# Sticky  It's a Puppy, Not a Problem



## rabernet

Denise Fenzi started a new blog for pet owners on August 30th of this year, and this post really resonates, as we all navigate puppyhood with our babies. Thought I'd share. Here's the link to the article, and below is the content of the article. It's long, but well worth the read. Would love to hear your thoughts! Everything below the link is Denise's words, not mine. 

https://www.fenzidogsportsacademy.com/images/fdsa/Growing-Up-FDSA-eBook.pdf, Page 96

Left to their own devices, what do puppies like to do?

They like to bark, play, run through the house (sometimes with muddy feet), jump on people, put things in their mouths and chew on them, eat tasty foods, explore, sniff things, dig holes in mud and sand and dirt, and a host of other things that I don’t have time to mention. They do these things because they are baby dogs. Fortunately we can train our dogs to show more appropriate behaviors, but it takes time and the natural outcome of maturity. Puppies are a challenge.

Left to their own devices, what do small children like to do?

They like to yell, play, run through the house (sometimes with muddy feet), jump on people, put things in their mouths and chew on them, eat tasty foods, explore, look at things, dig holes in mud and sand and dirt, and a host of other things that I don’t have time to mention. They do these things because they are baby humans. Fortunately we can raise our children to show more appropriate behaviors, but it takes time and the natural outcome of maturity. Children are a challenge.

In the past, I trained pet dogs. The first session would almost always go something like this:

Student would pull a list of problem behaviors out of their pocket. Meanwhile, their four month old puppy chewed on the leash and pulled various directions, causing the student to express obvious irritation. The student would then lay out all of the problems that they wanted to fix. 

“We’re having problems with barking, wanting to play all the time, running through the house with dirty feet, jumping on people, chewing stuff up, excessive interest in human food, constant pulling on the leash to get to things, and digging holes in the garden. Oh yeah – could you teach a reliable recall, off leash, so that when I’m ready to leave the park we can go without me having to chase my dog?”

In short, could I make their young puppy behave like a grown up dog?

I’m curious about something. Since many of my clients also had human children (that the dog may have been nipping when the kids ran and screamed and behaved like children), did they take a similar list of problems behaviors to the pediatrician?

“Doctor, my toddler has a lot of problems that I want to stop. He talks really loud, wants me to play all the time, runs through the house with dirty feet, jumps on people, puts stuff in his mouth that he finds on the ground, shows an excessive interest in sweets, and is constantly pulling on my hand to get to things when we go places. And also, can you make him listen to me when it’s time to leave the park, so I don’t have to go and get him when I want to go?”

In short, could the doctor make the young child behave like an adult?

My guess is that the first thing the pediatrician would tell the person is that these are NORMAL behaviors for children and that they will go away with a combination of time, maturity, and appropriate direction and training from the parents. It’s not a problem for a child to act like a child.

How about that puppy? Are those problem behaviors or normal ones? And if we don’t like them, can we just get rid of them to save ourselves the inconvenience, whether they are normal or not?

Well, sort of.

If you use punishment, you can suppress behavior, whether or not you’ve actually taught anything at all. “Suppressed” behavior doesn’t mean the dog or child is trained, simply that by virtue of not moving too much its hard to be annoying to others. This is true for both children and puppies. For example, I recently sat in a restaurant where I watched a father with his three young children, ranging in ages from about five to twelve. They were all eating their meals in silence (which one clearly didn’t like) while dad looked at his phone. The kids were told to shut up and sit down if they tried to do anything to entertain themselves or expressed an opinion. Even the smallest one was behaving. Dad didn’t even have to raise a hand – they listened and did what they were told. Which was….nothing. Do nothing.

Wow! Amazing. He had obedience, and at a very young age! Good, obedient children who made no trouble for anyone, anywhere. They did nothing, a truly abnormal state of existence for anyone, least of all for small children. On the other hand, those children never looked at their dad. They stared at their plates, or looked around vacantly. He had effectively taken the child out of the children, leaving behind a well behaved shell. I doubt he knew or even really cared that the oldest children clearly disliked him. He had what he wanted – a peaceful evening with his dinner and his smartphone.

Punishment works for dogs too. If you keep on top of your puppy non-stop, physically or verbally correcting him for all of the things he does wrong while instilling a solid foundation of obedience, you can eventually end up with a puppy who exists quietly, staring vacantly at nothing. A good, obedient puppy who makes no trouble for anyone, anywhere! You can effectively take the puppy out of the dog and leave behind a well behaved shell. On the other hand, that puppy will make no effort to spend time with you, which brings up the question – why did you get a dog in the first place, if not to enjoy each other?

The vast majority of parents simply accept the fact that they’ll have to hold their children’s hands when they walk on busy streets. They accept that their meals won’t be too peaceful for awhile because they’ll have to chase their children down just as they try to sit down and eat. They accept that children need to use the bathroom at inconvenient times and that they’ll get sick and disrupt their lives. There will be messes, noise, and disruption. And while parents often experience frustration and look forward to the coming stages when life is a little easier, they won’t refer to this phase as the “toddler problem,” and they won’t ask the pediatrician to fix these annoyances. It’s just the nature of small children. They aren’t adults yet.

When you bring home a puppy, get used to the fact that you’ll have to keep them on leash to keep them safe for awhile. You won’t be able to have peaceful conversations because they’ll want your attention too. They’ll need to use the bathroom at inconvenient times. They’ll get sick and disrupt your life. There will be messes, noise, and disruption. There is no “problem,” there’s simply a puppy who still has to grow into an adult dog. These behaviors will not resolve in days or weeks; it takes many months before you’ll see glimmers of the adult dog that your puppy will mature into.

With time, consistency, maturity and well thought out raising, both your dogs and your children will make it to adulthood, and life will be a lot easier and smoother. How you choose to get there – whether you use structure and positive interaction for good choices or focus on punishment to suppress all behavior – will have both short term and long term effects on your relationship.

Your decisions early on will influence how much time your charges choose to voluntarily spend with you. How much time they try to engage you for interaction. How much they use you as a resource when they aren’t sure what to do. In short, how much they like you – if at all.

Of course, there are very forgiving puppies and children. In some cases, no matter what you do, you’ll be rewarded with a wonderful outcome. But don’t hold your breath on that one. Most of the time, you’ll get what you give.

When my children were small, I removed valuable and breakable objects from the house. Same with my puppies. No more fights about “don’t touch this” or “don’t chew that.” When my children were small, we ate most of our meals at home; no more fights about how to behave at a table in public. If I don’t want puppies underfoot when I make food then I remove them from the room. When my children shared their toys or talked quietly with friends or remembered to remove their dirty shoes before entering the house – I told them I appreciated that! And the puppies? I help them too – they’re puppies. Doing their puppy best. But they still need to be given a chance to express their puppy natures.

I’m not perfect with my kids or with my puppies. I get frustrated. I get mad! But at the end of the day, I know perfectly well that I am the adult – the one who is responsible – and that there is nothing wrong with my child or my puppy for behaving like a child or a puppy. There is no problem.

My kids are doing fine. They are growing into interactive confident young people with excellent manners and joyful personalities. My puppies are doing fine as well, and consistently grow into entertaining, interactive, confident dogs with lively natures. No one is breaking things or chewing up the wrong stuff anymore. The best part is that the kids and the dogs seem to like me! They choose to spend time with me, which is why I wanted them in the first place! It’s working out okay, in spite of the fact that I spared the rod all around. It does not appear that I have spoiled anyone. 

When you’re frustrated or mystified by your puppy, consider how you raised your children and you might find a comparable technique that will work just fine. Think of puppies as pre-verbal children. Show patience. Structure the environment for success. Accept that inconvenience will happen. Remember that what you do now is going to determine the type of relationship you will have into the future. What are you looking for? Do you want to be seen as an accommodating person who creates opportunities to do interesting things, or as a domineering tyrant that is best avoided? When you ask your dog or child to come see you, do you want them to come running with enthusiasm, or to experience worry and anxiety about your presence?

If you hit your small kids, yelled a lot, and considered their childhood a problem to be solved, then it would make sense that you would do the same with your dogs. But if you raised your small children with patience and you accepted that small children are not little adults, then you might find that you have all of the tools you’ll need to raise your puppies very very well. Now you just need a few tricks of the trade to give you ideas for how to manage specific situations and you’re on your way. That’s where a good dog trainer will be able to help you.

Find a trainer who focuses on what is right for both you and the puppy! Find a trainer who can help you understand appropriate management strategies as your puppy works through his more challenging phases. Find a trainer who can listen to you complain about how hard puppies are, and who helps you see the light at the end of the tunnel! Add a few skills like walking nicely on a leash and a solid recall, throw in a healthy dose of time and maturity, and you’re on your way to having a very rich and interactive relationship with a well behaved adult dog.

But start by understanding that there is nothing wrong – there is no problem. There is only a puppy, and training to be done. What happens now is up to you.

Good luck.

Note:

This blog is brand new. My hope is that this article will give you an understanding of the foundational framework from which we’ll start. From now on, we’ll take a look at the practical stuff that I mentioned above- how to take that normal puppy and eventually develop him into a fabulous adult, filled with personality and ripe for relationship with a caring and involved human. I’ll try to go “in order” of the most pressing issues, so keep an eye on this site for the next month or two while I get up to speed.


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## Buddy's mom forever

Beautifully said. Happiness of those I have in my life is the most important to me. And I love them the way they are.


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## AmberSunrise

Grins - I think this should be a part of every puppy packet!

Thanks for posting


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## CAROLINA MOM

This is great. 

I've always felt raising puppies and children were very similar.


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## 1oldparson

CAROLINA MOM said:


> This is great.
> 
> I've always felt raising puppies and children were very similar.



Me too. Puppies just grow faster.


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## KKaren

rabernet said:


> ... Everything below the link is Denise's words, not mine.
> 
> It’s a Puppy, not a Problem! | denisefenzipetdogs
> 
> Left to their own devices, what do puppies like to do?
> 
> They like to bark, play, run through the house (sometimes with muddy feet), jump on people, put things in their mouths and chew on them, eat tasty foods, explore, sniff things, dig holes in mud and sand and dirt, and a host of other things that I don’t have time to mention. They do these things because they are baby dogs. Fortunately we can train our dogs to show more appropriate behaviors, but it takes time and the natural outcome of maturity. Puppies are a challenge....
> 
> And the puppies? I help them too – they’re puppies. Doing their puppy best. But they still need to be given a chance to express their puppy natures.
> 
> ...start by understanding that there is nothing wrong – there is no problem. There is only a puppy, and training to be done. What happens now is up to you.


Love this article. These are my favorite lines... but especially, 
_*"start by understanding that there is nothing wrong-- there is no problem!"*_

This is a puppy


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## Wendy427

Bravo! Definitely recommend this as a sticky in the puppy section!


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## Buddy's mom forever

For unknown reason it wont let me quote, but this is what I think most people don't realize in raising puppy. 

"Punishment works for dogs too. If you keep on top of your puppy non-stop, physically or verbally correcting him for all of the things he does wrong while instilling a solid foundation of obedience, you can eventually end up with a puppy who exists quietly, staring vacantly at nothing. A good, obedient puppy who makes no trouble for anyone, anywhere! You can effectively take the puppy out of the dog and leave behind a well behaved shell. On the other hand, that puppy will make no effort to spend time with you, which brings up the question – *why did you get a dog in the first place, if not to enjoy each other*?


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## CAROLINA MOM

Wendy427 said:


> Bravo! Definitely recommend this as a sticky in the puppy section!



Great idea, glad you suggested it. 

I'll make it one. 

*rabernet*, thanks so much for posting this!


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## rabernet

Thank you all! I was concerned that maybe it resonated with me and nobody else when it just started sinking with no comments at first! I'm glad it got bumped back up, so maybe more folks going through some puppy angst will see it!


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## Buddy's mom forever

I read it at work yesterday and my first thought like Wendy's was this should be sticky. Was surprised this morning to see it gone on second page with no comments (only 2 "Thank you"), yet so many people are struggling with puppyhood. Please no offend to anyone but seems like the most are looking for quick fix without trying to understand how actually fragile their puppies are.

Thanks *CAROLINA MOM* (and *rabernet*) for making it sticky, hope it will steer many in the right direction.


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## anamcouto

*Thank you for the so wise words about raising a puppy!*



rabernet said:


> Denise Fenzi started a new blog for pet owners on August 30th of this year, and this post really resonates, as we all navigate puppyhood with our babies. Thought I'd share. Here's the link to the article, and below is the content of the article. It's long, but well worth the read. Would love to hear your thoughts! Everything below the link is Denise's words, not mine.
> 
> It’s a Puppy, not a Problem! | denisefenzipetdogs
> 
> Left to their own devices, what do puppies like to do?
> 
> They like to bark, play, run through the house (sometimes with muddy feet), jump on people, put things in their mouths and chew on them, eat tasty foods, explore, sniff things, dig holes in mud and sand and dirt, and a host of other things that I don’t have time to mention. They do these things because they are baby dogs. Fortunately we can train our dogs to show more appropriate behaviors, but it takes time and the natural outcome of maturity. Puppies are a challenge.
> 
> Left to their own devices, what do small children like to do?
> 
> They like to yell, play, run through the house (sometimes with muddy feet), jump on people, put things in their mouths and chew on them, eat tasty foods, explore, look at things, dig holes in mud and sand and dirt, and a host of other things that I don’t have time to mention. They do these things because they are baby humans. Fortunately we can raise our children to show more appropriate behaviors, but it takes time and the natural outcome of maturity. Children are a challenge.
> 
> In the past, I trained pet dogs. The first session would almost always go something like this:
> 
> Student would pull a list of problem behaviors out of their pocket. Meanwhile, their four month old puppy chewed on the leash and pulled various directions, causing the student to express obvious irritation. The student would then lay out all of the problems that they wanted to fix.
> 
> “We’re having problems with barking, wanting to play all the time, running through the house with dirty feet, jumping on people, chewing stuff up, excessive interest in human food, constant pulling on the leash to get to things, and digging holes in the garden. Oh yeah – could you teach a reliable recall, off leash, so that when I’m ready to leave the park we can go without me having to chase my dog?”
> 
> In short, could I make their young puppy behave like a grown up dog?
> 
> I’m curious about something. Since many of my clients also had human children (that the dog may have been nipping when the kids ran and screamed and behaved like children), did they take a similar list of problems behaviors to the pediatrician?
> 
> “Doctor, my toddler has a lot of problems that I want to stop. He talks really loud, wants me to play all the time, runs through the house with dirty feet, jumps on people, puts stuff in his mouth that he finds on the ground, shows an excessive interest in sweets, and is constantly pulling on my hand to get to things when we go places. And also, can you make him listen to me when it’s time to leave the park, so I don’t have to go and get him when I want to go?”
> 
> In short, could the doctor make the young child behave like an adult?
> 
> My guess is that the first thing the pediatrician would tell the person is that these are NORMAL behaviors for children and that they will go away with a combination of time, maturity, and appropriate direction and training from the parents. It’s not a problem for a child to act like a child.
> 
> How about that puppy? Are those problem behaviors or normal ones? And if we don’t like them, can we just get rid of them to save ourselves the inconvenience, whether they are normal or not?
> 
> Well, sort of.
> 
> If you use punishment, you can suppress behavior, whether or not you’ve actually taught anything at all. “Suppressed” behavior doesn’t mean the dog or child is trained, simply that by virtue of not moving too much its hard to be annoying to others. This is true for both children and puppies. For example, I recently sat in a restaurant where I watched a father with his three young children, ranging in ages from about five to twelve. They were all eating their meals in silence (which one clearly didn’t like) while dad looked at his phone. The kids were told to shut up and sit down if they tried to do anything to entertain themselves or expressed an opinion. Even the smallest one was behaving. Dad didn’t even have to raise a hand – they listened and did what they were told. Which was….nothing. Do nothing.
> 
> Wow! Amazing. He had obedience, and at a very young age! Good, obedient children who made no trouble for anyone, anywhere. They did nothing, a truly abnormal state of existence for anyone, least of all for small children. On the other hand, those children never looked at their dad. They stared at their plates, or looked around vacantly. He had effectively taken the child out of the children, leaving behind a well behaved shell. I doubt he knew or even really cared that the oldest children clearly disliked him. He had what he wanted – a peaceful evening with his dinner and his smartphone.
> 
> Punishment works for dogs too. If you keep on top of your puppy non-stop, physically or verbally correcting him for all of the things he does wrong while instilling a solid foundation of obedience, you can eventually end up with a puppy who exists quietly, staring vacantly at nothing. A good, obedient puppy who makes no trouble for anyone, anywhere! You can effectively take the puppy out of the dog and leave behind a well behaved shell. On the other hand, that puppy will make no effort to spend time with you, which brings up the question – why did you get a dog in the first place, if not to enjoy each other?
> 
> The vast majority of parents simply accept the fact that they’ll have to hold their children’s hands when they walk on busy streets. They accept that their meals won’t be too peaceful for awhile because they’ll have to chase their children down just as they try to sit down and eat. They accept that children need to use the bathroom at inconvenient times and that they’ll get sick and disrupt their lives. There will be messes, noise, and disruption. And while parents often experience frustration and look forward to the coming stages when life is a little easier, they won’t refer to this phase as the “toddler problem,” and they won’t ask the pediatrician to fix these annoyances. It’s just the nature of small children. They aren’t adults yet.
> 
> When you bring home a puppy, get used to the fact that you’ll have to keep them on leash to keep them safe for awhile. You won’t be able to have peaceful conversations because they’ll want your attention too. They’ll need to use the bathroom at inconvenient times. They’ll get sick and disrupt your life. There will be messes, noise, and disruption. There is no “problem,” there’s simply a puppy who still has to grow into an adult dog. These behaviors will not resolve in days or weeks; it takes many months before you’ll see glimmers of the adult dog that your puppy will mature into.
> 
> With time, consistency, maturity and well thought out raising, both your dogs and your children will make it to adulthood, and life will be a lot easier and smoother. How you choose to get there – whether you use structure and positive interaction for good choices or focus on punishment to suppress all behavior – will have both short term and long term effects on your relationship.
> 
> Your decisions early on will influence how much time your charges choose to voluntarily spend with you. How much time they try to engage you for interaction. How much they use you as a resource when they aren’t sure what to do. In short, how much they like you – if at all.
> 
> Of course, there are very forgiving puppies and children. In some cases, no matter what you do, you’ll be rewarded with a wonderful outcome. But don’t hold your breath on that one. Most of the time, you’ll get what you give.
> 
> When my children were small, I removed valuable and breakable objects from the house. Same with my puppies. No more fights about “don’t touch this” or “don’t chew that.” When my children were small, we ate most of our meals at home; no more fights about how to behave at a table in public. If I don’t want puppies underfoot when I make food then I remove them from the room. When my children shared their toys or talked quietly with friends or remembered to remove their dirty shoes before entering the house – I told them I appreciated that! And the puppies? I help them too – they’re puppies. Doing their puppy best. But they still need to be given a chance to express their puppy natures.
> 
> I’m not perfect with my kids or with my puppies. I get frustrated. I get mad! But at the end of the day, I know perfectly well that I am the adult – the one who is responsible – and that there is nothing wrong with my child or my puppy for behaving like a child or a puppy. There is no problem.
> 
> My kids are doing fine. They are growing into interactive confident young people with excellent manners and joyful personalities. My puppies are doing fine as well, and consistently grow into entertaining, interactive, confident dogs with lively natures. No one is breaking things or chewing up the wrong stuff anymore. The best part is that the kids and the dogs seem to like me! They choose to spend time with me, which is why I wanted them in the first place! It’s working out okay, in spite of the fact that I spared the rod all around. It does not appear that I have spoiled anyone.
> 
> When you’re frustrated or mystified by your puppy, consider how you raised your children and you might find a comparable technique that will work just fine. Think of puppies as pre-verbal children. Show patience. Structure the environment for success. Accept that inconvenience will happen. Remember that what you do now is going to determine the type of relationship you will have into the future. What are you looking for? Do you want to be seen as an accommodating person who creates opportunities to do interesting things, or as a domineering tyrant that is best avoided? When you ask your dog or child to come see you, do you want them to come running with enthusiasm, or to experience worry and anxiety about your presence?
> 
> If you hit your small kids, yelled a lot, and considered their childhood a problem to be solved, then it would make sense that you would do the same with your dogs. But if you raised your small children with patience and you accepted that small children are not little adults, then you might find that you have all of the tools you’ll need to raise your puppies very very well. Now you just need a few tricks of the trade to give you ideas for how to manage specific situations and you’re on your way. That’s where a good dog trainer will be able to help you.
> 
> Find a trainer who focuses on what is right for both you and the puppy! Find a trainer who can help you understand appropriate management strategies as your puppy works through his more challenging phases. Find a trainer who can listen to you complain about how hard puppies are, and who helps you see the light at the end of the tunnel! Add a few skills like walking nicely on a leash and a solid recall, throw in a healthy dose of time and maturity, and you’re on your way to having a very rich and interactive relationship with a well behaved adult dog.
> 
> But start by understanding that there is nothing wrong – there is no problem. There is only a puppy, and training to be done. What happens now is up to you.
> 
> Good luck.
> 
> Note:
> 
> This blog is brand new. My hope is that this article will give you an understanding of the foundational framework from which we’ll start. From now on, we’ll take a look at the practical stuff that I mentioned above- how to take that normal puppy and eventually develop him into a fabulous adult, filled with personality and ripe for relationship with a caring and involved human. I’ll try to go “in order” of the most pressing issues, so keep an eye on this site for the next month or two while I get up to speed.


This is so well writen. And express so well what I always say to my boyfriend about our puppy (that actually doesn't really misbehave, I can really pin point the origin of each bad thing she does = we didn't spend the normal time that day with her so the following day if she doesn't get attention she will vent it out somehow and not all the times is funny)


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## Rundlemtn

Glad to see this became a sticky. Really helps put things into perspective, especially when in times of doubt and frustration. Thank you Robin for sharing this with everyone!


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## The Gent

As first-time puppy owners (with no kids), we needed this! haha

Ahh man, one of those days, but she's behaving well enough now!


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## Millies_mom

Thank you so much for this - we have one beautiful golden Millie who is now two and so enjoyable. We just got a new golden pup, Scout who is very different than our Millie and a new challenge. I really needed this wonderfully written reminder to enjoy the puppy years.


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## Rilelen

I love this! Abby is ten months old now, and yes - I wish this had been a sticky when I got her at eight weeks. We figured this out ourselves along the road, but this, this, a thousand times over.


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## Fattner

Well said ya baby


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## GoldenMom2015

This is wonderful! I am so glad I read this. We just got our pup in September and he can be a handful! He's mellowed out but I think that puppy play instinct is really starting to kick in. What he wants to do it run, jump, chew and eat anything! (rocks included) This reminds me that he is a baby, he needs to explore, and we need to guide him. Our jobs are to teach him manners and be patient for those days when he just wants to run and jump. 
Thank you for your post. It's a reminder to me that I adopted Wally for a companion not to create an empty shell of a dog.


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## Wordsmith

This is spot on. Thank you for sharing!


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## madhvi

What a great article! I have just joined the forum. This was the first one that I read. Could not have had a better welcoming advice. Thank you very much. We chose the pup yesterday and won't be home for 2 more wks. Very excited and a little bit scared. Can not sleep( both my daughter and I ?).


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## BaileyzMom

I've read this post twice.... it's been a long time since we had a puppy in the house... and we were 11 years younger then!!!! Yikes!

Thanks for a great post!


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## randyb615

Thank you so VERY much for this! It could not have come at a better time. I lost my 9 year old golden last summer and now have an almost 4 month old. He is quite challenging at times and I've been wondering what I am doing wrong or why it's such a struggle sometimes. You helped me realize that: 1) it's been a long time since I've had a puppy and 2) this is all part of the growing up phase. I miss my sweet adult boy so much and it's not fair to judge mature adult behavior to baby puppy behavior. You've given me much needed perspective and renewed resolve for the days ahead. Thank you!!


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## Wendy427

randyb615 said:


> Thank you so VERY much for this! It could not have come at a better time. I lost my 9 year old golden last summer and now have an almost 4 month old. He is quite challenging at times and I've been wondering what I am doing wrong or why it's such a struggle sometimes. You helped me realize that: 1) it's been a long time since I've had a puppy and 2) this is all part of the growing up phase. I miss my sweet adult boy so much and it's not fair to judge mature adult behavior to baby puppy behavior. You've given me much needed perspective and renewed resolve for the days ahead. Thank you!!


You're very welcome! And, welcome to the forum!


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## rabernet

randyb615 said:


> Thank you so VERY much for this! It could not have come at a better time. I lost my 9 year old golden last summer and now have an almost 4 month old. He is quite challenging at times and I've been wondering what I am doing wrong or why it's such a struggle sometimes. You helped me realize that: 1) it's been a long time since I've had a puppy and 2) this is all part of the growing up phase. I miss my sweet adult boy so much and it's not fair to judge mature adult behavior to baby puppy behavior. You've given me much needed perspective and renewed resolve for the days ahead. Thank you!!


You're welcome - I'm glad that it could help!


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## vegasram

Great post - never had kids, and it's been 15 years since I had a pup.
He's just turned 3 months, so the timing is perfect. thanks, and kudos to whoever suggested making it a sticky.


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## mylissyk

Bumping this up again, because it's such a great read for new puppy owners.


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## WI12345

A puppy is certainly not a problem, but he IS a project. He looks to us for guidance, for comfort, for safety, for his entire existence. It is up to us to do our best to help him to be a dog that is welcome almost anywhere. I don't agree that a well behaved dog is an empty shell. I actually take offense, to be honest. I have never had a Golden who wasn't a big goofball, for lack of a better term. But there are basic things that every adult dog should know and it is our job to teach them. Mine have always been well behaved goofballs! But I am reading here that we are not supposed to train our puppies for obedience? Their whole existence is to please us. It does not make them empty in any way.


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## FosterGolden

WI12345 said:


> A puppy is certainly not a problem, but he IS a project. He looks to us for guidance, for comfort, for safety, for his entire existence. It is up to us to do our best to help him to be a dog that is welcome almost anywhere. I don't agree that a well behaved dog is an empty shell. I actually take offense, to be honest. I have never had a Golden who wasn't a big goofball, for lack of a better term. But there are basic things that every adult dog should know and it is our job to teach them. Mine have always been well behaved goofballs! But I am reading here that we are not supposed to train our puppies for obedience? Their whole existence is to please us. It does not make them empty in any way.


Well, you took that line completely out of context. She is not saying a well-behaved dog is an empty shell, but that intimidation, fear and punishment may create a dog that does nothing but sit there, afraid of the potential ramifications of making a mistake. Many people feel that a submissive or scared dog is an obedient dog.


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## WI12345

FosterGolden said:


> Well, you took that line completely out of context. She is not saying a well-behaved dog is an empty shell, but that intimidation, fear and punishment may create a dog that does nothing but sit there, afraid of the potential ramifications of making a mistake. Many people feel that a submissive or scared dog is an obedient dog.


I don't ever punish a puppy. I never give him a time out in his crate because I want him to see it as his own special place, not a jail. I don't scold him if he pees in the house (actually he stopped having accidents 2 weeks after we brought him home, anyway). So I get all of that. But I also don't agree with completely puppy proofing my house and just letting him roam around, jumping on any furniture he pleases, counter surfing, etc. Those things need to be worked on right from the start.

I think every breed is different and there is no book or person that can tell you what is best. Goldens are naturally good dogs in my opinion. The only problem they have is that they are a little TOO social when it comes to people and it's hard to restrain them. That is the one thing I want to work on with my newest puppy, but I'm not sure it's possible.

All in all, with everything I'm reading and with what I'm being taught in the latest round of puppy school, I'm realizing that after all the puppies I have raised I really don't need anyone's advice. It's nice to commiserate with others but I realize now that I've done this enough times to just go with my instincts. I am already seeing our 12 week old turning into a pleasant family dog, and we really haven't done much except love him and say "down" and "off" every once in a while. He still has those moments where he flies through the room and then attacks me with those teeth, but they are getting fewer and further in between. I keep him cordoned off in the kitchen and den, but I am slowly opening up more doors and giving him a tiny bit more freedom every day. I even have the bathroom door open now and he seems to have gotten over the toilet paper fetish!


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## Audog

WI12345 said:


> I don't ever punish a puppy. I never give him a time out in his crate because I want him to see it as his own special place, not a jail. I don't scold him if he pees in the house (actually he stopped having accidents 2 weeks after we brought him home, anyway). So I get all of that. But I also don't agree with completely puppy proofing my house and just letting him roam around, jumping on any furniture he pleases, counter surfing, etc. Those things need to be worked on right from the start.
> 
> I think every breed is different and there is no book or person that can tell you what is best. Goldens are naturally good dogs in my opinion. The only problem they have is that they are a little TOO social when it comes to people and it's hard to restrain them. That is the one thing I want to work on with my newest puppy, but I'm not sure it's possible.
> 
> All in all, with everything I'm reading and with what I'm being taught in the latest round of puppy school, I'm realizing that after all the puppies I have raised I really don't need anyone's advice. It's nice to commiserate with others but I realize now that I've done this enough times to just go with my instincts. I am already seeing our 12 week old turning into a pleasant family dog, and we really haven't done much except love him and say "down" and "off" every once in a while. He still has those moments where he flies through the room and then attacks me with those teeth, but they are getting fewer and further in between. I keep him cordoned off in the kitchen and den, but I am slowly opening up more doors and giving him a tiny bit more freedom every day. I even have the bathroom door open now and he seems to have gotten over the toilet paper fetish!


It is possible to help them learn good puppy manners when greeting people. We have worked with our, now 5 month old, using treats and praise and have taught him to sit, when meeting new people. He now does it without being told, he must sit before people acknowledge him and pet him. He still has wild puppy moments, but when greeting people, isn't like the other pups at his puppy school. We do, however, still have to leave some doors closed as he likes to drag his blanket up on our bed and chew his blanket, of course he can't tell the difference between his and our blanket:smile2: also have to make a conscious effort to close lid on all toilets, as they are "endless" water bowls.


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## puddles everywhere

You stated 
"I think every breed is different and there is no book or person that can tell you what is best. Goldens are naturally good dogs in my opinion. The only problem they have is that they are a little TOO social when it comes to people and it's hard to restrain them. That is the one thing I want to work on with my newest puppy, but I'm not sure it's possible."

I think you are missing what people are trying to tell you. It is possible but you need to take a different approach. It's not about "restraining" it's about helping your puppy learn to make a more acceptable choice. There are many methods of training and certain approaches work better on some breeds than others. There are quite a few trainers on this site offering advice because of their years of experience with this breed. They are trying to help you see alternate training methods.

Because goldens are so soft in temperament they respond better to creative training methods. They need to use their minds... they are problem solvers. Restraining or controlled methods work great for dobermans or german shepherds but strong, alpha training on a golden can take a bold personality puppy and turn it into a very submissive dog. 

Listen or not, it's your choice and your puppy but I got the feeling you came to this site to avoid having another submissive golden. All the suggestions are meant to help you achieve this goal.


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## solinvictus

Denise Fenzi calm greetings


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## WI12345

puddles everywhere said:


> You stated
> "I think every breed is different and there is no book or person that can tell you what is best. Goldens are naturally good dogs in my opinion. The only problem they have is that they are a little TOO social when it comes to people and it's hard to restrain them. That is the one thing I want to work on with my newest puppy, but I'm not sure it's possible."
> 
> I think you are missing what people are trying to tell you. It is possible but you need to take a different approach. It's not about "restraining" it's about helping your puppy learn to make a more acceptable choice. There are many methods of training and certain approaches work better on some breeds than others. There are quite a few trainers on this site offering advice because of their years of experience with this breed. They are trying to help you see alternate training methods.
> 
> Because goldens are so soft in temperament they respond better to creative training methods. They need to use their minds... they are problem solvers. Restraining or controlled methods work great for dobermans or german shepherds but strong, alpha training on a golden can take a bold personality puppy and turn it into a very submissive dog.
> 
> Listen or not, it's your choice and your puppy but I got the feeling you came to this site to avoid having another submissive golden. All the suggestions are meant to help you achieve this goal.


I'm not sure why you got that feeling but that was not why or how I came to this forum. I came about it quite by accident. I was googling the breeder I was going to use because her website was outdated and I was desperate to see some pics of puppies she had recently. This site popped up and I read all the posts in a thread about her and how awful she is. I posted to defend her because we had such a great dog from her that we had just lost. As it turned out, I found out on my own that she is in fact NUTS!!! I lost my deposit and went with someone else ... and I admitted to all on the forum that I had to eat my words.

Our last dog was submissive but I never complained here about that. I just mentioned it because he had a completely different personality than the one we have now who just turned 13 weeks. He was the Alpha dog in his litter according to the breeder (and yes I do believe there is such a thing). She said he was the largest in the litter and he knew it. This is a breeder that believes in only positive training, BTW.

In my post that you just quoted I was merely stating that I think I'm doing just fine with the training I am doing on my own. I don't need a book, or a blog, or the latest theory. It's nice to talk to others who are going through the puppy phase, but there is way too much information out there and too many theories. 

I believe that you can train a puppy in a positive, loving way and still let them know that you are in charge. When people say "are you walking that dog or is he walking you" that means he's in charge. Proper leash training means showing him that you are in charge and he must walk at your pace, etc. If that is now obsolete, I think I'll just work on it anyway. 

At our first puppy class a few days ago, the trainer said we should never feed him out of a dish and instead give him toys that have his food in them so he has to work at it all day to get the food out. There is a perfect example of an apparently new theory that I will choose to ignore. It makes absolutely no sense to me. I like a schedule and so does the dog. Eat breakfast, go out and poop. Eat dinner, go out and poop. Repeat every day. My dogs have always known exactly when it was 5pm.

If I was hitting my dog with a rolled up newspaper or "rubbing his nose in it" if he had an accident I could see why I would need someone to set me straight. (Those are things that were common when I was a kid.) Every time I get a new puppy I do lots of reading, etc., but what usually ends up happening is that I go with my gut and use common sense. Every dog ... every owner ... every situation is different. I will definitely admit I need help with some things I was never able to conquer ... mostly leash walking and behavior when someone comes to the door. But if anything the problem I have had with that is that I never really tried. It was easier to put him in another room when someone came to the door, and I never needed to have him on a leash in the past. Now I live in an area where this dog will be walked on a leash so this is something new I will have to work on.


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## FosterGolden

WI12345 said:


> I don't ever punish a puppy. I never give him a time out in his crate because I want him to see it as his own special place, not a jail. I don't scold him if he pees in the house (actually he stopped having accidents 2 weeks after we brought him home, anyway). So I get all of that. But I also don't agree with completely puppy proofing my house and just letting him roam around, jumping on any furniture he pleases, counter surfing, etc. Those things need to be worked on right from the start.
> 
> I think every breed is different and there is no book or person that can tell you what is best. Goldens are naturally good dogs in my opinion. The only problem they have is that they are a little TOO social when it comes to people and it's hard to restrain them. That is the one thing I want to work on with my newest puppy, but I'm not sure it's possible.
> 
> All in all, with everything I'm reading and with what I'm being taught in the latest round of puppy school, I'm realizing that after all the puppies I have raised I really don't need anyone's advice. It's nice to commiserate with others but I realize now that I've done this enough times to just go with my instincts. I am already seeing our 12 week old turning into a pleasant family dog, and we really haven't done much except love him and say "down" and "off" every once in a while. He still has those moments where he flies through the room and then attacks me with those teeth, but they are getting fewer and further in between. I keep him cordoned off in the kitchen and den, but I am slowly opening up more doors and giving him a tiny bit more freedom every day. I even have the bathroom door open now and he seems to have gotten over the toilet paper fetish!


No one said to let the puppy do all of that in the article. Just that it's what puppies will do and it's normal, it does not mean the puppy is a problem child. If you knew Denise and her methods at all, you would know that one of the principals of her training methods is to control the environment, which means you don't let your puppy roam around unsupervised and do the things you don't want them to in the first place. So, if puppy goes nuts jumping all over the place, instead of scolding the puppy, you recognize that puppy needs an outlet and you take him outside and run around. And, if something gets broken in the process, realize it was your fault for not putting it up until the puppy is able to handle being around nice things. 

It's unfortunate that you feel you don't need advice. There is always room for improvement and understanding when it comes to raising our dogs right.


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## WI12345

FosterGolden said:


> No one said to let the puppy do all of that in the article. Just that it's what puppies will do and it's normal, it does not mean the puppy is a problem child. If you knew Denise and her methods at all, you would know that one of the principals of her training methods is to control the environment, which means you don't let your puppy roam around unsupervised and do the things you don't want them to in the first place. So, if puppy goes nuts jumping all over the place, instead of scolding the puppy, you recognize that puppy needs an outlet and you take him outside and run around. And, if something gets broken in the process, realize it was your fault for not putting it up until the puppy is able to handle being around nice things.
> 
> It's unfortunate that you feel you don't need advice. There is always room for improvement and understanding when it comes to raising our dogs right.


Actually in my last post I said that I did need advice on a couple of things. My point was that I don't feel the need to completely change my way of doing things every time there is a new theory.


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## FosterGolden

WI12345 said:


> Actually in my last post I said that I did need advice on a couple of things. My point was that I don't feel the need to completely change my way of doing things every time there is a new theory.


You can do whatever you want, but so can everyone else. And, like you said, different methods work for different dogs and their people. I think the issue here is that the way you come across in your posts makes you sound like you think you know everything and what everyone else says is wrong or just another stupid theory. Some of your beliefs have been dis-proven by science (dominance theory, dogs trying to be in charge, etc.) and some of the beliefs that you are offended by are proven by science and trainers at the top of their game. Scientific knowledge is always being updated, revised and refined. There is nothing wrong with changing the way you do things because science is showing that there are better ways in general or even just better ways for you or the dog you have at the moment. If you choose not to make changes, that's fine, but it doesn't mean that everyone else is wrong for suggesting or going with those changes.


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## myluckypenny

solinvictus - Thank you for posting that! I have a hyper greeter and wasn't sure how to train through that, love the tips I get from this forum!


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## WI12345

FosterGolden said:


> You can do whatever you want, but so can everyone else. And, like you said, different methods work for different dogs and their people. I think the issue here is that the way you come across in your posts makes you sound like you think you know everything and what everyone else says is wrong or just another stupid theory. Some of your beliefs have been dis-proven by science (dominance theory, dogs trying to be in charge, etc.) and some of the beliefs that you are offended by are proven by science and trainers at the top of their game. Scientific knowledge is always being updated, revised and refined. There is nothing wrong with changing the way you do things because science is showing that there are better ways in general or even just better ways for you or the dog you have at the moment. If you choose not to make changes, that's fine, but it doesn't mean that everyone else is wrong for suggesting or going with those changes.


To be honest, the original post was very long and originally I skimmed over it. What upset me what the poster here that said an obedient dog is an empty shell. That's what I mentioned in my first post in this thread, because that really bothered me. I just read the original post all the way through and it is basically everything I am already doing. It's mostly just common sense and not anything new, at least not for me. I don't think I know more than everyone else and I'm sorry if that is what it seems like. Another thing that is making me question taking advice from "experts" is this trainer at our puppy school that said I should never feed him from a dish but instead put his food in this round thing that he plays with all day to get his food out. That advice seemed so strange to me and it made me realize that at some point you have to use your own judgement. In that situation, how would you know when a puppy is going to need to poop? It could be while he's in his crate and you are not there to let him out. With scheduled feeding times, you also have other things (like pooping) that go with that schedule.

One of the reasons I am even on here so much lately is because I'm kind of locked in my kitchen, which is where my laptop is. I have him cordoned off in one part of the house and I'm not getting much done because I can't leave him here alone. I don't like to put him in his crate unless I'm going somewhere or he is going to bed at night. So I sit at my computer and kill time, because I know this too shall pass and someday he will have run of the house and I will be able to trust him, just like all the other dogs in my past.


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## solinvictus

WI12345 " just letting him roam around, jumping on any furniture he pleases, counter surfing, etc. Those things need to be worked on right from the start." Yes.  The best time to start to train is as soon as they come home. Unfortunately, many mistake "letting a puppy be a puppy" for being permissive. Puppies need routine, structure supervision and management. As they start building good behavior choices they can have more and more freedom and less supervision and management. 

I think Denise's message is don't sweat the small stuff, be proactive vs reactive so that the pup doesn't have as many opportunities to create bad habits. By being proactive there will be less occasions needed to correct the pup. It is building in the behaviors you do want the pup to do vs teaching them what you want after they have already made the wrong choice.


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## commander G

Thank you so much for this! I am in the midst of puppy angst, and this really helps put things in proper perspective! It is all so true!!!!


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## tuckthepupnyc

Thanks for the tips!


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## rabernet

Just a quick note that this link has been moved to this free downloadable .pdf, which is actually quite good for all puppy owners (the entire .pdf). The article is on page 96. 

https://www.fenzidogsportsacademy.com/images/fdsa/Growing-Up-FDSA-eBook.pdf


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## Valhalla09

Thank you for this. It is a wonderful article and reminds me that we are doing okay with our 9 week old pup. We recently had to say goodbye to our 16 year old golden, Odin, which was devastating but we couldn't stand it in our house any longer without the company of a dog. So now we have a rambunctious 9 week old golden baby who is absolutely adorable. He keeps us busy but it has been 16 years since I have done this so I am relearning what it was like. Thankfully we are able to be home with him all the time so he is only crated at night, when he naps and if we go out, which at this point is pretty much never. LOL. All too soon he will be grown and I will be wistfully remembering the puppy stages.

I am going to print this article just to reread when I am frustrated and need to be reminded that he is only a baby. 

It was great finding this forum. I used to belong to one when Odin was a put but I don't think it is around any longer because those links don't work. The information and support is so helpful.


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## JasperT

Beautifully said! Important reminder.


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## Mister F

My 12 week old just slept through the whole night in his crate. I woke up at 5:30, before him! So, it gets better. He barks now when he needs to go outside. Well, he barks other times too, but we are learning his "signs". I expect we will continue to have 'accidents' and not every night will be straight-through but progress is great to see.


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