# Ranger Danger



## golfgal

This was not anything I ever envisioned writing for years. On Nov 21, I had to make the decision to stop my monkey's suffering. I cannot believe a week ago, he was running around and now he's gone.








I brought him home on April 30, 2016 and he crossed the bridge on Nov 21, 2017. I can't believe it's real. 

He started life as Glaze, part of the donut litter from Texas. This is not how my sweet boy's story was supposed to end. 

http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...p-1-year/413177-my-donut-has-name-ranger.html
















Later when I've processed it, I'll add some details about this horrible week. and post some additional photos. If I can remember how this works. In the meantime, any words on what I do next would be helpful as I've never had to make this decision before.








Perhaps one of the moderator's can add the link to his puppy thread. Sorry it's been a challenging year and I'm sorry I didn't share my very short journey with him in more detail. If you could rotate the pics that would be great also.


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## Jessie'sGirl

Oh no. So very sad and sorry to hear this. Such a sudden loss of a young pup , you must be shocked and devastated.


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## rabernet

I'm so sorry that you had to say goodbye to your sweet Ranger at such a young age. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through right now. No words.


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## ArchersMom

Oh no  I'm so sorry. I still remember when he was just a teeny puppy.


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## CAROLINA MOM

I am so sorry for your loss of Ranger.

My thoughts are with you and your family during this time. 

Godspeed Ranger


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## cwag

I am so sorry for your loss. What a sweetie face he was. His life was too short but it was obviously filled with love.


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## LynnC

I am so so sorry


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## Ivyacres

I'm so sorry Ranger crossed the Rainbow Bridge. He was so young, you must be devastated.


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## golfgal

*The speed of a week*

Long post. Last Weds after running around and playing the morning, Ranger started vomiting. Vomited several times over about 4 hours, left msg for vet. When they finally called back and did phone assessment, said it didn't sound like emergency. He wasn't lethargic or anything of concern but keep monitoring and call the next day if needed. 

He vomited twice the next day over a 12 hour span but wasn't initially concerned until later that evening when he wasn't drinking any water. Was tired but still not lethargic. Freaked out around 5am when I thought he was going to vomit and he smelled just horrible but he didn't. What I didn't know then was he was coughing. Didn't think about using syringe that I used when giving meds to give him water. 

Called the vet when they opened and was able to get mid-morning appointment. On the way there he vomited in the car and I was turning his head away to avoid the seat. I keep wondering if he aspirated vomit then. 

They check his stomache/abdomen but couldn't see anything. Thought there could be blockage but that didn't seem likely either. Suggested a range of tests from crypto something to a tick disease one. Were debating if ultrasound was warranted. Ruled out liver, kidney, pancreatitis and a host of scary things. He was on IV fluids at that point to deal with dehydration. Later just prior to coming home he started panting so they ran lung/chest x-rays that were going to be sent off to specialist along with more bloodwork more specific to heart/lungs. 

Next morning when he coughed at vet, she thought he might have pneumonia which was suggested by the radiologist. Started him on antibiotics but they were still focused on a fuzzy area of x-rays. Throughout the day they confirmed he had severe aspiration pneumonia. Sent him home but didn't give me any meds for him. Was going to take him back in morning for more iv antibiotics. 

The vet was off for a couple of days so saw another one there. His heart rate lower, lower temp and he'd been drinking water all night and he was tired but alert and interested. I had been feeling hopeful. Was a horrible vet and right now I can't really say what she said cuz I'm still too pissed off about it. Sent me over to emergency in city. After waiting forever even though he was critical, vet who saw him said I needed to take him to Vancouver where they have critical care unit. Arrived at 7pm and they got him on antibiotics, oxygen, did x-rays and started taking care of him. That was on Sunday night. He held steady but didn't really improve so that wasn't good. Tues they were quite concerned that he wasn't improving and were concerned that he would just get too tired to keep fighting. 

After spending hours with him, I left only to get called back as his respiration had spiked significantly and it was time to consider options. I could not make him suffer and work so hard to keep breathing so I had to let him go. 

All I keep thinking about now is all the things we won't do. No 2nd, 3rd or more birthdays. I can't give him the Christmas present I bought. We just didn't have enough time. He was amazing and I'll upload some photos and videos when I get a handle on celebrating his short life.






I can't believe he won't be waking me up in the morning with kisses or lying right against my back or legs every night. No more ball throwing or swimming. No more nose prints on his window seat. My sweet baby should have lived longer. 

Poor Murphy is wandering the house looking for him. Won't get farther than a block when we go outside. Can't tell me he's not also grieving. I feel like humpty dumpty and I'm not sure I can be put back together again.


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## mylissyk

I'm just so broken hearted....this is tragic. I'm so sorry.


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## cwag

I'm so sad for you, this is horrible.


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## Buddy's mom forever

I am so so sorry for your loss. It shouldn't be his time yet. Hugs.


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## golfgal

It has been a challenging couple of days. I haven't slept since last Weds night when this all started. 

Yesterday, I had to go pay the remainder of the bill owing at the vet that I initially saw as I couldn't transfer money between accounts on the weekend, explain why I wasn't ever going back to her clinic and tell her about my treatment by her associate on Sunday morning. The last time she saw Ranger was Sat afternoon. 

Her comment was that while she read his file, she wasn't aware of what her associate had said. When I told her what had gone down, she tried to excuse it as an attempt to be compassionate. She also wasn't aware of how services worked at the emergency vet clinic. One vet working on a weekend. Inability to provide care. Then to make it even better as I was leaving she says, she's not surprised he died, he was a sick dog. Wow. 

I can't help but wonder if that is what she thought before she left on her weekend off, why would she have had me put him through three additional days of tests/drugs/travel. Over $7,000 spent since Friday and not to have a healthy dog only adds insult to injury. 

Came home to find my intnl student has been lying to me for who knows how long. She had in the previous week told accused Ranger of biting her (which wasn't true) and said she hated the dogs, which didn't make me feel any better considering what happened with Ranger. 

Murphy is obviously stressed and grieving also. He barked at every dog we saw yesterday when I was able to take him on a walk yesterday. My initial thought was great, he's now becoming a reactive dog. Later that evening, a friend who's 13 yr old Golden had passed recently said that he was being protective of me and my emotions, which I hadn't even considered. I don't know if that's true but it at least made me feel better. 

My house is so much quieter without Ranger running around. I can't bring myself to clean the smear marks from his nose on the front window.






- Ranger always played with toys and brown bench was his window watching spot. 







- Ranger's favorite spot to be in car.






- anyplace with water - our way home from summer road trip

I miss having him beside me wherever I sit, his hugs and kisses when you'd come in the door, him practically sitting on you every morning to wake you up. I can't believe I will never pet him again. I know it's barely been 48 hours and I know it will get easier but this just really hurts right now.






- Ranger and my other student.


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## brianne

I'm so terribly sorry for what you and Ranger and Murphy have gone through. So tragic.

Wishing you comfort and peace.

Godspeed, dear Ranger


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## Rundlemtn

I am so sorry for your loss


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## golfgal

I can't believe that last week this time Ranger was in ICU and I was feeling hopeful that his pneumonia was getting treated. 

I was walking Murphy yesterday when someone in the neigbhourhood wanted to know where Ranger was. I know that will happen a lot since more people know the dogs names, than mine, but it is really rough. My brain just shuts down as I can't think of what to say because saying it out loud then brings more questions tears that I struggle to hold back. 

I decided that for the times that I walk Murphy, I need to not think about Ranger as Murphy needs walks/play time that don't involve me being in tears. Now if I could only work on not meeting anyone I know. I fee like I should just make up little cards and hand them out to people so I don't have to talk to them. Which I know isn't fair as I know the people that I avoid also loved Ranger. 

Today, I need to put my feelings aside and focus on my course work. Hard to think/write about education as I don't really care at this point. Last two courses to go but not going to finish by Dec any longer. 

Wow. I cannot believe a week ago I was hopeful and now I'm heartbroken. I keep on thinking I just need to get through today but tomorrow will be even harder.


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## ceegee

I'm sorry you're going through this. Such a traumatic loss. I wish you peace as you work through the grief.


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## golfgal

*One week down*

I thought Tuesday/Weds was going to be a hard day as I was reliving every moment of that night. Topped by the phone call advising that I could pick up Ranger's ashes. Surprisingly it was yesterday during the day that proved challenging. 

All the encounters with people who knew us, saw us and wanted to know where Ranger was. You think you are holding it together only to have it all come rushing back. 

So now what? What am I supposed to do with his ashes? I had already decided when I was in the ICU with him that I was selling my house so planting a rose bush or something doesn't make sense to me. Urn? Well not so much either. I had decided to quit waffling on the fence of move/don't move and was making plans to go someplace warm with Ranger & Murphy before starting the master's. Now it'll be just me and Murphy. Simpler yes, but now what I had planned for. 

Do I really want to be traveling and spreading his ashes at every body of water or beach we come to? Is there a timeframe for when you're supposed to what?? I've also thought being Data on Star Trek would have been cool as he never got sidetracked with emotions. So far the only thing I'm accomplishing is missing the deadlines on courses which adds another level of guilt.


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## CAROLINA MOM

I'm sorry for everything you're going through. You will have days that are better than others, there will be times when the grief will hit you like a ton of bricks and it seems to come out of nowhere. 

Give yourself time to grieve, there's no time table, it's different for everyone. 
Be kind to yourself, take each day as they come. 

Wishing you peace and for your heart to heal.


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## Karen519

*Ranger*



golfgal said:


> I can't believe that last week this time Ranger was in ICU and I was feeling hopeful that his pneumonia was getting treated.
> 
> I was walking Murphy yesterday when someone in the neigbhourhood wanted to know where Ranger was. I know that will happen a lot since more people know the dogs names, than mine, but it is really rough. My brain just shuts down as I can't think of what to say because saying it out loud then brings more questions tears that I struggle to hold back.
> 
> I decided that for the times that I walk Murphy, I need to not think about Ranger as Murphy needs walks/play time that don't involve me being in tears. Now if I could only work on not meeting anyone I know. I fee like I should just make up little cards and hand them out to people so I don't have to talk to them. Which I know isn't fair as I know the people that I avoid also loved Ranger.
> 
> Today, I need to put my feelings aside and focus on my course work. Hard to think/write about education as I don't really care at this point. Last two courses to go but not going to finish by Dec any longer.
> 
> Wow. I cannot believe a week ago I was hopeful and now I'm heartbroken. I keep on thinking I just need to get through today but tomorrow will be even harder.


I am just so heartbroken for you. It is so awful about Ranger! My Smooch and Snobear will watch over him. There is no time frame at all regarding what we wish to do with our dogs ashes. Ken and I have our dogs ashes in the receptacles, in our Family Room, where we are most of the time.
http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...y-list/441177-2017-rainbow-bridge-list-2.html


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## Neeko13

Im so sorry about your Ranger..... He was way too young to have this happen....and grieve all you want, maybe keep yourself busy buying a vase for his ashes, getting some pics together, maybe like a little mini shrine..... This kept my mind off the could of, would of, and should of's......take care of yourself, and Murphy, he is also grieving, and needs you.... I will keep you both in my prayers.....


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## Ivyacres

So sorry about Ranger. Feel free to share with us, memories, pics, many of us have felt the loss of a fur baby and we understand.


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## Sweet Girl

This is the saddest story. I'm so sorry you lost your sweet boy. He looked like such a sweet thing.


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## golfgal

*Things not to say and update*

I know that people can be insensitive and people don't grieve the same way or feel the loss of pets in the same way. I have to say though that comments that don't help are:
In this life you will have tribulation. 
God must have wanted him in heaven. 
Why would you spend that kind of money, just get another dog. 

I hope and pray that I have never been that insensitive when they lose a person or a family member. I usually stop at I'm sorry and give hugs. 

I won't write about the situation here but I will explain it in another thread. Today is the deadline I had set for myself to write the letter to the BC College of Vets since I missed my earlier deadline this week. Needless to say I keep reliving and second guessing every decision. I've got it half done but will need to complete it later. 

I can't recall how to post a video so here's a couple of more pics for now from our Aug road trip. I have a really funny video of him watering my lawn. How do you turn pics right side up also? 

For the record in the last photo, NO he wasn't riding up on all the stuff. We stopped for lunch with a friend and that's where he jumped to when we we were getting ready to head out. That's where he thought he should ride as his preferred 'spot' was the passenger wheel well. God only knows why.


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## Gleepers

I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine loosing one so young. 
Looks like he had a great time while he was with you. **Big Hug**


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## 4goldengirls

I am so very sorry for your loss. There is no set time for grief. Everyone grieves in their own way and their own time frame and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You've got beautiful photos of your pup which I know mean the world to you as well as your memories of the good and happy times. May those memories help you thru this difficult time.


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## Karen519

*Your Dogs*

Wonderful pictures of Ranger and Murphy. Sorry, I can't remember how to turn the pics the right way,
maybe someone can help.


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## brianne

People can definitely be insensitive, especially when it comes to grieving the loss of a pet. Many struggle for something to say that that they think will be comforting, yet it comes off sounding flip or dismissive. 

I try hard to give people the benefit of the doubt and believe that the sentiment is kind.

For the person who said, "Just get another dog!", I would endorse an icy stare and a "Thank you", before turning around and walking away. I think that would get the message across without being rude yourself.

I feel sorry for those who have never experienced the wonderful love that pets bring into our lives and just don't understand.

I'm sorry you are struggling to finish your school work during a time of intense grieving. 

Sending prayers for strength.


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## Karen519

*Golfgal*

I am so very sorry about Ranger, he was way too young. Life isn't fair.
I added him to the Rainbow Bridge List and my Smooch and Snobear will watch over him!
http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...y-list/441177-2017-rainbow-bridge-list-2.html


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## golfgal

I feel like a weepy willow. If I think about Ranger I cry. Or when people ask me where he is. Or what happened. I wonder how people can let their dogs go and never cry. I wonder sometimes if there is something wrong with me that I still cry. Even though I know grief is different for everyone. 

I was looking forward to seeing if I could get Santa photos with Ranger this year since Murphy avoids him like the plague. I have the most miserable looking dog pictures of Murphy the one year we tried. Now I just think about all the things I won't be able to do with him. 

In the summer, I was this close to actually getting him into a kayak with me. I was trying to get him to swim beside me or just let me hold his lifejacket but he kept swimming away. Then he grabbed the kayak rope and towed me into shore. It was hilarious and I was killing myself laughing. Rather than kayaking, I stayed close to shore and kept on getting towed back. Needless to say I didn't have my phone so I couldn't take any pictures or videos of it. Now I have to think about packing up his life jacket which was the first thing I bought him when I found out I was approved to adopt him. 

It's funny I think nothing of the bed he took over but I tear up when I think about him tossing his toys around or see his life jacket. I bought him a stuffy for Christmas when Petsmart had a fund raiser thinking this one might survive rather than getting destroyed. I had to put Murphy's stuffies up high so Ranger wouldn't destroy them. Dumb isn't it all the weird things you think about. All the would have and the might have been's.


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## cwag

Just let your grief work itself out and don't feel like it's wrong in any way. I love my dogs like they are children and once in a while I still cry for Honeybear who died in 1999. You will always miss him but the pain of it will get better one day. I have never had a dog die so young and I can tell that adds a new layer of pain. I am so sorry.


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## Sweet Girl

Let yourself grieve. You lost a member of your family. I cried for a week. I barely slept. What I discovered is that there are pet loss support groups out there. I never contacted one, but somehow, it was a comfort knowing they were there if I needed to. Maybe there is one in Victoria. 

It does get better with time. I spent a couple of days in the first week after Tesia died going through hundreds of photos, sorting them chronologically, and then choosing the ones that best represented her entire life. It gave me something to focus on, that included her, and now I have a collection of photos that I look at every year on her birthday. A project like that might help you, too.


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## Karen519

*Golfgal*



golfgal said:


> I feel like a weepy willow. If I think about Ranger I cry. Or when people ask me where he is. Or what happened. I wonder how people can let their dogs go and never cry. I wonder sometimes if there is something wrong with me that I still cry. Even though I know grief is different for everyone.
> 
> I was looking forward to seeing if I could get Santa photos with Ranger this year since Murphy avoids him like the plague. I have the most miserable looking dog pictures of Murphy the one year we tried. Now I just think about all the things I won't be able to do with him.
> 
> In the summer, I was this close to actually getting him into a kayak with me. I was trying to get him to swim beside me or just let me hold his lifejacket but he kept swimming away. Then he grabbed the kayak rope and towed me into shore. It was hilarious and I was killing myself laughing. Rather than kayaking, I stayed close to shore and kept on getting towed back. Needless to say I didn't have my phone so I couldn't take any pictures or videos of it. Now I have to think about packing up his life jacket which was the first thing I bought him when I found out I was approved to adopt him.
> 
> It's funny I think nothing of the bed he took over but I tear up when I think about him tossing his toys around or see his life jacket. I bought him a stuffy for Christmas when Petsmart had a fund raiser thinking this one might survive rather than getting destroyed. I had to put Murphy's stuffies up high so Ranger wouldn't destroy them. Dumb isn't it all the weird things you think about. All the would have and the might have been's.


You are not unusual at all. I've done all of the same things: reminiscing over times we had together, dreading when people asked me where Smooch or Snobear were. They were our lives, it's to be expected we think of them and miss them always! I think it's lucky for you that you can cry. Everyone is different. In the past I think I was trying to protect myself by not crying, but now I can cry at the drop of a hat! Just coming here and talking about my two REALLY helped with the grief. We can all relate and are here for you. I'm sure Murphy misses Ranger, too.


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## golfgal

Thanks for making me feel comfortable. It's good to know that you still cry and think about your dogs years later. It's true losing a pet is completely different than losing a person and I can't explain why even though I've had those losses. Maybe it's because a person, no matter how wonderful they are, don't love to be with you all the time. They're not excited to see you when you're gone 1min or 5hrs. You get used to someone waking up you by walking over you and sitting by your head and licking your face or your arm until you move. Then waiting patiently sitting on the pillow by your head. 

I encourage everyone to print pictures of their pets. I realized that while I took lots of photos and videos, I only had printed two and both because they were sent in Christmas cards last year. That's the problem with digital cameras, we don't always get real pictures printed as often as we should. So I encourage you to go out and fill your fridge, wall and cabinets with pictures. That's my plan for Christmas.


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## Karen519

*Golfgal*

I think we love our pets so much because they give us unconditional love and are so dependent on us.
I think you have a wonderful idea about printing out pictures of our fur babies!!
I framed pics of them all over our home.


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## golfgal

I did a major no-no. I didn't back up my computer regularly and had a once in lifetime completely frozen unable to access hard drive. I'd hoped to sort out pictures and stuff over the holidays after my course was done. Sadly, life changed. 

I'm hoping that between my phone and my SLR I have captured Ranger's short life. However no mulligans on this one. So I own this and it makes me feel like an idiot as I should have known better. Talk about learning a lesson the hard way.


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## golfgal

*A different kind of Christmas*

For everyone who's lost someone....


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## Karen519

*So Sorry*

I am so sorry for what happened with your computer.
My hubby knows a lot about computers, but unfortunately we live in Tennessee.
He said it may be possible to retrieve the data that was on your hard drive. There are people that can take the hard drive out and get the data (which would be pictures) off. I'm sure if you asked around you could get recommendations on who is reliable.


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## Sweet Girl

golfgal said:


> I did a major no-no. I didn't back up my computer regularly and had a once in lifetime completely frozen unable to access hard drive. I'd hoped to sort out pictures and stuff over the holidays after my course was done. Sadly, life changed.
> 
> I'm hoping that between my phone and my SLR I have captured Ranger's short life. However no mulligans on this one. So I own this and it makes me feel like an idiot as I should have known better. Talk about learning a lesson the hard way.


Ugh. I'm so sorry to read this. I hope you do find more than you expected on your phone and SLR. 

How are you feeling these days? Still rather empty, I would imagine. And just sad. It does get better with time. I know that probably means nothing to you right now. I didn't believe it when people said it to me. But I promise you, eventually, you will be able to talk about Ranger with a smile. I hope you have someone who you can share your grief with. It does help to talk about it, too.


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## golfgal

Well, one Christmas with Ranger was really not enough I must say. We got a once in ten year White Christmas. While Murphy and I had fun playing in the snow, someone was missing. I know it will get easier and one day I can think of Ranger without crying. 

Murphy really misses having a buddy to play with as he's all 'barky' and demanding. They had so much fun playing in the snow. Yup, last year's snowfall are some of the photos lost. Oh well, at least I have photos and videos. No keys lost in the snow this year so that's a good but that was last january so early days to celebrate I guess.


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## mylissyk

golfgal said:


> I did a major no-no. I didn't back up my computer regularly and had a once in lifetime completely frozen unable to access hard drive. I'd hoped to sort out pictures and stuff over the holidays after my course was done. Sadly, life changed.
> 
> I'm hoping that between my phone and my SLR I have captured Ranger's short life. However no mulligans on this one. So I own this and it makes me feel like an idiot as I should have known better. Talk about learning a lesson the hard way.


Try to find a place that restores hard drives. I nearly lost 6 years of life on a hard drive that froze, but I found a company that restores them if possible. It was the best $350 I've ever spent, they got it all back. 

I am good friends with the foster in Texas that raised his litter. I am just so saddened at his loss. There is no timeline or set process for your grief. Cry all you need, for as long as you need, remember all the moments with them. We lost my two Goldens in 2016, I still cry nearly every day, and every time I see their pictures on my computer slide show. The foster that had his litter said to me, you have lost your best friends, of course you grieve. She is wise beyond her years.


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## Simbadoo'smom

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It's not fair that Ranger had such a short life, but I can tell it was a blessed one, filled with love and companionship. He had you and Murphy.

I feel bad for poor Murphy. He is grieving too, but he can't tell anyone that or go on a grief support forum. Try not to allow your grief over losing Ranger affect your routine with him. I know how hard that is - I've been there.

I just lost my beloved Simba suddenly and unexpectedly two months shy of his 9th birthday. I know I had him longer than you had your sweet Ranger, but I still feel cheated. It was still too soon. I am not even sure what caused him to become so ill - his regular vet and the emergency vet strongly suggested hemangio. His symptoms and how quickly his condition deteriorated strongly suggested it, but I am deeply troubled by the fact that the x-rays done at the ER didn't show any "obvious masses". The vet said that didn't mean he didn't have any, and both he and the two vets at his regular vet clinic said since hemangio starts in the blood it was probably everywhere. The night I made the gut wrenching decision to let him go (only 3 days after he became noticeably ill), he was at the ER receiving fluids and treatment for a possible auto immune issue. When I visited him he was stable. I called a few hours later to ask how he was and the vet said his conditioning was worsening and that "it wouldn't be a bad idea" for me to come back up there. When I was there earlier, I noticed for the first time that his breathing was labored, but the vet said he was stable at the moment. When I got back up there, his breathing was so much worse and he was obviously struggling to breath. I knew deep down that I was most likely going to lose him, but I asked the vet wasn't there anything they could do? No obvious masses had been detected manually or by X Ray, and they had only started the therapy for a possible auto immune issue. I thought to myself, it hasn't had time to start working, but the ER vet and his regular vet said he should have at least remained stable, not deteriorated despite the auto immune therapy. It was for this reason, that they both thought it was cancer - mostly likely hemangio but the ER vet also mentioned lymphoma as a possibility. I asked the ER vet "should I let him go?" He was obviously suffering and I didn't want to prolong his suffering. I also didn't want him to pass during the night alone and scared in that sterile ER. I wish I had had the chance to take him home and have him put to sleep there, but that wasn't in the cards for us. The vet said, yes, he believed it was the right thing to do. 

Now I am second guessing my decision. I just wish I knew for certain that it was inoperable cancer. Or hemangio, even operable. I probably would have still chosen to let him go because I've read and was told by my vet that even with surgery and chemo, the dogs life is in most cases only extended a few months, a year max. And they have to go through the pain of recovering from surgery and the sickness of going through chemo and thus their quality of life is significantly compromised. I wouldn't want to put my baby through that. Everything I've read and been told about hemongio is that it' better for the dog to let them go early rather than later. It's hard to have closure though when I just don't know. What if it was an auto immune issue that would have gotten better eventually???

I called both the regular vets and the ER vet afterwards trying to get that closure and they all told me they thought I made the right decision. I said to the ER vet, "I just wonder if I should have requested exploratory surgery and he told me that he wasn't stable enough for that - that he would have never woken up. But then I think, "Of course, they are going to tell me what is so obvious that I am so desperate to hear!" And then I think, what if I had tried to wait until he became stable enough for surgery or given him more time to come back around? But what if he died that night alone in that cold, strange place? This is what I continue to do to myself, along with blaming myself for decisions I made regarding his care during his life, from did neutering him too young cause him to develop cancer to did the food I fed him cause it? I guess everyone does this, but it won't bring our babies back. I hope and pray that one day can stop blaming myself and second guessing my decision. 

Sorry for the rambling response. I hope you can find some degree of comfort knowing you are not alone in your pain.

Dohna


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## mylissyk

@Simbadoo'smom I am so sorry you are still struggling with these doubts and thoughts running through your mind. I believe the vets would have told you if they thought they could do something for him, I don't think they advise euthanasia lightly. I'm sure you know on some level it was the best decision in his best interest. I wish peace for you, as you gave Simba peace.


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## golfgal

Mylissyk - did I understand correctly your friend had Rangers' litter in foster. That is so very cool. 

Dohna - no worries about the rambling response. I'm guessing that there's a period of time we all second guess our decisions and that it eventually.

The last couple of weeks has been hard. Without Murphy, I'm pretty sure I would just have slept and netflixed my way through the holidays. We found a soccer ball on the field a couple of days ago so that has been our morning exercise for the last three days. Have you ever played soccer wearing winter boots, etc with a dog who's just so excited about the soccer ball. The bad thing is you are forced to get exercise too whether you want to or not. I figure Murphy saves me a fortune in gym and therapy bills ;-) - Whenever we're out walking everyone always comments on how happy Murphy is, his smile, his coat, etc. When Ranger and Murphy were walked, people commented on how happy they were. Apparently they are the happiest dogs people had seen. Makes me wonder about the other dogs out there. Good compliment to have I figure - happiest dogs they've seen. 

I used to carry a SLR everywhere and then with the smart phone, I got lazy and used that as a camera and video and you just get busy. I'm still working my way through figuring out what I have and what I don't. I'll touch base with my tech guy to see where he's at now that the holidays are over and you're right, spending $350 to get the photos/videos back would be worth it. Spent $7K and have no dog, so I'll take the photos/videos if that's my only option at this point. 

One of the major reasons for getting Ranger was a playmate for Murphy. He really missed having someone to play with after Rosco and the slew of guide dog puppies went away. There's something about how golden's & labs that is very unique to them it seems. I've also had enough scares and near misses with dog attacks that I'm getting pickier about who Murphy plays with. So getting another puppy is in the cards, just a matter of when. I can look at Ranger pics without crying but I can't think about him without crying so I wonder if it's too soon. 

However, puppies are like golf. You have to stay focused on the moment or your game goes to hell. Since I'm stuck with course work right now anyway, it seems an ideal time as I'm home and available. Then I think, if I wait for when the house is sold, I can do a road trip and check out puppies in various places and it's easier to travel with one dog than two. I don't have enough hands for the decisions. Got through the holidays, one battle down.


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## Karen519

*Golfgal*

Golfgal

You must do what is best for you and Murphy, regarding a puppy, but for what it's worth, we adopted both of our Goldens, Smooch and then Tucker. We took the Samoyed we had at the time, to meet each of them, our Samoyed, Snobear in one case, and Tonka in the next, got along wonderfully with the dog for rescue/adoption. Just my two cents worth.


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## golfgal

When I was saying puppy, I still meant through a rescue of some sort. It's interesting while I know lots of breeders, I haven't ever had a papered dog. Not that I think that is wrong by any means. I think I've also been around lots of crosses from the guide dogs and really came to appreciate how that worked. I love goldens but holy hell can they be stubborn when they want to be. Good thing they are cute. 

While Murphy came from a lab breeder, he was an accidental litter with the neighbour's golden when the golden jumped the fence and hubby wasn't looking after female in heat very well when they had family health issues. Knock on wood, so far it has worked out okay, although I never expected to lose Ranger.


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## alphadude

Extremely sorry for your loss of Ranger at such a young age. Simply not fair. There are no words of comfort I can offer.

What I can offer, is to recover your data from that hard drive free of charge if you want. I have an amazing track record of doing exactly that. Been doing so for decades. PM me if you are interested in my help.

Fixed your pic.


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## Sweet Girl

^^^ Man, that's a great photo of Ranger. He was SO sweet looking.

How are you doing? I know how hard this is. The void lingers for a long time. I'm glad you've had Murphy to help keep your spirits up.


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## Simbadoo'smom

You're awesome!!!


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## mylissyk

alphadude said:


> Extremely sorry for your loss of Ranger at such a young age. Simply not fair. There are no words of comfort I can offer.
> 
> What I can offer, is to recover your data from that hard drive free of charge if you want. I have an amazing track record of doing exactly that. Been doing so for decades. PM me if you are interested in my help.
> 
> Fixed your pic.


What a fantastic offer!


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## golfgal

Alpahdude - thanks so much for you offer. I'm trying to get a hold of my tech guy. Will let you know where things stand and will take you up on your offer. That is one of my favorite pictures of him. 

It's now been 2 months since Ranger's been gone. I had kept myself so busy doing everything that needed to be done that after my last post, I had nothing to do but finish my course and all I could do was nothing for a couple of weeks. I have had pictures printed and framed so that's been good. Last couple of days have been hard and I was really missing Ranger. Then I twigged that my deadline for my courses was also the 2 month date for Ranger. Well duhh. No wonder I was feeling sad. 

Timing is everything as they say. There's a new thread you'll need to check out. Yup. I pick up the puppy tomorrow at the airport. Not that I don't wish Ranger was here.


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## golfgal

I feel guilty for missing Ranger and being sad that's he's not here. I read comments from some of the poster's about dogs, short life spans and how they are not our kids. I didn't think Ranger was my child or that I was his mom. He had a lovely mother named Shipley. I don't think I'm super sensitive or anything but I've felt reluctant to post anything about Ranger recently. 

By sad, I don't mean I'm sitting around in my bathrobe, doing nothing. If I become independently wealthy I may consider it. It feels horribly unfair that he's gone. Of course anyone without dogs can't figure out why I'd have one, let alone two. It's as if there's a right way to handle a dog's death and a wrong way and it should be over and done with. How do you not miss someone who you spent hours with everyday? He wasn't my child but he was a part of my family and household and there's a missing piece. I love Murphy and Sherlock demands attention but I still miss Ranger.


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## mylissyk

Of course you miss him, he was your best friend, you lost your best friend, and YES it was horribly unfair. Why would you NOT grieve the loss? 

Don't let anyone make you feel you should deal and move on. There is no time frame or rules for dealing with grief, and this is grief, real, heart hurting grief. Miss him, cry for him, think of him, be angry at the unfairness of it. However you process it is right for you, and however long you take to process it is ok. 

No one can tell you how to handle it, but there is a whole community here that can tell you we understand, have been through it, are still going through it, maybe always will be dealing with it, and we are here for you.


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## Karen519

*Agree*



mylissyk said:


> Of course you miss him, he was your best friend, you lost your best friend, and YES it was horribly unfair. Why would you NOT grieve the loss?
> 
> Don't let anyone make you feel you should deal and move on. There is no time frame or rules for dealing with grief, and this is grief, real, heart hurting grief. Miss him, cry for him, think of him, be angry at the unfairness of it. However you process it is right for you, and however long you take to process it is ok.
> 
> No one can tell you how to handle it, but there is a whole community here that can tell you we understand, have been through it, are still going through it, maybe always will be dealing with it, and we are here for you.


I totally agree with Mylissyk. We are here for you.


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## Sweet Girl

golfgal said:


> I feel guilty for missing Ranger and being sad that's he's not here. I read comments from some of the poster's about dogs, short life spans and how they are not our kids. I didn't think Ranger was my child or that I was his mom. He had a lovely mother named Shipley. I don't think I'm super sensitive or anything but I've felt reluctant to post anything about Ranger recently.
> 
> By sad, I don't mean I'm sitting around in my bathrobe, doing nothing. If I become independently wealthy I may consider it. It feels horribly unfair that he's gone. Of course anyone without dogs can't figure out why I'd have one, let alone two. It's as if there's a right way to handle a dog's death and a wrong way and it should be over and done with. How do you not miss someone who you spent hours with everyday? He wasn't my child but he was a part of my family and household and there's a missing piece. I love Murphy and Sherlock demands attention but I still miss Ranger.


Why in the world would you feel guilty for missing a beloved member of your family? If there are people in your life making you feel like your grief is wrong, perhaps it's time to reexamine your relationship with those people? I can tell you, even my friends and colleagues who don't have dogs were incredibly kind and supportive of me when I lost Tesia. My work colleagues sent me flowers, as did my best friend, who does not have a dog. Kindness is kindness. You have every right to feel sad. No, Ranger wasn't your child, but the love you felt for him was likely just as strong as if he were. You have suffered a loss. I can so sympathize. When I lost Tesia, I truly did not know what I was going to do. Because she was my only dog, I suddenly had all these hours free that used to be spent taking care of her, playing ball with her, tending to her in her last two months with cancer. 

The loss is real. Allow yourself to grieve as you need to. Without guilt. If you don't have someone to talk to, really pour out your heart to, about it, it might help to seek out a pet loss group. But the last thing you should be doing is beating yourself up over feeling sad. It makes me sad to think that you are.


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