# Family member doesn't like dogs!



## Charlie06 (Feb 10, 2007)

Wow, I feel for you. I can't imagine anyone not liking dogs. What does your partner think or say? There is no way I would keep my dogs out of my house for anyone.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

It's hard to be stuck in the middle. What does Ron say? Your boys are obviously well behaved and not jumpy young dogs, it's your home and their home. I think the daughter needs to respect that. Expecting you to shove the dogs outside seems the same to me as expecting you to be shoved outside if she didn't like you.

If the dogs were intrusive and not behaving it would be different. My two cents.

I just looked at the picture in your signature block again, every time I see it my heart just melts, your dogs are perfect children's companions - let them stay inside where they belong.


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## Charlie06 (Feb 10, 2007)

Show her this pic.... 

http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com/showthread.php?t=30796

Oh, there's a poll, I would do a combo of the 2nd & 3rd option


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## Ash (Sep 11, 2007)

Thats a tough one mylissyk your dogs are not stinkers that would jump up and claw the baby and such things. I would respect her wishes only to an extent not letting the dog lick the baby things like that but it is your house so.....


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## Jersey's Mom (Nov 25, 2007)

I would absolutely not kick the doggies out to the backyard just to satisfy your partner's daughter. If you feel that your attempts to educate her have hit a brick wall, perhaps try having your partner speak to her. He should make it clear that this is the dogs' home, as well as yours, and that her request is unreasonable. If she refuses to listen to him, then I pick choice "b"... put your foot down, make it clear that the dogs will not be relegated to the backyard, and let the chips fall where they may. Hopefully she will come around before you have to resort to that.

Julie and Jersey

Edited to add: I do agree with Ash, though. If just keeping a little more distance between the dogs and the baby will help keep the peace (i.e. no licking, no sniffing the face, etc), you should do your best on that. It's not the ideal (since your dogs ARE so well behaved), but as he gets a little older, maybe she'll lighten up.


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## Carsonsdaddy (Nov 1, 2006)

I really don't know... My parents aren't dog people but they don't mind Carson... I guess I would say to try and compromise. I wouldn't keep the dogs away, but keep an eye on them, and maybe let her gradually get used to it... :gotme:


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## Jackson'sMom (Oct 13, 2007)

I think that visitors to someone's home need to accommodate those who live there, not the other way around. Perhaps she and her baby would be more comfortable staying in a hotel.


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## Ash (Sep 11, 2007)

Good one Charlie. Here is another you go show her http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com/showthread.php?t=30244


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## Gwen (Aug 9, 2007)

The baby smiles when he see the boys - he loves them already!!!!! It's the mother! She seems to think that the boys are germ carriers & they contaminate everything they touch. I know I'm a little overboard with my boys but I feel like telling her not to come to the house anymore & her Dad can visit her elsewhere. She even had the nerve to comment that it's ridiculous that I feed my boys such expensive food. But, I'm sure that many of you know what it's like combining families! 

Ron's kids were deprived:uhoh: & grew up without a dog in their house. My family ALWAYS had purebred dogs that were part of our family. The daughter always wanted one but, in all honesty, the family didn't know enough about dogs to even have one. Their understanding of dogs is that a cute little puppy comes home but after a short while isn't fully trained and isn't all that cute anymore so the puppy gets tied up to a dog house in the back forty! That's what it's like in their small northern Ontario town - it makes me sick & I want to call in the SPCA every time I travel to that town. As a teenager of 18 or 19, the daughter did get a 6 week old pittie cross puppy (from a local rescue) that had been dumped. The puppy was full of worms, had chronic loose stools and was generally unhealthy. To make a long story short, the puppy went back to the rescue agency. I was asked to take the puppy & raise it but I declined. (I wasn't too popular) I do think that she's jealous of my boys as well! 

I AM going to print the photos from this link & show them to her tonight! The response should be most interesting!


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## cham (Feb 21, 2008)

I would have your partner talk to her and explain that she is welcome in your home, but it is also the dogs home too. She needs to give the dogs a chance, just because she had a bad experience, doesn't mean all dogs are bad. If she doesn't like it then stay in a hotel or just come for day trips!


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## goldensmum (Oct 23, 2007)

There is no way that i would shut my dogs out of their own home. I can understand that you want to keep the peace etc, but your partners' daughter must also respect the fact that she is a visitor in your home. Your dogs have given no cause for concern in their contact with the baby, and she must be made to see that. If she can;t accept it - then she must make alternative arrangements.


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## Celeigh (Nov 29, 2007)

As much as we don't like it, a lot of family life is about keeping the peace as much as we can. I would bend where you can see bending and stand firm where you just cannot. Like others have said, keep the dgos back from the baby as you can, but don't make them have to leave their home entirely for her. 

Maybe ask your partner about sitting down with her and laying it all out on the table: it's important for the baby and her to be a part of your lives, but the dogs are an important part of your life too - what's the best way we can compromise so neither side loses out?

I'd say the last resort is it's your home and you have the final say about who visits and how much freedom your dogs have, but I'm sure you wouldn't want it to come to that.


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## Pointgold (Jun 6, 2007)

I am in a position to be able to put my dogs out in the kennel, where they are very happy, and would do so if it were the difference between peace or a family fight. It's just not worth it, really. I enjoy my dogs but respect the fact that not everyone does. My guess is that this is the daughter's first baby? Things might change as she becomes more comfortable with motherhood if that is the case.  In the meantime, if it were me, I'd do what it takes not to rock the boat. I know that's not a popular phiosophy here, but if it's only a couple of days, I'd do what I could to not make waves.


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## Jen (Jun 2, 2007)

Honestly, I don't think you are going to change her mind. 
I would say though, that while they are in your house, they go by your rules and that means that the dogs stay in the house. 
I would play with the baby while the dogs are around and mention how good they are with the baby.....hopefully one day she will see the light but somehow I doubt it.
And I would probably mention that the dogs don't use a litter box either!


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## Jersey's Mom (Nov 25, 2007)

PG- Nothing personal, but your situation is a little different than most others. You have a state of the art kennel to put the dogs in, where they have proper shelter, A/C and heat. I don't know what the OPs situation is, but I know if it were me, I don't have anything close to suitable arrangements for leaving the dog outside over multiple days (even if it is only 2). I think that's the thought process with which most are offering advice. Now, if she had a full kennel set up, even half as nice as yours, I might agree... but I don't think the dogs should be left out in the elements to please anyone. 

Julie and Jersey


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## SamIAm's Mom (Dec 24, 2007)

I tend to be of similar mind with PointGold here. Yes, it is your home and yes, you have the authority to do anything you want, but just purely out of good natured hospitality and respect I would bend where I could. I don't think it would be necessary to do something as drastic as put them outside for 2 days straight, but could they not stay in other rooms in the house away from the baby if that were the mother's wishes? To me that seems like a compromise that would be fair. The dogs would be fine and well cared for and at the same time you are respecting your guests wishes.

Then again, I'm from the south and here hospitality is important.


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## Charlie06 (Feb 10, 2007)

Here's how it goes in our house. *We have dogs, and if you don't like it, don't come.* I guess I'm not very hospitable.....lol


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## Wilson's REAL Mom (Nov 10, 2006)

I'm going to be in pretty much the same boat in 24 hours. My dd is arriving with her first baby (7 weeks old) and her husband. Now, my dd is not the problems. She loves dogs, and wants her children to grow up loving dogs. Shoot, if my dd has her way, Wilson and Eliana will be curled up next to each other in no time. 

My son-in-law, however...hates dogs. Especially Goldens. He's super hyper about germs of any sort. OK, he's kind of weird. But...he's my daughter's choice, so I'll be nice. 

Wilson will stay in the house, but I'm getting extra baby gates, so that we can separate him from the baby. Of course, David won't be here all the time...and what he doesn't know won't hurt him...right???


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## Charlie06 (Feb 10, 2007)

Wilson's REAL Mom said:


> Of course, David won't be here all the time...and what he doesn't know won't hurt him...right???


That's the spirit


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## cham (Feb 21, 2008)

> Then again, I'm from the south and here hospitality is important.


Then again being a good guest is important also. I would never never ask my hosts to change things in their home just to accomodate me. It works both ways. If I was that uncomfortable in that situation, then I would make other arrangements. If some is good enough to invite me...:kiss:


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## SamIAm's Mom (Dec 24, 2007)

cham said:


> Then again being a good guest is important also. I would never never ask my hosts to change things in their home just to accomodate me. It works both ways. If I was that uncomfortable in that situation, then I would make other arrangements. If some is good enough to invite me...:kiss:


I agree that being a respectful guest is important too. We had friends who would actually bring THEIR dog (bassett hound) to OUR house when we really didn't care to have him there. Not very respectful in my opinion, but we made do. 

My personailty just says that a little compromise goes a long way.


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## Sunshine Goldens (Oct 31, 2005)

When it comes to an infant, I would never have my dogs in close proximity to the infant particularly if the parent(s) is/are fearful. All it takes is one misinterpreted movement and an overreaction that can make the dogs uneasy and act out of character. God forbid something happens...you will never forgive yourself for putting your dogs or the baby in that situation.


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## Sunshine Goldens (Oct 31, 2005)

Pointgold said:


> I am in a position to be able to put my dogs out in the kennel, where they are very happy, and would do so if it were the difference between peace or a family fight. It's just not worth it, really. I enjoy my dogs but respect the fact that not everyone does. My guess is that this is the daughter's first baby? Things might change as she becomes more comfortable with motherhood if that is the case.  In the meantime, if it were me, I'd do what it takes not to rock the boat. I know that's not a popular phiosophy here, but if it's only a couple of days, I'd do what I could to not make waves.


I agree. Forcing dogs upon people will only make them dislike dogs all the more.


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## cubbysan (Mar 13, 2007)

I gave up with part of my family.

When my sister-in-law first became part of my family, I had three big dogs (2 GSD and 1 Great Pyrenees). She was afraid of dogs and the germs. 

Now that those dogs have passed on, and when we got Brady, I figured I would introduce her and her daughters to a fluffy Golden Retriever puppy. They were horrified of him. He was only about 16 weeks at the time. I give up. I just do not have family gatherings at my house anymore. Then, of course she also is constantly spraying her kids hands with sanitizer any time they come in contact with fur.

The funny thing is she lets my nieces bring home from the backyard swamp toads and turtles and stuff, which I feel has more germs than a cat or dog.

The sad part is that her daughters are very fearful of dogs, too, as this baby will become fearful or germ phobic like its mother. 

My brother wants a dog so bad, but he can't have one because of his wife.


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## Pointgold (Jun 6, 2007)

Jersey's Mom said:


> PG- Nothing personal, but your situation is a little different than most others. You have a state of the art kennel to put the dogs in, where they have proper shelter, A/C and heat. I don't know what the OPs situation is, but I know if it were me, I don't have anything close to suitable arrangements for leaving the dog outside over multiple days (even if it is only 2). I think that's the thought process with which most are offering advice. Now, if she had a full kennel set up, even half as nice as yours, I might agree... but I don't think the dogs should be left out in the elements to please anyone.
> 
> Julie and Jersey


 
Julie, first, thank you for the compliments on my kennel, but I will clarify that it really isn't "state of the art" - it's a very efficient and serviceable hobby kennel. 

I have to say that even if I did not have the kennel, I would still make every effort to keep peace in the familiy and even if it meant putting my dogs in crates or ex-pens either in the garage or the basement, at least while the guests were in the house. I really don't believe that the hard feelings that can occur in situations like this are worth it - they can last a lifetime, and a couple of days making an effort to prevent that is far easier than a long-lived family war. 
This thread was to ask what others would do, and that's just my personal stand and what _I_ would do. Obviously, others disagree and that's fine. I just don't have the energy or the stomach for family fights. As the saying goes - pick your battles, and for me, this isn't one of them.


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## sharlin (Feb 26, 2007)

Two words - Motel 6


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## Deborah (Jul 3, 2005)

I didn't read the other responses but I would get her a hotel room.


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

Charlie06 said:


> Here's how it goes in our house. *We have dogs, and if you don't like it, don't come.* I guess I'm not very hospitable.....lol


I am totally the same way. My home is my home and I will not put my dogs outside to appease anyone. They don't like to be outside without us being out with them. I am not going to make them miserable because that will make me miserable. Just don't come visit if you feel that way, or stay in a hotel.


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## cham (Feb 21, 2008)

I think part of the issue is some of us don't have any place to put our dog. Hailey lives in the house with us, and it's not fair to my dog or or me to expect me to send her to a boarding kennel. 
The woman in question not only doesn't want the dogs around her baby, she doesn't want the dogs anywhere in the house. That would be a major problem for me for that reason. What does some one in my position do? What compromise can possibly exist?


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## Maggies mom (Jan 6, 2006)

fostermom said:


> I am totally the same way. My home is my home and I will not put my dogs outside to appease anyone. They don't like to be outside without us being out with them. I am not going to make them miserable because that will make me miserable. Just don't come visit if you feel that way, or stay in a hotel.


This is me as well.....


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

I wouldnt show her printouts from the thread but explain to her that cats have germs from the litterbox like a dog will have it from going outside. Maybe show the pictures of babies and dogs that someone had posted. I would never put my doggies outside to accomidate the company. They knew the dogs were there when they came to visit. Hopefully she will understad but dont count on it.


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## arcane (Sep 18, 2007)

I had to add these beautiful photos of one of our Arcane furrbabies and their new little girl...some of you may remember Kindell & Maple from the forum a while back...this beautiful angel baby is Paige and her and Maple adore each other...I think it is very beneficial for kids and dogs to grow up together...I feel sorry for your step daughter, and you are in a tough spot Gwen...hope it works out, esp for the little guy


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## Gwen (Aug 9, 2007)

*Update*

Well, I printed the pics from this post, picked up a sleeper with a doggie on the front (Poopiedo brand!) and went home from work. Ron was totally frustrated with his daughter as every time he turned around she was putting the boys outside. I don't have a problem with them being outside together as they play but it was freezing rain! Ron would let them in, she'd let them out. Ron ended up putting them in our bedroom.

Her comment about the sleeper was "I should have expected dogs on it!" Her comments about the pictures "That's gross! Who would put their baby on a dog? The poor baby would have hair & germs all over them."

Hey, you win some and you lose some and I don't think we'll ever get through to her.

(She didn't know that when she went out to the hottub with her hubby that I let Oliver lick the baby's arm. You should have seen the baby's smile. As well, Oliver looked at me and seemed to say "Ok, we did it!)


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

Good grief that would have infuriated me to have a guest in my home putting my dogs out after I brought them in! Boy I would be telling her off, that wouldn't keep the peace, but how would she feel if you were putting her children out in the backyard in the rain everytime she brought them in?


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

The only caveats to my house, my dogs I have are:
1. When my 85 yr old 90 pound MIL is over (and she likes them) but I don't want her to get hurt.
2. When I have Holidays with more than 30 people, I keep them in the back mostly for their own safety, and because people give them too many goodies.

But for the run-of-the mill dog disliker (which includes my parents but not most of my brothers and sisters and friends) I say if you want to come to my house beware of the dogs! 
Your situation seems more frustating because this girl is what I would call "entirely too cheeky"! She put your dogs outside? Motel 6 is right!
Good luck on this one!


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## TiffanyK (Mar 3, 2008)

While it is important to me that my guests are comfortable I believe that I lose interest in their comfort when I feel like they don't have the same respect! It's one thing to comprimise with eachother so that everyone is happy and comfortable and can enjoy the visit, but your step daughter seems downright rude! IMO, she doesn't seem the type that has any interest in being educated or understanding your relationship with your boys, therefore I would suggest that your mind set be that she doesn't HAVE to understand or like it - but she does have to respect it. Of course, that doesn't really help much. I don't have much to offer in the way of suggestions here.

I just wouldn't dream of being a guest in someone's home, family member or friend and being so bold and rude and insulting! I mean - not only is she insulting you and your partner, she's insulting your boys and it's their home! Perhaps she doesn't care if y'all enjoy her visit and would want her to visit again 

Arcane - those photos ar outstanding! Reminds me of everything good about our precious GRs! Makes me think of a Mastercard commercial...
Golden Retriever = $800
Baby girl = $6,000
Paige and Maple = PRICELESS



Tiffany


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## fallen_angel727 (Feb 25, 2007)

The only time we pot Cosmo out is when the whole faily is over...40+ people, an that is the only time I ever get to see my grandmother. I don't have time to run to her house constantly as it's across town but her idea of a visit is me talking to her through the car window so she doesn't have to be anywhere near Cosmo. it's quite sad really, but it is cosmo's house as much as ours. I would't put a baby with dirty iper outside because I don't like germs...and there are a lot more germs in that diper...or on any baby toy for that matter than on our beloved GR's


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## Lucky's mom (Nov 4, 2005)

I would comply the best I can. Lucky can stay outside all day if its not too hot. He has to come in in the evenings... Of course my guests need to know that his safety comes first....thus come in at night and the temperature must be ideal.

I don't have a problem respecting the wishes of my guests...I don't want them uncomfortable and I can put them first to the best of my ability.


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## Gwen (Aug 9, 2007)

Lucky's mom said:


> I would comply the best I can. Lucky can stay outside all day if its not too hot. He has to come in in the evenings... Of course my guests need to know that his safety comes first....thus come in at night and the temperature must be ideal.
> 
> I don't have a problem respecting the wishes of my guests...I don't want them uncomfortable and I can put them first to the best of my ability.


When I came home, it was freezing rain and the deck was covered in ice so that they couldn't even walk without slipping. Thank goodness they didn't attempt the (2) stairs as they could have seriously hurt themselves. They were sitting at the kitchen sliding glass doors looking in saying "Please let us in!" When I questioned Ron about it, he said that he had just let them in but she must have let them out again. 

Rude - that's her second name. Oh, how I love being a step mom! My tongue has bite marks on it from biting my tongue as opposed to saying what I wanted to say!


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

My take on your situation with your future DIL is that she is a spoiled brat. If she was so upset with the dogs she should have told her dad so that he could put them up. I feel that she had absolutely no right to put your dogs outside. The welcome mat would be withdrawn until she learned to show some respect for someone else's home. I understand that you would like to have a good relationship, so I think I would suggest asking Ron to sit down with her and explain what it is to be a good houseguest. It's his job to do it, not yours. I say this because if you say it, it will give her all the more reason to disrespect you in her eyes.


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## goldenmomof3 (Feb 15, 2006)

I hate that there is a problem whatsoever, but since there is, it would depend on how close they are to me as to how I would handle it. If it is family, I would have to respect that they are concerned - it is a mothers nature to protect her child. Unfortunately it sounds like she has not seen the good side.

On the other hand there are issues with regards to hair, allergies, etc. I try to respect when people stay with me - my dogs sometimes have to stay away from us to make our guests feel more comfortable. When the guests are gone, the dogs are with us. The dogs don't seem to care, except THEY ARE GOLDENS ... THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DON'T WANT TO PET THEM!! 

Good luck!


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## Lucky's mom (Nov 4, 2005)

Gwen said:


> When I came home, it was freezing rain and the deck was covered in ice so that they couldn't even walk without slipping. Thank goodness they didn't attempt the (2) stairs as they could have seriously hurt themselves. They were sitting at the kitchen sliding glass doors looking in saying "Please let us in!" When I questioned Ron about it, he said that he had just let them in but she must have let them out again.
> 
> Rude - that's her second name. Oh, how I love being a step mom! My tongue has bite marks on it from biting my tongue as opposed to saying what I wanted to say!


Well if we had freezing rain, Lucky wouldn't be put outside (though he does love freezing rain), but I do what I can within reason. Sometimes if your guests know you are wanting to be accomadating that can be enough. I think friction can come from not the dogs but the "push' and "shove" of the conflict.

I see this pretty black and white....dogs are dogs and people are people. In general and within reason people come first. Even ones I don't care for. That isn't a popular view on the board, I know. And of course I wouldn't put Lucky at risk or have him sleep outside when he has no facilities...


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## SandraC (Jan 29, 2008)

Doggies were there first. I fell in love with this picture.






(I hope I did the attachment right!)


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## K.J. (Nov 30, 2007)

If I was in that situation, I would write a calm note and place it by her bed, saying:
"Dear DIL, 
I want to kindly ask you to please stop putting our dogs outside. It's freezing rain outside. If they happen to get hypothermia or break their legs slipping, *you* will be paying the thousands of dollars in vet bills. If you don't like it, perhaps a hotel would be better accommodation for you. Thanks, MIL."


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## twogoldenboys (Mar 3, 2008)

SandraC - what a sweet picture!!! I love it!


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## Taz Monkey (Feb 25, 2007)

I would never put my dogs outside or even in another room for a houseguest. The house guest who doesn't like my dogs is not welcome in my house.I know it sounds mean, but I pay the mortgage, I pay for the care of my dogs, and I make the rules.If I ever came home and found my dogs outside because someone staying there had put them out for more than it takes to go to the bathroom, that person would be finding a hotel so quick they wouldn't be able to see straight!


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## grcharlie (Nov 10, 2007)

Gwen said:


> Well, I printed the pics from this post, picked up a sleeper with a doggie on the front (Poopiedo brand!) and went home from work. Ron was totally frustrated with his daughter as every time he turned around she was putting the boys outside. I don't have a problem with them being outside together as they play but it was freezing rain! Ron would let them in, she'd let them out. Ron ended up putting them in our bedroom.
> 
> Her comment about the sleeper was "I should have expected dogs on it!" Her comments about the pictures "That's gross! Who would put their baby on a dog? The poor baby would have hair & germs all over them."
> 
> ...


Rons daughter has some balls. If someone was that rude and inconsiderate that came into my house and treated my girls that way......they would be seeing to door staight out. I just would not invite her back into your home.....but that is me. I just wonder if she has a problem with germs....what about her baby. They get sick, they put their sticky little hands in their mouth, they crawl on the floor......and they get runny noses. And they poop and pee in their pants and they burp up puke. I think I would rather have dog germs......LOL.


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## Jackson'sMom (Oct 13, 2007)

And kids who grow up with animals, and play outside in the dirt, etc., are less likely to develop allergies and asthma when they grow up. Sounds as if the daughter has a germ phobia. Perhaps some counseling for her phobia would be in order.


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## Coffee'sDad (Mar 10, 2008)

Put the bitch outside, post a poll and we'll help you pick which one!


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## grcharlie (Nov 10, 2007)

SandraC said:


> Doggies were there first. I fell in love with this picture.
> View attachment 21655
> (I hope I did the attachment right!)


That is the sweetest picture. Adorable!!!


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