# Gus's Medical Mystery



## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Hi everyone,

It's been an exhausting few weeks, and I don't quite know how to feel about all this so I haven't posted much about it yet. I also don't have a firm diagnosis for everything that's wrong with Gus, so it's hard to explain clearly and concisely.

But I'll try.

A few weeks ago, Gus had a small drop in energy, a little weepiness in his eyes, and was sneezing. It didn't seem too bad, so I didn't call the vet for a couple of days. 

After a couple of days, his right eye looked a little swollen, he began sneezing every time he exerted himself, his energy level plummeted, and his lymph nodes swelled significantly. We ran to the vet. She did a blood test, and everything came back normal. She also took needle aspirates of two lymph nodes and sent them out to be tested for lymphoma. She sent me home with antibiotic ointment for the eyes and ten days of Clavamox.

A few days later one needle aspirate came back negative for Lymphoma and the other wasn't a good enough sample to test. Phew. He also perked up significantly on the Clavamox, and the nodes shrank a bunch but were still a hair enlarged. The sneezing got a bit better too.

About a day after the Clavamox course was over, his lymph nodes swelled right back up, his energy level plummeted, his sneezing got bad again, etc. Basically, everything went back to the way it was before the Clavamox but worse.

AND, there was a brand new, scary symptom: while he was still on the Clavamox, welts appeared, like bug bites, all over his shoulder, hip, and back. They're not everywhere, but there are a couple of dozen total. I can't see any way he got these environmentally (like from actual bugs), since I think I would have noticed bees or ants attacking him in force.

Obviously, we went back to the vet. The night before we did, I gave one Benedryl (thinking the sneezing and welts could be allergy-related) but saw no change in any symptom. At the vet, I pushed for a tick-borne-disease test since the dogs spend so much time in the woods and TBDs are endemic in CT. Convinced that it was plausible, she also prescribed doxycycline, which would work for the broadest range of TBDs (everything but the viruses). Good thing I pushed, since the test came back positive for anaplasmosis.

Unfortunately, anaplasmosis doesn't explain everything, especially the welts. So today, Gus had one of the larger welts cut off for biopsy and also had a wedge taken from one of the lymph nodes, which are still swollen after 48 hours on doxycycline.

Negative needle aspirates don't rule out lymphoma, so we need to see the lymph biopsy. We also need to test a welt to be sure they're not tumors. The lymph biopsy will also rule out blastomycosis, which is possible but unlikely.

Worst case scenario: Gus has a malignant lymphoma/lymphosarcoma that is throwing off associated tumors on his skin. This isn't common presentation for lymphoma, but it's possible. I'm not sure what his life expectancy would be in that situation, but it wouldn't be good.

Best case scenario: all symptoms are caused by anaplasmosis and some associated allergic reactions and everything improves as the doxycycline whales on it. We have four weeks of doses in our hands, so we should be able to annihilate the little buggers.

Phew. So there's that. It's been a few weeks now of not being able to help this sweet, sweet dog, not being able to ask him exactly what's wrong, not being able to explain that we're doing everything we can. He's lying on the couch sleeping, with Frankenstein stitches on his back and leg.

Here he is earlier this year, in perfect health, asking us to throw something again into the cold March water. Watching him like this is killing me. I want my dog back.


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## marshab1 (Aug 28, 2006)

I'm so sorry you are going thru this with Gus. But you are doing everything you can and he knows he is loved so no matter what the future holds...you will make the right decision. And we're all here to support you.

Prayers being said for a quick recovery.


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## Celeigh (Nov 29, 2007)

Poor baby. And poor you, worried so. Hope Gus is feeling like his old self again really soon. In the meantime, a comfy couch, tasty treats, and lots of good belly rubs, might be the best medicine of all.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

I am so sorry you and Gus are going through this. It is so difficult and frustrating when we (and the doctors) can't seem to figure out what is wrong and our pups are suffering. I have been through this too. I pray Gus's condition is just a reaction and goes away quickly!


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

I am just remembering snuggling with Gus when he was a pint-sized 10 week old ball of fire, full of kisses and ideas for games to play with our shoe laces. I also remember us wanting to get some sleep, and in desperation playing Debussy from my laptop set on repeat to Finn and Gus when they were 8 weeks old, and it actually worked(for a while). I remember you sleeping with Gus between you and the wall when they had giardia, so he would have to wake you up to go out and not ruin his housebreaking gains. He just HAS to be okay.


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## ggdenny (Nov 2, 2008)

This has to be so hard for you and Gus. I'm thinking good thoughts that all gets better very soon and you two can go back to living normal, happy, fun lives.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

I remember that too: he and Finn sleeping in the same crate together and when they finally graduated to our bedrooms but still went out every two hours. He would whine and push at my leg when he couldn't hold the diarrhea anymore.


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

Tippykayak, my heart goes out to you because it's just so darned frustrating when you can't get a definitive diagnosis and therefore the "fix" is a shot in the dark. I totally know what you mean when you say "I want my dog back". When my angel boy was diagnosed with degenerative myelopathy, I had to reassess what "normal" was for us. My philosophy became that every day was a "new normal"...it's helpful when dealing with the seniors, especially as they lose something, be it mobility, joie, playfulness. Fingers crossed here that Gus gets cured by the meds and perks back up to his previous "normal". Give the old guy a smooch from me, please.....


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

"I want my dog back." I said exactly those same words when Daisy was so sick. Not to compare at all, Gus's condition is clearly different. I just know those words and I know the sadness and helplessness that goes with them. I'm so so sorry.

I hope you know, at least logically, that you're not as helpless as you feel. You're there for Gus for whatever he needs from you now. Sometimes that's all we can do and even though it doesn't feel like enough, it's really everything that's most important :heartbeat

I am so hoping for good news. {{hugs}}


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

If Gus still has problems and you are concerned about cancer, I'd think about taking him to Norwalk. I believe Dr. Farrell said they now have a good clinic or center closer to us, maybe Shelton? I can always find out. 

I hope he recovers fully and you never have to give this another thought!


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## Heidi36oh (Feb 27, 2007)

My heart goes out to you and Gus, sending prayers and big hugs.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

Big hugs to you and Gus. It's a terrible feeling being helpless to help them, but you are doing everything you possibly can, he knows you love him.


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

My gosh, what an ordeal for Gus and you. You both are in my prayers that all turns out ok. He's a very lucky boy to have you. Hugs to you both.


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## amy22 (May 11, 2008)

Im so very sorry Gus...and you..are going through this...my prayers are with you both...please keep us updated.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Thanks for everybody's kind words.

One thing I forgot to mention: Gus is only 6. He's got the white face, but he's been a super high energy dog until the last couple of days.


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

I hope they can get to the bottom oit soon and that it is someihing that can fixed easily. He is such a handsome boy.


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## Old Gold Mum2001 (Feb 25, 2007)

So sorry you guys are going thru all this  
(((((big hugs)))))
Hope the meds kick in real fast, and get this boy to feeling better, and easing your worries.

Good thoughts and prayers on the way.


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## Florabora22 (Nov 30, 2008)

Gus is a beauty! I'm sorry things are a little down for you right now. Gus is in my thoughts and I hope you can get a more definite diagnosis soon.


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

I am so sorry that you are going thru this with Gus. We will pray that they can find the answers for him and that he will have many, many years left with you. We are here for you to rant and vent and maybe someone will have answer for you. ((((HUGS TO YOU AND GUS))))


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

How is Gus this morning? Brother Finn sends woo woo's and many kisses.


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## moverking (Feb 26, 2007)

For some reason this rings of something 'Auto-immune'....If they've thyroid tested, did they check for auto antibodies? Can they do an IgA or IgG level on dogs?
I hate Auto-immune diseases....nothing like the body turning on itself and the myriad of confusing symptoms.
Many humongous hugs for Gus....and peaceful thoughts to you. Keep us posted!


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## Meggie'sMom (Dec 24, 2007)

> Watching him like this is killing me. I want my dog back.


You just threw me over the edge reading that. I know exactly what you mean. Even last week Meggie was her usual self - maybe a little slower than a year ago, but happy and wanting a ride or walk at the park. To be suddenly slammed with all these health problems is so hard. 

I hope you find an answer for Gus. At 6 he should be in his prime and ready for long walks and hard games of tug-of-war. I am sorry he and you are going through this. Do you think if went together we could hire _House_ for a diagnosis? Both our babies seem just like the cases he likes. 

I see the suggestion of autoimmune disease. They are suggesting a possible autoimmune problem for Meggie too. Why are so many humans and animals having their bodies turn against them? They are checking Meggie for everything from lupus to lead poison to tick bourne to the myasthenia gravis. They've already ruled out Addisons, hypothyroid, and I don't know what else. 

Hugs for you both. Kisses from Meggie.


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## moverking (Feb 26, 2007)

Meggie'sMom said:


> Why are so many humans and animals having their bodies turn against them?


This is definitely the question. I view cancer as an auto-immune disease, too.
IMO, exposure to pollutants, toxins, ANYTHING irritative, that the body has to fight over prolonged periods wears down the immune response, and the nasties start to grow. Most of the irritants are out of our control, even unknown to us. It could range from repeated high blood sugars (an irritant) leading to eventual diabetes, a bra strap rubbing a mole leading to a melanoma, stress contributing to hypertension until the body can't compensate and it becomes a constant state...
...and then there's genetic pre-disposition to complicate it more.
Stinks, doesn't it?


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Ljilly28 said:


> How is Gus this morning? Brother Finn sends woo woo's and many kisses.


Gus is sleeping quietly on the couch. This morning he slept in our bedroom like normal, on his bed, and I was going to let them out separately, but when I let Comet out of his crate (he's temporarily in there at night so he won't lick Gus's stitches while we're asleep), Gus got right up and walked to the back door.

He looked at the stairs, and at me, like "are you sure?" I said, "C'mon, it's OK," and he took them slowly but without hesitation. In the backyard, I threw sticks for Comet, and after like two throws, Gus started to walk over to it like he was going to retrieve, so I stopped. 

He licked at some of the wet/dry mix I gave him, drank a bunch of water, and burped it up two minutes later. That's not concerning to me because he always does that when he drinks too fast.

Lymph nodes still enlarged but maybe a little smaller than before we started the doxy.

Here he is as I type:











And here's Comet wondering why we're not doing something more exciting. He keeps running around the house trying to find the bowl of wet/dry food that he can smell but can't seem to find (it's on the counter, waiting for Gus to try again later).


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

Oh, bless his heart, he does at least look comfortable there. I like that picture, it calms my heart a little.

Comet, on the other hand, looks ready to go LOL. How do you manage that? One sick, one raring to go?

I hope Gus has a restful day today.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Jo Ellen said:


> Oh, bless his heart, he does at least look comfortable there. I like that picture, it calms my heart a little.
> 
> Comet, on the other hand, looks ready to go LOL. How do you manage that? One sick, one raring to go?
> 
> I hope Gus has a restful day today.


I dunno, usually they're both raring to go. Having one out of commission is totally new to me. Fortunately, they're both really good at taking cues for when it's quiet time. Comet actually just fell asleep, and Gus has settled a little deeper into the couch.


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## Hudson (May 18, 2005)

I do hope you find answers soon for Gus' health issues, it is so worrying know they are not feeling well and they cant let us know.Hugs and prayers to dear Gus.


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## Jackson'sMom (Oct 13, 2007)

Not knowing what's going on with our dogs is just the worst feeling, especially when the vets can't figure it out, either. Fingers crossed that it's nothing serious and Gus will once again be in fine form.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

I'm worried about ebullient Gus feeling so terrible still; the picture made me sorrowful. in fact, he's one athlete who it's nearly impossible to imagine laid low. I know he's not a food guy at the best of times, so it's got to be tough getting the Doxy into him with plenty of accompaniment. When Tally was dangerously sick with anaplasmosis as a pup, the vet had me spoonfeed him chicken& stars babyfood - the organic kind with no onions, and then this high calorie Hills prescription food just for 3 days to keep his weight up. I wish the lymph nodes were down in response to the Doxy. I hope that you and Gus and Andy and Comet can feel the love and prayers. I am scared but I am hopeful.

Ps One of you is going to have to give in to that high octane smile on Comet's face and take him for a ten mile run up and down Sleeping Giant! And also, comet is welcome to come to Maine and visit his Aunt Jill and all his cousins if Gus needs you to himself; I'll come pick him up in CT if it would be helpful. However, I know your mom& dad are probably saying the same thing!


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

I got an email back from the TBD research vet at NCSU/Duke. What a great guy, clearly bc it is Saturday night and he is caring enough to respond plus send on the email to two fellow vets. He said consider Bartonella from the same tick. It's hallmarks are rash, lymphadenitis, conjunctivitis, and coinfection with anaplasmosis. It sometimes does not respond to Doxycyline. It is(or is similar to) cat scratch fever.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Ljilly28 said:


> I know he's not a food guy at the best of times, so it's got to be tough getting the Doxy into him with plenty of accompaniment.


The Eukanuba ground canned food has proven delicious enough every time to hide 2 1/2 doxy pills in. He'll let me stick my hand in his mouth and put a pill too far back to spit up, but while he's miserable, I'd hate having to do that three times in a row.



Ljilly28 said:


> And also, comet is welcome to come to Maine and visit his Aunt Jill and all his cousins if Gus needs you to himself; I'll come pick him up in CT if it would be helpful. However, I know your mom& dad are probably saying the same thing!


Right now, Gus is a very low-maintenance patient, and Comet has already learned to leave him alone on the couch. He may be hyper, but he's a smart guy and it only took two "uh-uhs" for him not to even sniff the stitches.

But, if we need the break, we'll absolutely take you up on the offer. My sister's due to have another kid any day now, so my parents are on call for her. Plus, Comet would have way more fun up at dog camp in Maine with you.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

I got an email back from the TBD research vet at NCSU/Duke. What a great guy, clearly bc it is Saturday night and he is caring enough to respond plus send on the email to two fellow vets. He said consider Bartonella from the same tick. It's hallmarks are rash, lymphadenitis, conjunctivitis, and coinfection with anaplasmosis. It sometimes does not respond to Doxycyline. It is(or is similar to) cat scratch fever.

Whoops- sorry double post!


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## AcesWild (Nov 29, 2008)

poor gus!!! My heart goes out to you and your family. I hope Gus is feeling better soon1


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## Thor's Mom (Feb 25, 2007)

I hope poor Gus is soon feeling better. We'll keep you all in our prayers.


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## Meggie'sMom (Dec 24, 2007)

> I got an email back from the TBD research vet at NCSU/Duke. What a great guy, clearly bc it is Saturday night and he is caring enough to respond plus send on the email to two fellow vets.


Those vets at NC State are amazing (and yes, it is my alma mater). You would not believe the lengths my onco has been to in trying to find an answer to Meggie's latest mystery - which is not cancer related. Dedicated, caring doctors. They really impress me. 

Hope Gus gets some answers soon.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Ljilly28 said:


> I got an email back from the TBD research vet at NCSU/Duke. What a great guy, clearly bc it is Saturday night and he is caring enough to respond plus send on the email to two fellow vets. He said consider Bartonella from the same tick. It's hallmarks are rash, lymphadenitis, conjunctivitis, and coinfection with anaplasmosis. It sometimes does not respond to Doxycyline. It is(or is similar to) cat scratch fever.


That doc is so nice for replying to your e-mail. I looked up Bartonella sores online and they don't look like what Gus has. Gus's really look like bug bites...I don't know how else to explain them. They're like allergic welts or hives, but they're not going away.

Gus is perking up, though he's still not interested in anything but the ground food. I think he's got a sore throat or jaw soreness, because he's refusing everything he thinks has kibble in it (even the wet kibble mixed with the same food he's willing to eat).


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

Is it really possible this could all be related to some **** tick? 

When will you have some answers? You may have already said but I missed it. I hope it's soon. Not knowing is crazy making stuff


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Jo Ellen said:


> Is it really possible this could all be related to some **** tick?
> 
> When will you have some answers? You may have already said but I missed it. I hope it's soon. Not knowing is crazy making stuff


Unfortunately, only the best case scenario has it all as tick-related. The only thing he's actually tested positive for is anaplasmosis, so if it's all related to that, the doxycycline he's already on should wipe out his symptoms in a matter of days.

That seems less and less likely as days go on, and his symptoms point more and more towards malignant, metastatic cancer.

I should hear by Tuesday, maybe Wednesday, about the results of the biopsies, and that will probably be definitive about cancer.

But I'm hoping it's all ticks and allergies and everything is better by then. Fingers crossed.


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

Tippykayak, fingers and paws crossed here for good biopsy results. Remember to breathe between now and mid-week when you should hear something....waiting is just the worst!


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

> That seems less and less likely as days go on, and his symptoms point more and more towards malignant, metastatic cancer.


But they're only six! Sending love to Gus all day today


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## hotel4dogs (Sep 29, 2008)

ok, I'm sure the vet considered it since this is so obvious, but I"ll throw it out there anyway....is it possible Gus is having a reaction to the drugs? Especially the welts? I know it's not common in dogs, but is it even a possibility?
What type of cancer are they considering? Have they run tests for tumor markers? 
I feel so bad for you, you must be just beside yourself. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

*"What are the possible side effects of doxycycline:* If any of the following serious side effects occur, stop giving doxycycline and seek emergency veterinary medical attention; an allergic reaction (hives, difficulty breathing, swelling of the face, lips, tongue or throat); severe headache, dizziness, or blurred vision; fever; hair loss; ¿bull¿s-eye¿ lesions; vesicles around mouth, ears, and groin; urinating less than normal or not at all; dark colored urine, confusion or weakness; loss of appetite; jaundice. Continue giving doxycycline and talk to your veterinarian if any of these less serious side effects occur; mild nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea. Side effects other than those listed in this guide may also occur. Talk to your veterinarian about any side effect that is unusual or seems especially bothersome to your pet."
http://www.1800petmeds.com/Doxycycline-prod10340.html

It also makes their skin very sensitive to light. We all have our paws crossed for you and Gus. My two will be six years old soon.


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## hotel4dogs (Sep 29, 2008)

clavamox lists similar side effects, FWIW.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Gus*

Praying for Gus. It probably could be a reaction to the medicine


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## Meggie'sMom (Dec 24, 2007)

Can we officially dub December as Medical Mystery Month? Hang in there with Gus, hope you get answers soon.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Yeah, those are typical side effects of strong anti-bacterial meds. There were a couple of bumps even before the Clavamox, lots more while on the Clavamox, and no new ones on the doxycycline (though there are so many now, I suppose a few more might have appeared).

They just don't seem to be hives from an allergic reaction to meds at this point. The first few days, they might have been, but they've persisted stably for so long that it seems unlikely.

This morning, Gus really perked up. He's definitely not his normal self, but he's much more active and focused. It snowed last night, so we took Comet around the neighborhood for a romp in the midnight cold.

This morning, we all went out and played in the yard for a couple of minutes, and Gus caught some snowballs. There are more pictures at www.tippykayak.com, but here are a couple.

He's his old self for at least the time it takes a ball of snow to arc and fall. The cut on his back is forgotten for a moment and he spots the ball, judges it, gauges it...











...and snap, he’s Gus again, healthy enough to rear up and grab it from the air.










And then the delicious, crunchy, cold reward.










He’s nowhere near healthy right now, but despite his surgery, he seems a little more happy and active than he was before we started the doxycycline. Fingers crossed.


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

I'm happy to see he still has his spirit. Thanks for sharing those pictures 

Fingers crossed here too ....


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Gus*

What beautiful pics of Gus playing in the snow.

Thanks for sharing them!


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

Sorry, I have been gone and am just reading of his distress. Doxy would not make him perk up if it was Lymphoma, so I hope it is just the TBD making him feel bad (because it is largely curable). I am sorry you are going through this and I hope he feels better every day.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

How is Gus today? I'm scared& worried. Please say he is better, lymph nodes down, welts down?


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## MyBaileyGirl (Jun 11, 2008)

I missed this thread earlier apparently but fingers crossed for poor Gus. Hope he gets better and back to his old self very very soon!!


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

I'm not home from work yet, but Andy's with him. Lymph nodes are the same size, welts the same, energy level low but not scary. Not encouraging. I'll post the second I get his biopsy results.


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## Faith's mommy (Feb 26, 2007)

sending best wishes


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Tippykayak*

Tippykayak:

Coming from another dog Mom:

I just hate it when my babies are sick, so I empathize with you SO Much!!

I can suffer and hurt and that's o.k., but not them!


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## Blaireli (Jun 3, 2008)

tippykayak, for what it is worth, I have passed this information along to my sister. She is at work until 6:00, but I already called her and she said she would look at this tonight and do whatever research she could to see if she can help you out.

In the meantime, I'm sending lots of hugs and prayers for you and Gus!!!


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## Augustus McCrae's Mom (Aug 14, 2007)

From one Gus to another, here's hoping your boy gets better soon.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Blaireli said:


> tippykayak, for what it is worth, I have passed this information along to my sister. She is at work until 6:00, but I already called her and she said she would look at this tonight and do whatever research she could to see if she can help you out.


You're the best. I called the hospital today, but they said the biopsies wouldn't be back until Wednesday at the earliest. Jerks.


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

Wednesday at the earliest ???


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## hotel4dogs (Sep 29, 2008)

loved the photos!! Good wishes coming your way, be sure to let us know the minute you hear something.
Poor Gus and poor YOU!


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

Praying for sweet Gus.


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

Sending prayers for you and Gus.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Blaireli said:


> tippykayak, for what it is worth, I have passed this information along to my sister. She is at work until 6:00, but I already called her and she said she would look at this tonight and do whatever research she could to see if she can help you out.
> 
> In the meantime, I'm sending lots of hugs and prayers for you and Gus!!!


Wow, you're the best.

I also forgot to mention that his sinus symptoms are getting worse. I'm not sure if it's just that he's tired, so he's not sneezing stuff through, or if it's really getting more severe, but there are visible boogers (I don't know any better word), big and dry, mostly in his left nostril.

And his breathing through his nose has gotten louder and louder in the last 24 hours.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Jo Ellen said:


> Wednesday at the earliest ???


Yeah. Could even be Thursday, apparently. I'm still calling tomorrow to bother them.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

Brian, I am so sorry. I can't imagine your Gus any way but quicksilver and tennis ball-passionate. It must be killing you guys to see him so tuckered out. I keep saying to myself that they are only 6 about 100 times a day.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

tippykayak said:


> You're the best. I called the hospital today, but they said the biopsies wouldn't be back until Wednesday at the earliest. Jerks.


What hospital are you using?


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Kimm said:


> What hospital are you using?


New Haven Central, why?


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## sifuyono (May 8, 2008)

sent a prayer to you and gus, hope he will fine...

i wonder if this happened connect with something what he usually eat......


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

Good morning, Gus. Your brother Finn and all your friends in Maine who love you are hoping and praying you feel better this morning. I looked at all the pictures of when you came to visit this spring- you frisking around, play bowing, leaping and twirling in the freezing cold surf. I am glad I got to spend some time focusing on just you- we played some fun ballball games and snuggled too. Please get better so we can play once again. Love, Aunt Jill


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Ljilly28 said:


> Good morning, Gus. Your brother Finn and all your friends in Maine who love you are hoping and praying you feel better this morning. I looked at all the pictures of when you came to visit this spring- you frisking around, play bowing, leaping and twirling in the freezing cold surf. I am glad I got to spend some time focusing on just you- we played some fun ballball games and snuggled too. Please get better so we can play once again. Love, Aunt Jill


Thanks for the kind thoughts. We remember that day too. I left before the sun came up this morning, so Gus was still asleep on his bed, but I did check his nodes, which are the same size, and his lumps, which haven't changed. My hope is fading that the doxycycline will magically take care of everything.

And here's a picture from that day, less than 9 months ago:


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

I love that picture. Whatever happens, that is how I will remember your Gus.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

tippykayak said:


> New Haven Central, why?


This is where Shadow had his surgeries. I know someone who works there. If you don't get results soon, let me know. I'm not sure if she can help, but one never knows.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Kimm*

*Kimm:

It sure couldn't hurt to ask your friend if she can find out something.*



Praying for Gus!!!!


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## ohdish! (Nov 22, 2008)

My heart is going out to you and your Gus. I was so moved when I saw that incredible photo of Gus in the woods, his fur all aglow and that adorable white face peeking out in the near twilight. These snow photos, too... what a bright lively creature indeed. May answers come swiftly and may they be comforting.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

I think it was mentioned they should have the results by Wednesday. That is tomorrow. Keeping you and Gus in my thoughts and prayers. 

My son once was a volunteer at New Haven Central and was asked to work there. He didn't take the job because his GF at the time really wanted a job working for them. She was too young at the time. She is now his X, but I still talk to her, and she is now employed there.


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## Meggie'sMom (Dec 24, 2007)

Positive thoughts and prayers for Gus. Hoping you get an answer soon.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Kimm said:


> This is where Shadow had his surgeries. I know someone who works there. If you don't get results soon, let me know. I'm not sure if she can help, but one never knows.


Thanks Kimm. The samples are out at the lab, and today the doc called them to harass them a bit. They'll be in tomorrow.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

*Update:*

Around 1PM, Andy noticed Gus was disoriented. He seemed confused about the stairs after going out and stumbled a couple of times. Andy called the animal hospital and took Gus out front of the house to get him in the car. Gus walked in between a garbage can and a cardboard box, and hit the box as if he didn’t see it.

Andy slowly began to realize that Gus is now partially blind.

It’s incredibly hard to gauge to what degree Gus is confused and to what degree it’s an issue with his sight. Both options are terrifying in combination with the other symptoms. It’s clear that he can see a little, at least out of his left eye. But his right eye, the one that has a couple of mystery lesions above it, looks deformed, swollen, and terrible. The cardboard box was on his left, though, so he may be having balance issues or some other kind of disorientation.

Andy observed similar confusion and difficulty seeing again at the animal hospital: Gus couldn’t figure out the door and tried to walk through the glass next to the door at first.

He waited quite a long time, so I was able to go straight from work and meet him at the hospital, where Gus greeted me and we waited to see the doctor. The surgeon who removed the lymph tissue and lesion for biopsy saw us, and she was completely flummoxed, as was the veterinary oncologist she called to consult. The **** biopsies won’t be back until tomorrow, so even though she examined him again head to toe, there was nothing she could do for him. She was able to ascertain that there is nothing structurally wrong with either eye, including the intraocular pressure in both of them.

We need to wait to see the biopsy results tomorrow. In the interim, she’s added Clavamox to regimen, since he improved on that before. We’re also giving Benedryl, because that’s one of the initial treatments for some of the cancers he could have, as well as the now unlikely diagnosis of allergies. The most likely culprit now is cutaneous lymphoma, a rare form that causes tumors on the skin. Mast cell tumors are also possible.

When we left, I saw what Andy was saying about his blindness. He had difficulty finding the edge of doorway out of the hospital, and when he tried walking down the stairs to the parking lot, he stumbled as if he couldn’t see where he was putting his feet. He caught himself before I had to, so it seemed more like a vision thing than a balance thing. I saw a similar lack of coordination when he took the stairs back into the house.

Now we wait. Gus is sleeping next to me, pulling air a little laboriously through a stuffy nose. The biopsy results hang out there in the dark, creeping closer, and I dread them as much as I can’t wait for them.


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

Yay. I'm scared. I want to know but I don't want to lose my hope. I imagine it's the same for you, only a thousandfold.


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

****. You posted the update while I was responding to what you had posted before.

I want to cry now.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Tippykayak*

Tippykayak:

Praying and Praying for Gus and you.
Whatever the results, I think you will be glad the waiting for them is over.


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

Sending prayers to you and Gus. I will be checking tomorrow for the results of the tests.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

I was so hoping you didn't mention cutaneous lymphoma. If you were at NHC, from your description, I know each step Gus took with problems. I've walked up those steps and through those doors many times.


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## Tailer'sFolks (Feb 27, 2007)

Gus n Family We are Praying for You...Fingers Crossed for results tomorrow...


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

I can't tell if I'm more scared of a diagnosis of nasty Lymphoma or non-specific findings in a dog who continues to mysteriously degenerate. What's worse? To know it's bad? Or to not know but have total recovery be possible?

OK, when I phrased it that way, I realized I preferred any chance of total recovery. Question answered.


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

I am hoping and praying for Gus. Have they ruled out anythig neurological? Sorry to bring it up. Hugs to you all.


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

Brian, my heart goes out to you as you wait for a diagnosis. In your shoes, I would want to know something definitive and not be left with the "we don't know" scenario. Everything is crossed here that whatever is ailing Gus is fixable and that some genius diagnostician will have the answer tomorrow. Breathe, remember to breathe.


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## Heidi36oh (Feb 27, 2007)

Gosh don't know what to say, but wanted to send thoughts and prayers for Gus. Hope the wait is soon over for the diagnosis.


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## 3SweetGoldens (Feb 28, 2007)

I have just completely read your heartbreaking thread on Gus. He is so beautiful, and is so loved by many people. He reminds me so much of my Brody, who will be 6 in February. So full of energy and a love of life. I will be praying that the outcome of all this will be treatable...and your precious boy will be healthy once again. I remember waiting with the results for my Jake, who was also six. He had Lymphoma....and I am praying this won't be the results for your Gus.


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

I am praying that some good news comes out from the test results tomorrow. The waiting is so hard and so many things go thru your mind. Hopefully it will be something that can be treated and he can be out enjoying life again like in the pictures you posted.

I know when Beau started losing some of his sight, he started to be more cautious in stepping and walking. ((((HUGS))))


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

I just put Gus on his bed for the night, and I'm waiting for Andy to take Comet out and clean up. Gus is definitely almost blind right now. I waved a tennis ball (his favorite thing in the whole wide world) a couple feet in front of his face, and he didn't even try to track it with his eyes. If I bounce it on the ground, his ears perk up at the familiar, fun noise, but it seems pretty clear he couldn't see the ball at all.

When we came back up the stairs after his last time out for the night, he lifted his paws higher than he needed to so he could find each stair, and he missed a few times.

Two days ago, he caught snowballs from the air. Today, he's almost completely blind. And we don't even know what's killing him.


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## Cam's Mom (Apr 13, 2007)

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. Will be thinking of you all tomorrow and hoping above hope for a good outcome. Hugs for Gus...6 is way, way too young for all this stuff to be happening to him.

Good luck tomorrow!


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## Ardeagold (Feb 26, 2007)

I've read through most of the posts, but didn't see anything about Puppy Strangles...or Juvenile Cellulitis (same thing, different names). It's usually seen in young puppies...but it has RARELY been seen in adults as well. Vets don't expect it in an older dog so don't even consider it, however there is a 4 year old Poodle that was reported to have had it.

A friend's 2 year old Newf recently had this...and it IS an immune mediated skin response, but is not an auto-immune disease. He was treated with antibiotics (for the skin infection) and high doses of Prednisone (which is the normal treatment), which, of course, caused him to lose muscle mass (he lost 26 lbs in 3 weeks), but he pulled through and has rebuilt that mass, and regained all the weight....and is healthy again.

The swollen lymph nodes...the rash...all occur with Puppy Strangles. If it DOES (by chance) happen to be Puppy Strangles, the corticosteriods (Pred) is what "cures" it (well...suppresses the immune reaction that's causing the problems).



> Golden retrievers, daschunds, and gordon setters appear to be predisposed


https://www.vetconnect.com.au/5min/data/09920993.htm

http://www.petmd.com/dog/conditions/skin/c_dg_puppy_strangles

Also...Lupus and a Herpes Infection might be something to look into, if it hasn't been already.

My best wishes go out to you and Gus. I'm so sorry you're going through this.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

I wrote a whole long post and lost it. Tears are openly running down my face and onto the computer keyboard and into my coffee. Ardeagold's post is like a life-raft, and I pray the tests come back negative for cutaneous lymphoma and maybe Gus can go to Tufts and they will have him well by sunrise tomorrow. And then I see that train of thought, and the protest/denial, and I can't imagine how it is Brian will find the heroics to go and teach English classes to teenagers today. How can this be? How can this be? Gus is only SIX, Brian keeps him trim and radiant like Rhonda H and the cancer research says is so essential, Gus gets ultra-regular vet care and there is no genetic history of cancer. Finn and Gus' mom is turning 13 and their dad just passed Master Hunter at the National Specialty at 8 turning 9. I remember our living room with puppy"intelligence toys" eveywhere, and Gus' wonder at puddles and the choo choo sound of the commuter train the first time he heard it. Gus was never a puppy to hide or worry at firsts and strange noises, he is a breeze-sniffer and a tail wagger. How can this be? Just talked to you, Brian, on the phone. I am so sorry and sorrowful about Gus.


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## LibertyME (Jan 6, 2007)

prayers for you and your Gus....illness in a vibrant 6 year old just is not fair.....


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Big Prayers*

Big Prayers for Gus and you today!
Please know that we are ALL PULLING for Gus!!


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## hotel4dogs (Sep 29, 2008)

You and Gus are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope they find something real fast, and that it's something that can be treated.


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

Thinking about Gus all day today...


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## Tanyac (Jun 18, 2008)

I'm so sorry for what you are going through with Gus at the moment, and I am praying hard that they come back to you with a firm diagnosis today. I'm praying even harder that when that diagnosis comes that Gus can be made well again. This is going to make today a really long day for us all... you are in my thoughts and prayers... 

There aren't many words any of us can say I know which really take the pain and upset from your heart at this time, just know that you are not alone.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Ardeagold said:


> I've read through most of the posts, but didn't see anything about Puppy Strangles...or Juvenile Cellulitis (same thing, different names).
> 
> Also...Lupus and a Herpes Infection might be something to look into, if it hasn't been already.
> 
> My best wishes go out to you and Gus. I'm so sorry you're going through this.


Hey, thanks for all your suggestions. The weird thing is that the lesions on his body fit none of the normal criteria for Lupus, Blastomycosis (wrong area anyway), hives, or even the cutaneous Lymphoma tumors that they probably are. I wasn't aware that canine herpes could lead to these symptoms, but I'll look into it.

I hadn't heard of Puppy Strangles. His lesions don't seem consistent with the description though: they're scattered across his trunk and the top of his head in focal groups. They're slightly inflamed, but none of them have burst or wept, and they're firm enough that they don't seem like they will. So they're not sores, really.

I should know later today if the lymph nodes and/or lesions are cancerous, and the lymph biopsy they took should rule fungal agents out as well as lymphoma.

If everything on our list is ruled out, then I'm not 100% sure where we go from there.


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## moverking (Feb 26, 2007)

I have no eloquent words for you this morning, I know your heart is breaking watching your boy fail...with no answers within reach. 
I hope with all my heart that today gives the answers both you and the vets need to make Gus well. 
He's a gorgeous boy and your love for him is tangible to all of us.
Stay strong.


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## Fozzybear (Feb 27, 2008)

I just read thru all these post that outline the terrible ordeal that you and Gus are going thru. I hope and pray that the results come back today and offer you hope for a quick cure to his problems. Prayers for you and Gus.


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## Blaireli (Jun 3, 2008)

Brian, we're sending lots of hugs and praying with everything we have that a diagnosis will be made soon and Gus can start to improve. Lots of love.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

I don't have the biopsy results yet. I've called the vet once an hour this morning, and the tech gave me a little 'tude last time. I said, "I'm sorry, but my dog is degenerating quickly and went blind yesterday, so you'll have to pardon me if my need to know the results of his biopsy is becoming annoying." That shut her up right quick.

Just a brief update, though: I leave early, so Andy does the first trip outside with the dogs later in the morning. He had to carry Gus down the stairs because the poor guy couldn't see well enough to do it this time. Gus got back up the stairs himself, but only because Andy tapped each stair so he could hear it. So that symptom seems a little worse. Everything else looks stable.

Comet seems to have figured out that something is wrong with Gus. He keeps "visiting" him wherever he's lying. He lays a toy on the couch next to Gus and then grabs it and sprints away, to see if Gus will get up. Sometimes he just goes over and touches his nose to Gus's face. He's been surprisingly sober around Gus since last night. I don't know if he's just picking up our vibes or if he knows something we don't about Gus's health.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

PS - Thanks everyone so much for your kind words, prayers, and thoughts. I'm sitting at work between classes, totally unable to grade my backlog of papers, and your support and advice as been a wonderful source of comfort. News soon.


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

Brian, still keeping everything crossed here that you get an answer today. Just a total shot in the dark, but Gus hasn't been on any sulpha-based medication recently, has he? I don't even remember what my angel Cody was on one for, but he developed corneal ulcers and almost went permanently blind, as well as he had odd lumps. It took giving him drops eleven times a day and massive doses of pred to save his sight and his life. I'm just thinking out loud here....and hoping for an answer for Gus.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Finn's Fan said:


> Brian, still keeping everything crossed here that you get an answer today. Just a total shot in the dark, but Gus hasn't been on any sulpha-based medication recently, has he? I don't even remember what my angel Cody was on one for, but he developed corneal ulcers and almost went permanently blind, as well as he had odd lumps. It took giving him drops eleven times a day and massive doses of pred to save his sight and his life. I'm just thinking out loud here....and hoping for an answer for Gus.


Nah, he wasn't on meds at all. Totally healthy except for a persistent minor infection in his eye that caused his third eyelid to ride up a little. And we had cleared that up completely before this started.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

Could Gus have had a stroke, Brian? My Cocker Spaniel lost part of her sight after having a stroke. Maybe the blindness is unrelated to whatever else is going on??? I'm close by. If you and Andy need to run an errand or something, let me know. I don't do well driving at night, but if I can help I'm not too far away. I'm sitting about 2 blocks away from the animal hospital right now.


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## daisydogmom (Feb 26, 2007)

I have been checking in on this thread over and over again... Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and Gus.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Brian and Gus*

Brian and Gus:

Praying for you.


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## Brinkleysmom (Dec 17, 2005)

I have been reading this thread from the onset and please know that you and Gus are in my prayers and thoughts. Lets hope the news is good today so that you can get some answers and go on from there. I have thought about Gus quite a bit since this thread started. I pray the news is good for you both.


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## jealous1 (Dec 7, 2007)

Checking in to see if there has been any results/updates yet--prayers coming for Gus from the crew down in Georgia.


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## McSwede (Jan 30, 2007)

Just checking in and want to convey that I am keeping Gus, and you in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully you will get the results of the biopsy today.

{{{Hugs}}} and Prayers

~Jackie


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## 3SweetGoldens (Feb 28, 2007)

Just checking in, and hoping by now you have some answers as to what is happening with your sweet Gus. I know how hard this wait is...and my thoughts and prayers are with you, for a positive outcome.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

I'm grasping at straws...blastomycosis. We are in CT though. Waiting for the results must be so hard for you.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Hi everyone,

I hate to have to say that Gus's biopsies came back positive for T-cell Lymphoma, a rare sort they've identified as "panniculitis-like." It's so rare, in fact, that it's basically unheard of in dogs, and there are about 1500 cases a year in humans.

We consulted with a veterinary oncologist after the biopsy came back, and while he's optimistic that chemo could hold back the lymphoma and give Gus a few months to a year before the symptoms relapse, it seems unlikely that Gus's sight could be restored.

Tonight, we've chosen to put him on prednisone to see if we can shrink the tumors and make him more comfortable, and if his sight returns, we will think about trying chemo.

All dogs are different, and Gus is only really himself in full speed or stretched out over the water, eyes on a tennis ball. He's only really happy when we go walk around the lake or play fetch. Watching him scared and nervous at every strange sound, unable to walk up stairs without coaxing, unable to walk down them at all, I know that making him hang on a few months, blind, just so he'll be sick again, isn't the right choice.

I wish I had better news to report back with. Thank you again for all the support, though. I'll let you guys know how the prednisone goes, and I'll update you all once we decide what to do.


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## Maggies mom (Jan 6, 2006)

Im sorry the news wasnt better, but will keep you and Gus in my prayers.


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## marieb (Mar 24, 2008)

I'm sorry to hear the news, I've been following the thread but I haven't posted anything yet. Your family will be in my thoughts ...


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

I hope Gus has a miracle reaction to the prednisone tonight so he can see his beloved tennis ball in the morning. If not, it comforts me to know that Gus has made the most of his every, every day. Thanks for the dance, Gus. You made me laugh so many times. In the photo below, it was 15 degrees out tops, and Brain and Andy and I were freezing. Not Gus- he wanted to taste the wind as long as possible. This poem was the salute to veterans in the golden retriever news, and it befits Gus, especially that haunting &poigant photo Brian took of him in the Chasing Light thread. I hope he dances many more days, but if he cannot stay, no regrets because he has had such fun.

Sunsets

There are sunsets who whisper a good-by.
It is a short dusk and a way for stars.
Prairie and sea-rim they go level and even
And the sleep is easy.

There are sunsets that dance good-by.
They fling scarves half to the arc,
To the arc then and over the arc.
Ribbons at the ears, sashes at the hips,
Dancing,dancing good-by. And here sleep
Tosses a little with dreams.Carl Sandburg


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

I am heartbroken for you, I am so sorry. And now you have a long road that I hope we can help you with. You are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

I am so sorry. I had wished for better news. Give Gus a hug for me.


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## Old Gold Mum2001 (Feb 25, 2007)

So sorry to hear the news, you are both in our thoughts and prayers

((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

I stumbled across this poem a couple of years ago, and I've always thought it was beautiful. It's where I got that idea of "stay" and our powerlessness to call it to our dogs in these situations. The image of a sweet old dog who was never good at staying put, allowed to get it wrong on his last day...well it stuck with me.


A Dog's Life
by Daniel Groves

A stay of execution: one last day,
your day, old Everydog, then, as they say,
or as we say (a new trick to avoid
finalities implicit in destroyed ),
you have to be _put down_, or _put to sleep_—
the very dog who, once, would fight to keep
from putting down, despite our shouts, a shoe
until he gnawed it to the sole, and who
would sit up, through our sleepless nights, to bark
away some menace looming in the dark.

Can you pick up a sense of all this talk?
Or do you still just listen for a _walk_,
or else, the ultimate reward, a _car_?—
My God, tomorrow's ride . . . Well, here we are,
right now. You stare at me and wag your tail.
I stare back, dog-like, big and dumb. Words fail.
No more commands, ignore my monologue,
go wander off. Good dog. You're a good dog.
And you could never master, anyway,
the execution, as it were, of _Stay_.


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

Brian and Andy, my heart breaks to hear this diagnosis and prognosis for your Gus. I hope the pred will give you some quality time in which to make more memories....


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## Pointgold (Jun 6, 2007)

I am sorry to hear this.

I have two very good friends, both breeders, who had dogs diagnosed with very aggressive cancers. Both used Dr. Oglivie's Cancer Starving Diet, and their dogs did quite well, to the surprise of their vets.

Dr. Oglivie DVM has done research at Colorado State University on a *cancer starving diet. *You can read Dr. Ogilvie's paper, Nutrition and Cancer, or see an article about his research with information on homemade diets, Nutrition for Dogs with Cancer (see updated diets under Cancer Diet). See the article entitled Total Cancer Management in Small Animals for some good information on diet, supplements and alternative treatments for cancer. 

You are in my thoughts.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Brian*

Brian:

Sorry the news isn't what we all were hoping for, but I'm sure your just taking it one day at a time with Gus and trying the prednisone is the best right now.

I'm sure Gus feels good just being by your side.

Keep us posted.


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

How long on the prednisone before you know if Gus's sight will or won't return?

Brian, I have nothing but total respect for where you are right now. I love your poem. It's very comforting, isn't it? Strangely enough. I'm just so sad but at the same time I know Gus is exactly where he needs and wants to be and I know you will find your peace.

You're a good person, Brian. And Gus is a great dog. I just want you to know I know that


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Jo Ellen said:


> How long on the prednisone before you know if Gus's sight will or won't return?
> 
> Brian, I have nothing but total respect for where you are right now. I love your poem. It's very comforting, isn't it? Strangely enough. I'm just so sad but at the same time I know Gus is exactly where he needs and wants to be and I know you will find your peace.
> 
> You're a good person, Brian. And Gus is a great dog. I just want you to know I know that


Wow...I'm continually speechless at the kind things you guys (and especially Jo Ellen this time) have to say.

And you're right, there is some strange comfort in reading a poem about our stewardship of our dogs' lives.

As far as prednisone, we'll know in less than 48 hours whether there's any chance of getting Gus's sight back. Our best hope is that a lesion in his sinuses or back there behind his eyes is exerting some pressure on the nerve, and as the lesion shrinks, his sight would return.

That's very unlikely, though. Blindness associated with lymphoma, according to the oncologist, is typically because the lymphoma has infiltrated the nerves. In that case, sight could possibly return after months on chemo has suppressed the cancer and the nerve has had a chance to regenerate. Gus is unlikely to survive that long even if we do go the most aggressive route, which I don't think we'll do if he's blind.

So yeah...it's a long shot hope. The prednisone is really more about making him comfortable while we arrange to send him off properly.


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## Cam's Mom (Apr 13, 2007)

Brian and Andrew, I'm truly sorry to hear Gus's diagnosis. I know you were both partly prepared, but it's a true blow when they tell you all the same. 

You're all in my thoughts.


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

Thinking of you guys, wish I could do something.


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

I am so, so sorry to read this. Know that our house is praying for you and Gus. Prednisone can work wonders as we are witnessing with our dil with a pituitary lesion/swelling. I'm hoping that Gus gets the same good results and has more quality time with you. I admire your manner of dealing with this... please give sweet Gus some ear rubs and hugs from his pals in Dallas.


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## hotel4dogs (Sep 29, 2008)

I have no words to add to what everyone else has said because others have said it so eloquently. My heart breaks for you and for Gus.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Pointgold said:


> I am sorry to hear this.
> 
> I have two very good friends, both breeders, who had dogs diagnosed with very aggressive cancers. Both used Dr. Oglivie's Cancer Starving Diet, and their dogs did quite well, to the surprise of their vets.
> 
> ...


Laura,

Thanks so much for sharing your research. If Gus's sight comes back and we decide to treat things aggressively, we'll probably incorporate many of these dietary suggestions. It can't hurt to supplement the medicine with a diet like this.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

This used to be my signature. I found it after I lost my Cocker Spaniel. She lived with us until she was 17 and I still was not ready to let her go. I had to. I didn't want to. I had to...

*Fragile Circle*​ 
"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan." 

Irving Townsend.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

Brian and Andy, I am so very sorry to hear Gus's diagnosis. Gus knows he is well loved and trusts you to do right by him. I hope the pred gives you alittle quality time together. My heart breaks for you, alot of us here have been there. And we are here for you too.


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## Fozzybear (Feb 27, 2008)

I am so very sorry to hear this news. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope the Prednisone gives you and Gus the relief you seek and deserve. Once again I am so very sorry.


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## magiclover (Apr 22, 2008)

I am so sorry to hear of Gus's diagnosis. I pray that the prednisone helps him to feel comfortable soon and help him feel more like himself. Bless him and you both.


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## Tailer'sFolks (Feb 27, 2007)

I'm so sorry for this news...You will do everything that's right for Gus. Please give him an extra Hug n Ear woffle from Us. Prayers for Peace heading Your way.


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## Heidi36oh (Feb 27, 2007)

So sorry to hear the news, you are both in our thoughts and prayers


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

I was hoping that you would get better news. I am sorry that it's not. He is lucky to have had such a wonderful life with you and Andy. Whatever the outcome, please know you have given him so much in life, as much as he has given you.


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## Hudson (May 18, 2005)

So very sorry to read of your beautiful Gus' diagnosis, thinging of you all.
Gus knows you will do whatever you feel is right for him, meanwhile hope the meds give him some quality time.
Prayers and best wishes from the oceans and extra big hugs to your dear boy Gus.


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

Brian, you have a really wonderful website. I spent some time this evening browsing through your stories and your pictures. I'm far from done, I bookmarked it. Very nice


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Jo Ellen said:


> Brian, you have a really wonderful website. I spent some time this evening browsing through your stories and your pictures. I'm far from done, I bookmarked it. Very nice


Thanks. 

I've been writing all those entries simply because I realized how much I liked to take pictures of the dogs and how much I enjoyed the opportunity to reflect on what it was I found so spiritual and fulfilling about spending time with my boys. I never thought it would turn into a repository for memories of Gus, but it has been that too.

More than once during this ordeal, I've gone back to an old picture or moment in time to remember Gus how he really is, all handsome and sweet and goofy, not just how he's been this past month.

Case in point from 3/27/07: 

I was congratulating myself for snapping a picture of Gus that makes him look handsome and distinguished. He's getting older, four now, and the white fur is starting to come in around his eyes and muzzle. He's also got that wonderfully pensive look that's characteristic of some Goldens, but tends to disappear when you actually move to take the picture, since any motion on the part of the master results in the hopeful, ears-perked, is-there-some-chance-the-sun-will-come-back-out-even-though-it's-after-10PM-and-we'll-go-and-play-fetch-at-the park-oh-god-oh-please-if-I-just-want-it-bad-enough-can't-it-happen? look.

Anyhow, as I was busy congratulating myself on taking such a nice picture,I realized that the reason Gus looks so wonderfully pensive and introspective is that he has stuck his tongue into his nose to clean it. Introspective indeed.


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

I am so sorry that the news wasnt better with Gus. Know that no matter what decision or time you have with Gus, he knows he is loved and you will take the best of care with him. You wll be going thru some times but the love wont ever change. We are here for you and hope you will get some good results with the prednisone and have a long quality time with him. He is a handsome boy.


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## Ardeagold (Feb 26, 2007)

I also want to add my condolences regarding Gus' diagnosis. I'm so sorry that the news wasn't better. 

Hopefully, the Pred will make him feel better again, so you will have some other options for treatment. 

Sending lots of healing thoughts Gus' way.


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## HovawartMom (Aug 10, 2006)

I'm so sorry to hear the result of the biopsy!!.
You and yr boys are in my thoughts and prayers!.
Know that we are,here, for you!.Hugs,Laurie


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## Powderpuff (Dec 30, 2007)

I'm so sorry you, your family and Gus are having to go through this.

Lots of positive thoughts coming to you all from the UK.

Gordon


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

> You wll be going thru some times but the love wont ever change.


Beautiful, true.


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## Hudson (May 18, 2005)

Started reading your website tonight also,it is wonderful. Again thinking of your family and Gus, hope the medication will help. Best Wishes and positive thoughts for your handsome Gus.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

Hudson said:


> Started reading your website tonight also,it is wonderful. Again thinking of your family and Gus, hope the medication will help. Best Wishes and positive thoughts for your handsome Gus.


More early morning tears here, so I went back in your website archives and reread Comet's First day, especially about the start of a beautiful friendhip between Comet and Andy. Then I read through all Gus' fun times,ways, and days. I think you should eventually turn it into a book!


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## Blaireli (Jun 3, 2008)

Lots of prayers and love being sent this morning. I am so sorry to hear about Gus' diagnosis. If you haven't already, check your pm's.


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

Warm thoughts and prayers for Gus, you and Andy this am. So hope the pred is a miracle worker. Your site is amazing..... what a beautiful chronicle of your life together. I would def vote for a book coming from it.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

I am truly so very sorry for the diagnosis. Gus is a beautiful boy who has lived life with tremendous joy. I read through some of your website, your writing is captivating, your love and enjoyment of Gus and Comet a tangible thing. I sincerely hope the medication helps and he has good and happy days with you for a long time. But if not, and you have to say goodbye, Gus will always be right there in your minds eye, flying across the fileds in pursuit of happiness. The memories you've created with him are precious. An inspiration.


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## Blaireli (Jun 3, 2008)

Brian,

My sister just called me at work to see if I had heard any updates on Gus. She asked me to please pass along her sympathy about his diagnosis. Her Golden Retriever Cocker Spaniel mix, Harley, had T-cell Lymphoma and passed away almost two years ago. She said, through tears, that unfortunately there was nothing that anybody could have done for Gus because his case presented so uniquely and so advanced. She said that what she would do would also be to wait on the chemo decision until you see what result you get regarding the blindness with the steroids. 

I know that this might sound odd to you, and I hope you don't think that I'm crazy, but...getting to know you and learning about Gus' case kind of reminds me of the story of The Velveteen Rabbit. Have you ever read that story? It reminds me of when the fairy tells the rabbit that when the things that children have loved are older and worn out, she takes them with her and turns them into Real. The rabbit asks her, "Wasn't I Real before?" And she says something to the effect of, "You were Real to the boy because he loved you. Now you shall be Real to every one." 

Thank you for making Gus real to me. Thank you for loving him and giving him such a wonderful life. 

If there is anything I can do, let me know.

Blair


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

*Update:*

I'm at work, but Andy is with Gus, and he says Gus is a little more active this morning and there may have been a little shrinking of the lymph nodes. He's still fully blind though.

After work, I plan to spoil Gus royally. Then we'll wait another day to see of the prednisone works any magic. I have no false hope that this will restore Gus's sight, but he should continue to improve in other ways so we can make sure he's comfortable and happy as possible.


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## MyBaileyGirl (Jun 11, 2008)

So sorry to hear the news  Hugs to you and Gus, and your family from Bailey and I. You'll be in my prayers.


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

Blaireli said:


> getting to know you and learning about Gus' case kind of reminds me of the story of The Velveteen Rabbit. Have you ever read that story? It reminds me of when the fairy tells the rabbit that when the things that children have loved are older and worn out, she takes them with her and turns them into Real. The rabbit asks her, "Wasn't I Real before?" And she says something to the effect of, "You were Real to the boy because he loved you. Now you shall be Real to every one."
> 
> Thank you for making Gus real to me. Blair


I've never read that story but I can see so well how it fits here. Gus feels real to me now too.


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## nixietink (Apr 3, 2008)

Oh gosh...Brian, I am so sorry to hear about Gus' diagnosis. What a hard thing to go through for you and poor Gus. You are both in my thoughts and prayers. I will be checking very often for updates and I hope the pred helps Gus out. Once again...I am just so sad to hear this. Give Gus a big hug from me and Vito.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

tippykayak said:


> I'm at work, but Andy is with Gus, and he says Gus is a little more active this morning and there may have been a little shrinking of the lymph nodes. He's still fully blind though.
> 
> After work, I plan to spoil Gus royally. Then we'll wait another day to see of the prednisone works any magic. I have no false hope that this will restore Gus's sight, but he should continue to improve in other ways so we can make sure he's comfortable and happy as possible.


I'm sure improvement will take time. I'm glad to hear he is showing a little improvement so quickly. Prednisone is one of those drugs that can do wonders when needed, but comes with it's own issues. Issues that are worth taking if they can bring quality to a life for even a short time.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

May the gentle mountains and the bells of the flocks
Remind us of everything we have lost,
For we have seen on our way and fallen in love
With the world that will pass in a twinkling.

~ Czeslaw Milosz ~


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

I had forgotten how much I loved this poem until it popped into my head today and I looked it back up:

"To an Athlete, Dying Young"
A. E. Housman

The time you won your town the race 
We chaired you through the market-place; 
Man and boy stood cheering by, 
And home we brought you shoulder-high. 

To-day, the road all runners come, 
Shoulder-high we bring you home, 
And set you at your threshold down, 
Townsman of a stiller town. 

Smart lad, to slip betimes away 
From fields where glory does not stay, 
And early though the laurel grows 
It withers quicker than the rose. 

Eyes the shady night has shut 
Cannot see the record cut, 
And silence sounds no worse than cheers	
After earth has stopped the ears: 

Now you will not swell the rout 
Of lads that wore their honours out, 
Runners whom renown outran 
And the name died before the man. 

So set, before its echoes fade, 
The fleet foot on the sill of shade, 
And hold to the low lintel up 
The still-defended challenge-cup. 

And round that early-laurelled head 
Will flock to gaze the strengthless dead, 
And find unwithered on its curls 
The garland briefer than a girl's.


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## moverking (Feb 26, 2007)

Stop, you're making me cry harder. I spent part of the morning yesterday searching for a 'right' poem to post for you, a poem of hope, that I liked...none of the words seemed right and most of the prose and poetry were about end of life, the end of hope.

You and Gus are not there yet...

Go home, wrap your arms around your boy, and be together...for and because of each other. 

You're both in my heart.


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## Meggie'sMom (Dec 24, 2007)

I'm so, so sorry for Gus' diagnosis. There are no words to heal hurt like this, just know that we are thinking of you. Kisses for sweet Gus.


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## marieb (Mar 24, 2008)

That is a beautiful poem, we discussed it in one of my college classes a few years ago and I loved it. I'm so sorry again to hear the news about Gus ...


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## ohdish! (Nov 22, 2008)

Winging my thoughts, prayers, and wishes your way. Gus is a brave and radiant soul... how many have been touched by your love for one another.

Hoping for a miracle.


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## Hudson (May 18, 2005)

mylissyk said:


> I am truly so very sorry for the diagnosis. Gus is a beautiful boy who has lived life with tremendous joy. I read through some of your website, your writing is captivating, your love and enjoyment of Gus and Comet a tangible thing. I sincerely hope the medication helps and he has good and happy days with you for a long time. But if not, and you have to say goodbye, Gus will always be right there in your minds eye, flying across the fileds in pursuit of happiness. The memories you've created with him are precious. An inspiration.


So well expressed, we all are glad to know Gus thru your amazing website and so many prayers and well wishes are sent to you and Gus right now, wishing for miracles.


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## 3SweetGoldens (Feb 28, 2007)

I as well, am so sorry to hear about Gus. He has such a beautiful soul....and the love between all of you is truly inspiring. May he have many days left to share with you....and with all of us. Gentle hugs going out to all of you.


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## goldencontriever3 (Nov 7, 2008)

I am so sorry to hear about Gus. We will keep you all in our prayers.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

*Update:*

The prednisone hasn't really done anything for Gus yet, though it's too early for it to be working yet anyway. He's still blind, and he's still pretty darn unhappy. He seems to be showing a little more energy (less interested in sleeping all evening), but that might be because I've been feeding him little pieces of filet mignion, rubbed with sea salt and olive oil, and seared to medium rare.

It's pretty sweet to see him zero in on it with his sense of smell, and he certainly has an appetite for it, so that's good.

Of course, he's eating a $7 cut of meat, and we're eating Annie's Shells and Cheddar, so I'm not surprised that he likes it.


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

I can't read half of the posts here because I know that they will make me cry. I know most of what you are going through, and I dread having to go through it again in the future. But I will never give up having my goldens, because they bring on the emotions that we are all feeling while reading Gus' story......


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Brian*

Brian:

So glad that Gus was eating and enjoying his filet mignon. No sacrifice is too Great for our babies.
I am praying for a miracle for Gus.
I'm with you Fostermom, I will always have a Golden Retriever-they are so special.


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

Gus is eating filet mignon :bowl: 

I wondered how you might "spoil" him tonight. This is perfect.

I'm reading everything here and keeping up with all the updates and the posts. Just wanted you to know the two of you, and Andy, aren't far from my mind this evening. Or ever actually, lately :heartbeat


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## jenniferewright (Mar 19, 2008)

You and your baby are in our prayers!


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

How is Gus today, Brian? I was just thinking about him.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

Gus is also constantly in my thoughts. So glad he is being "spoiled" He so deserves it!!!
God bless you Brian and Andy. I know you are treasuring every moment.

As others have said, I can't imagine not having a golden in my life. When our Max died , my DH was so heartbroken he said he didn't think he could ever go through that again. I said, I cannot live without one. The joy and love they bring is so worth it, even though they have a shorter life span than humans. They are so valued, they are angels on earth.


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

Maybe they are our stewards too


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## Hudson (May 18, 2005)

Checking to see how Gus is doing, he is in my thoughts, glad he enjoyed his steak, lucky boy.Hugs


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

*Update:*

Hi all. We're on day three of Prednisone now, and Gus has perked up considerably. His lymph nodes are still swollen and he's still completely blind, but he's gotten a little energy back. This happened so fast that I don't think he's upset at all that he's blind. It seems like he thinks the lights went out and it's super dark, so while he's having a lot of trouble getting around, he doesn't seem particularly freaked out. Going down the back stairs has become kind of a game, and I tap the step and he puts his paws down to it, I praise him, and he wags his tail.

Still, one of his eyes is recessed and one is bulging, and neither works at all. These symptoms have not changed while on the Prednisone. There's almost no veterinary research into his type of lymphoma, but in humans it is extremely aggressive and hard to treat, so I think the oncologist's estimate of up to a year before relapse is optimistic.

I think these are Gus's last few days. I don't want to wait until the Prednisone stops being effective and he relapses. We're going to spend another day or two spoiling him, and then we're going to let him go while he's still benefiting from the Prednisone. I wish I could say something else, but after days of agonizing, I know in my heart this is what is best for Gus.

Tonight, he's shown interest in the new duck we got him. It's got a Santa hat. And he's really enjoying all the kinds of treats we got to spoil him with. Another filet tomorrow!

Here's a picture from an hour ago. He still wants to stay on the couch only, since he can't walk around without bumping into things, but at least he's alert and OK. I took a few dozen pictures and chose the one where he really looks like he's watching Andy show him treats and you can't tell how disfigured his eye is. I picked it because he actually looks like Gus again and I'd rather share that with everyone than a picture that shows his illness more.


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## Heidi36oh (Feb 27, 2007)

Gosh Brian, don't know what to say. I know you're doing the right thing, enjoy him as longest you can. It's so good to see him smiling in the pictures. Prayers are with you. Give Gus a big hug.


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

My heart is breaking for you Brian. I am so sorry. Hugs to Gus.


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## McSwede (Jan 30, 2007)

I wish I knew what to say. I wish I could wish away the lymphoma that your dear Gus is stricken with. I'm so very, very sorry.

Gus looks beautiful in that photo.

The three of you are in my thoughts.

~Jackie


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

Brian, having spent a good few hours in tears missing my Cody (who died July 2005), I so wanted to hear that Gus was doing better, that you had hope, but I guess that's not to be. May you treasure each moment of the next few days, may Gus be spoiled beyond belief, and may you have the strength to see him on his way when you determine it's time. Smooches to your lovely pooch....go softly, Gus, my Codes will greet you and show you the best running spots at the Bridge........


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## Hudson (May 18, 2005)

Thru tears I have read your thoughts on dear Gus' future . He looks so happy and peaceful in the photo, it is beautiful.
I know it is with great love and devotion that when you feel the time is right you will help Gus take his journey to join our lost furry companions.
What a wonderful gift you will be giving Gus making his parting easier and his suffering will be gone. It is the greatest gift of love we can give them. So very, very sorry Gus' prognosis has turned out this way.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

Things will never be the same again, and thank you for letting me share my tears with yours and Andy's. I sent my Stevie Glidden Fund donation this year for Gus&you..


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.


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## mainegirl (May 2, 2005)

I am so amazed at our goldens. they are such gentle giants, so loving and so simple in their needs or wants. they just want a comfortable couch, a piece of filet, a stuffed duck, a constant pat for their head. they accept most of whatever comes their way with their beautiful brown all knowing eyes. how much they must know of what is important in life and what will happen after life. they have a secret to happiness that i wish humans could grasp. we rant and rail and scream at how unfair or entitled or important something is. we fight and fight and fight (with each other and against "things") and they accept and sniff butts. (lol). i think that golden owners (more like leasers) should learn so much from this gift from God. Forget the "I learned it all in kindergarten" and we should write a book "I learned all I needed to know from my golden retriever". 
I'm so sorry that this has to be, but Gus knows love and kindness and your passionate concern for him. He knows that if he needs someone to fight for him he has it. Enjoy, even though bitterly painful, the time you have with him. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
beth, moose and angel


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## Tanyac (Jun 18, 2008)

I love that picture of Gus, thank you so much for sharing it with us, it's very special indeed!!

I feel so sad that you are having to go through this at this time, I wish I had somewhere like this to go when I was going through the same thing with Spud my old Retriever, and I hope your friends here will give you strength and comfort in the coming days and months.

We know we have to make the hardest decisions at times like these, and I know you will make the decision which is best for Gus, and you. My thoughts and prayers are with you..


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

Leave it to Gus to come down with something mostly human, huh?

I don't know you, Brian, but through your posts and your pictures and your website, I really do believe Gus's life couldn't be in better hands. I am so thankful for that because he really is such a great dog. His life is an enormous gift, on so many levels.

:heartbeat


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

Many prayers and much love to all 3 of you. I am heartbroken for you.... I wish there were words to help ease the pain. I'm just so very, very sorry.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Jo Ellen said:


> Leave it to Gus to come down with something mostly human, huh?


I laughed and cried at the same time when I read this because it is so, so true. This is a dog who would greet visitors by talking to them, who could walk on his hind legs to look you in the face or to reach cookies, and who listened to whole conversations for one of the fifty words he knew.

Andy and I noticed about a year ago, that if we talked about taking the dogs somewhere and then decided we didn't have time, or the weather was about to turn, or any other of the million reasons we couldn't go, we'd hear this big sigh from the floor or from the other couch. The dog had somehow mastered the sarcastically loud, disappointed sigh.

A couple of times he did it when he couldn't possibly have understood any of the words. Logically, it must have been coincidence, but **** was his timing good.


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## Meggie'sMom (Dec 24, 2007)

Gus is gorgeous. Love him and spoil him. I'm sorry, but I am one of those who rants about the unfairness of it all -- how sweet, good natured, undemanding, loving dogs can be stricken senselessly with diseases that take them from us so quickly and when they are so young. I just can't accept it, it makes me so frustrated. 

Kisses and hugs to sweet Gus. Roo-roos from Meggie.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

God bless you Brian and soon your sweet Gus will lie wrapped in His arms. Spoil and love him as much as you can but of course it never feels like enough. Tears are flowing from reading your post. Bless you too for trusting your gut as to what is the best way for Gus and for saving his dignity.
You all continue in my thought and prayers.


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## moverking (Feb 26, 2007)

tippykayak said:


> The dog had somehow mastered the sarcastically loud, disappointed sigh.


This I can relate to....I have 2 'sighers'.
Body position while sighing is important too....chin on ground, elbows splayed, and one brow up.
How about Gus?


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Brian and Andy*

Brian and Andy:

GUS is one beautiful boy. I am praying for all three of you.

I admire your courage in doing what is BEST for Gus.

Ken and I had to put our two Samoyeds, Gizmo and Munchkin, to sleep, within 6 wks. of one another-we wouldn't let them suffer and they could not stand up, so they would have no quality of life. I take comfort knowing they are at the Rainbow Bridge together and that we will see them one day.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

Brian, there's no Saturday night for me tonight, and I keep tuning out of the chatter around the table to wonder about you and Gus, Comet, and Andy. I wish a miracle, nothing less will do.


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## Celeigh (Nov 29, 2007)

I'm so sorry to hear about Gus's illness. My heart (and tears) go out to you. You all are in my thoughts. You are doing the right thing. Keep those filets coming to sweet Gus!


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## stan and ollie (Apr 20, 2008)

I have had a hard time replying to this thread. I am so sorry to hear about Gus. That is such a wonderful picture you posted, he looks so happy, its is a keeper. I think of you and Gus, Comet and Andy often. I've looked at your website and you give your dogs a wonderful life. As too many of us have experienced, I've dealt with some sick dogs over the years, some have rallied and some have gone. I am hoping for a rally.


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

I am so sorry about Gus. Know that we are all here for you when the time comes and will cry with you. He is a very handsome and brave boy and that is a beautiful picture of him. Thank you for sharing it with us.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

I've been thinking of Gus all,all day; Matt and I talked about how dearly you love him for our whole Range Pond hike, just torn up about how youre all doing in CT. Love to everyone, especially to Captain Prettypants.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

Hope Gus is enjoying a fllet tonight. Dessert too.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Gus*

Checking in on Gus, Brian and Andy.
You are all in our thoughts, hearts and prayers!


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

Me too :heartbeat


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## Tailer'sFolks (Feb 27, 2007)

Thinking of You & Gus...


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## Augustus McCrae's Mom (Aug 14, 2007)

i'm so sorry about gus.


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## Heidi36oh (Feb 27, 2007)

Checking on Gus and you guy's.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

*Update:*

Gus just ate the most ridiculously big frosted cake thing Andy and I got him today at the fancypants pet store in Madison, CT. Tomorrow is his appointment. He's OK right now, but I know the timing is right. I really, really, really want to put this off, but that's the selfish part of me. You guys are so wonderfully supportive...I almost hate to put you all through this with us. But now that I've started, I feel equally bad _not_ letting you know.

I'm calling myself out of work tomorrow, and Andy and I will both spend every second of the day with him.

And then, all the aches will fade as he smells us close to him and hears our voices encouraging him, telling him he can finally rest and stop fighting...then his eyes will open, seeing again, and a tennis ball will sail out over his head. He'll spot it flying out ahead, and he'll run out to the end of the dock, and he'll stretch out over the water. He'll sail out and across and spend so long in that perfect moment of anticipation and joy and motion, that by the time he decides to splash down into the cool, clean water and grab that ball and turn around, I'll be waiting on the shore for him to bring it back to me.

I don't know what heaven is, and I don't hold any strong convictions about what it should be. But if there's any fairness, he's going there, and it'll be something like that.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

What an absolutely beautiful vision of what awaits Gus on the other side. 

I'm so sorry this is happening to him, to you. Big {{{{{{hugs}}}}}


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## Ardeagold (Feb 26, 2007)

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

You're being so unselfish to Gus ... not keeping him around, just for you. I commend you and your partner for being so loving and "doing right by Gus".

He'll always be with you, you'll see signs if you watch for them.

Hugs to all of you.


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## Powderpuff (Dec 30, 2007)

You are showing such strength and compassion for Gus, it's obvious how much you love him and I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.

My thoughts are with you both and Gus.


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## IloveGQ (Nov 15, 2008)

Im supposed to be sleeping - have to get up in like not even 3 hours but I started reading this thread earlier and I couldnt sleep - so I got up to read the rest

((cry))

I am so so sorry for Gus - My heart is on the floor........I just lost my dog one month ago - and one day he was fine doing kamazi jumps and then the next, I was unknowingly about to lose him - after I was tormented for 5 days with the surgery, the dreaded biopsy results, and then the hopes of having more time - and then not being there with him when he passed.....

I am so sorry for you because I know exactly how you feel right now - and I literally ache for you - just ache....

Im so glad you will get to be with Gus tomorrow and I hope you find the peace that Gus will with his passing....

My thoughts and prayers......


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## Hudson (May 18, 2005)

What strength and love you show to let Gus go to a place where he can be free to leap and fly...................The greatest gift of love.

The photo of him is amazing.Thinking of you both and your precious Gus if only we could change the outcome for you.


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## Jenny Wren (Feb 27, 2007)

What a beautiful vision of what Gus will be doing soon. He will be better for what you are doing, in some ways. 

I just so wish that you could keep him in the way we'd all like. But we all recognize the depth of your love for him and that what you are doing is the RIGHT thing. 

Why oh why does this happen to our beautiful pups? 

((((Hugs)))) to you all...


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

Beautiful Gus, I wish you great peace today. I held you in the palm of my hand when you were small, and it is unbearable to say this farewell when you should have many more years of playbows, lakes, and adventures with Brian. You will be in my heart all day, and forever. Chess, Joplin, Raleigh, and Cady will greet you with 10,000 yellow balls, as many as in your wildest dogdreams. Sweet dreams, lovely boy. Goodnight, sweet prince. Extra love to Comet, who will grieve in his own youngster's way.


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

Thank you, Brian, for thinking of us and for being so gentle. It hurts so much.


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## Maggies mom (Jan 6, 2006)

Im so sorry that you and Gus are going through this.... It is never easy letting a loved one go...


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## MyBaileyGirl (Jun 11, 2008)

Even though you don't know me-I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers today. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I really don't know what else to say, I know a lot of us have been in your position, losing a furry best friend too soon, and there's nothing that you really can say to take any pain away...It's just such a hard hard time. Many many hugs to you and Andy today. I am so sorry


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## Blaireli (Jun 3, 2008)

Brian, sending lots of love and prayers to you, Andy, Comet, and especially Gus today. I'm so sorry that there wasn't more that could be done. Thank you for sharing his story with us, and please know that we are all here for you if you need anything at all.


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## Powderpuff (Dec 30, 2007)

Thinking of you all from here in the UK this evening


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

Thinking of you and Gus today.....


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*May the guardian angels*

May Gus's, Brian's and Andy's Guardian Angels be with all of you today and Dear Gus, Godspeed Dear, Beautiful, Boy!!

Gus, you are SO LOVED!!

Gus: Please give Mimi, Munchkin and Gizmo a big, wet, sloppy, kiss for me!!!


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

Oh Brian, you are so brave and your love for Gus is so strong and true. So many of us have been where you are today and my heart breaks for you all. But you are right. Gus will be free and in his element.
This is a poem I wrote for my Max when he went to the Bridge, nearly ten years ago. Bless you guys.

Max
I see him.
Running free through the tall golden brush and cattails.
The azure sky and ball of fire sun shine down,
As his strong muscled body lopes unhindered across the field.

Smells catch his nose and draw him back.
A rabbit? A quail?
The russet coat gleams in the distance between the spikes of wheat.
No fence or arthritic hips to slow him down.
His eyesight is keen, his step is strong and sure.
He is in his element.

There,
The weather is always perfect,
Forever, plenty of birds to retrieve and rabbits to chase.
Waterholes, warm and clean for splashing and swimming.
And no dog ever tires or grows old.
He just plays and hunts til his master
Comes to meet him,
There.


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## 3SweetGoldens (Feb 28, 2007)

My heart just breaks for all of you today. What a totally unselfish, loving decision you have made for your beautiful boy Gus. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Go softly Gus......in the arms of those who all love you so much. God speed sweet boy.


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

Oh, my heart is breaking for you. Many warm hugs and prayers for all of you. I just don't have the words ...... Gus, Godspeed sweet boy.


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## Faith's mommy (Feb 26, 2007)

i'm so sorry for your loss, but what a wonderful life he had with you. i hope you are able to focus on the happy times you've had.


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## AcesWild (Nov 29, 2008)

I'm am so sorry to hear about this, I am so sorry I don't know if I can bear to read the whole story now. I will pray for Gus tonight. And make sure my grandfather the animal lover is there for him. He loves throwing tennis balls at the pearly gates for all the animals I imagine.


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## ohdish! (Nov 22, 2008)

My husband and I both had tears in our eyes today as we read your description of Gus, bounding determined and unfettered into the next world. Unfurl your wings and fly, sweet Gus. Fly higher and harder than ever.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

You are all in my thoughts and prayers...


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

No words, just sad


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Hi everyone,

At 5:30 today a beautiful light went out of this world. 

We rare-seared a filet mignon in a pan with bacon and chopped it all up together once it was cool. He ate that before we left and while we waited at the animal hospital, and he finished off the last of it right before they put the IV in. For a dog that was never that crazy about eating, he left the world with a _seriously_ full belly.

We sat on the floor with him and talked to him, and he passed with great dignity and gentleness. I was holding his head in my hands, and it got heavier and heavier, and then he was gone. I thought I would want to spend time alone with him once he had died, but it was odd: I didn't need to. He had so obviously left, leaving only a husk behind. 

This part is actually easy, compared to making the decision. I wish I could report a miracle instead, but as it is, I can say I knew a dog who lived enough life for ten dogs in his short time. It's smiles and tears in our house tonight as we remember the great moments we shared with him.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

There is something tremendous about the hush and profundity of seeing a dog out of this world who you have raised, nurtured, disciplined and adored since babyhood - the vast privilege of an entire being's life lived intimately with your life - Gus was your dog and you were his human. I am infinitely sorry for your loss and infinitely elated that Gus was yours.You belonged to Gus and with Gus and you always will.




tippykayak said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> At 5:30 today a beautiful light went out of this world.
> 
> ...


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## jlc's mom (Dec 21, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a great thing you did for your friend. RIP Gus.


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

Oh, I am so sorry Brian. I know you have peace in your decision if not outrage at the ugly cause. My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

Brian, 

I'd like to share this story with you. This is about your pain and your loss, not about son, but I have to share this with you. 

Christopher was a volunteer at New Haven Central and was asked to move a dog to another location. The dog had just been "freed" of his or her challenges in life. I remember Christopher saying that the dog was so beautiful and he was so moved by it that he just had to stroke the dog and say good-bye before he walked away. I'm sure if he was still there, he would have done the same for Gus. I'm sure there was someone who gently said good-bye to Gus after you left.


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

I am so sad that Gus is not here anymore, I really am. I cried this morning, I cried just a bit ago when I read your last post, Brian. 

It's such a beautiful sweet gift when we can see our dogs to the other side the way you did, Brian. I pray for that same opportunity with Daisy when it's her time. Not everyone gets that, for any number of reasons. ILoveGQ would be one of the first to step up here and tell us how much she wishes it could have gone this way for her and GQ.

You did something so precious this evening, Brian. Andy too. For yourselves and for Gus. It goes so far into the spiritual realm, it's next to impossible to talk about. So I'm not even going to try ... I'm just going to say that I recognize something really beautiful happened today in New Haven, CT between two wonderful people and their very special dog.


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## ggdenny (Nov 2, 2008)

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Gus was a sweet boy with great parents. Bless you.


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

Bless you and Andy for all the strength to get thru this and in the coming days. Whenever I hear the name Gus, I will think of him in that picture. When the time comes, I beleive that Hooch will be there to help throw some of those tennis balls off the dock for Gus till the day all of you can be together again. ((((HUGS to you and Andy)))


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## Heidi36oh (Feb 27, 2007)

I'm sorry for you're loss of Gus, h a beautiful boy. You done the right thing, bless you and Andy.

RIP Gus


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## magiclover (Apr 22, 2008)

RIP sweet Gus. God bless you all at this difficult time.


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## Tailer'sFolks (Feb 27, 2007)

I'm sorry for your loss...I'm glad I got to meet Gus through here...Handsome Guy...Rest in Peace...


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## Fozzybear (Feb 27, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## IloveGQ (Nov 15, 2008)

Jo Ellen said:


> It's such a beautiful sweet gift when we can see our dogs to the other side the way you did, Brian. I pray for that same opportunity with Daisy when it's her time. Not everyone gets that, for any number of reasons. ILoveGQ would be one of the first to step up here and tell us how much she wishes it could have gone this way for her and GQ.


Yep, Ive been a MESS reading this thread - I feel the pain for you guys, like it is my own.......as much of a burn as it is for me to have G die the same morning I was going to pick him from the hospital, alone, and without me; I am so relieved that you were able to send Gus off - holding his head until it got heavier.....because he could not have been more at peace with his head in your lap - 

It was how it was supposed to be for Gus - and I will be thinking of you guys for a while - 

((hugs))


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

*Blog Entry*

Hi all,

I collected all the updates from the last week and some old and recent pictures of Gus and wrote a little sendoff for him here. If this thread depresses you, don't click on the link. 

If, however, you are interested in the story of Gus, I've told as best as I can on that blog, despite the fact that it's quite difficult to write about something that carries you away with it each time you try. Nonetheless, I've tried to honor him as he's honored me.

I won't have any more updates to post on this tread—no more medical mysteries for Gus, but I so appreciate how wonderful everyone has been, and we're touched by your support and the depth with which you have cared about Gus, whom you know only from pictures and stories. I smile every time I think about all the people he has touched, both with his nose, back when it was cold and wet, and with his vibrancy that bleeds through stories about him and photos of him.

Anyway, thank you, thank you, thank you...


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## Hudson (May 18, 2005)

My deepest sympathy to you both, I hope you find peace knowing your boy is happy and running free now. Gus was so loved.

I'm sure Hooch has a new job in heaven and is in bliss playing with our beautiful departed goldens. I will read Gus' send off later in a quite moment.

RIP Beautiful boy


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

Brian, thinking of you and Andy this morning, wishing all condolences and comforts.


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## Blaireli (Jun 3, 2008)

Lots of hugs this morning. Your posting on your website was beautiful.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Brian and Andy*

Brian and Andy:

You showed your love for Gus, by not letting him suffer.
My Hubby and I made a promise to our dogs long ago that we would never let them go through the suffering is there was no hope, or little quality of life.

I will Gus's story when I get home, lest I be a blubbering idiot in the office!!


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## Meggie'sMom (Dec 24, 2007)

I wish for you the kind of peace you wish for Gus as he sails out over that lake. God Speed Gus. You were a great dog.


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## Tanyac (Jun 18, 2008)

Hello,

I am is Tanyac's husband and fellow Goldie Lover, i rarely go on the forum, but Tanya showed me your comment and it brought back memories of when we had Spud put to sleep a few years ago and boy do i agree with your sentiments. Much is given for little in return by these wonderful creatures and it breaks your heart when such a force for good is taken away. All I can say is that he thought of spud now makes me smile where it used to make me sad.

keep strong


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

Hi Brian, I've been thinking about good dog Gus constantly. I hope you, Andy, and Comet are holding each other close. Sorry, so very sorry, about Gus.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Hi guys,

We're OK. Comet's been enjoying the snow and bugging us constantly to go back outside and play in it. Andy and I are looking forward to enjoying the winter break and currently enjoying the three day weekend afforded us by the snowstorm. Gus was integral to so many of the best parts of our lives, so his absence is continuously felt, but it's felt fondly. I'm just in the habit of being lifted up by Gus, so when I remember him, I usually feel heartened more than sad. That doesn't mean my heart doesn't ache sometimes, like when I see fresh fallen snow and remember how much he loved to charge through it, but I usually end up smiling from the memory anyway.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

You have created such a moving tribute and memoir for Gus. I am so very sorry for his loss, he was clearly your inspiration. 

You seriously need to consider compiling your blog for a book, it will rival and surpass a Marley and Me, Merle's Door, and any other like it. I'd buy it. And Gus would be remembered by thousands forever.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

mylissyk said:


> You have created such a moving tribute and memoir for Gus. I am so very sorry for his loss, he was clearly your inspiration.
> 
> You seriously need to consider compiling your blog for a book, it will rival and surpass a Marley and Me, Merle's Door, and any other like it. I'd buy it. And Gus would be remembered by thousands forever.


Awww...that might be overstating it, but thank you for the compliment. I think I will put together a picture book someday soon, just as a keepsake. They're really easy to make on a Mac.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Second*

I second that Emotion!

You write beautifully and Gus will be remembered forever!


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## New Golden Mom (Dec 17, 2008)

I am so sorry you and Gus are going through this. I am praying he makes a speed recovery and everything is OK. 

Linda


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## New Golden Mom (Dec 17, 2008)

I am so sorry I am still trying to figure out this board and didn't realize that Gus had gone to the Bridge when I wrote my last post. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Linda


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

New Golden Mom said:


> I am so sorry I am still trying to figure out this board and didn't realize that Gus had gone to the Bridge when I wrote my last post. I am so very sorry for your loss.
> 
> Linda


Don't worry. I figured that when I saw your post. Your positive thoughts are appreciated, no matter the timing.


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

How is Comet adjusting, Brian?


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Comet seems OK. He wanders the house a little more than normal, and we think he's checking to make sure Gus hasn't come home, but he seems alright otherwise. They already spent this summer apart while I took Comet with me to VT for grad school and Andy stayed in CT with Gus.

Today he's been staring at us and whining a lot, but we think that's snow related.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Brian, Andy and Comet*

Brian, Andy and Comet:

I'm sure Gus is watching over all of you.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

I just can't believe a whole year evaporated already since Gus said goodbye.I was downright weepy over your blog marking the anniversary, and I loved it:http://web.me.com/tippykayak/site/Puppy_Tao/Entries/2009/12/15_How_I_Know_a_Dog_Has_a_Soul.html


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## zeke11 (Jul 21, 2009)

I'm a newcomer to this board, having just been adopted by my first golden in November, Duffy.

I started reading Gus' saga from the beginning, all the notes in the thread. I was so very touched by reading about what you went through with him and even hoped and prayed (as I was reading) that it would all work out. But just a few pages later, I learned the sad news.

I recently lost my good buddy, Toby, a rat terrier. He was fine one minute and the next minute he was on the floor - a stroke. We had him pts the following day. It is never easy to make that decision. But, like your decision with Gus - it was a quality of life issue. Toby was a happy, active and bouncing dog. To keep him alive without the use of half his body would have been torture for him. 

I'm pretty sure Gus greeted Toby and they shared a bouncing tennis ball together. Toby was pretty good at tossing them up in the air.

RIP, Gus.

Kris


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