# Lost without my Simon



## sophieanne (Feb 4, 2014)

I've come to this site for years but never written. Right now it is very difficult to write partly because since I lost him last Monday (the 27th) I feel like I've been hit by a bomb .. i'm numb...i still don't really know what hit us.

Simon has been my little boy since he was 10 weeks old. My husband always joked hat he was a mommy's boy because he wouldn't do anything (go for a walk or car ride unless he knew i was there and ready to go with him). He would stand by the door and whine as soon as he heard my car pull in after work every day and he always waited for me outside he shower every day.

My poor baby was 10..would've been 11 on March 8th. What happened, although not totally unexpected is still a major shock and my family (myself, husband and our 7 year old golden Sophie) is in a state of loss and confusion.

Simon was having problems for the past 2 years. I called him my lump-a-laurus because he had all sorts of little lumps on him. We would take him to the vet and were continuously told, not to worry, they're just fatty cells. The growth continued and continued, to the point that one of the lumps started in his leg and expanded all across his tummy..it was massive. There was one time i took him to the vet and was asked what lump, I don't see anything. I knew at that point my baby was in trouble. I took him back a couple more times and had them do needle aspirates. The tests came back inconclusive from both the vet's office and the lab. That to me was too much. It reached a point where he could not climb stares without us behind him and every morning my husband would help him up on the bed so he could lie down beside me. I miss that little face so much. My younger dog loved him so much and would give him lots of kisses and play with him whenever he was wiling. We all went for lots of walks but over the past 2 months our walks were cut way back because he had to make lots of stops along the way.

Could I have taken him to another vet..possibly but I decided I didn't want to. I had previously lost my first golden at 3 years old to kidney failure and then my second one to lymphoma at 9. We were in Florida at the time and took her for chemo at one of the universities. It helped for a short time but she lost to the battle 3 months later and i realized it was for me she was going though chemo for....advances have been made but some cancers can't be beaten.

Anyhow last Monday, Simon was not himself....he tried to wander away when my husband walked him (something he had never done) and when he came in and jumped up on the bed he slid off and his foot got stuck. He didn't make a sound, I saw him and helped him down. His lip was sagging and his eyes were somewhere else. He actually looked at me like he didn't know who I was. I'm suspecting now he had a stroke.

We left him until lunch and when we came home he couldn't even stand up...he was lying on his side, his eyes somewhere else. We took him outside and for the first time ever he just lied down on his side, didn't want to move or couldn't. We decided at that time that his time must've come.

We spent a couple hours with him (although he wasn't really with us) and made an appt with the vet. We put him in the car and off we went. This dog has always been a lover of car rides..we could take him on a 10 hour drive and he would sit up he entire time and pant and look around at everythng occasionally moving from side to side. This was the only time it wasn't the case...he lied on his side and didn't move...didn' even acknowledge us as we talked to him.

At the vet he walked in to the room and just laid down...no acknowledgement of anything or anyone. We had the vet do a check to make sure here was nothing we were missing. She said no, that in addition to the major lump growths on his body (and i mean major) which were probably cancer and the lip sagging he was probably now having a neurological problem and there was probably nothing we could do for him. They would be happy to do massive blood tests and ultraounds but reality is we would put him through a lot and he wouldn't end up coming home. He didn't even move when she touched him. She also commented his body was really cold because his breathing had slowed down to next to nothing. I'm suspecting we would've lost him that night had we not taken him in. I would never have wanted him to suffer so I'm glad we did what we did.

Having said that, I miss him more than anything in this world. The pain is unbearable. The 3 of us are lost and don't know how to act with each other. My Sophie is very confused..sometimes she's playful and full of energy sometimes she's very quiet and almost depressed. We've been taking her for walk after walk after walk. I'm hoping it does good for all of us.

I love golden retrievers so much but the breed seems so flawed. Losing 3 of them has been so painful. The day after when I had my shower I couldn't get out of the shower for 20 minutes..i knew the pain that was going to be there when I got out and Simon wasn't there.

I'm sorry for going on and on. I just want to say thank you for having this site where people can write and get things off their chest.

I've attached a picture of Simon and Sophie (Simon of course is the one in front). My heart goes out to everyone else going through the loss of their fur baby. May we all find peace in the memories of the love and joy they always brought us.


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## GoldenMum (Mar 15, 2010)

I am so sorry of your loss of Simon, he sounds like he was a wonderful boy. He had a wonderful life with you, and I can understand your pain. We never have them long enough, give your Sophie extra hugs tonight, and know my heart is breaking for you.


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## sophieanne (Feb 4, 2014)

*Thank you goldenmom*

Your dogs pictures are beautiful...my heart goes out too you!!!


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Simon*

I am SO VERY SORRY about Simon.
I know my Smooch and Snobear are with him.
Your Sophie and Simon-what a beautiful picture!!

I added Simon to the 2014 Rainbow Bridge List!

http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...bow-bridge-list-grf-2014-a-3.html#post4127498


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## Shellbug (Nov 14, 2013)

I am so sorry. I feel horrible for you. Reading this broke my heart. I know when I lost Jago I would drive in my car instead of come home because I would have a full on panic attack knowing he was not going to greet me at the door. It was so painful to come home. I can imagine that is what your showers are like now  


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## sophieanne (Feb 4, 2014)

*Thank you shellbug*

I appreciate your note...sharing feelings and stories with similarities helps so much. Knowing that others understand what you feel and are going through. Thank you for your kindness.


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## randi (May 9, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Simon had a beautiful smile. Please give Sophie a hug for me.


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## Maxepie (Jan 25, 2014)

I am so sorry for your loss. Simon sounds like my Max E when it came to being mummy's boy. 
Your description of that final day is heartbreaking. That's how I also felt at the time - so helpless. In the days that follow I keep going over those last days thinking about what I could have done differently. 
I don't like going home - it's so empty without him. 

I understand your pain and my heart goes out to you.


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## love never dies (Jul 31, 2012)

I am so sorry. We understand your pain. Rest in peace - Simon. 
Hugs to your family and Sophie.


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## sdshannon (Aug 3, 2013)

He is resting easy on the other
side of the rainbow bridge for you. Peace be with you and Sophie.


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## Pudden (Dec 28, 2008)

so sorry. My dear Pudden died in October, and I'm still so sad about it, although the days do get better. Simon was loved till the end, and you were there for him. Nothing better you could have done. He did live a good long while - age 11 is about average for goldens I think. He didn't miss out  He was lucky to be with such good people.


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## sophieanne (Feb 4, 2014)

Pudden said:


> so sorry. My dear Pudden died in October, and I'm still so sad about it, although the days do get better. Simon was loved till the end, and you were there for him. Nothing better you could have done. He did live a good long while - age 11 is about average for goldens I think. He didn't miss out  He was lucky to be with such good people.


Thanks for your note and I'm so sorry for your loss of Pudden. It'll be 3 weeks on Monday and right now it feels like a lifetime...i miss him so much. I know we did everything we could for him..I just wish we could've had more time. I'm going to savor every moment we still have with Miss Sophie.


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

I am so, so sorry for your loss of Simon, tears are falling down reading your post. I felt your way after I lost my Buddy for very, very long time. To this day I miss him and wish I could give him one more hug. Still at night I feel he is there, laying next to my bed, my Buddy waiting for me to stretch my hand to give him a good nigh pet.


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## Cuddysmom (Feb 6, 2014)

Oh, Simon. I'm so sorry for you guys!! Sending you hugs right now. 


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