# Time



## Mightymom (Jan 9, 2020)

9 years ago my son read a post on a forum regarding an abandoned golden just south of our home. Having lost our golden girl less than a year before, he was saddened to see someone treat a dog so terribly. We watched the subject line grow over the next few days, as more people posted about this boy searching for the truck that had dumped him on the busy highway, and it became evident that he was truly left to fend for himself.
On a cold cloudless afternoon in October we went by the pet store and grabbed a bag of treats in hope of catching this fella, with plans to take him to a rescue organization in a town not too far away.
We spent hours looking, knocking on doors and combing the nearby streets in hopes of finding someone who might have seen him. As the sun began to set, we decided to make our way home, as we were unable to locate the fella.
I turned the car around and aimed for home, sad to think he'd be facing another cold night alone wondering what he'd done to deserve such a fate.
As we were pulling away from the intersection where he'd been spotted, with the afternoon sun blaring in our eyes we noticed something trotting down the double yellow lines in the middle of the highway. And there he was, as if on queue, galloping directly at us as if to say "hey, wait up I'm here"
After luring him into the car with treats, we headed home with this golden boy, the treasure he'd soon become not yet realized. It took 3 full hours in the shower to fully realize the extent of his injuries. Deep cuts to his face that would never heal remain today, and as I look in his eyes, I still wonder what his life was like before our meeting.
We never quite made it to the rescue group, I promised we'd take him, after he was neutered, after the heart worm treatment....after....after....

Our daughter moved back home, with 2 small kids right after we brought Hank in. Both children were lost and confused in the aftermath of their parents break up. Hank became their muse, their closest confidant, their best friend.
We all know, time marches on, and none of us escape the inevitable.
So I'm here, seeking solace in the presence of others who understand....who've been there. When a companion is showing signs of being ready to let go, even when we aren't.
Hank had a major seizure last month, then 2 last night. He lost control of his bladder this time. 
Our vet put him on phenobarb today, thinks it's most likely, at his age, a brain tumor, he's slept hard since. Upon waking, he's been leaning against me for all he's worth, as if to hug me extra snug, saying his goodbyes.
My son, who's now in college, is nearly a thousand miles away, his life is just beginning, while his childhood pal's is coming to an end.
And my grand children? They're going to be devastated. They've never known a day where Hank didn't do a dance at the sight of them coming up the walk.
And then there's me. When this boy goes, I'll be alone in this huge house. 15 years retired, the thought of starting over with housebreaking another pup is too much at my age.

If you're the type to say a prayer, do so for my boy. Pray I see the signs and let him go before he's in more pain than should be allowed.
I'm going to try to post a few pictures here, in this quiet corner of the internet, so I can return from time to time and remember this boy and the days of letting him go...


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## ceegee (Mar 26, 2015)

What a beautiful text, and what a wonderful life your dog must have had. Kind thoughts coming your way from Canada, as you navigate these difficult waters.


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## cwag (Apr 25, 2017)

I am so sorry. Sweet Hank's story brings tears to my eyes because I, like many others, know your pain. Clearly he was destined to be a part of your family. Treasure these days. I will pray for you to have wisdom and courage about the final act of love for Hank.


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## LovedTessa (Jun 8, 2019)

Beautiful boy and precious life you gave him and so much joy. The joy and gift he gave you does help - he will always be with you.
I am praying for you and him. You will do what he needs when it is time.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

I can tell from your words how loved, special and treasured Hank is. He found a very special place in all your hearts. Regardless of what his life was like before he joined your family, I know this time has been more than he could have ever hoped for or imagined. 

My thoughts and prayers are with you all and especially with your beautiful Hank.


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## Mightymom (Jan 9, 2020)

2 more seizures tonight, not nearly as severe as last night. There's nothing new in our home. Nothing has been introduced or changed. All of his seizures have occurred at around 10 pm. It's puzzling.


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## OscarsDad (Dec 20, 2017)

Hank has always been loved and loved back unconditionally. He is deeply embedded in the heart history of your family. What a gift to hold onto now and in the future.


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## GoldenDude (Nov 5, 2016)

Sending good thoughts.


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## Ivyacres (Jun 3, 2011)

What a wonderful life you all shared. Like many others, I felt your joy, love and pain as I read about Hank. I'll keep you in my prayers.


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## Mightymom (Jan 9, 2020)

Well, we're coming up on 2 weeks seizure free.
Hank is 78 pounds and was on 100mg phenobarb bid, though that dose had him so snowed he couldn't even hold his head up, much less walk or function in any way, shape or form. While he's now up and moving on 50mg bid, my fear is that the dose will not be therapeutic and keep him out of danger of future seizures. Has anyone here used CBD for seizures? If so, can you help guide me on brand/dose ect?
We're scheduled to go back to the vet in 2 weeks, we live out in the sticks and our vet is not a very "out of the box" in the way of her approach to treatment.
I'm hoping to strike a balance here. We have no delusions. He most likely has a brain tumor, is too old for sedation/imaging. We just want to give him the best chance we can for the time he has left.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

Great to hear Hank has been seizure free for two weeks. 
Speak with your Vet regarding the use of CBD, it could cause side effects of any meds he's currently taking. If your Vet says to add it, he should be able to tell you a brand and dosage.


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## Mightymom (Jan 9, 2020)

CAROLINA MOM said:


> Great to hear Hank has been seizure free for two weeks.
> Speak with your Vet regarding the use of CBD, it could cause side effects of any meds he's currently taking. If your Vet says to add it, he should be able to tell you a brand and dosage.


I went by to see her today. She's never worked with CBD and had nothing to offer in the way of advice one way or the other. We're leaving the phenobarb at 50mg bid since he's tolerating it so well. We'll go for blood work in 2 weeks and proceed from there. We're walking 1/2 mile 2 or 3 times a day, he seems to feel pretty good.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

Mightymom said:


> I went by to see her today. She's never worked with CBD and had nothing to offer in the way of advice one way or the other. We're leaving the phenobarb at 50mg bid since he's tolerating it so well. We'll go for blood work in 2 weeks and proceed from there. We're walking 1/2 mile 2 or 3 times a day, he seems to feel pretty good.


Sorry your Vet didn't have any info for you. 

There is a lot of CBD products on the market that are not pure, have a lot of other ingredients in them and a lot of them claim to do things they actually do not...... 

Do a lot of Research if you decide to go that route. 

The FDA issued a warning a few weeks ago about CBD causing liver problems in Humans and currently it is unknown if it affects dog's liver. More research is needed.


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## jeffscott947 (Jun 9, 2019)

I just had to put my 14.5 yr old Border Collie to sleep the end of last year. Her time really had been up in July, but CBD (Full Spectrum..not from industrial hemp that has no CBD) extended her life for those wonderfully happy (she became puppy like with more energy) 6 months. (I used no pharmaceuticals, since this was an old age thing).
I used ONLY the real deal CBD oil from my human dispensary..Less than .3% THC (THC is bad news for dogs) and she tolerated it easily with no side effects. My own vet who is prohibited from discussing anything cannabis was and is ASTONISHED!

Will it always work in every case? DOUBTFUL, but in my dog's case, (as well as my own) I sing the praises of CBD and Cannabis in general (where legal).

One problem with the FDA article is that the federal laws still treat anything but industrial hemp as illegal, and the FDA is obviously a federal agency that tows the line!
Here is a quote from the a fore mentioned article..Please notice two words in particular.
*EXTREMELY* (high doses) and *MICE*. (early stages). Almost anything in EXTREMELY high doses can be toxic to the liver..(Like Alcohol for example.)
Mice are great test animals, but they are rodents and not mammals.


*"A new study shows evidence that extremely high doses of CBD can be damaging to the liver.*
*But experts say this research, which was done in mice, is still in the early stages, and more information is needed. *
*CBD isn’t regulated by the Food and Drug Administration, but the agency has been cracking down on companies claiming certain health benefits from taking CBD. "*
Bottom line..imo
Unbiased* UNFETTERED* research is still needed, and not only by the government of the USA (which holds a few Cannabis related patents BTW), but by REAL science that is not influenced by Big Pharma, religion, or politics (Big Pharma is actively trying to synthesize the cannabinoids that seem to be medicinal in South America as not to run afoul of the law in the states. There is simply too much money to be had to avoid the possible benefits to the bottom line . When/if they are successful..The federal government will fall in line.
(disclaimer: I do NOT work for SSR, or anyone else....happily retired)


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## Mightymom (Jan 9, 2020)

After switching from phenobarb to keppra, and upping the dose as far as we were comfortable, Hank continued to suffer seizures in clusters. Wednesday he suffered 3 early in the day, and unfortunately, our 8 year old grand daughter was here to witness those, a 4th seizure happened later that night. He lost his sight and did not recover. We lost him yesterday.

He was such a wonderful gift to our family, and while I have truly loved every dog that's ever owned me, this guy was special. We never needed a leash cause he was the velcro-iest animal ever. If he did wander from my side, all I need do is call his name and he returned. This guy was the total package. Sweet, obedient, gentle.
My husband is a medical provider in our local ER. He returned to work today after having a week off for a conference that was canceled. He's been put in charge of screening patients who meet the criteria for CV.

I'm currently sitting alone in a 6000sq foot house, grieving the loss of my golden and my husband is off fighting to save the world.

2020 officially blows.


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## Prism Goldens (May 27, 2011)

I'm sorry.. so sorry. Your granddaughter was probably scared- 


I know the feel of a huge home and no company. When Hudson died, I spent days going through photos of him from the day he was born until the day he died, then I asked Jennifer Workman to make him a slideshow. She does gorgeous work, times the music perfectly, etc. She is a member here. Maybe that would be a comfort to you- remembering better days... I know that it was very therapeutic for me, I cried a lot of tears those few days but it was a good cleansing thing I think. 
He was a precious piece of who you are- who your family is. And honoring that is a good thing, be it with tears and sadness or anger or whatever you feel.


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## ceegee (Mar 26, 2015)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dog. It sounds as if he had a wonderful life with you. Kind thoughts to you.


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## cwag (Apr 25, 2017)

I'm so sorry for your loss of sweet Hank. I also know how empty the house can feel with no Golden (without the added worry about a husband on the frontlines of a pandemic). I can tell you gave him a wonderful life. If you can, try to focus your thoughts on the happy times you had with him and not the awful last days.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

Mightymom said:


> After switching from phenobarb to keppra, and upping the dose as far as we were comfortable, Hank continued to suffer seizures in clusters. Wednesday he suffered 3 early in the day, and unfortunately, our 8 year old grand daughter was here to witness those, a 4th seizure happened later that night. He lost his sight and did not recover. We lost him yesterday.
> 
> He was such a wonderful gift to our family, and while I have truly loved every dog that's ever owned me, this guy was special. We never needed a leash cause he was the velcro-iest animal ever. If he did wander from my side, all I need do is call his name and he returned. This guy was the total package. Sweet, obedient, gentle.
> My husband is a medical provider in our local ER. He returned to work today after having a week off for a conference that was canceled. He's been put in charge of screening patients who meet the criteria for CV.
> ...


I am so very sorry for your loss of your precious Hank. 
What a special soul and gift he was to you and your family. 

Run free and sleep softly Hank, you were loved and are missed.


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## Ivyacres (Jun 3, 2011)

I'm so sorry for you loss.


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## LynnC (Nov 14, 2015)

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Hank. He was clearly loved and sounds like you gave him a wonderful life. I hope you find some solace knowing he is no longer suffering. May all your beautiful memories of him fill your heart. This is such a scary time and you must be filled with so many emotions and worry. I’m not sure where you are geographically but please try to stay connected with your family and friends. This can be such a lonely time for you and the loss of Hank must be overwhelming. It may even be helpful talking to a professional about everything going on right now. I have a therapist who is doing phone sessions right now. I also am filled with worry. My husband is also a health care professional continuing to see patients daily. My anxiety level is off the charts and we are isolated from our family because of our higher risk. I cannot imagine mourning the loss of my dog on top of everything else. Please be kind and gentle to yourself and take it one day at a time. Thank your husband for being on the front line of this war we’re fighting against this virus. I pray he and you both stay healthy. Take care!!


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## DblTrblGolden2 (Aug 22, 2018)

I’m so sorry for your loss. What a wonderful life your family gave him. Prayers sent.


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## BrianO (Apr 7, 2016)

You shared a beautiful life. I am sorry for your loss. Your words express a wonderful friendship.

During this time of fear and isolation many pets are being surrendered and shelters are overwhelmed. Take time to grieve. Consider rescuing another, perhaps mature, dog; it may be that it will rescue you back in unexpected ways like Hank did.


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## 3goldens2keep (Feb 13, 2019)

I am so sorry for your loss. Last year we lost two of our Golden's. Maddie was 14 years old and we had to put her down due to cancer. I cried like a baby...she was my special dog! Then in October our boy Spirit also had to be put down do to cancer he was a few days short of 11 years old. He was born in October, that's why we named him Spirit. 
My wife cried like a baby, he was her special guy. We both were down for some time after all of this...then I remembered something I had kept to read when these difficult times come....I offer it below in hopes that it helps a bit with what you have had to go through. You gave your Golden such a wonderful life....God Bless!

I'm Still Here
Friend; please don't mourn for me
I'm still here, though you don't see.
I'm right by your side each night and day
and within your heart I long to stay.

My body is gone but I'm always near.
I'm everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I'll never depart
as long as you keep me alive in your heart.

I'll never wander out of your sight-
I'm the brightest star on a summer night.
I'll never be beyond your reach-
I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach.

I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around
and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond,
The clear cool water in a quiet pond.

I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring,
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
and you'll see that the face in the moon is mine.

When you start thinking there's no one to love you,
you can talk to me through the Lord above you.
I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
and you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.

I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep
and the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I'm the smile you see on a baby's face.
Just look for me, friend, I'm everyplace!

Author Unknown


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