# Severe separation anxiety



## Underwood2016 (Nov 20, 2016)

I want to keep this short because I don’t really know what to say. I feel sad and guilty. 
I have the most beautiful golden. He’s just turned 2. He’s had separation anxiety for as long as I can remember. 

Last night, my boyfriend and I wanted to leave him for a couple of hours. Our bedroom is supposed to be his safe room. He’s always hated his crate and never felt safe or trusted us enough to be in it, so we gave up on it. 

Normally, we’d put treats on the bed and close the door as he was eating. He would bark for a couple of minutes then stop. He’s our first dog and we didn’t know any better. 
Last night however, he put up a fight. He was so scared of us leaving him that he cried and choked on himself as I tried to pull him away from me. He bit my hands multiple times to prevent me from taking him into the bedroom. Normally, I will grab his collar gently and he will follow me sadly, but without resistance. 

I just got home and when I got undressed I saw multiple deep, bloody scratches and blue bruises on my legs. I feel so sad. I don’t ever want to leave him again. 

We are currently attending dog classes, but he gets so anxious that he can’t focus on anything. I feel like I’m going to lose him. I feel like I’m an awful parent. I feel like I’ve let him down. I don’t know what to do. I get so scared of him sometimes. 
Please help me, I am so desperate. He means everything to me and I want him to be happy.


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## puddles everywhere (May 13, 2016)

You are not a terrible parent! But your anxiety about leaving him is part of the problem. Just me but would read up on crate training and start over. I had one dog that resisted the crate so much I had to back him in while I let him nibble on the cookie size treat I held in my hand. Then tossed the treat in the crate and shut the door. This soon became his favorite place to be. In fact when he was older and I didn't use the crate any more I had to leave it set up in the garage as this was where he wanted to sleep 
I'm not a big fan of putting hands close to any dogs mouth when you are attempting to get them to comply with something they don't want to do. I have slip leads (like you see at the vets office) and put them on to lead them. 
But there is no excuse for biting no matter what. So get your head together, lower your emotions about the process and start the training. It's like teaching kids not to run into the street, it's the responsible thing for the safety of the dog... and for you it seems. No guilt, just do. Parenting 101, you can do this!


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## cwag (Apr 25, 2017)

It sounds like you need some outside help. Maybe your vet could recommend a canine behaviorist or a good trainer to come in and help you develop a plan to help him feel less anxious. Puddles has good advice also. He will pick up on your emotions. It's fixable but will take some work.


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## Charliethree (Jul 18, 2010)

Treating separation anxiety is a process that needs the help and guidance of a professional who has experience working with separation anxiety to help you to work through it with him. It is not just a 'behavior' problem that runs the risk of the dog hurting themselves, (or someone else) but an emotional problem that needs to be addressed and perhaps appropriate medication considered to help reduce his anxiety while working through the retraining process. Suggest talking to your vet as a first step.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

Charliethree said:


> Treating separation anxiety is a process that needs the help and guidance of a professional who has experience working with separation anxiety to help you to work through it with him. It is not just a 'behavior' problem that runs the risk of the dog hurting themselves, (or someone else) but an emotional problem that needs to be addressed and perhaps appropriate medication considered to help reduce his anxiety while working through the retraining process. *Suggest talking to your vet as a first step*.


Please, please, please listen to this advice. Medication is an important tool in giving a person the ability to get to a level so that other approaches can be implemented to help improve quality of life. The same approach is necessary for dealing with a dog whose anxiety is ruining his quality of life as well as yours. Can you imagine how miserable he must be living like this?

If he is associating the bedroom now with being left, is it possible to figure out a different way to keep him safe? An Ex pen in the kitchen? Baby gates? Please use a leash to move him, don't grab his collar. 

Please schedule an appointment with your vet first thing tomorrow morning. I hope you will update us on his condition and what approach you try. There are people who will see this thread in the future when trying to deal with similar issues and your experience could really help someone else.


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