# Ax rushed to hospital yesterday



## alphadude

Yesterday was the day I had been dreading for a long time. Ax had been acting a bit lethargic, especially for him and suddenly a few days ago he stopped eating. Yesterday I noticed a puffiness in his normally trim belly. Took him to vet and as soon as he got on the scale I knew...75 lbs when he was 68 a week earlier and hadn't been eating. They did xrays and a sonogram and my worst fears were confirmed. Took him directly to the best AH in the area about 40 minutes away and the diagnosis was confirmed. He had surgery this morning and the spleen and tumor were removed as well as 1 lobe of his liver where there was also a tumor. He is 'resting comfortably in ICU' recovering. Masses were sent out for biopsy but the prognosis is grim.

Words cannot adequately convey the grief and sorrow that I, as well as my whole family, are experiencing right now. I am also sooooo very angry that this magnificent dog will likely not see his 9th birthday due to this wretched disease. It it just *NOT FAIR*! There were supposed to be many more sunsets on the beach for us to watch together and many more discs to be caught. There will soon be a hole in my life the size of the grand canyon.

He was catching 90 yard bombs (with 2 bleeding tumors in his gut) less than 1 week ago on the beach @ Wildwood that I posted video of. 

He was wagging his tail and jumping around with 7 lbs of his own blood in his distended belly and a disc in his mouth 5 minutes before he went into surgery.


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## CAROLINA MOM

I am so very sorry to read this, my thoughts and prayers for Ax and your family.


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## ArchersMom

I'm so sorry to hear this. Axl is such a special boy and so loved by you and your family, it's so obvious whenever you speak about him. He's had an amazing life with you and I'm sure he knows how much he means to you (hugs)


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## Otter

I'm sorry alphadude. I hated to read that.


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## Ksdenton

Noooo!! I'm so sad to read this. I pray for a good prognosis. I agree, it's not fair and you both deserve more time together.


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## AmberSunrise

I am so sorry to read this.

Sending good thoughts that you get to enjoy more sunsets together, and walks on the beach. Maybe he can carry his disc as you walk together while he recovers from surgery?


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## Wolfeye

Hope for a speedy and complete recovery! **** cancer!


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## aesthetic

I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers for you, Axl, and the rest of your family.


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## Kalhayd

This put me in tears. I am so very sorry and hoping and praying for the best for you and sweet Ax.


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## Jamm

I am so sorry. I hate the big *C* word SO much.


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## Parker16

It was truly heartbreaking to read this. Hope Axl makes a recovery from this wretched disease.


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## Max's Dad

I am heartbroken to read this sad news. Hoping for the best. Take care.


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## CashStringer

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your beautiful boy


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## solinvictus

Prayers that he is one of the ones who make it through this ordeal with this dreaded disease. Your stories, pictures and videos have made Ax a part of all of our lives. Get well sweet boy.


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## K9-Design

I'm so, so sorry. A golden owner's worst nightmare. You're in my thoughts.


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## KathyL

I so sorry to read your post about Ax, but he is a strong boy and goldens are fighters. Keeping you and Ax in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Pilgrim123

Alphadude, I'm so very, very sorry. I've watched all the videos you've posted of Ax and have been in total awe of his ability (and your ability to throw the disk so far!) It's a cruel disease, especially when it hits such a vital dog.


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## G-bear

I am so sorry. You and Ax are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Harleysmum

Such dreadful news to wake up to. Ax is such a great dog and such a character on this forum. Whatever time you have left, I know that you will enjoy it to the full. Hopefully many more sunsets yet.


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## Brinkleythegolden

I'm so sorry! Hemangio sucks! Sending positive, healing thoughts for Axl.


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## alphadude

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words. It is comforting to know that there are many out there pulling for my special boy. There have been a lot of tears shed for him in the last 24 hours by many people in my circle of friends that know and love him. Just minutes ago, a friend stopped by and offered me money to pay for his treatment if I needed it. Thankfully I have insurance on him so I am going to spare no expense and leave no option unexplored as he wages this battle for his precious life. 

We are going to keep on fighting until he lets me know otherwise. We want him to stick around and judging by his behavior, he wants the same thing. There looks like there is a lot of life left in him yet, he is strong, and he is, was and always will be, a fighter. 

I am going to head down to see him in recovery shortly and am steeling myself for what that is going to look like. I am encouraged by the fact that this dog has NEVER backed down from a challenge in his life and if any dog can defy the odds, it's Ax.


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## Ivyacres

Oh no! I'm so sorry. Saying a prayer for all of you.


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## KKaren

Sending prayers for strength and comfort to Ax and you and your family. So many of your posts I have enjoyed.


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## wdadswell

Pulling and praying for Ax. My thoughts are with you and your family.


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## alphadude

Ax bravely heading off to surgery...


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## Ginams

What a kick in the gut. Sending many good thoughts your way and hoping for many more sunsets on the beach for you, with your handsome boy.


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## hotel4dogs

I'm so so sorry.


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## hotel4dogs

When you feel up to it, perhaps you could do a little research on Yunnan baiyao. Just a thought.


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## Prism Goldens

I am so sorry to read this post. ... there's chinese med that seems to be very successful in adding time. I know you must feel sucker punched- what a BIG life he has had.


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## aleny

I can't believe this. Not after watching all your videos three days ago. He can BEAT IT!


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## PrincessDaisy

That hurts, and I'm only an admirer. I know the pain and I pray for strength and healing for Axl and the will to fight for you and skill for all involved in his treatment.

Max


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## Tahnee GR

I am so so sorry. Sending positive thoughts to you and Axl.


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## gold4me

Oh I am sorry to hear this news. Please know you are all in my prayers and thoughts!!


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## hotel4dogs

Yes, that's Yunnan baiyao



Prism Goldens said:


> I am so sorry to read this post. ... there's chinese med that seems to be very successful in adding time. I know you must feel sucker punched- what a BIG life he has had.


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## Mr. Fuzzyface

I am so very sorry that you are going through this. There are so many sending thoughts and prayers your way. Hugs to Axl and to all of your family! Keep us posted.


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## tikiandme

I'm so sorry. Sending positive thoughts out for Axl and you...


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## TheZ's

So sorry to see this. From your posts we know what a special guy Axl is and how close a bond you have. As you say, he is a fighter. Hope he can beat this and you have more good times together. If he's not at the Animal Medical Center in Manhattan it's a resource to keep in mind.


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## kansas gold

Thoughts and best wishes for sure!


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## alphadude

hotel4dogs said:


> When you feel up to it, perhaps you could do a little research on Yunnan baiyao. Just a thought.


Thank you, I am already researching it!

I am open to any and ALL suggestions for treatments, strategies or ANYTHING that will help me help Ax to stick around for as long, and with as much quality of life as possible. 

Holistic, traditional, folk, lay it on me and I'll look deeply into it. I am *NOT* ready to say goodbye to him just yet and I'm pretty sure he wants to stick around and catch some more discs and sunsets too.

I have a bond with this dog that is so deep, that it is impossible to break it. He singlehandedly, helped me get through some of the darkest days of my adult life with my sanity intact and I will *NEVER* forget that.

I have often said that I would jump in front of a bullet for him and meant it. I have already jumped between him and a raging 100+ lb bully pit that wanted to rip his head off without a moment's hesitation, because that's what FAMILY does...


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## Yaichi's Mom

OMG...been there and know what you are going through as many others here have. My heart aches for you and Axl with the most positive and best wishes that somehow you will get many more days of happy in your future. Hugs and healing vibes to you, Axl and your family....so sorry....


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## alphadude

aleny said:


> I can't believe this. Not after watching all your videos three days ago. He can BEAT IT!


In those videos, unbeknownst to me he had not 1 but 2 tumors bleeding in his gut and he didn't hold back one bit.

That's ALWAYS been Ax, ALL GUTS NO QUIT.


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## Yaichi's Mom

alphadude said:


> Thank you, I am already researching it!
> 
> I am open to any and ALL suggestions for treatments, strategies or ANYTHING that will help me help Ax to stick around for as long, and with as much quality of life as possible.
> 
> Holistic, traditional, folk, lay it on me and I'll look deeply into it. I am *NOT* ready to say goodbye to him just yet and I'm pretty sure he wants to stick around and catch some more discs and sunsets too.
> 
> I have a bond with this dog that is so deep, that it is impossible to break it. He singlehandedly, helped me get through some of the darkest days of my adult life with my sanity intact and I will *NEVER* forget that.
> 
> I have often said that I would jump in front of a bullet for him and meant it. I have already jumped between him and a raging 100+ lb bully pit that wanted to rip his head off without a moment's hesitation, because that's what FAMILY does...


I don't know where you live, however my best suggestion for you is to find yourself a holistic and/or homeopathic veterinarian ASAP.

I am going to see my veterinarian tomorrow with Brisby who is a homeopathic veterinarian who has studied and is certified with Dr Richard Pitcairn. If you can share with me where you are, I can ask her if she is able to recommend someone you can consult.

Is the diagnosis hemangiosarcoma?

Good luck and know my heart is with you.....


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## alphadude

TheZ's said:


> So sorry to see this. From your posts we know what a special guy Axl is and how close a bond you have. As you say, he is a fighter. Hope he can beat this and you have more good times together. If he's not at the Animal Medical Center in Manhattan it's a resource to keep in mind.


I debated taking him to Manhattan, but time was of the essence with an active bleed going on. He already had 7+ lbs of blood leaked into his gut and I didn't want to chance NY traffic. I knew I could get him to GSVS which has an excellent reputation around here, and state of the art diagnostic equipment in 30 minutes or less. He walked in under his own power with his tail wagging and even stopped to pee outside.


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## first golden

I am so sorry to read about this, I wish nothing but a wonderful recovery for Axl, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and especially for Axl. I am hoping that with all of his athletic strength and never give up attitude that this will help him recover quickly and be a survivor!


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## alphadude

Back from the visit and was surprised to see Ax walk into the exam room. Figured I'd be visiting him in ICU after a major surgery and a transfusion a few hours prior. He is a tough hombre.

He was certainly less "bright" than before surgery but he still had his tail wagging and he recognized us. He was somewhat disoriented from the after effects of the anesthesia and the opiate pain killers but he was still responding to voice commands.

I am guardedly optimistic that he is going to at LEAST come home in a couple of days to recover to whatever extent is possible. I had serious doubts 24 hours ago.

In the pic he is showing his trim, trademark physique and his gums were much pinker. Hopefully he will be much improved when I see him tomorrow night. He was getting his daily neck massage from his mom.


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## 4goldengirls

I am so very sorry to read about what Axl and your family are going thru at this time. Axl proved how stoic dogs can be. It's amazing. Sending positive thoughts and lots of prayers your way.


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## Jessie'sGirl

I am so sorry that you and Ax are facing this sudden and shocking news. Thoughts and prayers for your special boy.


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## skeetie

alphadude said:


> Back from the visit and was surprised to see Ax walk into the exam room. Figured I'd be visiting him in ICU after a major surgery and a transfusion a few hours prior. He is a tough hombre.
> 
> He was certainly less "bright" than before surgery but he still had his tail wagging and he recognized us. He was somewhat disoriented from the after effects of the anesthesia and the opiate pain killers but he was still responding to voice commands.
> 
> I am guardedly optimistic that he is going to at LEAST come home in a couple of days to recover to whatever extent is possible. I had serious doubts 24 hours ago.
> 
> In the pic he is showing his trim, trademark physique and his gums were much pinker. Hopefully he will be much improved when I see him tomorrow night. He was getting his daily neck massage from his mom.



I think your from the NJ golden FB page, right? THoghht I recognize your boy !!!

I'm so sorry to read this..just wanted to share there are some Vets doing research on hemangioma...there are clinical trials out of U Penn too. You might want to research this Dr Modiano from University of Minnesota seems to have done a lot of research. Do you have a diagnosis? Also there a dedicate FB for hemangioma with holistic options too if this is what you are dealing with...
Positive thoughts for your boy!


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## alphadude

skeetie said:


> I think your from the NJ golden FB page, right? THoghht I recognize your boy !!!
> 
> I'm so sorry to read this..just wanted to share there are some Vets doing research on hemangioma...there are clinical trials out of U Penn too. You might want to research this Dr Modiano from University of Minnesota seems to have done a lot of research. Do you have a diagnosis? Also there a dedicate FB for hemangioma with holistic options too if this is what you are dealing with...
> Positive thoughts for your boy!


Yes, I just posted this on the NJ Golden's page as well. The diagnosis is unfortunately hermangiosarcoma. I am all ears as far as options go. We are in the NY/NJ tristate area. I will definitely check out that FB page.


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## Cpc1972

I am so sorry. Cherish the time you have. I hate this cancer. I hate it strikes with no warning. I remember posts awhile back you were concerned AX couldn't keep on weight. Do you think this has anything to do with that. What ever the outcome you are blessed that he is still alive and you can make the days ahead special. We cherished those three extra weeks we had with Jake.


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## Rundlemtn

Terrible news... so sorry to hear. There is never enough time unfortunately


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## jennretz

I just saw this and have tears in my eyes. You and Axl are such a strong team. I know you will do whatever you can for him. I'm just so sorry to see the diagnosis :-(


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## mylissyk

Words can not express how much I hate this insidious disease. It strikes too many of our beloved dogs.

I sincerely pray Ax recovers well and you have countless more days on the beach together, even if you are just watching sunsets. He is a grand, inspiring boy, may he be true to himself and take this on like the gladiator he is.


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## laprincessa

There are many words I want to say but forum rules prevent swearing.
I love that dog 
I've loved him from the first time I read about him
He's one of ours

I refuse to believe he won't be okay.


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## SandyK

OMG I am just shocked to see this about Ax. I am so sorry, but I also agree with others...he is strong and a fighter!!! He will have many cheerleaders out here routing for him!!! Oh how I hate hemangiosarcoma...so Ax please show us you can kick it in the you know what!!!


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## Rob's GRs

I too am so sorry to read of this.


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## Panama Rob

I'm so busted up over this news. I don't have words. Just give Axl love from me and Dakota. Thoughts and prayers are with you guys.


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## rooroch

Just saw this. I was so shocked. I am so so sorry and feel for your pain. Went through the same thing with my 10 year old Soft Coated Wheaten. Ax is strong and hopefully between the two of you will find a way to get through this and enjoy more walks on the beach together carrying his disc.


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## Wendy427

I'm so so sorry to hear about Ax. My heart goes out to you and your family.


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## swishywagga

So sorry to hear about Ax, keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Wicky

So sorry to here this news. Keeping you all in my thoughts


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## Jamm

Thinking of you guys this morning.


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## Helo's Mom

I just saw this and am so devastated and sorry!! I love reading everything you post about Ax and his amazing life. This is just terrible news. He is way too young. Tears in my eyes for you guys.


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## NC Dogs

Oh no. I'm so very, very sorry to see this. Hoping for the best.


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## Sweet Girl

Just seeing this now and feeling gutted. You're right - it is just so unfair. But Ax is a strong and healthy boy. If anyone can fight back, it will be him. But I know the feelings you are dealing with right now all too well. I wouldn't wish them on anyone, and I'm so sorry. Big hugs to your guy.


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## ceegee

I'm very sorry you're going through this. It's been a year and four months since I lost my Ruby, suddenly and unexpectedly, to hemangiosarcoma (cardiac, in her case). It's a devastating disease. There are few things worse than seeing a vigorous, apparently healthy dog be struck down in the space of a few hours. I wish you strength, and will be thinking of you.


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## fourlakes

So very sorry for you and Axl. I've always enjoyed the photos and videos of his exploits. He's a very special boy. These things that come on suddenly are so devastating. Hugs to Ax and I hope you are able to spend more special time together.


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## kwhit

I'm so very sorry. Thinking of you and Ax...


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## murphy1

So sorry to read about Ax. Thankfully you know you guy so well, realizing something was wrong. You gave him a chance by getting him to surgery. I think all here know what your're going through....it's awful. A prayer has been said for your boy and his family.


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## hotel4dogs

This is hopefully a tiny, tiny consolation to you. Not much, but all I can offer.
Hemangiosarcoma, while a horrible, devastating disease, at least is not painful for the dog. So Ax will not suffer. You will.
Here is probably the best article ever written, Modiano Lab - Cancer Info - Hemangiosarcoma . It's from the cancer guru of all canine cancer.


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## migs

Im so very sorry to hear this. I have both you and Ax in my thoughts & prayers. Will light a candle for him when I get home tonight.


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## alphadude

mylissyk said:


> Words can not express how much I hate this insidious disease. It strikes too many of our beloved dogs.
> 
> I sincerely pray Ax recovers well and you have countless more days on the beach together, even if you are just watching sunsets. He is a grand, inspiring boy, may he be true to himself and take this on like the gladiator he is.


I used to obsess and dread that Ax was 'losing a step' or his skills diminishing due to aging because he is such a spectacularly talented athlete. He routinely did things no golden should be capable of.

I really couldn't care less if he ever caught another disc. I just want to be able to look into his beautiful, intelligent amber eyes and talk to him while the sun sets.


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## alphadude

laprincessa said:


> There are many words I want to say but forum rules prevent swearing.
> I love that dog
> I've loved him from the first time I read about him
> He's one of ours
> 
> I refuse to believe he won't be okay.


Thanks LAP

I am still struggling to wrap my mind around this. I know I'm biased but I think he is 1 in a million, the perfect blend of qualities. If I could have custom designed a dog to my exact specs, it would have been Ax.


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## NewfieMom

Hi, alphadude-I started to read this thread, thinking it was new, and then saw it was eight pages long! I rushed to the end of it to see if-bizarrely-I could somehow have missed hearing news of Axl's illness that you had announced months ago. Then I saw that eight pages had appeared since yesterday. Axl is so adored on this forum that this thread became as long overnight as some threads become over the course of years! I would think that indeed, you are biased in favor of Ax, but that doesn't mean that he isn't one of the world's most special dogs! I think everyone on the forum feels this. My heart is with you and dear Ax. Hug him and kiss him for me. I will pray for a miracle.

Hugs,
NewfieMom


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## nolefan

I am sorry for your devastating news. I know it knocks you to your knees to hear news like that with such a special dog. Last year my Ellie's mother received the same diagnosis at age 9. Super athletic, lovingly cared for dog who was never sick. Her owner is a dear friend and researched everything possible to try and help. She was able to give her several extra weeks of being happy and eating well so they had extra time together. I know she also tried the Yunnan Baiyao as mentioned previously. There is also someone I know of who gave it to her Golden for two years, the longest I have ever heard of survival. If you want to message me I will share her name with you and you could reach out to her on facebook for input. 

FDA Approves Turkey Tail Trial for Cancer Patients | Bastyr University


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## kwhit

hotel4dogs said:


> So Ax will not suffer. You will.


This is so true. I'm sure that Ax still wakes up every day like it's the best day in his life and ready to party. I don't believe they know what's going on, but even if they did, they live in the moment. If that moment involves a treat, great! If that moment is breakfast, even better! A car ride, oh, yeah, they're in! 

And the beach at sunset having a conversation with you, the best.

So yes, as hotel4dogs said, we're the ones that suffer. Our dogs just take everything one moment at a time...a beautiful and freeing way to live...


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## HLT924

So sorry. Sending hope for the best and most peaceful outcome for you and for Ax. 

Sent from my SPH-L720T using Tapatalk


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## goldy1

Devastating ... Please hold out hope for a the biopsy to show that they got is all and the prognosis is good. Ax's age and physical condition are both in his favor. 
Chance was diagnosed last year at 10 y.o. with a cancerous tumor in his chest. He recovered well from the surgery and doing well almost 1 year later. 
Ax is in such tip-top condition that I truly believe this will help him beat the odds. He knows how much you need him. I'm praying hard for your amazing beautiful boy.


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## Tennyson

When I opened this thread I really thought that Ax tore an ACL. Never thinking it was cancer.
Sending good thoughts to you and your family, AD.


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## PrincessDaisy

Alpha, you posted that you are determined to fight for Axl. Here is how Ivory and I fought her cancer successfully for 24 months.

So let me tell you about Ivory. My first rescue Golden. We got her at 12 weeks and things were great for 8 years. But she had a bleeding "wart" on her paw. It was Mast cell. I was told she had about 2 to 3 months. I did a lot of research and came up with the following food and supplement plan. Surgery was not really an option because the tumor was in her paw. And removing the leg was not an option in my opinion because of the impact on her quality of life. With due regard for Tuffdog.

Goal - 1) build the strongest immune system possible. 2) fight the cancer.

No more Purina 1

Essentially raw, 30 second blanch, chicken thighs (bone and all) and other whole muscle meats. Nothing ground. The blanching in boiling water kills the bacteria on the outside while leaving necessary nutrients un-altered within the raw meat. Ground meat has bacteria where ever it contacts air, and if you blanch it there is little nutritive value left.

Vitamins A, B, D, E at twice the normal amount a human would take. These advance the goal as stated above to increase immune system health and fight cancer cells. I chose not to supplement C as it supports general health, including the cancer according to my research.

Curcumin (turmeric) and astrogalus supplements to fight cancer cells. 

Unprocessed coconut oil and unsweetened coconut flakes to fight cancer.

With 12 treatments of vinblastine Ivory lived another 23 months. The oncologist also suggested that she be given one benedryl and one OTC pepsid daily to fight the cancer cells spread. The oncologist never believed that Ivory would live through the 12 weeks of chemo, but she did, and another 20 months too.

The last 10 days were a rapid decline in health and quality of life. The last 18 hours were misery. I regret those last hours.

You must understand that chemo can not be given to dogs as it is given to humans. We understand and accept that the treatment will make us extremely sick and exhausted, but the dog can't understand so the treatment is to only slow down the progression of the disease, while in humans we try to cure the disease.

The Chinese turkey tail mushrooms show great promise and are being used to treat breast cancer with good success in small trials. 

Still praying for Axl and you.

Max


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## gold4me

I am keeping Axl and you in my prayers. This is such a terrible thing to go through. 
As for Max's schedule (Princess Daisy) I can vouch for what he is saying as my niece's Corgi was diagnosed with Lymphoma and she pretty much tried to follow the same schedule for her dog. Her Corgi had another 15 months of a quality life.


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## Yaichi's Mom

PrincessDaisy said:


> Alpha, you posted that you are determined to fight for Axl. Here is how Ivory and I fought her cancer successfully for 24 months.
> 
> So let me tell you about Ivory. My first rescue Golden. We got her at 12 weeks and things were great for 8 years. But she had a bleeding "wart" on her paw. It was Mast cell. I was told she had about 2 to 3 months. I did a lot of research and came up with the following food and supplement plan. Surgery was not really an option because the tumor was in her paw. And removing the leg was not an option in my opinion because of the impact on her quality of life. With due regard for Tuffdog.
> 
> Goal - 1) build the strongest immune system possible. 2) fight the cancer.
> 
> No more Purina 1
> 
> Essentially raw, 30 second blanch, chicken thighs (bone and all) and other whole muscle meats. Nothing ground. The blanching in boiling water kills the bacteria on the outside while leaving necessary nutrients un-altered within the raw meat. Ground meat has bacteria where ever it contacts air, and if you blanch it there is little nutritive value left.
> 
> Vitamins A, B, D, E at twice the normal amount a human would take. These advance the goal as stated above to increase immune system health and fight cancer cells. I chose not to supplement C as it supports general health, including the cancer according to my research.
> 
> Curcumin (turmeric) and astrogalus supplements to fight cancer cells.
> 
> Unprocessed coconut oil and unsweetened coconut flakes to fight cancer.
> 
> With 12 treatments of vinblastine Ivory lived another 23 months. The oncologist also suggested that she be given one benedryl and one OTC pepsid daily to fight the cancer cells spread. The oncologist never believed that Ivory would live through the 12 weeks of chemo, but she did, and another 20 months too.
> 
> The last 10 days were a rapid decline in health and quality of life. The last 18 hours were misery. I regret those last hours.
> 
> You must understand that chemo can not be given to dogs as it is given to humans. We understand and accept that the treatment will make us extremely sick and exhausted, but the dog can't understand so the treatment is to only slow down the progression of the disease, while in humans we try to cure the disease.
> 
> The Chinese turkey tail mushrooms show great promise and are being used to treat breast cancer with good success in small trials.
> 
> Still praying for Axl and you.
> 
> Max


Along with Max/Princess Daisy has posted above these may help:

https://pathwithpaws.com/blog/2012/...dogs-holistically-with-herbs-and-supplements/

Hemangiosarcoma - Charles Loops, DVM

Know we are fighting right beside you and Axl!!

_Ingrid_


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## alphadude

I just want to take a moment to sincerely thank every single member of this forum for yoru kind, sympathetic, encouraging words, support, suggestions, prayers, etc at this extremely difficult time. 

To update, Ax is hanging tough like I KNEW he would. He does not have the appearance of a dog with no fight left in him. On the contrary, he looks like he has PLENTY of fight and guts left. The prognosis is still rather grim but we are going to help him fight this terrible battle for his precious golden life to the bitter end, no matter when that may be. He is scheduled to come home tomorrow barring any setbacks. He has already become a favorite in ICU because he is being so brave and cooprrative. He is eating the chicken breast I keep bringing him like a champ and we even went for a walk and then chilled out in the little gazebo on the grounds. Snapped the pic below. He's still got his golden smile.


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## Mr. Fuzzyface

Awww, it is so good to see Ax being loved on by his family and that he is up and about after his surgery. His eyes are bright and his smile is heartwarming. Continued prayers and well wishes to you all!


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## swishywagga

alphadude said:


> I just want to take a moment to sincerely thank every single member of this forum for yoru kind, sympathetic, encouraging words, support, suggestions, prayers, etc at this extremely difficult time.
> 
> To update, Ax is hanging tough like I KNEW he would. He does not have the appearance of a dog with no fight left in him. On the contrary, he looks like he has PLENTY of fight and guts left. The prognosis is still rather grim but we are going to help him fight this terrible battle for his precious golden life to the bitter end, no matter when that may be. He is scheduled to come home tomorrow barring any setbacks. He has already become a favorite in ICU because he is being so brave and cooprrative. He is eating the chicken breast I keep bringing him like a champ and we even went for a walk and then chilled out in the little gazebo on the grounds. Snapped the pic below. He's still got his golden smile.


Bless him he looks so calm and content in the photo. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers, gentle hugs sent to your precious boy from us all in the UK.


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## gold4me

Oh your picture brought tears to my eyes as I could SEE all the love between Axl and his loved ones. Cyber hugs to all of you.


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## Sweet Girl

He does look great - I really hope he goes home with you tomorrow. That will make him feel even better.


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## wdadswell

Ax looks so happy to be with the ones he loves!! Praying hard for him!


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## laprincessa

He looks like, "why are you guys all worried? I GOT this!" 
Oh, how loved he is!


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## goldy1

With all of you helping him through this, Ax will do his part. Once he gets home, this will help his spirit even more. I have seen this happen with Chance. Home is where his heart is and it has helped him so much through his recoveries.
Continued prayers for Ax and you.


----------



## alphadude

Tennyson said:


> When I opened this thread I really thought that Ax tore an ACL. Never thinking it was cancer.
> Sending good thoughts to you and your family, AD.


I used to fear exactly that, a torn ACL but I would trade him having torn both and never chasing and catching a disc again for this any day of the week. At least that way, he could recover and we could still have our nightly chats on the beach watching the sun set. There are no words for how much I despise this vile, insidious disease. How many magnificent goldens has it struck down in their primes or even golden years. The grief it has caused is IMMENSE.


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## KiwiD

Sending lots of positive thoughts for your sweet boy to fight this. 

When my Golden was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma I bought the book Dog Cancer Survival Guide. I cooked everyday for her with recipes from the book. She bounced back so well after her splenectomy and she had many quality days doing all the things she loved to do. I wish the same for Axl.


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## Vhuynh2

I'm really, really sorry. I hope for you and Axl to have many, many more conversations on the beach.


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## murphy1

There is no place like home, that's where he wants to be!


----------



## Selli-Belle

I am so sorry to hear this, I know how much you love him and I hope you have so many more sunsets with him.


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## alphadude

The vet just called, we were waiting on his red blood cell count numbers to confirm he was not still bleeding. We needed them to hold steady for discharge tomorrow. They INCREASED from this 20 morning right after transfusion, TO 23. FANTASTIC NEWS!


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## PrincessDaisy

Great news, still praying. Research is the key. 

Max


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## kansas gold

Great news on those blood counts.


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## Pilgrim123

Hooray for better blood counts!


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## Harleysmum

Hooray for coming home!


----------



## rooroch

So glad to see the blood cell results and that he will come home. Thanks for giving us all these up dates when you are going through such a difficult time. Hoping you will get down to the beach for your chat and sunset watch very very soon. He looks great in the picture. What a fantastic dog.


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## Brinkleythegolden

So glad he's coming home!


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## Wendy427

Yay for some good news for Ax!


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## gold4me

What wonderful news!!!


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## CAROLINA MOM

Wonderful news, get Ax home, spoil him rotten and make the most of every second you have with him. 

My thoughts are with you all, prayers you have many days ahead with Ax.


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## jennretz

Axl is such a fighter! You two are a great team 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## kwhit

Wonderful news!


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## laprincessa

for Axl, this is just one more butt to kick

Praying hard that he can win this fight like he's won many others.


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## GoldenFocus

Hopefully the start of a long term winning streak for the Boy............


----------



## alphadude

One of the saddest scenes I have ever seen on "our beach". Sunday afternoon, low tide, a brisk tail wind...empty. Heartbreaking.


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## azzure

So, so sorry to read this. I lost my Gus to this awful disease; he was only 7. When he first collapsed, the fluid surrounding his heart was "tapped". I prayed for more time with him and got it...he spend another month at home and was his usual joyful, active self the whole time. 

Thanks to hotel4dogs for the hemangio article...it explained things I never quite understood before.

I was wondering if Ax was neutered; I have heard that the incidence of cancer increases in dogs neutered early, as Gus was. I have a wonderful new GR now and will not neuter him until he is 2 at least (if ever).

My best to you and Ax.


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## Cpc1972

Have they done a ultrasound on Ax to see if there are more tumors.


----------



## alphadude

azzure said:


> So, so sorry to read this. I lost my Gus to this awful disease; he was only 7. When he first collapsed, the fluid surrounding his heart was "tapped". I prayed for more time with him and got it...he spend another month at home and was his usual joyful, active self the whole time.
> 
> Thanks to hotel4dogs for the hemangio article...it explained things I never quite understood before.
> 
> I was wondering if Ax was neutered; I have heard that the incidence of cancer increases in dogs neutered early, as Gus was. I have a wonderful new GR now and will not neuter him until he is 2 at least (if ever).
> 
> My best to you and Ax.


Ax was indeed neutered at around 9 months or so. I will regret allowing that to my dying day. 

That is exactly why I have refuse to let my 4 year old Angus (Gus) for short, be neutered. I believe the cons far outweigh the pros - especially when it comes to cancer protecting hormones.


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## laprincessa

alphadude said:


> Ax was indeed neutered at around 9 months or so. I will regret allowing that to my dying day.
> 
> That is exactly why I have refuse to let my 4 year old Angus (Gus) for short, be neutered. I believe the cons far outweigh the pros - especially when it comes to cancer protecting hormones.


Don't blame yourself for doing what was considered the best thing when you made the decision to have him neutered.
It doesn't do any good to feel guilty. And you can't be sure that was what caused this. Please, be kind to yourself. Ax would never forgive you if you weren't


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## alphadude

Am disappointed to say that Ax did not come home tonight. It still remained an option of course, but I decided to let him stay one more night. His levels dropped a bit, not precipitously, but he was a lot less "bright" and energetic than he was 24 hours ago. I did get him to eat but he wasn't as enthusiastic as he was yesterday. I got him to perk up somewhat but he looked tired, like he was humoring me almost. I still would have taken him, had his primary vet, 10 minutes away, been able to assure me that he had the blood to perform a transfusion tomorrow if necessary. Unfortunately he could not. I figured in the event of an emergency situation, he was best off right where he was. Apparently, he still has some bleeding going on and nobody seems to know why. The two major tumors are gone and according to the surgeon, the remainder were "spots" which doesn't sound to me like they would be a major bleeding concern, at least in the short term. One thing that *really made me angry* though, was the fact that when I was talking to the administrator at the front desk, agonizing on the decision to take him home or not, I mentioned that one of the reasons was that I wanted to start him on the Yunnan Baiyao ASAP. As luck would have it, the pharmacist happened to be standing next to me. She said we have that in stock here and use it often in these cases. Why the **** wasn't he getting it since I asked his doctor about it two days ago, made my wishes plain that he have it, and she said "she would see if they had it in stock???


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## jennretz

You made the right decision to leave him tough as that was. You're a good advocate for him. Sending a big hug to both you and Ax.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Yaichi's Mom

alphadude said:


> Am disappointed to say that Ax did not come home tonight. It still remained an option of course, but I decided to let him stay one more night. His levels dropped a bit, not precipitously, but he was a lot less "bright" and energetic than he was 24 hours ago. I did get him to eat but he wasn't as enthusiastic as he was yesterday. I got him to perk up somewhat but he looked tired, like he was humoring me almost. I still would have taken him, had his primary vet, 10 minutes away, been able to assure me that he had the blood to perform a transfusion tomorrow if necessary. Unfortunately he could not. I figured in the event of an emergency situation, he was best off right where he was. Apparently, he still has some bleeding going on and nobody seems to know why. The two major tumors are gone and according to the surgeon, the remainder were "spots" which doesn't sound to me like they would be a major bleeding concern, at least in the short term. One thing that *really made me angry* though, was the fact that when I was talking to the administrator at the front desk, agonizing on the decision to take him home or not, I mentioned that one of the reasons was that I wanted to start him on the Yunnan Baiyao ASAP. As luck would have it, the pharmacist happened to be standing next to me. She said we have that in stock here and use it often in these cases. Why the **** wasn't he getting it since I asked his doctor about it two days ago, made my wishes plain that he have it, and she said "she would see if they had it in stock???


I am so sorry you were not able to take Ax home tonight...I know how your heart is breaking, however you made the best decision you were able for your more than special boy.

In answer to your question as to why, despite your wishes, Ax was not given the YB, is because most veterinarians trained in allopathic medicine think administering YB is something like "voodoo" to what they have been educated and trained to do. 

Hemangio is EVIL. You and your precious Ax are fighting a *huge* uphill battle.

Please, please, please consider finding yourself a holistic and homeopathic veterinarian asap. From all that I know and have read since I lost my beloved Yaichi to this dreadful plague, a holistic/homeopathic vet will likely not be able to cure, however may give you and your boy more quality time together. I posted some links previously in this thread that my or may not be helpful with hopeful results of alternative approaches which considered what you are going through, you may not have seen.

I know you are probably frantic, tired and out of it most of the time with what you are going through, with your heart being torn out of your chest.

From what I understand, you are in the NY/NJ area with many vets who can help you and Ax navigate this more than painful journey with hopefully a better quality of your time together for both of you. You have nothing else to loose at this point by trying this except for a huge vet bill...I hope you have insurance.

My heart is breaking for you....sending you our love, positive energy and strength.


----------



## alphadude

jennretz said:


> You made the right decision to leave him tough as that was. You're a good advocate for him. Sending a big hug to both you and Ax./QUOTE]
> 
> I know I did Jenn, thanks for saying so.
> 
> Nothing I wanted more in this *world* than to have him snuggled up next to me tonight. I couldn't wait to smell that WONDERFUL smell that is Ax.
> 
> As ridiculous as this sounds, that is yet another of Ax's superpowers. That dog could roll in the mud, swim in the bay, get into whatever, just rinse him off and he *ALWAYS* smelled exactly the same. He never flat out stunk, even when wet or damp, and I have no idea how that was even possible but it is 100% true.
> 
> Puffy, not so much. He is a smelly bugger


----------



## jennretz

You gave me a small chuckle there about Puffy....I know what you're saying about the 'smell' of Ax. Duke never smells bad to me; maybe it's that bond from raising them as a puppy. And when Charlie is really afraid I can smell it. I don't know how to define, but what you said about missing Ax's smell makes 100% sense to me. Duke, Charlie and I send our love to you guys.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## alphadude

Yaichi's Mom said:


> I am so sorry you were not able to take Ax home tonight...I know how your heart is breaking, however you made the best decision you were able for your more than special boy.
> 
> In answer to your question as to why, despite your wishes, Ax was not given the YB, is because most veterinarians trained in allopathic medicine think administering YB is something like "voodoo" to what they have been educated and trained to do.
> 
> Hemangio is EVIL. You and your precious Ax are fighting a *huge* uphill battle.
> 
> Please, please, please consider finding yourself a holistic and homeopathic veterinarian asap. From all that I know and have read since I lost my beloved Yaichi to this dreadful plague, a holistic/homeopathic vet will likely not be able to cure, however may give you and your boy more quality time together. I posted some links previously in this thread that my or may not be helpful with hopeful results of alternative approaches which considered what you are going through, you may not have seen.
> 
> I know you are probably frantic, tired and out of it most of the time with what you are going through, with your heart being torn out of your chest.
> 
> From what I understand, you are in the NY/NJ area with many vets who can help you and Ax navigate this more than painful journey with hopefully a better quality of your time together for both of you. You have nothing else to loose at this point by trying this except for a huge vet bill...I hope you have insurance.
> 
> My heart is breaking for you....sending you our love, positive energy and strength.


I understand what you mean about vets trained in western medicine considering it voodoo. 

His surgeon, with whom I had the conversation about YB is an Asian woman. She knew *EXACTLY* what I was talking about, and while not extraordinarily enthusiastic about the prospect, stated that it certainly wouldn't hurt, there would be no contraindications with anything they were treating him with, and it might even help. She said she would see if it was in stock in the pharmacy. I completely understand that they are very busy, but I find that inexcusable. 

The Pharmacist sure knew all about it, stocks it and said "we use it often".

Will it help? I have no idea, but I am desperate and grasping at straws, looking for ANYTHING that may buy this amazing dog some more time and QOL.

I feel that I am not getting adequate answers to my questions. Either his situation was misrepresented to me or the surgery was botched. Why is he still bleeding? "Spots to small to remove" should NOT pose a significant bleeding risk at this point.

I fully intend to exhaust every option and resource available holistic or otherwise, if given the opportunity to do so (by his condition).


----------



## alphadude

jennretz said:


> You gave me a small chuckle there about Puffy....I know what you're saying about the 'smell' of Ax. Duke never smells bad to me; maybe it's that bond from raising them as a puppy. And when Charlie is really afraid I can smell it. I don't know how to define, but what you said about missing Ax's smell makes 100% sense to me. Duke, Charlie and I send our love to you guys.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Puffy is another issue. I can tell that he is really missing Ax since this is by far the longest they have ever been separated. I expected that.

What I didn't expect, was him to start displaying behaviors that he has never displayed. For instance, he was always the quiet one, Ax would do all the barking, at the mailman, at the dogs in the yard around the block, etc. He would just sit there and wag his tail. It's almost like he is "stepping up" to fill Ax's shoes so to speak.

He did something that really freaked me out before...He nosed Axl's little soccer ball across the floor to me before which he has NEVER done, but seen Ax do a thousand times...


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## jennretz

I think Puffy is trying to comfort you. He may not know what's going on but can tell you're worried....these dogs are amazing to me; they can sense things


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Yaichi's Mom

alphadude said:


> I understand what you mean about vets trained in western medicine considering it voodoo.
> 
> His surgeon, with whom I had the conversation about YB is an Asian woman. She knew *EXACTLY* what I was talking about, and while not extraordinarily enthusiastic about the prospect, stated that it certainly wouldn't hurt, there would be no contraindications with anything they were treating him with, and it might even help. She said she would see if it was in stock in the pharmacy. I completely understand that they are very busy, but I find that inexcusable.
> 
> The Pharmacist sure knew all about it, stocks it and said "we use it often".
> 
> Will it help? I have no idea, but I am desperate and grasping at straws, looking for ANYTHING that may buy this amazing dog some more time and QOL.
> 
> I feel that I am not getting adequate answers to my questions. Either his situation was misrepresented to me or the surgery was botched. Why is he still bleeding? "Spots to small to remove" should NOT pose a significant bleeding risk at this point.
> 
> I fully intend to exhaust every option and resource available holistic or otherwise, if given the opportunity to do so (by his condition).


OMG alphadude...how I wish I could hug you and make all of this go away...how I wish.

In answer to your question above re " a bothced surgery" etc., this article may help you understand better how this evil hemangio manifests;
Hemangiosarcoma ? Canine Cancer

Hemangiosarcoma is basically a cancer of the blood vessels. Surgery as you had on your beloved Axl can repair the major damage/bleeds/tumours etc., however will not prevent future bleeds from any blood vessel anywhere, where this awful cancer has spread.

Your Axl is probably still bleeding somewhere and IMHO I don' t thnk any conventional/allopathic veterinairian can help you or your Axl at this point. However that said, if you take the time to look at some of my earlier links, some have had success with holistic/homeopathic protocols which have seemd to have kept this horrible disease in check using a whole bodyall encompassing approach. 

Sadly, there is no cure for this horrible diagnosis.

All we can do when faced with this is buy some quality time.

I never had that opportunity with my bridge girl Yaichi...it all happened so fast, she totqlly collapsed and my conventional vet sent us home with Metacam...long story, horrible treatment which is how I found this forum in desperation, trying to help my girl.

After a week of nursing her, when she couldn't get up, haveing to lift her out and back to the yard to go potty, not eating,with no help from my vets at the time...anyway...too long a sad story to write.

If I could go back and do it all over again, I would have never listened to the vets that I had trusted for over 20+ years...I would have wisked her off to another veterinarian with a more encompasssing consideration and modalities. 

This is the prime reason, that now with my Brisby, that I have both a homeopathic and holistic duo of vets...somehing I failed to do for my Yaichi. I will never trust true mainstream allopathic veterinary medicine again...however I digress.

The reason I am writing all of this, is just to say, that I know you want to do the best you can possibly do for your beloved Axl for the time you have left together.

If I can only give you one piece of advice from the bottom of my soul, is that if I were you, I would find the best holistic/homeopathic vet you are able, ASAP. and turn Axl's treatment over to them. You are fortunate, as where you are geographically, you have options to do so.

Sending you love, strength and hope for the best possible outcome.


----------



## SandyK

I am sorry Ax did not come home with you. Hopefully tomorrow. I also believe Puffy misses him and is also trying to comfort you. Positive thoughts and prayers!!


----------



## laprincessa

Max smells like hay
I've often thought, when my nose is buried in his neck, that I will never smell anything quite so wonderful again
And except for the time he got skunked, it's never changed

My heart is breaking for you and for Ax
And for Puffy, too
(Puffy holds a special place in my heart)
I have no advice, just cyber hugs and prayers


----------



## rooroch

I was wondering about using vitamin k1. This is a quote from an article I just read:

Vitamin K is sometimes given if anticoagulant intoxication is suspected, even prior to getting test results back. The treatment has few side effects and rapid therapy improves prognosis.

Sorry you did not get Axl home last night, hopefully today.


----------



## Sweet Girl

alphadude said:


> One of the saddest scenes I have ever seen on "our beach". Sunday afternoon, low tide, a brisk tail wind...empty. Heartbreaking.


I so understand this. The first time I went back to the park where I played ball every day with Tesia ("our park"), I was completely caught off guard when I started to cry. But you'll be back on your beach with Ax. 



alphadude said:


> Puffy is another issue. I can tell that he is really missing Ax since this is by far the longest they have ever been separated. I expected that.
> 
> What I didn't expect, was him to start displaying behaviors that he has never displayed. For instance, he was always the quiet one, Ax would do all the barking, at the mailman, at the dogs in the yard around the block, etc. He would just sit there and wag his tail. It's almost like he is "stepping up" to fill Ax's shoes so to speak.
> 
> He did something that really freaked me out before...He nosed Axl's little soccer ball across the floor to me before which he has NEVER done, but seen Ax do a thousand times...


Puffy is no doubt missing Ax and probably not sure where he is. I always find it so interesting (and heartbreaking) when people write about how their other dogs react. Puffy will be so happy to see Axl come home, too. Hope that happens today.


----------



## alphadude

Just a quick status update since I'm at work...the downward trend in Ax's levels has stopped and actually reversed to some degree. His red blood count was @ 17 last night, it was 18 this morning and last I heard up another point at around 11:00 AM. His "solids" have improved as well. He did not require another transfusion. This would seem to indicate that whatever low grade bleeds he had going on are slowing or stopping. Vet that did his surgery, with whom I spoke, was very encouraging and said he can safely go home today. She said he has been eating well since we left last night. Is it a coincidence that almost to the the hour that he was put on the Yunnan Biayio that this trend started??? I was never a big believer in "coincidences"...

She said I could even take him to the beach in a day or 2 ... but *NO DISCS!!!!*


----------



## migs

So glad to hear this positive information.


----------



## CAROLINA MOM

Great news........


----------



## Cpc1972

Jake still had some blood around his heart. My aunt and uncles golden never stopped bleeding and they never got to bring her back home. We were lucky we got to bring Jake home after his drain and he was normal even though he had some blood still. My question is did they take a ultrasound of his heart?


----------



## Otter

Good to hear. 
Thanks for the update.


----------



## Cpc1972

Yaichi's Mom said:


> OMG alphadude...how I wish I could hug you and make all of this go away...how I wish.
> 
> In answer to your question above re " a bothced surgery" etc., this article may help you understand better how this evil hemangio manifests;
> Hemangiosarcoma ? Canine Cancer
> 
> Hemangiosarcoma is basically a cancer of the blood vessels. Surgery as you had on your beloved Axl can repair the major damage/bleeds/tumours etc., however will not prevent future bleeds from any blood vessel anywhere, where this awful cancer has spread.
> 
> Your Axl is probably still bleeding somewhere and IMHO I don' t thnk any conventional/allopathic veterinairian can help you or your Axl at this point. However that said, if you take the time to look at some of my earlier links, some have had success with holistic/homeopathic protocols which have seemd to have kept this horrible disease in check using a whole bodyall encompassing approach.
> 
> Sadly, there is no cure for this horrible diagnosis.
> 
> All we can do when faced with this is buy some quality time.
> 
> I never had that opportunity with my bridge girl Yaichi...it all happened so fast, she totqlly collapsed and my conventional vet sent us home with Metacam...long story, horrible treatment which is how I found this forum in desperation, trying to help my girl.
> 
> After a week of nursing her, when she couldn't get up, haveing to lift her out and back to the yard to go potty, not eating,with no help from my vets at the time...anyway...too long a sad story to write.
> 
> If I could go back and do it all over again, I would have never listened to the vets that I had trusted for over 20+ years...I would have wisked her off to another veterinarian with a more encompasssing consideration and modalities.
> 
> This is the prime reason, that now with my Brisby, that I have both a homeopathic and holistic duo of vets...somehing I failed to do for my Yaichi. I will never trust true mainstream allopathic veterinary medicine again...however I digress.
> 
> The reason I am writing all of this, is just to say, that I know you want to do the best you can possibly do for your beloved Axl for the time you have left together.
> 
> If I can only give you one piece of advice from the bottom of my soul, is that if I were you, I would find the best holistic/homeopathic vet you are able, ASAP. and turn Axl's treatment over to them. You are fortunate, as where you are geographically, you have options to do so.
> 
> Sending you love, strength and hope for the best possible outcome.


This post is Absolutly accurate when it comes to hemo. The major bleed was stopped by removing the spleen. But there is probably small bleeds like around the heart. You will probably find he will be perfectly normal until the blood vessel creates another major bleed. He may have small ones and recovers the next day as the body absorbed it.


----------



## Cpc1972

They told us that a surgury to remove Jakes tumors around his heart and the ones on his liver would be $11000. That didn't include chemo after. And they couldn't even guarantee six months. There really is no treatment for this type of cancer that will even give you a year. The only hope if a dog gets this is they get it super early with a clean margin. But hemo doesn't have any symptoms until it's to late.

If Ax is happy and eating don't be to worried about if there is small bleeds. With this cancer he probably has some. Just love him as much as you can and make his dates full of fun. I hate this cancer. Jake had a perfectly normal three weeks after his first collapse. Then three weeks later he came inside and laid down and couldn't get up.


----------



## elly

Ive only just seen this thread, so sorry, what a huge worry. Thinking of you both and cheering Ax on. X


----------



## OutWest

alphadude said:


> Just a quick status update since I'm at work...the downward trend in Ax's levels has stopped and actually reversed to some degree. His red blood count was @ 17 last night, it was 18 this morning and last I heard up another point at around 11:00 AM. His "solids" have improved as well. He did not require another transfusion. This would seem to indicate that whatever low grade bleeds he had going on are slowing or stopping. Vet that did his surgery, with whom I spoke, was very encouraging and said he can safely go home today. She said he has been eating well since we left last night. Is it a coincidence that almost to the the hour that he was put on the Yunnan Biayio that this trend started??? I was never a big believer in "coincidences"...
> 
> She said I could even take him to the beach in a day or 2 ... but *NO DISCS!!!!*


I am getting caught up on reading GRF. When I saw the title of your thread, my heart dropped. You are one of a handful of humans on GRF who truly have a heart dog. It has always been obvious from reading your threads that you and Ax are a specially bonded duo. 

There's nothing I can say or do to make his illness easier for you other than to say I know where you are right now and how you are feeling. Bella has been under treatment for lymphoma since the first of the year. Her cancer is responding to treatment. But we don't expect a cure--we hope for one though--and we will be beating the odds if she's still with us a year from now.

Sending hugs and good thoughts to you, Ax, Puffy, and your family.


----------



## murphy1

I'm so happy to read Ax is coming home. I"m learning of this horrible disease from the Forum and it's heartbreaking even a successful surgery does not mean a cure. Please take your boy home and enjoy every minute with him.


----------



## Pilgrim123

No matter how grim the prognosis, how low the blood levels, Ax is coming home. He has to. There has to be at least one more sunset on the beach...


----------



## Eabeal

Finally catching up and so sorry to hear about your awesome pup Ax. Hoping he comes home soon with you!


----------



## SandyK

I hope Ax is now at home with you getting spoiled with love!!!


----------



## alphadude

Ax has LEFT THE GSVS BUILDING!!!!!!!

He is right where he belongs, lying next to me on the bed with his head on my arm as I type this, and I have to say there is not a solitary thing I would rather be experiencing right now. When I got down there today, he was he was HUGELY ENERGETIC, in other words, he was Ax.

What a difference from yesterday. He literally came bounding into the room doing the full body tail wag, jumping on me and smothering my face in wet kisses. Then he lay down and put his head in my lap and started making the trademark whining/grunting noises that all golden people know that mean I am EXTREMELY HAPPY TO SEE YOU! 

I am just going to take *tonight*, after 5 of the most MISERABLE days of my life, bask in the moment and not worry about the stinking cancer or anything else. I am going to live in the moment just like my best buddy...Ax...home again


----------



## SandyK

Enjoy the evening home together!! I am sure Puffy is happy he is home as well. I remember how special the first night back home is. Extra hugs being sent!!!!


----------



## alphadude

OutWest said:


> I am getting caught up on reading GRF. When I saw the title of your thread, my heart dropped. You are one of a handful of humans on GRF who truly have a heart dog. It has always been obvious from reading your threads that you and Ax are a specially bonded duo.
> 
> There's nothing I can say or do to make his illness easier for you other than to say I know where you are right now and how you are feeling. Bella has been under treatment for lymphoma since the first of the year. Her cancer is responding to treatment. But we don't expect a cure--we hope for one though--and we will be beating the odds if she's still with us a year from now.
> 
> Sending hugs and good thoughts to you, Ax, Puffy, and your family.


You are 100% correct that Ax and I have an unbreakable bond. 

I wish you, your family and Bella the very best in your struggle. Believe me, I am painfully aware of exactly what you are going through.


----------



## alphadude

SandyK said:


> Enjoy the evening home together!! I am sure Puffy is happy he is home as well. I remember how special the first night back home is. Extra hugs being sent!!!!


OMG, Puffy went BEZERK!!! He barked for an hour and a half straight and he was breathing so hard I thought I was going to have to take *him* to the ER

Matter of fact, I have him locked out of the bedroom now because he will NOT leave Axl alone. As some of you know, Puffy fancies himself the "medicine dog" and not only is he apparently overjoyed to see Ax, but he will not stop licking his "booboos". He licked Ax's back so feverishly that he looked like he was hosed off....soaked.

He bugged Ax so much he got a manners 101 refresher in the form of 3 trademark lightening quick face strikes, like Sugar Ray Leonard - pop-pop-pop. Not hard enough to draw blood but to say ENOUGH!!!

It seems this evil disease has not yet robbed Ax of his skills.

I had to let Puffy back in to try and shut him up but Ax is trying to rest now and he won't leave him alone. Puffy is back laying next to him, whining barking and licking him. He must smell the miserable cancer and I think he's trying to tell us.


----------



## SandyK

LOL at Puffy's actions. So sounds like you might not get much sleep tonight.:wink2: If only Puffy was truly a medicine dog and he could lick that cancer away from Ax...that would be great!!!


----------



## Max's Dad

So glad to hear Ax is back home.


----------



## laprincessa

Aww, Puffy - you just wanna make it all better, don't you?
Such wonderful dogs, both of them!


----------



## rooroch

Great news he's home and full of energy when he saw you. Poor Puffy having a bit of trouble understanding what is going on. Hopefully he will calm down soon. Enjoy every moment and thanks again for keep us all up to date.


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

I'm so glad he's home! Spoil him rotten!


----------



## Jamm

So glad to hear he is home


----------



## gold4me

I am so glad to wake up to this wonderful news. I know how happy you are and now just take each moment and enjoy Axl. You made my day!!!
I have lost several to this EVIL disease and I hate it.


----------



## jennretz

I don't know why, but your story about Puffy's antics made me teary  He clearly loves his brother Axl and was showing it the only way he knows how....I'm so happy Ax is home where he belongs and that you got to spend last night hanging with your buddy!


----------



## Sweet Girl

Aw, Puffy wanted to make sure he was okay. That is too sweet. I'm so glad Ax is home with you. Cherish your time together.


----------



## NewfieMom

Your family is whole again!

Hugs,
Deb
(NewfieMom)


----------



## murphy1

No one is happier to be home than Ax himself! Great News!!!!


----------



## Wolfeye

I'm glad Ax is home! Never miss an opportunity for a hug or a game!


----------



## OutWest

So glad Ax is home where he belongs. Got teared up reading about his and Puffy's happiness. Enjoy every minute. I know Ax can't do any running or jumping, but I hope you all get to the beach for a lovely stroll.


----------



## Ginams

Glad to hear your boy is back at home with you. Wishing you many good moments in the days ahead.


----------



## CAROLINA MOM

I know Puffy really missed Ax, you may need to take him out and burn off some of his energy so he will be calmer around Ax so he can get the rest he needs.


----------



## alphadude

CAROLINA MOM said:


> I know Puffy really missed Ax, you may need to take him out and burn off some of his energy so he will be calmer around Ax so he can get the rest he needs.


I was thinking the same thing. He seems to have FINALLY calmed down though. I have been getting reports from family all day and Ax was snoozing on the bed (and being hand fed there) while Puffy was lying on the floor by the front door.

I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but in Axl's absence, Puffy's behavior changed. Actually, It started before Ax left. I think Puffy sensed (smelled) that he was seriously ill, and was trying to step up. 

Come to think of it, I hadn't noticed them play fighting recently, and even on the beach @ Wildwood, a week prior to the crisis, Ax was letting Puffy just take the discs away from him without an argument. I was actually glad at the time because that way Ax's "good" everyday discs didn't get trashed like they usually do when Puffy is involved. 

While Ax was in the hospital, Puffy started being much more vocal. I had never heard him bark so much in his life. When the dogs in the yard around the block barked it was always Ax who would run up on the deck, strike a majestic pose and bark furiously back at them with tail straight up and 'tell them off'. Now Puffy seems to have picked up that behavior.

Perhaps he learned more from Ax than I ever gave him credit for.

Just thought of this also, Sunday, I let Puffy out into the yard and he came back with an old beat up Pro Ring in his mouth and dropped it in front of me when he came back in.


----------



## CAROLINA MOM

When you have other dogs in the house, they always know I think, they can smell and sense their buddies are sick.


----------



## Mr. Fuzzyface

So pleased to hear that Axl is home and Puffy is trying his best to make everything right with the world with his kisses and barking. Enjoy your furbabies and keep us posted!


----------



## elly

So delighted to read that Ax is where he belongs! Bless Puffy too, I'm sure he knows his pal is unwell, I know Manny does when Chesters ill. Such sensitive souls aren't they. I know you will be treasuring every moment with your special boy.


----------



## alphadude

Me and Ax having a chat at crescent beach and watching the sunset. He was pretty low energy today when I got home from work and even at the beach he seemed content to just hang on the blanket with me, and watch the tide. When we got home he was surprisingly REALLY hungry and feasted on a Boston Market turkey dinner after which he perked up ... a LOT. Right now, he is nosing a ball around and chasing it. He also 'told off' the barking neighbor dogs out on the deck and most encouragingly he was barking at me demanding that I share my popcorn with him, lol

The last pic is something that hasn't been seen in over 8 years...Ax on a LEASH at the beach!


----------



## jennretz

I love that middle picture. That sums up your relationship with Ax in one shot. Pure love on both sides


----------



## Tennyson

Good to see Ax back home. Great pictures!
Ax looks so happy to be with you. And AD, you look tired. Ax is trying to lick those circles under your eyes. Take care of yourself. Ax needs his wing man to be in good shape.


----------



## alphadude

Tennyson said:


> Good to see Ax back home. Great pictures!
> Ax looks so happy to be with you. And AD, you look tired. Ax is trying to lick those circles under your eyes. Take care of yourself. Ax needs his wing man to be in good shape.


You are quite right Tennyson, I am so very tired. Last night I ***thought*** I was finally going to get a good night's sleep with Ax next to me but my 22 year old daughter's repeated phone calls to me between 2 and 4 AM from Atlantic City because she was feeling ill took care of that.


----------



## laprincessa

Tennyson beat me to it, said exactly what I was thinking.
Hope your daughter is okay, too. You've had a really awful week, my friend.


----------



## murphy1

He looks good.....both of you sleep well!


----------



## SandyK

So glad you and Ax went to watch the sunset!! Sorry your daughter was feeling ill. I hope she is better and maybe tonight you can get some sleep. Yes those pictures sure do show your bond with Ax. Glad he enjoyed his Boston Market dinner!!


----------



## rooroch

Thanks for the photos. Great to see you on the beach even with the leash. Hope all is well with your daughter and that you get to sleep well the next few days.


----------



## Yaichi's Mom

jennretz said:


> I love that middle picture. That sums up your relationship with Ax in one shot. Pure love on both sides


More than well said...that middle picture actually made me cry....beautiful in all ways!!

So glad to see you and Axl together again AD. Keep living in that moment and wishing you many, many more of them.


----------



## Otter

Great pictures alphadude. 
Thanks for sharing them with us.


----------



## Mr. Fuzzyface

Awesome pictures! It is so good to see Axl out and about, enjoying his surroundings. I agree with poster Jennretz that the middle picture captures your bond with Ax, with Ax's paw over your heart. Wishing you many, many more walks on the beach!


----------



## Sweet Girl

So glad you are both back together on the beach. Here's to many more days like that.


----------



## OutWest

Love the pics...Ax is definitely looking after you. Take care of yourself. I know it's hard when the animal and human children both need your attention. Sending good thoughts to you.


----------



## alphadude

OutWest said:


> Love the pics...Ax is definitely looking after you. Take care of yourself. I know it's hard when the animal and human children both need your attention. Sending good thoughts to you.


The human child over did it with 1 too many vodka cranberries me thinks...lol


----------



## 4goldengirls

Glad Ax is home with you. Enjoy those leisurely strolls on the beach. You've got a great bond and it shoes in the photos. Your last post made me chuckle, as you're probably right. lol


----------



## alphadude

Oh man did Ax have a GREAT day today. Make no mistake, I am under no illusions that he is anything but a very sick dog but you would never know it today. He was very much his old self today. Ears forward, tail held high wagging confidently and that expression on his face. He had plenty of spunk and energy. He was barking at the mailman, and the neighbors dogs.

I just saw him muscle Puffy out of the way and enter the door first as if to say not so fast little brother, I am still top dog around here, your 'ascension' will have to wait.

It was a stunningly beautiful day here, low 80's with zero humidity. Considering Ax was apparently feeling so well, I decided on a visit to the park. He hung out with a few old friends, both canine as well as human, basked in the sun, played with his ball, and just enjoyed the moment with me and his 'mom'. 

He looked as if he could go get a 90 yarder no problem today but there will be no disc playing of any kind for at minimum, another week. 

Took LOTS of pics!


----------



## first golden

Sounds like a perfect day!


----------



## jennretz

So glad Ax had a great day 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Max's Dad

Terrific photos. Thanks! Happy to see Ax doing so well.


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## Helo's Mom

I love how he's smiling in all the pictures!! I'm glad he's home and feeling better. Thanks for all the updates. Ax's fanbase need the info.


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## SandyK

So happy to see Ax had a great day with his mom and dad!!!!:smile2:


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## goldy1

This is good news and Ax looks great!


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## laprincessa

Love the last picture 
May you have many many more days like today


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## OutWest

Glad you guys are all enjoying yourselves! Keep us posted. As Helo's Mom said, Ax has a fan base here.


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## rooroch

Great photos and up date. Long may this continue. Thanks


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## Brinkleythegolden

I'm so glad that Ax is doing so well! Here's to many more days like that!


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## Yaichi's Mom

Wonderful photos AD!!  Wishing you many more "in the moment" days like this one.


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## Pilgrim123

I am so happy to have good news about Ax. May the sunset strolls continue.


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## Sweet Girl

Love that last photo. Sounds like a perfect day. Bet it helped Ax feel even better, too. :smile2:


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## tikiandme

So glad to see Ax feeling good and enjoying the beach.....


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## alphadude

Ax had an even better day today! He's getting stronger and feeling better. We spent about an hour and a half at the park by the beach. To look at him, you'd never know there was a thing in the world wrong with him. He was RARING to go, wanted to run and I had my hands full keeping him mellow. Got some great video of him playing 'nose the ball' with us. He was so normal today and we reached a milestone - Puffy was given his first post surgery 'dominance hump' Matter of fact, Ax did it 3 times. There HAS to be a way to keep this guy who is so OBVIOUSLY full of life around longer...


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## Panama Rob

Love that Ax. Thoughts and prayers for continued healing.


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## migs

So happy to see this. Thanks for sharing & i'll be keeping Ax in my prayers.


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## wdadswell

Love the pics! Ax looks so good! Where there's a will, there's a way!!


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## alphadude

Ax had been a bit lethargic yesterday and this morning. I figured I'd take him to the vet for a blood test and the news was actually very good. His PVC level was 31, up from 18 when he left the hospital. Also, his weight was 69 lbs. Both of those things seem to indicate that he has no significant bleeds going on as I was beginning to fear. He has since perked back up today and seems fine.

I was wondering if it may be a sign that he is in pain from the incision when he acts lethargic. He has always been very stoic and never shows pain. The AH gave us a large supply of pain pills and I have only given him 1 so far in the time he's been home.


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## mylissyk

Please go ahead and give him the pain medication on a schedule. There is no need for him to be in pain when you can prevent it. It also helps them heal to not be under the stress of pain.


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## alphadude

mylissyk said:


> It also helps them heal to not be under the stress of pain.


My wife the RN said the same thing.


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## goldy1

Good news ! I'm praying improvement continues for your amazing boy.


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## first golden

alphadude said:


> My wife the RN said the same thing.


 As a nurse also, I can't agree more! Keep healing Ax...you are doing great! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!


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## laprincessa

He looks so good!


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## alphadude

Today I took Ax to the scene of some of his most amazing exploits the "Pond". Spread out a blanket and we lounged under a shade tree for a couple of hours and spent some quality time, just the two of us. 

It was easy to see that he wanted to be out on the field doing his thing but I need to keep him quiet for a while longer yet until he's had sufficient time for the incision to heal.

I am not sure if I envision him ever going 90 or 100 yards again, not because he couldn't, but because I will not allow him to tax his body that hard, but I'm fairly certain he hasn't caught his last disc or ring...not just yet.

In the first pic, he is eagerly waiting for me to toss him his ball and 'his' jumbo disc field is visible in the background...


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## jennretz

Ax, you sure are a handsome guy....


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## Romy's mom

I am so happy the two of you had a great day together. Both of you are in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong...


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## NewfieMom

Ax is looking good!

Hugs,
Deb


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## NewfieMom

first golden said:


> As a nurse also, I can't agree more! Keep healing Ax...you are doing great! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!


Not a nurse, but know about pain meds. Yes, don't let the pain meds wear off. Keep them up. If you wait for Ax to feel the pain, it will be far harder to get back up to the speed. You have to stay on an even keel. Do as the vet ordered.

NewfieMom


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## alphadude

I decided that since Ax and I were alone together all day, and he appeared very spunky after his 5PM portion of London Broil, we'd do an outing to the beach and catch the sunset.

We were having a perfectly fine time, Ax was laying placidly on the blanket I had laid out for him, nosing his ball and disc around, but the little bugger decoyed me. 

A kid down the beach a bit, threw a flat, whitish looking rock or shell into the bay. Ax apparently thought it was a disc because he leaped up in a flash, before I could grab him, and sprinted full speed after it, dove into the water and swam about 100' out. Obviously I am completely FREAKING OUT and screaming at him to come back but when Ax is in pursuit mode (sick or not), he is single minded. 

He eventually obeyed my command to return and trotted out of the water and shook off like 'what's the problem dude, I do this all the time'.

I gathered everything up, and took him home as quickly as possible. I rinsed him off with fresh water and thoroughly dried the incision which looks pretty much healed already. I called GSVS and being a weekend, there was really nobody there who was familiar with his case but I knew they used dissolving sutures and specifically said to keep them dry. 

I think everything is going to be all right, the incision looks fine and I put some antibacterial spray on it. He looks rather pleased with himself, and is sleeping peacefully next to me. 

His gums are the pinkest I've seen them look since this whole incident started, so I am hoping that a little *unplanned* exercise might actually have done him some good.


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## laprincessa

oh Ax, you bad boy! I'm kinda proud of him, though

Hoping there are no ill effects from his adventure


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## jennretz

That's quite an incision but it looks like it's holding. Ax is like, "I'm going to live my life on my terms!" 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## alphadude

NewfieMom said:


> Not a nurse, but know about pain meds. Yes, don't let the pain meds wear off. Keep them up. If you wait for Ax to feel the pain, it will be far harder to get back up to the speed. You have to stay on an even keel. Do as the vet ordered.
> 
> NewfieMom



The vet said 'as needed'. How am I supposed to know if he's in pain if he gives no indication of it???


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## goldy1

Unbelievable! Sounds like it turned out okay but you didn't need that scare.


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## alphadude

jennretz said:


> Ax is like, "I'm going to live my life on my terms!"


Completely agree Jenn.


----------



## laprincessa

alphadude said:


> The vet said 'as needed'. How am I supposed to know if he's in pain if he gives no indication of it???


I would ask the vet, if you haven't already, how many times a day to give him the pain pills, and then just stick to that schedule. If he's sleeping too much, or acting lethargic, cut back? 

Does Ax show any indication of pain at all?


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## Max's Dad

So happy that Ax is doing so well. He looks great.


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## rooroch

My goodness, what a scare, but he did have fun!!! Way to go Ax.


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## Sweet Girl

Ax, you made me laugh. But I totally understand your dad freaking out!! One day, you will be SO glad he did that, though. It is who he is. 

That wound looks really good. Spraying the antibacterial spray was a good idea. I'm sure it will be fine.


----------



## alphadude

I think our boy is feeling the effects of yesterday's antics. Nurse Mary (she is home today) administered a pain killer and he is resting hopefully comfortably. I will see how he is when I get home from work.


----------



## Yaichi's Mom

Ax.....you are the boy!!! LOL.

AD, I am sure you must have been totally freaked out, however the up side is that Ax must have felt pretty well to go off charging and swimming like that...a good sign IMO!! 

Hopefully he's just tired today and not in too much pain.


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## laprincessa

He's just had major surgery and just like a guy, he overdid it yesterday. (Dealing with a husband here who also is post surgery and overdoing it, so call me sexist, I don't care, I calls it like I sees it).
Hopefully, Axl will be back to himself tomorrow.


----------



## solinvictus

Glad to read Ax is doing good. Keeping him in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## alphadude

Shhhhhh....

If my wife or the vet finds out I'll be in *BIG TROUBLE!* He was PLEADING with me and since he had no ill effects from his little adventure yesterday, I said just *one*...a very short one, I won't even stand up and throw it, into the wind...20 yards max.


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## goldy1

How could you not - made him so happy. He looks fantastic.


----------



## SandyK

I was out of town this weekend and came here first to check in to see how Ax was doing. That video just made my night!!! He looks so happy!!!!:smile2:


----------



## Panama Rob

OMG!!! I'm beaming ear to ear just watching that video. That's awesome!!!


----------



## laprincessa

oh, bless his heart, that just made me cry happy tears!


----------



## rooroch

How wonderful to see that video. Sshh - I wont say a word!!


----------



## Yaichi's Mom

How could you not, AD?!?!? 

Beyond heartwarming to see this!!


----------



## Karen519

*Ax*

We were out of town, so I am just reading about sweet Ax and his surgery. Will pray for him and for you.


----------



## alphadude

goldy1 said:


> How could you not - made him so happy. He looks fantastic.


Personally, I think he looks like skin and bones - he lost a LOT of his musculature on his chest but I guess that's what this miserable disease does...


----------



## kansas gold

Awesome video. Thank you for sharing that special time.


----------



## Pilgrim123

alphadude said:


> Personally, I think he looks like skin and bones - he lost a LOT of his musculature on his chest but I guess that's what this miserable disease does...


I can see what you mean, AD, but Ax - the dog we've all watched with awe - is still there, doing the main thing that makes him so special and that he absolutely loves to do. I'll take the joy he shows in that video any day.


----------



## Yaichi's Mom

alphadude said:


> Personally, I think he looks like skin and bones - he lost a LOT of his musculature on his chest but I guess that's what this miserable disease does...


What are you feeding Ax right now AD?

Cancer loves carbs, so if you are feeding him kibble with grain and carbs, it may be beneficial to get him off that and go to home cooked ( lean meat, veggies) and some raw. 

Anyway, I digress...give him whatever he loves and as much as he loves and keep doing the things you love to do together within the limitations you sadly are facing!!

**** hemangio!!! 

Sending you both much love, sunshine and rainbows as you fight the good fight <hug>


----------



## alphadude

Pilgrim123 said:


> I can see what you mean, AD, but Ax - the dog we've all watched with awe - is still there, doing the main thing that makes him so special and that he absolutely loves to do. I'll take the joy he shows in that video any day.


Me too Pilgrim, me too. I wouldn't care if he looked like Quasimodo as long as my best bud can hang in there. 

Let's face it, I ain't exactly winning any beauty contests these days either.


----------



## alphadude

Yaichi's Mom said:


> What are you feeding Ax right now AD?
> 
> Cancer loves carbs, so if you are feeding him kibble with grain and carbs, it may be beneficial to get him off that and go to home cooked ( lean meat, veggies) and some raw.
> 
> Anyway, I digress...give him whatever he loves and as much as he loves and keep doing the things you love to do together within the limitations you sadly are facing!!
> 
> **** hemangio!!!
> 
> Sending you both much love, sunshine and rainbows as you fight the good fight <hug>


He's getting a steady diet of white meat chicken, turkey, and lean beef along with some raw veggies - pretty much straight up protein.

I have a holistic vet coming here tomorrow to hopefully make some recommendations.

I also ordered him a bottle of 'I'm Yunnity', the turkey tail they're experimenting with @ Penn.


----------



## Otter

Thanks for sharing your video AD. It's an awesome video of an awesome dog.


----------



## jennretz

I love Ax's sauciness 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## alphadude

jennretz said:


> I love Ax's sauciness
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Yeah Jenn, he's still got his 'tude. I took him to the beach @ the 'Conference House' (of Revolutionary War fame) to catch the sunset earlier. It's on the extreme south western end of SI, facing the river and Jersey on the other side. 

Anyway, we ran into another middle aged guy hanging out with his best bud - a big strapping yellow Lab, 3 years old. The Lab started barking enthusiastically @ Ax as we approached and Ax went right back at him with his usual gusto. He was on his leash this time (to avoid any 'unauthorized activities') lol so there was thankfully no 'fireworks'. The very LAST thing Ax needs right now is to be in a dog fight.

I have also noticed that he's back to 'dominance humping' Puffy lest he get any ideas of a coup.

Rather lackluster sunset, but it was enjoyable anyway because I was hanging with Ax. I kept him nice and quiet tonight.


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## first golden

Love all the updates! I am happy to read Ax continues to do well, and that you are enjoying your time together...


----------



## NewfieMom

alphadude said:


> Shhhhhh....
> 
> If my wife or the vet finds out I'll be in *BIG TROUBLE!* He was PLEADING with me and since he had no ill effects from his little adventure yesterday, I said just *one*...a very short one, I won't even stand up and throw it, into the wind...20 yards max.
> 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bk5prF_rFdo&feature=youtu.be


Great video!


----------



## Karen519

*Sad*



alphadude said:


> One of the saddest scenes I have ever seen on "our beach". Sunday afternoon, low tide, a brisk tail wind...empty. Heartbreaking.


That does look sad!


----------



## Yaichi's Mom

alphadude said:


> He's getting a steady diet of white meat chicken, turkey, and lean beef along with some raw veggies - pretty much straight up protein.
> 
> I have a holistic vet coming here tomorrow to hopefully make some recommendations.
> 
> I also ordered him a bottle of 'I'm Yunnity', the turkey tail they're experimenting with @ Penn.


So glad to read the above AD!!  You probably already know this, however just in case you don't, dogs typically can't digest (*cellulouse) *raw vegetable unless you grind them up and/or lightly steam them and then mush them up. 

I have had great results with Brisby's numerous health issues since changing to both a holistic and a homeopathic veterinarian from a traditional allopathic practice. .

Sounds like you are doing everything + some for Ax.

Fingers and toes crossed with hope that you can keep this horrible disease at bay for Ax.

Do let us know how you make out with the holistic vet.


----------



## alphadude

Yaichi's Mom said:


> Sounds like you are doing everything + some for Ax.
> 
> Fingers and toes crossed with hope that you can keep this horrible disease at bay for Ax.
> 
> Do let us know how you make out with the holistic vet.


I'm going to fight right by his side for as long as necessary - this magnificent dog deserves *NOTHING* less.

We are awaiting his arrival @ 2 PM today.


----------



## alphadude

Not extraordinarily impressed with the holistic vet. He showed up in a mobile lab and saw Ax in the house. I gave him an overview of the situation and he looked Ax over and said the scar is healing well. Did not have a lot of suggestions that could be used in conjunction with chemo if we decide to go that route next week. 

I asked what he would recommend and he showed me 2 supplements New Zealand Deer Velvet Hemo Genesis, and New Zealand Penta Genesis but again reiterated that they likely could not be used along with chemo and would probably delay Ax's ability to start chemo if he took them???

Anyway, it was only $80 and if Healthy Paws picks up @ 90% then it's really nothing but some wasted time.

I felt like I did most of the talking and was trying to pull information out of him.


----------



## Pilgrim123

If that was my vet,that would be his last visit. Have a great walk with him for me.


----------



## Yaichi's Mom

alphadude said:


> Not extraordinarily impressed with the holistic vet. He showed up in a mobile lab and saw Ax in the house. I gave him an overview of the situation and he looked Ax over and said the scar is healing well. Did not have a lot of suggestions that could be used in conjunction with chemo if we decide to go that route next week.
> 
> I asked what he would recommend and he showed me 2 supplements New Zealand Deer Velvet Hemo Genesis, and New Zealand Penta Genesis but again reiterated that they likely could not be used along with chemo and would probably delay Ax's ability to start chemo if he took them???
> 
> Anyway, it was only $80 and if Healthy Paws picks up @ 90% then it's really nothing but some wasted time.
> 
> I felt like I did most of the talking and was trying to pull information out of him.


I am so sorry that it sounds like your appointment didn't go well.

My veterinarian, Dr Carolyn Benson, who is beyond wonderful has studied with Dr Richard Pitcairn. She is more than amazing.

Perhaps you would want to consider to contact one of her colleagues:

ANHC-Referrals | ANHC Education Programs

I am so sorry that you didn't get any answers or direction that you were so desperately looking for today.

Sending you and Axl all of our love and many hugs....


----------



## SandyK

Sorry that holistic vet was a dud. Maybe you can find another one to try.


----------



## Dee Lee

There are a couple great holistic vets who do phone consults if your interested. Check out Dr yasson in ny and Dr Judy Morgan in nj


----------



## Bosn'sMom

I just read this entire thread from start to finish. I am so sad to hear of his diagnosis.. I loved reading your past threads and seeing him run. However, what a fighter Ax is! You are giving him the best care and it is wonderful to see how well he is doing


----------



## alphadude

Had him to the regular vet today. Really did not like how lethargic he looked last night and his belly is getting very pronounced again. I knew he was bleeding again and he is.

His PVC level dropped from 31 to a little under 25. His weight was back up to 74.4 so that's over a 5 lb gain since Saturday. The vet recommended I take him straight down to GSVS tonight for a sonogram and a transfusion.

I agonized about it, and you know what, I'm *not* going to do it, at least not tonight anyway, and maybe not at all. He actually looks very perky, his appetite is very good, his ears are forward, his tail is wagging, he's smiling and playing with his toys, he can walk, and even get on and off the bed. He looks with disdain at the little stair thing I set up for him and climbs up by himself, - STILL more easily than Puffy. He can go outside and relieve himself. I am NOT going to take him down there to be strapped down in a cage with needles stuck in him, away from his family that loves him. I'm sleeping next to him tonight and breathing in his unbelievably sweet and comforting scent as I drift off to sleep.

I believe my logic is sound, his PVC numbers were significantly lower the day he came HOME from that place a week ago. They were a bit less than 18. I can always get him checked again tomorrow and see where we're at.

Now, for the other decision with which I'm asking for some input from anybody who might have some experience. The Yunnan Baiyaio package of 16 capsules comes with a special red 'emergency pill' This is to only be used to theoretically stop a bad bleed. It *IS* dangerous because supposedly it thickens the blood and it is intended as a last option to stop a bleed. I am seriously thinking about trying it, probably not tonight, but perhaps tomorrow.

I feel like a 'Hail Mary' play is right up Ax's alley given the way he's lived his extraordinary life to this point.

*Opinions??*


----------



## Cpc1972

It's very possible he will reasorbthe bleed. And it is also possible he doesn't. We noticed jakes stomach at times during the three weeks was bloated a little. But other then that he was normal. But eventually they will have a bleed and collapse. I hope the pill helps him and gives you many more days with ax. The only thing they would do right now with those bleeds is they would want to tap him and drain it.


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## laprincessa

Praying for a wonderful, peaceful night for both of you


----------



## jennretz

Hoping you have a peaceful night with Ax.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Pilgrim123

That's not the best news AD. I've had no experience with the pills. Just wanted you to know I'll be thinking of you both.


----------



## Max's Dad

No advice but will be thinking of you and Ax. Hope you have a peaceful night.


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## aesthetic

No advice here either, but I'll also be thinking of you and Ax tonight. I hope you have peaceful night.


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## SandyK

Sorry I don't have any advice about emergency pill. I did not know about that when my Abby had hemangiosarcoma. I can tell you after her surgery to remove she had bleeds on and off for the 5 weeks we had left with her. She had a transfusion in hospital. She wasn't as active as what Ax is because she had infections in all 4 feet from iv's. I agree that Ax would rather be with his family at home. Thoughts are with you!!


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## Sweet Girl

Sorry to read this update. I hope he is doing all right this morning.


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## Karen519

*Ax*

Praying for Ax. 

Sorry I don't have any advice about the emergency pill.


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## alphadude

Seems to be doing OK this morning. Good appetite, no mobility problems, seems bright and alert. Went to work with reservations, but am coming home @ noon and working VO the rest of the day. Weather seems reasonable today for a change and I think Ax and I will set up shop on the patio with the laptop and the cell. My boss is awesome and very understanding. It means a lot.

Still mulling trying the red pill. I will probably get his levels checked again today. At $28 only a pop, I can do this indefinitely.


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## jennretz

Glad Ax is doing ok this morning.


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## wdadswell

Thinking of you guys today. Hope his levels are up.


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## AmberSunrise

Treasure the moments  

I am sorry I cannot offer more, but in the end I have always chosen to do the same.


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## CashStringer

Thinking of you and your beautiful boy this morning


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## Karen519

*Alphadude*



alphadude said:


> Seems to be doing OK this morning. Good appetite, no mobility problems, seems bright and alert. Went to work with reservations, but am coming home @ noon and working VO the rest of the day. Weather seems reasonable today for a change and I think Ax and I will set up shop on the patio with the laptop and the cell. My boss is awesome and very understanding. It means a lot.
> 
> Still mulling trying the red pill. I will probably get his levels checked again today. At $28 only a pop, I can do this indefinitely.


I'm sure Ax will enjoy being with you out on the patio!!


----------



## PrincessDaisy

AD, no advice to offer. Just wanted to let you know that I support your decisions as you and Ax journey together. Simply love and cherish him, don't second guess yourself. He knows your love for him, that's what he needs most.

Prayers are being said for you both.

Max


----------



## alphadude

PrincessDaisy said:


> AD, no advice to offer. Just wanted to let you know that I support your decisions as you and Ax journey together. Simply love and cherish him, don't second guess yourself. He knows your love for him, that's what he needs most.
> 
> Prayers are being said for you both.
> 
> Max


Don't think there has ever been a dog more loved and cherished even before this vile disease struck. I always knew how special he is and treated him accordingly, that's what makes this even harder.


----------



## Yaichi's Mom

alphadude said:


> Don't think there has ever been a dog more loved and cherished even before this vile disease struck. I always knew how special he is and treated him accordingly, that's what makes this even harder.


AD, love is the most powerful force in the universe. Ax knows how much you love him.

I have no advice to offer you except to try to be as strong as you can be, surround one another with the love you share and enjoy every precious moment. 

I and many of us here know how difficult this is for you.

Always follow your heart and your gut...they will guide you best.

Sending you love, strength and wishes for miracles.


----------



## Wendy427

alphadude said:


> Seems to be doing OK this morning. Good appetite, no mobility problems, seems bright and alert. Went to work with reservations, but am coming home @ noon and working VO the rest of the day. Weather seems reasonable today for a change and I think Ax and I will set up shop on the patio with the laptop and the cell. My boss is awesome and very understanding. It means a lot.
> 
> Still mulling trying the red pill. I will probably get his levels checked again today. At $28 only a pop, I can do this indefinitely.


Enjoy your patio time with Axl! :smile2: 

I know what you mean when you say your boss is awesome. Mine's the same way: allowing me to WFH as much as necessary during my kidney transplant pre- & post-transplant. Will be going back to work next Tuesday.

Wishing you many, many happy and loving times with your buddy, Axl!


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## alphadude

Home with Ax now, He is the same, gums look nice and pink. Only issue is the real feel out side is 104 with the humidity. We are staying indoors for now.


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## MyMaggieGirl

If Axl is acting normal and fine today, I wouldn't give the pill. I only gave it to my angel Flirty when she became very lethargic and I knew she had an active bleed. It helped the first time we administered it (hard to believe such a tiny pill can stop bleeds) but the second time when she collapsed, it did no good and we knew it was time.


It's such a tough roller coaster, what's the right thing to do, how much to put them through, I certainly feel for you and remember those days well. 


Ax is certainly loved, what a sweetheart. Enjoy your time with him today on the patio.


----------



## Whiskey's mom

I have been reading thru this thread. About 10 days ago while he was being boarded, my 7rd old UN-neutered male Golden (Whiskey) had to be tapped and ultrasound showed he has a heart tumor. We almost thought we had to put him down a couple of days ago because his heart rate was increased to 54 beats/minute and his stomach was distended. We paused (we know we got a sign) and the next day he was more perky and has been for a couple of days. We have been feeding him turkey, chicken, peanut butter, and Denta Stix. He also like rice or oatmeal in chicken broth; but now I read no carbs, so I will modify. We have an appt with oncologist on Monday. I want to give him vitamins, but the doctor's office said not to until he has a treatment plan.

This has been a frustrating process. I really would appreciate it if there was more of a summary of what questions we should ask. What can we do to improve our dog's immunity when they are sick? It is rather awful that 10-20 years have passed and no medical advanced on this.


----------



## Karen519

*Whiskey*

I am so sorry to hear what happened to Whiskey and I will pray for him. Sorry, I don't have any personal knowledge to offer, but I bet if you google you will find foods that help their immunity.


----------



## OutWest

AD, glad Ax is home and being himself. Haven't been on GRF for a few days so am catching up.


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## alphadude

MyMaggieGirl said:


> If Axl is acting normal and fine today, I wouldn't give the pill. I only gave it to my angel Flirty when she became very lethargic and I knew she had an active bleed. It helped the first time we administered it (hard to believe such a tiny pill can stop bleeds) but the second time when she collapsed, it did no good and we knew it was time.
> 
> 
> It's such a tough roller coaster, what's the right thing to do, how much to put them through, I certainly feel for you and remember those days well.
> 
> 
> Ax is certainly loved, what a sweetheart. Enjoy your time with him today on the patio.


Thank you very much, I appreciate you sharing your experience. I am feeling very conflicted because we have empirical evidence that he has an active bleed going on considering his PVC value went from 31 last Saturday to 24.8 yesterday, 5 days later. His abdomen is also showing signs of being distended and you can actually at times, hear the fluid sloshing around in there. That said, he is alert, engaged, responsive, not lethargic, tail wagging and playing with toys. His appetite is also very good although we are feeding him small portions often throughout the day. His is drinking and urinating fine. He might be a bit constipated but other than that, he looks and acts fine aside from his belly which looks weird because I always kept him very trim. I KNOW appearances can be deceiving and that he will be fine in this situation until he is NOT fine, but I do not want to drag him to the hospital for a transfusion. His PVC numbers were well south of where they are now when that hospital RELEASED him. I'd rather spend some quality time with him while he is 'bright'. 

Regarding the 'red pill' I think I will wait a bit on that until he is showing signs of distress.


----------



## alphadude

Whiskey's mom said:


> I have been reading thru this thread. About 10 days ago while he was being boarded, my 7rd old UN-neutered male Golden (Whiskey) had to be tapped and ultrasound showed he has a heart tumor. We almost thought we had to put him down a couple of days ago because his heart rate was increased to 54 beats/minute and his stomach was distended. We paused (we know we got a sign) and the next day he was more perky and has been for a couple of days. We have been feeding him turkey, chicken, peanut butter, and Denta Stix. He also like rice or oatmeal in chicken broth; but now I read no carbs, so I will modify. We have an appt with oncologist on Monday. I want to give him vitamins, but the doctor's office said not to until he has a treatment plan.
> 
> This has been a frustrating process. I really would appreciate it if there was more of a summary of what questions we should ask. What can we do to improve our dog's immunity when they are sick? It is rather awful that 10-20 years have passed and no medical advanced on this.


Hey Whiskey's mom. Welcome to GRF. Very sorry about the circumstances I am assuming led you here as well as Whiskey's diagnosis. I know how painful what you are now going through is. 

One piece of advice I can share from recent experience unfortunately, is get him on Yunnan Baiyao. I really think they help and Ax's PVC values *immediately* stopped dropping and began to increase as soon as he started on them after surgery. They are inexpensive in relative terms and can easily ordered from Amazon link below.

https://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&k...bmBog1pZjaGg7vT0-CXjGsF6Tz1BL3a_L4aAv_18P8HAQ

I also ordered a bottle of 'I’m-Yunity' which I haven't yet started him on but plan to if we can get him through this current situation. They are being studied by Penn University currently.

I'm-Yunity®

P.S. I see that you specifically mentioned that Whiskey is an intact male. I guess I can stop laying the guilt trip on my wife for insisting Ax be neutered. I have read neutering, especially early neutering, increases the statistical chance of this awful disease.


----------



## goldy1

It's so good to hear Ax is home and feeling good. Praying for all of you.


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## NewfieMom

Whiskey's mom said:


> I have been reading thru this thread. About 10 days ago while he was being boarded, my 7rd old UN-neutered male Golden (Whiskey) had to be tapped and ultrasound showed he has a heart tumor. We almost thought we had to put him down a couple of days ago because his heart rate was increased to 54 beats/minute and his stomach was distended. We paused (we know we got a sign) and the next day he was more perky and has been for a couple of days. We have been feeding him turkey, chicken, peanut butter, and Denta Stix. He also like rice or oatmeal in chicken broth; but now I read no carbs, so I will modify. We have an appt with oncologist on Monday. I want to give him vitamins, but the doctor's office said not to until he has a treatment plan.
> 
> This has been a frustrating process. I really would appreciate it if there was more of a summary of what questions we should ask. What can we do to improve our dog's immunity when they are sick? It is rather awful that 10-20 years have passed and no medical advanced on this.


I am so sorry for Whiskey's pain. Would you like to start a thread of your own for him? I am sure that those of us who know of his situation now would like to stay informed about his progress.

Hugs,
Deb
(NewfieMom)


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## laprincessa

I was on the road all day, opened this thread tonight with trepidation, and was so happy to read that Axl is doing better!
Here's to more peaceful nights and happy days!


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## NewfieMom

alphadude said:


> I am NOT going to take him down there to be strapped down in a cage with needles stuck in him, away from his family that loves him. I'm sleeping next to him tonight and breathing in his unbelievably sweet and comforting scent as I drift off to sleep.


When my heart dog, Biscuit, had pneumonia, but there was a chance he would pull through, I let him be strapped down; kept away from home; and treated in just this way. And it cost me about $10,000, too. But what broke my heart when he was being treated was seeing my totally fearless dog-my dog who lay outside through fireworks and had no fear of thunderstorms-look at me with fear when he couldn't catch his breath.

He pulled though and I thanked God I never had to see him fear for his life or anything else ever again. When he had to be put down a couple of years later, I didn't let him go through any of the struggle he had gone through fighting pneumonia. No strapping down, Nothing unnatural. He was with his pack (my husband and me), he ate chocolate and drank water. He wagged his tail and was happy. Then he had a shot and went to sleep. When we were ready and he was fast asleep he got another shot to end it...and we could see he didn't suffer at all.

NewfieMom


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## rooroch

King, the Soft Coated Wheaten I had who had Hemangiosarcoma aged 10 was also intact, so I am not so sure early neutering is a major factor, so stop feeling guilty.
I was on holiday when he showed the first signs and the people looking after the dogs did not react. When I got home he was really bad and his blood was like pale pink water!!. He had an immediate blood transfusion and then 2 more before he died in my arms at 03.00 am. The vet said that each transfusion is a big shock to the body and I think your decision is a good one. He managed 10 days after diagnosis but enjoyed his daily walks and ate well and seemed happy until the end. 
I knew nothing about this illness and the whole thing was a huge shock. I really understand what you are going through and know that you are doing the very best for Ax and enjoying every moment with him. He is a very lucky dog.


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## alphadude

Took Ax to the local vet early today to have his PVC level and weight checked in case the bleed was worsening and he needed a possible transfusion.

News was very good thankfully, his PVC was unchanged since Thursday and so was his weight. I'll definitely take it. No trip to GSVS today anyway. Going to make him take it real easy today.


----------



## Karen519

*Ax*



alphadude said:


> Took Ax to the local vet early today to have his PVC level and weight checked in case the bleed was worsening and he needed a possible transfusion.
> 
> News was very good thankfully, his PVC was unchanged since Thursday and so was his weight. I'll definitely take it. No trip to GSVS today anyway. Going to make him take it real easy today.


Hope you and Ax have a beautiful day.


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## alphadude

It's ridiculously hot today, 96 degrees with a heat index of 108, so I'm keeping him mostly indoors. I might see if he wants to swim in the pool a bit when it cools off later. It's like bath water anyway, around 92. Direct sunlight all day...


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## gold4me

I have been following your journey with Axl and I understand what you are going through. We dealt with this EVIL disease. I never got to try the little pill we lost our Pete just way too fast. Just know you both are in my prayers and thoughts!


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## alphadude

Some shots from this scorching August afternoon's impromptu 'celebration' of Axl's 'good news' (in relative terms). It's about the small victories these days...

5th pic down is a shot of my poor Ax's distended belly. He never looked like that in his life!!!

2nd to last an action shot of Puffy 'swimming like a Clydesdale'.

Last pic Ax looking rather perturbed watching Puffy frolicking in the pool with me from inside in the air conditioning. It was just TOO hot for him to stay out that long. I didn't let him swim but he did stand on the steps and dip himself in the water. Wasn't much help though, pool water temp was 92 degrees...


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## Yaichi's Mom

Beautiful photos AD!!

The one of you and Ax is beyond words...the photo, your faces and the special bond, love and energy you both share says it all.

Makes me smile and then cry.

Perhaps once in a lifetime, if we are truly fortunate, we are blessed with such a special bond between 2 beings. 

You both have been blessed...enjoy every snippet of every moment...many hugs to you both with wishes for many more moments just like that one.


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## Yaichi's Mom

gold4me said:


> I have been following your journey with Axl and I understand what you are going through. We dealt with this EVIL disease. I never got to try the little pill we lost our Pete just way too fast. Just know you both are in my prayers and thoughts!


I echo what you write gold4me.

EVIL it is and like you, I never got to try anything to help my bridge girl Yaichi after she collapsed. I didn't know about hemangio then, the veterinarians I took her to...anyway I don't want to derail this thread.

Suffice to say I wish that then, I knew what I know now. 

Yes, many prayers and thoughts to AD and Axl for many, many more days, weeks and better yet to beat this EVIL disease.


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## jennretz

I loved those pictures, especially the one with you and Ax. And the one of Puffy enjoying the pool. Treasure these moments.


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## Jessie'sGirl

These pictures say so much. My heart goes out to you and your family.


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## NewfieMom

The pool photos are wonderful. Thank you for sharing them. I wish I could have been there...just for a few seconds...to pet those beautiful boys of yours!

NewfieMom


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## SandyK

Thanks for sharing pictures. Glad to see you all enjoying time together. You are right about this heat...it is awful.


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## rooroch

Lovely photos, especially the two of you. Very moving. Keep strong and enjoy every day as it comes.


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## Panama Rob

Thoughts and prayers continue. thanks for sharing the photos.


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## alphadude

Ax is in some trouble. Looked noticeably more bloated today when I got home from work. Took him to the local vet - 4 lbs heavier. Straight to the emergency room. He's got some sort of bleed happening again. Aspirated some blood from his abdomen. PVC down to 21 not terrible...yet. Brought him home, they said he really didn't need a transfusion yet. Time for the 'red pill' which I gave him. Need those bleeds to stop. I'm really HATING this roller coaster.


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## gold4me

I am so sorry. There just are the right words to let you know that you and Axl are supported and cared for.


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## KKaren

Thinking of you both, sending prayers and love to Ax and you.


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## murphy1

Every day I come to check up on Ax. I'm so sorry to read of this setback. I'm thinking of him and your family.


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## Max's Dad

Sorry to see the setback. Take care.


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## Ginams

Thinking of you guys and hoping for an improved day tomorrow.


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## Panama Rob

Positive thoughts and prayers going out to you guys.


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## Pilgrim123

Oh damm, that's not so good. I hope you both have a good night and tomorrow is better.


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## rooroch

Sorry to read this today. I hope the red pill works and things stabilize. Do you only have one red pill? Thinking of you and checking up often to see how you both are.


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## kansas gold

So sorry you have to go through this. My ten year old golden has lymphoma and I understand your statement about the roller coaster. My thoughts are with you.


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## jennretz

Thinking of you guys...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## hotel4dogs

Hoping things look brighter today.


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## Sweet Girl

So sorry to see this. Hope he is doing better today. Sending positive thoughts.


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## Karen519

*Ax*



alphadude said:


> Ax is in some trouble. Looked noticeably more bloated today when I got home from work. Took him to the local vet - 4 lbs heavier. Straight to the emergency room. He's got some sort of bleed happening again. Aspirated some blood from his abdomen. PVC down to 21 not terrible...yet. Brought him home, they said he really didn't need a transfusion yet. Time for the 'red pill' which I gave him. Need those bleeds to stop. I'm really HATING this roller coaster.


I am so sorry to read this. Praying for Ax and you.


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## Yaichi's Mom

Sending you both love, strength and healing energy....hoping for a positive response and a better day.


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## Otter

Hope you all have a better day today.


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## laprincessa

oh dear
Axl - sending you healing energy and strength
AlphaDude - sending you some too


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## AmberSunrise

Hoping today is a better day. Sending good thoughts ...


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## alphadude

Fell asleep last night with Ax lying next to me licking my face. 

Could be my imagination or just wishful thinking, but he looked a little less bloated this AM. Seemingly no ill effects from the 'red pill'. While not exactly his energizer bunny former self, he looked and acted OK this morning and I took him outside to pee without incident. I've noticed that he seems to be somewhat sluggish in the morning but he saves his strength all day and seems more lively when I get home from work. Maybe that was his secret all along.

Heard from the doctor who assessed him last night at the hospital. He did a follow up call which was nice. I liked him a lot because he was a realist but not cold and detached like some I've dealt with down there. He was actually doing some research last night while we were there and even after we left with regards to the red pill and what the established protocols may be - meaning how often it can be 'safely' used. There seems to be no real consensus, since it is essentially regarded as 'Chinese voodoo' but I am planning on giving him another today. No guts, no glory right? 

As luck would have it, this doctor happens to be engaged to an Oncologist there and I asked last night if there was any point in keeping the appt. I had scheduled for tomorrow afternoon with an ongoing bleed. He spoke to his fiancee last night and she recommended that we keep the appt. and that perhaps we can still buy him some additional quality time. Planning on doing just that unless something changes radically between now and then.


----------



## CashStringer

Thanks for the update ... I check in every day to see how Ax is doing. Our thoughts and prayers are with you both.


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## PrincessDaisy

Still praying for ya'll.

Max


----------



## Jessie'sGirl

Thinking of you guys. The oncologist may may have some additional comfort measures to offer Ax, so it could be a worthwhile visit.


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## jennretz

I check in every day as well. Glad to see that Ax is holding his own this morning.


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## alphadude

Sincerest thanks to all forum members for offering kind words of support and encouragement. It is really touching how many of you seem to care about Ax, never having met him.

Just heard from home, he seems bright and alert, ate some roasted chicken for lunch and is 'resting comfortably', tail still wagging.


----------



## MyMaggieGirl

Thinking of your Ax and hoping for a better day today.


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

Hoping Ax is feeling better.


----------



## Wendy427

Thanks so much for your updates. Like others, I check in every day. You, Axl and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## laprincessa

I think a lot of us feel the same way - I've loved Axl since the first post I read about him. He's one of ours.
And I'm glad to hear he's feeling better.
Enjoy that chicken, Sir Axl


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## Fattner

Harley sends his prayers to your beautiful boy !!


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## NewfieMom

Like everyone else here, I love Ax and check in daily. I do not post every time I check in-nor do I even add my name to say "thank you" to what you post, AlphaDude- because I am not logged in on one of our two home computers and my name and my posts do not show up when I use that one!

Hugs,
Deb
(NewfieMom)


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## Mr. Fuzzyface

Continued wishes for Axl to feel better. Good to hear that he has an appetite and his tail is wagging. Go Ax!


----------



## sophieanne

Another member who has been watching Ax's journey and wishing him and you nothing but the best. Good luck with your appointment today.I hope he is feeling good when he goes in and that bloating is down.


----------



## Karen519

*Ax*



alphadude said:


> Sincerest thanks to all forum members for offering kind words of support and encouragement. It is really touching how many of you seem to care about Ax, never having met him.
> 
> Just heard from home, he seems bright and alert, ate some roasted chicken for lunch and is 'resting comfortably', tail still wagging.


I check in everyday on sweet Ax. Glad you have someone at home reporting. Praying for him and you.


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## Sweet Girl

I'm so relieved to hear he has perked up and is doing better. Hope the oncologist has some good suggestions.


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## alphadude

Yesterday was a complete nightmare. Got home from work and he was in rough shape. Wouldn't eat, drink, and was hesitant to stand. Tail was only wagging feebly. His belly looked noticeably larger as well. Thought we were at the end of the road. I tried a last ditch effort to try and perk him up by bringing the duffel bag that smelled like the beach, with all his tools of the trade (discs) in from the car and he perked up a bit. I decided to get a Pizza and see if he might take some and when the delivery guy rang the doorbell, he got up and trotted to the door to bark. He followed me and the pizza into the bedroom where I wanted him and jumped up on the bed (still more nimbly than Puffy despite his huge belly) and proceeded to chow down on 1 and a half slices of pizza. He wanted more but's I thought it best not to overload him too much. After that he was more himself and even caught his favorite disc I tossed him and wouldn't let it go. 

I gave him another red pill and he and I dozed (wouldn't EXACTLY classify it as sleep) all night. He seems better today and he ate some chicken this morning and took his YB without too much trouble. 

At this point, I am planning on taking to his oncology appt @ 3:30.

Just heard from home, he seems ok so far today.

I don't know how he feels but this is putting us all through the ringer.


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## TheZ's

Hoping his appt goes as well as can be expected. Hang in there. I bet the heat's not helping.


----------



## Yaichi's Mom

AD...my heart goes out to you.

Please give yourself a HUGE pat on the back and know that you are doing everything possible to ride this heart breaking roller coaster with Ax.

I just found this article which may or may not be helpful to you:

https://pathwithpaws.com/blog/2012/...dogs-holistically-with-herbs-and-supplements/

From all that I have read about this EVIL disease, allopathic treatment has not had good success in keeping it at bay.

From my heart, I would strongly suggest you seek another holistic veterinarian or better yet a homeopathic vet to help you and Ax in addition to your appointment with the oncologist today. 

Thinking of you, Ax and yours...sending you strength and good ch'i today.


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

I'm sorry you are going thru all this. Hopefully you will get some answers.


----------



## Karen519

*Ax*

You and Ax are in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## NewfieMom

I am anxious to hear how Ax (and you) did at the doctor's. And how the big guy is feeling today. (Not you or Puffy).

Hugs,
Deb


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## alphadude

Well, we're back from the vet. I elected with great reservation to try a round of chemo which he had tonight. No visible effects - that will be 3-5 days. We'll see how he tolerates it and the only reason I agreed to it was it was basically described as a 'Hail Mary' with less than a 50% chance of helping stop the ongoing bleeds and it can be used in conjunction with the Yunnan Baiyio, and I'm also going to start him on the I'm Yunnity (Turkey Tail) as well. We are going to throw everything in the arsenal at this stinking disease.

Funny part is today, he was not good, he was GREAT. I had a buddy stop by to commiserate and he was looking at me like I was a kook because I said Ax was at death's door 5 PM yesterday, and he was jumping around and barking with his tail wagging non stop. He is still horribly distended, though slightly less than yesterday and now weighs 80 lbs. His PCV is now 15 - not good, but you'd never know it to look at him.

Pizza is on the menu again tonight and we even went to the beach for sunset but couldn't stay long because the biting flies were RELENTLESS. They were swarming all 3 of us!

I let Ax catch a disc or 2 at around 15' or so. It was a far cry from a month ago but I'll take it considering 24 hours ago, I thought I'd never spend another evening with my best bud on the beach again.


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## 4goldengirls

Sending positive, healing thoughts your way. This whole illness is horrible.


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## jennretz

Ax just amazes me! Big hug!


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## alphadude

Some video of the us @ the beach with Ax earlier after his first chemo treatment. He caught a disc tossed a short distance by his standards, nosed a ball around, and snapped a bunch of biting flies out of the air, caught a ring, and did some demand barking.

Disclaimer, the worlds worst editing job but at this point does it really matter?


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## first golden

Still sending good thoughts and prayers your way...Hoping for many many more beach sunsets for you and Ax


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## jennretz

Love Ax's smile and just living in the moment


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## Brinkleythegolden

Glad that you were able to take him to the beach. What a sweet boy he is!


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## SandyK

Glad Ax had a good day and you got to spend some time on the beach together. He looks so happy!!


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## Karen519

*Thinking of you and Ax..*



first golden said:


> Still sending good thoughts and prayers your way...Hoping for many many more beach sunsets for you and Ax


Thinking of you and Ax.


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## Mr. Fuzzyface

Thanks for sharing the video - it was great to see Ax enjoying his family-time on the beach. Praying that today is a good day for the Ax-man.


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## Sweet Girl

Aw, I'm so glad he's had a couple of good days. I know the feelings you're going through right now. But making the most of the good times will leave you with no regrets. Ax looks like he's still a happy boy.


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## Yaichi's Mom

Ax looks so happy in the video! These wonderful souls are our greatest teachers.

Enjoy each and every precious moment together and wishing you many, many more.


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## rooroch

Loved seeing the video. Hope he keeps feeling better and that the chemo helps. He is so very brave and so are your family. Thinking of you all everyday.


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## migs

Happy he had a good day today. Im sure you already know but just take it day by day & enjoy the good ones as much as you can. You guys are always in my prayers.


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## goldy1

I love the video and the pictures. Ax really looks amazing. You are doing exactly what I would do in your place: throw everything at it and see how Ax responds. The vet needs to inform his patients about the odds (obviously) in order for people to make informed decisions. But the statistics are telling you also that many dogs do well with the treatment. Chance had heart surgery for a defective valve and the odds were not good. But it was all we had - so we had to give Chance that "chance". Chance has surprised his entire medical team over the years. It was successful and I hope and pray Ax surprises his docs too. Somehow, I'm not so sure it will be a surprise to you since you know how exceptional and spirited he is.I am praying he responds well to his treatment without side effects.


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## murphy1

Thinking of Ax and your family. Keep up the good work.


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## Karen519

*Ax*

Kisses and hugs to sweet Ax!!


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## Bosn'sMom

Checking in on Ax, hope he is doing well!


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## wdadswell

Thinking of you guys too! Hoping Ax is having a good day


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## jennretz

Just checking in and sending good thoughts your way!


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## Max's Dad

Checking in. Hope you and Ax are doing okay.


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## murphy1

We need an update on Ax. I'm sure everyone is checking in and we haven't heard from you. Hoping he's OK.


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## G-bear

Sending good thoughts for you, your family and beautiful Ax.


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## alphadude

Ax is still hanging in, he's bright and alert but not very energetic. Not sure whether it's the chemo he had or this rotten disease progressing but he hasn't been up to much the last two days. He was swimming in the pool Thursday afternoon.






Discovered the difference this morning between can't and *WON'T*. I Could NOT get him to stand up and get off the bed to go out and relieve himself. Tried every trick in the book including "Wanna go to the park/beach", showing him a disc, and even snapping his collar and leash on. He just looked sullenly at me and would not budge. Finally, in a last ditch effort, I went and rang the doorbell, that did the trick as I immediately hear him begin to bark and by the time I returned, he was standing on the floor and getting ready to do his patented 'prance' toward the door. I redirected him outside instead.


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## jennretz

You are being so supportive for Ax and making sure that he's getting to do the things he loves to do to the best of his ability. I admire your strength through this. I loved seeing Ax in the pool.


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## murphy1

He's lucky to be part of your family. But just as when we're not feeling well we just want to lay around and relax. He may need a day of R & R too.


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## alphadude

jennretz said:


> You are being so supportive for Ax and making sure that he's getting to do the things he loves to do to the best of his ability. I admire your strength through this. I loved seeing Ax in the pool.


Jenn, what choice do I have? I will stand by this amazing dog to his last breath like he would and has done for me. 

I was just recalling a time 3 years ago when I was SO sick, I had the flu and couldn't get out of bed. Axl, with his boundless energy at the time, laid by my side for 2 straight days and tried to comfort me. He would not leave my side. How could I do less for him?

I intend to spend every single moment I can with him as long as he is still with us. Everything else can wait.


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## CAROLINA MOM

Great to see him enjoying himself in the pool.


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## alphadude

Very bittersweet day. 

Got a call from a buddy of mine I haven't seen since before this whole thing started. He said he was stopping by as he does from time to time. I told him about Ax and I wanted him to see Ax, he is a golden retriever person. I had Ax & Puffy out in the yard and was surprised when Rob walked in with a tiny GR puppy on a leash. It seems he had to put his 12 year old golden down about a month ago, her legs were shot and she couldn't walk any more. His older golden who was a gentle giant 28" tall at the withers, was euthanized last year for essentially the same reason.

Anyway, the puppy was really cute. I kept it away from Ax because he didn't seem impressed with it and I didn't want it to possibly give him anything with his weakened immune system.

Puffy for whatever reason decided he was going to pick it up by it's neck and use it like a chew toy while the feces squirted out of it. I of course put a stop to that in about a second and a half and escorted him into the house none too gently. I don't know what is going on with him lately but I don't like it...at all. 

I think I'm going to have him neutered after all and he is going to require some individual attention from me once the Ax situation has run it's course.


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## laprincessa

oh Puffy!
He must be so confused, too


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## jennretz

I think Puffy's confused too. Maybe a little jealous for attention? Good or bad?


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## alphadude

I don't know what the heck is going on with him. He tried to attack a little 6" tall dachshund on the beach a couple of weeks ago as well. He seems to want to attack little dogs for no reason. He cannot be trusted. Sadly, he appears to have learned nothing from his awesome older brother who NEVER harmed a small dog in his life...even when they deserved it.


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## Harleysmum

Animals that are close to us will often mirror the emotions of their leaders. You are angry AD, furious and hurting with the pain of what has befallen your beloved Ax. Sweet Puffy is just following your lead. Like many others I have been following this thread almost hourly although often not logged in so can't comment. You are on a difficult and testing journey and my heart is with you.


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## Karen519

*Ax*

Liked seeing Ax enjoying the pool. Keeping Ax and you in my thoughts.


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## G-bear

I am so sorry that you and your beloved Ax are on this journey. A lot of us have gone thru it and know how difficult it is. I just want to tell you that I also admire you for putting Ax and his needs before everything else. As you have said, other things can wait. Now is the time for Ax. They give us so much. It is the least we can do for them. I am so glad Ax has you.


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## Yaichi's Mom

alphadude said:


> I don't know what the heck is going on with him. He tried to attack a little 6" tall dachshund on the beach a couple of weeks ago as well. He seems to want to attack little dogs for no reason. He cannot be trusted. Sadly, he appears to have learned nothing from his awesome older brother who NEVER harmed a small dog in his life...even when they deserved it.


Don't be too hard on Puffy, AD. 

I think we often forget just how empathic and intuitive they are. 

I would guess that Puffy knows that his big brother is ill and likely his behavior is one of protecting him because of it.

I know that Puffy will never be Ax for you AD...however he could be acting out because he feels all of the above and he also needs to know that he's loved and that he's special in his own way...I know...a very tough thing to do right now when your heart is breaking every minute of every day.

Sending you strength and love. 

Add to that the emotional stress/energy Puffy is feeling from you...this all is bound to cause some changes in behavior IMHO.

Are Ax and Puffy together when this happens? Has this ever happened before Ax became ill with this evil disease? 

For example, one of our best walking buddies, another Golden Lexi, who is going blind and has lost most of her eye sight. We still walk off leash with her everyday, go swimming in the creek, lake, etc., however since it began my Brisby knows. She won't even retrieve her object from the water until she is sure that Lexi is able to find hers. She will watch intently and try to show her where the object is in the water and only when all is ok, she will let me throw and retrieve for her.

My guess is that Puffy feels that Ax is vulnerable, in whatever way dogs do, and it doing this to protect him.

My guess also is that Puffy may be feeling left out....he will never be Ax, however each and every dog needs to feel that they are loved, revered and respected for themselves and who they are. I know at this point in time when your heart is breaking at every minute and second, that this is difficult to incorporate into daily stuff. I don't think Puffy can help but pick up the energy and likely is responding to it as a result.

Sending you strength and love AD...my heart is breaking with yours....


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## alphadude

Yaichi's Mom said:


> Don't be too hard on Puffy, AD.
> 
> I think we often forget just how empathic and intuitive they are.
> 
> I would guess that Puffy knows that his big brother is ill and likely his behavior is one of protecting him because of it.
> 
> I know that Puffy will never be Ax for you AD...however he could be acting out because he feels all of the above and he also needs to know that he's loved and that he's special in his own way...I know...a very tough thing to do right now when your heart is breaking every minute of every day.
> 
> Sending you strength and love.
> 
> Add to that the emotional stress/energy Puffy is feeling from you...this all is bound to cause some changes in behavior IMHO.
> 
> Are Ax and Puffy together when this happens? Has this ever happened before Ax became ill with this evil disease?
> 
> For example, one of our best walking buddies, another Golden Lexi, who is going blind and has lost most of her eye sight. We still walk off leash with her everyday, go swimming in the creek, lake, etc., however since it began my Brisby knows. She won't even retrieve her object from the water until she is sure that Lexi is able to find hers. She will watch intently and try to show her where the object is in the water and only when all is ok, she will let me throw and retrieve for her.
> 
> My guess is that Puffy feels that Ax is vulnerable, in whatever way dogs do, and it doing this to protect him.
> 
> My guess also is that Puffy may be feeling left out....he will never be Ax, however each and every dog needs to feel that they are loved, revered and respected for themselves and who they are. I know at this point in time when your heart is breaking at every minute and second, that this is difficult to incorporate into daily stuff. I don't think Puffy can help but pick up the energy and likely is responding to it as a result.
> 
> Sending you strength and love AD...my heart is breaking with yours....


Puffy will NEVER be Ax and I don't hold that against him because NO DOG EVER WILL. Ax is one of a kind...irreplaceable. There will NEVER be another Axl with all of his many awesome attributes. It would be redundant to list them all here.

I am an emotional train wreck these days so I can completely buy into the fact that Puffy is merely reflecting the emotions emanating from me and the rest of the family. I am a huge believer in the fact that dogs absolutely pick up on our emotions and behave accordingly. Undoubtedly, he is picking up extreme sadness, fear and at times intense anger from me.

I am sure he is also feeling neglected because Ax is being catered to, and fawned over by everyone, understandably so and he is being comparatively ignored.

Puffy is a kind, gentle soul, that has never even snarled at a human in the 4.5 years we've had him. The kind of dog you can do ANYTHING to without worrying about being bitten. He is also very sensitive and we call him the 'medicine dog' because he sniffs out illness with unerring accuracy. If Puffy starts insistently sniffing and licking you, you'd best seek medical attention.

Just last night, he was licking Ax's swollen side with such vigor and focus, it was as if he was trying to extract the cancer. He was going at it for 20 minutes and he worked himself into a frenzy.

No...he'll never be a fraction of the dog Axl is, but he has his own unique talents and charm and he is a cherished family member. 

Perhaps you are right and I am being way too hard on him. He loves Ax, and he is going to be utterly devastated and rudderless soon. He KNOWS how sick Ax is and likely where this is leading. Perhaps he is trying to ascend to alpha dog status without the necessary restraint experience and wisdom. 

Ax is all he's known since he was 7 weeks old, an older, cooler, athletic brother that protected the inept, gentle, uncoordinated, goofy little brother whenever necessary, and effortlessly (but gently) beat the snot out of him whenever he was getting too frisky. lol

It just incensed me when he viciously attacked that adorable 11 lb little golden puppy that meant no harm to ANYONE.


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## laprincessa

Maybe he thought that the puppy was there to replace Axl and he wasn't allowing it. He's going to surprise you, I think. I don't think he wants to be alpha, I think he's just a mess. 
My heart is breaking for him.


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## Karen519

*Puffy*



alphadude said:


> Very bittersweet day.
> 
> Got a call from a buddy of mine I haven't seen since before this whole thing started. He said he was stopping by as he does from time to time. I told him about Ax and I wanted him to see Ax, he is a golden retriever person. I had Ax & Puffy out in the yard and was surprised when Rob walked in with a tiny GR puppy on a leash. It seems he had to put his 12 year old golden down about a month ago, her legs were shot and she couldn't walk any more. His older golden who was a gentle giant 28" tall at the withers, was euthanized last year for essentially the same reason.
> 
> Anyway, the puppy was really cute. I kept it away from Ax because he didn't seem impressed with it and I didn't want it to possibly give him anything with his weakened immune system.
> 
> Puffy for whatever reason decided he was going to pick it up by it's neck and use it like a chew toy while the feces squirted out of it. I of course put a stop to that in about a second and a half and escorted him into the house none too gently. I don't know what is going on with him lately but I don't like it...at all.
> 
> I think I'm going to have him neutered after all and he is going to require some individual attention from me once the Ax situation has run it's course.


Perhaps Puffy sensed that Ax didn't want the puppy bothering him and he was protecting Ax. Dogs do sense our emotions. Praying for sweet Ax.


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## murphy1

Could Puffy have been protecting both you and Ax? Your guy Ax seemed to be the one that didn't put up with other dogs pushing him around. Puffy is stepping up to the role of protector. He thinks he's doing his job, doesn't matter the size of the dog in his eyes. Puffy knows something is wrong, be patient with him. His buddy is sick and he knows it. 
When I lost my golden Casey, Kelly who was four years his junior went thru a very tough time. They mourn just like us. Just a heads up from experience.
Hoping Ax is having a good day!


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## Sweet Girl

I agree - I think Puffy is also acting out of a feeling of wanting to protect Axl. He obviously knows Ax is sick. He can probably smell it, plus, they just know. When I had two broken wrists 5 years ago, my sweet Tesia, who never barked at anyone, started to bark everytime someone came near me. I didn't connect the dots until I got the casts off, and suddenly, there was no more barking. I think Puffy was watching out for Ax. He also might have thought the pup was coming to live with you guys, and he knew this is not the right time. And he is for sure picking up on your emotions. I'd say give Puffy a little extra love, too, right now. He probably needs it. It might help you feel a little better, too. This is such a hard time. The two months that Tesia had cancer, I felt gutted. I could not believe I was going to lose her and I didn't know what I was going to do without her. I was emotionally drained all the time. My entire focus was her and what I could do to help her. It's not something I'd wish on anyone. I hope today is better.


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## alphadude

Had a really rough night. Ax seemed very restless last night and seemingly couldn't get comfortable. I stayed up with him till about 2:30 and then apparently drifted off to sleep, but I had my hands on him. I woke up @ 4:30 and he was gone. I figured he got off the bed but he wasn't on the floor in the bedroom either. I ran out and checked the house and he was nowhere to be found. Finally found him at the bottom of the basement stairs just laying there. Not sure whether he walked down or walked/slid down but apparently he didn't fall because he seems intact- nothing broken thankfully. Found a mouthful of vomit on the second step down.

I was able to get him to stand up and walk back up the 12 stairs, back into the bedroom and onto the bed. By this time, my wife and daughter are with us, Puffy and the cat. I really thought he was going because he kept sitting up and looking at each one of us. I was toying with the idea of taking him somewhere to just end it but it was 5:30 in the morning. Finally, about 6:00 AM (it was dawn by then) I stepped out of my sliding glass doors onto the patio to get some air and he leaped off the bed, out the door and down the 5 patio stairs and had explosive diarrhea, a huge quantity, the consistency of pudding. I guess the whole time he was waiting for one of his human *idiots* to figure out he had to relieve himself. He was farting almost non stop most of the night, so I should have figured it out. The poor guy is so sick, and he is STILL worried about being clean.

He seems back to himself today - the 'new normal' anyway. He is able to move around and he still has a good appetite. 

He is getting edema in his left rear paw though...not sure whether it is from all the laying around or something else.


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## Brinkleythegolden

Aw, poor guy! Glad he is feeling a little better.


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## ceegee

I'm sorry. It must be very tough to watch this. Kind thoughts coming your way.


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## Karen519

*Ax*



alphadude said:


> Had a really rough night. Ax seemed very restless last night and seemingly couldn't get comfortable. I stayed up with him till about 2:30 and then apparently drifted off to sleep, but I had my hands on him. I woke up @ 4:30 and he was gone. I figured he got off the bed but he wasn't on the floor in the bedroom either. I ran out and checked the house and he was nowhere to be found. Finally found him at the bottom of the basement stairs just laying there. Not sure whether he walked down or walked/slid down but apparently he didn't fall because he seems intact- nothing broken thankfully. Found a mouthful of vomit on the second step down.
> 
> I was able to get him to stand up and walk back up the 12 stairs, back into the bedroom and onto the bed. By this time, my wife and daughter are with us, Puffy and the cat. I really thought he was going because he kept sitting up and looking at each one of us. I was toying with the idea of taking him somewhere to just end it but it was 5:30 in the morning. Finally, about 6:00 AM (it was dawn by then) I stepped out of my sliding glass doors onto the patio to get some air and he leaped off the bed, out the door and down the 5 patio stairs and had explosive diarrhea, a huge quantity, the consistency of pudding. I guess the whole time he was waiting for one of his human *idiots* to figure out he had to relieve himself. He was farting almost non stop most of the night, so I should have figured it out. The poor guy is so sick, and he is STILL worried about being clean.
> 
> He seems back to himself today - the 'new normal' anyway. He is able to move around and he still has a good appetite.
> 
> He is getting edema in his left rear paw though...not sure whether it is from all the laying around or something else.


Poor Ax. This is so hard to go through.


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## Kalhayd

I'm so very sorry. I understand the depths of your love for Axl. Thinking of all of you.


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## hotel4dogs

Sending prayers and good thoughts for Axl, and for you.


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## murphy1

An appetite is a good sign. Just be careful he doesn't become dehydrated with the diarrhea. Everyone here feels that we know Ax personally and are pulling for him...and you.


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## Yaichi's Mom

alphadude said:


> ....I woke up @ 4:30 and he was gone.....


OMG, AD...I read up to here and started crying....I thought your "gone" meant something else...so glad it didn't.

I'm sorry to read that Ax had a rough night...you and your family too.

Your are on a nightmare of a roller coaster ride ...one I have been on and do not envy.



alphadude said:


> ....The poor guy is so sick, and he is STILL worried about being clean.....


When my bridge girl Yaichi collapsed from hemangio ( and I had no idea then, even after taking her to the vet that this was what we were dealing with) she never regained her mobility. We literally had to lift her up, support her back end and help her get outside to relieve herself. During the entire week we did this, hoping, praying, denying...well you know the drill, like Ax, she never made a drop of a mess in the house. 

They are beyond remarkable, aren't they?!?

I'm sorry that you both had a rough night. Hoping that today, tonight and all the tomorrows I wish for you both are better....hugs...


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## Lennap

OMG I have been away and have missed that this was going on, I am so incredibly sorry. I have read through most of this thread and I am sitting here bawling my eyes out. I would often read your posts about Ax and think your bond with him was similar to the one I had with my Remy - I cannot tell you how sorry I am you are all going through this.


Just love him - and do everything you are doing. He knows you love him and returns the love 10 fold. Everything you are doing is right. So many of us are there with you.


Best.


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## brianne

I haven't been on or posted much lately but when I read about Axl, I just could not get you guys out of my mind. Like everyone else, I feel like I know Axl personally from reading your stories of his escapades.

I struggle to find the words to tell you how sorry I am that you are going through this. It was 19 years ago this month that I lost my heart-and-soul dog (she was more than a heart dog) to cardiac hemangio. I had no idea what it was and had never heard of any dog being diagnosed with it. We searched fruitlessly for a cure and were even prepared to put a second mortgage on our house if necessary to save her. Reading about your journey brings it all rushing back even though it was so long ago.

What I learned during our ordeal was: trust yourself. You love Axl with all your heart and are making decisions with that in mind. Don't spend lots of time second-guessing and beating yourself up over every perceived "mistake". It's counter-productive. And secondly: be kind and gentle to yourself and your family as you go through this journey. It's more bearable together.

Sending prayers for you all.
{hugs}


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## Karen519

*Axl*

Can't get you and Axl out of my mind. Praying for you.
I know how desperate you feel, having been through the same.


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## azzure

Checking in every day and praying that your Axl can beat the odds...so many of our dogs haven't, but we can always hope for the exception.


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## first golden

Just wanted you to know I am thinking about you and AX...and praying for the both of you! Continue to enjoy every moment with him!


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## Karen519

*Ax*

Holding you both in my thoughts.


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## alphadude

To update: 

Ax is still with us although he really appeared to be crashing yesterday. I left work early and took him down to GSVS to see if anything could be done for him to make him more comfortable. His levels were checked and surprisingly they held steady @ 15. I figured from the looks of him he was in single digits. It seems his proteins were all out of whack though, which was causing the edema -blood leaking from the vessels in his hind legs. I elected to let them do another transfusion while I waited (5 hours) with the understanding that he was coming home with me regardless of the outcome. It seems to have helped and rejuvenated him a good measure. I am hopeful we can get some more quality time in the short term. His lungs are still clear which seemed to really astonish the vet and his magnificent heart is still strong and steady. All that cardio paying dividends.

Didn't get home till after 1 AM and didn't sleep till after 3. Up @ 6 and out to work. This is really putting me through the ringer. Only good news is that overall I am down 15 pounds since this all started and am wearing pants today that haven't fit in almost 2 years. It's the latest fad diet apparently.

There are no words to accurately convey how much I HATE this disease....


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## Otter

Thanks for the update AD. I wonder about Ax all the time...


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## Karen519

*Ax*



alphadude said:


> To update:
> 
> Ax is still with us although he really appeared to be crashing yesterday. I left work early and took him down to GSVS to see if anything could be done for him to make him more comfortable. His levels were checked and surprisingly they held steady @ 15. I figured from the looks of him he was in single digits. It seems his proteins were all out of whack though, which was causing the edema -blood leaking from the vessels in his hind legs. I elected to let them do another transfusion while I waited (5 hours) with the understanding that he was coming home with me regardless of the outcome. It seems to have helped and rejuvenated him a good measure. I am hopeful we can get some more quality time in the short term. His lungs are still clear which seemed to really astonish the vet and his magnificent heart is still strong and steady. All that cardio paying dividends.
> 
> Didn't get home till after 1 AM and didn't sleep till after 3. Up @ 6 and out to work. This is really putting me through the ringer. Only good news is that overall I am down 15 pounds since this all started and am wearing pants today that haven't fit in almost 2 years. It's the latest fad diet apparently.
> 
> There are no words to accurately convey how much I HATE this disease....


Thanks for the update. You and Ax are in my prayers. Nice that you lost 15 lbs., but an awful way to do it.


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## alphadude

brianne said:


> I haven't been on or posted much lately but when I read about Axl, I just could not get you guys out of my mind. Like everyone else, I feel like I know Axl personally from reading your stories of his escapades.
> 
> I struggle to find the words to tell you how sorry I am that you are going through this. It was 19 years ago this month that I lost my heart-and-soul dog (she was more than a heart dog) to cardiac hemangio. I had no idea what it was and had never heard of any dog being diagnosed with it. We searched fruitlessly for a cure and were even prepared to put a second mortgage on our house if necessary to save her. Reading about your journey brings it all rushing back even though it was so long ago.
> 
> What I learned during our ordeal was: trust yourself. You love Axl with all your heart and are making decisions with that in mind. Don't spend lots of time second-guessing and beating yourself up over every perceived "mistake". It's counter-productive. And secondly: be kind and gentle to yourself and your family as you go through this journey. It's more bearable together.
> 
> Sending prayers for you all.
> {hugs}


Thanks for your kind words Brianne. I can only imagine that 19 years from now, assuming I am still waking up on the right side of the grass, I will have vivid memories of this nightmare as well. 

We are doing all that can be done given the advanced status of his disease and our limited options. Everything is being done with HIS best interest in mind. No expense has been spared and having the foresight to get him insurance has paid off unbelievably well. If that were not the case, I would still have found a way to try to help him. My family has been nothing short of extraordinary helping to carry this load and demonstrates how much Ax means to all of us.

The FIRST question I always ask is "is he in pain or is he suffering?" The answer thus far, has been no. Last night the vet likened it to having the flu. When the time comes that he has no quality of life remaining, I will do what needs to be done. I will hate every second of it, but I OWE him nothing less.

If only we had caught this 6 months ago, as strong as he was, and with his stubborn tenacity, which he still has plenty of, we could have really have given this vulgar affliction a run for its money.


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## alphadude

Karen519 said:


> Thanks for the update. You and Ax are in my prayers. Nice that you lost 15 lbs., but an awful way to do it.


You can say that again Karen. I wouldn't wish this 'diet' on my worst enemy. Lost of missed meals. Right now, I couldn't care less about eating.


----------



## Sweet Girl

alphadude said:


> Thanks for your kind words Brianne. I can only imagine that 19 years from now, assuming I am still waking up on the right side of the grass, I will have vivid memories of this nightmare as well.
> 
> We are doing all that can be done given the advanced status of his disease and our limited options. Everything is being done with HIS best interest in mind. No expense has been spared and having the foresight to get him insurance has paid off unbelievably well. If that were not the case, I would still have found a way to try to help him. My family has been nothing short of extraordinary helping to carry this load and demonstrates how much Ax means to all of us.
> 
> The FIRST question I always ask is "is he in pain or is he suffering?" The answer thus far, has been no. Last night the vet likened it to having the flu. When the time comes that he has no quality of life remaining, I will do what needs to be done. I will hate every second of it, but I OWE him nothing less.
> 
> If only we had caught this 6 months ago, as strong as he was, and with his stubborn tenacity, which he still has plenty of, we could have really have given this vulgar affliction a run for its money.


I think of you two everyday. What you're going through is so reminiscent of what I went through with Tesia three years ago (cancer, but different kind). One thing I can tell you, is that these months will not form your greatest memories of your life with your wonderful dog. They will be foremost in your mind for the first little while, but eventually the good memories will take over. The other thing that will help you so much - as it helped me - was that I knew I would have no regrets whatsoever. I knew I had given my sweet girl the best life possible, she was healthy and fit and happy, until the day she was diagnosed. And then I did everything possible to help her be better and not suffer. And those weeks after her diagnosis and until her death, I spent every possible moment with her. I went to work, and went to the grocery store, but that was it. I didn't go out with friends - I always thought, how can I go have fun and leave her here? I was afraid I wouldn't be able to let her go - but when I said that to her oncologist, he assured me that if I couldn't see it was time, he would help me see. But he also said, he was pretty sure I would know. And he was right. The day before she died, we were at the vet, and she said, Tesia was not ready to go. And then suddenly she was. You'll know, too. And I know you will do the right thing for him, and he will know how much you love him.


----------



## laprincessa

Just wishing a better day for you and Axl today


----------



## OutWest

Hey, AD, I haven't been on a lot lately (internet issues at home). Just got caught up on Ax's doings. 

I'm so very glad that his quality of life is still good and he is still at home with his family. I completely agree about the insurance--I have it on Bella also, and it has enabled me to make decisions in her best interest, not my pocketbook's. Although I hate forms and submitting them.  

You are quite right that Ax has a magnificent heart. I'm glad he has you and his family to love him and care for him now. 

Sending good thoughts every day.


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

Keeping you and Ax in my thoughts. We are all with you on this journey.


----------



## Bosn'sMom

Wishing you and Ax all the best. Thinking of you both


----------



## Yaichi's Mom

Keep on keeping on Ax, AD & family....you are doing all you can plus more under almost unbearable circumstance. Try to live in the moment and enjoy each one, as much as possible.

We all know how difficult this is and know we are rooting for you, for many, many precious moments....big hugs from Brisby and I.


----------



## murphy1

Checking in to see how your boy is doing. Just keep him happy and comfortable, that's all he wants. I'll be looking for an update tonight.....


----------



## kwhit

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and Ax...


----------



## tessmk

I am so, so very sorry to read this. My heart aches for Ax, you and your family. Sending positive and healing vibes.


----------



## alphadude

tessmk said:


> I am so, so very sorry to read this. My heart aches for Ax, you and your family. Sending positive and healing vibes.


Thanks so much for your kind words Tess.

Your handsome boy Quinsy looks a lot like Ax in his younger days. Something about the facial expression.


----------



## alphadude

I really like this shot taken at the beach tonight of Ax and my daughter looking at the sunset over the water.


----------



## jennretz

That is a fabulous picture of her with Ax. I love all the pictures you are sharing. They have similar looks on their faces; kind of wistful...I bet Ax is thinking up ways to con you into throwing a disc for him  

Continued good wishes and lots of love to you, your family including Ax and Puffy...


----------



## G-bear

What a beautiful picture of your daughter and Ax. Both look so totally at peace and happy to be together. Sending more positive thoughts for you, Ax and your whole family.


----------



## Kalhayd

Thinking of your family and especially Ax.


----------



## alphadude

It makes me so sad...and ANGRY. Less than 1 month ago, on that very beach, I was ripping 90+ yard bombs and Ax was sprinting after them, leaping in the air and catching them, like he was 3 years old. Not even a MONTH ago...


----------



## Tennyson

Picture of your daughter and Ax is beautiful. You do nice work, AD.
Your emotions are running between anger and heartbreak. Digesting your ups and downs has to be so difficult. Just remember Ax doesn't know he's sick. He, as always, lives in the moment.
Best of thoughts sent to you, Ax and Ax's family.


----------



## murphy1

It's so hard to see our dogs age before our eyes, we just don't realize they don't age like we do. When I lost my Dogue de Bordeau, just before the age of 6 1/2, I was in shock. He was a big boy, 150 lbs. Shortly after I came across an article explaining the way dogs age. According to the chart, because of his size and age, he was the equivalent of a 90 year old human. It was shocking to me, yet in thinking back I did see him decline in different ways. He was well exercised, but there were changes in the end.
Your guy Ax, is probably, much older body wise than you think. It angers me our beloved dogs can't age as we do. It's so unfair.
Please keep all here updated on Ax, I as many do I'm sure, check in often.


----------



## KiwiD

We have our precious Golden's in our lives for such a short amount of time as it is and it's heartbreaking when that time is cut even shorter by cancer. Your anger is certainly justified. 

That is a beautiful photo of Ax and your daughter. May you have many more beach sunsets to capture in the days ahead. Hugs for your sweet boy.


----------



## alphadude

murphy1 said:


> It's so hard to see our dogs age before our eyes, we just don't realize they don't age like we do. When I lost my Dogue de Bordeau, just before the age of 6 1/2, I was in shock. He was a big boy, 150 lbs. Shortly after I came across an article explaining the way dogs age. According to the chart, because of his size and age, he was the equivalent of a 90 year old human. It was shocking to me, yet in thinking back I did see him decline in different ways. He was well exercised, but there were changes in the end.
> Your guy Ax, is probably, much older body wise than you think. It angers me our beloved dogs can't age as we do. It's so unfair.
> Please keep all here updated on Ax, I as many do I'm sure, check in often.


Murph, I know dogs age almost in spurts. I also know the larger the dog the faster they age. Great Danes for example, and most "giant breeds" only have a life expectancy of 6 or 7. Small Jack Russell Terriers conversely, routinely live to 16 or more. 

Exactly one week before he was diagnosed, my vet told me that Ax's age in human years was about 56 and it wasn't a simple calculation of 8 x 7, it was a chart by breed etc. While 56 is not exactly a spring chicken, it's by no means over the hill. I also have to believe that due to his extreme fitness, if anything, his body was probably the equivalent of a somewhat younger dog. Ax could until less than 1 month ago, perform at the same level as when he was 3. That would be like me at age 52 doing the things I could physically do @ 25. Not happening unfortunately. lol 

I have been repeatedly told by various vets prior to this episode, that Ax had the heart and lungs of a much younger dog. His hips and knees were surprisingly in pristine condition. Then again, I have had him on Glucosamine and Condroitin since puppyhood. It's astonishing to me that considering the amount of extreme athletics he did every single day of his life, that he never had a major injury thankfully. Worst that ever happened was a mild knee sprain from an awkward landing that sidelined him for a week. I always attributed it to "good genetics", extreme fitness, great coordination and agility, and blind luck. Sadly, his 'good genetics' did not render him immune to hemangiosarcoma.

In retrospect, I would have preferred the leg injury...


----------



## alphadude

My wife found this video on her phone earlier. It was shot on my birthday, 10/18/14. 

Just in case anyone though Ax was a one trick pony catching discs, he was a pretty good soccer player too.


----------



## alphadude

I tossed him a 'cookie' on the beach tonight.


----------



## SandyK

Beautiful picture of Ax and your daughter!!:smile2:


----------



## Max's Dad

alphadude said:


> I tossed him a 'cookie' on the beach tonight.
> 
> 
> Nice grab!


----------



## Pilgrim123

Seeing Ax on the beach is always a thrill. May the sunset outings continue for you all.


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## sophieanne

Wow, I loved the soccer video!!!! He is a very talented dog! All your videos are wonderful, but I laughed in awe as I watched that!!! I hope you both keep each other smiling..enjoy every moment!


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## Karen519

*Ax*

Thinking of you.


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## CashStringer

Lots of good thoughts and prayers coming from our home for you and your family. We have two young golden retrievers right now (6 months and 15 months). Predictably, things can get a little frustrating at times. In those moments I think of you and your sweet boy and hug my guys a little tighter. We would be blessed to have a semblance of the relationship you two have.


----------



## alphadude

CashStringer said:


> Lots of good thoughts and prayers coming from our home for you and your family. We have two young golden retrievers right now (6 months and 15 months). Predictably, things can get a little frustrating at times. In those moments I think of you and your sweet boy and hug my guys a little tighter. We would be blessed to have a semblance of the relationship you two have.


Thanks very much Cash.

That was always my reaction as well when I read or heard of a situation like we are now unfortunately in. 

Having a bond as deep as mine with Ax is a blessing but it is also in some ways a curse - at times like these. Despite the intense pain, I would still not trade a single moment of the AWESOME times he and I shared, and the memories we created for anything in the world. 

All I can say is enjoy the times when your guys/girls are young, healthy, and full of life and energy because sadly, they seem to pass all too quickly.


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

alphadude said:


> Thanks very much Cash.
> 
> That was always my reaction as well when I read or heard of a situation like we are now unfortunately in.
> 
> Having a bond as deep as mine with Ax is a blessing but it is also in some ways a curse - at times like these. Despite the intense pain, I would still not trade a single mkoment of the AWESOME times he and I shared, and the memories we created for anything in the world.
> 
> All I can say is enjoy the times when your guys/girls are young, healthy, and full of life and energy because sadly, they seem to pass all too quickly.


That is the definition of a heartsdog. Our Fozzie was mine, and it was so hard when he got sick. I'd never been attached to an animal in that way in my life. Hugs to you guys..


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## 2golddogs

Ax is a special dog and your pictures show the deep and beautiful bond between you. I lost my heart and soul dog to hemangio shortly after his 6th birthday. Not a moment goes by that I don't think of him. Though I was heartbroken, I would not have traded a single second of our time together. Thinking of you and hope you can enjoy more special moments together.


----------



## alphadude

Ax had a really great day today in relative terms. His edema in the hind legs is totally gone, and his gums are nice and pink.

He spent the whole day with his mom who was off from work. He was laying on his back on the couch and acting silly. He was actually pretty energetic for a dog in his condition. When I got home from work, he was standing inside the screen door next to Puffy with his tail wagging to greet me and that was quite a welcome, touching sight. 

We took him to a beach further down the coast from our normal beach. I figured it was worth a shot to try and avoid the ANNOYING late summer biting flies that seem to be everywhere this year. The strategy actually worked and none of us were bitten even once. Spent about a hour and enjoyed each other's company and the picture perfect weather. I even tossed him (very short distance) a couple of discs and rings. He really seemed to enjoy that but I didn't want to tire him out too much. 

He also seems to have rediscovered playing nose ball with all of us. I haven't seen him so into that game in a while.

My daughter decided to start jamming on the piano and singing Guns tunes for him. For a moment it almost seemed like old times.

He is laying on the bed next to me fast asleep and he looks comfortable. That is all that's important right now.


----------



## goldy1

I hope Ax spends many more happy times ate the beach with the ones he loves.


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## SandyK

Glad Ax had a good day and you all had a great time at the beach!!:smile2:


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## jennretz

Love the update 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Karen519

*Ax*

So glad that Ax had a wonderful day and evening, and I love the pictures!


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## Sweet Girl

What a great update. I'm so happy to hear that. All your love and care are no doubt helping him to feel better.


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## NewfieMom

*Finally*



alphadude said:


> Discovered the difference this morning between can't and *WON'T*. I Could NOT get him to stand up and get off the bed to go out and relieve himself. Tried every trick in the book including "Wanna go to the park/beach", showing him a disc, and even snapping his collar and leash on. He just looked sullenly at me and would not budge. Finally, in a last ditch effort, I went and rang the doorbell, that did the trick as I immediately hear him begin to bark and by the time I returned, he was standing on the floor and getting ready to do his patented 'prance' toward the door. I redirected him outside instead.


Great story, *alphadude*. I hope you realize that it is fairly late in life for Ax finally to show you he is capable of doing an "I won't"! Most dogs show that to their owners during puppyhood. Ax just happens to be The Perfect Dog!

Hugs,
Deb


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## NewfieMom

CAROLINA MOM said:


> Great to see him enjoying himself in the pool.


Yes, it really was. He looked so graceful and happy. It made me want to go in, and I really don't like pools. (We have one in Virginia and I think I went in about once every five years since we bought the house.)


----------



## NewfieMom

I was away from all computers for several days while in Maine taking care of a friend who was recovering from surgery. It took me a while to read through the many pages of of writing that had accumulated in this thread once I returned to Connecticut. As always I was touched by the huge outpouring of love for Axl, and for your whole family. Like so many other posters, I wanted to put in a word on behalf of Angus (Puffy). I don't think there was ever a more loving brother. He adores Ax. Please do not neuter him. Ever. Like my Newfie, Griffin, Angus does not have the character of a dog who needs to be neutered. Any peculiarities in his behavior are, undoubtedly situational. But even if they were not, I do not think that neutering him at his age would be the answer. He is already a gentle boy. Your are a great daddy to both your boys, *alphadude*. May God grant you the strength to endure!

Much love,
NewfieMom


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## azzure

Go, Ax, go!!!


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## migs

Such a happy update.


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## first golden

Glad you had a good day! I hope for many more for all of you!


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## rooroch

Lovely photos and update. This is just the sort of outing you all need. May you all have many more.


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## Karen519

*Ax*

Thinking of Ax and his family.


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## OutWest

Nice pictures and update. It's wonderful that Ax is spending so much time at the beach! I know he loves it.


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## alphadude

Tonight as well. Would be perfect if not for the flies...


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## Yaichi's Mom

alphadude said:


> Tonight as well. Would be perfect if not for the flies...


Precious photo AD. 0

I agree....those **** flies are more than a nuisance. Brisby and I were out at Lake Ontario today and we had to leave because they were drawing blood, especially on her face and nose...biting me too. Seems they like to come out after a bit of rain, no wind and warm.

Hope you managed to have another wonderful moment and wishes for many more in a place you all love despite these buggers.

Sending hugs and more.


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## murphy1

Ax looks great!


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## Karen519

*Ax*

So glad you all went to the beach!00


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## NewfieMom

Yaichi's Mom said:


> Precious photo AD. 0
> 
> I agree....those **** flies are more than a nuisance. Brisby and I were out at Lake Ontario today and we had to leave because they were drawing blood, especially on her face and nose...biting me too. Seems they like to come out after a bit of rain, no wind and warm.
> 
> Hope you managed to have another wonderful moment and wishes for many more in a place you all love despite these buggers.
> 
> Sending hugs and more.


Thank you for sharing your stories here, *Yaichi's Mom*. You have been such a kind contributor to this thread.

PS-I love your photo of Brisby.

Deb
(NewfieMom)


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## alphadude

Ax had a not so good night very restless, I think his stomach and intestines are bothering him. I think it's all the mushrooms - the Yunnan Biayio and the I'm Unnity (turkey tail) between both, he's taking 15 pills a day.

Rough morning too, refusing all food. Finally this afternoon we were able to get a bacon cheese burger into him (no bun) and now he is sleeping comfortably with a racquetball in his mouth. Don't think he got much sleep last night. I KNOW I didn't.

I am hopeful that we can get a sunset beach outing in later. Time will tell. This so hard.


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## gold4me

My thoughts are with all of you!!!


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## jennretz

Thinking of you guys and hoping he's up to going to the beach tonight with you.


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## Ivyacres

I've been following this from the beginning, I was so sad to here about Ax's diagnosis. Praying for all of you.


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## sophieanne

A bacon cheeseburger and a good nap should make a world of difference ...i know that would make me feel good.
I'm praying for continued good days for all of you; I know how hard it is on all of you. Just keep showing each other lots of love.
I hope you all get to the beach later.


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## Max's Dad

Hope you get to the beach today. Take care.


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## laprincessa

Bacon cheeseburgers make everything better.
Hoping for no flies at the beach today


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## alphadude

This evening we opted to avoid the flies and took Ax to 'the Pond' where he did some of his most extraordinary disc and ring work. We set up the blanket on 'our field' and reminisced about all the *great times* we had there. Took a ton of pics and videos.

I love the first pic, second pic he's staring wistfully at his field of dreams sitting with mom. 4th pic you can see his edema has returned in his left hind leg. Pic 5 he borrowed my shades, 6, he is getting a hug from mom and staring at his field again. Last pic was a fairly nice sunset.


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## jennretz

Beautiful photos! Big hug to Ax!


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## laprincessa

He's so beautiful
And seems kind of wistful
He's so loved


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## NewfieMom

I love all the photos. He does look wistful. It's as if he, too, is remembering all the great feats he performed on that site. And he probably was. Magnificent dog, indeed.

NewfieMom


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## goldy1

Its so beautiful seeing how much Ax is loved.


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## kansas gold

What a great life you have given him. He knows how much you love him.


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## Pilgrim123

There seems to be a special relationship between Ax, open spaces and spectacular sunsets. Thank you for the photos - and making memories for us all.


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## sophieanne

Your photos are so beautiful. The ones with his mom made me cry..just thinking of the incredible love you all share. One day at a time, that's all any of us have. Thanks for sharing your life/love with Ax with us.


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## Wendy427

What wonderful photos. Ax, you're the best! We love you!


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## Brinkleythegolden

Great pics!


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## Karen519

*Ax*



sophieanne said:


> Your photos are so beautiful. The ones with his mom made me cry..just thinking of the incredible love you all share. One day at a time, that's all any of us have. Thanks for sharing your life/love with Ax with us.


I second what Sophieanne said. Beautiful pictures of Ax and his Mom! You can feel the love.


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## Amystelter

Pictures made me cry, feel the love for sure -


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Sweet Girl

Your photos gave me a lump in my throat. Brings back so many similar memories for me of my Tesia. I hope he felt better today.


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## KKaren

Wonderful pictures... Sending love to Ax, Puffy, you and your family... always look in on your thread. I know the road you walk, as others here do... and my heart hurts ...but I know that Ax is one lucky golden to be loved by you.


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## Kalhayd

beautiful pictures of a beautiful boy. They brought me to tears, too. Sending love and prayers to Ax.


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## alphadude

I decided today that perhaps we would take a break from the Yunnan Baiyao and the I'm Yunnity because I think it has Ax constipated and he really doesn't seem to like it. It's getting harder and harder to get them into him because he is so smart. He KNOWS when we're trying to get the 15 capsules a day into him and he refuses the food no matter how we disguise it. He smells them.

He was really good and perky and we had a good day.

The beach tour continued tonight. We took him to a little secluded beach he and I found when he was little more than a pup. We haven't been back since. Ax and I waded in the surf and he caught a disc or 2 tossed a measly 10 feet.

When we got home he gave us a REALLY bad scare and we both thought he was going to go. He was extremely clingy with me and then he flopped down, and rolled on his side. His poor gums were ghastly white. I forced a 'red pill' into his mouth and made him swallow it. We just held him and spoke in his ears and told him how much we loved him and wanted him to stay with us a while longer, but if he needed to go he should. He just remained there like that for several minutes pretty much non responsive and barely breathing, eyes closed. He started to come out of it and a minute later he stood up and was wagging his tail. His gums and tongue were pink again and he looks OK (in relative terms) now. He's laying on the bed and knocking his ball off to make me keep fetching it. Role reversal I guess. I don't mind.

I really think he had a paw or 2 on the other side before and he *willed* himself back. That's Ax, amazing to the bitter end. I know this disease is a roller coaster but it is really taking a toll on us as well. 

My poor daughter got invited to the VMA awards in Manhattan tonight and didn't want to go, she didn't want to leave Ax. My wife and I talked her into going. She would never forgive us if she came home and he was gone.

He looks like he is sleeping comfortably right now but you can bet I'll be watching him like a hawk. Another sleepless night I guess...


----------



## Kalhayd

Ax sounds so amazing & you're so very amazing. He is quite lucky to have you, and you him. 


I hope your daughter had an amazing time(how awesome!) and I hope you get many more special moments with Ax. Every update brings me to tears. I hate reading these stories and hate reading the crushing impact our sweet dogs illnesses have on our own hearts. 


Continued prayers for all of you.


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## jennretz

Ax - your will and zest for life continues to astonish me. You have people around the world who love you very much. Sending a big cyber hug your way and praying for a peaceful night.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Max's Dad

Brought a tear to my eye. Hope you have a good night.


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## TheZ's

Sending wishes for strength to sustain you through this struggle. Looks like Ax is still managing a smile in that picture. He's an amazing dog.


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## Pilgrim123

If ever there were two beings who deserve to beat the odds, it's you and Ax. Have a good night. I'm sorry for the scare he gave you.


----------



## murphy1

My heart breaks reading about Ax. What a tough guy!


----------



## Karen519

*Ax*

Ax is such an amazing boy, with such a wonderful spirit!
Kisses to him.
Your pictures touch my heart.


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## laprincessa

Still praying for you guys 
Just heartbreaking, this journey you're on.


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## azzure

Would sure love to hear that Ax is beating the odds...best wishes to you all.


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## kwhit

You know...I don't usually share personal stuff too much, but...

I'm dealing with some serious health issues and still the only caregiver of my 93-year old mom with dementia. It's overwhelming and sometimes I get down. But when I see Ax's phenomenal attitude reflected in his beautiful smile and his moment to moment living, it makes me deal with my situation in a more positive perspective.

So thank you Ax, for being the wonderful soul that you are and for sharing that special something, that doesn't come around very often in life, with all of us. Hugs to you, sweetie...hang in there, okay? :smooch:


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## NewfieMom

That was a really chilling and moving description of last night, *alphadude*. It is wonderful how your family has stayed strong for Ax, being selfless for him and doing only what is right for him. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Never was anyone sweeter or more deserving.

Hugs,
Deb
(NewfieMom)


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## Brinkleythegolden

You guys are amazing. Hugs to you and Ax.


----------



## 3 goldens

I am so very sorry you are having to go thru this. When my almost 12 1/2 year old Irish Setter was diagnosed with a very very aggressive bone cancer in his hind leg--his knee-- no matter the treatment including amputation the prognosis was not good. Because of his age and his arthritis we decided against the amputation or any real treatment.

The vet figured he had a week because of the type cancer. I determined to make the best week every for my old man (had had since he was a puppy). He LOVED to go to the beach, be it the real beach of the bay where we liked to wade fish. So I took him fishing every day and he would swim and torment the crabs and try to catch shore birds. One day I released an under size flounder in about 6" of water and he put his paw on it, then stuck his head under the water and came up with fish. We live in a small town of 4000 but our vet is really up to date on everything. He had been here about 3 years when Boots came down with the cancer. My vet has a better hospital than most in the city, and many of the city folks come out here to him. 

Boots had a sweet tooth deluxe and he also loved fruits and veggies, maybe more than meat. So whatever we had for dessert, so did he. I made him his own banana splits complete with 3 toppings, whipped cream and cherry. He had his own strawberry short cake, slice of apple pie with ice cream, small slice of chocolate cake, bread pudding, etc, etc. We let him have all the melon and tossed salad he wanted. 

I took him fishing every single day, even after church on Sundays. And 2-3 times a week I would stop at the hospital (it is only a tick over a mile from here and I pass it togo fishing) and Rickey would weight Boots and watch him walk. He had gone from dragging that leg to a bunny hop and culd cover ground. Also, he was putting on weight, not losing it. Rickey would shake his head and say "I don't understand it. Heis doing great." But we both knew the end would come all to soon,.

I had him exactly 10 weeks to the day after diagnosis. I made those 10 weeks the vest of his 12 1/2 years. That is all we can do for our beloved dogs, no matter the illness or injury. Just love them and do whateer you can for them so they can enjoy life as much as possible.


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## alphadude

I fully intended to come on this evening and sadly report that we had put Axl to sleep.

Last night was as rough as they come and completely sleepless. He was up and down and very restless. Also, he began refusing food of any kind this morning. Both my wife and I stayed home from work today to do what had to be done. We continued to try and tempt him to eat with every food imaginable. We tried all his favorites and he would simply turn his head. We decided by about midday that if he no longer had any interest in food, that was his signal that he was ready to go. Today was a month plus 1 day since his surgery.

We spent the whole day (15 hours) lying on the floor with him inside the glass sliders enjoying the sunshine without the oppressive heat and humidity, just showering him with attention and love and trying to get him to eat. No deal. Our appt. at the vet was 8 PM.

When were were getting ready to leave half the neighborhood was out waiting to say goodbye to him.

We got him to the vet and he would NOT get out of the car. I tried to coax and cajole him for half an hour and he was NOT going - actively resisting, something he had NEVER done. He was literally digging his claws into the seat and a look of abject terror on his face that I had never seen before.

At this point, I was faced with the agonizing decision of manhandling him out of the car against his will with the express intention of ending his life. All I could think was this was going to be his memory in his last few minutes of life that his best friend, his guardian, was forcibly taking him to his death no matter the good intentions. I must admit, I caved. I absolutely could not do it. 

I think he knew EXACTLY what was about to go down and he wanted no part of it. I have read recently about dogs freaking out when taken into the room to be euthanized. Ax has always been a special dog and I guess he is just not quite ready yet, and I guess I owe him the dignity of going out on his own terms, when he's ready. He's still got some fight left in him apparently.

When I pulled back into the driveway and he saw where he was, he leaped out of the SUV and ran up the front steps. 

The little bugger then apparently rediscovered his appetite and had a slice of pizza, some bread dipped in tomato sauce, and even some of his uneaten bacon double cheeseburger that he ignored for lunch. 

He's currently sleeping peacefully next to me.


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## Pilgrim123

AD, there are no words left. His terms, his way.


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## kansas gold

What a dog!!! I know this is taking a lot out of you. Take care of yourselves and give Ax a great big hug. Thoughts and prayers are with you.


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## Max's Dad

Take care.


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## mylissyk

Sincerest wishes that he has many more months upon months of telling you no way, not now.


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## laprincessa

Pilgrim123 said:


> AD, there are no words left. His terms, his way.


exactly
He will do this on his terms, as he has always lived


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## rooroch

My goodness - what a dog. It is fantastic that he shows you what he wants and that you understand him. I hope you all manage to get some sleep and that things go well over the next few days so that you can relax a bit. Please take care of yourselves too.


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## jennretz

Ax will do this his way; no way else. So very sorry you are going through this


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## hotel4dogs

Axl continues to impress!! What a guy!


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## Wendy427

Ax, you're such a strong boy! We're all with you and your persons, heart and soul!


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## Brinkleythegolden

He will do this on his terms, no question about it. I'm so sorry you are on this journey.


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## CAROLINA MOM

I'm so sorry, I know how difficult this journey is. 

My Vet came to my house in March when it was time to set my girl free, it was very peaceful.


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## Yaichi's Mom

AD, you all must be both emotionally and physically exhausted. You are on a roller coaster ride that no-one ever wants to take.

The bond, connection and clear unconditional love you have for Ax is the greatest gift and obviously reciprocated by Ax.

Ax sent you a clear message and you listened. I can only imagine what a gut wrenching day it was for you and your family.

Take as good care of you, your family as you are taking of Ax as you continue this journey with him.

Love is the most powerful force in the universe...let it surround you and guide you through this very difficult time.

Wishing you, your family and Ax many precious moments.

Hugs


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## alphadude

Ax spent a peaceful night sleeping next to me. A great improvement over dead in a freezer quite frankly.

I slept like a stone also. 

He ate a bit and willingly went out and peed this morning - a LOT.


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## Helo's Mom

I'm glad Ax isn't ready to go yet. This is really heartbreaking and I hate that it is happening to you and him. I hope today will be better for both of you.


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## Amystelter

All the glitz and glitter and pure entertainment of the VMA's an your daughter was going to stay home with Ax. I don't know you but you raised an awesome daughter! I hope you find comfort in each other through these hard times.


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## swishywagga

I just wanted to add my best wishes to you and Ax, our goldens come into our lives and fill our hearts with such love beyond anything we could ever imagine,I know you feel this love for your boy as I did (still do) for my mine. I wish you peace and more treasured memories with your amazing Ax.


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## ceegee

CAROLINA MOM said:


> I'm so sorry, I know how difficult this journey is.
> 
> My Vet came to my house in March when it was time to set my girl free, it was very peaceful.


I'm sorry too. I've been there. Like Carolina Mom, we asked our vet to come to our home when it was time. Ruby always hated going to the vet; this way, she didn't have to.

Courage for the rest of your journey.


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## hotel4dogs

How is ax this morning?


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## Sweet Girl

Wow - what a story. I wasn't even breathing as I was reading it. You listened to your guy in the end. Definitely the right decision. Must have been such an emotionally difficult day overall, though, so I'm sorry for that. I hope today is better.


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## NewfieMom

Quote:
Originally Posted by *CAROLINA MOM* View Post 
_I'm so sorry, I know how difficult this journey is. 

My Vet came to my house in March when it was time to set my girl free, it was very peaceful._




ceegee said:


> I'm sorry too. I've been there. Like Carolina Mom, we asked our vet to come to our home when it was time. Ruby always hated going to the vet; this way, she didn't have to.
> 
> Courage for the rest of your journey.


My Lab, Biscuit, used to love going to the vet. That made it super easy. I couldn't bear reading the story about how Axl reacted to the drive to the vet. If it is ever necessary, maybe your vet can come to the house. Otherwise, there are vets who specialize in this. It is hard enough to do without a frightened dog.


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## kwhit

NewfieMom said:


> It is hard enough to do without a frightened dog.


I don't see Ax as being frightened at all...I see him as thinking, "Oh he** no! I'm doing this journey on MY terms."

I agree with the mobile vet idea.


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## murphy1

OMG....reading that took my breath away. So glad he's back home. I have been unable to check in....don't know why but I get bumped off the forum as soon as I sign on...over and over. Just so glad to hear the news.


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## Panama Rob

Checking in sending some love. I'm glad we still got him with us. We love you Ax.


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## first golden

Been away and just catching up..he is one amazing dog (and I must say family too) I read all your posts and tears start streaming, I am glad he is still here with you...sending you thoughts and prays for more time together...


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## Cpc1972

What a story. This is almost our story with Jake. Two weeks after his until collapse he had a bleed that we thought was going to be the end. I remember my mom and dad laid on the floor with him the entire night. Dad said we need to take him in. Mom said lets just wait and see if he pulls out of it. I went to bed fully expecting Jake to not be here in the morning. About midnight I heard my dad say lay down Jake come back. Poor guy was ready for some food and water. The next day he laid behind the recliner but by the end of the day he was recovered and we had him another week. My mom thinks she took him in to early to be put to sleep because she thinks he might of recovered from the last episode like he did the week before. Ax says he isn't ready yet. On jakes last day he vomited everything and couldn't get up. We think he even passed out when he fell backwards. It was so bad and I don't think he would of recovered from his last one.


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## Kalhayd

Thinking of you, your family, and amazing Ax. He truly is amazing. 


Love and prayers, Lisa


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## alphadude

Ax is still hanging in. Not in fabulous shape but not at death's door either, at least at the moment.

I had him out in the yard for a couple of hours when I got home from work. Don't think he's got the juice to make it to the beach and I don't want to traumatize him further with a car ride. He mostly just lay in one spot and enjoyed the cool breeze.

His left hind leg is very edematous and I think it's hurting him.

He ate some sliced turkey this morning and turned his nose up at everything else all day. His mom suggested I go get him some Boston Market for dinner - turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy. We were able to get a decent amount into him.Got his YB in too. 

He is literally wasting away before our eyes. This is so heartbreaking. It's like he inverted in the last month. His muscular chest and front legs are completely wasted away and his slim taut belly has been replaced by a bloated atrocity.

On a personal note, I'm down to 219 fully dressed today - 19 lbs from 7/27. When I look at him, I can hardly choke down a bite.

Don't think I'm going to ask him to get on the bed tonight with the leg so I'm probably bunking on the floor with him tonight. I'll likely be half a cripple tomorrow.

Yesterday was one of the WORST days of my entire life. Watching the minutes tick off the clock until 8 PM had my stomach in knots. I am really glad Ax is still with us even if for a short time.


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## Kalhayd

My heart hurts for you. 


All I can offer is empathy and prayers. Praying Ax goes when Ax is ready to go and hope that you have some peace in that you're the most amazing friend he could have asked for. How blessed is he?


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## alphadude

Kalhayd said:


> My heart hurts for you.
> 
> 
> All I can offer is empathy and prayers. Praying Ax goes when Ax is ready to go and hope that you have some peace in that you're the most amazing friend he could have asked for. How blessed is he?


On the contrary, it is I who was blessed to have had a once in a lifetime dog like Ax come into my life, even if for far too brief a time. He taught me more than I could ever have taught him. He showed me how life is supposed to be lived - at full throttle, ALL THE TIME.


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## SandyK

I have been away and unable to come check in on Ax. I am so sorry it has been a rough couple of days. I was in tears reading about taking him to vet, but amazed that he refused. When my girl had swelling in legs from infection, my vet recommended heating pad with wet washcloth. Not sure if this would help Ax, but just thought I would mention. My vet also came to my house when it was time. Thoughts are with you as you continue your journey with Ax "his way".


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## alphadude

SandyK said:


> I have been away and unable to come check in on Ax. I am so sorry it has been a rough couple of days. I was in tears reading about taking him to vet, but amazed that he refused. When my girl had swelling in legs from infection, my vet recommended heating pad with wet washcloth. Not sure if this would help Ax, but just thought I would mention. My vet also came to my house when it was time. Thoughts are with you as you continue your journey with Ax "his way".


Thanks for the info. My wife the nurse is home with him today and is trying it out. Can't hurt I guess at this point.


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## gold4me

Sending you thoughts and prayers!!


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## brianne

_'You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' Eleanor Roosevelt_

Sending good thoughts and prayers for strength for Ax, you and your family. 
Ax is an inspiration, living his life on his terms.


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## Sweet Girl

When Tesia got sick, it was the same thing - her muscular, athletic, fit body just totally changed. She lost muscle mass so quickly. You mentioned sleeping on the floor with Ax - if you have room in your bedroom, what I did right away when Tee was diagnosed was that I pulled my mattress down onto the floor, so she could still sleep on my bed, even when I was at work and couldn't lift her up. Just a little thing, but I knew that was her favourite place to be. Might be a help for Axl, too. Sending good thoughts..


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## G-bear

I read your story with tears. It reminded me of our dog, Cricket. He had cancer and his body was wasting away. He stopped eating and we made an appointment with the vet to end all of his pain. He refused to get into the van to go to the vet and when I attempted to pick him up my quiet, gentle boy bit me. We took me to the ER instead. Cricket died 2 nights later. Curled up on the end of my daughter's bed in the place where he spent every night of his life. He left this world on his terms and that fact still gives me peace today. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.


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## alphadude

Sweet Girl said:


> When Tesia got sick, it was the same thing - her muscular, athletic, fit body just totally changed. She lost muscle mass so quickly. You mentioned sleeping on the floor with Ax - if you have room in your bedroom, what I did right away when Tee was diagnosed was that I pulled my mattress down onto the floor, so she could still sleep on my bed, even when I was at work and couldn't lift her up. Just a little thing, but I knew that was her favourite place to be. Might be a help for Axl, too. Sending good thoughts..


Woke up @ about 3 AM on the floor with Ax. He was a bit restless so I got him to stand up and I quickly just lifted him onto the bed and jumped in next to him. He didn't protest at all and I think we were both more comfortable. I had to lift him from his poor bloated gut - no choice. My back is in relatively decent shape today as a result.

I thought of relocating the mattress to the floor but because it is a king, there isn't room on the floor. I would have to take the platform apart and move it for that scenario to work.


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## Jessie'sGirl

Thinking of you and Ax.


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## laprincessa

Sending more prayers and healing sparklies
Just to make him smile as they dance round his head.


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## Brinkleythegolden

Thinking of you guys.


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## azzure

Thinking of you...this long goodbye is so hard. Our Gus had cardiac hemangio; he just collapsed one day and we had him "tapped"...he recuperated and then was his crazy self for about a month before collapsing again...he died in the car on the way to the vet. My previous dog, a sweet lab, had some undiagnosed cancer; he lingered for a few days, had trouble breathing and seemed uncomfortable until we finally had to put him to sleep...we slept on the floor with him too. None of this is easy...so sad for you and Ax.


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## murphy1

I know you love Ax as much as I have loved all my dogs and cats. You have showed this love so much in the past month. One wonderful member of the forum, whose name I cannot remember, stated "It's better to be one day early than one day late". What a profound statement, one all hear should remember. My love to Ax and your family.


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## rooroch

Catching up with your latest news. I feel for you It is almost exactly the same journey I went through with King. He died in my arms, on the floor of the living room in the early hours of a Sunday morning. The feeling I have always had and still have 10 years later, is that I did the best I could for him up to the end and that he knew it and appreciated it. This helps.


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## NewfieMom

It is so painful to read about this that I cannot even imagine how painful it is to live through it, *alphadude*. I am having a physical reaction to catching up on this thread myself. (My father is in the hospital and I couldn't read the forum yesterday so I had a bit to read.) Like so many other people here, I have loved deeply and lost dogs.It is so deeply terrible. We feel for you from the bottoms of our hearts.

Love,
Deb


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## alphadude

Ax is still hanging in there. He seems bright and alert. He is still eating a small amount and drinking and I have been continuing to give him the YB. That's the good news.

Now for the bad news.

He has not moved from the bed since I put him there in the wee hours Wednesday morning. No amount of coaxing will get him to move off the bed. He will change positions occasionally on his own.

I tried to lift him up and he whipped his head around and I won't say he bit, but put his teeth on my hand and applied slight pressure as if to say stop doing that bud. No marks on my hand, not that I really would have cared all that much at this point.

He has not urinated or had a bowel movement in over 24 hours, but he is still gassy. While I can understand the lack of a need to move his bowels due to his small intake of food, the lack of urination is another matter. Has has been drinking. He has not wet the bed. Kidneys shutting down??

I am working from home today and with him and am *hugely conflicted*. He seems no different except that now he is immobile. He sees and hears everything, is still very alert, and is even catching balls in his mouth when I toss them. 

This dog, with his strength of will and stubbornness right to the end.

I really wanted to let him go out on his terms and I guess that is still an option, because aside from trying to make him stand, he appears to be in no pain, and comfortable in relative terms, but now that he apparently can't or WON'T stand or walk, the equation has changed. 

I can always get a mobile vet to come end it I guess, but is that the right thing to do...I don't know. As stubborn and willful as he is and always has been, in combination with his apparently still strong heart and lungs, this can go on for who knows how long. I do NOT want him to suffer and I think he is fighting tooth and nail to stay alive because that's his character. No quit in him, right to the bitter end...


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## jennretz

So sorry this is so hard


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## ceegee

I'm sorry - it's so tough to make these decisions. I wish you strength.


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## murphy1

Hearts are breaking, here on the forum.


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## laprincessa

My nephew had a mastiff named Maggie, who came down with some strange disease which left her semi-paralyzed for the entire summer. She eventually recovered.
However, at one point, she refused to get up and go out to pee. My nephew said they called the vet, and the vet said that she would most likely get up when she HAD to go. She went three days without peeing but did get up and go. They can go a long time without relieving themselves if they have to. Give him some more time. 

Meanwhile, praying for peace for Axl and your family


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## Sweet Girl

Oh, my heart is just breaking for you. I'm so sorry you are facing this. You are so tuned in to him. You will know when it's time to call the vet to come. Poor guy. At least he is where he clearly finds most comfort right now. I hope he rallies and beats the odds once again today... Sending you strength and comfort.


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## NewfieMom

Can you just give him pain killers, *alphadude*, since he seems to want to live so badly? If they become too much of an overload on his heart, that would be an accidental death. But surely not the worst way to go. Can you speak to your vet? I am not an expert on this. I was able to put down my heart dog because I was able to manage to put on a brave face and smile and play with him and give him treats (the vet even had chololates there that day) and he never had a clue that anything was going to happen. But if a stranger approached Ax with a syringe, I think he would know.If he becomes unable to swallow, maybe your wife, since she is a nurse, can give him injections of painkillers. (?) Euthanizing by injection is trickier from what I saw. It is by intravenous blood (not injection) and in two stages. The actual euthanasia done after the dog is asleep and completely unaware of anything. I do not think your wife could handle that. I am sorry if this is too graphic.I just want him to live pain-free for as long as possible, as I know you do.

Deb


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## Jessie'sGirl

My heart is breaking for you. Do you think he's not moving because he's in pain?


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## TheZ's

Sometimes you have to take your own counsel on these things. It's literally life and death. What's right for someone else may not be right for you and Ax. 

Your struggle is reminding me of when we lost Zeke. He had a decline from cancer, not as dramatic as Ax's but we knew we were close to the time. He passed in his sleep while the rest of the family was also sleeping. I felt like the way he went was his last gift to us.

Wishing you peace and strength.


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## hotel4dogs

Sending many thoughts and prayers. 
Hemangio is a disease that waxes and wanes. He may be having an active bleed right now that makes him not willing to move. Can you give him a rescue (red) yunnan baio and see if it helps him out?


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## Yaichi's Mom

AD, many of us here have lived what you are living now with Ax, albeit with variations.

When my Yaichi collapsed with hemangio, that was the first sign I had from her except for a bit more moaning in the week before it happened, which I chalked up to wanting attention, more ear rubs etc. I will always feel guilty that I obviously wasn't really "listening" to my girl. I rushed her to the vet who totally misdiagnosed her and sent her home with Metacam of all things and I didn't know anything about this evil disease then....much more to the story however I won't get into it here now.

Yaichi never walked again after the first collapse. I nursed her, cajoled to eat and drink anything and everything. We had to carry her out to give her an option to relieve herself or drape a towel on her underside to try to assist her. I even ordered a special under tummy brace for her express to help and make it easier hoping she would get better and be able to walk on her own. We did this to allow her some dignity as I didn't want her to soil herself as she had never ever before. We didn't do it often and during the week that we tried to nurse her and will her back to health, she never soiled herself in the house once...was eating very little but was drinking a bit. She never once indicated that she had to go out. pretty much lay in the same place we left her...much like what it seems like with Ax.

About 2 days later after the initial collapse, the previously diagnosed large lipoma on her hip ( was aspirated and diagnosed) burst, with blood, fluid and a horrible gelatinous goo coming out of it...obviously it was no longer a lipoma, but another bleed...exterior. It was summertime and although I was washing it and keeping it as clean as possible, one morning I noticed that there were maggots...I was beyond horrified. I couldn't allow the girl I loved so much to be eaten by maggots...to take away her dignity and that's when I knew that after a week of no improvement, pale grey gums...no hope, won't eat, doesn't want to drink etc... and now this, that I had to set her free. She went peacefully to the bridge in her backyard on a beautiful sunny day surrounded by her family in a place she loved....and it was beyond devastating nevertheless. I will never forget that day or the week preceding it.

It is never easy....we all second guess ourselves a zillion times before and after if we are or did the right thing.

You and Ax have such a special bond and love, you will know, however as I wrote above, you likely will still question yourself a zillion times whether you made the right decision.

How I wish for a remission...a miracle for you and Ax. If I could wave a magic wand for you and all the others here whose pups are ill and fighting I would.

Take it one step and one breath at a time, live in the moment with your special boy, let his heart talk to yours...it will guide you.

Sending you, Ax and your family, strength, precious moments and love.


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## mylissyk

alphadude said:


> Ax is still hanging in there. He seems bright and alert. He is still eating a small amount and drinking and I have been continuing to give him the YB. That's the good news.
> 
> Now for the bad news.
> 
> He has not moved from the bed since I put him there in the wee hours Wednesday morning. No amount of coaxing will get him to move off the bed. He will change positions occasionally on his own.
> 
> I tried to lift him up and he whipped his head around and I won't say he bit, but put his teeth on my hand and applied slight pressure as if to say stop doing that bud. No marks on my hand, not that I really would have cared all that much at this point.
> 
> He has not urinated or had a bowel movement in over 24 hours, but he is still gassy. While I can understand the lack of a need to move his bowels due to his small intake of food, the lack of urination is another matter. Has has been drinking. He has not wet the bed. Kidneys shutting down??
> 
> I am working from home today and with him and am *hugely conflicted*. He seems no different except that now he is immobile. He sees and hears everything, is still very alert, and is even catching balls in his mouth when I toss them.
> 
> This dog, with his strength of will and stubbornness right to the end.
> 
> I really wanted to let him go out on his terms and I guess that is still an option, because aside from trying to make him stand, he appears to be in no pain, and comfortable in relative terms, but now that he apparently can't or WON'T stand or walk, the equation has changed.
> 
> I can always get a mobile vet to come end it I guess, but is that the right thing to do...I don't know. As stubborn and willful as he is and always has been, in combination with his apparently still strong heart and lungs, this can go on for who knows how long. I do NOT want him to suffer and I think he is fighting tooth and nail to stay alive because that's his character. No quit in him, right to the bitter end...


I am so sorry, the struggle to make a decision is agonizing, and it's so personal and only you can decide. I will say though, if he is not getting up, not eliminating, if kidneys are shutting down, maybe it's time....

I wish with all my heart this was just a bad dream. Ax is our super hero, how can this be happening to him.


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## Brinkleythegolden

I'm sitting here in tears. He is determined to go on his terms, as was my Fozzie. Hugs..


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## brianne

Sending prayers as your sad journey unfolds. Gentle hugs to Axl. :crying:

Can you slide a puppy pad under him without it disturbing him too much? Or some plastic with a towel on top for absorption in case of an accident? As proud as he is, Ax would probably be upset if he soiled himself or the bed.


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## sophieanne

I went for a long walk after I read your post this morning and just cried by eyes out. It was like walking down my own memory lane when I lost my golden girl to Lymphoma, She went through chemo that stopped working and we had her at home knowing that we wouldn't have her for long. I took a lot of time off work to be with her. It was the hardest thing to deal with because we didn't want to make the decision, we were hoping she would just pass in her sleep. Unfortunately, as a lot of us know, that just doesn't always happen. She would force herself to go out and walk, even through it was hard for her to do. She was on Pred that stopped working and hardly ate. I cried hard when she re4used the pred because my husband said we have to force it in her because the doctor she's it'll be a problem if she didn't get it per the schedule. if we don't. I had to remind him that whether we liked it or not, it didn't matter whether she had that pill or not, she she was going to be leaving us. It broke my heart because we both loved her so much and I felt so bad for my husband who wanted a miracle. We kept looking at every little thing she did as a sign that she wasn't ready, I realized after a while that it wasn't her that wasn't ready, it was us. Our vet told us to just watch over her and if she started having breathing issues we would know that we had held on too long because at that point she would be suffering. I watched over her day and night, 24/7.
People believe you will know when it is time, there will be a sign. You have to be open to the sign. In our case, I went to give her something to eat and she growled at me and almost bit me. She had never ever done that. She then proceeded to give puppy kisses to our younger dog and It almost appeared that she was communicating with him, sharing her secrets to life and letting him know he would be ok. I knew those 2 things were our sign. I realized that maybe she was doing the things she know we loved her to do (walking for instance) because dogs are fighters and they (even in their darkest hour) want to please us. I hope you don't mind but what you're going through brought these memories back full tilt. No matter what happens, everyone in this room knows it's not going to be a happy ending but everyone here and you and your family and Ax know how much you love him and how much you've done to show him just that. You have to make the decision that is right for you and your family..as hard as it is you have to try and listen a bit with your mind as well as your heart. I just know that it is tearing you apart watching your special dog going before your eyes. Please don't be mad at me...I just want you and your family to live with the wonderful memories of who he was not the very sick dog you're watching fading away.


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## murphy1

I'm thinking Alphadude and his family need our prayers and good thoughts right now. Let's give them a few days and withhold our own heartbreaks for awhile. They know whats ahead and have enough of their own heartbreak right now.


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## LynnC

Sending prayers and peace for Ax, you and your family at this difficult time


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## Brinkleythegolden

I think this its just our way of letting him know we've all been there, and our hearts are with them as they tread a familiar path. Our posts were not intended to hijack the thread.


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## sophieanne

murphy1 said:


> I'm thinking Alphadude and his family need our prayers and good thoughts right now. Let's give them a few days and withhold our own heartbreaks for awhile. They know whats ahead and have enough of their own heartbreak right now.


Murphy - I sent you a private note regarding this note, Brinkley the golden - thanks for your note. I agree with you. Some notes are harder to write then people think.

All I have to say is everyone wants Ax's family and Ax to find peace.


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## alphadude

I welcome all opinions and stories of similar heartbreak with an open mind. I actually appreciate everyone's genuine concern, experiences, advice etc.

I have been through the loss of several dogs (that I loved) and a cat as well before. It was NEVER like this.

I am typically a no nonsense, suck it up, and do what must be done type guy and I feel like I have been rendered a weepy little indecisive pansy by this and I am increasingly disgusted with myself.

I am now second guessing the decision I made outside the vet's office Monday night, but that was a decision made out of the utmost love and respect for Ax. He had NEVER behaved like that before in his life and I did not want his last memories of me to be of me manhandling him like a sack of dirt after the lifetime bond of love and friendship we shared. I would always whisper to him how I would never hurt him, would always love and protect him (not that he really needed much protection), and he would ALWAYS have a home. I saw genuine fear in his eyes and that was something I had NEVER seen from him. He was probably picking up on the emotions of everyone in the vehicle. 

Then I look to my right as I write this and see him lying there looking at me and wagging his tail with his 'puppy face' on, ears forward, eyes bright, interested and engaged with a rubber ball in his mouth, chuffing at me to pay attention to him. Other times he looks like he's at death's door.

He has always been the comeback kid. I am under NO ILLUSIONS that he is going to survive this horrible situation but I literally would be surprised if he did not get up and walk again because hemangio or not he's *STILL* Ax...to the last beat of his magnificent heart.

I am actually beginning to wonder if it's not that he can't walk but he WON'T walk. He's got everyone waiting on him hand and foot. He actually looks SIGNIFICANTLY less bloated today and even his legs look better. His gums look pinker. Could this be him being bratty for the first time since puppy-hood or am I merely grasping at straws? He looks really REALLY comfortable.

I don't know how this is going to play out but I do know that it is tearing my guts out.


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## jennretz

Thank you for the update. I check in each day and think of you guys often. You have my warmest support as you walk through this. I would be a complete mess and you continue to think of Ax! I respect you and your decisions.


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## fourlakes

I also check in here every day to see how you and Ax are doing. It's a very hard road - and I am thinking of you both.


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## Pilgrim123

Of course it's tearing your guts out. None of us expect you to get through this without feeling that way, so why should you? You have a very special dog there; it will take some special strength to cope with his illness. And never second-guess Monday night's decision. Ax wasn't ready to go. Simple as that. Take care.


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## alphadude

Boy the universe or whatever really seems to have a snarky sense of humor. Now Puffy is sick he is following me around acting clingy. He started gagging and just threw up a puddle of green bile. 

Just weighed myself for the fun of it...216 down from 238, 31 days ago.

Just struggled to add 11 and 8 in my head. Not good.


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## Yaichi's Mom

Whether you are grasping at straws or not AD...doesn't matter. What is good is that you feel that Ax is looking better today under circumstance.
I truly hope this gives you a smidgen of comfort during this most difficult time for you, Ax and your family.

Potential brat or not, my gut sense he is showing you what he needs right now and what he doesn't...just take that for whatever it is.

Spoil him, love him which you undoubtedly are and try to enjoy every moment even though at each moment your heart is being ripped into pieces....that is the most difficult part...

I/we know how that feels...this is why we shared some of our journeys so you would know that you are not alone and we really do know/understand what the ride you are now taking with Ax feels like and that although we are far away, that we are with you in spirit.

May love, light and all things good shine upon you all as you take this difficult journey together.


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## Brinkleythegolden

Yaichi's Mom said:


> Whether you are grasping at straws or not AD...doesn't matter. What is good is that you feel that Ax is looking better today under circumstance.
> I truly hope this gives you a smidgen of comfort during this most difficult time for you, Ax and your family.
> 
> Potential brat or not, my gut sense he is showing you what he needs right now and what he doesn't...just take that for whatever it is.
> 
> Spoil him, love him which you undoubtedly are and try to enjoy every moment even though at each moment your heart is being ripped into pieces....that is the most difficult part...
> 
> I/we know how that feels...this is why we shared some of our journeys so you would know that you are not alone and we really do know/understand what the ride you are now taking with Ax feels like and that although we are far away, that we are with you in spirit.
> 
> May love, light and all things good shine upon you all as you take this difficult journey together.


I couldn't have said it better..


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## sophieanne

alphadude - Yaichi's mom couldn't have said it any better.  My thoughts are totally with you and my heart feels for you. All any of us have is today and it sounds like yours has some ups and downs. Enjoy the up moments, they are so important.


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## Cpc1972

I think the worst part is we know it will come but the waiting and agonizing and not knowing when it will happen is so hard. There were times my dad sad I can't go through this roller coaster any more. Or my mom being in denial about letting Jake have people food and enjoy his last days. She kept saying he will get fat. And with this cancer it's hard because they can have a bleed and then recover a few hours later. How do you make that decision when they might get over the bleed in a few hours. Prayers going out to AX and your family.


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## 1oldparson

Praying for you and Ax.


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## NewfieMom

alphadude said:


> *I am now second guessing the decision I made outside the vet's office Monday night*, but that was a decision made out of the utmost love and respect for Ax. He had NEVER behaved like that before in his life and I did not want his last memories of me to be of me manhandling him like a sack of dirt after the lifetime bond of love and friendship we shared. I would always whisper to him how I would never hurt him, would always love and protect him (not that he really needed much protection), and he would ALWAYS have a home. I saw genuine fear in his eyes and that was something I had NEVER seen from him. He was probably picking up on the emotions of everyone in the vehicle.
> 
> *Then I look to my right as I write this and see him lying there looking at me and wagging his tail with his 'puppy face' on, ears forward, eyes bright, interested and engaged with a rubber ball in his mouth, chuffing at me to pay attention to him.*


How can you second guess your decision when you write the paragraph that you do immediately afterward? Of course you made the right decision and you did it on automatic! As others have said, you are in tune with Axl. You knew how he felt and you didn't want to betray him; so you did not. He wasn't ready. It is hard on you that he chose this road, but it was his choice to make because you let it be. God bless you both. And the rest of your family, too.


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## SandyK

Sorry to read Puffy was sick tonight. Stress is an awful thing even for animals. I am sure he senses everything that is going on. I also agree about not second guessing yourself about Monday night. You listened to Ax. Doesn't sound like he is in pain if he is still wagging tail and sort of playing with his ball. You are loving him with all you have as he is to you right now. My heart goes out to you and your family.


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## OutWest

The weekend we got Bella's lymphoma diagnosis we were out of town. Came back to hear from the pet sitter that Tucker seemed to have an earache. So we ended up at the emergency vet getting Tucker's ear worked on. 

Came by to check on you dudes back east...just read most of your recent posts. Glad that Ax is hanging in there and catching balls from his position on the bed. Sounds just like the guy.  Hope Puffy is doing much better. 

Bella is hanging in as well. She finished her chemo and seems great. We watch her like a hawk and feel her glands a lot. She just thinks she's getting petted. Works for me.

Continuing to send you good juju from California.


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## Panama Rob

Thought and prayers are continuing.


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## Jessie'sGirl

Always thinking of you two. You're on a difficult journey with no road map, you have to follow your instincts.


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## Wendy427

Thinking of you all, too, and sending happy and calming vibes.


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## alphadude

My wife, the RN gave me a cold dose of reality last night. She said 'I hate to tell you this but after 2+ days, he is never standing again his muscles are wasted, we see this all the time in the hospital'

Last night @ 3 AM, she wakes me up and says Axl was just standing over me. I looked at him and his position on the bed was shifted somewhat. I said you must have been dreaming. Half hour later, I am being licked awake on my face. I thought it was Puffy, it wasn't, it was Ax, standing over me. I woke up immediately and tried to get him to go out right then and there. No good, he flopped back down against me. Got very little if any sleep from that point on. When my wife got up to get ready for work, she opened the sliders to let Puffy out and Ax stood up on the bed a bit wobbly, jumped down awkwardly, and went right out behind him. Without hesitation he goes down the 5 steps from the deck to ground level and urinates for like 3 minutes straight. The effort of that apparently took a lot out of him because it took a half hour to get him back inside before I left for work - where I HAD to go today. I let him rest outside while I showered and when I went to try and get him in, he was gone. He had walked to the front gate 50' away. He went in the front door and I left him laying on the floor in the front hall looking tired but rather pleased with himself. My sister and daughter took over the watch.

That dog held his bladder for more than 48 hours and he drank plenty. He did not want to soil the bed even though we had put an incontinence pad under him. I did not think I could possibly love that dog more...I was wrong. As impressive a feat as ANYTHING he ever did throughout his extraordinary life.

Snapped a quick pic of him and Puffy this morning after he finally relieved his bladder. As you can see in the pic, the patio has gone to total crap and is riddled with weeds because I've had much more important things to attend to since the end of July.


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## jennretz

Love that photo!


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## Jessie'sGirl

Ax continues to amaze me. Love the pic.


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## Bosn'sMom

Ax is amazing... what a love you two have for each other!

Also, props to Puffy... maybe he told his brother to come outside with him this morning


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## murphy1

All I can say is WOW!


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## Karen519

*Ax and Puffy*

Love the picture of Puffy and Ax. Shows how much they love each other!


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## Sweet Girl

Aw, I love that photo. I'm so glad he got up and got outside. Hugs to you all.


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## laprincessa

I knew he was gonna get up! 
Go, Axl, beat the odds!


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## wdadswell

Tears in my eyes over that picture!! Puffy giving Ax moral support!!


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## NewfieMom

As I see Puffy licking Ax, I know why Puffy has been having "off" days with other dogs and has been getting sick himself. (Well, I was pretty darn sure anyway.) That boy loves his brother to death. I wish I could find the photo I have re-posted before of the two boys lying beside each other, cuddling. Real love. As for Ax... wouldn't doubt what he did for a second!

Deb


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## nolefan

alphadude said:


> I welcome all opinions and stories of similar heartbreak with an open mind. I actually appreciate everyone's genuine concern, experiences, advice etc.
> 
> I have been through the loss of several dogs (that I loved) and a cat as well before. It was NEVER like this.
> 
> I am typically a no nonsense, suck it up, and do what must be done type guy and I feel like I have been rendered a weepy little indecisive pansy by this and I am increasingly disgusted with myself.
> 
> _I am now second guessing the decision I made_ outside the vet's office Monday night, but that was a decision made out of the utmost love and respect for Ax. He had NEVER behaved like that before in his life and I did not want his last memories of me to be of me manhandling him like a sack of dirt after the lifetime bond of love and friendship we shared. I would always whisper to him how I would never hurt him, would always love and protect him (not that he really needed much protection), and he would ALWAYS have a home. I saw genuine fear in his eyes and that was something I had NEVER seen from him. He was probably picking up on the emotions of everyone in the vehicle.
> 
> Then I look to my right as I write this and see him lying there looking at me and wagging his tail with his 'puppy face' on, ears forward, eyes bright, interested and engaged with a rubber ball in his mouth, chuffing at me to pay attention to him. Other times he looks like he's at death's door.....................
> 
> .......I don't know how this is going to play out but I do know that it is tearing my guts out.


I know there isn't a single person who has followed you and Ax since you joined this forum who would ever think you don't adore him and would move heaven and earth to take care for him. Please don't second guess yourself, you don't deserve that. 

I've been through this, making life and death decisions about a Golden I love a couple times and it's a pain and grief I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I tried to do the best I could by my dogs, putting their needs first, trying to be as humane as possible. It isn't easy.

I am grateful to members of this forum who have shared their experiences of going through this process, trying to do what's best for the dogs who have given us everything they had, we have a lot of wise people here. The biggest thing I've taken from the lessons of others is that the greatest regret comes from the people who feel they have let the end of life process go a day too long rather than ending it a day too soon. The only pain greater than grief is thinking that the dog you love has suffered an agonizing death that might have been avoided. 

I am praying for your strength and peace of mind and heart as you finish this journey with your beloved boy. Thank you for sharing here.


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## NewfieMom

NewfieMom said:


> I wish I could find the photo I have re-posted before of the two boys lying beside each other, cuddling. Real love.


I did find the photo. It is, perhaps, my favorite one from this forum. I love the way that Axl has his arm thrown over Puffy as they sleep. A protective big brother. Always. Puffy was the gentle one; Axl was the fighter.

Deb
(NewfieMom)


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## jennretz

I love that picture of the two of them as well Deb. Especially since Puffy is so much bigger than Ax and yet Ax is the protector of the two!


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## sophieanne

I'm so happy for what happened last night and I love the photo of Ax and Puffy. I agree that Puffy probably called Ax to come out with him. They are a very handsome team!!!!


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## alphadude

Midday report is Ax is walking around a little, wobbly, but walking nonetheless. Matter of fact he seemed like he wanted to go back outside but they were afraid to let him in case they couldn't get him to come back in. 

I'm really starting to think there is a virus of some sort adding to our misery. Both Angus my sisters cocker were puking and sneezing. Not only was Ax dealing with the stinking cancer and all of the wonderful effects of that, he had a virus on top of it. I noticed the other day that he had green goo oozing out of his nostrils, he was constantly sneezing, just like the other 2. I just assumed that these symptoms were courtesy of the hemangio (the disease that keeps on giving), but I'm starting to think otherwise. I don't know.

I'm just happy that he is walking again. For how long, I don't know, but at least for now...


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## alphadude

NewfieMom said:


> I did find the photo. It is, perhaps, my favorite one from this forum. I love the way that Axl has his arm thrown over Puffy as they sleep. A protective big brother. Always. Puffy was the gentle one; Axl was the fighter.
> 
> Deb
> (NewfieMom)


Yep, I love that pic. Ax always was protective of the big goofball except when he messed with Ax. Then he got an efficient beat down but *NEVER* a viscous one...

Ax was tough as nails but he had a definite softer side. I would catch him licking Puffy's face trying to clean the never ending stream of goo leaking from his big eyes.

I have a pic somewhere of Ax towering protectively over Puffy and smiling on the front porch the day we brought him home @ 8 weeks old. I'll have to find and post that one.

Just walked out into the shop @ work where heavy machinery is fixed and the radio was a blaring a Guns tune (Don't you cry tonight). Struggling not to start crying again.

Terrible empty feeling this Labor day Friday. I despise the end of summer anyway, and Labor Day weekends in the recent past would *ALWAYS* be spent on the beach with Ax...doing our thing.


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## Brinkleythegolden

Aww, I'm so glad he got up! That boy of yours is quite the fighter! What a sweet pic of him and Puffy!


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## sam and coopers mom

Ax and Family,
I am praying so hard for you all for peace during these very difficult days. My heart hurts for you as I know you are hurting also. The loving care you are bestowing upon your Ax will help you all. What I wanted most for my Sam at the end was for him to not be in pain and to feel our love for him. It sounds like you have all been very lucky to have had each other. I wish for you the strength to weather the coming days and nights.

Sam and Coopers mom


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## skeetie

I feel sick to my stomach for you and your boy Ax...I've been following it since it started, you poor poor guy. My first golden, I agonized about when is "the time", people swore they let you know. I struggled with letting him go a minute to soon or a minute to late. That son of gun showed me, he never really had accidents but the night I came home from work after a reoccurrence of cancer, he had no spunk left it was about 6 weeks after I knew the cancer came back. I called him for a treat he just looked at me like " help me mom" and he peed in the kitchen. I knew my grief and pain of losing him and going through life without him had to be put aside - I wasn't letting him not have his dignity, he was too loyal to me in every way over the years. Called the vet, he waited at his office off Hylan Blvd and I helped my beloved boy. I never ever ever ever thought I could do it, all the times he was selfless to me I needed to show him I could be selfless....it is so friggin excruciating. I went home, brushing my teeth that night I swear to God at the corner of my eye I saw him run down the hallway. I never ever had that happen to me, not before then or since! I cried but to tell the truth I broke down a few weeks later while eating Pizzia for the first and realizing he was not there to nudge for he crust....

Of all the sayings we hear about losing our dogs, this is the one that rings true for me - grief is the price we pay for love....he is a much loved boy. Our hearts break for you, and your entire family. 
And I continue to keep you in our prayers.


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## dmay530

your post paints the whole picture so well. While I'm loving getting to know my new puppy, I'm still mourning the loss of Otis - my sweet baboo. The stupidest things can make me cry - what you said about the pizza crust brought it all back. There are foods I've yet to bring home because the reminder that he's not here to share is just too painful. That selflessness takes a lot of courage - I know how hard it is to do what's right and kind for them when all we want is to take them home and pretend it's all ok. You did a wonderful thing for a best friend. No one could ask for more than ythat. I'm new to Axl's story, but I get the gist. My prayers are going up for you and for him. I'm glad he has someone who loves him the way he should be loved.


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## alphadude

skeetie said:


> I feel sick to my stomach for you and your boy Ax...I've been following it since it started, you poor poor guy. My first golden, I agonized about when is "the time", people swore they let you know. I struggled with letting him go a minute to soon or a minute to late. That son of gun showed me, he never really had accidents but the night I came home from work after a reoccurrence of cancer, he had no spunk left it was about 6 weeks after I knew the cancer came back. I called him for a treat he just looked at me like " help me mom" and he peed in the kitchen. I knew my grief and pain of losing him and going through life without him had to be put aside - I wasn't letting him not have his dignity, he was too loyal to me in every way over the years. Called the vet, he waited at his office off Hylan Blvd and I helped my beloved boy. I never ever ever ever thought I could do it, all the times he was selfless to me I needed to show him I could be selfless....it is so friggin excruciating. I went home, brushing my teeth that night I swear to God at the corner of my eye I saw him run down the hallway. I never ever had that happen to me, not before then or since! I cried but to tell the truth I broke down a few weeks later while eating Pizzia for the first and realizing he was not there to nudge for he crust....
> 
> Of all the sayings we hear about losing our dogs, this is the one that rings true for me - grief is the price we pay for love....he is a much loved boy. Our hearts break for you, and your entire family.
> And I continue to keep you in our prayers.


Both Axl and his 'little brother' are huge fans of pizza crust. Every time I go to Brothers in Port Richmond with my family, I always leave with a bag full of crusts for the boys.


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## alphadude

Ax still hanging in there. Spent the night with him on the living room floor. Back is barking pretty loud about now.

Actually got up earlier and went out to pee a bit. Very dark yellow almost orange, wondering if some blood and fluid mixed in. Don't know at this point.

Back to refusing all food. Not looking promising for Axman.

One positive, my sister came up with a good idea to let me help him stand. She took a tough canvas type shopping bag, slit both sides and I can slip it under his entire midsection to help him stand. Used it to steady him going both up and down the stairs.


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## CAROLINA MOM

I'm sorry to hear about this latest development. 

I've seen those bags converted before, they work great. 

My continued thoughts for Ax and your family.


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## jennretz

That bag idea is a great idea. Sending a warm hug to you and Ax


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## Yaichi's Mom

My heart is with you and Ax, AD.

The bag works well and should help you if Ax doesn't mind it. I used it for Brisby when she blew her cruciate...she didn't like the noise it made...hope not the case for Ax.

If he is still not eating, you may want to consider getting some of this if you don't have it already:

Nutri-Cal® for Cats & Kittens, Dogs & Puppies and Ferrets | Tomlyn

My bridge girl Yaichi and all my other dogs have licked this off my finger when they were in crisis and refused to eat. Small bits of yogurt worked too.

Thinking of you, Ax, your family and sending positive thoughts...hugs....


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## Brinkleythegolden

Hugs to you guys today.


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## sophieanne

What a clever idea regarding the bag. I'm sorry Ax is not having a good day. I'm praying for him and your family.


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## alphadude

Been looking though the tens of thousands of digital pics and came across this one...Ax looking young and strong laying next to his at the time, 1 year old little brother. May 5 2013


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## Pilgrim123

AD, thank you for looking after Axl so well. Just don't forget to look after yourself, too. After all, you won't be much use to him if you're worn out and have ruined your back!


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## sophieanne

Thanks for the new picture/..your two dogs are incredibly handsome!!!!!


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## OutWest

This is the food I've used with Bella when she started refusing to eat. (Overall she's eaten well since getting sick, but sometimes a few days after treatment, she wouldn't be too interested.) I asked at a Petsmart if they sold tripe dog food. Both my dogs will do anything for tripe. I had tried a small independent pet store but had to buy a large crate to get their product. Petsmart had this for sale by the can. And it doesn't smell.  At least not to my nose. Bella thinks it smells just fine. Tucker, too. 

To second and third other folks: glad Ax is hanging in there, and please take care of yourself.


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## rooroch

You are doing so well. That bag idea is great. I second the nutri-cal. They don't need much and usually like the taste. Tripe is good too. They tend to like it smelly and green!! I can't get it here, the French eat it so it is all washed and boiled with no smell and all nutrients gone.

Try to take care of your back if you can. I have a 80cm (don't know inches) wide memory foam pad/mattress which is great for sleeping on the floor and can be rolled up and carried away easily if necessary.


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## NewfieMom

CAROLINA MOM said:


> I've seen those bags converted before, they work great.


We weren't bright enough to think of a bag! I remember slipping a flannel sheet under one of my large dogs (I do not even remember which one) to help support him or her. I am not sure it would work with Griffin. He has become so huge, that I shudder to think what getting him up if he cannot walk will be like.

NewfieMom


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## alphadude

Had a rather uneventful night thankfully. Was up till 4 AM sitting with my boy.

Bought him a memory foam dog bed yesterday and he seems to like it. Knew instinctively what it was for.

Forgot to mention that yesterday morning when he was outside, I decided to insert a glycerine suppository to try and get things moving in a gentle manner without stressing his poor colon.

Anyway about 5 pm I stepped out onto the front porch to get some air and I was surprised to see Ax had gotten up to follow me. I let him out figuring he wanted company since we were the only ones home at the moment. He waddled right past me and unsteadily but quickly down the stairs , out to the lawn and released a torrent of feces both liquid and solid. It was a very large amount accompanied by plenty of gas. He actually looked noticeably smaller afterwards but it took a lot out of him. It took me almost an hour to get him back inside.

This morning he came out back after a bit of coaxing and urinated a good amount and had some diarrhea. At least things seem to still be working and moving.

We're still sitting in the yard and hes lying in the sun enjoying the weather I guess.

The whole thing seems surreal. Without question the MOST depressing Labor Day weekend ever..


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## murphy1

He's there with you happy and relaxing. Take care of yourself and watch the wind we're expecting around here.


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## Jessie'sGirl

Glad to hear it was a good night. Hope the day is good as well.
Always good when all the bodily functions are working. 
We have a memory foam bed for Jess, and he loves it. Unfortunately, so do the cats!


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## sophieanne

If he had a good output, hopefully that'll make him feel a little better Being backed up and bloated just isn't any good. It's a hard long weekend but you're all together and that is the important thing. I hope you all have a good day.


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## LynnC

This must be so emotionally draining on everyone. Continued prayers for Ax, you and your family.


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## Karen519

*Ax*

So sorry for the pain you both are going through!


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## Brinkleythegolden

Poor Ax-it had to make him feel better.


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## GoldenCamper

I have been reading your thread and want to say I am sorry about Ax's troubles.

As with others I will give you the scenarios I have been through.

My first Golden I found in a parking lot and the vet said she was about 2 yrs old. She lived to only 10. The best of the best never figured her maladie exactly, long story and still painful but we had a great 8 years together and explored the USA coast to coast. She passed in my arms.

My boy I never won a wrestling match with I adopted a 3yrs of age. His lungs collapse for no reason when we were camping in the middle of nowhere when he was 12 or so. I of course did not know that at the time but got him to a ER 2 hrs away in the middle of the night dodging moose and deer in the dark of night on the back roads of Maine. With smaller critters I did not touch the brakes but they were smart enough to duck.

My last girl was almost 13 when Grand Mal seizures set in, brain tumor, cancerous. We had a good 5 1/2 months though. She passed naturally at home which was a first for me and a blessing.


I do not not look back and have regrets. I wondered initially with all of my kids whether or not all of what I did was right. All of it turned out right at the end.


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## Ksdenton

Wow. I haven't been on the board lately and had to check this thread to see how Axl was doing. I'm crying reading through just this past weeks events. My heart breaks for you and sending out prayers to you.


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## alphadude

Today, the world is dimmer, less vibrant, less joyful because the the purest soul I have ever known departed it.

My life will never be the same. I lost the best friend I ever had or will have. I lost my brother, my better half and all that was right with this world. He took so much of me with him, I hope he knew.

Axl took his last breath in my arms @ around 8 AM this morning. He was trying to get outside one last time to pee. He never made it.

Right now I am numb.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, well wishes advice etc.


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## jennretz

I am so sorry! I loved Ax like he was my own. At least he was where he wanted to be; in your arms.


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## Amystelter

So sorry for your loss and pain. Seek comfort in whatever you can -


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## kwhit

Run free, Ax...

You will be forever loved...


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## murphy1

I don't know you or Ax but for this forum yet I sit here crying for you. I know exactly how you feel as I lost my heart dog in April 2012. His picture is still on my mantel and I cry for him often. AD you feel as though there will never be another great dog in your life but there will be. I now have my Murphy who is just a wonderful guy, I love him as much as I loved my Shamus. There is a difference yes, but the love is the same.
If you believe as I do, your Ax will be waiting for you and you'll put your arms around him once again. A prayer being said for you and your family.


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## kansas gold

HE KNEW! No words can help just wanted to let you know my thoughts are with you.


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## Kalhayd

I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. Sending love and prayers.


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## sophieanne

Alphadude and family. I am so sorry for your loss of Ax. He really has become a part of all of us in the forum who have been following your posts. I too am in tears knowing what a loss has occurred. You have the most wonderful family and together your memoires and your love will help you through this very difficult time. He's now free and out of pain and has probably caught his first Frisbee or kicked his first soccer bal at the bridge. I will be burning a candle for him tonight.
P.S. - there is no doubt in my mind that Ax knew how much he meant to you...you two are the perfect example of what unconditional love is all about.


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## penparson

So sorry to hear your sad news. Ax was a vibrant and spirited boy - I'm glad he was able to go on his own terms in your arms.


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## AmberSunrise

I am so very sorry - he left this world as he lived this life; surrounded by love and his way.

Axl, you were gorgeous and all that a golden should be - Run Fast, Run Free ...

My first golden (Amber Sunrise King UD, therapy dog) left this Earth on Labor Day weekend too..



alphadude said:


> Today, the world is dimmer, less vibrant, less joyful because the the purest soul I have ever known departed it.
> 
> My life will never be the same. I lost the best friend I ever had or will have. I lost my brother, my better half and all that was right with this world. He took so much of me with him, I hope he knew.
> 
> Axl took his last breath in my arms @ around 8 AM this morning. He was trying to get outside one last time to pee. He never made it.
> 
> Right now I am numb.
> 
> Thank you everyone for your thoughts, well wishes advice etc.


----------



## Max's Dad

So sorry to hear this sad news.


----------



## Laurie

I'm so sorry for the loss of such a wonderful Golden boy. I kept up with your thread but never commented as I just lost my 7.5 year old boy in June and it has been so very painful. My heart goes out to you and your family. RIP Axl.


----------



## Wendy427

I'm so, so sorry for the loss of Axl, your dearest friend.


----------



## Jessie'sGirl

I am so sorry. Ax fought so hard to stay with you. He knew how deeply you loved him, and he loved you just as much. He will always be remembered here .


----------



## Yaichi's Mom

AD and family....I am so, so sorry to read that another beyond precious soul has been felled by this evil disease.

My and all hearts here are breaking with yours at this very sad time, tears flowing with yours totally understanding and feeling the pain in your heart today.

Please know that just as he was your best friend, he knew and felt that you were his. The love you shared is eternal. I hope that this and all the wonderful, precious moments you have shared will help heal your heart in time. 

Sending you, Ax and your family light, love and peace at this very sad time....many hugs from our heart to yours.


----------



## azzure

So sorry. What a wonderful and courageous dog. You and he had another month to love one another after his diagnosis; so happy that you were able to make the most of every day.


----------



## swishywagga

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious Ax, thank you for sharing him and all your adventures together, he will be missed by many all over the world.


----------



## OutWest

alphadude said:


> Today, the world is dimmer, less vibrant, less joyful because the the purest soul I have ever known departed it.
> 
> My life will never be the same. I lost the best friend I ever had or will have. I lost my brother, my better half and all that was right with this world. He took so much of me with him, I hope he knew.
> 
> Axl took his last breath in my arms @ around 8 AM this morning. He was trying to get outside one last time to pee. He never made it.
> 
> Right now I am numb.
> 
> Thank you everyone for your thoughts, well wishes advice etc.


Oh I am so sorry and so sad. I am glad he is no longer suffering but so sorry that now you are grieving. You two had such a special relationship and I can only begin to imagine how painful his absence is and will be for you. Take good care of yourself. My thoughts are with you and your family.


----------



## Tricia

I am so sorry. I don't know you but have been following your posts for a long time. It is through you that I introduced my Charlie to frisbees. Her all time favourite past time.

Take care.


----------



## NewfieMom

alphadude said:


> My life will never be the same. I lost the best friend I ever had or will have. I lost my brother, my better half and all that was right with this world. He took so much of me with him, I hope he knew.


He knew everything, *alphadude*. He knew absolutely everything. He didn't have a doubt in the world that you loved him more than anything on earth and would always be by his side, never leave him. No living creature, man or dog could ask for more, my dear, dear friend.

I send all my love.
Deb


----------



## KiwiD

I'm so very sorry for your loss. You two had such a special bond that could be felt in every one of your posts.


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## lexie_bushey

I'm so sorry for your loss. I loved reading about ax and the bond you guys had was amazing.


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## Sweet Girl

My heart just broke as I read that. I am so very sorry. I wish we could take away some of your pain.


----------



## aesthetic

I'm so so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you and your family. Sending my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## Ginams

I am so sorry. What an amazing life Ax lived and it is fitting that he went on his terms. The time we get with them is never long enough; an eternity wouldn't be long enough. 
I'll be thinking of you and your family in the days ahead.


----------



## Panama Rob

alphadude said:


> Today, the world is dimmer, less vibrant, less joyful because the the purest soul I have ever known departed it.
> 
> My life will never be the same. I lost the best friend I ever had or will have. I lost my brother, my better half and all that was right with this world. He took so much of me with him, I hope he knew.
> 
> Axl took his last breath in my arms @ around 8 AM this morning. He was trying to get outside one last time to pee. He never made it.
> 
> Right now I am numb.
> 
> Thank you everyone for your thoughts, well wishes advice etc.



I would say all of our hearts are broken here. I thank you for letting us know him and my life is forever richer for that. I am crying real tears. We all mourn his loss but I also want to celebrate his life and his memory. He brought such a vibrant light to the world with his enthusiasm for life and being active. He brought joy to all of us and to anyone who was touched by his life. He is such a beautiful soul. Alpha Dude, my deepest sympathies and condolences go out to you and your family. Thank you guys for allowing him to be all that he became.


----------



## TheZ's

Very much saddened to read your news. You were blessed to have shared life with such a wonderful dog. Wishing peace to you and your family including Puffy.


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## CAROLINA MOM

I am so very sorry for your loss of Ax, I know how hard this is as I've been through it too many times. I agree, each one that passes takes a part of us with them. I'd like to think the part of our heart they take, they are keeping safe until we meet again. 

It's a long slow journey to find peace and for your heart to heal. Take the time you need to grieve. Puffy will be missing Ax too, be there for each other. May the special times and memories carry you through the dark days and bring some warmth and sunshine when you think of them and Ax. 

Godspeed Ax


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

Alphadude, my heart is broken for you. You were there for Axl til the bitter end, and he went out on his terms. Hemangio is the most horrible cancer ever and it has taken far too many of our Goldens. Hugs to you and your family. Hug Puffy extra tight tonight...


----------



## CashStringer

Our hearts are broken for you. So many thoughts and prayers coming from our home to yours.


----------



## rooroch

Only just able to log on and found the news from you I have been dreading each day. I cannot find the right words and the others have expressed all my feelings for your family and Ax better than I ever could. At least you did not have to take him to the vet. Give Puffy a big hug from me, he will be very needy.


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## laprincessa

I've been afraid to open this thread for the past few days, fearing this news. 
I'm so sorry
He knew, trust in that, he knew how beloved he was. He's taken a huge piece of your heart, but he's left you with so much - you have been blessed to have him in your life for as long as you did. 
May you find peace in the coming days.


----------



## my4goldens

I am so very sorry for your loss. Rest in Peace, Ax.


----------



## Pilgrim123

Axl, may your next life be as wonderful as this one was. We will miss you. AD, thank you for giving an exceptional dog an exceptional life. Take care.


----------



## Piper_the_goldenpuppy

Alphadude, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Axl was such a special dog. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## Wicky

AD my heart breaks for you. You and your family will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Run swift, run free Axl.


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## first golden

Alphadude and family, I am so sorry for your loss, there are no words that can be said to comfort your loss and the pain you must be feeling. Know you did all you could do... Axl went his way surrounded by his family who he loved. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers!


----------



## hotel4dogs

There are just no words.
Run free Axl.


----------



## Karen519

*Axl*

Rest in peace, sweet Axl!
I am so very sorry Alphadude.
Smooch and Snobear will take care of him.

http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...y-list/395098-2016-rainbow-bridge-list-4.html


----------



## LynnC

I am so sorry for your loss. May Axl rest in peace and may you and your family find solace in his wonderful memories.


----------



## Tennyson

I'm really sorry AD. Just know that Ax did one last thing to show his love for you. He made the decision to leave so you didn't have to. That's true love, AD.
I have a feeling that Thurmond and Mickey are warming up their arms for some powerful disc throwing. They have a tough act to follow but Ax will train them.
Godspeed Ax. We all love you and you made an indelible lasting image on all of our minds and hearts.


----------



## Ivyacres

Panama Rob said:


> I would say all of our hearts are broken here. I thank you for letting us know him and my life is forever richer for that. I am crying real tears. We all mourn his loss but I also want to celebrate his life and his memory. He brought such a vibrant light to the world with his enthusiasm for life and being active. He brought joy to all of us and to anyone who was touched by his life. He is such a beautiful soul. Alpha Dude, my deepest sympathies and condolences go out to you and your family. Thank you guys for allowing him to be all that he became.


Panama Rob got it right. I never met Ax in real life but like many others here, I feel sadden by his loss. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.


----------



## ArchersMom

I'm so sorry. Axl was such a wonderful boy. Your stories of his disc talents will be greatly missed by me and many members of this forum. Hold Puffy close.


----------



## Helo's Mom

I am so very sorry. It is fitting he was able to go on his terms, just how he lived life. My deepest sympathies to you, your family and Puffy.


----------



## Cpc1972

So sorry.RIP AX.


----------



## HopeMakes5

Just checking in to the site for the first time in several months--what heartbreaking news. My deepest condolences on the loss of amazing Ax. I lost my Abby almost 2 years ago to the same cause. Prayers for comfort and peace...so incredibly difficult.


----------



## solinvictus

Prayers for you and your family Alphadude. I think we all loved Axl through all of your stories over the years. I am so sorry for your loss. I will think of him chasing and catching his disc across the sky. Thank you for sharing him with us.


----------



## Selli-Belle

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## tikiandme

I'm so sorry for your loss of Axl. He was one in a million.


----------



## CnCFusion

So sorry to hear about Ax's departure.. I literally have been reading the whole 66 pages with difficulty controlling my own tears...

Ax wouldn't have wanted to depart any other way and will remember forever that he was held by his best friend until his last breath.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you ~


----------



## 4goldengirls

I've been away for the long weekend and just now tuning in. So very, very sorry for your loss. It is so gut wrenching to go thru their illness and even more gut wrenching when they pass. I don't know what to say except you and your family have my deepest condolences.


----------



## HLT924

So sorry to hear of Axl's passing. I hope that all of your fantastic memories help you heal once this storm passes. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. 

Sent from my SM-G920P using Tapatalk


----------



## brianne

Axl was a once in a lifetime dog and he never had a truer friend than you. An amazing bond that many people never experience. I just don't have adequate words to tell you how sorry I am.

Sending many prayers for strength and comfort in the days to come. Be kind and gentle to yourself and your family - Ax would want that. :crying:


----------



## SandyK

Through tears I write to tell you how very sorry I am. Hopefully it brings you some comfort to know he went on his own terms. Such an amazing boy...who had a great dad!!! He will live in your heart forever. Please take care of yourself. I will be thinking of you and your family as you grieve for Ax. Give Puffy some extra loving as he will need it too.


----------



## alphadude

Once again, heartfelt thanks to all who have extended their condolences. It makes this difficult time a bit more bearable knowing that Axl will be remembered and missed by people who never met him.

I am grief stricken beyond even my worst expectations. Too grief stricken for even the catharsis of writing - a definite first.

My wife and I went to 'Ax's' beach tonight and spread out the zebra blanket and sat on the dune. The feeling of emptiness and loss that washed over me in waves was...nothing short of terrible.

I did a private little tribute to Ax on the sand and even ripped one long one to nobody...

I found the pic I was looking for of Ax with 8 week old Angus the night I brought him home.

Nicest sunset in weeks and no Axl to share it with...absolutely heartbreaking.


----------



## SandyK

Axl had a paw in that beautiful sunset tonight just for his wonderful parents!!!!


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## Kalhayd

SandyK said:


> Axl had a paw in that beautiful sunset tonight just for his wonderful parents!!!!


Absolutely... 

Your words are so eloquent and your pain is so clearly visible. Ax knew just how much you loved and cherished and were thankful for him. 

My heart is broken for y'all. No words are good enough- but know that Ax has inspired me through your writings. 

Sending love, 

Lisa


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## alphadude

I just wanted to add that I have a fairly large quantity of Yunnan Baiyao capsules as well as I'M Yunnity, and Swanson Turkey Tail which is essentially what the "I'M Yunnity" is without the 500% markup. 

If anyone on the forum has an unfortunate need for either of those, and I sincerely hope nobody does, PM me and I will make arrangements to get it them to hopefully help another precious golden in need.

For whatever it's worth, I really think the YB helped slow the bleeds down and keep Ax alive longer than he would have been without it. 

I don't think the GSVS staff expected him to last a week after he left. They didn't know Axl...


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

AD I am very, very sorry for your loss of Ax. 

The pain you feel right now words can not describe and many of us know that pain so well. Ax was one in a million and you were truly blessed to call him yours and thank you so much for sharing something so precious with us to the last moment. 

May time soften your pain and leave you with memories of the best times you had with your boy. Hugs.


----------



## G-bear

Axl was so lucky to have lived a life most dogs can only hope for. His life tho short was a huge adventure and, I believe, he packed more living into his too short life than most people do. He lived his life full speed ahead, fought bravely to remain with those he loved. When that was no longer possible he died on his terms in the arms of the person he loved most in the world. Ax has taken a piece of your heart with him but know that he will keep it safe for you until you meet again. I am so sorry for your loss.


----------



## Tahnee GR

I am so very sorry for your loss. Rest in peace, sweet boy.


----------



## Coco's Mom

I am very sorry for your loss.

Ax, run free.


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## mylissyk

Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am for his loss. He is one of a kind, and you gave this board a great gift sharing him with us. He was bigger than life and made us all happier knowing him, even though we never met him.


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## Just Ernie

Words cannot express how sorry I am about the loss of your precious Axl. Tears gently falling down my cheeks, I too know the devastation of losing your best friend. I lost the love of my life Winston almost 10 years ago in October of 2006 at age 12 1/2. He also had hemangiosarcoma and went shockingly quick without notice and to this day, I still miss him terribly. Your sweet boy knows how much you cared for him, believe me. You will always have those precious memories in your memory and your heart. He will be your brightest star shining down upon you and will be with you forever and a day. I believe we will be with them again one sweet day. Below are 2 pictures of my Winston.


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## ceegee

I'm sorry - these are tough times. Kind thoughts are coming your way from Canada.


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## gold4me

I am at a loss of words to tell you how my heart breaks for you. I understand the loss and what hemangiosarcoma does having gone down that road too many times. I just want you to know my prayers and thoughts are with you. It is hard to write because the tears are falling for you and the sadness and pain you are dealing with.


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## Bosn'sMom

I am so sorry over the loss of your sweet Ax. So fitting he was able to spend his final moments in the care of your arms. I hope your family + Puffy is hanging in there. You were right- so many people here on the forum who had never met him are all grieving with you.


----------



## Anele

I am shedding so many tears for you and your boy. I have been an admirer of you both for a long time, of the transformative relationship you have had. You gave him what he needed and he did the same for you. I can only imagine the emptiness and pain you are feeling at this deep loss, a hole in your heart.

I believe Axl will stay in contact with you, sending you reminders from the Bridge-- letting you know that is he is missing you, watching over you, but running free.


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## NewfieMom

The heartfelt messages written to you by forum members are a reflection of how special Axl, and his relationship with you were, *alphadude*. That you touched so many people, touched them to the point that reading their messages brings the reader to tears, is nothing short of breathtaking. I hope that in a few weeks you can read this thread and draw some some small comfort from that. In the meantime, I hope that good wishes, thoughts, prayers, and love will continue to carry you. 

With love,
Deb
(NewfieMom)


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## PrincessDaisy

AD, remember the good memories, not the sad one. The grief is real, live it and get it out. Sadness will take over and the Ax shaped hole in your heart will begin to heal. Then reflect on just how great it was to have had that special bond that you shared with Ax. Think about Ax bounding across celestial landscapes to catch incredible, long throws of a distance disc.


And know in your heart that Axl loved you more than you loved him. That's the nature of the bond between dog and man. It's primal. That's how we were created. 

Max


----------



## MyMaggieGirl

I am very sorry for the loss of your sweet boy Axl. He left on his terms. Rest in peace Axl.


----------



## Mr. Fuzzyface

There are no adequate words to express my most sincere condolences to you, your family and Puffy. Ax fought his cancer with valiant effort - he was determined to live another day and be by your side. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Holding you all in my heart and wishing that all the wonderful memories of Ax can bring you some measure of comfort in the coming days.


----------



## alphadude

First sunset with Puffy from my back deck was an EPIC fail. He just doesn't seem to appreciate it like Ax did or even notice it for that matter. Degenerated into a sobfest with my daughter anyway.

Puffy seems depressed as well, and is now coughing and hacking and in fact making almost exactly the same sound as Ax when he died which is not really a memory I'm interested in reliving right now.

Don't know if I mentioned it previously, but apparently a kennel cough epidemic is rampant around here and likely was the final nail in Ax's coffin literally. My sister's dog has it and apparently Puffy does too now.


----------



## Kalhayd

Missing Ax with you!


----------



## azzure

I wish my Gus had died in my arms. We were rushing him to the emergency vet after a bleed, and decided he would be more comfortable having the car's back seat to himself. We didn't make it; he died just as we pulled into the vet's driveway and I so regret that I wasn't holding him when he passed. Glad you were with Ax in his final moments. A small comfort, I know.


----------



## Pilgrim123

AD, I don't think I'll ever be able to look at another sunset without thinking of you and Axl. But sunsets were where you and he were so darned happy together and that will never be forgotten, either. It is definitely a memory worth holding on to. Take care.


----------



## Lise123

I haven't been on the forum since my password was hacked and reset, and I was shocked and saddened to hear about Axl's untimely death. It feels like just the other day I was reading your post about how he was schooling punk dogs on the beach, or how you were contemplating traveling to disc competitions. Axl seemed like a one-in-a-million superdog, and I loved reading the stories about his life with you and poor Puffy. I can only imagine how gut-wrenching it must feel to lose a dog like that. My sincere sympathies with you and your family. Your full-throttle dog will be missed all over the world by all of us who enjoyed his stories.


----------



## murphy1

Went thru a loss while having two Goldens. Kelly was depressed for awhile, under the kitchen table for days, clearly upset at the loss of her buddy. Puffy is missing Ax and knows something is wrong with his family. He needs love hugs just like you. He'll never take the place of your Ax but needs you now.


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## SandyK

OMG I hope Puffy doesn't have kennel cough...you all need a break from sickness!!


----------



## laprincessa

Oh poor Puffy 
Max was with his friend Calli when she had a seizure, and on the way to the vet, and coming home without her. He went into mourning - his fur fell out, he was depressed for months. 
Puffy is surely suffering - he lost his big brother, and he's picking up on your grief.

Axl taught him how to be strong, how to take care of you. He will never be Axl, but he's going to be a great dog. And he's going to help you heal.


----------



## alphadude

SandyK said:


> OMG I hope Puffy doesn't have kennel cough...you all need a break from sickness!!


You can say that again.


----------



## Ksdenton

Nooooo!!!! I'm so saddened by your loss of Axl. I loved reading your posts of him and your adventures and will miss reading about them. Axl was an amazing dog and while you miss him dearly just remember how fortunate you are to have had such an amazing dog/friend in your life. I'm so sorry. Prayers to you. 

Sherry


----------



## migs

So very sorry for your loss of your boy AX. 
He is in a much better place now & no longer suffering. 
He is now watching over you & the family for all time.
I have a candle lit for him next to the one for my kitty who passed 4 months ago.


----------



## 2golddogs

I am so very sorry. It truly is gut wrenching when you have to say goodbye to your heart dog. Axl knew how much you loved him. I hope the memories of the joy he brought you will bring you comfort.


----------



## alphadude

migs said:


> So very sorry for your loss of your boy AX.
> He is in a much better place now & no longer suffering.
> He is now watching over you & the family for all time.
> I have a candle lit for him next to the one for my kitty who passed 4 months ago.


Thank you so much Migs.

It is somewhat comforting to know that he will be missed by others beside my family and I.


----------



## alphadude

My wife and I took Angus to the beach this afternoon. We found a nice deserted beach where there were likely to be no other dogs with his recent aggression issues. 

I tried soft tossing him a disc into the wind so it hung up nicely for him, less than 10 feet about 20 times. He did not come close to catching one. He just doesn't seem to get the concept that he can chase and catch the disc BEFORE it lands.

If you want a tennis ball or a stick fetched (in no particular hurry) from the bay, he's up for that but disc is just not his thing.

I even came up with an idea that would be beneficial for both of us. I figured I'd try ripping the discs like I used to for Ax (I'm terribly out of practice) and let him meander down the beach and retrieve them thus getting some good exercise. Of the three times I tried, I ended up having to go get 2 myself because he apparently couldn't find them.

I guess I'm going to have to play to his limited abilities. Not a Puffy bashing session, just a realistic assessment of the grim reality of life post Axl. I going to have to focus a lot of attention on him in order to make him the best he can be.

3 beautiful sunsets in a row since Ax passed. It'll never be the same without him by my side.


----------



## laprincessa

I want to say something that will comfort you, but there are no words


----------



## jennretz

I am so sorry. I wish it didn't hurt so.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Tennyson

alphadude said:


> My wife and I took Angus to the beach this afternoon. We found a nice deserted beach where there were likely to be no other dogs with his recent aggression issues.
> 
> I tried soft tossing him a disc into the wind so it hung up nicely for him, less than 10 feet about 20 times. He did not come close to catching one. He just doesn't seem to get the concept that he can chase and catch the disc BEFORE it lands.
> 
> If you want a tennis ball or a stick fetched (in no particular hurry) from the bay, he's up for that but disc is just not his thing.
> 
> I even came up with an idea that would be beneficial for both of us. I figured I'd try ripping the discs like I used to for Ax (I'm terribly out of practice) and let him meander down the beach and retrieve them thus getting some good exercise. Of the three times I tried, I ended up having to go get 2 myself because he apparently couldn't find them.
> 
> I guess I'm going to have to play to his limited abilities. Not a Puffy bashing session, just a realistic assessment of the grim reality of life post Axl. I going to have to focus a lot of attention on him in order to make him the best he can be.
> 
> 3 beautiful sunsets in a row since Ax passed. It'll never be the same without him by my side.


Beautiful pictures AD. I didn't realize Angus = Puffy.
As horrible as you feel now imagine how lost and sad Angus is feeling. No doubt he's trying...........trying really hard.
Hey it took Tino some time to get in his groove after Donnie retired.
Angus won't disappoint you.


----------



## alphadude

Tennyson said:


> Beautiful pictures AD. I didn't realize Angus = Puffy.
> As horrible as you feel now imagine how lost and sad Angus is feeling. No doubt he's trying...........trying really hard.
> Hey it took Tino some time to get in his groove after Donnie retired.
> Angus won't disappoint you.


My wife has been yelling at me for years to stop calling him Puffy. I guess I'm finally going to start listening. She thinks it's disrespectful to him, I think it's just an endearing nickname. Angus it is...or Gus as she calls him. 

I am a huge Yankee fan going back to the early 70's with the tattoo to prove it, so I get the analogy. Not a fair weather '96er' fan here. Munson was my childhood idol. Loved 'Donnie Baseball' and grew to love Tino as much if not more. Am half watching them right now, trying to sweep the Jays and make a run at this thing and I'm sorry to say I couldn't care less which is a definite first for a rabid Yankee fan like myself. Now that Ax is gone, it all seems so trivial and meaningless to me.

Tino was a very talented athlete in his own right, as well as a 'gamer'. Unfortunately, Gus is a lovable, clumsy, goof ball with bum hind legs that couldn't begin to do the things Ax did effortlessly. He also lacks the intense drive. 

God how I miss him...


----------



## Eabeal

I am so sorry for you loss of sweet Axl. Have always followed so many wonderful stories of your adventures!


----------



## Yaichi's Mom

alphadude said:


> ................
> I guess I'm going to have to play to his limited abilities. Not a Puffy bashing session, just a realistic assessment of the grim reality of life post Axl. I going to have to focus a lot of attention on him in order to make him the best he can be.
> 
> 3 beautiful sunsets in a row since Ax passed. It'll never be the same without him by my side.


AD, I realize and know how much you are hurting and missing Ax...and YES, it will never be the same for you without him.

However that said and I don't mean to be either cruel or insensitive, please do yourself a huge favor and don't diminish Puffy/Angus/Gus by labeling him with "limited abilities".

He can't be Ax...never could and never will be...however it you search long and hard enough, I am sure you will find that he has special qualities and abilities that perhaps Ax never had. 

I know you know this...each dog that we are ever blessed to share our lives with is different. They all bring their special gifts, blessings, joy, lessons/teachings to us, sometimes when we don't see them right away.

No, Puffy will never be Ax, however please don't sell yourself or Puffy short by putting him in a category of "limited ability" for both your sake and future.

When your heart begins to heal, I hope you can open up your heart to see what a wonderful soul Puffy is in his own right and find a way to better bond with him outside of Ax's magnificent legacy.

Please know that what I write is from heart and love.

Wishing that your pain and emptiness with the loss of Ax eases in time knowing that you had a dog of a lifetime, yet each and everyone of these special souls that come into our lives bring special gifts if we take the time to see.


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## NewfieMom

_I do not agree with your wife that Angus should not be called "Puffy". In fact, I think you should not start to call him, "Angus". I am worried that you are trying to make him take Axl's place, even though, intellectually, you know he cannot. 

While you have said all along that you knew that Puffy would "never be the dog that Ax was" and that he, now, cannot appreciate the sunsets and catch the discs, you keep bringing him to see the sunsets and throwing the disc for him. I think it is unfair to both you and Puffy (whom I used to call "Angus" a lot of the time!) I do not think you should try to make him "the best that he can be". I think he is already the best that he can be. *He is just not Axl.
*
I hope you forgive me for speaking my mind. I love you and Angus (Puffy) and loved Axl with all my heart. But Puffy should be allowed to remain who he has *always* been. 


NewfieMom
_


----------



## OutWest

alphadude said:


> My wife and I took Angus to the beach this afternoon. We found a nice deserted beach where there were likely to be no other dogs with his recent aggression issues.
> 
> I tried soft tossing him a disc into the wind so it hung up nicely for him, less than 10 feet about 20 times. He did not come close to catching one. He just doesn't seem to get the concept that he can chase and catch the disc BEFORE it lands.
> 
> If you want a tennis ball or a stick fetched (in no particular hurry) from the bay, he's up for that but disc is just not his thing.
> 
> I even came up with an idea that would be beneficial for both of us. I figured I'd try ripping the discs like I used to for Ax (I'm terribly out of practice) and let him meander down the beach and retrieve them thus getting some good exercise. Of the three times I tried, I ended up having to go get 2 myself because he apparently couldn't find them.
> 
> I guess I'm going to have to play to his limited abilities. Not a Puffy bashing session, just a realistic assessment of the grim reality of life post Axl. I going to have to focus a lot of attention on him in order to make him the best he can be.
> 
> 3 beautiful sunsets in a row since Ax passed. It'll never be the same without him by my side.


Perhaps you should come up with an activity to do with Angus that is distinct and different from what you used to do with Ax. Perhaps nose work, obedience, or some other thing that he could excel at but that wouldn't invite comparisons to Ax. It might help you both a lot to keep you busy and occupied. In our house, Tucker is an outstanding retriever. I can chuck and lob that ball as far as possible, and he's on it like glue. He brings the ball back with joy and plops it directly into my lap just like I trained him to. Bella, on the other hand, gets all excited, chases the ball and makes glorious leaps (that Tucker could not), catches the ball, then drops it. I think the retriever gene got lost when she got made.  So we try to do other things with her. She would have made a wonderful agility competitor except for her fear aggression which messes everything up. So we rub her belly a LOT (her favorite thing), and ooh and aah over her when she brings us her "babies" (stuffed animals and toys). 

Sending good thoughts to you and yours while you go through these painful times.


----------



## alphadude

NewfieMom said:


> _I do not agree with your wife that Angus should not be called "Puffy". In fact, I think you should not start to call him, "Angus". I am worried that you are trying to make him take Axl's place, even though, intellectually, you know he cannot.
> 
> While you have said all along that you knew that Puffy would "never be the dog that Ax was" and that he, now, cannot appreciate the sunsets and catch the discs, you keep bringing him to see the sunsets and throwing the disc for him. I think it is unfair to both you and Puffy (whom I used to call "Angus" a lot of the time!) I do not think you should try to make him "the best that he can be". I think he is already the best that he can be. *He is just not Axl.
> *
> I hope you forgive me for speaking my mind. I love you and Angus (Puffy) and loved Axl with all my heart. But Puffy should be allowed to remain who he has *always* been.
> 
> 
> NewfieMom
> _


I think you are quite right Deb, and I am just being selfish.

Yesterday was slightly better but today, from the moment I opened my eyes, a tsunami of grief has washed over me like it happened 5 minutes ago.


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## jennretz

Thinking of you today.


----------



## Anele

Regarding Puffy-- I agree his nickname is endearing-- no need to add more changes to your life now by changing how you address him. 

I get it. When you are looking at Puffy right now, you aren't thinking about him. You are thinking of Axl. You aren't looking at the differences to criticize Puffy, but they just reinforce to you what you honored and admired about Axl. I think Puffy understands. I don't think he takes it personally. He seems like the kind of guy who will patiently wait while you work through your grief. Be gentle with yourself.


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## NewfieMom

alphadude said:


> I think you are quite right Deb, *and I am just being selfish.*
> 
> Yesterday was slightly better but today, from the moment I opened my eyes, a tsunami of grief has washed over me like it happened 5 minutes ago.


Since we are conducting this conversation in public, let me tell you that I love you like a son and I wish I could take you in my arms and comfort you. You are the least selfish man I know. From the first time I "met" you I told you that every woman on this forum would like to have someone like you as a protector while walking her dog. You are kind, caring, strong, and giving to a fault. The only "problem" in your character is that you are grieving. And your grief is entirely appropriate. It is not unmanly. But grief sometimes make us feel or do things we would not do when we are are in our right minds. That is why the expression "mad with grief" makes sense to us.

We *all* love and support you.

Hugs,
Deb


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## craigtoo

I'm very sorry for your loss. All I can say is that Ax was an inspiration for me (a future Golden owner). I absolutely loved reading about your relationship. 

Thanks alphadude and Ax.


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## azzure

I lost my Gus in April. He didn't know what to make of a Frisbee or a disc but he was passionate about tennis balls...many walks got interrupted for 10 minutes or so because he WOULD NOT give up until he had found the ball that was hidden somewhere in the blackberry vines. The day he died he was obsessed with a tennis ball that got stuck in a tree branch high above his head. I miss him every single day, sometimes to the point of tears.

Now I have Duffy, age almost 2. Duffy will madly chase a tennis ball, then drop it and pretty much ignore it. But he is super-smart, super-willing, loving and very athletic. I am thinking agility would be a fun thing to try with him. 

I guess my point is that you have to find out what your Angus-Gus-Puffy's passions are, and encourage them in any way possible. Have fun with him and love him, and he will love you right back. And then you will love him more!! Every Golden is special.


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## GoldenCamper

I am sorry for your loss Alphadude.

Don't take this wrong but I am glad you have another Golden and a wife to help you get along.

I have only had one Golden at a time and single. I have been without a friend since January.

If I had a second Golden and a wife I would call my other dog whatever I want. I love the nickname Puffy 

Ax was the one for you, I get that. But believe me that Puffy and all others that come along will always take a piece of your heart just in a different way.


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## murphy1

Golden Camper you hit the nail on the head. Your words are so true.....I said the same thing many times to many people. You can never replace what you had but there will always be another great dog in your life!


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## goldy1

Cannot imagine your grief. You so generously shared your beautiful relationship with all of us. There are no words ... hoping you find comfort in knowing you gave him the best life any dog could have and that he loved you.


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## SandyK

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you.


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## Elsa Cholla's Mom

I am so sorry, how heart breaking for you and your family. I hope the surgery gave him the time you're hoping for.


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## OutWest

Thinking about you and all who love Axl.


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## Ljilly28

So sorry for your loss- it hurts so badly and for so long. C S Lewis in shadowlands says something like the joy then is part of the sorry now. I do think with dogs the brevity of their lives heightens love and joy with them, bc it is passing so so very fast.


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## Dave S

Alphadude, for the last few hours I've been reading about you and Ax through tears. I'm very sorry for your loss. Everything you've posted throughout is exactly how I felt and feel now. My girl Allie left me 3 weeks ago tonight, she too died at home. I was praying for her latest batch of meds to hopefully improve things but sadly we ran out of time. Like you I've been questioning subtle changes that I should have picked up on (other than perhaps getting a little older), but with Allie things moved SO FAST, we were literally running around the lake together 3 weeks prior to her passing- with a recent "all's good" vet check-up! I'm still washed over with intense grief, after 3 weeks it's still unbelievable how much pain I feel, and I too will never forget her eyes looking up at me after she left. I hope things get better over time for you and your family and, as you said, in a way it is a little comforting to know that others feel the same way. take care....


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## alphadude

Very sorry to hear about Allie. I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same way.

Like you I am haunted by the terrible memory of the sight less eyes of my beloved Axl staring up @ me right after he died. 

I am holding it together (barely) the last day or 2 because I had to get away from home for a while for a change of scenery. 

Unfortunately, I am @ the shore (Wildwood) where I have so many happy memories of Ax on the beach. He was catching 90 yard bombs exactly one week before he was diagnosed July 27 and fighting for his life in surgery. I've been fighting back tears the entire time.

40 days was all we got.


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## Dave S

Thanks man, what I would have given for 40 days, she spiraled downwards SO fast. It seems as though there's something every day around the house or wherever I am that reminds me of her, and I think to myself "this is what we'd be doing right now" and I just fall apart. It's been 3 weeks to the day and it's as fresh as ever in my mind. I was just able to finally pick up her dishes yesterday for God's sake. Someone posted on one of your pages a while back and it's so true. "Of all the sayings we hear about losing our dogs, this is the one that rings true for me - grief is the price we pay for love...." I share in your grief........I hope Ax and Allie are getting to know each other


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## NewfieMom

Dave S said:


> Alphadude, for the last few hours I've been reading about you and Ax through tears. I'm very sorry for your loss. Everything you've posted throughout is exactly how I felt and feel now. My girl Allie left me 3 weeks ago tonight, she too died at home. I was praying for her latest batch of meds to hopefully improve things but sadly we ran out of time. Like you I've been questioning subtle changes that I should have picked up on (other than perhaps getting a little older), but with Allie things moved SO FAST, we were literally running around the lake together 3 weeks prior to her passing- with a recent "all's good" vet check-up! I'm still washed over with intense grief, after 3 weeks it's still unbelievable how much pain I feel, and I too will never forget her eyes looking up at me after she left. I hope things get better over time for you and your family and, as you said, in a way it is a little comforting to know that others feel the same way. take care....


I am so sorry, Dave.

NewfeiMom


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## dezymond

RIP Ax

Sorry for your loss AlphaDude. Just a few years ago when I first joined this board I enjoyed reading your stories about Ax and his love for those frisbees of his.

Time will heal.


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## alphadude

When I got back from the shore earlier, and there was no Ax here to greet us, it was bad...very bad. I am never going to get over or get used to this.


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## jennretz

Give yourself time. You loved Ax with all your heart. You're not going to be over this in a day. Just know that you have people around the globe pulling for you and thinking of you.


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## laprincessa

there's no time limit on grief
there's no day that comes and you go, "well, this is the day I have to be over it, so I guess I am." 
We all grieve differently. It's been years since our Cricket went to the Bridge - she was only 4, Cairn Terrier, and I was just a kid, and I still cry when I think of the day I came home and found my parents had taken her to the vet for the last time. 

Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time.


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## mylissyk

alphadude said:


> When I got back from the shore earlier, and there was no Ax here to greet us, it was bad...very bad. I am never going to get over or get used to this.


You will never get over Axle, you will miss him always. But time will pass, and start to soften the pain a little, until one day you will be able to walk onto the beach and remember the best of times you had with him there. Grieve as you need to, there is no time limit. 

If I could suggest, maybe starting a thread about Angus and the things you find to do with him will help some. Maybe Puffy's forte will be comforting you. Have you ever thought about training for therapy dog work with him?


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## kansas gold

Nope- no getting over it- with time you just learn to focus on different things. The emptiness remains until we see them again and then I am pretty sure our hearts will explode with happiness.


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## Sweet Girl

Three and a half years ago, I felt like you. I truly did not know what I was going to do when I lost my girl. I can promise you, it WILL get better. But I went through all the different stages of grief first - including the guilt. Talking to my vet helped me a lot. Time does help, too, as cliché as that sounds. I felt lost and empty for many weeks. Let yourself grieve, there is nothing wrong with that. I agree with mylissyk that one day you will walk on that beach and smile. You will. Not quite yet. But one day.


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## Wolfeye

When I first started reading this thread I was hopeful, hopeful that you had "caught it in time" and that you'd have many happy months, at least, to enjoy with your special friend. I was off the board for a week tending to my new puppy, and was saddened to learn of Ax' decline and death. I'm so glad you got 40 days. Some get more, some get a lot less, but it's all precious, those last few days, weeks, or hours. 

Hugs and my sympathy. He was a special boy.

Grief takes time. Some say to get a puppy soon, it will help. Some say wait a while. It's all a matter of personal choice. I was surprised at how quickly I fell in love with my new little guy, but equally surprised at how ashamed I was. Ashamed I was loving this other dog and "forgetting" my sweet Fenris so quickly. It's utter nonsense, I know, just like nearly any guilt feelings. I loved Fenris deeply. Your love for Ax is deep too, and that kind of love doesn't fade. It stays in your heart. 

Wishing you only good memories, in your grief.


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## ceegee

alphadude said:


> When I got back from the shore earlier, and there was no Ax here to greet us, it was bad...very bad. I am never going to get over or get used to this.


I don't think we "get over" these things, but we do learn to live with them. I speak from bitter experience.

Last year, I lost my "dog of a lifetime" to cardiac hemangiosarcoma, just a few weeks after her 8th birthday. At the time of her death, she was the reigning Canadian agility champion in her class, the reigning Québec provincial champion too, and had just received her Lifetime Award of Achievement from the Agility Association of Canada. She was just a few qualifying runs away from becoming the most successful golden retriever in the Association's history. She was also a physical phenomenon: muscular, driven, never a day's illness in her life - 55 lbs of pure joy. 

She began to show symptoms of sickness on a Friday, and died the following Wednesday. The word "devastated" doesn't even scratch the surface of how I felt.

But here I am, 18 months later. I'm a functioning human being, just about. When I take my daughter to agility trials, I'm no longer angry that other people still have their dogs and I don't. I can enjoy other people's successes and celebrate with them. I still have the odd moment when I just want to sit in a corner and cry - for example, this year's national agility championships were held in my home town, and I would have given a whole lot to be able to compete with my dog and defend our title. It was a tough week. But I survived. 

It wasn't easy. I've written about my journey - I've sent you the link to my article. Read it if you think it will help.

I will say that the most constructive thing I did, on the road back from the black hole, was to organize a fundraising event for canine cancer research. I set up my photography studio at an agility trial, and my daughter took orders for and sold her home-baked cupcakes. Between us, we raised $2,000 in three days (45 photo sessions, 400+ cupcakes, some additional donations), and I got a corporate sponsor to match the amount. Mailing that cheque for $4,000 to the research facility was, I think, the first step back to normality. Hope instead of despair. A sense of doing something, however small, to kick cancer where it hurts most.

I have another golden retriever now. It took me a while to be able to do that - nearly a year. It would probably have been better for me to do it sooner, but I didn't. In the end, I couldn't bring myself to get another female, so my new dog is a male. It was this decision - to get a male, not a female - that allowed me to move forward. Not a replacement - a new journey. I still feel guilty, sometimes. But my pup deserves 100% of his human, and I'm able to give him that, most of the time. He also deserves not to have unrealistic expectations placed on him. This is where I occasionally struggle: it's hard not to compare when you've lost something extraordinary. But I've learned to appreciate him for who he is. He does things differently, and I'm glad of that. Sometimes, in the evening, sitting on the couch together, I tell him: we're going to be a great team, you and I. I believe it now. It won't be the same as what I had before, but it won't be less either - it will just be different.

Ruby wore a "Life is Good" collar. I still keep it in my office, to remind me that she was a joyful creature who wouldn't want her human to be sad. And I have the photo below, framed, on my office wall. Ruby, eyes wide shut, smiling, running into the future. It's how she lived, and it's what she would want for me.

I wish you good luck on your own journey back to life.


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## murphy1

Ceegee your post to Alphadude said so much to so many. Thank You!


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## Wolfeye

murphy1 said:


> Ceegee your post to Alphadude said so much to so many. Thank You!


I agree. The line "it's hard not to compare when you've lost something extraordinary" holds true for ALL of us. Each life, each dog is different and deserves the chance to be whoever he will be, and not diminished in the shadow of a giant.


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## B and G Mom

I am also so very, very sorry to hear of the loss of Ax.

We lost Belle on June 2nd and I still can't get used to not saying "Monkey" (her nickname) 20 times a day. 

I wish there was something that could be said that's comforting, but I know nothing really helps for me... except "I understand" because some people who have never loved a dog so much just don't...

I can feel the pain in your posts and understand it completely. I hope it eases for you...


----------



## NewfieMom

ceegee said:


> I have another golden retriever now. It took me a while to be able to do that - nearly a year. It would probably have been better for me to do it sooner, but I didn't. In the end, I couldn't bring myself to get another female, so my new dog is a male. It was this decision - to get a male, not a female - that allowed me to move forward. Not a replacement - a new journey. I still feel guilty, sometimes. But my pup deserves 100% of his human, and I'm able to give him that, most of the time. He also deserves not to have unrealistic expectations placed on him. This is where I occasionally struggle: it's hard not to compare when you've lost something extraordinary. But I've learned to appreciate him for who he is. He does things differently, and I'm glad of that. Sometimes, in the evening, sitting on the couch together, I tell him: we're going to be a great team, you and I. I believe it now. It won't be the same as what I had before, but it won't be less either - it will just be different.
> 
> Ruby wore a "Life is Good" collar. I still keep it in my office, to remind me that she was a joyful creature who wouldn't want her human to be sad. And I have the photo below, framed, on my office wall. Ruby, eyes wide shut, smiling, running into the future. It's how she lived, and it's what she would want for me.


Thank you for sharing your inspiration, *ceegee*. And also that marvelous photo of your beautiful girl, Ruby. I have admired it many times, but not known her story.

NewfieMom


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## Bosn'sMom

Checking in to see how you and the family are doing.


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## kellyguy

Alphadude,
I am so very sorry for your loss. Your sharing of AX's adventures and exploits have enriched all of us tremendously, and we all wish it was possible to lift the burden of your grief and shorten it's duration. I don't believe we ever really "get over" losing those we truly love, but eventually, with time it is possible to embrace the memories of the joy they brought to our lives without feeling the pain from the separation. Be gentle with yourself and share your feelings without reservation and you will find that peace when you are supposed to.


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## alphadude

Thanks all. This is extremely challenging to say the least. Had an extremely stressful day today at work and was coping - then I got the call from the vet that Ax's ashes came back. That was difficult, when I picked them up, that was well, beyond AWFUL. My magnificent boy Axl reduced to a pound or 2 of fine ash. Everything he was, all his experiences, ALL of him, in that little box. I am too crippled by emotion right now to even comprehend how I can ever possibly accept that. 

Every day, I am slugged in the gut with another little thing he routinely did, that I know I'm NEVER going to experience again. Today, it was how his lower jaw would shake a bit after a marathon disc session from fatigue. He was doing that since he was a pup. He could never get enough.


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## kansas gold

It is because there was so much love that it hurts so much.


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## Pilgrim123

AD, this may sound a bit odd, but memories can NEVER be reduced to ashes. Yes, it is difficult when the ashes are returned to you, but Ax lives in the memories of so many of us that he will always be more than "a pound or two of fine ash." 
I don't deny it hurts. You just have to let it, until you have mourned enough.


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## SandyK

Sorry it was such a rough day. Yes it hurts, but memories like the jaw shaking, is just a way to know he is still with you. He was an awesome boy who had an awesome dad!! Don't ever forget that!!


----------



## Hootie821

ceegee said:


> I don't think we "get over" these things, but we do learn to live with them. I speak from bitter experience.
> 
> Last year, I lost my "dog of a lifetime" to cardiac hemangiosarcoma, just a few weeks after her 8th birthday. At the time of her death, she was the reigning Canadian agility champion in her class, the reigning Québec provincial champion too, and had just received her Lifetime Award of Achievement from the Agility Association of Canada. She was just a few qualifying runs away from becoming the most successful golden retriever in the Association's history. She was also a physical phenomenon: muscular, driven, never a day's illness in her life - 55 lbs of pure joy.
> 
> She began to show symptoms of sickness on a Friday, and died the following Wednesday. The word "devastated" doesn't even scratch the surface of how I felt.
> 
> But here I am, 18 months later. I'm a functioning human being, just about. When I take my daughter to agility trials, I'm no longer angry that other people still have their dogs and I don't. I can enjoy other people's successes and celebrate with them. I still have the odd moment when I just want to sit in a corner and cry - for example, this year's national agility championships were held in my home town, and I would have given a whole lot to be able to compete with my dog and defend our title. It was a tough week. But I survived.
> 
> It wasn't easy. I've written about my journey - I've sent you the link to my article. Read it if you think it will help.
> 
> I will say that the most constructive thing I did, on the road back from the black hole, was to organize a fundraising event for canine cancer research. I set up my photography studio at an agility trial, and my daughter took orders for and sold her home-baked cupcakes. Between us, we raised $2,000 in three days (45 photo sessions, 400+ cupcakes, some additional donations), and I got a corporate sponsor to match the amount. Mailing that cheque for $4,000 to the research facility was, I think, the first step back to normality. Hope instead of despair. A sense of doing something, however small, to kick cancer where it hurts most.
> 
> I have another golden retriever now. It took me a while to be able to do that - nearly a year. It would probably have been better for me to do it sooner, but I didn't. In the end, I couldn't bring myself to get another female, so my new dog is a male. It was this decision - to get a male, not a female - that allowed me to move forward. Not a replacement - a new journey. I still feel guilty, sometimes. But my pup deserves 100% of his human, and I'm able to give him that, most of the time. He also deserves not to have unrealistic expectations placed on him. This is where I occasionally struggle: it's hard not to compare when you've lost something extraordinary. But I've learned to appreciate him for who he is. He does things differently, and I'm glad of that. Sometimes, in the evening, sitting on the couch together, I tell him: we're going to be a great team, you and I. I believe it now. It won't be the same as what I had before, but it won't be less either - it will just be different.
> 
> Ruby wore a "Life is Good" collar. I still keep it in my office, to remind me that she was a joyful creature who wouldn't want her human to be sad. And I have the photo below, framed, on my office wall. Ruby, eyes wide shut, smiling, running into the future. It's how she lived, and it's what she would want for me.
> 
> I wish you good luck on your own journey back to life.


I lost my precious Golden back in June and I have to say a huge "thank you" for your post. It made me cry like a baby as it brought back feelings of loss but it also helped me to be grateful for the new little Golden who we are now sharing our life with. What beautiful sentiments in your post. 

Condolences to you and also to Ax's family. 0


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## alphadude

"This is where I occasionally struggle: it's hard not to compare when you've lost something extraordinary."

Kind of says it all. That is the one word I use all the time when remembering and talking about Ax...*extraordinary*. Expecting any other dog to live up to his standards is unfortunately, just not realistic.

I will be picking up our new field retriever pup in about a month's time. He comes from 5 generations of high performance field retriever stock. The grand-sire of this litter was the only 'triple champion' GR in history according to the breeder. Frankly, I would be overjoyed if this pup grew up to become HALF the dog Ax was...


----------



## AmberSunrise

A Push grandson? Congratulations 

Our dogs live on in our memories and hearts and I wish you much joy in your new puppy. He cannot replace Ax but he can help fill the emptiness and bring his own sparkle into your life.


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## TheZ's

Hope you and the new pup have many happy times together. It's hard not to compare but they each have their own special strengths. Five generations of high performance field dogs behind him should give your pup plenty of go.

eta: Gracie is a Push great granddaughter but not sure at 3 generations removed how much he's influenced her.


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## Vhuynh2

I have a Push grand daughter. Can't wait to see pictures of your new pup!


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## LynnC

Congratulations on the new puppy. Can't wait to see the pictures. The puppy will never replace Ax just hopefully replace the sadness in your heart with a little joy .


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## laprincessa

This makes me happy 
I can't wait to see how Puffy adjusts to being big brother.


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## alphadude

LynnC said:


> Congratulations on the new puppy. Can't wait to see the pictures. The puppy will never replace Ax just hopefully replace the sadness in your heart with a little joy .


No dog could ever come close to replacing Ax. I am simply hoping the new puppy brings some happiness into our lives. Some days are better than others, but there are still times when a tsunami of grief, sadness and a crushing sense of loss washes over me, seemingly out of the blue.

In other news, Puffy has shown a marked improvement since I have been spending a lot more time 1 on 1 with him. Even his spazziness has diminished noticeably. His stamina has increased, and he even seems to be running a bit faster and trying harder - more enthusiastic anyway. Chasing balls on the beach and retrieving them from the water seems to be his thing. Trust me, he's *never* going to be confused with Axl, but his physicality has definitely improved. 

He is also even displaying some 'Ax-like' behaviors in that he has become somewhat more affectionate and engaged. Even his dog aggression seems to have abated to a large degree, I still don't trust him 100% but I even got him to play on the beach with my friend's GR puppy that he attacked back when Ax was nearing the end of the road.

I have also agreed to foster a dog who will be arriving tomorrow morning actually, from down south. He is a 15 month old Lab, GS mix who is supposedly a very energetic fellow that needs someone to channel his energies. He looks like a yellow Lab and is very friendly according to the woman at the rescue that I spoke with. Hopefully I can get Puffy to peacefully co-exist with him. It will be interesting to see if Puffy tries to assume the alpha role. Who knows, maybe he'll have some disc aptitude. I'll find out tomorrow I guess. In all honesty, it didn't exactly hurt his cause that he kind of resembles Ax a bit just with shorter ears and coat.


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## jennretz

That's a great update. I would love to foster, but it just won't work right now with my schedule.

And I think the improvement(s) that you're seeing in Puffy are a direct result of the one on one with you. Puffy strikes me as a loving dog who misses his big brother and is looking to you for guidance on how to move forward. You know I have a soft spot for him


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## Max's Dad

Congratulations!


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## OutWest

alphadude said:


> "This is where I occasionally struggle: it's hard not to compare when you've lost something extraordinary."
> 
> Kind of says it all. That is the one word I use all the time when remembering and talking about Ax...*extraordinary*. Expecting any other dog to live up to his standards is unfortunately, just not realistic.
> 
> I will be picking up our new field retriever pup in about a month's time. He comes from 5 generations of high performance field retriever stock. The grand-sire of this litter was the only 'triple champion' GR in history according to the breeder. Frankly, I would be overjoyed if this pup grew up to become HALF the dog Ax was...


He will be a wonderful way to help heal your whole family. He will never BE Max, but he can bring all the joy, licks, and wags that only a puppy can. I do believe that new love can help heal old hurts. Best wishes to you! I hope you'll start a thread in the puppy section


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## alphadude

We met up with the transport this morning and picked up Jack. He is a really nice dog, super affectionate and friendly and he seems completely chill. I'm not sure whether he was feeling the effects of an 18 hour ride up from Georgia or what but I was told he was a high energy boy that was 'wide open' all the time and needed vigorous exercise to behave. I have observed the exact opposite. He is a GS Lab mix, but he looks mostly lab and he is about 22 months old. He has a head and build very similar to Ax but a lot less muscular. I think he may be slightly under 24" tall at the withers but he is a notch taller than Puffy. It pains me to say this, but the early returns say if I have ever seen a dog LESS athletically inclined than Puffy, Jack is it. He seems to have zero interest in balls, discs or really much of anything aside from hanging with people, wagging his tail and licking them. 

The bad news is that Puffy really does not seem to like him...at ALL. We took all of the standard precautions, meeting on neutral ground walking them in close proximity, etc. As soon as Puffy got an opportunity, he tried to attack Jack who seems extremely submissive. Tried 3 other times. I restrained Puffy each time. This is going to be more difficult than I thought. Kind of wished I hadn't gotten myself into it despite what a nice calm dog Jack seems to be.

It definitely gives me reason for pause though, because if Puffy is looking to shred an 80 lb dog that is his size, what might he try to do to a 10 lb puppy?

Yet another reason I miss Ax, there was never any of this nonsense when he was around, he would lay down the rules, not hurt the new dog, and that was the end of it.


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## jennretz

Bear in mind, you are not seeing the "real" Jack. His whole world has just changed yet again. Now he's in a new place with a dog who is sending off signals. He is displaying calming signals to avoid any confrontations. 

I recommend keeping them separate for now with gates, xpens, kennels, or just plain leashing Jack to you. Puffy is also posturing and probably feeling anxious. Make sure Puffy still gets plenty of attention from you and keep anything that Puffy might want to resource guard up.

It will take a bit before you see the real Jack or the real Puffy with Jack. Hang in there.


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## alphadude

jennretz said:


> Bear in mind, you are not seeing the "real" Jack. His whole world has just changed yet again. Now he's in a new place with a dog who is sending off signals. He is displaying calming signals to avoid any confrontations.
> 
> I recommend keeping them separate for now with gates, xpens, kennels, or just plain leashing Jack to you. Puffy is also posturing and probably feeling anxious. Make sure Puffy still gets plenty of attention from you and keep anything that Puffy might want to resource guard up.
> 
> It will take a bit before you see the real Jack or the real Puffy with Jack. Hang in there.


Yes I am hoping you are right Jen. 

I had to dig Ax's big cage from when he was a puppy out of the basement - that was a 'fun' walk down memory lane, and put it together. Jack is trying to sleep in it and Puffy is standing next to it and barking like an idiot.

One thing that is very concerning though, Jack seems to be thirsty all the time, yet he has not urinated more than a few drops since 9 AM this morning. I am hoping that he may have been dehydrated on the 1000 mile road trip north, but it bears watching. 

The very LAST thing I am looking for right now is a dog with possible health issues after the *horror show* we went through with Ax.


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## jennretz

I would keep an eye on Jack's thirst. It could just be the travel, but if he's not better in a couple of days have him checked out. If you haven't checked out the rescue threads I highly recommend it. Lots of things to learn and a very supportive group. Is it possible to distract Puffy and give Jack a breather in his kennel? Maybe play some catch or brush Puffy to help calm him down a bit?

When I rescued Charlie it took almost 6 weeks before he would finish his food; I thought something was very wrong with him because Duke will do anything for food. It was mostly nerves though. Now he loves food just as much as Duke.


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## Amystelter

Could not be happier to hear your news! Wish you the best with your new family. Keep loving on those dogs, it will all work out.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## alphadude

Jack must have been dehydrated because he started urinating late last night and hasn't stopped.

Everything has smoothed out today. The boys reached an accommodation this morning. Jack totally submitted to Puffy, laid down on his back, exposed his belly and licked his face. 30 seconds later they were play fighting and frolicking like Puffy used to do with Ax. I think he has missed that. 

Took them to the beach earlier temp in the mid 30's. Jack doesn't seem to get the whole retrieval thing, he will chase a thrown object, get to it, stare at it and run back. lol He is a very fast runner, twice as fast as Puffy which is no big accomplishment, but Ax would have definitely beaten him in a footrace, even @ 8.5 years old. 

Jack has little to no interest in discs and will not enter the water thus far.


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## laprincessa

This is good news!
He may never have been taught to retrieve - or he may never have an interest. Max will bring a ball back a few times and then he gives me the "If you're going to continue to throw it away, go get it yourself" look. (If you remember the show Soap, you'll get this - I tell my husband we should have named him Benson)


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## jennretz

Jack knew how to communicate to Puffy that he means no harm and Puffy understood. That's awesome. Doesn't sound like a bad second day! That's actually pretty big progress...take the time to get to know Jack. He sounds like a pretty cool dog. 

Would love to know more about his story and how you ended up fostering a GSD/Lab from over 1,000 miles away. I grew up with GSD and love them. Totally different personality than Goldens, but super intelligent and very loving. Have you started a thread for Jack?


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## murphy1

Alphadude i'm so happy to hear about your new foster and the new puppy that will join your family!!!!!! I look forward to read all about Jack, Puffy and have you picked out a name for the puppy?? 
Should you start a new page please let us know here so we don't miss a thing.
Happy Thanksgiving


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## alphadude

jennretz said:


> Jack knew how to communicate to Puffy that he means no harm and Puffy understood. That's awesome. Doesn't sound like a bad second day! That's actually pretty big progress...take the time to get to know Jack. He sounds like a pretty cool dog.
> 
> Would love to know more about his story and how you ended up fostering a GSD/Lab from over 1,000 miles away. I grew up with GSD and love them. Totally different personality than Goldens, but super intelligent and very loving. Have you started a thread for Jack?


It's an interesting story. I came across this dog on petfiner or adopt-a-pet not sure which. He was listed as being in the care of Mutt and Lab rescue located on Staten Island where I live. I figured he was worth a look so I fired them off an email and thought nothing more about it. A few days later I get a response which led to a phone call. Turns out a lot of these rescue dogs are from down south, high kill shelters, neglectful owners, etc. The woman described Jack as being a good dog that was 'wide open all the time' that needed strong leadership and plenty of exercise, both of which I was confident I could provide.

Anyway, they use a transport service and ship dogs to various points north every two weeks. Truth be told, it was more of foster with option to adopt depending on how things worked out. I sincerely doubt he's going anywhere any time soon. My wife and daughter's love him already, he has settled in like he's always been there. He and Puffy are buds already.

I must admit that I have not really bonded with him yet. I know it's only been 2 days. I do like him, and I think he's a very nice dog, gentle and affectionate, and really no bother at all. That said, he is really not what I would consider to be a high energy dog. He has normal energy levels for a 22 month old puppy on the verge of adulthood. He is not a fan of the water at all, doesn't get the concept of retrieving , is not very coordinated and is quite timid for my tastes. Not a bash session, just honesty. Hopefully, I will be able to mold him into more of 'my type' of dog. Time will tell.


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## laprincessa

Someone here posted a long time ago something about threes with a rescue - three days to realize they're not leaving, 3 weeks to really believe it, 3 months to feel totally at home. I'm not sure if that's correct, maybe someone else remembers?


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## G-bear

I truly am not telling you this to discourage you but rather to simply tell you my experiences. I have been adopting rescue dogs for almost 40 years now. Many of the dogs who have come into our home have come from some pretty difficult starts. Currently 2 of my 3 dogs are rescues. One from Hurricane Katrina (Gracie) and one who had been badly abused both beaten and shot at (Jack). Both had tough starts here. Gracie was possibly the most neurotic dog I have ever had. She suffered from severe separation anxiety which meant she would howl if I left her sight even to take a shower. Jack was a loose cannon. He was a resource guarding dog, terrified of people, not really fond of other dogs and possessed a strong prey drive which had ended his other other adoption opportunity when he killed the family's cat. It's not been an easy road for these dogs. They have had their issues and their challenges. I will make this story shorter by simply telling you that Gracie is a therapy dog. She has spent many years with nursing home residents and now works as a reading buddy for kids who are struggling with reading. Jack has come a long way. Our golden, Bailey, has taught Jack to play. Jack, who has been with us for 2 years, has come out of his shell as a result. When we got him we immediately put him on a diet. He has lost 30 lbs. Recently he discovered the joy of jump and weave polls (after watching Bailey he decided to try them) and has claimed Bailey's precious Frisbee as his own. He is learning to chase and catch it. He's still kinda clumsy but he tries. Each of my dogs have come with issues but over time they have made incredible progress. I have learned to adjust my expectations and take great pleasure and pride in each little victory they experience. You had an incredible, probably once in a lifetime, dog in Axe. You won't ever find another dog like him but your Puffy and Jack will have talents that you will see. You may be surprised how much Jack changes once he settles in at your home. It won't happen right away but it will happen. Give Jack time and give yourself time. You're a good man, you've shown all of us on GRF that, and I know you will find a good relationship with Jack.


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## Cody'sMom

I’m sorry to step in here but today was the first time I have logged on in months after moving my parents to a nursing home. 

alphadude’s OP “Ax rushed to hospital today” was the first thing I read. I was shocked, first of all because it is Ax and second because it is word for word what happened to my Cody today.

Then I read the thread and my heart broke into a million pieces to know Ax has gone to Rainbow Bridge just after a short 5-½ weeks later at such a young age. 

Alphadude, I am SO very sorry. Ax was very special to Cody and me since he had that nose bump removed about 2 years ago.

Cody will be 13, Dec 16. We still haven’t gotten all the tests results back and are holding out hope it is not as bad as it looks today.

Take care. We love Puffy and his new brofur, Jack!

Connie and Cody :wavey:


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## alphadude

Cody'sMom said:


> I’m sorry to step in here but today was the first time I have logged on in months after moving my parents to a nursing home.
> 
> alphadude’s OP “Ax rushed to hospital today” was the first thing I read. I was shocked, first of all because it is Ax and second because it is word for word what happened to my Cody today.
> 
> Then I read the thread and my heart broke into a million pieces to know Ax has gone to Rainbow Bridge just after a short 5-½ weeks later at such a young age.
> 
> Alphadude, I am SO very sorry. Ax was very special to Cody and me since he had that nose bump removed about 2 years ago.
> 
> Cody will be 13, Dec 16. We still haven’t gotten all the tests results back and are holding out hope it is not as bad as it looks today.
> 
> Take care. We love Puffy and his new brofur, Jack!
> 
> Connie and Cody :wavey:


Thanks Connie. I still struggle to believe it myself that he is gone some days. 

Hoping for a positive outcome for Cody.


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## Wolfeye

I'm in sort of the same boat. My Fenris was a high-energy dog who LIVED for something in the water to retrieve. My puppy, who knows what he will be? My gut feeling right now is that he's a lazybones. He might not be all that into fetching. Do I miss that? Certainly, but, and it's a big but, that just makes my story, mine of me and my Fenris, all the more special. 

As we turn the page in our new books, the one I'm writing with Bagheera, the one you're writing with Jack, we'll discover other things that make them unique and special. Maybe not *that* kind of special, as we had with Fenris and Ax. All we can do is love them and let them hold the pen once in a while. We don't have to do all the writing.


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## alphadude

Wolfeye said:


> I'm in sort of the same boat. My Fenris was a high-energy dog who LIVED for something in the water to retrieve. My puppy, who knows what he will be? My gut feeling right now is that he's a lazybones. He might not be all that into fetching. Do I miss that? Certainly, but, and it's a big but, that just makes my story, mine of me and my Fenris, all the more special.
> 
> As we turn the page in our new books, the one I'm writing with Bagheera, the one you're writing with Jack, we'll discover other things that make them unique and special. Maybe not *that* kind of special, as we had with Fenris and Ax. All we can do is love them and let them hold the pen once in a while. We don't have to do all the writing.


True words. Time will tell with Jax (as my wife has taken to calling him). 

I am also holding out hope that the new puppy coming next month may have some ability. After all, it is coming from high octane titled field retriever parents. It should by all rights be high energy and very 'drivey'. I am going to try what according to legend, worked for Ashley Whippet, using a disc as a food bowl. Lord knows I have a few boxes full of brand new discs that Ax never got to use and now never will.

Received the pic below via text from my comedian daughter just now.


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## jennretz

I concur with your daughter's (and Jax's) assessment....


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## G-bear

Love the photo and caption from your daughter. Lol. I'm thinkin' you're not really a 50 Shades kind of reader (who is?!?) and Jax has already shown you a true talent...literary critic


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## 4goldengirls

Alphadude, it just came to my attention about a 3 almost 4 month old golden pup at a rescue in Matawan, NJ. He's adorable and I'd take him in a heartbeat. Since losing Mandy on October 4th, I've missed having three goldens. However, hubby is quite happy at having two goldens at this time, so I'm not going to push the envelope. 

The pup is located at Husky House. He's adorable and I'm so sorry I can't apply at this time.


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## riley moss

can you tell me his birthday and breeder?
Last week our 8 yr old Riley was rushed into surgery. He had a cancerous mass in the lining of his spleen that ruptured. He had 2 litres of blood in his abdoman. He is looking good and eager to play. We don't know if it was all removed or if it will come back on another organ. Quite honestly I don't want to know. I want to enjoy him and for him to enjoy life however much is left for him. My heart is broken, I can hardly breathe.
My heart goes out to you.


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## Lennap

Alphadude 


I am so sorry I have to been able to respond to this thread for so very long. I have read every single post and until today it was just too hard for me to see through my tears to respond. Ax was to you as Remy was to me - so I get it and since losing Remy in February there as not been a day that has gone by that I have not thought of him a cried, if only for a moment. When Rosie came into my life, only 6 weeks later I was not at all ready and did not feel I could ever bond with her - she was NOT Remy and could not hold a candle to him.


But Rosie is a sweet and wonderful dog with her own personality and her own quirks. She is very different from Remy and I thank G-d for that, she did not take Remy's place (no one ever could) but she has created a place of her very own. When I finally stopped comparing Rosie to Remy I was able to truly appreciate, love and bond with her.


Every dog bring something beautiful to our lives they are all different from each other. We will always love and miss the ones we have lost and no one will ever take their places in our hearts and lives - but the new ones will bring their very own joy to us if we let them.


My heart goes out to you, in fact I share your pain - but I am also very hopeful for you that all three Puffy, Jax and the new pup will make you smile. They are not Ax and never will be - but they are wonderful nonetheless.


HUGS


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## Wendy427

alphadude said:


> True words. Time will tell with Jax (as my wife has taken to calling him).
> 
> I am also holding out hope that the new puppy coming next month may have some ability. After all, it is coming from high octane titled field retriever parents. It should by all rights be high energy and very 'drivey'. I am going to try what according to legend, worked for Ashley Whippet, using a disc as a food bowl. Lord knows I have a few boxes full of brand new discs that Ax never got to use and now never will.
> 
> Received the pic below via text from my comedian daughter just now.


I have to agree with your daughter too. Although I would have have rated it 1/10. Jack must have thought it tasted pretty good! LOL


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## alphadude

Lennap said:


> Alphadude
> 
> 
> I am so sorry I have to been able to respond to this thread for so very long. I have read every single post and until today it was just too hard for me to see through my tears to respond. Ax was to you as Remy was to me - so I get it and since losing Remy in February there as not been a day that has gone by that I have not thought of him a cried, if only for a moment. When Rosie came into my life, only 6 weeks later I was not at all ready and did not feel I could ever bond with her - she was NOT Remy and could not hold a candle to him.
> 
> 
> But Rosie is a sweet and wonderful dog with her own personality and her own quirks. She is very different from Remy and I thank G-d for that, she did not take Remy's place (no one ever could) but she has created a place of her very own. When I finally stopped comparing Rosie to Remy I was able to truly appreciate, love and bond with her.
> 
> 
> Every dog bring something beautiful to our lives they are all different from each other. We will always love and miss the ones we have lost and no one will ever take their places in our hearts and lives - but the new ones will bring their very own joy to us if we let them.
> 
> 
> My heart goes out to you, in fact I share your pain - but I am also very hopeful for you that all three Puffy, Jax and the new pup will make you smile. They are not Ax and never will be - but they are wonderful nonetheless.
> 
> 
> HUGS


Thanks for the kind words, and I am very sorry for the loss of Remy. Believe me, I know exactly what you are feeling. I struggle with the loss of Axl on a daily basis. There are very few places or situations I encounter that do not somehow remind me of him and what I have lost.

Some observations regarding Jax, he is a really sweet, young dog. He actually displays quite a few mannerisms that are very similar to Ax. Matter of fact, he is lying next to me right now in the exact spot that Ax used to occupy. I think that somehow makes this harder. He even resembles Ax in size, body type (sans the ripped muscles), head shape, even eye color. He is extremely sweet and affectionate to everybody, but he seems to prefer to hang with me more so than anyone else. 

The woman who was fostering him described him as a sweet, friendly dog who was completely wild, unruly, ("wide open" was the exact phrase), and had so much energy that he required someone experienced at controlling/training such a dog. I felt extremely confident in my ability to do exactly that. A week in, I see little evidence of that being the case. Matter of fact, I took him on an easy 2 mile hike today to work off some of that turkey we both ate yesterday, and he has been laying here sleeping since we got back, hours ago. That would have just been a warm up for Ax even @ 8+ years old much less under 2. He'd have been up for at least an hour plus of wind sprints, 90+ yard aerial disc catches, and some swimming, a week prior to his diagnosis. At a similar age, Ax's energy level was simply on a whole other level - he was like a force of nature.

Another thing I have noticed about Jax, is that although he has a similar build to Ax, he is, for lack of a better word, 'soft'. He has really no muscular definition. Even Puffy is 'diesel' by comparison. He has spent far too much of his short life either in a crate or a small pen. Trust me, that will change - quickly. He is also a few lbs overweight. He's never eaten so well, but he's ALSO been enrolled in 'boot camp' and he will be a different dog by spring if I have anything to say about it.

It's just kind of a weird dynamic right now though, I think he and Puffy are kind of jockeying for position right now. Jax has been feeling his oats the last few days and even has given Puffy a few Ax-style beat downs while play fighting. I was starting to think he was trying to take over the dominant position but earlier tonight he tried to steal a bone from Puffy and was reprimanded rather harshly. I guess play fighting is one thing, but considering Puffy has literally about 3 times his physical strength, fighting over a high value object is quite another matter. His foster mom repeatedly warned me that he was extremely strong, but he feels like a Pomeranian on the leash compared to Puffy and even Axl, both of whom could move my 225 lbs if the mood struck them. Jax, at this point, no chance.

It will be interesting to see how this continues to develop and even more interesting when a new puppy is added to the mix.


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## alphadude

Had a couple of breakthroughs over this long weekend. Jax went for his first dip in the bay, and I've actually gotten him to start catching discs. He is slowly catching on that I want him to pursue the disc and catch it in the air. He caught a toss into the wind so it would stay aloft longer, at about 15' today. He then proceeded to miss the next 20 though until he lost interest and took off after a seagull. I think it's the shepherd DNA that makes him a half-hearted retriever, at least so far. We'll continue to work on it every day. I've taken to calling him "Project Jax: veal to steel". I am going to work him hard and replace his soft appearance with lean muscle. He's already showing a more pronounced "sexy waist" in a weeks time.

Eye mouth coordination training:






First dip in Raritan Bay with Puffy on Saturday:






Water disc retrieval @ Sunset Beach - needs some work still:


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## jennretz

I love that picture of him and Puffy side by side. They both are having a blast!


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## Jessie'sGirl

Jax and Puffy look so good together. Good to see Puffy looking so happy.


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## alphadude

jennretz said:


> I love that picture of him and Puffy side by side. They both are having a blast!


Puffy really seems to enjoy the company even though Jax runs circles around him much like Ax used to. 

It's such a shame that Puffy is handicapped with beat legs. I think that's why he loves to swim so much


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## jennretz

I do believe that dogs assume "roles" in their relationships. Puffy feels comfortable letting other dogs run circles around him, but his role is still important. If you watch dogs play, you'll see that usually one likes to be chased and the other likes to chase. Or if they wrestle, one always seems to be on the bottom. People often assume the one on bottom is the submissive dog, but usually they are the one calling the shots of that play session and the other dog is taking their lead from them. 

It sounds like Jax has been really good for Puffy. It's so nice to see them playing together.


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## alphadude

Just came across a ton of pics and drone video of Ax 

This was taken 2/20/16 and he was getting his post workout rubdown. I will *never* stop missing that amazing dog...


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## Pilgrim123

AD, you two were such an amazing pair, of course you still miss him. I never knew him and I miss seeing all those amazing videos of you both. Take care.


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## Karen519

*Jax and Puffy*

Jax and Puffy sure love one another! So great to see them having fun! Surely do hope that Jax has found his forever home.
Nice to hear you are getting a puppy. All I know is that every dog I've ever had has
been very special in their own way. We've had three rescues (two Golden Retrievers and one female Samoyed) and three purebred Samoyeds, and they have all left an indelible mark on our hearts. You said something about Puffy's beat legs? What is wrong?


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## alphadude

Pilgrim123 said:


> AD, you two were such an amazing pair, of course you still miss him. I never knew him and I miss seeing all those amazing videos of you both. Take care.


Thanks for the compliment Pilgrim. Ax did all the heavy lifting. 

Just found a load of drone video we shot together this past spring. My heart really isn't into editing them into a compilation yet, but I did upload one raw to YT. I have been meaning to put together a video tribute of his amazing life but I just can't take that on yet. It's still too soon....

This video of Ax running down and catching a low, wind driven, 90 yard line drive rip was shot Sunday April 17, 2016...


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## alphadude

Karen519 said:


> Jax and Puffy sure love one another! So great to see them having fun! Surely do hope that Jax has found his forever home.
> Nice to hear you are getting a puppy. All I know is that every dog I've ever had has
> been very special in their own way. We've had three rescues (two Golden Retrievers and one female Samoyed) and three purebred Samoyeds, and they have all left an indelible mark on our hearts. You said something about Puffy's beat legs? What is wrong?


Jax and Puffy seem to getting along really well so far after some initial friction. Unless Jax does something incredibly out of character, it'd be hard not to envision him sticking around.


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## murphy1

Jax is one lucky dog!!!


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## NewfieMom

I have been off the forum for about a week. When I got back on, the first thread I saw was about Jenn's Duke, then I noticed this one. I have been reading it from the end going toward where I left off and I am still confused, probably because I became impatient and so I decided just to ask what had happened rather than to read about the very beginning carefully now that I have the idea. It sounds as if you decided definitely to get a new puppy, *alphadude*, but also to foster a dog-not necessarily a Golden-and ended up with Jack, who became Jax, and is now becoming physically fit and becoming good friends with Puffy.

Have you decided to keep Jax permanently, too? Is he a Golden? In one photo he looked a bit like my yellow Lab, but I wasn't studying the photos. He sounds like a great addition to the family and I am glad that Puffy is both happy and also not allowing Jax to run all over him! (Allowing Jax to take his food would be too much dominance!) 

Tell me more, please!

Deb
(NewfieMom)


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## Amystelter

Have not seen this update for a while. So happy to hear the news and loved the drone video. What an awesome beach! Just beautiful, cherish your memories and create some more


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Cpc1972

Wow. I just got caught up on this thread. Congrats on Jax. Your house is going to be even fuller when you get the puppy.


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## alphadude

NewfieMom said:


> I have been off the forum for about a week. When I got back on, the first thread I saw was about Jenn's Duke, then I noticed this one. I have been reading it from the end going toward where I left off and I am still confused, probably because I became impatient and so I decided just to ask what had happened rather than to read about the very beginning carefully now that I have the idea. It sounds as if you decided definitely to get a new puppy, *alphadude*, but also to foster a dog-not necessarily a Golden-and ended up with Jack, who became Jax, and is now becoming physically fit and becoming good friends with Puffy.
> 
> Have you decided to keep Jax permanently, too? Is he a Golden? In one photo he looked a bit like my yellow Lab, but I wasn't studying the photos. He sounds like a great addition to the family and I am glad that Puffy is both happy and also not allowing Jax to run all over him! (Allowing Jax to take his food would be too much dominance!)
> 
> Tell me more, please!
> 
> Deb
> (NewfieMom)


Deb, I had decided to get a puppy back in October. While no dog can or will ever replace Ax, I decided that I needed another athletic dog to have fun with. I have been spending loads of time playing with Puffy, and he has definitely benefited from all the personalized attention, but he has his limitations. He can fetch balls or sticks on land or water as long as you're not in any particular hurry but after 15 or 20 minutes, he is *DONE*. Puffy operates at his own leisurely pace. I did a lot of research and decided to go with an Ambertrail field retriever pup. They are located in Ontario and have a good reputation for breeding sound, healthy, hunt/field retrievers, that are supposedly high energy, so I sent in a deposit on a male from one of the 2 litters whelped 10/30 and 11/7. I will be doing the 900 mile round trip drive right around Christmas to choose a pup and bring him home.

I was really not looking for another dog but I ran across Jack on adopt a pet or petfinder - can't remember which to be honest. I was constantly scanning both, even back before Ax got sick, looking for raw material with potential. Anyhow, Jack is a Lab Shepherd mix a bit under two years old, that was described as being very high energy. He was listed by a local rescue so I fired off and email and forgot about it. Several days later, I got a response which led to a phone call with a very nice woman named Phyl in Georgia of all places. We spoke at great length on the phone on several occasions, and I told her all about Ax and what had happened to him, sent her pics and videos of him. Phyl decided that if anyone was going to be able to handle Jack and maximize his potential it was me. Jack had been surrendered by his owner who left him in an outdoor 10 x 10 pen for basically his whole young life. She fostered him along with 17 other dogs, and he spent most of the day in a crate. He was only allowed out for bathroom and exercise breaks. She described him as a really good, young, friendly, athletic dog that just needed some direction, training and a job. She said he was very wild and she and her husband, both almost 70, couldn't really provide what he needed. I agreed to take him on a trial basis, so she sent him north on a bimonthly transport the rescue contracts.

In the almost 2 weeks that I have had him, my assessment is that Jack is indeed a very nice boy who has plenty of energy, although nowhere CLOSE to even 8 year old Ax type energy, let alone 20 month old Ax who basically was just non stop 24/7. He is actually a very submissive guy with a mischievous side to him, but again, he is astonishingly mild compared to Axl when he was a 'teen' because he lacks the dominant alpha male component. He has a nice athletic build although he definitely lacks muscle tone, probably because he has never been exercised properly. He can run very fast and he is definitely a jumper. That's the good news. The bad news is that he is completely clueless when it comes to anything involving discs and he is not especially coordinated, except maybe when compared to Puffy. I have found him to have actually below average eye mouth coordination, and he displays none of the graceful agility, and effortless, fluid movements that Ax had since day 1. It's almost as if he is Puffy in a body type like Ax. lol He is really kind of 'doofy' but I believe that if I work with him enough, I can turn him into a marginal at best disc dog, but I can definitely pack some muscle onto him and improve his stamina. It will be a long slow process but I feel like a 'project dog' is just what I need right about now to occupy my time. The best part is that I can take him and Puffy out together, and that will not only benefit both of them, but it'll spice things up for me. The new puppy will not be ready for boot camp until late spring / early summer at best, so I have some time to see what magic I can work. it's a win-win.

Jack, has been renamed to "Jax" by my wife after the character in Sons of Anarchy she has the hots for lol. We figured it sounds almost identical and he responds well to it so no harm done.

He and Puffy reached an understanding the second day he was here when he did a total submission routine on his back with belly exposed. Right after that, they became fast friends and were play fighting 5 minutes later. Jax quickly learned how truly spazzy Puffy is and quickly learned how to take him off his feet and dominate him _almost_ as easily as Ax used to, but in a way, I think Puffy really missed that am I'm convinced that does not have the ability to feel pain, he seems to relish getting beaten up. Truth be told, he could easily overpower Jax if he really wanted to because although they are of similar size and weight, he has 3 times his physical strength.

Lastly, on an interesting note, when I was looking at his paperwork after he arrived, I noticed that he had been surrendered on 9/5 - the same day that Ax passed. While I am not really a believer in touchy feely, spiritual stuff, I did find it to be an *odd* coincidence, like perhaps I was fated to own this dog...time will tell I guess.


----------



## alphadude

Cpc1972 said:


> Wow. I just got caught up on this thread. Congrats on Jax. Your house is going to be even fuller when you get the puppy.


I agree, everybody I know thinks I've gone around the bend. I did not really plan on having 3 dogs but Jax seems like a good boy in need of rescue. He looks a bit like Ax which doesn't exactly hurt his cause, and is super affectionate. How can I turn my back on him?


----------



## SandyK

Congrats on getting Jax!! It sounds like he fits right in. Also congrats on deciding to get a puppy!!! Would love to see a picture of Jax.


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## alphadude

SandyK said:


> Congrats on getting Jax!! It sounds like he fits right in. Also congrats on deciding to get a puppy!!! Would love to see a picture of Jax.


Here he is...


----------



## laprincessa

you might not believe, but I do - trust this witch when I tell you, that was a sign if I ever saw one

He's meant to be with you and help you heal.


----------



## rooroch

I agree laprincessa. We had a Jack Russel who got run over on March 29. She belonged to my boss's wife. She insisted I find another bitch born on that day!! I did and drove 12 hours return journey to fetch her when she was 8 weeks old. I put her in the garden with the other 2 old dogs. She went straight up to the labrador of 15 who had been very close to the first JR and licked her face. The lab looked at her and said "oh you're back are you" and the puppy and old lab were immediately bonded!!


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## Karen519

*Jax*



alphadude said:


> Deb, I had decided to get a puppy back in October. While no dog can or will ever replace Ax, I decided that I needed another athletic dog to have fun with. I have been spending loads of time playing with Puffy, and he has definitely benefited from all the personalized attention, but he has his limitations. He can fetch balls or sticks on land or water as long as you're not in any particular hurry but after 15 or 20 minutes, he is *DONE*. Puffy operates at his own leisurely pace. I did a lot of research and decided to go with an Ambertrail field retriever pup. They are located in Ontario and have a good reputation for breeding sound, healthy, hunt/field retrievers, that are supposedly high energy, so I sent in a deposit on a male from one of the 2 litters whelped 10/30 and 11/7. I will be doing the 900 mile round trip drive right around Christmas to choose a pup and bring him home.
> 
> I was really not looking for another dog but I ran across Jack on adopt a pet or petfinder - can't remember which to be honest. I was constantly scanning both, even back before Ax got sick, looking for raw material with potential. Anyhow, Jack is a Lab Shepherd mix a bit under two years old, that was described as being very high energy. He was listed by a local rescue so I fired off and email and forgot about it. Several days later, I got a response which led to a phone call with a very nice woman named Phyl in Georgia of all places. We spoke at great length on the phone on several occasions, and I told her all about Ax and what had happened to him, sent her pics and videos of him. Phyl decided that if anyone was going to be able to handle Jack and maximize his potential it was me. Jack had been surrendered by his owner who left him in an outdoor 10 x 10 pen for basically his whole young life. She fostered him along with 17 other dogs, and he spent most of the day in a crate. He was only allowed out for bathroom and exercise breaks. She described him as a really good, young, friendly, athletic dog that just needed some direction, training and a job. She said he was very wild and she and her husband, both almost 70, couldn't really provide what he needed. I agreed to take him on a trial basis, so she sent him north on a bimonthly transport the rescue contracts.
> 
> In the almost 2 weeks that I have had him, my assessment is that Jack is indeed a very nice boy who has plenty of energy, although nowhere CLOSE to even 8 year old Ax type energy, let alone 20 month old Ax who basically was just non stop 24/7. He is actually a very submissive guy with a mischievous side to him, but again, he is astonishingly mild compared to Axl when he was a 'teen' because he lacks the dominant alpha male component. He has a nice athletic build although he definitely lacks muscle tone, probably because he has never been exercised properly. He can run very fast and he is definitely a jumper. That's the good news. The bad news is that he is completely clueless when it comes to anything involving discs and he is not especially coordinated, except maybe when compared to Puffy. I have found him to have actually below average eye mouth coordination, and he displays none of the graceful agility, and effortless, fluid movements that Ax had since day 1. It's almost as if he is Puffy in a body type like Ax. lol He is really kind of 'doofy' but I believe that if I work with him enough, I can turn him into a marginal at best disc dog, but I can definitely pack some muscle onto him and improve his stamina. It will be a long slow process but I feel like a 'project dog' is just what I need right about now to occupy my time. The best part is that I can take him and Puffy out together, and that will not only benefit both of them, but it'll spice things up for me. The new puppy will not be ready for boot camp until late spring / early summer at best, so I have some time to see what magic I can work. it's a win-win.
> 
> Jack, has been renamed to "Jax" by my wife after the character in Sons of Anarchy she has the hots for lol. We figured it sounds almost identical and he responds well to it so no harm done.
> 
> He and Puffy reached an understanding the second day he was here when he did a total submission routine on his back with belly exposed. Right after that, they became fast friends and were play fighting 5 minutes later. Jax quickly learned how truly spazzy Puffy is and quickly learned how to take him off his feet and dominate him _almost_ as easily as Ax used to, but in a way, I think Puffy really missed that am I'm convinced that does not have the ability to feel pain, he seems to relish getting beaten up. Truth be told, he could easily overpower Jax if he really wanted to because although they are of similar size and weight, he has 3 times his physical strength.
> 
> Lastly, on an interesting note, when I was looking at his paperwork after he arrived, I noticed that he had been surrendered on 9/5 - the same day that Ax passed. While I am not really a believer in touchy feely, spiritual stuff, I did find it to be an *odd* coincidence, like perhaps I was fated to own this dog...time will tell I guess.


I don't believe it was any coincidence and I think Jax was fated to be with your family. Poor guy being in a crate all of the time. Who knows how different he would be if he grew up like AXL with you throwing Frisbees at the beach!?!?


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## Karen519

*Tucker and Tonka*



alphadude said:


> Jax and Puffy seem to getting along really well so far after some initial friction. Unless Jax does something incredibly out of character, it'd be hard not to envision him sticking around.


My Tucker and Tonka are very bonded and love one another, but every once in awhile we have a little spat.


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## alphadude

rooroch said:


> I agree laprincessa. We had a Jack Russel who got run over on March 29. She belonged to my boss's wife. She insisted I find another bitch born on that day!! I did and drove 12 hours return journey to fetch her when she was 8 weeks old. I put her in the garden with the other 2 old dogs. She went straight up to the labrador of 15 who had been very close to the first JR and licked her face. The lab looked at her and said "oh you're back are you" and the puppy and old lab were immediately bonded!!


Jax displays many behaviors similar to Ax and he is very warm and affectionate, much more so than Puffy. He immediately took ownership of Ax's exact spot on the bed, next to me when I am on the laptop and he is a fan of the same maneuver, nudging my arm with his nose for attention. He has an apparent affinity for cheddar flavor popcorn just like Ax and as a matter of fact just last night, he *rudely* stole a freshly opened bag and ate the whole thing when I had to leave to answer the door. That is something Ax NEVER would have done! Jax also has a very similar sounding bark, and it's not just the pitch (Puffy's is much lower) but actually the rapid cadence as well. He also seems to like to respond to the dogs barking in the yard on the next block just like Ax ALWAYS did and from almost the same spot on the deck. Lastly, he immediately jumps up on the storage trunk in the yard and sits next to me just like Ax, and he also leaped up on the broken portion of a concrete dock at 'Sunset beach' that I typically use as a base of operations. Ax night have done that a 'few times'.

All this is not meant to imply that I believe Axl has 'returned' in Jax's body however. If that were the case, he would DEFINITELY have better disc skills. lol


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## jennretz

I think Jax is in good hands and will be an amazing addition to your family. And when you get the puppy, Puffy will be in heaven! I think he's a dog who needs other dogs around him. I like this recent turn of events for you.


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## rooroch

That is what we found, strange similarities of behavior but obviously not completely identical. So glad you are enjoying Jax and he is giving you comfort as he obviously feels it is necessary. Clever animals dogs!!


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## NewfieMom

alphadude said:


> I was really not looking for another dog but I ran across Jack on adopt a pet or petfinder - can't remember which to be honest. I was constantly scanning both, even back before Ax got sick, looking for raw material with potential. Anyhow, Jack is a Lab Shepherd mix a bit under two years old, that was described as being very high energy. He was listed by a local rescue so I fired off and email and forgot about it. Several days later, I got a response which led to a phone call with a very nice woman named Phyl in Georgia of all places. We spoke at great length on the phone on several occasions, and I told her all about Ax and what had happened to him, sent her pics and videos of him. Phyl decided that if anyone was going to be able to handle Jack and maximize his potential it was me. Jack had been surrendered by his owner who left him in an outdoor 10 x 10 pen for basically his whole young life. She fostered him along with 17 other dogs, and he spent most of the day in a crate. He was only allowed out for bathroom and exercise breaks. She described him as a really good, young, friendly, athletic dog that just needed some direction, training and a job. She said he was very wild and she and her husband, both almost 70, couldn't really provide what he needed. I agreed to take him on a trial basis, so she sent him north on a bimonthly transport the rescue contracts.
> 
> In the almost 2 weeks that I have had him, my assessment is that Jack is indeed a very nice boy who has plenty of energy, although nowhere CLOSE to even 8 year old Ax type energy, let alone 20 month old Ax who basically was just non stop 24/7. He is actually a very submissive guy with a mischievous side to him, but again, he is astonishingly mild compared to Axl when he was a 'teen' because he lacks the dominant alpha male component. He has a nice athletic build although he definitely lacks muscle tone, probably because he has never been exercised properly. He can run very fast and he is definitely a jumper. That's the good news. The bad news is that he is completely clueless when it comes to anything involving discs and he is not especially coordinated, except maybe when compared to Puffy. I have found him to have actually below average eye mouth coordination, and he displays none of the graceful agility, and effortless, fluid movements that Ax had since day 1. It's almost as if he is Puffy in a body type like Ax. lol He is really kind of 'doofy' but I believe that if I work with him enough, I can turn him into a marginal at best disc dog, but I can definitely pack some muscle onto him and improve his stamina.


My heart dog was a yellow Lab I adopted at age two when I was living in Connecticut. I could not find any of the few "action shots" I have of him, all of them taken in the snow at a local park. But Jax reminds me of him a bit. Jax is a lot smaller than Biscuit was, but has some of the same look. Biscuit was tremendously athletic, enormously oversized, way above all the breed standards for a Lab although he had a pedigree. Like Jax, he came from the South and I suspect that not only was he bred for field work, but specifically to be a gun dog. He was the only dog I ever had who naturally didn't mind thunder or fireworks. He would lie out on our deck on the 4th of July when the Town put on a fireworks display a few blocks away. He was gentle at home and a bit goofy, but had a huge protective instinct. He would bite any stranger who came onto our front porch, although he would let anyone in our back door. He was our resident maniac. I just wanted to share him with you. 

Deb


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## alphadude

Biscuit was a big handsome boy! I think you are absolutely right about him coming from gun dog lines given what you said about the fireworks. 

Jax has a narrower skull probably from his GS genetics

He reminds me of my buddy's yellow lab that is HUGE! My friend INSISTED that we get he and Ax together so he could teach Cosmo how to catch discs. I KNEW it was a *really* bad idea because Cosmo was a 15 month old 120 lb "puppy" with no boundries. Took all of about 10 seconds before he invaded Ax's space and jumped on his back. Cosmo was on the ground bleeding in 4 places before he knew what even hit him, but that was typical of my awesome, talented boy, he didn't play games. lol That was Ax's version of 'manners 101'. Cosmo stayed respectful for the rest of the 2 hour outing and didn't dare invade Ax's space again. When he disciplined another dog, they STAYED disciplined. This was Labor Day 2014, exactly 2 years to the day before he died.:frown2:

You can see from the pic that he absolutely dwarfed Ax!


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## NewfieMom

alphadude said:


> Biscuit was a big handsome boy! I think you are absolutely right about him coming from gun dog lines given what you said about the fireworks.
> 
> Jax has a narrower skull probably from his GS genetics
> 
> He reminds me of my buddy's yellow lab that is HUGE! My friend INSISTED that we get he and Ax together so he could teach Cosmo how to catch discs. I KNEW it was a *really* bad idea because Cosmo was a 15 month old 120 lb "puppy" with no boundries. Took all of about 10 seconds before he invaded Ax's space and jumped on his back. Cosmo was on the ground bleeding in 4 places before he knew what even hit him, but that was typical of my awesome, talented boy, he didn't play games. lol That was Ax's version of 'manners 101'. Cosmo stayed respectful for the rest of the 2 hour outing and didn't dare invade Ax's space again. When he disciplined another dog, they STAYED disciplined. This was Labor Day 2014, exactly 2 years to the day before he died.:frown2:
> 
> You can see from the pic that he absolutely dwarfed Ax!


Biscuit was a big, handsome boy, but I very much appreciate your saying so. I still miss him a lot although we had to euthanize him in January of 2008, almost 9 years ago. I will never forget what he put me through. For the first couple of years of his life everyone around me kept telling me i had to get rid of him and my mother, a true dog lover who had doted upon and taken care of my Golden Retriever when I went to work every day, called him my "big brute of a dog"! Cosmo is even bigger than Biscuit was, though, and I do not think I have ever seen a Lab who was bigger before! Biscuit never fought with another dog in his life, so I have no idea if he could defend himself. He picked on people, although he never bit anyone to do harm. He nipped once he actually hit flesh. But the attack, as it came, looked ferocious. He grabbed onto my mailman's leather belt and ripped the jacket off the man who came to install cable, for instance. (They made the mistake of coming on the front porch.)

Ax was truly a force of nature to subdue Cosmo! Not that I hadn't known that already!

Hugs,
Deb


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## Karen519

*Alphadude*



alphadude said:


> Jax displays many behaviors similar to Ax and he is very warm and affectionate, much more so than Puffy. He immediately took ownership of Ax's exact spot on the bed, next to me when I am on the laptop and he is a fan of the same maneuver, nudging my arm with his nose for attention. He has an apparent affinity for cheddar flavor popcorn just like Ax and as a matter of fact just last night, he *rudely* stole a freshly opened bag and ate the whole thing when I had to leave to answer the door. That is something Ax NEVER would have done! Jax also has a very similar sounding bark, and it's not just the pitch (Puffy's is much lower) but actually the rapid cadence as well. He also seems to like to respond to the dogs barking in the yard on the next block just like Ax ALWAYS did and from almost the same spot on the deck. Lastly, he immediately jumps up on the storage trunk in the yard and sits next to me just like Ax, and he also leaped up on the broken portion of a concrete dock at 'Sunset beach' that I typically use as a base of operations. Ax night have done that a 'few times'.
> 
> All this is not meant to imply that I believe Axl has 'returned' in Jax's body however. If that were the case, he would DEFINITELY have better disc skills. lol


Alphadude: Whenever one of our dogs crosses to the Rainbow Bridge and we get another, whether adopting or not, the new dog seems to take on some of the characteristics, habits, qualities of the dog we just lost. Ken and I have commented on this many times. Tonka did things similar to Gizmo and Tucker does things that Smooch did! I don't think it is just a coincidence!


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## murphy1

I don't know if I did this right but this is my heart dog, although I love my Murphy with all my heart. Shamus, a dogue de bordeaux, was 150 lbs of muscle, a wonderful breed. I agree with Karen, our new dogs somehow have characteristics of our past beloved pets. Murphy cuddles next to me on the couch and druels when food is in front of him, though no where near Shamus.
Hope the picture comes thru, my Shamus was a real handsome guy.


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## alphadude

Yep, came through Murph. Shamus was a big strapping handsome boy!


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## NewfieMom

alphadude said:


> Yep, came through Murph. Shamus was a big strapping handsome boy!


Oh, my _word_, was he ever gorgeous, Murphy! My daughter loves jowls. She would want to sink her head into Shamus' face the way she does into our Newfie's face! Thank you so much for sharing!

Hugs,
Deb
(NewfieMom)


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## SandyK

Jax is adorable!! I am so glad he found his forever home with you. Sounds like he is happy and fitting right in!!:grin2:


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## Karen519

Shamus was a beautiful boy and so is Murphy!


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## alphadude

NewfieMom said:


> Ax was truly a force of nature to subdue Cosmo! Not that I hadn't known that already!


It's funny, I was just using that EXACT phrase to describe him the other day.

That was just him teaching boundaries to a puppy, albeit a 120 lb one. He made his point and that was that, it was over in a few seconds and he did not press the issue. 

What was way more impressive was the time he knocked the *snot* of a 140 lb rottie that viciously attacked him as he was trotting back to me with a disc in his mouth. That was a full on dog fight and by the time I covered the distance to where they were going at it, he had the rottie pinned to the ground by the back of it's neck helpless and SCREAMING. I had to forcefully remove Ax and the rottie took off like a shot and never looked back.

Ax was the most alpha dog I have ever seen. He would completely mind his own business, in fact he mostly ignored other dogs, but when attacked he had a mean streak a mile wide, and the ferocity he was capable of was nothing short of *stunning*. It was difficult to believe he was the same tail wagging, face licking, disc catching golden that everybody loved. When it was over, he was immediately back in play mode like somebody flipped a switch, completely unfazed. It was bizarre to watch.


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## alphadude

Ax is gone three months exactly today. RIP buddy, I think of and miss you every single day.


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## jennretz

alphadude said:


> Ax is gone three months exactly today. RIP buddy, I think of and miss you every single day.




Thinking of you....


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## murphy1

I know exactly how you feel. It get easier but never disappears.


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## laprincessa

It seems like much longer, and yet, it seems like yesterday.
I don't think I've ever loved a dog I never met quite so much.


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## Pilgrim123

laprincessa said:


> It seems like much longer, and yet, it seems like yesterday.
> I don't think I've ever loved a dog I never met quite so much.


That's it exactly. Ax was special - your posts always reminded us of how special he was, even for a golden retriever. Take care, and give Puffy a pat from me.


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## alphadude

laprincessa said:


> It seems like much longer, and yet, it seems like yesterday.
> I don't think I've ever loved a dog I never met quite so much.


Thanks so much for saying so.


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## alphadude

Always loved this pic of Ax smiling in front of the tree 2009...2 years old.


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## jennretz

Ax was bigger than life in everything he did. And he was very confident! All because of the life you provided him 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## alphadude

Figured this was a fitting tribute especially with his birthday coming up on Friday. This was a very special place for us and and one where we shared a lot of awesome times.


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## alphadude

May 20, 2016 standing next to the wall that would bear his epitaph...


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## Pilgrim123

It's still so raw, isn't it? But I'm glad there is something to memorialize Ax in the place he loved.


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## jennretz

I love that picture with all his discs....and he looks ready to keep on going. I'm sorry the pain is still so raw. Those "firsts" are the hardest.


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## alphadude

Pilgrim123 said:


> It's still so raw, isn't it? But I'm glad there is something to memorialize Ax in the place he loved.


Yes, it is still VERY raw.

Memorializing Ax there just felt right. One of these days I'm going to take some of his ashes to a few of our favorite spots. Haven't been able to bring myself to do it just yet.


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## alphadude

jennretz said:


> I love that picture with all his discs....and he looks ready to keep on going. I'm sorry the pain is still so raw. Those "firsts" are the hardest.


Ax was ALWAYS ready to keep on going. He loved to dig holes too, he was quite the excavator. It was his favorite thing to do after a marathon workout. He would dig a hole in the sand a foot and a half deep in an eye blink and nose his discs into it. He was just so efficient, an economy of motion but a single minded purpose - like everything he did in his life.

Friday is going to be very hard.


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## Dezpez

I lost my silly Sadie on June 17th at age five to this same awful disease. She left a giant golden retriever sized hole in my heart. I miss and think about her everyday. It's unfathomable to me that she's been gone for almost five months. I completely understand what you are going through and I'm so sorry for your loss. He seemed like a beautiful dog who lived his life to the fullest.


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## alphadude

Dezpez said:


> I lost my silly Sadie on June 17th at age five to this same awful disease. She left a giant golden retriever sized hole in my heart. I miss and think about her everyday. It's unfathomable to me that she's been gone for almost five months. I completely understand what you are going through and I'm so sorry for your loss. He seemed like a beautiful dog who lived his life to the fullest.


So very sorry to hear about Sadie as well. As bad as losing Ax @ 8.5 was, 5 is exponentially worse. That really sucks, my heart goes out to you. I feel like we were robbed so I can only imagine how you must feel.

Ax lived his life at full throttle, and I take some small solace that he packed a whole lot of living in his 8.5 years. 

That's what makes this horrific disease so insidious. It takes out strong, vital dogs, seemingly in perfect health with little or no warning. One of the vets @ the ER likened it to mimicking a car accident. I thought the analogy was perfect.


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## jennretz

AD- just thinking about you guys. How are Puffy and Jax doing? How are you doing? I know this is a tough week for you and want to send my support.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Dezpez

alphadude said:


> So very sorry to hear about Sadie as well. As bad as losing Ax @ 8.5 was, 5 is exponentially worse. That really sucks, my heart goes out to you. I feel like we were robbed so I can only imagine how you must feel.
> 
> Ax lived his life at full throttle, and I take some small solace that he packed a whole lot of living in his 8.5 years.
> 
> That's what makes this horrific disease so insidious. It takes out strong, vital dogs, seemingly in perfect health with little or no warning. One of the vets @ the ER likened it to mimicking a car accident. I thought the analogy was perfect.


It was like a car accident. It feels like one day she was healthy and happy and the next day she was critically ill. We got six weeks with her after the diagnosis and removal of her tumour and spleen. We tried chemotherapy but she already had another tumour growing in her heart. On the day she died, she seemed like her normal self, so we took her for a short walk at one of her favourite places and actually tossed the ball for her two times. When we got back to the car she collapsed in the back seat. We rushed her to our regular vet, who basically gave us the option of putting her down. We weren't ready so we decided to take her to the emergency vet where she was having her chemo. She died in the back of my van on the way there, my husband lying on the floor next to her. 

It's hard not to regret the decision of taking her for that fateful walk; but she loved being out and catching her ball. Sometimes I wish we had just gone home, but I also know that if I had she would have just died a different way. 

I miss her so much. We don't have another dog (just cats) and I feel that emptiness in my life left by her constant and faithful companionship. Oh puppy.

Anyway, it's nice to be able to come here and know that people feel exactly as I do about their dogs. So many people have a hard time understanding.


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## alphadude

jennretz said:


> AD- just thinking about you guys. How are Puffy and Jax doing? How are you doing? I know this is a tough week for you and want to send my support.


Thanks so much Jenn, tomorrow is going to be the worst. It would have been his 9th birthday.

Puffy and Jax are doing OK in relative terms. Jax has discovered an affinity for chewing and destroying cell phone chargers - he's gotten 2 so far this week, as well as my favorite sneakers. I caught him chewing up a plastic hanger this morning which as far as I was concerned was an improvement. lol It's not really all that surprising considering he is still technically a puppy. He won't be 2 until next month, and throughout his short life the guy that eventually surrendered him, left him confined to a 10 x 10 pen outside and never brought inside, and at the rescue, he was crated other than periodic bathroom and exercise breaks. Now he basically has the run of the place, and he is using his new found freedom to get into trouble. Unfortunately, because it's the worst possible time of the year (earliest sunsets), I have not been able to keep him as well exercised as I would like. A 20 minute walk does not sufficiently drain him of energy like 45 minutes running on the beach would. Fortunately, that will start to improve in a week or 2 as the sunsets begin to get later again.

It's difficult to stay angry at Jax because he is *very* submissive (I think he may have been abused somewhat). I was really angry when I got home from work the other day to find him on the bed happily ripping apart my sneakers (cell charger was already destroyed) and I yelled loudly at him since he was caught in the act, and his reaction was an *extremely* fearful one. He jumped down and was grovelling at my feet and making the most pathetic crying/mewling sounds I have ever heard. He even urinated a few drops which was clearly submission since he has been spotlessly clean since he arrived. He rolled onto his back with his tail tucked and continued to cry. I had to just walk away, didn't want to comfort him and thus reward bad behavior. 

Puffy has actually retrogressed and is acting out, especially with the Christmas tree up. He treats it like a toy store and plucks off and destroys several ornaments per day. Jax is actually less of a PITA in that respect. 

All this going on and we're going to be adding a puppy to the mix in a weeks time. I must be out of my mind.


----------



## jennretz

AD - sorry it's such a touch week. The behavior you're describing from Jax is definitely fearful behavior. If he's submissive peeing he's a pretty anxious guy. I'm not wanting to tell you what to do, but will share what I've learned since I rescued Charlie almost 3 years ago. I'm in the camp that offering comfort in no way reinforces his behavior. When he's in a fearful state he's not learning. I have found that gaining a fearful dog's trust repaid me 10-fold and learning to adjust my approach with Charlie helped ultimately with his training. I didn't understand that he was still finding his way in my house and I just thought he was misbehaving. Charlie destroyed a pair of yoga pants and some of my husbands dress shirts. Taking a tough stance with him in the beginning actually set us back a couple of months...once I started focusing on gaining his trust he's grew tremendously and he's a great dog now!

Puffy's trying to get attention - negative or positive it sounds like. If you have an xpen, might be time to bring it out in front of the tree


----------



## alphadude

jennretz said:


> AD - sorry it's such a touch week. The behavior you're describing from Jax is definitely fearful behavior. If he's submissive peeing he's a pretty anxious guy. I'm not wanting to tell you what to do, but will share what I've learned since I rescued Charlie almost 3 years ago. I'm in the camp that offering comfort in no way reinforces his behavior. When he's in a fearful state he's not learning. I have found that gaining a fearful dog's trust repaid me 10-fold and learning to adjust my approach with Charlie helped ultimately with his training. I didn't understand that he was still finding his way in my house and I just thought he was misbehaving. Charlie destroyed a pair of yoga pants and some of my husbands dress shirts. Taking a tough stance with him in the beginning actually set us back a couple of months...once I started focusing on gaining his trust he's grew tremendously and he's a great dog now!
> 
> Puffy's trying to get attention - negative or positive it sounds like. If you have an xpen, might be time to bring it out in front of the tree


Thanks Jenn. He is actually a very submissive and gentle dog. He is extremely affectionate, even more so than Ax was almost to the point of being annoying about it. I did not ignore him for more than a few minutes. Then I allowed him to come to me for comfort. What you are saying does make sense about the fearful state. He was terrified! Even Puffy who is also a submissive guy, never reacted like that!. Originally, I had him in Ax's old crate the first night so Puffy couldn't get at him, but it was taking up too much room and now with the holidays upon us, and people visiting, space is at a premium. I could set up the crate again in a small spare room I guess, but I am hoping to able to avoid doing that. 

Jax is a bit of a paradox so far. He is very athletic, not to the degree that Ax was, but he has none of the agility. He can easily leap 4' in the air but he's as likely to face plant as land on his feet. He can run pretty fast, but he just doesn't seem to have it under control. Last weekend, he came tearing down the beach and ran full speed into Puffy which is like running into a brick wall. It wasn't like Puffy got in front of him either. Ax would have simply leaped over him and kept right on trucking, Jax ended up crumpled in a heap in the sand. I am hoping he develops some coordination as time goes on. He also has ADD because he can't seem to focus on anything for longer than a minute or 2. Also, despite my best efforts, I have made 0 progress getting him to catch discs. Balls he will chase and retrieve a few times before he decides to chase it, and return without it. He is very much a work in progress now.


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## jennretz

I think you are going to have some awesome adventures ahead of you with Puffy, Jax and your new puppy


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## alphadude

jennretz said:


> I think you are going to have some awesome adventures ahead of you with Puffy, Jax and your new puppy


I hope so Jenn. 

I am uncharacteristically struggling to come up with a name for the new guy. Wanted to stay with the rock star theme - specifically a blonde/redddish haired one. Would love to show some love to Zeppelin but I can't really see myself naming him Robert or Plant.


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## jennretz

alphadude said:


> I hope so Jenn.
> 
> I am uncharacteristically struggling to come up with a name for the new guy. Wanted to stay with the rock star theme - specifically a blonde/redddish haired one. Would love to show some love to Zeppelin but I can't really see myself naming him Robert or Plant.


That could be a fun thread...."help me name my new pup...rock star names only!"

Black Dog doesn't seem appropriate for a golden.>


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## Pilgrim123

"All this going on and we're going to be adding a puppy to the mix in a weeks time. I must be out of my mind."
For some strange reason, this made me giggle. Ah well, AD, there are interesting times ahead!


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## alphadude

Pilgrim123 said:


> "All this going on and we're going to be adding a puppy to the mix in a weeks time. I must be out of my mind."
> For some strange reason, this made me giggle. Ah well, AD, there are interesting times ahead!


No doubt Pilgrim, no doubt at all.


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## alphadude

jennretz said:


> That could be a fun thread...."help me name my new pup...rock star names only!"
> 
> Black Dog doesn't seem appropriate for a golden.>


No it really doesn't. 

My criteria are pretty stringent, it must be a rocker who's music I like a lot. I would also much prefer them to have the appropriate color mane as a golden or reasonably close. Axl was a perfect fit especially when personality was taken into consideration due to them BOTH displaying abominable behavior.

If I was getting a black poodle puppy, I definitely would name it 'Slash' after the G-n-R guitarist who has a huge mop of curly black hair but it doesn't quite work with a golden.

I have a few ideas including Bowie, (David Bowie), Geddy or Lee (Geddy Lee of Rush fame), Perry (Steve Perry - Journey), Sammy or Hagar (Sammy Hagar of VH fame after DLR left AKA the "red rocker"), Daltry after Roger Daltry of the Who. Not really in love with any of those though and neither are the wife and kids.

Was toying with naming him "Max" since he was born in Maxville Ontario but that has received less than stellar reviews from the family as well. Also, it would roll off my tongue after years of saying Ax, and now Jax.

One they surprisingly LOVE is "ZoSo" (or "Zo" for Jimmy Page's symbol from Zeppelin IV who just happens to be my favorite all time rocker, but his hair is black! 

Also under consideration: "Ozzy" for Ozzy Osbourne of Sabbath but his hair is the wrong color, "Izzy" for Izzy Stradlin of G-n-R but again wrong color hair.

I'm thinking I might have to reluctantly abandon the rock star theme all together since I can't seem to find the perfect match. 

I like "Dakota" since it is the place of Ax's birth and he was almost named that, "Rip" for disc related reasons, "Zeus", and I also like "Ace" and "Diesel" which incidentally, are the dam and sire's names.

It is very difficult to pick an appropriate name before knowing the pup's personality. Another thing that Ax was very nearly named was "Conan", and he would have *really* lived up to that name but who knows what this puppy will be like. It would by pretty lame to have a mild mannered golden named Conan don't you think?

Just now, the breeder just emailed me and said:

"I have found your puppy, he has LOADS of spunk and is a real go getter!!!".

What say you people???


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## Pilgrim123

Not sure if it's up your street or not, AD, but how about Halen, after Van Halen? After all, their lead singer was David Lee Roth, and he was a blond with attitude.


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## alphadude

Pilgrim123 said:


> Not sure if it's up your street or not, AD, but how about Halen, after Van Halen? After all, their lead singer was David Lee Roth, and he was a blond with attitude.


*Love* VH. DLR was hot stuff back in the day but lord have you seen him lately?? He is the poster boy for creepy lounge lizard who looks like a possible pedo...lol What a TRAIN WRECK!!!


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## jennretz

I'm not very imaginative, but I really like Zeus, Ace or Dakota

ETA how about Motley for Motley Crue? Lol first concert ever mile high stadium

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## alphadude

jennretz said:


> I'm not very imaginative, but I really like Zeus, Ace or Dakota
> 
> ETA how about Motley for Motley Crue? Lol first concert ever mile high stadium
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Was thinking briefly of SIXX lol. wrong color hair though.


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## jennretz

alphadude said:


> Was thinking briefly of SIXX lol. wrong color hair though.




Kinda has a ring to it ;-)


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## Pilgrim123

Lord, I just googled Van Halen. I see exactly what you mean! You wouldn't want a family member named after him. Old rockers should be banned - they should all die young or else fade away quietly and become bankers or politicians or used car salesmen! (No - they have the right to be what they want to be. It is sad, though, when you realize your heroes are as old as you look.) Back to the drawing board......


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## alphadude

Pilgrim123 said:


> Lord, I just googled Van Halen. I see exactly what you mean! You wouldn't want a family member named after him. Old rockers should be banned - they should all die young or else fade away quietly and become bankers or politicians or used car salesmen! (No - they have the right to be what they want to be. It is sad, though, when you realize your heroes are as old as you look.) Back to the drawing board......


Yeah man, I saw a video of them performing last spring on Ellen or one of those ridiculous shows, to promote a summer tour and I was HORRIFIED. I was like whole lotta nope for going to see that crap. Eddie and the rest of them can still bring it but DLR was just...he reminded me of creepier version of Shatner (minus the bad rug) *speaking* the words to Rocket Man and calling it singing. Just embarrassing. They were rock gods in the 80's....


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## Pilgrim123

AD, I know today will be difficult. I wanted you to know someone the other side of the world will be thinking of you and Ax. His life is worth celebrating. Take care.


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## jennretz

Sending this your way today. This is how I want to envision heaven (or whatever you want to call it). At least this is what I hope is waiting for us with wagging tails...













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## Helo's Mom

My first thought for puppy names was Duff, he's blonde and in GNR. No?

Then I got to thinking of the following:
Freddie (as in Mercury of Queen, don't know if you're a Queen fan)
Journey as in the entire group. I know a person named Journey and think it's a cool name.
Boss (as in Springsteen? Love me some Springsteen)
Fogerty (CCR)

The more I think, the less blonde band members I can come up with! I doubt any of the above people are blonde.

And then we come to my favorite band Zeppelin.
How about Zepp? Kashmir?

I have a story about Zeppelin. About 6 years ago Jason Bonham did a tour called "The Led Zeppelin experience". He's drummer Jon Bonham's son. Of course Jason was on drums. I was very excited to hear them but went with low expectations, telling myself "No one can play guitar like Jimmy Page" and "No one can sing like Robert Plant". Well I was very pleasantly surprised. They sounded exactly like the original Zeppelin and I was in heaven! It was a very small venue so I was standing like 5 feet from the stage and I felt like I was in the presence of the legends. It was really an awesome experience. I kept waiting for them to do another tour but they never did. Just that one year. *Sigh*

Anyway...those are my suggestions. I'll keep thinking!


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## murphy1

Scotty,,,,,Scott Weland (Stone Temple Pilots)


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## ceegee

alphadude said:


> My criteria are pretty stringent, it must be a rocker who's music I like a lot. I would also much prefer them to have the appropriate color mane as a golden or reasonably close. Axl was a perfect fit especially when personality was taken into consideration due to them BOTH displaying abominable behavior. (...)
> I'm thinking I might have to reluctantly abandon the rock star theme all together since I can't seem to find the perfect match. (...)
> 
> It is very difficult to pick an appropriate name before knowing the pup's personality. Another thing that Ax was very nearly named was "Conan", and he would have *really* lived up to that name but who knows what this puppy will be like. It would by pretty lame to have a mild mannered golden named Conan don't you think?
> 
> Just now, the breeder just emailed me and said:
> 
> "I have found your puppy, he has LOADS of spunk and is a real go getter!!!".
> 
> What say you people???


How about "Gunner", to maintain the link with Axl?


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## migs

Such a great photo Jennretz. Put a big smile on my face this morning.


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## jennretz

ceegee said:


> How about "Gunner", to maintain the link with Axl?



Gunner is a really cool name!


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## murphy1

Or if you just want a Red Head name.....growing up my neighbor had a beautiful red Golden named Brandy.


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## murphy1

Jennretz....the photo brought a tear to my eye. Looked like my old boy Casey. I know he's waiting for me.


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## Laurie

How about a puppy named Jagger!


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## brianne

When I think of blonde 80s rockers, I think of Billy Idol and also Rod Stewart. I know they aren't quite on the same level as Zeppelin.

Also like music from Robert Palmer (kind of a blonde) and Sting from the Police. Annie Lennox was a blonde rocker from the 80s. Annie wouldn't fit, but "Lennox" sounds kinda cool.


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## alphadude

Pilgrim123 said:


> AD, I know today will be difficult. I wanted you to know someone the other side of the world will be thinking of you and Ax. His life is worth celebrating. Take care.


Today was all in all quite miserable as expected. 

Many thanks for your thoughts though, I mean that sincerely. 

Right about now, I *should* be grilling up a couple pounds of filet for Ax. This sucks.

Last year...


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## laprincessa

Grill up a couple pounds of fillet for you and Puffy and Jax and celebrate Ax's life together.


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## Pilgrim123

AD, I couldn't help smiling at Ax trying to dig up the stick at the beach, or at him doing
zoomies in your yard. As for the next video of Ax filmed with a drone, he must have got fairly close to the record with those throws! He sure lived life at full throttle.
Laprincessa has it right - celebrate what he gave you with a steak all round. I can smell it from here!


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## jennretz

What a glorious time he had! I loved that video 

I like the idea of paying tribute to his birthday by still grilling some steaks. 

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## alphadude

Pilgrim123 said:


> AD, I couldn't help smiling at Ax trying to dig up the stick at the beach, or at him doing
> zoomies in your yard. As for the next video of Ax filmed with a drone, he must have got fairly close to the record with those throws! He sure lived life at full throttle.
> Laprincessa has it right - celebrate what he gave you with a steak all round. I can smell it from here!


He was a character, and he *loved* to dig. I had a bunch more video of that day of him frolicking in the bay with reckless abandon. The water was very rough, but I never worried even a little, he was as gifted a swimmer as he was at just about everything else he did. I always meant to remix that video with the added video and stills of the steak dinner afterwards. Never got around to it.

I guess you are talking about the video on the big field set to Journey? That was shot in October of 15 less than 2 months before his 8th birthday and he caught a bunch of 100 yarders. 

Actually the world record is 134 yards set by Rob Mcleod who is a 'professional disc athlete' and his whippet Davy. With a 'free start' format, meaning the dog can cross the throw line before the disc does, as far as I am concerned, there wasn't a dog on the planet that Ax couldn't beat. The only thing that ever limited him, was my ability to rip the discs that far. With the Aerobe Pro Rings, he routinely went 120+ yards and *never* missed. I once saw him make a wind driven catch that I measured with a LRF @ 148 yards. He was almost 7 at the time. What Ax had over every other dog I've ever seen compete in that sport, was his uncanny ability to track the disc, take the most efficient, direct route to it's probable landing spot, and make the catch. He was EXPERT at compensating for the wind also. If he got ANYWHERE near it, he was catching it. His eye mouth coordination was extraordinary. As he lay outside @ deaths door, he could still snap a fly out of the air. Less than 12 hours before he passed, I watched him catch a rubber ball bounced off a wall 2 feet from him. He couldn't even stand or walk, but he STILL had those reflexes and sharp eyes.

I was watching his birthday video earlier, and was marveling at his lightening quick, precise movements when he was play fighting with Puffy. His uncoordinated 'little' brother looked like he was moving in slomo by comparison.

No steak tonight, I couldn't stomach it without Ax.


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## murphy1

Ax had a wonderful life, one that any dog would love. As I've said before to others, if you believe as I do, he'll be catching discs with you again many years from now.


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## Pilgrim123

AD, I don't know if this is of any interest to you, but I keep on thinking of your pup as AD's Rocker dog. Would you consider calling him Rocker?


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## alphadude

Pilgrim123 said:


> AD, I don't know if this is of any interest to you, but I keep on thinking of your pup as AD's Rocker dog. Would you consider calling him Rocker?


Actually, I have been considering "Rock" and well as "Rocker".


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## laprincessa

Rocky is a good name.


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## alphadude

I think I am going to wait until I meet him, perhaps something will jump out. My wife is really digging "Gunner". We'll be hitting the road in about 48 hours.


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## jennretz

alphadude said:


> I think I am going to wait until I meet him, perhaps something will jump out. My wife is really digging "Gunner". We'll be hitting the road in about 48 hours.




I love Gunner myself!


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## laprincessa

Gunner is good. Can't wait for pictures!


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## alphadude

https://www.facebook.com/743241695723189/videos/1158160237564664/

I already see one I like in the video...

Pile of sleeping puppies


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## jennretz

Adorable puppies and cute video


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## Pilgrim123

This is getting very exciting now! I'll be waiting for pictures...


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## alphadude

Very much looking forward to it but also sad. Would trade Jax and the new puppy in a NY minute to have Ax back.

Just got back from the beach with Jax & Puffy. I gave up on disc training (for now) and have them chasing a tennis ball for exercise. Every second toss, I have to hold Jack by the collar to give Puffy a "YUGE" head start or else Jax would never let him get any. Poor guy is always in the shadow of a more athletic dog. 

I even started to get Jax to try and catch the tennis ball when I toss it up in the air. He actually caught a few surprisingly, and he also does some pretty cool high leaps where he kind of contorts his body, but he invariably misses those by a *mile*. lol Neither one of these 2 clowns will ever be confused with Ax by anyone watching.


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## jennretz

I would still love to see some video of Jax and Puffy 


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## danoon58

We've been working with Seamus to try to catch (he has no clue about retrieve). I'll throw something he really wants from like 2 feet and go crazy if he catches it.


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## Pilgrim123

Well, they may not catch, but it must be fun to watch them try!


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## alphadude

jennretz said:


> I would still love to see some video of Jax and Puffy
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


One of these days I'm going to get the drone in the air and get some video of 'uncoordinated and spazzy'. I haven't even been able to look at it since the end of July when Ax was diagnosed. The whole point of getting it was to get better video of him doing the disc thing.


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## alphadude

Pilgrim123 said:


> Well, they may not catch, but it must be fun to watch them try!


I will admit Jax makes me laugh, especially when he leaps high in the air and then ends up face planting in the sand. lol


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## alphadude

danoon58 said:


> We've been working with Seamus to try to catch (he has no clue about retrieve). I'll throw something he really wants from like 2 feet and go crazy if he catches it.


Seamus is a very handsome boy. 

The key is to encourage them. If I stumble upon a method that works, I will definitely share.


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## alphadude

Pilgrim123 said:


> This is getting very exciting now! I'll be waiting for pictures...


Spoke to the breeder earlier to confirm plans for the 23. He said "Paul, I've got your puppy, he is a *WILDMAN*, hope you can handle him".

I assured him that nothing scares me after dealing with Ax as an puppy / adolescent.

Don't know if I ever told this story, but when Ax was about 8 months old, he got a NASTY case of kennel cough. I swear we really thought he was going to cash out, he was soooo sick. Anyway, when we took him to an emergency vet one night when he looked particularly bad, my wife was telling the him what a wild little maniac he usually was and the vet (a young guy) said "oh he is a sweet golden retriever". As sick as Ax was, he went nuts on the table and bit the *crap* out of him. lol The vet then said "you're right, he* is* a little (rhymes with duck)", and we all cracked up. Took him over 2 weeks to recover from that. We were just talking about that the other night. 

It's funny, because he went on to become a model patient, and even at the end of his life, all the vets that worked on him loved him and said how sweet and what a brave boy he was. He let them do everything without giving them any problems.


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## jennretz

Ax turned out the way he did because you played to his strengths and helped him be very confident. I have a feeling you will have a great relationship with this pup because Ax trained you to be capable of that and would expect no less 


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## Pilgrim123

Well, Ax had made his point. He obviously lived by the axiom of "Once bitten, twice shy." He merely made sure HE was the one who did the biting!


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## Pilgrim123

Duplicate post!


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## alphadude

Pilgrim123 said:


> Well, Ax had made his point. He obviously lived by the axiom of "Once bitten, twice shy." He merely made sure HE was the one who did the biting!


A Great White reference?? Loved that album.


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## murphy1

Have to tell you AD, the more I read about Ax the more he is like my female from the 90's Kelly. We picked the most active puppy and got that and then some. There was nothing she couldn't catch on the first try, even when she wasn't ready....she'd catch it. Driven wasn't the right word for her, she was relentless in anything she ded. An unbelievable watchdog/protector. (I used to say she'd make a great drug or bomb sniffing dog). Kelly was spayed but boy, she and Ax would have had some puppies!

Can't wait to read all the escapades of your new boy. Ax is watching with a smile on his face and wag of the tail.


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## CashStringer

The Stringer home is anxiously awaiting photos of your little guy and stories of a lifetime of joy to come! We have been watching your journey and our heart has broken for you. Can't wait to share in the excitement of a new puppy!


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## alphadude

murphy1 said:


> Have to tell you AD, the more I read about Ax the more he is like my female from the 90's Kelly. We picked the most active puppy and got that and then some. There was nothing she couldn't catch on the first try, even when she wasn't ready....she'd catch it. Driven wasn't the right word for her, she was relentless in anything she ded. An unbelievable watchdog/protector. (I used to say she'd make a great drug or bomb sniffing dog). Kelly was spayed but boy, she and Ax would have had some puppies!
> 
> Can't wait to read all the escapades of your new boy. Ax is watching with a smile on his face and wag of the tail.


Kelly and Ax definitely sound like they were kindred spirits and would have produced some special pups. Allowing Ax to be neutered is among my biggest regrets. If I at least had a living breathing piece of him, in the form of a puppy he sired, I would feel so much better.

Some of the things that I cherished most about Ax were decidedly 'ungolden like' qualities. He was a really good watchdog and he heard and saw EVERYTHING - his senses were very keen. I don't mean to imply he would attack strangers coming on the property, he wouldn't, but because he was an absolute alpha male, he would bark *very forcefully* at anything out of the ordinary and he could sure look intimidating when he wanted to. He never protected me, there was no need, but I saw him, on several occasions, tear across a field or beach and run off a dog that was messing with Puffy.

The way he handled himself when attacked was unlike any golden I've ever seen. Dogs twice his size, and weight, that were foolish enough to pick a fight with him *always* ended up with hurt feelings and more often than not bleeding. He never seemed the least bit fazed by it. I often wondered if there was a little something other than pure golden in his DNA, but according to his 'breeder' and I use the term loosely, he was a throwback to his grand dam who was a tough as nails alpha bitch. 

Based on what you've said, I agree with your thoughts that Kelly would have made a great service dog. 

Ax excelled at anything he tried because he was super smart, super driven, tireless, physically gifted, and above all, he had heart and will to be the best. Competition of any sort brought out the alpha in him. I can't count the times he was involved in fetch/water retrieve competitions with other similar dogs and he NEVER failed to come back with the object. I was just looking through pics the other day and I came across one taken at our local beach maybe 2 years ago when he took a pack of 4 young, fit, labs to school retrieving sticks from the water much to their owner's chagrin, but I wasn't surprised in the least, that was just Ax. He would out run, out swim, out smart and out *effort* any dog he was competing with. He didn't like to lose. I also think it was his dark (hell raiser) side, properly controlled, that made him the awesome dog he was. 

Anyway, I am looking forward to the challenge of taming another 'wild child', who hopefully will turn out to be *half* the dog Ax was. Time will tell.


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## alphadude

Ax on guard 11/2013 in his classic alpha pose

As a 4 month old demon puppy with his little needle teeth, fuzzy puppy coat, and muscular front paws, in a rare quiet moment.


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## jennretz

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that picture of baby Ax


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## alphadude

Sorry, I am on a nostalgia trip tonight.

Ax looking ripped and robust after a hard, muddy workout in December of 2013, and one with each of my daughters after first coming *home* in April of 08.


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## Tennyson

**** Ax is beautiful. Love seeing the images of him.
Thinking about names for the pup.........

Jimi (Hendrix)
Baker (Ginger Baker, Cream)
X "Rocker" reminds me of that nuthouse from the Braves, John Rocker

Hey AD, Nostalgia is a phase of healing.


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## Pilgrim123

Ax was a very good-looking pup. The family aren't bad, either! (Actually, they are lovely and you're very lucky.)


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## alphadude

Pilgrim123 said:


> Ax was a very good-looking pup. The family aren't bad, either! (Actually, they are lovely and you're very lucky.)


Thank you kindly. Thankfully, my daughters both took after my wife look wise. lol

The did get some of their father's attitude though.

Ax was unbelievably cute, but he was an unholy TERROR! He and I butted heads big time for the first year plus. Discs changed EVERYTHING.


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## alphadude

Tennyson said:


> **** Ax is beautiful. Love seeing the images of him.
> Thinking about names for the pup.........
> 
> Jimi (Hendrix)
> Baker (Ginger Baker, Cream)
> X "Rocker" reminds me of that nuthouse from the Braves, John Rocker
> 
> Hey AD, Nostalgia is a phase of healing.


Thank you. 

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing about Rocker. I was *not* a fan of John especially after him talking smack about NYers. The guy was a tool.

Love Hendrix, but Jimmy Page was my all time fav. 

I am a huge Yankee fan, have been since I was 5 years old. Was even contemplating going with a Yankee themed name. Around here though "jeter" and "jeets" have been done to death. Was considering "Mo" short for Mariano (Rivera), or Thurman (Thurm) or Munson for my childhood idol. Even thought of Mick or "Seven", "Scooter", "Reggie".

From there I moved on to NY (football) Giants themed names...I really LIke "Eli" but he'splaying like CRAP! LOL


----------



## Helo's Mom

I think Eli is a GREAT name. I don't follow football, just like the name!


----------



## alphadude

Well, I'm back from Maxville Ontario. 450 miles each way. Left 6 PM yesterday and was in my driveway by 6 PM this evening. Stopped at a hotel at around 1 AM this morning 5 miles from the Canadian border.

Border crossings are HUGE PITA these days...

Pretty happy with the still as yet unnamed puppy. He certainly seems to have plenty of spunk. He is actually 3 days shy of 7 weeks old and he is still very small, I don't think he is even close to 10 lbs. Our cat who is tiny is bigger than he is. Jax seems to really like him and right away did a play bow and started licking him. Puffy on the other hand seems less than thrilled. He made a few half hearted attempts to snap at him, not viciously but not playing either. I am keeping them separated for now - the puppy is in a small crate and fast asleep. He must be tired after a 7 hour car ride, (I know I am), and then he was ran around rambunctiously, played a spirited game of tug o war, and went exploring for at least an hour when we got home. 

The little bugger doesn't stay still long enough to get a good pic of him yet but we got a few action shots already...

He seems to be a sturdy little specimen. One thing I noticed though, is that he doesn't seem to have the black pigment around his eyes. I am wondering whether or not he will get it. His eyes don't seem to have changed 100% to their brown color yet either.

I met his parents, and his dad leaped up onto a table that was over 4" high to say hi so that was a good sign.


----------



## jennretz

Oh my goodness! Such fluffy sweetness! I can't wait to watch him grow and how wonderful that Jax seems welcoming. Puffy just postures and he'll be fine. Just be sure to let him know he's still special....

Congratulations!


----------



## alphadude

jennretz said:


> Oh my goodness! Such fluffy sweetness! I can't wait to watch him grow and how wonderful that Jax seems welcoming. Puffy just postures and he'll be fine. Just be sure to let him know he's still special....
> 
> Congratulations!


Thanks Jen. I am pleased but it's somewhat bittersweet.

Puffy is insecure I think. When I brought him home, Ax gave him the once over, and left him be. The next day, Puffy tried to eat Ax's food and learned the hard way not to ever do that again, and he didn't. The thing is I trusted Ax to just discipline him and not really hurt him because he was a true alpha, not a 'poser' like Puffy. lol

One thing I'll say for the new guy, he was sitting in his crate and Puffy was acting a fool and barking nastily at him through the bars and he stood there and barked right back at him...didn't back down one bit. I LIKE that.


----------



## jennretz

You're going to be in for some fun


----------



## murphy1

AD....we need to hear a name!!!! Sleep now, he's going to keep you very busy


----------



## Pilgrim123

Congratulations! I think this is the start of something memorable. He's going to be a handful if he's standing up for himself already!


----------



## Wendy427

Congrats AD! Such a cutie with lots of spunk!


----------



## Lennap

alphadude said:


> Thanks Jen. I am pleased but it's somewhat bittersweet.
> 
> Puffy is insecure I think. When I brought him home, Ax gave him the once over, and left him be. The next day, Puffy tried to eat Ax's food and learned the hard way not to ever do that again, and he didn't. The thing is I trusted Ax to just discipline him and not really hurt him because he was a true alpha, not a 'poser' like Puffy. lol
> 
> One thing I'll say for the new guy, he was sitting in his crate and Puffy was acting a fool and barking nastily at him through the bars and he stood there and barked right back at him...didn't back down one bit. I LIKE that.



AD I totally get it - it's is completely bittersweet - and so freaking hard. At the end of the day no one will ever step into Ax's shoes, but Jax and this new pup will find their own places in your heart and life. You will find their strengths and help them develop and grow into the best versions of themselves they can be. I am so very happy for you, and at the same time I have tears in my eyes. I totally get it. I am still trying to figure Rosie out - and I still tear up at least once a day remembering Remy. They leave an imprint in our hearts that will never, ever go away.


Merry Christmas to you, your family and your brood. I wish you all a very happy and healthy New Year and look forward to reading the new adventures.


XO
Lenna & Rosie


----------



## jennretz

Do we have a name yet??? I'm still putting my vote in for Gunner....LOL

How was the first night home?


----------



## gold4me

I love all that I am reading here about the new baby at your house AD!!!!:laugh:


----------



## Rundlemtn

Congratulations on your new little trouble maker! Can't wait to read all about him!


----------



## Helo's Mom

Congratulations on the new addition! He's gorgeous! How about a new thread for the new little guy?


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## alphadude

Yeah we should probably start a new thread for him. His name is Max Gunner and he's got quite the 'tude'. He's channeling his inner Ax for sure. lol


----------



## laprincessa

I just love that name! (My Max approves, too)


----------



## jennretz

alphadude said:


> Yeah we should probably start a new thread for him. His name is Max Gunner and he's got quite the 'tude'. He's channeling his inner Ax for sure. lol


What an AWESOME name. If your description of him so far is any indication, it's the perfect name for him


----------



## xnavydoc6970

Alpha Dude,
I just found your posts about "Your Boy", I feel Your Pain. "Spring Breeze Golden Girl Mariah" ( Call name Mariah) Blessed Me with 14 of the best years of my life. She was 5 years old when My Wife of 20 years passed away suddenly. Mariah NEVER left my side. She really got Me through the heartache and pain. After Mariah turned 14, She could hardly walk on Her own. I would carry Her outside so She could pee and enjoy the sunshine. It broke my heart when She finally passed away. She was the "Love of MY Life". I now have Clancy, and Jake (the snake). Clancy is 18 months old, and Jake was born October 1, of this year. I will NEVER get over losing Mariah, but Clancy and Jake will help Me learn to live without Her. NOT to "Discount my Wife's passing, that was absolutely devastating, but this IS a Golden Retriever Forum. 
AD, I am SO happy for you and your family, once more the "Sun is Shining On You Back Door". YOU are a hero in "My Book".


----------



## hotel4dogs

Congratulations on your new little one!


----------



## hotel4dogs

Sorry duplicate post.


----------



## Jessie'sGirl

Congratulations AD on your new addition. He looks like a lively little guy, have fun with him.


----------



## CAROLINA MOM

Congratulations on Max Gunner, he's adorable. 
Looking forward to seeing his thread with lots of pictures and hearing about his adventures.


----------



## Karen519

*Max*

Max is very cute. Now you have three boys!


----------



## murphy1

Max is a great name!


----------



## murphy1

I like the way you go the "ax" into the name


----------



## 4goldengirls

Congratulations on your new little pup. Look forward to reading about the adventure you're on together,.


----------



## alphadude

murphy1 said:


> I like the way you go the "ax" into the name


Yeah, I kind of figured I'd be calling him Ax by mistake half the time anyway at least at first, so hopefully he'll still respond. 

Hopefully, he'll live up to the moniker "MAD MAX". He's already going up and down stairs like a champ, play fighting with Jax and going right back at Puffy who outweighs him by nearly 90 lbs.

I don't know whether or not he'll ever be a disc dog, or even if he is, one that can be mentioned in the same sentence as Ax, or be the fearless warrior he was, but I am already really digging his bold little attitude. At this very moment he is tearing around the house with an epic case of the zoomies barking and causing a ruckus.

The breeder reiterated that he was a little "wildman" and even his wife asked "are you're *SURE* you want the most aggressive, dominant puppy (from both litters - a total of 19 pups) ??" I said ABSOLUTELY, that's EXACTLY what I'm looking for. I'm really hoping to catch lightening in a bottle so to speak, a second time. I am a firm believer that it was what many would consider 'negative qualities' when properly controlled and channeled are exactly what made Axl the extraordinary dog he was...


----------



## Pilgrim123

AD, I have absolutely no doubt you ended up with the puppy that will be best for you. If anyone can make a little wildman reach his true potential, it's you. Max has found his home and I, for one, couldn't be happier for both of you.


----------



## jennretz

I concur with Pilgrim! I got a big smile on my face when you described his antics. Most folks would be posting in the puppy section asking how to get him to settle down. And you love those qualities about him and will bring out the best in him. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## alphadude

Think I'm exaggerating about this little maniac?? Check out the video I just shot. My daughter wants us to change his name to Damien...


----------



## alphadude

Pilgrim123 said:


> AD, I have absolutely no doubt you ended up with the puppy that will be best for you. If anyone can make a little wildman reach his true potential, it's you. Max has found his home and I, for one, couldn't be happier for both of you.


Thank you Pilgrim, I have to humbly agree. If I could tame Ax, nothing scares me.


----------



## alphadude

jennretz said:


> I concur with Pilgrim! I got a big smile on my face when you described his antics. Most folks would be posting in the puppy section asking how to get him to settle down. And you love those qualities about him and will bring out the best in him.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Yes I definitely do love those qualities. Controlled chaos, it was what I was seeking. Not really a big believer in supernatural stuff but maybe, just MAYBE Ax had a paw in directing me to this little dynamo.

Ax's first official act when coming home for the first time was taking a nice big dump right in the middle of the living room floor and having an epic attack of the zoomies complete with knocking over furniture, barking, growling and just generally being a huge nuisance. Max, did exactly the same thing but on a smaller scale. Ax was 4 months old and 25 lbs, Max is just barely 7 weeks and only 6.5 lbs.


----------



## laprincessa

What really struck me in that video, other than that fierce growl, so scary! was that while he was attacking the hanger (no more wire hangers!), he never seemed to go for the hand holding it. 
I think he's just absolutely adorable.


----------



## alphadude

laprincessa said:


> What really struck me in that video, other than that fierce growl, so scary! was that while he was attacking the hanger (no more wire hangers!), he never seemed to go for the hand holding it.
> I think he's just absolutely adorable.


Yes he does indeed have a pretty fierce war cry growl. He doesn't seem to want to attack human body parts (yet) but he attacks toys / other objects with reckless abandon.


----------



## The Lab Coach

alphadude said:


> Think I'm exaggerating about this little maniac?? Check out the video I just shot. My daughter wants us to change his name to Damien...
> 
> https://youtu.be/BuxVY3bgKkQ



What an adorable little puppy you've got!


----------



## TheZ's

Looks like he has plenty of spunk. Made me think maybe you've got a tiger by the tail. Enjoy!


----------



## Ginams

What a little spitfire he is! Wishing you all the best!


----------



## Rundlemtn

Hahaha wow! What a unique little guy he is. Glad he has you to direct his energy! There is the right fit out there for everyone


----------



## ceegee

Glad it worked out for you! Looks like you got a good one. Is he a Diesel or a Broker pup?


----------



## alphadude

ceegee said:


> Glad it worked out for you! Looks like you got a good one. Is he a Diesel or a Broker pup?


He is an Ace X Diesel pup and according to Mike he is a "wildman". I have seen ample evidence of this so far. He flies up and down stairs like nothing @ just 7 weeks old and he seems fearless. He stands his ground and tries to go toe to toe with a 90 lb golden and an 85 lb lab shepherd mix. What a character. 

Puffy head nudged him into a pile of leaves earlier today and he bounced right up and went back at him. He tries to play fight with the big boys. I of course, supervise this extremely closely and intervene the second things start getting rough. He seems to love it but he's out of his weight class at a paltry 6.5 lbs. There'll be time enough for that when he gets a little bigger. 

So far, he is displaying a lot of Axl like characteristics and it is clear he has a dominant temperament, and I could not be more pleased. Whether or not he is a textbook alpha like Ax was, remains to be seen.


----------



## alphadude

I saw a sight today that warmed my heart. Little Max came trotting over to me and look what he was carrying...

I jumped right on the laptop and ordered some Hero pup discs and a few Aerobie Sprint Rings (smaller than the Pros). 

Also, I have a question for people who are more knowledgeable about goldens than I am. Max does not seem to have the black pigment around his eyes, is this because he is still so young or is it more likely that he will just not have it? My understanding is that would be a "fault" were I to show him? It really doesn't bother me at all because I have *zero* interest in ever doing that. I am merely curious. 

The color of his irises also seems to be grayish and in some lighting, almost green. Is that just part of the process of his eyes changing from newborn blue to brown? Actually, I think it would be pretty cool to have a green eyed golden as long as his vision was good - and it seems to be.


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## Pilgrim123

Oh, AD, that photo of your new little go-getter brought tears to my eyes.


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## Wendy427

A pro frisbee catcher in the making! AD, have you read the book, A Dog's Purpose? I just read it in 2 days. About a dog's many lives and his/her purpose in each.


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## alphadude

Wendy427 said:


> A pro frisbee catcher in the making! AD, have you read the book, A Dog's Purpose? I just read it in 2 days. About a dog's many lives and his/her purpose in each.


I sure hope so as far as the disc dog.

I have not read that book.


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## Jessie'sGirl

The movie ( A Dog's Purpose) is coming out at the end of January.


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## murphy1

The trailer of the movie is a real tear jerker!!!!


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## TheZ's

Great that he's into the frisbee already. My daughter gave Gracie one of the Chuckit Paraflight ones for Xmas and she's crazy for it.

About the eyes, one of the things conformation people look for is dark pigment on the nose and around the eyes, as well as dark eyes. If you do a search here you should find some discussion of it. The breed standard(emphasis added) says: 

_*Eyes* — friendly and intelligent in expression, *medium large with dark, close-fitting rims,* set well apart and reasonably deep in sockets. *Color preferably dark brown;* *medium brown acceptable.* Slant eyes and narrow, triangular eyes detract from correct expression and are to be faulted. No white or haw visible when looking straight ahead. Dogs showing evidence of functional abnormality of eyelids or eyelashes (such as, but not limited to, trichiasis, entropion, ectropion, or distichiasis) are to be excused from the ring.

_I think the pigment and eye color is largely hereditary and not something that is at the top of the list for things field breeders are concerned about. Do you know what the parents eyes were like? Our field Golden's eyes while brown were noticeably lighter than our conformation bred Golden's. I think they're actually more expressive when they're not coal black.


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## laprincessa

A Dog's Purpose will make you cry the kind of crying where you can't catch your breath. I read the book a few years ago, no way will I see the movie. 

I think Ax has had a huge paw in this puppy coming to you.


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## alphadude

TheZ's said:


> Great that he's into the frisbee already. My daughter gave Gracie one of the Chuckit Paraflight ones for Xmas and she's crazy for it.
> 
> About the eyes, one of the things conformation people look for is dark pigment on the nose and around the eyes, as well as dark eyes. If you do a search here you should find some discussion of it. The breed standard(emphasis added) says:
> 
> _*Eyes* — friendly and intelligent in expression, *medium large with dark, close-fitting rims,* set well apart and reasonably deep in sockets. *Color preferably dark brown;* *medium brown acceptable.* Slant eyes and narrow, triangular eyes detract from correct expression and are to be faulted. No white or haw visible when looking straight ahead. Dogs showing evidence of functional abnormality of eyelids or eyelashes (such as, but not limited to, trichiasis, entropion, ectropion, or distichiasis) are to be excused from the ring.
> 
> _I think the pigment and eye color is largely hereditary and not something that is at the top of the list for things field breeders are concerned about. Do you know what the parents eyes were like? Our field Golden's eyes while brown were noticeably lighter than our conformation bred Golden's. I think they're actually more expressive when they're not coal black.


I'm not so sure he is necessarily into the disc yet, he may just have been hungry and angling to get fed since it's been serving as his food bowl, but that is all part of the plan to get him to associate discs with *good* things. He definitely needs to grow into regular competition size so that's why I ordered him some puppy size discs.

Although obviously a matter of personal preference, I *completely* agree about the lighter eyes being more expressive. Ax had the ability to communicate to us with his beautiful light brown field retriever eyes and his vision was *extraordinarily keen* right up until his death. Also, his eyebrows were always in motion. I could read his mind with one glance. Puffy's (conformation bred) are "coal black".

I think Ax had the most beautiful, expressive brown eyes I've ever seen. You could really see the intelligence behind them...


----------



## alphadude

laprincessa said:


> A Dog's Purpose will make you cry the kind of crying where you can't catch your breath. I read the book a few years ago, no way will I see the movie.
> 
> I think Ax has had a huge paw in this puppy coming to you.


There's been far too many tears around here for the last 6 months. 

I have seen the trailers and I know the guys gets his childhood dog back again later in life and he's leaping in the air and catching discs. Too soon.

As previously stated, not much of a believer in the supernatural but time will tell I guess.

I had Max out before on the deck, and the sunset was magnificent after a dismal gray, rainy day.


----------



## alphadude

Max went to the vet today. He's in good shape, no apparent problems. He's 9 lbs on the button up from 6.5 last Friday. He's eating good in the hood.


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## jennretz

He's already got the confident pose down and the golden sleep on his back  Love it...


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## murphy1

He is adorable


----------



## Henry's Mum

Max is really gorgeous and seems exactly the right fit for you. I am so happy for you (might sound odd from a stranger). BUT please give him his own thread. My heart breaks every time I see the title of "Ax rushed to hospital". You will always keep Ax in your heart, but Max is a new hope.
Please take this kindly - it is how it is meant.


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## Dave S

A great looking pup AD. I'm happy for you, and I hope Max brings you as much joy as Ax did. I'm still trying to get over losing my girl. One day, when the time is right, I hope to have another. As you said, too many tears around the house. All the best.... Dave


----------



## dborgers

Max is adorable!!


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## alphadude

Henry's Mum said:


> Max is really gorgeous and seems exactly the right fit for you. I am so happy for you (might sound odd from a stranger). BUT please give him his own thread. My heart breaks every time I see the title of "Ax rushed to hospital". You will always keep Ax in your heart, but Max is a new hope.
> Please take this kindly - it is how it is meant.


Taken kindly. I was thinking Max deserved his own thread.


----------



## alphadude

Totally random but:

I had the greatest dream just before waking up this morning. I was @ the beach with Ax and I was ripping discs for him. It felt and seemed so *real*. I could actually feel the friction of the discs leaving my fingers and he was sprinting down the beach, leaping high in the air and catching them like always. It was the best/happiest I've felt in about 6 months. That was a dream I really did not want to awaken from.

Was thinking about the dream and I just noticed that the blister / callous thing on the middle finger of my right hand has completely healed, and that makes me so **** sad. I had it for 7+ years. It formed due to the daily friction from imparting maximum rotation to the disc for the longest possible flights.


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## murphy1

Be sure to let us know when you begin the new thread so no one misses out


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## jennretz

I know how those dreams go. I had one about my dad the other night and we were having a spirited conversation/debate. He used to frustrate me just so!!! I woke up feeling like it had actually happened. I think it's part of the process of working through the grief. Your love doesn't diminish, but you're able to keep moving forward.


----------



## alphadude

jennretz said:


> I know how those dreams go. I had one about my dad the other night and we were having a spirited conversation/debate. He used to frustrate me just so!!! I woke up feeling like it had actually happened. I think it's part of the process of working through the grief. Your love doesn't diminish, but you're able to keep moving forward.


Sounds like me and my younger daughter Jen. She's 19 and we have many 'spirited' conversations. Too much of me in her. She's tough and she doesn't back down.


----------



## laprincessa

Or it could be that they're sending you messages.  

Last night I had a dream about an old friend who passed away a year ago in September. It was so typically Doc, I woke up laughing. He was an incorrigible flirt, and I was one of the few people who could render him speechless. In this dream, we were shopping and the sales clerk asked if I was his wife. He said, no, but he planned on marrying me once he could convince me to divorce my husband. I started laughing in the dream and woke up still laughing. He knew he never had a chance, but that never stopped him from trying.


----------



## alphadude

Max testing out his little needle teeth (on my thumb) yesterday. Don't his eyes look a bit greenish?


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## jennretz

It could just be the lightning. How are Jax and Puffy adjusting to him?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## alphadude

jennretz said:


> It could just be the lightning. How are Jax and Puffy adjusting to him?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I keep them mostly segregated except when I allow *closely supervised* interactions. I doubt either one would try to hurt him intentionally although I still don't trust Puffy 100%, but given the fact that they are both 10 times his size and weight, Max could easily get hurt. So far he seems to be an extremely tough little guy and he'll try to go right at it with either (or both simultaneously) but his big attitude can't change the laws of physics. Puffy's way of initiating play fighting is nudging or butting with his massive head and the last time he nudged Max over backwards into a pile of leaves luckily. I've seen Puffy move 150 lb objects with his massive blocky head and neck, 9 lb Max is like a feather to him. Jax is a bit too 'exuberant' with his jumping and clumsiness and I would really prefer for him *not* to face plant his 85 lb frame on top of Max. He (Jax) has exhibited very gentle mouthing of the puppy, leading me to believe he knows this is a baby and to take it easy. Also, at his previous foster home, I am told that he always had play time with the smaller dogs because his rough play got him 'beat up by the big boys'.

I can't really predict yet how Max is going to turn out personality wise, especially in comparison with Ax because we didn't bring him home until he was a 25 lb almost 4 month old puppy, but I have to say that he is an extremely active, bold, willful, and demanding little guy. I have to video him as I am preparing his dinner. He leaps up, barking very loudly in an incessant, demanding manner. It'll be interesting to see what he is like 2 months down the road.

One other thing, he seems to be completely unafraid of loud noises. I accidentally dropped his bag of kibble about a foot away from him as he was eating, and he didn't even so much as flinch. He kept right on eating as if nothing happened. I have also tested him for food aggression and none is apparent thus far. I put my hand in his 'bowl' (disc) while he is eating and he just ignores it and eats around it. He is quite a character so far and is more than living up to the breeder's assessment.

If I were to hazard a guess based on my observations thus far, it would seem pretty likely that Max will eventually end up being top dog (of the canines) here, once his little body catches up with his big attitude. Time will tell...


----------



## SandyK

Congrats on Max!! First time I am seeing him. Catching up from being gone. He is a cutie!!


----------



## Max's Dad

First time to read your thread in a while. Congratulations on your new pup Max. Cool name.  He sure looks like he has a lot of personality.


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## alphadude

New thread located at: http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...ssion/439938-meet-max-gunner.html#post6919522


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## Wolfeye

You and I both seek that second lightning strike in the same place.  You're hoping for the second coming of Ax, whereas I pray Bagheera turns out to be even half the dog that my Lupo was. I'll settle for him being uniquely himself - after all, they're going to be THAT for sure.

Max sounds like a real pistol. Cute, smart, and energetic. That can be a wicked combination!


----------



## alphadude

Wolfeye said:


> You and I both seek that second lightning strike in the same place.  You're hoping for the second coming of Ax, whereas I pray Bagheera turns out to be even half the dog that my Lupo was. I'll settle for him being uniquely himself - after all, they're going to be THAT for sure.
> 
> Max sounds like a real pistol. Cute, smart, and energetic. That can be a wicked combination!


I'm completely with you Wolfeye. I'd sign on *RIGHT NOW* for Max to be HALF the dog Ax was. 

Of course they are going to be their own unique individuals but once you have a dog that 'has it ALL' you want it again.


----------



## OutWest

Hey. I've been MIA for a while. I'm so glad you got the puppy. I've always believed that new love can help heal a heart. Not replace a lost loved one...just help the heart mend. And I agree with whoever said Ax had a paw in you getting this pup! 

I will look for Max's own thread so I can follow his wonderful happy beach-filled life.


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## alphadude

Wow, I feel like I've been gut punched yet *again*. 

I haven't been to the little grassy field where Ax and I spent so many happy times together in quite a while. I actually considered it Axl's "home field". 

Today, I was extremely saddened to find that it's been razed for an apparent road. I'm almost in a strange way happy Ax isn't around to see this.

Extremely glad I didn't bury him there as I was seriously considering...


----------



## jennretz

Nothing ever stays still does it?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## alphadude

jennretz said:


> Nothing ever stays still does it?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


No Jen, I guess not. 

I was really saddened because it felt like another part of Ax's existence is being erased. He LOVED that place, and so did I...


----------



## alphadude

I had Jax at the beach yesterday trying to work on short tosses with the disc. 

A couple came walking along the beach and asked me if he was that 'unbelievable disc dog' they had seen down there from a distance many times. I was very proud and felt a huge sense of loss at the same time.

I told them no he wasn't, and what had happened to Ax. 

Turns out they had just lost their beloved Mastiff last week. It was a pleasant yet melancholy conversation.


----------



## alphadude

Found this selfie of Ax and I taken 12/27/14 at 'the pond' after a long disc workout on the big field. 

It got me to thinking that it's time way past time to put together some sort of memorial video of him.This is a monumental task considering the tens of thousands of pics I have of him and the countless videos. I started the arduous task of organizing and categorizing them last night. I was bleary eyed with a monster headache after 3 hours or so and I only made a small dent.


----------



## alphadude

Depressing night last night. Ax and I had a tradition of spending the summer solstice each year at the beach until the last trace of light was gone from the western sky typically around 9:30 PM. Just didn't seem appropriate to do it at the beach this year with any of the others. Hard to believe he's gone almost 10 months.


----------



## jennretz

Sorry AD. Those moments/milestones are really tough.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## puddles everywhere

I don't know.... he might have wanted you to continue to enjoy "your" spots just to keep the memories alive. I'm sorry for your loss, I miss my girl too. My new pup (now 16 months) is really great and gratefully completely opposite in so many ways, looks and personality. Not sure I could have connected as much if she had been too much like Mollie. Of course the fact that she was born on the day I lost Mollie makes it sort of kosmic.


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## ceegee

Oh, how I understand. Three years ago this weekend, Ruby won her last provincial agility championship. Tomorrow is Duster's first-ever agility trial. It will also be the first time I've entered an agility ring to compete since Ruby died. To say I have mixed feelings would be ... an understatement.

There are some life events that are harder than others, when you've lost something important.

Best of luck, keep ploughing forward.


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## puddles everywhere

Good luck ceegee... Ruby is watching!


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## mnbethandjeff

I am so sorry. We lost our baby Angus at 8 years and 11 months from the same cancer. I wish you and your baby all the best.


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## alphadude

Exactly 1 year ago today, Ax was diagnosed with hemangio. It was on this day last year that my summer ended, when I learned that I was going to lose my best friend, and the most extraordinary dog I've ever known. Still think about him every day, and it still hurts...a lot.

Just felt right to post some pics of him.


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## LynnC

I'm so sorry. These anniversary days are especially hard  . He was such a beautiful boy. Thank you for sharing.


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## Wendy427

Oh Ax we miss you too. Thanks AD for sharing your memories.


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## murphy1

I think it's safe to say, we all understand what you're going through. I can say, I understand personally. If you believe as I do, you'll see him again one day.


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## ceegee

I'm sorry - anniversaries are awful. Kind thoughts coming your way.


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## Wolfeye

He was a fantastic dog, but and even better friend. That's why it hurts and always will. Friends are special.


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## Sweet Girl

The anniversaries are always just a little tougher than all the other days. Thinking of you and your Ax, too.


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## NewfieMom

I am rarely here, *alphadude*, but I had to check this thread while I was. I will always remember Ax. I think of him a lot, even though I do not, often, visit the forum anymore! Please hug Puffy for me.

Big hugs,
Deb
(NewfieMom)


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## alphadude

NewfieMom said:


> I am rarely here, *alphadude*, but I had to check this thread while I was. I will always remember Ax. I think of him a lot, even though I do not, often, visit the forum anymore! Please hug Puffy for me.
> 
> Big hugs,
> Deb
> (NewfieMom)


Hey Deb, thanks so much for your kind words and thoughts. It is somewhat comforting to know that Ax touched the lives of many, other than just my immediate family. 

Earlier this evening, I took Puffy to a beach about a mile away from the usual one. I happened upon a man whom I had last seen about 4 years ago. The first question he asked was where is Axl the disc dog? I guess my expression answered his question and he almost immediately started to tear up. I told him that he died exactly a year ago (tomorrow).

This man is essentially a stranger that I spoke to a few times while he and his children watched Ax and I do our thing. He also witnessed Ax dropping his disc and running off a local dog that hung out on that beach who decided to attack Puffy. I remember him saying at the time that he found it even more amazing that Ax had defended his 'brother' than how great he was at catching discs. Funny the things that one remembers....


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## Pilgrim123

Thinking of you and Ax today. May his memory run free, chasing endless disks on sunset beaches.


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## jennretz

Thinking of you.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## murphy1

I know the heartache you're feeling, so sorry.


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## alphadude

A few pics as a simple tribute to awesome Axl on the 1 year anniversary of his death...


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## NewfieMom

Beautiful boy. God bless him.

Deb


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## alphadude

I just stood outside for a couple of minutes at work and couldn't help but think this would have been a *perfect* day to take Ax to the pond for some disc action on the "big field" where he did his most memorable work. He absolutely *loved* cool, crisp, fall days like this with a brisk wind enabling me to rip extra long 100+ yard bombs for him to run down and catch. He used to make it look effortless. I still miss him so much...


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## jennretz

Ax is missed...he left big paw prints


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## alphadude

A very sad sight...the big field @ the pond on a crisp blustery November day and no Axl catching 100+ yard wind aided bombs. These kind of days were his absolute favorites...

I will ALWAYS think of this place as his field.


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## alphadude

Less than a year before he died, October 19, 2015






November 2013:


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## Simba_Golden

Amazing catches!


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## cwag

He was amazing. I am sorry it still hurts so much. Some dogs are "once in a lifetime" special.


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## NewfieMom

He was magnificent, just magnificent!

Deb
(NewfieMom)


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## alphadude

I was just looking for something and I came across these two pics. They were taken in 2014 and will *always* be how I'll remember Ax, not like he was at the end, but lean, muscled, coordinated, confident, and a superb athlete flying full throttle like a thoroughbred in pursuit of a disc and trotting back after catching it, and making it look easy all the while wearing his GoPro. That dog was utterly fearless and he didn't know how to fail...


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## jennretz

Beautiful photos 


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## lakanderson

Our golden is six years old and was diagnosed with lymphoma the day before Thanksgiving. The grief is indescribable. We are doing chemo for her and a new treatment called Tanovea. When I look at her and see her bright eyes and her happiness at catching her beloved tennis ball, I can't process that she is dying. I feel in a revolving door that has me inside, outside, inside, outside: one moment in life, the next in death. I feel your anger also. It is not fair! She is too alive, too happy, too wonderful, loving and beautiful to be taken by cancer.

I would like to respectfully suggest to you to get a puppy as soon as you can. It does not replace the wonderful dog you lost, but it helps with the wound. I speak from experience. Our last two goldens died of cancer also, one at age seven and one at age eleven. Goldens are wonderful dogs, but they are called the poster child for cancer. 

When we lost our last golden, I turned to God with my grief. I felt He showed me that for her, it was like she went to sleep as she normally does and when she awakes, we will be there. She'll wake up like she always did, with her sweet mellow wise old eyes and her tail giving us her morning greeting, a slow wag wag wag. Your golden is waiting for you also. He'll have his disc in his mouth, waiting for you to throw it. Heaven is no longer a strange place: it has a buddy waiting for you.

In the meantime, he would not want you to be miserable. Think of how he was when you were upset: he was miserable too. So it's okay to get a little puppy to lick your sadness and kiss all your tears.


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## lakanderson

Our golden is six years old and was diagnosed with lymphoma the day before Thanksgiving. The grief is indescribable. We are doing chemo for her and a new treatment called Tanovea. When I look at her and see her bright eyes and her happiness at catching her beloved tennis ball, I can't process that she is dying. I feel in a revolving door that has me inside, outside, inside, outside: one moment in life, the next in death. I feel your anger also. It is not fair! She is too alive, too happy, too wonderful, loving and beautiful to be taken by cancer.

I would like to respectfully suggest to you to get a puppy as soon as you can. It does not replace the wonderful dog you lost, but it helps with the wound. I speak from experience. Our last two goldens died of cancer also, one at age seven and one at age eleven. Goldens are wonderful dogs, but they are called the poster child for cancer. 

When we lost our last golden, I turned to God with my grief. I felt He showed me that for her, it was like she went to sleep as she normally does and when she awakes, we will be there. She'll wake up like she always did, with her sweet mellow wise old eyes and her tail giving us her morning greeting, a slow wag wag wag. Your golden is waiting for you also. He'll have his disc in his mouth, waiting for you to throw it. Heaven is no longer a strange place: it has a buddy waiting for you.

In the meantime, he would not want you to be miserable. Think of how he was when you were upset: he was miserable too. So it's okay to get a little puppy to lick your sadness and kiss all your tears.


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## jennretz

This blog made me think of you and the bond you had with Ax. Hope you don’t mind my sharing it...

https://markingourterritory.com/2017/11/23/the-dog-who-means-nothing-to-me/


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## alphadude

jennretz said:


> This blog made me think of you and the bond you had with Ax. Hope you don’t mind my sharing it...
> 
> https://markingourterritory.com/2017/11/23/the-dog-who-means-nothing-to-me/


Mind?? Never Jen. 

I read that blog in its entirety, twice. It was beautiful. Parts of it could easily have been written by me. There were differences of course in the specifics. For starters, I could not *STAND* Axl for the first year or so he was with with us. We butted heads constantly. He was such a wild, destructive, dominant, energetic, WILLFUL, PITA that I wanted to murder him at times. I put him on Craigslist TWICE!!! 

Then circumstances changed radically in my life when I got laid off from my job and I fell into a black depression because I could not get a job no matter how hard I tried, and believe me, I sent out *hundreds* of resumes every single day. It was 2008 after the economy tanked and I was out of work for 21 months. Axl, *singlehandedly* got me through that dark period with my sanity intact. He was my constant companion, who never complained that my car was rolling junk, and most times there was nothing but lint in my pocket. He still wanted to hang with me, hike, explore, catch discs, whatever I wanted to do that day and he did everything with gusto. That is when we developed a bond so strong that it defied words. I always said I would NEVER forget what he did for me, and I never will.

I have come to realize in the year plus that he's been gone, that it wasn't any *one* thing about him that I missed so much, it was EVERYTHING. He taught me how life is supposed to be lived - without fear, and at FULL THROTTLE. I can honestly say that I never, in all the thousands of hours we spent together, saw him *not give 110%* in WHATEVER he did - even when he was dying and I didn't know it. There was ZERO quit in him. He was symbolic of everything that was good and right about the world, even when I was feeling defeated, old, and beaten down by life. I always knew Ax would be there to show me "what time it was" as I used to always say. When he was taken from me, it was like my support system was kicked out from under me. Sounds stupid, I know, but that is how I felt and still feel to a degree. Ax was much more than 'just a dog', or even 'just an extraordinary disc dog'...he was SO MUCH MORE.

Now Max is lying next to me as I type this, in Axl's old spot. I never considered him "zero" but I can't count the times I've thought to myself that I'd trade him and you can throw in Jack and Puffy too for that matter, for a month with Ax back. 

Just lately though, I think Max and I have turned a corner and we have started to really bond. Maybe he just needed to grow up a bit, or maybe I just wasn't ready to let him in yet, but it is definitely happening. I can say in all sincerity that I will never have a bond with him or *any dog* for that matter, like I had with Ax, almost like we could read each other's mind, but we are definitely going to be very good pals. I find that I am looking forward to getting home from work again, and taking him to the beach for sunset disc practice every night. That feels very familiar...and welcome.

I'm actually starting to have to put effort into ripping the discs again now that Max is going up around 50 yards or so and that feels good too. I don't think he'll ever approach the distances that Ax made look so easy because he doesn't have Ax's long legs or blazing speed, but it'll be fun anyway seeing how far I can push him.


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## jennretz

I’m so glad you didn’t mind. Ax was so very special. Your words brought tears to my eyes...


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## alphadude

10 years ago yesterday (12-16), a fluffy little ball of fur with seemingly unlimited energy, and HUGE attitude was born in Humboldt South Dakota. He made his way east and ended up with my family. For that I will be forever thankful. Ax would have been 10 yesterday and there's nothing I would rather have been doing than celebrating it with him via a 4 hour outing to the beach and park catching discs, swimming, digging holes in the sand, and a good play beatdown of Puffy (or 2) followed by a filet mignon dinner like we did every year but I guess it wasn't in the cards...

Happy 10th birthday Ax...I miss you every day.


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## jennretz

Happy Birthday in heaven Ax!


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## NewfieMom

I always try to catch up on this thread when I return to the forum, *alphadude*. I miss Ax. I'm thinking of you and Puffy!

Hugs,
Deb
(NewfieMom)


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## alphadude

2 years ago today...


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## ClanceyCanuck

I am so very sorry to hear this


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## ceegee

Anniversaries are tough. Kind thoughts coming your way.


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## Wendy427

Kind thoughts coming your way too.


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## ryanf

It's always hard man. Remember all those good times.


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## alphadude

I was thinking that I would like to organize some sort of extreme distance disc competition in his honor this coming fall. It was his favorite time of the year, during which he performed some of his most extraordinary 'work'.


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## NewfieMom

I am sure Axl would like extreme distance in his honor!


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