# The death of pet can hurt as much as the loss of a relative



## Doug (Jul 17, 2010)

Absolutely!

They are the first thing we see in the morning and the last thing we see at night. We are responsible for their happiness and they feel responsible for ours. There are no need for words. They are our constant companions that give without taking, they are our EVERY day friends. When this is taken away we feel the loss enormously.

While I love my Aunt Martha and wish her great happiness our level of connection isn't quite on the same level.

My heart goes out to all of you who are missing your everyday friends right now. Have faith that they continue to watch over you and continue to wish you great peace and love just as you do for them.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

I completely agree.
I've lost 5 dogs in the last 20 years, they all lived well into their upper teens with the exception of one only living to 12.
They each had a special meaning in my life and to me, but I was not prepared for the profound loss I felt when they passed.
The thing that has helped me find peace with their passing is knowing one day we'll be together again as I will those humans that have passed in my life.


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## gold4me (Mar 12, 2006)

What a great article. It so clearly states what we all feel. I have lost 5 goldens over the past 24 years and each of them had and still have a special spot in my heart. I, to this day, feel such grief thinking about how much I miss them but I do know I will see them again in the future along with special humans that have been in my life. At that time we will never have to say good bye again.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

I have to be honest, I can't read the article. I don' t want to cry. I absolutely agree with the statement. A special dog who is with you so much of every hour of the day is absolutely ingrained in your life and your heart. I cried more tears over the loss of each of my dogs than I ever did over some of my relatives, even grandparents, who I rarely spent time with. Anyone who doesn't understand this probably never will.


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## cgriffin (Nov 30, 2011)

Same here - I cannot read the article and having lost several human family members and several furry family members - I have to say, that my furry members left me more devastated and grieving more. I am glad that I am not the only one that feels that way.


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## Brave (Oct 26, 2012)

I read the article.... And cried like a baby. The mere thought of losing Bear leaves me a shaking puddle of raw emotion and tears. 

I feel guilty all the time because my trepidation over losing Bear is greater that the trepidation over losing a family member. I feel like the odd man out, the black sheep, the weird-o to even admit that. 

The article really does touch on why it hurts so much. My life pretty much revolves around my animals. And Bear has taken over as the "sidekick" position from the cats. He is my shadow. Always there. He is the first thing I see when I wake. He is the first to kiss me in the morning. He is the one who is always up for cuddling on the couch. Or just sitting side by side and watching TV. He is very much my constant companion. And I've been conditioned over the years to expect his face and his ecstatic reactions. And when they're gone, it's like a piece of me is gone. 

I pray that doesn't happen for a long long time. 

Now I gotta stop crying before my co-workers ask me what's wrong.


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## Melakat (Oct 9, 2010)

I am glad I read this article. When Oakley died 2 months ago it was the first very tragic death for my sons in their early 20's. I remember the morning after Oakley died we all had taken time off from our jobs and we spent the day together as a family. The next day my husband went to work and my boys made sure that I was not alone. They took me to the beach and then for fish and chips - a beach where we often took our dog. We mourned him like the beloved family member he was.

I remember telling my boys that the pain of losing Oakley was right up there with the pain I had experienced after the loss of my Father who I loved to pieces. 

It is true and now it feels good to know that it is completely normal to feel this way. Thank you for sharing.


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## Anon-2130948gsoni (Apr 12, 2014)

My first reaction was, "Oh, it's much much worse than that!"

In part, it's because my pets are so much the center of my daily life, much more than anyone other than my husband is. It's also because I am responsible for the health of my pets and when something inevitably goes wrong that nothing can fix--age or cancer wins--I feel terribly guilty as well as terribly sad.

And my relationships with my pets are so much simpler. Animals don't take offense, they don't hold grudges, they want to get along and maybe then have a walk and a cookie. Humans? Not so much.

So I'm sorry and maybe it makes me a terrible person, but losing my pets has seared my soul far more than any other loss I've ever had.


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## HiTideGoldens (Dec 29, 2009)

This hits particularly close to home for me. Just over a month ago we came home to find our beautiful Kira had died during the day from a blood clot to her heart .... like the author I can't shake the image from my mind and feel immense guilt that I wasn't with her.... that I had to leave early for work that morning and hadn't said my normal goodbye. I have been trying to manage the grief privately but it is very hard. She had just turned 3 and was taken from us far too soon. So thank you for posting this.


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## cubbysan (Mar 13, 2007)

I did not read the article either, but have read many in the past. Tufts Veterinary School has some good support groups for those that have lost pets. I have heard to many people it is worst than losing a family member. Our bonds are stronger with our pets.

I have lost five dogs in my lifetime. I think of every single on of them, every single day.


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## KathyL (Jul 6, 2011)

I agree with all of you that the loss of a pet hurts as much as a family member and sometimes possibly more. I don't think a lot of people understand the grief we carry when our pets die and in a way that compounds the hurt because we might not be able to express how we feel to co-workers or neighbors who do not have pets or don't have the same bond. I've lost 4 dogs, all goldens, over the past 30 years and it never gets easier.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

On Losing a Dog | Marking Our Territory


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## ssacres (Sep 29, 2012)

I read most of the article but had to stop or I would be in a puddle of tears. I have lost many pets in my life and they were all hard but losing my Allie Bean was the hardest. Maybe because we got so close after I was sick and could hardly get out of bed for two years. She never left my side and spent the two years in bed right next to me. She gave me the strength to keep fighting so I could get back to my life and without her I probably would not have made it. I have never felt such grief with any other loss in my life.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

goldenjackpuppy said:


> This hits particularly close to home for me. Just over a month ago we came home to find our beautiful Kira had died during the day from a blood clot to her heart .... like the author I can't shake the image from my mind and feel immense guilt that I wasn't with her.... that I had to leave early for work that morning and hadn't said my normal goodbye. I have been trying to manage the grief privately but it is very hard. She had just turned 3 and was taken from us far too soon. So thank you for posting this.


I am so very sorry, I did not know you had lost Kira, my heart goes out to you.


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## cgriffin (Nov 30, 2011)

Same here, Goldenjackpuppy, I am so very sorry - I did not know that Kira died.


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## swishywagga (Nov 13, 2012)

Goldenjackpuppy am also so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Kira.


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## HiTideGoldens (Dec 29, 2009)

Thanks everyone. Not many people know... I haven't talked about it much or said anything publicly about it before this. I updated her k9 data page and that was that. Just too hard I think.


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## hubbub (Jun 28, 2011)

goldenjackpuppy, I'm also so sorry for Kira's unexpected passing and hope you can find some peace. I remember your posts when her litter arrived during the wildfires this year. 

I read the posted article and the second linked by mylissyk - both remind me of the beauty of having a wonderful relationship with a pet and also that I'm a better person because of those relationships. 

Hopefully, one day I'll be ready to open back up to it, but for now, no. I guess I'm in the grief part and haven't moved to mourning. It's too much right now - so here I am, almost 5 months later, with cards and donation notices that need thank you notes, pictures that I should sort through, toys and beds left as they were. I just don't know...


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## cgriffin (Nov 30, 2011)

Hubbub: I am so sorry. I know the feeling of being stuck. When Toby died, I wanted to fill a picture frame with a collage of Toby's photos and I looked at photos, could not decide and could not bring myself to go through with it. I guess it felt so final.

Then Thunder died and I thought, I make a photo collage of both - I still have not done it. In fact, it is now harder for me to look at their photos and videos - I guess that is grief for you. 

In fact, when I think of their last minutes - I push it far, far, far back down and don't want to think of it or relive it. When they first died I kept reliving it over and over again. 

Grief takes time - mourning takes time - boy does it ever!


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## Sam Hill (Jan 20, 2012)

Noreaster said:


> My first reaction was, "Oh, it's much much worse than that!"
> 
> In part, it's because my pets are so much the center of my daily life, much more than anyone other than my husband is. It's also because I am responsible for the health of my pets and when something inevitably goes wrong that nothing can fix--age or cancer wins--I feel terribly guilty as well as terribly sad.
> 
> ...


You feel what you feel. You can't change that . In this instance you feel what I feel. If these people that have passed loved me and made me happy like my dog then I'd feel the same way about them. I don't want to seem as if people in passing in my life doesn't bother me. It so very much does. It's losing my dog is more to me.
So that doesn't make you terrible in any way.
Now if you euthanized your dog because he broke his leg and you didnt want a 600.00 bill to have it fixed like one of my wife's bosses or brought your dog to the shelter because you didn't want dog hair on your new couch, then I'd call you a terrible person
Yes. Seared my soul. Those are very accurate words to describe what I feel


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## Dallas Gold (Dec 22, 2007)

Goldenjackpuppy, I am so sorry for your devasting loss. I cannot imagine the shock and horror. Your loss has been on my mind all afternoon.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Goldenjackpuppy*

I added sweet Kira to the 2014 Rainbow Bridge List!
http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...ow-bridge-list-grf-2014-a-18.html#post5201058


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## golfgal (Dec 31, 2013)

The article really hit the nail on the head. My best friend dying suddenly floored me. I'm not sure how I'll handle it as just thinking about losing Murphy just tears me up.

Goldenjackpuppy, I'm so sorry about Kira. You're experience is what all of us fear I suspect. Especially as at 3, that's not even something you would think could happen. My heart just breaks for you. Thank you for sharing.


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## Doug (Jul 17, 2010)

Michelle, I am so very sorry to hear your heartbreaking news. My deeply heartfelt condolences go out to you.


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## CarlosW9FE (Jul 17, 2012)

Thank your for such a well written article describing exactly how I feel. This last couple of years I've lost two of my best 4 legged friends and companions, one of which was just last week the day before Thanksgiving, and I was surprised at how hard I took it when each of them had passed. 

With the kids all grown now and moved on with their lives, My dogs have become the center of my life and the pain that I felt after their passing was far greater than I had ever imagined was possible. They ask nothing of us and only provide us with unconditional love. They have provided our family with years of happiness along with wonderful memories and their loss is deeply felt by all of us. Those who had never known the closeness of pets will never understand our sentiments toward them. To us, our pets are family members just the same.


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