# Help! Conflicted Mama



## Harleysmum (Aug 19, 2014)

I am sorry that you find yourself in this position. My own dog was a rehoming but he was not an aggressive dog. If you do end up giving him up it would be better to do so through one of the reputable golden retriever rescues in your state. They would best be able to assess him and find him the most appropriate home.


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## Pilgrim123 (Jul 26, 2014)

Hi. I won't be giving you advice - there are many here who will be able to help you a lot more than I can. I just wanted to say hello, and welcome to the forum.


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## Mamahanna (Mar 9, 2016)

Thank you for the warm welcome.


Pilgrim123 said:


> Hi. I won't be giving you advice - there are many here who will be able to help you a lot more than I can. I just wanted to say hello, and welcome to the forum.


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## Mamahanna (Mar 9, 2016)

We got him from a golden rescue and I love he rescues for taking these dogs in. My family has about 3 or 4 now from this same rescue. I'm worried that no one would want him with his aggression.


Harleysmum said:


> I am sorry that you find yourself in this position. My own dog was a rehoming but he was not an aggressive dog. If you do end up giving him up it would be better to do so through one of the reputable golden retriever rescues in your state. They would best be able to assess him and find him the most appropriate home.


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## Harleysmum (Aug 19, 2014)

This is a very quiet time on the forum. Hopefully you will get more replies when the US contingent wake up!


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## AngelCoopersMom (Oct 15, 2015)

Welcome! So sorry you are having trouble with your golden. I think that we all think "I can't imagine rehoming our baby" but in reality sometimes that might be the best option for the pup and for your family. Sounds like he needs major behavioral training...where's the dog whisperer when we need him?! Could anxiety medicine help? Maybe the fear and aggression is caused by being too wound up and scared? I'm totally not a professional. We are on our 2nd golden who is not quite 6 months old...and have our own bag of issues. I wish you luck in deciding what you think is the best for your family and pup. Does his rescue require you re-home through them?


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

Welcome to the forum.
I'm sorry you're having problems with your boy, I'm not qualified to give you any advice or tips really.

Since you adopted him through a GR Rescue, check your Adoption Contract, the GR Rescues usually require you to return the dog back to them in the event you can no longer care for it. 

Best of luck to you with your boy, I hope you're able to find the help you need or are able to return him to the Rescue Group.


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## brianne (Feb 18, 2012)

Also wanted to welcome you to the forum. 

His behavior does sound kind of alarming. Perhaps your vet could recommend a qualified behaviorist in your area who could help you with assessing his behavior and give you some direction.

The fact that he has never bitten anyone is good. My golden is also a rescue dog and he DID have a bite history. He bit someone while they were breaking up a fight. The rescue group evaluated this bite and determined that it did not disqualify him from rescue. So I wouldn't worry too much about his behavior disqualifying him automatically from being considered for rescue.

Sending you good thoughts as you decide on the best course of action for your boy and your family.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

Hey, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you've found us under less than optimal conditions. You are correct to take the situation very seriously - a growl is a warming and if he's growling at your child from a distance you need to take every step necessary to protect your baby. This means using a crate and baby gates to keep a physical barrier between them anytime your child is down on the floor. I can't emphasize enough that you can't be too careful or overreact with your management.

We can only go on the information you're giving us. It sounds like dealing with this is going to be a full time project and the first thing you need to ask yourself is if you have the will and mindset to devote yourself to seeing it through. If your first reaction is that you don't have time, are too tired etc. you need to be realistic and contact a rescue that specializes in Golden Retrievers and let them start working on finding him a new home.

Here is a link to locate a certified veterinary behaviorst in your area: Member Directory Map « ACVB

If you can't imagine parting with the dog, I also say that having a certified veterinary behaviorist or trainer who specializes in aggressive dogs give you an evaluation would be a good start. It will take take time and money to get professional help, but it's the only way I would even consider it personally (I have 3 daughters ages 18, 13 and 9 and have had Goldens for their entire lives). 

Any dog is capable of delivering a bite, there is inherent risk in having animals in the house. A dog who is growling at a distance is really giving you a warning that he is a risk beyond what is normal. No one will sit in judgement if you make the decision to rehome this dog before he has a bite record. That is critical. If you wait until after he has bitten your child it will be too late. No rescue will take him and you will have a moral obligation to protect others from him as well.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Mama*

Welcome to the forum. I agree with the others, that if you are thinking of giving him up, PLEASE CONTACT the Golden Rescues to take him.

I have a Golden that occasionally growls and has never bitten.


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## AmberSunrise (Apr 1, 2009)

Has he had a full thyroid work up? Thyroid issues are common in goldens and can lead to aggression.

They are also readily treated. A full panel is needed. He also sounds heavy which is another symptom of thyroid issues (i have had very active dogs who had thyroid issues so inactivity is not a given)

Good luck.


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## Charliethree (Jul 18, 2010)

My heart goes out to you, it is a difficult situation to be in and some difficult, tough decisions may need to be made, not only for the safety and well being of your child, but for the safety of others, and the sake and well being of your dog.

The behaviorist is right, your dog has learned that people and other dogs are a 'threat' to him, and he has learned through 'experience' that 'warning' them off with barking and growling, and 'chasing' keeps himself safe. He needs your help, he needs you to get rid of the 'training collar'. 
Consider carefully whether you are willing, and able, have the time and can commit to working with your dog through the process of changing his emotional response -how he feels- about other dogs and people. If so, I strongly recommend seeking out a certified, *reward based*, canine behaviorist to help you understand what is happening and guide you through the process, it is a 'process', takes time and commitment, of working with your dog. To give you an idea of what the process entails, the thread 'Would you..' describes in part, the journey of working with a dog who is afraid of other dogs and people. The book 'Feisty Fido' by Patricia B McConnell can give you a basic understanding of what is going on, and outlines how to work with your dog. 

The situation with your dog growling at your son is likely a result of being unfamiliar, thus uncomfortable, with this 'strange' little human that has come into his life and yours. Again, seeking the help of a professional, certified reward based, dog trainer with a solid knowledge dog behavior, body language, and behavior modification is your best chance of helping your dog adjust. Separating with baby gates is fine, your son's safety comes first, but give your dog something do, make it a 'good place' for him to be, perhaps a stuffed Kong to work on, reward him lots of praise, toss him some yummy treats for staying there, while you are attending to/with your son, also ensure that you have, make time for him, but seeking professional advice to help you with him is the best way to go.

Only you know your situation, whether you can, are able to, commit to helping your dog, be honest with yourself, the good news is that he does not have a bite history. But the reality is that if he does not get the help he needs, the longer he practices warning off, and 'chasing off' those he feels are a threat, the more ingrained the behavior becomes, the higher the risk of a bite happening - he is afraid, that will not change without appropriate, reward based, professional help.
If you decide rehoming is in his best interests, search out a rescue that will take him in, work with him to give him the best chance at getting him into a home where he will get the training and help he needs.

Having had to make the decision myself whether to rehome, or work with the dog I had (have), I know it is not an easy decision to make either way, it is heart wrenching, think about it carefully, seek advice from a professional trainer, get an assessment from a certified behaviorist if you can, discuss the rehabilitation program, your expectations and concerns with them, so that you can make an informed decision, and do what you feel in your heart is best, not only for you and your family, but for your dog.


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## K9-Design (Jan 18, 2009)

Hi, quick post here. It would be very difficult to ascertain whether this dog is truly aggressive or just very demonstrative. From your description he reminded me very much like my friend's two goldens. They are field bred goldens very active, reactive and energetic. If you go in their yard or house they run at you like they are going to tear you down. They are very loud, constant barking and activity. It is unnerving. But home alone with their family they are like any normal dog.
I think the first and most obvious thing to do is get a fence up ASAP. Allowing Kai to off the property in pursuit of neighbors or other animals is complete irresponsible on YOUR PART. You are in control of his ability to do this. 
Secondly, the ecollar is a VERY GOOD SOLUTION for many of this dog's behaviors, as it is apparent you already know. I wonder why it is not used in more situations. You say he is responsive to the tone, why is a correction (shock) not given to him if he doesn't respond to your commands? In many of these situations, if not most, if he is given a command to COME and either SIT or DOWN, and properly reinforced with the collar, then he cannot commit these other behavioral "crimes." As you know the collar gives you the power to control a very large and boisterous animal. Use it to your advantage.
You are right to use baby gates, I would also teach him a "place" command which means go to a bed or mat and lay down. Reinforce this with the collar. Keep the collar on him and the transmitter in your pocket every time he is loose in the house or yard. If he knows the commands of PLACE, COME, HEEL (sit beside owner), and SIT, then you can control all of his behaviors. Reinforce with the collar. 
This sounds like a dog who needs a lot more management than he is currently being given, but the owner currently has the tools they need to control him. You are right to be careful because of your baby, but I don't think it's a lost cause. Good luck.


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

I think before you rehome - consider the management stuff first. Keep the kids away/off the dog.

Have him be inside the house with you and the family more - you might find it will calm him down. Maybe alleviate some stress for him. He's a year away from being a senior.

My dogs post 7 years old become angels. I can't imagine rehoming a dog at that age - particularly since the pressure will be on you to not get another dog until your kids are bigger.


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## Amystelter (Jul 31, 2013)

So sorry for your situation. I think you got some good advise here already. I would only worry about yourself and if you could deal with the result if something would happen. Given the signs the guilt involved would be far worse than the heartbreak of giving up Kai if it were me. Many people have lower key lifestyles that Kai may be very happy with given she is not fond of people and dogs. I can see where you may feel a sense of abandonment and heartbreak but you are in a very difficult situation. I wish you the best -


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Mamahanna (Mar 9, 2016)

AngelCoopersMom said:


> Welcome! So sorry you are having trouble with your golden. I think that we all think "I can't imagine rehoming our baby" but in reality sometimes that might be the best option for the pup and for your family. Sounds like he needs major behavioral training...where's the dog whisperer when we need him?! Could anxiety medicine help? Maybe the fear and aggression is caused by being too wound up and scared? I'm totally not a professional. We are on our 2nd golden who is not quite 6 months old...and have our own bag of issues. I wish you luck in deciding what you think is the best for your family and pup. Does his rescue require you re-home through them?


I asked our vet about meds and he said that it might help it might not and to give training a try. I spoke with the behaviorist and she said that he seems to be more of an anti social dog and that trying to put him in those situations cause him anxiety which causes his reactions. He is very high energy and when we take him out to the lake all day he is exhausted and will be knocked out for severs hours. Once he wakes he's back to his old self. Thanks for the comments!!I wish you luck with the pup.


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## Mamahanna (Mar 9, 2016)

Sunrise said:


> Has he had a full thyroid work up? Thyroid issues are common in goldens and can lead to aggression.
> 
> They are also readily treated. A full panel is needed. He also sounds heavy which is another symptom of thyroid issues (i have had very active dogs who had thyroid issues so inactivity is not a given)
> 
> Good luck.


I have never heard that! Thank you. I'll look into it. He sounds heavy but he is very leave. He is tall and a large dog in general. His belly and hips line up. Think athletic type with long legs.  I would love a simple fix. Thanks!


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## Mamahanna (Mar 9, 2016)

Sunrise said:


> Has he had a full thyroid work up? Thyroid issues are common in goldens and can lead to aggression.
> 
> They are also readily treated. A full panel is needed. He also sounds heavy which is another symptom of thyroid issues (i have had very active dogs who had thyroid issues so inactivity is not a given)
> 
> Good luck.


.............


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## Mamahanna (Mar 9, 2016)

K9-Design said:


> Hi, quick post here. It would be very difficult to ascertain whether this dog is truly aggressive or just very demonstrative. From your description he reminded me very much like my friend's two goldens. They are field bred goldens very active, reactive and energetic. If you go in their yard or house they run at you like they are going to tear you down. They are very loud, constant barking and activity. It is unnerving. But home alone with their family they are like any normal dog.
> I think the first and most obvious thing to do is get a fence up ASAP. Allowing Kai to off the property in pursuit of neighbors or other animals is complete irresponsible on YOUR PART. You are in control of his ability to do this.
> Secondly, the ecollar is a VERY GOOD SOLUTION for many of this dog's behaviors, as it is apparent you already know. I wonder why it is not used in more situations. You say he is responsive to the tone, why is a correction (shock) not given to him if he doesn't respond to your commands? In many of these situations, if not most, if he is given a command to COME and either SIT or DOWN, and properly reinforced with the collar, then he cannot commit these other behavioral "crimes." As you know the collar gives you the power to control a very large and boisterous animal. Use it to your advantage.
> You are right to use baby gates, I would also teach him a "place" command which means go to a bed or mat and lay down. Reinforce this with the collar. Keep the collar on him and the transmitter in your pocket every time he is loose in the house or yard. If he knows the commands of PLACE, COME, HEEL (sit beside owner), and SIT, then you can control all of his behaviors. Reinforce with the collar.
> This sounds like a dog who needs a lot more management than he is currently being given, but the owner currently has the tools they need to control him. You are right to be careful because of your baby, but I don't think it's a lost cause. Good luck.


Thank you. Getting the fence up is quite costly and we do not have the funds at the moment. We just had to replace a large deck (access point to our home). We did put a gate up though which I think has help because he cannot get to the road. However the rest of the road is exposed once he rounds the corner. 

Good point on the collar. It works but it can be challenging having it readily available all day. It's pretty about the size of my palm and my kiddo like to put it in his mouth. I'll see if there is a better way of temp enclosing our yard without the major expense. Thank you!


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## Mamahanna (Mar 9, 2016)

Megora said:


> I think before you rehome - consider the management stuff first. Keep the kids away/off the dog.
> 
> Have him be inside the house with you and the family more - you might find it will calm him down. Maybe alleviate some stress for him. He's a year away from being a senior.
> 
> My dogs post 7 years old become angels. I can't imagine rehoming a dog at that age - particularly since the pressure will be on you to not get another dog until your kids are bigger.


He is an inside dog. Basically he is with us inside always unless we leave and he has a 6x3 kennel outside we use for that. He doesn't do well in the house alone. He gets into things. I was speaking with my hubby and if we gave him up I would not want another dog until my kids were about 5 when they can truly understand dog safety and we could better be equipped to train. It's been really tough lately eve in thinking of this stuff.


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## Mamahanna (Mar 9, 2016)

Charliethree said:


> My heart goes out to you, it is a difficult situation to be in and some difficult, tough decisions may need to be made, not only for the safety and well being of your child, but for the safety of others, and the sake and well being of your dog.
> 
> The behaviorist is right, your dog has learned that people and other dogs are a 'threat' to him, and he has learned through 'experience' that 'warning' them off with barking and growling, and 'chasing' keeps himself safe. He needs your help, he needs you to get rid of the 'training collar'.
> Consider carefully whether you are willing, and able, have the time and can commit to working with your dog through the process of changing his emotional response -how he feels- about other dogs and people. If so, I strongly recommend seeking out a certified, *reward based*, canine behaviorist to help you understand what is happening and guide you through the process, it is a 'process', takes time and commitment, of working with your dog. To give you an idea of what the process entails, the thread 'Would you..' describes in part, the journey of working with a dog who is afraid of other dogs and people. The book 'Feisty Fido' by Patricia B McConnell can give you a basic understanding of what is going on, and outlines how to work with your dog.
> ...


Thank you. We have greatly considered the trainer. I just worry about when I have 2 kids under 2 yes and my ability to be consistent. My husband is a fireman which causes him to be gone for days at a time, so I get nervous if I could do it all. I feel like if my kids were older it could work better. I also want to kee him because I love him and have always had a dog in my life. Then I also think "would he be happier some were else?" Ugh. Thank you for your help!


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## Mamahanna (Mar 9, 2016)

Karen519 said:


> Welcome to the forum. I agree with the others, that if you are thinking of giving him up, PLEASE CONTACT the Golden Rescues to take him.
> 
> I have a Golden that occasionally growls and has never bitten.


Oh absolutely. I got him from a rescue and several family members have Golden's from the same rescue.


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## AngelCoopersMom (Oct 15, 2015)

Mamahanna, I totally understand. Our guy has had issues with diarrhea and UTI since 15 weeks old...so quite a while. I hate having to crate him during the day while we are at work knowing he has tummy issues. I always wonder if he would be better with a older stay at home mom that could be with him 24/7.


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## laprincessa (Mar 24, 2008)

I just want to say - I have no advice, but I admire you for thinking of the dog's best interests as well as your own. And whatever you choose, it's gonna be tough, but I think you're going to do what's best for everyone. It might not be the easiest path, but I think you're going to do what's right for you and your family, and for your dog.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Mama*

How is your dog?
Have you contacted the rescue you got him from?


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## Mamahanna (Mar 9, 2016)

Thank you for your support. We decided to regime him. We surrendered him to the Golden Retriever rescue where we got him. They were great and very supportive. Thank you for the advice.


nolefan said:


> Hey, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you've found us under less than optimal conditions. You are correct to take the situation very seriously - a growl is a warming and if he's growling at your child from a distance you need to take every step necessary to protect your baby. This means using a crate and baby gates to keep a physical barrier between them anytime your child is down on the floor. I can't emphasize enough that you can't be too careful or overreact with your management.
> 
> We can only go on the information you're giving us. It sounds like dealing with this is going to be a full time project and the first thing you need to ask yourself is if you have the will and mindset to devote yourself to seeing it through. If your first reaction is that you don't have time, are too tired etc. you need to be realistic and contact a rescue that specializes in Golden Retrievers and let them start working on finding him a new home.
> 
> ...


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## Mamahanna (Mar 9, 2016)

We made the tough choice to rehome our dog. It was very very sad but after the advice, our truth and what's best for him, we had to. We went back to the rescue we got him from. They were very understanding and supportive. Thanks for checking in.


Karen519 said:


> How is your dog?
> Have you contacted the rescue you got him from?


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## Pilgrim123 (Jul 26, 2014)

Thank you for the update. Hard as the decision must have been, I think you have done the right thing, both for your family and for the dog. If he had bitten someone, especially a child, I doubt if many rescues would take him on. This way, he may find a home that is a perfect fit for him. I wish you all the best for the future.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Your Dog*



Mamahanna said:


> We made the tough choice to rehome our dog. It was very very sad but after the advice, our truth and what's best for him, we had to. We went back to the rescue we got him from. They were very understanding and supportive. Thanks for checking in.


I feel you made the best choice for him and you. So glad he's with the rescue.


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## murphy1 (Jun 21, 2012)

He's growling at a member of his own family worries me the most. I agree with
NOLEFAN, he must be kept away from your child. This is a very dangerous situation.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

Edited bc responded to the OP, but saw she placed the dog.


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## Yuki (Oct 5, 2011)

Mamahanna said:


> I feel like if my kids were older it could work better. I also want to kee him because I love him and have always had a dog in my life. Then I also think "would he be happier some were else?"


I hope Kai finds a happy home soon since you've given him to rescue. 

You maybe feeling sad about him going away but here's my little advice. Since you'll have 2 young kids at home, wait until they get a little older, like first kid starting kindergarten. You could get a puppy. Puppies and kids need monitoring so it could be a bit of work but you can crate or put baby gates for the pup when you cannot monitor their interactions. Socialize and train the pup well. You'll have a lovely adult dog later who fits in with your family.









I think Kai had no socializing at young age with people or dogs and probably was crated most of the time or confined hence his love for being free and aggression towards others. I kinda feel it maybe so but I don't know about his past before you got him. Sometimes good pups end up with bad owners which brings out such behaviors. I think Kai was happy with you and thankful to you for the love and freedom you gave him







you did your best, gave him a nice life for years and even thought about what's best for him and your family.

Also watch the weight of your future dogs. Keep them lean. I keep Yuki's weight within the range of 65-70 lbs. I have trained him with a choker (chain and belt type) when he was young so he usually doesn't pull much or drag me. Key is to train them, watch their weight, exercise and tire them, monitor their behavior as much as possible and address any issues asap.


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## Rabbit (Feb 13, 2016)

Hey girl, I'm sorry to hear about the situation you find yourself in. I have a one year old boy myself and I can't imagine the difficult decision you have to make. 

I also know that, with a one year old, you have very little time to devote to rehabilitation. Seven PM rolls around and I'm a puddle most days, and that's before all the housework and chores I have to complete. I have about 5-15 minutes a day to devote to my golden as far as training goes. Otherwise he has to share time with my son (which I know you can't really do, I. E. Walks with both of them, playtime with both of them, etc). It's also impossible to be on both sides of the baby gate at one time, and it seems like they both need you. 

No one here should judge you on your decision, whatever that may be. Someone on this thread recommended a veterinary behaviorist. I would agree, consulting with them first is good, see what kinds of steps it would take and discuss with your husband the reality of what you can and can't accomplish while juggling a baby as well. Progress might come slower with your baby in the mix. Our rather, it might not come soon enough.

If the rescue seems like the best option for you all, then so be it. No one wants to give their pup up after so long together, but it may be in his best interest having his rehabilitation managed by someone who can physically devote the time, so that he can lead a more balanced life sooner. It would be an act that is considerate of all parties involved. 

Xoxo from Southern California


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