# A Debate : Parental spanking--good or bad?



## Cam's Mom (Apr 13, 2007)

I see can of worms spilling over here!


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## Jackson'sMom (Oct 13, 2007)

My brother, sister and I were spanked as kids when we deserved it. All of us grew up to be normal, productive, educated members of society with no criminal history. We never feared our parents, and none of us is an abusive parent. I don't have a problem with spanking when used appropriately. I do not consider it abuse under those conditions.


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## JensDreamboy (May 25, 2007)

I believe both, but would never spank my children. However, my children don't seem to have much respect for me. Hmmm
My father used a belt when he felt that my sister and I deserved it. I did fear him. I got into a lot of trouble as a teen and grew up to be a very loving person/parent. I really couldn't spank my kids.


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## AquaClaraCanines (Mar 5, 2006)

Generally speaking- NO

However, there are many things I swear I won't ever do, including use food as a bribe or reward, and so forth. Until I have parented a child, I don't feel I can give a fair answer.


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## Rob's GRs (Feb 25, 2007)

Cam's Mom said:


> I see can of worms spilling over here!


I am betting on a good civil debate here that all sides can give opinions.


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## mm03gn (Sep 24, 2008)

I don't agree with spanking a child - it shows them that physical violence is the way to solve problems, instead of talking things out rationally. I always cringe when I see a mother (usually a young one, not to stereotype, but it is what i have SEEN) who is disciplining their child for hitting another child by saying "DON'T HIT" as they smack them on the bottom... talk about contradicting yourself!!


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## dannyra (Aug 5, 2008)

Spank 'em. Granted I don't have kids, but I think as soon as the kid can understand the reason behind the spanking...I'm for it. 

To many out of control kids out there with no manners at all ages. I also say if you can find a method that works as well on that specific kid as spanking then do it.

Now if we can just get dining areas to have kid free sections like no smoking sections. 

I was spanked, and I think I'm probably better for it. I knew not to push my limits.


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## SoGolden (Jul 17, 2008)

I did spank my kid. I wish I had not. There are more effective ways of parenting. "When we know better, we do better"...


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## GRZ (Dec 4, 2008)

I'm reading the first post only of this thread posting my reply and then I'm outta here, never to return.....

*No* spanking! 

I beleive the child learns to fear the pain of the spanking rather than learn the lesson of why the spanking occurred....they learn to not repeat an action because it will hurt, not because it may be wrong. I also think it teaches children that it's okay to hit when they are displeased with something.

Consequences need to be taught, but why on earth anyone would hit a child is absolutely beyond me.

I mean my goodness, do we hit our dogs??? Kids need positive reinforcement too.


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## Cam's Mom (Apr 13, 2007)

> However, there are many things I swear I won't ever do, including use food as a bribe or reward, and so forth. Until I have parented a child, I don't feel I can give a fair answer.


I like this response!


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## honeysmum (Dec 4, 2007)

DO you hit your dog.


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## Cam's Mom (Apr 13, 2007)

> DO you hit your dog.


Who are you asking?


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

I gave out a spanking. The child got over it. *I never did.* Taught me a very valuable lesson.


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

*ALL 5 OF US GOT SPANINGS AS NEEDED AND ALL OF US GREW UP NORMAL. NONE OF US FEARED OUR PARENTS IN THE LEAST--WHEN WEGOT A "PADDLING" WE KNEW WE DESERVED IT. AS A MATTER OF FACT. WE CONSIDERED OUR PARENTS SO SPECIAL WE WANTED TO CALL THEM NAMES THAT NO OTHER PARENTS IN OUR LITTLE TOWN WERE CALLED AND WE DECIDED ON MAWSIE AND POPS. MOM WAS NOT CRAZY ABOUT MAWSIE AT FIRST--HER AUSSIE CITY GIRL INSTINCT WAS THAT WAS A "HILLBILLY NAME". BUT SHE CAME TO LOVE THE IDEA OF HAVE A SPECIAL NAME AND EVEN STARTED SIGNING THE CHRISTMAS TAGS AND LATER TAGS AND HOLIDAY CARDS, MAWSIE AND POPS.*

*WHEN DADDY DIED AT THE YOUNG AGE OF 58 US KIDS HAD A SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT MADE FOR THE CASKET AND HAD A BANNER WITH "OUR POPS" PUT ON IT. HIS MOM DID NOT LIKE THAT THOUGHT IT DISRESPCTFUL. BUT MY DAD'S BROTHERS TOLD HER THEY THOUGHT IT WAS SO VERY SPECIAL AND WE HAD A DIFFERENT NAME FOR DADDY AND KNEW DADDY HAD LOVED IT. WE EVEN HAD A SMALL STONE PUT AT THE FOOT OF THE GRAVE READING "OUR POPS."*

*GRANTED WE WERE NOT SPANKED OFTEN, NEVER HARD. BUT WE WERE SPANKED. THE WORST PART WAS WHEN MAMA SPANKED US. SHE MADE US GO GET OUR OWN SWITCH. AND IT HAD TO BE JUST RIGHT. WE TRIED GETTING A REAL LIMBER ONE THAT WOULD BE ABOUT LIKE A COOKED SPAGHETTI AND SHE WOULD MAKE US GET ANOTHER. TRIED GEING ONE THAT WE NEW WAS TO BIG THINKING SHE WOULD LET IT GO. NO SUCH UCK, WE HAD TO GO GET ANOTHER ONE THE RIGHT SIZE. THAT PART WAS ACTUALLY WORSE THAT THE SWITCHING. *

*MOM AND DAD WERE ALWAYS THERE FOR US, ATTENDED EVERY THING WE DID. DADDY WAS SCOUT MASTER FOR THE BOY SCOUTS. MAMA WAS ALWAYS VOLUNTEERING AT THE SCHOOL. ALL VACATIONS WERE PLANNED AROUND ENTIRE FAMILY AND WE PLANNED THEM TOGETHER. ALWAYS CHEAP ONES CAMPING OUT AS WE WERE POOR, BUT NONETHE LESS, FAMILY VACATIONS. HOW WELLI REMEMBER CHRISTMAS WHEN DADDY WOULD GIVE MAMA A BOX OF 7 PAIR OF UNDIES WITH THE DAYS OF THE WEEK WRITTEN ON THEM (DON'T SEE THEM ANY MORE) AND SHE WOULD GIVE HIM A TIE AND ALL THE MONEY WAS SPENT ON US KIDS. WE WERE NEVER SPANKED IN ANGER, JUST WHEN WE REALLY PUSHED IT.*

*I SPANKED MY BOYS AND THEY BOTH SAY IT DID NOT HURT THEM IN THE LEAST AND PRETTY MUCH KEPT THEM IN LINE AND THEY WERE ABOUT AS SCARED OF US AS THEY WERE OF FALLING OFF THE EARTH. BOTH SPANK THEIR KIDS ALSO.*

*ALSO, BOTH ME AND MY SIL SCHOOL TEACHER ADMIT IT WAS NOT WANTING 3 LICKS AT SCHOOL, AND THEN BY PARENTS, THAT KEPT US FROM "TALKING OUR WAY THRU SCHOOL" INSTEAD OF LISTENING AND DOING OUR WORK. *

*NOW I CERTAINLY DO BELIEVE SOME PARENTS GO OVER BOARD WITH SPANKINGS. tHOSE ARE NOT WHAT I CALL SPANKINGS, BUT BEATINGS AND THOSE KIDS MORE THAN LIKELY WILL FEAR THEIR PARENTS AND MANY TIMES---BUT NOT ALWAYS--GREW UP TO BEAT THEIR OWN KIDS BECAUSE THAT IS THE "WAY OF LIFE" AS THEY KNEW IT. JUST AS MANY SONS SEEING DAD BEAT MOM ALL THRU HIS CHILDHOOD ENDS UP BEATIN HIS WIFE. *

*I DO BELIEVE SPANKINGS HAVE THEIR PLACE AS LONG AS IT IS SPANKINGS DESERVED FOR MISBEHAVIOR AND NOT BEATINGS FOR ANY REASON.*


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

Rob, you are cracking me up! I have been debating here all day I may as well do some more!

I did not spank my kids and they all turned out fine. I was physically and emotionally abused as a child so that is why I would never raise my hand to my child.

I believe when you hit a child, you are teaching them to hit.
My daughter recently experienced this herself. Her two year old is going through a phase that makes you want to scream as a parent! He hits and tries to bite her. He is put in Time Out and thinks it's fun because he loves hockey and the players who fight get put in the Penalty Box (Time Out) when they fight. So my grandson thinks fighting and Time Out are cool. 
He was being so bad one day she started to spank him. (He's still in diapers) Then she realized what she'd be teaching him. She called me and was crying ,she felt so bad and was so frustrated. We talked about it and things have been better since. She had just had a new baby and was sleep deprived. But it shows you how you can get so frustrated you want to spank them!

I have heard people say"Don't spank in the heat of anger. Only once you have cooled down"
That makes absolutely no sense to me! Why would you hit your child cold heartedly after you are calm? Talk about cruel!!! That's when talking and Time Out's come in. 
There are many alternatives to spanking for all ages. Too many to go into here. I've already written a book. Sorry. : )


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## honeysmum (Dec 4, 2007)

Parental spanking is child abuse so why dosent the same apply for ***** sake do you spank your chid when they do something wrong get a life positive reninforsment oh my oh my will leave this to someone else.


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## Emma&Tilly (May 15, 2005)

Any smack to a child that causes a red mark is illegal in the UK..and you can go to prison for 5 years.

I am against smacking children...even the so called 'controlled' smack used as a well thought out punishment...thats even worse in my eyes...that shows that you really have thought about it deeply and still consider it to be the best way of teaching a child right from wrong. I know for certain that you can raise any child perfectly well without the use of any violence (no matter how well meaning it is) so why do some parents resort to it when there are so many other methods? If I can control a class of thirty 5 and 6 year olds (and you would be shocked at the horror children I have encountered...!) with positive behaviour management stratergies then I am sure any parent should be able to control their own flesh and blood without needing to ever hit them. 

How you could ever tell a child to not hit other children when you have hit them yourself is beyond me!


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## Joanne & Asia (Jul 23, 2007)

As a parent who spanked my son on 2 occassions about 20 years ago, I found it not helpful and I felt horrible about it as it was done when I was angry. My daughter was never spanked. Thy have both turned out well adjusted. 

As a child protection social worker(which I became several years after my decision to not spank any further) , I often deal with parents who spank and spanking with a hand on the bum is not great parenting in my opinion but is not considered abuse. It is often used becauseit is how they were parented(I was spanked at times too) or because they do not have any other methods they know how to use. The danger with spanking is that it can escalate and cause increased force or the use of objects and can invole excessive force if done when angry. Of course in many cases this doesn't happen. I never judge parents who spank but try ro educate them about the risks and other non physical ways of disciplining. As Debles mentioned, why spank when you have cooled off as other methods can be used and are much more effective. 

Just my 2 bits...


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## Mitchie (Nov 3, 2008)

I was spanked as a kid and my mom stopped spanking me around the time I turned 8. I look back and see how disrespectful and rude and mean I was and wish she had continued spanking me, because it was the only way she could get her point across with me. I'm not kidding when I say nothing else would phase me. 

I do not consider it child abuse as long as it is kept in control. Mom would spank me one time for each "offense" (we had a chart on the fridge that listed all the common "offenses" like cussing or hitting or throwing things). Plus, at worst my butt would be sore for 20 minutes. 

And to the question of "would you hit your dogs"... Dogs are different than children. Their brain is wired differently and they do not think like humans do. PLUS dogs don't have a defense. They can't hit back. I wouldn't spank a kid under the age of two, and probably not older than the age of 8 or 9. I think if they truly deserve it though, it should be used AS A LAST RESORT, and ONLY when the kid can comprehend that they are being punished for doing something bad. 

And the law is basically like 'as long as you don't leave a mark it's not abuse'. I'm a better person because I was spanked as a kid. I think it DID teach me how to respect those older than me.


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## Phoebe (Feb 8, 2006)

Debles said:


> I did not spank my kids and they all turned out fine. I was physically and emotionally abused as a child so that is why I would never raise my hand to my child.
> 
> I believe when you hit a child, you are teaching them to hit.
> 
> ...


I had a Mom that was physically and emotionally abusive too. I agree with everything you said Debles.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

I was once told by a therapist (went for Parent management skills because the youngest was ADD and possibly ODD) that she thought a swift swat on the behind was fine in certain circumstances. I didn't swat my son when he kept going near a hot oven over and over again. I think it was the 4th time I removed him from the area, that he burned his little finger when I turned around. She said, "A swat would have sent him the message sooner." _She knew I wasn't comfortable with spanking_, but said when a child is in danger of doing physical harm to himself, the message _needs _to get through quicker.

My youngest was tough. He was so mad at me one day when he had to leave a friends house, he bolted out the door and ran down the middle of our street. We live on a bend and I was so afraid a car would hit him as I ran down the street after him. I never thought I could run so fast. All I could think of was that he was going to be killed by a car that could not see this little boy running down the road! 

He used to get very physical with me. If we were out in the yard and I had to say no to something, I never knew what would be thrown at my head. I was hit by a few rocks through his young years. He's also the reason why I started growing Perennials. He used to go off and chop the heads off of all my flowers if he didn't get his way.

He played youth hockey and was not an aggresive player at all. He did know how to push the coach's buttons though. Especially when my husband was one of them.

Thank GAWD he is a very different person now!

At the tender age of 5 my father held a gun on us and told us he would kill us all if we fell asleep. I wish he would have spanked us instead. I still don't like spanking...


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

I was spanked as a child. I was the good child and still got spanked more than I would have liked! I very seldom spanked my son (and I was a young mother at 21!), but the times that I did, I felt like I did it out of anger. So by the time he was about 6-7, I didn't spank him anymore. There were some very hard times, behavior wise, but nothing that would have warranted hitting him just because I was angry.

He is a very nice young man who loves me very much. Maybe I was too nice, he's 20 and still living at home! LOL


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

fostermom said:


> Maybe I was too nice, he's 20 and still living at home! LOL


My oldest didn't leave until he was about 25 and the youngest is going to be 21! I guess I'm not an awful mom...


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

Time out works abut a well for the boys nest door as giving them a burger and shake would. They would come closer to listening to the pine tree in our yard as to their mom. Dad wanted to spank the, mom said no. But at least til the divorce, when he was home (he was navy) the boys minded and did not do things like come into our back yard when we were not home, sometimes leaving gate open. We put a padlock on it. Or just walking into my house any time they took a notion. I took to locking front door as soon as i walked in and sometimes i will walk in and lock hubby out with arm load of groceries. Also they would not tell her toshut her mouth, etc when dad was home. At 5 the youngest threatened to "slit her throat" because she didn't rent the move he wanted. I could not believe it when she told me. 

He took to doing double duty and finally divorced her. Every time he corrected them with a spanking or threat of spanking, she blew a gasket. Time out waws al they needed. Finally hedivorced her, the boys hae time out for punishment and everyone in the nieghborhood keeps their doors and cars locked day and night. I really do not know if she had psanked them like dad did if they would be different, i just know when he was home the kids did not act like this.

PS. MY OLDEST LIVED AT HOME TIL HE MARRIED AT 30. YOUNGEST WAS IN COLLEGE, BUT HE WAS HOME WHEN HE COULD BE AND HE ALSO DID NOT MARRY TIL 30. OLDEST DATED HIS WIFE 7 YEARS, THE YOUNGEST DATED HIS WFE 5 YERS. I HAD ALMOST GIVEN UP HOPE ( AS HAD THE GIRLS i AM SURE) THAT THE BOYS WOULD EVER GET MARRIED.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

I think I'd like to share a few of my feelings regarding abuse. I'm tired, so I may not make much sense, but here it goes.

Abuse can be delivered in many ways, not always physical. The mental abuse handed out by a person is as everlasting.

Tickling? Do you know I can remember the very moment I stopped being ticklish? Yes folks, tickling can be abusive. I learned to stop being ticklish to stop my dad from tickling me. It used to drive my kids crazy that I wasn't ticklish. I was able to turn it off in one split second in my mind because it became almost painful. 

Games? Yup, your parents go out and your Dad decides he's gonna have a little fun. He sneaks in the backdoor and shuts the electricity off in the entire house. He then sneaks outside to the window and makes noises like he's going to break in. I get shoved under the bed with another sister, while the 3rd gets the 22 out of the closest. We then hear my Mom say, Tommy you're going to scare them! My sister was ready to blow the head off of whoever came through that window.

Fire? Ah, fire...Get mad at your wife and set the kitchen curtains on fire. Have one daughter standing there watching and she lives in fear of fire her entire life. This wasn't me, it was one of my sisters. My Dad calmed down after I was born.

Gymnastics? Yup, my Dad was pretty good at this. One day he decided to do a flip in the corner of the livingroom. Well, he fell. LOL However, in my very young mind I remember the "feeling of" is he going to laugh, or do we need to run?

I can share so many stories...he never spanked us though. Amazing...


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## LOVEisGOLDEN (Jan 4, 2008)

yes. 

I was spanked (seems like daily...) but I needed it most of the time. I was diagnosed OCD at 3 & my mom didn't understand me at all. but there where times when I needed a good smack. talking back, disobeying, not using manners, etc - is not OK & was not accepted by my parents. 

now when I look back & see the differences in me & my cousins (never spanked) I am thankful to my parents. they are trashy bums who disrespect everyone. it makes me so mad to hear them speak around & to my grandparents.

my kids will be spanked & they will be better people for it. spanking has a place & should only be used when appropriate. never out of anger.

and yes, when Layla is acting like a turd, ignoring commands & me in general; she gets a smack on the butt. I'm not scared (never have been) of my parents & Layla doesn't cowl when she gets corrected.


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## Jackson'sMom (Oct 13, 2007)

Oh yes, abuse takes many forms. I won't go into what my adopted daughter was subjected to with her Russian birth family, so as not to betray her confidence. Suffice it to say that there are all kinds of abuse, not all of them involving hitting. One of the first things I told her was that I would never, ever hit her, and I never have. I'm also working on positive consequences and lots of praise when she does things such as pick up her dishes, feed the dogs without being reminded, eat breakfast without an argument, etc.


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## T&T (Feb 28, 2008)

We seem to have gone from one extreme to another over the years ...
You don't want to know what I feel like doing to the spoiled rotten kids out there sometimes !


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## Ash (Sep 11, 2007)

I don't have kids but when I was a child I was spanked when I deseved it LOL and I didn't turn out too bad. 

My parents worked hard not to spank us out of anger they would spank us as punishment but tried hard not to do it out of their own frustration. We were spanked, put in our rooms for a while, then talked to about our behaviour, disrespect and thats why we got the punishment and made to apoligize. As a result learned pretty quick. I am certainly not against spanking children (if I had them) within reason of course. 

My Dad often refers to ADHD and ODD as LSD - " Lack of Spank Disorder" - No offense to anyone who may have or have children that had these disorders - my brother was diagnosed as well and that was always Dad's response.


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## Celeigh (Nov 29, 2007)

I got swatted a handful of times growing up, but it was a swat. My mom drew a distinction between spanking - repeated hitting with a hand or an object meant to cause pain or humiliation - and swatting - a single hard pat meant to get attention or convey the seriousness of her message. I don't think it was abusive at all. And from what I remember, I deserved it! And it was always for major misbehavior, never for being annoying or for accidents or just because my mom lost her temper. I learned the limits when it happened. Limits are just not present in most childrens' lives anymore. If you can impose limits your children respect without swatting, that's wonderful. But I think a law that prohibits a parent from doing so is a bit far.

P.S. - It should never be used as a primary child raising technique in my opinion, but reserved for rare, appropriate situations.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

Ash said:


> My Dad often refers to ADHD and ODD as SDD - "Spake Deficet Disorder" - No offense to anyone who may have or have children that had these disorders - my brother was diagnosed as well and that was always Dad's response.


You just made me laugh. I can tell you that if I were to hit Christopher, he would just hit back! LOL He just would never get it!


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## Lucky's mom (Nov 4, 2005)

I haven't read the posts yet...will labor through that later. But here is my philosophy.

I will not spank a dog but I will spank my kids.


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

I don't believe in spanking, which is not to say I don't believe in punishment and teaching. You can punish a child well and probably more effectively without hitting. Personally, I believe that you make your rules, morals, regulations (pick whatever here) clear to your children, and teach them what is proper and appropriate in your family anda in the world at large. No thank you note written for a present, you don't get to play with that toy. Sassy mouth, go to your room until I tell you to come out, even if that means you miss soccer practice, which you love. And when you come out, you'd better apologize. If I as your mom keep tripping over things I asked you to put away, you probably found yourself cleaning with toilet with a toothbrush. All grown kids here are self-supporting, polite, kind to old people....and the ones with children are doing a nice job of discipline without hitting.


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## LibertyME (Jan 6, 2007)

I very rarely spanked my sons....much preferring consistent, natural and logical consequences. Loved the book "Positive Discipline".
However, very clearly remember my oldest spitting in my face - he was about 8. His seat was thoroughly warmed - yep I lost it. 
The youngest got physically disciplined for calling me a bit*h. My dear husband delivered that lesson. Son, she may be your mother, but she is my wife and you will never speak that way to my wife again, understood?
Both boys did not live in fear, discipline was consistent and fair and rarely physical. However both boys clearly knew that there were certain lines of disrespect that were not to be crossed.


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## Elisabeth Kazup (Aug 23, 2008)

I gave my kids a smack on the bottom to get attention but I didn't abuse them by repeadedly hitting them.

I think it isn't harmful. I draw a comparison between how dogs communicate with dogs and how children communicate with each other. Without language skills, both sets of 'animals' depend on body language and position to communicate.

Ever see a p*ssed off toddler in a sandbox? They have no problem whacking another kid over the head with a shovel. Just as another puppy has no problem teaching bite inhibition. I think kids UNDERSTAND what a smack on the bottom means, just as if another toddler had done it. I don't think they equate it with differences in size or fear of the parent. I think they take it just as the dog does: better not do THAT anymore.

And taking that one step further, with kids as with dogs, it establishes herd/pack hierarchy. I think this can be done ONLY when the child can talk and understand simple commands. Before that, when the child has no idea what you're talking about in requesting he/she 'knock it off right now', it's simply abuse. To smack a child who has no idea why you're doing it is cruel and frightening. But once the child can understand language and still refuses to cooperate, then I think a smack is in order.


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## Kohanagold (Nov 5, 2008)

I think, like dogs, it depends on the kid. I have found with Sydney, I need to be more "forceful" and with Paige, the world ends if I look at her the wrong way. That is probably an overexaggeration, but I think for some kids, they dont NEED it, so why bother. My nephew is much that way. If you raise your voice, he shuts you out. If you talk to him in a manner where you get your point across and try to reason with him, you get much further. I have another nephew where physical consequences are the way to go. I also thinks it depends on the kids age. I think for a toddler its much more effective than for a middle school child. What works for one doesn't work for all. Dont get me wrong, I dont believe in beating kids (or pets for that matter), but I also think there are a lot of spoiled disrespectful unruly kids out there that dont understand the concept of consequence and that never would have flew in my house growing up.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

I'm getting silly. Does anyone remember the story of my son being put in his room because he was calling me names while outside? Bad names. I put him in his room and he opened the window and he started yelling, "Help me! Help me!" "My Mother locked me in my room." Well, the guys working on the house across the street had heard him earlier and started laughing when they heard him yelling. I told him to yell a little louder. I told him DCS would come and take me away for awhile and I could use the vacation!

When he was even younger, around 3, he had this nerf gun. My Mom was babysitting for us and we were getting ready to leave. I can't remember what he did, but I told him to go in his room for time out. I walked him up and went back downstairs. He came out again. I walked him back to the room. He came out again. We walked hand and hand back. Well, I heard his voice from the top of the stairs, turned, and he shot me right between the eyes with the nerf gun! My Mom, my DH, and I couldn't help but laugh. Dh said, "Now that was premeditated!" He had to dig the balls out of his toy box to load up!


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## Ash (Sep 11, 2007)

Kimm said:


> I'm getting silly. Does anyone remember the story of my son being put in his room because he was calling me names while outside? Bad names. I put him in his room and he opened the window and he started yelling, "Help me! Help me!" "My Mother locked me in my room." Well, the guys working on the house across the street had heard him earlier and started laughing when they heard him yelling. I told him to yell a little louder. I told him DCS would come and take me away for awhile and I could use the vacation!
> 
> When he was even younger, around 3, he had this nerf gun. My Mom was babysitting for us and we were getting ready to leave. I can't remember what he did, but I told him to go in his room for time out. I walked him up and went back downstairs. He came out again. I walked him back to the room. He came out again. We walked hand and hand back. Well, I heard his voice from the top of the stairs, turned, and he shot me right between the eyes with the nerf gun! My Mom, my DH, and I couldn't help but laugh. Dh said, "Now that was premeditated!" He had to dig the balls out of his toy box to load up!


That just made me LOLOLOL. HAHA yup I would had a sore behind for that. Love the vacation one - my Mom used to tell us that all the time.


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## Elisabeth Kazup (Aug 23, 2008)

I'm laughing at that picture, too, Kimm. SPLAT, right between the eyes.

I remember one time when DS was fiddling with the plastic ring from a gallon of milk. It comes off when the cap is unsealed. We were at the dinner table and I had told him a few times to leave it alone and eat. He was about 10-12. He wasn't listening and continued on. Finally the thing flipped out of his hand and shot right into the middle of my dinner plate. I'm pretty sure I was :--evil: and he was :--ashamed:

As I opened my mouth to speak (not going to be pleasant either) he said "I give it to ya Mom". 

Well, we burst out laughing. I said thank you, fished it out of my dinner and we continued laughing. He never did it again. Now whenever something flies around and hits somebody accidentally, we say "I give it to you Mom".


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## cinnamonteal (May 16, 2008)

I haven't read through all the posts yet, but I think it depends on the kid. My sister and I were the type who would burst into tears from a stern look. My nephew (almost 5) on the other hand will push his limits as far as you let them go.


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## marshab1 (Aug 28, 2006)

I was spanked as a child occasionally, but only with a hand, I can't figure out why anyone would need to use anything else. I was brought up to believe it was not meant to "hurt" a kid but to get their attention, and reinforce the lesson in a way that a child could understand easier than words. I can't remember being spanked after 1st grade, so I must have been 6 or 7. And when I say spanked I mean no more than 2 swats. I was never afraid of my parents.

With my daughter (and step daughter, when we lived together) we did the same thing. I only gave her a couple of swats a few times and the last time she was about 3 because it was just after we moved into our current house. 

I don't think it should be the only discipline method and I think it needs to be done in response to the infraction, at that time, not later after everyone is calmed down. A young child would have no idea why it was happening, so it does no good. I think it is ok to be used in cases of bodily harm, such as kid running into the street, the 2 swats and loud voice are going to be a lot less harmful than getting hit by a car, but you want it to stick out in their mind. which is why it can't be the only way you disipline or it doesn't stick out so it is not effective.

I think the best thing a parent can do for discipline is to be creative, fit the punishment to the crime. Like when my daughter was 3 she started sticking her tongue out. I told her that wasn't nice don't do it. She did it again so we did a time out, she did it again, so I told her if she wanted to stick her tongue out she could right against the wall. I made her stand there for almost 3 minutes with her tongue against the wall. (try holding your tongue out for an extended time, it is not comfortable) She never stuck her tongue out again.


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## Pudden (Dec 28, 2008)

I was spanked as a kid - sometimes I deserved it, sometimes I didn't. I only remember that it made me angry, drove me out on the streets and made me want to misbehave more.

It depends a lot how it's done and on the personality of the kid, but in my younger self's case I'd say: bad idea


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## cmichele (Jan 16, 2009)

I don't think it would work for my kids. Spanking them and then telling them not to hit doesn't make sense to me.


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## PeanutsMom (Oct 14, 2007)

I was spanked, probably twice, as a kid. It wasn't really that it hurt as much as it was embarrassing. My girls have gotten a swat, just to get their attention, but not the whole "bend over my knee experience. Mine are little though and my oldest is the type that will get heartbroken if you even say your disappointed in her behavior. I'm pretty lucky to have some well behaved little girls.  I'm just hoping this boy doesn't break that pattern of well behaved kids. lol


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## Bogart'sMom (Sep 16, 2005)

I grew up in Germany and also my Mom was our Disciplinarien since my Dad was a Truckdriver and mostly gone during the week. We also had my Grandparents in the House living with us. My Grandfather was my Brother's big idle. If my Brother did something wrong my Grandfather only had raise his voice and my Brother would stop and took it to heart. We did get disciplined with spankings by my Mom when we missbehaved which did not happen very often. My Mom and I always have and had a very close relationship. I don't remember my Dad ever spanking me, him and I get along well but I'm not as close to my Dad as I am to my Mom same with my Brother. My Dad and I are very close in Character that's probably why.
I mean as much freedom as we had running and playing every where in Town, Kids these days are like in prison and I do understand why but they can't develop that independence that we were alowed to have. 
We lived in a small town without much traffic and parents didn't have to worry so much about their kids. I don't think I ever was send into time out my Mom brought her point across and then it was good. 
Aww fond memories


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## Victorialands (Dec 2, 2008)

I was spanked as a kid. Only when I deserved it and man did I ever. I was a terrible kid! I have 2 little sisters and still to this day have never laid a hand to them. The thought of "Mom hits me so I can hit too" never crossed my mind. I dont think kids think that hard.


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## nixietink (Apr 3, 2008)

I was spanked as a child. My dad used to tell us to get ready because he was going to get his belt. He never actually hit us with his belt, but it definitely made me fear my father as a child. I think, if he would have grounded me or taken away something that I valued at that time it would have made a bigger impact on my behavior. All hitting ever did was just make me terrified. 

My brother got the grunt of the physical stuff when we were little. It wasn't fair and I think that is why they aren't as close as they could be to this day.

But, to each his own...maybe spanking works on some children. It's hard to say because I don't have kids and haven't been in the situation. All I know is, I would not spank Vito.

This is OT, but my gosh, don't get me started on some kids nowadays!


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## davebeech (Feb 11, 2006)

T&T said:


> We seem to have gone from one extreme to another over the years ...
> You don't want to know what I feel like doing to the spoiled rotten kids out there sometimes !


my sentiments too !!


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## AlanK (Jun 28, 2008)

I was spanked when deserved. I did not fear either of my parents I respected them. 

I would never have thought of acting up in public like I see so many children do today. I hear young parents say that things have changed now... maybe so... but right and wrong remain the same!


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

Pudden said:


> I was spanked as a kid - sometimes I deserved it, sometimes I didn't. I only remember that it made me angry, drove me out on the streets and made me want to misbehave more.
> 
> It depends a lot how it's done and on the personality of the kid, but in my younger self's case I'd say: bad idea


 
With all the crazy events I experienced as a young child, my Dad died when I was 6.5 years old, it never pushed me to do anything wrong. Quite the opposite in fact. My four sisters pretty much reacted the same way.


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## Merlins mom (Jun 20, 2007)

I was spanked once as a child after I'd hit my sister with a mallet. Pretty sure I deserved it! LOL!

I don't have kids, so I feel I really can't comment. But overall, an occasional swat on the butt probably has it's place in getting a message across in some circumstances.....kinda like it did for me.


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## Sucker For Gold (Jan 13, 2009)

We never had human kids, so my personal spanking experience (as the spanking giver) only comes from canine relationships. I can remember vividly remember wacking our Rusty on the nose one late night after going out for a potty. He could not have been more than a few months old. It was well after midnight and my wife was sleeping. When we returned inside, ha started barking, I think he wanted to play. After the first bark, I said shoosh. After the second bark, I said RUSTY SHOOSH!!!!. After the third bark, I *lost control* and gave him a *good* wack across the nose. This solved the barking problem, but affected me so deeply that I can not put it into words. I still feel guilty 9 years later. The problem was that I lost control of myself and I think to a certain degree spankings all originate from some loss of control. I will NEVER, NEVER wack my child as a correctional response, it just doesn't work for my own well being.

As a spanking reciever, I recieved spankings, time outs and outright groundings as punishment while I was growing up. I was however, NEVER abused. I always felt that time outs and groundings were as effective if not more effective than a spanking. They gave you more time to think about what you had done and what the consequences were in doing something stupid.

Now these are MY OWN opinions on spankings. I can not tell you whether I am right or wrong. Spankings can be done in a corrective manner, and spankings can also be done in an abusive manner. I would imagine that as long as a spanking is not on the abusive side, then it may have it's place in behavioral correction. As I said above, in my own experience spanking results from a feeling of loss of control of the situation and is reaction that occurs before one can think the situation thru.

What makes me made as hell is that society now feels the need to control every individuals attempt to control the behavior of their children almost to the point that any attempt at behavioral correction is corporal punishment. Pretty soon grounding your child will be considered solitary confinement and therefore cruel and unjust punishment.

While I don't personally believe in spanking, I do not respect any parent any less for choosing to use spanking as a tool as long as it is not abusive, and there is a big difference between spanking a child and beating a child.


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## WLR (May 11, 2008)

Probably as a last resort since I have since learned there are options to altering bad / unfovorable / unacceptable behaviors. 
I do remember a time when I about 5 or 6, staying with my grandparents I definitly was acting up irritating my grandmother.
My grandfather finally intervened by by riviting his piercing blue eyes with mine from the other side of the kitchen, taking off his belt, raising it slowly over his head, 
and making make that 120 decibel *CRACK* sound that sounded like a lightning strike.

That alone was a behavior altering experience.

.


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## Jerseygirl (Jan 22, 2009)

Bailey and Burgy's mom:" I don't agree with spanking a child - it shows them that physical violence is the way to solve problems, instead of talking things out rationally. I always cringe when I see a mother (usually a young one, not to stereotype, but it is what i have SEEN) who is disciplining their child for hitting another child by saying "DON'T HIT" as they smack them on the bottom... talk about contradicting yourself!!"


I couldn't say it any better.....It makes me very uncomfortable even thinking about it....IMO spanking tells more about the parent (being out of control) then about the child (being naughty). There are so many other ways to discipline your child. Even the spirited ones!

__________________


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

Do you know how many times I heard other women say as I walked out, "You should hit that kid?" He was just always all over me and a big nudge. I used to have sticker charts for good behavior. Those charts were just to help him enjoy getting him dressed in the morning, get him to sit in his car seat, brush his teeth. I told many of those women as I left, if I struck my child it would only make his behavior worse. The good thing about his behavior sometimes? Doctors staff didn't make us wait very long in the waiting room. 

I remember telling him in a store to put his raincoat on. It was pouring buckets. I learn to pick and choose my battles. I said, "Okay, don't put it on." I knew when he got wet he'd ask for it. Well, he did, but people looked at me like I was a terrible Mom for not having that coat on him before we got out there.

He was a funny child. He would ask for a something like a pack of gum as and example. If I said yes, go pick out one pack, he'd reply, "Can I have two?" He always doubled everything! 

My son is a great kid now. He sometimes remembers something he did when he was little and apologizes! We were talking about this last night. He said, "Ma, you always told me you hoped I had twins and they were just like me!"


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## Lucky's mom (Nov 4, 2005)

Sucker For Gold said:


> We never had human kids, so my personal spanking experience (as the spanking giver) only comes from canine relationships. I can remember vividly remember wacking our Rusty on the nose one late night after going out for a potty. He could not have been more than a few months old. It was well after midnight and my wife was sleeping. When we returned inside, ha started barking, I think he wanted to play. After the first bark, I said shoosh. After the second bark, I said RUSTY SHOOSH!!!!. After the third bark, I *lost control* and gave him a *good* wack across the nose. This solved the barking problem, but affected me so deeply that I can not put it into words. I still feel guilty 9 years later. The problem was that I lost control of myself and I think to a certain degree spankings all originate from some loss of control. I will NEVER, NEVER wack my child as a correctional response, it just doesn't work for my own well being.
> 
> .


"Wacking" a dog is something I'm not comfortable with. I don't see dogs in the same mold as children. Since I don't "wack" my dog, but I will "swat" my child I think its not about "loosing control". I view it as best for my child.

With dogs I believe in behavior modification (though negative consequences can play a role for that). For children I expect good choices and a good attitude. A child who learns that early is going to do better in life.

A spanking isn't near as detrimental as being fired from your job because you were insolent with your boss. Or getting kicked out of school because you disrespected your teacher. The worst thing in my mind is a child who grows up thinking its all about them and that their parents have to earn their respect. That is just sad. A child should know the importance of respecting their elders. With_ some_ children a swat on the butt for disrespect or willful disabedience plays a part in having that attitude that will be a help to them in life.



jmho


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## Rhapsody in Gold (Dec 22, 2007)

I wasn't spanked as a child and not once did I ever spank my own children. When my first child was born I remember holding him in the hospital and saying a quiet prayer asking God to help me be a good parent. I was so in awe of him and filled with gratitude for being given a healthy child. Our pediatrician gave us a book that talked about "catching your children being good". It was great advice. 

My son is a wonderful 22 year old adult. He is studying to be a teacher. My daughter, who is 19 years old, is also a wonderful person. She is studying psychology. 

I would never think of doing anything abusive to a dog or living being. We had a Shepherd many years ago and the training methods taught at the time were very physical, loud, and harsh. I felt that I could never again have a Shepherd for that reason - - - I just cannot be that kind of leader. Goldens are such loving dogs. I suppose if I were a dog, I would be a Golden. I think we have a lot in common : )


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## Jerseygirl (Jan 22, 2009)

But what do you say to your kids when he/she hits another child on the playground?
You are not allowed to hit anyone?

Nine Reasons Not to Hit Your Child


The practice of hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves. Extensive research data is now available to support the direct correlation between corporal punishment in childhood and violent behaviour in the teenage and adult years.
Punishment gives the message that "might makes right", that it is okay to hurt someone smaller and less powerful than you are. The child then feels it is appropriate to mistreat younger or smaller children. When they become an adult, they feel little compassion for those less fortunate or less powerful than they are.
Children learn best through parental modelling. Punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express one's feelings and to solve problems.
Punishment greatly interferes with the bond between parent and child, as no human being feels loving toward someone who deliberately hurts them. Punishment, even when it appears to work, can produce only superficially "good" behaviour based on fear.
Anger that cannot be safely expressed becomes stored inside. Anger that has accumulated for many years can come as a shock to parents whose child now feels strong enough to express their rage.
Spanking can be physically damaging. Blows to the lower end of the spinal column send shock waves the length of the column, and may cause a subdural hematoma. The relevance of lower back pain among adults may have its origin in early corporal punishment.
Many parents are unaware of alternative approaches, so when corporal punishment doesn't accomplish the parent's goals, they can easily cross the line into child abuse.
Corporal punishment distracts the child from the problem at hand as they become preoccupied with feelings of anger and revenge. It teaches the child nothing constructive about how to solve problems and how to handle similar situations in the future.
One of the most serious problems with corporal punishment is that the more a parent uses it, the more they have to use it. The child becomes immune to the punishment, and the parent stops looking for any other solution.
#2 says it all...
(quote from parentchildalberta.ca)


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## Griffyn'sMom (Mar 22, 2007)

Rob's GRs said:


> Since many seem to be in a debating mood recently how do you feel about this topic....
> 
> *Parental spanking--*
> 
> ...


*It depends on the child. Just like there are so many different techniques for training a dog, there are that many more for parenting a child. *
*I can't agree with the ADHD is the Non-Spanking disease type comment - my oldest is ADHD and he got a lot of spankings - until the day came when he announced that it "didn't hurt" and it was either make it really hurt or find another way. I found another way - removing TV, Video Game priveledges worked very well and I even made up TV/Video Game tickets that were worth 15 minutes for when he did good things. He learned to save them up so that he'd have at least an hour of time to play.*


*Just remember that nobody is the perfect parent - we just do the best we can.*

*So Rob... as far as I know.. you don't have children.. why did you post this poll?*


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## rosemary (Jul 7, 2007)

i was not just spanked as a child i was beaten on some occassions seriousl and there have been times in my daughters life im ashamed to admit that i have had to physically pull back from doing the same thing i grew up into total basket case my daughter now 21 is now a very well rounded human being she is not scared of me she has respect for me but there have been times that she knows i have hadto pull back from being the pysical abuser


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## Lucky's mom (Nov 4, 2005)

Jerseygirl said:


> But what do you say to your kids when he/she hits another child on the playground?
> You are not allowed to hit anyone?
> 
> Nine Reasons Not to Hit Your Child
> ...


I have heard this before and I believe it all false and unfounded.

Its based more on idealogy rather then fact. 

The same people who come up with this also beleive that its harmful to have grades that put one child ahead of another and that children should never "win" because it harms another child's self-esteem.


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## Rob's GRs (Feb 25, 2007)

Griffyn'sMom said:


> *So Rob... as far as I know.. you don't have children.. why did you post this poll?*


I do not have any children (but I was spanked on a few, probably well deserved, occasions as a youngster...) 

The topic is a good debatable one that I wanted to see people's views on and so far everyone has presented points on both sides making this a good civil discussion on this subject.


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## paula bedard (Feb 5, 2008)

I haven't read through the posts but can imagine there is near equal for and against spanking. I do believe in spanking, which I consider a slap on the hand to be too. The best way to teach a toddler to stay from something dangerous like fire etc is with a slap of the hand when they reach for it. Not hard, but with voiced concern too. I also used pride and shame which isn't used much anymore. All I had to say once they were older, was that I was NOT proud, or I was ashamed of something they had just done, said, etc and that stopped them in their tracks and they would apologize for the offense. I still have the long letters, unsolicited, my daughter would write apologizing for this that or the other. She's an English Major today. =) So yes, spanking can be beneficial.


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## Jerseygirl (Jan 22, 2009)

Lucky's mom said:


> I have heard this before and I believe it all false and unfounded.
> 
> Its based more on idealogy rather then fact.
> 
> The same people who come up with this also beleive that its harmful to have grades that put one child ahead of another and that children should never "win" because it harms another child's self-esteem.


Mm, you are opening up another discussion here...

But how do you explain to your child that he/she can't hit another child? I am really curious about that! Parents are kids' biggest role model!


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

I heard in some posts the thinking that if you don't spank, you must be permissive and that is the problem with spoiled entitled kids today.

Well, we didn't spank but we weren't permissive at all. We had family rules, family meetings and our kids all had chores. From about age 5 and up. When teenagers, they all had a cook night and the others cleaned up after. They learned to cook that way.
At 16, they had to get a job if they wanted a car. They had to buy their own gas and their part of the car insurance.

We raised responsible adults. I have always thought my goal was to build my children's character, not make them happy.


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## Lucky's mom (Nov 4, 2005)

Jerseygirl said:


> Mm, you are opening up another discussion here...
> 
> But how do you explain to your child that he/she can't hit another child? I am really curious about that! Parents are kids' biggest role model!


The first thing is that kids really need to respect their parents. I consider it very important and a foundation for everything. A child who tests that can be brought down to earth very quickly with a swat on the butt. I'm not even talking "spanking" here. 

A toddler who can't be "talked" too, can understand that when mommy says "don't touch" she is expected to obey. A simple light swat on the hand helps them understand early that obeying mom and dad is important. 

(My first child I moved everything out of his reach.....what a mistake that was now that I look back on it)

It is the children who have no respect for their parents who will hit, kick and slap _their parents_ and anyone else they have a problem with. 


I don't have to explain to my child why "I" can spank them and they can't "hit" other children. They know that I am their parent and I am raising them. They know that I have _authority_ and they understand that they did something against my authority. And they know what to expect if it happens again. 

I don't agree with everyone's parenting skills and how they use spanking. Once when I was walking Lucky, I passed by the neighbor girl who had stuck her toy key into her mom's car's key hole and it was jammed. She was worried about a spanking. I would never spank my kids for making a stupid "kid" mistake like that. Though if it happend again, I probably would because I would consider a second time willful disobedience.


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## Florabora22 (Nov 30, 2008)

I got the crap spanked (and slapped) out of me as a kid, and I'm fine today. In fact, there came a point when my brother and I had to restrain ourselves lest we wanted to burst out laughing when our father was slapping us - it just didn't hurt anymore, and he was a LOT more wound up than we were.

I do have /some/ anger issues, although my brother doesn't so I doubt that my problems are a result of any disciplinary action taken on me when I was a child.

But to each his/her own. I think some kids need a little firmer hand than others - I definitely did.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

Lucky's mom said:


> It is the children who have no respect for their parents who will hit, kick and slap _their parents_ and anyone else they have a problem with.


My son never hit anyone else. He was a well behaved boy in school and very well behaved outside of our home. He was also a gentle soul at day care. He was a child that would give up a toy to the younger ones and when they were done playing with it, would go back and finish playing. As hard as he was, I was very proud of him, too.


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## Celeigh (Nov 29, 2007)

Jerseygirl said:


> Mm, you are opening up another discussion here...
> 
> But how do you explain to your child that he/she can't hit another child? I am really curious about that! Parents are kids' biggest role model!


I worked at a preschool in college, and there is a whole lot of hitting going on on the playground and from what I could tell from talking to the parents, it was fairly equally spread among kids who were are were not exposed to spanking at home. This was just my experience, not a scientific study.

Children are very literal. I think if spanking led to children believing it was okay to hit other children, you wouldn't see them smacking kids on the arm or the head, they'd be bent over trying to smack a bottom.


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## Lucky's mom (Nov 4, 2005)

Kimm said:


> My son never hit anyone else. He was a well behaved boy in school and very well behaved outside of our home. He was also a gentle soul at day care. He was a child that would give up a toy to the younger ones and when they were done playing with it, would go back and finish playing. As hard as he was, I was very proud of him, too.


Kimm, I'm talking about children who don't respect their parents... I'm just saying that parental respect is very important and some kids may need something more then a "talking to".


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## katieanddusty (Feb 9, 2006)

I got the wooden spoon more than a few times, but most of the spankings were canceled out by them feeling bad afterwards (like immediately after I stop crying "do you want to take the dogs to the lake?", or "oh, wow, that IS an imprint of the spoon on your thigh, sorry"). I was perfectly capable of recognizing when they felt bad, when they disagreed over whether I deserved a spanking, etc.

Stuff like taking a book away because I was reading it with a flashlight instead of sleeping, making me acknowledge and write a list of all the ways I could have gotten hurt by trying to cook pancakes by myself, etc was much more effective. And I really find it hard to believe that there are kids out there who won't be affected by being forced to seriously think about the possibility of burning their house down.

During a "discussion" about whether it was an unpardonable disrespect to request that my father use a calmer tone of voice while teaching me how to DRIVE, he pulled out the "maybe you're not too old for a good spanking!" (umm, do you think going to jail sounds FUN?) That kind of makes me wonder about the level of finesse they were using when I was younger, if that's the only outlet he can think of to deal with an intelligent 16-year-old who just wants to learn how to drive without being yelled at.


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## Ash (Sep 11, 2007)

katieanddusty said:


> I got the wooden spoon more than a few times.


The good ole wooden spoon I remember that too. My mom in no way beat us but I do remember getting a a few good swats with whatever she happened to have in her hands. A broom, phone, spoon, a rolling pin LOL just to name a few. 

Reading Kimm's story reminded me of when my brother was about 5 years old. He had said a swear and Mom had told him that was a bad word and he was not to use it and if he wanted his mouth washed out with soap he should say it again. Not 1 minute later he said it again. So she proceeded to put the soap in his mouth (she always used bar soap so she could scrape it on your teeth bleck). When she was all finish and said thats what you get for swearing he told her "well atleast my mouth and guts are clean". He has a great sense of humour to this day.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

Ash, I would love to meet your Mom. I think we have had a few of the same experiences. 

If only all children were as easy as my first or the 5 I took care of 8 hours a day for 3 years...

If I think back on some of the events that frustrated me back then, I can sometimes burst out laughing. Like the time I got out of the car and walked to let Christopher out of his side. He kept running to the other side so I couldn't get him out. With a huff and puff I started to walk away. He yelled "Don't leave me here!"

Now, opening the door while driving on the Meritt Parkway was NOT funny. Just one of the many reasons I never let him go anywhere without wearing a seatbelt! Neither was when he was going to throw my handbag out the car window...LOL


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## Sqwumpkin (Jan 28, 2009)

Spanking, done out of love, is not violence. In fact, it sucks to have to spank a child. but sometimes it's not easy doing what's best.


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## paula bedard (Feb 5, 2008)

Kimm said:


> I think I'd like to share a few of my feelings regarding abuse. I'm tired, so I may not make much sense, but here it goes.
> 
> Abuse can be delivered in many ways, not always physical. The mental abuse handed out by a person is as everlasting.
> 
> ...


I think you and my mother grew up in the same house. I've heard similar horror stories from my Mom. My Grandfather was an alcoholic and my mother's life was spent on pins and needles. Mom is the 3rd child with 2 older brothers and neither of them ever stood up to my Grandfather. It wasn't until my mother turned 13 that she stood him down. He was drunk and tried to get at my Grandmother for the last time. Mom stood at the foot of the stairs and said 'You have to get through me first.' He never lifted his hand again. He was a coward behind all the alcohol. He finally left for good when my Mom was 17. 

My sister's 2nd child sounds very much like your son. He is a wonderful young man today. My sister did spank him, but it made no difference. He was going to push buttons and pull strings as far and hard as he could. He too was diagnosed with ADHD. He shows no signs of it today.


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## kwhit (Apr 7, 2008)

I have never laid a hand on either of my kids and I never understood how others could. Is it because you're bigger than they are? You don't hit, "swat" or smack your partner or your boss if there is a disagreement, so why does anyone feel it's ok to hit a defenseless child? Believe me, there are other ways to "get their attention".

My kids are wonderful. My son is in his second year at MIT earning his PhD in BioChem. My daughter pulls straight A's at a difficult and very challenging private school. I've been a single mom since my son was 11 and my daughter was 2 and it never even crossed my mind to ever spank them. 

People talk about wanting their kids to respect them, well respect goes both ways. What about having enough respect for your children to not physically punish them? I just feel that kids do NOT need to be hit to get a point across. There are so many more options IMO.


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## IloveGQ (Nov 15, 2008)

I never ever got spanked, smacked - nothing .... but I don't know how she did it, but my mother made it impossible for me to totally screw up because I felt guilty and I never wanted to disappoint her - she did a good job without getting physical - 

however, every child is different - and I dont have kids yet - I do know that I want to slap the sh$t out of my boyfriend all the time - and Im thinking he is pretty similar to having a child!


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## LifeisGolden (Feb 1, 2009)

I was spanked when I was a kid...but my parents always gave us enough time to shove magazines down our pants...although this sounds odd...now that I'm verbalizing it. Don't have kids...so I probably shouldn't even vote here.


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

No spanking from me, although there were times when it seemed like a good idea.

We got "the belt" when we were kids and it truly made me realize how much violence is for the person doing it, not the victim.


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## AquaClaraCanines (Mar 5, 2006)

I agree with a post several above this one. We don't use violence (or we sure as hell should not) when interacting with others... why a child?

I have had several partners who were hit as children, and they all have serious issues, bad tempers, scream, yell, call names, and get in fights (physical, even) with their siblings and parents. That stuff FREAKS me out! 

No one in my family EVER behaves that way... and just seeing it even if I'm not involved makes me start to shake. I cannot imagine ever hitting my mom or something. Utter insanity... that's not how healthy people solve problems. I'm messed up in other ways, no doubt about it but I give my parents credit for doing this right for sure.

I was almost 20 years old before I even realized there were actually people on earth who have physical fights with their parents, call eachother names like bitch and worse, and stuff like that. It DID NOT happen in my house. I never once saw my parents have words with eachother.


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## Blaireli (Jun 3, 2008)

Not to put too much of myself out there, but I grew up in a very unhappy house. My parents (who are still married) are probably two people who never should have been married. My father was raised in a very abusive household, while my mother was not. She never laid a hand on us, but my dad was horrible. Absolutely horrible. Since she didn't grow up in a house like that, my mom didn't know how to handle it, and pretty much avoided and ignored it. My brother got the majority of the physical aspect. He would actually say that he had done things that he thought we were going to get in trouble for because he didn't want us "getting it" from our dad. My brother and sister were both out of the house by the time I was twelve, so everything fell on me for the last six years that I lived with my parents. My dad actually told me once that he used to make me cry when I was younger if he was having a bad day (almost daily) because that would make him feel better.

There are a LOT of terms of abuse that do not include hitting. I don't have children now, but I promise you this. I will do everything in my power to make sure my children NEVER feel like I felt when I was growing up. I never want them to feel as though they shouldn't let people get close because they can't trust them. That their skin crawls when somebody touches them because the only time they got hugs growing up was after they had been screamed at and/or hit. That they literally fear for their lives when their parent gets mad because of what they have seen at such a young age. 

I love my parents now. I love them dearly. However, I went through a LOT of stuff to get to that point. 

I don't have kids, so I can't say that I would never spank them. I don't really have an issue with spanking, as long as it stays on the right side between spanking and beating. I think that's a very thin line, though, and a line that a lot of people cross regularly. However, considering the kind of home I grew up in, I know that I will do everything in my power to avoid that, just because of the personal discomfort that I have with the issue.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

You are amazing Blair!


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

I hear ya Blair. You may have missed my confession. Been there, done that. It makes ya, or it breaks ya. I chose to not let it break me. I'm not even afraid of guns anymore. I was at one time, but I used the very gun that was held on us to learn how to shoot at those funny little targets, which by the way were NOT people, animals, or anything living. Left eye dominant I am...


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## Taz Monkey (Feb 25, 2007)

I got my rear end beat growing up. I deserved every one that I got. I do not hate my parents or have to go to therapy now because of it. I deserved it. My mom is my best friend and hold nothing against her now for what she did then.


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## goldieduo (May 10, 2008)

My parents spanked myself, brother and sister. We deserved it tho. I spank my kids, when they deserve it. I don't beat them and I've never marked them. 

On the flip side...I went to school with a boy (waaaaaaaaaaaay back in the day) that was spanked so much and with many different objects. It pushed him farther and farther away from his dad. Very sad situation indeed.


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## RummysMum (Jan 9, 2009)

Never inflict physical harm or pain on a weaker person (your wife, the elderly, animals, and last but most important... children.) Though a light swat that doesn't hurt... I don't have a problem with that as a last resort sorta thing. I still think praise and reward... or having treasured items or things removed or time out works a heck of a lot better.


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## twinny41 (Feb 13, 2008)

I really don't understand why there is so much fuss about spanking your own children. I grew up in the days when I, my siblings and all my friends were spanked for bad behaviour. Spanked not beaten! ie: mild physical punishment. A spanking was a calm application of discipline that was deemed appropriate for specific behavior and we all grew up to be very well adjusted adults. We are a very close family, who love and respect our parents greatly. We never doubted that our parents loved us and us them. All my friends, cousins etc who were raised the same way remain extremely close to their parents too. None of them grew up to be abusive in any form, nor have any ever been in any kind of trouble.
Teachers also regularly used the same method of discipline and to avoid it you behaved. We had some very disruptive teenagers at school and one male teacher used a slipper called 'SID' while another teacher tried psychology and the kinds of positive discipline tactics that you read about today. She is remebered as the teacher who couldn't control the class and left after a nervous breakdown. The teacher with 'Sid' stayed until retirement and is remembered by all with great fondness.
Whilst I dont have children and dont advocate beating 7 bells out of them I *KNOW *that mild physical punishment never harmed any of us in any shape or form!


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## hgatesy (Feb 14, 2007)

I think in some cases it's needed. I'll always remember when my brother was maybe 5 years old he kept marching out and standing in the middle of the road. My mom would go get him and tell him that doing that was not safe and he was going to get hit by a car. Well he kept doing this over and over and over so my mom finally spanked him. He understood that message because he never again went out and stood on the road. 



> We seem to have gone from one extreme to another over the years ...
> You don't want to know what I feel like doing to the spoiled rotten kids out there sometimes !


I think this is very true. I see so many kids that walk all over their parents and show no respect because there is NO discipline in the home at all!


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## FlyingQuizini (Oct 24, 2006)

kwhit said:


> I have never laid a hand on either of my kids and I never understood how others could. Is it because you're bigger than they are? You don't hit, "swat" or smack your partner or your boss if there is a disagreement, so why does anyone feel it's ok to hit a defenseless child? Believe me, there are other ways to "get their attention".


Very nicely said. Sad thing is, many people DO hit, swat or smack their partner in a disagreement... :no:


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## Michelle4 (Dec 1, 2007)

I was spanked repeatedly as a child, with a belt too.

I said I would NEVER hit any child of mine. Well, never say never. My son was 3 1/2 when we brought Molly home. He was angry with Molly taking his toys and his Mommy's attention. He started pulling her tail when he could not get her to hold still to get his toy. For days upon days I told him to stop, tried to redirect his and her behavior, seperated them etc.
My last straw was when my son did not listen I threatened to spank him if he pulled Molly again. It wasn't much of a threat to him, because he really didn't know what a spanking was. I took him to the back and spanked him on his tush, he looked at me like he wasn't sure if he should laugh, then I did it again. He started crying and the look of hurt and betrayal was awful. I hugged him and told him how much I loved him and that I NEVER wanted to do that again! He was over it in 3 min, I went to my room when he was quiet and cried for an hour.

I hated doing it, but 1 year later I have not had to do it again. He triedto pull her tail once in a while, but I would remind him what happened last time. 

I knew Molly would never hurt him, that was not my worry. I was afraid he would think all dogs are like his and have his face bit off. 

Not proud I did it, but I think it truely was in his best interest, and I really wouldn't have done it any differently if I had to do it again. However, the look on his face does still haunt me.


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## Lucky's mom (Nov 4, 2005)

I spanked my Lou for pulling Lucky's tail . Not the first time...but after several times. I didn't feel bad about spanking him, but I shouldn't have waited. I don't see spanking as a "last straw", but for some reason gave him too many chances. 

I also spanked Louis when I saw him taunt a neighbors dog with a stick. What he was doing was so inappropriate...so bad...that he wasn't going to get a talking to and a second chance. It helped him understand the "wrongness" of what he was doing. He was immediately ashamed when he realized his action was so bad that it warrented a spanking.


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## Scubasteve198 (Jun 9, 2008)

Ok, I'll dive in. 

I have four children, two boys two girls. All well adjusted and happy kids/adults. The three oldest are in college doing well and the youngest is a junior in high school, a three sport athlete and in the top ten percent in his class. All my children are close in age. 

The girls got two spankings in their lifetime. Both part of a group spanking. The spectacle I made of the spanking, had more of an impression than the little swats they got. My oldest son got a couple more later in his lifetime. What he says he remembers most was, me calmly telling him. "I'm not going to lie to you like your mother, this is going to hurt you more than it's going to hurt me". Just those words is what he remembers, not the spanking which wasn't much. I don't have a temper so never got mad and spanked them. Never touched my children in anger. None of the limited spankings our children got were anything nearing abuse or mistreatment. We had a lot more options with raising our children than spanking. The knowledge, spanking was an option worked for a while with them, but it didn't take them long to figure out we had no intention to harm them. So spanking went by the way side in the favor of lost privileges.


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## RavenWolf (Feb 20, 2009)

I don't believe in spankings in general, as I do feel that 99% of the time there are better ways to deal with naughty behaviour and using spankings as an everyday discipline just teaches a child to hit. However there are some situations where I feel a spanking is warranted. (That is a spanking intended to get your point across, but not hurt them!) 

I have spanked my daughter once. She was 3 years old and had a phase where she would run off where she wanted to go and ignored me when I told her to come back. I did all the recommended things time out and what not. She kept doing it. One day she ran off and ignored me when I yelled at her to stop. By the grace of god I got there in time to grab her dress and yank her off the road mere inches before that car hit her!! and I smacked her butt all the way back to the house!! She never, ever did that again. In that situation I preferred a child with a sore butt to being killed by a car!

So I believe that there are those rare times when your child is putting themselves or others in danger that you need to make an immediate and lasting impression!


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## roxihart (Mar 5, 2009)

I don't have children, but as a Child Development major and a preschool teacher, I am 100% against spanking. I was spanked as a child and although it has the most immediate effect, there are better more long term ways to parent without the added "side effects" you could say. Spanking teaches children not only that violence can be used at your own discretion but also what is best understood by the phrase "the ends justify the means." Unfortunately many children learn that as long as they are not caught, there is not consequence for their actions.. as opposed to them learning that there is always a consequences whether or not direct. There is also research showing that it affects their self development and progress toward autonomy well until their adulthood (21 years).

One thing to remember when choosing to spank or not, is that toddlers can understand reasoning by the age of two if no lapse in development. So teaching them boundaries and how to evaluate and differentiate between situations is often a good way to go and will make later development stages easier. Having said that, I no way condemn anyone who spanks as it is a common part of an authoritative parenting style. Most who do, however, regret it if their child happened to learn undesirable habits as a result.


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## Lucky's mom (Nov 4, 2005)

I have heard and I think its true, that presently 90% of Americans use or have used corporate punishment. And if you look at American history, it was the way kids were raised from our beginning.

I have always wondered what our nation would be like if only 10% used corporate punishment as an option and 90% didn't. Its an interesting question to think about.


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