# I lost my golden girl



## SCsailor (Aug 30, 2016)

This is my first post on this forum. I lost my beautiful golden girl three days ago. She was just a few weeks shy of 11. She was diagnosed with B Cell Lymphoma in March. In the week or so leading up to the diagnosis she was throwing up most mornings and losing interest in food. We started chemotherapy immediately. Though the first drug was effective, she could not tolerate it because her white cell counts would drop dangerously low. We tried a lower dose, she could tolerate it, but it was not effective. We then switched to another type of oral chemotherapy. It was remarkably effective at first and she tolerated it beautifully. However, within 6 weeks it stopped being effective. At the same time she developed a limp and a growth on her hind leg. The vet recommended we stop chemotherapy. That left steroids and pain meds. I had mixed feelings about chemotherapy. I did not get nearly as much time as we hoped. However, she almost immediately went from being a sick dog to a very happy and hungry dog. For most of the last 4 months she remained that way. The first two months were amazing. She was happy, energetic, and very hungry. The old rules about people food and riding with her head hanging out of the car window were soon relaxed and then disregarded. In fact, she developed a taste for McDonald's hamburgers and Pizza. I even started feeding her directly from the table. Even so, she lost so much weight and muscle mass. The cancer spread, the lesions in her mouth became larger and more numerous, and the growth on her hind leg grew. In time, she could no longer make it up the stairs on her own. I carried her up and down the stairs so she could sleep in our room like she always has. For a time, she could still manage on flat surfaces and outside. That changed last week. She lost the ability to get up on her own and then the ability to walk to her food bowls or more than a few feet outside. I cannot remember the last time she wagged her tail. Saturday morning I called the vet to set up our last appointment. I spent the morning sitting with her on the porch, lying next to her on the floor, and just hugging her. I held her until the end.

I was not prepared for the grief that followed. I think I spent Saturday afternoon in shock. I am heartbroken. I feel guilty. I think I should have spent more time with her, taken her for more walks, given her more baths, been a better guardian. I wish I had waited another day or two. I feel physically sick. I have had trouble sleeping. I wake up crying and break down at times during the day. I feel like I cannot express the depth of my grief because people do not understand. I think it may be therapeutic to put my loss into words and share them here. 

Her name was Daisy. Here is a picture. She was our buddy, companion, friend, and member of the family. When our daughter was born Daisy immediately took to her and was the most gentle and tolerant dog imaginable. I never thought about life without Daisy. I wish I could hug her again. I miss her so much.


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## Kalhayd (May 4, 2016)

Daisy is beautiful. I am so sorry you found yourself here due to these circumstances. We just lost our golden girl this month and my heart is still broken. I do know that the members here are amazing and vital for support as they truly get it. 


Sending love and prayers. I am so sorry for your profound loss.


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## wdadswell (Dec 17, 2015)

Daisy was so beautiful. We have all felt and feel your pain. I am so sorry for your loss. Please don't beat yourself up. You did everything you could, to give her a wonderful life and in the end, you were there for her. 

Allow yourself to grieve. Most people, that haven't been fortunate enough, to have a Golden in their lives, won't understand. They are not, just a dog. They are sheer love, wrapped with a big smile and a constantly waving tail. I too regret, not doing more, when I lost mine and especially taking more pictures and videos, but I know deep in my heart, I did everything I could, to give him the best life that I could and you will see that in time, you did, as well.

I hope, when you are ready, you will open your heart, to another Golden. Life is not the same, without one. It does get easier and eventually the good memories will overtake, the pain filled ones. Daisy is still there, in your heart and that, won't ever go away.


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## G-bear (Oct 6, 2015)

I am so sorry for your loss. Daisy was a beautiful girl. So many of us on GRF have lost what we call our heart dogs. Dogs who have held, and will always hold, a special place in our hearts. My girl died a little less than 2 years ago and I still think of her constantly. Their passing leaves a huge hole in our hearts. There is no time table for grief and a lot of people won't understand your sadness. Know that a great many of us "get it" and I hope you will feel free to post photos and stories of your beautiful girl. Also, please do not wish you had waited a few more days. Your heart told you that Daisy was suffering and you acted out of love. That love, and the courage it took to think of Daisy's quality of life and not your own sadness, is the greatest gift of love you could have given her.


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## Mausann (Oct 9, 2010)

Daisy was a beautiful girl. I am so sorry and know how you feel. It is terrible, but you did everything you could do and were with her at the end. We loved our Billie Jean who was 11 also when she got cancer, she went fast too. She loved to go to McDonalds for hamburgers and french fries. My husband would try and take her every day or two a lunch time because it really made her perk up. We didn't get another Golden because we were getting older and when Biilie Jean got sick and had trouble getting around, we had trouble moving a 80 lb dog. We did get a Westie from a rescue, China, and we love her very much also. So open your heart when your are ready and love another dog again, it is worth it. Hugs to you.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

I am so sorry, so very sorry for her loss. The grief is real, and only measured by how deep the love you shared. I am wandering down this road to goodbye with my girl right now, so my heart aches for you as I know how you felt, and feel now, as I have felt the loss just recently with my boy. You have found a place where people do understand. Feel free to share as much and as often as you need, we will be here to listen.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss of Daisy.
She was beautiful and sounds like she was a truly wonderful and special girl. 

I added Daisy to the Rainbow Bridge List. 

I lost my girl in March to Lymphoma, she was 11. 

My thoughts are with you and your family.


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

I am so, very sorry for your loss of beautiful Daisy. 
I lost my special boy, my Buddy, 5 years ago and I know how great your pain is right now. And not just me, many of us on this forum felt the way you are feeling. Please feel free to share your stories about your sweet Daisy, you are among those who truly understand your love for her and pain of loss too. Hugs to you.


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## Jaketiamom (Aug 29, 2016)

*Sorry for your loss*

I'm so sorry for your loss! Daisy was a beautiful girl! This is my first post too. We had to say goodbye to our Golden girl Tia last week. She was 12 years old. It was our second Golden and she was very amazing. I have had some very bad days, but it's getting better. If you are on Facebook please friend me and we can message stories and pictures. I would love to hear more about your girl! I think it's helped me to reach out to my Facebook friends. They have been so kind with all their comments and understanding of how sad I feel! We have a wonderful 8 year old daughter that grew up with our "Tia". My husband and daughter are both doing well and have been wonderful in understanding my sadness! 
Please take care!
Angela Schuderer
Redding, CA


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## SCsailor (Aug 30, 2016)

Thank you all for your support and understanding. I was not prepared for how much it hurts. I was not prepared for the hole in my heart. There is a difference between knowing that one day she'll gone forever and waking up to the reality of it.


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

Your girl was so beautiful, as was Tia. We are NEVER prepared. I lost my first dog way back in '56 at age 11, and have lost so many since, and still I am never prepared. it never hurts any less than the last time. Do not feel guilty. I learned long ago that it is just grieve talking. In your heart you know you gave your Daisy your all.

When my 12 year old Irish Setter was diagnosed with bone caner back in '97, amputation as one of the options., Our hearts said to it, but our common sense and brain said no, he was a few months past tis 12th birthday, bad arthritis, and the vet said there was every chance it had spread already. I had him exactly 10 weeks and did like you. He had a sweet tooth and what we had for dessert, so did he. I made him his own banana splits complete with 3 toppings, cream and cherry, his own strawberry shortcake slice of apple pie with ice cream, even small slices of chocolate cake. He loved fruits and veggies and he had all the tossed salad, melon and veggies he wanted I went wade fishing every day so he could swim and torment crabs and shore birds. But the day came and I knew it was time and after his release, I thought "if only we had amputated" but I knew we had done right and my vet said we had done right. He was at the beach the day before he went to the bridge, he ate a big dish of ice cream right before his last trip to the vet. Now, those 10 weeks bring smiles and no regrets.

Two years ago on Aug. 13 we lost our 13 year old golden girl to lymphoma. she was gone 2 weeks after diagnosis. We had adopted her fully grown and heart worm positive, had her treated, and had for for 12 years. The decision was so hard, but she was refusing food and water and we knew it was time. And then as unbelievable as it is, just 1 month and 10 days later, on Sept. 23, we lost our blind Great Pyrenees to hemangiosarcoma. I still cry over so many lost dogs, but I would not take for one of them, and the greatest part of the time I talk of them with smiles and laughs andpride, not ters. And you will do the same.


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## Yaichi's Mom (Jul 21, 2012)

SCsailor said:


> ....... I was not prepared for how much it hurts. I was not prepared for the hole in my heart. There is a difference between knowing that one day she'll gone forever and waking up to the reality of it.


I don't think any of us are prepared, even if we have gone through the same many times before. Each one of our precious pups takes a piece of our hearts with them....and the hurt and loss is excruciating. As someone said in another thread somewhere, when one shares a love and bond so deep, the hurt and loss is equally so.

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Daisy. Take as much time as you need to grieve and in time the love and memories you shared will give you some comfort....hugs...


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## Bandit2004 (Sep 1, 2016)

SCsailor said:


> This is my first post on this forum. I lost my beautiful golden girl three days ago. She was just a few weeks shy of 11. She was diagnosed with B Cell Lymphoma in March. In the week or so leading up to the diagnosis she was throwing up most mornings and losing interest in food. We started chemotherapy immediately. Though the first drug was effective, she could not tolerate it because her white cell counts would drop dangerously low. We tried a lower dose, she could tolerate it, but it was not effective. We then switched to another type of oral chemotherapy. It was remarkably effective at first and she tolerated it beautifully. However, within 6 weeks it stopped being effective. At the same time she developed a limp and a growth on her hind leg. The vet recommended we stop chemotherapy. That left steroids and pain meds. I had mixed feelings about chemotherapy. I did not get nearly as much time as we hoped. However, she almost immediately went from being a sick dog to a very happy and hungry dog. For most of the last 4 months she remained that way. The first two months were amazing. She was happy, energetic, and very hungry. The old rules about people food and riding with her head hanging out of the car window were soon relaxed and then disregarded. In fact, she developed a taste for McDonald's hamburgers and Pizza. I even started feeding her directly from the table. Even so, she lost so much weight and muscle mass. The cancer spread, the lesions in her mouth became larger and more numerous, and the growth on her hind leg grew. In time, she could no longer make it up the stairs on her own. I carried her up and down the stairs so she could sleep in our room like she always has. For a time, she could still manage on flat surfaces and outside. That changed last week. She lost the ability to get up on her own and then the ability to walk to her food bowls or more than a few feet outside. I cannot remember the last time she wagged her tail. Saturday morning I called the vet to set up our last appointment. I spent the morning sitting with her on the porch, lying next to her on the floor, and just hugging her. I held her until the end.
> 
> I was not prepared for the grief that followed. I think I spent Saturday afternoon in shock. I am heartbroken. I feel guilty. I think I should have spent more time with her, taken her for more walks, given her more baths, been a better guardian. I wish I had waited another day or two. I feel physically sick. I have had trouble sleeping. I wake up crying and break down at times during the day. I feel like I cannot express the depth of my grief because people do not understand. I think it may be therapeutic to put my loss into words and share them here.
> 
> Her name was Daisy. Here is a picture. She was our buddy, companion, friend, and member of the family. When our daughter was born Daisy immediately took to her and was the most gentle and tolerant dog imaginable. I never thought about life without Daisy. I wish I could hug her again. I miss her so much.


Very sad to hear about your golden girl Daisy. I also lost my beautiful golden girl Porsche on August 28, 2016. My heart goes out for you and the grief is almost unbearable. I loved her so much. Goldens never judge you, they just love you.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

Bandit2004 said:


> Very sad to hear about your golden girl Daisy. I also lost my beautiful golden girl Porsche on August 28, 2016. My heart goes out for you and the grief is almost unbearable. I loved her so much. Goldens never judge you, they just love you.


Bandit2004, so very sorry for the loss of your Porsche.
I've added her to the Rainbow Bridge List for 2016.

If you would like to post a tribute to Porsche in the Rainbow Bridge section, tell us about your girl, share some pictures, feel free to do so. 
Whenever I've lost one, posting a tribute is helpful, at least for me. 

My thoughts to you and your family.


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## SCsailor (Aug 30, 2016)

Here are a few more pictures. One day I think I'll put together a scrapbook. I'm not ready for that yet. I'm expecting to get a call anytime now about picking up her urn today.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

Daisy was such a beautiful girl, I know you're really hurting right now. 
All I can say is it takes time, it's a long slow journey to find peace and for your heart to heal.


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## Wolfeye (Sep 15, 2015)

I think something's been said on this thread that just "clicked" for me. Your Daisy was a beautiful dog - that's part and parcel of being a Golden. I have yet to see an ugly one. I think, just maybe, we miss them *so* much because not only is a beautiful, loving soul no longer in our life, we also lose pure beauty. 

Grieve. The more you grieve the more you loved, and that's the finest tribute to being human - and loving dogs - that there is.


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## PrincessDaisy (Dec 20, 2011)

Don't beat yourself up with the "would have", "should have" game. It will drive the happy memories out of your soul until all that is left is guilt.

Honor your late dogs by remembering and rejoicing in their love for you, your love of them, and the happy memories you made together. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. Your dog would not want you to grieve endlessly.

Honor your dog. Share her life in beautiful memories.


Max, the human, not the dog. (been there, done that)


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## SandyK (Mar 20, 2011)

So very sorry for your loss of Daisy. Cancer sucks and takes too many of our beautiful goldens. Daisy will live in your heart forever!! Thoughts are with you as you grieve the loss of your girl.


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## JNeel (Feb 17, 2012)

My wife and I are so sorry for your loss. We know how difficult it can be. We lost one of ours last month. Just try to remember the good times. The pain will gradually fade.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

I am so very sorry for your loss of Daisy, what a beautiful girl. My hubby and I lost our adopted Golden Girl, Smooch, six years ago and could not live without a Golden. We adopted Tucker, from this forum, someone needed a new home for him.

I hope sharing about your beautiful girl, Daisy is therapeutic, it was for me. The Rainbow Bridge forum sure did help me heal!!


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Tia*



Jaketiamom said:


> I'm so sorry for your loss! Daisy was a beautiful girl! This is my first post too. We had to say goodbye to our Golden girl Tia last week. She was 12 years old. It was our second Golden and she was very amazing. I have had some very bad days, but it's getting better. If you are on Facebook please friend me and we can message stories and pictures. I would love to hear more about your girl! I think it's helped me to reach out to my Facebook friends. They have been so kind with all their comments and understanding of how sad I feel! We have a wonderful 8 year old daughter that grew up with our "Tia". My husband and daughter are both doing well and have been wonderful in understanding my sadness!
> Please take care!
> Angela Schuderer
> Redding, CA


I am so very sorry about TIA! My Smooch and Snobear will watch over her. I sent you a Private Message, for the date she crossed to the Rainbow Bridge, so I can add her to the list.


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## SCsailor (Aug 30, 2016)

Thanks everyone for your support. There is nothing easy about this.


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## SCsailor (Aug 30, 2016)

I picked up her urn today. At least that's over. It's a nice cedar box with a brass plaque that I had made for it. I'll look forward to the day when I can look at it and enjoy the memories without the pain of loss.


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## grins88 (Jul 20, 2016)

SCsailor said:


> I was not prepared for how much it hurts. I was not prepared for the hole in my heart. There is a difference between knowing that one day she'll gone forever and waking up to the reality of it.


This is the exact feeling I have had today after losing our girl yesterday. I thought I was prepared and had already started the grief process, but I'm realizing that I was wrong. This reality is just so much harder than I had ever imagined. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!


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## roofystew (Jun 6, 2009)

i just want to say i understand your pain. I just lost my golden yesterday. I am not the person to be giving advice on how to cope as i am currently a mess right now and feel miserable. but i do know sharing stories can help and this forum definitely helps..

our Goldens mean so much to us. and they are such great dogs. 

Stay strong!


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Daisy*

Your Daisy is so beautiful! I am so sorry.
My Smooch and Snobear will take care of her at the Bridge and I added her to the 2016 Rainbow Bridge list.

http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...y-list/395098-2016-rainbow-bridge-list-4.html


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