiser wrote the book over the past 12 years. 

That book hasn't vanished, has it? Close your eyes and turn to page 14, that first time you took him swimming. Or page 46 where he was SO overjoyed to greet you after a long separation. It's a *good* book, isn't it? 

I wish you peace, when the grieving is done, but shed many tears over his loss. There is no time limit on grief. I've always felt that tears were the best tribute to a lost love. The more we cry, the bigger the tribute.


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## Neeko13 (Jul 10, 2010)

What a wonderful tribute to a wonderful dog... Bruiser knew you gave him the best life he could have.... RIP Bruiser....run free, pain free!!!! Love all the pics of him....


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## Master_P (Aug 17, 2011)

Thank you all, for the kind words of support and encouragement. I've been reading a lot about the stages of grief, and trying to face all of the thoughts and feelings that are coming up. The strangest things will trigger a reaction out of me.... our coffee machine is next to where we keep his food bowl. Last night I started shaking while picking up some clumps of his fur on the bedroom floor. I suspect we still have more "tumbleweeds" lurking behind the sofa and TV.

I've also been going through my YT account, and watching old videos of us through the years. Here is the first video I took of us in the spring of 2005. He was 3-5 months old. We lived in my old apartment (I later learned they didn't allow dogs... no matter, we moved soon after). Digital cameras weren't as ubiquitous back then, so please excuse the shaky images. I tried to get him interested in a Kong, so I lined the ends with honey.






He did that "pounce" his entire life. It was his signature move with any toy he was playing with.

This is how I always remember him playing with Candy. She's spend 20 minutes neatly grooming his face with her little tongue. He'd take two or three slurps on her ear with his massive tongue, and her whole ear was drenched in drool. I would call it "sauteed ears". My wife thought it was disgusting. I thought it was hilarious.






Slowly moving forward... one day at a time.


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## Harleysmum (Aug 19, 2014)

What wonderful memories you have of your beautiful boy. I am so sorry for your loss.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

It's abundantly obvious you loved him beyond measure. He knew. Beyond a doubt, he knew.


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## 4rdogs (Dec 22, 2007)

So very sorry. Our candle will be lit..
Bruiser went to the bridge knowing how much you loved him
How much he loved you...

Godspeed Bruiser, Run Free Sweetboy, Run Free


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## 4goldengirls (Jun 10, 2014)

Such a wonderful tribute to your dog. You have my deepest sympathies as we lost one of our girls in October and are still feeling such pain and loss. Cherish those happy memories. Those memories will help you more then you can imagine. My memories of our girl are what keeps me going.


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## Allee (Nov 24, 2016)

I'm so very sorry for your loss of your beautiful boy, Bruiser. Thank you for sharing your beautiful tribute, it's obvious he had a happy life and was deeply loved. Goldens have an amazing presence in our lives, the loss is tremendous when we have to let them go. I know how difficult it is, let all your wonderful memories comfort you.


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## Master_P (Aug 17, 2011)

When I was growing up, my mom was a nurse. She worked really long hours taking care of patients in the ICU. To me, nurses are unsung heroes who don't get the appreciation they deserve. I went ahead and ordered this for the ICU Nursing Team that took care of B:
https://www.ftd.com/fruitful-tidings-holiday-fruit-basket-prd/gf122

Here's what I put in the gift note:
_A week ago, our beloved golden retriever Bruiser crossed the Rainbow Bridge. We loved him very much, and miss him terribly. Thank you for taking wonderful care of him during this difficult time._

I also ordered two of these - one to give to the doctor, and one to hang on our Christmas tree:
https://goo.gl/154RkF

I hope it arrives soon since it's engraved. We'll probably have to collect his ashes next week, so I'll need to look into a nice urn for him.


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