# I don't think my puppy likes me



## Conoad (Dec 15, 2010)

I'll admit I'm having a sensitive day...
Recently lost our beloved 7 year old golden to cancer and today was really hard. I miss him like crazy!
We have a new 8 week old pup, Eli. He has been showing some aggression to us lately so we made sure to spend all day playing with him and observing what may be triggering these episodes. Anyway, he seems so standoffish to us. He will play with us but as soon as he is tired he walks off to sleep in a corner or in his crate. (I know I should think this is a good thing!!) He never wants to cuddle or snuggle with us. Maybe I am just missing my big loaf who still tried to lay in my lap at 7 years old  
Maybe I don't remember abe's puppyhood. I have probably blocked it out. Haha! I just want this little guy to live us and want to have something to do with us. 
Btw, I play with him, feed, walk, brush...
Thanks!


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## FinnTastic (Apr 20, 2009)

Bumping Up
It is probably a puppy thing though.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

First of all, I am so very sorry for the loss of your boy, it is so hard!

Second, try really hard not to expect the puppy to be him, they are individuals and Eli will be very different. Also, please don't label him aggressive! I'm sure any growling or biting he is doing is totally normal for puppies, it is how they explore their world and play with their littermates, you are now his focus and he doesn't know any other way to play with you except to use his mouth. 

He will become more attached to you over time, 8 weeks is an INFANT, don't expect him to be bonded to you right away, and he doesn't know yet that he is supposed to be cuddling with a human when he probably was doing that with his littermates just a few weeks ago. Please be patient, he will be as awesome at Abe was in time.

We love pictures, feel free to post lots!


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## julliams (Oct 27, 2010)

I'm no expert - I should start by saying this - our pup has been home exactly one week! I want to tell you not to worry. I worried and wondered about this myself.

My neighbour is a bit of a dog whisperer and she told me that in order to establish a bond your pup needs to see you as the provider of EVERYTHING. I would recommend hand feeding your pup his kibble for the next few days. Just measure out his daily food (or separate meals if you like) into a ziplock baggie. You can praise him just for sitting there and being good. You can praise as much as you like and whenever you like and pretty much for whatever you like. Also all the toys and playtime should come directly from you. If you leave toys lying around, your dog will choose when to play with them. If the toys and the playtime comes from you, he will seek you out to play. We have a box and when playtime is done, all the toys go away. It takes a bit of diligence on our part (and let's face it, mostly it's me) but it seems to be working ok.

A bond is something that needs to be worked at. I had a bad day this week where I was all teary because Zali had barked for two hours in her crate and it upset me (plus I hadn't slept properly in 4 days!!!). My neighbour said - how do you feel about it. I told her I felt tired, frustrated and when she was barking for all that time it made me feel even mad (we never went to her - we stayed in our bedroom). 

She told me that what I needed to do was to cast aside all of my feelings and deal with each situation at hand. She told me that it was like being an ambulance officer - you can't let the situation affect you personally because the dog is not being personal. She told me that I might be feeling tired and annoyed, but I need to throw that out the window, feed her, play with her, teach her tricks and get on with it - which you say you are doing with your pup. My pup needs to see me as the centre of her world. If I let my emotions get in the way, this is seen as a weakness to my dog and she will look to someone else to lead her - or else establish herself as leader. 

Well it didn't take long for me to get it, and things have been alot better since that day. I have to tell you that Zali is not interested in cuddling with us either. She wants to play and when she is done, she want's to sleep. If I pick her up and take her on my lap for a cuddle, she would rather be on the floor. She does follow me around though. I'm sitting here with my laptop at the moment and she is asleep here at my feet.

Your puppy is just young. He will come to love you and think the world of you. He may not be the same as your other dog was, but that's ok. You'll come to love this dog for what he is and for what he brings to your family. Maybe you are mourning your first dog still too. My heart goes out to you. I know things will improve.

All the best.


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## BayBeams (Jan 3, 2010)

I think it may have more to do with your sadness over the recent loss of your other dog. I remember when my previous Golden, Cassie, died and I got a new pup, Baylee, about a month later, I used to feel angry that my new pup was not "like" the one that died. All I could see was that the new puppy was independent and didn't want to be cuddled. I missed my old dog so much and it brought me sadness that I didn't feel the same attachment to the puppy that I had with the Cassie.
All that has changed and I truly love Baylee. She is nine now and we couldn't be more bonded. She is very different from my previuos dog but loveable in her own special way.

Take the time to mourn the loss of your other dog and try not to expect too much from your puppy yet.
I am so sorry for your loss...7 is way too young.
Good Luck with the new youngster! Feel free to share your thoughts and pictures on the forum. You will get plenty of help and support.


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## jackie_hubert (Jun 2, 2010)

Check out this recent thread: http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...why-wont-my-four-month-old-golden-cuddle.html. There are many many threads likes this one. 

A lot of us notice that our young pups are quite independent. Our own Cosmo was quite the grump and acted as though he really didn't like us. He wouldn't even come and play with us. Now at 8 months...well...this is right now:


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## Conoad (Dec 15, 2010)

Thank you all so much. I know you are right. He is just a baby. The toy tip is great, will start that tomorrow. He is a sweet and adorable pup and I'm sure we will find our groove soon. I worry that we may have gotten a puppy too soon. We lost our dog very quickly after we found out he had cancer. Our family was heartbroken. I know it was the right thing for the kids. I didn't realize having a new pup would make me miss my dog so much. Amazing how much we can love these creatures!!


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## Willow52 (Aug 14, 2009)

Your little guy hasn't learned yet that you are his human. Give him time, that cuddly dog will soon emerge and become your shadow.


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## sadiegold (Nov 3, 2010)

I wondered if we got Sadie too soon (oct) after savannah passed (may) and the first two weeks I felt so many things, including wondering if I could love Sadie as much as she deserved...fast forward to December and my depth of love for her is too great to calculate!


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## Charms (Jun 17, 2010)

I have felt exactly the same way as you many times. My puppy is 10 months old now and I am just starting to see signs of affection from him. This is actually a common 'complaint' of new puppy owners so don't feel like you're alone.

First of all, are you sure it's aggression your puppy is showing? Maybe it's just high spirits or invites to play. My guy used to chase me around nipping at me with his razor sharp puppy teeth but he hasn't an aggressive bone in his body. I made sure I handled him all over right from the start, I put my hands in his food bowl while he was eating, I took toys and bones out of his mouth with the 'give' command and gave them back so he knew I wasn't a threat. Just the boss. 

I think while puppies are discovering all the myriad of things around them as they grow, affection to us is just not their top priority. Especially with the confident puppies. They know we care for them, feed them, walk them, play with them, protect them etc. Maybe they take that a little for granted as babies. My dog still gets more excited to greet each and every stranger he sees than he does when I come home from work. Yeah, sometimes it stings a bit and sometimes I am more sensitive about it. But as he grows up and we get to know each other, I can feel the love from him growing. 

When I give him the 'go play' release, he'll bound off through the park but every now and then he stops to see if I'm coming. It's a little thing but it warms my heart to see him looking back for me like he's making sure I'm okay. He also likes to be with me more in the house, while I doing dishes or watching t.v., he likes to sit or lie beside me. Not obsessively, he just wants to be where I am most of the time. And then sometimes when I'm brushing him or stroking his chest or just hanging out with him I'll look at him and see those melting brown eyes looking into mine. I don't care what anyone says - I can see love in those eyes. 

Just keep building the bond with your puppy. Spend one on one time with him, play with him a lot and let him know you are always there for him (just on your terms LOL).


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## iansgran (May 29, 2010)

My Jaro is 8 months like Cosmo and at first he was not much of a cuddler, but now he has to be in the same room with me all the time, not always touching but always close. We too got him soon after our older Golden died and have had many times when we questioned if we did the right thing but am sure we did now. It takes a little while for both of you to bond with the other


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## sdain31y (Jul 5, 2010)

I don't think all goldens are cuddlers. Like people, there are some that want/need lots of connection and some want their "space". We have one of each, but love them the same! 

Ours that isn't a cuddler is often demonstrative to friends & the Vet, but not so much to us. But, when she does give us a cuddle or kiss - its so sweet and very special.


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## Pointgold (Jun 6, 2007)

This sounds like an awesome puppy to me. He plays appropriately with you and then, rather than being overstimulated which can manifest in unwanted behavior, he goes and lays down to sleep! I'll take him! This sounds like a confident and relaxed pup, and really, IMO, speaks nothing to him not bonding with you. Please be careful to NOT create an overdependant dog who cannot handle not being in your sight at all time, which can then become separation anxiety and manifest in destructive and harmful behaviors. 
This puppy sounds terrific, and as he grows up, and you've had fun training and spending time together, will be a well rounded, confident adult.
Congrats!


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## Sally's Mom (Sep 20, 2010)

My first golden was my idea of the perfect golden.. I thought all goldens were like her as her owner was a client of mine and all of her dogs were very similar in temperament. I got golden #2 when the other girl was 5 years old. It was still a very hard adjustment. Golden #2 seemed very "independent" and was so much more confident. However, we spent alot of time together training for obedience titles which really bonds you! And she grew up with my kids and was just devoted to them.

3 1/2 years ago, I bred a litter... one of the owners was a client of my veterinarian husband. She called him up for 2 weeks straight "complaining" about the puppy. She said,"he doesn't like us...he won't watch a movie with us(instead when he was tired, he would go off into the other room to sleep). "He won't housetrain"(they gave an 8 week old puppy the run of the house). The list went on and on. So when the pup was 10 weeks old(mind you she never called me). I called her and told her that what he was doing was normal. It was apparent that her previous dog never did anything wrong. I offered to take the pup back and give her a full refund. She refused. 4 months later in January, out of the blue, she wanted full registration... now, he was a terrific dog(he was quite handsome and I suspect people were saying to her,"Are you going to breed him?"). She said she wanted to "show him." Yeah right. She took him down to see the stud dog owner who hit the nail on the head, she believed that she was not over grieving for her first dog.(That's my point for this lengthy dissertation) Lo and behold the Monday after Easter that year, her husband calls my husband and wants to return the dog. And she made sure he was neutered. In any case, it all worked out..he was extremely head shy when he came back, so they were likely not being nice to him. A couple fell in love with him the next day and he went home with them. He still has a good home today.

Not all goldens like to cuddle either. I have some who want to be near me, others who want to be on top of me.


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## Bender (Dec 30, 2008)

With the toys, you can get some light rope/string and cut it into 4 foot lengths. Tie a loop on one end, string the rope through and then put a toy in the 'noose' and pull it tight. Then when you play with him, keep one end of the string. You become the toy that way, they're all attached to you, the fun one. 

He sounds like a pretty normal puppy, they're wanting to explore and go do things, they'll settle down and not all like to sleep or snuggle with you. Doing more to be the 'provider' will help, as will attaching his leash to you for part of the day so he's with you and connected.


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

Sally's Mom said:


> 3 1/2 years ago, I bred a litter... one of the owners was a client of my veterinarian husband. She called him up for 2 weeks straight "complaining" about the puppy. She said,"he doesn't like us...he won't watch a movie with us(instead when he was tired, he would go off into the other room to sleep). "He won't housetrain"(they gave an 8 week old puppy the run of the house). The list went on and on. So when the pup was 10 weeks old(mind you she never called me). I called her and told her that what he was doing was normal. It was apparent that her previous dog never did anything wrong. I offered to take the pup back and give her a full refund. She refused. 4 months later in January, out of the blue, she wanted full registration... now, he was a terrific dog(he was quite handsome and I suspect people were saying to her,"Are you going to breed him?"). She said she wanted to "show him." Yeah right. She took him down to see the stud dog owner who hit the nail on the head, she believed that she was not over grieving for her first dog.(That's my point for this lengthy dissertation) Lo and behold the Monday after Easter that year, her husband calls my husband and wants to return the dog. And she made sure he was neutered. In any case, it all worked out..he was extremely head shy when he came back, so they were likely not being nice to him. A couple fell in love with him the next day and he went home with them. He still has a good home today.


This is horrible. I'm so glad you refused full registration and the dog is in a good home today. Some people should not have dogs or kids. 



> I don't think all goldens are cuddlers. Like people, there are some that want/need lots of connection and some want their "space".


Absolutely agree. 

And even when you have cuddlers, you need to be careful not to smother them, otherwise you get a dog really mouthing and sassing you every time you reach to pick him up. Most dogs, even my cuddler Jacks, do not like being held or confined and they will fight their way out. 

About cuddler vs independant - I've had four goldens in my life, and only the last one (Jacks) was and is the super bonded type or as Pointgold suggested "needy". I have pictures of him when he was a puppy where he was constantly sitting on my feet and trying to get me to pick him up. 

This is not really a problem at home when I'm at work... mainly because when he was a puppy he would visit with people in the morning and get his breakfast, and then he would go back down to his dog cave (my bedroom) and quietly wait for me. He did not have seperation anxiety, but at the same time my mom felt sorry for him because he was missing out on a lot of family time while he'd go off to wait for me. 

And he's still like that... right down to me being on vacation and sleeping in every day. He gives up his breakfast and early playtime just to stay with me, or he will go off and do those things and come running back to be with me.

I'm aware that the above situation is weird and does not happen too often, because he is the first golden I've had who has been that bondy. And that is OK. Because every other dog I've owned bonded with me in a different way. Their eyes lit up and they had happy fits when I came home and they thrived on attention when I offered it. I wouldn't worry too much about your puppy not liking you right now. That will happen, and your puppy might have his own way of showing his love for you.

But as I said - the important thing is to make sure that when you pay attention to the puppy, that it is always a positive thing. Keep the hugs and kisses short. Keep playtime short (especially for puppies who have short attention spans) so you are the one clapping your hands and sending the puppy off to do his own thing. Let the puppy be with you and be encouraged to be off on his own and playing - we used our baby gate a lot in the first year. This was to keep him in the same room as we were, so no accidents, and it helped him learn to be relaxed and settled when we weren't necessarily paying attention or playing with him. 

Have fun<:

ETA - and don't feel guilty about bringing a puppy home too soon. The best healing for loss is a new life and new love. When we lost our Sammy (December of 2007), it hurt doubly hard because we knew it wouldn't be long before we lost his brother too. So we rushed out and adopted the young collie who needed a home and we contacted breeders for a golden puppy. The collie came home four weeks after Sammy's death. The golden puppy came home 2 months later. And it was the best thing for our family, especially my older sister who had plummeted into deep depression over Sammy's loss. That collie helped her get over the bridge between grief and peace. For myself, that golden puppy was there to help me with my grief over Sammy's loss and the inevitable loss of our other old golden. It helped keep me sane.


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## kira (Jan 13, 2009)

Give it some time. It took awhile for the Murphster and I to build a bond. I questioned for the first month or so after I got him whether it had even really been a good idea! I loved him, sure, but trying to cuddle with him was a bit like cuddling with a shark and he was not particularly interested in cuddling with me.

Now he is just under 2 years and I know now EXACTLY what people mean when they talk about their "heart" dog. Murphy is my best friend and he is the cuddliest beast ever. He sleeps under the covers with me. 

8 weeks is way too young to really know whether you'll have a cuddler or not, but I think in time you probably will!


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

It has really helped me to learn to think like a dog. They don't necessarily express bonding and affection through cuddling. In my personal experience, temperature has a lot more to do with whether or not a dog wants to cuddle than anything else. If your house is warm, he's going to look for a cool spot to sleep, perhaps on hard wood or tile, or maybe up against a wall. He may also seek out sheltered places to sleep (in a crate, under a table, etc.) since they feel naturally more comfortable in a protected space. If it's cold, he's more likely to lean up against something warm (like a person or another dog).

None of this is a snub to you. In fact, puppies who feel very secure about the people they've bonded to may actually show _less_ excitement and _less_ need to be all over those people. You're like gravity. They need it, appreciate it, and rely on it, but they don't get excited when they notice it, they don't always pay attention to it, and they always feel it there, even though they can't see it.

As they get older, they tend to learn how to get the kind of petting or attention they want, so you can encourage snuggling in an adult dog by giving a special ear rub or something similar when the dog finally does come over to try to snuggle.

Oh, and one thing I forgot: many dogs don't like to be held unless they're taught to associate it with other things they like. So if you leave an arm lying on a dog when he's lying next to you, he may get up just so it's not on top of him anymore. Same goes for holding the dog. Many don't like the feeling of being wrapped up by an arm and will sit a short distance off in order to avoid that.


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## Dallas Gold (Dec 22, 2007)

Our Toby's puppyhood can only be described as Hell on Earth. We both thought he would never bond with us or with Barkley. He was definitely not anything like our first Golden that we adopted from a shelter at 4 months of age. We ultimately survived his puppy years, all 4+ of them, and when he was 5 he breathed a huge sigh of relief and is now a little love bug, very cuddly, with his legs opened for belly rubs everytime we relax together on a sofa. He's still high energy, extremely mischievous, but when he decides to rest it is usually right next to us. Last February we lost power in our home for over 3 days when a rare 12.5 inch snowfall hit Dallas and tree branches fell breaking power lines. Toby literally became my warming blanket! During Barkley's cancer journey Toby was Barkley's little shadow, always keeping an eye on him and actually running upstairs to bark at me, leading me downstairs to help Barkley out the door to take care of business. Barkley was wearing an e-collar after his splenectomy and could not negotiate the dog door. Toby noticed and performed his "Lassie" imitation. I could not ask for a more fun loving and cuddly companion today!

Give your puppy time to mature and blossom and it will happen!


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## Lilliam (Apr 28, 2010)

It's been said many times before, but not all puppies bond the same way and not all cuddle.
I see a tons of pictures with Max's sister being cuddled, but Max didn't begin to cuddle until recently. He always went to lie down next to Billy, our middle aged border collie. But I've always noticed that when he's strapped in the car when I pick him up from day care, he will invariably put his head on my lap. Now, as he's gotten older, he's started to jump on me when I work at home, to lie down on my lap...as I type this he came in from the living room, looked at me, and jumped on me. But he doesn't like to be held. He's *with* me but not *on* me. That's fine, I don't want him overly dependent on me.
On grieving - I lost my Cassie in April and I still cry over her. No dog will ever replace her. But Max has done an admirably fine job of helping me heal. He's not Cassie, he's Max. For all of us there is one dog who is our soul, our heart. But each one brings with him love and companionship. It's normal that they're not the same.


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