# Can you encourage a dog to cuddle?



## Wally (Jun 24, 2009)

*HELP!!! Can you encourage a dog to cuddle?*

Hi All, I have read a number of posts and did not see anything that I can use for this issue that my wife would like to get some help with. We have a 15 month old male golden retriever who will jump on the couch and cuddle with our in-laws as well as other guests but will not do the same for me and my wife. We had another golden for 11 years who thought he was a lap dog and would always lay across my wife’s lap. If she was on the couch he would be right up there with her. We like that behavior but for some reason our new puppy will sit next to us if we have a treat for him or at the end of the evening when he is really tired (typically only a few minutes before we head to bed) but this is only for a few minutes. We would like him to lay next to us on the couch and in bed. Any thoughts on how to encourage this behavior with us? 

For some background here is what we do on a daily basis:

Every morning I get up and after his breakfast but before I head out to work I take him for a 20-30 minute brisk walk, 1.5-2 miles. 
Depending on the day of the week:
Monday, Wednesday, and Friday: he goes to an office place and is the greeter of the visitors to the office 
Tuesday & Thursday he goes to doggie day care with about 20-30 dogs depending on the day
Saturday & Sunday he is home with either me and/or my wife as we sometimes work on Saturdays

In the late afternoon before his dinner he will typically get to play with 1 -3 of the neighborhood labs for 30 – 60 minutes
After his dinner we will play tug, hide-n-seek, or wrestle with him for a while each night
Another thing to note is that he seems to like to be petted by other people. When visitors come he will sit and allow them to pet him and does not shirk away. Conversely, when we pet him many times he lets us do it for a minute or so then backs away, just out of our reach. When others pet him (including people he has just met) he'll sit there for 10 - 20 minutes or more looking like he loves it. We have used positive reinforcement training techniques, he has been to formal training both puppy manor, intermediate, and a series of drop-in classes for recall and build on the intermediate skills. He is very well behaved and listens to both me and my wife. He does not move away from our hands unless we pet him for more than a minute. Conversely, he’ll allow us to check his body for ticks and just a general rub/brushing from us and not move. It is more the casual petting when he shirks away from us.There are times when he is affectionate and licks our faces, and he often comes to us to looking to play.

We realize that all dogs have different personalities and some are more cuddly than others. If he didn’t cuddle with anyone, we could say okay that’s just how he is. But he does cuddle with everyone EXCEPT us, and we’re trying to figure out why. We’ve never done anything to hurt or make him afraid of us…is it possible that we trained the affection for us out of him by being such strong alpha figures? 

I think I have given you a lot of information and hopefully many of you out there can give me some advice and guidance that I have seen you give to so many others out there. This is my first post, thanks in advance and any help would be great... 

[Wally]


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

Geez, I don't know. It almost sounds like he respects you and your wife totally and is not willing to "step on your toes" so to speak. It doesn't sound like fear, it sounds like he is putting boundaries up because he thinks that's the proper thing to do. I don't have any suggestions off the top of my head.


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

Welcome to the forum! If he is fifteen months, how long have you had him?

Somehow I think he is trying to please you and follow your commands. What is his name?


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## Wally (Jun 24, 2009)

Abbydabbydo said:


> Welcome to the forum! If he is fifteen months, how long have you had him?
> 
> Somehow I think he is trying to please you and follow your commands. What is his name?


Thanks, we adopted Wally at 9 weeks. He is very obedient, I am just wondering how you achieve the balance between obedience and affection. He will cuddle/snuggle with everyone else. So, how do we encourage him to do it with us?


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## Lucky's mom (Nov 4, 2005)

Lucky was very uncuddly until he hit a year. He gets more and more lap doggish as he gets older.

When he was a pup before he became a lap dog....I used to have treats in my hand or pockets to initiate "cuddling time". Its amazing how lubby dubby they get when food is around....

I don't see it as bribery....I see it as a time to bond.


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## Doodle (Apr 6, 2009)

Well, I'm not going to be any help at all because Brady behaves a lot like Wally! He's very well behaved (most of the time anyway), friendly and affectionate, but he is snuggly only with other people. He is a little with my DH too, but hardly ever with me. I was the primary trainer, maybe a little more than my husband, so maybe that has something to do with it???? Like you said in your post and others have mentioned it too, maybe he's showing you and your wife the utmost respect. As for how you achieve both respect and snuggling, I don't know. I've made a point to be Brady's "pal" as well as his trainer, and I've tried bribing him to cuddle with me with treats, but as soon as the treats are gone, so is he! Sorry I'm not much help, except to maybe confirm that your dog is not the only one that acts like this...and Brady is about the same age too. I'll be watching this thread in hopes of learning what I can do too!!


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

How about "training" (rewarding) him for sitting next to you on the couch. Keep a pocketful of treats and dole them out over time as you are petting him. He doesn't want to sleep with you, right? Does he sleep in your room? 

Maybe get down on the floor with him and give him tummy rubs and treats? 

Good luck!


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## Lucky's mom (Nov 4, 2005)

Abbydabbydo said:


> How about "training" (rewarding) him for sitting next to you on the couch. Keep a pocketful of treats and dole them out over time as you are petting him. He doesn't want to sleep with you, right? Does he sleep in your room?
> 
> Maybe get down on the floor with him and give him tummy rubs and treats?
> 
> Good luck!


I get after my daughter....I used to see Lucky in her bed after tucking her in and I would give her the "why you shouldn't bring dogfood in your bed" lecture.

But interestingly enough....NOW he often will just jump in no rewarding needed.


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## FlyingQuizini (Oct 24, 2006)

I think some of it's age, but there are definitely some things you can do to help encourage snuggly-ness:

If he likes to be brushed, spend a few mins calmly grooming at the end of each day. Sit on the floor with him, let him stretch out and brush away!

If he likes bone chewing, get a large Nylabone, sit with him on the floor and share the bone -- you hold it, he chews it. Calmly praise and pet.

Experiment with HOW he likes to be touched. Quiz LOVES to have his feet rubbed! He also likes a nice, slow massage around the ears. I learned this b/c when he was younger, I'd sit and slowly pet him different ways along his body. 

You can try pairing snuggle time with treats, but in my mind, snuggle time is about the dog fully relaxing and many dogs can't relax when they know there are cookies to be had. See what kind of response you get with the treats.

On the daycare days, he may just be worn out and needs some "alone time." I think it's easy to underestimate how potentially over-stimulating a full day of running around with 20 other dogs can be.

Hope that helps!


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## Doodle (Apr 6, 2009)

Awesome advice here...I love it!


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## Wally (Jun 24, 2009)

Thanks for all the advise. We will give it a try and report back...


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