# How do you find balance with new puppy at home? Beyond overwhelmed!!



## Doug (Jul 17, 2010)

Welcome to the club

We are in the same boat but hubby and I have taken holidays to cope with this new baby and we are still overwhelmed even though we have done this a few times. Our pups are in Disneyland right now and are having the time of their lives. It feels as though we have been put in a shaken snow dome but take comfort in the fact that things do get a little better every day. 

Yes this is totally normal. They are babies who were born with an extraordinary amount of energy. They need to release this energy. If we do not provide them with fun they will make their own fun which leads to trouble. Use this time to desensitise him to various objects around the house. They love exploring common objects. There are some ideas here
http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=223218&d=1373587525
(Thanks to the original member who posted this)
Perhaps you can make your bed room his playground for those important meetings. My pup had the most wonderful time with a broom on the floor yesterday.

Take it one day at a time and know that you are one day closer to your perfect golden but in the meantime have to do the time and put in the hard work in first. It sounds as though you have been doing a great job already. Keep your eye on the horizon as he will repay you in truck loads when he is older and all of this will be a distant memory... and you will probably do it all again one day.


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## Lise123 (Jan 1, 2014)

Don't worry, it gets better!

You might benefit from an x-pen, a safe place to park your puppy where he can play and you can take a break. You can put him in it when you suspect he's overtired, and he might nap.

I didn't have an x-pen, but I had a puppy-proof room with a babygate. When baby Bailey got too bitey, I popped him in his room for a sanity break. He had a box full of toys that he liked to investigate.

Hang in there -- it gets better really fast, but until it does, you should give yourself a permission to be good to yourself. If you find you're getting frustrated and overwhelmed, you can always give him a crate break till you're feeling better. Like they say with babies -- if you're at your wit's end, it's better to stick them in the crib for a few minutes while you regain your composure. 

They're lucky they're so cute, right?


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## Rkaymay (May 12, 2014)

I remember those days. I thought they would never end. I'm still traumatized. Whenever I had to get homework done, I always either walked Zelda or trained with her first. Then, I put her in her crate, covered it with a blanket (this is the key), and ignored her completely. If I had to, I turned off the light and left the room. She quickly settled for a nap. She really was tired, she just didn't want to miss out on anything fun.

It does end! One day I woke up and realized my psycho puppy was being calm and laid back. That day was wonderful.


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## retrieverbear (Jan 19, 2014)

We are just on the other side of the early puppyhood. Our boy just turned 20wks.
The first month we didn't sleep, didn't have proper meals, and didn't really leave the house - it was all about the pup. Things got better quickly after that and now things are near perfect 
It will get better - hang in there. 

A few things that helped us:
1. Several small training sessions every day (getting them mentally tired is just as important as the physical exercise)

2. Little outings every day to show them new things. Depending on vaccination status and vet recommendation, you can always just hold the pup in your arms and take them along with you on a short trip to the store, post office, drive thru, etc.

3. Food puzzles/food toys - we fed a portion of his food in his crate and the rest of his food in puzzles/toys. As he got older, the toys got more complicated. He had to work to figure out how to get the food out and he still loves it. StarMark, Kong, etc. lots of companies make these puzzles.

4. When ready, puppy classes and puppy playtimes 

Enjoy every moment of puppyhood - it will go by fast and you may miss it once your baby is bigger :wavey:


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## boomers_dawn (Sep 20, 2009)

Been there! When I was going through that, I was working outside the home and wanted to keep puppy out as much as possible when I was home. But then you get the zoomies, tantrums, destroyed stuff, pee pee accidents, you know .. and was getting frazzled.

Our dog skool teecher said to put the puppy on a schedule when I'm home - one hour out of the crate, one hour in the crate, one hour out, one hour in, etc.

I said I felt bad since she was in the crate all day while I was at work but he pointed out:
a) it's for MY mental health as well as the puppy
b) think of them like babies - babies have to take a nap or they get cranky and fussy and have meltdowns - they don't stay up and out all day just because you're home
c) it helps with potty training
d) it's temporary - they won't be puppies forever

It worked like a charm for me. Don't feel guilty. Doing the schedule and acting/feeling like a normal person is better than being cranky and frazzled.


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## Susan: w/ Summit we climb (Jun 12, 2014)

I felt exactly like you described, totally overwhelmed with no help and no breaks. We have an open floor plan too. To get anything done, I had to have my husband take my place with Summit. Summit had all kinds of toys, but he liked simple toys best--an empty water bottle was his favorite for weeks. An empty cardboard box. Also, rolling a ball. A chance to play with other vaccinated puppies helps the most, because it exhausts him, if you can find a local Petco that has a Puppy Playtime. It goes on for a few weeks, but it will not go on forever. And your puppy will be wonderful.

I wished I'd thought of the schedule idea. We went to puppy class, and it did help, but the hour on, hour off would have been great.


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## goldengirl35 (Oct 8, 2014)

Thank you all for the advice! So comforting to know I'm not alone. Boomers_dawn you make a great point about the schedule - he's already setting into his own natural routine of napping/potty breaks and mealtime, sounds like I just need to put some more structure around it and integrate the crate into it. 
It's reassuring to hear others say that crating during the day is positive for the puppy...it just breaks my heart when he's crying and howling in there when he doesn't technically "need" to be in there. I also want to make sure I prevent him from becoming too dependent on me for all his entertainment and develops anxiety issues. At first he chose to take his day naps in his crate or on his doggy bed, but the last couple of days he prefers to sleep under my chair, which I love because he's bonding with me but I also want to make sure he feels secure and calm by himself. 
So, I keep his crate in our bedroom at night, then during the day I move it into the living room and set up a little play area for him there (we just moved into a new house and our new furniture hasn't arrived yet). I work from our breakfast room table so he can see me, access his food/water, have TV on so it sounds active in the house and I can quickly get him outside for potty breaks since the living room has a door to the backyard. Longer term, I will want to work from my office, which does have a door I can close...but it's on the other side of the house from a door outside and I can't fit his crate in there, so I thought that might have to wait until I can trust him in the house a bit more. 
Should I start crating him in our current living room setup, get him comfortable with the crate time, then move into the office and crate him in our bedroom (where his crate will always be)? I've debated using the office as his safe playspace, but I can see that being even more stressful quickly since he can still get into trouble in there (cables to chew, floors to try and dig, shelves to gnaw on) and I won't have the few things that are working now. 
Also - I would LOVE puppy playtime, but I can't seem to find any in my area  There are several Petcos near me but none of them offer it...and I asked the vet yesterday about it and they said there really aren't any places around that offer things safe for him until he clears his third set of shots. Plus...he brought some roundworms home with him  so we have to wait until those are cleared up before he can be around any other dogs (last dose of medicine on Saturday). We do have some friends with healthy adult dogs and I'm hoping to set up some playdates next week.
Can't tell you how much of a relief it is to hear that this is normal for new golden parents  I love my little guy so much and just want to make sure I'm doing the right things to make him a secure, happy boy when he grows up.


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## goldengirl35 (Oct 8, 2014)

And retrieverbear - so glad to hear that you've made it happily to the other side  I just tried a Kong in his crate for his lunch today and it worked for a little while - I mixed his kibble and puppy pate in there and he loved it for about a half hour, but then he reached a point and couldn't figure out how to get the rest out so he started whining again. 
What food puzzles worked best for you? I would love to try that and I think he would be interested in it....


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## Marcus (Aug 24, 2014)

goldengirl35 said:


> Thank you all for the advice! So comforting to know I'm not alone.


Although sometimes it feels like it, trust us, you're not Robinson Crusoe here...

I didn't and won't crate Ben. I have an enclosed backyard which I put him in during the day since I got him at 8 weeks. Because I want him to get used to being along for periods of time, and I figured the sooner he get used to it the better. The neighbours have told me they don't hear him at all, which is good.

I don't want to sound like a cliché here and you see this phrase EVERYWHERE on this site, but "it does get easier"

You just have to ride it out.

I kept saying to myself, Ben (my dog) is just a baby and is going through all those baby stages, i.e growing pains, teething, potty training... you can equate puppy dogs to baby children, it's all the same, except for dog, it's faster.

Hang in there. You will be rewarded 100 fold when your jumps on your lap and sticks their tongue in your ear haha


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## laprincessa (Mar 24, 2008)

Max was never in the crate unless I wasn't able to be with him. I don't agree with the "hour in and hour out" idea, I'm not a trainer but I can't see what that would accomplish. Max got used to the crate without being stuck in there when I was home and able to be with him.


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## golfgal (Dec 31, 2013)

When I worked from home with a new puppy, apart from using the crate I also used the leash on him as I too have an open concept. I wanted to watch for accidents and not have him wander off somewhere where I'd miss the schedule. I alternated between working at my kitchen table/couch in living room with him free, in crate or leashed near me. Helped him to also learn to settle down while I was doing something. 

When I worked in my home office, I just closed the door and let him wander free. Most times he'd play for a bit and then end up under my feet curled around my office chair. I'd work for 30-45 min, outside for potty break. Back to work. Worked in 20min-30min play session outside until he'd had all his shots and then we'd go for a walk. It made my work day longer initially as I was taking more 'doggy' breaks til he had could hold the bladder longer. 

If I had a phone meeting, I'd use the crate if it also involved being in front of the computer. Other phone meetings, I'd walk around my house/yard while puppy was leashed to me. First two weeks, it seemed like a full-time job taking on the puppy. After that we got into routine. A tired puppy is a good puppy though I have to say. 

I used the crate when he was left alone in the house during the house and at night. Once one hit about 4 months and the other hit 5 months, we never used the crate again either at night or when left alone. So approx from 9wks - 18 wks, I used the crate to help with training. I'm positive none of the dogs were traumatized. 

Although I've gated up my kitchen when they went through chewing phases at later stages. Hang in there and stock up on wine and baileys.


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## Marcus (Aug 24, 2014)

I'll also add, as you work from home. You must be able to earn a living, so don't put your dog first over earning a living.

If you can't concentrate, and you don't have a fenced yard, then do what you have to do in order bring home the bacon, so you can buy the bacon he needs to survive... They like bacon


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## laprincessa (Mar 24, 2008)

Marcus said:


> I'll also add, as you work from home. You must be able to earn a living, so don't put your dog first over earning a living.
> 
> If you can't concentrate, and you don't have a fenced yard, then do what you have to do in order bring home the bacon, so you can buy the bacon he needs to survive... They like bacon


Bacon gives Max the runs


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## goldengirl35 (Oct 8, 2014)

Thanks everyone! Today has been better....he slept well through the night as usual, then we had a great morning of lots of playtime from around 7-9...and then I had a work meeting and had to settle him in his crate. He howled and cried almost the entire 45 minutes he was in there, but eventually tired himself out enough to be calm enough for me to feel ok about letting him out..and then he just came by me and curled up under my chair and went to sleep for another hour. Then we had another good two hour stretch of meal/play/bathroom time then I had to run to the store and he went right in his crate and went to sleep...and was still asleep in there when I got home. So that was a relief. 
To try and mix it up and give him some more extended outside time during the day, I got a ground stake and lead so I could work outside for part of the day (we do not have a fence). We played with some new toys while he was attached to the lead to help get him used to it, then I brought my computer outside and settled in on the porch...which was about 15 feet further from where he could go. This was a mistake. He did not like that I wasn't right next to him and cried and howled for me, even though he had lots to do and play with (and he usually LOVES exploring the yard). I didn't want to encourage the whining, howling and barking, so I waited until he settled down (about 45 minutes) before I went back to him and played with him...but at that point, he wasn't really interested in his toys and just wanted to snuggle. I felt horrible, like my attempt at encouraging him to be more independent caused him to need me even more. 
Baby steps....I really want to make sure he doesn't think that crying, howling and barking will get him what he wants....but I don't know if I'm pushing him to be more independent than he's ready for? Maybe I'm over thinking this? I also picked up some wine today. This should also help


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## Marcus (Aug 24, 2014)

goldengirl35 said:


> I got a ground stake and lead so I could work outside for part of the day (we do not have a fence). We played with some new toys while he was attached to the lead to help get him used to it, then I brought my computer outside and settled in on the porch...which was about 15 feet further from where he could go. This was a mistake. He did not like that I wasn't right next to him and cried and howled for me, even though he had lots to do and play with (and he usually LOVES exploring the yard). I didn't want to encourage the whining, howling and barking, so I waited until he settled down (about 45 minutes) before I went back to him and played with him...but at that point, he wasn't really interested in his toys and just wanted to snuggle. I felt horrible, like my attempt at encouraging him to be more independent caused him to need me even more.


Yes Baby steps... Glad to hear he and you are doing well.

Two things which helped me...
1. When you go out or away from him. Don't say goodbye, it winds them up and develops separation anxiety, act like it's no big deal, just walk away, no eye contact etc...

Coming home, same thing, do nothing, ignore dog until you're done doing your get home things, and the until the dog is settled.

(when I come home now, he meets me at the Garage door, nice and calm, doesn't jump, and we both go inside and get settled, then I go back outside and throw the ball etc.)

2. I went to a shop which sells horse products and brought a lunging lead, really long, strong one. I use this when we go somewhere where I know I won't control him off lead. He can run (to a point) even go into the water further then I'm willing to go (cold water Brrr)


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## retrieverbear (Jan 19, 2014)

goldengirl35 said:


> And retrieverbear - so glad to hear that you've made it happily to the other side  I just tried a Kong in his crate for his lunch today and it worked for a little while - I mixed his kibble and puppy pate in there and he loved it for about a half hour, but then he reached a point and couldn't figure out how to get the rest out so he started whining again.
> What food puzzles worked best for you? I would love to try that and I think he would be interested in it....


Ours did the same thing. If he couldn't figure out how to do it, he would bark at the puzzle. Eventually he figured them out though.
At first we used this:
Everlasting Fire PlugÂ® | Starmark Pet Products
We filled the kibble into it and it would just kinda roll out of there very easy. It was basically to get him used to a toy.

Then we moved on to this:
Treat Dispensing Chew Ballâ„¢ | Starmark Pet Products
We filled these with kibble and he would roll them around all over his X-pen.
and this: Treat Dispensing Bob-a-Lotâ„¢ | Starmark Pet Products
He still uses the balls and this one a lot. 

We also have several of the Kyjen puzzles listed here:
Amazon.com: dog puzzle


Hope this helps


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## landb (Oct 18, 2014)

Crate train in tip which helped us, if you have hard floors remove all the mats. Initially this was for the ease of cleaning accidents. That worked but also encouraged Jake, now almost 6 months, to use his crate as his bed. He goes in and out all the time as we have the door open. It is only closed when we go out and at bed time. He loves it. He's a smart puppy and adored by me and hubby.


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