# Lost my Abby girl yesterday unexpectedly (1/6/15 - 1/25/22)



## Ontariodogsitter

I so feel for you, it never happens quite the way you think it will, but with the pleasure of having them in our lives we take on the heart break of loosing them, my heart goes out to you.


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## CAROLINA MOM

I am so very sorry for your loss of Abby, she was beautiful. 
My thoughts are with you.


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## Jasmyne

I am so sorry for your loss. I am crying reading your tender tribute to Abby. (((Hugs))) 💔


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## aesthetic

I’m so sorry about the loss of your sweet Abby. I remember her puppy antics very well. My thoughts are with you.


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## Monica_K

I'm so sorry. I also teared up reading your tribute. My thoughts are with you as you navigate this loss.


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## Taz Monkey

This brought me to tears. I lost my Taz to HSA, almost 3 years ago exactly. I don't wish it on anyone. Much love to you and your family.


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## diane0905

I’m so very sorry. I know your heart is broken and how much you will miss your beautiful Abby.


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## ceegee

I'm very sorry. I went through something very similar and you have my sincere sympathies. Kind thoughts to you.


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## FurdogDad

I'm sorry to hear about your loss of Abby. She was a beautiful girl.


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## cwag

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful and sweet Abby. 7 is too young but it feels unbearable at any age. I can tell you gave her a happy life with all the loving and being loved a Golden wants. I hope you find some comfort in knowing you loved her well right through to the end.


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## Macca

My heart goes out to you as you deal with this sudden overwhelming loss. Abby was a beautiful girl and it sounds like she had a real zest for all the good things in life. The photo of her with her 7 birthday candles that must have been taken so recently is a wonderful treasure to have. I hope you feel her presence around you to let you know she will always be with you.


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## Ginams

I’m so sorry for your loss of your special girl.


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## OscarsDad

What terribly sad news. My thoughts are with you.


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## Sankari

I am sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine the heartbreak that you have had to endure in the last hours.. My thoughts go out to you in this time of great sadness...


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## Coolidge

We lost our beloved Chewie at 7 years old to cancer last January. It was very similar to what you experienced. He’d been fine, then seemed a little off, went in and an X-ray showed diffuse cancer. He died within ten days. It was very hard for our whole family, especially my teenagers. What helped me, at least a little bit, was to really understand that my Chewie didn’t
know how long his life was supposed be. And we gave him an amazing life. He never spent a single day without someone loving and adoring him. So it’s still hard for us since we’re left behind and we miss him. But I know my Chewie had a wonderful life.


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## Finnsmom1406

She is beautiful and it looks like you gave her a wonderful life.

We lost our 7 yr old yellow lab last May to the exact same thing. Very similar story. Heartbreaking to stay the least. We recently got a golden retriever. Our sonny could never be replaced but it's nice to love another pup. All we can do is treasure the times we had and love our dogs endlessly when they are here with us-its all they want. Hang in there-it gets better


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## Oceanside

So so sorry for your loss of Abby. 💔


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## nolefan

My heart goes out to you on the loss of your beautiful Abby.... thank you for sharing photos, it's easy to see how perfect she was. My heart just turned 9, I know tomorrow isn't promised, but your poignant tribute to your girl has me in tears... I'm so sorry you didn't get to have her longer, just so sorry.


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## sweiss1590

I'm so sorry. I somehow managed to contain myself as I read what you wrote, but when I came to the photos...I lost it. Bless you for treating her right. Godspeed, Abby.


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## stsmark

As I was reading your recounting the events prior to the Vet, I thought dear God not another one to the beast. 
RIP sweet, beautiful Abby.


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## Clipper's mom

Oh how heartbreaking, and almost no time to assimilate the terrible loss. The photos were lovely. So, so sorry…


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## Fritzenheimer

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our beautiful boy in December, three months after he was diagnosed with the dreaded hemangiosarcoma. Your post had me in tears, reliving the experience of hearing the awful news out of the blue. These animals are so special, they inhabit your soul and teach you everything you need to know about the boundless power of love. The pain of loss is the price you pay for what you shared with your soul mate. May her memory be a source of blessing to you. 💔


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## Tricia

In tears like so many reading this. It brings back so many memories. Photos can be of such help eventually. Take care.


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## Ivyacres

Abby was your special girl, I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## Rilelen

Thank you all….it’s so hard, and I’m saddened but also comforted to know we aren’t the only ones to lose her so suddenly and unexpectedly. My heart goes out to all of us who have ever been here. Right now it feels like my heart is torn to shreds, and I am still in disbelief; it doesn’t feel real or possible that she’s not coming back. How could she not come back.

My best friend (who was my roommate back when I got Abby as a puppy) came down on a night train from several states away as soon as she heard; she didn’t quite make it in time to say goodbye, but having her show up on the doorstep thirty minutes after the vet pulled away with Abby was the only thing that held me together in those first few hours.

She is here until tomorrow, and we have been visiting some of the places Abby liked to go walk; I used to take her down to Sweetwater Preserve in the cooler months where Abby could run on the trails and beg to swim in the (alligator-infested) water.

We also put together a small memorial for her in the front yard; we spent so much time on the big front porch, Abby knew all the dogs in the neighborhood. When she’d see one, she’d get a treat for staying on the porch turning to me, so she was always very excited to see them coming. She could hear her favorites (and the mailman, whom she adored and who loved playing with her) from blocks away.


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## hollyk

Heartbreaking.
I’m so very sorry.


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## JP1

I share in your pain. Such an incredibly heartbreaking experience one can only understand having been through it. Cherish your photos and memories together and time will be your friend. Abby was a beautiful girl.

Heartfelt sorrow to you .... Having a great friend to share in that sorrow speaks volumes.


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## chelseah

I'm so sorry for your loss of Abby. She was such a beautiful girl and it sounds like you had an amazing time together.


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## Ginams

What a very sweet way to share your love for Abby with her neighborhood pals.


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## R.M.S.

Rilelen, thank you for sharing your moving tribute to Abby. It is so deeply sad when one loses such a beloved and beautiful dog as Abby. Praying your happy memories will see you through this heartache.


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## SteveRuffin

I try to stay away from this part of the forum because it’s heartbreaking. I’m always at a loss of what to say because nothing I can say will take away the hurt. She was so well loved and that’s the best life a dog can have. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your tribute brought me the tears.


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## FUReverGolden

I can barely type, I am sheading many tears for you. Sending my deepest condolences. 💔 Truly we here on this site, our love of our fur babies all our hearts are breaking for you. I am sending hugs and strength to you. We have not written a Eulogy for our last baby Bailey. HE had the rasta mon' crimped ears too. We helped him to rainbow bridge on Sept 6, 2021. Within a two month time period his diagnosis of a nasal mast cell tumor we made the ultimate sacrifice to let him go. He took the air we breathe with him when he left. I was just contemplating last night about the very thing you stated " Looking forward to those geriatric years of a senior, and all the sweetness but worries that come with their age" But to loose them so suddenly is shocking. Beautiful Abby I know you are chasing Balls in Heaven and watching over your people. #CANCERSUCKS


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## Rilelen

FUReverGolden said:


> I can barely type, I am sheading many tears for you. Sending my deepest condolences. 💔 Truly we here on this site, our love of our fur babies all our hearts are breaking for you. I am sending hugs and strength to you. We have not written a Eulogy for our last baby Bailey. HE had the rasta mon' crimped ears too. We helped him to rainbow bridge on Sept 6, 2021. Within a two month time period his diagnosis of a nasal mast cell tumor we made the ultimate sacrifice to let him go. He took the air we breathe with him when he left. I was just contemplating last night about the very thing you stated " Looking forward to those geriatric years of a senior, and all the sweetness but worries that come with their age" But to loose them so suddenly is shocking. Beautiful Abby I know you are chasing Balls in Heaven and watching over your people. #CANCERSUCKS


Oh, I love your Bailey's sweet little crimped ears - thank you for your kind words, it does help; somehow it makes me feel a little less lost and adrift. And I'm so sorry, it's so horrible and so hard. Thank you for sharing him with me, and sending warm thoughts and hugs for the loss of your own sweet boy 💔the necklace makes me cry, I feel that so hard


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## brianne

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your Abby was a lovely girl. Gone far, far too soon at 7 years old. Hard to accept at any age, but even more so when they are so young. Your love for her shines through in your post. It's very clear how much you adored her and she certainly returned those feelings for you a thousand fold.

Sending you warm thoughts for peace and comfort. Godspeed beautiful Abby.


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## SmileyRiley

So sorry for your loss. Grief is such a hard task-master. I pray you can find joy in knowing you gave her the best life you could. She was a beautiful girl.


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## luvmypets

Rilelen said:


> Many years ago, when I first decided to get a golden retriever puppy, this forum was a lifesaver. I learned so much, from the breeder we chose to raising a puppy, to getting into dog sports. I brought Abby home from Delmarva Goldens in March 2015, as a little 8-week-old puppy. After Abby turned one, we posted much less frequently, but I owe so much of the beautiful happy dog she grew into, to the words and support of people here. She was my everything.
> 
> So, it feels like closing the circle to come back and share my grief with you. On Monday something felt off - I throw the ball every morning for her out the back door, but when Abby didn’t reappear indoors and I went out to check with her, I found her laying on her side in the grass. She didn’t want to get up, but it wasn’t immediately clear it was a physical problem - she often “pouts” and refuses to come inside if she thinks I won’t throw the ball again.
> 
> But it bothered me and didn’t feel right. So a little later I went back outside with her for a couple short ball tosses - and both times she stormed after the ball like a madman (as usual)…and then stumbled and slowed and lost control of her limbs returning.
> 
> Alarmed, I called her vet and they said they could fit her in the schedule after my faculty meeting ended at 1pm. (They also offered a next-day appointment, which - thank god - I did not do). Right before we left I took Abby out front; she romped around with no problems but then stopped to pee and after standing up, again lost control of her rear end, and I had to catch her.
> 
> We got to the vet, and they weren’t terribly concerned at first - physical looked fine, temp was fine. She eats All The Things, so some kind of toxin or poison or obstruction was a concern. But we’ve been concerned about possible arthritis in her rear end for a while, so they wanted to take some X-rays to compare with her last set (from last summer) and went ahead and did a chest/abdominal X-ray while they were at it. Abby went back on her own - she loves the vet.
> 
> I knew something was wrong when the vet came back alone. She looked about to cry and said she had bad news, and pulled up the X-rays. Cancer. The x-rays were full of cancer, everywhere. Most immediately, a tumor at the base of her heart, which had ruptured and was filling the lining of her heart with fluid (pericardial effusion), and compressing her heart. But it was everywhere. And the way her organs were compressed and out-of-place, suggested large tumors in her abdomen as well.
> 
> I knew, we all know, the odds of cancer and hemangiosarcoma, when I brought Abby home. But it seemed so far off, and I didn’t expect to be standing there in that office a couple weeks after her 7th birthday with a terminal cancer diagnosis. They gave her days, if we didn’t drain the fluid. And only a little longer if we did - it would refill, and she’d have to be on limited activity/rest. Abby has never rested in her entire life. She lives for running and chasing balls and bouncing off the walls; even with her heart failing, she chased after every ball like a maniac. She was beautiful in motion.
> 
> After a long talk, we decided to do a more in-depth ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis; we have a large veterinary teaching hospital here in town if there was any uncertainty for a second opinion. So they brought Abby back and shaved her belly for a portable ultrasound there in the office; and it was everything we feared. A huge mass eclipsing her liver, her spleen was bright (instead of dark like it should be), and the fluid around her heart and how much her heart was struggling were so clear, even to me.
> 
> I’m so grateful to our vet for taking the time to walk me through and explain everything we were seeing; I have no doubts and she didn’t either. We didn’t want to subject Abby to any invasive procedures, but they suspect it was hemangiosarcoma that started on her liver and metastasized to her spleen and heart; there were lots and lots of smaller masses throughout her chest and abdomen as well. Her blood work came back, confirming that she was anemic and had all the signs of end stage cancer.
> 
> I still can’t believe I’m typing this. She had a clean bill of health at her annual check-up in December, normal bloodwork on her senior panels, and absolutely no signs of anything. I’m still in shock.
> 
> She went downhill even over the few hours we were at the office, and we scheduled Lap of Love to come out yesterday morning to put her to sleep. And then we went home, to spend our last afternoon and night together, and it all feels like a terrible nightmare.
> 
> I was just getting used to the idea of her getting older, turning seven, and making plans to make the best of the next few years, and in the course of one day those years I thought we had together dwindled to mere hours. It doesn’t feel real she’s not here.
> 
> The vet with Lap of Love came to the house yesterday morning - Abby’s breathing got more labored overnight, but she woke up at 7am her “normal” self: cheerful, bouncy, swooped into the kitchen to steal the cats’ breakfast, brought me ten thousand balls to throw. I did relent and throw a few, not very far…I couldn’t say no to her to that, not in her last hours, when it’s her favorite thing in the world. She couldn’t chase more than a couple before getting tired… (but brought me more when she recovered, of course; relentless to the end).
> 
> She was thrilled when the vet arrived, brought her new friend all her balls and kisses, and it was all very peaceful - I’m glad we were able to do this at home, and the vet was so kind and thought out. We made a pawprint and took a clipping of her 90s crimped ear fur, and the grandfather clock tolled 10am right as she passed and was at peace.
> 
> But now I am here, alone in my house, without her. And I feel so broken and shattered. Forty-eight hours ago our lives were whole and complete, and I had no idea that things had gone so wrong or we had so little time left together.
> 
> I’ve known since she was a tiny puppy, that it would most likely end with cancer one day - but I didn’t expect it to happen like this, so suddenly and with so little warning when she was still relatively young.
> 
> She lived her life to the fullest, right to the very end.
> 
> Abigail “Abby” (Delmarva Chrysae Canis)
> Jan 6, 2015 - Jan 25, 2022
> 
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Im so so sorry - I remember when I lost my Hali in 2018 when she just turned 7, how awful the pain was - at least all my other goldens had lived to be 12 - but she got a very aggressive form of cancer in her leg and was gone within 2 weeks of the limp starting My heart breaks for you.


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## sheilagingle

My most sincere and heartfelt sympathy. Abby was a beautiful girl and I know she blessed your life in so very many ways. May your memories bring you comfort.


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## Maxaz

Your beautiful tribute to your beautiful Abby honors her so. May your heart heal and your memory-smiles return. Abby will always be at your side.


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## njoyqd

Rilelen said:


> Many years ago, when I first decided to get a golden retriever puppy, this forum was a lifesaver. I learned so much, from the breeder we chose to raising a puppy, to getting into dog sports. I brought Abby home from Delmarva Goldens in March 2015, as a little 8-week-old puppy. After Abby turned one, we posted much less frequently, but I owe so much of the beautiful happy dog she grew into, to the words and support of people here. She was my everything.
> 
> So, it feels like closing the circle to come back and share my grief with you. On Monday something felt off - I throw the ball every morning for her out the back door, but when Abby didn’t reappear indoors and I went out to check with her, I found her laying on her side in the grass. She didn’t want to get up, but it wasn’t immediately clear it was a physical problem - she often “pouts” and refuses to come inside if she thinks I won’t throw the ball again.
> 
> But it bothered me and didn’t feel right. So a little later I went back outside with her for a couple short ball tosses - and both times she stormed after the ball like a madman (as usual)…and then stumbled and slowed and lost control of her limbs returning.
> 
> Alarmed, I called her vet and they said they could fit her in the schedule after my faculty meeting ended at 1pm. (They also offered a next-day appointment, which - thank god - I did not do). Right before we left I took Abby out front; she romped around with no problems but then stopped to pee and after standing up, again lost control of her rear end, and I had to catch her.
> 
> We got to the vet, and they weren’t terribly concerned at first - physical looked fine, temp was fine. She eats All The Things, so some kind of toxin or poison or obstruction was a concern. But we’ve been concerned about possible arthritis in her rear end for a while, so they wanted to take some X-rays to compare with her last set (from last summer) and went ahead and did a chest/abdominal X-ray while they were at it. Abby went back on her own - she loves the vet.
> 
> I knew something was wrong when the vet came back alone. She looked about to cry and said she had bad news, and pulled up the X-rays. Cancer. The x-rays were full of cancer, everywhere. Most immediately, a tumor at the base of her heart, which had ruptured and was filling the lining of her heart with fluid (pericardial effusion), and compressing her heart. But it was everywhere. And the way her organs were compressed and out-of-place, suggested large tumors in her abdomen as well.
> 
> I knew, we all know, the odds of cancer and hemangiosarcoma, when I brought Abby home. But it seemed so far off, and I didn’t expect to be standing there in that office a couple weeks after her 7th birthday with a terminal cancer diagnosis. They gave her days, if we didn’t drain the fluid. And only a little longer if we did - it would refill, and she’d have to be on limited activity/rest. Abby has never rested in her entire life. She lives for running and chasing balls and bouncing off the walls; even with her heart failing, she chased after every ball like a maniac. She was beautiful in motion.
> 
> After a long talk, we decided to do a more in-depth ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis; we have a large veterinary teaching hospital here in town if there was any uncertainty for a second opinion. So they brought Abby back and shaved her belly for a portable ultrasound there in the office; and it was everything we feared. A huge mass eclipsing her liver, her spleen was bright (instead of dark like it should be), and the fluid around her heart and how much her heart was struggling were so clear, even to me.
> 
> I’m so grateful to our vet for taking the time to walk me through and explain everything we were seeing; I have no doubts and she didn’t either. We didn’t want to subject Abby to any invasive procedures, but they suspect it was hemangiosarcoma that started on her liver and metastasized to her spleen and heart; there were lots and lots of smaller masses throughout her chest and abdomen as well. Her blood work came back, confirming that she was anemic and had all the signs of end stage cancer.
> 
> I still can’t believe I’m typing this. She had a clean bill of health at her annual check-up in December, normal bloodwork on her senior panels, and absolutely no signs of anything. I’m still in shock.
> 
> She went downhill even over the few hours we were at the office, and we scheduled Lap of Love to come out yesterday morning to put her to sleep. And then we went home, to spend our last afternoon and night together, and it all feels like a terrible nightmare.
> 
> I was just getting used to the idea of her getting older, turning seven, and making plans to make the best of the next few years, and in the course of one day those years I thought we had together dwindled to mere hours. It doesn’t feel real she’s not here.
> 
> The vet with Lap of Love came to the house yesterday morning - Abby’s breathing got more labored overnight, but she woke up at 7am her “normal” self: cheerful, bouncy, swooped into the kitchen to steal the cats’ breakfast, brought me ten thousand balls to throw. I did relent and throw a few, not very far…I couldn’t say no to her to that, not in her last hours, when it’s her favorite thing in the world. She couldn’t chase more than a couple before getting tired… (but brought me more when she recovered, of course; relentless to the end).
> 
> She was thrilled when the vet arrived, brought her new friend all her balls and kisses, and it was all very peaceful - I’m glad we were able to do this at home, and the vet was so kind and thought out. We made a pawprint and took a clipping of her 90s crimped ear fur, and the grandfather clock tolled 10am right as she passed and was at peace.
> 
> But now I am here, alone in my house, without her. And I feel so broken and shattered. Forty-eight hours ago our lives were whole and complete, and I had no idea that things had gone so wrong or we had so little time left together.
> 
> I’ve known since she was a tiny puppy, that it would most likely end with cancer one day - but I didn’t expect it to happen like this, so suddenly and with so little warning when she was still relatively young.
> 
> She lived her life to the fullest, right to the very end.
> 
> Abigail “Abby” (Delmarva Chrysae Canis)
> Jan 6, 2015 - Jan 25, 2022
> 
> View attachment 889046
> 
> 
> View attachment 889048
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> 
> View attachment 889049
> 
> 
> View attachment 889051
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> 
> View attachment 889050
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> View attachment 889055


What a beautiful tribute to your beautiful girl.
I am so sorry for your loss🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾


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## Nextshinything

Rilelen said:


> Many years ago, when I first decided to get a golden retriever puppy, this forum was a lifesaver. I learned so much, from the breeder we chose to raising a puppy, to getting into dog sports. I brought Abby home from Delmarva Goldens in March 2015, as a little 8-week-old puppy. After Abby turned one, we posted much less frequently, but I owe so much of the beautiful happy dog she grew into, to the words and support of people here. She was my everything.
> 
> So, it feels like closing the circle to come back and share my grief with you. On Monday something felt off - I throw the ball every morning for her out the back door, but when Abby didn’t reappear indoors and I went out to check with her, I found her laying on her side in the grass. She didn’t want to get up, but it wasn’t immediately clear it was a physical problem - she often “pouts” and refuses to come inside if she thinks I won’t throw the ball again.
> 
> But it bothered me and didn’t feel right. So a little later I went back outside with her for a couple short ball tosses - and both times she stormed after the ball like a madman (as usual)…and then stumbled and slowed and lost control of her limbs returning.
> 
> Alarmed, I called her vet and they said they could fit her in the schedule after my faculty meeting ended at 1pm. (They also offered a next-day appointment, which - thank god - I did not do). Right before we left I took Abby out front; she romped around with no problems but then stopped to pee and after standing up, again lost control of her rear end, and I had to catch her.
> 
> We got to the vet, and they weren’t terribly concerned at first - physical looked fine, temp was fine. She eats All The Things, so some kind of toxin or poison or obstruction was a concern. But we’ve been concerned about possible arthritis in her rear end for a while, so they wanted to take some X-rays to compare with her last set (from last summer) and went ahead and did a chest/abdominal X-ray while they were at it. Abby went back on her own - she loves the vet.
> 
> I knew something was wrong when the vet came back alone. She looked about to cry and said she had bad news, and pulled up the X-rays. Cancer. The x-rays were full of cancer, everywhere. Most immediately, a tumor at the base of her heart, which had ruptured and was filling the lining of her heart with fluid (pericardial effusion), and compressing her heart. But it was everywhere. And the way her organs were compressed and out-of-place, suggested large tumors in her abdomen as well.
> 
> I knew, we all know, the odds of cancer and hemangiosarcoma, when I brought Abby home. But it seemed so far off, and I didn’t expect to be standing there in that office a couple weeks after her 7th birthday with a terminal cancer diagnosis. They gave her days, if we didn’t drain the fluid. And only a little longer if we did - it would refill, and she’d have to be on limited activity/rest. Abby has never rested in her entire life. She lives for running and chasing balls and bouncing off the walls; even with her heart failing, she chased after every ball like a maniac. She was beautiful in motion.
> 
> After a long talk, we decided to do a more in-depth ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis; we have a large veterinary teaching hospital here in town if there was any uncertainty for a second opinion. So they brought Abby back and shaved her belly for a portable ultrasound there in the office; and it was everything we feared. A huge mass eclipsing her liver, her spleen was bright (instead of dark like it should be), and the fluid around her heart and how much her heart was struggling were so clear, even to me.
> 
> I’m so grateful to our vet for taking the time to walk me through and explain everything we were seeing; I have no doubts and she didn’t either. We didn’t want to subject Abby to any invasive procedures, but they suspect it was hemangiosarcoma that started on her liver and metastasized to her spleen and heart; there were lots and lots of smaller masses throughout her chest and abdomen as well. Her blood work came back, confirming that she was anemic and had all the signs of end stage cancer.
> 
> I still can’t believe I’m typing this. She had a clean bill of health at her annual check-up in December, normal bloodwork on her senior panels, and absolutely no signs of anything. I’m still in shock.
> 
> She went downhill even over the few hours we were at the office, and we scheduled Lap of Love to come out yesterday morning to put her to sleep. And then we went home, to spend our last afternoon and night together, and it all feels like a terrible nightmare.
> 
> I was just getting used to the idea of her getting older, turning seven, and making plans to make the best of the next few years, and in the course of one day those years I thought we had together dwindled to mere hours. It doesn’t feel real she’s not here.
> 
> The vet with Lap of Love came to the house yesterday morning - Abby’s breathing got more labored overnight, but she woke up at 7am her “normal” self: cheerful, bouncy, swooped into the kitchen to steal the cats’ breakfast, brought me ten thousand balls to throw. I did relent and throw a few, not very far…I couldn’t say no to her to that, not in her last hours, when it’s her favorite thing in the world. She couldn’t chase more than a couple before getting tired… (but brought me more when she recovered, of course; relentless to the end).
> 
> She was thrilled when the vet arrived, brought her new friend all her balls and kisses, and it was all very peaceful - I’m glad we were able to do this at home, and the vet was so kind and thought out. We made a pawprint and took a clipping of her 90s crimped ear fur, and the grandfather clock tolled 10am right as she passed and was at peace.
> 
> But now I am here, alone in my house, without her. And I feel so broken and shattered. Forty-eight hours ago our lives were whole and complete, and I had no idea that things had gone so wrong or we had so little time left together.
> 
> I’ve known since she was a tiny puppy, that it would most likely end with cancer one day - but I didn’t expect it to happen like this, so suddenly and with so little warning when she was still relatively young.
> 
> She lived her life to the fullest, right to the very end.
> 
> Abigail “Abby” (Delmarva Chrysae Canis)
> Jan 6, 2015 - Jan 25, 2022
> 
> View attachment 889046
> 
> 
> View attachment 889048
> 
> 
> View attachment 889049
> 
> 
> View attachment 889051
> 
> 
> View attachment 889050
> 
> 
> View attachment 889055


My heart goes out to you, and I know there are no words that can take away any of the pain. You shared a beautiful tribute full of the love we all share for our amazing Goldens, and we're with you in spirit as you go through your journey of grief. Bless you, Abby girl, for loving your humans so much.


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## Jane

We lost our Crispin to hemangiosarcoma last July at age eight. I have not posted about it because I know it will bring on a bout of crying that will be disabling for the rest of the day. Crispin was our second Golden, and we're now around 70, so we knew he would be our last. We expected...hoped...to enjoy his senior years, but it was not to be.

Crispin was diagnosed at 7, when he underwent an MRI for unrelated reasons that didn't turn out to be consequential. The MRI found the tumors. At that time he had a subcutaneous tumor and another small nodule on his spleen. He underwent surgery to remove the tumor and his spleen and was left with a "dent" in his side (I did not care. I still had my dog). 

After a year of treatment with one round of doxorubicin (too harsh) and then metronomic chemotherapy, we lost him to a "bleed" (actually after it started we let him go after it became apparent that his body could not reabsorb the bleeding--sometimes it can, but I believe it was too much blood). 

I am grateful for the year,--but it was also terribly difficult knowing we were certainly going to lose him at any time, since the cancer had (inevitably) metastasized before it was diagnosed. How we loved that dog. How I miss him now, and there will not be another.

We had another Golden before Crispin--Jasper--who lived to be almost 13. Looking back, those senior years were so sweet--but I was paralyzed with grief for six months when we lost him, and even after that--what really helped was, a bit after a year later, we got little Crispin.

My husband and I didn't exchange Christmas presents this year, and instead I sent a large contribution to the Morris Foundation Golden Retriever Lifetime Study. I am planning to leave the Foundation a bequest in our will for more research into hemangiosarcoma and cancer in Goldens (in fact, we're seeing the lawyer today).

But I utterly sympathize with you and give you my condolences on the loss of your Abby. She was too young, beautiful and full of life, and dearly loved. I fully understand. My heart goes out to you.


----------



## CoastalJMS

Rilelen said:


> Many years ago, when I first decided to get a golden retriever puppy, this forum was a lifesaver. I learned so much, from the breeder we chose to raising a puppy, to getting into dog sports. I brought Abby home from Delmarva Goldens in March 2015, as a little 8-week-old puppy. After Abby turned one, we posted much less frequently, but I owe so much of the beautiful happy dog she grew into, to the words and support of people here. She was my everything.
> 
> So, it feels like closing the circle to come back and share my grief with you. On Monday something felt off - I throw the ball every morning for her out the back door, but when Abby didn’t reappear indoors and I went out to check with her, I found her laying on her side in the grass. She didn’t want to get up, but it wasn’t immediately clear it was a physical problem - she often “pouts” and refuses to come inside if she thinks I won’t throw the ball again.
> 
> But it bothered me and didn’t feel right. So a little later I went back outside with her for a couple short ball tosses - and both times she stormed after the ball like a madman (as usual)…and then stumbled and slowed and lost control of her limbs returning.
> 
> Alarmed, I called her vet and they said they could fit her in the schedule after my faculty meeting ended at 1pm. (They also offered a next-day appointment, which - thank god - I did not do). Right before we left I took Abby out front; she romped around with no problems but then stopped to pee and after standing up, again lost control of her rear end, and I had to catch her.
> 
> We got to the vet, and they weren’t terribly concerned at first - physical looked fine, temp was fine. She eats All The Things, so some kind of toxin or poison or obstruction was a concern. But we’ve been concerned about possible arthritis in her rear end for a while, so they wanted to take some X-rays to compare with her last set (from last summer) and went ahead and did a chest/abdominal X-ray while they were at it. Abby went back on her own - she loves the vet.
> 
> I knew something was wrong when the vet came back alone. She looked about to cry and said she had bad news, and pulled up the X-rays. Cancer. The x-rays were full of cancer, everywhere. Most immediately, a tumor at the base of her heart, which had ruptured and was filling the lining of her heart with fluid (pericardial effusion), and compressing her heart. But it was everywhere. And the way her organs were compressed and out-of-place, suggested large tumors in her abdomen as well.
> 
> I knew, we all know, the odds of cancer and hemangiosarcoma, when I brought Abby home. But it seemed so far off, and I didn’t expect to be standing there in that office a couple weeks after her 7th birthday with a terminal cancer diagnosis. They gave her days, if we didn’t drain the fluid. And only a little longer if we did - it would refill, and she’d have to be on limited activity/rest. Abby has never rested in her entire life. She lives for running and chasing balls and bouncing off the walls; even with her heart failing, she chased after every ball like a maniac. She was beautiful in motion.
> 
> After a long talk, we decided to do a more in-depth ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis; we have a large veterinary teaching hospital here in town if there was any uncertainty for a second opinion. So they brought Abby back and shaved her belly for a portable ultrasound there in the office; and it was everything we feared. A huge mass eclipsing her liver, her spleen was bright (instead of dark like it should be), and the fluid around her heart and how much her heart was struggling were so clear, even to me.
> 
> I’m so grateful to our vet for taking the time to walk me through and explain everything we were seeing; I have no doubts and she didn’t either. We didn’t want to subject Abby to any invasive procedures, but they suspect it was hemangiosarcoma that started on her liver and metastasized to her spleen and heart; there were lots and lots of smaller masses throughout her chest and abdomen as well. Her blood work came back, confirming that she was anemic and had all the signs of end stage cancer.
> 
> I still can’t believe I’m typing this. She had a clean bill of health at her annual check-up in December, normal bloodwork on her senior panels, and absolutely no signs of anything. I’m still in shock.
> 
> She went downhill even over the few hours we were at the office, and we scheduled Lap of Love to come out yesterday morning to put her to sleep. And then we went home, to spend our last afternoon and night together, and it all feels like a terrible nightmare.
> 
> I was just getting used to the idea of her getting older, turning seven, and making plans to make the best of the next few years, and in the course of one day those years I thought we had together dwindled to mere hours. It doesn’t feel real she’s not here.
> 
> The vet with Lap of Love came to the house yesterday morning - Abby’s breathing got more labored overnight, but she woke up at 7am her “normal” self: cheerful, bouncy, swooped into the kitchen to steal the cats’ breakfast, brought me ten thousand balls to throw. I did relent and throw a few, not very far…I couldn’t say no to her to that, not in her last hours, when it’s her favorite thing in the world. She couldn’t chase more than a couple before getting tired… (but brought me more when she recovered, of course; relentless to the end).
> 
> She was thrilled when the vet arrived, brought her new friend all her balls and kisses, and it was all very peaceful - I’m glad we were able to do this at home, and the vet was so kind and thought out. We made a pawprint and took a clipping of her 90s crimped ear fur, and the grandfather clock tolled 10am right as she passed and was at peace.
> 
> But now I am here, alone in my house, without her. And I feel so broken and shattered. Forty-eight hours ago our lives were whole and complete, and I had no idea that things had gone so wrong or we had so little time left together.
> 
> I’ve known since she was a tiny puppy, that it would most likely end with cancer one day - but I didn’t expect it to happen like this, so suddenly and with so little warning when she was still relatively young.
> 
> She lived her life to the fullest, right to the very end.
> 
> Abigail “Abby” (Delmarva Chrysae Canis)
> Jan 6, 2015 - Jan 25, 2022
> 
> View attachment 889046
> 
> 
> View attachment 889048
> 
> 
> View attachment 889049
> 
> 
> View attachment 889051
> 
> 
> View attachment 889050
> 
> 
> View attachment 889055


----------



## CoastalJMS

Nextshinything said:


> My heart goes out to you, and I know there are no words that can take away any of the pain. You shared a beautiful tribute full of the love we all share for our amazing Goldens, and we're with you in spirit as you go through your journey of grief. Bless you, Abby girl, for loving your humans so much.


My heart goes out to you as well. We lost our Mimi in 2020 and the story you have told is nearly identical. She had turned 7 on April 26 and passed on Memorial day, May 25, 2020. She also was a tennis ball-a-holic, and everything you described sounds like the same tragic movie. She was not eaten up with cancer, but had severe pericardial effusion. We had just lost our Travis three years prior to aspergillosis after a 9 year battle. So know this community supports you in your grief. It is always hard to lose our pets, but when it happens so unexpectedly, it is especially tragic. Peace to you.


----------



## sszielen

So sorry to hear this. Sending you hugs! Abby was one lucky girl to have a life with you. I know you will cherish the memories of all the love, fun and adventure you shared together.


----------



## Durmom3

Rilelen said:


> Many years ago, when I first decided to get a golden retriever puppy, this forum was a lifesaver. I learned so much, from the breeder we chose to raising a puppy, to getting into dog sports. I brought Abby home from Delmarva Goldens in March 2015, as a little 8-week-old puppy. After Abby turned one, we posted much less frequently, but I owe so much of the beautiful happy dog she grew into, to the words and support of people here. She was my everything.
> 
> So, it feels like closing the circle to come back and share my grief with you. On Monday something felt off - I throw the ball every morning for her out the back door, but when Abby didn’t reappear indoors and I went out to check with her, I found her laying on her side in the grass. She didn’t want to get up, but it wasn’t immediately clear it was a physical problem - she often “pouts” and refuses to come inside if she thinks I won’t throw the ball again.
> 
> But it bothered me and didn’t feel right. So a little later I went back outside with her for a couple short ball tosses - and both times she stormed after the ball like a madman (as usual)…and then stumbled and slowed and lost control of her limbs returning.
> 
> Alarmed, I called her vet and they said they could fit her in the schedule after my faculty meeting ended at 1pm. (They also offered a next-day appointment, which - thank god - I did not do). Right before we left I took Abby out front; she romped around with no problems but then stopped to pee and after standing up, again lost control of her rear end, and I had to catch her.
> 
> We got to the vet, and they weren’t terribly concerned at first - physical looked fine, temp was fine. She eats All The Things, so some kind of toxin or poison or obstruction was a concern. But we’ve been concerned about possible arthritis in her rear end for a while, so they wanted to take some X-rays to compare with her last set (from last summer) and went ahead and did a chest/abdominal X-ray while they were at it. Abby went back on her own - she loves the vet.
> 
> I knew something was wrong when the vet came back alone. She looked about to cry and said she had bad news, and pulled up the X-rays. Cancer. The x-rays were full of cancer, everywhere. Most immediately, a tumor at the base of her heart, which had ruptured and was filling the lining of her heart with fluid (pericardial effusion), and compressing her heart. But it was everywhere. And the way her organs were compressed and out-of-place, suggested large tumors in her abdomen as well.
> 
> I knew, we all know, the odds of cancer and hemangiosarcoma, when I brought Abby home. But it seemed so far off, and I didn’t expect to be standing there in that office a couple weeks after her 7th birthday with a terminal cancer diagnosis. They gave her days, if we didn’t drain the fluid. And only a little longer if we did - it would refill, and she’d have to be on limited activity/rest. Abby has never rested in her entire life. She lives for running and chasing balls and bouncing off the walls; even with her heart failing, she chased after every ball like a maniac. She was beautiful in motion.
> 
> After a long talk, we decided to do a more in-depth ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis; we have a large veterinary teaching hospital here in town if there was any uncertainty for a second opinion. So they brought Abby back and shaved her belly for a portable ultrasound there in the office; and it was everything we feared. A huge mass eclipsing her liver, her spleen was bright (instead of dark like it should be), and the fluid around her heart and how much her heart was struggling were so clear, even to me.
> 
> I’m so grateful to our vet for taking the time to walk me through and explain everything we were seeing; I have no doubts and she didn’t either. We didn’t want to subject Abby to any invasive procedures, but they suspect it was hemangiosarcoma that started on her liver and metastasized to her spleen and heart; there were lots and lots of smaller masses throughout her chest and abdomen as well. Her blood work came back, confirming that she was anemic and had all the signs of end stage cancer.
> 
> I still can’t believe I’m typing this. She had a clean bill of health at her annual check-up in December, normal bloodwork on her senior panels, and absolutely no signs of anything. I’m still in shock.
> 
> She went downhill even over the few hours we were at the office, and we scheduled Lap of Love to come out yesterday morning to put her to sleep. And then we went home, to spend our last afternoon and night together, and it all feels like a terrible nightmare.
> 
> I was just getting used to the idea of her getting older, turning seven, and making plans to make the best of the next few years, and in the course of one day those years I thought we had together dwindled to mere hours. It doesn’t feel real she’s not here.
> 
> The vet with Lap of Love came to the house yesterday morning - Abby’s breathing got more labored overnight, but she woke up at 7am her “normal” self: cheerful, bouncy, swooped into the kitchen to steal the cats’ breakfast, brought me ten thousand balls to throw. I did relent and throw a few, not very far…I couldn’t say no to her to that, not in her last hours, when it’s her favorite thing in the world. She couldn’t chase more than a couple before getting tired… (but brought me more when she recovered, of course; relentless to the end).
> 
> She was thrilled when the vet arrived, brought her new friend all her balls and kisses, and it was all very peaceful - I’m glad we were able to do this at home, and the vet was so kind and thought out. We made a pawprint and took a clipping of her 90s crimped ear fur, and the grandfather clock tolled 10am right as she passed and was at peace.
> 
> But now I am here, alone in my house, without her. And I feel so broken and shattered. Forty-eight hours ago our lives were whole and complete, and I had no idea that things had gone so wrong or we had so little time left together.
> 
> I’ve known since she was a tiny puppy, that it would most likely end with cancer one day - but I didn’t expect it to happen like this, so suddenly and with so little warning when she was still relatively young.
> 
> She lived her life to the fullest, right to the very end.
> 
> Abigail “Abby” (Delmarva Chrysae Canis)
> Jan 6, 2015 - Jan 25, 2022
> 
> View attachment 889046
> 
> 
> View attachment 889048
> 
> 
> View attachment 889049
> 
> 
> View attachment 889051
> 
> 
> View attachment 889050
> 
> 
> View attachment 889055


I am truly sorry for your loss. I should have never read this while at work as now I am a mess. My baby will be 6yr
next week. I can not image being without her. She has a very similar face. Hugs to you and may time heal your wound that has been left.


----------



## Smitty1

Rilelen said:


> Many years ago, when I first decided to get a golden retriever puppy, this forum was a lifesaver. I learned so much, from the breeder we chose to raising a puppy, to getting into dog sports. I brought Abby home from Delmarva Goldens in March 2015, as a little 8-week-old puppy. After Abby turned one, we posted much less frequently, but I owe so much of the beautiful happy dog she grew into, to the words and support of people here. She was my everything.
> 
> So, it feels like closing the circle to come back and share my grief with you. On Monday something felt off - I throw the ball every morning for her out the back door, but when Abby didn’t reappear indoors and I went out to check with her, I found her laying on her side in the grass. She didn’t want to get up, but it wasn’t immediately clear it was a physical problem - she often “pouts” and refuses to come inside if she thinks I won’t throw the ball again.
> 
> But it bothered me and didn’t feel right. So a little later I went back outside with her for a couple short ball tosses - and both times she stormed after the ball like a madman (as usual)…and then stumbled and slowed and lost control of her limbs returning.
> 
> Alarmed, I called her vet and they said they could fit her in the schedule after my faculty meeting ended at 1pm. (They also offered a next-day appointment, which - thank god - I did not do). Right before we left I took Abby out front; she romped around with no problems but then stopped to pee and after standing up, again lost control of her rear end, and I had to catch her.
> 
> We got to the vet, and they weren’t terribly concerned at first - physical looked fine, temp was fine. She eats All The Things, so some kind of toxin or poison or obstruction was a concern. But we’ve been concerned about possible arthritis in her rear end for a while, so they wanted to take some X-rays to compare with her last set (from last summer) and went ahead and did a chest/abdominal X-ray while they were at it. Abby went back on her own - she loves the vet.
> 
> I knew something was wrong when the vet came back alone. She looked about to cry and said she had bad news, and pulled up the X-rays. Cancer. The x-rays were full of cancer, everywhere. Most immediately, a tumor at the base of her heart, which had ruptured and was filling the lining of her heart with fluid (pericardial effusion), and compressing her heart. But it was everywhere. And the way her organs were compressed and out-of-place, suggested large tumors in her abdomen as well.
> 
> I knew, we all know, the odds of cancer and hemangiosarcoma, when I brought Abby home. But it seemed so far off, and I didn’t expect to be standing there in that office a couple weeks after her 7th birthday with a terminal cancer diagnosis. They gave her days, if we didn’t drain the fluid. And only a little longer if we did - it would refill, and she’d have to be on limited activity/rest. Abby has never rested in her entire life. She lives for running and chasing balls and bouncing off the walls; even with her heart failing, she chased after every ball like a maniac. She was beautiful in motion.
> 
> After a long talk, we decided to do a more in-depth ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis; we have a large veterinary teaching hospital here in town if there was any uncertainty for a second opinion. So they brought Abby back and shaved her belly for a portable ultrasound there in the office; and it was everything we feared. A huge mass eclipsing her liver, her spleen was bright (instead of dark like it should be), and the fluid around her heart and how much her heart was struggling were so clear, even to me.
> 
> I’m so grateful to our vet for taking the time to walk me through and explain everything we were seeing; I have no doubts and she didn’t either. We didn’t want to subject Abby to any invasive procedures, but they suspect it was hemangiosarcoma that started on her liver and metastasized to her spleen and heart; there were lots and lots of smaller masses throughout her chest and abdomen as well. Her blood work came back, confirming that she was anemic and had all the signs of end stage cancer.
> 
> I still can’t believe I’m typing this. She had a clean bill of health at her annual check-up in December, normal bloodwork on her senior panels, and absolutely no signs of anything. I’m still in shock.
> 
> She went downhill even over the few hours we were at the office, and we scheduled Lap of Love to come out yesterday morning to put her to sleep. And then we went home, to spend our last afternoon and night together, and it all feels like a terrible nightmare.
> 
> I was just getting used to the idea of her getting older, turning seven, and making plans to make the best of the next few years, and in the course of one day those years I thought we had together dwindled to mere hours. It doesn’t feel real she’s not here.
> 
> The vet with Lap of Love came to the house yesterday morning - Abby’s breathing got more labored overnight, but she woke up at 7am her “normal” self: cheerful, bouncy, swooped into the kitchen to steal the cats’ breakfast, brought me ten thousand balls to throw. I did relent and throw a few, not very far…I couldn’t say no to her to that, not in her last hours, when it’s her favorite thing in the world. She couldn’t chase more than a couple before getting tired… (but brought me more when she recovered, of course; relentless to the end).
> 
> She was thrilled when the vet arrived, brought her new friend all her balls and kisses, and it was all very peaceful - I’m glad we were able to do this at home, and the vet was so kind and thought out. We made a pawprint and took a clipping of her 90s crimped ear fur, and the grandfather clock tolled 10am right as she passed and was at peace.
> 
> But now I am here, alone in my house, without her. And I feel so broken and shattered. Forty-eight hours ago our lives were whole and complete, and I had no idea that things had gone so wrong or we had so little time left together.
> 
> I’ve known since she was a tiny puppy, that it would most likely end with cancer one day - but I didn’t expect it to happen like this, so suddenly and with so little warning when she was still relatively young.
> 
> She lived her life to the fullest, right to the very end.
> 
> Abigail “Abby” (Delmarva Chrysae Canis)
> Jan 6, 2015 - Jan 25, 2022
> 
> View attachment 889046
> 
> 
> View attachment 889048
> 
> 
> View attachment 889049
> 
> 
> View attachment 889051
> 
> 
> View attachment 889050
> 
> 
> View attachment 889055





Rilelen said:


> Many years ago, when I first decided to get a golden retriever puppy, this forum was a lifesaver. I learned so much, from the breeder we chose to raising a puppy, to getting into dog sports. I brought Abby home from Delmarva Goldens in March 2015, as a little 8-week-old puppy. After Abby turned one, we posted much less frequently, but I owe so much of the beautiful happy dog she grew into, to the words and support of people here. She was my everything.
> 
> So, it feels like closing the circle to come back and share my grief with you. On Monday something felt off - I throw the ball every morning for her out the back door, but when Abby didn’t reappear indoors and I went out to check with her, I found her laying on her side in the grass. She didn’t want to get up, but it wasn’t immediately clear it was a physical problem - she often “pouts” and refuses to come inside if she thinks I won’t throw the ball again.
> 
> But it bothered me and didn’t feel right. So a little later I went back outside with her for a couple short ball tosses - and both times she stormed after the ball like a madman (as usual)…and then stumbled and slowed and lost control of her limbs returning.
> 
> Alarmed, I called her vet and they said they could fit her in the schedule after my faculty meeting ended at 1pm. (They also offered a next-day appointment, which - thank god - I did not do). Right before we left I took Abby out front; she romped around with no problems but then stopped to pee and after standing up, again lost control of her rear end, and I had to catch her.
> 
> We got to the vet, and they weren’t terribly concerned at first - physical looked fine, temp was fine. She eats All The Things, so some kind of toxin or poison or obstruction was a concern. But we’ve been concerned about possible arthritis in her rear end for a while, so they wanted to take some X-rays to compare with her last set (from last summer) and went ahead and did a chest/abdominal X-ray while they were at it. Abby went back on her own - she loves the vet.
> 
> I knew something was wrong when the vet came back alone. She looked about to cry and said she had bad news, and pulled up the X-rays. Cancer. The x-rays were full of cancer, everywhere. Most immediately, a tumor at the base of her heart, which had ruptured and was filling the lining of her heart with fluid (pericardial effusion), and compressing her heart. But it was everywhere. And the way her organs were compressed and out-of-place, suggested large tumors in her abdomen as well.
> 
> I knew, we all know, the odds of cancer and hemangiosarcoma, when I brought Abby home. But it seemed so far off, and I didn’t expect to be standing there in that office a couple weeks after her 7th birthday with a terminal cancer diagnosis. They gave her days, if we didn’t drain the fluid. And only a little longer if we did - it would refill, and she’d have to be on limited activity/rest. Abby has never rested in her entire life. She lives for running and chasing balls and bouncing off the walls; even with her heart failing, she chased after every ball like a maniac. She was beautiful in motion.
> 
> After a long talk, we decided to do a more in-depth ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis; we have a large veterinary teaching hospital here in town if there was any uncertainty for a second opinion. So they brought Abby back and shaved her belly for a portable ultrasound there in the office; and it was everything we feared. A huge mass eclipsing her liver, her spleen was bright (instead of dark like it should be), and the fluid around her heart and how much her heart was struggling were so clear, even to me.
> 
> I’m so grateful to our vet for taking the time to walk me through and explain everything we were seeing; I have no doubts and she didn’t either. We didn’t want to subject Abby to any invasive procedures, but they suspect it was hemangiosarcoma that started on her liver and metastasized to her spleen and heart; there were lots and lots of smaller masses throughout her chest and abdomen as well. Her blood work came back, confirming that she was anemic and had all the signs of end stage cancer.
> 
> I still can’t believe I’m typing this. She had a clean bill of health at her annual check-up in December, normal bloodwork on her senior panels, and absolutely no signs of anything. I’m still in shock.
> 
> She went downhill even over the few hours we were at the office, and we scheduled Lap of Love to come out yesterday morning to put her to sleep. And then we went home, to spend our last afternoon and night together, and it all feels like a terrible nightmare.
> 
> I was just getting used to the idea of her getting older, turning seven, and making plans to make the best of the next few years, and in the course of one day those years I thought we had together dwindled to mere hours. It doesn’t feel real she’s not here.
> 
> The vet with Lap of Love came to the house yesterday morning - Abby’s breathing got more labored overnight, but she woke up at 7am her “normal” self: cheerful, bouncy, swooped into the kitchen to steal the cats’ breakfast, brought me ten thousand balls to throw. I did relent and throw a few, not very far…I couldn’t say no to her to that, not in her last hours, when it’s her favorite thing in the world. She couldn’t chase more than a couple before getting tired… (but brought me more when she recovered, of course; relentless to the end).
> 
> She was thrilled when the vet arrived, brought her new friend all her balls and kisses, and it was all very peaceful - I’m glad we were able to do this at home, and the vet was so kind and thought out. We made a pawprint and took a clipping of her 90s crimped ear fur, and the grandfather clock tolled 10am right as she passed and was at peace.
> 
> But now I am here, alone in my house, without her. And I feel so broken and shattered. Forty-eight hours ago our lives were whole and complete, and I had no idea that things had gone so wrong or we had so little time left together.
> 
> I’ve known since she was a tiny puppy, that it would most likely end with cancer one day - but I didn’t expect it to happen like this, so suddenly and with so little warning when she was still relatively young.
> 
> She lived her life to the fullest, right to the very end.
> 
> Abigail “Abby” (Delmarva Chrysae Canis)
> Jan 6, 2015 - Jan 25, 2022
> 
> View attachment 889046
> 
> 
> View attachment 889048
> 
> 
> View attachment 889049
> 
> 
> View attachment 889051
> 
> 
> View attachment 889050
> 
> 
> View attachment 889055


Here I am a 71 year old man crying for you.Last Sept I looked at my Golden Sunny mouth to figure out why he wasn’t eating.His gums were white.Called my vet( who has taken care of all my Goldens for 15 yrs)Sunny was a service dog.He also loved to visit sick Children in the hospital.The vet checked him out and thought he had a spot on his spleen but she wanted to get a ultra sound to verify.She called me and said she scheduled a ultrasound 3 weeks out.I took my boy home and tried calling around to see if I could get him an ultrasound sooner.That evening he was fine playing with his 3 brothers.At 3 in the am he woke me up with heavy breathing.He was dying right in front of me.I rushed him the a specialty hospital.They met me as I pulled in and took Sunny and they had me wait in my car.In 15 min he was gone.My vet let me down by not insisting I bring him to a specialty Vet.My boy had spleen cancer and it burst.He bled to death.So many people loved him.He was the greatest Golden that I ever had and I have had Goldens since I was 5.I have 4 today.The love they give and ask nothing in return but throw the ball or take them swimming.My heart goes out to you.I’m so sorry.She was a beautiful Golden.I hope you get another one…not to replace her but to live with someone like you that will love them back


----------



## Jerikeer

Rilelen said:


> Many years ago, when I first decided to get a golden retriever puppy, this forum was a lifesaver. I learned so much, from the breeder we chose to raising a puppy, to getting into dog sports. I brought Abby home from Delmarva Goldens in March 2015, as a little 8-week-old puppy. After Abby turned one, we posted much less frequently, but I owe so much of the beautiful happy dog she grew into, to the words and support of people here. She was my everything.
> 
> So, it feels like closing the circle to come back and share my grief with you. On Monday something felt off - I throw the ball every morning for her out the back door, but when Abby didn’t reappear indoors and I went out to check with her, I found her laying on her side in the grass. She didn’t want to get up, but it wasn’t immediately clear it was a physical problem - she often “pouts” and refuses to come inside if she thinks I won’t throw the ball again.
> 
> But it bothered me and didn’t feel right. So a little later I went back outside with her for a couple short ball tosses - and both times she stormed after the ball like a madman (as usual)…and then stumbled and slowed and lost control of her limbs returning.
> 
> Alarmed, I called her vet and they said they could fit her in the schedule after my faculty meeting ended at 1pm. (They also offered a next-day appointment, which - thank god - I did not do). Right before we left I took Abby out front; she romped around with no problems but then stopped to pee and after standing up, again lost control of her rear end, and I had to catch her.
> 
> We got to the vet, and they weren’t terribly concerned at first - physical looked fine, temp was fine. She eats All The Things, so some kind of toxin or poison or obstruction was a concern. But we’ve been concerned about possible arthritis in her rear end for a while, so they wanted to take some X-rays to compare with her last set (from last summer) and went ahead and did a chest/abdominal X-ray while they were at it. Abby went back on her own - she loves the vet.
> 
> I knew something was wrong when the vet came back alone. She looked about to cry and said she had bad news, and pulled up the X-rays. Cancer. The x-rays were full of cancer, everywhere. Most immediately, a tumor at the base of her heart, which had ruptured and was filling the lining of her heart with fluid (pericardial effusion), and compressing her heart. But it was everywhere. And the way her organs were compressed and out-of-place, suggested large tumors in her abdomen as well.
> 
> I knew, we all know, the odds of cancer and hemangiosarcoma, when I brought Abby home. But it seemed so far off, and I didn’t expect to be standing there in that office a couple weeks after her 7th birthday with a terminal cancer diagnosis. They gave her days, if we didn’t drain the fluid. And only a little longer if we did - it would refill, and she’d have to be on limited activity/rest. Abby has never rested in her entire life. She lives for running and chasing balls and bouncing off the walls; even with her heart failing, she chased after every ball like a maniac. She was beautiful in motion.
> 
> After a long talk, we decided to do a more in-depth ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis; we have a large veterinary teaching hospital here in town if there was any uncertainty for a second opinion. So they brought Abby back and shaved her belly for a portable ultrasound there in the office; and it was everything we feared. A huge mass eclipsing her liver, her spleen was bright (instead of dark like it should be), and the fluid around her heart and how much her heart was struggling were so clear, even to me.
> 
> I’m so grateful to our vet for taking the time to walk me through and explain everything we were seeing; I have no doubts and she didn’t either. We didn’t want to subject Abby to any invasive procedures, but they suspect it was hemangiosarcoma that started on her liver and metastasized to her spleen and heart; there were lots and lots of smaller masses throughout her chest and abdomen as well. Her blood work came back, confirming that she was anemic and had all the signs of end stage cancer.
> 
> I still can’t believe I’m typing this. She had a clean bill of health at her annual check-up in December, normal bloodwork on her senior panels, and absolutely no signs of anything. I’m still in shock.
> 
> She went downhill even over the few hours we were at the office, and we scheduled Lap of Love to come out yesterday morning to put her to sleep. And then we went home, to spend our last afternoon and night together, and it all feels like a terrible nightmare.
> 
> I was just getting used to the idea of her getting older, turning seven, and making plans to make the best of the next few years, and in the course of one day those years I thought we had together dwindled to mere hours. It doesn’t feel real she’s not here.
> 
> The vet with Lap of Love came to the house yesterday morning - Abby’s breathing got more labored overnight, but she woke up at 7am her “normal” self: cheerful, bouncy, swooped into the kitchen to steal the cats’ breakfast, brought me ten thousand balls to throw. I did relent and throw a few, not very far…I couldn’t say no to her to that, not in her last hours, when it’s her favorite thing in the world. She couldn’t chase more than a couple before getting tired… (but brought me more when she recovered, of course; relentless to the end).
> 
> She was thrilled when the vet arrived, brought her new friend all her balls and kisses, and it was all very peaceful - I’m glad we were able to do this at home, and the vet was so kind and thought out. We made a pawprint and took a clipping of her 90s crimped ear fur, and the grandfather clock tolled 10am right as she passed and was at peace.
> 
> But now I am here, alone in my house, without her. And I feel so broken and shattered. Forty-eight hours ago our lives were whole and complete, and I had no idea that things had gone so wrong or we had so little time left together.
> 
> I’ve known since she was a tiny puppy, that it would most likely end with cancer one day - but I didn’t expect it to happen like this, so suddenly and with so little warning when she was still relatively young.
> 
> She lived her life to the fullest, right to the very end.
> 
> Abigail “Abby” (Delmarva Chrysae Canis)
> Jan 6, 2015 - Jan 25, 2022
> 
> View attachment 889046
> 
> 
> View attachment 889048
> 
> 
> View attachment 889049
> 
> 
> View attachment 889051
> 
> 
> View attachment 889050
> 
> 
> View attachment 889055





Rilelen said:


> Many years ago, when I first decided to get a golden retriever puppy, this forum was a lifesaver. I learned so much, from the breeder we chose to raising a puppy, to getting into dog sports. I brought Abby home from Delmarva Goldens in March 2015, as a little 8-week-old puppy. After Abby turned one, we posted much less frequently, but I owe so much of the beautiful happy dog she grew into, to the words and support of people here. She was my everything.
> 
> So, it feels like closing the circle to come back and share my grief with you. On Monday something felt off - I throw the ball every morning for her out the back door, but when Abby didn’t reappear indoors and I went out to check with her, I found her laying on her side in the grass. She didn’t want to get up, but it wasn’t immediately clear it was a physical problem - she often “pouts” and refuses to come inside if she thinks I won’t throw the ball again.
> 
> But it bothered me and didn’t feel right. So a little later I went back outside with her for a couple short ball tosses - and both times she stormed after the ball like a madman (as usual)…and then stumbled and slowed and lost control of her limbs returning.
> 
> Alarmed, I called her vet and they said they could fit her in the schedule after my faculty meeting ended at 1pm. (They also offered a next-day appointment, which - thank god - I did not do). Right before we left I took Abby out front; she romped around with no problems but then stopped to pee and after standing up, again lost control of her rear end, and I had to catch her.
> 
> We got to the vet, and they weren’t terribly concerned at first - physical looked fine, temp was fine. She eats All The Things, so some kind of toxin or poison or obstruction was a concern. But we’ve been concerned about possible arthritis in her rear end for a while, so they wanted to take some X-rays to compare with her last set (from last summer) and went ahead and did a chest/abdominal X-ray while they were at it. Abby went back on her own - she loves the vet.
> 
> I knew something was wrong when the vet came back alone. She looked about to cry and said she had bad news, and pulled up the X-rays. Cancer. The x-rays were full of cancer, everywhere. Most immediately, a tumor at the base of her heart, which had ruptured and was filling the lining of her heart with fluid (pericardial effusion), and compressing her heart. But it was everywhere. And the way her organs were compressed and out-of-place, suggested large tumors in her abdomen as well.
> 
> I knew, we all know, the odds of cancer and hemangiosarcoma, when I brought Abby home. But it seemed so far off, and I didn’t expect to be standing there in that office a couple weeks after her 7th birthday with a terminal cancer diagnosis. They gave her days, if we didn’t drain the fluid. And only a little longer if we did - it would refill, and she’d have to be on limited activity/rest. Abby has never rested in her entire life. She lives for running and chasing balls and bouncing off the walls; even with her heart failing, she chased after every ball like a maniac. She was beautiful in motion.
> 
> After a long talk, we decided to do a more in-depth ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis; we have a large veterinary teaching hospital here in town if there was any uncertainty for a second opinion. So they brought Abby back and shaved her belly for a portable ultrasound there in the office; and it was everything we feared. A huge mass eclipsing her liver, her spleen was bright (instead of dark like it should be), and the fluid around her heart and how much her heart was struggling were so clear, even to me.
> 
> I’m so grateful to our vet for taking the time to walk me through and explain everything we were seeing; I have no doubts and she didn’t either. We didn’t want to subject Abby to any invasive procedures, but they suspect it was hemangiosarcoma that started on her liver and metastasized to her spleen and heart; there were lots and lots of smaller masses throughout her chest and abdomen as well. Her blood work came back, confirming that she was anemic and had all the signs of end stage cancer.
> 
> I still can’t believe I’m typing this. She had a clean bill of health at her annual check-up in December, normal bloodwork on her senior panels, and absolutely no signs of anything. I’m still in shock.
> 
> She went downhill even over the few hours we were at the office, and we scheduled Lap of Love to come out yesterday morning to put her to sleep. And then we went home, to spend our last afternoon and night together, and it all feels like a terrible nightmare.
> 
> I was just getting used to the idea of her getting older, turning seven, and making plans to make the best of the next few years, and in the course of one day those years I thought we had together dwindled to mere hours. It doesn’t feel real she’s not here.
> 
> The vet with Lap of Love came to the house yesterday morning - Abby’s breathing got more labored overnight, but she woke up at 7am her “normal” self: cheerful, bouncy, swooped into the kitchen to steal the cats’ breakfast, brought me ten thousand balls to throw. I did relent and throw a few, not very far…I couldn’t say no to her to that, not in her last hours, when it’s her favorite thing in the world. She couldn’t chase more than a couple before getting tired… (but brought me more when she recovered, of course; relentless to the end).
> 
> She was thrilled when the vet arrived, brought her new friend all her balls and kisses, and it was all very peaceful - I’m glad we were able to do this at home, and the vet was so kind and thought out. We made a pawprint and took a clipping of her 90s crimped ear fur, and the grandfather clock tolled 10am right as she passed and was at peace.
> 
> But now I am here, alone in my house, without her. And I feel so broken and shattered. Forty-eight hours ago our lives were whole and complete, and I had no idea that things had gone so wrong or we had so little time left together.
> 
> I’ve known since she was a tiny puppy, that it would most likely end with cancer one day - but I didn’t expect it to happen like this, so suddenly and with so little warning when she was still relatively young.
> 
> She lived her life to the fullest, right to the very end.
> 
> Abigail “Abby” (Delmarva Chrysae Canis)
> Jan 6, 2015 - Jan 25, 2022
> 
> View attachment 889046
> 
> 
> View attachment 889048
> 
> 
> View attachment 889049
> 
> 
> View attachment 889051
> 
> 
> View attachment 889050
> 
> 
> View attachment 889055


I’m so sorry for your loss. Abby looks like she was a beautiful, wonderful girl who lived a fantastic life. It’s never long enough though, is it? I’m glad you posted so you know that you have a golden family out here who grieves with you. Xoxo


----------



## FUReverGolden

Jane said:


> We lost our Crispin to hemangiosarcoma last July at age eight. I have not posted about it because I know it will bring on a bout of crying that will be disabling for the rest of the day. Crispin was our second Golden, and we're now around 70, so we knew he would be our last. We expected...hoped...to enjoy his senior years, but it was not to be.
> 
> Crispin was diagnosed at 7, when he underwent an MRI for unrelated reasons that didn't turn out to be consequential. The MRI found the tumors. At that time he had a subcutaneous tumor and another small nodule on his spleen. He underwent surgery to remove the tumor and his spleen and was left with a "dent" in his side (I did not care. I still had my dog).
> 
> After a year of treatment with one round of doxorubicin (too harsh) and then metronomic chemotherapy, we lost him to a "bleed" (actually after it started we let him go after it became apparent that his body could not reabsorb the bleeding--sometimes it can, but I believe it was too much blood).
> 
> I am grateful for the year,--but it was also terribly difficult knowing we were certainly going to lose him at any time, since the cancer had (inevitably) metastasized before it was diagnosed. How we loved that dog. How I miss him now, and there will not be another.
> 
> We had another Golden before Crispin--Jasper--who lived to be almost 13. Looking back, those senior years were so sweet--but I was paralyzed with grief for six months when we lost him, and even after that--what really helped was, a bit after a year later, we got little Crispin.
> 
> My husband and I didn't exchange Christmas presents this year, and instead I sent a large contribution to the Morris Foundation Golden Retriever Lifetime Study. I am planning to leave the Foundation a bequest in our will for more research into hemangiosarcoma and cancer in Goldens (in fact, we're seeing the lawyer today).
> 
> But I utterly sympathize with you and give you my condolences on the loss of your Abby. She was too young, beautiful and full of life, and dearly loved. I fully understand. My heart goes out to you.


MY heart is with you and your sorrow. You are an Angel yourself for the gift to Morris Foundation. Because of your post, I too will be leaving an endowment in our will to Morris. Thank-You. It is becoming much more prevalent to see cancer in our beloved Goldens and such alarming young ages. My first Golden lived over 13 years.( 40 years ago) I would say was let go to Rainbow Bridge for just plain old age and arthritis. My second to over 12 a tumor on the Pancreas our last was 10 years 10 months so I feel fortunate to have all that time even though it is always too soon. I miss him with every fiber of my soul. He had a nasty mast cell tumor of the nasal cavity. I hope you could have another Golden maybe a senior or rescue. I am approaching 70 and we are going to welcome what could be our "last puppy" and then after that who knows. My husband and I feel their presence makes us whole. 💞 #CANCERSUCKS


----------



## Michellelyn

I am so heartbroken for you, I am so sorry for your loss.


----------



## mahammansoor

I am so sorry for your loss! I had to take breaks reading because I could feel your pain. It doesn't help that it was so sudden. When we were getting our puppy, my husband said "I am getting you something to stay busy with". I said no, you are getting me a heartbreak 😭 You and Abby are in my thoughts. Such a sweet dog❤


----------



## kiki2

Rilelen said:


> Thank you all….it’s so hard, and I’m saddened but also comforted to know we aren’t the only ones to lose her so suddenly and unexpectedly. My heart goes out to all of us who have ever been here. Right now it feels like my heart is torn to shreds, and I am still in disbelief; it doesn’t feel real or possible that she’s not coming back. How could she not come back.
> 
> My best friend (who was my roommate back when I got Abby as a puppy) came down on a night train from several states away as soon as she heard; she didn’t quite make it in time to say goodbye, but having her show up on the doorstep thirty minutes after the vet pulled away with Abby was the only thing that held me together in those first few hours.
> 
> She is here until tomorrow, and we have been visiting some of the places Abby liked to go walk; I used to take her down to Sweetwater Preserve in the cooler months where Abby could run on the trails and beg to swim in the (alligator-infested) water.
> 
> We also put together a small memorial for her in the front yard; we spent so much time on the big front porch, Abby knew all the dogs in the neighborhood. When she’d see one, she’d get a treat for staying on the porch turning to me, so she was always very excited to see them coming. She could hear her favorites (and the mailman, whom she adored and who loved playing with her) from blocks away.
> 
> View attachment 889080
> 
> 
> View attachment 889082


No words. We lost our Maddie in November, I feel like you just told my story and wish I could say something to ease your pain….only time and memories will keep our hearts from shattering and living with the knowledge that we can love again. I’m so so very sorry. Hugs to you and that beautiful girl as she chases rainbows in heaven…rest easy Miss Abby


----------



## rebeccalvb

Rilelen said:


> Many years ago, when I first decided to get a golden retriever puppy, this forum was a lifesaver. I learned so much, from the breeder we chose to raising a puppy, to getting into dog sports. I brought Abby home from Delmarva Goldens in March 2015, as a little 8-week-old puppy. After Abby turned one, we posted much less frequently, but I owe so much of the beautiful happy dog she grew into, to the words and support of people here. She was my everything.
> 
> So, it feels like closing the circle to come back and share my grief with you. On Monday something felt off - I throw the ball every morning for her out the back door, but when Abby didn’t reappear indoors and I went out to check with her, I found her laying on her side in the grass. She didn’t want to get up, but it wasn’t immediately clear it was a physical problem - she often “pouts” and refuses to come inside if she thinks I won’t throw the ball again.
> 
> But it bothered me and didn’t feel right. So a little later I went back outside with her for a couple short ball tosses - and both times she stormed after the ball like a madman (as usual)…and then stumbled and slowed and lost control of her limbs returning.
> 
> Alarmed, I called her vet and they said they could fit her in the schedule after my faculty meeting ended at 1pm. (They also offered a next-day appointment, which - thank god - I did not do). Right before we left I took Abby out front; she romped around with no problems but then stopped to pee and after standing up, again lost control of her rear end, and I had to catch her.
> 
> We got to the vet, and they weren’t terribly concerned at first - physical looked fine, temp was fine. She eats All The Things, so some kind of toxin or poison or obstruction was a concern. But we’ve been concerned about possible arthritis in her rear end for a while, so they wanted to take some X-rays to compare with her last set (from last summer) and went ahead and did a chest/abdominal X-ray while they were at it. Abby went back on her own - she loves the vet.
> 
> I knew something was wrong when the vet came back alone. She looked about to cry and said she had bad news, and pulled up the X-rays. Cancer. The x-rays were full of cancer, everywhere. Most immediately, a tumor at the base of her heart, which had ruptured and was filling the lining of her heart with fluid (pericardial effusion), and compressing her heart. But it was everywhere. And the way her organs were compressed and out-of-place, suggested large tumors in her abdomen as well.
> 
> I knew, we all know, the odds of cancer and hemangiosarcoma, when I brought Abby home. But it seemed so far off, and I didn’t expect to be standing there in that office a couple weeks after her 7th birthday with a terminal cancer diagnosis. They gave her days, if we didn’t drain the fluid. And only a little longer if we did - it would refill, and she’d have to be on limited activity/rest. Abby has never rested in her entire life. She lives for running and chasing balls and bouncing off the walls; even with her heart failing, she chased after every ball like a maniac. She was beautiful in motion.
> 
> After a long talk, we decided to do a more in-depth ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis; we have a large veterinary teaching hospital here in town if there was any uncertainty for a second opinion. So they brought Abby back and shaved her belly for a portable ultrasound there in the office; and it was everything we feared. A huge mass eclipsing her liver, her spleen was bright (instead of dark like it should be), and the fluid around her heart and how much her heart was struggling were so clear, even to me.
> 
> I’m so grateful to our vet for taking the time to walk me through and explain everything we were seeing; I have no doubts and she didn’t either. We didn’t want to subject Abby to any invasive procedures, but they suspect it was hemangiosarcoma that started on her liver and metastasized to her spleen and heart; there were lots and lots of smaller masses throughout her chest and abdomen as well. Her blood work came back, confirming that she was anemic and had all the signs of end stage cancer.
> 
> I still can’t believe I’m typing this. She had a clean bill of health at her annual check-up in December, normal bloodwork on her senior panels, and absolutely no signs of anything. I’m still in shock.
> 
> She went downhill even over the few hours we were at the office, and we scheduled Lap of Love to come out yesterday morning to put her to sleep. And then we went home, to spend our last afternoon and night together, and it all feels like a terrible nightmare.
> 
> I was just getting used to the idea of her getting older, turning seven, and making plans to make the best of the next few years, and in the course of one day those years I thought we had together dwindled to mere hours. It doesn’t feel real she’s not here.
> 
> The vet with Lap of Love came to the house yesterday morning - Abby’s breathing got more labored overnight, but she woke up at 7am her “normal” self: cheerful, bouncy, swooped into the kitchen to steal the cats’ breakfast, brought me ten thousand balls to throw. I did relent and throw a few, not very far…I couldn’t say no to her to that, not in her last hours, when it’s her favorite thing in the world. She couldn’t chase more than a couple before getting tired… (but brought me more when she recovered, of course; relentless to the end).
> 
> She was thrilled when the vet arrived, brought her new friend all her balls and kisses, and it was all very peaceful - I’m glad we were able to do this at home, and the vet was so kind and thought out. We made a pawprint and took a clipping of her 90s crimped ear fur, and the grandfather clock tolled 10am right as she passed and was at peace.
> 
> But now I am here, alone in my house, without her. And I feel so broken and shattered. Forty-eight hours ago our lives were whole and complete, and I had no idea that things had gone so wrong or we had so little time left together.
> 
> I’ve known since she was a tiny puppy, that it would most likely end with cancer one day - but I didn’t expect it to happen like this, so suddenly and with so little warning when she was still relatively young.
> 
> She lived her life to the fullest, right to the very end.
> 
> Abigail “Abby” (Delmarva Chrysae Canis)
> Jan 6, 2015 - Jan 25, 2022
> 
> View attachment 889046
> 
> 
> View attachment 889048
> 
> 
> View attachment 889049
> 
> 
> View attachment 889051
> 
> 
> View attachment 889050
> 
> 
> View attachment 889055


I know the pain you’re going through. We lost our dear Maddie at 6 1/2 to spindle cell sarcoma. One day she was fine, the next she wouldn’t eat and was just not herself. We had Hampton Roads Veterinary Hospice out and they were incredible. Her paw print and a bit of her crinkled ear hair have a prominent place is our home.
Abby has been greeted by our Maddie with a butt sniff and directions to the best places to steal socks and take long naps.


----------



## laddiedad

Rilelen said:


> Many years ago, when I first decided to get a golden retriever puppy, this forum was a lifesaver. I learned so much, from the breeder we chose to raising a puppy, to getting into dog sports. I brought Abby home from Delmarva Goldens in March 2015, as a little 8-week-old puppy. After Abby turned one, we posted much less frequently, but I owe so much of the beautiful happy dog she grew into, to the words and support of people here. She was my everything.
> 
> So, it feels like closing the circle to come back and share my grief with you. On Monday something felt off - I throw the ball every morning for her out the back door, but when Abby didn’t reappear indoors and I went out to check with her, I found her laying on her side in the grass. She didn’t want to get up, but it wasn’t immediately clear it was a physical problem - she often “pouts” and refuses to come inside if she thinks I won’t throw the ball again.
> 
> But it bothered me and didn’t feel right. So a little later I went back outside with her for a couple short ball tosses - and both times she stormed after the ball like a madman (as usual)…and then stumbled and slowed and lost control of her limbs returning.
> 
> Alarmed, I called her vet and they said they could fit her in the schedule after my faculty meeting ended at 1pm. (They also offered a next-day appointment, which - thank god - I did not do). Right before we left I took Abby out front; she romped around with no problems but then stopped to pee and after standing up, again lost control of her rear end, and I had to catch her.
> 
> We got to the vet, and they weren’t terribly concerned at first - physical looked fine, temp was fine. She eats All The Things, so some kind of toxin or poison or obstruction was a concern. But we’ve been concerned about possible arthritis in her rear end for a while, so they wanted to take some X-rays to compare with her last set (from last summer) and went ahead and did a chest/abdominal X-ray while they were at it. Abby went back on her own - she loves the vet.
> 
> I knew something was wrong when the vet came back alone. She looked about to cry and said she had bad news, and pulled up the X-rays. Cancer. The x-rays were full of cancer, everywhere. Most immediately, a tumor at the base of her heart, which had ruptured and was filling the lining of her heart with fluid (pericardial effusion), and compressing her heart. But it was everywhere. And the way her organs were compressed and out-of-place, suggested large tumors in her abdomen as well.
> 
> I knew, we all know, the odds of cancer and hemangiosarcoma, when I brought Abby home. But it seemed so far off, and I didn’t expect to be standing there in that office a couple weeks after her 7th birthday with a terminal cancer diagnosis. They gave her days, if we didn’t drain the fluid. And only a little longer if we did - it would refill, and she’d have to be on limited activity/rest. Abby has never rested in her entire life. She lives for running and chasing balls and bouncing off the walls; even with her heart failing, she chased after every ball like a maniac. She was beautiful in motion.
> 
> After a long talk, we decided to do a more in-depth ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis; we have a large veterinary teaching hospital here in town if there was any uncertainty for a second opinion. So they brought Abby back and shaved her belly for a portable ultrasound there in the office; and it was everything we feared. A huge mass eclipsing her liver, her spleen was bright (instead of dark like it should be), and the fluid around her heart and how much her heart was struggling were so clear, even to me.
> 
> I’m so grateful to our vet for taking the time to walk me through and explain everything we were seeing; I have no doubts and she didn’t either. We didn’t want to subject Abby to any invasive procedures, but they suspect it was hemangiosarcoma that started on her liver and metastasized to her spleen and heart; there were lots and lots of smaller masses throughout her chest and abdomen as well. Her blood work came back, confirming that she was anemic and had all the signs of end stage cancer.
> 
> I still can’t believe I’m typing this. She had a clean bill of health at her annual check-up in December, normal bloodwork on her senior panels, and absolutely no signs of anything. I’m still in shock.
> 
> She went downhill even over the few hours we were at the office, and we scheduled Lap of Love to come out yesterday morning to put her to sleep. And then we went home, to spend our last afternoon and night together, and it all feels like a terrible nightmare.
> 
> I was just getting used to the idea of her getting older, turning seven, and making plans to make the best of the next few years, and in the course of one day those years I thought we had together dwindled to mere hours. It doesn’t feel real she’s not here.
> 
> The vet with Lap of Love came to the house yesterday morning - Abby’s breathing got more labored overnight, but she woke up at 7am her “normal” self: cheerful, bouncy, swooped into the kitchen to steal the cats’ breakfast, brought me ten thousand balls to throw. I did relent and throw a few, not very far…I couldn’t say no to her to that, not in her last hours, when it’s her favorite thing in the world. She couldn’t chase more than a couple before getting tired… (but brought me more when she recovered, of course; relentless to the end).
> 
> She was thrilled when the vet arrived, brought her new friend all her balls and kisses, and it was all very peaceful - I’m glad we were able to do this at home, and the vet was so kind and thought out. We made a pawprint and took a clipping of her 90s crimped ear fur, and the grandfather clock tolled 10am right as she passed and was at peace.
> 
> But now I am here, alone in my house, without her. And I feel so broken and shattered. Forty-eight hours ago our lives were whole and complete, and I had no idea that things had gone so wrong or we had so little time left together.
> 
> I’ve known since she was a tiny puppy, that it would most likely end with cancer one day - but I didn’t expect it to happen like this, so suddenly and with so little warning when she was still relatively young.
> 
> She lived her life to the fullest, right to the very end.
> 
> Abigail “Abby” (Delmarva Chrysae Canis)
> Jan 6, 2015 - Jan 25, 2022
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Rilelen said:


> Many years ago, when I first decided to get a golden retriever puppy, this forum was a lifesaver. I learned so much, from the breeder we chose to raising a puppy, to getting into dog sports. I brought Abby home from Delmarva Goldens in March 2015, as a little 8-week-old puppy. After Abby turned one, we posted much less frequently, but I owe so much of the beautiful happy dog she grew into, to the words and support of people here. She was my everything.
> 
> So, it feels like closing the circle to come back and share my grief with you. On Monday something felt off - I throw the ball every morning for her out the back door, but when Abby didn’t reappear indoors and I went out to check with her, I found her laying on her side in the grass. She didn’t want to get up, but it wasn’t immediately clear it was a physical problem - she often “pouts” and refuses to come inside if she thinks I won’t throw the ball again.
> 
> But it bothered me and didn’t feel right. So a little later I went back outside with her for a couple short ball tosses - and both times she stormed after the ball like a madman (as usual)…and then stumbled and slowed and lost control of her limbs returning.
> 
> Alarmed, I called her vet and they said they could fit her in the schedule after my faculty meeting ended at 1pm. (They also offered a next-day appointment, which - thank god - I did not do). Right before we left I took Abby out front; she romped around with no problems but then stopped to pee and after standing up, again lost control of her rear end, and I had to catch her.
> 
> We got to the vet, and they weren’t terribly concerned at first - physical looked fine, temp was fine. She eats All The Things, so some kind of toxin or poison or obstruction was a concern. But we’ve been concerned about possible arthritis in her rear end for a while, so they wanted to take some X-rays to compare with her last set (from last summer) and went ahead and did a chest/abdominal X-ray while they were at it. Abby went back on her own - she loves the vet.
> 
> I knew something was wrong when the vet came back alone. She looked about to cry and said she had bad news, and pulled up the X-rays. Cancer. The x-rays were full of cancer, everywhere. Most immediately, a tumor at the base of her heart, which had ruptured and was filling the lining of her heart with fluid (pericardial effusion), and compressing her heart. But it was everywhere. And the way her organs were compressed and out-of-place, suggested large tumors in her abdomen as well.
> 
> I knew, we all know, the odds of cancer and hemangiosarcoma, when I brought Abby home. But it seemed so far off, and I didn’t expect to be standing there in that office a couple weeks after her 7th birthday with a terminal cancer diagnosis. They gave her days, if we didn’t drain the fluid. And only a little longer if we did - it would refill, and she’d have to be on limited activity/rest. Abby has never rested in her entire life. She lives for running and chasing balls and bouncing off the walls; even with her heart failing, she chased after every ball like a maniac. She was beautiful in motion.
> 
> After a long talk, we decided to do a more in-depth ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis; we have a large veterinary teaching hospital here in town if there was any uncertainty for a second opinion. So they brought Abby back and shaved her belly for a portable ultrasound there in the office; and it was everything we feared. A huge mass eclipsing her liver, her spleen was bright (instead of dark like it should be), and the fluid around her heart and how much her heart was struggling were so clear, even to me.
> 
> I’m so grateful to our vet for taking the time to walk me through and explain everything we were seeing; I have no doubts and she didn’t either. We didn’t want to subject Abby to any invasive procedures, but they suspect it was hemangiosarcoma that started on her liver and metastasized to her spleen and heart; there were lots and lots of smaller masses throughout her chest and abdomen as well. Her blood work came back, confirming that she was anemic and had all the signs of end stage cancer.
> 
> I still can’t believe I’m typing this. She had a clean bill of health at her annual check-up in December, normal bloodwork on her senior panels, and absolutely no signs of anything. I’m still in shock.
> 
> She went downhill even over the few hours we were at the office, and we scheduled Lap of Love to come out yesterday morning to put her to sleep. And then we went home, to spend our last afternoon and night together, and it all feels like a terrible nightmare.
> 
> I was just getting used to the idea of her getting older, turning seven, and making plans to make the best of the next few years, and in the course of one day those years I thought we had together dwindled to mere hours. It doesn’t feel real she’s not here.
> 
> The vet with Lap of Love came to the house yesterday morning - Abby’s breathing got more labored overnight, but she woke up at 7am her “normal” self: cheerful, bouncy, swooped into the kitchen to steal the cats’ breakfast, brought me ten thousand balls to throw. I did relent and throw a few, not very far…I couldn’t say no to her to that, not in her last hours, when it’s her favorite thing in the world. She couldn’t chase more than a couple before getting tired… (but brought me more when she recovered, of course; relentless to the end).
> 
> She was thrilled when the vet arrived, brought her new friend all her balls and kisses, and it was all very peaceful - I’m glad we were able to do this at home, and the vet was so kind and thought out. We made a pawprint and took a clipping of her 90s crimped ear fur, and the grandfather clock tolled 10am right as she passed and was at peace.
> 
> But now I am here, alone in my house, without her. And I feel so broken and shattered. Forty-eight hours ago our lives were whole and complete, and I had no idea that things had gone so wrong or we had so little time left together.
> 
> I’ve known since she was a tiny puppy, that it would most likely end with cancer one day - but I didn’t expect it to happen like this, so suddenly and with so little warning when she was still relatively young.
> 
> She lived her life to the fullest, right to the very end.
> 
> Abigail “Abby” (Delmarva Chrysae Canis)
> Jan 6, 2015 - Jan 25, 2022
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What a dear, sweet dog and such a loving and heart-felt tribute. We have lost two goldens to hemangiosarcoma: it comes on so silently and unexpectedly strikes. Our sincere sympathy to you in your loss. The wonderful memories will be with you forever, the grief will fade in time.


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## Dawnettamarie1

Rilelen said:


> Many years ago, when I first decided to get a golden retriever puppy, this forum was a lifesaver. I learned so much, from the breeder we chose to raising a puppy, to getting into dog sports. I brought Abby home from Delmarva Goldens in March 2015, as a little 8-week-old puppy. After Abby turned one, we posted much less frequently, but I owe so much of the beautiful happy dog she grew into, to the words and support of people here. She was my everything.
> 
> So, it feels like closing the circle to come back and share my grief with you. On Monday something felt off - I throw the ball every morning for her out the back door, but when Abby didn’t reappear indoors and I went out to check with her, I found her laying on her side in the grass. She didn’t want to get up, but it wasn’t immediately clear it was a physical problem - she often “pouts” and refuses to come inside if she thinks I won’t throw the ball again.
> 
> But it bothered me and didn’t feel right. So a little later I went back outside with her for a couple short ball tosses - and both times she stormed after the ball like a madman (as usual)…and then stumbled and slowed and lost control of her limbs returning.
> 
> Alarmed, I called her vet and they said they could fit her in the schedule after my faculty meeting ended at 1pm. (They also offered a next-day appointment, which - thank god - I did not do). Right before we left I took Abby out front; she romped around with no problems but then stopped to pee and after standing up, again lost control of her rear end, and I had to catch her.
> 
> We got to the vet, and they weren’t terribly concerned at first - physical looked fine, temp was fine. She eats All The Things, so some kind of toxin or poison or obstruction was a concern. But we’ve been concerned about possible arthritis in her rear end for a while, so they wanted to take some X-rays to compare with her last set (from last summer) and went ahead and did a chest/abdominal X-ray while they were at it. Abby went back on her own - she loves the vet.
> 
> I knew something was wrong when the vet came back alone. She looked about to cry and said she had bad news, and pulled up the X-rays. Cancer. The x-rays were full of cancer, everywhere. Most immediately, a tumor at the base of her heart, which had ruptured and was filling the lining of her heart with fluid (pericardial effusion), and compressing her heart. But it was everywhere. And the way her organs were compressed and out-of-place, suggested large tumors in her abdomen as well.
> 
> I knew, we all know, the odds of cancer and hemangiosarcoma, when I brought Abby home. But it seemed so far off, and I didn’t expect to be standing there in that office a couple weeks after her 7th birthday with a terminal cancer diagnosis. They gave her days, if we didn’t drain the fluid. And only a little longer if we did - it would refill, and she’d have to be on limited activity/rest. Abby has never rested in her entire life. She lives for running and chasing balls and bouncing off the walls; even with her heart failing, she chased after every ball like a maniac. She was beautiful in motion.
> 
> After a long talk, we decided to do a more in-depth ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis; we have a large veterinary teaching hospital here in town if there was any uncertainty for a second opinion. So they brought Abby back and shaved her belly for a portable ultrasound there in the office; and it was everything we feared. A huge mass eclipsing her liver, her spleen was bright (instead of dark like it should be), and the fluid around her heart and how much her heart was struggling were so clear, even to me.
> 
> I’m so grateful to our vet for taking the time to walk me through and explain everything we were seeing; I have no doubts and she didn’t either. We didn’t want to subject Abby to any invasive procedures, but they suspect it was hemangiosarcoma that started on her liver and metastasized to her spleen and heart; there were lots and lots of smaller masses throughout her chest and abdomen as well. Her blood work came back, confirming that she was anemic and had all the signs of end stage cancer.
> 
> I still can’t believe I’m typing this. She had a clean bill of health at her annual check-up in December, normal bloodwork on her senior panels, and absolutely no signs of anything. I’m still in shock.
> 
> She went downhill even over the few hours we were at the office, and we scheduled Lap of Love to come out yesterday morning to put her to sleep. And then we went home, to spend our last afternoon and night together, and it all feels like a terrible nightmare.
> 
> I was just getting used to the idea of her getting older, turning seven, and making plans to make the best of the next few years, and in the course of one day those years I thought we had together dwindled to mere hours. It doesn’t feel real she’s not here.
> 
> The vet with Lap of Love came to the house yesterday morning - Abby’s breathing got more labored overnight, but she woke up at 7am her “normal” self: cheerful, bouncy, swooped into the kitchen to steal the cats’ breakfast, brought me ten thousand balls to throw. I did relent and throw a few, not very far…I couldn’t say no to her to that, not in her last hours, when it’s her favorite thing in the world. She couldn’t chase more than a couple before getting tired… (but brought me more when she recovered, of course; relentless to the end).
> 
> She was thrilled when the vet arrived, brought her new friend all her balls and kisses, and it was all very peaceful - I’m glad we were able to do this at home, and the vet was so kind and thought out. We made a pawprint and took a clipping of her 90s crimped ear fur, and the grandfather clock tolled 10am right as she passed and was at peace.
> 
> But now I am here, alone in my house, without her. And I feel so broken and shattered. Forty-eight hours ago our lives were whole and complete, and I had no idea that things had gone so wrong or we had so little time left together.
> 
> I’ve known since she was a tiny puppy, that it would most likely end with cancer one day - but I didn’t expect it to happen like this, so suddenly and with so little warning when she was still relatively young.
> 
> She lived her life to the fullest, right to the very end.
> 
> Abigail “Abby” (Delmarva Chrysae Canis)
> Jan 6, 2015 - Jan 25, 2022
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I’m so very sorry for your loss


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## Swiss Miss

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my boy Finn unexpectedly at the very young age of 2 but it was so similar to your story. It is very obvious how much she was loved!


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## whemtp

I am so sorry to read about the loss of your dog Abby.


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## Rilelen

Thank you all.....I have had friends and family staying with me the past week (they came down after they heard), but the last of them left Tuesday and these last two days alone have been so quiet. It's hard. Reading all of your words, and knowing that others understand and have been there and share that pain - that is a gift, and one I am profoundly grateful for. Thank you. Your words matter more than you can imagine.

It's hard right now to write and focus, but I felt so much all of your responses...



luvmypets said:


> Im so so sorry - I remember when I lost my Hali in 2018 when she just turned 7, how awful the pain was - at least all my other goldens had lived to be 12 - but she got a very aggressive form of cancer in her leg and was gone within 2 weeks of the limp starting My heart breaks for you.


I'm so sorry; my love to your sweet Hali, my heart goes out to you - seven is too young.



Jane said:


> We lost our Crispin to hemangiosarcoma last July at age eight. I have not posted about it because I know it will bring on a bout of crying that will be disabling for the rest of the day. Crispin was our second Golden, and we're now around 70, so we knew he would be our last. We expected...hoped...to enjoy his senior years, but it was not to be.
> 
> Crispin was diagnosed at 7, when he underwent an MRI for unrelated reasons that didn't turn out to be consequential. The MRI found the tumors. At that time he had a subcutaneous tumor and another small nodule on his spleen. He underwent surgery to remove the tumor and his spleen and was left with a "dent" in his side (I did not care. I still had my dog).
> 
> After a year of treatment with one round of doxorubicin (too harsh) and then metronomic chemotherapy, we lost him to a "bleed" (actually after it started we let him go after it became apparent that his body could not reabsorb the bleeding--sometimes it can, but I believe it was too much blood).
> 
> I am grateful for the year,--but it was also terribly difficult knowing we were certainly going to lose him at any time, since the cancer had (inevitably) metastasized before it was diagnosed. How we loved that dog. How I miss him now, and there will not be another.
> 
> We had another Golden before Crispin--Jasper--who lived to be almost 13. Looking back, those senior years were so sweet--but I was paralyzed with grief for six months when we lost him, and even after that--what really helped was, a bit after a year later, we got little Crispin.
> 
> My husband and I didn't exchange Christmas presents this year, and instead I sent a large contribution to the Morris Foundation Golden Retriever Lifetime Study. I am planning to leave the Foundation a bequest in our will for more research into hemangiosarcoma and cancer in Goldens (in fact, we're seeing the lawyer today).
> 
> But I utterly sympathize with you and give you my condolences on the loss of your Abby. She was too young, beautiful and full of life, and dearly loved. I fully understand. My heart goes out to you.


I was crying reading about your sweet Crispin, it sounds so much like echoes of my own last weeks....what a beautiful loving way to honor his memory and Jasper's. And hope that, someday, others won't know this pain. I'm not ready yet, and won't be for a while, but I know I will want another golden in my life again - and when she comes, I will tell her about Abby, but also about your Crispin and Jasper, and all the other beautiful beloved goldens on this thread who came before her and who we lost too soon.



CoastalJMS said:


> My heart goes out to you as well. We lost our Mimi in 2020 and the story you have told is nearly identical. She had turned 7 on April 26 and passed on Memorial day, May 25, 2020. She also was a tennis ball-a-holic, and everything you described sounds like the same tragic movie. She was not eaten up with cancer, but had severe pericardial effusion. We had just lost our Travis three years prior to aspergillosis after a 9 year battle. So know this community supports you in your grief. It is always hard to lose our pets, but when it happens so unexpectedly, it is especially tragic. Peace to you.


Oh, I'm so so sorry, Mimi sounds so much like my Abby girl, and her story a mirror to our own; sending my love and sorrow, and thank you for sharing. As much as I wish no one else had ever shared this pain, it is a comfort to know that we are not walking this path alone. All my love to you and your sweet goldens.



Durmom3 said:


> I am truly sorry for your loss. I should have never read this while at work as now I am a mess. My baby will be 6yr
> next week. I can not image being without her. She has a very similar face. Hugs to you and may time heal your wound that has been left.


Please hug her tight for me; I was always so scared of losing my Abby, and didn't know what I would do - I still don't, I feel lost without her. Thank you for reaching out. 



Smitty1 said:


> Here I am a 71 year old man crying for you.Last Sept I looked at my Golden Sunny mouth to figure out why he wasn’t eating.His gums were white.Called my vet( who has taken care of all my Goldens for 15 yrs)Sunny was a service dog.He also loved to visit sick Children in the hospital.The vet checked him out and thought he had a spot on his spleen but she wanted to get a ultra sound to verify.She called me and said she scheduled a ultrasound 3 weeks out.I took my boy home and tried calling around to see if I could get him an ultrasound sooner.That evening he was fine playing with his 3 brothers.At 3 in the am he woke me up with heavy breathing.He was dying right in front of me.I rushed him the a specialty hospital.They met me as I pulled in and took Sunny and they had me wait in my car.In 15 min he was gone.My vet let me down by not insisting I bring him to a specialty Vet.My boy had spleen cancer and it burst.He bled to death.So many people loved him.He was the greatest Golden that I ever had and I have had Goldens since I was 5.I have 4 today.The love they give and ask nothing in return but throw the ball or take them swimming.My heart goes out to you.I’m so sorry.She was a beautiful Golden.I hope you get another one…not to replace her but to live with someone like you that will love them back


Oh, I am crying for your sweet Sunny, thank you for sharing with him with me....he sounds like the best good boy. And than you too for the gift of your last sentence; I can't imagine not having another golden in my life one day, but also know that no one could ever replace her (and I wouldn't want them to). But the idea of honoring her by paying that love forward....yes, that feels right, and good.



mahammansoor said:


> I am so sorry for your loss! I had to take breaks reading because I could feel your pain. It doesn't help that it was so sudden. When we were getting our puppy, my husband said "I am getting you something to stay busy with". I said no, you are getting me a heartbreak 😭 You and Abby are in my thoughts. Such a sweet dog❤


Ohhhhhh, yes, you are right. We bring home these heartbreaks knowing, and we give them our hearts anyway. 💔



kiki2 said:


> No words. We lost our Maddie in November, I feel like you just told my story and wish I could say something to ease your pain….only time and memories will keep our hearts from shattering and living with the knowledge that we can love again. I’m so so very sorry. Hugs to you and that beautiful girl as she chases rainbows in heaven…rest easy Miss Abby


Thank you, and my love for your Maddie as well; I wish no one ever had to tell this story, or hear it and recognize it. My heart goes out to you and yours.



rebeccalvb said:


> I know the pain you’re going through. We lost our dear Maddie at 6 1/2 to spindle cell sarcoma. One day she was fine, the next she wouldn’t eat and was just not herself. We had Hampton Roads Veterinary Hospice out and they were incredible. Her paw print and a bit of her crinkled ear hair have a prominent place is our home.
> Abby has been greeted by our Maddie with a butt sniff and directions to the best places to steal socks and take long naps.


💜my Abby's pawprint and crinkle hair are sitting near the window, surrounded by flowers right now; I hope your Maddie and her are romping and wrecking joyous havoc together up above. And I'm so sorry for your loss, six and a half is far far too short a time, and too sudden to lose such a beloved friend.


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## jaredean

My heart is aching for you and your loss. It made me think of losing my beautiful Sebastian. He was only 8 and started having seizures when he was 7. We took him several places to figure out what was going on, put him on medication, etc. and the end diagnosis was a brain tumor. He seemed to be ok on the medicine, other than the seizures, for about 7 months but then really started deteriorating over his last few month to the point that he didn't recognize us, etc. The family was ready to let him go, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I (selfishly) was hoping that he would just get better. The last few weeks were pretty bad and we finally put him to sleep. I miss him like crazy, but can honestly say if i had to lose him that i wish it had happened quickly like your experience than the slow agonizing way it did with him at the end not being the same dog he was. He would look at me and there was no recognition in his eyes that he was my buddy. He was fearful of me at times, would just go to the bathroom in the house and dig through the trash and he was NEVER like that before the seizures. Three years later I have a golden girl and she's amazing, but i still really miss my Sebby...


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## Rilelen

jaredean said:


> My heart is aching for you and your loss. It made me think of losing my beautiful Sebastian. He was only 8 and started having seizures when he was 7. We took him several places to figure out what was going on, put him on medication, etc. and the end diagnosis was a brain tumor. He seemed to be ok on the medicine, other than the seizures, for about 7 months but then really started deteriorating over his last few month to the point that he didn't recognize us, etc. The family was ready to let him go, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I (selfishly) was hoping that he would just get better. The last few weeks were pretty bad and we finally put him to sleep. I miss him like crazy, but can honestly say if i had to lose him that i wish it had happened quickly like your experience than the slow agonizing way it did with him at the end not being the same dog he was. He would look at me and there was no recognition in his eyes that he was my buddy. He was fearful of me at times, would just go to the bathroom in the house and dig through the trash and he was NEVER like that before the seizures. Three years later I have a golden girl and she's amazing, but i still really miss my Sebby...


oh your poor baby hugs 💔 I’m so sorry you had to lose him like that. I’ve been telling people that losing Abby so quickly and suddenly was the best way for HER to go - even though it made it so much harder for me. That I wouldn’t trade that, that the last thing I could do for her was to carry that pain so she never had to….that’s maybe the one thing that has helped make sense of it all to me. That I could do this for her, so she could go peacefully and painlessly and still herself.

But it’s such a hard choice. I think we all try to do what we think is right thing - it’s just so hard to know what that is when we’re in the middle of it. The dog Abby grew up with, Chloe, was diagnosed with terminal kidney failure around the time I brought Abby home as a pup; Chloe belonged to my best friend and grad school roommate. And watching Chloe go through that and watching Sarah struggle to know when to say “enough” and let her Chloe go, when Abby was still so little…it made it easier to know deep down that more time isn’t always the gift we hope it will be.

When Sarah was here last week, we talked about how Chloe’s last gift to me and to Abby, was to give us the peace and courage to say goodbye to Abby, while she was still herself, even when I desperately desperately did not want to. Sending love and peace to you and your sweet Sebby.


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## astropdoggy

I’m so sorry for your loss. No length of time is ever enough with our fur babies and angels. Rest In Peace Abby.


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## Rilelen

I got a call at work yesterday from the vet that Abby’s ashes had been delivered and I could pick them up whenever I was ready. Left work early to drive over, walked inside and wasn’t ready for the wave of emotions that hit me - last time I walked in those doors, Abby was with me and we thought everything was fine. Everything was fine. And then it wasn’t.

The box is beautiful - I have no memory of picking it out, and I’m not sure I did or whether the vet’s office just quietly took care of it. It is perfect. I wish to my heart of hearts I was bringing my Abby girl back home again, in all her bounciness, but the box is beautiful, just like her. It’s sitting on the end of my bed right now, with her blanket and favorite stuffed bunny, and I just miss her so much.


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## cwag

😢


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## Rilelen

Update: It’s been a little more than a month now; I still miss her terribly, I still can’t believe she’s gone. But people have been so kind. A few friends got together and commissioned a painting as a surprise for me…it’s from a photo I took on New Year’s Day a few weeks before she passed, when we went down to greet the new year on the beach. Abby loved the beach, and I love that the artist captured that joy and love in her eyes ❤


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## FUReverGolden

Its stunning just like Abby.🥰 I do believe the Artist captured her. What a lovely gift from your friends. Testament to a life well lived. Monday is the sixth month mark for Baileys crossing to Rainbow Bridge. This road is a bumpy one. Hugs


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## CAROLINA MOM

Beautiful painting of Abby, very thoughtful of your friends.


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## sszielen

Rilelen said:


> Update: It’s been a little more than a month now; I still miss her terribly, I still can’t believe she’s gone. But people have been so kind. A few friends got together and commissioned a painting as a surprise for me…it’s from a photo I took on New Year’s Day a few weeks before she passed, when we went down to greet the new year on the beach. Abby loved the beach, and I love that the artist captured that joy and love in her eyes ❤
> 
> View attachment 890365


BEAUIFUL PORTAIT! I know you it will make you smile whenever you see it.


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## whemtp

So sorry for your loss. The painting is a wonderful gift


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## diane0905

Beautiful painting of your sweet Abby.


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## Ivyacres

I'm sorry for your loss. She was beautiful and the artist captured that!


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## Thomas Perri

Rilelen said:


> Many years ago, when I first decided to get a golden retriever puppy, this forum was a lifesaver. I learned so much, from the breeder we chose to raising a puppy, to getting into dog sports. I brought Abby home from Delmarva Goldens in March 2015, as a little 8-week-old puppy. After Abby turned one, we posted much less frequently, but I owe so much of the beautiful happy dog she grew into, to the words and support of people here. She was my everything.
> 
> So, it feels like closing the circle to come back and share my grief with you. On Monday something felt off - I throw the ball every morning for her out the back door, but when Abby didn’t reappear indoors and I went out to check with her, I found her laying on her side in the grass. She didn’t want to get up, but it wasn’t immediately clear it was a physical problem - she often “pouts” and refuses to come inside if she thinks I won’t throw the ball again.
> 
> But it bothered me and didn’t feel right. So a little later I went back outside with her for a couple short ball tosses - and both times she stormed after the ball like a madman (as usual)…and then stumbled and slowed and lost control of her limbs returning.
> 
> Alarmed, I called her vet and they said they could fit her in the schedule after my faculty meeting ended at 1pm. (They also offered a next-day appointment, which - thank god - I did not do). Right before we left I took Abby out front; she romped around with no problems but then stopped to pee and after standing up, again lost control of her rear end, and I had to catch her.
> 
> We got to the vet, and they weren’t terribly concerned at first - physical looked fine, temp was fine. She eats All The Things, so some kind of toxin or poison or obstruction was a concern. But we’ve been concerned about possible arthritis in her rear end for a while, so they wanted to take some X-rays to compare with her last set (from last summer) and went ahead and did a chest/abdominal X-ray while they were at it. Abby went back on her own - she loves the vet.
> 
> I knew something was wrong when the vet came back alone. She looked about to cry and said she had bad news, and pulled up the X-rays. Cancer. The x-rays were full of cancer, everywhere. Most immediately, a tumor at the base of her heart, which had ruptured and was filling the lining of her heart with fluid (pericardial effusion), and compressing her heart. But it was everywhere. And the way her organs were compressed and out-of-place, suggested large tumors in her abdomen as well.
> 
> I knew, we all know, the odds of cancer and hemangiosarcoma, when I brought Abby home. But it seemed so far off, and I didn’t expect to be standing there in that office a couple weeks after her 7th birthday with a terminal cancer diagnosis. They gave her days, if we didn’t drain the fluid. And only a little longer if we did - it would refill, and she’d have to be on limited activity/rest. Abby has never rested in her entire life. She lives for running and chasing balls and bouncing off the walls; even with her heart failing, she chased after every ball like a maniac. She was beautiful in motion.
> 
> After a long talk, we decided to do a more in-depth ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis; we have a large veterinary teaching hospital here in town if there was any uncertainty for a second opinion. So they brought Abby back and shaved her belly for a portable ultrasound there in the office; and it was everything we feared. A huge mass eclipsing her liver, her spleen was bright (instead of dark like it should be), and the fluid around her heart and how much her heart was struggling were so clear, even to me.
> 
> I’m so grateful to our vet for taking the time to walk me through and explain everything we were seeing; I have no doubts and she didn’t either. We didn’t want to subject Abby to any invasive procedures, but they suspect it was hemangiosarcoma that started on her liver and metastasized to her spleen and heart; there were lots and lots of smaller masses throughout her chest and abdomen as well. Her blood work came back, confirming that she was anemic and had all the signs of end stage cancer.
> 
> I still can’t believe I’m typing this. She had a clean bill of health at her annual check-up in December, normal bloodwork on her senior panels, and absolutely no signs of anything. I’m still in shock.
> 
> She went downhill even over the few hours we were at the office, and we scheduled Lap of Love to come out yesterday morning to put her to sleep. And then we went home, to spend our last afternoon and night together, and it all feels like a terrible nightmare.
> 
> I was just getting used to the idea of her getting older, turning seven, and making plans to make the best of the next few years, and in the course of one day those years I thought we had together dwindled to mere hours. It doesn’t feel real she’s not here.
> 
> The vet with Lap of Love came to the house yesterday morning - Abby’s breathing got more labored overnight, but she woke up at 7am her “normal” self: cheerful, bouncy, swooped into the kitchen to steal the cats’ breakfast, brought me ten thousand balls to throw. I did relent and throw a few, not very far…I couldn’t say no to her to that, not in her last hours, when it’s her favorite thing in the world. She couldn’t chase more than a couple before getting tired… (but brought me more when she recovered, of course; relentless to the end).
> 
> She was thrilled when the vet arrived, brought her new friend all her balls and kisses, and it was all very peaceful - I’m glad we were able to do this at home, and the vet was so kind and thought out. We made a pawprint and took a clipping of her 90s crimped ear fur, and the grandfather clock tolled 10am right as she passed and was at peace.
> 
> But now I am here, alone in my house, without her. And I feel so broken and shattered. Forty-eight hours ago our lives were whole and complete, and I had no idea that things had gone so wrong or we had so little time left together.
> 
> I’ve known since she was a tiny puppy, that it would most likely end with cancer one day - but I didn’t expect it to happen like this, so suddenly and with so little warning when she was still relatively young.
> 
> She lived her life to the fullest, right to the very end.
> 
> Abigail “Abby” (Delmarva Chrysae Canis)
> Jan 6, 2015 - Jan 25, 2022
> 
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## Thomas Perri

Rilelen said:


> Many years ago, when I first decided to get a golden retriever puppy, this forum was a lifesaver. I learned so much, from the breeder we chose to raising a puppy, to getting into dog sports. I brought Abby home from Delmarva Goldens in March 2015, as a little 8-week-old puppy. After Abby turned one, we posted much less frequently, but I owe so much of the beautiful happy dog she grew into, to the words and support of people here. She was my everything.
> 
> So, it feels like closing the circle to come back and share my grief with you. On Monday something felt off - I throw the ball every morning for her out the back door, but when Abby didn’t reappear indoors and I went out to check with her, I found her laying on her side in the grass. She didn’t want to get up, but it wasn’t immediately clear it was a physical problem - she often “pouts” and refuses to come inside if she thinks I won’t throw the ball again.
> 
> But it bothered me and didn’t feel right. So a little later I went back outside with her for a couple short ball tosses - and both times she stormed after the ball like a madman (as usual)…and then stumbled and slowed and lost control of her limbs returning.
> 
> Alarmed, I called her vet and they said they could fit her in the schedule after my faculty meeting ended at 1pm. (They also offered a next-day appointment, which - thank god - I did not do). Right before we left I took Abby out front; she romped around with no problems but then stopped to pee and after standing up, again lost control of her rear end, and I had to catch her.
> 
> We got to the vet, and they weren’t terribly concerned at first - physical looked fine, temp was fine. She eats All The Things, so some kind of toxin or poison or obstruction was a concern. But we’ve been concerned about possible arthritis in her rear end for a while, so they wanted to take some X-rays to compare with her last set (from last summer) and went ahead and did a chest/abdominal X-ray while they were at it. Abby went back on her own - she loves the vet.
> 
> I knew something was wrong when the vet came back alone. She looked about to cry and said she had bad news, and pulled up the X-rays. Cancer. The x-rays were full of cancer, everywhere. Most immediately, a tumor at the base of her heart, which had ruptured and was filling the lining of her heart with fluid (pericardial effusion), and compressing her heart. But it was everywhere. And the way her organs were compressed and out-of-place, suggested large tumors in her abdomen as well.
> 
> I knew, we all know, the odds of cancer and hemangiosarcoma, when I brought Abby home. But it seemed so far off, and I didn’t expect to be standing there in that office a couple weeks after her 7th birthday with a terminal cancer diagnosis. They gave her days, if we didn’t drain the fluid. And only a little longer if we did - it would refill, and she’d have to be on limited activity/rest. Abby has never rested in her entire life. She lives for running and chasing balls and bouncing off the walls; even with her heart failing, she chased after every ball like a maniac. She was beautiful in motion.
> 
> After a long talk, we decided to do a more in-depth ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis; we have a large veterinary teaching hospital here in town if there was any uncertainty for a second opinion. So they brought Abby back and shaved her belly for a portable ultrasound there in the office; and it was everything we feared. A huge mass eclipsing her liver, her spleen was bright (instead of dark like it should be), and the fluid around her heart and how much her heart was struggling were so clear, even to me.
> 
> I’m so grateful to our vet for taking the time to walk me through and explain everything we were seeing; I have no doubts and she didn’t either. We didn’t want to subject Abby to any invasive procedures, but they suspect it was hemangiosarcoma that started on her liver and metastasized to her spleen and heart; there were lots and lots of smaller masses throughout her chest and abdomen as well. Her blood work came back, confirming that she was anemic and had all the signs of end stage cancer.
> 
> I still can’t believe I’m typing this. She had a clean bill of health at her annual check-up in December, normal bloodwork on her senior panels, and absolutely no signs of anything. I’m still in shock.
> 
> She went downhill even over the few hours we were at the office, and we scheduled Lap of Love to come out yesterday morning to put her to sleep. And then we went home, to spend our last afternoon and night together, and it all feels like a terrible nightmare.
> 
> I was just getting used to the idea of her getting older, turning seven, and making plans to make the best of the next few years, and in the course of one day those years I thought we had together dwindled to mere hours. It doesn’t feel real she’s not here.
> 
> The vet with Lap of Love came to the house yesterday morning - Abby’s breathing got more labored overnight, but she woke up at 7am her “normal” self: cheerful, bouncy, swooped into the kitchen to steal the cats’ breakfast, brought me ten thousand balls to throw. I did relent and throw a few, not very far…I couldn’t say no to her to that, not in her last hours, when it’s her favorite thing in the world. She couldn’t chase more than a couple before getting tired… (but brought me more when she recovered, of course; relentless to the end).
> 
> She was thrilled when the vet arrived, brought her new friend all her balls and kisses, and it was all very peaceful - I’m glad we were able to do this at home, and the vet was so kind and thought out. We made a pawprint and took a clipping of her 90s crimped ear fur, and the grandfather clock tolled 10am right as she passed and was at peace.
> 
> But now I am here, alone in my house, without her. And I feel so broken and shattered. Forty-eight hours ago our lives were whole and complete, and I had no idea that things had gone so wrong or we had so little time left together.
> 
> I’ve known since she was a tiny puppy, that it would most likely end with cancer one day - but I didn’t expect it to happen like this, so suddenly and with so little warning when she was still relatively young.
> 
> She lived her life to the fullest, right to the very end.
> 
> Abigail “Abby” (Delmarva Chrysae Canis)
> Jan 6, 2015 - Jan 25, 2022
> 
> View attachment 889046
> 
> 
> View attachment 889048
> 
> 
> View attachment 889049
> 
> 
> View attachment 889051
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We are so sorry for your loss and totally understand. Our golden retriever Cody passed on April 8th 2021 he had just passed his 7th birthday. He also was diagnosed with hemangioma sarcoma, he had a tumor on his heart that burst. Being the owners of 3 goldens I was unaware of this cancer. It is the cruelest of all because it has no signs until the end. He was very special as your golden was to you. Hopefully you can come to terms with it and eventually own another golden. We are now thinking of another golden but remain apprehensive because of risk from further heartbreak. Again So Sorry


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## tikiandme

I'm just seeing this. I'm so very sorry for your loss of your beautiful Abby. I'm so sorry you couldn't have had more time together. I lost two of my dogs to cancer at 5 yrs old, one at 9, two at 10 and 1 at almost 14. They are never with us long enough.....


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## Genevieve's mom

I've been reading through these posts and it's kind of shocking to see how many Goldens have died from cancer at a relatively young age. Before VeeVee and Gabby, we had four Goldens and they all lived to at least 12. We had those four in the 90's. So many of you talk about losing your dogs to cancer well before eight. We lost VeeVee one month after her fifth birthday. It's truly a tragedy. I hope the Golden Retriever Lifetime Study uncovers information that can be used to reduce the cancer rate in this sweet, wonderful breed. I'm sorry for all who lose their dogs - no matter the age, no matter the reason. We all have broken hearts, they are the very best companions we could ever hope for, and we can't live without our dogs. We start over again to give our hearts to a new one knowing our heart will be broken again.


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## Lilliam

Oh Rilelen…..no……

I’m so very sorry. I remember meeting you on the meet and greet day when we met our girls. You took a picture of me with Green Head Dot who turned out to be my Emma. I remember how excited we both were that day. 

I’m so very sorry. I can’t believe this. 

I came across the news because I just had a scare with Emma, a lump that the doctor thought was a mast cell tumor. I went to k9data to see if there was any history of that in the lines and of course I saw hemangiosarcoma but no MCT. I then looked to her siblings and found Abby had passed. I remembered her name instantly. So I came here to try to find how to contact you to say how horrible I feel about Abby and found this. 

I am so deeply sorry. You describe Abby as being so happy and so sweet and I know absolutely what you mean because I have a copy of her right here. Always happy. Always sweet. Voraciously eating EVERYTHING. I can see Abby in Emma. 

Emma’s lump ended up just being cysts so we will remove them. But I know, as you wrote in your post, that I will lose Emma to cancer one day. It’s almost inevitable. So I feel like I cheated the monster this time but I keep feeling it lurking. 

I loved your pictures of Abby in the water. When the doctor first mentioned MCT I booked a beach house in the Florida keys (favorite places for me, Emma hasn’t met the Caribbean yet) as a bucket list item. We’re still going, now as a vacation. 

Rilelen I am so deeply sorry to hear about Abby. I am actually sobbing, swallowing air. I’m so very very sorry. Many hugs to you. I’m so very sorry. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


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## Ivyacres

Goodness, I'm so very sorry for your loss. 🙏 😢


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## hollyk

I’m so sorry for the loss of your special girl.


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