# Separation Anxiety



## BeausMama (Jan 14, 2012)

So, I've been bringing Beau to my boyfriend's house a couple times and it is blatantly apparent that he has separation anxiety. I've been bringing him because Michael has dogs and a fenced backyard - two things Beau doesn't have. He gets to play with dogs over there and doesn't have to be on a leash or hooked up to anything. It's not ideal because the other dog (a husky) humps him.... almost constantly. One of the other dogs is little, and it plays good. We keep the husky hooked up while Beau is there so that Beau can play with it on his own terms and not be humped the whole time, and he can get away from the husky. 

The problem doesn't arise until we try to go into the house and leave him outside to play. (After we made sure all the dogs got along good, and there wasn't any way for him to get out, etc). When we tried to go inside, Beau thought he was supposed to come inside too..... Which he can't at Michael's family's house, sadly. (Which is why we only go to visit) Beau went crazy trying to get into the house with us, busted through the door several times and ran into and through the house. Then when we finally got him back outside, he whined/whimpered, clawed, jumped, chewed, gnawed on the door to the point that I was a nervous wreck thinking he was going to hurt himself or break their door down and come running in the house again and knock one of the kids down! 

We've been through this twice. The first time was almost traumatizing for both of us, because we're always together. The second time was better, only because when he busted through the door that day (Mind you, this is the third or fourth time he's busted through their door and flew into the house), I took him back out, made him sit on the steps, and calmly told him "Stay" then I stood up, took a step back, and closed the door. After a minute or two, he went to play with the dogs, and he spent most of the time that day playing with only a little time by the door wanting inside. 

Am I doing anything wrong? My mom is horrified that I'm leaving him in the backyard and he's not allowed inside. (Also - this is for maybe a max of 4-5 hours, and I'm constantly peeking out windows to check on them, and going out to play) Is there anything I can do to help Beau with his seperation anxiety? It's not only at Michael's that he does this kind of stuff. If I go up stairs at my house and leave him downstairs behind the baby gate, he'll whimper and gnaw on the gate until I come back, or try to jump it if I don't come back fast enough. Or if I'm outside and he can see me, he'll jump at the door or windows so bad my mom has to either tell me to come inside or put Beau in the kennel for fear he'll break the windows. And he does the same thing with our doors at home (chewing, scratching, etc) when we leave - we don't have the problem with him busting inside because he's an inside dog because we don't have a fence. But I've hooked him up outside a couple times to his tolley thing and he'll jump at the door if someone isn't out there with him. I know goldens are family dogs, but he needs some dog time too. 



Merry Christmas Eve!


----------



## SheetsSM (Jan 17, 2008)

Sorry, but I have to agree with your mom--he's an indoor dog, he needs to be inside. I'd be afraid that he's going to develop bad habits outside and worse case scenario, get stolen or jump the fence in search of people. My 3 aren't outside unless I'm with them.

Have you considered crate training?


----------



## BayBeams (Jan 3, 2010)

Separation anxiety is very real and it means your dog is suffering when he goes through this. I would suggest you address the anxiey issue by seeking advice from a professional. Tying your dog to a trolley to keep him from bursting through a door due to anxiety is not going to solve the problem. The longer it is allowed to go on the more of a problem it will become and will probably show up in other places as well. Even though this sounded like a good idea for you to leave your dog in the yard with the other dogs it seems like your dog's anxiety suggests you might need to look into another plan.


----------



## BeausMama (Jan 14, 2012)

I have no financial means to seek help from a professional, unless they want to talk to me for free, but I'm willing to take advice from anyone who's got any ideas. 

The only reason he's not use to being outside right now is because he's never had the opportunity to be outside without a leash. I don't see him having a fenced in yard to play in as anything but an opportunity for him to grow. When I move out of my parent's house, I hope to have a fenced in backyard where Beau can play outside, or even just lay outside on the patio, without being crazy to get back inside with me. I don't want him to be suffering when he is away from me, outside or not. And for the trolley thingy - it's not to keep him from jumping on the door. Its just a trolly that lets him go all around the backyard since we don't have a fence. I hate that he has to be hooked up to something in order to go outside. When I mentioned him being outside hooked to the trolley, I meant if we hook him up to go potty, he'll go potty, sniff around, then come jump on the door. The trolley doesn't keep him from doing that. 

As far as crate training - he is crate trained and will stay in it for a good amount of time (while I'm around), but I would not leave him locked in his kennel while I was gone - for his own safety, because I'd be afraid he'd chew on the metal or get his teeth stuck or hurt his paws trying to dig out.


----------



## LibertyME (Jan 6, 2007)

Many Goldens that have access to fenced in yards...dont like to spend time out there without their humans....they are more human focused than many other breeds...

If you are afraid that he will destroy his crate (break his teeth hurt his paws) while you are gone then he is _not_ crate trained...
Start there....

Slowly over time building up his endurance....crate him...step outside for a few minutes...come back where he can see you...DONT immediately let him out...mill around a bit...toss a cookie into his crate...mill around a bit more - If he is calm... then let him out.

Rinse and repeat - building up more and more time while you are away.

Please remember that every time he has a bad experience being away from you...you are writing his history.
Overcoming his history of bad experiences is going to be MUCH more difficult then preventing the writing in the first place... 

Plus he is learning that if her preservers, that with his brute strength he can knock down doors!
IMHO this is a very dangerous thing for any dog to learn..... 
ESPECIALLY if you plan to have a fenced in yard someday. You are effectively letting him learn and perfect his technique of how to break down gates and escape. 





BeausMama said:


> I have no financial means to seek help from a professional, unless they want to talk to me for free, but I'm willing to take advice from anyone who's got any ideas.
> 
> The only reason he's not use to being outside right now is because he's never had the opportunity to be outside without a leash. I don't see him having a fenced in yard to play in as anything but an opportunity for him to grow. When I move out of my parent's house, I hope to have a fenced in backyard where Beau can play outside, or even just lay outside on the patio, without being crazy to get back inside with me. I don't want him to be suffering when he is away from me, outside or not. And for the trolley thingy - it's not to keep him from jumping on the door. Its just a trolly that lets him go all around the backyard since we don't have a fence. I hate that he has to be hooked up to something in order to go outside. When I mentioned him being outside hooked to the trolley, I meant if we hook him up to go potty, he'll go potty, sniff around, then come jump on the door. The trolley doesn't keep him from doing that.
> 
> As far as crate training - he is crate trained and will stay in it for a good amount of time (while I'm around), but I would not leave him locked in his kennel while I was gone - for his own safety, because I'd be afraid he'd chew on the metal or get his teeth stuck or hurt his paws trying to dig out.


----------



## BeausMama (Jan 14, 2012)

No offense intended, but he is crate trained to the point that I want him to be. I have no intentions of ever leaving him in a kennel while I'm gone. He is not a destructive dog, I'm not worried about him getting into anything while I'm gone, and he's never hurt himself while I'm gone. He's not the type of separation anxiety that destroys the house and hurts himself while I'm gone. 

If I'm GONE from the house, and he knows that I am gone - to school, shopping, etc - he just lays down until I get home. The problem doesn't arise until I try to seperate myself from him while I'm physically still around. I do not want a dog that has to be up my butt to be happy. It isn't healthy. He should want to play outside in the backyard. Even when I'm outside with him, he just walks beside me. It takes so much coaxing to get him to go do anything that's not around me. I can't leave the house for any extended period of time because my family starts calling me telling me my dog looks depressed and I need to come home. 

I want Beau to be able to be HAPPY even when he's away from me.


----------



## Sabine (Nov 10, 2009)

If you don't want a dog that needs to be stuck to you all the time, you may not have the right kind of dog. I have my second Golden and my limited experience with my own dogs shows exactly the behavior you don't want. My first Golden was clingy, my second one is worse. I can't go to the bathroom alone. He goes grocery shopping with me in good weather. He NEEDS to be with me. The only place he is happy other than with me is doggy day care.


----------



## SheetsSM (Jan 17, 2008)

BeausMama said:


> I do not want a dog that has to be up my butt to be happy. It isn't healthy. He should want to play outside in the backyard.


Then you probably shouldn't have gotten a golden--in rescue, we call them "velcro dogs" for a reason. My 3 are where ever I am, they do not want to be outside by themselves.

You can teach him a settle command and "got to mat" command, but keep in mind, goldens are people oriented, they want to be with their people.


----------



## Brave (Oct 26, 2012)

BeausMama said:


> I do not want a dog that has to be up my butt to be happy. It isn't healthy. He should want to play outside in the backyard.
> 
> I want Beau to be able to be HAPPY even when he's away from me.


Quick question: Why does his desire to be around you cause a burden? No judgement here, just trying to get to the root of the problem. Thanks in advance!


Sent from my iPhone using Petguide.com Free App


----------



## BeausMama (Jan 14, 2012)

Brave - 

The burden is that he acts nuts when he can't be with me, and there are times when he can't be. A couple examples: 

He's not allowed in the kitchen anymore because its the only solution we can find to keep him from counter surfing. I need him to be able to stay in the living room while I cook. This is for his safety (as well as my sanity) because the last straw was when he tried to eat french fries out of a deep fryer on the counter WHILE THEY WERE COOKING. 

Another - if I have to go upstairs for any reason - to help my memaw, to use the bathroom, to get something from my room, to clean my room, to get laundry, etc - he gnaws on the gate at the bottom of the stairs, whines, and eventually tries to jump it (where he might hurt himself, and if he does - it causes a fight with my memaw's dog that lives upstairs (Lori). I don't know if yall have stopped a dog fight on the stairs, but its slightly terrifying.) 

If Beau is hooked up to his trolley in the backyard and I have to go do anything - check the mail, talk to a neighbor, etc - that is out of his reach, he goes nuts. I have to put his harness and his collar on because if he pulls just right in either one, he'll get out of it. Or if someone else in my family appears and is out of his reach, he'll do the same thing - like, if my dad comes home from work or someone drops my sister off after school. 

The situation at Michael's house is a burden because I have two options: go to my boyfriends and leave Beau at home, and have my family calling me constantly telling me to come home that my dog is depressed and needs me. Or take him with me (Which I WANT to do, to let him play, and have him with me) and let him play in the backyard, but he's not welcome inside.


----------



## Brave (Oct 26, 2012)

Thank you so much for bearing with me. It helps me to know the situation at home, so that I can understand the problem in context. Again, thank you! 

I've never dealt with seperation anxiety, and I believe the best solution would be to seek the guidance of a vet who specializes in behavior problems. I understand that you cannot financially seek this counsel. Therefore, these are my recommendations based on articles I've read. 

First and Foremost - this is not something that will be solved overnight or with the snap of some fingers (I wish!) and it'll take time, dedication, patience, love, consistency and repetition. 

1) You need to re-establish (or establish for the first time) that you are pack leader and that Beau needs to look to you for guidance. I say this, because I feel Beau is responding to a lack of leadership. I don't know his entire sitution nor do I know your entire situation, but he needs a strong leader. Not a pushy leader, nor a bossy leader. Just a strong one. I hope that makes sense. 

2) He needs obedience training. This will help bond him with you and help with you establishing leadership. 

3) He needs to build his self confidence. My puppy was a velcro pup, and in scary situations, he will in fact run to me and lay at my feet because he knows that I will defend him from that big bad boogie man of a laundry basket that unexpectantly fell over. But at the same time, he's confident enough to explore on his own. 

4) He needs to be reassured in his confidence in you. I don't know how your family treats him when you are not home, but I wonder if that could be a contributing factor. He might associate your departure with unpleasant things and therefore freak out when your not there. 

I googled "dealing with seperation anxiety in dogs" and the first article is from Cesar Milan (click here)



> I believe much of the cure for separation anxiety comes from obedience and discipline. Self-discipline – where your dog knows what is expected of him and his good behaviour becomes a habit. He feels wrong showing an unwanted behaviour even without you indicating it. Spend time training – not just classes once a week, but really showing your dog what you want from him in and around the house and during daily routines. Two minutes here, five minutes there. Not just going for a walk but training him as you go to sit at curbsides and sit when meeting others, people and dogs. Teach him to sit at the door, lie down and stay while you go out of sight for increasing periods of time (do this in your house), sit and wait to be greeted by guests, move aside when you go to the refrigerator, and go to the bathroom on cue. In general you should be teaching your dog in small steps to “Be a Gentleman” and have confidence in these actions...
> Even when you are home, have your dog familiar with and accepting of being in the crate. Start with short periods of time and then increase it. Feed him in the crate, let him have his favorite stress reliever in there to gnaw on – a Kong type toy, a sterile bone or a nylon hard bone. Nothing he can pull apart. Do not put water in the crate – that can get very messy! The crate should be your dogs safe haven, a place he feels secure and enjoys being in... When you leave him, do so quietly and don’t provide cues. No “sorry darling, I will be back soon.” Go through your leaving routine quietly, pick up car keys, open garage doors and then start the car. Then come back inside paying no attention to your dog. Not even a “good boy.” Do what you always do when leaving – role-play if it helps. When you come back in your home once more pay no attention to your dog. Walk past him, wave and smile if he is quiet but if he is banging at the crate, ignore it and walk on. Come back and wait until he is quiet and then ask him to wait in the crate while you open the door. He should not come bursting out. If you feel one action such as putting on a certain pair of shoes, picking up your car keys, going to a certain door brings about the beginning of stress then do that action and do not leave. Get him so familiar with the action that he accepts it. ​​




I'm quoting this article, because it resounds well with how we act with Bear. Bear understands that he is safe with us and that we will always come back. We reward calm, settled behaviors. It took us two months of every day, every meal, training him to go to him mat. Now he knows that when we're in the kitchen, he's has to lay down on his mat. If we're eating, he has to lay down on his mat. If we're in class, he has to lay down on his mat. When you get home, ignore him until he settles down. Do not reward barking, jumping, running, panicking, etc. Reward him when he's settled. When he's outside, ALWAYS be outside with him. At the moment, you are his safety switch, and you need to be around until he feels safe without you. I understand that you don't want to leave him alone in the crate.... but I honestly feel that especially in this particular situation, it is in the dogs best interest to be properly crate trained. The crate is the beginning to him being able to be by himself. Make the crate fun. The crate is the key to showing him that if you leave, you ALWAYS come back. 

Play games that will build his confidence (Psst Obedience training does this too, but games are ALWAYS ALWAYS more fun and good time fillers.)
I played fetch and tug to build Bear's confidence. We had to start small with fetch. Really REALLY small. At first I dropped the ball and let it roll a foot away and ask him to bring it back. It took us ALOT OF TRIES before he got it. Now I can toss it into a box or a hamper and he'll hunt it up and bring it back. I always make a huge deal when Bear brings it back and a bigger deal when he drops the ball without me asking. Treat Treat Treat. 

I hope this helps. Let me know how it comes along and feel free to PM me if you want. 
​​


----------



## Brave (Oct 26, 2012)

Building Confidence

Here's a website on building confidence in dogs. I actually think I'll need to go home and do some of these with Bear.


----------



## BeausMama (Jan 14, 2012)

Thank you Brave. I'm always willing to accept advice, and you've given some good advice. 


A little back story to Beau and where I think his seperation anxiety developed: When I first got him, I had a week off from school that I bonded with him then I had to go back to school. I didn't have a kennel, so we made a makeshift kennel out of a tiny hallway by closing the doors and putting up a babygate on one side so my memaw could peek in on him. I was only at school for 4 hours a day. His 'kennel' had TONS of toys, water, peepads, etc. I had read about letting dogs have time in their kennel to learn to be alone, and I told my memaw about it. She's a total animal lover and as soon as a left every morning, she went to get him and just held him all day til I got home. So he never learned to be alone. (I think this is also why her dog hates Beau, jealousy) Another problem that my family did originally that I have recently stopped a couple weeks ago, (one of your suggestions) is immediately petting and saying hello when we get home. I make him calm down (and since he's usually at the garage door IN THE KITCHEN - I make sure hes in the living room before anyone acknowledges him). Another problem - my memaw comes in every time she leaves and gives all the dogs a toy or a bone. Beau has gotten so use to that that he sits at the bottom of the steps and whines while she goes upstairs to get the bones. 

I know that Beau's seperation anxiety is our fault, and hopefully we'll have a solution soon enough. 

Here's what I found when I was looking for a solution online. *Not the medicine*, just the training program (BOND). The BOND


----------



## Brave (Oct 26, 2012)

There's a journal. I'd print it out and use it. 

http://www.reconcile.com/_layouts/pdfs/BOND-Journal.pdf

Also, sometimes extreme behaviors need medicinal treatments to modify. Which is why I suggested the behavorist. I've personally used these to treat anxiety in my cats and I recommend them highly. Spirit Essences | Holistic Remedies for Animals


----------

