# Last night was a bad night - missing Cassie



## Lilliam (Apr 28, 2010)

It's been one month and three days that I lost my Cassie, my puppykates. This girl was my friend, my partner. Cassie knew my every thought, every feeling, every need...and she gave. Completely and unreservedly, Cassie gave. She was in turns silly, loving, intense, relaxed...a thinking girl. We could ask her to bring her each toy by name and she unfailingly brought the right one; we had to spell out s-h-e-e-p because if we said the word she would immediately think we were about to go work; we found her one day as a puppy studying the door knob, not the door but the door knob and a couple of days later we found her outside our house in the desert, she'd figured out how it worked; we taught her "Where's Bob?" or "Where's Lil?" and she would go looking for us, which ended up being very useful when posting scores at trials - Bob would attach the scoring sheet on her collar and she would bring it to me at the other end of the field.
Cassie came with a full set of problems. Being white nobody wanted her - she was completely wrong for the standard and old wives' tales would tell you that white dogs can't work sheep effectively (she proved wrong), she was dysplastic, and she ultimately succumbed to liver failure, which came suddenly and which we found was also an issue with several siblings. 
So now Cassie's ashes are sitting in a beautiful cherrywood box and *I can't part with them.* I can't put Cassie in the ground and take that final step, be separated from her forever. She was my love, I can't say goodbye. I still feel the weight of her head in my hands on that horrible, horrible moment when she slipped away from us, both of us holding her and telling her that she was a very, very good girl, and that we loved her so very much. 
I am missing my girl, my puppykates, so very much today.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

I'm so sorry. It is so very difficult. My Sparky passed in 2002 and her ashes are still where I can pick them up and hold them. I keep telling my family I want my ashes and those of all of my pets spread in the woods behind our home. Losing them hurts...it really hurts...


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## Emma&Tilly (May 15, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss, it is still so soon and you will be missing her terribly, she sounds so special.


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

It really is tough, hard, to lose our babies, i really hate mine being gone.


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## sameli102 (Aug 23, 2009)

Aww, try to remember the love you gave to that little white dog no one else wanted. You helped her shine! They do have their way of creeping back into our hearts even after they leave us, especially if we get down. I lost my heart dog June 5th last year and miss him terribly. Most days are ok now but now and then it just really hurts. When you get your new puppy the new active life will help ease the pain. Hang in there, it's coming.


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## C's Mom (Dec 7, 2009)

Cassie sounds like a wonderful, smart doggie. Sending you strength.


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## AmberSunrise (Apr 1, 2009)

I am so very sorry - losing them just plain hurts. I do part with their ashes, but in my own time and way .. you will know when (or if) it is time ...


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

The ashes are a keepsake, but that's not where she is, and keeping them or scattering them is all about your taking the time to grieve you way. You can't honor her more or less by keeping them or not keeping them. I say this as someone with a cherry box full of dog ashes on my bookshelf. Is there a sad smile icon?

Sleep soft, sweet Cassie.


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## LifeOfRiley (Nov 2, 2007)

It sounds like Cassie was an incredible girl.
I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I think most of us have been there and understand what you're going through.

It will be three years next month that we lost Cooper and I still have bad days. The bad days are fewer and further between, and when we talk about him now we tend to laugh more than cry. But it's still hard. 
His ashes are in a nice, dark wooden urn on our bookcase. I couldn't part with them if I had to. I know he's gone, but I have to feel like at least part of him is still here with us.


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## NuttinButGoldens (Jan 10, 2009)

All of my past pal's are up on a shelf in the bedroom dresser. The first instruction in my will will be that they go in my box with me when the time comes.


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## SweetSoul (Apr 27, 2010)

I am so sorry for your loss. I can totally relate as I lost my sweet Gabby on 4/15/10 and still cry every single day. She was my soul mate. I'm a planet who has lost my sun. I think about her constantly, all of the beautiful ways she made every day special and joyful. I talk to her in my head as if she can still hear me tell her how very much I love her, I hope she can.

She was sick with cancer for so long and we fought such a hard battle together that I can't be anything but proud of her. She fought for 4 years...we were by her side to not just tell her, but show her in every way how much we loved her, even at the very end. As sad as I am, I would have done it all again in a heartbeat, because she was absolutely worth it and it only hurts this much because of how much I love her. It was truly an honor to be loved by a dog as pure hearted as my Gabby. RIP Gabby 10/21/01 - 4/15/10


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

I'm so so sorry that you're missing your sweetheart so much. They are never able to stay as long as we'd like, and leave such an immense hole when they move on. But oh, what love and lessons they leave with us. So many of us have been in your shoes, and one of the great things about the forum is that there are always shoulders to lean or cry on and ears to listen. Remember that she is with you still, only now on silent paws.


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## KathyF (Apr 1, 2010)

I know exactly how you feel. Some days are worse than others. We still have the ashes, too. I'd planned to spread them in the Thames, on one of her favorite walks. But during the winter, with the snow, I couldn't bear to leave her there. And now I've decided that, as much as she loved it here, loved her walks, she'd prefer to always be with us. So we'll keep her, here in the office where she spent most of her time--at my feet. 

I'm so sorry. I hope a new puppy will help ease your pain a bit. Let me know if it does; I'll be heading in that direction soon.


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## cubbysan (Mar 13, 2007)

I did not realize your loss was so recent. So sorry. She sounded like an amazing and beautiful dog. She will always be there with you.

Do not know what else to say, the pain will always be there, but it does get easier.


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## Lilliam (Apr 28, 2010)

Thank you so much everyone. I've stayed away from the forum for most of today because it's just soooo difficult today - not sure why today, specifically, it's so difficult. But I really appreciated your words.
Cassie was my love. Every day that there isn't a paw on my face when I wake up in the morning or that I don't see her face in the crate when I feed everyone, or when I get home and I don't see her running to sit politely at my feet, my heart just rips to shreds.
Thank you for your words.


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