# Run Free My Baby Boy, Duke



## GoldenJoyx'stwo

I am so very sorry...


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## beccacc31

I am so sorry for your loss. It really is the hardest thing.

Duke,
Say hello to my Mitchell and give him a hug from us. I think you'll find him laying in the packasandra!


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom

OMG.... I'm so sorry. My heart is breaking for you. You both fought so hard and strong, and your devotion and love was always so evident. Godspeed sweet Duke....the love you shared will always be with you both. Many hugs. Again, I'm so shocked and so deeply sorry.


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## timberwolf

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## Jackson'sMom

Wish I had words to bring you comfort. Duke fought the good fight. He will watch over you always. Godspeed, red dog.


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## kaysy

OH...don't know what else to say, but sorry. I don't know you but can see how much Duke meant to you. What a handsome wonderful dog he must have been.


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## AquaClaraCanines

Oh no....  I'm so sorry!


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## LibertyME

so very sorry for your loss....


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## marieb

I'm so sorry for your loss ...


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## sameli102

I am so so sorry. I wish I could say something that could help, it's so hard to let them go. Try to find comfort in all the good you did to help him.


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## goldencontriever3

I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you. You gave your boy the ultimate gift of love by setting him free of pain. You are in our prayers.

Goodbye handsome boy. You touched many lives. RIP Duke


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## Jo Ellen

No. Cindy?


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## Tahnee GR

I am so so sorry for your loss. You both fought the good fight, and in the end you made the best decision for your best friend that you possibly could.


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## ggdenny

I am so sorry that you lost Duke. I know how much he meant to you. My heart hurts for you.


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## Duke's Momma

Jo Ellen said:


> No. Cindy?


Yes, Jo - the pain is so great and so deep. I cannot comprehend how this morning we had him, now we don't.

Ohhhhhhhhhh, my Dukee! My beautiful strong, brave, wonderful boy. I can't bear it.


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## mm03gn

NO.....OMG I am so so sorry  I just burst into tears and started hysterically crying before I could collect myself and write this. I have followed your journey so closely and I am just so heartbroken that it had to end this way. You will be in my thoughts for many many days and weeks to come ((((((HUGS))))))


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## Duke's Momma

Thank you everyone............


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## coppers-mom

I posted in Duke's thread, but just want to tell you I too shall miss your handsome wonderful boy.

I'm in shock so I can just imagine how you must feel. Railing against it and feeling it isn't fair come to mind.

I'm so very sorry you lost him. He was beautiful in body and soul and I know he and you shared a special bond.


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## Merlins mom

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Run free Duke and Godpseed. {{{{}}}}


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## Augie's Mom

I'm so very sorry.


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## fostermom

Oh no. I am so sorry. My heart hurts for you. Rest in peace sweet Duke. You were dearly loved.


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## tonisaysss

i am so terribly sorry for your loss. i know nothing will ease the pain right now, but you're in all of our thoughts here. god bless.


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## Laurie

I also posted in the other thread...just wanted to say again how sorry I am. Although I didn't post much, I followed Duke's story from start to finish. You were amazing with Duke...I just hope I can be half as strong if or when I need to be.

Hugs to you from Reno, Austin and Lincoln!!


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## MillysMom

My heart hurts for you during this difficult time. I know how hard this is for you, and it is clear how much you loved Duke. I am so sorry for your loss. I'll be praying for you as you mourn.


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## Karen519

*Duke's Momma*

Duke's Momma:

I am so very sorry. Duke is greeting my dogs at the Rainbow Bridge.
I know it is hard to accept now, but Duke is in a better place.
God Bless Duke and you-my heart hurts for you!!!

CINDY:

What you did for Duke was the greatest gift and tribute of how much you loved him, you could give him. God Bless you!
I know how hard it is to make that decision, but it's what Ken and I always promised our dogs. 
__________________


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## 2golddogs

I am so, so sorry you lost Duke. It is so terribly hard to let them go but you were brave to do what was best for your beloved Duke. Godspeed beautiful, big red dog.


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## Loboto-Me

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your sweet Duke. Rest in Peace Dukers, be well and run free.


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## Miss Happy

So sorry...every day that goes by will give you a little more strength to get through. I'm sure you have many good memories.


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## ZeppGold

I'm so sorry.....


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## Olympia

So sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy!


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## HovawartMom

I'm so sorry for yr loss!.
I know that no words will make you feel better,at this point but know that I know how it feels!.
(((HUGS)))


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## sharlin

Play Hard You Big Beautiful Boy ~ Godspeed & Love


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## DNL2448

Oh this just breaks my heart. I am so sorry for your loss. 

Duke, find Tucker and Brandy, you all can hang out together.


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## goldensrbest

I am so sorry, it hurts like hell, to loose them.


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## BeauShel

Cindy,

I am so sorry for the loss of Duke. Just cant stop crying so I can imagine your pain. He was such a brave fighter. May all the memories and loved you share help to heal alittle of your pain. He is now playing with my Beau and being spoiled by Hooch. (((HUGS))))


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## coppers-mom

Just wanted to say again:

Duke was wonderful and absolutely gorgeous! And special. and funny. and brave. and a wonderful best friend to you and you were wonderful to him.

I am truly sorry for you and so wish it had not ended.


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## 3459

I am so very sorry. I so wanted the precious gift of time for you and your beautiful Duke. Run free and Godspeed, sweet boy.


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## mylissyk

I followed the thread but didn't post, I know how your heart aches...I am so sorry...


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## Lucky's mom

I can't stop crying...I know how hard it is for you. Duke is running free and wild. Its so hard and I'm so sorry...


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## 3SweetGoldens

I am so sorry. My heart hurts so much for you tonight. God Speed sweet, wonderful Duke, as you run free, well once again with no more pain.


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## Pointgold

Oh, Cindy... I know how heartbroken you are, and my prayers and tears are with you.

I'm so very sorry.


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## daisydogmom

I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you...


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## Jerseygirl

Im so sorry cindy.
we mizz u da dukee.
~tacoz en da zalzas


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## Dallas Gold

Oh my, I'm in shock. I'm so very sorry for your deep loss. I'm so sorry for your loss and words are escaping me.


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## Doodle

NO NO NO NO NO!!! This is NOT what's supposed to happen after how hard the 2 of you fought!!! Oh how I HATE this blasted disease!!! I am so sorry for your loss. We are all here for you. Duke, make sure you look for my Chip too.


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## desilu

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't have words . . .


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## missmarstar

I'm so sorry for your loss


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## Ashaloo

Oh my! I am so so SO sorry for your loss! I know how badly you must hurt. My heart breaks for you. Words just seem so cheap at a time like this, but you should know that it was easy for all of us to see what a marvelously beautiful and special friend Duke was. He was so strong and you both fought so hard. Duke will be sorely missed by all of us!

If you can take any comfort, just rest assured that Duke is now running free and healthy at the Rainbow Bridge. 

I'm very sorry for this crushing loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you!!


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## Jazz & Jules

OH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Oh gawd Cindy! I can only imagine the amount of pain you are feeling this evening my friend. As many others have said, yes, you gave Duke the greatest gift, a GRAND entrance across the Golden Rainbow Bridge. But knowing that right now doesn't even begin to take away the pain you are feeling in the here and now. That raw burning feeling I am sure has engulfed your heart, making it hard to breath or even think. I bet you just keep rewinding to this morning before leaving the house, thinking, if you hadn't left the house today, you wouldn't be feeling this pain tonight, that you would be none the wiser.

Oh my friend, there's simply no easy way to get through this. The key is, there is a getting through this. It's a slow process that will allow you to handle the pain as it slowly turns to sorrowful memories, although you will again one day find smiles and comfort in those memories.

Meanwhile, today you let Duke go to a peaceful place knowing he had cancer instead of making him fight the fight anymore, knowing the cancer had him. So in the end, Duke wins. He didn't let the cancer take him away with struggled breaths, but instead, he left in the arms of the one who loves him most, he left knowing nothing but pure love Cindy.


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## janine

So sorry for your lose of Duke, my thoughts are with you.


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## laprincessa

Run free, sweet Duke, run free


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## tippykayak

Sweet, sweet Duke. You're such a strong dog, such a sweet guy, such a beautiful red boy. I'm not quite ready to talk about you like you're gone. I imagine you're still hanging around, licking your mom's face to soothe those tears, knowing she's not quite ready yet to let you go. Who could be?

Cindy, I had hoped for so much better. Our thoughts are with you tonight.


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## 4rdogs

Cindy,
I am so very sorry..
Please look for Duke's STAR
We know his will be the biggest & brightest one in the sky

God Speed Duke Run Free, Run Free Sweet Boy
Golden Hugs,
Karen


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## mainegirl

Cindy,
I'm so sorry about Duke. He and Moose and Angel were friends, and I know the depth of connection you have with him. I am so shocked and crying, so i know that you must be devastated. Know that my prayers are directed in your directions. I know your faith, and I know your pain. Prayers with you.
beth, moose and angel


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## Duke's Momma

Thank you so much, everyone. My tears will not quit coming. There is a cry deep down within myself - a place I didn't know I had - and it wants to come out. This is beyond hurt.

If I didn't have this place, I just don't know what I'd do. Dee is so broken. We both are so broken. I can't go anywhwere without seeing him. The food left on the floor, the muddy paw prints on the linoleum. The hair everywhere. A ball here, a bone there.

Why? Oh dear God, why?????


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## hollyk

Wishing you comfort in your time of loss.


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## spruce

hearts are hurting all over the world with you. Please remember how much you gave each other


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## halfmoon

I'm very sorry.........


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## Jo Ellen

I'm really struggling with this, so not what I ever expected to read today. It would never have been easy, not even 5 years from now, but it's only been 5 months since this began. I thought surely you would have more time. 

Stupid words...nothing works, nothing sounds right, nothing feels right. 

I'm really, really going to miss Duke.


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## Jazz & Jules

Huge Hugs my sweet friend, Huge Hugs.


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## Elisabeth Kazup

Oh my. :no::no: I'm so sorry. ((((((((hugs)))))))


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## Jenny Wren

We will all miss him and your stories about him. Such a loss for ALL of us...

(((Hugs))) for you...I know it hurts so much...


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## nixietink

Oh my gosh...I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. 

Please, take care of yourself Cindy.


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## esSJay

I'm so sorry for your loss  With tears on my face I can't find any consoling words for you.

Run hard at the bridge, Duke! You were a brave dog!


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## nellie'smom

So sorry. Rest peacefully Duke, and sending many hugs to you.


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## inge

Oh, no...I am so very, very sorry. I always read the posts in Duke's thread, he was so brave!


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## Murphysmom

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## gold4me

OH Cindy, My heart is breaking for you. I can't believe this. Oh I know Duke is with BoBo and now he is pain free and running like the wind. I wish I could hug you and tell you it will get better. There are just no words to help. I am so very very sorry.


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## Kelbys'Dad

Our thoughts are with you. 

Bless you sweet boy..... and Godspeed.


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## gold4me

Cindy, Dookies dawgie friends are sending out the circle of friends to you. WE LOVE YOU!!!!


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## Jazz & Jules

When you are up to it Cindy, I would love to add name, date, words, whatever you would like to some of these.


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## Duke's Momma

Jazz & Jules said:


> When you are up to it Cindy, I would love to add name, date, words, whatever you would like to some of these.


They take my breath away! Thank you and I will. Thank you! What a handsome boy he was.


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## Laurie

Those are beautiful pictures with Duke....I just love the 3rd one!!!!


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## gold4me

MJ Those are BEAUTIFUL!!!!


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## Tailer'sFolks

Oh Cindy, Oh Dee, Oh Dukee....Run Free Red Boy, Run Free...

You Two gave Dukee everything he needed in this world, Love! He will always be in Your Hearts and Mine. Tears & memories, must have them both...

---
Dis b Tailer...Arruuuuuuuruuuuohhoooruuuuu...Dukee u r ata da peece now n kan run likie da wind...be free...Arrruuuuuohhoruuuu...I missie u allerreadie, butt I will c u dagin. I promize 2 tri to helpie u r momma, K...Aarruuurruuuuohhoooooruuuu...I haffa goo outdaside n lookie fur u r startwikleiz...U will b wiff da mee furdaeber, I Lobe U da Dukee, I do. --U R Friinned , Da Tailer Dawgie


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## BaileyBo

I'm so very sorry!


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## pb1221

I am so very sorry Duke had to say goodbye....I haven't been online in a long time and was hoping not to see this.

What a great boy Duke.


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## NapaValleyGolden

I am so sorry for your loss. RIP Duke, run free.


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## Heidi36oh

Oh Cindy, I'm so sorry..tears are running down my face, you fought so hard...RIP sweet baby Duke


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## Jazz & Jules

If you would like something different Cindy, please please please let me know.


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## Heidi36oh

Jazz & Jules said:


> If you would like something different Cindy, please please please let me know.


Beautiful Marsha, what a handsome boy he was.


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## Oaklys Dad

I wish mere words could ease the pain you are feeling for dear sweet Duke. Time will make the days easier as you are able to think back fondly at the great times you spent together. Always remember that he will always be a part of you and will always be looking down over you. You now have your own personal angel.


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## Claire's Friend

I am so very, very sorry. I wish I could say something that would help.....


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## kathi127

I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Duke. My heart goes out to you tonight, I know how painful it is to have to let our babies go but you did everything possible for him and he knew how much you loved him. You gave him the greatest gift of all, peace from suffering and pain and I know he is now watching over you and just waiting for that moment when you will be together again. Thoughts and prayers are with you.


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## Bob-N-Tash

Cindy.... There is no easy way through today. But see the many lives that Duke has touched. In knowing him all our lives have been a little richer.


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## AtticusJordie

So sorry to hear of Dukes passing--he was a handsome special boy. And much loved.

Our prayers go out to you.............

Scott J.


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## Abbydabbydo

OMG, you and your baby fought the good fight. I am so sorry for your loss. The tears may help in a strange sort of way.


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## Mssjnnfer

My heart dropped when I saw this thread. I'm so sorry... I followed the Duke thread, even though I never posted in it. I just never knew what to say, and I still don't. You will all be in my prayers and thoughts. Run free sweet Duke.


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## davebeech

Rest In Peace Duke, you were such a very brave boy.

Cindy, I'm so sorry to about about Duke, I know how much you love him and that you loved him enough to make the right decision for him. You are in my thoughts


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## maggie1951

Cindy i am so sorry about Duke i know how much you loved him i have tears in my eyes as well.
Play hard at the bridge Duke and now run pain free.


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## Bell

You're so strong to let him go!I know how much it hurts.It hurts like hell.You think it will never heal.Well,at least partially it does....I lost 3 very beloved pets,that i had grown up with in 2007 and 2008.Never did get the courage to send them at the bridge...Maybe should have....A brave thing you did!
Sorry for your loss,you made me cry and i'm so far away...
RIP Duke!Play hard!


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## beauindie

So very very sorry for your loss.


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## hotel4dogs

I have no words to say to express how sorry I am for your loss. You did all you could for him, and then some. 
God speed sweet Duke.


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## twinny41

So very sorry and sad to read this. What a trooper he was. Run Free Forever Duke.


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## Mad's Mom

Oh Cindy I am so sorry. You two fought so hard, this is just so unfair.

Run free at the Bridge sweet and handsome Duke, you are a much loved boy.

Again, I am just so sorry for your loss.


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## Duke's Momma

I really cannot express how the outpouring of love has touched me. I am humbled, amazed, so grateful. Thank you everyone. I didn't realize just exactly how many people were pulling for him, us and just how many lives across the world my boy actually touched.

Please forgive me that I cannot answer everyone individually, but please know that I've read every post. I've been up so much tonight that I almost came down here several times but just tried to go back to sleep. I'm just so exhausted.

I never thought I'd be starting one of these threads and be the recipient of all the compassion and love. Just so you all know, it really does help. The house is so cold.


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## mainegirl

cindy,
i know that i woke up from some sleep and had an instantaneous hope that it was just a dream, then realizing that Duke was gone, it was like another stab to the heart. I remember when Sandy was hit by a car that I thought maybe I shouldn't sleep, so i wouldn't feel fresh pain each time. I ran through the gamut of what could i have done differently, how could i have avoided this, how could i have saved her. i didn't want to hear the nice sayings that i would have my memories (but i do) or that the pain will lessen (which it has slightly) i just wanted to rail against God and the pain. It wasn't long before I stopped railing against God and started asking God to help me. I wish for you my friend (first to never have had to go through this) peace and love. Share with your partner and draw strength from him and us and God.

Peace
beth, moose and angel


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## cham

Cindy,

You gave him love, support, and time he might not have had. He loved you and Dee, but it was his time to go to the Bridge, he was wanted and needed there more. You are strong, and will make it thru this. Hopefully his suffering will somehow benefit other dogs who might also contract this horrible disease.


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## paula bedard

I am so, so sorry. I cannot tell you how it broke my heart to see this Thread this morning...I hadn't checked your other Thread this week, busy with all this snow, and didn't know that he had take a turn. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sure my beautiful Red boy Sam was waiting to greet your beautiful Red boy Duke...as were all our beloved Bridge pets.

Hugs....


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## goldensmum

So very sorry, another star will now brighten the evening sky as Duke looks down.

Run free again Duke, play hard with your new friends and sleep softly


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## Jo Ellen

I'm so sorry that any of our precious dogs have to go. But in a very strange, sad kind of way, I personally am comforted to know that Duke will be there to greet Daisy when it's her time to go.

{{hugs}} for you this morning, Cindy.


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## AmberSunrise

I am so very sorry .. run free and softly Duke


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## ELI&BAILEY'S MOM

I am so, so sorry.


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## Debles

Cindy , I have rarely been here lately so I was shocked to see the news Nancy posted on FB. I am so very sorry. You and Duke did everything humanly possible. It is heartbreaking, I am just so very sorry. Prayers are with you.. Duke is free and playing without pain now.


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## NuttinButGoldens

I'm so sorry to hear about Duke.


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## marleysmummy

I cannot believe I am reading this thread, I never thought this would happen, I am in shock. The tears are pouring down my face and I actually feel sick to my stomach, I have been following Dukes story and just did not expect to see this today.

Duke had the best Mum a dog could wish for and I am sure he knew how loved he was.

Sending you lots of hugs x


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## my4goldens

I am so very sorry for your loss of your beloved Duke.


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## LifeOfRiley

I'm so very sorry, Cindy.
I didn't post often, but Duke was in my prayers every night. This is one thread that I was really hoping and praying not to see for a very long time. 
You and Duke both fought so hard - you've been an inspiration. I know that's probably no comfort to you right now, but I wanted you to know.

Run free, Duke.


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## riddle03

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## photomel

I am so sorry!! I know how it feel too.....we lost our big red dog in October and my heart breaks reading about Duke. Hopefully Duke and Porter will meet and play at the Bridge. So sorry.


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## Augustus McCrae's Mom

I'm so sorry.


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## gold4me

Cindy just checking in this morning. I know you must be numb with saddness. I wish there was something I could do. Just know that we are all thinking of you and sending you love. Isn't it wonderful how many lives Duke touched.


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## Karen519

*Cindy*

Cindy:



Thinking of you so much-you did the only right and loving thing for Duke.
I know Ken and I have been there-not with cancer, but with Kidney failure and organ failure. We couldn't put them through any more.
*Just hang around here and get support and us listening to you-that is the only thing that helps.*


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## Mileysmom

So very sorry for your loss. What joy & happiness they bring into our lives each day. I am sure you have so very many fond memories to cherrish.


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## Adriennelane

I am so sorry. My heart is with you.


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## Meggie'sMom

Oh my gosh! I missed a few days logging on here and then come back to this. I am in shock! I am so very sorry. You are in my thoughts. Godspeed sweet Duke.


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## Jazz & Jules

I woke up this morning full of sadness and emptiness Cindy, I'm sure only a tiny piece of what you are feeling.

I don't know why me but I wanted to let you know I had a brief dream about Duke last night. He was full of life and you could tell he was happy and free and was rambling on and on and on to Buddy and his friends about I don't know what as they sat and listened intently and nodded in agreement to his ramblings. Then he ran off to play into one of the photos I made for you. It was really weird as I have never had such a vivid dream about my Artie. I think Duke was letting us know, he was ok and happy and he knows he is fureber lubed.

It woke me up and made me cry but it also made me smile a little as well knowing I could share that with you. I was having a hard time understanding this but I think now I can begin to deal with it just a bit.


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## Bob-N-Tash

Yesterday was a very sad day for Cindy. Sad too for Duke's many friends who he left behind. We all felt the loss in our own way.

But for Duke, yesterday was a good day. Duke got to cross the rainbow bridge. His crossing had to be easier because of the great outpouring of love for him and Cindy understanding that it was time to let him go. Now Duke is in a place that is free from sickness and pain. 

You and Duke are in our thoughts and prayers.


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## Jazz & Jules

Bob-N-Tash said:


> Yesterday was a very sad day for Cindy. Sad too for Duke's many friends who he left behind. We all felt the loss in our own way.
> 
> But for Duke, yesterday was a good day. Duke got to cross the rainbow bridge. His crossing had to be easier because of the great outpouring of love for him and Cindy understanding that it was time to let him go. Now Duke is in a place that is free from sickness and pain.
> 
> You and Duke are in our thoughts and prayers.


So well said and you are so right.....


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## Jo Ellen

It's like the passing of an era. I suppose these wonderful dogs of ours really do have much to teach us, including letting go and getting on and living in the moment ... but today I'm just sad and I'm not liking it very much.

Cindy told me that Duke's favorite thing to do was swim out to retrieve his bright yellow toy and return with it, whining with every stroke -- can't you just see him and hear him? I can ... so I'm imagining Duke like this a lot today.

Really struggling. Duke is like Daisy's soulmate ... it always just was that way. The honeyearth :heartbeat


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## gold4me

Cindy there are so many beautiful thoughts going you way. It really warms my heart. You gave so much of yourself to him and he was so strong. You did everything in your power to help him and for that you must be proud. The ultimate gift was letting him go when you knew it was time. He will be with us always and he will be watching over you. You will feel him! Bless you today as you struggle with the pain.


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## Powderpuff

I'm so sorry to hear about Duke, my thoughts are with you.


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## Montana's Mommy

I am so sorry for your loss of your precious boy


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## Finn's Fan

Cindy, today your house feels so lonely, you don't know what to do with your hands, you're stepping over a sleeping dog who is not there in body. There is no comfort to be had for the kind of bereavement you're feeling today. I'm just so sorry. The depth of joy you received from your loving Duke has a reverse side, the depth of sorrow causing your heartbreak today. Sadly, you can't have only the joy part.....but I wish that you coiuld. Sending you peaceful thoughts and a hug.


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## Jazz & Jules

Oh wow, very elegant...



Finn's Fan said:


> Cindy, today your house feels so lonely, you don't know what to do with your hands, you're stepping over a sleeping dog who is not there in body. There is no comfort to be had for the kind of bereavement you're feeling today. I'm just so sorry. The depth of joy you received from your loving Duke has a reverse side, the depth of sorrow causing your heartbreak today. Sadly, you can't have only the joy part.....but I wish that you coiuld. Sending you peaceful thoughts and a hug.


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## Duke's Momma

Thank you, all. Thank you. I am so very lost - all the words of wisdom and encouragement and MJ - I thank God for your dream. It does give me a bit of peace.

Molly, I kept thinking about the swim date that's not going to happen. I so wanted him to swim again. But like Jo said - we can imagine him swimming out to his yellow floaty water toy and then coming in whining with every stroke. Oh, how he loved to swim.

I sure wished I would have thought ahead to notify you about being in Boulder. You could have met him in person.

Vic - thank you. 

I just don't know what to say - I know there's so many responses and outpourings of emotions and love and compassion I am truly overwhelmed. Thank you all. My baby boy........... my puppy - here's a picture of yesterday before we took a walk around the facility waiting for Dee. I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk and he crawled up on the couch. He was telling me. He was so brave. I love this picture - kind of interspective, you know?

Oh, Jo - HONEYEARTH 8'-(


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## Jo Ellen

Oh my goodness. He was ready to go, Cindy. God bless you for knowing and loving him enough to see. You're every bit as brave as he was.

I'm still so sad.


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## gold4me

Oh gulp. I love his picture and your signature picture is beyond words.


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## Noey

I'm so sorry for your loss


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## Thor0918

Cindy, I just saw this. My tears are streaming for you. May the pain lessen soon. Hugs.


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## AmbikaGR

I know no words that will ease your pain, only time seems to eventually win out over it. Below is a link to a site I have found some comfort in at times such as this. Rest well and play hard till your family meets up with you again, sweet Duke.

THE STAR


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## Bob Dylan

Duke's Momma said:


> I really cannot express how the outpouring of love has touched me. I am humbled, amazed, so grateful. Thank you everyone. I didn't realize just exactly how many people were pulling for him, us and just how many lives across the world my boy actually touched.
> 
> Please forgive me that I cannot answer everyone individually, but please know that I've read every post. I've been up so much tonight that I almost came down here several times but just tried to go back to sleep. I'm just so exhausted.
> 
> I never thought I'd be starting one of these threads and be the recipient of all the compassion and love. Just so you all know, it really does help. The house is so cold.


Cindy, the house might be cold but your heart will always be warm because of Duke, he is a part of you forever.
You are in my thought and prayers.
June


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## Lisa_and_Willow.

Oh I have just seen this. I am so sorry...

Brave, brave Duke fought hard and had a great life with you Cindy. 

Lub yoo Duke. Lub yoo fureber an eber. x


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## msdogs1976

I too am sorry for your loss.


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## Duke's Momma

Okay, I'm going to spill it. I am riddled with guilt. Truly.


I wish........
I wouldn't have lost my patience with him toward the end when he just wanted to lay in the grass.
Gotten so frustrated when he wouldn't eat
I would have laid on the floor more with him and cuddled
We would have spent more time with him
we could have taken him more in the car/truck with us

I would have taken more pictures when he was healthy
gone on more walks
spoiled him more
treasured - truly treasured - each minute
not taken for granted his health
not taken for granted his presence

I wouldn't have gotten discusted with his horrendous gas
I would have known what was going on in his insides and been more kind

I would have known he was so sick and I wouldn't have been so hard on him
I would have cuddled more
kissed his nose more
dug my nose in his ears
nestled my nose in his pads
gazed into his eyes

Duke, I'm so sorry, I miss you and love you and miss you and love you and miss you and love you, my brave, courageous boy.


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## sharlin

Cindy ~ how can you ever feel guilt for love?
He was and remains to be a shining beacon of devotion and bonding that you allowed all of us here to share. 
Be sorry he is gone ~ but never guilty for loving him as much as he loved you.


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## goldencontriever3

Cindy, You can not live in regrets. It will take over your life and Duke would not want that for you. You are a great mom to Duke and he KNOWS you love him. You did everything you could for him and he knows that. Sometimes it is not meant to be. You fouught the good fight. Do not doubt yourself. Everything you did was out of love for Duke. He will live on in your heart. I wish you peace. I wish that time will heal and that you will be able to smile at all the good times you had with Duke. He was a special special boy. Thank you for sharing him with us.


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## coppers-mom

I know how awful the "what ifs" are and have all been desperately sorry I didn't do things differently before......

Your lack of patience towards the end and frustration towards his not eating were probably aimed towards wanting Duke to get better and feeling totally powerless to do more and also..... your grief and resentment towards him leaving you even before he actually did. I don't mean you resented him - just the idea that he would one day be gone and leave you behind. 

We are all human and have to lash out somehow towards the awful idea of losing our loved ones. You and Duke had a strong bond that was made even stronger by dealing with his lymphoma. I am so very sorry he is gone and you are left behind. I know you still want him here and are probably railing against the unfairness of it all. At least I do at these times.

You're in my heart, thoughts and prayers. Duke gave me a glimpse into your wonderful life together and for that I am grateful, but I too still wish he was here.


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## paula bedard

Please don't be...he wouldn't want you beating yourself up over this. I keep typing, deleting, and re-typing. I don't know what to say, but that Duke knows you loved...more than mere words can convey...he felt the depth of your love. You have nothing to feel guilt for. He would tell you so, if he could.


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## gold4me

Cindy, I think what you are feeling is the normal process of grieving. In your mind right now you will remember all the things you think you should have done but I can tell you that EVERY post when you talked about what you were doing with and for Duke was filled with love and compassion. Duke knew how much you loved him he really did. We all know how much you loved him. Time will help so you just have to allow yourself to cry and grieve and come here and talk about your precious boy.

I remember when we had to let our Jake go after the vet showed up his xrays and told us his lungs and heart were covered with cancer. Days later I was convinced that he probably only had pneumonia and I killed him. Time helped me realize I was of course wrong.

Just take it one minute at a time.


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## coppers-mom

You loved him and he loved you and you two fought as hard as you could.

We never do everything right, but everything we do is out of love.


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## Jazz & Jules

Oh Cindy,

Others have said everything that needs to be said.

Please give yourself permission to grieve and to hurt my friend.

The beating yourself up and the blame game, not gonna change a thing.

And no matter how much more you could have loved, you would STILL be hurting the hurt today. And trust me, Duke knew love, he knew your love, he knew your heart, which is why he left a piece of his heart with you. That's why it hurts so **** bad right now.

Please be kind to yourself. That is a final gift that Duke would want for you.


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## Karen519

*Cindy*

Cindy

I know that Ken and I second guessed ourselves, but we had to remind ourselves that we did what was best for our beloved dogs, and that is EXACTLY WHAT you did. 

I know that Duke is loving you as always and he would say Thank You.


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## goldensrbest

Dukes mom, may i call you cindy? As one who lost her best friend, 2wks., 2 day's ago, you feel what you need to, say what you feel, and throw the guilt away, i was sick, hurt with real pain, after spencer passed, you will find it in you a way to deal with this, you loved him, he loved you, your post show's that, take it a day at a time, thinking of you.


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## Laurie

I know exactly how you are feeling. When we lost Phoenix to bloat almost a year ago, I felt guilty about absolutely everything from being gone a week on holidays and only being able to spend a day with him before he had surgery, not recognizing the symptoms of bloat (I didn't even know what it was), and most of all, for not being there with him and to hold him and kiss him when he took his last breath. I even felt guilty that Reno lost his best buddy. I hated myself for failing him when he depended on me!! I try to remind myself that I was a good mommy to him for 8 years and did everything I could have to make sure he was happy and healthy and I hope he knew that. I wish that I had found this Forum at that time as I could have used the support. 

I read your posts everyday and you did everything in your power to help Duke live a longer fuller life and he did. I honestly can't sit here and tell you not to feel guilty because I still do no matter how many people tell me there was nothing I could have done (I could have). Cancer is a horrible disease and there's only so much you could have done. Unfortunately it took Duke way too soon. I kept thinking to myself, "if my dogs get cancer, I hope that I can be as stong and supportive as Duke's mommy is". You will grieve (I still do), you will shed lots of tears (I still do) and you will think of him all the time (I still do).....I just try to remember all of the good times we shared and now I can smile (without the tears) and that will come with time. You're very fortunate to have so many good friends on the Forum, some of whom have been through the same ordeal and understand the love you had for Duke. He was a very lucky.......and beautiful boy!!!!! 

Sorry for the long post....but I can just feel your pain. Please feel better soon.


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## tippykayak

Cindy, there never would have been enough times to smell his fur or look into his eyes, and there are always things we wish we had done a little differently or moments where we wish we had been a bit more tolerant.

The reality is that you went far, far above and beyond for this sweet dog. Guilt is a normal part of grieving, but I don't believe it's the healing part. You didn't fail your dog, even the tiniest bit.

The depth of your grief is a measurement of the joy this dog brought to your life. Think about your gratitude for knowing him, and maybe instead of thinking about all the little things you might have done a little differently, try talking about all the thousand things that were wonderful about him.


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## puddinhd58

Cindy,
My heart just breaks for you. I am in tears thinking of your loss. 
Everyone here knows how deep your love was for Duke, and most importantly, Duke knew your love. 
Your very last gift to him was to give him peace. 

I wish I could be there to hug you. God Bless you and your family in this time of deep loss. 

Dukey is smiling on you and running free...


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## mybuddy

Sweet Duke and sweet Cindy....you and Duke are such a great team and always will be.

There really are no words. Just know that you are are always in my heart.

XO
Vic and Buddy


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## mybuddy

Jo Ellen said:


> It's like the passing of an era. I suppose these wonderful dogs of ours really do have much to teach us, including letting go and getting on and living in the moment ... but today I'm just sad and I'm not liking it very much.
> 
> Cindy told me that Duke's favorite thing to do was swim out to retrieve his bright yellow toy and return with it, whining with every stroke -- can't you just see him and hear him? I can ... so I'm imagining Duke like this a lot today.
> 
> Really struggling. Duke is like Daisy's soulmate ... it always just was that way. The honeyearth :heartbeat


Yes, I can picture it and hear it. I read that quote of Cindy's yesterday and made me cry...because I was sad and also because it was so beautiful. I know what she was saying, I could feel it.

Oh the honeyearth...wow, holy cow...wow...memories. 

Oh, we miss him.


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## mybuddy

MJ...those pics are just beautiful!


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## MILLIESMOM

Sitting here crying, heartbroken. Cindy I am so sorry.


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## goldengirls&boys

Oh dear Cindy I am so very sorry you lost Duke. I was just reading your thread the other day and then to come on today to see this is so sad. My heart is breaking for you. Duke put up a fight that is for sure. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sending lots of love and hugs to you and angel kisses to Duke. I know Tess and Buddy were there to greet him at the bridge.....


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## Rob's GRs

I too am sorry for the loss of your Duke. He will live forever in your memory and in your heart.


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## Karen519

*Cindy*

Cindy:

I was reading what you wrote about feeling guilty. You are feeling what we all have felt. As many others have said you went above and beyond what so many people would or could do.
NONE OF US ARE SAINTS-WE get tired, fearful, lose our patience-that does not mean we don't love. 

The truth is we NEVER HAVE them long enough-when my Munchkin was put to sleep I had no idea that it was going to happen that evening and I had to fix my makeup to go to the vet -then I felt badly and thought if only I had known. The fact is we are not God, so we have no way of knowing.
It sounds to me like Duke had lost his quality of life and could no longer do what he loved to do and there really was no hope, and because you loved him you decided to set him free and not put him through anymore. THAT IS LOVE TO ME.

We are all here for you. Just keep talking about it.


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## moverking

Cindy, I haven't had words, but many tears since yesterday. I made this, though, for Duke, you, and Dee. I hope it's alright. 
Many tight hugs for you all.

http://animoto.com/play/xT0PVUDECnJlE0Fq8bQX8g#


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## Bob Dylan

Cindy,
Give yourself some time, it won't make the pain go away but it will get easier.
We are all humans and all make mistakes, the week before Bobby was PTS, we had been food shopping and a bag of popcorn kernels broke open and I had three GR running around trying to consume as much as possible, then I freaked out and all I remember is the look on Bobby's face, like you never do that Mom. I had no idea that he would not be with us the following week and the guilt I carried around for yelling that day was eating me up. I happened and I can't take it back, but I do know that I loved him more than life itself. Duke was lucky to have a Mom like you, many people would have given up long ago, but the two of you hung in there until you knew it was time.
Please take care of yourself, Duke wouldn't want you to feel bad, you set him Free!

Thinking of You,
June


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## Duke's Momma

moverking said:


> Cindy, I haven't had words, but many tears since yesterday. I made this, though, for Duke, you, and Dee. I hope it's alright.
> Many tight hugs for you all.
> 
> http://animoto.com/play/xT0PVUDECnJlE0Fq8bQX8g#


Is it alright????? OMG, thank you, thank you so much. I love it. Is there a way to copy it to my computer? I couldn't see through the tears.

It's hard for me to imagine the outpouring of love and compassion of this family - this family that have only, for the most part, met on line and brought together by the love of our golden babies.

You've never met our baby boy, our puppy, and yet you all know him so well and know me so well.

The pictures, the dream, the words of condolences, the video, the love, the heartache that I hear in each of your posts.

It's beyond words. Thank you. He was such a wonderful boy.


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## Faith's mommy

i'm so very sorry for your loss


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## Duke's Momma

Laurie said:


> I know exactly how you are feeling. When we lost Phoenix to bloat almost a year ago, I felt guilty about absolutely everything from being gone a week on holidays and only being able to spend a day with him before he had surgery, not recognizing the symptoms of bloat (I didn't even know what it was), and most of all, for not being there with him and to hold him and kiss him when he took his last breath. I even felt guilty that Reno lost his best buddy. I hated myself for failing him when he depended on me!! I try to remind myself that I was a good mommy to him for 8 years and did everything I could have to make sure he was happy and healthy and I hope he knew that. I wish that I had found this Forum at that time as I could have used the support.
> 
> I read your posts everyday and you did everything in your power to help Duke live a longer fuller life and he did. I honestly can't sit here and tell you not to feel guilty because I still do no matter how many people tell me there was nothing I could have done (I could have). Cancer is a horrible disease and there's only so much you could have done. Unfortunately it took Duke way too soon. I kept thinking to myself, "if my dogs get cancer, I hope that I can be as stong and supportive as Duke's mommy is". You will grieve (I still do), you will shed lots of tears (I still do) and you will think of him all the time (I still do).....I just try to remember all of the good times we shared and now I can smile (without the tears) and that will come with time. You're very fortunate to have so many good friends on the Forum, some of whom have been through the same ordeal and understand the love you had for Duke. He was a very lucky.......and beautiful boy!!!!!
> 
> Sorry for the long post....but I can just feel your pain. Please feel better soon.


Laurie - thank you for sharing. I cannot (but a little) even imagine how you must have felt (and still do). I will not try to make you feel different, I just so appreciate you sharing. The support and love here is humbling. Truly. And, if you should ever have to deal with cancer, you will simply do what you need to do. Your Phoenix was very luck to have you, and so is Reno and you are lucky to have them. 

Thank you, Laurie

Cindy & Angel Dukee


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## Florabora22

I'm sorry about Duke's passing.


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## Duke's Momma

tippykayak said:


> Cindy, there never would have been enough times to smell his fur or look into his eyes, and there are always things we wish we had done a little differently or moments where we wish we had been a bit more tolerant.
> 
> The reality is that you went far, far above and beyond for this sweet dog. Guilt is a normal part of grieving, but I don't believe it's the healing part. You didn't fail your dog, even the tiniest bit.
> 
> The depth of your grief is a measurement of the joy this dog brought to your life. Think about your gratitude for knowing him, and maybe instead of thinking about all the little things you might have done a little differently, try talking about all the thousand things that were wonderful about him.


Thank you, Brian - you're right of course. There really is never enough time - ever. That is also what makes me sad. I'm just sad period. This hurt is beyond words. And, I've lost dogs before, (2 others), but not my heart dog. Only one of those in a lifetime - at least for me.


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## Benlora

So sorry to read this. I haven't been on this forum for long and sadly I don't know Duke' story.

I lost my golden girl in July last year, she had a liver shunt, and your guilt post struck such a chord with me as I felt exactly the same. I just felt I had let her down and was overwhelmed with the guilt of only remembering times when I was annoyed with her. A few weeks after she had gone I dreamt of her coming to the side of my bed and it felt like she was saying she understood.

I also have a photo of her taken just days before she was put to sleep and I can see her suffering. At the time I wanted to delete the photo but now I am glad I didn't as every photo of her is so precious now.

Duke was a beautiful boy and I have no doubts he knew how much you loved him. 

Thinking of you

Eileen
xx


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## puddinhd58

How are you today Cindy? I am just heartbroken for you and selfishly for myself I guess. I so identified Duke's fight with Rusty's. They look so much alike and our love for our babies are so similar. 

I believe Duke is watching over you. I really do. 

Gentle hugs to you.


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## cangolden

I'm so sorry for your loss...duke will always be with you


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## Dallas Gold

Cindy, I've been without power and internet (at my in laws now) for almost 2 days now but you have been in my mind and thoughts. I also think Duke is watching over you, as well as all the other cancer pups he inspired, including my Barkley. God bless you, hugs.
Anne


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## cham

moverking said:


> Cindy, I haven't had words, but many tears since yesterday. I made this, though, for Duke, you, and Dee. I hope it's alright.
> Many tight hugs for you all.
> 
> http://animoto.com/play/xT0PVUDECnJlE0Fq8bQX8g#


 
I thought I had cried all that I was going to cry, but your beautiful video brought more cleansing tears. Cindy how are you and Dee doing today?


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## gold4me

Oh my that was a beautiful video. Again more tears. I am thinking of you Cindy and hoping you feel the love we are all sending you. Take care!!!


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## mainegirl

what a wonderful, terrific tribute to dukie. it was beautiful
beth, moose and angel


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## mybuddy

Oh gee..the tears...they wont stop. Moverking, that video was just amazing.

It is pur magic to me how one golden boy can touch and bring so many people together. It is such God force.


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## Bob Dylan

mybuddy said:


> Oh gee..the tears...they wont stop. Moverking, that video was just amazing.
> 
> It is pur magic to me how one golden boy can touch and bring so many people together. It is such God force.


It is definately God that keeps us so in sync with our Goldens.
We will always be there for each other.


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## momtoMax

So very sorry for your loss.


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## paula bedard

The video brought tears...what a wonderful kindness.
I hope you are finding a bit of comfort in your memories of Duke...
To say 'It gets easier' is such a simple statement...but it does...with time, it does. One day you'll smile when a memory surfaces...or you'll not tear up when a memory surfaces...but you'll be happy to remember, through the tears or the smiles, you'll be remembering with happiness...only happiness...and love.


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## Elisabeth Kazup

I just wanted you to know that I was watching tv last night and suddenly thought of you and your pain. I'm so sorry. To say I know how you feel is no comfort. I pray for you to find peace and solace in his memories.


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## mybuddy

Bob Dylan said:


> Cindy,
> Give yourself some time, it won't make the pain go away but it will get easier.
> We are all humans and all make mistakes, the week before Bobby was PTS, we had been food shopping and a bag of popcorn kernels broke open and I had three GR running around trying to consume as much as possible, then I freaked out and all I remember is the look on Bobby's face, like you never do that Mom. I had no idea that he would not be with us the following week and the guilt I carried around for yelling that day was eating me up. I happened and I can't take it back, but I do know that I loved him more than life itself. Duke was lucky to have a Mom like you, many people would have given up long ago, but the two of you hung in there until you knew it was time.
> Please take care of yourself, Duke wouldn't want you to feel bad, you set him Free!
> 
> Thinking of You,
> June


This made me cry. Oh, I understand what you are saying 100%. When Buddy was sick I thought about all the times I got annoyed with him and wished I had not....I swore, if he got better, I would NEVER get annoyed with him if he glooed da bummee or acted stubborn or whatever naughty things he likes to do. Well, of course...I still get annoyed at times esp. when he decided to gloo da bummee in the middle of a freaken typhoon! We are human, our reactions to certain things are normal....BUT...I know exactly what you are saying ..*and * when I have to say goodbye to my buddy, I will have those guilty feelings again and, I will realize once again that I am human.


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## Duke's Momma

Hello, everyone.

It does amaze me and humble me and make me so grateful of this family, this community of caring people from all over the world praying for us and sending their love. I think I mentioned this is a pm this morning that I finally realized that my boy, my brave boy, was everyone's here. Everyone was praying for him, everyone was rooting him on, everyone was watching and hoping against hope that this ****** disease would not take him from me (all of us) and he could be a miracle like Meggie. 

It dawned on me that this has not just affected Dee and me but everyone here that watched so intently to every post, every nuance, every bite taken, every poo left. Thank you for allowing him (us) into your homes, into your hearts. I kept saying when Duke was crossing over how sorry I was and the vet misunderstood. I wasn't saying sorry for the act of kindness, I was saying sorry for it having to be. Does that make sense? That all the work he did and all the fighting he did didn't yield long term results. It just makes me so sad!!!!! And......I miss him soooo much.

This morning, Dee and I were able to lay in bed and cry and laugh and reminise about our baby boy and cry and laugh some more. Then I went back to bed because I was absolutely spent. I think one of the things that is so hard about this - the emptiness left behind - is that one of us was with the puppy almost 24/7. We work out of our home and he's either in the office with me or at work with dad. Towards the end, he was just in the office. It's left such a huge hole in my/our lives.

I have started a list of things that I am going to compile into something I'll start a thread on later, once I remember absolutely everything about our magical, wonderful, golden/red haired baby boy. Oh, God, how I love him. 

Good night, everyone and thank you so much once again for this outpouring of love and support.


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## mybuddy

OH, more tears...Duke touched me in such a way that I cant describe into words..beyond words.

When you speak of the hole, the emptiness I cry. I can feel it too. Oh Cindy...did you ever think this day would come? Sometimes I just cant believe it. It can happen to any of us, that is such a scary thought but comforting all the same knowing you are all here. 

Hugs...
Vic and Buddy


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## Finn's Fan

Cindy, nothing is quite as cathartic as having a good cry and a good laugh at the same time. You and Dee have each other to share the memories....such a blessing.


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## Duke's Momma

mybuddy said:


> OH, more tears...Duke touched me in such a way that I cant describe into words..beyond words.
> 
> When you speak of the hole, the emptiness I cry. I can feel it too. Oh Cindy...did you ever think this day would come? Sometimes I just cant believe it. It can happen to any of us, that is such a scary thought but comforting all the same knowing you are all here.
> 
> Hugs...
> Vic and Buddy


You know, Vic - when he just wasn't getting any better and in fact getting weaker (we didn't want to admit it) I knew - deep down inside me I knew it wasn't good - but kept pushing it down as I was checking his nodes every day. EVERYDAY. The only time I felt them was the appointment day. It's that fast.

But, September 12, 2009 I NEVER EVER would have thought that we'd only have 5 more months with our puppy.

When you mention that it can happen to any of us at any time - do you remember when Sandy got hit by the car? OMG - I cried and cried and cried. I just could not believe it and hurt so for her momma and for me. That was just after the beginning of the dawgs getting on the computer at our old home. Remember?

I couldn't even imagine going through this without all of you. Dee is very moved and amazed that people that don't even "know" each other can be so kind. But, we do know each other.


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## Duke's Momma

Finn's Fan said:


> Cindy, nothing is quite as cathartic as having a good cry and a good laugh at the same time. You and Dee have each other to share the memories....such a blessing.


You're right, Molly, it is such a blessing to be able to do that. I actually forgot for a bit how he was hurting because I was so caught up in my own pain.


----------



## mybuddy

Duke's Momma said:


> You know, Vic - when he just wasn't getting any better and in fact getting weaker (we didn't want to admit it) I knew - deep down inside me I knew it wasn't good - but kept pushing it down as I was checking his nodes every day. EVERYDAY. The only time I felt them was the appointment day. It's that fast.
> 
> But, September 12, 2009 I NEVER EVER would have thought that we'd only have 5 more months with our puppy.
> 
> When you mention that it can happen to any of us at any time - do you remember when Sandy got hit by the car? OMG - I cried and cried and cried. I just could not believe it and hurt so for her momma and for me. That was just after the beginning of the dawgs getting on the computer at our old home. Remember?
> 
> I couldn't even imagine going through this without all of you. Dee is very moved and amazed that people that don't even "know" each other can be so kind. But, we do know each other.


 
OMG yes, I remember Sandy. That was a shock..just horrible. I actually remember where I was when I read the news. I was at my brother's house on his computer. I felt so bad for her having to go through that loss. 

We just never know. I know what you mean about knowing but pushing it down...it is like, as soon as you admit it, then you have to make choices-ones you are not ready to face. I understand this and you are certainly not alone. 

You know...I always think that there is no other dog owner that could love their dog as much as I love Buddy. I know that is arrogant as heck but I just love him *that* much. I never thught that way about you though...you matched me. ( laughing now ). Actually, I can say that about everyone I know here on this board. You really stood out in that respect though...you had that deep, ever so deep da lobe. 

Buddy was next to me in bed last night with his lips so close to my cheek. I held him, kissed him, smelled him and cried. I thought of you. 

Life is so short, it really is-like the blink of an eye. How lucky am I that I got to know you and Duke in that blink! I am lucky!!!!!


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## Mad's Mom

Just checking in to see how you and Dee are doing. I'm so glad that you were able to share memories of Duke and manage some laughs along with the tears.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about you and sweet Duke since I first saw the tread and thought please no, not Duke. Every post you've ever made about Duke showed us your absolute love for him, as I know every day you spent with him showed it to him. Thank you for sharing your wonderful boy with us.

I so wish I had something to say that would bring you some comfort, but please know you remain in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Doreens

Oh Cindy I have just heard the news from Vic. My heart goes out to you I am so so sorry to hear of your loss of Dear Duke . As Dog owners we know that pain.
My heart truly goes out to you at this very sad time.

Sending lots of love & healing thoughts your way.

with Love sandra Monty Bronco & Tara xx


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## hawtee

I haven't been on in a while and this I did not want to see...Hugs to you and your family with prayers from the heart..


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## mainegirl

Duke's Momma said:


> When you mention that it can happen to any of us at any time - do you remember when Sandy got hit by the car? OMG - I cried and cried and cried. I just could not believe it and hurt so for her momma and for me. That was just after the beginning of the dawgs getting on the computer at our old home. Remember?


Thank you cindy for remembering Sandy. I just finished reading "A Matter of Faith" (by the author of Thursdays with Morrie") and one of the ideas is that you are still there if someone remembers you after you pass. It means a lot to me that you remember Sandy. It was a very bad time in my life, happening a week after my mother died from a stroke. I thought my whole world was crashing around, but luckily we had silly Moose with us to be able to hug and cry into. It was still so lonely without her. And that's why the queen - Angel- came into our lives. 

You have Dee to be able to hug and cry into, no he's not as furry as the dukie, or smells the same as the dukie (esp. his feet!!) but I tell my dh now (got to keep him humble) any port in a storm, lol. 
My prayer for you and peace is still winging it's way your way. 
love
Beth, Moose and angel


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## LizShort

I am so sorry. Words can't express what you, I and so many others have felt and been through. There are those that will stay in our heart and leave an empty space that can never be filled again. We love all our animals that come to us in different ways. And yet, there are those who have connected with us, come to us when we needed them most. Those are the ones who will return to us when we need them most. 

Duke will return to you in body. He will come back. You will know him when he does and you will remember him. He won't be the same, he will be with you and give you what you need most. 

God teaches us through the healing love of the animals. God speaks to us through their eyes and their hearts. God holds Duke now and praises him for the work he has done in God's name. He came to give you love and healing and strength. You gave him the same and a gentle release when it was time. 

You have learned so much from him and have accepted God's and dog's love. 

You are blessed. Heartbroken and blessed. You are also loved. 


n dats da toof. i lub u my prend. i lub da dook n i lub da dook momee n da daddeee. n dat iz dat.


----------



## mybuddy

LizShort said:


> I am so sorry. Words can't express what you, I and so many others have felt and been through. There are those that will stay in our heart and leave an empty space that can never be filled again. We love all our animals that come to us in different ways. And yet, there are those who have connected with us, come to us when we needed them most. Those are the ones who will return to us when we need them most.
> 
> Duke will return to you in body. He will come back. You will know him when he does and you will remember him. He won't be the same, he will be with you and give you what you need most.
> 
> God teaches us through the healing love of the animals. God speaks to us through their eyes and their hearts. God holds Duke now and praises him for the work he has done in God's name. He came to give you love and healing and strength. You gave him the same and a gentle release when it was time.
> 
> You have learned so much from him and have accepted God's and dog's love.
> 
> You are blessed. Heartbroken and blessed. You are also loved.
> 
> 
> n dats da toof. i lub u my prend. i lub da dook n i lub da dook momee n da daddeee. n dat iz dat.


 
This was beautiful and everything I would want to say but would never be able to articulate quite like you.

dat da lobe


----------



## justmejanis

Cindy,

I am not on this forum as often as I would like to be. I have been following Duke's brave struggle against this hideous disease. I admire you doing everything you did for him.

So much of it took me back to Spencer, also treated for cancer at CSU. We had seven months with him after diagnosis.

I did NOT want to see this thread. I know exactly what you are going through now and I am so terribly sorry for your loss and your pain. I don't know what else to say. I have been there and now Sunka is battling Osteosarcoma. I HATE cancer with such a passion.

Just know that you did everything for Duke and above all, he knew how cherished he was Cindy. 

I wish you much strength and peace in the difficult times ahead. Again, I am so sorry. I am heartbroken for you.

Many hugs.........


----------



## gold4me

LizShort said:


> I am so sorry. Words can't express what you, I and so many others have felt and been through. There are those that will stay in our heart and leave an empty space that can never be filled again. We love all our animals that come to us in different ways. And yet, there are those who have connected with us, come to us when we needed them most. Those are the ones who will return to us when we need them most.
> 
> Duke will return to you in body. He will come back. You will know him when he does and you will remember him. He won't be the same, he will be with you and give you what you need most.
> 
> God teaches us through the healing love of the animals. God speaks to us through their eyes and their hearts. God holds Duke now and praises him for the work he has done in God's name. He came to give you love and healing and strength. You gave him the same and a gentle release when it was time.
> 
> You have learned so much from him and have accepted God's and dog's love.
> 
> You are blessed. Heartbroken and blessed. You are also loved.
> 
> 
> n dats da toof. i lub u my prend. i lub da dook n i lub da dook momee n da daddeee. n dat iz dat.


This is a beautiful post. Cindy I am thinking about you and hoping that you feel the love of this community. My husband is also amazed at the support we get here on the forum.
SINDEE dis iz da emmikins I lub u an I lub da dookie. He iz mi prend an I fink ob him eberee da!!


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## Jazz & Jules

LizShort said:


> I am so sorry. Words can't express what you, I and so many others have felt and been through. There are those that will stay in our heart and leave an empty space that can never be filled again. We love all our animals that come to us in different ways. And yet, there are those who have connected with us, come to us when we needed them most. Those are the ones who will return to us when we need them most.
> 
> Duke will return to you in body. He will come back. You will know him when he does and you will remember him. He won't be the same, he will be with you and give you what you need most.
> 
> God teaches us through the healing love of the animals. God speaks to us through their eyes and their hearts. God holds Duke now and praises him for the work he has done in God's name. He came to give you love and healing and strength. You gave him the same and a gentle release when it was time.
> 
> You have learned so much from him and have accepted God's and dog's love.
> 
> You are blessed. Heartbroken and blessed. You are also loved.
> 
> 
> n dats da toof. i lub u my prend. i lub da dook n i lub da dook momee n da daddeee. n dat iz dat.


Well here I go crying......again. So gracefully said and said so full of grace!


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## magiclover

Cindy I am so sorry about Duke. I have not been on for awhile so I missed this. My heart just goes out to you. He was a very special boy and he knew how much you loved him, especially at the very end when you had to make the hardest decision of all. We'll never forget him.


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## cubbysan

Just saw this now.... so sorry... take comfort in that you did the best you could.


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## Duke's Momma

mainegirl said:


> Thank you cindy for remembering Sandy. I just finished reading "A Matter of Faith" (by the author of Thursdays with Morrie") and one of the ideas is that you are still there if someone remembers you after you pass. It means a lot to me that you remember Sandy. Beth, Moose and angel


Beth, how could I forget Sandy??? I mean, really - she was Duke's first love - he always appreciated the way she spoke of his tail because he really did deal with tail envy.

I also remember how devistated I was when I read the news. Like she was my own. *sigh*


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## goldencontriever3

Cindy - thinking of you tonight. So glad to hear that you are able to laugh some when you think of Duke. He is a special boy who is loved and missed by many. Keeping you in our prayers. Hugs


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## T&T

So so sorry
Farewell sweet Duke ~ RIP
Hugs to you Cindy
Tried posting a few times ...
But screen got too blurry each time


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## Spartan Mom

There aren't enough words to express how sorry I am to hear of your loss. My heart aches for you.


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## Duke's Momma

Thank you so much, LizShort, for your eloquent post. And, thank you magiclover, cubbysan, gc3, t&t & spartonmom for your thoughts, compassion, well wishes and support.

Today is a very hard day. Dee has been short with me - I think his own way of dealing with his loss - and me on the edge of tears at the drop of a hat have been in tears most of the day. His absence is tangible.

I received a local paper and in it features an article called "Around the Water Bowl" and features a different dog each week. I sent them some pictures that MJ did, some I did and one of Estes Park and wrote a brief introduction and then wrote this....

_Duke, our 8 1/2 year old Golden Retriever was diagnosed the type 4a B cell multicentric lymphoma September 13, 2009. Followed was being accepted into a study at CSU which afforded us some credit $ which we had to use when the study failed after 3 treatments I think. We then started him on regular chemo therapy drugs which put him into immediate remission, only to come out 4 weeks after his 4th treatment. He fought a very hard and courageous fight. _

_We already miss his goofy antics, the rides to work with his dad or just hanging out in the office with mom. He loved to swim, wrestle with his dad, chase his ball, watch football, steal mom's slippers right off her feet, rip dad's pants doing the "death roll" shake, cuddling, playing with the grandkids and taking walks with mom. He will be missed beyond measure by his family and all of his friends at Animal Haven Vet Clinic, CSU Oncology, and VCA therapy not to mention all of his Golden Retriever friends & family at the Golden Retriever Forum._

_Canine lymphoma is a killer too much of the time. Funding needs to be available to help fight this insidious disease so in the future, family members will not have to, through tear filled eyes, say goodbye to their beloved friend far too early._

I pray they feature him. Far to many people don't know. I certainly had no idea. Only those who deal with or have dealt with it can even begin to understand, but the public needs to be educated.

Now, big breath as his regular onco vet just e-mailed me. I need to go read it.


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## Meggie'sMom

Beautiful tribute to Duke! I hope they will publish it too. Hugs to you. I know these days are so very hard.


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## moverking

Awww Cindy, Dee is grieving and suffering watching your grief, also, I bet. But we'll give him a swift kick in the pants if he stays cranky with you, too:
Sending hugs. Did you get my e-mail?


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## Duke's Momma

moverking said:


> Awww Cindy, Dee is grieving and suffering watching your grief, also, I bet. But we'll give him a swift kick in the pants if he stays cranky with you, too:
> Sending hugs. Did you get my e-mail?


Yes - I did get it - thank you so, so much. I haven't been able to watch again, yet. But again - it was so touching and beautiful. I'm not sure how to thank you for such an act of friendship.


----------



## Jersey's Mom

I'm sorry to be getting here so late... things have been busy, and somehow I completely missed this thread until now. I'm so so so sorry for your loss Cindy. There really are no words at a time like this, but know I'm thinking of you and your family.

Godspeed Duke, run hard.

Julie and Jersey


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## moverking

I don't want to think or talk about it....but Karma brings us all back around to the people who care, when we need it most. It's a circle


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## Karen519

*Cindy*

Cindy

What a beautiful tribute you did for Duke.
I am SURE THIS is the way that Dee is dealing with his grief-we all deal with it so differently. I know the 'EMPTY' teeling and Ken and I still had another dog in the house, both times we had to send one to the bridge.


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## mybuddy

Cindy

That was a lovely thing you did in Duke's name. Gosh, I really miss him.

Sending big hugs to you and Dee. I know how much you both hurt. Gee...I just sit here and shake my head. When you say his absense is tangible...I can feel that in my stomach. Gosh Cindy, how do you do it?

Many hugs
Vic and Buddy


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## Jo Ellen

Cindy, bless you for mentioning GRF in the tribute you wrote for Duke. I know what I feel doesn't hold a candle to what you are going through but I have to say the loss of Duke has hit me harder than I can even put to words.

I still am beside myself that in the turn of what seemed like just a moment, you were able to go from fighting for Duke to letting him go. I know you were so afraid of losing him. You found your way, I knew you would. 

I never met Duke but it didn't matter, he was one of a few that has really stood out to me through the years. I think because you loved him so much, I really really got that.

_RIP Duke -- you could not have been in a better place for the time that you were here._


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## gold4me

Cindy, that was beautiful. I think writing about our precious goldens sometimes helps. I think of you each day. We are still sending our love to you.


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## coppers-mom

Duke's tribute is so sweet. I had to get some tissues.
He was a beautiful, sweet boy. I keep seeing the picture of him wearing his zebra sweater and looking so put out. Talk about talking without words.

I am sorry for you and Dee and hope every day makes it easier to cherish Duke's memories and the special bond you two had.


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## paula bedard

It is a lovely tribute, I hope they do print it for you. 
You've been on my mind even though I'm not here as much as I had been....non-cyber duties call. 

God Bless


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## Duke's Momma

Hi, everyone

Here's a few pictures the study vet, Dr. Carlsten took of him before they took him to put the IVs in. Oh, God, I miss my brave boy!


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## mybuddy

Oh Cindy

My heart. Our sweet, brave, amazing boy. We miss him so much.


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## Jo Ellen

It's so hard to look at those pictures and then to realize that he's not here anymore. Precious pictures, and those eyes, my goodness. What a beautiful dog.


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## Jazz & Jules

Oh dear gawd Cindy. How that must have broken your heart to see.

Our sweet sweet boy is at peace in a healthy body now, happy and running free.

And as he runs free of pain Cindy, he has also given you permission to live pain free.

Honor his death as you did his life, with will, determination, strength and belief.


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## coppers-mom

Duke was beautiful and special and we all miss him.
He sure picked a good Momma.


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## Packleader

Cindy, I was devastated when I saw the news of Duke. I am truly sorry for your loss. Run free and play hard sweet Duke! Cindy you are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## McSwede

My heart sunk and tears are flowing as I am just reading this for the first time. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Duke was one special boy and he has left a huge paw print in each of our hearts. My thoughts are with you during this most difficult time. Thank you for sharing Duke with us, he will never be forgotten.
R.I.P. Beautiful boy. You were so loved.
Cindy, take care of yourself, as Duke would want you to.

~Jackie


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## arcane

Cindy I am so sorry and tears flow for you and Duke...I just don't have any words ...God Bless my friend...Sleep Softly Duke. You fought one heck of a fight.


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## Karen519

*Duke*

Duke is such a handsome boy-such an angel!!
Cindy: Duke wants you and Dee to be happy-he was well loved and is at peace.


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## LeeMedic

*I am so sorry!! ;-(*

I am at work as I read this post, and my heart is deeply saddened. It makes me want to run home and hug my lil Sergeant.


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## Allie

I am so sorry that Duke has gone from your lives, but you have given him the greatest gift. You released him from his pain. 
It's so hard to read this, I'm crying from your loss, and from this hideous disease! I know you will make it through this, someway, somehow, with the grace of God.
Godspeed Duke, play hard at the Bridge!


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## Lady Di

I am so sorry to hear of Duke's passing. My heart is breaking for you. Duke is and will always remain one of my favorite red dogs. I think back to our old place and the good friends we made over there and how so many of us have remained good friends here. I feel so bad I haven't been around, Nancy told me of Duke's passing and I couldn't believe it. I'm hoping you find some comfort in knowing how much Duke was loved by us all.


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## gold4me

Those are Beautiful!! I think I lost when I got to the last picture. He is so handsome!!! We love you Duke!


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## Karen519

*Cindy*

Cindy:

Good morning-just checking in.

Duke is SO BEAUTIFUL and as everyone has already said, Duke was loved by so many here!


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## mm03gn

Just thinking about you today Cindy - those pictures of Duke are beautiful, he had the most amazing eyes I think I've ever seen on a golden... hugs to you...


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## C's Mom

I'm sorry I took so long to pass on my condolences on the loss of Duke but I haven't had the heart strength to visit this sub-forum for a while. Please accept my condolences. Duke was so very beautiful. Sending you strength.


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## Hudson

Such a loving tribute, what a special bond you both shared. Beautiful photos of your brave wonderful boy. I hope writing your tribute helps heal your pain.RIP Brave boy Duke.


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## 3 goldens

i am just now seeing this. I am so very, very sorry,. All to well I know the heart break you are feeling.


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## coppers-mom

Cindy, you and Duke are often in my thoughts and prayers.
I hope you are hndling his loss better, but I know it takes a long, long time and the tears never completely end.

He was a truly special boy and brought love and joy to your life and many others.


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## Finn's Fan

Cindy, knowing how difficult this road is, I hope you're managing okay.


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## Duke's Momma

Hi, everyone

I had to get away and so I went to NE to see my folks and got snowed in yesterday when I was supposed to come home.

I was better not here. Now that I'm back it's like losing him all over again. He wasn't there to greet me at the door and everytime Dee and I talked I had to choke the words "so, how's my puppy" and talking to him on the phone. How I miss him.

The onco study vet did call today and she spoke to the pathologist on his autopsy. Findings: diffuse disease found in his spleen, kidneys, liver, lungs and all internal and external lymph nodes. She said given all of that, he was a very brave boy indeed. 

My poor baby boy. Oh, Duke, I'm sorry - so sorry we allowed you to suffer for so long. I wished you would have told me sooner and yet - did we "make" you want to stay longer? I miss you so much, my brave boy. Momma misses you and loves you and, my boy, I always will.


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## goldensmum

Cindy don't beat yourself up so much - you did your very very best for Duke, and if we all had the gift of hindsight things would be so much easier, but sadly we don't and so we can only deal with the things as they come along. I'm sure if your vet or onco vet guided you as to what to do and we sometimes have to place our trust in them.

Given the same situation, I and probably many others would have done exactly the same as you - you gave your boy a fighting chance - but so sadly it was not meant to be.

When we lost our previous dogs the hardest part for me was walking into the house and no furry wriggle bum to greet me - and even when we lost Ralph and there were still Ginny and Holly to greet me there was still a massive hole where Ralph should have been, so know exactly what you mean.

Sending some hugs your way, and keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers


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## coppers-mom

Duke's Momma said:


> Hi, everyone
> 
> My poor baby boy. Oh, Duke, I'm sorry - so sorry we allowed you to suffer for so long. I wished you would have told me sooner and yet - did we "make" you want to stay longer? I miss you so much, my brave boy. Momma misses you and loves you and, my boy, I always will.


Duke was happy while he was here and you helped him to the bridge once you knew the fight was really over. 
There is no greater love than that you showed.


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## maggiesmommy

My heart breaks for you. So sorry for your loss.


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## KimZay

I'm very sorry for your loss.


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## Karen519

*Cindy*

Cindy

do not beat yourself up. Duke did let you know the day he went to the Rainbow Bridge. You only did what you guys felt it your heart was best for Duke up until that day. 

I am sure the hardest thing is not having someone there to greet you. Call it selfish, but I don't think it is, that's why Ken and I have always had two dogs and adopted/rescued immediately after one of our babies went to the Bridge.


----------



## mybuddy

Duke's Momma said:


> Hi, everyone
> 
> I had to get away and so I went to NE to see my folks and got snowed in yesterday when I was supposed to come home.
> 
> I was better not here. Now that I'm back it's like losing him all over again. He wasn't there to greet me at the door and everytime Dee and I talked I had to choke the words "so, how's my puppy" and talking to him on the phone. How I miss him.
> 
> The onco study vet did call today and she spoke to the pathologist on his autopsy. Findings: diffuse disease found in his spleen, kidneys, liver, lungs and all internal and external lymph nodes. She said given all of that, he was a very brave boy indeed.
> 
> My poor baby boy. Oh, Duke, I'm sorry - so sorry we allowed you to suffer for so long. I wished you would have told me sooner and yet - did we "make" you want to stay longer? I miss you so much, my brave boy. Momma misses you and loves you and, my boy, I always will.


Cindy, 

My heart is literally breaking. 
The feelings you have are totally normal. ( not true but normal ). 

Duke sure was a brave boy. Wow, what a brave boy. You bet he was happy to have that extra time with you Cindy. Just remember that things always happen the way they are meant to happen. There was a reason he stayed that extra bit. You just know had you let him go sooner, you would still be asking the "what if" questions..that is all part of it. 

We are always here.


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## Jo Ellen

Thank you, Vic. Always here, yes.


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## Augie's Mom

Duke's Momma said:


> Hi, everyone
> 
> I had to get away and so I went to NE to see my folks and got snowed in yesterday when I was supposed to come home.
> 
> I was better not here. Now that I'm back it's like losing him all over again. He wasn't there to greet me at the door and everytime Dee and I talked I had to choke the words "so, how's my puppy" and talking to him on the phone. How I miss him.
> 
> The onco study vet did call today and she spoke to the pathologist on his autopsy. Findings: diffuse disease found in his spleen, kidneys, liver, lungs and all internal and external lymph nodes. She said given all of that, he was a very brave boy indeed.
> 
> My poor baby boy. Oh, Duke, I'm sorry - so sorry we allowed you to suffer for so long. I wished you would have told me sooner and yet - did we "make" you want to stay longer? I miss you so much, my brave boy. Momma misses you and loves you and, my boy, I always will.


 
Don't do this to yourself. You did everything you could for Duke and more. You both gave it your all and were so brave. Most importantly when Duke did let you know it was his time to leave you listened; you did not let your beloved boy suffer.


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## moverking

Cindy, I probably have a very controversial belief about dogs and death and euthanasia, but here goes....
Some, if not most, humans have a belief system that revolves around the idea of a God.
I don't believe dogs do. 
I believe they understand death, as in recognizing that something is 'not living'.
I don't believe they understand their own mortality.
All of Duke's world was you and Dee and his family, home, and life experiences.
He was sick, and he got sicker, but he had no idea of a 'better place'. His better place was right there with you! 
Keeping him there as long as possible without abject suffering would have been the absolute best in Duke's mind. How could there have been anything better?
As humans we may have to make the decision to end their suffering before it becomes unbearably painful for both us emotionally and our dogs physically.
In that, we are being the ultimate care-taker. No guilt and no anticipation, remember?

These days must be long and hard for you, tearful and aching. Sending love and know you're in our thoughts.


----------



## justmejanis

moverking said:


> Cindy, I probably have a very controversial belief about dogs and death and euthanasia, but here goes....
> Some, if not most, humans have a belief system that revolves around the idea of a God.
> I don't believe dogs do.
> I believe they understand death, as in recognizing that something is 'not living'.
> I don't believe they understand their own mortality.
> All of Duke's world was you and Dee and his family, home, and life experiences.
> He was sick, and he got sicker, but he had no idea of a 'better place'. His better place was right there with you!
> Keeping him there as long as possible without abject suffering would have been the absolute best in Duke's mind. How could there have been anything better?
> As humans we may have to make the decision to end their suffering before it becomes unbearably painful for both us emotionally and our dogs physically.
> In that, we are being the ultimate care-taker. No guilt and no anticipation, remember?
> 
> These days must be long and hard for you, tearful and aching. Sending love and know you're in our thoughts.


I think this is beautifully stated. 

Cindy I cannot tell you again how sorry I am for the loss of your brave Duke. Don't beat yourself up please, please. I am faced with this decision soon for our Sunka. His his pain from the Osteosarcoma is clearly getting worse, yet his spirit is alive and well. It is nearly impossible to choose that defining moment when enough is enough. Grief is overwhelming before the decision is made.

Duke knew nothing but love Cindy. His life, including end days, were still filled with the joy and warmth and abundance of love bestowed upon him. He took that with him. Always remember that.


----------



## moverking

justmejanis said:


> I am faced with this decision soon for our Sunka. His his pain from the Osteosarcoma is clearly getting worse, yet his spirit is alive and well. It is nearly impossible to choose that defining moment when enough is enough


Janis, I know you, too, are having heartbreaking days...think of it this way - you and I both know what chronic pain is like...shoot, were we dogs, euthanasia would have been prescribed years ago for us, right? Even with the pain, I wouldn't trade the days I've had... on bad days we rest more, maybe not hike as long, spend time sitting in the sun, 
You'll know when the pain completely outweighs the good in Sunka's life.


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## Thor0918

Oh the pain. I know it too well. Tear are falling again. It's never easy.


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## Finn's Fan

Cindy, dogs do not anticipate and they don't regret. Duke, and all of our other beloved dogs, always think life is grand when their basic needs are met, including having their devoted humans by their sides. You went to extraordinary measures to make sure your boy had a chance to beat this horrid disease, and he acted for a while like it was working. When it was clear to you that the fight couldn't be won, you gave him that most precious gift, freedom from a failing body. If he could come back and talk to you, he would thank you from the bottom of his sweet heart.


----------



## moverking

Finn's Fan said:


> Cindy, dogs do not anticipate and they don't regret. Duke, and all of our other beloved dogs, always think life is grand when their basic needs are met, including having their devoted humans by their sides. You went to extraordinary measures to make sure your boy had a chance to beat this horrid disease, and he acted for a while like it was working. When it was clear to you that the fight couldn't be won, you gave him that most precious gift, freedom from a failing body. If he could come back and talk to you, he would thank you from the bottom of his sweet heart.


So very well said...I have repeated your intuitive lines "No anticipation and no regrets" countless times since you first wrote them, thank you for those...


----------



## goldensrbest

I think you and i have alot of the feelings, of just missing everything about our boys, all they were, all they did, just the whole package of our boy's. To me, i miss all of him, he was such a happy boy all the time, i wish i could had him for the rest of my life, for some of us, this is going to take some time, to come to the place, the tears slow down.


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## Elisabeth Kazup

I'm so sorry. For those of us who have gone through it, our understanding is genuine and our tears fall because we KNOW how you feel. Your loss brings back our losses. The only thing any of us can do is vow to care for our loved ones each day they best we can according to what they need that day. And when the care they need is to be put to rest, we do that. Sorrowfully, painfully, lovingly. And we will once again love a Golden, laugh with a Golden and then tearfully say goodbye.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))) to all of you in your sorrowful time.


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## mybuddy

Hi Cindy....

Just thinking about you


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## Duke's Momma

Hi, everyone

Thank you once again for all your support and understanding during this very VERY difficult time.

You're think you're doing a little better (and scared your doing a little better) and then BAM, a sound, a trigger of a situation and Duke in the middle of it and I'm a puddle once again.

At night might be the worst. No, during the day alone is the worst. No, watching sports on tv is the worst. No, it's all the worst. This is a physical pain and I so expected us to have to make the decision we made because he was old and had lived his life out and was ready to go to the bridge. Not because he fought a hard fight and was just too sick to get better.

But, we're dealing. Dee can't talk about him and I have to talk about him. What a mess. So totally unfair but who said life was fair?

Anyway, thanks again everyone. I don't know what I'd do without this place and you, my friends. You, Duke's friends. I wish I were stronger.

Cindy


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## tippykayak

Maybe it's time for us to hear a few more favorite Duke stories? That kind of thing helped me heal when Gus died. It's hard to talk about, and you cry, but you celebrate a wonderful life instead of only mourning an uncontrollable death. 

Just a thought. Everybody grieves in their own way, but that really helped me.


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## davidrusselljr

I am so sorry to hear about Duke. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Dave & Anne Marie

PS: Maarten and Duke will be great pal's.


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## Karen519

*Duke's Momma*

Duke's Momma

I am so very glad you are back. Think about you everyday.
As I said before, without having other dogs in our lives, Ken and I would have not made it through.


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## puddinhd58

Good Afternoon Cindy, 
You are STRONG!!! Because you grieve so deeply does not make you weak, it makes you human.
You are in my thoughts every day.... 

I'm with Tippy...if it helps you to talk then yap them jaws at us!!!! Pour it all out here along with some stories about Duke... 

Big Hugs to you.


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## paula bedard

I just saw the pics you posted of Duke. He surely was one of the most handsome dogs I've seen. I remember the first pic I saw of him made me stop and say 'Wow'. I'm sure his glorious red coat is shining and shimmering in the brilliant sunshine of the Bridge.

I know it's hard right now, but I promise it does get better. I hope you're letting go of the guilt that was burdening you. Duke would not want his Mama to be so, so sad. Sending prayers of comfort for you and the DH...that you can hear his name or see his face and it bring not a tear, but a smile.


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## Jo Ellen

I was looking at pictures of Duke myself, yesterday. What a beautiful dog he was. And his eyes, wow.

I know Cindy is having a real hard time with this right now but I know she'll be okay. She has her faith, her husband, and all of us who understand. And she knows in her heart of hearts that Duke wants her to be okay again ... she always took care of Duke when he was here, she will in this also.

Cindy, I say a prayer for you everyday {{hugs}}


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## justmejanis

Cindy sadly I know exactly what you are going through. I lost Spencer a little over four years ago and Sunka just last Friday. The pain swells and recedes, it will for some time. There is no cure for grief. There is no weakness in mourning the loss of someone so deeply cherised.

My husband will not talk about Sunka. He can't, and I need to, so I understand you frustration. He initially asked me to remove all photos of Sunka from the house. I didn't...and held my ground only because I still need to see that sweet face. I told Chuck it would be disrespectful to Sunka. He has to grieve his own way as do I. It is never easy.

Healing takes time and will eventually happen. Don't try to push the pain away. I understand and so does everyone here.

I am thinking of you always through shared grief.


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## mybuddy

justmejanis said:


> Cindy sadly I know exactly what you are going through. I lost Spencer a little over four years ago and Sunka just last Friday. The pain swells and recedes, it will for some time. There is no cure for grief. There is no weakness in mourning the loss of someone so deeply cherised.
> 
> My husband will not talk about Sunka. He can't, and I need to, so I understand you frustration. He initially asked me to remove all photos of Sunka from the house. I didn't...and held my ground only because I still need to see that sweet face. I told Chuck it would be disrespectful to Sunka. He has to grieve his own way as do I. It is never easy.
> 
> Healing takes time and will eventually happen. Don't try to push the pain away. I understand and so does everyone here.
> 
> I am thinking of you always through shared grief.


 
I am so sorry about Sunka. The grief process is so difficult and can be more so when people handle it differently. 

Big Hugs

Hugs to you too Cindy. I know it is still fresh and not much easier.

Always here
Vic


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## Hudson

Thinking of you in your time of grief, maybe a scrap booking of Dukes life will help you heal, thats what I did when Jessie went to the bridge. Take one day at a time, Duke will be watching over you, he is pain free with our beloved goldens.
Prayers for your recovery.


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## Duke's Momma

No one needs to reply to this, I'm just not ready for it to be off of page one. Not yet...........

My boy, if you can hear me, momma's big boy - I love you and miss you more than I ever thought possible. I'm lost without you. Daddy and I are fine, but missing you something awful. I'm really sorry that we couldn't beat this horrible disease, but you certainly gave it your all. You were such a fighter and a lover at the same time. I miss the feel of your silk ears and I know Tabitha misses you, too. She even went to get the ball to take you out the other day. She went and saw Buddy instead. I think the horses miss you, too.

The Deep Rock guy came the other day looking for you also. You have left a big hole in our hearts and in our (and your) home. That just meant that there was a big love here when you were here. Your beds are still just as you left them except for your wicker bed in the office. That's where I've put all of your toys from down here, your clothes, collar, everything that's not up in your basket upstairs. I just can't bear to put them anywhere. Not just yet. I know you're not coming back here on this earth, but with them here close it's like you are here close. 

All of the cards and presents and such that we've received from all of the people that love you are there also. You truly touched so many lives I'm just sorry you had to go to the bridge sick instead of just living out your life healthy and time for you to go. Momma's sorry about that. Everything else in your life was fixed through our prayers and our love, but we couldn't fix this. I love you, my boy. And, miss you just so much.

I am very happy that you are now whole and healthy once more. Not cold or sick to your stomach and that you are eating all of the raw hamburger you want and munching on horse hooves and swimming with no worries of ear infections and no momma standing over you to wash your ears out after your swim. That it's warm and there's green grass as far as the eye can see except where there's blue warm water and boat docks to jump off of. Have fun, my beautiful red boy.


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## Jazz & Jules

:bawling::bawling::bawling::bawling::bawling:


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## gold4me

Awwww Cindy. That is beautiful and truly from your heart. I know he is listening and watching.


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## mybuddy

Oh goodness....this makes my heart break.

Love ya Cindy....


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## mullietucksmom

My heart goes out to you...


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## Hudson

Thinking of you, our beloved goldens at the bridge leave us with a huge hole in our lives, but Dukes memory will live on in your heart forever.


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## Dallas Gold

Cindy, your words are beautiful and brought a flood of tears to my eyes. I hope Duke will send many happy memories your way in the coming days.


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## Dallas Gold

justmejanis said:


> Cindy sadly I know exactly what you are going through. I lost Spencer a little over four years ago and Sunka just last Friday. The pain swells and recedes, it will for some time. There is no cure for grief. There is no weakness in mourning the loss of someone so deeply cherised.
> 
> My husband will not talk about Sunka. He can't, and I need to, so I understand you frustration. He initially asked me to remove all photos of Sunka from the house. I didn't...and held my ground only because I still need to see that sweet face. I told Chuck it would be disrespectful to Sunka. He has to grieve his own way as do I. It is never easy.
> 
> Healing takes time and will eventually happen. Don't try to push the pain away. I understand and so does everyone here.
> 
> I am thinking of you always through shared grief.


Reading your post brought back the memories of losing our boy Beau and dread for what will be coming our way too soon with Barkley. I was suprised how all those pictures around the house brought me so much comfort in those first few days after losing Beau. Hubby's grief took a different path but eventually he began to appreciate all the photos as well. I still have Beau as my homepage photo--he greets me every morning and makes me smile.


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## coppers-mom

Duke's Momma said:


> My boy, if you can hear me, momma's big boy - I love you and miss you more than I ever thought possible. I'm lost without you. Daddy and I are fine, but missing you something awful.
> 
> You have left a big hole in our hearts and in our (and your) home. That just meant that there was a big love here when you were here.
> 
> Everything else in your life was fixed through our prayers and our love, but we couldn't fix this. I love you, my boy. And, miss you just so much.
> 
> Have fun, my beautiful red boy.


Cindy,
Your post is so true in so many ways.
I think part of your grief is because you couldn't fix this. I know that has made it harder when I've lost mine to cancer. 
Duke was beautiful and just a wonderful boy.
I'm sending great big hugs of understanding and sympathy.


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## maggie1951

coppers-mom said:


> Cindy,
> Your post is so true in so many ways.
> I think part of your grief is because you couldn't fix this. I know that has made it harder when I've lost mine to cancer.
> Duke was beautiful and just a wonderful boy.
> I'm sending great big hugs of understanding and sympathy.


Yes it's true and you cannot believe how much you miss them and that big gapping hole they leave in your heart.


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## Karen519

*Cindy*

Cindy:

You, Duke and Dee are in my prayers everyday.

Karen


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## Duke's Momma

mullietucksmom said:


> My heart goes out to you...


That's beautiful and brought more tears. Will they ever end? "you held one in your arms" - that is just so true of all of us - we've got such a short amount of time with our babies in the grand scheme of things. I miss him so and he really was a true angel and now really is a true angel.


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## Waggily Tail

Oh Duke, isn't it's funny how the little things mean so much to your Momma, like the feel of your fur and the smell of your feet. I can tell you were a special guy.


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## Karen519

*Cindy*

We sure do only have our babies for a short time.


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## Jazz & Jules

I woke up this morning and just felt this intense loss of Duke. As I wept into my pillow, my heart just ached for you Cindy and for Dee.

As I awoke more, I made my way outside with a mug of coffee. I was met with a flawless sky and sun and my Artie windchimes gave a gentle ring. They are all ok. They are happy. And they hear our prayers.


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## Duke's Momma

Thank you, MJ. I've been dealing with dry eye syndrome - isn't that ironic? Must have just cried so much I've dried them out. Anyway, my tears are moistening them.

We awoke to bitter cold and snow on the ground with no Duke prints in it. Interesting how some things make it hit home more than others. Also interesting that the new neighbors have some pitbull mix something or other and he was here yesterday whining under the deck, almost missing Duke himself. Duke used to go visit over there and he came here. I miss the sound of my puppy.

Thank you again, MJ. You really very eloquently put into words what I cannot.


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## Duke's Momma

So, I drempt (is that a word?) about my puppy again last night. I drempt that I was sleeping on the floor with him and AJ - Duke's 4 year old friend and our grand daughter and that Duke was pushing us out of the "bed" which was the floor.

Also that we had given him a shot about 5 days before that that was to make him very sick and pass away if he was supposed to and that was to happen in about 3 days after the shot. He was fine and happy and not sick at all & running around and I thought in my dream "huh - I forgot we gave him that shot. He must be fine!"

What do you suppose all of that means? Just my mind playing tricks on me I suppose. God, I miss his anctics. I miss my puppy............. When does it get better, really? I miss his soft belly (I kind of liked it when he was shaved for the ultrasounds cuz then I could blow on it like a baby's and make that sound and bury my nose in his soft belly with no hair.

The Bible says that fear has torment and I really feel tormented that we made the wrong decision. Even though it's done and he's gone I just can't get away from that feeling!!!!!


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## Duke's Momma

Jazz & Jules said:


> As I awoke more, I made my way outside with a mug of coffee. I was met with a flawless sky and sun and my Artie windchimes gave a gentle ring. They are all ok. They are happy. And they hear our prayers.


That does bring me some peace.


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## Karen519

*Cindy*

I know if Duke was here he would tell you you made the right decision and would thank you for letting him go to be pain free and run at the Bridge.
There really was no hope of Duke recovering and his quality of life would have been very poor and I wouldn't want to live that way or see my beloved dog live that way-that is just existing, not living.

I used to have dreams and get down every month close to the anniversary of Gizmo and Munchkin going to the Bridge. It took about 2 years before that went away. 

You said the other day when you were helping a friend you felt better-I think that is the key. If you try to occupy yourself helping someone, you will have less time to feel badly.

Can't tell you how much I hate to see you in pain!


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## Jo Ellen

Duke's Momma said:


> I drempt that I was sleeping on the floor with him and AJ - Duke's 4 year old friend and our grand daughter and that Duke was pushing us out of the "bed" which was the floor....The Bible says that fear has torment and I really feel tormented that we made the wrong decision. Even though it's done and he's gone I just can't get away from that feeling!!!!!


I think you answered your own question about what your dream meant. You made a decision to let Duke go and that is really troubling you, did you make the right decision. I think in your dream Duke was taking control and making his own decision -- pushing you out of bed -- and then he was fine. Duke made the decision himself and he beat the cancer. You're worried that you made the decision and it was the wrong one? So understandable.

You fought so hard with the chemo. Duke was sick, you didn't want to believe it, but he was. The cancer had him and you COULD NOT change that. So sad, cancer has no heart, no conscience, no love, and yet sometimes all the power. I think you made the right decision. Duke was going to get more sick, it was already bad, it was going to get worse. You spared him, and wherever he is he's okay with that. He did not want to be sick, he did not like it. He understands, just like you did at the time you let him go. 

Cindy, you did not have control over this. It did not go the way you wanted it to go. The **** cancer took your Duke right out from under you. I hate that so much, I still cry for you. I really did love your Duke so much. Bigger than life he was for me, for so long.

I'm here for you as long as you need, you know that, right? :heartbeat


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## coppers-mom

Cindy,
I don't knwo when it will get better for you. We each deal with grief in our own way. I just hope and pray it does begin to get better for you.

I think you are dreaming of Duke and trying to change the outcome. You made your decision based on the information you were given and we have to believe it was the right choice for Duke. I know you were worried he would fail quickly and suffer. I lost my last golden to liver cancer. He was diagnosed on Monday and PTS sleep the next Saturday and that was one day too late. His last night was truly awful for him, but I had not been able to do it sooner. At least Duke went peacefully surrounded by love.

It was and is very, very hard for you but I do believe you made the most humane decision for him.


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## Jo Ellen

Letting go is such a hard thing to do. If you do, you wonder if you made the right decision. If you don't, you curse yourself for hanging on too long. There is no comfortable place in this process, just the healing that takes place afterwards. 

I think you made the right decision. I think you made the decision that Duke wanted you to make. I think you loved him enough to think about him more than you were thinking about yourself. I really did know you would be able to do that, because you loved him that much. It's a good thing, really ... even though right now it feels so bad. You always took care of Duke.


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## Jazz & Jules

Jo Ellen said:


> You fought so hard with the chemo. Duke was sick, you didn't want to believe it, but he was. The cancer had him and you COULD NOT change that. So sad, cancer has no heart, no conscience, no love, and yet sometimes all the power. I think you made the right decision. Duke was going to get more sick, it was already bad, it was going to get worse. You spared him, and wherever he is he's okay with that. He did not want to be sick, he did not like it.



So beautifully said Jo. It really hits home hard but so much truth is spoken.

Cindy, your heart is veiled by your grief and tears right now but one day the sun will once again shine upon you.


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## Tailer'sFolks

Thinking of You! Decisions are made and some are final...You made the right one for You & Dee & Dukee. Dukee could not suffer and struggle and have a good life, but now he runs free...when he is not warming Gods feet...or feeding those baby angel dawgs... or collecting tennis balls for all the games...Tyme will let your heart ache ease...Memories of a Healthy Harpy Dukee will never go daway...Tailer n I Love You Guys & will foreber Love Sir Dukee...


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## Duke's Momma

Karen519 said:


> I used to have dreams and get down every month close to the anniversary of Gizmo and Munchkin going to the Bridge. It took about 2 years before that went away.
> 
> You said the other day when you were helping a friend you felt better-I think that is the key. If you try to occupy yourself helping someone, you will have less time to feel badly.
> 
> Can't tell you how much I hate to see you in pain!


Thank you, Karen. Yes, if I had the time I would occupy myself with helping someone. The problem is - - and I have been doing that somewhat - - then my work here in the office doesn't get done. Honestly - I almost let our group health insurance lapse because I was either so preoccupied with myself or helping others or just getting out of the house because I couldn't stand being here alone. I am a mess. It was very nice to get out and help my friend the other day but then, as you know, I felt guilty for "forgetting" 1:00.

Dee wanted to take a walk yesterday and I just couldn't. That's what Duke and I did - walk. He used to be my jogging partner prior to his ACL and then boy even at the end he was up for a walk until Feb. 11 when he crawled up on the couch when I asked him if he wanted to go on a walk. When he was on chemo, I took him for very short walks because he tired out so easily but in better days - boy would we walk! I've walked a total of 2 times since my boy left and both times were so excruciating I couldn't breathe.

I honestly don't know what I'd do with out you all to help me through this. Or do I just keep reliving it and THAT'S why I'm not better. The pain is so tangible.


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## Duke's Momma

Jo Ellen said:


> I think you answered your own question about what your dream meant. You made a decision to let Duke go and that is really troubling you, did you make the right decision. I think in your dream Duke was taking control and making his own decision -- pushing you out of bed -- and then he was fine. Duke made the decision himself and he beat the cancer. You're worried that you made the decision and it was the wrong one? So understandable.
> 
> You fought so hard with the chemo. Duke was sick, you didn't want to believe it, but he was. The cancer had him and you COULD NOT change that. So sad, cancer has no heart, no conscience, no love, and yet sometimes all the power. I think you made the right decision. Duke was going to get more sick, it was already bad, it was going to get worse. You spared him, and wherever he is he's okay with that. He did not want to be sick, he did not like it. He understands, just like you did at the time you let him go.
> 
> Cindy, you did not have control over this. It did not go the way you wanted it to go. The **** cancer took your Duke right out from under you. I hate that so much, I still cry for you. I really did love your Duke so much. Bigger than life he was for me, for so long.
> 
> I'm here for you as long as you need, you know that, right? :heartbeat


Yes, I know you're here for me, Jo. Thanks, my friend. You said alot in this post and all of it so right on. I sure wish I could turn back the clock to simpler days with our boy. But, I NEED to quit dwelling on that because it won't happen so it is what it is and I have to accept that.

I'm so tired from the weekend and that is when I really get weepy and "bad". I need more rest but all I want to do is sleep because then it doesn't hurt quite so bad unless I dream and wake up to find him not here.


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## Jo Ellen

I sometimes think the reason God gave us two feet is that sometimes all we can do is put one in front of the other. God love you, Cindy ... he's watching over you, however clumsy and fragile you might feel right now. Plod your way through, hon, moment by moment, day by day. I want to believe the light is brighter on the other side of this ... you will see.

Duke was yours for a time. You were so lucky, so blessed to know the love that brings this kind of pain. You have always been, and will always be ... my hero in the world of goldens. Serious  

<<big tears>>


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## tippykayak

Duke's Momma said:


> Dee wanted to take a walk yesterday and I just couldn't. That's what Duke and I did - walk. He used to be my jogging partner prior to his ACL and then boy even at the end he was up for a walk until Feb. 11 when he crawled up on the couch when I asked him if he wanted to go on a walk. When he was on chemo, I took him for very short walks because he tired out so easily but in better days - boy would we walk! I've walked a total of 2 times since my boy left and both times were so excruciating I couldn't breathe.


I can't tell you how to grieve, but if it were me, I'd get out and walk. You seem so focused on how Duke's not there when you walk, but that's EXACTLY where he is. Go celebrate your boy! You do him much better justice remembering the joy he brought and finding new joys then you do putting your life on hold.

Again, I can only really speak for myself, but it seems to me that grief can paralyze us, and I don't think that paralyzing kind of grief is as healthy as the kind that leads us to remember our loved ones with the joy they brought us.

Doesn't your heart lift up when you think about those joyful times you spent with Duke by your side? Isn't that what he would want, to lift you up again and again?

I don't think I can really tell you what to do here, but I do feel strongly that rediscovering your joys in life, especially the ones you shared with Duke, is important.


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## coppers-mom

Everybody handles grief in their own way and time. I wish you could "get better" so very quickly, but I think your grief is still too fresh. You lost a great friend and companion and grief, loneliness, anger and all the rest of so very typical. I am so very sorry for you and Dee.

Would it be possible for you to call Duke's onco vet or any other one you had a great rapport with and ask if there is a pet grief support group in your area? Cyber friends help, but I think live people might help you more right now. In any case, the more support and understanding you get the better for you.

I know what you mean about wishing they were back and the way they used to be. I do that with people and pets. 
When I dream about my dad (he died 9 years ago) it feels good now - like a little visit, but it took as very long time to get there.

I now you agonize over whether you made the wrong decision. Try to remember that Kelly(?) reassured you that it was his time. She would surely know.

I know the feeling of "I want you back!!!!!!!". We know it won't happen, but we can't help wanting it. Acceptance will come with time. I'll keep you in my heart and prayers for peace and acceptance.

Teresa


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## Duke's Momma

coppers-mom said:


> Cindy,
> I don't knwo when it will get better for you. We each deal with grief in our own way. I just hope and pray it does begin to get better for you.
> 
> I think you are dreaming of Duke and trying to change the outcome. You made your decision based on the information you were given and we have to believe it was the right choice for Duke. I know you were worried he would fail quickly and suffer. I lost my last golden to liver cancer. He was diagnosed on Monday and PTS sleep the next Saturday and that was one day too late. His last night was truly awful for him, but I had not been able to do it sooner. At least Duke went peacefully surrounded by love.
> 
> It was and is very, very hard for you but I do believe you made the most humane decision for him.


I'm so sorry for your loss. Out of all of them, I believe canine cancer is the most brutal on all parties. When (if) I ever retire, I want to help in whatever way I can to stop this horrible disease. It cuts away at our very fiber - once the diagnosis life changes forever. FOREVER. I know I look at things so totally different now than I did pre-dx.

Yes, Duke was peaceful and surrounded by love - by us and his very loving vets. I need some focus now - some positive focus.


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## Duke's Momma

You are all right - all of you. Hi, Brian - you're right. I need to celebrate his life. I need to plod through because this kind of grief I believe is not healthy and can be (and is so much of the time) paralyzing.

I have got to do it. I need to focus on what he was and who he was and not where he's not now. I have to to get on with it.

I will. I will. I will. I'll walk today. I have got to get on with life. My life without him - but my life nonetheless. OUR life nonetheless. Dee's way of handling this is just not talking about it. When I told him why I couldn't walk yesterday I glanced over and yes, crying himself. I know he loved him. I'll tell another story on his memory lane thread. It'll make me cry and smile at the same time. I need more of those.

PS - thanks for just allowing me to spew - to cry - to mourn - and yet, not leaving me there.


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## Duke's Momma

And.....there is another thing that is eating at me - making me feel guilty. If I get it off my chest I might be able to deal with it as well.

From 01/01/08 thru 12/31/20009, we spent a little over $14,000 on our puppy. Remember, his health issues - alot of which happened prior to 08. However, the ongoing issues - skin, allergies, seizures, thyroid, kidney and then the end of 09 the cancer. I mean, his food alone was a huge expense with the allergies AND the kidney issues. I even started ordering meds on line which saved a buttload of money but the cost and financial burden was HUGE as you can see.

Part of me is - - - - - glad that we don't have to spend that much money anymore - - - - - - there, I said it. I mean - puleeze don't misunderstand me - I'd certainly rather have him here of course, but that financial burden has been lifted and it is a huge relief. Especially in this economy. Does that make me a bad mom?

We did it gladly not even adding it all up - because he was our Dukee. Not even a second thought because - well you all know - just because! So, there - it's out in the open and I'm going to hit submit reply before I change my mind about being honest.


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## coppers-mom

I know exactly what you mean. I also reached the point with chance (and that was only 6 days!) that I felt "If you are going to leave me then go ahead and do it!". I was angry and I was hurt and I truly didn't want to face it. I don't know if you ever felt that way, but dealing with his cancer diagnosis had to be so very, very hard.

I understand you spending all that money because he was your Dukee. I also understand you being relieved to not have to continue to find the money he required. I had to "find" about $6,000 - $8,000 for Copper last year and even that much was a struggle. I have the so wonderful option of increasing my hours at work as needed so I managed to make up most of it.

You gave duke the best of everyting, but the most important thing to him was your love and companionship. Isn't it wonderful to be loved so completely and without reservations? I know you are missing that.

We understand and sympathize and love you and loved duke. Feel free to spew what you like.

Teresa


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## Claire's Friend

I think what you need is another dog, a rescue, one that needs you as much as you need him. You are in the habit of loving and caring for something, Duke taught you that. You would honor his teachings by caring for another. I lost my 20 year old cat this past fall. I couldn't get out of bed for a week. I just couldn't face the day without her. Then my vets called. A little Siamese kitten had been found abandoned by the side of the road, would I foster her? I had to think about it..for about 20 minutes.Tiki not only saved me, but the rest of my pets, they really needed Mommy to get out of bed and take care of them. I still cry every day over Suki, but when it gets really bad, I go and hug Tiki, that ALWAYS helps. Please take care and be gentle with yourselves right now. You have suffered a great loss that only time can soften, Hugs:kiss:


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## Jo Ellen

Oh gosh, Cindy ... can I chuckle? I am, only a little bit. :smooch:

So I googled "grief and guilt over relief of financial burden." I got 14,600 returns.

There is nothing new under the sun. What you're feeling is very common, it's written about and talked about in grief books a lot. Your relief is nothing more than a reflection of reality -- financial hardships are stressful.

I was thinking about you and Dee earlier ... how you said Dee wanted to walk the other day but you couldn't. I wonder if walking with him would help him open up about Duke and begin to process some of his own grief. I think if this happened, it would help you too. Do you think so? But I know sometimes you can only go so far and then you have to call it a day. Maybe another time. I think Dee might be reaching out to you though ... I sure am glad he's there with you.


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## Duke's Momma

Hey - are you laughing at me, Jo? :curtain: See, I didn't even think to google that. And......you're probably right about the walking thing.

What we did - you can chuckle again now - on the way home from church yesterday is we went by Walmart and bought him a bike so we can go for a bike ride together. I was just so shot yesterday that we didn't but he just called and we might go for a ride today.

It is good that we have each other to help get through this.

Claire's Friend - I actually have been looking at rescue goldens here in Colorado. I am absolutely terrified that this will happen again. I pm's a good friend here on the board - you know who you are  - to ask how they dealt with the fear. Got some answers but really I just don't know. And, I'm thinking that Dee is not ready. The thing about a senior golden is that's about the time for cancer to hit, but also all of their health issues except cancer is by that time already known. I also was thinking about a special needs pup again because we certainly do know how to care and love for one, but there's that financial thing again.

And, I was also looking on line at a Hovawart after golden-hovawart replied in one of Duke's threads. They are beautiful without most of the health issues. I've done some research. But, they're just not a golden. *sigh* Again, I'm just not sure if we're ready to put ourselves out there again. We could put our energy into the church but people hurt people so badly sometimes that it's not an unconditional love thing and ...... and...... and.....

Theresa, where I was after the initial shock was ----okay. Here it is, let's deal with it. We've beat death before and we can do it again. There's miracle dogs like Tasha and Meggie and Duke can be another. Why not? So, then I was all about getting him better. Only this year (actually, there's a post where I had a melt down)I really started to believe that we maybe couldn't beat this thing. then I deal with - was it my negative attitude that helped the cancer win?

Oh, so many **** thoughts!!! I'm looking forward to the bike ride. Get out of the house.


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## Claire's Friend

You could foster ???I have kept several of my older and special needs rescues. Sometimes I have only gotten months, sometimes many years. But I would do it all again because they are the ones that become so near and dear to your heart. A friend of mine just adopted a Golden from a shelter. They told her she was three. I helped her track down his vet records and we found out he is really 7, almost 8. She is so glad things happened this way because she never would have considered him if she had known how old he really was. She says now she just has to love him twice as much. You might think about pet insurance, but the dog will have to be under 7 and I am sure there are some special needs that wouldn't qualify. Fostering is such a great way to go because there is no commitment and it might help determine if you are ready. GRRR is a wonderful organization, one of our Club Gold dogs is a GRRR rescue.


----------



## coppers-mom

I think getting out and going for a walk or ride would be great for you both.

Would it be possible for you and Dee to have a heart to heart while on a walk? I've always found it easier to discuss things while walking. If you two can manage to discuss Duke, I think that would help.

If you foster I believe the rescue pays the vet bills, but I have a feeling that you would get too attached and find it impossible to let go.

If you got a rescue it wouldn't have to be a senior. I think even a dog that is 2 or 3 would have many health issues surface if they were present. Allergies and hip dysplasia come to mind..... I'm sure that if you called your local rescue and told them about your fears of health issues, they could give you guidance and reassurance.

I must admit I have had years longer with Copper than I thought I would when adopting him. We've been together 5 years 5 months and 16 days and he was graying when I got him. The thought of losing them is terrific, but I am just not able to go without a dog for any length of time. On the other hand, my Aunt's Rottweiller died about 5 years ago and she still refuses to consider another one. the loss was just to hard for her, but IMO she is truly missing out. You wouldn't feel so much pain if there hadn't been so much love and would you truly want to never experience the love and companionship again?

Again, that is a personal decision and we all react differently. Time will ease your grief and make it easier, but it will always be there. So will the good memories and the love your shared.


----------



## Hudson

Hi Cindy,
Grief goes through many stages, try to breathe deeply to relieve your stress and pain and take in the beautiful sights you and Duke shared and walk in the sunshine, a coffee with a friend, an album on pictures in this honour. All your thoughts and guilt are very normal and unfortunately a path we need to travel to heal. You and Duke fought the battle for many months, you shared his every pain, it is only natural your grief, and lose is so intense.
Duke would want you to remember him and smile, hope your days get better soon. Thinking of you hugs from across the oceans.
Ann, Asha and Hudson


----------



## tippykayak

There's nothing wrong with being happy not to have to spend money. We all know you'd happily spend more if it would help. But the money you spent wasn't the measurement of your love for the dog, so _not_ spending money anymore has nothing to do with your love either.

Duke had no idea what money was! If you want to do something with money, save it up so your next dog causes you no financial burden. But it makes no sense at all for money to cause you guilt. It's great to be able to save when you can so you can spend when you need to.


----------



## mybuddy

Duke's Momma said:


> And.....there is another thing that is eating at me - making me feel guilty. If I get it off my chest I might be able to deal with it as well.
> 
> From 01/01/08 thru 12/31/20009, we spent a little over $14,000 on our puppy. Remember, his health issues - alot of which happened prior to 08. However, the ongoing issues - skin, allergies, seizures, thyroid, kidney and then the end of 09 the cancer. I mean, his food alone was a huge expense with the allergies AND the kidney issues. I even started ordering meds on line which saved a buttload of money but the cost and financial burden was HUGE as you can see.
> 
> Part of me is - - - - - glad that we don't have to spend that much money anymore - - - - - - there, I said it. I mean - puleeze don't misunderstand me - I'd certainly rather have him here of course, but that financial burden has been lifted and it is a huge relief. Especially in this economy. Does that make me a bad mom?
> 
> We did it gladly not even adding it all up - because he was our Dukee. Not even a second thought because - well you all know - just because! So, there - it's out in the open and I'm going to hit submit reply before I change my mind about being honest.


 
Oh Cindy....Cindy, Cindy, Cindy......((((((hug)))))))

Every single emotion you are having now is normal. None of it is true, they are all just a bunch of illusory thoughts brought on by lack of toona. Wait...Buddy just took over da mi brane...wait...

Seriously Cindy, I feel so deeply for you because I know exactly how you are feeling. It is all so normal but of course, as Buddy said, not in any way true. You are just in your process. Dont fight your feelings, just accept them and go with them.......no matter how toona related they are.

I sent you an email re: pets in the afterlife....oh, Da Dukie n da Bobo r havan da berrie guud tymes!


----------



## Jo Ellen

Lack of TOONA! Of course!!! Buddy, you are so clear headed, what would we ever do without your wisdom !! ROTFLMAO :bowl: :bowl: :bowl:


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## Karen519

*Cindy*

CIndy

I agree with Tippy to take a walk with Dee. Someone else said to have a heart-to-heart talk with Dee.

I agree there, too.


----------



## Duke's Momma

:doh: lack of toona - of course!

So, Dee and I are going to take another bike ride here soon. It's a very lonely Sunday afternoon once again. I hate Sundays. Did I say I hate Sundays?

I had to tell Duke's best friend - Dexter - folks that Duke was gone today on the way home from church. I felt relatively strong so I thought I'd stop and let them know. They just live down the road from us and were outside so I stopped.

Dexter was there with. People were always mistaking Dex for Duke when seen alone and coming over to see if Duke was loose cuz Dex was running around. They have about the same coloring but at one time, Dexter had about 15-20# on Duke. Now he's only about 10# heavier than my boy was healthy.

Anyway - I allowed him to rub red golden fur all over me. So, I cried all the way home and dreaded coming in the door to no sound of paw taps on the linoleum.

Gotta get out of this no-Duke house.


----------



## Duke's Momma

*sigh* - having kind of a rough day today. Weepy and sad..........

Ha. Just dawned on me (duh) 7 weeks ago today, 1:00 pm. Honestly it didn't dawn on me until just now. Interesting how our subconsience can do things like that, huh?

Oh, how I miss my puppy............


----------



## Winston-Paybacks

I am so sorry, hugs to you. Run free Duke!


----------



## Duke's Momma

I'm sure I posted this before, but wanted to again..........
last picture taken before we said goodbye.

so handsome and so unfair.


----------



## Duke's Momma

Winston-Paybacks said:


> I am so sorry, hugs to you. Run free Duke!


Thank you. I see you have gone through this heartache as well. I'm sorry - thank you for reaching out to me.


----------



## Duke's Momma

Puppy, I just want you to know how terribly you are missed. The weather here is beautiful and it would have been a good day to take you for your first swim of the season maybe. The grass is greening up nicely and the next door cat is coming by occassionally to see where that crazy red dog is that just sat there and looked at it. That would be you, you know.

I think Molly is coming over for Easter and we'll take her for a walk on the bike trail. I wish you were here to play with her. She loved you, you know. It will be hard watching her look for you and sniff your beds and not find you.

You were such an awesome guy. Momma misses you so much. So does your dad - he misses seeing you in his mirror on the truck in the back seat. I'm not sure why all of this happened - you never hurt a fly and didn't have one mean bone in your entire body. 

I know you were feeling sick - just horrible. You're liver was sick too, baby dog which is why you were feeling so icky. Thank you for fighting for as long as you did. It's been a tough 7 weeks, my boy. We'll get by but will always miss you. Always, puppy. Please know that we love you and that there's a big hole in our lives where you should be that you left there when you left us here.

Thank you for being such a huge part of our lives. ....... your momma.


----------



## goldensrbest

Iam so sorry, i feel a kinship towards you, it sucks to loose them!


----------



## Laurie

You made me cry again!!! It is so unfair to lose something you love so much!!! I still have sad weepy days when I think of losing Phoenix...and I have 3 other dogs. He was so perfectly healthy a day before....

Duke was beautiful ....I'm sure he and Phoenix are sharing stories about how much their mommies and daddies loved them!!!


----------



## Jo Ellen

Cindy, I've been preoccupied wth company from out of town. I'm sorry I haven't been here but I think about you and Duke everyday. 

Daisy went for her first swim at the lake today, and though I was so happy to see her back in her element, I had to stop and give thought to you and Duke. I want to say I can't imagine the day but actually I can .... spring just couldn't be the same without our precious dogs. If I didn't have Daisy today, I would have stayed indoors and missed it all, I wouldn't have been able to bear it. 

{{hugs}}


----------



## Duke's Momma

Morning, everyone. I'm going back to NE today to see my folks for a couple of days. My mom's failing (at 88 she's entitled to - 89 this month) and I just want to spend as much time as I can with her. She's my very best friend. This is hard. Losing Duke is still so very raw & I'm not sure how to deal with this, too. Could be a hard trip.

We're not getting another "puppy" no matter what age. Did the math and our horses are 13 and 17 years old and they deserve our time right now. Buddy, my horse, always had a love hate relationship with our puppy. They're both red and Buddy was horribly jealous. He's enjoying my time and such a good boy. I'll post an old picture of him and our now 15 year old grandson. So, you can see how old this picture is.

Anyway - we're going to enjoy them and devote our extra time to them.

Thanks for the posts - life is just so different. I'm not liking it much right now. But, I'm okay - again, a new normal we have to get used to. Doesn't mean I have to like it immediately.


----------



## coppers-mom

Buddy is beautiful and obviously such a good boy.

You're in my thoughts and prayers. I know how hard it is to cope with the loss of your fur baby.


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## gold4me

Hi Cindy. Your posts are so incredible. I know how hard each day must be for you. That picture of Duke looks so much like my Beau(BoBo). I guess that is why they are working together in "heben".
I love your horse pictures too.
I hope you have a great visit with your mom. Keep your thoughts coming about Duke and take care. Love, Martha, emmikins and gamboi(and angel Bobo)


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## Solas Goldens

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## mybuddy

Hi Cindy

The pic of Duke was like a punch in the gut. I miss him too. I looked at the other thread and saw the pic you posted of his bed and all the things in there...another punch. 

Sweet boy. He is so missed.


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## cangolden

I'm so sorry Cindy ... Duke is playing with all of our Rainbow friends. God Bless You


----------



## Duke's Momma

Hi, everyone. So, today it's been 2 months. It hardly seems possible. A guy from our church told me of a conversation he had with another person from our church just today...........

Him to her "look at all this dog crap around the church. People really shouldn't let their dogs crap all over or if they do they need to pick it up."

Her to him "well, pastor Dee just had their dog over here a couple of weeks ago so it's probably their dog"

Him to her "oh, no, that dog's been dead for months."

Talk about a punch in the gut, Vic! Wow, those words - although true - just hurt so much! It seems so - unfeeling. He didn't even mean anything about it - to him, Duke was just a dog.

2 months. 2 months without my puppy. 2 months. I can now laugh at his antics but cry at the same time. How is that possible? 

And, thanks for asking about my mom, Martha. She's not well. I spoke with her as I was driving down our lane and all was well. My brother living with them called about 45 minutes after that and said the ambulance came and picked her up with horrid abdominal pains.

She's now in the hospital with what they think is a virus of the stomach.

She's got thrush from antibiotics to kick a sinus infection. She's bleeding from an inoperable uterine cancer and having blood transfusions every week now almost. Tuesday when I was there she received 2 units.

Her lungs are shot from years of smoking (quit when dx with colorectal cancer 10 years ago). She's a fighter but so very frail. She asked me to set up a word perfect doc before I left named "family obits" so she could write her own obituary and probably dad's as well. She's quite a character. I love her and cannot bear the thought of losing her right now & so soon after my puppy. She's my very best friend - I enjoy her so much. She makes me laugh and I her.


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## Duke's Momma

cangolden said:


> I'm so sorry Cindy ... Duke is playing with all of our Rainbow friends. God Bless You


I just love that picture of Candy. I love the way her toes spread out with the webbing in them. She was a very precious girl, your Candy. God Bless You right back. I'm so sorry for you as well. It hurts so much, doesn't it?


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## Dallas Gold

Cindy, I'm sorry to hear your Mom is not doing very well with her health. I will keep her in my prayers.


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## Karen519

*Cindy*

Cindy:

It will always hurt, it gets a little easier with more time. I miss our Snobear, so much, too. It's hard to believe that this Saturday will be 2 weeks since he went to the Rainbow Bridge. I've been looking for a Male Samoyed for us to rescue/adopt, but there just aren't any right now-we have to get a good fit for our 11 year old Female Golden Ret., Smooch, too.

I know how it "feels," worrying about your parents. My dear Mother, who passed away unexpectedly on Nov. 30, 2005, always had her entire funeral mass written-even the songs she wanted sung & played. Mom always told my Sis, Ronnie, and I, where this info was. My Dad, passed away on May 10, 2006-
I knew how much he missed my Mom, so it wasn't a surprise losing them so close together.


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## Duke's Momma

Wow - 2 weeks. THAT doesn't seem possible, either. However, when I go to NE it's like I'm in this time warp as time marches on it really doesn't there.

This is the part of life that I just really don't like. I have a powerpoint in my mind of pictures that I haven't put together yet for mom's memorial and dad's for that matter - always seems like there will be more time. Duke should have taught me that really all we really have is the right here, right now. I shouldn't put things off like I do.


Karen519 said:


> Cindy:
> 
> It will always hurt, it gets a little easier with more time. I miss our Snobear, so much, too. It's hard to believe that this Saturday will be 2 weeks since he went to the Rainbow Bridge. I've been looking for a Male Samoyed for us to rescue/adopt, but there just aren't any right now-we have to get a good fit for our 11 year old Female Golden Ret., Smooch, too.
> 
> I know how it "feels," worrying about your parents. My dear Mother, who passed away unexpectedly on Nov. 30, 2005, always had her entire funeral mass written-even the songs she wanted sung & played. Mom always told my Sis, Ronnie, and I, where this info was. My Dad, passed away on May 10, 2006-
> I knew how much he missed my Mom, so it wasn't a surprise losing them so close together.


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## Karen519

*My Mom and Dad*

My Hubby, Ken, did a collage of pics for my Mom and Dad's wake when they passed away, and it was really beautiful. Ken put the pics on a poster board and the board was put on an easel at the wake.


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## Duke's Momma

Morning everyone

So, I'm headed back out to Lincoln this time - my mother is critically ill with a ruptured cancerous tumor in her abdomen. I want one last minute with her while she is coherant. I want to be sure her wishes are known. I'm very sad and could certainly use your prayers.

I posted this here because, while I know we gave Duke a gift to say goodbye when we did so he wouldn't suffer anymore, he also gave me a huge gift. One, among many, was during this time I will not have to worry about him along with everything else.

It seems bitter sweet to be able to pack - just pack and leave and not get his food and meds and everything together for his dad. I can focus on my mother and dad during this time. It's like he knew and gave me this one final gift.

For that, my very strong, brave, selfless boy, I thank you. I miss you and I love you always..........your momma.


----------



## Penny & Maggie's Mom

Prayers streaming from our house for your family. I know your being there will be of great comfort to your Mom.


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## Dallas Gold

Oh Cindy, I'm so sorry. I'm praying for your family.


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## mybuddy

Lots of love, hugs and prayers from Vic and da buddy

XO


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## Jo Ellen

One thing at a time, yes. You have my prayers, Cindy, and more :heartbeat


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## Jenny Wren

Oh Dear, Cindy. I'm soooo sorry. You have prayers coming from Pennsylvania for you and your family. (((((((((Hugs)))))))))


----------



## mainegirl

Cindy
lots of prayers and love coming from moose, angel and me.....

Rest in the Lord.

beth, moose and angel


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## Hudson

Thinking of you Cindy, as you spend this time with your Mum. Prayers and hugs.


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## janine

Prayers coming from my home to you. I am glad you can have this time to spend with your Mom.


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## cham

Duke's Momma said:


> Morning everyone
> 
> So, I'm headed back out to Lincoln this time - my mother is critically ill with a ruptured cancerous tumor in her abdomen. I want one last minute with her while she is coherant. I want to be sure her wishes are known. I'm very sad and could certainly use your prayers.


My prayers are going with with you albeit a bit late. I understand what you are going thru, we buried my mom this morning while you were writing this note. She too was ill for a long time, a different disease perhaps, but you are indeed fortunate that she is still coherent, and still able to communicate with you and her loved ones. Bless you, Dee, and Duke for all you have been to her and all of us. 

Nancy


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## maggie1951

Thinking of you Cindy prayers from across the big pond.


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## Karen519

*Cindy*

Cindy:

My prayers go with you, your Mom and your Dad and Duke is watching over you, too.


----------



## goldencontriever3

I am so sorry. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.


----------



## coppers-mom

I just don't even know what to say so you will be in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## Karen519

*Cindy*

Cindy

Praying for you, your Mom and Dad.


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## puddinhd58

Cindy,
I have been MIA from the forum and of course came looking for you.... 
I am so very sorry about your Mom. 

I will be praying for you and your family.....


----------



## Duke's Momma

*sigh* too much death.

My mom passed last Sunday at 11:16 am cdt with me holding her hand. She was not very coherant when I arrived after an 8 hour drive but did have about 3 sentences with her and the next morning she was gone. I miss her terribly. 

Cham, I am very sorry for your loss as well. Sometimes life just sucks.

Thank you everyone for your prayers. I'm going to go check on Rusty and Barkley and go to bed.


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## mybuddy

oh Cindy I am so sorry.

You really have had a time of it lately. I bet Duke was there to greet your sweet Mom.

Hugs and losts of prayers
Vic and Buddy


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## Finn's Fan

Cindy, I am so very sorry about the loss of your momma. You've had a lot of loss in a very short time, and it must feel overwhelming. Nancy, I'm sorry that you, too, lost your mom so recently. Saying goodbye is just so hard.....my condolences.


----------



## Hudson

Cindy, so very sorry you have lost your Mum,thinking of you at this sad time.


----------



## Dallas Gold

I'm so sorry and you are in my prayers and thoughts in this most difficult time.


----------



## goldencontriever3

We are so sorry for your loss. Please know you and your family are in our prayers.


----------



## Bob Dylan

Cindy, You are in my thoughts and prayers, so very sorry for the passing of your Mom.


----------



## Karen519

*Cindy*

Cindy

I am so very sorry about your Mom. Will pray for all of you.
I know the pain-I lost both of my parents in 2005 and 2006.


----------



## mainegirl

Cindy,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I often say that "life is the worst four letter word". I know it gives you the greatest joy and the most heartsick pain. I am very hopeful that when we pass from this life to the life eternal we will have all the pain and torment washed away.
Prayers with you from us
beth, moose and angel


----------



## Tailer'sFolks

I am so sorry for the Loss of Your Mom. Mine was my best friend too...I still cry because she is gone...I have a picture of her on the inside of my medicine cabinet door...I talk to her often, say good-night every night...She is with my 
Old Dog Elliot...He is probably sleeping on her feet...she loved that.

My heart goes out to you and your family. Tears flow...


----------



## Karen519

*Cindy*

Cindy

My Mom was my best friend, too.
I am so sorry.


----------



## puddinhd58

Oh Cindy,
I am so very sorry. I wish there were words of wisdom or comfort I could offer you. My Mom is also my best friend. 

Please take care of yourself Cindy....


----------



## Thor0918

Cindy, my heart goes out to you. I haven't been on very much but, Kim thought I was you on facebook and posted you a beautiful message. I will PM it to you immediatley. Hugs from me to you.


----------



## Duke's Momma

*sigh*
I miss my puppy

*sigh*
I miss my mom

*sigh*


----------



## mybuddy

*sigh*

I miss you:--heart:


----------



## Duke's Momma

*sigh*

 Thank you! 

:heartbeatI miss all of you, too.:heartbeat​


----------



## Hudson

Hi Cindy, nice to see you on the forum. Thinking of you and have a thought......,I think Duke would like you to have another puppy to love to help heal the giant whole he has left in your life... what do you think, it wouldn't be dishonouring him, he would be happy to see you happy.


----------



## Karen519

*Cindy*

Hi, Cindy

Glad to see you-missed you!


----------



## Duke's Momma

Such a teary, horrible day. I am really missing my momma today and my boy - oh my boy.........Tabitha, his human chew toy, asked if she could bring in her yellow lab to see how I'd do. He crawled in Duke's kennel and I lost it. He was chewing on a bone and the sound - I lost it. It'll still take some time, I'm sure. Next week it'll be 3 months we said good bye. This Sunday it'll be 3 weeks saying goodbye to my mom.

And, Barkley - what the heck is going on with Barkley?!? Am praying for him and Anne.................


----------



## janine

Sorry you are having a horrible day :-( I wish we lived closer and could come cheer you up. Just what you need some lady you don't know and her two wild goldens knocking on your door  I hope your tomorrow is better.


----------



## puddinhd58

Oh Cindy... I am so sorry your having such a rough day. Cyber hugs to you...


----------



## Penny & Maggie's Mom

Oh Cindy.... I wish I could give you a huge hug. I know the pain of both your losses, but so close together is overwhelming. Take the time you need to grieve however the moment strikes you. And know, somewhere deep in your heart, that they are with you always and that each day bring a tiny grain of healing... even if it sure doesn't feel so. Your grf family stands by your side to help support you in whatever way you need.


----------



## Tuckers-Mom

I'm so sorryfor your loss.


----------



## paula bedard

Cindy, I am so, so sorry. You've been dealt such a heavy blow. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## Hudson

Hope your day gets brighter Cindy, sorry you are feeling so down.


----------



## Doreens

Thinking of you Cindy. big hugs xxx


----------



## cangolden

May God bless you... My prayers are with you and your family.. Run free sweet Duke


----------



## goldencontriever3

Cindy know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.


----------



## coppers-mom

So many losses and so hard to bear. My heart goes out to yu.


----------



## Dallas Gold

As we grieve the loss of sweet Barkley and I prepare for the heart surgery for my Dad this week, I've been thinking so much about you Cindy. This grief is so hard and I am praying that all of us experiencing the excrutiating pain of loss will gain peace and have better days ahead.


----------



## Jo Ellen

There is only one face in the whole world like this one. Some things you just can't get enough of :heartbeat


----------



## Dallas Gold

Cindy, 

I have a neighbor who just lost her senior lab to lymphoma. She forwarded an email to me that one of her friends sent her about losing a pet. This may be old, circulated much too much or already somewhere in a thread on this forum (and if so I apologize), but it was the first time I read it and it touched me. Here it is and it is my hope it gives you some comfort as well:

Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year-old).

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish
Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa , and their
little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for
a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we
couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia
procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good
for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane 
might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family
surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last
time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few
minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty
or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering
aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. 
Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ''I know why.''

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me.
I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try
and live.

He said, ''People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life --
like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?'' 
The Six-year-old continued,''Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they
don't have to stay as long.''
​


----------



## Karen519

*Beautiful*

I have seen this before and it is so BEAUTIFUL and oh SO TRUE!!!

*Dallas Gold: I will be praying for your Father! My Mom had double bypass surgery at the age of 82 and did beautifully.*


----------



## Duke's Momma

Hi, everyone.

Thank you, everyone, for posting and thinking of us during my absence. Dallas Gold, thank you for the story. How is your dad, btw?

Thanks, Jo - I agree. I can never get enough of his face. Ever. It's been 3 months today. How can that be? I still miss him so.


----------



## Karen519

*Cindy*

Cindy

Glad to see you on here. We ran into ANOTHER NEIGHBOR on our walk last night who lost her border collie/sheepdog girl, Gypsy, last Friday-she was 14 years old and had hurt her ACL and the vet thought she would not do well with the surgery. Since our Snobear went to the bridge on March 27th, there have been so many more.


----------



## Dallas Gold

Karen519 said:


> Cindy
> 
> Glad to see you on here. We ran into ANOTHER NEIGHBOR on our walk last night who lost her border collie/sheepdog girl, Gypsy, last Friday-she was 14 years old and had hurt her ACL and the vet thought she would not do well with the surgery. Since our Snobear went to the bridge on March 27th, there have been so many more.


There have been. Today is 1 week since our Barkley went to the Bridge. He sent Toby another ball this morning, this time a softball. Toby and I are going to take it back tomorrow morning where he found it--it's no doubt a little child's. 
Karen, I'm sorry about your neighbor's loss.


----------



## coppers-mom

the anniversaries are always hard to bear. 1 week, 3 months, 3 years, but the love these guys bring to my life is worth all the tears and boy do I shed tears. Absolutely a marshmallow. I've been sad about all the forum losses for the last two weeks. Sigh.

I share a miniscule part of your pain and hope all of you find peace and an easing of your grief by remembering the love and joy you shared.


----------



## Karen519

*Coppers Mom*

Coppers Mom

I'm with you the love and joy we get from our furry companions is worth all the tears we shed when they have to leave us for the Rainbow Bridge.

My Snobear who went to the Bridge on March 27th, will be with us forever, but Smooch and Tonka, who we got on April 24th, sure do help ease the pain somewhat. I can't imagine my life without dogs, ever!! *Some people talk about having kids before they get married-Ken and I talked about the necessity of having dogs!!!!*


----------



## Duke's Momma

Was responding to a post regarding horses and remembered Duke and his first ride and got all teary eyed and looked at the clock. 1:00 on Thursday, September 11, 2010.

Even the excitement of quite possibly getting another fur baby does not ease this pain when it comes on so strong. How I miss my boy. Am reminded once again.


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## mybuddy

Hi Cindy

I am happy to hear that there is a possibility of another fur baby in your life, yet I do understand that will *never* take away from the pain you feel over the loss of your best boy. That will never change. Never! Duke has his own cubby hole in your heart and the door is closed. Oh, but you have soooo many more little cubbies! 

I think of Duke often. I miss him too.


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## Jo Ellen

I miss him too, everyday I think of him. Everyday. 

:heartbeat


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## Jazz & Jules

I think of Duke so much! Some days I feel his spirit is as strong as his presence was.


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## Duke's Momma

Thanks, ladies. Today is not good. 

Dallas Gold, I missed your 1 week mark on the 7th. I'm sorry - I remember the one week mark for us - hardly seemed possible.

I just cannot even bring myself to plant any flowers or tomatoes. My boy would steal my tomatoes - remember? It was like a killing field even with the green ones. I thought he thought maybe they were red balls but oh, no - he knew exactly what they were. TOMATOES! And he loved them. I would wait. . . wait. . . wait . . . until the right redness and go out to get it and - - - it'd be gone! And green ones all over in the yard that he'd tried but were too tart.

I know that we are not the only ones affected by Duke's passing and it seems like there have been so many since. It just is not fair. It's just not.


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## Dallas Gold

I'm sorry you are having a rough day. I'm sending you lots of cyber hugs. I hope tomorrow will be brighter for you. ((((HUGS)))).


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## maggie1951

I am sorry your having a bad day cyber hugs to you


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## mybuddy

oh wow,

The tomato thing is rough and I would be on the exact same page as you on that one. It just breaks my heart. Gosh, after Buddy goes, I am not sure I will ever be able to eat tuna again. 

I am just so sorry...

Hugs
Vic


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## Jazz & Jules

mybuddy said:


> oh wow,
> 
> The tomato thing is rough and I would be on the exact same page as you on that one. It just breaks my heart. Gosh, after Buddy goes, I am not sure I will ever be able to eat tuna again.
> 
> I am just so sorry...
> 
> Hugs
> Vic


You mean you're eating Buddy's toona now????? Oh dear are we ever in trouble! Just wait till Buddy hears about this!


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## mybuddy

Uh, er...ummm...what I meant to say was....." I will never LOOK at tuna again"...yeah, that's it.....


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## Duke's Momma

lol - thanks for the laugh!


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## Duke's Momma

We've had tons of rain and the lake in the middle of town (Lake Loveland) is absolutely full and tonight I was thinking about my puppy and how he'd love all this water and just started crying. 

It's such a shame that he never got to swim again.


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## CntrlTXGoldens

Sorry for your Loss... We know how you feel we lost our Golden Jake a few months ago.


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## Duke's Momma

I'm also sorry for your loss of Jake.


CntrlTXGoldens said:


> Sorry for your Loss... We know how you feel we lost our Golden Jake a few months ago.


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## Karen519

*Duke's Momma*

Duke's Momma

So sorry you are feeling down today. Your DOG will come along!


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## mybuddy

That is so strange...just today, I was thinking " Buddy so loves to swim. What if he wasnt here, would I regret not taking him more? "...oh Cindy, I really feel that we think and feel things much the same. Everytime I read one of your posts, I can feel it deep inside. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling and it isnt much fun is it?

We know they are still with us..it would just be so much easier if we could *see* them. I know they are busy where they are, but wouldnt it be great if we could say " Duke...calling Duke...can you come in for a second?" and then he appears. I think that would be much better. Then again, if your faith is strong enough, you wouldnt really need that. Nah, I still like the seeing part.

I miss him too.


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## paulad678

I am so sorry to Duke's Mom. I am on my third golden, Balfour, who was diagnosed with Lymphoma in October. We tried chemo for awhile, but it made him soooo sick. I thought, we arent going out this way. I lost my last two to Hemangiosarcoma, they died at 6 and 7 years respectively, but passed only 3 weeks apart. I am a wreck, depressed, crying everyday and cant work right now. I know exactly what you are going through. I am waiting each day for the axe to fall for my Balfour. I just dont know what to do. I will try to figure out how to post a picture of him. He is feeling very well, for now.


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## Duke's Momma

paulad678 said:


> I am so sorry to Duke's Mom. I am on my third golden, Balfour, who was diagnosed with Lymphoma in October. We tried chemo for awhile, but it made him soooo sick. I thought, we arent going out this way. I lost my last two to Hemangiosarcoma, they died at 6 and 7 years respectively, but passed only 3 weeks apart. I am a wreck, depressed, crying everyday and cant work right now. I know exactly what you are going through. I am waiting each day for the axe to fall for my Balfour. I just dont know what to do. I will try to figure out how to post a picture of him. He is feeling very well, for now.


I'm so sorry, paulad678 for the loss of your two other goldens and for what you and Balfour are going through right now. Bless your heart and his.

So, what you need to do is go to "In Our Thoughts" or "Cancer Information for Goldens" on this board and post your story if you'd like. You'll find this community to be very helpful, kind and compassionate and sadly, many of us have or are facing what you are right now with your dear Balfour.

There are people who will pray for you and encourage you and be here for you when you need to cry, scream, or just bare your soul. Welcome to this board and I'm so sorry you had to find us this way.

Thank you for answering my post.


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## Duke's Momma

mybuddy said:


> That is so strange...just today, I was thinking " Buddy so loves to swim. What if he wasnt here, would I regret not taking him more? "...oh Cindy, I really feel that we think and feel things much the same. Everytime I read one of your posts, I can feel it deep inside. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling and it isnt much fun is it?
> 
> We know they are still with us..it would just be so much easier if we could *see* them. I know they are busy where they are, but wouldnt it be great if we could say " Duke...calling Duke...can you come in for a second?" and then he appears. I think that would be much better. Then again, if your faith is strong enough, you wouldnt really need that. Nah, I still like the seeing part.
> 
> I miss him too.


I know you miss him, too. Thank you for that. For some reason, I am just really weepy this week - my mom, my puppy, just stuff. I agree - we are very much alike in this love for our boys. And, no, it's not much fun but a tad easier knowing others loved him and miss him also.


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## goldensrbest

THIS CANCER , that seems to be in so many goldens, is just so heart breaking, to lose two to it, and fighting for the third, would be so very hard, bless your heart.


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## Duke's Momma

5 months ago. I miss you still and love you always, my beautiful red boy. You have been teaching Coley some things, I know. I see the things. I do. You stinker!

Oh, his anal glands are worse than yours! They smell the same only stronger. We weren't sure that was possible - wayyy to go my stinky brave boy.

Momma - I love you


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## amy22

Thinking about you today.....


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## coppers-mom

5 months. It seems like just yesterday.

I'm glad Coley is there to help now and don't you wish Duke could have found a better trait to pass on????????


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## Karen519

*Duke*

God Bless Duke! 

Can't believe it's been 5 months, and it's been 3 months since our Snobear went to the Rainbow Bridge. I am sure Snobear & Duke are best buddies now!!

I am SO GLAD you have Coley to console you now.


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## Jo Ellen

5 months? Really? Where did it go  Not a day goes by that I don't think of Duke in some way or another. I miss him too, I'm still sad :heartbeat


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## goldencontriever3

Oh Cindy I can't believe it's been 5 months. I often think of you and Duke and your journey. I hope that Coley helps to heal your heart by keeping you busy. I am sure Duke is so happy that you have another pup to love. It's been two weeks since I let Tasha go. I still can't believe she is gone.


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## Duke's Momma

I know - waaaay to many goodbyes this year. Way too many. Too many heartaches. I think of all the goldens I've known that have gone before and after my puppy and the grief attached to that saying good bye. It truly is too much to bear. So many. Just in a few posts from mine yesterday there's 2. Snowbear and Tasha. Unfair.

But, Coley is certainly helping keep me occupied! Just now he's chewing on a toy that Susan Marie & the gang sent a while back. I wonder how Joy is doing.....


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## Duke's Momma

And......I can't help but think that this time last year my mother was in Lincoln having that HUGE surgery that bought us almost another full, healthy year of this amazing woman I called mother and friend. How I miss her! 3 months this Sunday I said goodbye to my best human friend as well, my momma.

Feeling melancholy today for some reason. Gotta go cuddle with my cream colored boy. He'll lick the skin right off my face. I love it.


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## puddinhd58

Hey Cindy, 
I think of you often. Rusty will be gone 4 weeks tomorrow. I don't know what can fill this emptiness.? 

Home just doesn't feel like home anymore... :no:

Coley sounds like a real handful but in a great way! I am glad you see spots of Dukey in him, although the one "spot" isn't funny at all! :doh: Stinky BUTT.....

Have you posted more pics of the baby lately? I will have to look...

Take care of yourself! Talk later.


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## Duke's Momma

Hey, Kathy - I think of you often as well. There's a bond amongst those of us who have had to say goodbye to our babies. That said, I also believe that there are those who loved ours so much here that that bond is shared with them as well. It's a bittersweet bond. A bond that I never thought existed until I arrived on this side - the grief side.

4 weeks. One month. Is that even possible? How is it that time just keeps ticking with our loved ones gone? How is that?

Cole, however, is a pure joy. He's just so nutty and funny. When he runs, it's like his back end gets going faster than his front and he looks like a cartoon. I'm sure that agility will help with that. Duke was never ever this athletic. Could be because I didn't allow him to because of all his health issues starting at such a young age with his horribly broken hind leg by Cole's age.

I was always guarded with him. It makes me kind of sad that I never allowed him to be an unencumbured dog. Then came the seizures and the constant listening and watching and cleaning up after and crying during. I just loved him so much - I think that's part of the reason - he truly needed us. Not for companionship but for his life. He needed us and trusted us to keep him safe. I mean, he did make us laugh and he was our puppy. Our beautiful boy and we love(d) him unconditionally.

With Cole, I am finding a new type of companionship. One where I'm trying to not be so neurotic about every little sound, every little whatever. I'm allowing him to chew on sticks outside - cautiously - and watch what kind and size they are. I'm allowing him to be a dog. I'm allowing him to scratch himself and chew on his legs because he can. He's not allergic, just chewing. Two different lives. But, I still miss my Dukee. And, I love my Coley.

I know all too well the emptiness that you're experiencing. All too well. For us, Cole is filling that. And, Cole found us. The wise people here said that would happen and it did. Through two very compassionate people, Coley found us. I'm glad, oh so glad that he did. There was a timing and although I was unsure of the timing, God, Dee, Cole and Duke were not. They all knew. I had to follow suit as unsure as I was and tentitive. I'm so glad he's here.

I'm so, so sorry, though, for all of us. Everyone of us that have had to say goodbye or see ya later to our babies because of this horrible disease. For any reason for that matter, but this disease doesn't care. It's a killer and doesn't care who it attacks. Our two "poster pups" are at the bridge as well. How is all of this possible? So unfair.


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## goldensrbest

Yes, too sad, just read the thread of the 8 month old, dying, just awfull, miss spencer so **** much.


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## Duke's Momma

Merry Christmas, my Duke. Merry Christmas, Mom. I miss you both so much I can't even think about it too much or I'm worthless.

The weather here is wierd and kind of warm. No snow yet at all. We need to get some moisture.

Cole and Dee and I went and took blankets off of a pour this morning. Nothing remarkable going on here. We have church tonight. I talked to Dad and Larry this morning -both seem to be doing okay. I'll be going out there the end of the week to watch the game with dad and make sure he's not too lonely.

Duke - you'd be really proud of Coley and you'd love him alot. He's a good boy. He sticks around us way more than you did. He explores but is always within eye contact. I actually trust him a bit more than you in that respect. You would always come to me, but ventured too far for my liking. 

He doesn't visit the neighbors like you did but he does love the manure pile by the horses. I saw him this morning when he was helping dad feed standing on top of it like King of the Mountain of Manure. He also loves to eat it, just like you did.

Mom, Duke - I love you both - give each other a big hug from me, okay? 

Merry Christmas - you're spending it with Jesus this year.


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## goldencontriever3

Cindy, Thinking of you and your special Duke this Christmas. I know how you are feeling. This is my first Christmas without both my parents and my Sweet Tasha. Know that you are all in our thoughts and prayers. I am glad you have Coley to keep you company.

I am sure Duke is celebrating with Tasha and all the wonderful goldens at the bridge. 

Wishing you a Happy and Healthy New Year my friend. Hugs


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