# My sweet girl passed away yesterday and I feel like I cant go on



## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

I'm so sorry for her loss. And I am so sorry it has caused you such second guessing. The what ifs and guilt are natural reactions, but I hate that you are going through this, I know how much it hurts losing them and having to make the decision no one ever wants to make. 

I don't think you made the wrong choice to not do more testing. I have a vet who always gives me straight forward information. She has told me in these situations you can do all the testing, maybe find a diagnosis maybe not, but finding one or not ultimately doesn't change how you treat them medically, or make any real difference in the outcome. Cancer is evil, and gives us no options. 

You loved her enough to not let her suffer any longer. There are too many of us on this board that have experienced what you are going through, we know and have experienced all the emotions you are feeling. You are not alone in your pain, but we can also tell you one day you will smile at her memories even if it's through tears, and then one day you will remember her without tears.


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## solinvictus (Oct 23, 2008)

You are not alone. I think every one of us that has lost one of our goldens has gone through these stages of grief. It is normal to second guess our decisions. Cancer takes so many of our dogs. Your girl knows that you did everything you could do for her. She does not want you to be in such distress that it affects your health as you are preparing for a new baby. We are here for you. With your husband working so much I do suggest you seek some support from a friend or family member that understands how much our dogs mean to us. It will help to have someone in person to lean on a little.


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## IndigoJen (Apr 22, 2018)

I'm so sorry for your loss and your pain, especially with so young a girl. Please try not to blame yourself, though. With the other tumors and her symptoms it seems unlikely that an ultrasound would have opened up new treatment options for her.

We had an ultrasound on our 9 yo Bailey earlier this year. It showed tumors and they did a biopsy which came back negative so they advised we wait a while and have another ultrasound, but he died of a ruptured spleen about a month later. We could have skipped both tests and had the same outcome. And even if the tests had shown something he may have had a few more, but stressful months.

You didn't let her down. You gave each other 7 happy years and you loved her enough to let her go when she was in pain. Take care of yourself now and let yourself grieve this horrible loss. But please know it wasn't your fault.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

I'm so very sorry for your loss of your precious girl.


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## Catgondek (Jul 3, 2017)

So sad to hear this. You made her as comfortable as you could. Losing her at 7 must be devastating You made the tough choice you had to make. It sounds like you made a huge investment in time and money already and finally had to let her go. I hope you can soon find peace


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## Izziebeth (Mar 26, 2018)

So very sorry for your loss.

Above all else, now is the time to be extra kind to yourself. 

Please release the idea you could have done more. I completely understand the second guessing, (we lost a 7 yo dog in December then had to euthanize a puppy a few months later - I can still go down that road for both dogs). Many vets - like many oncologists - will keep offering possible solutions for as long as possible. They are trained to not give up. Yet based on your description, it seems clear you dog was suffering. What’s more, I’d guess from the number of tumors she had so close together, there would have been more to come. Allowing her to stop suffering took more love than any other choice you could have made.

I have made a number of end of life decisions for my dogs based on the expense of the next steps combined with the unlikelihood of a cure. Expense is an entirely reasonable consideration when looking at a pet’s medical care. We hear, “Money is no object,” but truth is, for most of us, it certainly IS an important factor. Had you gotten that scan, the next step would have been to review the next quote to fix whatever they found. It sounds like you had already spent quite a bit on her care, and yet the tumors kept coming. You did the right thing. Your choice was moral and entirely filled with love.

Wishing you peace in the coming days and, of course, great joy with the birth of your baby! ?✨


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## LynnC (Nov 14, 2015)

I am so so sorry for your loss. Please try not to do the would of/could of/should of. Very often tests only confirm the vets suspicions but don’t offer more treatment options. Be gentle and kind to yourself. When you feel ready we’d love to see pictures of your pup.


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## goldenmom3 (Jun 6, 2018)

Thank you all for your kind words. They have truly touched me. The only thing that helps me go on right now is knowing we will see her one more time on Thursday. That is the day she is being cremated and we will be there for the cremation to have peace of mind we are getting her back.

The pain is truly unbearable. I have lost another Golden almost 3 years ago, so I do know the pain gets easier. It's just so raw right now. This is our beautiful Layla girl around 9-10 days ago. She loved the beach and my husband carried her down to the lake as we knew her time was limited. 

Last Thursday afternoon I had called my vet to get an appointment set up for my girl. At that time she wasnt in her decline yet and I wanted answers. My vet was out til this morning, so I scheduled an appt for Tuesday (tomorrow). I just got a call from her saying that "it's a great idea for her to come in so we can get a better idea of what's going on." I am crushed. I feel so, so, sick. This guilt is consuming me. 

When can I hope for this pain to get better?


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## Sweet Girl (Jun 10, 2010)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I totally understand your pain, and all your feelings of guilt and loss. Your girl's situation sounds very similar to my girl's. She had melanoma, but they actually thought she might also have mast cell, as well, as she had exactly all those little tumours that your girl had. You removed one or two, and three more appeared in the following days. One was one of those ugly, awful ones you mentioned, that bled. Heartbreaking. My girl had several surgeries to remove them. And yet, when she died, she had several new ones. 

If it makes you feel any better, I did everything. Every surgery recommended, chemo, etc. And my girl only lived two months from her initial diagnosis. She lost her appetite at the end, too, and just never really rallied. Sometimes the cancer is just too aggressive. Your girl knew you loved her and cared for her - try to focus on that. And the wonderful life you gave her. 

I also had the chance to see my girl again before she was cremated, and I found it hugely helpful (I know others would find it disturbing). She looked exactly as she had when I had left her that awful day that I let her go at the vet's. She even still smelled like herself. I hope seeing your girl again brings you some comfort. 

The healing is different for everyone. I was lost and empty and didn't know how I would even survive losing my girl. I had some great support from friends and my sister, and from people on this forum. At first, I could barely talk about her. But eventually, it got easier, and I actually liked talking about her. In just a few weeks (only about 6 or 8), I realized that because of her, I could not live without a dog, and so I decided I would get another Golden. Anticipating the new puppy helped me start to heal - it gave me something to look forward to. And when she arrived, it was impossible to be sad anymore. I will never forget my first girl, but I didn't want to be sad forever (she wouldn't have wanted that). I imagine your new baby will help you start to heal, too. I hope so. But give yourself the time you need to grieve. You have lost a family member, and the loss is deep. Let yourself cry and miss her. It will get better.


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## Chrislawrence8 (Jun 30, 2018)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I was in your shoes last month. I can relate to not getting an ultrasound just to confirm what your already suspect/know is going on eith your Golden. My boy was just shy of 10 and I beat myself up pretty badly. But I know realize, getting that ultrasound wouldnt have magically made Wrigley get better. After you get through the pain and grieving stage (and take all the time you need to do that!) you will realize you made the best choice for your dog. My Wrigley to was vomitting, not eating and losing weight fast, and unable to lay for any length of time before having to get up. I believe that is the sign that its time to say goodbye. You were able to take ypur dogs pain and suffering away and took it on yourself. That is the greatest gift.


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## sophieanne (Feb 4, 2014)

Stop beating yourself up..your beautiful girl knows you loved her and did everything to help her. Many of us have been in your position. There comes a point where you have to let her go because she is suffering and you came to that point. She could've had an ultrasound, a blood test and an MRI..it wouldn't have changed anything. Unfortunately cancer is unfair to dogs and no matter how hard you fight, you lose. I put my 9 year old through chemo for 2 months...and I had her for 2 weeks more after that. I realize now that I wanted her to live but all that testing, poking and prodding was for me, not what was in her best interest. I lost my girl dog, Sophie in April..she was back and forth between my vet and the specialist vet...all they wanted to do was test, test, test, poke, poke, poke and while they did this my little girl got sicker - she couldn't eat, she hid in dark corners to sleep and she could barely walk. The day came when I said enough...as much as I hate it I have to free my little girl..this is not the life she deserves. I called the specialty clinic a number of times and said please tell the doctor she's not eating, what can I do. I was told just continue doing the IV fluids (we were doing them at home). The day we ended the suffering, I had a call from the dr at the clinic asking how she was. If I could've reached through the phone and rung his neck, I would've. I told him we let her go and he asked why. I said, didn't you get my messages. The truth is the vets will keep going if that's what you want, and they'll try treatment after treatment. But you have to know in your heart that's not what your beautiful girl would've wanted. She wanted to feel better. And she is, now, at the bridge; she's whole again and pain free. You loved her enough to let her go. Forgive yourself (not that you did anything wrong), and focus on the good times. Let the healing begin..it's a long process, but the time will come when you know you did what was best for her. I'm praying for comfort and peace for you and your family.


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## ForeverSonnyAndBaileysDad (Mar 8, 2017)

Read your post and just want to say how sorry I am for your loss. I think we all ask ourselves the same question you are wrestling with now. If I may offer my two-cents. We treated our girl Bailey for lymphoma for approximately 10 months. When it became obvious that she was losing her battle, we decided to stop treatment. We took her home from her last treatment and she became sick within a few hours to the point where she could not move or eat. We mistakenly blamed her last chemo treatment for her symptoms and thought she would rally by the next day since she had done this before. She didn't rally and died the next day at home. We could have spared her the last few hours of suffering if we had just taken her to the vet where I'm sure they would have told us what we were really seeing. I will never forget seeing her take her last breath and knowing that in her last moments when I could have helped her cross over, I let her down, so judging by your description of your dog's signs and symptoms, I think you should take great solace in the fact that you did the right thing.


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## dlmrun2002 (Mar 4, 2011)

You can rest assured you gave your Golden every chance to have a great life...Even in her last failing days your dog knew you were trying to help her. It is normal and very common to have the feeling that you "should've done more" or "only if" when you loose a dog. We all go through this so it's important to understand even though you are feeling this emotion at such a difficult time, it really isn't the case and you went above and beyond in caring for your golden. I share your loss deep heartedly and hope time makes you feel soon.
Maybe you can share her/his name with some photos when the time is right. Would love to know your special golden a little more.
Godspeed to your sweet Golden

dlm ny country


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## goldenmom3 (Jun 6, 2018)

Thank you again everyone. Your comments have really helped my husband and I kind of "come back to reality"

I'm sorry I didnt share her name or photos. I honestly didnt expect people to be so supportive or even care. I can be overly private about things in my life as well.

Her name is Layla and I'll share some photos with you all.

My husband is sleeping for work and I am with the kids right now. Struggling a bit right now as it is hard to not have him around. 

I had a check up today for me and baby (37 weeks tomorrow) and broke down in tears talking to my nurse and doctor. I told them how hard it is being so happy I am going to be having my baby, but to also feel such extreme grief and pain. This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through.

I


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## dlmrun2002 (Mar 4, 2011)

Your Layla is beautiful. I love the Sugar (white) face. Thanks so much for sharing her photos in such a difficult time. May she fly free and be at peace.

dlm ny country

“Dogs … are constant reminders that life reveals the best of itself when we live fully in the moment and extend our unconditional love. And it is very true, that the most tender, uncomplicated, most generous part of our being blossoms, without any effort, when it comes to the love of a dog.” —Maira Kalman


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## LynnC (Nov 14, 2015)

Thank you for sharing pictures of beautiful Layla. Praying you and your family find some peace and comfort. Rest In Peace sweet Layla.


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## Brinkleythegolden (Jun 18, 2012)

I am so sorry about your loss of Layla. Your feelings are all too familiar to me. We lost our boy on July 2 to cancer as well-he was only 5. Please don't beat yourself up-you did everything right. It's so hard to lose them-they are such a part of our lives. Hugs.


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## KKaren (Oct 29, 2014)

Layla is beautiful, thank you for sharing her pictures and how wonderful and kind of your husband to bring her down to the lake. Rest easy now sweet golden.... 

There is never an easy answer when your beloved golden is ill. She knew your love and the love of your family. I hope that with time the good memories will start to replace the difficult past weeks. 

Will be thinking of you and sending prayers for comfort Hugs


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## SusanS (Jul 23, 2018)

Thank you for sharing Layla with us. I fully understand where you are at, as I was there a little over a week ago. It feels like just yesterday, but I cherish the memories and all my photos of my Buddy. He will always be a part of me. Take care of yourself, and your little one to come. Layla is not just your dog, but very much a part of you forever. You did everything you could possibly do and I am positive that Layla knew that.


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## dgalow (Jan 23, 2018)

First, I am so sorry for your loss. We were there in January. The hurt was unbearable. I, too, had no idea how we would find normal again after losing Rudy.
Helping a dog pass is the most selfless thing you can do. With something that severe, the ultrasound would not have saved her. You did not put a price on your dog, you put a stop to her suffering. Again, that is a selfless act.
Please know that time does help. I never thought we would get there, but looking at Rudy's picture now fills me with love and happiness as I know he had a great time in his time on Earth.
Thoughts and prayers that you find peace soon. She was a lucky dog to have your love.


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## Peri29 (Aug 5, 2017)

I am so sorry for your loss and do not know how to comfort. 
Just want to say the following. I guess she went through a lot. Even though I am against putting down ( some people here very well know my firm opinion on this) , I believe you made the every possible thing for your girl. We are talking about cancer. She went through two operations. New metas appeared. Chemo. It's already very very difficult for a dog to go through chemo. If there was sth abdominal ( stomach, spleen etc), I believe an ultrasound would not change anything at this point. An oncologist should have done an ultrasound or CT much earlier when we talk about any mast cell tumor anywhere in the body . Mast cell tumor means metastasis. Yes, those screening test cost a lot but help a lot incase we need to operate 2 /3 areas at once in the body if the screening shows any meta.So, at the end it costs the same. 3-4 separate operations without screaning = 1 ct + 2 operations. A ct or ultrasound prior to operations saves you time, money but of course vets earn more money via operations. I believe she might have had acute renal failure which most probably speeded up with chemo. I do not know if they did within the last 2 weeks any biochemistry blood profile. Before /after each chemo we do. We went through similar scenarios with a couple of rescue dogs. She was appearantly a warrior but this battle was difficult to win over. She was lucky enough to have you and led a fabulous 7 years


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## gdgli (Aug 24, 2011)

Very sorry for your loss.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Layla*

I am so very sorry about Layla. My Smooch and Snobear will take care of her
I added her to the Bridge List.
Please do not feel guilty. Ken and I have lost dogs suddenly too, and when it's an aggressive cancer, there is nothing you can do


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## HenryandOliver (Aug 15, 2013)

Awww, I'm so so sorry and have been in your shoes recently. It is unbearable at times and I beat myself up too. This forum has single-handedly saved me so many times in the past month and a half. Golden Retriever parents are certainly a special kind of people. Like you, I opted out of a final ultrasound for my Oliver who we lost at 5 years on June 25. He had just turned 5 on June 5th. It has turned my world upside down. Also, I had to say goodbye to my first golden boy, Henry, 2 1/2 years ago just 1 month shy of 13. It is heartbreaking to lose one so young and the guilt at not being able to something seems to be completely normal but pure hell. I still come back to this forum to grieve and listen to other's stories. It does help. Your Layla was a beautiful girl and you did everything to try to help her. It truly sounds like an ultrasound would not have changed the outcome. Hugs to you.


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## goldenmom3 (Jun 6, 2018)

Hello all,

Thank you for your kind words. It has truly helped me move forward during these dark days.

I truly find our bodies remarkable-to the fact that we can go through so much tremendous emotional pain and somehow make it through. 

I remember writing this post 2 weeks ago and how helpless, alone, and scared I felt. Though at times I do sometimes still feel those things, I am better. 

I miss Layla so much. I dreamt about her the other night and in my dream I kept telling my husband we had to take her to the vet because she was so sick. Yet, in my dream, she wasnt sick at all. It made me feel like she was visiting me and telling me she was no longer in pain. Who knows though, right? Just a nice way to think of things.

Time will heal us. We will get through this. It just sucks. Really bad. I just want my sweet girl back.

Thank you all for being so kind and understanding. Hugs to you all.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

I believe she did come let you know she's ok. It's ok to take comfort in that thought.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Take comfort*

Take comfort in the dream. I've had dreams of my Smooch.
It is awful to go through this loss, but in my opinion it's a small price we pay for all the love and wonderful memories we have because of them!


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