# Completely frustrated and exasperated with one-year-old



## MollyMom (Feb 15, 2012)

Hi everybody - I really need some help. Our Golden just turned one, and I'm so stressed that I don't know if she'd be better off in a new home. First, I know she doesn't get enough exercise; it's been such a yucky spring (rain, rain and more rain) that it's hard to get motivated for a walk, and she pulls so hard that it's unpleasant for my husband and me (and impossible for my two children). We've tried the Gentle Leader, which she never got used to - five months of trying to rub it off every few steps with the ground or her paws - and a prong collar, all to no avail. So I know that's a huge part of the problem. And I'm sure working with her more during walks would help, but I'm just so frustrated and discouraged that I don't want to spend the time doing it. She does have our quarter-acre backyard to roam, though I know that's no substitute for a walk, and we do play fetch with her fairly often. 

Another thing is that when she's inside, she gets bored and wants to go outside. When she's outside, she barks and destroys whatever she can find - solar light cables (and the lights themselves), hose attachments, the trampoline netting - and then she hangs around the door wanting to come back inside, where within 15 minutes she wants to go back outside (even on the yucky days). And I can't ignore her when she asks to go outside for fear that she may actually need to go potty. Unfortunately, I work from home and just can't spend as much time with her during the day as she seems to need. This behavior is no doubt from boredom, but she's bored inside and out and I don't know what to do about it (besides tether her to my desk or leave her outside all day). 

Then there are the children: they just can't seem to keep from getting Molly riled up, and then she nips at them and their clothing....so many of their shirt sleeves and pants have holes in them from Molly's teeth. She doesn't apply much pressure - not enough to break the skin - but it's enough to snag clothes. Also she still tries to dominate the children by mounting them, and my 10-year-old is constantly needing my help to 'rescue' her - in which case I invariably react angrily because I'm usually being interrupted in the middle of something and can't believe my daughter can't manage the dog. Anyway, to curb this behavior we've tried time-outs, vinegar spray, bops on the nose (I'm ashamed to admit), you name it, and I just don't know what to do. I should mention that Molly does go to obedience training (finished the Basic and is currently in the Intermediate class), and was evaluated for and passed the AKC S.T.A.R. program earlier this year.

So the bottom line is that I constantly feel I'm in a no-win situation, and have no peace unless Molly is outside annoying the neighbors and destroying the backyard - which isn't actually any peace and of course she's not learning anything at all. I would so much appreciate any advice!! I just don't know what to do and am beginning to feel that I'm just not cut out to be a dog owner.


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## Radarsdad (Apr 18, 2011)

She needs a job. Give her one! Enroll her in classes and *get some help*. If you you work at home give her 5 min. at time when you can and give her something to work her brain and or exercise. It will be worth the effort.


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## Elisabeth Kazup (Aug 23, 2008)

From your description, it does sound like a young dog is not a good match for your family. Rehoming is a decision that only you can make. If you decide to go that way, please contact a rescue organization rather than Craigslist or other ads like that.

If you DO want to keep her, I think you've nailed the problem: not enough exercise. And it is a problem that spirals out of control as your girl gets bigger and heavier and stronger.

Is it possible for you to set aside 2 hours a day to get her VIGOROUSLY exercised. Could your husband take her out in the morning and you later in the day. You might find your productivity goes up if you get out for a nice walk to. And I think rain gear is definitely in order...it's going to be rainy where you live. Sometimes, you just have to make up your mind your going to do it and then it's DONE!


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## Rainheart (Nov 28, 2010)

The first thing you need to do is get her in an obedience class and work with a trainer who can help you. You also need to be dedicated to exercising her everyday, because you are right, she is bored.


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## Elisabeth Kazup (Aug 23, 2008)

She did say Molly goes to obedience class and has passed S.T.A.R.


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## Rainheart (Nov 28, 2010)

Penny's Mom said:


> She did say Molly goes to obedience class and has passed S.T.A.R.


Thanks, I just read that she did her STAR.
Maybe the trainer isn't a good match? Have you talked with your trainer about all your issues you are having at home?


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## cubbysan (Mar 13, 2007)

Can you have any puppy playdates? 

Do you have a puppy daycare that you can drop her off maybe twice a week?

It is amazing how tired they get after wresting with other dogs.

Try to put her in a class, both of you will have fun.


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## cubbysan (Mar 13, 2007)

If she already went through obedience classes, have you looked into Rally classes? They look like a lot of fun.


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## Sally's Mom (Sep 20, 2010)

I agree with what everyone else has said. My busiest golden came into my life when my boys were 2 years 9 months and the younger one was 9 months. It was a huge effort on my part to make it so I could live with her. Obedience training tired her brain out so she was easier to live with. I practiced twice daily and took classes and lessons with her. I joked that she should be in the paper, " Good country home wanted, needs room to run.". She turned into a great dog and a great pet. If you cannot make time for a puppy, then maybe it is not the best fit.... For your family....


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## dirtengineer (Dec 18, 2011)

We had the same problem(s) with our Yellow Lab rescue. He's just over a year old. 

He was so wired all the time, we couldn't even train him successfully. Our solution (and wow did it work), was doggy daycare. We worked hard, and found him a solid doggy daycare that uses positive reinforcement training, and also allows the dog to get his energy out by playing with other dogs. We started him going 3x per week, and now we're down to 1-2 times per week. This gets the majority of the energy out of him, and he is now training very well, and very quickly. All the issues with our toddler (nipping etc.) have finished. He still is very exciteable, but we have trained him to settle himself (by getting various toys, working off energy through commands, etc.). He's transformed himself into a different dog since we started doggy daycare.

Take the time and effort to find a good one. It isn't terribly expensive (I think we're paying ~$20/day), and the payoffs are amazing. It's allowed us to work on things like recall, wait, stay, etc. so we can now take him to offleash parks, and have other ways of burning off his energy.


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## Elisabeth Kazup (Aug 23, 2008)

I love the doggie daycare suggestion. You've actually come thru the worst of it...that first year. It does begin to wind down. You will have a totally different dog if you can get her into daycare on a regular basis.

BUT, they do want attention from and interaction with their family so it isn't a substitute for walks, exercise and practice.


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## MollyMom (Feb 15, 2012)

Thank you, all!! I really don't want to rehome her, because she actually is a wonderful dog - I know her issues are largely my fault. I just want her to be 2 or 3 already! And I should have mentioned that my children are 10 and almost 12, fully capable of handling the mounting/nipping issues if we could find something that works. It's just between training the dog, training the kids regarding the dog, and training myself to be a good dog owner I feel like I can't keep up and am failing miserably. 

But thank you all again! I will talk to the obedience instructor and look into these Rally classes - and work on getting Molly more exercise.


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## Radarsdad (Apr 18, 2011)

I might need to expound a little bit about a job for her. Agility first comes to mind.  You can get her to jump over things, retrieve, learn to weave etc. They are masters of learning routines you might consider that also. Just a thought.


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## MollyMom (Feb 15, 2012)

Oh, and also the doggy day care sounds FANTASTIC! I know of a couple in the immediate area, so I'll check them out. :dblthumb2


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## Elisabeth Kazup (Aug 23, 2008)

I know what you mean about wanting her to act like 2 or 3...I thought Penny would drive me crazy. And I was home all day, kids grown and gone and didn't work. And it was STILL a major occupation.

I'm glad you have several daycares to choose from. If all of them are good consider rotating a day here, a day there. That will give Molly LOTS of doggie friends!


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## Elisabeth Kazup (Aug 23, 2008)

I don't mean to tell you how to parent but I will go ahead and do it anyway. :uhoh: When it comes to Molly and the kids...let them handle it; whatever she is doing. Teach them what to do, how to do it...like get her off of them, etc and then you stay out of it. And tell them if they get her all excited with shrieking THEY have to deal with it. Time for them to be responsible dog siblings. 

They are old enough to understand cause and effect and that you aren't there to take care of the problem THEY caused! It's harsh but it will work. I think it used to be called "Give them enough rope and....." well you know the rest!


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## WendyO (Feb 28, 2011)

My pup, Beckett, turned 1 year old in March and my kids are 9 and 13 - so I can relate to your situation. Beckett, too gets very wound up and excited by the kids - especially my 9 year old. Jack (my son) is generally just being his normal exuberant self - running rather than walking, talking loudly, dancing, etc - and this behavior gets Beckett extremely excited. He jumps on him, bites him (playfully), body blocks Jack as he tries to walk away, etc. There are many times that I have had to help my 65lb. son get out from under my 75lb. pup . As others have said, one of the best solutions in curbing this behavior is making sure the dog gets plenty of exercise. When Beckett is tired, he's not nearly as likely to react to the kids. We use an Easy Walk harness and that seems to really help with the pulling. We also have tried to train our kids. They now stand still with their arms crossed and turn their back when Beckett tries to jump on them. They completely ignore him and he quickly loses interest when they don't react.


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## MollyMom (Feb 15, 2012)

Thanks, Penny's Mom and WendyO!! I really appreciate the suggestions....so what do my kids do when they cross their arms and turn their backs and Molly nips them on the behind? If they try to get away at that point, that's when their pants get ripped - and I can't expect them to stand there and take it!! This is why Molly gets bops on the nose sometimes.  I just haven't found a good solution for what to do when she's nipping my kids, and thus don't feel they have good enough instructions to handle it on their own. Does that make sense? (I do _totally _agree with the 'enough rope' and 'natural consequences' mindset, though - believe me!)


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## Elisabeth Kazup (Aug 23, 2008)

She sounds just like Penny! I would ask what happened just prior to that. If the kids get her all excited...and there's a difference between excited and high energy...then they need to learn how to watch her excitement increase and how to tone it down. If they get her riled beyond calming, then I would say time out for everybody...crate Molly and the kids can find something quiet to do. 

And if you feel inclined, you can impose a quiet time when it sounds like it's ramping up too much. You can explain to the kids that when they get her all excited, she's the one who suffers. They still think it's them who suffers, but it's really not fair to her. They are getting her in trouble.

The whole thing is a process...no quick fixes. It took me a long time to realize that Penny's syndrome which I labeled obnoxious/impulsive was excitement. I kept playing with her trying to wear her out and all I was doing was ramping her up more. Penny is really low energy but high excitement. For her...and maybe Molly...time outs to stay calm was the answer. She wasn't into more exercise. You have to make the evaluation of Molly, kind of based on what she does when it's just you and her. Like when the kids are in school. 

Gotta run for a few but be right back. Time to feed the horse.


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## WendyO (Feb 28, 2011)

Distraction??? Can they walk away from her and perhaps pick up one of her toys and throw it for her? Redirect her to an activity that is acceptable? Sometimes my daughter will walk into the bathroom (or closest available room) and close the door for a moment or two. That gives Beckett enough time to forget about her and move on.


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## attagirl (Aug 11, 2011)

Oops, duplicate post, these darn tablets!


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## mkd1401 (Apr 30, 2012)

Is there a dog park near you or another dog that she can have play dates with like someone else has mentioned? We have a 6 month old Yorkie who has endless energy, we get him out at least 4 times a week to play with other dogs and it really helps! We are currently looking for a Golden "brother" for him and know the two of them as puppies will wear each other out. LOL Good luck!


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## attagirl (Aug 11, 2011)

Does she like playing ball? I don't know where I'd be without my "Chuck it". Maybe investing the time playing ball to tire her instead of the time cleaning up after the problems? I know it seems simple, but if I don't do it, Bentley starts digging holes! I also take an agility class and that really stimulates Bentley's brain. I actually schedule the class into our family schedule, with 4 kids it's easy to put that last. (Not to mention it's my favorite time of the week!)
I also have a gate I can use to separate my kids from the dogs if need be. Bentley tried mounting my 9 year old once, but I taught my son about what he's doing that triggers it, and how to handle it. He doesn't do it anymore.
I hope you can enjoy your little girl!


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## vcm5 (Apr 20, 2011)

It sounds like you have a lot of insight into what the problem is - not enough exercise and stimulation and you have a ton of great plans for addressing the issue from agility classes to doggy daycare and etc. 

But one thing I think is that you need to stop "bopping" her on the nose. It sounds like you know that this is the wrong approach but have fallen into a pattern. Please don't do this, Molly will not understand it and it is only cruel to her, not productive in the least.

Good luck! Keep us posted on her progress!


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## MollyMom (Feb 15, 2012)

Wow, Penny's Mom - a horse too!?! I'm impressed.  Yes, Molly is very calm and relaxed when it's just the two of us. Sure does sound like Penny - not so much high energy as just highly excitable. Really appreciate your suggestions! I'll try them when the kids get home. :crossfing


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## MollyMom (Feb 15, 2012)

Thanks, WendyO - that's a good idea. I'll relay that to the girls when they get home and we'll give it a try. :wavey:


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## MollyMom (Feb 15, 2012)

Thanks, vcm5. We do know it's not productive but the girls get frustrated when they're getting nipped. We'll be trying out the various suggestions and I'm sure things will improve. 

BTW, what kind of dog is yours? He/she's beautiful!


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## MollyMom (Feb 15, 2012)

Thank you, attagirl. Sounds like a winner! We do have a Chuck-It but haven't used it too much because when she was younger, after she got the ball, she'd just lie down with it and start ripping off the felt. But now that she's older we'll definitely give it another try.


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## vcm5 (Apr 20, 2011)

MollyMom said:


> Thanks, vcm5. We do know it's not productive but the girls get frustrated when they're getting nipped. We'll be trying out the various suggestions and I'm sure things will improve.
> 
> BTW, what kind of dog is yours? He/she's beautiful!


I'm glad you didn't take what I said the wrong way, I was worried that it came out wrong. I know that it is easy to get frustrated and in a rut. I think it's really great that you seem to be working to identify the problem and coming up with solutions!

Thanks for the complement! Riley is a rescue mutt haha, part golden and part German Shepherd. I started out looking for a golden retriever puppy here on the forum and then Ry just kind of fell into my lap and since he was half golden I figured that this place was just so great that I would stick around. I am hopefully going to be adding a golden next year!


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

MollyMom said:


> Oh, and also the doggy day care sounds FANTASTIC! I know of a couple in the immediate area, so I'll check them out. :dblthumb2


I think this will be worth EVERY PENNY! Also check with people from your puppy classes. There has to be someone with a dog close in age in class, your neighborhood, your church etc. who would love to get together once a week for a playdate. We do this with friends in our neighborhood and it's the best!

Also, Radarsdad is onto something with giving her a job or a game to play. Even simple games you can play around the house. A huge favorite with my first golden was 'find the bumper'. (substitute a favorite toy) I'd put him in a 'down,stay' and go hide the bumper somewhere in the other room. Then I'd return and release him and he'd spend 5 minutes tearing around the house looking for the bumper, find it and we'd do it again. 15 minutes of this is a great time filler on a rainy day. This is something your kids are old enough to get involved with. If they won't help, tell them fine, they can go fold laundry and free you up so you can do it yourself.

You can get through this, it will be so worth it.


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## Elisabeth Kazup (Aug 23, 2008)

Wow, that is Penny to a Tee. She would rather lay in the shade and watch me throw the ball and then beg her to go get it. Meh...not so much, mom. Our son in law calls her a Golden Bring It To Me. lol She'd rather play mind games with her jolly ball. I have to guess when she's loosen her grip on it and then kick it away. She'll bring it back to me and we do it again. THAT game is the only one she plays...over and over again. She always trys to win by fooling me and getting me to kick the ball when she's still got a good grip on it. Of course my kick is more of a nudge with the toe of my boot. She's a very mental dog!



MollyMom said:


> Thank you, attagirl. Sounds like a winner! We do have a Chuck-It but haven't used it too much because when she was younger, after she got the ball, she'd just lie down with it and start ripping off the felt. But now that she's older we'll definitely give it another try.


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## Tucker's mommy (Nov 9, 2011)

Hi - I just had to pipe in a quick hello here, and that I really know what you're going through, except that my kids are 2, 6 and 8, and our golden is 11 months. He, too, is exciteable (impulse control issues) but not real high energy. A one hour walk every day plus 30 minutes of outside play and just running with/after the kids outside is the excercise he gets every day. But when he gets ramped, he gets ROUGH. Thank goodness the kids don't get the treatment I get from him when he gets this way. We've really been able to get his nipping/jumping/biting at me under control this past month by simply grabbing his entire body when he starts the behaviour and holding him gently but tightly against our body. When the biting is real bad, I gently put my hand on his muzzle while holding him, too. Then, he quickly calms to the point that he lays on the ground. I then let go (the whole process is less than 30 seconds) and follow with a look/kisses command, and give him praise and a treat when it's all over. After doing this repeatedly for about a month, we've had to do it less and less. What a relief, because it's time consuming! When he does get rough with my kids (usually just a nip at their shirt) I immediately give him a "time out" in his crate for about a minute, then it's over, and he's forgotten and moved on. Distraction with training commands is something we're able to do more and more now that his really crazy moments have gotted so much less frequent. 


I thought of something else we use that really helps him burn his energy/entertain him at mealtime. Ever use the Kong Wobbler? That thing is a godsend for us! He eats all of his meals from it. I LOVE it.

Good luck, and hang in there! I know we've still got a long road ahead of us with our pooch, but this forum is what keeps me going on our very rough days!


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## vcm5 (Apr 20, 2011)

I agree, I think doggy daycare might be a great option for you!


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## MollyMom (Feb 15, 2012)

That's a great game, nolefan! We'll try that tomorrow for sure. Thank you so much, and for pointing out Radarsdad 'job' idea again. :wiggle:


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## MollyMom (Feb 15, 2012)

Penny's Mom said:


> She'd rather play mind games with her jolly ball. I have to guess when she's loosen her grip on it and then kick it away. She'll bring it back to me and we do it again. THAT game is the only one she plays...over and over again. She always trys to win by fooling me and getting me to kick the ball when she's still got a good grip on it. Of course my kick is more of a nudge with the toe of my boot. She's a very mental dog!


 Cool - really curious as to how that game came about!! Which one of you came up with it? It will be interesting to see how Molly develops....I think she might end up being a very mental dog, too, just based on the way she figures out things to get into in the backyard - lol.


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## MollyMom (Feb 15, 2012)

Tucker's mommy said:


> A one hour walk every day plus 30 minutes of outside play and just running with/after the kids outside is the excercise he gets every day. But when he gets ramped, he gets ROUGH.
> 
> I thought of something else we use that really helps him burn his energy/entertain him at mealtime. Ever use the Kong Wobbler? That thing is a godsend for us! He eats all of his meals from it. I LOVE it.


 Thank you for piping in!! That sounds like a good plan, and yes - we actually _do_ have a Kong Wobbler. Haven't used it as much during this rainy season because it seems to work better outside (no worries about corralling Molly during dinnertime for fear of food going down heat registers and such), but we'll have to dust that off and give it another go. Thank you again!


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## MollyMom (Feb 15, 2012)

Thank you so much, everybody. I was so despondent and frustrated yesterday, but today I'm feeling absolutely hopeful and positive, and can't wait to try out all the suggestions and ideas!! I knew this forum would be a tremendous help - you are all so knowledgeable, encouraging and supportive. Again, thank you all so much. I sincerely hope someday I'll have gained enough puppy/dog experience to actually be able to help someone else out. :You_Rock_


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## mooselips (Dec 4, 2011)

Bridget has gone to doggie daycare twice now, and I am loving it.
Although I have taken her to two different ones, because I need to find the "right" one for us.

We're going to "Central Bark" I'm not sure where you're located, but it's a franchise.

I love them. Bridget came home nice and relaxed, and smiling.
She ate her dinner, and slept for 2 hours....lol

They even have Pools for the dogs!

I've aready signed her up for one day next week!


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## mooselips (Dec 4, 2011)

One more thing...
I also tried the easy deluxe harness, with the nose thing.didn't work for us, we had the same problem you experienced.

BUT, someone suggested a "Sensation Harness"

This is where I ordered it from:
http://www.softouchconcepts.com/

And we walked ALL the way around the lake this a.m. 
It was a joy!


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

It is a freezing cold downpour outside, and I just got home from hiking the goldens with my friend Sandy and her retrievers. A one year old sporting dog needs to get thoroughly tired once a day, to be fair to her. Many years, I make a hike 362 of 365 days. I've never lived anywhere, including the seriously urban New Haven Ct where I couldnt find open space for my dog(s) to run off leash once a day. When humans expect great manners but don't offer quality exercise, it is a tough situation for a young dog.


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## Capt Jack (Dec 29, 2011)

I've been there too & the thing that helped the most was walking but I had the pulling problem too gentle leader, prong collar I finally got a harness someone on here told me about I can't remember the name right now but it hooks from the front of his chest it was an instant success.I'm sure they don't work on every dog but it sure did for Jack.Hang in threr the first 2 years are the hardest but with work it gets better & I promise it's worth it.I'll post the brand name on this thread after I walk Jack tonight


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## MikaTallulah (Jul 19, 2006)

Are the kids involved with the Training fir you pup? If not they should be. The more people working with her the better. 

If they clipped 2 leashes on the dog with each one holding 1 could the walk her? My brother was 10 and I was 13 when we got Lucky. He could be walked by either 1 of us easily but mom and I were on top of him from 6 weeks old not to pull and her got tons of excersise- Like the postal service- Rain, shine, sleet, okay maybe not hail- Lucky was outside playing.

It sounds like she is frustrated and bored. Can you get her to retrieve other things? Lucky would retrieve anything if asked. Get your ball, get your kong, get your bone- That type of thing. We could also tell him to get the laundry and he would bring down the dirty laundry I piece at a time- He would run up there stairs get a sock, bring it back down stairs, give it to you and repeat til done. He did occasionally bring down clean laundry too. But it kept him busy.


A tired puppy is a happy puppy who will grow to be a great dog. 

Could you take her for additional training like rally or agility? Works the mind and the body.

It will get easier.


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## JazzSkye (Aug 1, 2011)

Hi,

You've gotten oodles of great advice, but one thing I'd like to suggest, as Mike says, is that your kids go to classes with Molly and learn to handle her. This is not just for your kids, but for the message it sends to Molly: if she is still trying to mount them, then in the pack order she sees them more as siblings, and she's trying to climb the power ladder. Molly needs to understand that all humans are above her in rank. I know she needs more exercise, and that the kids rile her up, but it shouldn't matter. When a human says "enough", the dog must submit--without nipping, tearing clothes, or blocking paths.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't get on your kids for overexciting her, on the contrary. Skye sometimes has a tendency to go over the top in play with my youngest, Kelly, and Kelly is just as guilty of adding fuel to the fire. But when they start rolling around on the floor, I put a stop to it. I tell Kelly she's not to let the dog lie on her under any circumstances, because the message Skye receives is that she's at least an equal. When things get out of hand, I tell Kels to stop and to put Skye into a "down", then to calmly caress her. Of course Skye pushes it, but I tell Kelly to use her deep voice and keep issuing commands until Skye settles.

Then I ride Kelly's back for forgetting everything I've told her, and riling up Skye:uhoh:

Training the kids to know and respect their place is just as hard as training the pup :doh:, but it's necessary.


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