# Affection? and WHEN WILL IT BE OVER????



## Abby (Aug 17, 2010)

I have a question about affection. I'm a first time dog owner and I've always wanted a cuddly golden retriever. My boy's still a baby, but he is very independent and often times stubborn. He's still very much a crazy puppy, but will he be affectionate when he grows up? I've heard of goldens who love sitting with their owners, being petted, sleeping on the couch or bed, but Chopin doesn't do any of those things! If I try to pet him, he'll sart biting me within 1 minute, he hates the couch and the bed, tries to jump off unless there's food. Won't do ANYTHING unless there's food. Does thing he's not supposed to for food and if definitely not affectionate.

My second question is: when will the puppy stage be over??? When will they be able to hold their tiny bladders for more than an hour?? I just took him out to pee and 15 minutes later, lo and behold, I've stepped in a yellow puddle. UGH. Sometimes it drives me crazy!! I don't expect it to be soon, but I haven't even caught a glimpse of what people are saying about their "wonderful goldens". I love him to bits, but he can be such a little monster!! He has to be constantly supervised, the cat can't be in the same room as him and I can't get anything done!!And he bites incessantly!! My arms are bloody and my violin teacher asked me if I "had emotional problems, or needed to talk to someone". 
And my family... oh boy I don't even want to go there. My idiot sister in particular, does everything I tell her not to just to spite me. Feeds him table scraps, wrestles, plays tug of war, praises and pets when he jumps up, trains him when she has no idea what she's doing, take him out of the crate after I just put him in there, so she can play with him but I still have to take him outside and if I don't let her she calls it animal abuse, invites her friends over and fawns over "her dog" (who I paid for, take care of, train, buy EVERYTHING, take for walks, pick up poop etc.) and when he does something bad like chew her things or pee on the floor, she SCREAMS for me to "take care of my dumb dog". And she is 20 years old and 6 years older than me. AHHHHHHH
Okay sorry for the rant, I just had to vent a little. 
But back to the questions! When will puppy grow up?? And will he be affectionate?


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## Sultan's mother (Oct 16, 2010)

The puppy stage is hard and when one is in it, it seems interminable. The same way that taking care of an infant is hard and seems to go on forever and new mothers don't get any sleep... Good news is that puppies mature much faster than human babies! He will be a gorgeous golden with a sweet temperament in a few months. Cuddly or not, remains to be seen - it's like any individual, some like to be hugged and some don't. 
Does sound like he is getting mixed signals from different members of the family and if it's one thing that is most important, it is consistency. Their training and eventual good behavior is all dependent on that. The house training is challenging but pays off if one is diligent about it. 
Good luck an dyou will not regret choosing a golden!


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## Bender (Dec 30, 2008)

First off, talk to your parents about your sister, and set some house rules you can all live with, so that's not an issue. Just explain what she's doing and why it's not helping you. Point out that teachers are thinking you're being abused because the pup is getting mixed messages.

With the potty training, you have to watch him like a hawk, the second he starts to squat get him outside. Do this every time and soon he'll clue in he's supposed to pee outside. Every time he gets to pee in the house it's one step back, so it's well worth it to watch him closely.

When he's biting, one thing you can try is to have some good toys on strings for him. Take some clothesline or other sturdy string, and tie a loop on one end. Loop the string back through to make a noose, and attach it around some of his toys. When he's in the biting mood, pull one out and get him to chase it, then he can play tug with you and have a great time. Yes, tug, but you have the control and you stop the game by dropping the string and asking him for a sit (or pull the toy up so he eventually has to let go because it's not as comfortable or fun to hang onto, hold it up and ask him to sit before starting again). 

If you start puppy classes soon, they will help more with the biting. One thing they should teach is a controlled sit, or down, or hold - something where he learns he has to stay still for you for a short time while you start to work on examining him from head to toe. This is best done with a tired puppy, and will help with the affectionate part, which will come in time.

Lana


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## crh131 (Jun 1, 2010)

3-4 months was the hardest here. I was starting to panic that I made the worst mistake. I hated getting bit up..He wasn't that much fun. :uhoh:
Around 5 months he started to calm...he is only 6 months today and this last month has gotten better every day.
He is so sweet.
he is still a crazed man around strangers ..but at home he is a cuddle bug who listens.


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## HiTideGoldens (Dec 29, 2009)

It is very hard. We're going through it again with our second puppy....and we're reminded on a daily basis how much easier it was when we just had Jack! I think Chloe and Chopin are 1 day apart in age, so I hear ya! Jack is only a year old but is lightyears easier than Chloe is right now at 3 months old. He's very affectionate and likes to just relax a lot more than Chloe does. He still has his moments and is very playful, but is just much easier to control than Chloe. 

Jack has been fairly trustworthy since he was about 8-9 months old, so we're just trying to make it another few months before we know we'll start seeing improvement in Chloe! Until then, working on training with our little "Chloe-monster"! Just remember that it will get better!


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## mdoats (Jun 7, 2007)

Rookie was not very affectionate when he was a pup. I wondered the same thing you are wondering. I wondered if I had ended up with a golden retriever who wasn't affectionate. I don't honestly remember when it changed. But at some point it did. And Rookie is a total cuddle bug. He loves to lay at my feet with his head on my feet. He will come to me to be petted every single time I hold my hand out. He likes to lay next to me on the couch and get as close to me as he possible can.

So... don't worry! Just because your puppy doesn't cuddle a lot now, it doesn't mean that he won't be a cuddler.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

Puppies are too busy learning and exploring to be cuddly. When I cuddle Sasha he cuddles two seconds then starts to chew on me!


I remember Selka and Gunner were like that also. I don't know when Selka became my cuddly love bug but he did and he also was my soul dog.

Be patient and love him, it will happen. Goldens vary for puppy stage too. Selka's was over by 6 months. Some last till 3 yrs.


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## marshab1 (Aug 28, 2006)

Ah the puppy stage...this is at least one place you can come and vent about it and find people who will understand. 

But fortunately it does end and you will even find yourself missing some of it.


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## cubbysan (Mar 13, 2007)

I can easily see how ages 3 - 4 1/2 months many first time dog owners give up. It is tiring, and it is hard to see the end of the tunnel. I was so "busy" with the puppy, I felt like I wasn't bonding. Thank goodness, they are also so cute at that stage.

As for cuddliness, I thought I had the only non-cuddly golden, but then at about 7 -8 months, they become big lap dogs. I cannot move whenever I am on the couch or in bed because I am covered with Brady and MacKenzie.

The potty training also gets easier at about 4 months, but sometimes they may go backwards in their training. Brady was fully potty trained at about 4 1/2 months, MacKenzie probably about 6 months.


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## cubbysan (Mar 13, 2007)

I kept leashes on them in the house until about 6 - 8 months old. It was easier to grab them to go outside, tie them to me when I couldn't watch them 100 percent, or be able to catch them when they tried to run away from me.


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## Laurie (Sep 20, 2009)

Lincoln is proof positive that a monster puppy can turn into a big cuddler!! Out of my 4 Goldens, Lincoln was the worst biter....I don't even recall my first two even biting but I'm sure they did. I didn't think my monster puppy would ever quit biting let alone getting him to cuddle......

Lincoln is now 20 months old and is, by far, the cuddliest of my 4 Goldens. His usual spot at night is in bed with us curled right up against us...sometimes even with his head on one of our pillows.

Just be patient.....Chopin will grow out of his bitey stage. And, be careful what you ask for...once you get the dog onto your bed...it's hard getting him off of it!!!


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## Muddypaws (Apr 20, 2009)

Kirby was my independent one and she still isn't a lap dog and doesn't need to be "velcroed" to my side like Darby. But I noticed that after we started puppy and obedience classes she finally start to bond with me instead of Darby.

Now, at age 3, she is extremely affectionate and loving but still not a "lap dog" and that is fine. We have our Mommy/Kirby time and she will come up to me at odd moments for a hug or kiss. We can look at each other and communicate and we "giggle" at things that DH or Darby does that is silly.

You will get that bond as you work with your puppy and as he matures. 

As for when will he grow up - don't rush it. They grow up faster then you can imagine. And as for the family issues, I think you need to sit down as a family and set the ground rules. Big sister needs to be told by your parents to leave your dog alone and to obey "your" rules for him. She will never listen to you and the more you react the more she will pester you, time to let you Mom and Dad intervene.

Good-luck.


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## Sweet Girl (Jun 10, 2010)

I second what was said about the mixed messages - consistency is key.

And it's funny, now that you ask, and now that I think about it, I don't think my dog was a particularly affectionate puppy. I really think Deb nailed it - they are learning about their new world and getting to know their new people - too busy for affection. Plus - why should they love and adore you yet? What have you done for him?  It WILL come. Training will help create that bond. Today, my independent bitey puppy sleeps on my bed, is totally attached and loving. Still a "typical" female - more independent and aloof than big mushy male teddy bears - but she is deeply attached. Chopin will develop that bond with you, I have no doubt.

As for the peeing, he should only be out and about if you can have an eagle eye on him - otherwise in the crate. If he starts to squat, say no and scoop him up really fast - they stop peeing if you pick them up - and get him outside. Once outside, put him down, and when he pees make an idiot of yourself praising the life out of him. If he sees that peeing outside makes you THAT happy, he will be thrilled to do it.


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## jackie_hubert (Jun 2, 2010)

My very first post on this forum was titled "Aloof, non-cuddly golden". Cosmo was such an independent, grumpy pup when he was little. He hit 4.5 months and he changed completely. He is such a suck now. He loves to cuddle with anywho who lets him, even complete strangers.

Chopin will come around too. But I do understand how difficult it is. I thought Cosmo hated me for the first 2 month and thought I made a mistake in getting him. Couldn't be different today!


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## macchelle (Dec 28, 2008)

Hang in there! Everyone has given great advice and you just need to be patient as your puppy learns proper behavior. One thing about the biting, when he bites you say "Ouch!" really loud so he knows he hurt you, then teach "kisses" in place of biting. Both my dogs were taught this way and now when my youngest, Mosby (10 months) bites we say "No bite, kisses" and he immediately stops biting and gives kisses instead. Molly doesn't bite at all. 

I agree with others about him being just a baby right now who is learning about his world and is too busy to cuddle. Think of him as a toddler who is surrounded by bright shiny new toys everywhere he looks. He will eventually start to calm down. Good luck!


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## Abby (Aug 17, 2010)

Thanks for the advice everyone!! Honestly, sometimes this forum is the only thing that keeps me sane!
Don't worry, I would NEVER IN A HUNDRED BILLION TRILLION YEARS every give him up!! I love him sooooooooooo much, I've waited way to long and worked way to hard for that pup to give up now!
The umbilical cording really helped we do the "no touch, no talk no eye contact", and it's working well! He isn't as hyper, is paying more attention and we can keep and eagle eye on him.
As for my sister, nothing anyone says will evey get through to her. She has no sense of reasoning, empathy or selflessness (mean, I now, but you haven't lived with her for almost 15 years- lucky you!) My parents don't really say anything anymore, and nothing they do say will make a difference. I'm just waiting for the day she finally moves out!!


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## diana_D (Jan 27, 2008)

My Emma was a handful, nicknames dating back puppyhood include : pirahno-sharkie, tornado, hurricane, goat, crazy goat, wild goat, airplane (she was all over the place) etc....She did not seem to be very affectionate (not as we wanted, anyhow), but she occasionally kissed us (and bite us right away...). She refused to sleep in the bed with us, despite of us luring her in with treats. Now we have the most affectionate Golden we could possibly imagine  Sweet, cuddly, loves to come to us to hug us, kiss us. Puppy stage is a challenge. A HUGE ONE  

Also, beware for what you wish for!
http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com/chit-chat/86934-greater-north-american-bedhog.html


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