# Lost Toby at 6 years old



## laff66 (May 29, 2009)

Ten days ago we had a happy, playful dog. Then he threw up, became lethargic, and kept getting worse despite my trips to the vet. I finally got him to an internal medicine doc, and he had a TON of fluid in the sac around his heart. The vet thought he could help him, sent me out to the waiting room. I went from thinking that we were going to have to put him down to actually having some hope for an immediate improvement. The doctor came out five minutes later saying he had arrested while he was draining the fluid. I am SO SICK that I didn't advocate for him harder in the beginning when I knew our vet was on the wrong track. A rigid abdomen and difficulty breathing is NOT typically a sign of a gastric problem, but I went along with it. He was absolutely suffering for TEN WHOLE DAYS!! As a firefighter/paramedic I've treated humans in this condition and should have forced the vet to get me the referral to the specialist. Ugh. I absolutely know that even one day sooner would have done it. His heart had been working so hard to try to beat that the stress of carrying him to the car and dragging him into yet another doctor's office just did him in. 
Granted, whatever caused the fluid to get into the pericardium could have come back, but the looks he was giving me yesterday are absolutely haunting me. He knew. 
Our last one only made it to 5 before he died of cancer. I desperately want to stay with a golden, but I don't think I (or my wife & kids for that matter) can do this again....


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## mainegirl (May 2, 2005)

you have to forgive yourself. i sometimes (much later) look at tragedy as a learning experience. you now know (and had to learn) to be an advocate for your dog, much the same as you have to do it for your children. i learned a long time ago that vets and doctors are not GOD. they ar well meaning people who have knowledge of animals, but you know your dog's temperament and are able to observe differences in their behavior and well being. It would be hard for me to go with another breed because i relate so well to the golden temperament, so even though i have gone through great tragedy with my goldens i still need that relationahip with goldens.

prayers coming your way for you and your family. 
tell us about your golden and share pictures, sometimes that helps. and we have all been (or will be) in your shoes, so we are here to support you during the tough and happy times.

beth, moose and angel


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## Fozzybear (Feb 27, 2008)

I am so very very sorry for your loss. 6 years old is much to young. Godspeed Toby! I can relate to your fear of going thru this again, as I had the same feeling. I can only say that the love of these dogs with their spirit, loyalty and love they share with you as companions overcame my fear and I am glad it did.


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## Dog (Sep 26, 2006)

So sorry for both your losses. Prayers and thoughts coming your way.

Don't blame yourself. It is hard sometimes to know what is the right thing to do. We are very lucky. We have a very good vet but I still quiz him whenever I am not 100% sure with what he is saying. The same goes for the family doctor.

Please don't give up on GR's. Wait for a long while until you all come to terms with your loss and maybe then you can all discuss it with an open mind.

God bless.


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## ckp (Mar 26, 2009)

I am so sorry for your sudden loss of Toby...only 6 years young...he's at peace now playing with the other goldens. 

My thoughts are with you and your family right now...


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

I am so sorry that is tragic! You did all you could, don't beat yourself up. It will get easier, it will. RIP Toby!


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

I am so sorry. In 10 years time I lost 4 goldens--one at 5 yrs. 2 months to heart attack, and his full brother at 12 yrs.3 monhs to heart attack, one at 4 yrs 2 months to adverse reaction to ProHeart6 the 6 month injection heartworm preventative, and then last May, his littermate sister at 8 yrs 9 months to cancer. So 3 of my 4 went way to early. I have a golden mix, HOney, adopted at 1 yearold, now 7 1/2 who was diagnosed and had surgery 3 weeks ago for mast cell tumor. But goldens are just in my blood I guess. 

I have a brother/ EMT in the Austin fire department.


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## esSJay (Apr 13, 2009)

I am so sorry to hear of your loss! Before you are able to move on you must forgive yourself, and learn from it. You did what you could at the time.

We lost our 3rd golden, "Skokie" to lymphoma in 2007, at 4 years old. Our family was so heartbroken, thinking we would never be able to see another golden without bawling and thinking of her. It took us a long time to heal from her loss, but my parents did get another golden about 4 months later - this time a male, and named him "Skoker" because he looked so much like her. 

He made the healing so much easier... It was something else to focus on, while still being able to respect Skokie and the memories we had of her. Both dogs shared the same grandparents, so they actually have quite a few similarities in looks and personality (but still, are so different in other ways too), so everytime we look at Skoker we think of Skokie and are able to easily remember the many fond memories we had with her in her short time with us.

We love seeing pictures of goldens, please feel free to share some with us if you are feeling up to it!


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## Jackson'sMom (Oct 13, 2007)

I'm so sorry about your loss of Toby, especially at such a young age. He is happy now, free of pain, and romping at the Bridge. You will be together again. You love him, and he knows that.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

I am so very sorry for your loss of Toby. Hindsight is always 20/20. You were in crisis and did the best you could.
I too beat myself up when my last golden Max was not treated correctly by our vet and died from complications of the mistreatment. I felt I should have known more, advocated better. Now I know a great deal about hypothyroidism, megaesophagus and seizures. But what if my dog had fluid around his heart like yours? or something else?
We can't know everything, we do the best we can, and love our goldens.

Please don't give up on goldens.. I could not be without one in my life regardless of the risk.
Hopefully, some day you will be ready and search out a good breeder where health issues may be less likely..
Godspeed sweet Toby.


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with what's been said before...... please just be kind to yourself and grieve in whatever way you feel. We will be here if you want to talk, vent or cry. We have good ears to listen and shoulders to lean/cry on. And remember, most of all Toby would want you to remember the fun you had and the love you shared. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.


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## Thor0918 (Feb 28, 2008)

I'm so sorry to hear about Toby. 6 is way too young. So many of us know the pain you are in. Feel free to vent and express your feelings here. It doesn't heal but, it does help. Hugs to you.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss, and it is not your fault your six year old became that sick. Did he have hemangiosarcoma of the heart? That sound of survivor guilt makes me sad, and I hope it eases over time replaced by good memories of your goldie at his happiest moments. I know there are no consoling words at this moment. Many of us here have lost our goldens too soon, and can share our tears with yours. It is hard to love a golden again and take the risk, but( at least for me), it is worth it for the funny joy only the golden posseses- it is like sunset to lose thembut then sunrise when a new puppy gets you up once again at three am.


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## HovawartMom (Aug 10, 2006)

So very sorry to hear this!.
RIP Toby!.
I,just, wanted to add that it's not yr fault!.
If you love the breed and wants another one,make sure to choose the right breeder who has OFA healthtested,all her dogs for Hip & elbow displegia,heart and eyes and find out if the dogs come from long-lived ligns!.
Many great people ,here,can help you,with this!.


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## twinny41 (Feb 13, 2008)

I also agree with what others said and I have to add, if you love goldens please don't be put off because you lost yours way too early. My one and only golden made it to 15 yrs (well, 13 days short). Not all goldens die young but you sure hear about the ones that do. Any breed can die young. I am so sorry you lost Toby but let me also tell you that despite my Megs age I still have 'What if's'?. I still think perhaps if I had got the vet sooner etc etc. I know I couldn't keep her for ever but oh I so wish she had stayed longer. Sometimes her death haunts me but I do try to live by the saying- Dont dwell upon her death but celebrate her life. All our dogs have had longevity, I have been lucky, so really am not in a position to comment too much on your feelings but please don't be put off this wonderful breed. If I was in a position to have another dog I would have a golden - without doubt!! And I will when the time is right! 
I think it sounds like you did the absolute best you could for him and that it was not to be. RIP Toby


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## laff66 (May 29, 2009)

thanks for the kind words. I'm sure I'll come to terms with this, and looking back, maybe I didn't know. I definitely knew something more serious was wrong, but maybe I just wanted to believe their theories. I guess its mainly the fact that that poor dog HAD to be suffering miserably for at least a week. When we were first doing the sonogram the vet said he must feel like hes got a bowling ball on his chest. I cannot begin to explain how bad yesterday was. that dog was looking at me like you cannot believe. I absolutely spoiled that dog, and in the end I was no help. Bottom line is, I've seen lots of right-sided heart failure in people, and it makes total sense that he presented that way. His heart might have been fine, it just couldn't function with a severe tamponade.
Ljilly28, I dont know for sure about cancer, but during the sonogram, the Dr. said he did not see any evidence of a tumor, and that usually they are visible. Could have been a small one though. 
3 Goldens, you must be tough - I cannot image....
I'll figure out how to post pics and get some on here.


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

I am so sorry for the loss of your Toby. Please dont beat yourself up, maybe he was looking at you with all the love he had and telling you it was ok. Not that you should be doing more. He knew you loved him and were doing everything you could to make his last days good. You did nothing wrong. The vets unfortunately dont know everything even though we think they should and symptoms that appear to show one thing can totally mean another. 
Please know that we are all there for you and know what you are going thru. I havent ever lost a dog to cancer but from what you are describing it does sound like he had it and they did everything they could. My heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing his story with us and would love to see some pictures of him. If you need any help with that just let us know.


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## Dallas Gold (Dec 22, 2007)

My sincere condolences over your loss of Toby. I think you are a very kind and compassionate person and you should not second-guess yourself over this tragedy. I hope the good memories of Toby will fill your heart in time. I also hope that in time there will be another very lucky golden retriever that will become a beloved member of your family.


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## amy22 (May 11, 2008)

I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your boy Toby. It is heartbreaking to lose a beloved pet, I know, I have been there. 6 is so very young..its not fair.
I also suffered guilt for not knowing how bad things were for my golden angel Sandy. I lost her to cancer. It is just so hard to lose our precious goldens. 
I hope that in time you will be able to open your heart to another golden, they are such great dogs. You will know when the time is right, if ever.
Someone on another thread wrote that you will be heartbroken for a while, but then one day you will feel more at peace and they thought that was the time that your sweet dog has reached the Rainbow Bridge and is happily playing, pain free with all of our dogs, waiting for the time that you all can be together again. 
Rip sweet Toby..... xxoo


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

I am so terribly sorry, it simply isn't fair. Paramedic or not we have to trust the vet's, they are supposed to know what to do. You did fight for him, please don't blame yourself. 

What he "knew" was that you loved him and tried your best to help him.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

We lost our six year old back in December in a similarly heartbreaking, confusing way. We spent weeks trying to diagnose him, got a false negative on one of the tests, and finally got a diagnosis a few days before we had to let him go.

There's always something we would have done if we had only had perfect knowledge at those crucial moments, but you can't blame yourself. You did your best for your dog, and that's what we do.

I've lost two Goldens young to cancer, but I don't regret having my two boys, alive and beside me right now. For me, I always thought I wouldn't be able to do it again, but having a puppy is such a joyous affirmation of life that I've never regretted adding another Golden to my life.


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## satnav satnav (May 24, 2009)

*RIP Toby* I am very sorry for your loss im sure it will be hard to come to terms with this, As for blame there is none its not your fault as earlier posts have said einsight is great. Post some pics tell us about toby maybe that will help you through this painfull time


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## davebeech (Feb 11, 2006)

sorry to hear the sad news about Toby, I bet he had a great life with you.
RIP Toby


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## Hudson (May 18, 2005)

So very sorry for the loss of Toby, so young, but not your fault, we have to trust our vets, please don't blame yourself, Toby would not want you to. Hope you can get past your haunting memories of the last week and somehow find the strength to celebrate dear Toby's life.RIP Dear Toby


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## ggdenny (Nov 2, 2008)

I'm so sorry you lost Toby too soon. Please look forward to a time when you can forgive yourself, remember the good times and maybe open your heart to another doggie - not to replace Toby, but to occupy your heart right next to Toby.

We'd love to see some pictures of Toby.


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## MyGoldenCharlie (Dec 4, 2007)

I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish I had the right words to say.
We lost our Hunter last month after obstruction surgery, I feel like I failed him.
I try to focus on the good things, He knew we loved him and his time with us was fun and happy for him. 

Be kind to yourself, and know that Toby knew you loved him.

RIP Toby, run free, play hard


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## paula bedard (Feb 5, 2008)

How sad for you, but please do not blame yourself or beat yourself up with IF....Toby knew how much you loved him and that you were only trying to get him the help he needed. To have lost 2 so young is devastating and I can understand why you are reluctant to have another just yet. I do think though, that Golden's are angels on earth and whatever amount of time we are given to spend with them is worth every second. I'm sure you'd agree. 

I hope you are finding some comfort in the good memories of the time you shared with Toby. Hugs to you and your family.


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## Luna2 (Dec 24, 2007)

I am so sorry .It sounds like Toby and Millie had the same symptoms.the vets were not completely positive about her until the end.we have lost many to cancer as well.my heart goes out to you.RIP Toby


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Toby*

I am so very sorry about your Toby.


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## laff66 (May 29, 2009)

I took the advice someone offered to post some pics in the hope that it might make me feel better. Surprisingly it has! What a great dog. I chose some pics that would highlight his level of spoiledness (if thats a word!)
The stethoscope and the picture on the pool step were Toby's last days, the others just show how he took charge around here. I particularly like the empty pool pick where Toby is in about a foot of nasty water rather than no water somewhere else.


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## amy22 (May 11, 2008)

Wonderful pictures..you can see the love in each of them. Toby was such a handsome guy. I love the picture of him and the sprinkler


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## Dog (Sep 26, 2006)

Well its 6:30am in UK and I cannot stop watching Tobys last pics!! 

Very happy and vert sad indeed!! What a wonderful companion he was... Please don't give up! Keep your chin up and when the time is right hopefully you'll get another "pet"..

God Bless to you and you whole family!!!


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## goldensmum (Oct 23, 2007)

Hindsight is a wonderful thing - please do not beat yourself up we can only go with what we know at the present time. Toby was too young to go to the bridge, but i am sure his 6 years with you were filled with fun and love and that is what you need to try and focus on ( I know easy to say). Toby will always walk with you all on silent paws and remain in your heart

Run free, play hard with new friends and sleep softly Toby


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## jealous1 (Dec 7, 2007)

Toby looked very much loved and in charge. I am so sorry for your loss and do hope you will reconsider and open your heart up when you are ready for another GR--I really don't think there's another breed like them that fit in so well with a family.


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## goldengirls28 (Jul 31, 2008)

I know exactly how you feel, we lost 2 labs in one year! I can't stop crying looking at your pictures! He was IS so loved! All I know is once you find a breed that you love it's hard to change. 
My family always had black labs, and my S/O's family had a golden. So we went with a golden, and I'd never go back! 
I believe all dogs are given to us for a reason. Even the sick ones! God know's that we'll do whatever we can to help them and take care of them! Everything happens for a reason, it's hard to find the reason in the moment I understand! But that dog was loved and he loved you back. 
Whatever you choose to do we on the forum will support you. 
You are in my thoughts! *hugs*


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## laff66 (May 29, 2009)

Oops, the empty pool pic didn't make it for some reason. Here it is


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## Phillyfisher (Jan 9, 2008)

So sorry about your loss- what a beautiful dog, who obviously had a beautiful, albeit, too short a life. He isn't blaming you for anything, don't blame yourself-

The pool pic is hilarious- and I love that smile he has laying on that bed. Prayers to you and your family-


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## laff66 (May 29, 2009)

I'm starting to realize how spoiled that dog was. I had to add these and then I'll stop... It turns out we dont have many pictures that the dog is NOT in... My kids are going to wonder when they grow up.....


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## amy22 (May 11, 2008)

What great pictures...It looks like Toby was well loved and he knew it! What a wonderful life he had. Again, I am very sorry for your loss...


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## Hudson (May 18, 2005)

What a treasured and much loved family member Toby was, my heart aches for your family..in time I hope you can smile when you remember his wonderful life.


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## gold4me (Mar 12, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss. Toby was a very handsome boy and is it clear that he was loved deeply. Your pictures brought tears to my eyes. My husband and I have lost 4 goldens to cancer. Our first boy, Zachary, was almost 12, Jake was almost 10, Petey was 9 and we just lost our Beau in January. With each loss I wondered what did I do wrong, why didn't I see this coming but we do the best we can. What you did do is love Toby, give him a happy home and he gave to you and your family gifts that can only come from a wonderful golden. We never have given up on goldens because we realized that even though the pain, sadness and the hole in our hearts were terrible to deal with we could do it because of the years of love and happiness we received from our boys. We have 2 goldens at home with us now. I think our boys at the Rainbow Bridge are thrilled to know that they taught us we will always need a golden in our lives.


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

What a beautiful boy and I venture to say there has never been a dog that was love MORE than he was/is. Your love for him will never die.

No, I am not tough. I have cried gallons of tears over my lost ones. I lost my first dog, an English Setter pup I got for my 11th birthday back in June '56 She was 8 months old when distemper claimed her in Nov. of that year.. I have since lost several English Setters, 2 Irish Setters and 4 goldens. It never gets any easier. I have such wonderful memories of them all, even Beauty, the first one I lost 53 years ago. They all still live in my heart. And I am lucky my hubby loves dogs as much as I do.


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## Blaireli (Jun 3, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Toby. You did everything that you could - please don't beat yourself up like this. Rest in peace, sweet Toby, and know that you were loved.


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## Dallas Gold (Dec 22, 2007)

I just saw these photos. They are beautiful. When we lost our Golden 5 years ago I put a photo book together of our favorite photos over the years as a tribute to his life and got it printed at one of the photo websites-snapfish, kodak, shutterfly. It was a very good way for us to have a remembrance of him and we still take the book out and remember. Our tears at looking at the photos were eventually replaced with smiles, laughs and fond memories. We were thinking of taking a road trip with our current canine crew and we just took out the photo book to look at the photos of our first road trip with our first golden--and laughed when we saw the photos. He entertained us for the entire trip and it was so much fun remembering him that way.
Now we make a book once a year of our favorite collected photos of our dogs. 
It looks like your children adored Toby, and I bet they would appreciate a book to look at in future years as they remember how much they enjoyed Toby.


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## honeysmum (Dec 4, 2007)

Toby was a beautiful boy thank you for sharing your photos.
I am sorry that you lost him at such a young age it is devastating anytime but when they are in their prim of life even more so.
RIP sweet boy.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Toby*

You can tell from your beautiful pictures how DEEPLY your Toby was loved by your family.

I'm sure it goes without saying that Toby had a quality life and endless love from all of you.

Some dogs live much longer, but get nowhere near what Toby had with you.

I hope in time you will be able to save another dog-I think your Toby would want that.


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## sharlin (Feb 26, 2007)

Play Hard Sweet Boy~Godspeed & Love


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## Heidi36oh (Feb 27, 2007)

I'm so sorry about your loss of Toby, especially at such a young age, he was a beautiful boy!


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## Noey (Feb 26, 2009)

sorry to hear about Toby. He looked like a great part of the family...well loved.


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## MyMaggieGirl (Nov 12, 2008)

Toby sure was loved by everyone in the family. I love how he slept on his back and had the kids sleep with him on the floor. It is obvious that he was in charge!!

I am sorry that he had to leave this world so soon. He was beautiful.


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