# Unusual senior dilemma for first time dog owner



## ladybug810 (Jan 19, 2015)

Hi everyone,

I have a dilemma regarding my 15 1/2 year-old golden and no one in my circle of friends, acquaintances, or canine professionals seems to have the answers to it. I hope someone here can offer some wisdom from experience. Please forgive the long post. 

Teddy is my first dog, and we got him when he was just 8 weeks old. My ex-husband (we divorced a couple of years ago and he now lives out of state) always traveled a lot, so I have been the primary caregiver (as in 99% of the work). Teddy has had an extraordinary number of health issues over the years....no one is more surprised than I am that he has lived this long! I won't detail his medical history except to say we have spent tens of thousands of dollars at the vet and the front office staff recognize my voice when I call (without me having to say who I am). 

My ex and I can say with confidence we have done everything in our power to give him the best life possible. He goes to doggy daycare, he eats a raw diet and is at a great weight, and wants for nothing. He goes to physical therapy twice weekly for massage, laser treatments, and use of the water treadmill. We average $1,600 a month for his care.

Teddy is my life. I love this dog more than words could ever express and I would do anything for him. 

His current medical issues--aside from the usual stuff that comes with being this old--are:

1. Mild partial laryngeal paralysis. This manifests in some panting and what I call mini-pukes....he'll vomit a tablespoon or two of relatively clear liquid a couple of times a day. I keep my house very cool and he eats soft foods.

2. Arthritis and spondylosis. Aside from the physical therapy described above, he is maxed out on tramadol, rimadyl and gabapentin. I also give him 9 supplements daily. He limps a little, but his mobility is pretty good for his age. He no longer does stairs, so I dragged my mattress downstairs and have been living/sleeping with him in the family room since April. He can walk the distance of three houses outside and then he's pooped. Several years ago I ditched the SUV (he will NOT use a ramp) and bought a sedan--I bought large and wide steps for him to get into the car. He can still get in, but he hesitates several times before finally getting up those steps. I live alone and am an hour from work, so it's not an option to leave him home (especially with no dog door for going potty while I'm gone), so when he someday cannot get into the car to go to daycare, that will be a deal breaker.

3. He has a very large abdominal tumor--mostly on his left side (picture attached--sorry it's upside down, even after rotating it it still posted that way). It started as a small fatty tumor, then grew very rapidly within a matter of months and became very firm. This was 2 1/2 years ago, and it's still growing. We don't know if it's cancerous, and have been unwilling to subject him to surgery to do a biopsy because of his age. A sample aspirated from a needle shows that they are not fat cells.

The tumor does not appear to bother him, except that it kind of bumps up against his front left shoulder and exacerbates his arthritis in that leg. It's not tender to the touch, it's not discolored, and he lays on that left side all the time. I recently did a wellness check and an ultrasound showed it is completely outside the rib cage/abdominal wall, has not spread and is not affecting other organs. His blood panel is perfect with no abnormalities whatsoever.

He eats with enthusiasm, his poops are perfect, he loves to go to daycare and chew on bones and be loved by all. 

Here's the dilemma.....

When he lays on his left side, he cannot get up on his own. In other words, the tumor is so large that trying to roll onto his tummy (so he can stand up) is like trying to roll over a basketball. This started about four months ago. The more the tumor grows, the worse it gets. I help him roll over many times per day, at least once in the middle of the night every night, and the daycare staff assist him as well.

Three vets and the two physical therapists he works with don't seem to think this is a problem. It's becoming a serious problem--for me. I feel trapped at home. Unless the daycare is open, I can't leave him alone for more than about an hour or so. I don't have my ex around or any family that can help. I desperately want to sleep through the night again. I can tell when he wants to get up...he starts to squirm....sometimes he even barks if I'm in another part of the house where he can't see me. I can't roll him over unless he helps....otherwise it's like moving dead weight. Lately I feel like I'm seeing learned helplessness. When he starts to squirm, or if I hear him bark, I come running to him and stand over him, waiting for him to start to move (sometimes he has to catch his breath between tries), but he doesn't. In recent weeks I've started to set a treat just out of reach for him, because that will motivate him to want to try to get up so I can help him.

As I mentioned, he is my first dog. This is all so new to me. By all standards, it's not his time yet. I weep as I write this because I feel like a horrible person for thinking that it just might be time to help him over the rainbow bridge. The stress of this dilemma is eating me alive to the point I've started seeing my therapist again. I don't think "when it's time" is going to be obvious with him. I really think I'm going to have to decide. My ex is of no help. When I talk to the vet and physical therapists, they marvel at how great he's doing. I, on the other hand, am not doing well. I am at my wit's end. 

More than anything, I want to know that I am not alone.


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## Max's Dad (Apr 23, 2012)

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is difficult for us as our pets age. I really do not have advice for you, however. You are doing your best to take care of Teddy. He is a beautiful Golden. Take care.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

You are not alone. Facing that decision is crushing, no matter the circumstances, and sometimes the decision does include considering if you can can continue to provide the care he needs. 

Whenever you do have to make that final decision, please have no doubt in yourself that what you decide is from the deepest of love with his very best interests at heart. Just the fact that you are agonizing over even thinking about it is evidence of that. The only thing I might suggest to further help with his mobility is Adequan injections. Sometimes they really help. I really applaud you for all you are doing for him. He is very blessed to have you.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

Please, please give yourself a break. It is exhausting being the only caregiver for an elderly loved one whether they are 2 legged or 4 legged. You are 100% normal to have the feelings you do. 

This is a quality of life issue for your dog. You absolutely must be able to leave your home for more than an hour. This isn't about you being selfish, it's a fact of life and there is no way around it. What is equally important in the equation is that you can't leave him to flounder if he can't get up. You are between a rock and a hard place. But honestly you can't never leave the house and you can't let him suffer alone. 

If he really is in such great shape, can you speak to the vet about the possibility of trying to remove most of the mass? Is it risky or is it a guaranteed death sentence at his age? Not having the surgery seems to be a greater quality of life issue than a difficult recovery time. Take the advice given above and go talk to the vet about any other medical options possible.

It is clear that you adore your boy and have given him a wonderful, loving life. Please do not berate yourself for struggling with this now. I hope you will consider revisiting the surgery/tumor removal option with the vet. It sounds like you have reached a point where he can't continue like this. My heart goes out to you. This is just not something any of us would have an easy time dealing with.


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## Sweet Girl (Jun 10, 2010)

I was also wondering about removing the mass. Is there a reason it wasn't removed when it first appeared? A surgery at his age would not necessarily be a death sentence, and it might give him some better months of life. Worth talking to vet about it. I hope they can help.


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## ceegee (Mar 26, 2015)

nolefan said:


> It is clear that you adore your boy and have given him a wonderful, loving life. Please do not berate yourself for struggling with this now. I hope you will consider revisiting the surgery/tumor removal option with the vet. It sounds like you have reached a point where he can't continue like this. My heart goes out to you. This is just not something any of us would have an easy time dealing with.


Yes, this, absolutely. You're in a very tough situation and you have my sympathy. I've been through it with my old labrador, who lived to be 15. She wasn't sick, but she just kept losing her ability to do stuff: stairs, wood floors, getting up in the morning ... But she was eating and seemed happy.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you this: Whatever decision you make, and whenever you make it, you're always going to wonder if it was the right thing to do. It's just the nature of the situation, and it's horrible. Personally, the only decision I've ever regretted was when I waited too long (with our elderly cat) to send her on her way. With hindsight, I can see that it was the wrong thing to do, and prolonged the animal's suffering needlessly. With my labrador, the turning point came when I came home from the grocery store and found her splayed out on the floor, in a pool of her own urine, howling because she was unable to get up. I knew then that it was time, but it still took me a month to pick up the phone and make an appointment with the vet. When she had gone, I was sad, but there was a measure of relief too, for her and for me.

I wish you all the best with your decision, and I hope you find a solution that will give you peace. Kind thoughts in the meantime.


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## Our3dogs (Apr 3, 2008)

I have to agree with what others have posted above. Most of us have been in your place. For me, quality of life is what I think of first and foremost in any decisions I make for my animals. It is not about me. It will always be a hard decision and we will always doubt ourselves. If we didn't, then our animals did not mean that much to us. No matter "what great shape" he is in, the mass will ultimately make the decision for you as you say it is continuing to grow. Obviously removing it sooner might have been best, but as mentioned above, I would have a conversation with my Vet about it now. It could give him a much better quality of life, as well as yourself. As CeeGee said, we can't tell you what to do. We can only tell you what we have done for our own. A Vet once told me when I was having to make the tough decision - it is better to have done it a day early, then waiting because we didn't want to, and then it became an issue for our pet. There is not a doubt you love your boy and would do anything for him. I will keep good thoughts for you as you go through this.


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

OK... giving you thoughts one step at a time.... 



> I have a dilemma regarding my 15 1/2 year-old golden and no one in my circle of friends, acquaintances, or canine professionals seems to have the answers to it....


Because your dog is almost 16, I think it puts you into the category where you could probably give US advice. Bless you for giving him such a long life. And clearly are doing a great job keeping him comfortable.




> 1. Mild partial laryngeal paralysis. This manifests in some panting and what I call mini-pukes....


No advice here... sounds like you have it handled. About the only thing I've come close to dealing with that was similar would be our old collie losing his voice in old age. I don't know 100% if it was laryngeal paralysis. But it was like he had been debarked in his last year. 



> 2. Arthritis and spondylosis.....


Again, it sounds like you are doing the best you can. Only thing I probably did different was getting my guys used to be picked up and boosted up into the car. And then around the house, they could climb the stairs, but I'd be right behind them. And going down stairs, I stayed right at their side. This was because they did have rear end weakness.



> 3. He has a very large abdominal tumor--mostly on his left side (picture attached--sorry it's upside down, even after rotating it it still posted that way). It started as a small fatty tumor, then grew very rapidly within a matter of months and became very firm. This was 2 1/2 years ago, and it's still growing. We don't know if it's cancerous, and have been unwilling to subject him to surgery to do a biopsy because of his age. A sample aspirated from a needle shows that they are not fat cells.


This is pretty normal. Both my previous old men had lipomas like that. My Danny was a 70# dog with a 10-15# tumor growing on his side. It was not cancerous and basically there was little to nothing to do about it. The only time the vets would be willing to remove it would be if it were becoming abcessed or if it was impeding his movement/ability to get around. 

The reason why surgery is a last case scenario is because the recovery period is tough on the dog. A drain needs to be put in and be left in there for a long while + the tumors are very likely to come back after all of that. It's a lot to put a dog through if the tumor is primarily visually upsetting for the owner and not bothering the dog. Also, it is a surgery - which you want to avoid with an old dog...



> When he lays on his left side, he cannot get up on his own. In other words, the tumor is so large that trying to roll onto his tummy (so he can stand up) is like trying to roll over a basketball. This started about four months ago. The more the tumor grows, the worse it gets. I help him roll over many times per day, at least once in the middle of the night every night, and the daycare staff assist him as well.


You need to talk to his vet. Among else, you might need to evaluate if there is something else going on - including the dosage of the meds making his drowsy/dizzy so he's struggling to get up. 

I do not remember my Danny's tumor making him struggle over much to get up and around. And he had a pretty sizable tumor and pretty bad arthritis in the elbows esp. Might add, he had more than 1 lipoma. There was one on his right side, another on his belly below the rib cage, and another on his neck. The one on his side was massive, but the others were substantial as well. We had various prescriptions (tramadol and rimadyl) but would only treat him as needed. If he looked stiff and he had that distracted look in his eyes, he'd get pain meds. Otherwise we let him do whatever he wanted. He did have rear end weakness (probably related to arthritis), so we kept him close by and in sight.

That said, I did keep him with me all the time in the house. And he got spoiled a little extra because you realize when they become that needy that time is short.

With our rough collie who we just lost a little over a month ago... we knew it was time when he could not get up anymore. And his legs would not hold him up. In his case, he had always had a little arthritis issues around his neck and he wasn't able to deal with the pain. This was a dog who when he had a crick in his neck, he would fall over screaming, thrashing, and snapping if you touched him - because of the pain (very different from our super tolerant and tough golden retrievers!). So when his time came, we made the decision pretty quick. My dad and I especially felt it was too quick, but based on his greatly diminished faculties... it was that time. 

Because this is your first dog... I would not underestimate the amount of stress and pain that will come from losing him, even knowing you are almost at that point. Based on the age of the dog especially, I would venture to say that you do not have much time left. So this is the time to give it all you can for right now and make sure there is no regrets when you do absolutely need to say goodbye. And you will know when it is time.


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## KKaren (Oct 29, 2014)

Ladybug810....You are not alone, and you have done so many wonderful things for your sweet boy, Teddy. He is getting such excellent care from you and it is really really difficult to care for a senior. Most importantly, he knows that he is loved.

I also slept downstairs with my girl when she couldn't go upstairs, and honestly, I slept downstairs for several months after she went on to the bridge because I couldn't leave the space.

Is there any possibility that you might get at least for a short period, maybe 1 or 2 days a week a dog sitter? I have a dog walker on the days that my dog does not go to dog-care, and if you could get someone to stay for a 4 hour or 6 hour period you could take some time for yourself. I don't know what type of community you have, but it would be a great job for a college student that needed to study, but could be there with Teddy to help out. They could get paid and study also. 

I struggled also with the question of when is it time. If you read Merry's thread there were lots of kind and helpful thoughts from others that might also give you counsel.

Will be thinking of you and sending you hugs. Karen


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## Prism Goldens (May 27, 2011)

I have no advice- I had a dog live to 15 and that in good health, but other than her, 13 is about my max and I am grateful for 13. You have done a fine job with him. There is a Quality of Life scale in the stickies you might want to do and help yourself be unemotional about his QoL that way. 
And maybe others will disagree, but I would get a puppy as soon as you can. Puppies add months to an older dog's life usually, make them feel young again, and give them new fun to enjoy. And it will be a good bridge for you- you're already stressing, so adding the stress of housetraining is just a little more... and when he is gone, you will have someone to hold and love. Someone who you have memories of with him, playing, good memories.


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## Yaichi's Mom (Jul 21, 2012)

The love and dedication you have for Teddy clearly shines through in what you write. You have and are doing all you are able for him...and then some.

I can't add much to the excellent advice and thoughts posted above. It is an excruciating decision where QOL for Teddy in my opinion is the most crucial factor.

The only other thing I can think of to suggest to help you help Teddy is a "dog lifting aid". Have you tried this and/or do you think something like this may help you to help him roll over and to get him up? There are many types...this is just one:
https://www.amazon.com/Recommended-...coding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=K189G9PRKPFQJ604MANY

Thinking of you ......


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