# How to deal with a loss



## lexie_bushey (Jun 22, 2013)

Bob's big brother Copper who is not a golden but you guys give such amazing support I had to post here when I need it the most. Copper was a 13 year old cocker spaniel who was truly amazing and the big brother to Bob. Bob and Copper were inseparable they followed each other around the yard and also caused a lot of trouble together. Then Wednesday he started having seizures and we went to the vet to see why and the vet found he had an enlarged heart so wanted to treat for that first because it could of been fainting spells. He was rushed to the vet Friday because something was off and it turned put to be seizures, he stayed at the vet and we went to see him Saturday and he was doing great but we decided for him to stay till Monday because he couldn't really walk till he got used to the meds. Fast forward to today we got the call that nobody wants that he had passed away. I just don't know what to do Bob has been so lost without him and pacing back and forth for his friend,they have never been apart. I don't know how to really get through this and I feel a lot of guilt because I wasn't there and I feel like what if his last thoughts were that we left him and weren't coming back but I loved him to death and I know he was an amazing dog that lived to be 13 so I guess it will be me getting through this but it will be so hard. Feb. 23 2002 -March 9 2015


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## GoldenMum (Mar 15, 2010)

He was a beautiful boy, RIP sweet Cooper. Run free without any pain. I am so very sorry for your loss, grieving is such a personal thing. We all grieve in our own way and time, my heart breaks for you. Cooper knew how much he was loved, it shows through in your posts.


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## rabernet (Feb 24, 2015)

I'm so sorry that you've lost your beloved Cooper. 

He's running free now.


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## lexie_bushey (Jun 22, 2013)

rabernet said:


> I'm so sorry that you've lost your beloved Cooper.
> 
> He's running free now.










GoldenMum said:


> He was a beautiful boy, RIP sweet Cooper. Run free without any pain. I am so very sorry for your loss, grieving is such a personal thing. We all grieve in our own way and time, my heart breaks for you. Cooper knew how much he was loved, it shows through in your posts.


Thank you both we loved Copper so much he was such a character he would sit and talk with me every morning and watch me eat each meal till I caved in and gave him some, him being under my feet while in the kitchen. Or how Bob would follow him around the yard, they never left each other. It really is the little things like that which makes my day feel so empty. Knowing he doesn't have anymore pain helps me know he is in a better place but I just wish I could of said goodbye and that is my one huge regret


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss of Cooper, he was a beautiful boy. 
I've had a couple of Cockers, love them, they are so sweet.

I think the guilt you are feeling now is a natural part of the grieving process. You all are grieving, including Bob. I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's a very difficult process.
As Goldenmum pointed out, grieving is different for everyone. We all grieve differently in our own way, on our own terms. There's no time frame either. It's a long journey for your heart to heal and to find peace. Give yourself the time you need and be there for Bob, he's hurting also.

Try to remember that Cooper knew he was loved and cherished by you and your family and that he is whole again enjoying life as he once did when he was young. He'll always be with you, he lives forever in your heart. 

Godspeed Cooper


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## lexie_bushey (Jun 22, 2013)

Thank you guys again my parents and I loved him so much and the rest of my family aren't really dog people so it means a lot to read all of your kind words even though you guys don't really know me or Copper. It just really means a lot


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Copper*



lexie_bushey said:


> Bob's big brother Copper who is not a golden but you guys give such amazing support I had to post here when I need it the most. Copper was a 13 year old cocker spaniel who was truly amazing and the big brother to Bob. Bob and Copper were inseparable they followed each other around the yard and also caused a lot of trouble together. Then Wednesday he started having seizures and we went to the vet to see why and the vet found he had an enlarged heart so wanted to treat for that first because it could of been fainting spells. He was rushed to the vet Friday because something was off and it turned put to be seizures, he stayed at the vet and we went to see him Saturday and he was doing great but we decided for him to stay till Monday because he couldn't really walk till he got used to the meds. Fast forward to today we got the call that nobody wants that he had passed away. I just don't know what to do Bob has been so lost without him and pacing back and forth for his friend,they have never been apart. I don't know how to really get through this and I feel a lot of guilt because I wasn't there and I feel like what if his last thoughts were that we left him and weren't coming back but I loved him to death and I know he was an amazing dog that lived to be 13 so I guess it will be me getting through this but it will be so hard. Feb. 23 2002 -March 9 2015


I am so very sorry about Copper, Lexie! 
I added him to the 2015 Rainbow Bridge List. I am sure he knew how much you loved him!!
http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...rainbow-bridge-list-2015-a-3.html#post5483881


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## KKaren (Oct 29, 2014)

Dear Lexie_bushey,
Oh, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry to hear about your sweet Copper and how difficult the last few days have been for you, Bob and your family.

You did all the right things with Copper, looking after his health and getting him to the vet for treatment. It was just not possible for you to know that he would pass at that time, so please be gentle with yourself. For me, these emotions all get wrapped together, grieving, guilt, my love for my dog, and being grateful for the time that I had with her. And as time goes on... I feel less guilt, so I hope that will be for you too. 

I'm sure that Bob is missing his friend and I know that he will be a comfort to you, just as you are a comfort to him. 

Rest easy Copper...
Hugs, Karen


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## lexie_bushey (Jun 22, 2013)

KKaren said:


> Dear Lexie_bushey,
> Oh, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry to hear about your sweet Copper and how difficult the last few days have been for you, Bob and your family.
> 
> You did all the right things with Copper, looking after his health and getting him to the vet for treatment. It was just not possible for you to know that he would pass at that time, so please be gentle with yourself. For me, these emotions all get wrapped together, grieving, guilt, my love for my dog, and being grateful for the time that I had with her. And as time goes on... I feel less guilt, so I hope that will be for you too.
> ...


Thank you so much your post brought tears to my eyes. I think it's hard because I got Copper when I was 7 so we grew up together he was my 2nd dog. I picked him out and named him from my favorite movie "the Fox and the hound". Bob is truly amazing getting me to laugh and I'm there by hugging him. I know it's going to take time but there is just a huge void without him here


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## lexie_bushey (Jun 22, 2013)

I was looking through pictures and found this one of Bob and Copper. I was trying to get them to sit so I could take a picture to send to my dad and Copper decided to sit himself right in front of Bob and it turned put to be the perfect picture


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## randi (May 9, 2005)

Dear Lexie,

I've so very sorry for your loss of Cooper. 

Several years ago we lost one of our fur babies, Nahqui, to bloat. We were all so sad and I was racked with guilt. I was also worried about our little Gimper who was Nahqui's brother in every sense. They did everything together until the end. Because Nahqui died at the vet's office, I was afraid Gimper wouldn't understand what had happened and was grieving.

A couple of days later I took Gimper to his appointment for back issues at the holistic veterinarian's office. The doctor noticed I was in a bad way and took the time to speak with me about Nahqui's death. He assured me that dogs have a spirit life we humans don't understand and that Nahqui and Gimpy were still communicating on a different level-even after Nahqui's death. He suggested we use Bach Flower Remedies Rescue Remedy for a few weeks to help get us through the crisis. I put a few drops in Gimper's water bowl and my husband and I put a couple drops under our tongues a few times a day. It did seem to help Gimper with his loneliness and also help me cope with my feelings. 

I will always be grateful for that doctor's kindness and empathy.

Cooper died knowing he was loved and is now waiting for you at the bridge knowing he's missed by you and Bob. Although you can't see him, he's right there beside you every moment of every day. He's listening to you speak of your love, how you miss him, and how you wish you could have been with him when he crossed. At the end of our lives, the most we can hope for is that we die loved. You gave that gift to Cooper. 

XXXXXXXX
Randi


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## Susan: w/ Summit we climb (Jun 12, 2014)

I am very sorry that you and your family and Bob have lost your dear friend Copper. 

I think that the days Copper spent at the vet's may have been harder on you than on him, because the meds were probably keeping him a bit confused. You did all that could be done for him, and he's at peace now. He knew you loved him, and that's what really mattered.


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## KKaren (Oct 29, 2014)

lexie_bushey said:


> I was looking through pictures and found this one of Bob and Copper. I was trying to get them to sit so I could take a picture to send to my dad and Copper decided to sit himself right in front of Bob and it turned put to be the perfect picture


What a great picture of Copper and Bob. I'm glad you shared it. Thinking of you today Lexie.


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## lexie_bushey (Jun 22, 2013)

Thank you I am doing a bit better it's hard to stay sad when Bob decides to slide across the carpet making growling noises for no reason. He is still looking for Copper but I know that it is going to take some time for him to fully heal I actually talked to my parents about possibly putting some applications in with some rescues or do some fostering until we are ready for another dog because the house is empty without him and it might make us feel better too. Copper holds a place In my heart and I'm so grateful for it


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

Four years ago I had to say goodbye to my boy, he was 15.5.
His sister Roxy was really grieving his passing as much as we were. 
She's a former breeder girl that I adopted through a GR Rescue, she was not socialized when I got her, had spent her first two years in a cage/kennel, had been abused verbally and physically. She had a very long journey to get where she is today and her big brother helped her ever step of the way. After he passed, she started withdrawing, I was afraid we were going to lose all the progress we'd made with her, she was slipping away fast. 

I knew for her sake I needed to get another Golden as soon as possible. I found out about a young golden boy that had been turned in as a stray at my County Humane Society. It had only been two weeks since our boy left us. I felt so incredibly guilty just going to look at him. We wanted our boy back but we knew it was not possible. 

I ended up adopting this boy that day, he has been a godsend for us all including my girl. He has helped our hearts heal and brought back the much needed joy into our lives. 

The point I'm trying to make I guess, is if you're ready to bring another dog into your lives, don't feel guilty about it, in so many ways it will help you all. 

If you want to foster, that is a truly wonderful idea. You'll be helping a dog in need and it will also help you and your family out in more ways than you'll know.

You might become a foster failure, meaning you might fall in love with a particular dog and decide to adopt it. That's OK too, I think dogs come into our lives for many reasons.


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## lexie_bushey (Jun 22, 2013)

CAROLINA MOM said:


> Four years ago I had to say goodbye to my boy, he was 15.5.
> His sister Roxy was really grieving his passing as much as we were.
> She's a former breeder girl that I adopted through a GR Rescue, she was not socialized when I got her, had spent her first two years in a cage/kennel, had been abused verbally and physically. She had a very long journey to get where she is today and her big brother helped her ever step of the way. After he passed, she started withdrawing, I was afraid we were going to lose all the progress we'd made with her, she was slipping away fast.
> 
> ...


Thank you for sharing your story I have always thought about fostering or adopting and this forum is a huge part of that I have some time to decide because we have to replace some of our fence from the snows damage. Bob is lost without Copper but not to bad because my college schedule only has me away from the house for about 10 hours a week this semester and my mem moved in so he hasn't been alone yet but I know getting him a friend may help him get back to his normal self.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Lexie*

Lexie:

When you are ready if you think you want to foster or adopt a Golden, there are lots of Golden Retriever Rescues in Connecticut:

*National Rescue Committee of the Golden Retriever Club of America*


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## lexie_bushey (Jun 22, 2013)

Karen519 said:


> Lexie:
> 
> When you are ready if you think you want to foster or adopt a Golden, there are lots of Golden Retriever Rescues in Connecticut:
> 
> *National Rescue Committee of the Golden Retriever Club of America*


Thank you for the link I'm not sure what breed we would want we are pretty open to any kind, having a couple different breeds and loving them all I just want one that would fit in and be a good fit with Bob he is my main focus right now


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## Melakat (Oct 9, 2010)

I am so very sad for you in the loss of your Copper. He grew up with you and that is very special. Our family lost a beloved family member Oakley last October. Oakley also grew up with my boys. As my one son always said "Oaks" got me through 3 girlfriends. He was always there and when we suddenly lost him we were all so very devastated. 

The pain of his loss was more than I expected for our entire family. It has been 5 months now since we lost Oakley and now I can look at his pictures and smile instead of cry my eyes out. 

Time will help with how you are feeling. It is never easy.


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## GoldenSkies (Feb 27, 2014)

Time truly heals, I am so sorry to hear about Copper. I hope that you move on from feeling guilty, I am so sure that Copper knows exactly how much you love him and maybe he let go while you weren't there so you wouldn't have to go through making that decision for him and hurting even more. Dogs are so intuitive, 13 is a very long life. I know how hard it is but you have Bob and he will help you get through this. I also think Bob will be okay, it takes a toll on the whole family but I think you should seek comfort in the thought that you have provided the best life for Copper and he will have so many amazing memories to look back on in heaven. Dogs are such an amazing blessing, my heart is with you, you and your family will get through this.


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## goldlover68 (Jun 17, 2013)

This has helped me get through some of the rough times....

I'm Still Here 
Friend; please don't mourn for me
I'm still here, though you don't see.
I'm right by your side each night and day
and within your heart I long to stay.

My body is gone but I'm always near.
I'm everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I'll never depart
as long as you keep me alive in your heart.

I'll never wander out of your sight-
I'm the brightest star on a summer night.
I'll never be beyond your reach-
I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach.

I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around
and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond,
The clear cool water in a quiet pond.

I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring,
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
and you'll see that the face in the moon is mine.

When you start thinking there's no one to love you,
you can talk to me through the Lord above you.
I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
and you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.

I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep
and the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I'm the smile you see on a baby's face.
Just look for me, friend, I'm everyplace!
 
Author Unknown


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## lexie_bushey (Jun 22, 2013)

Thank you all for your kind words. I honestly am still in shock from all the support from this forum, it is truly amazing. I am doing better, Copper was a big part of my life and I am so grateful that he was. He left a big hole in our hearts and in our home but we will get through it and then we will open our hearts and home to a dog that needs a loving home.


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## randi (May 9, 2005)

Lexie, I'm so sorry I got Copper's name wrong yesterday. I'm glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. Hugs to you and your family.

Randi


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## lexie_bushey (Jun 22, 2013)

randi said:


> Lexie, I'm so sorry I got Copper's name wrong yesterday. I'm glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. Hugs to you and your family.
> 
> Randi


It's okay about his name a lot of people would call him cooper. I just really appreciate all the support from everyone especially since he was not a golden.


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## wjane (Oct 12, 2013)

So sorry to hear about your copper - he was so beautiful - I have had the grief of not being with 2 of my boys when they passed on, but time does heal and knowing your guy was in such good hands and not in pain should make it a little more bearable in time. RIP copper and may you find peace and comfort in his memories.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Copper*

Thinking of you. 
Copper and my Honey are together at the Bridge!


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## lexie_bushey (Jun 22, 2013)

Karen519 said:


> Thinking of you.
> Copper and my Honey are together at the Bridge!


Thank you we are doing a bit better today. Bob is keeping me busy while trying to write my paper, he has been in timeout 3 times today and it isn't even noon yet.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

randi said:


> Lexie, I'm so sorry I got Copper's name wrong yesterday. I'm glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. Hugs to you and your family.
> 
> Randi


I just realized I did too, so sorry.

Copper was such a beautiful boy. 
It takes time, be kind to yourself.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Bob*



lexie_bushey said:


> Thank you we are doing a bit better today. Bob is keeping me busy while trying to write my paper, he has been in timeout 3 times today and it isn't even noon yet.


I bet Bob is trying to get your attention!


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