# A Gentle Request



## Amberbark (Oct 5, 2011)

I hope that it is ok if I post here. I am facing the decision probably within the next two weeks of sending my 16 year old senior mix to the Rainbow Bridge. I am concerned and am having trouble sleeping because I don't know when the time comes if I want to be present or not. If you could let me know your feelings on this sensitive situation, I would be most grateful. You do not have to include much detail as my intent is not to upset anyone. Thanks in advance for your consideration. Vicki


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## davebeech (Feb 11, 2006)

you have to be there, you would only regret not being there.
Only my opinion though


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## Millie'sMom (Sep 7, 2012)

When the time came to send my almost 19 year old golden to the rainbow bridge, I never even considered not being there, I did not even know it was an option not to be there. I gave my teenager the option to be there as well. It was very peaceful. I sat on the floor with her and held her head in my lap, rubbing her favourite spots and whispering in her ear.

If I had to do it again, the only thing I would change, would be the having the vet come to my home.

I am sorry you are facing this decision.


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## Tayla's Mom (Apr 20, 2012)

We have done it twice in the past year. I would not have even thought of not being there. Is it hard? My God it is so hard, but I owed it to them to be there holding them, telling them how much I loved them and how good they were. My last one was sent off two weeks ago. You will regret it if you aren't there.


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## PrincessDaisy (Dec 20, 2011)

You will regret not being there.


Max


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## Amberbark (Oct 5, 2011)

*Thank You*

Thank you for your responses and I am so sorry for your losses. This will be my first time to have to go through this heartbreaking process with my pet........Vicki


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## staffgirl68 (Nov 4, 2010)

Hi Vicki,

I'm really sorry you're having to face this. It's such a hard decision to have to make, but I think the ultimate act of kindness when the time comes for our pets. I had to have my dog put to sleep over a year ago and it was an awful thing to go through, but definitely the best thing for her. I knew a week ahead of when we did it that it was coming and that was really difficult, knowing it was coming. 

I decided I would be with her until the end and held her in my arms as the vet put her to sleep. And for me looking back, I wouldn't have done it any other way. She was always very attached to me, as I was to her, so whilst it was traumatic it also felt the right thing. My vet is a lovely and kind person so I had faith that she would help me through it, which she did. We opted to give her a light sedative before we took her in as she was always very frightened at the vets. That was probably the hardest bit to be honest as I felt like it was from my hands that her end was coming. But again I tried to do what would make her most comfortable and I tried to bear the pain of how it felt for me. Her passing was very peaceful, literally like she just went to sleep. I cried and cried in the consulting room once it was all over, but that was fine - I didn't care what anyone thought! And when we left the surgery outside was a man who had obviously just had to do the same thing for his dog. He was inconsolable too.

I hope you find the answer of what feels right for you. Wishing you well over the next few weeks.


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## Tayla's Mom (Apr 20, 2012)

Amberbark said:


> Thank you for your responses and I am so sorry for your losses. This will be my first time to have to go through this heartbreaking process with my pet........Vicki


Cheyenne was our fist a year ago. Her passing as with Jesse's was very peaceful. I'm so sorry you are going through this, but it happens to all of us. Its a bond and experience that connects us. We weren't prepared for how much we would miss her. I'll say a prayer for you to find peace when the time comes.


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## Amberbark (Oct 5, 2011)

I was so impressed with my vet last night who spent a half an hour with me before they brought Bitsy back in. He related all of his pets that he has gone through this with, including the ones that he felt he put down, too late (guilt), too soon (guilt), passed in the night (shock and sadness for not being able to say goodbye) and those that he had to lead to the Rainbow Bridge. I did well in the office up until he related all of his stories about his pets. I was done. My dogsitter, who works at the vet's office, brought her Maltese and waited for me in the reception area.......so appreciated. 

I posted more information on the "Other Pets" thread with a pic. LilBit (Bitsy) is not a golden, but she has been a very good girl........http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com/other-pets/161889-lilbit-declining.html#post2499913

Thank you again for sharing your hardest stories.....I can never read the Rainbow Bridge at work....just cannot.


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## Rob's GRs (Feb 25, 2007)

I have to be there...... If it provides just the littlest comfort for them I want to be there, even if I am torn up inside.


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## AngieAvenue (Mar 17, 2013)

When we put my childhood kitty (she was 18... I got her when I was 7) to sleep, I stood with her the whole time. <gez... I'm tearing up just typing this...> I'm so glad I was there. It was the right thing to do, she was suffering... but she cried out when the vet began the procedure and she seemed to relax when I rubbed her head. It broke my heart and I'll remember it forever, but the peace you keep when you know they had the person they love most next to them in their last moments is something I will never regret. When it's time for any of my current pets to go, I'll be there again. 

I know it's a hard decision, don't feel guilty whichever route you choose.


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## Amberbark (Oct 5, 2011)

Thank you for your thoughtful responses and kindness. Here is pic of LilBit on her 16th BD on Valentine's Day...just one....I promise.....


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

You should be there, I think, petting ,loving,talking to your loyal dog, I have been with mine,would not think of not being there.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

I have had to do this three times- hold a dog in my arms for his/her last breath. Each time I was terrified ahead, but each time there was a hush and amplitude and a feeling of having done the right thing. Each time, I sang to the dog and petted him/her, and there truly was no fear or worry shown by my dogs. It is important to take the collar away ahead or decide to leave it etc- you do not want to get put on the spot with small details that then boggle your mind bc you are a little bit in shock. In one case, the vet left me to be with my dog alone after he had passed, and I just did not know how to then leave. You need a plan for closure of the experience. The days after are very ,very difficult with the images staying in mind, but gradually they give way to the good times and the dog at many ages, and the last moments fade.


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## Rainheart (Nov 28, 2010)

Being that I have been in many different euthanasias, everyone has their own way of going about it. I have people who just leave the pet with us and want nothing to do with the whole situation, others just want to be there or the sedation, and then some that want to be there for the entire procedure. I don't judge people on such a sensitive moment. Personally, I want to be there, but, that is me. We put our kitty to sleep this past summer and no one else in my family would be there for her other than me.


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

If your vet would come to your home,to do this, we did that with spencer, it felt right,that he passed here at his home.


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## beemerdog (Dec 1, 2012)

I think I was lucky, Brandy loved her vet and whenever went to see him Brandy just had to give him a kiss. When I took her to the bridge, Brandy seamed to understand and she still had to give the vet a kiss goodby. I stayed with my arms around her and my face buried in her fur.

I will never, as hard as it was to do, regret being there. I think this more for me than my heart dog.


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## ggdenny (Nov 2, 2008)

It's by far the hardest thing I've ever experienced. Both times that I've sent my boys to the Bridge were horrible, painful and not being there was never in my thoughts. Our first golden, Paul, was sick with cancer for two years and I dreaded traveling out of town for fear that he would pass and I wouldn't be able to say goodbye and kiss him one last time. I even canceled two biz trips and we didn't go on vacation because I didn't want him passing without us in a kennel. Our second golden, Simon, had hemangiosarcoma and passed away within an hour of us noticing he didn't feel well. I thank God that it was a Sunday, we were home and not at work or away at a movie or something. I know I would have been devastated if we came home and discovered him dead.

Being able to say goodbye is so important for me and I also think it was very meaningful for my sweet boys.


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## gold4me (Mar 12, 2006)

We have been down this road too many times and each and every time my husband and I were there. It is gut wrenching and painful but we knew we needed to be there showing our fur kids that they were not alone with strangers. We held them and spoke softly to them telling them how we loved them. We have never regretted being there for them. I have to tell you a story my vet told me when we sent Emmy to the Bridge. He said in his time as a vet that every dog/cat he had to put down whose humans talked to their pets and told them it was ok for them to go those pets went very peacefully. He said he had no scientific research to support this only his personal experience. I think our fur kids need to know that it is ok and that we will manage. I am so sorry you have to go through this but we are here for you.


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## PrincessDi (Jun 8, 2009)

The fact that your Lilbit has made it to 16 years old, speak that you have taken great care of her. We have had to help 3 goldens to the bridge. Could not ever imagine being anywhere else than holding them in my arms as the crossed. It was very painful, but it would have killed me to not be there.


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## SheetsSM (Jan 17, 2008)

I'm so very sorry you're facing the decision you are. As others have stated, I want to be with my pets when the time comes, even as emotionally heart wrenching as it is. I would encourage you to speak with your vet ahead of time to see how the procedure will unfold, what to expect, do they have a separate entrance/exit for use during this time, and where will it occur (do they have a special room as opposed to a sterile exam room, can you have time alone with your pet after it has passed). I unfortunately had to euthanize my 16 yr old cat 2 yrs ago. I had just relocated to another state & it was a new vet/clinic. The experience was very traumatizing for me which I feel had a lot to do with the unfamiliarity & sterile setting of the vet clinic--very different than our previous vet. Thankfully, I was able to transport Khirah to an amazing crematorium who understood how emotional the experience was and their place was set up much like a funeral home for people. She was handled with respect & dignity--I only wish things had been the same at the clinic.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Vicki*

Vicki

I also feel that I owe it to my dogs to be there-I always want to be there, to let them know how much I love them.

I am glad you will take someone with you. God Bless LilBit!!


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## vrmueller (Jun 14, 2008)

She wants you there...


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## cgriffin (Nov 30, 2011)

I had to make that tough decision last Saturday and had to let my boy Toby go. It was one of the hardest decisions to make but it was made out of deep love for him. 
I held him close, I kissed him, I told him that I love him and that I will always be with him and that I am sorry that I could not make him healthy again and take him home. My husband was there as well, doing the same thing. I know it gave Toby comfort to know that he was so loved and that we were with him. I would not have wanted him to be alone. 

The vet had talked to us prior and told us what would happen and also said, that it was the right decision for Toby. Toby had hemangiosarcoma of the heart and was suffering. 
Please talk to your vet prior, ask as many questions as you like, cry as much as you want to, I did.


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## GoldensGirl (Aug 2, 2010)

Like others who have posted, I have been down this path several times and I ache for you, knowing what lies ahead.

My most recent experience is with my Charlie, who died in my arms on July 2, 2011. We were fortunate to have a family vet willing to come to our home, where Charlie had chosen his spot. He didn't even lift his head to greet our vet when the gentle man knelt beside him, but gazed into my eyes and licked my hand. Charlie got a first injection that eased him into sleep so he never felt the second injection that stopped his breath. It was a very, very gentle process that was nonetheless brutally hard to accept. It was also the right decision to set my boy free and I would not have missed being there for the world. He gave me his heart and his whole life, and I owed it to Charlie to hold him close to the very last moment of his life. Tears stream...

When you start to waver or doubt, draw strength and courage from your love for LilBit. 

Lucy


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## laprincessa (Mar 24, 2008)

When my best friend's Golden, Duke, died suddenly, I was 300 miles away. I never left him without giving him a couple kisses - Duke was not a kisser, except with me . The last time we saw him, it was a bunch of silliness leaving, and half way home, I said to Max, "I forgot to kiss Duke goodbye! Oh, well, I'll give him two next time." 

Almost three years later, I still regret not turning back, because there was no next time. 

Do what your heart can handle, but my advice is to be there to say goodbye.


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## spruce (Mar 13, 2008)

I was NOT with my lst dog (18 month old lab, riddled with cancer). It was a long time ago and my lst experience with death of a loved one. Within an hour of losing him, I had wished I'd been there.


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## amy22 (May 11, 2008)

It's the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I've been there when each of my dogs passed. I will be there again, holding them, telling them I love them, and telling them to go to sleep...


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## KathyL (Jul 6, 2011)

My last two goldens were put to sleep at home and I was with them. Unfortunately because it is often difficult for a vet to come to your home, I had to "schedule" Harley's last day which was difficult for me, but at the same time I did not want to risk something unpleasant happening to him. I think you need to be with Bitsy and also feel you will regret it if you are not. I'm so sorry.


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## AmberSunrise (Apr 1, 2009)

Listen to your heart. Some of my dogs and cats have wanted me to hold them as they passed, others wanted to be alone as they would be in nature. Pause and listen to what she is telling you and know it will be the right choice for the two of you.

My thoughts are with you as you travel this final path together.


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## SriMVY (Mar 6, 2013)

You _can_ do it. And yes, it's very very hard. But you can do it.

Years ago I remember taking my 12 year old lhasa to the bridge. What I remember most is watching her strained, bewildered expression turn to one of peace as she slipped away. For those few moments right after she passed, I was struck by how much younger she looked once the burdens of her aging body were lifted from her. Her face had that soft puppy expression again. At once I knew I had done the right thing, and it helped me, and I know her, so very much. I would not trade that realization for the world.
Let us know when it comes time, and we'll be sending you strength.


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## KatieBlue'sMidnightSky (Feb 22, 2011)

Oh I feel for you so much! For me, I just had to be there for 3 pets so far ~ a bunny and 2 dogs. I wanted them to know we loved them and they were worthy of our presence in their last moments. We had the vet come to our home for our elder collie, and the other two were at the vets office ~ the bunny was planned due to a severe birth defect she couldn't overcome, but the golden was not planned. (another story)

I will have to say, and I don't want to alarm you, and I wish someone would've told me it could happen ~ our collie didn't go to sleep quietly. The vet did the first shot that was supposed to put him under, and the 2nd shot to stop his heart, but it was a much more traumatic event than we expected ~ and our then 16 year old was holding him. I guess I would not have done it differently, and I don't think my son would either, but not knowing it could happen really traumatized us because it was unexpected. 

I only say this so you can be sure to prepare yourself for any situation ~ even if it's rare. I wish you peace in your decision!!


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## Fella 77 (Jan 21, 2013)

You can do it...your dog needs you..It's the hardest thing a pet owner has to do, but the most important...for me, I couldn't think for a second of not being there. I was there for every other moment..good ones and tough ones...and this is the moment that she needed me the most..the moment that I needed her to know how much I loved her and that I would never let her go through this alone. It is so incredibly painful, but it wasn't about me..it was about Sadie. When she first stole me heart as a puppy she did it with a puppy hug..and went to sleep in my lap...so when she left me, I gave her that hug back..and she went to sleep....


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## robinrd (Oct 30, 2012)

We had to put down our 14 year old Maltese a year ago. My plan was to be there. As the moment got closer I was feeling sick,so I thought I will wait until the vet comes in and then leave. I ended up not being there and I regret it. I hugged him and kissed him and told him how much I loved him and had to leave I just couldn't do it. Actually about a month ago I just broke down and told my husband I should have been there. I have a 13 year old Boston terrier that I'm sure I will be facing that situation again soon, I will be there no matter how hard. I don't want to have that regret again. Is so hard. So sorry you will have to go through this.


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## love never dies (Jul 31, 2012)

*Difficult Journey*

*Go with her on difficult journeys. Everything is easier for her if you are there. Remember, Bitsy loves you.*


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## goldensmum (Oct 23, 2007)

It is so hard having to let them go, but there is no way on this earth that I would not be by their side at the end. All of my dogs have been there for me throughout their lives and it is only right that I would be there for them as they crossed to the bridge, and it does, in it's own strange way, bring comfort in knowing that as they cross they take with them our words of love and a final kiss. 

It is a personal decision as to wether you want to be present, but think hard because once they have gone to the bridge you can never change your decision.


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## Capt Jack (Dec 29, 2011)

With our last two we were with Tawny when she went to the bridge at 17.Sailor past over alone while we were on vacation a year later at 15.I've never quite forgiven myself for not being there for him.They give so much & ask so little in return I feel I owe it to them to say "Good bye & I'll see you agian one day."


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## Sweet Girl (Jun 10, 2010)

I was so thankful I was able to be with Tesia when she died in February. I had told her in the weeks before that it was okay if she had to go, and that I loved her and would love her forever. I made sure I told her that in case she did need to leave her cancer and this world behind while I was at work one day. I was worried if she ever was in great pain, she would hold on if I wasn't there, so I told her it was okay. Eventually I had to make the sad decision. 

It is very hard - but you can do it. Just think about what your dog would want. Who makes her feels safe and loved? Who has taken care of her for 16 years? That's who she will want holding her when she goes. 

I'm sorry you're having to make this sad decision.


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## Amberbark (Oct 5, 2011)

*:'''(*

It has taken me a while to return and I am OVERWHELMED by your kind, heartfelt, and thoughtful responses to my question. I cried as I read each one and looked at those lovely sweet, soft faces. I am humbled. I have processed the information and have contacted the vet's office to gather information ahead of time. Bitsy's labs will be next Thursday and whatever the outcome, you have helped me to prepare for the process to be there with her. I will prepare for this one, but I cannot even think about the loss of our GR, Amber, or my Papillon, Piper. Your babies are so beautiful and you are so amazing! Thank you from the bottom of my heart and Bitsy's, too. :smooch:


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## pandamonium (Apr 18, 2012)

Just know that we all are with you...and understand like no other group of friends or people... Just whisper in that ear how very much you love Bitsy...and you will look for him in your dreams running free...


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

Fella 77 said:


> You can do it...your dog needs you..It's the hardest thing a pet owner has to do, but the most important...for me, I couldn't think for a second of not being there. I was there for every other moment..good ones and tough ones...and this is the moment that she needed me the most..the moment that I needed her to know how much I loved her and that I would never let her go through this alone. It is so incredibly painful, but it wasn't about me..it was about Sadie. When she first stole me heart as a puppy she did it with a puppy hug..and went to sleep in my lap...so when she left me, I gave her that hug back..and she went to sleep....


What a beautiful post. I agree with it, the ethos and the beliefs.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Amberbark*



Amberbark said:


> It has taken me a while to return and I am OVERWHELMED by your kind, heartfelt, and thoughtful responses to my question. I cried as I read each one and looked at those lovely sweet, soft faces. I am humbled. I have processed the information and have contacted the vet's office to gather information ahead of time. Bitsy's labs will be next Thursday and whatever the outcome, you have helped me to prepare for the process to be there with her. I will prepare for this one, but I cannot even think about the loss of our GR, Amber, or my Papillon, Piper. Your babies are so beautiful and you are so amazing! Thank you from the bottom of my heart and Bitsy's, too. :smooch:


Amberbark

Please keep coming here and let us know about sweet Bitsy! We will all be with you!


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