# Rusty....one year ago today. (rediculously long)



## Sucker For Gold (Jan 13, 2009)

Sunday January 11th, 2009. It was a bitter cold day, with knee deep snow, both common to this area in January. The sun, however was shining like a June Day through a nearly cloudless sky....a very uncommon sight here in January. Perhaps God was happy that he was coming home.

I awoke around 10. As I rolled out of bed I could here the unmistakable "thump thump" of his happy tail. He was still here....perhaps we would have one more day. For two months we had started to live like they do...in the moment. We never knew if there would be a tomorrow or even another hour. 

He had done remarkably well through his battle. He never showed much distress and his tail NEVER stopped wagging...right to the very end. I had told him several times that if things got too difficult, it would be OK to let go. I don't think he had any intentions of going anywhere and any time we showed the least bit of sorrow or weakness during that time he would start wagging his tail, and look at us as if to say "it's going to be OK...it's going to be OK"

Hemangio is a losing battle though, and sooner or later, it wins. Somewhere in the wee hours of that Sunday, he began to lose the final battle. The hemangio made an advance and he developed a severe lower GI hemmorage. My wife found the evidence on the kitchen floor when she awoke at 9...a puddle of black blood. The stain was still evident on a throw rug as she told me what she awoke to. Rusty, standing in the kitchen doorway, was still wagging his tail, as if to say "it's going to be OK...it's going to be OK."

When things like this happen, you find yourself denying what you know. I told myself "maybe IT WILL be OK". There was a part of me that knew it would not. We sat down with him, loved on him, and talked about options that we knew we didn't have. Neither my wife nor myself were prepared to rise above denial.

At noon we finally got the courage to load him in the truck for his last ride. We were still in denial...we were going to get things fixed. Not long after entering the examining room at the ER he dumped another puddle of pure blood. The vet stopped in mid-sentence, but continued talking about options. When finished, he left us to discuss our options.

We took Rusty outside and walked with him in the cold sun for the final time. We were no longer in denial amd the tears began to flow.....but not Rusty. Tail still wagging he would look up at us every so often to let us know...it's going to be OK...it's going to be OK.

At 3:10 pm, Sunday, January 11th, 2009...one year ago today, we said goodbye. We told him that we loved him and held him long after his last breath was gone and then we parted.

On that day I would never have conceived that the pain of his loss would last so long. I now have a very hard time picturing him in my mind. But I remember his eyes. They were magic. Sometimes our eyes would connect and our souls would touch. All of that that, that is missing in me as a human, the fear, the emptiness, would melt away and for a few moments I would always feel complete. I miss looking in his eyes and I miss him.

He was a special soul and I often wonder if he knew things we did not. It seemed often that he tried to tell us through out his illness that "it's going to be OK". We knew that we would bring another golden in to our home...we had even chosen our breeder before he was gone, but we had not spoken with her. We had no clue until much later that as Rusty was losing his final battle in the wee hours of that Sunday, 6 puppies were being born at exact same time. One of those puppies was our Gracie. I often wonder if Rusty knew that and held on until he knew Gracie had been safely delivered. Perhaps he did know that "it would be OK."

Since losing Rusty, I seem to live and breath goldens. We now have Gracie and a month ago we added Ruby to our home. I have met many golden lovers across the globe who share their love of the breed and the stories of their goldens. Some have become good friends both online and in real life. All of this because of Rusty.

Today, while I reflect on the pain of losing Rusty, there is much reason to celebrate. This is Gracie's first birthday, and on a day that should be full of celebration rather than sadness, I should celebrate. Today I will find time celebrate our first year with Gracie, but I will also find time to celebrate the LIFE of Rusty rather than the loss of Rusty. He is after all the reason why I love goldens so much. 

Cheers Rusty, where ever you are. You will always be a part of me.


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## sameli102 (Aug 23, 2009)

Thank you for sharing that, so beautifully told, and so easy to understand. When I went through the loss of my Eli last June the (love of my life) my life changed forever. I had thought I'd never get another, too painful, but life without those soulful eyes was more than I could bear. By mid July I had two more and doubt I'll ever be without one. They teach us so much. This time I'm trying to be more prepared as I was taken by total shock, he was not quite 8 and seemed so healthy. Turns out my new boy was born the day Eli was diagnosed with cancer.


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## Laurie (Sep 20, 2009)

What a beautiful boy Rusty was and unfortunately your story is easy to relate to. I lost my boy last March unexpectedly and way to soon...he was only 8. 

So sorry about Rusty!!


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

They touch our hearts, they touch our souls, they make us better than we would have been without them. My thoughts are with you on this anniversay....


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## coppers-mom (Jan 9, 2009)

It was long and it was beautiful.

I'm cring for your loss and Rusty is so typical with his tail wagging until the very end.

I'm glad you have Gracie and Ruby and Rusty in your heart.


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## amy22 (May 11, 2008)

What a beautiful loving tribute to your Rusty. H eknew he was loved and he loved you all. Im so sorry. Its nice that you have opened your heart to other goldens..its hard to be without one....but it sire leaves a hole in our hearts when they leave....I know from experience. My prayers are with you today.


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

That is just a beautiful and loving tribute for a wonderful and happy guy. I know he is looking down on you from the bridge telling everyone what a great family he has. One day you will get to meet him again and hear that tail thump and the eyes look up with love at you. 
Celebrate the great times and happy memories. Happy Birthday to Gracie.


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

What a wonderful tribute that could only have come from a golden heart. When he left, of course he took a big part of your heart with him, but he left his in its place. Tears of sadness, happiness and wonder are in my eyes. Hugs to you today.


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## missmarstar (Jul 22, 2007)

Thanks for sharing him with us...


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## twinny41 (Feb 13, 2008)

That was the most beautiful tribute I have ever read. Straight from the heart. Bless you and bless Rusty for the happy, stoical much loved golden that he was.


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## Sucker For Gold (Jan 13, 2009)

Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts. 




sameli102 said:


> When I went through the loss of my Eli last June the (love of my life) my life changed forever. I had thought I'd never get another, too painful, but life without those soulful eyes was more than I could bear. By mid July I had two more and doubt I'll ever be without one. They teach us so much. This time I'm trying to be more prepared as I was taken by total shock, he was not quite 8 and seemed so healthy. Turns out my new boy was born the day Eli was diagnosed with cancer.


When we got Rusty my life was forever changed and when we lost him my life was again forever changed. 

It's funny that we both found it necessary to replace one golden with two.....speaks volumes of what Eli and Rusty meant to us. 

It's also funny that our new pups were both born at such poignant times. It's as if our new angels were sent specifically for us.




mylissyk said:


> They touch our hearts, they touch our souls, they make us better than we would have been without them.


That is perhaps one of the truest, most beautiful things I have ever read.


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## ggdenny (Nov 2, 2008)

Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story with us. Rusty is a handsome boy and certainly had a loving family.


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## goldensmum (Oct 23, 2007)

A beautiful and touching tribute to an obviously much loved golden. They wriggle their way into our hearts, but they never leave us for in our hearts they will always stay.

Run free, play hard and sleep softly Rusty


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## goldencontriever3 (Nov 7, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute to a very special boy!


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## pburchins (Mar 11, 2009)

A great tribute to Rusty! We have exchanged many PM's about Rusty and Riker both passing and getting Gracie and Riley to help us move forward. We have talked about our puppies swallowing things and vet visits. Now Ruby has come along and she is just gorgeous. I don't think I can talk my wife into having another. 

I still struggle with Riker's loss as I know you are feeling the same pain about Rusty. Every once in awhile I still stop talking mid sentence and can't talk about Riker. I have gotten up and left the room a couple of times with friends and family. You never know when it hits. I agree with you. Riker will always be with me. Riley has become the spitting image of Riker. You can't tell the two apart with photos at this age. The personalities are complete opposite though. Riley is a spoiled brat and gets away with things that Riker never got away with. I guess it is guilt and sadness.

I got Dean Koontz's book for Christmas "a big little life". It is a wonderful read about his golden Trixie and her life with him and his wife and how she changed their lives for the better. The last 2 chapters took about a week for me to read because they spoke about her illness and eventual passing. 

I was touched by one part of the book. An Indian neighbor's Grandfather who the Koontz's had seen on their walks stopped them one day. He asked them if they knew what type of dog they had and they replied a Golden Retriever. They thought he meant what breed. He explained to them that in his religion they believe in reincarnation. He stated that they believe that we live many lives and each life we try to be better than the last life and achieve perfection or nirvana. Eventually if we lead a blameless or perfect life we can leave this world and not endure it again. In between lives, we can come back as different animals. Sometimes, when you almost live a perfect life but can not achieve nirvana then you are reincarnated as a beautiful dog. When the life of the dog comes to an end then they become a human one more time and lives a perfect life. A very great person.

He told the Koontz's that their dog is an enlightened soul that will become a human being who will live a perfect blameless special life, a very great person. I hope I get to meet Rusty and Riker again as the great people we know they are. We were given stewardship of some great souls.

Patrick


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## dogluver04 (Jul 5, 2008)

Im sorry. I couldnt even get through that without my eyes tearing up like crazy!! What a great story you posted!! Thanks for sharing..


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## Kelbys'Dad (Jan 19, 2009)

Thank you for sharing the moving insight into your days with Rusty. Your words tell the reasons we choose to have this breed in our hearts and by our sides. Our thoughts are with you as you celebrate your time with Rusty. He was definitely a sweet boy. Our "anniversary" of sorts is coming up soon, and the memories weigh heavy on our minds and will be.... 

_...... forever in our hearts._


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