# Time Frames



## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

For those of you who have lost beloved goldens, particularly those who had a one dog household what is considered normal ? 

Today the reminder popped up for Honeys heartworm pill. I snoozed it. I couldnt delete it. 

Her food and water dish are still in the kitchen. I had still been changing the water a few times when it got cloudy. Yesterday i dumped it out ...and cried of course. 

Did you get another dog ? Another Golden ? How long did you wait ? 

Its 22 days today .... Its absolutely magnificent outside and the backyard is almost unbearable.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.


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## hotel4dogs (Sep 29, 2008)

I can't give any advice, just want to say that I so know how you are feeling. I lost my Toby on January 2nd, and my heart still breaks every single day.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

There is no time frame on your grief, everyone works through it at their own pace. Don't tell yourself or listen to anyone else tell you it's time to move on. You may never completely move on, and that would be ok too. 

I can tell you, if your home and heart, and yard, are unbearably empty and making the ache worse, there is no balm more effective to sooth the ache than opening your home and heart to another dog or puppy. Not to replace your missing companion, but to share the love they taught you with another friend.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

I've had dogs all my life, each time one passed, a piece of me went with them. 

In Feb. 2011, we had to let our Old guy go at the age of 15.5, he'd been with us since he was 8 weeks old. He'd been in Hospice basically the last year of his life, he had cancer and because of his age, the Vet felt he would not be able to handle any type of treatment which we agreed. We spent the last year making the most of each and every day we had with him, thought we were prepared for the day when we had to say good bye to him. We learned that day, no matter how much you think you're prepared, you never really are because they are so much a part of your life and life isn't the same without them. 

I also have Roxy who is a former puppy mill momma that I adopted from a GR Rescue in my state. She will always need to be with another dog-she had been used for breeding, had been both verbally and physically abused and was not socialized. 

When we said goodbye to Taz she started to regress, she was grieving as much as we were and all the progress we had made with her over the years was quickly slipping away.

Two weeks after we lost Taz, I found a young golden boy at my County Humane Society. I decided to go look at him, even though we weren't ready for another dog. I don't feel you can replace one dog with another, they're each very unique and special in their own way and bring something very special to your life that only each of them can. 

When I met this young boy, I knew he would be a perfect fit for my Roxy, he was well adjusted, sweet, gentle, fun loving, overall a great dog. He fit it perfect with my family, he's been the easiet dog I've ever had, he basically required no adjustment or transistion period. It took Roxy awhile to get use to him, as he is alot more active than my old guy was. Remy has been good for Roxy, he has helped her adjust to the loss and continues to help her overcome issues she has. 

Only you can make the decision as to when the time is right for you to get another dog. You need time to grieve, everybody grieves in their own way and time, you can't put a specific time frame on it. 

It's been a year since Taz passed, we still miss him very much, think of him everyday and still wish he was with us, but we know it wasn't meant to be. We were blessed with 15.5 wonderful years. 
Remy has brought so much joy and love back into our lives, I don't regret adopting him two weeks after we lost Taz. Remy has helped our hearts heal.


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## HolDaisy (Jan 10, 2012)

We lost our Golden Daisy on January 7th and we still miss her as much as the moment when she first went. It was only last week I found the strength to put her toys away safe in a box. Her water dish is still in its same spot though 

People seem to move on at different paces and what they are comfortable with. Although it might help us, right now...we are not ready for a puppy at all. However, if the right rescue dog came along and needed a home then I think we would consider. We're not ready at the moment to go out and actively look for a dog yet though, it would be really strange having another in Daisy's house


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

HolDaisy said:


> We lost our Golden Daisy on January 7th and we still miss her as much as the moment when she first went. It was only last week I found the strength to put her toys away safe in a box. Her water dish is still in its same spot though
> 
> People seem to move on at different paces and what they are comfortable with. Although it might help us, right now...we are not ready for a puppy at all. However, if the right rescue dog came along and needed a home then I think we would consider. We're not ready at the moment to go out and actively look for a dog yet though, it would be really strange having another in Daisy's house


I love Daisys picture ....what a face. I hope the pains starts to fade. This is so hard.


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## HolDaisy (Jan 10, 2012)

DERBYBOY7 said:


> I love Daisys picture ....what a face. I hope the pains starts to fade. This is so hard.


Thank you. Your Honey was so beautiful too! It is really difficult, goldens are such special dogs the emptiness they leave is unbearable. Time will help you a little, and remember that Honey is always watching over you.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Derbyboy7*

Derbyboy7

The time is right whenever you think it is! My Hubby and I have always gotten another dog immediately. We can't stand the emptiness and as Mylissyk said there is nothing that ill heal your broken heart faster than another dog.
When I lost my Smooch, Golden Ret. Female, on Dec. 7, I remembered someone had posted here in Golden Ret. Cases, about a Male Golden named Tucker needing a home. Ken and I took our dog Tonka to meet Tucker on Dec. 8 and Tucker and Tonka have been together ever since.


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## vcm5 (Apr 20, 2011)

I am so sorry for your loss. There is no correct time frame, it is whatever works for you. And when you are ready, I think adding a sweet little puppy to fill up your backyard and your heart again is just the ticket.


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## Dallas Gold (Dec 22, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

There really isn't a time frame--it all depends on you and what feels right to you in your heart. After our first Golden died in 2004, we adopted a rescue puppy 3 weeks later. In retrospect, it was much too soon, but he did everything he could to distract us from the raw emotional pain of loss we were feeling. We adopted a 7 year old Golden 5 months before our first Golden died. 

Our second Golden passed in April 2010. We decided to wait on another dog, and concentrate on that puppy we adopted in 2004. Life happened and we had a series of things occur that took our time and energies and bringing a new dog home just was not in the cards. We are just now thinking we might want to bring a new puppy into our home, but are taking our time. Toby, our current dog is 8 1/2 years old, and the one on one time we've had with him these past two years was worth it.


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## patrice (Nov 3, 2011)

Hi Derby,

I waited because I had to. I would say it was about 6 weeks after I lost my baby that I was feeling like I just could not have a normal life without a golden. But for me, my mom was ill, and I knew that I had to wait. I think that having a new one is good. Being without a golden in your life is tough. I was stopping people in the street, stalking people with goldens. Goldens are special dogs, they fill us up, our souls--you know. They are amazing, they make are lives complete. I lost Buddy on 10-30: I will always feel sad that time of year. I got Lucky on April 9th, after I was finally able to get another dog.


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## dborgers (Dec 7, 2011)

I'm so sorry you lost Honey. What a sweet name. I'm sure she was a real sweetheart.

No dog can replace another. We've lost several over the years. We talk about them often, have pictures of them around the house, and look forward to seeing them again when we ourselves get to The Bridge. We'll always love and remember them. They'll never be forgotten. Nor have we felt we were dishonoring the memory of another who went to the Bridge by adopting another one. Rather, we've felt that's what they would want us to do .. help another dog.

About 2 weeks after we lost our last golden, the same gal who'd brought him over for us to adopt from TVGRR called and said, "I know you probably aren't ready, but (pause) ... I have this really wonderful young boy about a year and a half or two years old. 2 days later I went to meet him. That was Andy, the golden we've been blessed with the past 9 years. 

Although she and her husband retired and moved to Florida I had the pleasure of talking with Nikki today, giving her an update on Andy, and thanking her for that call.


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## BayBeams (Jan 3, 2010)

When my first Golden, Cassie, died suddenly in my living room I was devastated. She had been with me through some tragic years of my life and I thought there could never be another. About 2 months later I brought home a new puppy, but I wasn't ready. The puppy was beautiful and typical with all the puppy behaviors that can be so trying at times and all it did was make me angry that she wasn't Cassie. One day I got beyond that and she is my wonderful, Baylee but, honestly, it didn't seem fair to her for her to go through my sadness. She is 11 now and I cherish each moment that I have her.

Last year, when I said good-bye to Beau due to cancer, I decided to turn my pain at his loss into a tribute to his life by giving back to the rescue organization that had originally given me Beau, by volunteering. This allowed me to channel my sadness into something positive which helped me enormously. I knew that the love and joy that was Beau should not be wasted by sadness. I miss him every day but I celebrate having had him in my life.

Everyone mourns differently. The methods we use to get beyond the sadness depends upon our own personal experiences but perhaps you could find a way to honor Honey that lifts your spirit until you are ready.

I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you soon find peace in your heart to lift you from the sadness.


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## Goldengal9 (Apr 18, 2012)

I know this probably doesn't sound helpful but you'll know in your heart when you and your family are ready. Until about five years ago I don't remember a time without a dog. My family had a older black lab when I was born who passed away when I was six. A few months later we got our first golden named Molly. She passed away the wintet of my freshman year at college. I remember being so heart broken that I hadn't gotten a chance to say goodbye. It had happened during finals and my parents hadn't wanted to upset me. Believe me they got hell from me! That April I came home from college to visit and when my mother picked me up at the bus station there was a brand new puppy in the car! Our Phoebe passes away about five years ago. I would have loved to get another dog sooner but the time just wasn't right. My mother was in the middle of a 7 1/2 year Battle with Brain cancer. It wasn't fair to bring a puppy into a situation where we were spending most of our extra time at the hospital. My mother passed away a little over two years ago. We had a lot to deal with / adjust to do we still held off. I think it was just to much for my retired father who now lives with me. It just reminded him how much he missed my mother and her love of the two dogs. 

I've been ready for awhile now and have really missed having a dog. But my father's the one who is home all day during the school year and I didn't want to get a puppy if he wasn't ready. I practically jumped for joy earlier this year when he said he wanted to get another dog. We bring our puppy home in 4 weeks!


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## Goldengal9 (Apr 18, 2012)

Please excuse my typos. I was typing all that on my phone.


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## Macretriever (Sep 9, 2009)

I can say having 2 in the house still really helped especially one being his puppy. I see so much of Macintosh in Evan. I don't think I could have a house without a dog anymore. We are planning on getting a rv so we can take the dogs with us on vacations. If your feeling the emptiness around a new dog will help liven up the place.


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies. We got Honey when my only child was 12 and School after care was ending. I didn't think I wanted a dog but lost that argument to my Wife and Son. 

In a way Honey was replacing the fact that my other baby was growing up and didn't need daddy to cut his food anymore. And over the ( Too Few ) years I became honeys main caretaker and walker. 

It was a last little piece of my sons childhood. My wish was that Honey would be there for him when he came home from college and of course that was not to be. 

And of course assuming my Son goes away in Sept 2013 thats 2-3 hours more a day that a new dog would be alone. 

I am truly dying inside. My wife is trying to decide if i need counseling, Anti-depressants or a new dog. 

Anyone have any suggestions where to look for Goldens in the NYC area ? We could do most of the Northeast. (NY,NJ,CT,PA etc )


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## BayBeams (Jan 3, 2010)

DERBYBOY7 said:


> Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies. We got Honey when my only child was 12 and School after care was ending. I didn't think I wanted a dog but lost that argument to my Wife and Son.
> 
> In a way Honey was replacing the fact that my other baby was growing up and didn't need daddy to cut his food anymore. And over the ( Too Few ) years I became honeys main caretaker and walker.
> 
> ...


It has been less than a month since your loss. Be kind to yourself and know that it will take time for the pain to ease. One day you will be able to remember Honey with a smile instead of a tear.

It takes time to mourn those that have been loved. Having a puppy will fill your time and add a new love to your heart but it will never replace your loss. 

Take the time to mourn, offer a tribute to Honey in some special way and consider another dog, perhaps even a rescue, when it feels like the time is right.

It really has been such a short time since your loss. 

My thoughts are with you...


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## coppers-mom (Jan 9, 2009)

A new love has always really helped me heal. I had some other losses at the same time i lost Copper and it took a much longer time to heal. I probably could have benefited from counseling and antidepressants, but just muddled my way through with the help of GRF.

I just hope you find a new love to help heal the hole in yur heart. It took me over a year to finally feel like I was back to normal this time and I was a real mess for the first 6 or so mionths. 
They fill such a huge part of our lives that losing them just hurts, hurts, hurts.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

DERBYBOY7 said:


> Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies. We got Honey when my only child was 12 and School after care was ending. I didn't think I wanted a dog but lost that argument to my Wife and Son.
> 
> In a way Honey was replacing the fact that my other baby was growing up and didn't need daddy to cut his food anymore. And over the ( Too Few ) years I became honeys main caretaker and walker.
> 
> ...


Here is the Puppy Referral link from the Golden Retriever Club of America-you can get a referral by State or Region.

GRCA Puppy Referral

There are several members on the forum that are breeders, they may have litters or give you a referral. There are also members from the states you have referenced, hopefully they will give you some Breeder info. too.


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

As I can see your story is not very different from mine. I was the one who did not want a dog, but we got one and he became *my *Buddy. It has been a year on May 15th I lost my Buddy and I am still grieving on some way. My Buddy was the only dog we had and after we lost him we did not get another one. There is no reason other than me not to get a dog. My husband was ready months ago and every single day he puts little bit more talk that this is the right time to get a puppy as he is home for next couple months.

I think there is no time frame, we are all different. The relationship you have with your dog and people in general define the time frame. I was the one who never rushed from ended relationship into another. I always needed time to reflect on past and analyze everything. I realized in my case it is not missing a dog in my house and things to do for a dog and with a dog. I am missing *my Buddy*, the things we did together, the way I loved him and he loved me back. So I need the time, a lots of time many would say. It is just me, no rules there. 

Taking time to honor your loss is ok. If you had that special relationship with your dog time is no matter, you will always miss that dog, regardless how many you had before and have after him/her.


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

CAROLINA MOM said:


> Here is the Puppy Referral link from the Golden Retriever Club of America-you can get a referral by State or Region.
> 
> GRCA Puppy Referral
> 
> There are several members on the forum that are breeders, they may have litters or give you a referral. There are also members from the states you have referenced, hopefully they will give you some Breeder info. too.


Thank You very much !!! This will at least give me something positive to work on. Believe me I could use it.


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

Buddy's mom forever said:


> As I can see your story is not very different from mine. I was the one who did not want a dog, but we got one and he became *my *Buddy. It has been a year on May 15th I lost my Buddy and I am still grieving on some way. My Buddy was the only dog we had and after we lost him we did not get another one. There is no reason other than me not to get a dog. My husband was ready months ago and every single day he puts little bit more talk that this is the right time to get a puppy as he is home for next couple months.
> 
> I think there is no time frame, we are all different. The relationship you have with your dog and people in general define the time frame. I was the one who never rushed from ended relationship into another. I always needed time to reflect on past and analyze everything. I realized in my case it is not missing a dog in my house and things to do for a dog and with a dog. I am missing *my Buddy*, the things we did together, the way I loved him and he loved me back. So I need the time, a lots of time many would say. It is just me, no rules there.
> 
> Taking time to honor your loss is ok. If you had that special relationship with your dog time is no matter, you will always miss that dog, regardless how many you had before and have after him/her.


You always remember your first right ? LOL. But yes ... I had read your story and it DID remind me of myself. Honey had a special relationship with all 3 of us. But I was up first and god forbid I'd leave her in the bedroom with Mom.... A gentle "woof" would be heard. If I was up it must be breakfast time. 

And apparently I was the one with the guilt. Yes we had a backyard she could play in. But she deserved a walk ( at the very least ). So i was the feeder and the walker. 

I'm so confused as to what to do. I was at a party saturday with a needy Bichon and it did make me happy. 

But Honey was so special she just does not seem to be replacable. And its killing me.


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

DERBYBOY7 said:


> I'm so confused as to what to do. I was at a party saturday with a needy Bichon and it did make me happy.
> 
> But Honey was so special she just does not seem to be replacable. And its killing me.


I have this test daily and can measure my progress. Our next door neighbors have two dogs, a little mix and yellow lab. We made a hole in the fence so dogs could meet and greet. After my Buddy was gone my husband and I go to this hole and give them treats. Little one cares only about treats, barking and demanding, but Tucker the lab did not want to come for long time. Two of us have a special bond and I know he loves me but it was my grief to keep him away. He would cry from distance but never came close. A few weeks ago he got closer and closer and at the first was lots of crying on both sides. Now he comes for treats and hugs. Tucker feels I am not so sad like I used to be what makes me happy and I think maybe I could love another one. Not the same way as my Buddy, he was the one and only. He was so special like your Honey was and nothing can take that away from us. Memories will stay forever and the way we love them.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

DERBYBOY7 said:


> But Honey was so special she just does not seem to be replacable. And its killing me.


 
Honey is NOT replaceable, no dog is. Each one is very unique, special and will always hold a special place in your heart, you can't replace one with another. But you can open your heart and home to another that will fill your heart and life with so much joy and love. 

You will never forget Honey, you can never take away the love, the memories, or the wonderful years you had with her, she was a part of you and you will always have that with you because she will always remain in your heart. 

For me, being without a dog is unbearable, life is not complete for me unless I have dogs in it.


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## VickiR (Jun 16, 2011)

I lost Sienna on April 29th. It's still very hard.
I do have 2 other Goldens, so at least the house isn't empty.
Do what's right for you.
You can't replace them, but there's always room in your heart for more Goldens.


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

Thank you both Buddys Mom and Carolina Mom. I am trying to just struggle through day to day ....Minute to minute and see which of you I will end up being. 

Honey was such a joy from the time we got her. We asked for a couch potato dog and thats what we got. A sweet mush. Honestly other than a couple of sniglets off my sneakers chewing was never an issue. I have no idea what it is to deal with anything other than a sweet mush who just wants to please.

And of course theres the time of life as well. We got Honey in June of 2007. So after two weeks my son was there with her until September. If we get a dog after the Summer it would be in a crate from 7:30-3PM... If we get it next summer my son might be around ...But then the dog would be alone from 7:30-5 if my son goes away to college. 

I wish i could retire and just spend the whole day with my doggie.


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

DERBYBOY7 said:


> Thank you both Buddys Mom and Carolina Mom. I am trying to just struggle through day to day ....Minute to minute and see which of you I will end up being.


Your comment makes me smile. I admire CarolinaMom for what she did, but I could not do it. Sometimes I feel guilty why I cant do that like most of the others and my husband is ready, but couldn't.
You just follow your heart, no right of wrong.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

I remember all too well those first few days, weeks, then months after we lost Taz and we knew it was coming. It's one of the worst things I have ever gone through and it doesn't get any easier each time. It had been 6 six years since I had lost a dog, I'd forgotten how much it hurt, at the same time it made me realize that eventually the pain and loss I was feeling would go away and I would be able to think about Taz, remember all the goofy things he did, the special times we shared and be able to smile when I did. He was one of a kind just like your Honey.

I can't begin to tell you how guilty I felt the day I went to the shelter to look at Remy, I wanted my old guy back, but I knew it wasn't possible. At the same time, I had my Roxy to think of, she was regressing and slipping into a depression of her own. 

It turns out that Remy needed us as much as we needed him. Our house was too quiet, too empty after Taz passed, it was unbearable, I couldn't stand it, but even more I couldn't stand to see what Roxy was going through.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

Buddy's mom forever said:


> Your comment makes me smile. I admire CarolinaMom for what she did, but I could not do it. Sometimes I feel guilty why I cant do that like most of the others and my husband is ready, but couldn't.
> You just follow your heart, no right of wrong.


Everyone grieves differently in their own and in their own time, you should never feel guilty. 

I was hurting and I had so much guilt the day I went to the Shelter to see Remy, but I had my Roxy to think about too. It pushed me to ready sooner than I really wanted to be, but I don't regret adopting Remy as soon as I did for minute-he's wonderful and I would have missed out on so much love and joy had I not adopted him that day. There were several people that wanted him, I just happened to be the lucky one who got to adopt him. Remy reminds me a lot of Taz when he was Remy's age. Remy will do something that Taz use to do and it brings a smile and reminds me of a wonderful time. That can never be taken away from you.


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## Hali's Mom (Oct 5, 2006)

I lost Hali on Valentine's Day 2010, she was only 9. We had planned on getting another golden retriever in June or July when my daughter was home from college. On March 30th a dog in KY was brought to my attention as being scheduled to be PTS on the 31st. I was able to arrange for a rescue in NY to take her and save her life. She was an Anatolian Shepherd and an owner turn in at 10 mos. I was able to get her on a volunteer transport most of the way to rescue but she would have to stay with me for the week until another rescue passed through going the rest of the way. Well, she stayed. 
It is just too hard for me to be dogless, the emptiness and "ghosts" every time you turn around are tough. As has been said many times before, don't feel you are replacing your dog, you are just giving another a chance to be loved.


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## jimla (Oct 9, 2008)

CAROLINA MOM said:


> Remy reminds me a lot of Taz when he was Remy's age. Remy will do something that Taz use to do and it brings a smile and reminds me of a wonderful time. That can never be taken away from you.


Your comment about Remy made me smile. Elliot and I were so lonely after Dolly died, we adopted Roxy two months later. Roxy started making grunting sounds when she wants attention and I remembered that Dolly used to do the same thing.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

jimla said:


> Your comment about Remy made me smile. Elliot and I were so lonely after Dolly died, we adopted Roxy two months later. Roxy started making grunting sounds when she wants attention and I remembered that Dolly used to do the same thing.


Those moments are so bittersweet aren't they?

Who knows, maybe these special moments are considered God Winks and our Bridge babies are telling us they are watching over us, are happy to see that we are happy again, smiling, and enjoying life.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss, Honey sounds like she was a dog worthy of mourning. I am another who does better if I give myself a brief time to mourn and then begin working on a plan for bringing a new puppy into my home. My grief overwhelms me and the emptiness of not having a dog in the house compounds the longing for the individual I've just lost. I can't even open my eyes in the morning before the thought has already popped into my head 'no dog to let out, no one to bug me to eat and play.'. 

I will never let my home go months without a dog ever again. I hope you are able to arrive at the best decision for yourself and your family, whatever that may be.


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## dborgers (Dec 7, 2011)

After I lost my first golden, Buddy - a stray we adopted who blessed us for 11 years - I was devastated as well. Didn't seek out another dog, but the sweetest strays whose families could not be identified kept showing up on the side porch one after another within a week or two after Buddy died. For a few months I was occupied fostering, training, and finding them great homes when they were ready to be adopted. 

Helping those strays helped us more than I think it helped them. We adopted 2 senior goldens (10-13 years old) in a row after that. It was a heartwarming experience to watch them blossom from scared and unsure to relaxed happy boys who knew they were loved dearly. 

As I explained in an earlier post, we didn't seek actively seek out Andy after the 2nd senior went to the Bridge. 

None of our adopted rescues have felt like a replacement for another. They've all had their own individual personalities and touched our lives in unique ways. Helping the strays and senior goldens between Buddy and Andy helped us as much as it helped them. 

Perhaps fostering an adult dog who'd be so grateful, happy, and content just having a soft, safe place to be might be something for you to consider. We wish you the best


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

nolefan said:


> I am so sorry for your loss, Honey sounds like she was a dog worthy of mourning. I am another who does better if I give myself a brief time to mourn and then begin working on a plan for bringing a new puppy into my home. My grief overwhelms me and the emptiness of not having a dog in the house compounds the longing for the individual I've just lost. I can't even open my eyes in the morning before the thought has already popped into my head 'no dog to let out, no one to bug me to eat and play.'.
> 
> I will never let my home go months without a dog ever again. I hope you are able to arrive at the best decision for yourself and your family, whatever that may be.


 
Wow .... Thats a MAGNIFICENT Collie. So there ARE other breeds.


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## Buddysmyheart (Dec 28, 2011)

I think everyone grieves in their own time and fashion. Our Buddy went to the Bridge 6 months ago on Saturday. I miss him so much, it still hurts. I am just not ready yet to consider a new dog, but I know I will get there someday. My Buddy would be 13 yrs old tomorrow (May 22nd), and I'm so sad he won't be here for me to spoil him with the treats and toys he loved. Yes, his leash still hangs in the back hall, his basket of toys is still downstairs, (minus his very favorite ones that we buried with him), and no one sits on "his" side of the couch. But I know someday, when it is the "right" time, Buddy will guide me to another dog that needs me as much as I need him!


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

Buddysmyheart said:


> I think everyone grieves in their own time and fashion. Our Buddy went to the Bridge 6 months ago on Saturday. I miss him so much, it still hurts. I am just not ready yet to consider a new dog, but I know I will get there someday. My Buddy would be 13 yrs old tomorrow (May 22nd), and I'm so sad he won't be here for me to spoil him with the treats and toys he loved. Yes, his leash still hangs in the back hall, his basket of toys is still downstairs, (minus his very favorite ones that we buried with him), and no one sits on "his" side of the couch. But I know someday, when it is the "right" time, Buddy will guide me to another dog that needs me as much as I need him!


 
Thanks for sharing. It makes me fell less crazy and alone. And if i cry on the keyboard no one can see me. Happy Birthday Buddy.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

DERBYBOY7 said:


> Wow .... Thats a MAGNIFICENT Collie. So there ARE other breeds.


 
Oh Derby, that is very kind of you.... his name is Mack and he turns a year old this week. He is a big sweetheart. After my last golden retriever heartbreak I gave some thought to the idea of a collie (I read all the Albert Payson Terhune books Lad: A Dog as a kid and have always wanted one) did some research at the same time I was checking on golden retriever litters. When the golden litter I had my heart set on didn't happen as planned, I decided it was a sign to bring home a collie. Mack is a wonderful, wonderful family dog and I trust him with my kids and their friends. He is not a golden though.... It didn't take me long to figure out that my life truly is not complete without a golden retriever in it. Luckily my husband is a softie and has agreed to let me add a second dog to our family. I know I will have to vaccum twice a day but it will be worth it. If everything goes right, I'm hoping the litter I was waiting for will finally be born this year and I'll get to bring my golden home in the fall. Things have a way of working out... 

You know, if you ever feel like posting some photos of Honey here, we would love to see her....


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

Derbyboy, you're not crazy and you probably don't need a shrink or anti-depressants. Your heart is broken, no small matter at any time. What to do to help yourself heal is something only you can determine. A new dog (never a replacement), a waiting period, volunteering at a shelter or rescue, taking up a new hobby....only you can figure it out. When my Cody (who really wasn't a dog at all, he was an angel with fur) died in July 2005, I thought that I would die. Really and truly. Just die. I didn't want to see or talk with anyone, not even the dear souls who tried so hard to comfort me. But the house was so silent, so empty and I hated being here. So, eight months later, I adopted Finn from Golden Retriever Rescue of the Rockies. I saw seven dogs before choosing Finn, feeling guilty with each one that we had no connection. There were many ways that I feel Cody sent Finny to me, not the least of which that they shared a name. Finn had a broken back courtesy of his previous owners, but we got him spinal surgery and he's been relatively fine every since. I still cry often over my angel pup (right now in fact), but Finnegan has brought that special golden presence into our home, and we love him. It is, indeed, opening your heart to another dog who will adore you and who you will love.....never, ever a replacement. I wish I could speed you through this knife-edged grief, but everyone must endure the pain in their own way. My condolences on the loss of your beloved Honey.....


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## SandyK (Mar 20, 2011)

I am so sorry for the loss of your Honey. There is no time frame in grieving. I can still remember the night I lost my first golden...the day, the time, what was on tv, what I was wearing, etc. That was 11 years ago. None of my girls since ever replaced her, just helped me to realize my life is not full without a dog or dogs to love and take care of. You will know when it is ok for you to open your heart again, but remember Honey will never be replaced and she will be in your heart forever!!

P.S. I remember every dog, guinea pig, hamster, fish and so on that I have ever lost in my life. Just wanted to point out it doesn't matter when, they are never forgotten.


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

Finn's Fan said:


> Derbyboy, you're not crazy and you probably don't need a shrink or anti-depressants. Your heart is broken, no small matter at any time. What to do to help yourself heal is something only you can determine. A new dog (never a replacement), a waiting period, volunteering at a shelter or rescue, taking up a new hobby....only you can figure it out. When my Cody (who really wasn't a dog at all, he was an angel with fur) died in July 2005, I thought that I would die. Really and truly. Just die. I didn't want to see or talk with anyone, not even the dear souls who tried so hard to comfort me. But the house was so silent, so empty and I hated being here. So, eight months later, I adopted Finn from Golden Retriever Rescue of the Rockies. I saw seven dogs before choosing Finn, feeling guilty with each one that we had no connection. There were many ways that I feel Cody sent Finny to me, not the least of which that they shared a name. Finn had a broken back courtesy of his previous owners, but we got him spinal surgery and he's been relatively fine every since. I still cry often over my angel pup (right now in fact), but Finnegan has brought that special golden presence into our home, and we love him. It is, indeed, opening your heart to another dog who will adore you and who you will love.....never, ever a replacement. I wish I could speed you through this knife-edged grief, but everyone must endure the pain in their own way. My condolences on the loss of your beloved Honey.....


Wow. I already stole your line about Goldens thinking life is a party thrown just for them. I will now also be stealing your " Angel With Fur " line. 

Thank You for your words and reassurance that what I am feeling is not out of the realm of somewhat normal. I never had a dog before so i had no idea what losing one felt like, particularly one as special as Honey.


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

nolefan said:


> Oh Derby, that is very kind of you.... his name is Mack and he turns a year old this week. He is a big sweetheart. After my last golden retriever heartbreak I gave some thought to the idea of a collie (I read all the Albert Payson Terhune books Lad: A Dog as a kid and have always wanted one) did some research at the same time I was checking on golden retriever litters. When the golden litter I had my heart set on didn't happen as planned, I decided it was a sign to bring home a collie. Mack is a wonderful, wonderful family dog and I trust him with my kids and their friends. He is not a golden though.... It didn't take me long to figure out that my life truly is not complete without a golden retriever in it. Luckily my husband is a softie and has agreed to let me add a second dog to our family. I know I will have to vaccum twice a day but it will be worth it. If everything goes right, I'm hoping the litter I was waiting for will finally be born this year and I'll get to bring my golden home in the fall. Things have a way of working out...
> 
> You know, if you ever feel like posting some photos of Honey here, we would love to see her....


I will attach a few pictures. Some are too big to attach. 

My mother in law had a collie when my son was growing up. My wife said it was a rare dominant female but i thought she was awesome. My 2 yo pulling on its tale and i trusted her completely. 

Interesting that you say its not a Golden though. I guess I know what i will need to do eventually.


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## GoldenCamper (Dec 21, 2009)

After my 1st girl passed away a boy came into my life almost two months later. The longest two months of my life. After he passed my current girl came into my life 2 weeks after he passed.

Getting a new friend so soon after as I have does not magically stop the grieving, but boy does it make the healing go quicker by giving me a sense of normalcy.


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## coffenut (Jan 3, 2012)

DERBYBOY7 said:


> For those of you who have lost beloved goldens, particularly those who had a one dog household what is considered normal ?
> (snipped)
> Its 22 days today .... Its absolutely magnificent outside and the backyard is almost unbearable.
> 
> Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.


Oh I so know how you feel. It was six months yesterday (21st) since I lost my Mazlon. Mazlon. I still cry whenever I think about her and I still can't mention her name without tearing up.

I did get another dog ... a puppy that I am sure that Mazlon sent to me. My friends and family were actually so worried about the depression I slipped into that they raised the money to get me a female puppy. I knew I wanted a puppy despite how much work it would be because I didn't want to make subconscious comparisons to Mazlon and be able to create a bond with her. Unfortunately, now that she is growing, I find myself making those comparisons despite her being a completely different personality. OK ... so it's usually when I'm frustrated with training or housebreaking, but still <G>

Káva has brought laughter back into my house. Leprechaun, my Siamese who thought the sun rose and set by Mazlon, has started hanging around Káva giving head butts and face cleaning. Káva has helped and I love her to pieces but my heart still bleeds for Mazlon.

My advice ... get another dog. It will help. You will never forget your baby but a new one will give your grief and energy a direction and someone to talk to about it who won't get tired of hearing about it.


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

I have so few pictures of Honey Grown up that are small enough to post.


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

coffenut said:


> Oh I so know how you feel. It was six months yesterday (21st) since I lost my Mazlon. Mazlon. I still cry whenever I think about her and I still can't mention her name without tearing up.
> 
> I did get another dog ... a puppy that I am sure that Mazlon sent to me. My friends and family were actually so worried about the depression I slipped into that they raised the money to get me a female puppy. I knew I wanted a puppy despite how much work it would be because I didn't want to make subconscious comparisons to Mazlon and be able to create a bond with her. Unfortunately, now that she is growing, I find myself making those comparisons despite her being a completely different personality. OK ... so it's usually when I'm frustrated with training or housebreaking, but still <G>
> 
> ...


Thats a great heartfelt post,Thanks. I'm not ready. I sometimes even have thoughts I wouldnt do it again. I just dont know.


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## Macretriever (Sep 9, 2009)

DERBYBOY7 said:


> I have so fewpictures oh Honey Grown up that are small enough post.


great pic. I just loaded a bunch of pictures of mine onto photobucket and shared the link. 
It's been over a month since I lost Macintosh and today I got a call from a family friend that called to say they were sorry to hear about my loss. He just had eye surgery so couldn't call right away. And it brought me to tears but just a couple days ago I had no problems talking about it. Feeling come and go..


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

Macretriever said:


> great pic. I just loaded a bunch of pictures of mine onto photobucket and shared the link.
> It's been over a month since I lost Macintosh and today I got a call from a family friend that called to say they were sorry to hear about my loss. He just had eye surgery so couldn't call right away. And it brought me to tears but just a couple days ago I had no problems talking about it. Feeling come and go..


Love the Photobucket Link ... Great Idea. Sometimes the pictures make me smile ...Sometimes they make me cry. Hope you are doing okay. 

My wife has been looking at Breeder Sites in the Northeast. Its just so hard to think of starting again right now.


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## Macretriever (Sep 9, 2009)

DERBYBOY7 said:


> Love the Photobucket Link ... Great Idea. Sometimes the pictures make me smile ...Sometimes they make me cry. Hope you are doing okay.
> 
> My wife has been looking at Breeder Sites in the Northeast. Its just so hard to think of starting again right now.



I know what you mean some days you smile laugh and remember the good times, and others you have tears and wonder what you could of done different..It was hard to make the decision to take him in and let him go. But I know he is in a better place no more pain no cancer. 

it may seem like it will be hard to start again but the joy the new puppy will bring will ease the heart some and things they do remind you of great times you had.


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

Isn't it amazing how they just take over you heart. If I would not experience this I would never understand it is possible to miss someone so much. And still they have never exchanged a word with you, they were just there.


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

Buddy's mom forever said:


> Isn't it amazing how they just take over you heart. If I would not experience this I would never understand it is possible to miss someone so much. And still they have never exchanged a word with you, they were just there.


I think thats what makes this place so important. Because it is absolutely impossible to understand if you havent been through it. I can't believe it myself and I'm living it.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

Thanks for taking time to post Honey's photo, she has such a sweet face.... it's a shame she you weren't able to spoil her  She looks like a princess in that picture. Hope you're doing ok today...


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

nolefan said:


> Thanks for taking time to post Honey's photo, she has such a sweet face.... it's a shame she you weren't able to spoil her  She looks like a princess in that picture. Hope you're doing ok today...


Thanks Nolefan. She was alone more than she deserved to be. But we sure tried to spoil her when we could. Believe me she deserved it. 

My wife has me looking at Breeder sites. Its just so hard to think about a new dog with work schedules and stuff. I'd like to retire and have two.


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

DERBYBOY7 said:


> ... I'd like to retire and have two.


Think about three, that's an ideal number.


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

Buddy's mom forever said:


> Think about three, that's an ideal number.


Lol. I MAY have the room in my heart. My house is a different story !


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

DERBYBOY7 said:


> Lol. I MAY have the room in my heart. My house is a different story !


Same here-I have a problem where I want as many as I can have, but my DH keeps things in perspective by limiting me to Two. As much as I hate to admit it, it's probably a good thing.


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## Kula's mommy (Aug 19, 2011)

I still leave Kula's outside water bowl turned over and just about a month ago moved her food bowl as i just couldn't move it sooner.It is very,very hard still and I cry many times just thinking of her.We are going to be looking at a litter of Golden pups soon but my heart still aches for my Kula.It will be a year in August of her passing and I'm so dreading it as the pain is still very real for me.


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

Kula's mommy said:


> I still leave Kula's outside water bowl turned over and just about a month ago moved her food bowl as i just couldn't move it sooner.It is very,very hard still and I cry many times just thinking of her.We are going to be looking at a litter of Golden pups soon but my heart still aches for my Kula.It will be a year in August of her passing and I'm so dreading it as the pain is still very real for me.


Its only a month for me. Actually 4 weeks tomorrow Morning. We of course havent moved the food and water dishes either. In fact i changed Honeys water 3 times before i could empty it. 

Very excited for your Golden hunt. I wish you all the best. Everyone says it does seem to fill the hole in your heart better than anything else can. 

My wife is also looking at websites but I really think i want to wait a year.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

DERBYBOY7 said:


> Its only a month for me. Actually 4 weeks tomorrow Morning. We of course havent moved the food and water dishes either. In fact i changed Honeys water 3 times before i could empty it.
> 
> Very excited for your Golden hunt. I wish you all the best. Everyone says it does seem to fill the hole in your heart better than anything else ca.
> 
> My wife is also looking at websites but I really think i want to wait a year.


I truly understand that it takes some people longer to grieve than it does for others and it's important you take the time you need to grieve. I have a hard time understanding why you would want to prolong the hurt and emptiness you are feeling though. 

There is nothing better in my mind than bringing another golden pup or dog into your life when you have so much love in your heart that needs to be shared. Try not to feel guilty either, you're not replacing the golden that passed, they will always be with you in spirit and hold a special place in your heart and no one can ever take that away from you. Don't be afraid to love again, open your heart again, let yourself enjoy what a new pup or dog will bring to your life, the joy and the love it will bring you.


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## Goldengirl4 (Apr 5, 2012)

There's no right or wrong time. You should do whatever feels right for you. I lost my sweet girl on April 1st and although I know I'll get another golden someday,the time isn't right for me yet. When you're ready you will know.


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

CAROLINA MOM said:


> I truly understand that it takes some people longer to grieve than it does for others and it's important you take the time you need to grieve. I have a hard time understanding why you would want to prolong the hurt and emptiness you are feeling though.
> 
> There is nothing better in my mind than bringing another golden pup or dog into your life when you have so much love in your heart that needs to be shared. Try not to feel guilty either, you're not replacing the golden that passed, they will always be with you in spirit and hold a special place in your heart and no one can ever take that away from you. Don't be afraid to love again, open your heart again, let yourself enjoy what a new pup or dog will bring to your life, the joy and the love it will bring you.


Thanks Carolina Mom. God willing I will not live out my life without once again experiencing the innocent enthusiasm and joy a Golden bring into your life. 

And while I may not feel emotionally ready yet, Its the logistics even more that make it hard to think about right now. We will see ...My wife is asking people who could let the dog out while we are at work. I think she may push even harder than me. My grief was impossibly intense because in general she got up in the morning with me and I'd sort of put her to bed. So for me the void was huge and more immediate. 

Honey was my wifes gardening Buddy. So for her the backyard is just a heartbreaker. 

My wifes might be slight


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

DERBYBOY7 said:


> Thanks Carolina Mom. God willing I will not live out my life without once again experiencing the innocent enthusiasm and joy a Golden bring into your life.
> 
> And while I may not feel emotionally ready yet, Its the logistics even more that make it hard to think about right now. We will see ...My wife is asking people who could let the dog out while we are at work. I think she may push even harder than me. My grief was impossibly intense because in general she got up in the morning with me and I'd sort of put her to bed. So for me the void was huge and more immediate.
> 
> ...


When we lost Taz last year, it was devastating for my husband, as Taz had become his buddy over the last several years. Where ever my husband was, Taz was. My husband rarely went anywhere without him and when he did, Taz would spend half his time looking for him even though my hubby told him goodbye before leaving. He was restless the entire time he was gone until he came back. 

I originally got Taz for my son to have a puppy to grow up with. Taz and my son were inseparable.Throughout the years as my son got involved in school activities, with friends and then participating in three different sports every year in H.S., Taz got close to my hubby, which was a blessing because my son was going off to college and we didn't know if Taz would be able to handle it, the situation worked itself out.

My DH always said he didn't want another dog after his first dog passed because he was too close to the dog and it was so very hard on him when he lost him. He said he would never get close to another dog again, basically he was afraid to open his heart again because he didn't want to feel the pain after the loss. But he let himself get close to Taz and again he went through the same thing. 

When I adopted Remy, it took my husband *literally months* to really accept him, let himself get close to Remy or even let him into his heart. He looked at my adopting Remy as me trying to replace Taz, although I repeatedly told him Taz could never be replaced, he was one of a kind.

The first month or so, Remy was bascially all my boy, spent all his time with me, climbed up on my lap at night for cuddle time. Somewhere over these last six months, Remy now divides his time between me and my DH. Remy spends most of the day outside with my DH if I'm gone or in the house doing things. Then he's my boy again at night, ready for cuddle time or play time again. 

My DH never said anything, I could see it and could tell what the problem was-I knew he was afraid to open his heart again, he was afraid of being hurt. For me, the only way I could help the hurt go away, was by bringing in another dog that needed me as much as I needed him-we helped each other.

ETA:Since Remy is now dividing his time between DH and I, DH has finally opened his heart to Remy, let him in, and he's enjoyng him as much as I am.


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

DERBYBOY7 said:


> Thank you both Buddys Mom and Carolina Mom. I am trying to just struggle through day to day ....Minute to minute and see which of you I will end up being.


Remember when you posted that? Since then I am thinking, why I am posting so much and keep my Buddy's thread on the first page a year after?

I know some will think I am "me, me" person but it is not, it is because I still miss my Buddy, some days more than others.

I hope something good could come up from it. For those with recent loss may be the comfort to know it is ok to miss your dog even couple weeks passed by. Some will decide to get another dog because they don't want to end up like me. 

I am not depressed, I have a lots of cheerful moments in my day, very positive attitude, but I miss my Buddy and I cant help it. Coming here and posting it helps me to keep the bond we had and will always have.


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## DERBYBOY7 (May 18, 2012)

Buddy's mom forever said:


> Remember when you posted that? Since then I am thinking, why I am posting so much and keep my Buddy's thread on the first page a year after?
> 
> I know some will think I am "me, me" person but it is not, it is because I still miss my Buddy, some days more than others.
> 
> ...


I, for one , am glad you did.I have needed people to talk to and you all have been a great comfort to me.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

Buddy's mom forever and DERBYBOY07-I have always considered and treated my dogs as if they were my children. I'm sure my dogs received better care and more love unfortunately than some children do in this world. 

When we had to let Taz go, it tore my heart out-I miss him everyday and I always will. I think about him daily and wish he was still with us, I still cry at times, only now I smile more than I cry, because I am finally at peace with his passing. He was sick, was in pain and was suffering. We were blessed with 15.5 wonderful years with him-a very special gift that made me a better person and my life so much better.

There is nothing wrong with you missing your beloved goldens and no shame at all.


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## maggsd (Mar 20, 2012)

Derbyboy7, So many of us can relate to your loss. I hope this gives you some solace that we all know the heart-wrenching pain of that loss. I hope your heart will tell you what is best for you. Whatever you decide, will be the right thing for you, at the right time for you.
I hope you find peace in knowing the love goldens bring into our lives and how they bury themselves deep in our hearts, remains no matter how long they are with us, they will always be there.



http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...-unbearable-grief-fluke-harrys-passing-8.html


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