# Hole in my heart



## Tosh's Legacy (Oct 2, 2013)

How many, many of us on this Forum have experienced that heartbreak -- some, time and time again. Others are just experiencing that undefinable heartbreak for the first time. It seems as if a never ending black hole in your heart that will never, ever go away. Your life will never be the same without Zoie, because no one can replace her unique being. She was created to be her own special self for you.

The pain of loss will always be there, the memories will always be there. Remember her as if she is still with you, because she is. Don't feel strange talking to her. I talk to mine daily, and thank them often for the time they were physically here to bless my life. We learn so much from sharing our lives with them. Just look back and begin to see how much you and your husband learned from her -- it will bring you such thankfulness.

Please don't feel guilty if you do get another Golden. There is not right or wrong time to let another in your life. Some do it quickly, and some wait. He or she will not replace Zoie, but add another layer of love to your life and help heal that undefinable emptiness you are experiencing. There will be a new little personality to love and you will be loved in turn. And Zoie will still be with you.

Many on this forum would tell you the same: you may weep and grieve for literally years and never find total healing for the loss, but the memories become more precious and sweet as time goes on. Taking the love you have for her and giving to another is just what she wants you to do. She will be right there to assist you in helping raise another beautiful Golden!


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## gold4me (Mar 12, 2006)

Unfortunately I have been in your shoes too many times. It never gets easier to deal with but one thing I learned is do not beat yourself up for the things you think you should have done. You gave Zoie 15 years of love and she gave it back to you. Soon you will look at the precious memories you have with smiles and joy but right now you are just feeling the ache in your heart. I honestly believe that our goldens teach us that loving a golden and having a golden in our lives is a blessing and each one brings a different fulfillment to our lives. They never replace each other they only add to our lives. Just take is one day at a time.


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## dlmrun2002 (Mar 4, 2011)

*So Sorry*

Just a note to say many of us know this story all to well. I have lost 3 special Golden's. Sounds like your Zoie had a very long life for a Golden with a great home and great caretakers of her. I hope you get to spread the love you would give to Zoie onto others. She would like that. It is so hard to loose a Golden and I hope you feel better soon.

••Godpseed to Zoie••

dlm NY country


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## Sweet Girl (Jun 10, 2010)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I, too, have been there. I felt like part of me died with my last dog. She was my heart and soul. I was the opposite of you - I didn't want to leave my house. All I could do was cry. But after a few days of deep grieving, I realized I didn't want to be sad forever. And Tesia, my dear dog, would not have wanted me to be so sad. 

I thought I would never be able to have another dog after her. She was perfect in every way. How could I ever love another one as much? But after just a few weeks, I realized I missed having a dog so much. I missed going to the park, and walking through my neighbourhood, and throwing a ball over and over and over. I missed having another living being to take care of. I hated that when I vacuumed, there was barely anything in the cannister. 

For me, deciding to get a new puppy made me feel better. I had something to look forward to. My heart started to heal, and when I got my puppy, I realized you CAN love another. She didn't replace my other dog in my heart. Not at all. But suddenly, I had more room to love another. It was absolutely the right thing for me to get another - but I did have a period of waiting, which was perfect. She arrived five months after Tesia died. She was exactly what I needed. As an added bonus, she was and is a super cuddly puppy, who loved to sit in my lap and loved being hugged and kissed, and would stay as close to me as she could. Nothing is better for making you feel better. I know Tesia would have approved. 

Hope this helps. You will know when you are ready for another. What I can promise you - is that you will never regret getting another puppy. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## G-bear (Oct 6, 2015)

I am so very sorry for your loss. Many of us have been in the dark place that you are right now. When we lose one of our dogs, who are really a part of our family, the loss can often be overwhelming. A little over 2 years ago I lost the dog that I considered my "heart dog". We got Goldie for my father after my mom died. She was the dog that brought him back to the world of the living after my mom's death. She gave my dad a reason to go on. When my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer I took care of him as he died. Goldie was with me (and him) every moment and after his death she came to live with my family. She and I grieved together. She became my constant companion and my heart. When she died I felt as if a part of me had died with her. The hole that her passing left was absolutely overwhelming. I cried, not just a little bit, but virtually non stop. In absolute desperation my husband bought me a golden puppy for my birthday. While the puppy, whom we named Bailey, did keep me so busy that I found myself not crying constantly it did not prevent me from thinking of Goldie. It has been just over 2 years since Goldie died. I think of her daily. I know that there are many members of this forum who have special dogs who have passed who think of them daily as well. One of the things which I did which really did seem to help with my sadness is that I created a memory book of Goldie. Photos and stories of her. Putting them all in one place helped with the healing. I also have a wall in my home with photos of all the dogs I have had over the past 40 years. All of the photos are photos which I have taken and turned into black and white portraits of the dogs. It is my tribute wall to those wonderful creatures who brought a great deal of joy to my life. 
I wish I could tell you that the sadness you are feeling will pass soon. I can't do that as it is different for everyone and grief does not follow a time table. It will lessen over time. I know that this does not help you right now, however. For that I can only tell you that I am truly sorry. 
As for getting another dog... some people have done that (including myself) but others have waited. If you do decide to get another dog in the near future please do not make the mistake which we made with our purchase of Bailey. Do not allow your heart to override your common sense. There are many breeders out that who prey upon people (such as my husband and I) and sell dogs which have no clearances and are not reputable breeders. In the case of Bailey we have been for the most part lucky with his health but I know of others who have not been as lucky. So please before contemplating another dog do your research. Post the information about the breeder you are considering here. There are many members willing to help determine whether or not the dog you are considering purchasing is from a breeder who breeds dogs with proper clearances and is breeding to try to ensure a healthy puppy. who will be with you and your family for many years to come. 
You heart will eventually heal. It will take time and no, you are not crazy to think of your Zoie every day. You and your husband loved her a great deal and when you lose something you love the grief that follows is a powerful thing. It is because you loved her so much that it hurts. It will lessen and eventually I hope that the hole in your heart will be filled with the good memories you have of Zoie. Those dogs who hold a special place in our lives never really leave us. They are always with us in our hearts. Hugs to you.


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## SallyGee (Feb 15, 2017)

I am truly sorry for your loss. Like so many here, I have also lost dogs. My Golden was truly special. I have loved all my dogs, but Sally was different. She was more like my best friend. She has been gone almost 9years. I still miss her. But the pain gets more bearable. I was lucky enough to have 2 other dogs at the time, but now my last dog is 12. I am starting to think about getting another Golden. No one can tell you what is right for you. But I do agree with the previous poster who said not to rush into anything. Take your time and be sure to deal with a reputable breeder so you get a healthy dog. I framed several pictures of SallyGee, and put them around the house, and got a dog angel statue with her name and dares of her birth and death. These things gave me comfort because I felt I was honoring her in some small way. Try to find something that will do the same for you. You gave your precious dog a wonderful life. I am new to this forum, but I can tell that there are many people who understand. I hope you find some comfort.


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## Zoie (Apr 13, 2017)

I cannot begin to express my gratitude for all of the replies and kind words from people who truly understand. I still haven't told a lot of friends for fear of continuing to break down. We are going to get another golden and will heed the advice of researching the breeder. I am somewhat of 
A Luddite and do not know my way around posting pictures on forums but I intend to learn. Zoies imperfections made her perfect to me. Though akc registered, She had small ears and freckles on her nose and she was reddish golden and weighed about 65 ponds. We intend to contact her breeder located in Coventry, CT soon. 
Thank you all again from the bottom of the hole in my heart. I miss her so much and our Saturday routines. Happy Easter!

.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Zoie*

I am so very sorry about Zoie. I feel your pain.
My Smooch and Snobear will take care of her.
I added her to the Rainbow Bridge List.

http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...177-2017-rainbow-bridge-list.html#post7069329


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## KKaren (Oct 29, 2014)

Zoie said:


> Hi everyone--I just signed up as I saw so many compassionate posts for people who have lost their dear dogs. My husband and I put down our Zoie 2 days ago at the vet and I am devastated beyond belief. Zoie was 15 years and 2 months but in (what we thought) was in good health (though 75% blind and 75% deaf) just until this past weekend when she started to really go down hill, not eating, short shallow breaths, unable to get up or even left her head up on Tuesday. She has always had bouts of arthritis and was taking Deramax so I thought when we took her to the vet it would be just a matter of blood work and giving her a pain med, etc til she "recovered" and was able to walk again. An ultrasound however showed that she had a very large tumor and neurological damage and that combined with her inability to walk, eat, etc indicated her time was at hand so we made the decision to euthanize her rather than bring her home where she would be home but unable to live like she had for so many active years. Zoie was my husbands first pet so his heart is broken and the sadness is profound for both of us. I wonder if we should have brought her home and I wonder if we should now look for another Golden right away or wait. While there is no right answers I wonder if someone here has experience in this and how it worked out for them. We believe she is in a better place but the hurt is extreme. I would almost rather stay here at work than go home and face the empty house. This morning I pretended she was there and started speaking to her--am I crazy? What will heal this?


I'm so very sorry for your loss of your sweet Zoie. It's a really difficult time and so many of us understand what you are feeling. When my Merry passed, I gave myself permission to do whatever made me feel better...I kept the things that reminded me of her near.... I walked to the places that we both loved on the path by my house and sat and cried and remembered her. I left her bowls out for a good many months... until I was ready for a change.

If you are speaking to Zoie, ... of course you are not crazy, it's fine and I believe that you will see signs that she is watching over you.

As you can see from my signature, I now have another golden... I call her My Glimmer of hope... 

I hope that when the time is right for you and your husband you will find another Golden to share your life with. Hugs


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

Zoie was a huge part of your lives for a very, very long time. Not only that but she was a wonderful soul. She deserves to be missed and mourned. Allow yourselves to cry over her. I hope you will try to find peace with the decision you made with her best interests and quality of life in mind. There was nothing selfish or wrong about making a choice to let her go, I think it is the greatest love we can show another living creature, to be honest. I am firmly in the camp that it is best to let an animal go a bit too soon than a bit too late. There is no kindness at all in having an animal suffer needlessly when they simply need to be released.

I am one of those people who misses the individual dog who died but also misses the presence of a 4 legged family member in the home if that makes sense. I am utterly miserable without a dog in the house. The best way for me to move on and begin to heal is to have something to look forward to. A puppy search is the best thing in the world for this. Only you and your husband know if you need to have a distraction to help you get through the mourning period. 

I don't know if you all are thinking rescue or puppy for your next Golden but if you think it may be puppy, I strongly suggest that you go ahead and begin searching for a good breeder very soon. The idea is that you are searching for the breeder, not the puppy. A really good person will have, most likely, a wait list - either formal or informal - for their next litter. They will probably have an idea of what dog they plan to breed and hopefully a window of a couple months that they hope she will come into season (this is the only time they can conceive) and this only happens once or twice a year depending on the dog. THat means you can do research and find someone and still wait for a puppy for months. 

Use this forum to help you recognize and locate good, reputable breeders. Go to GRCA.org and educate yourself as much as possible and come here to share your grieving process with people who understand as you need to. I'm so sorry for your loss, it's a heartache like no other to lose a special dog. My heart goes out to you.


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## Zoie (Apr 13, 2017)

Had a rough couple days and was reminded that grief is not linear. We have started the search for a new dog and emailed some breeders and also Golden Retriever rescues. I had such a connection with Zoie and miss the littlest darn routines we shared. It does help to talk with her in that nasally little voice I used that she seemed to love when I voiced both sides of the conversation. She would smile and wag her tail and then sometime cock her head like ?? what? wow is that every powerful love!!


thank you all again --it is also powerful love to emphathize with all of you who understand so well and easily....all grief abating suggestions are more than welcomed. Hope to get another doggie(of any age) before the end of this year.....:grin2:


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## Sweet Girl (Jun 10, 2010)

I'm glad you're starting to look for a new puppy, but for sure, the grief will be with you a long time. Your whole routine is disrupted now that she is gone. I remember wondering, what am I going to do with all that time I used to spend at the park or at the beach, or just caring for her? I hated having all that time. I hope your search is helping you - giving you something to look forward to. But I know the feelings you're going through. It's such a huge loss.


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## Ryn (May 2, 2014)

So difficult, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you for your comment on my thread about my Sadie. I hope Sadie and Zoie can meet and play with one another. I too have had thoughts about another Golden, but for me personally it is too soon, I'm hoping Sadie can give me some sort of sign letting me know it would be alright with her. Stay strong.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Chloie*

Deb, Zoie's Mom, asked me to share her new pup's picture with all of you. Her name is Chloie and they are in LOVE WITH HER!!


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## goldy1 (Aug 5, 2012)

How sweet is that little Chloie !!! She will bring happiness and healing and I can't wait to hear more about her.


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## SandyK (Mar 20, 2011)

Just seeing this thread. I am so sorry for your loss of Zoie. Glad to see you found Chloe to help fill the hole left in your heart. Congrats!! She is adorable!!:smile2:


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss of Zoie.

Congratulations on Chloe, she's adorable. May she fiil your heart and life with love and lots of joy.


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## whemtp (Oct 18, 2009)

Sorry for your loss. I felt the same way when my Golden "Shelly" passed suddenly. She was almost 6 years old. It was terrible, but with time, it gets better. I think we ended up waiting about 6 months before getting our next Golden, "Lucy" Lucy is not a replacement and we love her as much as we loved Shelly. There is no written rule on how long to wait. Some get a another dog immediately and others wait years. I see that you already welcomed a new pup. Best wishes.


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