# So discouraged...not sure how to deal with situation



## laprincessa (Mar 24, 2008)

Bless you for trying to help her, and for all you've done so far.
I have no advice, I just hope it works out for the best for all of you.


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## John Dough (Apr 10, 2013)

I guess you can focus on how badly she needed you. Whatever she's been through sounds awful. Be proud of yourself for helping her and keep working with her.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

I just wanted to tell you that my heart goes out to you. I hope the new trainer can provide guidance. I am wondering if at some point, it would be possible for you to accept that she is a dog with limitations and leave her home more often.... a lot of people here have dogs who didn't turn out to be what they hoped for, it's a risk we take with living creatures. I wouldn't think badly of you for re-homing her, but would it be so bad to accept her (It sounds like you've already invested so much time and money) and not expect her to change? (These are just my random thoughts, I'm not really trying to convince you of anything...)
I'm sorry you're so frustrated today, I would be too....


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## Tayla's Mom (Apr 20, 2012)

I know your situation well. In 2000 we adopted Cheyenne a 2-3 year old Aussie/BC mix. Actually we fostered her first as she was unadoptable at our local Humane Society. She had no socialization and had in fact never lived in a house. She had spent all her life in shelters. I worked so hard with her for 3 months before we decided to adopt her. Cheyenne lived with us for 12 years, passing last year. It took probably 3-4 years to get her to the point where she enjoyed life. She traveled with us in the RV and enjoyed adventures. She was a constant work in progress and yes, we were somewhat limited in social situations. She was extremely protective of us and the house so if we had people over she was on a leash or crated until the last few years of her life. She could be unpredictable with people moving around and was easily threatened in our home by outsiders. We just learned to work around it. She was always scared of kids so I never gave them the opportunity when in public to frighten her. Calm kids could pet her and she never was agressive towards them. To the day she died bouncing balls would literally scare the pee out of her. Don' know why. I don't think your road will be easy, but continued exposure will make it better. It may take a year or two. When we first had her I tried to shelter her from the world that scared her so much. I was wrong in doing that and later tried to expose her to as much as we could. When we got Cheyenne Rick said she would never have any personality. Boy was he wrong. It's her goofy loving personality we miss the most after 14 months. Rescues are sometimes problematic, but of all my dogs I always felt she was the most grateful and tried so hard to do what we wanted.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

I'm sorry it's so frustrating. I have fostered a very unsocialized, fearful dog before, it is heartbreaking and at times incredibly irritating, I can sympathize.

I would not think badly of you if you do decide to find her another home. A retired couple that does not travel, or someone who does work but is home the rest of the time and not going out and about with the dog may be a calmer home for her and she may be more content. On the other hand, if you keep working you could make a breakthrough and help her learn to relax in the world.

Is she on any medications to help her relax? That made a complete and total change in the one dog we fostered, so much so that after getting it balanced in his system he went on to be adopted and is living a basically normal life. And this is a dog that hid, peed on himself if you approached him and would vault furniture to get away from men. There is hope.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

Tayla's Mom said:


> ...Rescues are sometimes problematic, but of all my dogs I always felt she was the most grateful and tried so hard to do what we wanted.


I saw this too with my foster boy, he wanted so badly to be part of the family and to love and be loved, he really tried but needed help overcoming his fears. It's exhilarating and humbling to see them progress and get to the point they can be a happy dog. (The total time he was in rescue and foster care was over a year.)


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## Tayla's Mom (Apr 20, 2012)

Cheyenne was even able to get her CGC after a couple years. She was such a fun girl. I was able to teach her some agility and she loved the tunnel and jumps. We didn't compete in public, but she had hours of back yard fun. Her motto was always why walk when you can run and we joked weeks before she got sick with a brain tumor that she would die chasing a squirrel in the back yard. Enough. I'm tearing up. 

OutWest, if you want to put the time into it I think you will eventually have a great dog. Might not be a perfect dog, but a loving one.


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## laprincessa (Mar 24, 2008)

I'm gonna chime in with my best friend's story here. The reason she's my friend is because of her Golden, Duke - who was 3 years older than Max and one of the best dogs I've ever known, he was sometimes more mine than hers and when he died, suddenly, at only 6 years old, we were both devastated. A year later, she rescued a yellow Lab, Zeke. Zeke was about 8 months old, intact, and had been abused. He was also way higher energy than Duke, untrained, fearful of men and generally was a whole lot of puppy out of control. She called me in tears one day, saying she didn't know what to do, that he was more than she could handle, her husband wanted him gone, and that he was nothing like Duke! I said, "no, he isn't. He isn't Duke and never will be." I told her I would support her whatever she decided to do, (but I had fallen in love with goofy Zeke and really hoped she'd keep him.) 
She did decided to keep him, got into classes, worked really hard with him, learned his limitations - he still isn't fond of men in hats - and it's paying off. 
But here's the thing - she doesn't always see it. I don't see him every day, so I see the progress. We laugh at the day he decided to join me in the bathroom, and tried to climb on my lap, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes - and then realized that a year earlier, he would never have allowed anyone to hug him like that. 
The point of all this is that there may have been progress, but you're too close to see it. And if you choose to keep trying, you will have a lot of support.


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## OutWest (Oct 6, 2011)

mylissyk said:


> I'm sorry it's so frustrating. I have fostered a very unsocialized, fearful dog before, it is heartbreaking and at times incredibly irritating, I can sympathize.
> 
> I would not think badly of you if you do decide to find her another home. A retired couple that does not travel, or someone who does work but is home the rest of the time and not going out and about with the dog may be a calmer home for her and she may be more content. On the other hand, if you keep working you could make a breakthrough and help her learn to relax in the world.
> 
> Is she on any medications to help her relax? That made a complete and total change in the one dog we fostered, so much so that after getting it balanced in his system he went on to be adopted and is living a basically normal life. And this is a dog that hid, peed on himself if you approached him and would vault furniture to get away from men. There is hope.


I've been thinking about medication, and about a thundershirt. What meds did your foster dog take that helped him?


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

Kathleen, a friend of mine has a rescued golden who is/was always on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to fear, and he also became dog aggressive because of his fear. He's on Chlomicalm (pretty sure that's how you spell it), and it's helped him immensely. BUT, she has had to accept that he cannot go where her other dogs can go, so he does get left at home alot. His owner has accepted his limitations and for the most part, allows him to live his life at his comfort level. Whether you rehome Bella or keep her and accept her issues is your decision; I would never judge you for either decision, nor should anyone else. I wish you and Bella the best in whatever you decide.....


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## Tayla's Mom (Apr 20, 2012)

Finn's Fan said:


> Kathleen, a friend of mine has a rescued golden who is/was always on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to fear, and he also became dog aggressive because of his fear. He's on Chlomicalm (pretty sure that's how you spell it), and it's helped him immensely. BUT, she has had to accept that he cannot go where her other dogs can go, so he does get left at home alot. His owner has accepted his limitations and for the most part, allows him to live his life at his comfort level. Whether you rehome Bella or keep her and accept her issues is your decision; I would never judge you for either decision, nor should anyone else. I wish you and Bella the best in whatever you decide.....


We we first had Cheyenne she was on Chlomicalm for about 6 months. She had separation anxiety and it worked very well for her also.


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## Brave (Oct 26, 2012)

I don't have any advice, but i want you to know that i am here and I respect you so much and everything you've pour into Bella. No matter what route you take, you have my support. 

Hugs and kisses from afar. <3


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## Max's Dad (Apr 23, 2012)

I am so sorry to hear about your frustration with Bella. I can tell you that before we got Max, we seldom took our dogs out into the world. What with work, also going to school and our son, there was seldom time for very much extra-curricular activities. Our Golden before Max, Chewy, was a very shy girl, although never at all aggressive. It was not until she was much older that she went out at all. Even then, she did not really enjoy it. She did like to go on walks, but never wanted to interact with any people or dogs.

I think that you need to decide what is best for your situation. It sounds like Bella is a nice dog, but needs to be a dog that stays at home and does not go to dog park or for walks in the neighborhood. She is not social. There are homes for which Bella would be a good fit. Perhaps another home would be best for Bella. Is there a rescue organization is your area who you could work with to re-home Bella, if you decide that is the best way to go.

Unfortunately, every dog does not work out for every home. You have done a lot to help Bella fit with your family. Maybe it was not meant to be. Whatever you decide to do, it is your decision to make.


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## GoldenMum (Mar 15, 2010)

I too have a special needs boy. Calvin is almost four years old, he is very leash aggressive towards other dogs. He is also a fearful boy. I have had since he was 12 weeks old, he was tossed out by the road at 5 weeks. I have gone through a lot with this boy, he is a wonderful boy in his comfort zone. I have learned to NOT set him up to fail. Calvin gets his exercise by running our 7 acres, and playing with Skyler. When I take Bonnie, Clyde, and Skyler to walk, he happily takes a treat and goes to lay in his bed. His obedience is wonderful, he listens like a champ. But I have learned their are certain things he just cannot get past. Every walk turned into him biting me, when he couldn't get to another dog. Never broke my skin, but I've been pretty badly bruised. I love him for who he is, and have learned to accept his limitations.


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## TXGolden (Jul 29, 2012)

How long have you had Bella? I got Remington back at the end of July and he had not been socialized and was very fearful as well. Walks were almost impossible because he was so terrified of cars. It was a major ordeal just to go out our front door. I was very discouraged too because we are a pretty active family and I really wanted to be able to take Remington with us when we go camping and such. I spent the first couple of months basically trying to get Remington to like me. I wanted to create a bond so he would trust me when I told him things were going to be okay. We went for daily walks that sometimes only lasted to the end of the block. 
I seriously considered finding him another home, but he was so good in the house I just knew there had to be a way to coax him out of his shell outside. I did get him signed up for a training class last fall. At first he was a little freaked out, but after a couple of classes he settled in and it seemed like he was actually enjoying class. The hardest part was dealing with the parking lot outside of class. 
I also invested in a Gentle Leader, which he hated. However, because he hated the Gentle Leader he would spend most of our walk focusing on the "awful" thing on his face and not on all the cars and other noises in our neighborhood. 
Another thing we tried was watching television and having a variety of shows on at a higher volume than we normally use. He would hear cars on tv and he would watch them, but they couldn't get him. I don't know how much that actually helped him, but it made me feel like it was making a difference. 
We have had Remington for 8 months now, and he is a different dog. Granted, he is still afraid of loud noises and cars, but now when he gets scared he runs to me and he doesn't stay afraid for long. Once I tell him it's okay, he relaxes and we can go on with what we were doing. Thunder storms are a big problem, so he has a Thundershirt that has been a lifesaver. We just started our second training class Monday, and the trainer that hasn't seen him since November couldn't believe he was the same dog. 
Sorry for the lengthy post, but I just wanted to let you know that I know where you are coming from and I think there is hope for Bella.


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

It may take a lot more time, for her,and rehoming her,might be bad for her.


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## Zuca's mom (Aug 14, 2012)

I remember your first post about Bella and how afraid she was. Your recent posts show how much progress she has made in such a short time. I think only you know your situation and can know if you can continue. It won't be good for her if you become resentful. She needs someone to love and to love her who can give her what she needs. I'm not saying you don't love her, just saying if you decide you can't go on, she will need the right family. I wish you and Bella the best and hope you can get it resolved soon. She is a beauty and seems very sweet.


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## goldhaven (Sep 3, 2009)

Have you considered a behaviorist instead of a trainer? I recently took in a very fearful rescue boy and took him to both a trainer and a behaviorist. The behaviorist gave me much more insight into why he was the way he was, and how to help him overcome his fears. I like my trainer very much but he really had no idea how to deal with the behaviors that this dog was exhibiting and some of the things he told me to do were in direct conflict with what the behaviorist said to do. This boy is now progressing and is well on his way to becoming the dog he was meant to be. 

A couple of years ago, I had another rescue that was very fearful but her fear caused her to retreat and cower rather than go after the source. She has gone on to live a very normal life with her new family and the only remaining fear is her fear of thunder. Her new family has made a "safe" place for her in a big walk in closet (that she chose) and that is where she retreats when the storms roll in. 

I have a great deal of respect for someone who can do what is in the dogs best interest even if that means giving up the dog. If this dog needs more than you are capable of providing, there is no shame in finding the right home for her.

One more thing, dogs can sense your frustration and discourage. Try to work with her and keep everything positive. Set her up for small successes. It will encourage both of you. 

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

OutWest said:


> I've been thinking about medication, and about a thundershirt. What meds did your foster dog take that helped him?


He started on Clomicalm, it helped but he would go about 6 weeks and be ok, and then have a meltdown, so they tried Prozac, which helped for awhile but eventually didn't seem to have as much effect, the last drug I can't remember the name but I will find out. It was very effective, and he will probably stay on it for life.

Edit to add correct meds. He was on clomicalm, then xanax, and last was prozac, which was the most help and still keeps him the most level and normal.


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## OutWest (Oct 6, 2011)

Thanks all for your input. We've had Bella about six months now. I'm not inclined to rehome her because my DD and I love her so much. But I don't want to resent her, either. She does deserve to be loved and accepted.

As I mentioned, I do have a trainer coming later today. I've been reading up on anti-anxiety medications for dogs. I'm going to call my vet and see about getting one for her to try in conjunction with a behavioral management program. The new trainer is supposed to help me find some walkers to help. I've been hampered in carrying out some of the training by a bad knee--have trouble walking on concrete. 

We had a bad time today at the dog park. We normally have it all to ourself, and it's the best way I've found to exercise the two Goldens. But today a dog walker showed up, and one of her dogs insisted on saying hi to me, and he and Bella got into it. I left feeling very discouraged....Hence this lengthy post.


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## OutWest (Oct 6, 2011)

goldhaven said:


> Have you considered a behaviorist instead of a trainer? I recently took in a very fearful rescue boy and took him to both a trainer and a behaviorist. The behaviorist gave me much more insight into why he was the way he was, and how to help him overcome his fears. I like my trainer very much but he really had no idea how to deal with the behaviors that this dog was exhibiting and some of the things he told me to do were in direct conflict with what the behaviorist said to do. This boy is now progressing and is well on his way to becoming the dog he was meant to be.
> 
> A couple of years ago, I had another rescue that was very fearful but her fear caused her to retreat and cower rather than go after the source. She has gone on to live a very normal life with her new family and the only remaining fear is her fear of thunder. Her new family has made a "safe" place for her in a big walk in closet (that she chose) and that is where she retreats when the storms roll in.
> 
> ...


Both the people I've found are highly qualified. One is not certified in behavior but I was referred to her by both the SPCA which uses her for their specialized trainings and another certified behaviorist in the City who couldn't come here. The reference I got was that "she probably is not certified as a behaviorist because she hasn't taken the test, but I trust her judgement implicitly." the second woman, who is coming tonight, is certified as both a behaviorist and a trainer. She was referred to me by my neighbor whose dog she helped a great deal.


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## Seagodess (Dec 6, 2012)

Is there a reason she cant stay home while you take the other dogs for a walk or to the park? If she is perfectly happy at home and cant handle going out, there isn't any reason she should be forced to go.


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## OutWest (Oct 6, 2011)

Mostly I want to take her out to exercise her, but also to give her opportunities to learn about the world. I have never left her home alone--she's always had at least one dog or person there with her.

The new trainer came over tonight. Much of what she said was similar to what our earlier trainer had said. Bella is very insecure and needs a strong leader in order to feel secure. The difference for me is that the new trainer was very clear with us what our role is, what we should be doing and how to do it, and more. I've always felt the trainer's true job was to train the humans more than the dogs. And this trainer is very good at that. 

She outlined what we should be doing, and is emailing it to us. She has a dog walker who should be able to help us out, and she (the trainer) is going to explain how Bella needs to be handled to him (the walker). She said she thinks Bella could very well improve a great deal. So I'm feeling encouraged tonight, after all my whining and ranting from this morning's bad experience. Sigh. Thanks for listening.


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## Pixie (Jun 13, 2012)

Good to hear that you are cofident after speaking with the new trainer!

I can understand that you feel a bit thorned into keeping her or doing what you see as been best for her and your family! Just hold on a little longer, and I hope this new trainer helps your little girl to blossom


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## Tayla's Mom (Apr 20, 2012)

I'd like to make one other suggestion. See if you can find a certified K9 Nose Work instructor in your area. Nose Work does remarkable things for boosting the confidence in dogs. If you can't, watch videos and try it at home. If you use the founders methods I can guarantee you will build a bond and Bella will become more confident. I've watched it happen not only with Tayla but with many dogs in our classes.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Bella*



OutWest said:


> To be blunt...I adopted Bella because I thought she'd be a good playmate for Tucker. I didn't think of myself as "rescuing" per se. What I saw when I met her for the first time was a frightened, confused, underweight red headed girl who took to Tucker and my DD right away. What I wasn't prepared for and wasnt told about (not from deceit but the previous owner was clueless about it) was the fear and insecurity from her lack of socialization. When it became obvious how insecure she is, I dug in, hired a good trainer and started working with her. We see improvement off and on, but I am getting so discouraged.
> 
> What I wanted: a playmate for Tucker who would join us on adventures such as trips to the beach, dog park, etc. A dog who would add love and fun to our home, and be able to participate in all aspects of our lives like our other two dogs can and do.
> 
> ...


All I can say is Thank God you adopted Bella and will give her every possible chance.
Bella will be forever grateful to you. I am confident this new trainer will help!!


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## Davidrob2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I'm so glad the new trainer gave you some encouragement. One of the things that was going through my mind as I was reading this thread is the picture of Bella coming up to you the other day to give you a kiss. You are doing a great job with her.


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## Barkr (Dec 23, 2011)

Sometimes a good whine and rant, clear the way  I think you and Bella will be fine, keep up the good work.


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## brianne (Feb 18, 2012)

Glad you're feeling better and encouraged. I think all of us have "those days" when it feels like everything is a struggle.

Chum is also poorly socialized and very dog-reactive, although not generally fearful. It has limited some of our activities and has been really discouraging at times. We went from our bridge girl Sophie, who we always claim was "born perfect" to Chum who is dog-reactive and difficult to handle at times - quite a shock to the system.

The biggest turning point for us was just accepting him as he is and moving forward from there. We've learned to accept that things are different now. He is loving and wonderful at home with excellent manners. We don't take him everywhere with us and that's ok. He's very happy at home. We know that when we take him out, things are more complicated and we prepare ourselves to deal with it.

A book that I've found helpful is "Control Unleashed: creating a focused and confident dog" by Leslie McDevitt. It's written for people who do agility or flyball, but many of the exercises are to develop relaxation and confidence in dogs. I borrowed it from my local library and liked it so much I bought it.

I also love the idea of Nose Work suggested by Tayla's Mom.

I hope this trainer makes a positive difference for all of you.

(((hugs)))
brianne


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## GoldenCamper (Dec 21, 2009)

6 months is not that long a time when dealing with a frightened insecure dog. Drop in the bucket time wise. I know it is frustrating but hang in there for her.

She will get better but remember that she might always have some quirks that can't ever be fixed. Kind of what we sign up for taking on these kids.

Praise her for every tiny thing she does right, set her up for success. Take baby steps for situations where you know there might be trouble coming.

Glad to see you are encouraged when reading your last post  Its ok to rant. Stay confident, your dogs read that right off you and it helps move things along.


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## CITIgolden (Mar 9, 2013)

This is a bit out of the box solution that is being currently researched in a lab setting for PTSD and is presently being tested on animals, so don't consider me completely crazy for suggesting...

Find a location at home where she seems to feel very comfortable, usually stretched out, or sleeping. Get her favorite toys and treats. You may need earplugs for your sanity, but every time she lays down in that "safe spot" or you play with her or she plays with her favorite toys, you should pick 1 song to play, classical music, or whatever else you like. The good news is that dogs hear much better than us, so you can play the song on low so it doesn't bother you too much. The key is putting it on repeat so that the dog can start associating that music with the safe environment. After a few days or a week or so, try to get a really cheap wireless speaker (bluetooth if you have an iPhone or a smartphone) and put it around her neck and play the song when you go out. You may try doing it all over the house first, then the yard. After a while you can start introducing more songs. 

It's showing some promising results with PTSD tests, although still in experimental stage and nobody really knows how and why it works so it may not work for you, but a cheap wireless speaker is probably under 10 bucks and maybe worth a try. 

Another option is picking her favorite toy and attaching it to her collar whenever you go out. You can fix this it just takes time. Think about it, many people on here can't get their dogs in control at all and would love to have a calmer dog  We're humans, just never happy


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## Mayve (Aug 21, 2012)

Outwest...

Just read through this now. I think it takes a special person to rescue a dog and to try and do everything that they possibly can for it. Sometimes these things work out wonderfully and sometimes, although the person is awesome, it isn't the right fit for the dog or owner.

Having said that, I am glad to see you are still trying. But I wanted you to know that I would respect whatever decision you make.

Hugs to you all, glad you are feeling more positive about things..


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## OutWest (Oct 6, 2011)

I had a chat with our vet last night, and we are going to start a trial of fluoxetine (Prozac) with Bella. If that isn't a good fit, we're going to try a different type. My thinking is her anxiety is so high when she leaves home, that it sets her up to overreact. I'm hoping the meds will help her be less anxious so that her training will will work better and she'll be able to focus on me better. I've been using an air horn a bit, to interrupt the barking and that seems to help. It penetrates and she hears it better than my voice. If she starts her loud anxious barking, I say "enough" and give a chirp off the air horn if she doesn't stop. 

I think I'm suffering a bit of "battle fatigue" with it all (everything, not just poor Bella!) which is why I got so upset on Wednesday. I didn't take them to the dog park yesterday because I just didn't feel up to coping.  However when I stop and reflect on how she was in the beginning and how far she's come, I can remind myself that she is improving. Onward.... Thanks to everyone for your kind remarks and helpful ideas.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

Kathleen, I don't know if you've ever had anxiety issues yourself, but your most recent post made me think about how my anxiety issues (I've had problems with it as an adult) and your decision to give meds a try is brilliant. 

"My thinking is her anxiety is so high when she leaves home, that it sets her up to overreact." Basically anxiety attacks are our bodies 'overreacting' to stress whether real or perceived (doesn't really matter) and I'm really hopeful that the meds will be successful. I'm pulling for you, this whole thread and the responses you've received here have made me feel so positive about the support system here. What a great group of people. Can't wait to hear how things go....


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## quilter (Sep 12, 2011)

My last dog was an unsocialized collie that I got at six months. I had to carry him home from his first walk he was so frightened of the road. I once took him on a walk and he skittered away when he heard a doorbell across the street. He was never an outgoing dog, we called him the omega dog, but we went hiking and backpacking with him all the time. We tried the dog park, but that was obviously torture for him. It was like being attacked the whole time, for him, even if other dogs only looked at him. We had a huge fenced yard, which he loved. We didn't travel much at that time in our lives, because of our kids. I'm not suggesting that you rehome Bella, just that there are people that hang around the house. Of all the dogs I've had, I missed him the most after he was gone. I'm not sure why, no one would say he was my heart dog. But I noticed that in the scrapbook, he's often there at my elbow. My friend always called him a "sweet boy."


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## Lennap (Jul 9, 2010)

I've read through this entire post, and I have to say the advice I was going to give is pretty much in line with what the trainer said. The dog lost just before I got Remy was a severely abused, fearful boxer girl named Voodoo. She was terrified of everything. 

The best thing I did for her was get her to trust me. I was her leader and her rock. When she got scared she ran to me, if I reassured her - she knew everything was ok. It took time but it was so incredibly rewarding.

I never tried meds with Voodoo but am looking forward to reading how they work for you. The biggest challenge I had with Voodoo were those rare moments that she became so scared she froze and did not hear me at all. I wonder if meds would have helped then.

I am certain you will be successful with Bella - just stick with it. Please keep us posted.


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## CITIgolden (Mar 9, 2013)

Good luck! I hope she starts feeling better with the meds, it's a quality of life issue for her as well. You should try to continue behavior modification therapy regardless of the meds. Prozac and other anti-depressants/anxiety meds approved for the use on dogs are contraindicated with a number of other drugs and some supplements, some tick and flea preventatives, you should stay away from oral tick and flea preventatives and not use tick/flea collars. Topical treatments for mange etc.can have adverse effects. 

Before you start her, it would be a good idea to check her liver and kidneys so you have baseline readings. And then repeat the test again in 6 months, the medicine can be tough on both. What's been observed as relatively common in goldens and other long haired dogs is drying of both the skin and fur, as well as itchiness. 

If she starts trembling or shaking while standing, you should discontinue as that's usually a sign of decrease in seizure threshold. Finally, while rare, weird and complete reversals in behavior have been observed as well. Calm dogs becoming aggressive, restlessness, inability to sleep etc. Dont mean to scare you and since you've tried everything, it's probably one of the last options you have. 

If you do have pet insurance, make sure they cover not only the meds - which are cheap and you can use human generic version if the vet tries to rip you off, but that your policy does not consider it an experimental treatment and excludes. In an unlikely event something goes wrong you could end with a big vet bill.

Best wishes! And keep us posted how she does!


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


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## OutWest (Oct 6, 2011)

I just had a terrific session with the trainer. We took her "trainer dog" (who happens to be Bandit, our next door neighbor's dog) and went to a park for some testing and practice desensitizing. After the testing, the trainer said she's very encouraged. She said Bella looks to me for cues, and is more interested in being with me, than she is in going after strange dogs. 

For the training portion, we gradually brought the two dogs closer together, giving treats to Bella when she was good and correcting her when she wasn't. After a bit we walked them together on the outside of us around the park a couple times. Then Bella got to sniff Bandit's butt a couple times. At the very end, they met face-to-face. 

I got to practice my stern meeting/outdoor voice (and not be quite so loving and nurturing!). My arm is tired and Bella is stuffed with treats, but overall it went well. 

I'm going to hire a dog walker and the trainer is going to fill him in and let him know how to handle her. And we are going to go walking with Kim (trainer) and Bandit twice a week for practice. So, although we have a lot of work to do, I can see the path to be taken and I am now feeling _encouraged _more than _discouraged._ 

I am heading over to Target later to pick up the medication (it's only $4 at Target!).


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## Summer's Mom (Oct 20, 2010)

Thought I would link back to this post I made years ago to share our story. It took over a year to make Summer live-able with. She was so fearful even inside our home that I was really stressed, challenged and upset on a daily basis until we got about to understanding and working on the problem. The best part is, 2 years down the road she is a certified and very happy therapy dog  no one would ever imagine she was the jumpy, cowering, growling mess that used to smoosh herself into the pavement. Like others have mentioned, its hard to see the progress when it is so close to home, but one day u just have an ahah moment, for us that was when she greeted a stranger for the first time. 

http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...ing-success-working-reactive-fearful-dog.html

http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...ssion/115550-summers-first-therapy-visit.html

It is hard work and sometimes you feel like no one can understand the frustration and difficulty of living with a scaredy dog. Hang in there and no matter what you choose know that you have people supporting u!


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## tania (Dec 22, 2011)

I was out of touch this past month and didn't read this until now! I can't imagine how difficult it is to deal with a situation you are not so familiar with. I am really hoping things will work out well and am wishing you the best whatever you decide in the long term! I am so glad you have found a good trainer! That makes all the difference!

I never had to deal with that myself, but the only suggestion I might add, along with what the trainer is already suggesting, are some of the techniques from Grisha Steward. She has this book and DVDs about BAT (behavior adjustment training). I just bought it and haven't read it all yet. But I hear so many people saying amazing things! But again, I have no idea what your particular situation is.. just wish I could help! : o )

I won't have time to read so soon, so I can lend you the book if you would like! Also, she is coming to the bay area soon, I believe. She is presenting a 2 day seminar on BAT. I am considering going.. still have to see if I have enough money, though.. 

In any case.., but I think I would not expose her to things that are over her threshold. I would probably stop going to the dog park. Instead I would go to a tennis court or something like that, that you can control what will happen. Adding one friendly dog at a time, waiting for some calming signals on her part instead of barking, relieving her pressure by going away from the trigger. 

Also, if you need a person + dog to expose Bella to, please let me know! I am meaning to go south for a while to know other places and would love to be a test-person+dog for Bella! 

Anyway, hope things get better! Wishing all the best!


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## OutWest (Oct 6, 2011)

tania said:


> I was out of touch this past month and didn't read this until now! I can't imagine how difficult it is to deal with a situation you are not so familiar with. I am really hoping things will work out well and am wishing you the best whatever you decide in the long term! I am so glad you have found a good trainer! That makes all the difference!
> 
> I never had to deal with that myself, but the only suggestion I might add, along with what the trainer is already suggesting, are some of the techniques from Grisha Steward. She has this book and DVDs about BAT (behavior adjustment training). I just bought it and haven't read it all yet. But I hear so many people saying amazing things! But again, I have no idea what your particular situation is.. just wish I could help! : o )
> 
> ...


Thanks I may take you up on the offer to be a test person down the road. Right now we are limiting her exposure to a select few, and once she's easy with them, we'll start doing more and more.


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## OutWest (Oct 6, 2011)

Summer's Mom said:


> Thought I would link back to this post I made years ago to share our story. It took over a year to make Summer live-able with. She was so fearful even inside our home that I was really stressed, challenged and upset on a daily basis until we got about to understanding and working on the problem. The best part is, 2 years down the road she is a certified and very happy therapy dog  no one would ever imagine she was the jumpy, cowering, growling mess that used to smoosh herself into the pavement. Like others have mentioned, its hard to see the progress when it is so close to home, but one day u just have an ahah moment, for us that was when she greeted a stranger for the first time.
> 
> http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...ing-success-working-reactive-fearful-dog.html
> 
> ...


Thanks for sharing those two threads. I _had _read your original thread but forgotten about the work you did. What you described is much what I've been doing with Bella. Thanks very much. It makes me feel good to know others have succeeded.


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## OutWest (Oct 6, 2011)

I haven't added to this thread for a long time. But I had a major "fail" with Bella yesterday and I need to vent. I took her to visit a potential boarder and it didn't work. I did the right set-up (exercise, tranquilizers, slow introduction, etc.) but made couple a mistakes. One of the boarder's dogs walked straight up to her and sniffed her butt. She didn't like it, growled at him, and he growled back and they got into a fight. So obviously she won't be boarding there. 

Having a fearful and dog-reactive dog is exhausting and hard work. I've worked with her a lot, and spent a lot of money on medicine, food, etc. And sometimes it all just gets to me that she can't go out and do things like a normal dog. 

So there, that's my vent. I don't know if anyone is following this thread after all this time! Just needed to get that off my chest.


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## Claudia M (Aug 8, 2012)

So sorry you are still going thru this! 

Bella was threatened by the other dog. While you are right in your assessment of Bella I would not totally blame her for this encounter. 

Darcy is not to Bella's level but she was also cooped and kept away from the other dogs that her previous owner had. She was completely confused about how to meet other dogs at first. Rose has accepted Darcy from the first second and Darcy never felt threatened by Rose so the two are inseparable. But it was different with other dogs. I have once again used and abused Petco. I had my daughter take Rose and I was holding Darcy. I let Rose go in front to meet a dog and kept Darcy at a distance, thus allowing Rose to show Darcy that she had nothing to fear. Then I kept a short leash on Darcy while allowing her to meet the other dogs thus also giving her the confidence that I was there to protect her as well. I have done this for at least 6 months after we got Darcy and every weekend. It put a lot of our other training behind with both dogs but it helped so much afterwards. Also make sure you are confident, happy and playful during the encounter, any hesitation from you will cause Bella to hesitate. 
To this date Darcy does not play much with other dogs. Rose is her playmate; she does allow other dogs around her. She sort of lays down waiting for Rose to finish playing with the other dogs and then she wants to play with Rose. 

I was a bit unsure about her meeting her uncle who is just a little 3 month old puppy, running, barking, playing all over the house and yard. And then at night it was the trying moment, Calder (her uncle) got on the bed with me in her spot. She delicately placed herself between him and me sort of butt pushing him to the side.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

I'm sorry you had a set back. But it's ok to vent! Give both of you a break, find a calm place, and then when you are ready take a small step again.


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## coaraujo (Nov 2, 2012)

OutWest said:


> I haven't added to this thread for a long time. But I had a major "fail" with Bella yesterday and I need to vent. I took her to visit a potential boarder and it didn't work. I did the right set-up (exercise, tranquilizers, slow introduction, etc.) but made couple a mistakes. One of the boarder's dogs walked straight up to her and sniffed her butt. She didn't like it, growled at him, and he growled back and they got into a fight. So obviously she won't be boarding there.
> 
> Having a fearful and dog-reactive dog is exhausting and hard work. I've worked with her a lot, and spent a lot of money on medicine, food, etc. And sometimes it all just gets to me that she can't go out and do things like a normal dog.
> 
> So there, that's my vent. I don't know if anyone is following this thread after all this time! Just needed to get that off my chest.


I'm sorry you had a set back with Bella. But try to look at the positive - you haven't had to post in this thread for so long because you and Bella have been doing so well!! 

Also..even though set backs aren't good and are disheartening. They do keep us grounded. So at least it is an experience you can learn from. Try to use it to your advantage as much as possible. With reactive dogs we always have to be on our toes, and sometimes when all is going well we forget that and relax. Literally the night my BF said he couldn't believe how well Oliver was doing, he attacked Bernie. It just seems to be the way it goes. 

Was this dog allowed to freely walk up to Bella without your permission or was this a meeting that was set up? Straight on encounters for dogs are threatening and could have made Bella feel nervous, even more so than she might have already been feeling in a new place. With Oliver, one of his triggers is new environments. So until he calms down in a new environment even just seeing new dogs is out of the question. Maybe the new boarding place and being bombarded by this strange dog was too much too fast. It sounds like this dog wasn't the best at reading dog language either. I'm sure Bella was giving off signs of being stressed and avoidance signals (not happily wagging her tail and inviting him to her) and he blatantly ignored these. She told him off and he growled back? That doesn't sound like proper dog language at all, so he must have some issues too. Mixing reactive dogs is never good. It was always unbelievably difficult to get Bernie to be calm and work with me in training classes with other reactive dogs. He could sense their nervousness and stress and it made him react in turn. 

As you said this does not look like a good place for you. Just keep up the positive dog experiences elsewhere with Bella. 

Its so hard having reactive dogs, but I'm so happy that mine have ended up with me and not else where (and yours with you). Bella is so lucky to have you .

*Hugs*

ETA Mylissyk gave great advice


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## coaraujo (Nov 2, 2012)

I posted this in my thread, but I'll post it here as well. I think you'll enjoy reading it: 

Multi-Dog Household Aggression - Whole Dog Journal Article


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## Jige (Mar 17, 2011)

I have had many dogs come through my home that were just like Bella. I have one now Ningaabii I cant take him any place he is scared and he will bite if he feel threaten. I don't take him. My other dogs all go places but Gaabii stays home. He is happy here. 
Instead of barding Bella do you have a person that she likes that will house sit for you. I now it is hard but it is also hard on the dog to be put into these situations. 
The first time I encountered a dog that was fearful was when I was 13 Kyon was a lab cross we found abandoned on a farm along with his brother. Majala was very out going but poor Kyon was scared of everything. We had NO dog training in my home town but I took Kyon for a walk every night after school thinking I could work through it. He pulled me down every street in town to get back to HIS house. Some dogs like some people just can not handle the outside world.


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## CharlieBear80 (Oct 13, 2013)

OutWest said:


> Having a fearful and dog-reactive dog is exhausting and hard work. I've worked with her a lot, and spent a lot of money on medicine, food, etc. And sometimes it all just gets to me that she can't go out and do things like a normal dog.


Amen. My first heart dog was the exact same way. It's hard work and it's frustrating, and I think he ended up with me because there was nobody else who would have tolerated his behavior. Even taking him out for a walk around the neighborhood every day was an ordeal. All I can say is that it's the toughest dogs that we learn the most from. Hang in there!


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Outwest*



OutWest said:


> Thanks I may take you up on the offer to be a test person down the road. Right now we are limiting her exposure to a select few, and once she's easy with them, we'll start doing more and more.


Outwest

I admire you for all you are doing for Bella. I am sure she really loves you.
Have you asked at your vet for a person that could babysit in your house, or
that watches dogs in their home, provided Bella likes her/his animals?


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