# New rescue adopter; need advice and input please!



## acquila (Dec 24, 2008)

hmmm its hard picking out the "right" dog. can you call the shelter and see if they have a probation thing? our shelter will let you take the dog for 1-2 weeks, to see if it will work out. 
I really hope this works out for you and you find your golden!


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

Are you going to take your boys back to meet him? It may be that he will grow on you when you have the second visit. There are some definate pluses, but I can see why you might hesitate. Is the foster mom willing to allow you a few more visits? By then you would have a much better idea of whether he is tugging at your heart or not. It would be really sad if you didn't bond with him once you adopted him. For you and the dog. But you might start having that niggling feeling that maybe he is meant to be. It's a tough decision because it should be for the life of the dog. Oh, and thank you for wanting to adopt!


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

Thank you both for your replies! Yes, we will get a 1-week trial period to live with him and see if he is a good match. (Though I have a hard time imagining my kids being willing to part with him once he is here!) I think I will be able to visit him one more time and bring the kids, but am feeling like the rescue would like us to just bring him home for the trial. 

fostermom, you hit the nail on the head: I think I'm worried about whether or not we would bond. Is that instantaneous, usually? Or would that come with time as we work together? With one of my cats, I took one look at her and scooped her up right away. My husband says I am overthinking! (I'm sure that is true!)


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

Sometimes the bond is instant, sometimes it takes time. As a foster home, I can't let myself bond with my foster puppies. I love them, but I can't allow myself to bond or they will never leave. Jasper was my first failure. I picked him up at the vet and I was done for immediately. Danny was my second failure. But he lived with us for 6 months before we adopted him. But when I allowed myself to fall, I fell head over heels in love with him.

As for the neutering and his "happy" showing. That should ease off once the hormones go away. Though some people here say it is still an issue. Danny was "happy" all the time until after he was neutered. I haven't seen it since about 2-3 weeks post-op.


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## MyGoldenCharlie (Dec 4, 2007)

Welcome to the forum & thank you for wanting to adopt!
What does his foster mom say about how he is with kids & cats? After having 75 fosters, I think I would trust her observations about the dog.

Love at first sight doesn't always happen. We rescued our Bo from Arkansas, I think he was with us a good month before he started to fit in and show his personality, that was when I fell in love with him and I love him even more now. 


Whatever dog you decide to adopt, taking obedience classes is a great thing to do.


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

As a new fostermom, I wanted to say thank you for adopting. I think you should do another visit and bring your kids. It will be hard for them but if meeting him again may change your feelings. Are there any other dogs that interest you on the website and would the rescue let you meet them if there is one that will fit with your family? It can take awhile to bond but so worth it. 
Right now I have a foster that my husband loves so much and wants to keep but I am having to keep my head and not keep her.


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

The foster mom thinks he is a good dog and ready pretty quickly for his forever home (she's had him about 8 days). She has cats, and we saw him behave well with them, but she doesn't have kids so she isn't sure on that front. I'm hoping that I can take my kids to see him next week (she is going on a trip until then)...perhaps another visit will make my feelings clearer?

I appreciate your kind advice--it's good to know that bonding can take time. I left the visit thinking "Well, he's nice" instead of "There's our dog!" and was just worried about that, you know? But I can't put a real finger on any sensible reservation.

At present, the rescue doesn't have other dogs that fit our profile (good with cats, 3 and under. We just want a younger dog in hopes our boys can grow up w/him or her, though of course there aren't guarantees!). There might be another one in waiting, not ready for adoption yet, but I'm not sure.

We did see another dog at a rescue in another area of the state that seemed like a good match for us. But I'm not sure about whether that rescue would approve us based on the home visit of our local group, how we'd visit and transport, etc. Do people often adopt long-distance? This group is about 3 hours away from us. I don't want to hurt the feelings of our local group either, though.

You foster moms and dads do the most wonderful work. I'm grateful for your expertise and for the work you do for these pups to help their forever families out!


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## Dallas Gold (Dec 22, 2007)

> We did see another dog at a rescue in another area of the state that seemed like a good match for us. But I'm not sure about whether that rescue would approve us based on the home visit of our local group, how we'd visit and transport, etc. Do people often adopt long-distance? This group is about 3 hours away from us. I don't want to hurt the feelings of our local group either, though.


I can't speak for the rescues you are dealilng with, but the one I volunteer for does home visits for possible adopters from other rescues in the state when needed, golden and non-golden alike. Most exist to make sure the dogs get fabulous loving homes and it's not like there is a shortage of dogs needing homes or anything. They will probably be willing to cooperate fully with the other rescue. It doesn't hurt to ask if that's what you want to do.

We adopted a dog that had been with his fosters for a year, undergoing medical treatment. He bonded tightly with his foster dad and we weren't sure the foster dad would be able to give him up (he was, turns out ALL the foster dogs bond with him!). When he was delivered to us and his foster parents left, we immediately leashed him up and took him for a long walk. Then we made his first few days with us as stress free as possible and just let him be--discovering his new home, discovering us and his new big canine brother. It took about a week and before we knew it he was tightly bonded with us, to the point he has separation anxiety (I can hear him cry when he thinks we are out of the house--pretty gut wrenching). We took him to his former foster home a few months later (when we picked up our younger golden) and he was thrilled to see his foster parents, but ready to come home with us at the end of the evening. Then a few months after that we attended the annual fundraising picnic for the rescue (hundreds of people and hundreds of goldens off leash on the shores of a lake, everyone having fun). Our Barkley sought out his former foster dad and went over to get some loving from him--he does this, on his own, every picnic. When it's time to leave he's happy to be with us. Bonding occurs differently for each dog, based on their personalities, previous history and life experiences and other unknown factors. My advice is to keep your new adoptee's first few days as peaceful and calm as you can and the pup will be able to relax and begin the bonding process.

Good luck to you and thanks for rescuing!


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## justmejanis (Feb 25, 2007)

We rescued an adult Golden three years ago. We have no children, but we did have one cat and two others dogs. We went to another state, but we were able to bring our dogs down to meet him. 

I would hope that you can bring your kids to meet the dog first. Most, but not all, Golden's do very well with children. It is really important since he will be a family dog to see how he behaves and interacts with your young kids. That would be my primary concern. 

Don't expect instant bonding.....you never know the history of a rescue and why he was abandoned. Although they are wonderful friendly loving dogs, a rescue may have a negative history and take awhile to settle in. Give him plenty of time to adapt to his new home and surroundings and lifestyle. Bonding will definitely come! Trust takes time to build if this dog has ever been abused or neglected. Plus, he has been abandoned and his life turned around. He needs some time to regroup.

Our Sampson has been with us just over three years now. He is pure JOY! They have a huge capacity to love. 

Thank you for getting a rescue and good luck!


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## LibertyME (Jan 6, 2007)

It took me a very long time to bond with Lexi.....
We got her from our local humane society - she was 9 months old and we were her 4th home. She was a major counter surfer and with that came undisclosed food aggression. Not to blame the humane society....they had not seen it and at that time did not test for food aggression.
Very literally it took me 6 months to bond to her - the first weeks were hell. She jumped on everyone, pulled me off my feet while on leash and broke my finger, she knocked my 9 & 10 year olds off their feet more then once. She played very, very rough and used her mouth ALOT. She stole a ham off the counter and was prepared to fight to the death to keep it - I let her have it and paid the vet bills later....She turned on the stove, which happened to have a corning ware glass baking dish on one of the burners and sent molten glass flying through kitchen....
It took going to some obedience classes and taking training very seriously. The more we trained the more responsive she became, the more the bond grew....
She is a bright, funny, intelligent dog that is my right hand dog around the house...she always knows where the remote is and where my keys can be found. <grin> She is alwasy up for a walk or a car ride or a good snuggle.
When we accepted her limitations and worked to improve her manners, she became a very good girl.... She is the most forgiving dog and has taught me the most of any dog I have ever lived with....


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## sharlin (Feb 26, 2007)

Sometimes concerns that we have override the feelings that are just below the surface. I'm bettin' that once your concerns are dealt with the bond will happen fast & hard.


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

Oh, thank you so much, everyone. Liberty, I loved your story about Lexi. To see that she has come so far and learned to be the dog she always could be makes me want to cry! Your patience has opened her up...so many people would have given up on her (and did, if she had 3 other owners!). I will remember this story in the coming months regardless of who our new dog is. No rescue can be perfect, I know.

And sharlin...you are exactly right. I am nervous about the possible drawbacks of this dog...my husband says that is why I feel closed off. But I know rationally that these drawbacks are pretty minor as they go. 

I think part of it is that we used to have a very dominant, aggressive dog--he was a herding / working mix we got from the pound. At the time my sister and I adopted him, he was just a baby and we thought he'd be our lap pet. After several biting incidents in his young adulthood--including him sending my new parents-in-law to the hospital our first married Christmas!!--we realized we had not chosen the breed for the relationship we wanted! We had to retrain ourselves and him. It worked out fine...strict obedience training, keep your authority and distance, give him plenty to do...he doesn't like children, so when we had kids, he went back to live with my sister (she's single) and she has given him the rest of his full life span. He is elderly now. We never gave up on him because he was our responsibility, but he was not the love-bug companion we wanted. It was a very different relationship. Boundaries, etc. He was very independent and unpredictable. I learned a lot about dogs from this boy, and became a much better owner, but it was a kind of loss too.

One of the reasons we love Golden Retrievers is that they DO form people bonds and want to have that loving closeness with their human family. But I think our last experience made me overly wary--not afraid of dogs at all, but not unguardedly in love with them either. I feel like that is sad! Anyway, all this saga is to say...I am sure that my worries about having had a dominant / aggressive male dog are coloring my feelings about this rescue dog, who has the same size, muzzle shape, etc. as my old dog. My husband is great, though--he said that I need to remember that we chose Golden rescue for a good reason. He believes that working with a loving Golden in obedience and agility will help us as much as it helps our dog and our boys.

I appreciate your wisdom. This is a big step for us! And I tend to examine every new step, maybe a bit too much, but that way I feel like there are fewer surprises.  Here's how we left it: I contacted the other rescue and will talk with them about how to meet one of their female dogs I liked online. In the meantime, we have a week or so before this local dog's foster mom returns. When she does, we will take the boys to see him, and make a decision from there!

I hope to come post pics in a couple of weeks of our new family member.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*My Two Cents*

I agree with everyone take your kids to meet him and if the Foster Mom thinks he is a Good Golden, that SPEAKS volumes to me.

I don't feel a bond is always instant, sometimes it comes gradually.
Actually there is probably not a Golden Ret. out there that I couldn't love.

*my funny story about Our Golden REt., Smooch, we rescued when she was 16 mos. old. We rescued Smooch from an IL Golden Ret. Rescue and this wonderful woman had nine foster dogs! I don't know how she did it.
My lifelong idea of a Golden Ret. was like Air Bud and all the Golden Rets. in movies-instantly obedient, perfect, quiet, laid by the fireplace and your side, gazed up at you with adoration, in other words, like angels in dogs clothing!!*
Well, our poor Golden Ret. Girl who was named BEDLAM at the rescue, was the opposite-the poor sweetie had probably been never walked in her life and had no obedience training. We LOVED her just the same. Ken and I started walking Smooch and Snobear everyday, for probably a year, and guess who walks the best on a leash now! Smooch, not Snobear (our Samoyed)
All I knew when we decided to look for a GOlden Retriever is that I wanted a female since our Samoyed, Snobear was a male. To me, the needier the dog, the better.

P.S. our Samoyed came from a breeder when he was 2 months old and I can honestly say that I love Smooch and Snobear equally!!

*LIBERTY4ME: Oh, yes my Smooch was a counter surfer too, and just about knocked Ken and I down to go for a walk.
We took her to one private training lesson because she liked to jump on visitors when the came and guess who the trainer said was the problem: Ken and I.
She gave us a quick and easy solution!!*

*DOGS give us unconditional love with your idiocincrices and I beleive we owe then the same!*


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

I thought I would post a photo of the dog we are considering...this is him getting his ears scratched by my husband.


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

Oh he is gorgeous. Love the redheads


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## LibertyME (Jan 6, 2007)

Gotta love them red dogs!!!


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## kwhit (Apr 7, 2008)

I bonded instantly with both Chance and Savanah, but Lucy, well, it took me at least a month or two. But now...I can't imagine our family without her. She has completely taken over my heart and I love her more than I ever thought possible. :smooch: 

So, like others have said, sometimes the bond is there from the moment you set eyes on a certain dog, and others, it takes time. Good luck in your decision and know that you will love whatever dog you bring into your life.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Mandarama*

MANDARAMA


Wow!! He is gorgeous! He LOOKS SO happy with the attention he's getting!!


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

What a good looking boy! I love the redheads, too.


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## sharlin (Feb 26, 2007)

OH MAN!!!!!! Just wait till all the fears have disappeared - you're gonna bond big time with that boy!!!!!


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

LOL, I hope so! He did seem like a good boy...I hope he likes kids! Rowdy, running, yelling little kids...:crossfing At least they know to be gentle with animals; just not with each other!


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*when*

when are you and the kids going to see him, again?
What's his name?


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

Karen519 said:


> when are you and the kids going to see him, again?
> What's his name?


They are calling him Buddy...b/c he didn't have a memorable name before being taken in, I guess? We'll get to re-name him if we adopt him. I have no idea what we would call him!  DH and I keep bouncing ideas around with no clear winner.

We are planning to see him at the end of next week; Thurs or Fri. That's when the foster mom will be back from vacation. (Her husband is home with all the dogs now, but isn't up for managing meetings!)

I know that even if he doesn't end up with us, he will find a home lightning fast! He seems like a good healthy boy. He did have the whitest teeth I've ever seen on a dog...I mean, snow white down to the gum line. Wish my teeth looked that good! (only less pointy...some days, anyway)

Amanda


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

Oh, he's beautiful! I bonded with my two immediately, but I bond with all animals, even the crazy ones. LOL

Although both of my Goldens love me, I'd have to say that Shadow is truly my boy, and Tucker adores his Dad. Sometimes they bond with one person over the other. 

My two are not used to children. They did well when we had an infant here for 6 weeks, but we practiced and they adjusted very well. The baby left and then it was back to square one.

Shadow's not quite sure why children move their hands a lot and gets nervous. Tucker did spend time with an eight year old when he lived with his previous owner, but I can see him knocking youngsters over now that years with a child have passed.

I'd be sure the children meet the pup a few times before he comes home.


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## mm03gn (Sep 24, 2008)

I really think that the bonding time can vary from person to person and dog to dog. You said yourself that you might have put up a wall sort of, so that explains why you probably WON'T have an instant bond with whatever dog you get. That isn't a bad thing of course - but as long as you realize that, it won't prevent you from taking a chance on what seems to be a BEAUTIFUL boy!! Wow! I imagine the foster mom is right when she says he won't last long in the rescue - so if I were you, I would grab him up! 

When you went for your meet with him - he didn't meet you as his potential new mom, you were just like any other person he came across...it's not until he comes into your home, and experiences your love that you will start to see the change in him. And he will love you and your family so much. I think because you have your reservations, he will far surpass your expectations and you won't be able to picture your life without him in no time at all.  I wish you all the best!


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## Fidele (Sep 17, 2008)

What a happy boy! I wouldn't be able to resist him!


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

Mandarama, I was closed off, too, about a new dog, but for a very different reason than you. My heart dog died in July 2005 (Cody, my golden angel), and I couldn't breathe for months from grief. But, the house was too quiet, my hands wanted a golden under them, and so I looked at rescue. After visiting with six different dogs over the course of a month, I wept in the parking lot of Golden Retriever Rescue of the Rockies, sobbing to the president of GRRR to forget it...I'd had my once-in-a-lifetime dog (I'm a lifelong dog owner, so Cody wasn't my first dog by any means) and there was no way I was having another dog.

She wisely told me that even if I didn't get another dog through GRRR that there was a dog waiting out there for me. She and a board member who's a friend of mine both e-mailed me about a dog named Kodi (now named Finnegan), and they sent his photo. I agreed to meet him, broke out in hives when he licked me, heard about his crummy prior life and brought him home. We did not bond immediately. My husband thought he was the laziest dog in America. Turned out he had a broken back and was in excrutiating pain, which was the same reason he put teeth on me when I tried to comb and brush him. He was always so sweet, even when trying to tell me not to touch his back.

Bottom line is here we are over three years later, and you couldn't pay me enough to part with Finn. It's been a huge hit to the wallet to get him as fully functional as he'll ever be, and it's taken lots of patience to overcome some of his phobias based on his prior life. The holdup in the bonding was 90% me, 10% him. He needed to know no one would harm him again (I'd kill anyone who tried), and I needed to allow that my heart will be broken again at some point in the future. I say go for that gorgeous red boy with the sparkling teeth


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

I appreciate hearing your stories and encouragement! Thank you, everyone!

I'm a little stressed today b/c I received an email from my rescue coordinator. She is wanting to know if we are going to pick the dog up and bring him home for our week trial this Friday. Since my boys haven't met him yet, I was going to take them down there for a visit and then see if the trial seemed like a good idea. I do understand that they really want to place as fast as possible! Other sweet dogs are waiting for their turn...but at the same time, I feel rushed. This is such a momentous thing for our family, you know? It seems weird to imagine bringing him home in a snap like that.

I don't know if I should just say YES and take him and just hope it is the right fit...or pass on him so another family can adopt him quickly...

If we pass on him, then there are 3 avenues: wait for our rescue to find us another dog, go to our neighboring rescue a couple of hours away to meet their dogs (they approved us as well, and they hold adopt-a-thons for families to meet many at once. I wish our local rescue did this!), or...this third scenario:

Dear friends of ours have next-door neighbors who keep their 3-4 yr old female golden tied out ALL DAY everyday. Turns out that the husband got the dog, and the wife said she didn't want fur in her clean and beautifully decorated home. (My husband and I hugged each other in gratitude that we are animal people and not crazy like this lady, heehee.)

When we visit our friends, I always walk up the hill and visit the poor doggie. She is gorgeous and so loving. She throws herself into my lap and begs for petting. She's overweight from not enough exercise, and at night she's put into a kennel in their garage. The husband does visit her and walk her now and then, but I can tell she is unhappy. They have left her out and left home and storms have come, and my friend goes over and puts her in the garage so she won't be scared.

I told my friend, "I would take that dog in a heartbeat!" and she said, "you know, the wife would hand her right over to you." So sad. Long story short: my friend is going to casually mention to that couple that she knows a family who would give the dog the perfect life. Who knows, maybe they will say yes? I'd love to give that sweet baby the home she deserves. Though the husband might not part with her.

But I know there are problems in that dream, too. We don't know how she would be as a result of this life, etc. and we wouldn't have the rescue behind us to help out, etc. I mostly just wish I could save her from boredom and loneliness.  Visiting her is what made me decide I needed a golden retriever in my life.

What to do, what to do? Bring home sweet redheaded rescue boy and hope he is good w/my boys? Wait for the rescue to have other candidates? work on my friends' neglectful neighbors? I have been taking this very seriously, prepping and reading to be a good dog owner and I feel overwhelmed! Do I need to just back away from the whole thing for a bit?

So sorry to be vacillating and asking for so much advice before I even HAVE a golden!
Amanda


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## Fidele (Sep 17, 2008)

I don't think that pretty boy will have any trouble finding a good home - the friend's neighbor's dog probably needs your help more - and you know her. . . . 

My Cedar belonged to a neighbor who was never home & he pretty much adopted us. When the neighbor moved, he left Cedar with us (YAY!!) - never had a sweeter more loving dog - and he was an outside dog too. Good luck with your decision!


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

Aw, I am so glad Cedar found you! I'm so glad the neighbor decided he would be better off with you; I think often people don't want to admit that they should give up their dog.

That was my husband's point about our friends' neighbors: we have to approach very casually and disingenuously, because you can't just say to people, "I see you're neglecting your pet. May we have her?" I will get to see her tomorrow when I take my boys over to play at our friends. I'll be looking for an opportunity, LOL! : You know..."wow, we're hoping for a golden retriever ourselves...wish we could find one JUST LIKE LUCY! so we could give her lots of walks and classes and games and swims and cuddles!" Hint, hint!

My husband says that I have to remember a lot of folks don't consider a dog tied-out to be a problem, as long as it's fed and watered and kept healthy. I know that's true (grew up on a farm in the South), but I still find myself angry about it. I've never owned a golden yet, but they seem like the kind of dogs that really want to be with their people all the time. For us, that will be a feature, not a bug!

I will keep you guys posted...I know that the right baby is out there for us, whether it's Buddy or Lucy or some other sweet dog joining the rescue.

 Amanda


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

I know you have kids and you have to think of them so dont let the rescue rush you on bringing the dog home until your kids meet him. If you bring him home and it isnt the right fit, the kids will be devistated. When does the foster mom get back? Maybe you can set up a meet this week with the kids and Buddy. 
The dog that your friends neighbors have, is there a big chance that you could get her? And have your kids met her and how did they do together? She sounds like she really needs you and if you think she will be a good fit, then I think that girl needs you more.


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## Fidele (Sep 17, 2008)

Mandarama said:


> "I see you're neglecting your pet. May we have her?"


LOL!!! But I pretty much did just that! I called him & said, "you're never home & Cedar's always at my house - why don't you just give him to me?" He declined (thinking, I'm sure, who IS this crazy woman?'), so I suggested that next time he went on vacation he could let me know & I'd be glad to watch Cedar. He actually did that a couple of times & finally just never came back for him - much to our delight! (we already had a golden, Belle, whom we later lost to lymphoma) I suspect a more subtle approach would probably work better! Good luck, whatever you decide!


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

Fidele, that's too funny! I wish I could be that direct. I got to visit that poor girl today while at my friend's, and I'm pretty sure they won't give her up. Evidently the "kids are attached to her" and the husband tries to give her attention fairly often. Still, how attached can you be to a pet that is always in your yard or garage? She flings herself at our feet and rolls around for petting; she's so excited to see people. I have to admit, though, that she does get care--her coat looked nice, not full of burrs or tangles. I guess I just feel like it's a half-life. Still, the rescue is full of stories that are so much worse. Sigh. This process definitely makes one look askance at people! I don't know how you foster moms and rescue volunteers keep your faith in folks!

We are taking the boys to meet Buddy on Thurs. or Fri. We'll see how that goes! They know that it is a test meeting--we've discussed the process so much with them that they seem to get that we are checking dogs out for just the right fit. We've had long talks about how to wait for a dog to adjust, too. I don't want a poor confused dog to be bombarded with little playmates right away!


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## Fidele (Sep 17, 2008)

Hope your meeting with Buddy goes well - let us know! And if Buddy isn't right for your family, there's another delightful golden out there just waiting to come home with you.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Mandarama*

Mandarama

Let us know how the meeting with Buddy goes on Thursday or Friday.


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

*Nerves!*

Is it weird that I'm very anxious about our upcoming adoption? Our whole family is going to see our prospective rescue dog Buddy tomorrow afternoon, and if he likes our kids, we are going to bring him home for our week trial.

Everyone here has given me such great advice and encouragement. So I have to confess: I find myself really nervous. I guess I'm just an anxious person! I keep worrying about making the jump to being a "dog" family again. I realize that because I've had a dominant / aggressive dog in my past, I am more leery of dogs than I used to be. We loved him, but he still was a biter until we moved to serious training and distance. I know that a dog can be the sweetest friend to a family...but for some reason I find myself still worrying about choosing wrongly or not being vigilant enough w/the kids, etc. 

Is it normal to be nervous before making this leap? I know dogs pick up on our energy...but I actually feel less nervous around the actual dog than when I'm sitting here thinking about it (and putting together the crate, etc.).

On a more practical (and less whiny, LOL) note: any tips on how to evaluate a dog's affinity for kids during our meeting would be appreciated!

Thanks so much--
Amanda


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

Oh, and one other practical consideration: if I put the doggie bed down now, or a toy basket, my kitties get right on it. Is it better to let them have their scent on the new dog's things? or keep them off it until he gets here?

I'm being a freak, aren't I? LOL!


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

You are certainly well thought out and seem to have covered all the bases, so take this as my opinion. Sometimes you can way over think things..... there are times your intuition and your heart have to take charge and lead the way. How many of us would be married or have children if we micro-analyzed every possible scenario???? Not me.... and my DH, children and grands are my most treasured gifts.

With our rescue Cody, I saw him on ESRA's website, and read about all his autoimmune issues and was ready to adopt him on the spot. I knew he needed our family before even meeting him. It was only later that I learned that there was serious talk of putting him down because of his medical issues. Granted, we knew there was a good chance we wouldn't have him long, but my heart told me that for whatever time he had, he needed the experience of having a loving family to give him what all dogs deserve. And, as luck would have it, after 9 long months, he was able to be free of all meds and live a pretty normal (although cloistered) life. Our lives would be so much less without him.

So...... enjoy your visit with Buddy and the kids, and don't be afraid to take that big step and open your heart. Have faith that the right golden will find your family if you keep yourself open to all the possibilities. And your life will be so enriched!!!!

Please keep us posted and take the camera (hint, hint).


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

Mandarama said:


> Is it weird that I'm very anxious about our upcoming adoption? Our whole family is going to see our prospective rescue dog Buddy tomorrow afternoon, and if he likes our kids, we are going to bring him home for our week trial.
> 
> Everyone here has given me such great advice and encouragement. So I have to confess: I find myself really nervous. I guess I'm just an anxious person! I keep worrying about making the jump to being a "dog" family again. I realize that because I've had a dominant / aggressive dog in my past, I am more leery of dogs than I used to be. We loved him, but he still was a biter until we moved to serious training and distance. I know that a dog can be the sweetest friend to a family...but for some reason I find myself still worrying about choosing wrongly or not being vigilant enough w/the kids, etc.
> 
> ...


It's very normal to feel anxious! Sometimes I feel that way before a foster arrives. I start imagining all the worst case scenarios. It doesn't happen every time, but it does occasionally.

The foster mom should be able to judge his interaction with your kids, even if you can't. You also need to be able to judge the kids' interest in him. The folks who are adopting Rita from me have 2 boys and after they met her, I asked each of them whether they thought they might want to adopt her. They all said yes. Of course, I knew Rita would be great with kids, and she is. She just adores them.

I have had fosters that I didn't think would do well with kids. One was my puppymill foster. He loves kids, but he is very, very sound sensitive and between that and the fear that a door might be left open, I decided he needed a home with older or no kids. 

The other was a guy that I only had for a weekend before I had to move him (he was cat aggressive and I have 4 cats). He was extremely hyper and when he ate, he inhaled the food and I was concerned about a child accidently getting into or near his bowl while he was eating. Of course, I had to move him so I never got a chance to work on that with him.

I totally understand what you are going through. If this boy isn't the right one for your family, the right one will come along. Though I am hoping he is the right one. LOL. I love the red boys!


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

He looks so gorgeous and friendly. The rescue would not have him up for adoption to your family if he had any problems with children! and male goldens are usually more loving/cuddly than females (IMO)

I understand your concerns. Just go with the flow, see how it goes tomorrow and if you have any doubts , pass. It sounds like there are plenty of families waiting to adopt him!

As you said, there are no perfect dogs but goldens come pretty close and he seems wonderful. Good Luck. I bet your kids will adore him!!!


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

I am really, really loving you guys right now. Thank you for your understanding and reassurance! I am TOTALLY an overthinker. Sometimes I'm surprised I had two kids and am surviving having little boys, LOL. You should see me lying through my teeth--one of them climbs up high and says, "hey look, Mom!" and I yell, "wow, great job!" while I am secretly panicking. 

Love is not for the faint of heart, is what I always say!


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

Just breathe and enjoy the event. If you are too stressed he will pick up on it. I hope it works out for you and the kids and especially that handsome boy.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Mandarama*

Mandarama

Can't wait until you and boys see him in person!!

Please let us know what happens.

I agree with the others have total faith in the rescue and the foster.
He MUST BE A GEM-sure looks like one!!


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## Fidele (Sep 17, 2008)

Tomorrow's getting closer & I'm excited for you! Just enjoy the moment of a sweet golden playing with your boys! The foster Mom wouldn't consider letting you adopt him if she wasn't pretty positive he'd be fine with kids. Take a deep breath & follow your boys' leads - they know what to do with a fun dog! Good Luck! Need stories & pictures!


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

I am taking a lot of deep breaths! We have set up the kennel in our room, a bed downstairs, a basket with a few toys. We have a leash...food (not the best kind but it is what he's used to! We'll have to figure out about switching.)...bowls...

My husband is really excited. He keeps me grounded and accentuates the positive. He looked at the dog bed and said, "that is beautiful! Can't you just see a big feathery dog snoozing there?"

My kitties have already been all in the kennel and slept in the beds. I figure, the whole rest of the house is going to have their scent!

Whew! I'll post an update tomorrow! I imagine I won't sleep much tonight!


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

Oh my.... what a fun, exciting time for your family.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Can't wait to hear*

Can't wait to hear!!

What a LUCKY BOY and you guys are mighty Lucky, Too!!!!


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

This is what a spaz I am: I was thinking that in this case, Buddy is actually coming _down_ in the world when he comes home with us! His foster mom has a huge farm with a fenced area that is at least an acre! Plus her two other goldens who are his friends. Here, our yard isn't fenced yet so he will have to be on the leash for a while and we don't have any other dogs.  I'm afraid he is going to be thinking, when can I go back to Anita's!?

But we are hoping to go to dog parks, and our neighbors have a fence and a dog and said we can come play. My FIL also has a dog and a fenced yard. So I hope we can still make him happy! At least there will be no shortage of petting!


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## mm03gn (Sep 24, 2008)

Oh you will make him SO happy - because Anita may have a large yard, and some friends to play with - but she couldn't give him the undivided love and attention that you will be able to! (Not to fault her at all - she is an ANGEL for rescuing all of these dogs!!) Just think about it this way - you are giving Buddy all of the love and attention he could ever want, and trust me, that will be enough! And it will free up a spot at Anita's so she can save yet another golden!!


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

Thank you, Melissa! I also wanted to say that I love seeing all of the photos here...it's comforting to me when I can't imagine this transition to see how much love all of you have with your pups! I hope I will be adding photos like that and reassuring other new adopters someday!


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

Mandarama said:


> Thank you, Melissa! I also wanted to say that I love seeing all of the photos here...it's comforting to me when I can't imagine this transition to see how much love all of you have with your pups! I hope I will be adding photos like that and reassuring other new adopters someday!


I can say almost without reservation that you will be doing so before you know it. Goldens are the most loving of God's creatures, and have so much to show and teach us. I write this as Maggie Moo is on the bed behind me, licking my ear like an ice cream cone!!!!!!!


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## mm03gn (Sep 24, 2008)

I am so excited to hear how things go!! (you are bringing him home today right??) Remember to take lots of pictures and share them with us


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

*We did it!*

Well, we took the big leap! Buddy-Murphy, soon to be just Murphy, is here at home with us!

He basically went straight to the children and nuzzled them. When they sat down on the ground, he flopped down into their laps and turned his belly up for rubs.

I was feeling bad for him on the ride home--he was alert and a little nervous, though happy for petting from the boys. I know it has to be so hard, being a stray and then getting neutered and then just when he gets settled at his foster mom's, uprooted again!

He ignored my cats, who are pretty freaked out at the moment. I think maybe they'll decide to coexist, though. They're young enough to adapt.

Buddy-Murphy needs a bath and grooming pretty badly. He has knots of fur under his ears, etc. So I am going to see about taking him in for a vet check and groom. Our vet has a golden, so I know she will be good at evaluating him. He also needs a lot of obedience training to walk well on the leash, etc. When we got home, we took him on a walk all together and he tried pulling. My husband is good at correcting him.

Pics to follow! I just want to say thank you again, so sincerely, for all the support I've gotten here. I'm a bundle of anxiety and you were all so reassuring. I'm sure I'll be full of questions in the coming days as I try to adjust to this very new set of responsibilities!


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

*Photos!*

Saying hello:










So, tell us how you feel about children?


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## marleysmummy (Jul 11, 2008)

Yeah! thats great news, I have been following this thread and I am so happy you decided to take him!

Love the pics, he looks like a very sweet boy, thank you for adopting him, can't wait to hear all about his new adventures with your family!


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## mm03gn (Sep 24, 2008)

Oh I am SO HAPPY!!!! Those pictures are precious! He looks like he has died and gone to heaven in that second picture. He is going to fall head over heels for his new playmates  Please keep us updated on how things are going - and keep venting your anxieties out on here, there are tons of people who have been in the same boat as you...

(btw - you have adorable kids!)


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## sharlin (Feb 26, 2007)

Like lots of others following your adventure let me say Rock On!!! Congratulations for the new boy in your life also!!


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

Oh my, I have happy tears for you, your family and sweet precious Murphy. Those pics are pure love. You have given him such a wonderful future and also given your boys a wonderful gift and life lesson. There is nothing better than raising children along side a best buddy like Murphy. It will teach them lessons in love and compassion that only these special souls can impart. Big big hugs to you and ear rubs for Murphy. And know that you've got 24/7 support here, so ask away......


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

Congratulations!!! What a happy content family!!! Love those pics!!!


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## Kelmel (Apr 7, 2009)

He is such a cutie!! I am sure you made the right decision and welcome to the world of goldens!


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Mandarama*

Mandarama

I KNOW YOU MADE the right decision.

Buddy-Murphy is GORGEOUS-I just want to HUG HIM! 

ANYWAY SOME ADVICE. IF he was just neutered You should really ask the vet when he can be groomed. I think they suggest around 10 days, am I right
people?

As far as the walking be very careful he doesn't get away and let your hubby teach him. The first day we had Smooch it was clear she didn't know to walk on a leash and we took them for a walk, and ken accidentally dropped both of their leashes and they took off chasing each other. Luckily Ken told me to run toward home and I did and called Smooch and Snobear come home and tHEy followed me-Thank God!

All you need to add for Buddy of lots of love and he will be indebted to you and your family and love you forever!


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## Fidele (Sep 17, 2008)

What delightful pictures! I know this is a "trial" - but with pictures like that, I suspect the trial is over :heartbeat  and Murphy is doing a happy dance! :banana:

For what it's worth, sometimes dogs pull less in a harness rather than a collar.


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

Welcome home Murphy!!!! I know you were feeling anxious but it looks like you have found your family's new family member. He looks like he has fell in love with your kids and vise versa. Good luck this weekend. I agree about the harness. My Daisy is a puller on a leash but with a harness she is totally different.


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

*Update!*

*Here's our morning update! We still don't have a name for sure because my youngest (5 yrs) says he doesn't like "Murphy." LOL, I think he's just being contrary towards his brother! 

The Artist Formerly Known As Buddy Holly slept like a rock all night in his kennel. He ate his dinner last night and breakfast this morning just fine, but still has not pooped. He finally did pee this morning, which we were happy to see! I walked him this morning and he was doing well on the lead UNTIL some of my neighbor's dogs started barking behind their fence. Then he almost pulled me flat down! But I managed to restrain him and make him sit calmly, etc. Eventually we were able to walk home with a loose leash, pretty much. We definitely need obedience class! It's supposed to start Aug. 16.

He is supposed to go Tuesday for a bath and groom at our vet, plus a once-over from her. He has knots of fur under each ear and all around his groin area.

At the moment, he just wants to lie around and sleep. I feel so bad for the confusion they suffer being moved around. I also have guilt about my cats, LOL! They are displeased with me.  They will come into the room where the dog is, though. They just stare for the most part. The dog will look at them briefly and then avert his eyes. He seems to want to ignore them. That's good, right?

We had read in Cesar Millan's book that we weren't supposed to pet him much or give him a ton of attention until he felt more secure. We are not doing very well with this, I'm afraid. Every time he nudges one of us, we give the love.  I know that in many dogs, nudging and putting the paw on is a kind of dominance. With goldens, is this just their nature? He definitely doesn't seem particularly dominant!

My husband and kids are thrilled. I'm still guarded and a bit overwhelmed feeling, and a bit guilty about that when he is trying so hard to be a sweet boy! I know it will take time for me. I believe you guys when you say that when his real personality emerges and I get used to the change in our household, we'll become close!

Thanks, kind people! :wavey:
Amanda
*


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Amanda*

Amanda

I know lots of people on here will have great advice.
My next door neighbor uses one of those spoke choke collars to control her Golden Boy and I know lots of people on here use them. We went to a trainer once with our Smooch and she put one on my arm and yanked it, and then put Smooch's Premier Martingale Collar (Made of Nylon/Cotton) on my arm and yanked it and the Martingale Collar hurt more.

Whatever Collar, just make sue that you don't leave it on Buddy in the crate.

Your cats will adjust. I think the fact they come in the same room with him is AMAZING and the fact he averts his eye is AWESOME!!

Maybe it's true what Caesar says about the pawing and nudging you with their nose, but I view it as THEY WANT LOVE. From Day One when we brought Smooch home from the rescue, she was 16 mos. and our Samoyed, Snobear, was 5 mos., we gave them ALL THE LOVE, PETTING, KISSING and attention they asked for. 

My Hubby Ken walked Smooch and Snobear everyday to train her how to walk on a leash. I don't think she had ever been on a leash before!


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

I think you'll find with the adjustment to a new home that he will sleep more. Just let him take the lead and do what he feels comfortable with. Certainly if he comes looking for affection, I'd shower him with love... lets him know he's safe and loved and HOME. Much of what Milan has to say doesn't really fit the golden person (IMO). When our Cody came home ( from a very neglected former life), I spent as much time with him as possible..... even slept with him on the couch, just so he would feel secure.
Also, you may find walking him with either a sensation harness, or the Walk your Dog with Love Harness ( which I like even better) http://www.walkyourdogwithlove.com/index.php easier. They have a front leash connection which prevents much pulling and is also much kinder on their necks. If needed, you can even connect to the collar and harness for extra security.


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

*Wonderful advice!*

Thank you all for the advice. He was neutered before the July 4th holiday, so that should be OK for being groomed? I am excited for our vet to meet him since she is a golden owner herself. Her dog is often at the office and my boys loved seeing him. He's one of the first "ads" I encountered for the breed!

Buddy-Name-in-Committee-Still has been sleeping a good bit of the day. He chewed up a chewy treat my friend brought him and promptly conked out again. I'm very happy that he is not a jumper. When two people (my FIL and friend) dropped by to meet him, he ambled up and said hi, then came right back to me.

I will look into ordering the Walk With Love harness--I watched their videos and it looked good. I'll do a search here on the forum too, since I am sure you all have discussed leads!


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

Sounds like he's making an amazing transition to your home..... and certainly seems to have a typical golden temperment. What a DOLL he is!!!!!!


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## LibertyME (Jan 6, 2007)

Been following and am sooooo very happy for your whole family and most of all buddy/murphy/red-dog-boy 

Sounds like great cat behavior...Im certain, in no time, the cats will come around....

Your kids are absolutely precious with the pup.... the picture of him snuggling with them is very, very sweet.

As to they nudging for pets....personally i would ask for a sit or a down and then shower him with as much lovin' as you want. Eventually he will skip the nudge and just sit there waiting for his lovin...

Will he tolerate you combing out his mats? If not cut them out...his coat will grow back in no time....depending on their size, they can be painful.


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## Bob Dylan (Mar 31, 2009)

Congratulations, it is a wonderful thing you did rescuing Murphy, he will bring much JOY & HAPPINESS into your home and lives. I know first hand that feeling, as do many people on this forum!


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

Another update: Buddy(-Murphy-still-waiting-on-a-consensus) is behaving so well. He really seems like a gentle spirit. He's nervous, of course, and I am too, so I imagine he picks up on it. Yet he seems to come right to me for reassurance when any new situation arises! Maybe he thinks I'm a kindred spirit?

I'm amazed that he has no jumping habits at all. He does like to put his paw on our laps for attention. He's good about being told NO about going near the cats' dishes, and he waits pretty patiently for cats and kids to be fed before he gets his food. He is still sleeping a lot and not going potty very often...he did great on his morning walk and seems to be getting the leash concept.

Poor baby really does not like being crated. He goes in for a treat, but then he did whine a little while before falling asleep. The crate is right by our bed, but he still seems forlorn. Do most of you guys recommend a crate with a new rescue? I mostly just wanted to give the cats a sense of safety and freedom, plus make sure he's not roaming at night while he's new to us. But I'm not 100% sold on forever crating? Any thoughts?

Another great sign: my SIL has a wonderfully mellow 11 year old shepherd mix who is very calm and easygoing by nature. Buddy-Murphy and she loved each other right away; they greeted calmly and happily and within 5 mins were laying on the kitchen floor near each other. My SIL said that for Elly to give such a positive review was rare.  My cats are now also willing to walk by him and go to sleep on the floor in the same room at a proper distance.

Can you tell I'm reassuring myself? As fretful as I've been, I still don't think I realized what a huge deal this was for me! And with him being such a sweet boy, I know my anxiety is just related to responsibility and life changes. I am hoping as we get into a routine all together, my nerves and his will both settle down.


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## kwhit (Apr 7, 2008)

Buddy/Murphy sounds like he is doing great! : 

Please don't worry about your cats. They WILL adjust. I have four and they were VERY put out when I brought Lucy home, she would totally harass them. The youngest, Thumper, would run from Lucy, totally scared, and this was a cat that had been raised with Chance and Savanah, so he was very dog savvy. But now, Thumper seeks Lucy out to play, they are always together. Where Lucy is, Thumper is right there with her. It didn't happen overnight, in fact for a short time I was worried Thumper wouldn't come around. But he did, and I can't imagine he would be as happy now without Lucy. 

You hit the nail on the head when you said that you believe that your "anxiety is just related to responsibility and life changes". As soon as things become a routine, you probably won't even remember what your life was like without Murphy. And...you won't want to.


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

He sounds like a dream. And, yes, he could well be picking up on your nerves.... goldens are experts at reading their humans. Crating is wonderful for all dogs IMO. It may take a while for him to get used to it, but soon he may look at it as his safe place. It's also a good habit in case he ever needs to be crated while traveling ( we just used our crate on a trip when Cody was left in the hotel room), or at the vets. ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY this special guy.... he's a gem.


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

It sounds are going wonderfully with Buddy/Murphy. He sounds like a wonderful dog and fitting in just great with the family. Especially if the cats are hanging out in the same room with him. If you think you can trust him to not get into things, then I would leave him out. One of my fosters hated the crate and I was nervous because I was told she wasnt housetrained. But she was and there were no accidents with her overnight.


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## buckeyegoldenmom (Oct 5, 2008)

I just read your story, and I got tears in my eyes when I read you were taking Buddy/Murphy home!!! The pictures of your family are precious. It sounds like you and he will be a great fit.

I haven't done a rescue so can't offer lots of advice in that area, but can't wait to see more pictures and read more about "Murphy"! I have a sweet Murphy myself! :wave:


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

*After our 2nd full day together*

I'm laughing right now because my husband lay down on the floor to pet Murphy and now they are both asleep! Murphy has his head on my husband's arm. And they are both snoring to beat the band! I got a picture; I will try to post it later. (It would be so much funnier on video, but don't know if my hubby would forgive me. ) Poor guys are worn out.

We have not been giving Murphy a ton of exercise--just walks morning and evening, and outings to go potty. He seems really, really tired and sleeps a lot of the day. Is that usual for the stress he's under? I expect he'll need much more exercise after he adjusts?

He ate his dinner really fast tonight, and about an hour later threw it all up. I hope that is also fairly normal?

Heck, I've been too stressed to eat much or accomplish much either. Murphy and I seem to be in the same boat.  I am very proud of his polite way of greeting people and other dogs, I have to say! I know he might become spastic pup later when he knows us, but right now he has nice manners!


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

Yes, just let him rest when he wants. He's making a huge adjustment, after being under a big stress before also. I would love to see the pic of DH and him sleeping...... what a wonderful way to let Buddy/Murphy know that he's home..... and all he'll know from now on is love and family. If he continues eating super quick, you might want to divide up the kibble and spread it in a muffin tin... that will slow him down.


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

*photo*

Here's Murphy napping with his new dad:


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

AAAAAHHHHHH, how do you spell LOVE???


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## mm03gn (Sep 24, 2008)

It sounds like things are going as smoothly as possible! I'm sure it won't be long before Buddy-Murphy is totally comfortable  How old is he by the way? And have you narrowed the name thing down at all?


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## mm03gn (Sep 24, 2008)

Mandarama said:


> Here's Murphy napping with his new dad:


AWWWWWWW!!!! Is your hubby just in love with him already??


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

Great pic of Murphy and your DH! He needs all the love and reassurance you all can give him. So glad everything is going smoothly .. it will take him awhile to adapt, maybe feed him smaller amounts more often since he vomited. As you relax, he will.

We crated our dogs as puppies but when they were house safe (wouldn't potty or chew) we left them out at night and when we're gone. They both sleep on the floor next to my side of the bed. They are free to sleep on any furniture but they want to sleep by me. : )


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## Mandarama (Jul 5, 2009)

Yep, my husband is thrilled! He doesn't sweat life changes like I do; he has a healthy way of taking things in stride. So far we couldn't have asked for a better start than the one Murphy has given us. My anxiety...well, that's just me, for better and worse. I always need tons of time to adjust to new things. I so appreciate all of you here for being both practical and emotional counselors. Thank you. Down the road, I will try to pay it on to a new rescue owner. 

I believe we're finally settled on Murphy, because my youngest has decided it's OK. Now if we can just get used to calling him that!

According to his intake, Murphy is 3 years old. He seems on the thin side to us...and his coat will improve with better nutrition, I think! I am hoping to talk to the person who actually picked him up so I can get more of his backstory.


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## marleysmummy (Jul 11, 2008)

I love the picture of you hubby & Murphy! You are in the right place for help and support, the forum has been wonderful to me over the last year with Marley.


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

That picture of your husband and Murphy is just so sweet.


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

Amanda, Murphy's sleeping a lot may simply be adjusting to a new situation. However, when you take him to the vet, ask for a thyroid panel to be done. Lousy coat and chronic fatigue can be signs of hypothyroidism, a common golden malady, easily treated with an inexpesive daily pill. As for crating, once you're certain that he can't/won't get into trouble unsupervised, I'd leave the crate door open so he can come and go. In a few months, you'll note that his nervousness is gone, so you'll have a true view of his outstanding personality Congratulations on your handsome, sweet new family member!


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## New Golden Mom (Dec 17, 2008)

Awww what a sweet picture. I just read through this whole thread and I'm so glad you decided to give Murphy a forever home. He's got such a sweet face and he sure does deserve all the love and attention he's getting with your family. Have fun with him!


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

That is a darling picture, he is a very handsome dog. I hope things continue to go well!


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Murphy and your Hubby*

Murphy and your Hubby-the picture says it all!!


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