# Need advice really badly on new addition.. Obsessive (?) humping and mouthing?



## kes (Dec 14, 2013)

My husband and I adopted a golden retriever male 3 weeks ago. He is 7-1/2 months old, not neutered (but we plan/planned on having it done asap), and we got him from his previous owners. We've been trying to focus on the positives about him but I'm finding it very hard to believe that he did not have these behavior problems at his previous home.. I think we were in denial at first and really wanted to make it work but I don't know if we're up for this task. I don't want to use his real name for fear his previous owners will find this.. I do not want to insult them, they were very kind.. but we can call him Andy.

My arms are currently bruised up and I'm sure I have scratches going down my back and my legs from him his attempts at mounting me and trying to get a better grip. Andy really ends up hurting me with his seemingly endless attempts to hump me.. He's 65-70 lbs and very strong. We can play outside for a hour and then once we come inside, he's back at it. He'll launch himself at my back.. or just walk over to me and try to grab onto me, which usually consists of his nails scratching me. If I try to resist.. he'll start biting me and tackling me harder. If I ignore him and 'let' him do it.. he'll let go of me, but then start biting at my skin and tearing at my sleeves if I have long sleeves on. I'm just so upset by this. I can't relax with him around, unless he's sleeping. If I pet him, he'll turn his head and start biting my hand and then try to grab onto me. He's fine when I'm training with him or playing outside with him.. but inside, all he wants to do is hump or bite me 90% of the time. He doesn't really do this to my husband.. the only time he'll bite my husband is if my husband pulls him off of me. He just doesn't seem to have an off switch.

I cannot even sleep in the same room as my husband.. We do not want to crate him at night since we crate him during the day while we're at work, it's not fair to him, but I can't be in the same room as him at night.. The other night we tried and he harassed me for two hours before I finally gave up and went into the bedroom by myself - my husband's been sleeping in the living room with him so that the cat could have our bedroom as his sanctuary while they adjust. Andy's friendly towards the cat, just gets too excited.

Tonight I tried to sleep on the sectional with my husband.. Of course Andy was harassing me again, so my husband had me lay in the corner of the sectional while he laid sideways on the ottoman and the couch. Andy ended up trying to jump over him to get at me, and ended up starting to bite my husband very hard on his hands and arms. Andy gets very frustrated if he doesn't get his way and doesn't give up, which results in barking as well. I gave up and went into the bedroom.. and now I'm writing this.

I just don't understand why Andy is doing this.. He's very sweet otherwise - no food aggression, he's good with other dogs, he's house broken.. He's interested in wires which is the only reason why we crate him when we're gone. I'm just feeling very disappointed.. We've been exercising him to try to curb these problems but after a walk or playing outside, he'll either be right back at it or he will nap for awhile.. and then once he wakes up, he comes over to me. I'm just tired and I'm wondering if this is too much for us.. I was ready for walks, playing outside in the bitter cold, obedience training.. but I don't know if I'm equipped to deal with these behavior problems. We're both feeling a bit sleep deprived.. He just doesn't seem to have an off switch and while I was told there was other serious circumstances that required his previous owners to give him up, I can't help but wonder if these issues were a contributing factor as well.. I've been around dogs that hump or mouth sometimes and need to be told 'no' firmly, but this just seems beyond that.


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## dborgers (Dec 7, 2011)

Neutering should take care of most of it. A couple of the male rescues we've brought into our family exhibited that behavior pre-neutering. Also, he's tryting to find his place in the pack. Give him a little time. I'll bet you find you have a wonderful boy there


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## kes (Dec 14, 2013)

dborgers said:


> Neutering should take care of most of it. A couple of the male rescues we've brought into our family exhibited that behavior pre-neutering. Also, he's tryting to find his place in the pack. Give him a little time. I'll bet you find you have a wonderful boy there


Is there anything that you did before the dogs were neutered to help curb the behavior? I've read that neutering doesn't always fix it, so it worries me that will not be enough.

If you're familiar with this.. from what was described, does it sound like he's seeking attention or that his intentions are less than honorable? He is so persistent about it so I would really like to know what his drive is.. I've been trying to teach him that he'll get attention if he sits next to me, but he'll start mouthing and trying to hump me pretty quickly.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

I think it would be a really good idea to have a trainer come to your home and observe what is going on so they can help you come up with a plan to deal with it and train him not to do this. I do sympathize, I had foster dog that did exactly the same thing. He was just under a year old at the time. I finally had to ask the rescue to move him, which they did and the next foster took him to training classes and really worked on obedience. It made him a whole different dog, he became so well behaved and joy to be around. I was able to spend time with this dog after the training and he was wonderful.

So I encourage you to get a trainer into your home, and sign up for a training class take him too also, because it can make all the difference in the world.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

kes said:


> Is there anything that you did before the dogs were neutered to help curb the behavior? I've read that neutering doesn't always fix it, so it worries me that will not be enough.
> 
> If you're familiar with this.. from what was described, does it sound like he's seeking attention or that his intentions are less than honorable? He is so persistent about it so I would really like to know what his drive is.. I've been trying to teach him that he'll get attention if he sits next to me, but he'll start mouthing and trying to hump me pretty quickly.



With my foster dog, it was definitely attention seeking. With the training he quickly realized he got the attention he wanted when he behaved, so I really think you can get a handle on this with some work.

Does he do ok with other dogs, or does he try this with them too? If he is ok with groups of dogs you might try a dog day care to run off some excess energy.


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## dborgers (Dec 7, 2011)

kes said:


> Is there anything that you did before the dogs were neutered to help curb the behavior? I've read that neutering doesn't always fix it, so it worries me that will not be enough.
> 
> If you're familiar with this.. from what was described, does it sound like he's seeking attention or that his intentions are less than honorable? He is so persistent about it so I would really like to know what his drive is.. I've been trying to teach him that he'll get attention if he sits next to me, but he'll start mouthing and trying to hump me pretty quickly.


Humping isn't a sexual thing at all. It's a hormone/behavioral thing. He's young, he's new to your home and unsure where he fits just yet. His natural instincts lead him to do certain things being a little scared and unsure (and un-neutered).

In our experience, neutering took care of most of it. A little time did the rest. And it didn't take a long. You've only had him 3 weeks. This is all very new to him. What a fantastic early Christmas present to give yourself .. a bundle of love for years to come 

Your little boy there won't keep it up once time and neutering have had a chance.


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## dborgers (Dec 7, 2011)

PS - Hope you stick around the forum. You're among good golden people


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## kes (Dec 14, 2013)

mylissyk said:


> With my foster dog, it was definitely attention seeking. With the training he quickly realized he got the attention he wanted when he behaved, so I really think you can get a handle on this with some work.
> 
> Does he do ok with other dogs, or does he try this with them too? If he is ok with groups of dogs you might try a dog day care to run off some excess energy.


Do you know what they did when he was learning to stop the negative behaviors? Did they simply ignore the bad and praise the good, or did they 'correct' him in some way? I don't think this boy would respond well to corrections, plus I don't know how well I could give them.. He's very stubborn and persistent. 

We haven't really had him off leash with other dogs yet for this reason. He's greeted them on leash and is very friendly, and has never tried to mount any of them. One time a black lab started barking at him after they greeted each other and Andy just backed up and sat on my husband's foot. He met a neighbor's dog who ran up to us unexpectedly (he was off leash) and the dog was a bit rough, but Andy seemed very submissive and had no interest in butting heads back.. So I don't know if he's brave enough to be rude to other dogs, unless they were very submissive themselves.


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## kes (Dec 14, 2013)

dborgers said:


> Humping isn't a sexual thing at all. It's a hormone/behavioral thing. He's young, he's new to your home and unsure where he fits just yet. His natural instincts lead him to do certain things being a little scared and unsure (and un-neutered).
> 
> In our experience, neutering took care of most of it. A little time did the rest. And it didn't take a long. You've only had him 3 weeks. This is all very new to him. What a fantastic early Christmas present to give yourself .. a bundle of love for years to come
> 
> Your little boy there won't keep it up once time and neutering have had a chance.


Trust me, we want to love him for years to come! But sometimes I want to cry - I'm actually a bit sore from the past week! At the same time, Andy can be very sweet.. One of the first days he was with us, he slept on my legs all night and in the morning he curled up next to me and laid his head on me. It was perfect!

We keep telling ourselves that he just needs to learn some manners/obedience and that if we keep at it, we'll have a great dog in a year.. I just don't know how to get from now to then! It's exhausting (and painful at times) so far.


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## kes (Dec 14, 2013)

My husband has talked about wanting to do the 'no free lunch' training with him.. One of things would be not allowing him in the bed or on the couch, which I don't really like the idea of.. But could it help improve some of his manners? Any opinions?

Also.. Thanks a lot so far guys! You have been very helpful and lifted my spirits a bit.


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## dborgers (Dec 7, 2011)

Your boy's name is Andy? Oh, you just earned a Platinum Five Star Award from me!! LOL 

The training isn't really going to help as much as neutering and time. On that topic, my view is our dogs have full family privileges. They can sleep, lay, or jump on anything we do. Who'd want to miss out on cuddles in bed or on the couch? Not moi


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## quilter (Sep 12, 2011)

At 7.5 months, you are probably at the worst of it. Neutering might take care of the humping. It certainly did for Casper, but he was only humping toys in the evening. The constant biting at you sounds like attention seeking. Casper was really annoying at about a year old. He spent his evenings pawing at us, throwing toys at us, etc. I put on some thick pants and ignored him. I petted him only when I chose and never when he asked. And he had to sit first. He really upped the behavior for about a week, then figured it out. Not only did he stop pawing, but his whole activity level In the evening dropped dramatically. 

At his age, he probably also needs some chewing time. My dog isn't a big chewer, but sometimes he needs 20 minutes with a rawhide. 

I also did the relaxation training with Casper. http://www.dogdaysnw.com/doc/OverallRelaxationProtocol.pdf. It was easy to follow and gave us a structured training program. (Versus training that says "work on Sit.")


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## quilter (Sep 12, 2011)

Another thing I remembered. If he's mouthing at you when you pet him, work on Gotcha. Say Gotcha, then reach for his head or collar and treat with the other hand. The Gotcha lets him know that you are about to reach towards his head. While Casper loves to be petted, reaching over his head especially past his eyes will have him grabbing at your hand. Makes sense if you think about it. Kids are particularly terrible about it. For some reason they do this with their fingers poking right towards his eyes. (Ok, slightly off topic there.) There is a kikopup video about this.


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## dborgers (Dec 7, 2011)

Casper is a gorgeous boy


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## Max's Dad (Apr 23, 2012)

Neutering should have a big effect on the humping. It improved Max's behavior a lot, and he was done at 8 months. Be patient, the mouthing will get better too, as he gets older.


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## Colie CVT (Sep 15, 2013)

Neutering can help some, but it sounds like he's an anxious boy who wants attention however he can get it! I had a co-worker who was having a similar issue with her Pyr, and it scared her so much that she neutered him when she was going to wait to let him develop a bit more.

The Nothing in Life is Free method isn't exactly a bad way to go around things. Ground rules are an important thing! Honestly, obedience I think would help a lot. When I was having trouble with my boy when he was in that terrible 2 stage, we did a lot of obedienc and trick training. He lives to get food for doing something good, so putting his brain to work helped out a lot. Myles never had mouthing or humping issues, but he would get bad destructive ideas at times. If he wanted something, he had to earn it. Honestly sitting for all kinds of things is very important. Removing him from the situation and giving him no attention may help make things click too. Do you guys leave a leash on him? It may not be a bad idea to do that (if only to get your husband's hands away from his actual body to get him away from you). 

If he gets too overzealous with the humping, much as it stinks because he's young and in a crate a lot, that's what I would do. No acknowledgement from you, simply pick the leash up, make your way to the crate and kennel. Let him chill a few moments, try again. It may be repetitive, but praise/reward for sitting and not mouthing you guys should work out! 

Some people may not really see just how much the constant training/working with your dog can really truly make a difference, but honestly it really does! Myles is a wonderful dog, and I can tell you for a fact he was not a good boy all of the time, much as I adore him. There were days I wanted to strangle him when he was younger! The frustration I felt. But we're a team and I seriously cannot live without my little buddy, but when he isn't behaving, he gets a little time out and we do a little obedience.  

He is still a baby, even if the hormones are kicking in, and I have a feeling he's anxious and frustrated and probably a little scared too! The last people who had him gave him to new people, and while it's fun to have new friends, it's scary to not exactly know what to expect too. My GSD who I got at 3.5 years - she had never lived with anyone longer than a year, and it honestly took her about that long before she finally settled and realized this is home. Same thing with her too. To get what she wants, she has to listen and do what I ask! It's definitely clicked. 

I bet this guy wants to be a good boy! He's just confused how!


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## Mayve (Aug 21, 2012)

My first thought is I would be crating him at night. Next I would be consulting a trainer whether in home or at a facility. I agree with what others have said about him having anxious issues and attention seeking. Sage is in her teen phase and at the moment a real handful we have restarted her sitting for everything. I disagree that simply nuetering him will end the behaviors...sorry I know that's not what you want to hear...it may help some, but it sounds like he needs to learn impulse control and quite possibly he's confused about where he fits in. When I have a difficult dog I do not allow them to sleep with me and I make them ask for everything. You don't ever have to be mean to teach that you just simply do not reward bad behaviors ie jumping, humping etc...once the behaviors are under control I lax up on them sleeping with me or sitting on the couch with me as I am a believer that they are part of the family and the goal is to have a well behaved snuggle bug...
Just my opinion for what its worth....

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## Leslie B (Mar 17, 2011)

It sounds like he is mentally a 12 week old puppy in a 8 month body. Mouthy, jumping, biting, pushing, demanding. He is a dog that was not properly socialized or trained. Yes, he is housebroken but that is not saying much. Neutering will not help with his lack of training at the appropiate age. It is harder at this stage but it can be done. Your dog is looking for good boundaries in his life and you are not providing them. Good boundaries make for a dog that feels secure and safe. Once he is calm and respects your authority you can love on him all you want and relax the rules but not now.

1. He needs more exercise. Not a walk but a RUN. Every day. At this age it is critical that they blow off that extra energy and right now your boy is taking it out on you. Perhaps a fenced in field and a couple of bumpers for him to retrieve for 30 minutes a day. 

2. Until he understands that you are the boss, he does not sleep on you, get on the couch, or pester and bite you demanding attention. If he does - off to the crate for 15 minutes. Yes, you will be putting him in the crate 50 times a day for a while but he will catch on that certain behaviors (bad ones) prevent him from being with you. At this age simply ignoring his bad behavior will have limited success. With all this time in the crate you see the need for the exercise.

3. You sleep in your own bed and Andy sleeps on the floor. If Andy pesters you - he goes in the crate for the rest of the night. Period. If he howls, move the crate to another room. Do not give in. One day he can sleep in bed with you but NOT now. You are hurting him with your permissiveness.

4. To get any petting or loving, he has to sit quietly - usually right in front of you. Even my 12 week old pup already understands this one because he will not get any loving if he is rough or busy with me. 

5. Get a trainer or go to obedience class. Pick a serious one and avoid the Petsmart classes. 

You can have a great dog and it wont take very long if you are determined and ready to do the work. Think of how wonderful it will be when you have a well behaved dog to show off to your friends and family. Andy needs you to help him get there.


Good Luck and keep us all posted.


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## Bentleysmom (Aug 11, 2012)

Leslie hit the nail on the head. I have had that same problem with a couple of my rescues. Especially in the beginning. I always looked at is as, they are so excited to have a new home but they never learned the proper way to handle that excitement. Training, training, training, and a truck load of patience will turn him into the best dog ever.
Leslie is basically explaining the "nothing in life is free" method. He has to do something to get something. They learn this very fast. For instance work on sit, lots of praise and a treat, when he starts humping tell him to sit, praise & treat. 
The added exercise will also works wonders, you will be amazed!

Good luck and welcome to GRF!


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## GinnyinPA (Oct 31, 2010)

He sounds a lot like Ben when we first adopted him. Ben was three and had had no training or socializing at all. Supposedly he was just left tied up outside because his owner couldn't handle his energy. 

Ben wouldn't exactly hump me, but he would jump up and bite, especially when we moved from outside to inside. He had a very low tolerance for frustration of any kind. He was generally good with my husband, but he was hurting me a lot at first. I seriously considered returning him, but we wanted to give him at least a month before admitting defeat. Somewhere on the forum is my plea for help. 

We talked to a trainer, who helped us a lot. Some of her ideas are not all that accepted on this forum, but they worked for us. One was to not allow him on the furniture at all. You can change that later, but for now, he needs to know that you have a space and he has a space, and you are the one who controls each. She suggested that I be the one to feed him his meals - so he sees me as the one in charge. She had us move the crate away from the doorway. She told us to have him sit before entering or leaving the house and that we should always go first through the door or up the stairs. This was really helpful in teaching him impulse control. It also really reinforced teaching him to sit on command. He hears that word a dozen or more times a day, so he really knows it. It also makes it safer to open doors, both house and cars, without fearing that he'll race out.

Finally she said that if he lost control and attacked me, we should spray him with water or vinegar water. Spraying him worked almost immediately. After about the third time, all we had to do was pick up the bottle and he'd calm down. Alternately, you can take a small tin with some pennies in it and rattle it when he gets out of control. It seems to shock them into thinking again when they are going nuts. 

I also think that getting a consistent two or three miles a day walking helped to calm Ben down a lot. 

And of course, we began obedience training. If you are the one who does most of the training, it will help your relationship with him as well. You are the one giving him rewards and challenging him. That's important. 

The good news is that by being consistent, in just a few weeks the attacks stopped. He is a very sweet dog and very easy to live with. We can't call him demon dog any more, thank God. He will still occasionally start to lose it when he gets really over-excited, but those occasions are rare and we can usually control it immediately by telling him to lie down. When he gets scared (i.e. when he's in cold or fast moving water) or frustrated (home alone for too long) we know we need to be aware, but we aren't afraid of him any more.


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## Grizzles (Dec 14, 2013)

OMGolden! My grizzle does this all the time! He mouths and nips at me all the time! He is awesome with my daughter, occasional humping though. He gets so worked up when I come home, legs and teeth flailing all over the place! Makes it very hard to show affection back! Starting ThePerfectDog training next week! I really hope it works! He basically does everything I don't want him to do (mouthing,humping, DIGGING, pulling on walks, chewing up everything, etc.). I had a boxer for 11 years and he was so laid back even as a pup, training and life was EASY!


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## spikekeller2010 (Dec 15, 2013)

It's tough with a new Golden puppy. It helps to remember that this breed was developed for hunting and the mouthy nippy biting thing is normal for them. The mouthy thing helps them to develop a soft mouth. The soft mouth is needed to carry game birds without destroying the feathers and body of the bird. The puppies will outgrow this in time. Just keep encouraging toy retrieval using chewies and stuffed toys. The puppy will get the idea in time. Discipline whenever he starts to bite or chew on you. All of this happens during the teething phase. Afterwards things get better. My dog's mouth became soft enough for him to carry an egg in his mouth without breaking it. I hope this helps 


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## Claudia M (Aug 8, 2012)

When we adopted Darcy I was told about the 6 month honey moon - supposedly it takes about 6 months for the new family member to get acclimated to your routine and life style. Darcy is 4 years old so maybe that is why we got lucky and the 6 months were more like 6 weeks. 
Hand feed, lots of exercise and lots of patience!


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## SusanLloyd (Sep 30, 2013)

It is so hard when you desperately want to love the dog and bond properly with him but it feels like he's going out of his way to make it impossible. I went through something very similar with our previous dog. Even though I knew it wasn't the dog's fault, it was very dispiriting when it went on day after day and there was no obvious light at the end of the tunnel. 

I would say definitely get a trainer to visit you at home as soon as possible so he or she can see exactly what is happening and help you deal with each issue before you get any more stressed. It will be hard work sometimes for you (and the dog!) but once you have a training programme in place you'll soon start noticing the difference. 

Good luck, and don't despair!


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## ViggosMum (Nov 14, 2013)

I was just going to post a very similar plea about Viggo, he is only 16 weeks old, but already humping me, and lots of biting, tearing at my clothes etc. he had me in tears today as I just don't seem to be able to get through to him that this is not the way to behave. I am putting him in time out, trying to distract him with toys, but that doesn't work much. How long til he gets the idea?


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## SusanLloyd (Sep 30, 2013)

I find with Harvey (who is 5 and a half months old now) that progress goes in fits and starts. So he'll be particularly difficult for a few days and then suddenly there will be a big leap forward as that phase passes. So long as you're consistent Viggo will soon get the message and you're one step further on towards having the dog you always hoped you have rather than a biting humping nightmare


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## Katduf (Mar 10, 2013)

This thread reminds me of a time when I could not wear slippers in the house. Bear was obsessed with slippers when I was wearing them, and used to stalk them like prey. He'd attack them on my feet every time I took a step, and I'd have to stop moving until he calmed down. It used to take 20 mins to walk down 8 stairs. This was constant, until one day....he stopped. Just like that. 


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## kes (Dec 14, 2013)

Thank you all so much for your advice! I stupidly forgot my password to this account, but I was able to read all the messages while logged out and really had time to reflect on it.. I was almost sure that everyone was going to say I had a big problem on my hands and that his issues would require more help than we could provide.

I feel really much better about everything.. so really, thank you. I was so happy when we brought this guy home just before Thanksgiving, but it's been very draining. My husband was ready to bring him back a couple of days ago, as he did not like seeing me get hurt. I've shown him this thread and he's read through everyone's posts, too, and feels better as well.

This weekend has been very easy so far, especially in comparison to the other days.. I'm sure it has to do a lot with us being home all weekend, but it's really given me a look into the future as to what a great dog he can be. I've never crated him for 'attacking' me, since I thought that would be the seen as using the crate as punishment, so I was glad to see that as an option. On Saturday, he started to get wild and so I calmly took him by his collar, and put him in his crate. He cried and barked for a little bit after I left the room, but once he calmed down I let him out and he didn't try again.

There was a few other times this weekend where he seemed like he was going to try to grab onto me.. But I've been having him sit then lay down, which seems to make him forget his original intentions. I've also been keeping a dog bed next to my office chair and I'll have him lay down on it.. and as he's laying there, I'll drop a treat next to him every so often or I'll give him a gentle pat. I'm hoping this will teach him that he can be near me and not have to be a nutjob. This does seem to be working, as he'll actually just sit next to me or lay down by my chair sometimes. Even though it seems to work, please let me know if it sounds like I'm doing anything wrong here!

Tonight he's being a bit frisky.. but the time-out's seem to be getting the message across. We've been taking him out of the room whenever he tries to jump or bite either one of us, and he's been waiting longer between attempts. He seems very smart, as he has learned 'sit' and lay 'down' very quickly. He also used to chomp and snatch treats from our hands but we have since taught him to be gentle about it. We'll say 'gentle' as we offer him a treat and he'll barely use any teeth as he takes it from us. 

We know someone who is a trainer and when we told her we were looking for a dog, she said to let her know if we ever needed help.. I think I'm going to give her a call about it and see if she'll come over to our house for a few sessions.









Here's a picture of him, by the way.. We haven't been letting him chew on sticks on anymore, due to fear of splintering, but I still love this picture of him. 

I need to go to bed soon.. but I'll definitely reply more tomorrow! Again, you have all been a HUGE help! It's great to know we are not alone.


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## SandyK (Mar 20, 2011)

Glad to see you had a good weekend. I hope for continued improvement!!


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## ViggosMum (Nov 14, 2013)

Wonderful news. Long may the improvements continue.


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## Pudden (Dec 28, 2008)

y'know, from all you have told, he really sounds like a wonderful, goofy, kind-hearted pup. Once he gets out of his land-shark phase, he'll be an awesome dog.

when he's alone during work days, how long does he have to wait? It sounds that when you do come home, he doesn't know how to contain his energy and his desire to be near you. LOTS of exercise, like, running free for one to several hours each day, would be best. Playing with other dogs his age would also be a great energy outlet.

What a cutie, though.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

kes said:


> My husband has talked about wanting to do the 'no free lunch' training with him.. One of things would be not allowing him in the bed or on the couch, which I don't really like the idea of.. But could it help improve some of his manners? Any opinions?
> 
> Also.. Thanks a lot so far guys! You have been very helpful and lifted my spirits a bit.


Look up "Nothing in Life is Free" on the internet. It's a great method for getting their attention and focus, and really just teaches them they need to work for the good things they get. It really will help improve his manners and self control.

I'm glad the advise here has helped you feel better about things, he is going to be such a great boy once he's got an adult brain


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