# My dog is tearing my relationship apart.



## Debra Giangrande (Oct 16, 2017)

Me and my fiance' got Klaus when he was 3 months, after one week we took him back to the store. After one day we went back and got him because we felt terrible giving up on him and believed he belong with us. Only a few days later I got a job and relocated. I see Klaus on the weekends with my fiance'. Every weekend is a nightmare. Klaus does not listen to a word I say. I believe this dog annoys me on purpose. We all have our favorite spot on the couch. All week Klaus sits on the couch in a different spot then I do normally. When I get home and try to relax on the weekends, Klaus insist on sitting on top of the couch behind my head chewing on a bone, a tug, whatever. I don't like the pets on the couch because Klaus sheds so much. I of course am not there all week so I don't complain because I don't want to confuse the dog. He never goes on top of the couch only when I am there. This weekend I tried to use training treats to get him to stay down on the floor. I tried for 2 hours taking him down, waiting until he stay then giving him a treat. My fiance' go so frustrated listing to me saying down, down. I keep my mouth shut most of the time because I'm not there all week. He sleeps in our queen bed which is horrible uncomfortable. He brings me every drooled on toy all night long for hours. I play with him a lot but around 8pm i like to settle down. Klaus can go all night long. He only wants to play with me though my fiance' tries to play with him he still keeps bringing the toys to me and runs when Tommy tries to grab the toy and play with him. When I walk him he drags me down the street. He jumps on every person that walks in the house. Since we got him I can't go out on the weekends anymore. If we leave him in his crate he stands and barks the whole time we are gone. We have a doggy cam. The longest was 2 hours. If we leave him uncrated he runs from the door to the window barking and crying and pees or poops on the floor to show his anger or anxiety not sure which. He is 9 months old now. I have had a german shepard, labs, beagles all my life I always had at least one dog. This dog is so out of control that I have stopped spending time with my fiance on the weekends because I work 5 days a week and will not spend my weekends in the house. Klaus is spoiled, he goes to dog park every Saturday. He has toys, treats, his own bed, walks two times a day. I really don't know what else to do. When I shower he comes in the room and tries to get everything out of my drawers when I open them. He loves deodorant and tries to lick me. I know dress in a corner of the room so the dog doesn't get at me. It's so humiliating. I don't show the dog two sets of rules because it's not fair to him but since I am not there during the week he thinks i'm just a fun toy for a couple of days. He is a beautiful dog but he is ruing my life and my relationship. I'm sorry to all you dog lovers but is anyone in my situation where you aren't there as much as the master/alpha person? I really don't know where to start anymore.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

Klaus is HAPPY TO SEE YOU, and wants to be with you when you come home. He is not being bad to annoy you at all, he wants to be near because he loves you. Besides dogs do not have thought processes like "annoy you on purpose". He is not having potty accidents because he's mad, he is having anxiety and can't control it. 

All of this is really a training issue. You need to sit down with your boyfriend and talk about what you want from Klaus, agree on the expectations and boundaries, and both of you commit to sticking to them. Have the same rules when you are not there as when you are there, and that can only be accomplished by communicating with each other and coming to an agreement. 

Then Klaus needs to be enrolled in training classes, ongoing, that both of you participate in or at least work on the homework together.


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## cwag (Apr 25, 2017)

I agree with mylissyk. Your pup misses you and is excited and wants to be near you. Maybe even see if you can find a good trainer to come in a few times and help you and your fiancee get on the same training agenda. Some consistency from the two of you would get faster and better results. Raising a puppy together is great practice if you foresee ever having human kids. Golden pups can be challenging but with consistent training they make the best dogs.


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## Debra Giangrande (Oct 16, 2017)

Thank you. I am definitely thinking about training classes but the cost is a little much right now. I know it seems funny that he does thing to annoy me but if you seen him you would think so too, lol.


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## cwag (Apr 25, 2017)

Well sometimes they annoy because even negative attention is better than no attention. But I don't think they actually reason that out and plan to annoy. Rukie bites my shoes if I ignore him


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## jennretz (Jul 24, 2013)

It may not be the right time for you to own a dog or this breed. Have you thought about rehoming him with a rescue who will find the right home for him? Starting a new job and having a puppy are stressful in their own right. Golden Retrievers are social and need a lot of attention and training; especially when they are younger.


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## Gleepers (Apr 20, 2016)

Gotta agree with everyone else. That dog is so happy to see you he will do just about anything to get your attention. 

Deffinatly training. If you can?t afford classes then check out some you tube. Something is better than nothing. What ever you do make sure you and hubby are using the same commands. 

Third, remember that most shelter dogs are between 6 mo and 1 1/2. That?s because the cute wears off and they become terrible teens and can be the boon of your existence. They need time to mature , and while it sucks right now in a year or two you will have a wonderful companion, especially if you put some time and effort into helping him lean his manners through training

And. Come on, you named him Klaus. What did you expect?


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## usually lurking (Apr 21, 2017)

You definitely need training. If the cost is too high, try some online videos. Several members like the kikopup videos. He needs mental stimulation and a significant amount of training. You don't have a dog problem, you have a training problem.

When you crate him, give him something to do. Get a kong, fill it with a little kibble and things like unsweetened applesauce, mashed banana, peanut butter, and non-fat yogurt, then freeze it. It should keep him busy for an extended period of time - possibly close to an hour. 

Beyond that, Goldens are people dogs. They want to be with you all the time. They also shed. A compromise might be getting one of those pet covers for your couch like this: https://www.overstock.com/Pet-Suppl...VDQNpCh1TyARWEAQYASABEgLK7PD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds


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## rabernet (Feb 24, 2015)

So - you listed everything you don't like about Klaus. Can you re-frame your thinking and tell us five things that you DO like about him?


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## GoldensOldie (Apr 23, 2017)

You say you got Klaus at 3 months, from a store. That suggests that he didn't have the socialization and training that are so important for a young pup...."living" in a store does not offer the attention and affection these puppies need. So, you got off to a rocky start.

Then, you had to work away from home, another difficult situation for all of you. My husband worked away from home when we got our pups (18 years apart) and it was a trying time for all of us. Our last dog, Ty, was a challenge anyway and I tried to train him, but didn't have the skills and couldn't travel to a trainer. I would make progress with him, then my husband would come home for the weekend and "let him be a dog"... setting us back two weeks, at least. But, because I was with Ty constantly, he deferred to me and we eventually got to the point where a look would convey our thoughts to one another.

Ty turned out great, but it probably took longer than if I had been a good trainer. But, I'm sure it was more stressful for me and the dog, with these occasional setbacks. If my husband had used the same commands as I did, it would have easier on all of us.

I feel I am a better trainer now, but Dax and I will be going to classes starting next week. He is 4.5 months old and learning everything I try to teach him, but I need to learn how to do it better. That's what a trainer can do for you, teach you how to train him better so you can help him be the dog you want and he deserves to be.

You and your fiance definitely need to discuss training and acceptable behavior and both be on the same page. Taking a class together might be difficult, given your schedule, but you have to coordinate your program. It sounds like you both have different ideas about what you want from your dog. My husband still won't use the commands I do and thinks the dog will do what is right... sigh. 

Living apart is hard and it stresses things in ways you might not realize. I know, we did it for 35 years. Having a baby makes it more complicated... your puppy is a baby... your baby... and he deserves the best you can give him... attention, training and love. You'll get it all paid back. Love him and let him love you. Let him bring out your inner puppy.

Enjoy.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

Debra Giangrande said:


> Thank you. I am definitely thinking about training classes but the cost is a little much right now. I know it seems funny that he does thing to annoy me but if you seen him you would think so too, lol.


He definitely wants to get your attention, not to annoy, he's just doing what works to get you to interact with him.

Find positive ways to interact with him, play ball, do some obedience work, etc., and yes that probably means giving up your relax time. If you really need him to leave you alone give him a meaty chew bone, or hide his food around the room and get him to search for it.


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## tlvgolden (Oct 23, 2017)

Besides training, I think he probably needs more exercise too - mental and physical. Something really tiring like off-leash fetch uphill or swimming, and then mental games like hiding treats for him to find and fun training sessions. This is a difficult, pushing boundaries age for dogs, so a lot of exercise and structure is important.

It's also really important to train a dog to "settle" in the house. You can find a lot of articles about teaching "settle" and teaching boundary games, and they're really useful, especially during adolescence!


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## Anele (Dec 12, 2014)

He sounds like a... golden retriever! Granted, one with some separation anxiety and in need of training, but nothing serious at all. Your description of him is so appealing to me!

There's a lot working against both of you in this situation, with time and money being big factors. However, more than that... it seems that you don't want a Velcro dog. And while you can definitely manage his separation anxiety with various tools and training, ultimately (if you are lucky!) he will want to be with you. While goldens have varying degrees of independence, they were bred to want to be with their people.

To me, the dog comes first. If you are unable or unwilling to give him the kind of life he needs, then consider, as others have said, finding him a new home through a golden retriever rescue. He is not at risk for death row. They will carefully consider applicants and choose the best new home for him. 

But if you want to keep him, there are so many options out there that will improve things dramatically, and you could end up with the best friend ever.


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## Nate83 (Jul 13, 2017)

So first thing is think of him like a baby, you don't get to relax until you do things with him. My girl will freak out if I don't say hi to her in the morning regardless of what time it is or if I am running late I will say hi and pet her for a min if 5 mins in the morning. 
Also you got him gonna store, he isn't crate trained and he will have separation anxiety. Try small training thinks like sit, come very basic training commands. He will get attention from you and he will get some training killing two birds with 1 stone. I also agree with the others you need to talk with your fiance and come up with a plan. 
If you are feeling stressed try to just let him, the action of petting releases stress. Btw you didn't name 5 things you love about him.


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