# Thinking of Rehoming my Pup--advice please



## Prism Goldens (May 27, 2011)

I am so sorry for you- what a difficult place to be.
First, I want to say that this is a puppy. True, temperament tendancies can be seen quite early so you may be spot on with your assessment of him. 
But he is not a dog yet, still a baby himself.
I remember your posts but don't recall if you got him from a breeder? With a contract? If so, the earlier the better as to sending him back. If he came from a breeder she surely has a first dibs clause in her contract and perhaps you can even get some of your money back. 
If not, your situation illustrates why it's important to 'really' know the temperament you need and where a good breeder could help you. Next puppy be sure you have one that is tolerant of little people.
Rehoming without a breeder's help- you should screen the homes for kids first off- none would be good- or teens at least age. And there are several places you could advertise him. Jennifer Workman's site has a place for an ad for older dogs, and you could also contact your closest GRCA club puppy referral person and ask them if they have any folks looking for older puppies. Find a breeder near you to help you find an appropriate home, I hope that you can meet someone willing to take that time out of their day to help this puppy find a home. Don't put him on CL or any of those places, there's no accountability once out of your driveway!


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## skeetie (Oct 27, 2008)

No judgement here, sounds like you are trying to be very reasonable and do the smart thing and avoid a bad situation for the pup and your children. 

If you got him from a breeder, contact the breeder...any reputable breeder will take their pup back. My other suggestion is to contact a rescue, the Delware Valley Golden Rescue is solely for Golden placement and I have enjoyed supporting them. It is central PA, and have volunteers all over the mid Atlantic are so check them out. Their website is dvgrr.com. They have the expertise of doing providing an assessment of all Goldens and matching them accordingly, including homes without small children. Please do not put an ad in craiglist. 

Ask if you need more advice, I'm sure folks here including myself will chime in.


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## Mayve (Aug 21, 2012)

I am sorry you are having these issues. If you do decide to re home him and you don't have a contract that requires you return him or a breeder willing to take him back you could contact a rescue. they would work with him to minimize his issues before adopting him out. They would also make sure he was placed appropriately. Good luck in whatever you decide to do!


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## MaggieandBailey (Nov 26, 2013)

My heart hurts for you and your family. I'm sure your kids want to love him too  I am no behavior expert in any way, but I too have children, and have a flood of their friends in and out my doors constantly. I can only share my personal experience. It was also imperative to us that any new addition be friendly w/kids. Our golden is 14 months old, and adores the kids. She will bring her treats/bones to purposely sit by them to enjoy. She will drop/leave any item from her mouth if they ask (even a dead bird)...yuck. Our jrt is the same. I'm only giving this example as my experience, since we have similar home conditions. Our first dog was a resource guarder, but was a small jrt and my kids were able to steer clear, as she was in our home prior to kids.
I can only imagine how terrible you feel, and how you must worry. Hopefully your breeder can be of some help. I also agree that a reputable golden rescue is a good last resort. Again...so, so sorry.


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


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## Jennifer1 (Mar 31, 2012)

This is such a sad situation. Have you had him medically cleared?
My goldens growing up were part of our family. I remember snuggling with them watching movies. Your kids had that with their lab and want and deserve this with their new dog.
It sounds like this guy might be better suited to a home without children. I would contact the breeder if they were a good breeder or a GR rescue. Both of them should be able to evaluate him and get him into a better suited home.

This is not your fault.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

I'm sorry you're in this situation. 

If you don't have a contract with a Breeder, I hope you will consider releasing your pup to a GR Rescue in VA.

Here is the list of Groups for your area, click on their name, their contact info and website will come up. Try the one closest to your location first. Each Group has a specified area or region within the state they cover. 

http://www.grca-nrc.org/rescues/va/virginia.html

The Golden Retriever Club of America National Rescue Committee
Virginia
Golden Retriever Rescue Education and Training, Inc.
Southeastern Virginia GRREAT, Inc. (SEVA GRREAT)


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## Anon-2130948gsoni (Apr 12, 2014)

Others have made excellent suggestions--I just wanted to send my support. You are doing the right thing for your family and so many people don't until either it's too late to address the problem or something irreversible happens.

He's still a young dog and in the right environment with expert assistance and time, his issues can be addressed. But you need to be able to enjoy your family and not be in a constant state of vigilance.

You're doing the right thing for everyone, as hard as it is. Good for you.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

Cdmvirginia said:


> Hi, first off, I'm writing this with a very heavy heart, and with tears on my face, so please, I'm looking for thoughts, advice, support, experience, but no judgement. Some background: Our pup is 17 weeks old. He is well exercised and is doing well with obedience work so far. He is very sweet most of the time. We have two kids, 6 and 8.
> 
> I've posted a couple of times regarding my dog's resource guarding, which is occasional only, but a behavior that worries me, particularly around my children. On the excellent advice of others, i have purchased the book, Mine! by Jean Donaldson, and am working through the protocol actively. He doesn't guard with me at all, just mainly with my children. For obvious reasons, i cannot leave our pup around my kids unsupervised and don't believe i ever will be able to. In addition, our pup has growled at my son when food or toys have NOT been present. Last evening, my son very quietly laid down near our dog when he was sleeping and he growled. He growled when he was younger when my daughter tried to pick him up a couple of times. I get it--this is simply his temperament, and i know that my priority should be to separate the dog from my kids, and their friends who are always flooding in and out of my home. I do that as much as i can.
> 
> ...


*Glad you posted here-it shows you care. You have a puppy and from what you've said I don't think this sounds like aggressive behavior. Puppies growl and snap when they are playing. Puppies take lots of time and patience, as do children. I don't think a behaviorist or trainer would be too expensive for a one time assessment. If it were my dog, I would also use a crate when I was unable to watch the pup with the kids. The crate is used as a training tool for many! If you decide you don't want to keep him, please contact one of the wonderful Golden Retriever Rescues and they will make certain they find him a loving and wonderful home.

National Rescue Committee of the Golden Retriever Club of America*


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

I'm sending you a private message, check your page.


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## lhowemt (Jun 28, 2013)

I am so sorry, this must break your heart. My only thoughts are that the pup is young and LOTS can change with them. If it is temperment maybe not, but if it is just a behavior that has more hope. He is yoing and has lots of learning to do. I wish you well.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

I am, really, very sorry you are dealing with this problem. You are being very wise, and thoughtful, about the situation, and I agree with you, this puppy is probably not the dog to live in a houseful of children and their friends coming in frequently. It is not a matter of "if" the growling and snapping will escalate, it is "when". I think you are seeing the situation as it really is and judging it correctly.

Before you make any final decisions, I encourage you to have a consultation with a Certified Dog Behavior Consultant or a Certified Veterinarian Behaviorist, and see if they have any insight that might change things. 

There is a list of CDBC on this website: International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants (IAABC)

Your vet may be able to refer you to the CVB, or you might find one near you listed on this website: ACVB

Have him examined by your vet to be sure there are no medical reasons for his behavior.

If you ultimately decide to rehome him, and you don't have a contract with the breeder to return him, please do check with the Golden rescues in your area or even further away if they aren't close, and make sure they know he should not be with children. The national list of rescues is on the GRCA website: National Rescue Committee of the Golden Retriever Club of America


He is a very young puppy, it may be possible working with a behaviorist you could teach him that kids are ok. There are methods of desensitization and changing the way he thinks about the kids that can help. It would take a lot of work. I hope you will explore all the options to see if working with him might be something you can do. But if you decide no, I hold no judgement against you. You have to decide what is best for the kids as well as the puppy.


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## laprincessa (Mar 24, 2008)

I just want to say thank you for doing what's right for both your family and the puppy. This can't be any fun for anyone.


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## KeaColorado (Jan 2, 2013)

mylissyk said:


> I am, really, very sorry you are dealing with this problem. You are being very wise, and thoughtful, about the situation, and I agree with you, this puppy is probably not the dog to live in a houseful of children and their friends coming in frequently. It is not a matter of "if" the growling and snapping will escalate, it is "when". I think you are seeing the situation as it really is and judging it correctly.
> 
> Before you make any final decisions, I encourage you to have a consultation with a Certified Dog Behavior Consultant or a Certified Veterinarian Behaviorist, and see if they have any insight that might change things.
> 
> ...



I just wanted to add that this is very good advice. 

FWIW, I grew up in a house with a dog much like what you're describing. I was about 7 when we got her, and I distinctly remember reaching in to her crate and being growled and snapped at when she was about 6 months old. Granted, times were different 30 years ago, and I was an only child, relatively independent and pretty mature for my age, so if this situation were to play out again in 2014, I can't be certain what would happen. I know my mom worried about taking Maggie places around kids, but did an ok job of managing her behavior at home, and it was made very clear to me that I was responsible for my behavior and that of my friends. I attended training classes with my mom and the dog, and I learned how to work with her and train her myself. I also took on more responsibilities with her, like feeding and walking. Again, different times in the 80's, so I don't know if that would work at all for you guys but I thought I'd throw it out there. 

Hang in there, no matter what you decide, I can't see this being an easy road to travel. It sounds like you're really trying to do what's best. I feel for you.


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## Ruby13 (Dec 28, 2013)

He is very young, just a bit over 4 months old. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to change his behavior, and I certainly understand your concern, but know that this may be something that he will grow out of, or can be trained out of. I also know it's hard to find the time to work with problem areas with dogs when you have young children and a busy lifestyle, so fully support you questioning whether you can do this or not, so please do not think otherwise! 

Keep in mind that he is a puppy, with puppy behavior. How old was he when you got him? Was he removed from his litter/ mother too early? Those first 8-10 weeks are crucial in learned behaviors. 

Also, I am assuming your lab was an adult, and it may have been quite some time since you had dealt with a boisterous retriever puppy! I still remember those early days with my first one, and there was nothing easy about them, especially with young children and their visitors in the house. 

I would also go with a rescue group if the breeder does not have first dibs on him. Rescue groups know the breed, and know how to bring the very best out of the dogs prior to rehoming. 

Best of luck with your decision. I admire you for thinking it through, and I'm sure I haven't said a thing that you haven't already considered, just thinking 'out loud', more or less. The only thing I would add at this point is to go ahead and make a decision while he is still as young as he is, so that he will find his forever home sooner than later.


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## Cdmvirginia (Feb 14, 2014)

Thank you all for your support. I really appreciate the insights provided. I am planning on contacting the breeder this afternoon--i need to dig out the contract to see what's in there. I think the only clauses related to health. I just took him on a hike with the kids--he had so much fun running off lead and splashing in the creek. He came when called, and was on the best behavior. Ugh. Makes it so much harder. I'm really torn. I will update the thread once we determine the best course of action.


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## BajaOklahoma (Sep 27, 2009)

I am sorry that you are going through this. 
Before you give up a dog you and your family love, consult with a behaviorist. What may be normal puppy behavior has escalated to the point you aren't comfortable, but the behaviorist may be able to show you how to control it.

I operate on the theory that if it isn't cute in a 70 lb dog, then it isn't cute in a puppy. And I started early with the kids being the giver of cookies. Obedience classes were a god-send for us as they corrected my bad habits and made me aware of where I was slipping up. 
Rogue was a wild-child that was dumped at the lake. With getting her caught up on her shots, she started classes late. I couldn't wait - she drove me crazy even though I had started her training. I think it was more getting my husband on board with what she needed - paying for the classes made him actually help with the training.


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## laprincessa (Mar 24, 2008)

The thing is, you can have a behaviorist come in and you can train your kids how to act around the dog and that's wonderful. But what happens when one of your kids has a friend over who runs up to the dog and throws her (or his) arms around the dog to give a hug, and the dog snaps at the kid? You can't train every kid in the neighborhood. You can't take the dog out in public much because you can't train every person you meet. 
How much can you handle?
I couldn't do it - and all the behaviorists in the world wouldn't be able to make me. 
Let the dog go to a family without children, look for a dog that will fit in your family. Everyone will be so much happier.


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

I'm so sorry to hear this. :no: I pray for you to get the support you need.


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## gingerfudge (Aug 5, 2014)

Where are you located in va, we are in va and my wife is a service dog trainer, maybe she could help


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## Cdmvirginia (Feb 14, 2014)

Gingerfudge, we are located in Leesburg.


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## Selli-Belle (Jan 28, 2009)

No behaviorist worth their salt will guarantee that even with all the training and behavior modification possible that a resource guarder will never resource guard again.


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

Cdmvirginia said:


> Thank you all for your support. I really appreciate the insights provided. I am planning on contacting the breeder this afternoon--i need to dig out the contract to see what's in there. I think the only clauses related to health. I just took him on a hike with the kids--he had so much fun running off lead and splashing in the creek. He came when called, and was on the best behavior. Ugh. Makes it so much harder. I'm really torn. I will update the thread once we determine the best course of action.


Cate, I think you have to look at this with a clear head either way. And keep in mind the kids are watching and learning how to be dog people from you.... 

What that means is that if you will keep this dog, you need to look around and find a private trainer or somebody who has a lot of experience working with families and dogs, particularly golden retrievers. The onus isn't just going to be on the trainer to fix the dog. Nor is it going to be the dog turning into a good family pet immediately with a little adjustment. The onus is going to be on you and your family to learn how to raise this dog and get around any issues with him. 

It can definitely be done. Our first two goldens were resource guarders. The one was definitely the type to really make a lot of noise and snapping and could scare the heck out of you to make you back off of items. The other one was less growly/snappy... but more prone to suddenly snap, and did cause stitches for one sib and the other still has scars on her back and somewhere else where he went after her when she was 5 or 6..... 

That snap with my baby sister was the "panic button" moment for us older sibs as far as really taking seriously all of the training and management changes that needed to be done. Training and dedicated changes in handling and management made a huge difference with those dogs. Particularly with the help of a trainer who specialized in addressing aggressive dogs, in addition to being a golden retriever breeder and owner/trainer. 

Explaining in brief.... a lot of it was mutual respect for the dogs and understanding how the dogs "looked" at things. A lot of the resource guarding behaviors start emerging because these dogs think they have something REALLY VALUABLE and they don't want it taken away. 

Way of handling that is really not challenging the dogs or making them fearful of having something just yanked away from them. IF the dogs had something in their mouths, then we started training them to parade to the kitchen with us to trade for something of much higher value. 

There were also only a few of us who were allowed to handle and work with the dogs. My oldest sister was the primary trainer and authority figure to the dogs. And me and my other sister stepped in to work with the dogs when my oldest sister wasn't right there to correct them. Corrections were fair and balanced by rewards. The youngest two kids were absolutely not allowed to correct or challenge the dogs. If the dogs had anything in their mouths, the kids were taught to come running to us to tell us. 

A lot of the training and handling - it really became second nature with a lot of us. And those dogs mellowed out as they felt more secure and less threatened. The one dog always was grumbler, but it wasn't a big deal since we knew it was all bluff with him. And the other one got to a point after age 2 when he didn't even wrinkle his nose at anyone, much less growl.... and the "red head" attitudes he had as a puppy, just something we laughed about while reminiscing many years later. 

That said.... if you have no way of really changing a lot of stuff as far as handling the dog, etc.... and/or the only options are really cutting into the dogs quality of life (putting him outside to be an outside dog, keeping him crated majority of the time, not handling or playing with him as much as you need to in order to build a good strong bond with that dog, constantly chasing the dog off furniture and basically getting into a resource guarding war with him, etc) - it would be better to rehome the dog now while he's still very young and again.... it's better for the kids to grow up in a home where the family dog IS a family dog.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

How are things going with your pup?


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## Cdmvirginia (Feb 14, 2014)

Hi everyone, wanted to provide an update on our situation with our pup. Thanks to everyone for all of the insight and advice. I have decided that because his guarding issues and occasional growling *seem* to be so mild and infrequent, i am going to continue to work with him and play it by ear. I am trying to take a practical, objective approach, rather than a purely emotional one. We also start formal obedience class this week (have been doing obedience at home since he came to us) and i will speak to the trainers about this as well. If i continue to see behavior that worries me despite these measures, then i will revisit rehoming him. We have had no incidents since my original post. He's got so much to offer our family, so i will commit to him as much as i think is reasonable. Again, this forum really helped ground me, so thank you all again.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Cate*



Cdmvirginia said:


> Hi everyone, wanted to provide an update on our situation with our pup. Thanks to everyone for all of the insight and advice. I have decided that because his guarding issues and occasional growling *seem* to be so mild and infrequent, i am going to continue to work with him and play it by ear. I am trying to take a practical, objective approach, rather than a purely emotional one. We also start formal obedience class this week (have been doing obedience at home since he came to us) and i will speak to the trainers about this as well. If i continue to see behavior that worries me despite these measures, then i will revisit rehoming him. We have had no incidents since my original post. He's got so much to offer our family, so i will commit to him as much as i think is reasonable. Again, this forum really helped ground me, so thank you all again.


So glad you are going to obedience classes and I would DEFINITELY use the crate when you can't watch the kids and him every minute. I personally feel that what he is doing is probably normal puppy behavior and sometimes when they play they growl, etc. My dogs who are 5 and 6 years old growl and bare teeth when playing. Please keep us posted. If you do decide to rehome him, I would contact a Golden Rescue for him!!
http://www.grca-nrc.org/localrescues.html


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## lhowemt (Jun 28, 2013)

Excellent! Best wishes and know you are welcome to come back for ideas, feedback and advice. 

However, pictures are in order of your little babe!


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

I'm so glad to see that you're not giving up on him. That's great! Good luck with him!:crossfing


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## AngieAvenue (Mar 17, 2013)

Keep strong - your pup is young and there is a lot that can change. It's obvious that you care a lot and have a good head on your shoulders. You will make the right decision for your family.

We have a 16 month old resource guarder. Things have gotten so much better in the last few months. As others have mentioned, the steps we take have to take become second nature. There are days we have setbacks, but a little growling has yet to outweigh all the happiness he brings to our home. 

Keep doing the exercises in Mine. If your comfortable, have your kids actively involved in training. They can give lots of commands and treats, and even hand feeding - establish positive relationships and trust. 

I completely understand your worry about guests/friends visiting. Does your pup have a safe space to go when friends are over? Maybe having a 'dog only' zone would help if you haven't already set one up. He will be able to get away from the people that are making him uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with putting him in a crate or guest room when friends are over if you can't actively be around. 

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat or vent


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