# Should haves...



## caseypooh (Dec 30, 2010)

Today, I'm going through a round of the should haves. A year before Casey went to heaven, she had a few open cysts on her. One on her left rear hip ballooned over night into a huge red, inflamed lump. It did rupture and a lot of **** came out. She spent a night at our vets and came home with pain meds and I cleaned it and did everything I could to take care of her and this huge wound. I will never forget what the dr said, she saw Casey's rear paws turn under and was having trouble keeping her balance. She said she thought something neurological was going on. This wasn't our regular dr and I thought at the time, please just get this wound healed and no pain. She was 12 at this time. Almost a year later, she started with awful seizures and the found a large tumor on her spleen. After the 2nd night of these awful seizures, I sent her to heaven. I know I did what I thought was best for her at the time, but...I am still wishing and am thinking that maybe if I would have done something different, she would still be here. Im sorry for going on and I'm sorry for bringing this up. I know you all have gone through your awful times too. I know there isn't anything I can do now but I wish she was here. Life just seemed easier with her in it. Anyway, thank you for listening. My wave will pass, I know.


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## Blondie (Oct 10, 2009)

Please don't beat yourself up second guessing yourself. Your intentions for your beloved Casey were the best you could do. We all have made difficult decisions leaving us uncomfortable and second guessing. My thoughts are with you.


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## Tennyson (Mar 26, 2011)

I think you just read the thread on Joker's plight and it brought back some heartbreaking memories.
It's a human trait to re-hash painful experiences. Just know you made the right decision for Casey. It's the ultimate of all the decisions we make for our pets.


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## Dallas Gold (Dec 22, 2007)

Tennyson said:


> I think you just read the thread on Joker's plight and it brought back some heartbreaking memories.
> It's a human trait to re-hash painful experiences. Just know you made the right decision for Casey. It's the ultimate of all the decisions we make for our pets.


I agree with Tennyson-- reading about Joker's emergency situation and splenectomy brought back that terrible deja vu feeling of what we experienced that morning when our Barkley collapsed on the street. You did what was best for Casey. Sometimes as much as we try and wish we could make it better, we can't and the kindest thing we can do is to let them go when they start to suffer. (((HUGS)))


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## GoldensGirl (Aug 2, 2010)

Oh dear friend, I'm so sorry. There is not a day that passes that I don't second guess some aspect of how we cared for Charlie, for Sabrina, and for other dogs before them, not to mention Joker. I am ripping myself to pieces now for every clue that I didn't acknowledge but that might have helped us avoid the current crisis with Joker. I do understand. 

What neither one of us wants to admit is that our lives are longer than our Goldens' lives and that hurts like bloody hellfire. We do for them the best that we know at the time, one day at a time. If we are lucky, we continue to learn after they are gone. And that means that we realize that we might have done something different and maybe some part of their lives would have been better.

But remember that we do this to ourselves... this torture. Our beloved Bridge babies would be so disappointed and unhappy with having any part of causing us such pain. 

Casey knew - and knows - that you love her. Charlie and Sabrina knew and know that I love them, as does Joker. What they want most is for us to be happy. On some level, I think we owe it to them to honor the love we share(d), acknowledge that our insights are humanly imperfect, and learn from each dog who graces our lives.

Many, many hugs to you.
Lucy


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## caseypooh (Dec 30, 2010)

Bless you my friends, I am so lucky to have found caring people that understand.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Cindy*



caseypooh said:


> Today, I'm going through a round of the should haves. A year before Casey went to heaven, she had a few open cysts on her. One on her left rear hip ballooned over night into a huge red, inflamed lump. It did rupture and a lot of **** came out. She spent a night at our vets and came home with pain meds and I cleaned it and did everything I could to take care of her and this huge wound. I will never forget what the dr said, she saw Casey's rear paws turn under and was having trouble keeping her balance. She said she thought something neurological was going on. This wasn't our regular dr and I thought at the time, please just get this wound healed and no pain. She was 12 at this time. Almost a year later, she started with awful seizures and the found a large tumor on her spleen. After the 2nd night of these awful seizures, I sent her to heaven. I know I did what I thought was best for her at the time, but...I am still wishing and am thinking that maybe if I would have done something different, she would still be here. Im sorry for going on and I'm sorry for bringing this up. I know you all have gone through your awful times too. I know there isn't anything I can do now but I wish she was here. Life just seemed easier with her in it. Anyway, thank you for listening. My wave will pass, I know.


Cindy: It is normal to second guess, but I am convinced you did the kindest and most loving thing for Casey-she was 12 and at her age with all that was going on, she was never going to recover. I had to make the same decision for my Smooch, and Ken and my only concern was that she did not suffer. Casey knows you loved her and did what was best for her! I'm sure my Smooch and Snobear are playing with her right now!


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## goldensmum (Oct 23, 2007)

I think we all have the "what if's" and some point or another, and wouldn't it be great if we had the benefit of hindsight when we needed it most, but sadly we don;t and we can only do what we think is right at any given time.

Stay strong and try and remember the good times - they will help you through


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## jenniferkruger (Jul 24, 2012)

Don't beat yourself up about this! We could all spend years thinking about the things we "should have" done, but understand that she loved you more than anything. To her, you could have done no wrong. It's normal to overanalyze things and think "oh I should have done this" or "if I did this maybe she'd still be here", but you can't put yourself through that. Remember all the great times you shared and be thankful that you had 12 great years with her! I lost my beautiful boy today. It's been the hardest day of my life. He also was 12 years. He had a few treatable conditions, and laryngeal paralysis. He coudln't breathe, and he was extremely exhausted. We made the decision to put him down, and let me tell you, I have never felt the pain I've felt today ever in my life. My grandmother died and I still haven't felt this down. I miss him, and it's going to be tough, but you will get better. Things will feel better. I don't think we ever truly "get over" things like this, but you can learn to live with the loss and focus on the great times. if you need anyone to talk to don't hesistate to message me! I think that talking about it really makes a great difference. It's soothing.


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

I don't know why most of us go thru the "what if" "if only" "why did I" etc. I hung onto my first Irirsh seetter to long and let him suffer to much becaue the vet said it was a spinal infedction and he thought he would "eventually" hit the right antibiotic. But Red just kept going down hill and the dayhe threw up and couldn't lift his head I knew I had to let him go and I swore I would never let another dog suffer like that again. 

Twleve and half years later my next Irirish Setter was diangosed with bone cacner rear leg just after he turned 12. I gave him 10 fabulous weeks but when I could tell he was not hisself, I let him go before he suffered. He enjoyed life to the end, and even tho I felt a little guilt at letting him go days befor I "HAD" to, at the same time I am glad he never had to suffer like Red did.

When I lost my 4 yr. 2 month old golden (my avatar picture) to Autoimmne hemolytic anemia, I was so guilt ridden that I had changed Hunter from the monthly pill to the 6 month injection that I ended up lsoing 40 pounds over the next 8 months. It took a "visit" from him thru his sister 8 months after his death for me to know he did not blame me for his death, he loved me still and knew I loved him still. Tha was the first time I had ever belived in visits from beyond, ghosts, etc. I have told the storey here a few times.

Four years ago back on May 23 Hunter's littermate sister threw up one mrning and being the worry wart I am I took her right in. And my vet found a mass in her stomach. She laid beside me everynight, mostly on her back and i had rubbed her tummy, gave her tummy rubs all the time and I never felt a thing. That blasted thing was the size of a soft ball and had cs join, the worse possible place for a tumor. she died as I held her in ICU 48 hours after the surgery. It was a gastrolintestional stromal tumor, extremely rare in humans and dogs. I beat myself up that I had never felt anything different in her stomch.

I know I am no vet and with her on her back, it was hard to find (as my vet said), but I still felt guilty for so long, and every now and then think if ony I had felt it and she had had surgery sooner maybe she would have lived. She was 8 yrs. 9 months old.

So it is perfectlynormal to go thru all those feelings. Even when we know there was nothing we could have done to change things, that we were doing what we believed best, and then letting them go before they suffer to much is for them, not us. We keep them for us, not for them.


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## caseypooh (Dec 30, 2010)

jenniferkruger said:


> Don't beat yourself up about this! We could all spend years thinking about the things we "should have" done, but understand that she loved you more than anything. To her, you could have done no wrong. It's normal to overanalyze things and think "oh I should have done this" or "if I did this maybe she'd still be here", but you can't put yourself through that. Remember all the great times you shared and be thankful that you had 12 great years with her! I lost my beautiful boy today. It's been the hardest day of my life. He also was 12 years. He had a few treatable conditions, and laryngeal paralysis. He coudln't breathe, and he was extremely exhausted. We made the decision to put him down, and let me tell you, I have never felt the pain I've felt today ever in my life. My grandmother died and I still haven't felt this down. I miss him, and it's going to be tough, but you will get better. Things will feel better. I don't think we ever truly "get over" things like this, but you can learn to live with the loss and focus on the great times. if you need anyone to talk to don't hesistate to message me! I think that talking about it really makes a great difference. It's soothing.


I am so, so sorry that you lost your boy. I think you are right, you are never over it, it is just something we live with. I remember when she first left me, I thought there wouldn't be any end to my crying. I just wanted to go with her. After a time, my crying got less and now it just comes every now and then. You are in a safe place here at this forum, everyone cares and everyone understands our love for our dogs. We all would do anything for them. Whatever they need from us, we will do. Even at then end.

Thank you for sharing your loss, when you can, please share,
Cindy


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## Shalva (Jul 16, 2008)

shoulda woulda coulda.... we have all been there.... you did what you thought was best at the time. You didn't do it because it was convenient or easier for you... you made the best decision you could wiht the information that you had at the time.... be kind to yourself...


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## CarlosW9FE (Jul 17, 2012)

Please don't beat yourself up trying to second guess your decisions. You done what you felt was the right thing to do at the time. 

I looked back on Rhett's final month and tried my best to "fix" what whatever was wrong with him, but once I found out that he had hemangioscarcoma, I knew that i could not make him suffer any longer. He knew it was time to go but I wasn't listening to him and I began to second guess myself also. We do what we think is right because we love them.


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

Those ifs and should haves don't do any good, just bring you down. When I have one of these days I go far back to day one, thinking maybe all could be different "if" I loved him from that first day, instead of "just a puppy in my house" thinking.
Hugs to you.


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