# 9 years old - Aggressive Stomach Cancer + Not Eating - Need Advice Please



## Toby's Human (6 d ago)

I came onto this forum to equip myself with all the information I needed to go through life with my very first dog, Toby. That was more than 9 years ago. I remember being excited to take it all the information I would need to crate train, to grass train him, to clicker train. I read all your stories anticipating my very own heart dog.

So it's with great sadness that I make this post today. Toby has chronic vomiting issues. At first we thought he needed more food or smaller portions and more mealtimes. But then the vomiting got worse so we went to the vet. On the same day we went to the vet, Toby refused to eat anything for breakfast. And he's refused all food since then, we have had to feed him a little chicken slurry by syringe. Thankfully he still drank water. Due to not eating, he's also lost a lot of weight, and has become lethargic and tired. He can't be active for long, he tires very fast. He spends most of his time lying down. He's also nauseous, and we give him medicine for that and sometimes painkillers. He spent one night in the hospital after his gastroscopy on IV drip.

And the news came back on Saturday - that it was stomach cancer. It's apparently rare and aggressive, and detection is only at the very late stage and the vet says it likely has spread to elsewhere. The report showed a large mass at his stomach and apparently ulcers. There's also a mass in his spleen.

I didn't want to lose hope yet. We considered surgery, and we waited to speak to the surgeon today. But the surgeon said that any surgery wouldn't prolong Toby's life, and may even have complications. They also can't remove the whole stomach. We also considered a feeding tube to help Toby maintain nutrition even without surgery, but this wasn't a painless option because the vet can't confirm that the vomiting will stop, and if he does continue vomiting we wouldn't be able to continue feeding him. I can tell that the vet doesn't approve of either option.

I've been thinking about euthanasia. Toby's my first dog, and I never thought I would be confronted with this choice so quickly. He's only 9 and he's never shown any signs of illness before the chronic vomiting. We've always had his lumps checked out, and health checks every year. The vet always told me how healthy he was for his age. Though he had a little arthritis, he still loves swimming, running, going on adventures, chilling at cafes together. It's going to be Chinese New Year soon, and I wanted to get him some goodies like I do every year. And his 10th birthday is on 14 April.

But I also know he's not the same. He's tired. There are times he's in pain. Even then, he stays next to me. He keeps both eyes on me, and he wants to be together. But he can't really go on adventures anymore. He can't stand for long, it's too tiring. He probably won't like eating or keeping food down, due to the ulcers in his tummy. It's sad then I can't even give him McDonalds or his favourite treats now. He turns away.

Though he spends most of the day sleeping, he's awake and interested when we bring him out for the vet visits. He wags his tail, shows his bright eyes, and is able to walk a little fast when we put on his collar and leash, because he loves going out.

I'm now left with what seems to be only option to put him down soon, because I cannot let him starve himself any further. But when I see how happy and bright he is outside, and how he's almost like himself again, I question am I doing the right thing? Does he still have a chance and am I taking it away from him? Also, how long can he go on like this without eating (and drinking too little), and should I end things soon?

I have to say that in my consideration is also that Toby hates being away from me, from home. He barked the entire night when he was in hospital for drip. So if the end is really coming, I can't bring myself to subject him to another surgery and hospital stay (for longer) without any promise that things will get better, not worse. And he hasn't eaten by himself for more than a week now, we've been syringe-feeding him but I know it's definitely not enough.

Would be grateful for any words of advice about my Bestest Friend in the World. I can't imagine life without him, but he is the most important.


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## Sankari (12 mo ago)

I'm so terribly sorry to hear about this 🙁 what has your vet advised you as your next course of action? This is terribly difficult... I know this can't be easy for you or Toby. 

Perhaps in the coming hours other members will have better advice for you.


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## Toby's Human (6 d ago)

Sankari said:


> I'm so terribly sorry to hear about this 🙁 what has your vet advised you as your next course of action? This is terribly difficult... I know this can't be easy for you or Toby.
> 
> Perhaps in the coming hours other members will have better advice for you.


The vet surgeon we spoke to today was unfortunately (or fortunately?) quite clear in terms of both surgery and the feeding tube options not being the best choice for Toby's best interests. She also said we shouldn't prolong his pain.

I've made an appointment for PTS tomorrow night.


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## Tricia (Jul 30, 2013)

You will need courage to go through with this, but it sounds like the right decision. We lost our 8year old some years ago to the same symptoms you describe. They are so clever at hiding their pains until it becomes too much for them, and even then they try to persuade you that they are okay. I feel for you, all the best.


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## AmberSunrise (Apr 1, 2009)

I am truly sorry to read this, but admire your vet for being so clear.

I never want my dogs to be frightened, scared or dying in pain while I am not with them. When I can no longer make them better, I will ease them into their next phase while I can be with them, comforting & being with them as they pass over. 

While It may sound cliche, I think euthanasia with you by their side is the final gift of love .

May light be with you as you travel this path. It is very hard.


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## Toby's Human (6 d ago)

Tricia said:


> You will need courage to go through with this, but it sounds like the right decision. We lost our 8year old some years ago to the same symptoms you describe. They are so clever at hiding their pains until it becomes too much for them, and even then they try to persuade you that they are okay. I feel for you, all the best.


I agree. He's so quietly brave and I wonder if I'm failing him by not trying harder to keep him, but it seems like the road ahead will only have more pain in store. Thank you for your words.


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## Deborus12 (Nov 5, 2017)

I am so sorry for you and Toby. We went through the exact same illness with one of our pups in 2017. She was only 5 years old, and it came on very quickly. The hospital suggested many procedures for her but in the end, it just took away any good days she could have had. You are making the right decision for him while he is himself. This is the greatest gift of love you can give him... to be with him and ease his pain. My heart goes out to you.


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## Toby's Human (6 d ago)

AmberSunrise said:


> I am truly sorry to read this, but admire your vet for being so clear.
> 
> I never want my dogs to be frightened, scared or dying in pain while I am not with them. When I can no longer make them better, I will ease them into their next phase while I can be with them, comforting & being with them as they pass over.
> 
> ...


It's hard because it's so sudden - he appeared so bright just 2 weeks ago. But I appreciate your words and I know what you mean. We've scheduled an appointment with a home call vet tomorrow night for it to happen, and my family and I will be by his side. I can't bear for him to leave me, but I can't delay it any longer. I feel like the guilt will kill me both ways, but I've read that one week too early is better than one day too late.


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## Toby's Human (6 d ago)

Deborus12 said:


> I am so sorry for you and Toby. We went through the exact same illness with one of our pups in 2017. She was only 5 years old, and it came on very quickly. The hospital suggested many procedures for her but in the end, it just took away any good days she could have had. You are making the right decision for him while he is himself. This is the greatest gift of love you can give him... to be with him and ease his pain. My heart goes out to you.


Thank you for sharing this. I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that as well. It's so unfortunate because their joy in food is taken away so suddenly and so much changes in such a short time. The vet told us the cancer might have started more than 6 months ago, it's just that we wouldn't have known.

Toby's such an angel, and I know even as he's not feeling his best he tries to respond to me. I can't give him enough back for the love he has shown me.


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## Hildae (Aug 15, 2012)

lovefallacy said:


> I agree. He's so quietly brave and I wonder if I'm failing him by not trying harder to keep him, but it seems like the road ahead will only have more pain in store. Thank you for your words.


I lost one of mine at 9 to hermangiosarcoma. It was awful and I was angry because I felt he and I got cheated of time together that we should have had. 
But something I was told that stays with me is "Better one day early than one day too late." Meaning, better to PTS when they still have a tiny bit of quality left than to wait until they're suffering agonizingly. 
I'm so sorry that you're going through this, I know the pain is intense.


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## 3goldens2keep (Feb 13, 2019)

I have had nine Golden's over many years. Many of them died with cancer. In each case their came a time where the best option was to not let the dog suffer and have them put down. That is the loving thing to do for them. They give us so much as with the unconditional love throughout their lives. Therefore, when the time comes, we must return that love and put them out of their pain, regardless of how hard it is for us to do. I also stay with them throughout this process. 

Sometimes vets will come to your home to do this, which makes it much better for the dog. But many vets do not offer this, so I go with the pup and stay with them until they have passed. It is very, very, hard and painful to do...but over the long run you will feel better that you did.


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## Hildae (Aug 15, 2012)

3goldens2keep said:


> I have had nine Golden's over many years. Many of them died with cancer. In each case their came a time where the best option was to not let the dog suffer and have them put down. That is the loving thing to do for them. They give us so much as with the unconditional love throughout their lives. Therefore, when the time comes, we must return that love and put them out of their pain, regardless of how hard it is for us to do. I also stay with them throughout this process. *Sometimes vets will come to your home to do this, which makes it much better for the dog. * But many vets do not offer this, so I go with the pup and stay with them until they have passed. It is very, very, hard and painful to do...but over the long run you will feel better that you did.


This is a good point for anyone reading. I didn't like taking my dog somewhere he wasn't fond of for his last moments. I've since found a vet that will come to our home for the next time we need such a service. (Hopefully won't need it for a long time, but I feel like this is one of those things that should be in place beforehand so you aren't scrambling in a moment of grief to arrange for it.)


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## FUReverGolden (Nov 24, 2021)

I am so very sorry to read of Toby's diagnosis. Cancer in our beloved Goldens is cruel and devastating. I lost my last two from cancer and it is painful. Give him all the hamburgers and belly rubs and snuggles to his hearts delight. I give you strength to know and find peace in your heart when its time to let go. It is after all the kindness loving thing you can do for him. His pictures show him to be a wonderful, loved, happy boy. That will never change. On a side note I agree with @Hildae, Being at home is best for him, I may add if possible call the Vet back to see if they can bring a sedative with them also. I always ask for this and alone time while they sleep before the final shot.


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## MushyB (Oct 31, 2018)

lovefallacy said:


> It's hard because it's so sudden - he appeared so bright just 2 weeks ago. But I appreciate your words and I know what you mean. We've scheduled an appointment with a home call vet tomorrow night for it to happen, and my family and I will be by his side. I can't bear for him to leave me, but I can't delay it any longer. I feel like the guilt will kill me both ways, but I've read that one week too early is better than one day too late.


The greatest, most loving gift you can give Toby is to let him know it's ok to go, and to be there with him to his last breath. I'm so, so sorry you are both going through this. I wish I had a magic cure for you. This is the hardest part for us all in our time with our beloved pups; letting go. Please do NOT feel guilty; releasing him from the pain of an incurable disease is an act of love.

Sending strength, love and peace for your heart. And my deepest condolences.


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## Goldens&Friesians (May 31, 2014)

I am so sorry you are going through this. I had to do this with my 8 year old girl April 3 years ago. She had hemangiosarcoma. I can totally relate to having second thoughts when they are doing well. April had days where you wouldn’t have known she had cancer and then days where she literally needed help getting out the door to go potty she was so weak and lethargic. When those bad days started to happen 2-3 times a week, I knew it was time. But of course she was having a really good day on the day I had scheduled her appointment. I used to groom at the vet clinic so she walked in happily saying hi to all the employees she knew. Seemed like she was fine. But I knew it was time because I didn’t want her bad days to start outnumbering her good days. She was too good to suffer anymore. It sounds like you are making the best decision for your friend. In time, you will see that too even if it seems so uncertain now. I think I became more certain I had made the right decision after the fact, in the moment it was a lot harder.


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## Sankari (12 mo ago)

My heart breaks for you and Toby. I am a relatively new dog/golden retriever owner. I can not profess to understand your pain because I have not yet tread those steps but I send you and Toby lots of strength and prayers...


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## Ontariodogsitter (Feb 23, 2020)

My heart goes out to you, it never gets any easier , you will do the right unselfish thing for your dog and that will make it a tiny bit easier in the long run.
There is no way to make it easy right now. sending good thoughts your way.


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## Aly2015 (Jan 26, 2021)

What a sweet boy- I love the picture of him in the grass, he has the best sugar face! They make our lives so much more full, more purposeful and joyful, and then are taken so soon. I always want more time… and I remember when it was time for my first golden to be put down, I almost put it off. I thought we could wait another day, even another few hours, but realized it wasn’t for him I would be doing so, but for me. I also agree that it’s better to let them go a little too soon than too late. Being with my boy as he was put down was the most painful, yet right thing I could ever do for him. All he ever wanted in his life was to be with me, and to be beside him all the way to the end was the least I could do. 
Remember that our sweet dogs don’t fear death the way we often do. They live so beautifully in the moment, a lesson I work to learn from my golden boys- so letting Toby go releases him from the pain he is currently experiencing. 
I’m so sorry for the grief you are experiencing and will continue to experience in his absence. I hope the memories soon will be a source of comfort and piece instead of sorrow. They make our ways into our heart and are always there, even after they leave us. Look for Toby in the quiet moments and I’m sure you’ll find him. You gave him a rich life, and he was blessed to have you as you were blessed to have him.


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## AmberSunrise (Apr 1, 2009)

Sending you calming thoughts as you & Toby walk this Earth together today before you help Toby cross the bridge.

{{ Hugs }} and strength;


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## Toby's Human (6 d ago)

Thank you all for your kind words.

Reading your replies as helped me to accept that I need to let Toby go, and that it's the right choice. We did have vet come to our house to help us bid goodbye to Toby this afternoon. We told him that we loved him, and thank you for being goodest boy and bestest friend.

I feel like the loss will only grow. Mostly, I miss his quiet presence around me at all times, and how he'll always be there no matter what, ready for anything so long as we can do it together.

I hope he's happy and at peace and pain-free wherever he is now.


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## Sankari (12 mo ago)

Toby is a beautiful boy and I'm so sorry for all the pain and the void he's left behind...

I just would like you to know that... 
You have been so brave to take this step with the support and encouragement of others here who have gone through the same pain before you.. I can only hope some day I'll be just as brave as you have been.

Wishing you peace, comfort and courage at this difficult times.. and I hope like you that Toby is at peace now free from pain.. 🙏🏽


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## 3goldens2keep (Feb 13, 2019)

Sankari...wrote it better than I could! The more we love these pups, the harder it is to let them go...

In time your memories will be of all the good times and pleasures this pup brought into your life, and that is the best gift of all.


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## 1oldparson (Mar 5, 2013)

Praying for God’s comfort for you.


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## Ginams (Jan 20, 2015)

What a fortunate boy he was to have found you, and you him. Sending you condolences on this immense loss.


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## Toby's Human (6 d ago)

Sankari said:


> Toby is a beautiful boy and I'm so sorry for all the pain and the void he's left behind...
> 
> I just would like you to know that...
> You have been so brave to take this step with the support and encouragement of others here who have gone through the same pain before you.. I can only hope some day I'll be just as brave as you have been.
> ...


Thank you Sankari - and I wish you all the happiness and love on your journey with your golden. 💛


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## Sankari (12 mo ago)

lovefallacy said:


> Thank you Sankari - and I wish you all the happiness and love on your journey with your golden. 💛


Thank you for your kind words even in grief, @lovefallacy.. Ramses and I will keep you and Toby in our thoughts 💛🙏🏽


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## Ffcmm (May 4, 2016)

@lovefallacy I am incredibly sorry for your loss.. it just dawned on me today that we follow each other on Instagram and that this was your thread as I did not catch up on the forum 2 days ago- and its heartbreaking that it was a thread like this. 

Sharing a photo my friend shared with me when i was describing the grief of losing my cat… sending love your way.


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## Toby's Human (6 d ago)

Thank you for this, I'm going through my many photos and videos of Toby and relieving all the happy memories. At the end he was unable to really be himself and it helps me when I look back and know that he had lots of adventures before we lost him.


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## 3goldens2keep (Feb 13, 2019)

The best we can do for them, is to give them a wonderful life full of fun, love, and excitement! You accomplished this and more. A job well done I think..


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## brianne (Feb 18, 2012)

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. Toby definitely looks like the "goodest boy and bestest friend" 💕. It's very clear how you cherished him and he most certainly knew this. You gave him the most selfless final gift even though it broke your heart. That's true love.

Wishing you peace and comfort. Godspeed handsome Toby.


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