# 14-month old no longer likes me because I'm the rule enforcer



## antuulien (Jan 17, 2017)

My 47-year-old boyfriend bought "us" a puppy last year. Because he worked a lot of hours, I instantly became the sole caretaker, trainer, and disciplinarian. Even then, within a couple of weeks, my boyfriend had lost all patience with the puppy and said he'd never wanted a dog and only gotten him because he thought I wanted one. Since then I've been the only advocate for the puppy as well. The boyfriend has always just expected the dog to behave like he thinks a dog should behave, so always just allowed the puppy to wander around and do whatever he wants, had just come home to pet, play, and give him treats, and when he doesn't behave the way he's supposed to, then screams at/punches/kicks him. I've tried numerous times to get him to seek anger management help, but he's a pathological liar and will say whatever he thinks a person wants to hear at the time. He's a cheater, a gambler, a bully, has multiple felonies, can't hold a job, been divorced twice, and will turn on anyone at the drop of a hat. He's hurt me as well. He's just not a good person at all, but I'm not in a position to leave, yet.

He constantly talks about getting rid of the dog, because he resents having to go back to the house after a fun night out to let him out, or find and pay for a sitter when going out of town. He can blow hundreds of dollars at a time on craps, but doesn't want to spend the money to buy the amount of food the dog should be eating, so he's too thin. He now comes home, throws the dog's toy for him a couple of times, and then tells him to go lay down. Always wants him to just be lying down not making any noise. If he's had a bad day at work, he'll be screaming needlessly at the dog, or leaning over him to stare him down with his fist raised.

He's a smart pup, very confident and stubborn, doesn't give a hoot about pleasing anyone, and because the rules and training have only ever been enforced by one of us for the past year, is not very well behaved in most areas. Unless I'm sleeping, visiting family, or out with a friend, I've basically been with the dog 24/7 since the day he came home. I feed, work with, play with, walk, take him hiking or to the beach to swim.

Despite the entirety of this situation, this dog displays a very obvious preference for my boyfriend. This dog adores my boyfriend. He can yell at him for being underfoot (he follows my boyfriend's every movement), dropkick him in the ribs across the kitchen into the cabinet, and he'll keep right on following him, sit with his back up against his legs, curls up against his chest or back when he's lying on the floor, loll backward grinning in his lap, close his eyes in absolute ecstasy if he gets a pat from him, lick him nonstop, bring his toy right over to him to throw, go to him to ask to be let out, lie at his feet or on the floor beside his side of the bed, try to jump up on the bed to sleep next to him, lie down facing the window and whine once he's left for work... He can be standing there with his head in my lap having his ears massaged, and will jerk away just to go sit beside my boyfriend while he looks at sports scores on his phone, nudging him with his nose. He'd rather stare adoringly up at him while he's standing there looking at scores on the off-chance he'll get attention from him than at me a couple of feet away eating a sandwich. My boyfriend regularly says things like, "Get away from me. I f***ing hate you," and shoves him away, but the dog just loves that too and keeps coming back for more.

It's extremely difficult to not feel constantly hurt. To not think, "What's the point of even trying with this dog, putting in all of this time and effort toward a dog that then showers all of his affection on someone like that? On the person I've had to consistently fight to protect him from." I just don't understand it. There have been times where I've had to just leave the room because I couldn't stand the sight of it anymore.

I originally assumed that it was perhaps mostly the novelty factor, and because of his self-confidence level -- he'll literally take off like a bullet if he's ever off-leash and another person is within visual range, he'll never turn, check in, or follow if somebody else is around, he'll try to get away and fight and whine when there's somebody new heading away or out of reach, and exhibits the same behavior he does with my boyfriend with any new person. But when I come back from visiting family for 3 or 4 days, he barely greets me, and is still over by my boyfriend while I move around the house and (his favorite) the kitchen. The more I've tried to do things to bond with him lately, the more attached he behaves to my boyfriend. He won't leave his side for a single second anymore.. is cuddled up against him every moment he stands or sits still long enough, lies down outside whatever door he's behind.. unless his attention is temporarily diverted outside to the balcony, where he'll walk right past me sitting on the floor and sit and look outside. I may as well be a piece of furniture now... he displays no attachment whatsoever to me.

I've tried speaking to my boyfriend half a hundred times over the course of this past year, to get him to at least reinforce what I was trying to teach him not to do, because the second I'd tell the puppy "no" he'd go over to him to do or get what he wanted, and that continues to this day - I tell him "no" and he immediately gets up and goes right over to lie down beside my boyfriend. The few times I've opened up to my boyfriend and told him how much this bothers me, he's purposely been nicer to the dog to encourage him to loll all over him more, even patted his lap to have him come back after he moved away. I can see him trying to hide his smile when the dog comes over and curls up against him.

I've always planned on taking him with me when I leave, and thought with fondness about how I'd finally be able to finish training him properly, and he'd learn that hearing "no" and having boundaries is the norm, not the hated option to avoid. Now I find myself wondering whether I'll ever feel better about him, whether he'll ever return any of the love or attachment I've always felt for him, or if I'll just be tolerated, "what he has", instead of what he wants or prefers. I couldn't leave him with my boyfriend - that's just not a viable option. But I find myself wondering if he wouldn't be better off with someone else, because why should a dog be stuck with an owner he doesn't particularly care for, and I continue to feel awful. These relationships are supposed to exist to make both the person and the animal feel better, not worse.

I guess I would just appreciate some perspective from others who may have been in similar situations. I've found other posts with this type of issue, but all anybody's ever mentioned as a solution was getting a second dog that then bonded with them. I would never bring another animal into this environment.

I'm absolutely miserable right now.


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

Leave the boyfriend. 

Anyone who kicks dogs is going to end up kicking you. 

And rehome the dog.


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## antuulien (Jan 17, 2017)

Is there a way to seek advice or support for a situation such as this without being treated as though I'm not doing everything I currently can, rather than being judgmental?


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## kellyguy (Mar 5, 2014)

Megora said:


> Leave the boyfriend.
> 
> Anyone who kicks dogs is going to end up kicking you.
> 
> And rehome the dog.


I second Megora's advice with the exception of admonishing you that you are "dead wrong" about "not being in a position to leave".
If your description of your boyfriend is honest and accurate you are acting exactly like you described the beaten pup. Once you begin to understand that it's "fear" and not affection driving the pups actions then you'll begin to understand why you are risking your life to stay with someone that obviously is incapable of loving you.
Turn the dog over to a rescue, you are not in a position to fix him until you are able to fix yourself. What I'm about to say may sound harsh, but you need to seek professional help to fix your self esteem.


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## G-bear (Oct 6, 2015)

I have spent many years volunteering and running a shelter for battered women. Please for your own sake immediately take steps to ensure your safety. Both you and your dog deserve to live a life free of fear and abuse. Your boyfriend is NOT going to suddenly change and get better. You cannot fix him. He needs professional help which you cannot give him. 
If you live in an area with a shelter for battered women please reach out to them immediately. I am concerned for your safety. If there is no shelter in your area contact the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1 800 799 7233. It is staffed 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Your call will be kept confidential.


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## jennretz (Jul 24, 2013)

I understand you feel trapped and like you don't have options. I would encourage you to find a therapist who could help you figure out a path forward. With so much on your plate, perhaps you could find a rescue to help you rehome your dog. The situation you are in does not sound safe for either you or the dog. I hope that you are able to find a solution. I lost an extended family member to domestic violence. Please do whatever you can to get yourself to safety.


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## antuulien (Jan 17, 2017)

I in no way believe this man to love anyone, nor do I believe for a second that he's capable of altering his behavior, and I am not still currently here because I care for him, feel I can do no better, or have any desire to stay with him, fix him, etc.

I can try to find rescues that are not already overtaxed to take in the dog and two cats, abandon everything, and move into a women's shelter immediately, or I can move into my own home in another two months.

I came here looking to engage in something helpful, for some insight into this animal's behavior and where I should plan on going from here. Thank you to the person who pointed me to actual resources. To all those who chose to "admonish", attack, or berate me rather than extend a hand or display compassion or empathy for a fellow human being -- shame on you. You make those who already feel isolated and would reach out terrified to do so. Nobody needs your admonishment when in circumstances such as this.. Trust me, they'll already feel enough like a piece of s*** before you decide to go that route, of all the routes you could choose to take.


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## cwag (Apr 25, 2017)

Please, please at the very least get your poor dog out of this situation. There are a lot of Golden Retriever rescue groups who would take him and find a really great home. I know that it would be a hard thing to do but it would be good for him and give you a chance to focus on taking care of yourself too. I wish you well.


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## jennretz (Jul 24, 2013)

Please note, there is no judgment on my point; only fear for your safety. The extended family member I mentioned was murdered as she tried to leave her situation. I do fear for your safety and hope you are able to extricate yourself in a safe and timely manner. My advice to get the dog into a rescue has more to do with concern for your safety and understanding you want the dog to be safe as well. I wish you well.


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## Pilgrim123 (Jul 26, 2014)

I read your post with increasing concern and with more empathy than you will ever know.
Many years ago, my first husband got me a little pup, whose name was Bippy. She was a delight, but spent so much of her time trying to get on the right side of my husband. She did everything she could to make him happy, even if it meant getting hit. When I think back, she behaved in exactly the same way I did. 
One night, she wouldn't stop barking. He went out and kicked her so much she was left with a broken jaw, broken front leg and a broken back. Since we lived more than 50 miles from the nearest vet and he kept the car keys in his pocket, I had to go and euthanase my dog by myself. It was horrific. Two years later, I woke up in hospital after a similar beating and left for good with our son, who had been born only a month after Bippy's death. All I owned in the world was the clothes I stood up in, a spare diaper for the baby and a ticket to my closest capital city. But we were safe.
The point in this story is that such behavior will escalate. BUT, and it's a big but, I do not know how much in danger you are right this minute, or how much he will use the dog as a weapon for hurting you, as my first husband did to me. With the description you have given in your post, two months is a very long time to wait for safety.
As for your dog, of course he needs to be and feel safe, too. Have you any friends or relatives who can look after your dog until you have a place of your own? I believe that, if it is at all possible, the puppy will give your life the focus it needs to recover from your present situation. He will recover, as long as he is given time and consistency. And so will you, if you keep fighting for what should be your right to safety.
(I apologise for not knowing the resources available where you are and not being able to give you more practical advice.)


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

I can't imagine what you are living with. 

I just wanted to tell you, your dog is not behaving this way because he prefers the boyfriend. He is afraid of the boyfriend and doing the things that dogs try to do to appease the dominant/aggressive person. It really is not about not liking you, it's about trying to make the boyfriend happy so he doesn't hurt him. 

I sincerely hope you do have plans in place to get both of you to a safe place and away from this person permanently, and as quickly as possible. When you do, keep the dog with you, give you both time to de-stress and regain your self confidence. Then see if your relationship with the dog gets better. I am expecting you will find it is much better and both of you will rely on the other for comfort.


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## G-bear (Oct 6, 2015)

OP if you are still following this thread please know that as others have said your dog's behavior does not indicate that he prefers your boyfriend. It indicates that, just as you probably do, your dog is attempting to placate your boyfriend. It is survival technique practiced by dogs as well as humans. 
Please also know that there are shelters for battered women where you can keep your pets with you. The number which I gave you in my earlier post should be able to help you locate such a shelter in your area. 
I am deeply afraid for your safety as well as the safety of your dog. Please take action to keep yourself and your pets safe. You all deserve to live a life free of fear and abuse.


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## Sweet Girl (Jun 10, 2010)

mylissyk said:


> I can't imagine what you are living with.
> 
> *I just wanted to tell you, your dog is not behaving this way because he prefers the boyfriend. He is afraid of the boyfriend and doing the things that dogs try to do to appease the dominant/aggressive person. It really is not about not liking you, it's about trying to make the boyfriend happy so he doesn't hurt him. *
> 
> I sincerely hope you do have plans in place to get both of you to a safe place and away from this person permanently, and as quickly as possible. When you do, keep the dog with you, give you both time to de-stress and regain your self confidence. Then see if your relationship with the dog gets better. I am expecting you will find it is much better and both of you will rely on the other for comfort.


This is exactly right. And I hope you are still reading this thread so you can see it. 

I know you feel trapped right now, and my heart goes out to you. I hope you can get out soon. Do you have a friend or family member who could take the dog right now until you can get your own place in two months? Or can you go with the dog and stay with someone? I'm worried for you and your pup.


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## Nate83 (Jul 13, 2017)

So i take it i am more then likely the only guy to reply so far but here is my point of view. A guy who can do that to a puppy is a disgusting vile person, he will do it to you if you step out of line it is a matter of time til he does do it. Also you loving him that is why you are staying is dumb, I dont know you from a hole in the wall but you are a better person then one that thinks fear is love, yes i know i am VERY direct and harsh but leave while you can. There is a guy out there who is better for you this guy isn't. A true man will not lay a hand on a lady (unless the lady attacks first and he is protecting himself). You need to leave today, call your best friend and get out of there period also bring the puppy with you.


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## jennretz (Jul 24, 2013)

Nate83 said:


> So i take it i am more then likely the only guy to reply so far but here is my point of view. A guy who can do that to a puppy is a disgusting vile person, he will do it to you if you step out of line it is a matter of time til he does do it. Also you loving him that is why you are staying is dumb, I dont know you from a hole in the wall but you are a better person then one that thinks fear is love, yes i know i am VERY direct and harsh but leave while you can. There is a guy out there who is better for you this guy isn't. A true man will not lay a hand on a lady (unless the lady attacks first and he is protecting himself). You need to leave today, call your best friend and get out of there period also bring the puppy with you.




You may want to reread the thread. OP has clearly stated she is working a plan to leave. This can be the most dangerous time for the person planning to leave an abusive situation. 


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## Nate83 (Jul 13, 2017)

jennretz said:


> OP has clearly stated she is working a plan to leave.


And i am stating she needs to leave now. I am not going to sugar coat it she needs to leave. If a man lays his hands on you in a abusive manner or you feel you are in a dangerous relationship you NEED to leave immediately. That is what i was getting to.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

I think even the OP agrees with, and is working on making that happen. I know we would all be happier if she would just open the door and walk out, for her sake. We are not there with her, so only she knows how she needs to make that happen.

But regardless of when, people on this board are wishing you safety and a better life - and that it happens quickly.


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## FosterGolden (Mar 10, 2014)

The dog is not attached to the boyfriend. This is a fear response. I suppose people do this, too. I've seen plenty of kids who are mistreated by their parents show them a higher level of loyalty and supposed love that you typically see in a normal child/parent relationship. This even happens between victims and their kidnappers/rapists/abusers. As the child of an alcoholic father, while I was not loyal to my father after I became an adult, I can see how as a kid I kept a close eye on him, always trying to gauge his mood and appease hoping to keep him in a good mood so he would not turn into a tyrant. 

Frankly, while you said that you could not leave the dog with him, you don't seem that concerned about the dog's overall well-being, just his loyalty. You sound very offended by the dog's behavior toward his abuser. I might be confused by your post, but the way I read it, it sounds like you are trying to get us on your side to prove that the dog is bad or to show the dog that he shouldn't love the abuser? Or to blame the dog for the behavior, not the boyfriend? Or are you trying to justify the way your boyfriend has been treating the dog by trying to tell us that the dog loves him anyway? Not trying to judge, but whatever is going on doesn't seem healthy for you or the dog. 

To answer your question, yes, I do think the dog would be better off with someone else. Here's the thing, the dog doesn't have a choice. You do. I would strongly suggest surrendering the dog to your local breed rescue. If I knew where you resided, I could tell you who that is. If you have to, tell the boyfriend that the dog ran away or died. With the way the boyfriend has treated this dog, the authorities should be called. 

I'm trying not to place blame by suggesting you are a bad person for not getting the puppy out of there after the first assault or packing up and leaving after seeing what this guy is capable of. I think it goes without saying that you need to go, too, and get some help not only to leave this man but also to make sure that you don't repeat this cycle. 

Good luck and if you'll let me know where you reside I will personally find a rescue for you to surrender this dog to.


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## Sweet Girl (Jun 10, 2010)

Nate83 said:


> And i am stating she needs to leave now. I am not going to sugar coat it she needs to leave. If a man lays his hands on you in a abusive manner or you feel you are in a dangerous relationship you NEED to leave immediately. That is what i was getting to.


You know what? It's sometimes just not that easy. She may have no one to go to. She may have no financial means. She may be scared he will come after her. She states very clearly in her first post that she is working towards leaving. She came here for support and advice, not to be attacked. Back off her, please. She has enough to deal with right now. This is not helpful.


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## G-bear (Oct 6, 2015)

Sweet Girl said:


> You know what? It's sometimes just not that easy. She may have no one to go to. She may have no financial means. She may be scared he will come after her. She states very clearly in her first post that she is working towards leaving. She came here for support and advice, not to be attacked. Back off her, please. She has enough to deal with right now. This is not helpful.


Thank you Sweet Girl. As someone who has worked with battered woman most of my adult life I can tell you that it took a great deal of courage for this woman to reach out for help here. The fact that she has a plan for leaving is a good thing but it should be noted that the point at which a woman makes a plan and leaves an abusive situation are the most dangerous for her. Because none of us know her situation (other than what she has posted) we are not in a position to tell her how to handle it. We can only provide her with resources. Passing judgement upon her is not helpful. To Nate83....your frustration is quite evident in your posts and while I am sure you mean well they come across as demanding and very condescending. While I am sure that you cannot comprehend what she is going through what would be most helpful is compassion and understanding. She is doing the best that she can in a very difficult situation and my heart goes out to her. I admit that I am worried about her, just as many others here seem to be. I think that the best we can all do at this point is withhold judgment and just hope and pray that she has contacted a friend, a shelter or someone to help her begin the difficult process of removing herself and her pets from this situation.


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

Sweet Girl said:


> You know what? It's sometimes just not that easy. She may have no one to go to. She may have no financial means. She may be scared he will come after her. She states very clearly in her first post that she is working towards leaving. She came here for support and advice, not to be attacked. Back off her, please. She has enough to deal with right now. This is not helpful.


This is probably me and my personal experience with somebody very dear to me who was in a bad situation. It was an abusive relationship. Not physical abusive initially, but emotionally and mentally. Which was the worst because he literally had her thinking that she had nowhere else to go without him. Or she kept putting it off. And this sometimes makes them blind to everything that they are putting up with and allowing. I know exactly what is likely going on based on this other person. That other person is still living with the slob, btw. It's been years. Yes, she has a place to go. But she's unwilling to give up her home. And puts up with living with a slimeball because she otherwise can't afford to live on her own as an "adult".

If it were just the OP - I would say she's going to get beat really bad someday. And it's going to take a hospital to step in.... and things will change. Or the guy's going to end up in jail, which again, things will change. All the better if the person is put away a long time. 

But since there is a dog who is being starved (no, I did not miss the part where instead of buying dog food, the guy is spending all his money on other stuff), who is being punched with both fists, who is being kicked across the room....

And who doesn't even have her on his side because she's upset that the dog is not giving HER love and attention because she's the one laying down the law (and I'm trying to figure out what that is and if it's worse than being starved, beaten, and kicked into submission).

The very least thing that needs to happen right now is place that dog in a better home. Today. Actually YESTERDAY based on what was written in the original post. 

I assume it is a golden retriever, which means that it not going to spend more than a week in rescue before being placed in a permanent home. Depending on where this person is, there is a lot of people looking for golden retrievers from a rescue situation. Heck, locally, you have rescue groups and personnel trying to take out a bad breeder and having fits because the county is turning them away and saying the dogs are not going to be turned over wholesale into these rescue groups. 

And just fyi. 

I held back the above words because I did not want to be accused of "judgement".

As a golden retriever owner, I can't express how HORRIFIED I am at the idea of somebody being less upset about her dog being thrown around and physically abused by the slob that she's living with.... and more upset that the abuse isn't driving the dog to be more affectionate with her. 

If somebody so much as tried to hit my dog, they would have furniture thrown at their head. I swear it. I would not allow my dogs to be hurt in any way. They have never cried out in pain and do not even know that people could be cruel. And it's HORRIFYING to see people just gliding past that point and saying time is on the side of the OP. 

Last thing. My sister lived in a neighborhood where somebody was kicking their dog. She was not the only neighbor who called the police on the guy. 

Decent people do not stand by and let animal abuse happen right in front of them.

^^^^ I was accused of judgement earlier, despite me keeping things blunt and holding my emotions back rather than right out tell the person that she is enabling animal abuse. So here you go.


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## Mayabear (Aug 26, 2015)

I find your situation very troubling, and I'm sorry you have to go through this. May things align for you in a way that enables you to leave this horrid situation. 

I do find one thing troubling, and this may draw your ire, but so be it.

Why are you concerned about the dog bonding with you right now, rather than its well-being which seems to be at complete risk at the hands of your bf? 

Words that stuck out - starving, kicked, punched. This is what your dog is being subject to. Abuse. Yet your concern is that the dog is not by your side cuddling with you, and rather seeking approval from the abuser. 

I don't understand this to be honest. 

I feel very badly for you, and your dog of course. I sincerely hope you are able to make the change sooner rather than later. Maybe you can find the dog a safe home sooner rather than later. It doesn't sound like it will end well for your dog.

Do you live around neighbors? Does your bf display this behavior in public? Can someone call the police on him? If he is a felon, animal abuse plus any abuse meted out to you would probably be met with a harsh penalty.


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## Nate83 (Jul 13, 2017)

First off I wasn't condescending I was direct I also never attacked her. I also never passed judgment. While there are people that are going to be sweet and nice and loving about it and whatever, i am going to say what needs to be said. Finally as a kid that was with many abusive foster parents do not presume my insight isnt helpful.


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## Anele (Dec 12, 2014)

I am very sorry for your situation. 

Safety is non-negotiable. Your dog is entirely dependent upon you to provide a safe living environment. At this point, you are unable to provide this most basic need for your dog. Nothing else matters. The only option is to rehome the dog into a safe environment. 

But be careful. I am afraid that your boyfriend will take this out on you, despite him saying he wants to rehome the dog. His abuse of the dog is two-fold. Not only is he abusing the dog to abuse the dog, but he also wants to hurt and manipulate you.

Please delete your account so that he can't find what you have written here. Your safety matters. YOU matter.


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## jennretz (Jul 24, 2013)

I can only hope that the OP took G-Bears advice and contacted the shelter. Some shelters will accept pets. I am blown away by the amount of criticism the OP has had to endure on this thread. IMHO, this thread has derailed into a blame the victim mentality which boggles the mind. I wish her (and her pets) a safe exit. She asked for help and got criticism in return. 




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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

jennretz said:


> IMHO, this thread has derailed into a blame the victim mentality which boggles the mind.


IMHO, the victim is the dog being starved, beaten, kicked... abused. 

Anyone who is supposedly involved in dog rescue should see that.


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## jennretz (Jul 24, 2013)

Megora said:


> IMHO, the victim is the dog being starved, beaten, kicked... abused.
> 
> 
> 
> Anyone who is supposedly involved in dog rescue should see that.




To clarify, were you intending to be rude to me or did I misread?


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

jennretz said:


> To clarify, were you intending to be rude to me...


Not necessarily. 

I was pointing out that people need to keep in mind that the victim is a dog that is being starved, beaten, kicked and ABUSED.

Adults have the ability to leave situations that they are living in and voluntarily seek help. 

Dogs and children do not.

And btw. The help which the OP requested was concerning the behavior of the dog. The OP was frustrated because the dog is not affectionate with her. That was apparently a bigger issue than the fact that this person watches another person punch the dog with both hands, kick it across the room, and spend dog food money on his own stuff. This dog needs to be rescued.


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## jennretz (Jul 24, 2013)

If the goal is to save the dog, how does criticizing the OP achieve that? Is it fair to say that offering up solutions versus criticism might have actually helped get all pets to safety. It doesn't matter if you agree with how the OP is handling things. Why not put our best resources out there and provide help and encouragement. It's so easy to sit in our safe homes and pass judgment. We're not walking in her shoes. Abusers isolate and make a person vulnerable. If she couldn't protect herself how could she protect the dog?

It's a moot point now as OP has not checked back in. I hope she and her pets are safe.


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

jennretz said:


> Is it fair to say that offering up solutions versus criticism might have actually helped get all pets to safety.


That is what I did right off.

Leave the boyfriend.

Rehome the dog. 

These are recommendations. Not criticism. 

Criticism and anger (yes anger) were initially withheld. 

I do not see the OP as a victim.

OP should stop viewing themselves as a victim.

The dog is needing rescue.


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## Nate83 (Jul 13, 2017)

jennretz said:


> IMHO, this thread has derailed into a blame the victim mentality which boggles the mind. I wish her (and her pets) a safe exit. She asked for help and got criticism in return.


 Who blamed her? Not a single person said it is her fault for her predicament. Full blame falls on him not her, but she can do something about it the dog cant.


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## jennretz (Jul 24, 2013)

Nate83 said:


> Who blamed her? Not a single person said it is her fault for her predicament. Full blame falls on him not her, but she can do something about it the dog cant.




Then I would turn this around and argue if the points you are making aren't helpful to the situation, should you be making them? Have you helped this dog at all by commenting on this thread or did your comments drive the OP away? I would argue that folks should pay attention to the words they use and the impact to others. Providing resources to reach out (rescue or shelter) would have been helpful. Instead the thread was derailed and the OP was made to feel unwelcome. Is that what this forum stands for anymore?


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## CedarFurbaby (Jun 6, 2016)

Megora said:


> Adults have the ability to leave situations that they are living in and voluntarily seek help.





Megora said:


> Decent people do not stand by and let animal abuse happen right in front of them.





Nate83 said:


> While there are people that are going to be sweet and nice and loving about it and whatever, i am going to say what needs to be said. Finally as a kid that was with many abusive foster parents do not presume my insight isnt helpful.


It's easy to be thoughtful, tolerant, coherent, objective and be a decent lovely person when your life is fine, you have food and water and sleep, and you're not 24/7 anxious that someone might murder you. One abusive situation is not the same as another. It's possible to offer the same suggestions and help in a way that will not add to OP's stress. I would much rather be kind and sweet and loving about it.


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

CedarFurbaby said:


> It's easy to be thoughtful, tolerant, coherent, objective and be a decent lovely person when your life is fine, you have food and water and sleep, and you're not 24/7 anxious that someone might murder you. One abusive situation is not the same as another. It's possible to offer the same suggestions and help in a way that will not add to OP's stress. I would much rather be kind and sweet and loving about it.


Think of the dog. 

Period.

This is a rescue case.


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## jennretz (Jul 24, 2013)

Megora said:


> Think of the dog.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




And does the OP have any better understanding of how to go about doing that as a result of this thread? Does the OP know any rescue links? There are cats in addition to the dog. Did we do the best we could have? For example, we could have shared links to all the rescue organizations that Carolina Mom does. We could have done so much more.

Was this dog helped by this back and forth?




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ArchersMom (May 22, 2013)

This thread has gotten far off topic and the mod team has decided to close it.


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