# My Einstein is at peace



## anguilla1980 (Aug 13, 2013)

Born on June 6th, 2013 to a breeder in Porterville, CA. His litter name was Tornado and soon after bringing him home on 8/13 of that year, I named him Einstein after the Doc's dog in the Back to the Future movies. 

He had the best life I could give him. My previous golden, Dundee, had passed only a decade prior and I had felt that it would be difficult to get another. The first couple of weeks when I would hold him on my lap I would sometimes cry thinking of my previous golden. My 2 sons loved him very much and he eventually moved to the Caribbean with me. He used to LOVE swimming in the ocean and trying to chase the sea birds. When we moved back to the US I had to rent a room and he was a real trooper before I could get a house.

It had been a difficult last year and a half for him that started with a dislocated hip and even tho I spent $5K for him to have the best, he never was the same. We started him on Rimadyl shortly after for joint pain. It was followed by an apparent botfly larva we extracted from his front left ankle joint. From then on it was a constant struggle to keep him from licking that spot and I'd have to keep it wrapped with a sour spray so he would leave it alone. Then starting about 3-4 months ago his kidneys started failing, the ammonia in his urine was a dead giveaway. I'll spare you the rest. We had him on what meds we could to make him comfortable.

At 11:51 PM on 9/27/2022 he took his last heavy breath in front of me on the backyard lawn and collapsed gently into his normal laying down position. I walked over to him knowing the worst and embraced him one last time and said to him in a normal sweet voice into his ears "it's ok buddy, you're good boy Einstein, you're a good Einstein puppy boy. I love you. It's ok" while I pet his head and ears. I know that for just a few moments at the time of death there is a possibility that he might have heard me even tho his vision had gone black and hopefully he could see that beautiful white light as he heard my reassuring voice one last time. 

First thing this morning my 19 yr old son and I drove him high up a mountain to the forest about 2hrs out of town. I remembered a gorgeous small meadow surrounded by giant pine trees that was the first place he ever played in the snow as a puppy with my 2 young sons at the time. It was perfect, as if god had prepared it just for us. We laid him to rest bare so he would go back to the earth, in a deep hole under the shade of one of those pines. I marked it by stacking 2 rocks and with my son, then I said one of the most difficult prayers of my life. It was so impossibly hard to get out but I did and it was beautiful.

Here is a picture of him at 7 weeks on a trip to the vet a week before I brought him home. Then at 8 weeks once I had him home, and one of him smiling on my bed in Jan or 2020. He used to love being out with me in the garage all the time while I worked on my classic cars.

The last picture I took of him was on 9/23 and out of dignity, I didn't take any others. I don't want photo reminders of him at his worst. 

RIP old buddy, you so deserve to be at peace finally. Thank you for making our lives so much better and saving me personally from a disastrous depression, you literally saved my life.


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## swishywagga (Nov 13, 2012)

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious boy. He looks so lovely in his photos, it's heartbreaking when they leave us. Would you like me to add his name to The Rainbow Bridge List?.


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## anguilla1980 (Aug 13, 2013)

Thank you. Sure, that would be nice. Thanks.


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## swishywagga (Nov 13, 2012)

anguilla1980 said:


> Thank you. Sure, that would be nice. Thanks.


I have added your boy to the list. So sorry for your loss x


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## Oceanside (Mar 29, 2021)

So sorry for your loss


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## diane0905 (Aug 20, 2010)

I’m very sorry for your loss of Einstein. He looks like such a sweet and beautiful boy. I hope, as time goes on and your heartache lessens, your memories of him will bring many smiles. Goldens give the best kind of love and we love them back so very much.


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## CharSid (9 mo ago)

I am so very sorry for your loss. 😥


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## michaeldwilson (Aug 14, 2012)

I'm sorry for the loss of your beautiful Einstein. You took great care of him.


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## anguilla1980 (Aug 13, 2013)

michaeldwilson said:


> You took great care of him.


Thanks, that means a lot. I've found myself reflecting back on all of the things I could have done better like maybe more walks, giving him more treats, taking him to the dog park more, etc. Working full-time away from home, raising my 2 sons, and all the rest and I'm somehow filled with regret that I didn't do more with him. Now I work from home and my children have moved away and I'm single, so at least in his later years, I was always there for him. Waiting on him hand and foot every moment for the past few months as his health declined took more of a toll on me than I realized and now everything feels so empty without him. I spent a lot of hours on the floor next to him this past week. Typical loss regret for sure and I'm trying to be as positive as I can, that's why your comment really struck a chord with me. Thank you.

And thank you to everyone else who has taken the time to read and respond. It's very supportive when I'm so sad right now.


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## Ambgrrr (5 mo ago)

The first picture is so adorable!!! I am very sorry for your loss.


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## sweiss1590 (Aug 14, 2021)

anguilla1980 said:


> Thanks, that means a lot. I've found myself reflecting back on all of the things I could have done better like maybe more walks, giving him more treats, taking him to the dog park more, etc. Working full-time away from home, raising my 2 sons, and all the rest and I'm somehow filled with regret that I didn't do more with him. Now I work from home and my children have moved away and I'm single, so at least in his later years, I was always there for him. Waiting on him hand and foot every moment for the past few months as his health declined took more of a toll on me than I realized and now everything feels so empty without him. I spent a lot of hours on the floor next to him this past week. Typical loss regret for sure and I'm trying to be as positive as I can, that's why your comment really struck a chord with me. Thank you.
> 
> And thank you to everyone else who has taken the time to read and respond. It's very supportive when I'm so sad right now.


You know, I was just sitting on the top step petting Oscar (okay, he's a dachshund), who's about 15 years old now, and was diagnosed with a splenic mass about 4 months ago, when the vet said he had about 2 months before...you know. So every day is a gift and though he's slowed down due to old age, he's going strong. But as I was petting him just now, as I was drinking in that feel-good oxytocin fix, my mind turned to sad thoughts: Oscar's not going to last much longer; my brother Sam is going through chemo for cancer and may be my first sibling to die -- all these horrid thoughts are going through my mind. I had to stop petting Oscar and get up and come over to the PC and read the news for a distraction. Slightly less upsetting.

Anyway, the reason I tell you all this, is that I had another thought as I ran my hand over Oscar, who was laying flat on his side but would pick up his head if I stopped. And that is the thing that dogs teach us: to live in the moment, savor the sweetness of the minutes we have together. I've already spent more time writing this message than I did sitting at the top of the stairs with my boy, which is somehow wrong but I guess I can't spend all day there.

I know what you're talking about, that regret. the emptiness. Part of love is the fear of loss. We humans are complicated beings. Our dogs simply love, they don't feel that fear.

There's nothing you could do to fill that cup. More biscuits? Grieve, as you must, but celebrate, too: you and Einstein had wonderful years together, and you did your best through the complexities of a human's life. He wants you still to feel the simple happiness when you had your hand on him.


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## JerseyChris (10 mo ago)

I am so sorry for your loss. He sure sounded like a wonderful dog.. RIP Einstein


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## michaeldwilson (Aug 14, 2012)

anguilla1980 said:


> Thanks, that means a lot. I've found myself reflecting back on all of the things I could have done better like maybe more walks, giving him more treats, taking him to the dog park more, etc. Working full-time away from home, raising my 2 sons, and all the rest and I'm somehow filled with regret that I didn't do more with him. Now I work from home and my children have moved away and I'm single, so at least in his later years, I was always there for him. Waiting on him hand and foot every moment for the past few months as his health declined took more of a toll on me than I realized and now everything feels so empty without him. I spent a lot of hours on the floor next to him this past week. Typical loss regret for sure and I'm trying to be as positive as I can, that's why your comment really struck a chord with me. Thank you.
> 
> And thank you to everyone else who has taken the time to read and respond. It's very supportive when I'm so sad right now.


You are welcome. Take care of yourself. Grieving is a difficult journey.


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## cwag (Apr 25, 2017)

I'm so sorry for your loss of Einstein. I can tell he was well loved by you and your sons and that's really the main thing Goldens ask from us. Most of us here understand how it feels like losing a part of yourself when they leave.


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## Audie (6 mo ago)

Einstein, rest in peace. What a wonderful and loving life you have had! What a loving human and his children, your human brothers, a family to cherish you. I am so sorry for your loss, so human and loving to second guess what we should have done better. It sounds as if you loved him with all your heart and his life was full of love, an exciting adventure just to be with you. You were with him at the end, he is at peace. I can almost picture him in the Caribbean at the ocean chasing the shore birds, heaven. Peace be with you and sons.


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## BuddyBigDog (Oct 8, 2020)

Thank you for posting that beautiful, heartfelt tribute to Einstein. RIP, sweet boy.


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## Sholt (Jun 20, 2019)

I am so very sorry for your loss. Einstein was a very handsome boy. You gave him a wonderful life. Run free, sweet Einstein.❤


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## FUReverGolden (Nov 24, 2021)

It was a beautiful story you shared about your amazing Einstein. What a trooper he was to endure his medical issues. Your devotion to his well being is painfully obvious and I feel deeply for you. Peace to him at Rainbow Bridge. Comfort to you and your Son that you did everything you could to make his life a full one. Sending caring thoughts and prayers to you.


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## JP1 (Jan 10, 2022)

They are never here long enough. It sounds as though he was loved to the fullest. So sorry for your loss of Einstein.


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## ABitSad (4 mo ago)

I'm so sorry to hear about Einstein. You gave him a terrific life. You were wonderful seeing him through to the end like that. We lost our golden somewhat similarly a couple of weeks ago. His back half collapsed, and then he gently laid the rest of himself down. That was the last he moved. I knew right away, too, that we were losing him, but we were able to hold him and talk to him the whole time. It is not easy to remember.

I hope you find peace and your family can find time to share memories of Einstein. Every day, we remember yet another story about our pup.


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