# Why does it still hurt so bad???? Will it get better??



## jal239 (Jan 19, 2010)

I love my beloved Macy on Jan 16th of this year. I came to the forum and posted my feelings, in which many wrote their words of support. It really meant a lot to me that those I have never met gave me such encouragement. Here Iit is almost 5 weeks since she past and I am still a mess. I can't look at a picture of her without losing it. I feel like I do well for a while and then out of no where I lose it. We still have a wonderful 6.5 year old golden which I have giving all of my attention to, but gosh I feel bad that I don't feel the same about her. I love her so much, but it is not my Macy. My husband and I have decided to wait till August /September to get another dog since we are having our second child in May. I know me being pregnant has somewhat to do with my state of mind, but I feel I can't even look forward to the rest of the preparations for our child because Macy is not here.


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## jlc's mom (Dec 21, 2007)

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like Macy was your heart dog, meaning she was a very special dog to you. It does get better but might take more time because she was so special. Keep doing what your doing and when it's closer to the time of having your baby you will start preparing more. I hope someone has better advice than me. Big hugs.


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## justmejanis (Feb 25, 2007)

Oh hon I am so sorry and I understand your pain completely. Macy was so loved and cherished and you feel her loss every minute of every day. The grief you feel is normal. It will come and go in waves. There is no time limit or magic day that you will suddenly feel better. It will happen though, trust me.

When I lost Spencer I was crushed. I was a zombie for days, not eating or even doing normal routine things like showering. I was totally lost. Gradually the intense pain began to recede. It became more of a dull ache.

Please make sure you talk about Macy to others. This helps. Write about her here and let the pain flow, but you will notice that smiles and soon laughter will follow as you talk about her. Share your memories and don't hold anything back. It helps, and you will one day realize you are talking about her and filled with warm memories instead of intense pain. 

Don't be a stranger please. So many of us here have lost our beloved dogs and we do understand. Sometimes threads are easily lost, but keep posting. I will always remember your girl and am here to talk if you need to.

Embrace the memories and take this one day at a time. Joy will return.

Many hugs to you.


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## mm03gn (Sep 24, 2008)

Awwww, your pain is palpable through your words  I haven't lost a golden yet - but when I do, I imagine it will take me a long, long, looooong time to be able to hold myself together. You mentioned you are pregnant - and I'm sure that is not helping things. Your hormones are whacked out enough as it is right now, adding this to the mix is probably unbearable. You just have to tell yourself that it WILL get better. You don't have to know when, you don't have to know how, but you have to keep hope. Because it really will. You have to leave your heart open for those who are still depending on you, and those who will soon be joining your family . Even though doing so is going to keep the pain raw, it will ensure that you are keeping yourself open to healing and starting anew. (((((HUGS))))) to you xoxoxox Melissa


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

I'm so sorry you're hurting so. It's still awfully soon since losing your sweetie. Grief takes us on a journey that is quite a roller coaster ride...... we can do well for a while, only to be blindsided by that overwhelming, heart wrenching pain. Time does ease it, but in the meantime, know that we are here to lend a shoulder or ear. Many times just sharing stories, letting the tears, anger or whatever else you are feeling out helps a great deal.


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## goldensmum (Oct 23, 2007)

I'm not so sure it does get better, but we get better at coping with our feelings( - there is one record that as soon as I hear it then I know I am going to cry, first heard it after we lost Ginny.) 

"HOW DO WE SAY GOODBYE
 TO THE ONES WE LOVE THE MOST

 WHEN IN OUR HEART OF HEARTS WE KNOW
 WE NEED AND WANT THEM CLOSE

 NOW CLOSE YOUR EYES REAL TIGHTLY
 LET YOUR FEELINGS OVERFLOW
 THEY NEVER REALLY LEFT YOU
 YOUR MEMORIES NEVER GO"


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## Laurie (Sep 20, 2009)

I'm sorry you're still hurting but Macy has only been gone a short while and it's perfectly normal to have the feelings you do. Losing Macy was like losing a part of the family.

I think Goldensmum said it best....not sure if it ever gets better, but it does get easier to cope with over time. I lost my 8 year old Phoenix almost a year ago....I felt like I wanted to die.... I was just numb, sick, didn't want to do anything, go anywhere, see anyone, etc. even though I had another dog still at home. I just missed him so much and wanted him with me....life just wasn't the same without him. We ended up getting 2 more puppies within 2 months of his passing. Sure, it helped by keeping me occupied but still, not a day goes by that I don't think of Phoenix or speak his name. 

The day will come when you will think and speak of Macy and smile....rather than shed tears. It doesn't seem like it now....but it will!!!.

Take care and be strong for your new baby!!!!


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## Montana's Mommy (Mar 10, 2009)

i feel your pain as i lost Montana January 17th., I lose it atleast 3 times a week. Last night was really bad as I held on to his ashes and just wanted to die myself. I write this with tears falling from my eyes and wander WHY WHY WHY, I hope and pray everyday that this will get easier too. We are getting a new puppy next week and as it was said he will never be replacable but the distraction I hope will help. Hugs to you and if you ever need to talk please feel free to pm me.


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## amy22 (May 11, 2008)

I am so sorry that you lost your heart dog, Macy. Its so hard to lose our golden babies, but in time it does get easier. The hole you have right now in your heart will start to be filled with wonderful memories of Macy. It just takes time....I always think about the Rainbow Bridge and I know that my girls are there together waiting there for me.


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## Callee (Dec 31, 2009)

I still get worked up if If I think about the girl I lost seven years ago. You just have to change the subject in your mind and go on. Easier said then done....Macy would not want you this way, do it for her. She will always be in your heart.


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## timberwolf (Apr 1, 2009)

Having been there, my heart goes out to you!!!
Just know that it does get easier, it just takes time.
And one day, the time will come that you will think of Macy, and instead of crying, you'll have a warm feeling in your heart and a smile on your face.
Until then, embrace the memories you have and give yourself the time that you need to grieve. 
Take care, you are in our thoughts.


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## Maxs Mom (Mar 22, 2008)

I truly understand. I lost Maxine in Oct, and I tear up every day still. Sometimes the tears are mixed with smiles, as I remember her, and I do not want to forget her. She was my heart dog, and my heart is still broken in her absence. 

It is just a reflection of your devotion to Macy. Obviously your bond was strong, and it is hard to be left behind. 

We got a new lab puppy this past Christmas. I know Maxine helped bring her to us. I do not know how I would cope without her. Teddi our other golden is my hug dog. She misses Max too. If I didn't have my other dogs I don't know where I would be. However they are not Max and they do not want to be. I don't hold that against them. Nor do I hold them to her standard. 

I hope your pain starts to ease soon. I think the tears will be there for awhile. But that is good, really, you miss a good friend. It is ok to mourn. 

Ann


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## AmbikaGR (Dec 31, 2007)

What you are experiencing is not at all unusual and you should not feel guilty about any of your feelings. Most people who share their lives with dogs at some point in their life experience that special dog. Not intentionally but there is just something that clicks in that one relationship that is unlike any other. As for the pain and heartbreak, I truly don't think they ever go away, we just learn to live with them over time.


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## Sophie_Mom (Jan 21, 2009)

I am sorry for your loss. It doesn't ever go away, but it does get easier. You were lucky to have found each other.

This was something that helped me when I lost my beloved cat (of 14 years), Reggie. A friend of mine spent a week with the Dahli Llama (I'm sure I butchered the spelling, sorry) shortly before Reggie passed. I was beyond comfort, but she said the one thing that brought me peace - She told me it was so understandable that I felt as though I had lost a piece of myself...Because I had. In order for there to be a "heaven" or Rainbow Bridge where everything is happy and peaceful, it only makes sense that they have a part of us with them. She told me she believed that he didn't even realize we were apart, because he had taken a piece of me and all of my love for him with him. It helped. I was so worried about him... That night, for the first time, I dreamt of him/had a visit from him. In my dream, he was playing in our living room, and I kept pointing at him and telling my husband, "Look at him, he's okay, he's playing, he's okay now..." I truly believe he was letting me know that he is okay, playing at the bridge.

I get so attached - Part of me thinks I shouldn't have pets at all. But, we love them like crazy while we can and hold their memory close to our hearts forever, sometimes with smiles and sometimes with tears. (a year and a half later, I still cry; but the tears don't hurt SO much, if that makes any sense...)

Take care of your heart.


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## MyMaggieGirl (Nov 12, 2008)

Macy's mom, please keep posting here on the Forum. As you can see by these responses, we all have compassion for each other, we've all gone through it and while each person grieves differently, losing your Macy was like losing a family member but even worse.

Post here about your memories of Macy, good and bad. I found talking about my Maggie helped me a great deal. It's only been seven months and I still cry but nowhere near as bad as those first few weeks.

My favorite words of advice by Wendy Feiresiesen: "You don't get over it, you just get through it. You can't get by it because you can't get around it. It doesn't get better, it just gets different. Every day..... Grief puts on a different face."

Hugs to you.


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## LMMB (Feb 19, 2010)

I was so struck by your sorrow that I had to register and respond. I understand what you are going through. My boy Byron (nine years old) died suddenly on January 18, 2008 and then my girl on January 30, 2009. She was 13 years and 2 months old and she was ready to go. My boy was the healthy one and was taken by hermangiosarcoma and my girl had so many issues and made it to nice old age. 
I can tell you from experience that neither is preferable. It still hurts like heck. A piece of my heart was taken with each one of them. I try to think about the good times and all the love I got from them and honor their memories by carrying on. One day, I will be ready to share that love with another dog............just not yet. I sure do miss them.


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## coppers-mom (Jan 9, 2009)

It does sound like Macy was really special to you and your grief is perfectly understandable. I cried for weeks after losing my last GR and even having Copper didn't make up for Chance being gone. that's just how it is.

Now copper is my "main man" and I don't know what I will do when he is gone.

Share stories and pictures if it makes you feel better. Just log on and vent if that makes you feel better. Whatever it takes. We've all been there too so we understand.

It does get easier with time, but I still tear up over my heart dog who died 6 years ago. they just mean so much to us that we mourn pretty hard. Being pregnant probably has your hormones in a mess and that doesn't make it any easier.

Congratulations on your baby! Share that with us too and I believe you will start to find more joy again.


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## Dallas Gold (Dec 22, 2007)

My heart goes out to you on your great loss of your dog. It is so tough. We lost my heart dog in July 2004 and I still tear up from time to time. It has been my experience that grief is so unpredictable but there will be a time when you will remember the good and happy times more and you will be able to laugh at the memories instead of cry. I know it sounds impossible now, but Macy wants you to remember how much joy she brought into your life. She wouldn't want you to be sad forever.

I did a pet loss and bereavement newsletter for a rescue group I previously volunteered for. Here is the link:
http://www.goldenretrievers.org/newsletter/index.html
Just click on the Winter Edition (current issue). It has some good articles about losing our pets as well as some ideas to help one memorialize their pets, which helps in the grieving process. 

Please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your family member.


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

I lost spencer 3wks., two days ago, this loss will be with me forever, he has a very special place in my heart, my heart boy, we loved them, that is why it hurts.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Macy's Mom*

Macy's Mom

Please keep posting here-we all try to support each other.
The only thing that has ever helped me get through the loss of a beloved dog is rescuing/adopting another. We too had another dog when we lost Gizmo and Munchkin, but adopted a second one immediately.
I think for me it was necessary to give my love to another very needy dog and it really helped ease the pain. It never goes away though, just gets a little easier with time.


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## cangolden (Oct 12, 2009)

While I was reading your post,tears were rolling down my face. I feel your pain, had to put down my baby Shadow irshwolfhound/engish setter, when she was 14 yrs young.
My prayers are with you and I agree, please continue to share.


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## Pointgold (Jun 6, 2007)

My dear, it never doesn't hurt. It only gets less raw, and there comes a point where you are able to laugh through your tears when you remember the fun, silly things Macy did.

I lost my Lyric in 2004 on Memorial Day. Every Memorial Day since is like she just left us. 

My heart goes out to you.


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## winstonandmaizeesmommy (Feb 8, 2007)

I agree with everyone else. I lost our Winston on April of last year. Even though I still have Maizee at home, I miss Winston every.single.day. There are days I still can't believe he is gone. 

Then there are the other days - where it is a dull ache. I have him with me every day (his ashes are on my bookshelf).

You have been without him since January. It's going to take awhile for it to become a dull ache. 

I want another Golden Retriever (Maizee is one, but looks more like a Lab), but I'm afraid. Winston was my special dog - no other dog could replace him, not that I want them to. I guess I just would like one that has some of his same characteristics (he was a couch potato). It'll take a long time before I am ready for another dog. 

Just grieve - give it time. 

I wish you all the best.

Laura


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## Bella's Mommy (Jan 30, 2010)

I lost my heart girl last August. She was only 7. She was the perfect dog in every way. My whole neighborhood grieved with me. Her mission in life was to float around like the angel she was and give love unconditionally to everybody humans and other animals alike. My boss knew how close I was with her and gave me the week off of work. My 18 year old and 14 year old sons canceled all plans for the week to spend time with me. I was beyond devastated. We had been through a battle of battles with myathenia gravis and megaesophagus and she was beating the odds much to my vet's surprise. We did everything together and there is absolutely nothing I would not have done for her and she died in my arms. It was six months ago on Wednesday, I was at my desk at work at 11:15 and burst into tears...exactly six months. The pain is still very deep. She was the special dog of my life. I still cry. I had totally planned on waiting awhile to get another girl, but unknown to me my little girl Bella was born the day after my angel Haley passed. It has helped. While there will never be another Haley, my little Bella has helped to fill the massive hole that was in my heart. It does get easier. It was a honor to be Haley's mom...she wanted me to be happy...I try...Bella helps...time has helped...we open ourselves up to this heartbreak when we bring the puppy home, but the joy in journey is so worth it. Please know others do understand and care.


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## Griffyn'sMom (Mar 22, 2007)

Oh gosh! The first 3 months are the worst! I was ready for another Golden after 6 months but had told the family we would wait a year. 

I'm happy that you have another furbaby to love on instead of an empty house. Give your sorrow to your other Golden - you may very well find yourself drawn closer to her soon. You're still grieving - it takes time.


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