# An Etiquette Question - friends with a puppy mill pooch



## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

Orangefurhouse said:


> I’m now worried that they will be telling other newbies about this great broker they are so proud of finding and just further promote these mills. Should I be more assertive if given an opportunity? How to broach this? Thanks!


Here's the thing. 

People will always follow the toot of their own horn until some point when they realize there's a better way. Or they may never reach that point. They probably enjoy having a complete muttmutt. And heck, here's the worse part - majority of people who get ittybitty muttmutts from anywhere will have those dogs living like 20 years. The dogs might be complete crap, ugly as sin, and diseased in every which way (skin, gut, dental, etc... ). But they could tell you that they hope they won't get their heart torn out in 5-10 years like some golden people do. Even people from good golden breeders. 

And who flipping cares! 

We do not have to control other people's decisions, lives, or anything. We can find some things in common with them and get along. Because what kind of friends are you if you feel you need to instruct or lecture or judge them on their life choices? 

As long as they themselves are not abusing animals or committing some crime, what you can do is what the majority of us had done and what our parents did and so on.... when you are in the company of idiots, be nice. 

Most of the time when you have a beautiful golden retriever who is healthy inside and out and completely shines brighter than the sun in every way wherever you go.... people can tell the difference without you saying a single harsh word about their dogs. Or someone else's dogs. People with ittybitty mutt mixes have cute puppies... but then they grow up. And most of them are yappy, snappy, smelly, and have dental or eyeball problems.


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## Orangefurhouse (Jul 3, 2019)

Thanks. That’s sensible, and I guess also my original
Instinct, but I was second guessing mysef
So as to become an anti PM warrior. Instead, I’m going to find a couple friends and start a new punk rock band called the IttyBitty Muttmutts, which will have a hit with its first single: “I’m some kind of poo.”


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

Orangefurhouse said:


> Thanks. That’s sensible, and I guess also my original
> Instinct, but I was second guessing mysef
> So as to become an anti PM warrior. Instead, I’m going to find a couple friends and start a new punk rock band called the IttyBitty Muttmutts, which will have a hit with its first single: “I’m some kind of poo.”


Or don't be a warrior.

Don't fight.

Be nice and respectful of others.


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## SRW (Dec 21, 2018)

Trying to explain the value of good breeding practices, heath clearances, etc. to someone that pays money for a Shitton or any similar designer mutt is probably futile.


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## PalouseDogs (Aug 14, 2013)

"Love me, Love my dog." Criticizing someone's dog is a lot like criticizing their child. Don't damage your relationship with these "dear friends" by insulting their dog. Anyway, what is the function of little, fluffy dogs? It is to be a cute, fluffy, lap warmer. The dog is probably cute, because most small fluffies are cute, and it probably likes sitting in laps and getting fussed over. Purpose served. What difference does it make if it's a Bichon/Toy poodle/mini-dachshund/Lhasa/Shih Tzu/Pomeranian whatever cross. "Crazy, untrained whack job" would describe a whole lot of 6-month old dogs. 

Gush over the little yapper and enjoy your friends' visit.


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## Orangefurhouse (Jul 3, 2019)

PalouseDogs said:


> "Love me, Love my dog." Criticizing someone's dog is a lot like criticizing their child. Don't damage your relationship with these "dear friends" by insulting their dog. Anyway, what is the function of little, fluffy dogs? It is to be a cute, fluffy, lap warmer. The dog is probably cute, because most small fluffies are cute, and it probably likes sitting in laps and getting fussed over. Purpose served. What difference does it make if it's a Bichon/Toy poodle/mini-dachshund/Lhasa/Shih Tzu/Pomeranian whatever cross. "Crazy, untrained whack job" would describe a whole lot of 6-month old dogs.
> 
> Gush over the little yapper and enjoy your friends' visit.


It is cute. But it whines constantly, it stands on its wee back legs and hits you with its tiny forelegs and claws for attention. It smells. It’s also not close to housebroken. When we visited them a few months ago, At least I taught the dog to sit, for which my friends were grateful. Evidently, they thought the first command was “no” which they were somehow
teaching with a spray bottle of vinegar and water. I think I may have successfully ended that practice too, but we will see.


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## FurdogDad (Mar 30, 2021)

Sounds like they're not really training the dog. Maybe strong encouragement in that direction would help with the dog's behavior without risk of damaging the friendship? By the way, Itty-Bitty MuttMutts might work better as an alternative rock band ......just a thought.....maybe Ankle Biters for punk.....


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## sam34 (9 mo ago)

One of my daughters has a golden doodle. Not my choice of dogs, but he's a sweetheart, well trained, and has been an amazing big brother to their 4 year old daughter ever since she was born. So I'm not going to get judgy about their choice of dogs.

My son has 2 labs, neither trained well, in my opinion, though he knows better. I have no issue telling him my thoughts on their training.

I suspect the issue with your friend's dog is one of training, not necessarily the poor mix of breeds. Personally, I can't think of anything better to do with a Shih Tzu than cross it with something more dog-like, but that's me. I would just show your friend how awesomely trained your dog is during the visit and maybe it would light a fire in them to do the same.


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## Hildae (Aug 15, 2012)

I don't judge other people's dogs. If they ASK I will tell them about ethical breeding etc. Otherwise I just shut up. Dogs are family and people don't like to hear negative comments about their family. So when our friends proudly showed us their "whatever variety" doodle puppy I clamped my mouth shut and smiled. I felt a wash of disappointment because we'd talked about ethics in breeding before, but hey, you can't win them all. 

However, I will speak up about neglecting a dog's long, bending sideways dagger claws, matted fur, or dirty ears. Those I will point out for sure as I consider it a matter of animal welfare.


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## Orangefurhouse (Jul 3, 2019)

Megora said:


> Or don't be a warrior.
> 
> Don't fight.
> 
> Be nice and respectful of others.


By the way I would never be disrespectful about it. I’d understand what it’s like to love a dog.


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## Orangefurhouse (Jul 3, 2019)

sam34 said:


> One of my daughters has a golden doodle. Not my choice of dogs, but he's a sweetheart, well trained, and has been an amazing big brother to their 4 year old daughter ever since she was born. So I'm not going to get judgy about their choice of dogs.
> 
> My son has 2 labs, neither trained well, in my opinion, though he knows better. I have no issue telling him my thoughts on their training.
> 
> I suspect the issue with your friend's dog is one of training, not necessarily the poor mix of breeds. Personally, I can't think of anything better to do with a Shih Tzu than cross it with something more dog-like, but that's me. I would just show your friend how awesomely trained your dog is during the visit and maybe it would light a fire in them to do the same.


Oh I’m not offended at their choice, though honestly if I ever got a small dog it would only be a Havanese. So cute! I have indeed mentioned the training, and suggested they might enjoy it. We will see!


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## Orangefurhouse (Jul 3, 2019)

sam34 said:


> Sounds like they're not really training the dog. Maybe strong encouragement in that direction would help with the dog's behavior without risk of damaging the friendship? By the way, Itty-Bitty MuttMutts might work better as an alternative rock band ......just a thought.....maybe Ankle Biters for punk.....


[/QUOTE]
Maybe the RockaPoos?


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## Orangefurhouse (Jul 3, 2019)

sam34 said:


> One of my daughters has a golden doodle. Not my choice of dogs, but he's a sweetheart, well trained, and has been an amazing big brother to their 4 year old daughter ever since she was born. So I'm not going to get judgy about their choice of dogs.
> 
> My son has 2 labs, neither trained well, in my opinion, though he knows better. I have no issue telling him my thoughts on their training.
> 
> I suspect the issue with your friend's dog is one of training, not necessarily the poor mix of breeds. Personally, I can't think of anything better to do with a Shih Tzu than cross it with something more dog-like, but that's me. I would just show your friend how awesomely trained your dog is during the visit and maybe it would light a fire in them to do the same.


Yep. My vet begged me not to get a golden doodle ever because he claimed every single one in his practice is “insane.” But we’ve met some nice ones. Honestly, I really don’t care what they pick, I was more annoyed that they are busy telling people what a great way to buy a dog this was. I wouldn’t ever come out and tell them, “hey, you know, that’s a puppy mill product you are supporting you bad people!” But I might gently encourage them to use another method if they were looking to get another dog.


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## 3goldens2keep (Feb 13, 2019)

Many years ago we had a similar problem with my best friend and his wife. Their little monster would bite our Golden, pull his tail, etc. But he always would break away and go where the little one could not follow. Smart dog he was...

I am glad we took this passive approach as we still have these good friends! And their little troublemaker is gone, she now has kids of her own! Yep, I am speaking for a little child, not a puppy.


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