# Managing Oral Melanoma in 12 year old Golden



## Sankari (12 mo ago)

I am very sorry to hear about Honey. I unfortunately do not have any advice for you but I hope someone in the forum will have much better advice for you regarding symptoms and what to look out for and to keep her comfortable... Sending Honey and you lots of well wishes...


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## diane0905 (Aug 20, 2010)

I’m also very sorry to hear this. I can tell you love Honey very much. Have you asked your vet what symptoms to watch for to avoid any unnecessary suffering? It’s such a hard situation and a balancing act. My Golden had an aggressive cancer. It was the most difficult decision I’ve ever made, but I let him go when treatment was no longer helping and he started showing signs of lethargy and not eating. The vet came to my home. It was quick, but I decided better to let him go than wait for horrible symptoms with him suffering. 

Whatever goes on, rest assured Honey knows she is well loved.


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## FUReverGolden (Nov 24, 2021)

First I am sorry to hear. We love them so much. To make the ultimate sacrifice is a huge part of that love. You speak so eloquently and to the point , you know it’s about the quality of her remaining life. Unfortunately my husband and I helped Bailey to rainbow 🌈 bridge due to a very fast growing Nasal cancer. Fast - because one month he was symptomatic free and the next when he started leaking blood and labored breathing it was only 4 weeks.
He was 10 years and 10 months old. The day time he was great as he breathed open mouth and happily ran and ate and picked up coconuts. We noticed rather quickly that the tumor was preventing him to breathe well at night as when his tongue was flaccid he would gasp because he only had one nostril to breathe from . We gave him palliative care a few nights until he had a rather hard night and the next day we did all his favorite things , food, parks and was with him for his journey. I want to give you what I feel is my sincere answer. Somehow you “will just know “‘when it’s Honeys time. You will - deep in your soul find peace with your decision. I hope that for you with the bottom and top of my heart.


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## HoneyHeart (5 mo ago)

Thank you both for responding. Sankari, thank you so much for your kindness. Diane, I'm so sorry about your Golden. Hugs. Our vet says Honey will get to the point where her breathing or swallowing will be impacted, and of course that would be a non-negotiable sign that it's time to let her go. I've been operating under that assumption, but now, with the increased bleeding, and signs the tumor has moved into her nasal cavity (sneezing, rubbing her nose on furniture after eating) and with the size of her lymph nodes going from dime sized to tennis ball sized in less than 3 months, I realize I may not have the luxury of a gradual decline to where she's not eating because she's ready to go, and then we have time to be gentle with her to say goodbye. Instead, I'm worried that it might be an abrupt change in her ability to breathe, in the middle of the night, which scares me so much.

I'll make an appointment at her vet to discuss it. This is all so terrible. Thanks again.


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## HoneyHeart (5 mo ago)

FUReverGolden said:


> First I am sorry to hear. We love them so much. To make the ultimate sacrifice is a huge part of that love. You speak so eloquently and to the point , you know it’s about the quality of her remaining life. Unfortunately my husband and I helped Bailey to rainbow 🌈 bridge due to a very fast growing Nasal cancer. Fast - because one month he was symptomatic free and the next when he started leaking blood and labored breathing it was only 4 weeks.
> He was 10 years and 10 months old. The day time he was great as he breathed open mouth and happily ran and ate and picked up coconuts. We noticed rather quickly that the tumor was preventing him to breathe well at night as when his tongue was flaccid he would gasp because he only had one nostril to breathe from . We gave him palliative care a few nights until he had a rather hard night and the next day we did all his favorite things , food, parks and was with him for his journey. Sept 6th will be one year and I realize I got through this post without crying. I want to give you what I feel is my sincere answer. Somehow you “will just know “‘when it’s Honeys time. You will - deep in your soul find peace with your decision. I hope that for you with the bottom and top of my heart.


Thank you for sharing this about your Bailey. I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm glad he had a wonderful life and was so loved. Picking up coconuts!! 😍 Your answer really helps and I appreciate knowing the timing as well. Honey's having unusual breathing sometimes at night too, and this explains what's going on with her.

I try to tell myself the only thing that matters is that she knows she's loved. That's all I have any control over at this point, so I'm hope it's enough.


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## Bailey’s Grandma (5 mo ago)

HoneyHeart said:


> Thank you for sharing this about your Bailey. I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm glad he had a wonderful life and was so loved. Picking up coconuts!! 😍 Your answer really helps and I appreciate knowing the timing as well. Honey's having unusual breathing sometimes at night too, and this explains what's going on with her.
> 
> I try to tell myself the only thing that matters is that she knows she's loved. That's all I have any control over at this point, so I'm hope it's enough.


New Member here. Past and in spirit owner of Dublin (2005-2019) and Gunner (“Shrek” in a red Golden’s body…Gunner was a big, tall boy!!) (2003-2017). Currently Grandma to 12-1/2 yr old Bailey, 7 yr old Nelly, and 11 month old Harlow…all female. Unfortunately Bailey is going through the mouth cancer on her upper front teeth. She’s been on pain meds & prednisone for 4-6 weeks, but in the last week we are noticing the tumor growing and changing the shape of her mouth on one side. She’s also struggling with her hips and either wears non-slip booties on her hind legs, or is kept on carpet.

Comments above about “you will know” when it’s time to let your loved one cross over are so true. Trust in yourself and the love you have for your pups, you will know when their time has come.
Currently my daughter a nd SIL are flying to Texas for a week. My daughter, I know is worried sick about her Bailey, who is such a sweet, special spirit…best dog ever(besides Gunner {what a soul!!} & Dublin). All the girls love it in my home, I won’t leave the house when I have them, play and walk them.
I’d love any advice on keeping Bailey comfortable, hoping she doesn’t cross before my daughter returns. Also conflicted over what I tell my daughter while she’s gone & helpless while away. Bailey has become so boney especially in her rear skull area, seems to be developing a “raised point on her skull between her eyes, her spin so boney, so I’m feeding her more, as much as she wants, heavier on the protein end since I read cancer grows on a carb diet. With CBD oil and her Tagamet pain med trying to keep her comfortable but not loopy since she’ll stumble or get jostled by the puppy. Always watching over her, laying on the floor beside her making sure she has all she wants. 
any more advice is welcome!!!! Staying Pawsitive!!


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## FUReverGolden (Nov 24, 2021)

Bailey’s Grandma said:


> New Member here. Past and in spirit owner of Dublin (2005-2019) and Gunner (“Shrek” in a red Golden’s body…Gunner was a big, tall boy!!) (2003-2017). Currently Grandma to 12-1/2 yr old Bailey, 7 yr old Nelly, and 11 month old Harlow…all female. Unfortunately Bailey is going through the mouth cancer on her upper front teeth. She’s been on pain meds & prednisone for 4-6 weeks, but in the last week we are noticing the tumor growing and changing the shape of her mouth on one side. She’s also struggling with her hips and either wears non-slip booties on her hind legs, or is kept on carpet.
> 
> Comments above about “you will know” when it’s time to let your loved one cross over are so true. Trust in yourself and the love you have for your pups, you will know when their time has come.
> Currently my daughter a nd SIL are flying to Texas for a week. My daughter, I know is worried sick about her Bailey, who is such a sweet, special spirit…best dog ever(besides Gunner {what a soul!!} & Dublin). All the girls love it in my home, I won’t leave the house when I have them, play and walk them.
> ...


It sounds like Bailey is getting the best care ever. The only thing I could add is to reassure her that your daughter is coming back to her. I think they understand more that some people give them credit for. If she is sad and heartbroken she may give up. But you have definitely provided that love and connection she needs. I used Tagamet for all my seniors towards their late stage. It helped them sleep pain free at night. She knows you love and care for her so I am PAWSITIVE she will hold on for your daughter 🙏🏻


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## HoneyHeart (5 mo ago)

Bailey’s Grandma said:


> New Member here. Past and in spirit owner of Dublin (2005-2019) and Gunner (“Shrek” in a red Golden’s body…Gunner was a big, tall boy!!) (2003-2017). Currently Grandma to 12-1/2 yr old Bailey, 7 yr old Nelly, and 11 month old Harlow…all female. Unfortunately Bailey is going through the mouth cancer on her upper front teeth. She’s been on pain meds & prednisone for 4-6 weeks, but in the last week we are noticing the tumor growing and changing the shape of her mouth on one side. She’s also struggling with her hips and either wears non-slip booties on her hind legs, or is kept on carpet.
> 
> Comments above about “you will know” when it’s time to let your loved one cross over are so true. Trust in yourself and the love you have for your pups, you will know when their time has come.
> Currently my daughter a nd SIL are flying to Texas for a week. My daughter, I know is worried sick about her Bailey, who is such a sweet, special spirit…best dog ever(besides Gunner {what a soul!!} & Dublin). All the girls love it in my home, I won’t leave the house when I have them, play and walk them.
> ...


What a great introduction and I love hearing about all your wonderful dogs! Great names, too. Thank you for the advice and you're right -- Honey will let me know when it's time. I'm just panicking a bit since I lost one of my previous dogs, a GSD named Thor, overnight while we slept and have never really gotten over that. I should have known, since he spent the day before initiating all of his favorite games, even very old ones I had forgotten about. I realized that was his way of saying goodbye to me and it breaks me heart that he knew and I wasn't there for him. But he was always stoic that way and I would have tried heroic measures at the ER to save him that would not have been peaceful for either one of us, so looking back I am comforted that he passed in his sleep, at home with his people. I'm just worried Honey will be panicked from breathing difficulties and I might not hear her even though she sleeps in the same room.

I'm so sorry you're going through this with Bailey. I don't know what else you could be doing, it sounds like you're doing everything possible to keep her safe and happy. Honey has the same changes in the shape of her head. Our vet says it's due to loss of muscle mass, and I'm guessing that given the vascular nature of her tumor it's probably drawing a lot of energy away from muscles in her head and neck. Even the muscles around one of her eyes has weakened and it's now harder for her to close her eye completely...she just doesn't have the same amount of control. Like your Bailey, Honey is stumbling a bit lately. The vet says the tumor's putting pressure on her inner ear and that may be affecting her balance.

You're doing an incredible job with these sweet dogs, and Bailey must be so comforted with your love and care. Nobody does that better than Grandma! If for some reason it happens, I think letting people know at the time is best, even though it's difficult, but every situation is different and you have to decide what's best for your family. If your daughter's with people who will support her then that's a big help of course. I have always thought cats do things on their own timeline, but dogs do things on ours. Even if it doesn't seem like it at the time, they do things with our needs in mind. Dogs know best and we can trust in that wisdom.

Big hugs for that because it's something I'm facing too. My daughter leaves to go back to college next month so we're struggling with the same issue: how to deal with things happening while she's not here to say goodbye. I told her that if Honey leaves while she's away, it's only because she's keeping watch over her while she's at school. When we visited last year, Honey had a favorite pizza place where she liked to hang out with the kids and people watch. I reminded her that Honey knows my daughter's friends and knows her way around the campus...she'll know exactly where she is and will always be there with her. That seemed to comfort us both. I talk to Honey about this too, and on some level she definitely understands what I'm saying.

Can you let me know what brand of CBD you're using? It's something I'd like to add to Honey's regimen. We did probiotics for a while but they seemed to make her more uncomfortable so we dropped that. We're limiting carbs too. Mostly I'm feeding Honey chicken thighs and unsalted homemade bone broth, which she loves. I add ginger and turmeric to the broth to help with inflammation. Hope the helps.


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## HoneyHeart (5 mo ago)

FUReverGolden said:


> It sounds like Bailey is getting the best care ever. The only thing I could add is to reassure her that your daughter is coming back to her. I think they understand more that some people give them credit for. If she is sad and heartbroken she may give up. But you have definitely provided that love and connection she needs. I used Tagamet for all my seniors towards their late stage. It helped them sleep pain free at night. She knows you love and care for her so I am PAWSITIVE she will hold on for your daughter 🙏🏻


These are wise words!!!


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## Bailey’s Grandma (5 mo ago)

Sankari said:


> I am very sorry to hear about Honey. I unfortunately do not have any advice for you but I hope someone in the forum will have much better advice for you regarding symptoms and what to look out for and to keep her comfortable... Sending Honey and you lots of well wishes...





HoneyHeart said:


> Hi everyone. First time posting here. Three months ago, Honey, our beloved 12 year old Golden, was diagnosed with oral melanoma at the base of her tongue/soft palate. It had already spread to her lymph nodes. We were offered radiation and/or surgery to de-bulk the tumor, but given the size, location and type of tumor, it would buy her little if any time and we didn't want to put her through those treatments.
> 
> We are focused on palliative care and making each day count. Our wonderful vet has Honey on meds to make her more comfortable. She's no longer able to go on her walks, but is still eating soft foods, playing, and interacting with her people and her dog and cat friends, so it's not yet time to say goodbye.
> 
> ...


Our family is going through that same issue right now. Bailey is 12-1/2 y o and had her first oral surgery early April 2022. Her tumor is above her front teeth on the left side and is now beginning to distort her snout shape. No issues prior to that, so your story of Honey being diagnosed 3 years ago is somewhat encouraging. Bailey suddenly also has difficulty getting up on tile floor so we have her in traction socks my daughter bought on Amazon. They help her a lot! She has pain meds and cortisone, yet her tumor has blown up in the last week or two. She still eats pretty much anything. My daughter noticed the beginning issues when Bailey bled as she licked her forelegs; that’s how we discovered the growth. Since April it hadn’t grown, now it’s ballooned. We have a vet check again next week. Like Honey, she finds joy still so she’s not ready to cross over yet but I fear she’s within days or weeks. Im actually grandma and have her while my daughter is out of town for a week. I lay on the floor with her a lot (her panting kills me) keep her water very close by just to give her extra love and comfort. Another suggested I keep telling her her momma will be home soon, a suggestion I liked and now do.
Perhaps knowing we are in the same boat helps a bit.
judi


FUReverGolden said:


> It sounds like Bailey is getting the best care ever. The only thing I could add is to reassure her that your daughter is coming back to her. I think they understand more that some people give them credit for. If she is sad and heartbroken she may give up. But you have definitely provided that love and connection she needs. I used Tagamet for all my seniors towards their late stage. It helped them sleep pain free at night. She knows you love and care for her so I am PAWSITIVE she will hold on for your daughter 🙏🏻


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## Bailey’s Grandma (5 mo ago)

HoneyHeart said:


> These are wise words!!!
> [/QUOTE
> 
> 
> ...


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## Bailey’s Grandma (5 mo ago)

Okaaaay, so by now ya’all can see Bailey’s Grandma is nuth’in but trouble and has “Finger Tourette’s” on a touch screen!!! I’m referring to multiple posts with the same responding message; can’t stand being “that one” who repeats everything, ughhh! I won’t attempt to “preview” my poss as somehow I manage to preview & post all at once. 😵‍💫😖🥸


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## Sankari (12 mo ago)

Bailey’s Grandma said:


> Our family is going through that same issue right now. Bailey is 12-1/2 y o and had her first oral surgery early April 2022. Her tumor is above her front teeth on the left side and is now beginning to distort her snout shape. No issues prior to that, so your story of Honey being diagnosed 3 years ago is somewhat encouraging. Bailey suddenly also has difficulty getting up on tile floor so we have her in traction socks my daughter bought on Amazon. They help her a lot! She has pain meds and cortisone, yet her tumor has blown up in the last week or two. She still eats pretty much anything. My daughter noticed the beginning issues when Bailey bled as she licked her forelegs; that’s how we discovered the growth. Since April it hadn’t grown, now it’s ballooned. We have a vet check again next week. Like Honey, she finds joy still so she’s not ready to cross over yet but I fear she’s within days or weeks. Im actually grandma and have her while my daughter is out of town for a week. I lay on the floor with her a lot (her panting kills me) keep her water very close by just to give her extra love and comfort. Another suggested I keep telling her her momma will be home soon, a suggestion I liked and now do.
> Perhaps knowing we are in the same boat helps a bit.
> judi


Hello, I am so sorry for you and your golden Bailey. This must be really tough and I can't imagine the pain you must be going through. I am always a die-hard optimistic due to my own set of personal circumstances... and therefore I really hope the best for Bailey in the next days. I suppose my words will not bring you any comfort but I am sure many here will be able to support you during this difficult time. Please continue to share with us how Bailey is doing.. Sending Bailey lots of positive thoughts, hugs and love from faraway France... 💝


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## Bailey’s Grandma (5 mo ago)

Sankari said:


> Hello, I am so sorry for you and your golden Bailey. This must be really tough and I can't imagine the pain you must be going through. I am always a die-hard optimistic due to my own set of personal circumstances... and therefore I really hope the best for Bailey in the next days. I suppose my words will not bring you any comfort but I am sure many here will be able to support you during this difficult time. Please continue to share with us how Bailey is doing.. Sending Bailey lots of positive thoughts, hugs and love from faraway France... 💝


Sankari,
How very sweet of you to respond. Your words do more than you give yourself credit!! Like you, I am a “glass half full” optimistic as well. Treats? Car ride? Meal time? All get Bailey on her feet and coming to participate, so she finds joy despite her pain and her clumsy 1 yr old sister bumping in to her, so today I feel stronger that she has it in her to stay strong!! Appreciating you and a sweet good night all the way from California, USA !


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## Sankari (12 mo ago)

Bailey’s Grandma said:


> Sankari,
> How very sweet of you to respond. Your words do more than you give yourself credit!! Like you, I am a “glass half full” optimistic as well. Treats? Car ride? Meal time? All get Bailey on her feet and coming to participate, so she finds joy despite her pain and her clumsy 1 yr old sister bumping in to her, so today I feel stronger that she has it in her to stay strong!! Appreciating you and a sweet good night all the way from California, USA !



Thank you for you kind words.. it really shows that Bailey is so well loved by you and I'm sure she knows it 😊. That's wonderful that you're still engaging her even though it's not easy.. Wishing you guys all the best and also to the OP @HoneyHeart , wishing your golden Honey too better times.. please keep us posted, best wishes and prayers for your sweet goldens...🙏🏽🙏🏽💝


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## HoneyHeart (5 mo ago)

Very sad to give you all this update, but our dearest Honey passed away peacefully yesterday afternoon. We're completely heartbroken but comforted to know she's no longer suffering. She had a great weekend, eating everything she wanted and even chasing after toys, but Monday night she slowed way down and went to sleep early. By Tuesday she couldn't get up, wouldn't eat or drink anything, and her breathing had become increasingly labored. Those were clear signs that it was time.

Our bucket list included giving her chocolate as a final treat. We couldn't get her to eat any before taking her in to the clinic, so our wonderful vet left the room and came back with a dish of chocolate chip ice cream. In typical Golden fashion she was very happy to eat that, so she fell asleep after finishing the ice cream, surrounded by everyone who loves her. I asked her to please remember all the things we'd talked about over the past few weeks, then she quietly slipped away while we gave her kisses.

I'm so grateful we had twelve beautiful years with her. We lived them well. Thank you Honey, for everything.


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## CharSid (9 mo ago)

I am so very sorry for your loss. 😥


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## FUReverGolden (Nov 24, 2021)

I know how painful this is. You wrote a beautiful story to share with us. A tribute to the loving bond you shared. Rest easy sweet Honey.


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## Sankari (12 mo ago)

I'm sorry to learn of this news... 😢 Honey sounds like a fantastic golden and I'm sure she knows how much you loved her and taken care of her. Sending you hugs and prayers in this very difficult moment for you and your family...


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## cwag (Apr 25, 2017)

I am so sorry. I can tell you gave Honey a life full of love even making the ultimate sacrifice of ending her suffering. 
And what a great vet to give her a little extra treat.


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## HoneyHeart (5 mo ago)

Thank you all so much for your kindness.


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## Bailey’s Grandma (5 mo ago)

HoneyHeart said:


> Very sad to give you all this update, but our dearest Honey passed away peacefully yesterday afternoon. We're completely heartbroken but comforted to know she's no longer suffering. She had a great weekend, eating everything she wanted and even chasing after toys, but Monday night she slowed way down and went to sleep early. By Tuesday she couldn't get up, wouldn't eat or drink anything, and her breathing had become increasingly labored. Those were clear signs that it was time.
> 
> Our bucket list included giving her chocolate as a final treat. We couldn't get her to eat any before taking her in to the clinic, so our wonderful vet left the room and came back with a dish of chocolate chip ice cream. In typical Golden fashion she was very happy to eat that, so she fell asleep after finishing the ice cream, surrounded by everyone who loves her. I asked her to please remember all the things we'd talked about over the past few weeks, then she quietly slipped away while we gave her kisses.
> 
> I'm so grateful we had twelve beautiful years with her. We lived them well. Thank you Honey, for everything.


HoneyHeart, 
Today I saw your post about Honey crossing over. I’m so, so very sorry to hear of her passing. We navigated the same cancer in our pups. Unfortunately we lost my Granddog Bailey yesterday, so we share that same grief and adjustment together. I love how you thanked Honey at the end of your post 💖 so touching. 
Three weeks ago my daughter returned from Texas. On the flight home her husband filled her in on Bailey bleeding from her nostril. 48 hours later, we had her in to see the vet, who advised us her oral cancer “goes where it wants” and now was in her sinuses. He reminded us she’s done so much better than his predictions from her April diagnosis (he was thinking she had maybe 6 weeks). It was encouraging to hear as he reassured us he didn’t feel she was ready on that day. 
As my daughter worked, I took care of Bailey 4 days last week and felt she was doing well. However things deteriorated over the weekend. On Tuesday this week, dropping Bailey at my home for the day, suddenly my daughter broke down, and said she needed to tell me in person that Bailey was beginning to suffer and she’d set plans in motion for Thursday as the planned passing at our long-time friend & Veterinarian. I was shocked and she sought my opinion. As Tuesday passed, I saw a definite change in Bailey, and indeed felt she was rapidly deteriorating and could see her begin to suffer more. We upped her pain meds to keep her as comfortable as possible, I cooked salmon for Bailey which she loved, Jordan brought Bailey her first ever In-N-Out double double burger and fries. Bailey loved it! We then loaded her into a very padded wagon and took her for a neighborhood walk in a very cool and pleasant breeze (after suffering a 10-day heat wave in Southern California). Thursday morning Bailey got a bear claw donut which she loved. And then we had her appointment. 
Mentally, I kept counting down her hours left to live and wondered what she thought. Over the weekend, Bailey’s sister Nelly, a 7-year old Husky awoke Jordan in the middle of the night as Bailey had pooped in the hall and couldn’t get up. That week I had all 3 dogs, Nelly jumped up on my bed to alert me Bailey needed out in the middle of the night. For months Nelly has been depressed. She knew! On Thursday morning, always a very obedient dog, Nelly knew, refused to return to the house, and wanted to get into the car with Bailey. These beautiful, loving dogs, so much better than many humans!!
The whole family surrounded Bailey, talking to her, kissing, weeping & loving Bailey; and after her injections, Bailey passed at 12:12 PM….basically Jordan’s birthday (December 12)….how does one explain THAT!!!! 
Thank you Bailey, you sweet, gentle, loving soul. We all love you forever.
Bailey’s Grandma, Judi


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## HoneyHeart (5 mo ago)

Aww Judi, I'm so very sorry you've lost your Beautiful Bailey. We're both really going through it right now, aren't we. When I posted Honey's update I wondered how you all were doing. So heartbreaking to hear this.

I don't believe in coincidences when it comes to dogs. The time and date matching was such a loving way for Bailey to comfort your daughter and honor the deep connection they shared. That Nelly knew what was happening and wanted to be with her friend is so bittersweet...maybe some day we'll understand how they know all these things. In the meantime, I'm just in awe that they do.

The wagon was a great idea! You made Bailey's last memories such happy ones. She was loved and she knew it. You did good Judi. You really did.


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## Bailey’s Grandma (5 mo ago)

Thank you HoneyHeart, your words are very comforting, truly!! Honey’s signals to you were well read by you and I know she had to appreciate your compassion, not to mention the chocolate, ice cream and all your kisses! Just wonderful! Be assured “you will know when you know.” Never ever question that!


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## Oceanside (Mar 29, 2021)

So sorry for your loss


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## Bailey’s Grandma (5 mo ago)

Thank you Matt!!


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## Sankari (12 mo ago)

@Bailey’s Grandma, I am very sorry for your loss as well 😢These pictures of your Bailey are indeed very heartwarming and makes me smile. I am extremely sad learning this news. She is indeed a beautiful golden as I am sure OP's Honey is also.. I guess there is no words left for me to express how sad I feel for both of you.. As a silver lining perhaps, the pain and suffering is no longer experienced by both your goldens and one can only take heart in that no matter how difficult and painful it is for us humans.. I send you both and your families lots of prayers and thoughts....


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## HoneyHeart (5 mo ago)

Thank you Matt.

Judi, I love the Bailey pictures. How are you doing? I'm definitely struggling with the loss, so stepped away for a while.

Thank you Sankari.

Here’s a pic of Honey last year while visiting my daughter at college around Halloween. She made a lot of people happy that day.


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## Bailey’s Grandma (5 mo ago)

HoneyHeart said:


> Thank you Matt.
> 
> Judi, I love the Bailey pictures. How are you doing? I'm definitely struggling with the loss, so stepped away for a while.
> 
> ...





HoneyHeart said:


> Thank you Matt.
> 
> Judi, I love the Bailey pictures. How are you doing? I'm definitely struggling with the loss, so stepped away for a while.
> 
> ...





HoneyHeart said:


> Thank you Matt.
> 
> Judi, I love the Bailey pictures. How are you doing? I'm definitely struggling with the loss, so stepped away for a while.
> 
> ...


Oh HoneyHeart,
I’m so sorry to hear of your continuing struggles with your grief. Cry it out! Holding it in only prolongs the grief.
As I recall, Honey was diagnosed 3 months before passing. Our balancing on that cliff was 5-1/2 months; our vet thought Bailey didn’t have cancer, then after a surgery, he said it was cancer and too extensive to get it all, giving her an estimate of 6 weeks left, so I’m unsure if during that time we were in such a rollercoaster of “pre-grieving” mode, those months of dread changed our course of post-grieving. Also, I’m thinking Honey was your only dog. In our case my daughter still has 2 dogs, 1 being a time-intensive now 1 year old Golden Harlow, who was neutered just yesterday. 
All that to say, perhaps our circumstances have us on a path of quicker healing ❤‍🩹. I think of Bailey every day and sad we don’t have her, she was such a sweet doggo. 
My daughter says she almost feels bad for doing so well now, BUT says she grieved ALOT knowing Bailey was even gradually going downhill. She says her puppy Harlow certainly has helped greatly (despite waking her parents every 30 mins last night whining about her cone to keep her from licking!). 
I hope my words help. Keeping you in my prayers HoneyHeart 🙏🙏🙏. Thank you for the picture of Honey…adorable!!


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## Sankari (12 mo ago)

@HoneyHeart: She's so cute!  If I tried to put clothes on my golden, he will try to remove them immediately. I only managed to get a football (soccer) jersey on him once when he was a puppy... I hope you are feeling better every day....

@Bailey’s Grandma: Glad to hear the puppy is keeping everyone on their toes 😊 And perhaps helping with your grief. I understand now why a lot of French people start getting puppies when their older dog is around 6 or 7 years old. I will soon be in the company of this very elite group which I dread.. but in any case, I am glad to hear you are feeling better..


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## Bailey’s Grandma (5 mo ago)

Sankari said:


> @HoneyHeart: She's so cute!  If I tried to put clothes on my golden, he will try to remove them immediately. I only managed to get a football (soccer) jersey on him once when he was a puppy... I hope you are feeling better every day....
> 
> @Bailey’s Grandma: Glad to hear the puppy is keeping everyone on their toes 😊 And perhaps helping with your grief. I understand now why a lot of French people start getting puppies when their older dog is around 6 or 7 years old. I will soon be in the company of this very elite group which I dread.. but in any case, I am glad to hear you are feeling better..


Sankari THANK YOU for your kind words. You described the exact reason my son-in-law did get the puppy. We ALL felt it would be cataclysmic grief for my daughter when the day came she’d lose Bailey. She says it has helped!! 
@HoneyHeart, I think of you each day and hope & pray your heart is healing. 🙏 Blessings to your family!!


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## HoneyHeart (5 mo ago)

Bailey’s Grandma said:


> Oh HoneyHeart,
> I’m so sorry to hear of your continuing struggles with your grief. Cry it out! Holding it in only prolongs the grief.
> As I recall, Honey was diagnosed 3 months before passing. Our balancing on that cliff was 5-1/2 months; our vet thought Bailey didn’t have cancer, then after a surgery, he said it was cancer and too extensive to get it all, giving her an estimate of 6 weeks left, so I’m unsure if during that time we were in such a rollercoaster of “pre-grieving” mode, those months of dread changed our course of post-grieving. Also, I’m thinking Honey was your only dog. In our case my daughter still has 2 dogs, 1 being a time-intensive now 1 year old Golden Harlow, who was neutered just yesterday.
> All that to say, perhaps our circumstances have us on a path of quicker healing ❤‍🩹. I think of Bailey every day and sad we don’t have her, she was such a sweet doggo.
> ...


Thank you so much for your kind words Judi, and you're exactly right. I lost my sweet (and only) dog, then a few days later my daughter left to go back to college. The house feels so empty! I know things will get better with time, but Honey was my constant companion for 12 years (I work from home, so she was always by my side), and I find myself just a bit lost right now without her here. I'm glad you and your daughter are able to focus on Harlow's adorable puppy antics and that's helping get you through the loss. That's very healing!


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## HoneyHeart (5 mo ago)

Sankari said:


> @HoneyHeart: She's so cute!  If I tried to put clothes on my golden, he will try to remove them immediately. I only managed to get a football (soccer) jersey on him once when he was a puppy... I hope you are feeling better every day....
> 
> @Bailey’s Grandma: Glad to hear the puppy is keeping everyone on their toes 😊 And perhaps helping with your grief. I understand now why a lot of French people start getting puppies when their older dog is around 6 or 7 years old. I will soon be in the company of this very elite group which I dread.. but in any case, I am glad to hear you are feeling better..


Aww thank you Sankari! We adopted her when my daughter was 7 years old, so there were always lots of kids around who had fun dressing Honey up, styling her hair, painting her nails, etc. At one point she was even given a haircut. haha! She was such a gentle and patient "nanny" dog and loved all the attention -- a room full of giggling kids was her favorite thing and there was no place she'd rather be than right in the middle of them! My daughter's at an "ag" school, and Honey always loved visiting the cows there, so the costume seemed appropriate. I'm so grateful for those wonderful memories!!! Talk about healing!!!


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## HoneyHeart (5 mo ago)

Sankari, I just saw your response to Judi's post and I'm so very sorry you're anticipating a loss. Big hugs to you and your sweet boy.


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## Bailey’s Grandma (5 mo ago)

HoneyHeart said:


> Thank you so much for your kind words Judi, and you're exactly right. I lost my sweet (and only) dog, then a few days later my daughter left to go back to college. The house feels so empty! I know things will get better with time, but Honey was my constant companion for 12 years (I work from home, so she was always by my side), and I find myself just a bit lost right now without her here. I'm glad you and your daughter are able to focus on Harlow's adorable puppy antics and that's helping get you through the loss. That's very healing!


❤‍🩹❤‍🩹❤‍🩹 HoneyHeart, I sure feel for you!! Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!! Choose to be stronger, as life does change us! 🙏🙏🙏
Judi, Bailey’s Grandma


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## Bailey’s Grandma (5 mo ago)

Bailey’s Grandma said:


> ❤‍🩹❤‍🩹❤‍🩹 HoneyHeart, I sure feel for you!! Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!! Choose to be stronger, as life does change us! 🙏🙏🙏
> Judi, Bailey’s Grandma


Here’s some ridiculousness to hopefully lighten your day. This is Harlow, one more week of this torture, with Nelly in the background. Jordan is being extra cautious her surgery site doesn’t get infected. 🥴🥴🥸


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## Bailey’s Grandma (5 mo ago)




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## HoneyHeart (5 mo ago)

Oh my goodness Judi, how CUTE!! They are such beautiful girls!!! Thank you for sharing this moment of sweetness...it definitely brightened my day. Someday, when I'm ready to welcome another wonderful dog into the family, I'll adopt more than one. They're so good for each other and for us as well. I think Honey would've loved having another dog in the house...it's one thing I regret. There's wisdom in a little happy chaos and I'm all for it. Thank you again Judi! Hope you all have a wonderful day!🥰


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## Sankari (12 mo ago)

HoneyHeart said:


> Sankari, I just saw your response to Judi's post and I'm so very sorry you're anticipating a loss. Big hugs to you and your sweet boy.



Thank you for your words 😊 my golden has only just turned 2 years old. Sorry I misled you with my poor command of English 😬🤦🏽‍♀️ but I feel like the past 2 years went by so very quickly that Ramses will already be 6 before I know it... Im truly sorry about this...


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## HoneyHeart (5 mo ago)

Sankari said:


> Thank you for your words 😊 my golden has only just turned 2 years old. Sorry I misled you with my poor command of English 😬🤦🏽‍♀️ but I feel like the past 2 years went by so very quickly that Ramses will already be 6 before I know it... Im truly sorry about this...


Oh my gosh no need to apologize - I'm so glad I misunderstood. I am just relieved to hear your little guy is in good shape and you two have many, many years of fun adventures to look forward to together.🥰 Give your sweet boy a belly rub for me!


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## Bailey’s Grandma (5 mo ago)

HoneyHeart said:


> Thank you all so much for your kindness.


Thinking of you. How are you doing??


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## HoneyHeart (5 mo ago)

Hi Judi. Big hugs and a super big thank you for being so wonderful and supportive. It's been hard. I miss her so much. I joined a pet loss support group which has helped a lot. I think I need an empty nest support group too! haha Seriously though, I am doing better and am trying to focus on being of service to others, sending Fall care packages to my loved ones, and throwing myself into my work. That seems to be the most helpful thing right now. I may foster a Golden at some point but I'm not ready to do that yet. These things can't be rushed, but I have faith in the process. I watched a video the other day that said to "carry the love, carry the loss", and I think that's a pretty good mantra for me to embrace.🙏

How are you all doing? Your pups are so adorable and I'll bet they are keeping you on your toes -- especially baby Harlow!!😍


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## Bailey’s Grandma (5 mo ago)

I’m glad you have joined a support group and so happy you are finding some healing, so important. I told my daughter more about you and her first comment was “having another dog definitely distracts you.” We spoke more about her grief as well. I should preface that statement to describe her Golden puppy Harlow and Husky Nelly. Nelly is extremely sensitive…extremely! If her routine gets disturbed she doesn’t eat, sometimes for several days, she’ll wander off and sleep on the couch vs her bed with mom & dad, doesn’t cuddle, thinks chew toys “are for dogs and what makes you think I’m a dog???” attitude😉 When she does eat, she’s very slow and deliberate, never quick to go for a treat. Losing Bailey really upset Nelly, in fact Jordan thinks they both grieved so much in the 5+ months since Bailey’s diagnosis. Nelly knew!! Nelly is the “protector.”
Harlow on the other hand is a cuddler, which Bailey & Nelly were/are not (we cherish that about Harlow!) but as a vey energetic 1 year old, Harlow can be a handful. We are still working on the jumping up, mouthing and over excitement.
All to say, you’d be busy depending on the age you foster, no matter what, I’d think you fall in love which would help. I understand, as it’s been 5 & 3 years since I lost Dublin & Gunner, maybe because I have such access to my granddogs, (or enjoy not dealing with the shedding) but perhaps our (mine!) silly brains sees it as a betrayal. Having an ex husband who strayed likely factors in. I have a permanent doggy door in my house which has been secured by a 6’ x 5’ dresser, I recently replaced it with an armoire which gives the option to expose the doggy door, so I think that day is coming. 
I hope my rambling here has provided some food for thought for you.


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## HoneyHeart (5 mo ago)

Bailey’s Grandma said:


> I’m glad you have joined a support group and so happy you are finding some healing, so important. I told my daughter more about you and her first comment was “having another dog definitely distracts you.” We spoke more about her grief as well. I should preface that statement to describe her Golden puppy Harlow and Husky Nelly. Nelly is extremely sensitive…extremely! If her routine gets disturbed she doesn’t eat, sometimes for several days, she’ll wander off and sleep on the couch vs her bed with mom & dad, doesn’t cuddle, thinks chew toys “are for dogs and what makes you think I’m a dog???” attitude😉 When she does eat, she’s very slow and deliberate, never quick to go for a treat. Losing Bailey really upset Nelly, in fact Jordan thinks they both grieved so much in the 5+ months since Bailey’s diagnosis. Nelly knew!! Nelly is the “protector.”
> Harlow on the other hand is a cuddler, which Bailey & Nelly were/are not (we cherish that about Harlow!) but as a vey energetic 1 year old, Harlow can be a handful. We are still working on the jumping up, mouthing and over excitement.
> All to say, you’d be busy depending on the age you foster, no matter what, I’d think you fall in love which would help. I understand, as it’s been 5 & 3 years since I lost Dublin & Gunner, maybe because I have such access to my granddogs, (or enjoy not dealing with the shedding) but perhaps our (mine!) silly brains sees it as a betrayal. Having an ex husband who strayed likely factors in. I have a permanent doggy door in my house which has been secured by a 6’ x 5’ dresser, I recently replaced it with an armoire which gives the option to expose the doggy door, so I think that day is coming.
> I hope my rambling here has provided some food for thought for you.


You're a wise woman Judi! I appreciate what you're saying about loyalty especially - we have a lot in common in that regard and I'm sorry you've experienced that too. There's no treachery in a dog's heart, so when you've lost one you've lost a true friend and you know it. At some point I'll open my home to another dog (probably plural! because your daughter is right), but right now I just want to honor Honey's memory and grieve the loss of her properly, and that takes time. Not doing so would definitely feel like a betrayal and would cheapen the bond we shared. So I don't think it's silly that you're gradually opening up access to the doggy door...I think it's respectful to Dublin and Gunner and what your life with them meant to you. You're taking baby steps and that's a healthy part of the process too. Give yourself lots of credit for being able to do that. (Hugs)

it sounds like Nelly's an extremely sensitive and aware dog and she's feeling the loss of Bailey acutely. I'm so glad she has such intuitive and kind people to help her process her grief too. And Harlow's puppy energy is good for all of you! Puppies represent so much hope and promise (and sometimes a big chaotic mess, which is part of their charm!) and I'd bet that was a comfort to Bailey as well.

Big hugs to all of you.

p.s. You all REALLY bring it with the name game!!


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## Bailey’s Grandma (5 mo ago)

HoneyHeart said:


> You're a wise woman Judi! I appreciate what you're saying about loyalty especially - we have a lot in common in that regard and I'm sorry you've experienced that too. There's no treachery in a dog's heart, so when you've lost one you've lost a true friend and you know it. At some point I'll open my home to another dog (probably plural! because your daughter is right), but right now I just want to honor Honey's memory and grieve the loss of her properly, and that takes time. Not doing so would definitely feel like a betrayal and would cheapen the bond we shared. So I don't think it's silly that you're gradually opening up access to the doggy door...I think it's respectful to Dublin and Gunner and what your life with them meant to you. You're taking baby steps and that's a healthy part of the process too. Give yourself lots of credit for being able to do that. (Hugs)
> 
> it sounds like Nelly's an extremely sensitive and aware dog and she's feeling the loss of Bailey acutely. I'm so glad she has such intuitive and kind people to help her process her grief too. And Harlow's puppy energy is good for all of you! Puppies represent so much hope and promise (and sometimes a big chaotic mess, which is part of their charm!) and I'd bet that was a comfort to Bailey as well.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your kind words. I love that saying “carrying the love, carrying the loss.” I’ve never heard that before I’m curious where you live, as I know people from all over the world are on this site.

Jordan and & I just returned from a 3-day trip staying at a dog-friendly Airbnb. We took the pups hiking and to outdoor restaurants, new adventures for Harlow. It was in a very dog-friendly small mountain town, tons of people with their dogs, water bowls out for dogs at most businesses. We loved it. We got to pour lots of attention on Nelly and to our surprise, she jumped up onto the couch between Jordan and I, made herself comfortable! Jordan and I looked at each other, surprised, but took advantage she joined us. So sweet. Harlow…she pushes the window of our patience, but we keep in mind when Nelly was the booger. Better days are coming. Is it bad to give a dog Benedryl 24/7??? LOL!!

I also wanted to share some websites I discovered. Halobrand.com and Inkopious.com; scroll through to find precious items centered around dogs and on Inkopious you’ll find clothing (for humans) for all breeds. I’ve purchased from both for Jordan and I, LOVE their products. 

Thank you for the P.S.; I love finding unique names. I didn’t name Gunner, but his name was already on my list. The family I adopted him from were military and had a cat named Chopper. Adorable!!

HUGS right back at you! 💖


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## HoneyHeart (5 mo ago)

Bailey’s Grandma said:


> Thank you for your kind words. I love that saying “carrying the love, carrying the loss.” I’ve never heard that before I’m curious where you live, as I know people from all over the world are on this site.
> 
> Jordan and & I just returned from a 3-day trip staying at a dog-friendly Airbnb. We took the pups hiking and to outdoor restaurants, new adventures for Harlow. It was in a very dog-friendly small mountain town, tons of people with their dogs, water bowls out for dogs at most businesses. We loved it. We got to pour lots of attention on Nelly and to our surprise, she jumped up onto the couch between Jordan and I, made herself comfortable! Jordan and I looked at each other, surprised, but took advantage she joined us. So sweet. Harlow…she pushes the window of our patience, but we keep in mind when Nelly was the booger. Better days are coming. Is it bad to give a dog Benedryl 24/7??? LOL!!
> 
> ...


Hey Judi! Wow what a great development for Nelly and a happy moment for you and Jordan!! Maybe she needed the change of scenery to step out of protector mode? The mountain air must've agreed with her too...dogs are such explorers at heart. And I'm glad you and Jordan got away for a bit too. Sounds like the perfect setting for all of you!

🤣Noooo! You can't give Harlow Benadryl!🤣 That's for you so you can sleep through the chaos😘 Sorry, I am just laughing for real because I remember those early days with Honey...I didn't quite have "puppy amnesia" but it had been almost 16 years since I'd raised a puppy...it is not easy!!! Hang in there🤗

Thank you for the websites. I really like Halo's message...what a great way to give back! I wonder if they'd customize with Honey's paw print. We made a couple of canvases with Honey walking across them...the paint made a huge mess of course but it was such a great day and I'm so glad we did it. It'd be nice to have one on a t shirt! Inkopious has great artwork too! I need that dog mom t shirt for sure.

Great names with great stories! "Tell me you're a military family without telling me you're a military family" haha! Did you call him Gunny for short? My daughter named Honey after her doll's pet dog, a tiny Golden Retriever. Honey definitely lived up to her name! We called her Honeybear or Bunny, or at this time of year, "Pumpkin Spice".🧡 She gave us a lot to work with!

A cat named Chopper is setting the bar pretty darn high. Love it!

I think you said upthread that you're in Socal, and we are too. I'm so glad it's finally cooling off...September in LA is brutal regardless of how close to the coast you are. I remember never needing to run the a/c when I moved here over 20 years ago. Can't live without it now.

Thanks for the chat! Have a great day out there!


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