# Forever broken



## Fabcor (Dec 28, 2021)

Hello,
My name is Steven, we lost our beautiful boy on December 12. It has only been approx 2 weeks since we lost him but feels like eternity. Max was going to be 14 on April 19, we had a long and awesome life with him, but it is never long enough. Having no children my wife and I are completely lost as our world revolved around him every single day. The heart ache is hardly bearable, the loneliness is a sick feeling in your stomach, just to have one more day. He had complications with his breathing as he had larynx paralysis, we had to rush him to the hospital in the middle of the night, not knowing it would be our goodbye. How to move forward without him is still unknown, he was my rock.


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## goldy1 (Aug 5, 2012)

I am so sorry Steven for your loss of Max. We lost our beautiful boy on June 23, 2019 who, like Max, was just shy of 14. That is a long life for a golden but what you said is how we felt, not long enough.
The first year was toughest but I still think of Chance every day and probably always will.
Don't feel there is a specified time and that you need to get "over" it. Surround yourself with like-minded people who understand your loss.
I memorialized Chance in many different ways. My Chance was very social and reaching out to everyone who knew him with a note and memorial card (I had them made up) helped me. I also didn't want to meet people out and about and have them ask where he was. 
I also attended a pet loss bereavement group but now these are mostly virtual I think.
And I just allowed myself to embrace my grief and feel it. 
Post about Max as much as you want. This entire forum is made up of like-minded folks who totally get it.You will get through it but it will just take time.


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## 1oldparson (Mar 5, 2013)




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## GoldenChip (Apr 27, 2021)

So sorry to hear about your loss Steven. It is heart breaking to hear about and sad that dogs don’t have much much longer lives.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss of Max.


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## cwag (Apr 25, 2017)

I am very sorry about your loss of sweet Max. Most of us here understand the pain of losing a beloved family member. You will always miss him but it will not always hurt this badly. Take care.


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## Ivyacres (Jun 3, 2011)

Steven, I'm so sorry for your loss of Max.


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## BuddyBigDog (Oct 8, 2020)

So sorry for your loss. Our grand old Golden passed this year too. Our time with them is never long enough. There will always be an empty place in your heart and your house, and the places you used to go together. That’s ok, that’s love. Hugs and peace to you and your spouse.


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## Fabcor (Dec 28, 2021)

goldy1 said:


> I am so sorry Steven for your loss of Max. We lost our beautiful boy on June 23, 2019 who, like Max, was just shy of 14. That is a long life for a golden but what you said is how we felt, not long enough.
> The first year was toughest but I still think of Chance every day and probably always will.
> Don't feel there is a specified time and that you need to get "over" it. Surround yourself with like-minded people who understand your loss.
> I memorialized Chance in many different ways. My Chance was very social and reaching out to everyone who knew him with a note and memorial card (I had them made up) helped me. I also didn't want to meet people out and about and have them ask where he was.
> ...


Thank you very much for your comforting response, it is nice knowing this forum is here and can visit it at any given time. Here is a few pics of our handsome boy, some are recent and some are from his earlier years, but all beautiful.


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## laurab18293 (Oct 6, 2021)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## diane0905 (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm so sorry for your loss of Max. It's such an awful empty sad place to be. I hope your heart is soon comforted by happy memories of your time together. Max was a handsome boy.


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## FurdogDad (Mar 30, 2021)

I'm sorry to hear about your loss of Max. He sure was a handsome fella. There are so many of us here that have suffered through a similar experience. It doesn't matter how much or how little time we have with them, it never seems to be enough. Feel free to post more photos or share some stories about Max. That might help you focus on your good memories of him and sharing may help to ease the pain.


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## michaeldwilson (Aug 14, 2012)

Fabcor said:


> Hello,
> My name is Steven, we lost our beautiful boy on December 12. It has only been approx 2 weeks since we lost him but feels like eternity. Max was going to be 14 on April 19, we had a long and awesome life with him, but it is never long enough. Having no children my wife and I are completely lost as our world revolved around him every single day. The heart ache is hardly bearable, the loneliness is a sick feeling in your stomach, just to have one more day. He had complications with his breathing as he had larynx paralysis, we had to rush him to the hospital in the middle of the night, not knowing it would be our goodbye. How to move forward without him is still unknown, he was my rock.


I'm sorry for your loss. It's so difficult, and I wish you every comfort.


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## sevans (Jul 18, 2021)

The ache of such a loss is palpable- I hope with time you and your wife will be able to find comfort in the wonderful memories and in knowing what a wonderful life he had wirth you. perhaps with time you will be able to provide a loving home once again for another lovely Golden.


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## goldy1 (Aug 5, 2012)

I can see why Max stole your heart. His big personality leaves a big hole. Handsome with a sense of humor it looks like. That picture in the trapper hat is my favorite along with all the others 😄. A big snuggler.
He was so loved. One day at a time.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

Max was obviously a happy and well loved boy. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing that the life he had with you was better than that of more than half the people in the world. I'm glad you shared photos with us, it helps to talk with other Golden people and acknowledge that your boy was a life worth grieving. There will never be another Max, and you will never quit missing him. I know your home is terribly empty. 
I hope you and your wife will begin considering the idea of loving another dog in the future. Normally I would never mention this to someone so soon after a loss, but it takes so long now to research and find a good breeder I wanted to make sure you know that it is not a quick process, there is a lot of demand and it can take a year or so to begin a search to the time you would actually bring a puppy home. One of the greatest testaments of love to a dog is wanting to have that kind of relationship and love in your life again someday. If you all use this forum to grieve and also start doing some reading on how you might move forward, it could be helpful in healing your heart. Give yourselves time and space to grieve, but I hope that you and your wife will let yourselves love again, you all sound like you are a wonderful dog family.


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## Lostsoul (Dec 19, 2021)

Fabcor said:


> Hello,
> My name is Steven, we lost our beautiful boy on December 12. It has only been approx 2 weeks since we lost him but feels like eternity. Max was going to be 14 on April 19, we had a long and awesome life with him, but it is never long enough. Having no children my wife and I are completely lost as our world revolved around him every single day. The heart ache is hardly bearable, the loneliness is a sick feeling in your stomach, just to have one more day. He had complications with his breathing as he had larynx paralysis, we had to rush him to the hospital in the middle of the night, not knowing it would be our goodbye. How to move forward without him is still unknown, he was my rock.


I


Fabcor said:


> Hello,
> My name is Steven, we lost our beautiful boy on December 12. It has only been approx 2 weeks since we lost him but feels like eternity. Max was going to be 14 on April 19, we had a long and awesome life with him, but it is never long enough. Having no children my wife and I are completely lost as our world revolved around him every single day. The heart ache is hardly bearable, the loneliness is a sick feeling in your stomach, just to have one more day. He had complications with his breathing as he had larynx paralysis, we had to rush him to the hospital in the middle of the night, not knowing it would be our goodbye. How to move forward without him is still unknown, he was my rock.


i am so sorry for your loss Fabcor. I know my Oscar and Max are running and playing in heaven. Just take one minute, one hour and one day at a time. I am figuring this out myself but I am told only time helps us learn to live with this huge loss and one day we remember them fondness and not sadness.
I was watching an interview where someone said grief is just unexpressed love. I found it beautiful and comforting, thought would share with you.


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## goldy1 (Aug 5, 2012)

nolefan said:


> Max was obviously a happy and well loved boy. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing that the life he had with you was better than that of more than half the people in the world. I'm glad you shared photos with us, it helps to talk with other Golden people and acknowledge that your boy was a life worth grieving. There will never be another Max, and you will never quit missing him. I know your home is terribly empty.
> I hope you and your wife will begin considering the idea of loving another dog in the future. Normally I would never mention this to someone so soon after a loss, but it takes so long now to research and find a good breeder I wanted to make sure you know that it is not a quick process, there is a lot of demand and it can take a year or so to begin a search to the time you would actually bring a puppy home. One of the greatest testaments of love to a dog is wanting to have that kind of relationship and love in your life again someday. If you all use this forum to grieve and also start doing some reading on how you might move forward, it could be helpful in healing your heart. Give yourselves time and space to grieve, but I hope that you and your wife will let yourselves love again, you all sound like you are a wonderful dog family.


So well said. Our dogs live lives that half the worlds people could only dream of living. We cherish them.
And when I brought my next goldens home is when that huge whole in my heart began to fill in.


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## Fabcor (Dec 28, 2021)

I would like to thank all of you very much for the comforting warm words. The last few days have been hard, being Christmas I guess makes it abit harder. When even thinking about another golden I feel guilty for thinking that someday we might, it’s like max would be crushed. I always said I would never get another after Max, and may have even told him that on occasions, lol. He knew how loved he was. The night we had to say goodbye he was on the table at the hospital, we walked in after seeing the dr, he looked up at us and wagged his tail 3 times. We rubbed him and told him how special he was, kissed him and said how good of a boy he was. I told him one day we will be together again but until then go have fun with others. As he laid there he lifted his head and looked at me, then looked a little father to look at his mom, then laid his head back down, I took that as his way of telling us it was time to part ways and it was ok. I pray to God that’s what he wanted, he was so tired and scared, if only he could tell me now he is ok. The only way to know that is we have to believe, as we move forward one day at a time I’m sure it will get a bit easier, but the emptiness is so strong. As I stand at his grave each morning and night, I picture him sauntering along dipping his nose in the cold snow, he loved making snow angels. To think we had almost 14 springs, 14, summers, 14 falls and 14 winters is amazing but so sad it has em come to in end. Not having the paw prints and trails in the fresh snow breaks our hearts.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

Fabcor said:


> ...The last few days have been hard, being Christmas I guess makes it a bit harder. When even thinking about another golden I feel guilty for thinking that someday we might, it’s like max would be crushed.....Not having the paw prints and trails in the fresh snow breaks our hearts.


So many memories when a dog is such an integral part of life. It's hard because you're aware before you even open your eyes in the morning, before your feet hit the floor that the house is empty. I have to think that Max might have preferred not to share your home with another Golden while he was there, but I don't think he would hold you to a promise like life without a Golden when he wasn't there to fill your lives. A Golden is far too generous and loving to hold you to a promise like that....


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## Fabcor (Dec 28, 2021)

nolefan said:


> So many memories when a dog is such an integral part of life. It's hard because you're aware before you even open your eyes in the morning, before your feet hit the floor that the house is empty. I have to think that Max might have preferred not to share your home with another Golden while he was there, but I don't think he would hold you to a promise like life without a Golden when he wasn't there to fill your lives. A Golden is far too generous and loving to hold you to a promise like that....


That is true enuf, he would want us happy and maybe someday we will bring another golden into our lives. They have some big paw prints to fill. Thank you


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## Jessjack (Aug 11, 2019)

Fabcor said:


> Hello,
> My name is Steven, we lost our beautiful boy on December 12. It has only been approx 2 weeks since we lost him but feels like eternity. Max was going to be 14 on April 19, we had a long and awesome life with him, but it is never long enough. Having no children my wife and I are completely lost as our world revolved around him every single day. The heart ache is hardly bearable, the loneliness is a sick feeling in your stomach, just to have one more day. He had complications with his breathing as he had larynx paralysis, we had to rush him to the hospital in the middle of the night, not knowing it would be our goodbye. How to move forward without him is still unknown, he was my rock.


So sorry for the loss of your wonderful dog. Do you have a picture of Max that you could share with us?


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## goldy1 (Aug 5, 2012)

Your post brings tears - oh those pawprints in the snow . . . . .. Max's pictures too. My boy went everywhere with us too. We honestly were always thinking about getting back home to him on those rare occasions we went out without him!
He loved our Element - we called that one "Chance's car".


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## kiki2 (Nov 4, 2021)

Fabcor said:


> I would like to thank all of you very much for the comforting warm words. The last few days have been hard, being Christmas I guess makes it abit harder. When even thinking about another golden I feel guilty for thinking that someday we might, it’s like max would be crushed. I always said I would never get another after Max, and may have even told him that on occasions, lol. He knew how loved he was. The night we had to say goodbye he was on the table at the hospital, we walked in after seeing the dr, he looked up at us and wagged his tail 3 times. We rubbed him and told him how special he was, kissed him and said how good of a boy he was. I told him one day we will be together again but until then go have fun with others. As he laid there he lifted his head and looked at me, then looked a little father to look at his mom, then laid his head back down, I took that as his way of telling us it was time to part ways and it was ok. I pray to God that’s what he wanted, he was so tired and scared, if only he could tell me now he is ok. The only way to know that is we have to believe, as we move forward one day at a time I’m sure it will get a bit easier, but the emptiness is so strong. As I stand at his grave each morning and night, I picture him sauntering along dipping his nose in the cold snow, he loved making snow angels. To think we had almost 14 springs, 14, summers, 14 falls and 14 winters is amazing but so sad it has em come to in end. Not having the paw prints and trails in the fresh snow breaks our hearts.


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## kiki2 (Nov 4, 2021)

What a beautiful beautiful boy. I think I understand what you’re going through…my husband and I lost our girl of 11 years in November. Our home echos with loneliness and the heartache hurts to the absolute core of my existence. My legs feel heavy and life is cold. The thought of another dog makes me weep with guilt but the thought of not experiencing love from another Golden is unbearable. 
You’re so right when you say there can never be another ‘Max’, he holds that special
place in your heart…what I’d like to believe is we have so much more love to give and our hearts are bigger than we could of ever imagined.


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## SteveRuffin (Sep 21, 2021)

I’m so sorry for your loss. I know that pain. Only others who have had that loss truly understand. I have come to believe Goldens are angels in dogs bodies and I have come to the realization that I always need an angel in my life. Max was your special boy. He left a big hole but did it to allow you to fill it with an angel.


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## goldy1 (Aug 5, 2012)

These expressions of grief and sorrow are so true and I'm in awe of how beautifully people have been able to express them.
I never ever expected my next golden(s) to take the place of my Chance. They don't and never will. But when I brought baby Lance home, my days were filled with laughter because who can not laugh with a golden puppy in the house. Then 2 months later, I brought baby Blaze home and I had 2 golden puppies to take care of. 
Once you know the love of a golden, you can't imagine living life without it.


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## slitsch (Nov 26, 2021)

Fabcor said:


> Hello,
> My name is Steven, we lost our beautiful boy on December 12. It has only been approx 2 weeks since we lost him but feels like eternity. Max was going to be 14 on April 19, we had a long and awesome life with him, but it is never long enough. Having no children my wife and I are completely lost as our world revolved around him every single day. The heart ache is hardly bearable, the loneliness is a sick feeling in your stomach, just to have one more day. He had complications with his breathing as he had larynx paralysis, we had to rush him to the hospital in the middle of the night, not knowing it would be our goodbye. How to move forward without him is still unknown, he was my rock.


I think a new puppy later once you are ready will help. It keeps you busy and distracted.


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## sweiss1590 (Aug 14, 2021)

I'm so sorry Steven. My favorite photos of the ones you posted are where Max is leaning on the center console of the car. So cute, so handsome, so bright, so "with you." Which I'm sure he still is, wherever his spirit lives now.

That's what we believe about our golden Katie, who passed a few years ago, but there's not a day we don't think about her still. We're still sad, but there's also lots to remember that makes us smile too. That's goldens for ya.

Be strong, my friend - glad you're here on this forum - and when the time comes, when you're ready, think about it. We are finally taking our first steps too, after Katie, to fill that hole in our hearts and our home. You'll get there too -- with Max's blessing.


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## spdybug (May 31, 2021)

Fabcor said:


> Hello,
> My name is Steven, we lost our beautiful boy on December 12. It has only been approx 2 weeks since we lost him but feels like an eternity. Max was going to be 14 on April 19, we had a long and awesome life with him, but it is never long enough. Having no children my wife and I are completely lost as our world revolved around him every single day. The heartache is hardly bearable, the loneliness is a sick feeling in your stomach, just to have one more day. He had complications with his breathing as he had larynx paralysis, we had to rush him to the hospital in the middle of the night, not knowing it would be our goodbye. How to move forward without him is still unknown, he was my rock.


I am so, so sorry for your loss. We know exactly what you are going thru. We lost our Luna last April 15. She was 12 1/2 and was dx with lymphoma in Feb. Thankfully we were able, with our wonderful Vet and vet tech, to make her transition to the Rainbow Bridge a beautiful, peaceful passing. We have been so, so lucky to have been able to have our Vets come to our home. Luna was the third Golden we have ushered to the Rainbow Bridge - and it seems to get harder and harder. We have always had at least 2 dogs at a time. We love dogs and think they love to have a doggy companion. But also, a little selfishly, when one dog leaves us we have the other dog to care for and love - and it really helps. We welcomed Merry, a big male Golden, into our home on August 28. He is now 6 months old, about 65 lbs (YES HUGE!!), and annoying and playing with his "brother" Pippin all the time. We will never forget Luna...or Mojo or Potter. We think of them and are able to talk about them without breaking down into tears (most of the time). Time really does heal. Think about another Golden...not to take Max's place...but as a place to focus all that dog love you so obviously have. He or she is out there waiting for you.


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## adry&happy (Sep 29, 2020)

Fabcor said:


> Hello,
> My name is Steven, we lost our beautiful boy on December 12. It has only been approx 2 weeks since we lost him but feels like eternity. Max was going to be 14 on April 19, we had a long and awesome life with him, but it is never long enough. Having no children my wife and I are completely lost as our world revolved around him every single day. The heart ache is hardly bearable, the loneliness is a sick feeling in your stomach, just to have one more day. He had complications with his breathing as he had larynx paralysis, we had to rush him to the hospital in the middle of the night, not knowing it would be our goodbye. How to move forward without him is still unknown, he was my rock.


Sorry for your loss Steven, don’t feel bad just remember the good times you spent with this beautiful ángel, god bless you 🙏


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## Kins (Feb 13, 2021)

Fabcor said:


> Hello,
> My name is Steven, we lost our beautiful boy on December 12. It has only been approx 2 weeks since we lost him but feels like eternity. Max was going to be 14 on April 19, we had a long and awesome life with him, but it is never long enough. Having no children my wife and I are completely lost as our world revolved around him every single day. The heart ache is hardly bearable, the loneliness is a sick feeling in your stomach, just to have one more day. He had complications with his breathing as he had larynx paralysis, we had to rush him to the hospital in the middle of the night, not knowing it would be our goodbye. How to move forward without him is still unknown, he was my rock.


I am so sorry for your loss. The grief comes in waves at unexpected times. Let it flow and feel it. With time the waves will lessen and you will be filled with beautiful memories of your time with him.
Jeanette


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## KK Taos (Mar 19, 2020)

Fabcor said:


> Hello,
> My name is Steven, we lost our beautiful boy on December 12. It has only been approx 2 weeks since we lost him but feels like eternity. Max was going to be 14 on April 19, we had a long and awesome life with him, but it is never long enough. Having no children my wife and I are completely lost as our world revolved around him every single day. The heart ache is hardly bearable, the loneliness is a sick feeling in your stomach, just to have one more day. He had complications with his breathing as he had larynx paralysis, we had to rush him to the hospital in the middle of the night, not knowing it would be our goodbye. How to move forward without him is still unknown, he was my rock.


This is a grave loss, there is no formula with grief. About a year after my husband died, my perfectly healthy 10 year old beautiful healthy boy died of cardiomyopathy. I asked God, please! No! I can't take it!

Life includes loss and grief. That is the reality. I got another golden a few years later, he died at age 10. I am bereft.

Steven, we will survive, heartbroken but we will.


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## Fabcor (Dec 28, 2021)

Kins said:


> I am so sorry for your loss. The grief comes in waves at unexpected times. Let it flow and feel it. With time the waves will lessen and you will be filled with beautiful memories of your time with him.
> Jeanette


Thank you to everyone with your thoughts and reassuring words. The last few days have been hard and really hard today, missing him like crazy, to be able to run my fingers through his fur and scratch his belly would be the best, he loved that, he would cuddle right in tight to when it was sleepy time, thinking of these times are nice but near knock the wind out of me as these memories are still covered with sadness. Hopefully in time they will bring a smile and happy feeling instead of hurt. Thank you once again for the nice comments


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## rjw4244 (May 14, 2013)

Hi Steven - I lost my beloved Rocky on October 1st at 13 y.o. I still miss him every day, but am at peace knowing I gave him the best life any dog ever had, and . . . he did the same for me! I had another Golden, (Buck), before I got Rocky 13 years ago, and cried for a year when Bucky died of a brain tumor at 8 y.o. But I knew Bucky wanted me to have Rocky, so I was fine with knowing he would probably leave me sooner than vice versa. 

“And at his back I seem to hear, time’s winged chariot drawing near.”

A friend sent me this poem - I hope it helps -

Trailing Clouds of Glory

“I’ll lend you for a little while, a pup of mine,” he said,
“For you to love while with you and mourn for when he’s gone.”
“It may be four or fourteen years, or maybe more, we’ll see
But will you, ‘till I call him back, take care of him for me?
He’ll bring his love to gladden you, and if his stay is brief, 
You’ll have his precious memories as solace for your grief.
I‘ve looked the whole world over in my search for keepers true, 
And from the throngs that crowd your earth, I selected you.
Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain?
Nor wonder when I come to call to take him back again?
I fancied when I heard you say “Dear Lord, thy will be done”
For all the joy that he will bring, the risk of grief I’ll run
Please shelter him with tenderness and love him while you may
And for the happiness he’s brought, will let him go his way
And should the angels call for him much sooner than you planned, 
You’ll know for sure I needed him, and he is home again
His time with you, while all too brief, is part of life’s sweet story,
He’s back with me where he belongs, trailing clouds of glory!


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## kiki2 (Nov 4, 2021)

RockysDad said:


> Hi Steven - I lost my beloved Rocky on October 1st at 13 y.o. I still miss him every day, but am at peace knowing I gave him the best life any dog ever had, and . . . he did the same for me! I had another Golden, (Buck), before I got Rocky 13 years ago, and cried for a year when Bucky died of a brain tumor at 8 y.o. But I knew Bucky wanted me to have Rocky, so I was fine with knowing he would probably leave me sooner than vice versa.
> 
> “And at his back I seem to hear, time’s winged chariot drawing near.”
> 
> ...


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## Fritzenheimer (12 mo ago)

Hi Steven,
We lost our beloved boy, Jack, on December 10th to the dreaded hemangiosarcoma, at age 10 years and 7 months. When I read your words I relive the pain of saying goodbye. We knew he wouldn't live forever but we were gut punched in September when we found our he had hemangiosarcoma. We did our best to make his last days, however many there were going to be, special, and we were able to have him for nearly another 90 days. The pain is the price your pay for all the love your shared. May Rocky's memory forever bring a smile to your face and a glow in your heart. He was a beautiful soul.


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## whemtp (Oct 18, 2009)

I am so sorry to hear about Max. We lost our 10 year old in Dec. 2020. The emptiness is real. I found it helpful to just write down all kinds of things about our dog Lucy. From the pictures you posted, you can tell he was a special dog.


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