# My buddy has nasal tumor - how do you know when it's time?



## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

As I'm sitting here watching my beloved faithful pup dose on and off. I can't stop tearing and sobbing throughout the day knowing his time is extremely short. I've got a vet visit in the morning with him to check on his weight and see how he's doing. He's been having nose bleeds the last 8 weeks on and off. He got a biopsy and a CT scan to confirm he's got a tumor growth of the nasal passage. They told me it was inconclusive. They couldn't get a proper sample, only thing they can identify is inflammatory cells. Said, they could put him under again to obtain a better sample. I am not going to risk it.

He's a beautiful golden at a young age of 11. His name is Scout. Sometimes we call him Scout Beast, because he's such a beast. So full of life and nothing he would try to eat. Master thief when it comes to food. Over the years, we've learned to keep stuff way high to keep him safe. He's great at hand shakes. 

He's been battling nasel carcinoma (we believe) and the growth has been kept in check with prednisone. He is on tramadol / and carprofin (dropped as soon as we went to prednisone) for his degenerative spine which he's dealt with the last 12 months. We've added an herbal component to his regiment. He's been having a tough time doing his favorite thing, eating. Because of the lack of smell, even a raw diet is unappealing. For some reason, he's still working throughout the day on his grain free kibble. He'll snack on it when he can.

His behavior has slightly altered. He's still pretty alert, but he's sleeping away from us lately. Normally, he's on my side at the foot of the bed. Sometimes, he might roam to my wife's side.

Today, I took him on a walk around the neighborhood. He was kinda fearful after awhile and lost his footing twice. I'll see if he wants to go again tomorrow but he was glad to go into the garage. Normally he would be pulling me to go out.

The growth is slightly blocking his view on his left side. 

He's been a faith companion since we first brought him home. He has so much love to give and ask for nothing in return. He's been excellent with the kids and watched over them diligently throughout the years. We've traveled over 2500 miles on the move and he took the car ride like a champ.

He hasn't found a snow patch he didn't love diving in.

He's never ran off when he escapes from the yard when he was younger. He's always sits on the fronts steps to be let in. He hates being alone. He's like my shadow. Sleeps at the side my bed.

He's been struggling to sleep lately because his breathing is keeping him up. He's tired. He sleeps a bit and pops back up to breath and then sleeps again.

He's got good day and hard days.

All his doctors have been great. We've been treated like family throughout this ordeal.

I won't do radiation or chemo because I don't want his last days to be in pain and agony just because we can extend his life. So we're keeping him comfortable and loved as much as possible.

I do know he would gladly do it just to stay with us. He's that type of friend.

Getting him to take meds is becoming difficult but we think we might have cracked that. He's started to do his usual begging at the dinner table again the last day or so. We've been able to hand feed him some food we set aside just for him with his meds in it. Let's hope he hasn't caught on.

His current regiment is;

Prednisone twice a day. We've noticed an uptick in his water consumption. We've also noticed his back legs are getting weaker.
Tramadol twice a day. He's been taking that for his back.
Chlorpheniramine twice a day. Hoping to keep the histamine in check. He snout and face swelled up recently and the vet told us to goto the local pharamacy to pick that up.
Azithromycin twice a week incase of infection.

For his nose bleeds - we've started him on Yun Nan Bai Yao. Two pills twice a day. We believe it's slowed things down. He still has a lot of mucus discharge, but we just wipe it for him.

He loves his K9 Immunity Plus. Three in the morning and three in the evening.

He gets something called Bone Renewal due to bone loss in his nose due to the tumor.

When he's willing to take it, he gets CoQ10. Boost his natural immunity.

On his bad days, we struggle to give him just his western medicine. On his good days we can get him to take his eastern medicine too.

I want to do what's best for him but every day I feel even more helpless with caring for him.

edit to add - my appologies on being a long time reader and first time poster.


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## Pilgrim123 (Jul 26, 2014)

What a heart-breaking post! I'm so sorry for the pain you are all going through. You will have read, no doubt, "Better a day too soon than a day too late." It's something I have always kept in mind with my dogs. It's still always a horrible decision that only you can make.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Sterling*



Pilgrim123 said:


> What a heart-breaking post! I'm so sorry for the pain you are all going through. You will have read, no doubt, "Better a day too soon than a day too late." It's something I have always kept in mind with my dogs. It's still always a horrible decision that only you can make.


Sterling: My heart is breaking for you and Scout. I completely agree with what Pilgrim wrote.
For my dogs, whenever we know there is no hope we don't want them to go through anymore pain.
It's a decision we all have to make, because we love them so much.
Praying for Scout.


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

Thank you Pilgrim and Karen.

We're taking it day by day. I find it interesting he's spending more and more time away from my side, almost like he's training me. :crying:


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## LynnC (Nov 14, 2015)

I am soooooo sorry for you and your sweet Scout  . I came to this forum just about 1 year ago with the exact same question. My 9YO golden Cosmo had just been diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer. I was beside myself and shell shocked! I highly recommend as Pilgrim123 recommended reading "Better a day too soon than a day too late". All I can say is if you listen to your dog you will know when its the right time. My Cosmo stopped eating even his favorite foods and was extremely restless and finally looked at me one day and I swear he was telling me "its OK mom to let go". He had always been there for me I knew I needed to do this for him. Then NEVER expecting to be in the exact same situation 2 months later with my 12YO golden Harley . Take a deep breath, spoil Scout with all his favorite foods, take him to all his favorite places and tell him how much he's meant to you and how much you love him. Trust yourself and when its time you'll know  . If we didn't love them so much it wouldn't hurt so much. Praying for you and Scout.


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## wdadswell (Dec 17, 2015)

Your post was heart renching. I'm sure most of us, have been in your shoes. It's obvious, how much you love Scout. I have waited one day too long, once and I still regret it. Having said that, when my last Golden was in kidney failure, I promised him, as long as he wanted to be here and had quality of life, I would be there for him. I knew, when the light went out of his eyes, it was time. He let me know and if I had it to do all over again, I would do the same thing. I am so sorry for your pain. Hugs and prayers for Scout.


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

Thank you Lynn and everyone else.

Yes, I kept the thought of "Better a day too soon than a day too late" in my heart and in my head while at the vet today.

I guess when I asked her the same question, and mind you she loves him and has cared for him over the years, saw him through a couple of major procedures, she said "he's willing to stay with you as long as you need him, he loves you that much" (not the other way around), my heart broke. I barely kept it together.

He's staying for me, probably concealing his discomfort to give me a few more moments, I couldn't help but start to make arrangements.

We're scheduled for any day this weekend and she will come personally to be with him and us.

I've got a business trip that I can't reschedule midweek (single over nighter - but the family will be here with him) but I will be taking the last two days off to spend with him. Even if it's just having him rest on my lap while he sleeps. Every meal will be directly from the dinner table. He will be fixed a plate. Tummy rubs and head to head rubs.

One of my favorite silly sayings I've come across is "If you are not a Golden, you are just a dog" - or "A house is not a home without a Golden".

Our vet is very kind. She helped me make some of the general arrangments. He will be coming home permanently after this ordeal.


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## G-bear (Oct 6, 2015)

Your post broke my heart as I read it in tears. So many of us here have been where you are now. It is a gut wrenching decision to have to make but, as others have posted, better a day too soon than a day too late. In my case I knew it was time when my girl could no longer do the things that gave her joy because of the pain. We bring them into our lives with a promise to do what is best for them...even if, at the end, letting them go breaks our hearts. I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you.


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## Piper_the_goldenpuppy (Aug 26, 2016)

Oh my goodness, your post about Scout made me cry. I am so sorry that you and your family are going though this with your sweet baby. Having gone through this with two previous dogs, it is gut wrenching trying to figure out how to navigate. It sounds like you have an awesome vet. My old vet was not as helpful, and didn't make home calls, so I used a doggie hospice provider to help me with these decisions. It is heartbreaking. Sending my thoughts and prayers your way. <3


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## Prism Goldens (May 27, 2011)

Tufts has a nasal tumor study going on right now= just heard about it from someone last weekend. Maybe just so I could tell you.


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## Kalhayd (May 4, 2016)

Sending love and prayers for you and Scout.


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## Pilgrim123 (Jul 26, 2014)

Give Scout an extra ear rub from me. I'll keep him in my thoughts.


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## LynnC (Nov 14, 2015)

Keeping Scout, you and your family in my prayers this week.


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## Laura V (Aug 6, 2016)

I'm so sorry to hear about your beloved Scout. This is what we've learned to do. On a calendar draw a smiley face on his good days, a straight mouth face for ok days, and a frown for the bad days. When there are more frown face then good and ok days, that should help you know when it is time. As pet parents, we tend to not realize how they are doing on a day to day basis. Visually seeing it helps a lot. I hope you both have great days together in the future. Dogs live in the moment and want us happy.


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

Thank you for the kinds thoughts and prayers. He had a pizza dinner tonight. Two helpings. We plated him a plate at the table. He was thrilled. Cut up his food since he can no longer chomp and go to town. Poor guy kinda knew what it was, but when hand fed, he was thrilled. He so wanted to sniff his food.

We concealed his western meds in the crust so he was ok taking those. I didn't want to stop his pain pills or the steroids that's been keeping him moving. We've stopped the eastern herbal meds Not worth over doing with the meds only to give him an upset belly. I want him to be thrilled with his food and enjoy it.

Since it was Halloween, he even got a few woof woof bellows out to those trick or treaters.

He's snoozing and seems pretty content now. I'm going to let him just sleep where he lays.


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

Pilgrim123 said:


> Give Scout an extra ear rub from me. I'll keep him in my thoughts.


Lol, how did you know that's his favorite. Then comes the head to head rubs, followed by the belly rub. Thank you.:smile2:


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## Pilgrim123 (Jul 26, 2014)

How do I know? Ah, if you love a golden, you cannot resist those ears. You also cannot resist smiling when you rub them. Goldens always smile back - and there's nothing as special as a smile from a well-loved golden.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Aw-www!*

Bet he loved the pizza and ear rubs!!
Please give him a big kiss for me!!


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## KKaren (Oct 29, 2014)

Pizza,  Scout you have a wonderful family with you, and it's good to have a bit of a bark at those tricker-treaters...

Sterling
Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and Scout and your family and sending prayers for comfort and strength. Scout is in your loving care and in the kind stewardship of your vet. My heart goes out to you at this difficult time and I hope that knowing others are supporting you will be of some help.


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

KKaren said:


> Pizza,  Scout you have a wonderful family with you, and it's good to have a bit of a bark at those tricker-treaters...
> 
> Sterling
> Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and Scout and your family and sending prayers for comfort and strength. Scout is in your loving care and in the kind stewardship of your vet. My heart goes out to you at this difficult time and I hope that knowing others are supporting you will be of some help.


Karen,

Thank you and everyone else for the comforting words and prayers.

This morning after the kids lunch sandwiches were made, he got his share of oven roasted chicken wheat sandwich bites. I'm going to let his tummy rest (most of his life it was like an empty pit that couldn't be filled), and let him graze on his favorite kibbles throughout the day.

btw, Karen your Merry has a very similar look to Scout in that picture. Scout is what I call a leggy blond. I think somewhere in his line there was a poodle in somewhere. But his mom and dad was your typical Golden. He is the child of Misty Slushy and Rovers Tiller. I don't know how many brothers or sisters he has. He does have an adopted little brother who's a miniature schnauzer. He's been pretty good to Scout. Always wanted to play with him as with him getting older this kept him active.


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

Tonight was a good night, he enjoyed a couple of slices of pork loin and mix veggies plate. Spent the afternoon moving his tail every time he got scratched behind the ear from what the kids told me. He's content. Still has that spark in his eyes. He's such a brave dog. The tumor has gotten slightly bigger on him. But not a whimper, just a big old smile when I got home. My oldest taking it pretty hard. My middle is either good at hiding it or dealing with it differently. My youngest, she's not going to know or understand until it's time. I don't know how she will react, but Scout loves her the most as he's watched over her since the day she was born. He's always been protective of her.

He's currently getting a belly run while I hen peck away.

Good night all.

edit to add - maybe I'll use this thread to keep a log of Scout.


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## Wolfeye (Sep 15, 2015)

The people here are such wonderful folks. We all feel some level of sadness when we read the story of a lost close friend, and how the last few months, weeks, days and hours went by. This is a special time for you and Scout. I know you will treasure each day, each wag of that fluffy tail, and every look from those beautiful brown eyes. He's your dog. He's your buddy, and you are his. 

Dogs die in funny ways. Sometimes "we" know and sometimes we don't, when it's the right time.

And sometimes, very often, we don't get to decide. Fate, time, and the disease decides for us. Don't assume, ever, that there will be another day, that you will get to decide when the time is right. Hug him every night before bed.

Here's hoping that the days that remain are mostly happy ones!


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

Scout crossed the rainbow bridge this evening. He was surrounded by his family and departed very peacefully. He was tired so this rest was well deserved. I believe all his ailments are gone. His back pain is gone, his nose works again and can smell, and his eye site is sharp again.

My apologies for not updating the thread. Between my work travel and he had more needs that cropped up the last couple of days, it's been busy.

His last couple of meals included his favorite dessert, Bowl of Vanilla Ice Cream. 

Thank you, everyone for your support, prayers and well wishes.


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## Pilgrim123 (Jul 26, 2014)

Thank you for telling us. I am so sorry it was his time, but I believe you are right - he is no longer in pain. Take care.


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## alphadude (Jan 15, 2010)

So very sorry for your loss. I am intimately acquainted with that what you are experiencing. Rest easy Scout.


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## SandyK (Mar 20, 2011)

I am so sorry for your loss of Scout. He will live in your heart forever!! Thoughts are with you and your family as you grieve. RIP sweet Scout.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Scout*



sterling18 said:


> Scout crossed the rainbow bridge this evening. He was surrounded by his family and departed very peacefully. He was tired so this rest was well deserved. I believe all his ailments are gone. His back pain is gone, his nose works again and can smell, and his eye site is sharp again.
> 
> My apologies for not updating the thread. Between my work travel and he had more needs that cropped up the last couple of days, it's been busy.
> 
> ...


Sweet Scout is at peace at the Rainbow Bridge. I'm sure my Smooch and Snobear were there to greet him.
I added Scout to the Rainbow Bridge List, in Post #37.

http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...y-list/395098-2016-rainbow-bridge-list-4.html


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## LynnC (Nov 14, 2015)

I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Scout. May his many wonderful memories bring you and your family some comfort at this time.


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## danoon58 (Jul 1, 2015)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your sweet Scout is running and playing with all the other Goldens now. RIP Scout


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

I woke up this morning expecting him to roll off this back (favorite sleeping position) and walk to the kitchen to be let out. I for some reason went through and walked to the kitchen and got a treat while walking out there about to open the door. I stood there waiting for the click clack of his nails on the floor until I realize I wasn't going to see that. 

This hurts. When or how does it stop?


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## SandyK (Mar 20, 2011)

I don't think it ever really stops, we just learn how to continue on without them by our side. Thoughts are with you.


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## Pilgrim123 (Jul 26, 2014)

As SandyK says, it doesn't stop - you do learn how to live with it, however, just as you learned to go straight to the back door via the treat cupboard. One day, you suddenly realize you are thinking of Scout and smiling and that it feels good.


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

Thank you SandyK and Pilgrim123.

I believe you are right. In time. But dang it, I miss him and his personality so much. 

btw, how do you share a photo, do you need to upload it to photobucket and then attach an URL?


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## Pilgrim123 (Jul 26, 2014)

No, you don't have to upload to photobucket if you are using a computer. (I don't do smartphones, so I can't tell you about them.) Under this quick reply box, there's "Go Advanced" Click that, then go to attach files. Once you're there, you can browse your computer and select a photo, upload it and you're set. If you need any more help, just let me know. I'd love to see your photos of Scout.


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## B and G Mom (Oct 29, 2014)

I am so sorry I just came across this thread now, so sorry to hear of Scout's passing! 

It's so hard, and I agree you never really get over it. You learn to live without them, but they are always in your heart.


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## CashStringer (Aug 17, 2015)

I am so so so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you and your family. What a full, wonderful life Scout lived with you.


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## jennretz (Jul 24, 2013)

I'm just so sorry for your loss of Scout. Run free sweet boy.


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## Brinkleythegolden (Jun 18, 2012)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

Let's see if this works.

Here's some pics of my pup.


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## Dave S (Aug 11, 2016)

I'm so sorry for the loss of Scout. Like many people on this forum, I'm also all too familiar with what you're going through. It's been 11 weeks for me and I'm still missing my girl. The daily routines & rituals, that aren't there anymore, is one of the hardest things to get over. I find that it does help a bit to talk about it, everyone here is so understanding. Take care.....


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

Dave S said:


> I'm so sorry for the loss of Scout. Like many people on this forum, I'm also all too familiar with what you're going through. It's been 11 weeks for me and I'm still missing my girl. The daily routines & rituals, that aren't there anymore, is one of the hardest things to get over. I find that it does help a bit to talk about it, everyone here is so understanding. Take care.....


Dave my deepest condolences. I've noticed the list Karen has running is way too long, even one is way more then it should be in my world. You're right, the daily routines and rituals are what's the most heart breaking. Because it's a labor of love and there's no one there to receive them anymore. The heart ache is running strong. But, I've notice day by day i'm getting a bit more numb? I don't know.

All my best.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Sterling*



sterling18 said:


> Let's see if this works.
> 
> Here's some pics of my pup.


I love the pictures of your boy. Thanks for sharing them with us.


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

I came to this form in Sept 2005. I had lost my heart dog, Hunter, Oct. 16, 2003 to ProHeart 6 and I was H bent on warning the world as so many of us s=who lost dogs to it were. Hunter is my avatar picture and he was only 4 years and 2 months old.

This forum has been a life saver for me. Since joining it, I lost my big red boy, Buck May 15, 2007 to heart failure at 12 yrs 3 months. 

Then just a one year and 10 days later on May 25 2008 I lost my sweet dainty golden girl KayCee Belle at 8 yrs 9 months to gastrointestional stromal tumor. She was a litter mate of Hunter.

Then Aug. 13, 2014 we lost our loving always-a-puppy golden girl Honey Bunny at age 13+ to lymphoma. We had adopted her full grown and heart worm positive Dec. 7, 2002, so age uncertain but we had her almost 12 years so know she had to be at least 13. 

Then just 1 month and 10 days later on Sept. 23, 2014 we lost our adopted blind Great Pyrenees, Shaggy, to hemangiosarcoma. An undetected tumor on his spleen ruptured. He was about 7 year old.

And last, our little curly red girl Sophie on Oct. 12, 2016. We had adopted from her original owners on Feb. 17,2015 at age 11 years and 5 weeks. She was 11 yrs 9 months ole when a ruptured tumor on her liver claimed her, another case of hemangiosarcoma.

This forum has always been there for me and all others like you who are grieving over the loss of their much loved dog. We all understand so well the pain you are going through. And we are all so very sorry. Please read The Awakening in the Rainbow Bridge section section. It has always helped me so much. Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your handsome boy, Scout.


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## Ivyacres (Jun 3, 2011)

I just found this thread. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

Thanks everyone. Tonight was rough. It's been exactly a week since Scout crossed over. Each of the kids and us shared a story about him. We lit a candle and offered a family prayer that he is safe, happy, and without concern for his health.

His little brother has been pretty down since his passing. He's stopped looking around the house and sniffing for him. They used to play hard and were both smiling. Maybe it's the breed but he doesn't smile when you scratch behind the ear. I miss Scout's smile. 

Thank you for suggesting to read "The Awakening". I truly hope it's that nice and he's happy.

I guess my biggest hangup and worry is that he thinks we sent him away and didn't want him anymore. My biggest fear is that he's alone. I know a day too soon is better than a day too late because of the illness. Maybe it's just me being selfish, but I want him back. I miss my shadow. I miss my big fluffy dog that lays at my feet.


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

I said Sophie was 11 years 9 months when she died on Oct 12, and that was tyop. she wa 12 years and 9 months. Would have been 13 on Jan. 8.


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

3 goldens said:


> I said Sophie was 11 years 9 months when she died on Oct 12, and that was tyop. she wa 12 years and 9 months. Would have been 13 on Jan. 8.


You've got a big heart to care for so many.

I love your signature. Goldens bring light into this world. I truly believe they do.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Sterling*



sterling18 said:


> Thanks everyone. Tonight was rough. It's been exactly a week since Scout crossed over. Each of the kids and us shared a story about him. We lit a candle and offered a family prayer that he is safe, happy, and without concern for his health.
> 
> His little brother has been pretty down since his passing. He's stopped looking around the house and sniffing for him. They used to play hard and were both smiling. Maybe it's the breed but he doesn't smile when you scratch behind the ear. I miss Scout's smile.
> 
> ...


What you are feeling is so NORMAL. I think the smile thing is more the individual dog and not just the breed. Our Samoyed, Tonka, smiles, too. Scout knows how much you all love him and didn't want him to suffer.


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

Sterling, I know the story is here somewhere but no idea how to find it. I am not that computer smart, and also, due to diabetes, my vision is extremely poor, so hae trouble looking for things. But here goes with my story

As I said, Hunter was my heart dog, my soul mate. I loved him no more than the others, but there was a bond between us that people saw and commented on. Hubby was cross country trucker until his heart attack/triple by pass 3 1/2 years ago at age 69. He would be gone 10 days to 2 weeks, occasionally longer, then home a couple of days and back out. Buck always slept in front bedroom and would alert me/us if anyone came into the yard. Litter mates Hunter and KayCee slept in our bd, and then so did Honey after we adopted her...most of the time. KayCee slept at the foot of the bed, but Hunter had to be up with his head on my pillow AND on the side where he could see my face.

KayCee was a foot and leg licker. I go shoeless all summer,, wear sox around the hosue during winter. One the sofa she would be at my feet and would pick at my socks til I took them off so she could lick me feet. She had a narrow dry tongue and she licked very slow, deliberate licks. Hunter on the other hand was a face, neck, throat and arm licker and he had a wet slobbery tongue which left you covered in slobber. And he slung that tongue around like a wet lasagna noodle.

Well, becaue Hunter was a picky eater and I feared he might not swallow his heart worm prevention pill (and here on the Texas coast they are necessary year round), I decided to go with the 6 month injection, ProHeart6. And it killed him. I went to our tiny town library and they should me how to use the computer and I found story after story of dogs dying after getting ProHeart6, in some cases people lost two.

Need I saw I blame myself for Hunter's death? I rationalized that had I gone to the library first and read all this, I would have never allowed the injection. I went into a funk you would not believe. by the way, so did his litter mate sister, KayCee. It took Honey a couple of weeks to pull Kase out. Mine was not so easy. I was at the library every day finding more and more stories and I also found my first dog forum, an all breed. And it was loaded with stories. I told Hunter's story, was asked to come to other forums to tell. Some I had to join and they included a lab forum in Canada, and a poodle forum in Australia. I was directed to my first golden forum (no longer around) and from there to here. 

I got a computer and spent hours every day I had trouble eating and sleeping and I was losing weight (which was good as I had put on weight when I stopped smoking in '99. I was sending letters to Fort Dodge weekly naming other dogs that died or had bad reactions, I sent them Hunter's medical records. I contacted the animal division of the FDA and talked to the head vet and she asked me to send her copies of Hunter's records.

Then Fort Dodge contacted my vet wanting to know if he thought I would accept a large payment towards Hunter's $2300 vet bill (8 days in ICU, transfusions, meds, etc) and he contacted me. I went and got the letter and the release and it it made me so mad . The release said I would NEVER again discuss the case with anyone, etc. I just wrote on it 'shove this where the sun doesn't shine" and sent it back to them. This was about 3 months after Hunter died. Then about 2 months later my vet called and told me that Fort Dodge had paid X amount on Hunter's bill, and made a big donation in his memory to Texas A&M Vet School/research. And NO RELEASE. So I was not hushes up. Then just a little more than 10 months after Hunter died, the FDA made them pull ProHeart6 from the market. They tried 4 months later to get it back, but we found and the panel said no, more research was needed. It was off for 4 years.

y, Hunter had always woke me up every morning licking the back of my neck and getting my ear full of slobber, slobber all in my hair. One morning he woke me and I have opened my eyes and saw it was still dark and thought 'Hunter must really need to go do business to wake me up before daylight. Then I got fully away and remembered he had been gone for 8 months. It was his littermate sister doing it. her dry tongue was all slobbery, her slow deliberate licks were all fast and hap-hazard, she was getting slober all over me. And suddenly, without a doubt I knew it was Hunter using his sister's body to let me know he was safe and happy and loved me as much as ever and didn't blame me at all for his death--and he knew I still loved him as much as ever.

I came out of my funk (I had lost 40 pounds) and at first when I talked about it my family thought I had finally lost it, but soon started to believe me. I always wanted another visit from him, but never got it. Just that one time. I lost my first dog in 1956 and lost so many since and he is the only one to visit me, and he is also the only that I blamed myself for their death. After the visit I knew it was not my fault. I had done what I thought best for him, I had not tried to kill him, I didn't want him dead. And it was not my vet's fault. He had believed the salesman and the literature. It was the fault of Fort Dodge who kept it on the market despite all the deaths and reactions. According to the FDA, in that 4 years he was on the market, it killed more dogs than ll the other forms of heart worm protection had--and some had been out 25 years. 

It was only after Hunter's visit did I believe dogs had a special place. I have always believed in Heaven for humans where all ailments, handicaps, etc are gone and after Hunter's visit, such a place for dogs.


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

It was 1 month ago today we had to let our Sophie Girl go We still miss her so much. Sophie with her much loved teddy bear


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

sterling18 said:


> ....I guess my biggest hangup and worry is that he thinks we sent him away and didn't want him anymore. My biggest fear is that he's alone. I know a day too soon is better than a day too late because of the illness. Maybe it's just me being selfish, but I want him back. I miss my shadow. I miss my big fluffy dog that lays at my feet.


My dogs relaxed and were calm even before the sedative was given. I think they knew, and they were ready, and the last thing they knew was me telling them I loved them....I hope you can get past the worries that make your heart hurt, I think they know we love them when they are passing.

I completely understand your emotions, it is not selfish to want him back. You lost your best friend, I lost two within a few months of each other. I miss them, I miss them....

Be kind to yourself, grief is real, and also, sadly, normal. Every emotion you feel is yours and ok to have them.


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

3 Golden, Wow, I'm so sorry. Hunter sounds so awesome. What you did I think that was pretty amazing. You've saved countless dogs with the effort you put in.

Sophie sounds wonderful too. I'm sorry for your loss of your precious girl.


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

mylissyk said:


> My dogs relaxed and were calm even before the sedative was given. I think they knew, and they were ready, and the last thing they knew was me telling them I loved them....I hope you can get past the worries that make your heart hurt, I think they know we love them when they are passing.
> 
> I completely understand your emotions, it is not selfish to want him back. You lost your best friend, I lost two within a few months of each other. I miss them, I miss them....
> 
> Be kind to yourself, grief is real, and also, sadly, normal. Every emotion you feel is yours and ok to have them.


I'm so sorry for your loss too. that's heart breaking for sure.

That's interesting that you mentioned the sedative part. When Scout received his, he closed his eyes and I believe he was already leaving. You see, he was having a hard time breathing, to begin with so when the sedative was administered, he laid down and I could have sworn he either held his breath or something because he wasn't struggling to breathe anymore. Yes, I did whisper to him that I loved him.

I one thing I saw this morning from my wife was a note she found online.

"It's true

When I come to you in a dream, I'm really there

When you see me out of the corner of your eye, I'm really there

When you "sense" me around the place, I'm really there

I haven't left you, not really

My spirit is everywhere, especially with you" 

Author is unknown.

It's a lot harder than I could have imaged.


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

Scout is finally home. I kept it together mostly at the Vet's while picking him up. My heart sank when the receptionist said, she wasn't sure where he was. But another person said she knew, went and retrieved him. Carried him in the tote to the car and buckled him in. I had to wait a few minutes before I could see and drive.

Forgot I got a ceramic paw print too. It was beautiful. Odd thing was I actually had a conversation with him while in the car. Telling him we're going home now. It was freezing but I lowered his side of the window just like how he liked it. 

I can honestly say, I feel better with him home. These last two weeks was difficult.

His urn will be kept near my side of the bed on a prominent spot permanently in our room where he has always slept. Rest easy my friend. Play hard, know that I will always love you and miss you dearly. Like the inscription says, "Till we meet again"


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## KKaren (Oct 29, 2014)

I'm so glad that Scout is home with you now. How wonderful of you to roll the window down for the ride. These are really hard days... and it's part of deep love you have for your boy. Thinking of you and hoping that the memories give you some smiles as you think about your Scout


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

KKaren said:


> I'm so glad that Scout is home with you now. How wonderful of you to roll the window down for the ride. These are really hard days... and it's part of deep love you have for your boy. Thinking of you and hoping that the memories give you some smiles as you think about your Scout


You know something interesting, ive been feeling really guilty recently of all the times I felt I didn't treat Scout the best. It feels like I can remember them all and count them. And when I do, I just feel so miserable about it. Like when I got angry at him when he misbehaved, or when I kenneled him until he was trained to roam the house without tearing it up. The younger days of him and I were frustrating. But as we grew old and closer together, we totally understood each other. 

This is a totally rotten feeling. I miss him so much. You are right in your thread about Merry. If we got to visit and hold them, I don't really know if I would let go after experiencing these current feelings. 

It feels totally unfair that we have to give them up like this.


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