# I don't need to rehome my puppy do I? I love him and am doing my best?



## wellarmedglockgirl (Oct 6, 2016)

Because you love him so much, you HAVE to do what is best for the dog! It is NOT good for him to be in crate that many hours per day! What kind of life is that for him? It is not fair that he is kept in his crate alone, not getting attention, playing with other dogs or simply being with you. Physically, it is not good for him either. Sometimes love is not enough. It is sad, I know. Goldens needs a LOT of attention, exercise etc... If you cannot give that to him on a regular daily basis and keep him out of the crate, I suggest contacting your local Golden Ret rescue, they will find a family who can give him the life he needs and deserves. Sorry.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

Why cant he crawl in bed with you,and you can cuddle with him? Do you have a responsible friend who loves dogs and can take him out for a run/hike off lead?


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## thepuppydog (Jan 1, 2017)

wellarmedglockgirl said:


> Because you love him so much, you HAVE to do what is best for the dog! It is NOT good for him to be in crate that many hours per day! What kind of life is that for him? It is not fair that he is kept in his crate alone, not getting attention, playing with other dogs or simply being with you. Physically, it is not good for him either. Sometimes love is not enough. It is sad, I know. Goldens needs a LOT of attention, exercise etc... If you cannot give that to him on a regular daily basis and keep him out of the crate, I suggest contacting your local Golden Ret rescue, they will find a family who can give him the life he needs and deserves. Sorry.



The thing is my family is giving him that and working on it every single day. I am taking steps every day and each day is getting better and better. My question is more so - if I am really working at it every day and its getting better more and more, then isn't that fine?


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

You've posted on this board a couple of times asking if you are doing the right thing for your dog, because you know you are not. 

18 hours a day in the crate has to stop. It is damaging to him mentally, and can cause problems physically with his growth, muscles and bones can be damaged by being crated that long every day. 

If you are not able to allow him out of the crate while you are home, then you HAVE TO find away to give him the physical activity he absolutely has to have to develop properly. Put him in dog day care every day even it's just half a day. Find a dog walker who can come get him and take him out for several hours a day. But you absolutely can not continue to crate a growing 9 month old puppy for 18 hours a day. 

Bring him upstairs and have him stay with you when you can't go out yourself. If he gets into mischief then you are with him to correct him, and he will learn what to leave alone. If you don't ever bring him upstairs with you he will never learn what is ok to do and what is not. It will also give you something to focus on when you need to redirect your own thoughts.

If you are not personally able to take care of him adequately right now, you have a responsibility to find someone else or other ways to give him what he needs.


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## G-bear (Oct 6, 2015)

mylissyk said:


> You've posted on this board a couple of times asking if you are doing the right thing for your dog, because you know you are not.
> 
> 18 hours a day in the crate has to stop. It is damaging to him mentally, and can cause problems physically with his growth, muscles and bones can be damaged by being crated that long every day.
> 
> ...


This advice may seem harsh to you but it is correct. Physically and psychologically you are damaging your puppy by crating him excessively. I do understand that you have your own issues which are making things additionally difficult for you and I am not going to minimize that. Life is very hard for you right now, and I am sorry for that. It is also hard for your puppy. Please, do as mylissyk says and get your puppy out of the crate. If nothing else keep him in your room with you. There are many games which you can play with him in a small space to occupy him. Try hiding small pieces of kibble and allow him to find them. Work on train him to sit, stay, etc. To get him exercise, which he really does need, you will have to find someone willing to not just take him for a walk but give him an opportunity to exercise to the point where he becomes tired. I know that this is hard for you and it sounds as if you love your puppy a great deal but you have to take care of him. And, unfortunately, leaving him in a crate is not taking care of him. Your situation is difficult for both yourself and your puppy and I understand that. Please know that none of us are trying to be harsh with you but rather want to see you work through this in a way which will help both yourself and your puppy.


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## wellarmedglockgirl (Oct 6, 2016)

I think if you cannot change this 100% by the end of today you need to contact the golden retriever rescue. Their will be a family waiting to adopt your 9month old and give him the home he deserves! You are NOT taking care of him or his needs. If you truly love him, then give him up. Don't be selfish and try to fool yourself into thinking that things are getting better. A dog does NOT deserve to be put through some process while you work on yourself. Give him to someone who will give him what he deserves. Love is NOT enough. Sorry! You asked.


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## BrianO (Apr 7, 2016)

I think this pup that loves you could actually be a great help for you. But you are going to meet him in the middle. Invite him into your space and your daily living. Make arrangements for him to get the exercise he needs or find a way to provide it yourself through play, fetch or treadmill. Find a safe space to get out with him and do it for him. 18 hours in a crate is not a good life for him, but life with you is. Puppy proof an area where you can be together. When you cannot, employ a service or lean on family or friends to get him out for exercise. 

The question is not if you need to give him up because you are not meeting his needs.

The question is can you make a few changes in your life to meet his needs?

You are the only one who can answer that question.


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## Julie Timmons (Dec 16, 2016)

Of utmost important, you need to work on getting better. Be honest with yourself, can you really do that if you are anxiety ridden over taking care of your dog? 

While I have empathy for your situation, I also have empathy for your dog. A crate should be used as a tool, not a solution. With five people living in your house, it doesn't seem there is any reason to have him crated that long. You need to find a working solution, the one you have now isn't good for your dog. As hard as it is, if you are the primary caregiver, and if no one else will truly step up while you work on getting yourself healthy, you need to consider the alternative. 
If you can commit to getting your dog exercised regularly, and out of that crate while you are home, than perhaps you can make it work. 
If not, maybe you can find a friend or relative willing to foster him until you are better? 

I hope you find a solution that gives both you AND your dog peace. Best of luck to you


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## Ffcmm (May 4, 2016)

it sounds like you're having a hard time and i hope for the best for you, but you do have to think about whats best for ben too. The others have given you valuable advice and alternatives to the long hours in a crate. 

1000 Square feet is no problem, but you say 'I keep Ben in his crate a lot because he still is at a point in his life where he gets into everything and it's safe for him.' Crating him because he gets into trouble and does things he's not suppose to do... is because he's an untrained dog. he's never going to learn if you don't correct him properly- and it takes time to do so. 

18 hours in a crate is way too long, and you're not going to get the reassurance from any sensible dog owner that what you're doing is the right thing, because it's not... 

I'm telling you to TRY and just have Ben in your room with you. He's going to relish being able to send the time with you in your room rather than being cooped up in a crate all alone. You'll have opportunities to train him while he's in your room too, there are so many things that you can do. Take the time to brush his fur, do trick training, trim his nails, cuddle- all this can be done in your room... it'll do you both good 

(P.S i live in a 1100 square feet condo, with NO backyard. it is possible!!!!!!) 

GOOD LUCK. i know i might have sounded harsh, but i don't like to sugar coat....


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## Gleepers (Apr 20, 2016)

Have you talked about this with your therapist at all? He/she might be able to help you make this decision better than a forum of strangers as he will have a much better knowledge of you and your situation. A dog can certainly go through a crappy situation short term and be fine but anxiety is a tough one to shake (trust me). Your family doesn't seem real keen on a dog. Some questions to think about is how long do you plan on living with them? Finding a rental with a pet is much harder and usually more expensive, what are your options there? Who and how are you going to provide for the dog financially? You are looking at roughly 10 years of sacrifices of one kind or another because of this dog. While totally doable it can be hard for a young person. Just some things to think about. Defiantly talk to your therapist about this as perhaps you guys can come up with a good solution together.


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## Pilgrim123 (Jul 26, 2014)

Gleepers, that is a really good point. We can guess, but we don't know the current capabilities of the original poster. Her therapist will. I really hope everything works out for them both, but I worry about a young dog spending so much time in a crate, and I worry about someone who is trying so hard with what seems to be so little family support in this matter.


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## LynnC (Nov 14, 2015)

Ben is adorable and I can tell you love him very much. I'm sorry for his injuries and the turmoil you are going through. I do believe that you are doing your best but sometimes we need to accept that "doing our best" is not good enough. You cannot stop crying and are losing sleep so this is definitely not a healthy situation for you or Ben. Sometimes as parents, and Ben is dependent on you as a child would be we need to make hard decisions for the benefit of our "children's (Ben's)" wellbeing. I think you know the answer & should take the suggestions of others here & call a rescue organization in your area. If you let someone (anyone) here know your location they will be happy to help you with that. I think with work with your therapist that would be a wonderful goal to get healthy enough to take care of a pet in your future. That would give you something wonderful to look forward to. Please do what's best for Ben and yourself, the sooner the better.


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## Cpc1972 (Feb 23, 2015)

You can tell by the picture your dog loves you and you love him. Do you live in the United States? If you do there may be someone on here that can send you to the right rescue group for your state. You are the only one that can answer these questions? Are you willing to find help for Ben so he can get out more often. And need to start letting him in the room your in. Goldens can be wonderful emotional support dogs. But you have to be willing to make some changes.


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## thepuppydog (Jan 1, 2017)

The thing is, we are considering daycare twice a week, on top of my brother walking him once his paw his healed twice a day, and I also have a friend who has a very large backyard who has kept it open to me using whenever. Also, the trainer will help me in terms of teaching us how to be out of the crate without misbehaving. She will help me train my dog so that he can sit with me upstairs. Meanwhile, my therapist is helping me so I can be downstairs! That's the thing - it's all working out and in these last few days my dog has not been in the crate as much as he has been in the past, and things have progressively gotten so, so much better. We took a step back when he hurt his paw and the vet said he can't have any physical activity for 2 weeks... But other than that, honestly my whole family has been making the effort to take him out when possible, not just me. 

Plus, with daycare twice a week, hiring a dog walker if possible, having puppy play dates in my friend's yard, having an inhome trainer, and me teaching him to me upstairs with me while I work on being downstairs -- I think it's possible. Also, I know that if things get so so bad that I am unable to do whatever I need to do to take care of him, my brother will step up to the plate. We all had a very big family discussion last night and have committed and dedicated ourselves to stepping up our game. 

I know crating him this much is not good and I will never, ever argue that. The thing is, there are so many people who leave their dogs in their crates all night and then all day when they're at work too. Do I think that's good? Absolutely not! But the difference between me and them is that I'm implementing solutions. I posted on this forum because I do have a lot of guilt with what I'm doing. However, it is not simply guilt. There is also a huge desire in me to work at being better, and I truly have been. I've made significant improvements in the last few weeks with keeping him out and getting him exercised. I mean, he hurt his paw, otherwise I was spending hours in the backyard running around with him like crazy. Everything had been going in the right direction and I truly believe he was getting a LOT more exercise. Him scrapping his paw up against a tree branch or whatever happened in my backyard put us a few steps back but the vet said in two weeks, once it heals up, we can clean up our backyard and return to doing what I was doing - which was upwards of 2 and a half to 3 hours of non-stop running. On top of my brother walking him, and him being out of the crate for a few more hours after that.

I know I sound really defensive here and as if I am doing whatever I can to prove to you I'm taking care of my dog. But in all honesty, I have assessed the situation and I do believe that we're going in the right direction. He's always been a happy dog but in the last week or two he seems a lot happier, and we've developed a new level of bonding because I have been sitting more with him.

And when the inhome trainer comes next week, I suspect that not too much longer after that, we can trust him loose out of the crate 24/7. And at that point, I hope that my therapy 3 times a week will have significantly helped me. This situation is only very temporary but is also getting better with each passing day.


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## Wolfeye (Sep 15, 2015)

If you're going to keep the dog, you need to rearrange your home so it's puppy proof. He can't "get into things" if there are no "things" to get into. That way, he can be crate free during the day. And what if he does find a way to get into something? Or pees on your carpet? You fix, you clean. That's what owning a dog should be about. 

Any solution you come up with that keeps him in the crate 18 hours a day is wrong. I'd even go so far, in my own belief, to say that you should never have to crate a dog when you're home. You do have to watch him. I have a 5 month puppy who has free run of the house and he's constantly getting into stuff. He's a puppy and we simply redirect his efforts to his toys. He's alone at home right now. I can turn on my Petzi pet treat cam and see what he's up to. He's snoozing. He's not wandering around looking for stuff to get into. At some point you have to trust the dog.


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## thepuppydog (Jan 1, 2017)

Yeah you're right. I need to spend this weekend completely puppy proofing everything. I mean he's potty trained, he hasn't had any accidents in the house at all. Generally the only thing is he puts everything in his mouth but if I clean up, there wont be anything to put in his mouth. I will be re-puppy proofing this weekend so he can at least have free roam in the house.


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## puddles everywhere (May 13, 2016)

Service dogs are miracles for many people for lots of different reasons. From guide dogs to pups that help with anxiety or PTSD, just having them with you can make a difference. Maybe you could help each other? Some days are easier than others, your pup doesn't care... he's going to be happy with whatever love you can share. God bless and praying for your both.


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## hoffmalr (Feb 19, 2016)

I think the actions you're taking and planning sound like good ones. I don't want to offend anyone here, but the folks on this website tend to be much more involved pet parents than regular folks. Yes, you owe it to your dog to give him the best life possible, but you are giving him a loving home. That's more than many dogs have. Keep working on getting him more exercise and teach him to be trustworthy so he can be uncrated, and you will be all set. He's around the age where he should be able to be trustworthy, so work with the trainer and leave him out when you are there to watch him. He will make mistakes, but you'll be there to correct him. That's how they learn! Daycare is a great idea too.

In addition to physical exercise, see if you can come up with mental stimulation for him too. Training is great for this. Teach him sit, down, come, stay, leave it, roll over, shake, crawl, fetch....the possibilities are endless! We play games where we show our dog a toy, make him sit and stay while we hide it in another room, then tell him to find it, and off he goes to sniff it out. You can freeze his meals in a Kong with some peanut butter and plain yogurt so he has to work for them, or they make puzzle balls and feeding balls you can use.


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## GoldenGalore (Sep 15, 2016)

This story is absolutely heart-breaking. 18 hours in a crate is almost inhumane. PLEASE find a better living situation for this dog. I understand and sympathize with your illness and focus on getting healthy. That's commendable. But keeping this dog as an emotional crutch because you love him and cannot bear to give him up is not fair to the dog. Let's be honest -- getting to a healthier emotional place for you is going to take some time, and I truly wish you well. But this dog gets about 10 years of life, and so far you've kept him in a crate for most of it. This is wrong. At a later time in your life, you will be healthy and you will be a good pet parent. Right now, the dog is just an additional burden that you are not able to cope with now. Best wishes to you, and hang in there. I know it's tough. Sometimes life can be a struggle. You are not alone. Keep working with your therapist, and you will get to a better place. Let your dog be in a better place, too. Please.


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## thepuppydog (Jan 1, 2017)

So, I’m bringing this thread back up to give an update.
It’s almost been an entire year since I’ve posted this and here’s what’s new:

I kept Ben. For the month after this post, things continued to be rough. The crate was still a problem.

Around February, the therapy 3 times a week started to really help. I felt God continually heal me more and more daily. From a strength not my own, I started to be able to get out of my room. I got a job. I started working and saved up enough money to put him through an expensive, extensive dog training program. As time went on, the crate time became less and less. 

Today, Ben is in the crate for ZERO hours in the day! He only goes in the crate for about 7 hours at night because he likes to sleep in there. He gets to go to the dog park 4 times a week and run around. Not having a backyard is no longer a problem. He goes on 2 mile walks every day on top of going to the park. If I’m having a bad day and need to stay in, he stays in bed with me instead of his crate. But most of the time, those bad days don’t happen anymore and we’re out and about living our lives. My grandma and Ben have bonded so much that when I’m in school during the day he is NOT crated for even a minute. She and him and bonded so much that they’re best friends now. 

I take him with me when I can whenever I have to go out. I try to give him car rides, and new scents, new experiences, and new friends. One of my best friends also has a fenced yard and german shepard puppy that Ben is best friends with. 

I didn’t take the advice given here. I felt guilty about not rehoming him for so long. But upon praying about it, I was given the blessing of feeling better. Finding employment. And finding a way to care for my golden in a proper way. And God provided it for me.

I didn’t listen to the advice because I knew Benjamin and I were meant to be best friends. I’m glad he’s mine. I’m glad I kept him. I’m glad he stayed patient and that we figured this out together.

I’m so thankful for this website. The wake up call that Ben would have to be rehomed if that lifestyle continued motivated me to work. Work hard toward making this work. We helped each other. My dog is the most patient, loving, and understanding dog. He learned to understand me, and I learned to understand him. 

Here’s my Benjamin. A happy 1 year old puppy who’s crate days are behind him. We made it. And my God, I’m so thankful.


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## Gleepers (Apr 20, 2016)

Glad to hear that it?s all worked out well.


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## Wendy427 (Apr 4, 2009)

Huge congratulations to you for all your accomplishments and for keeping Ben!!


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## Ginams (Jan 20, 2015)

Thank you for the update! I remember reading your thread earlier this year. Congrats to you on all of your hard work. The pictures of you and Ben radiate joy and love.


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## Rambo's mom (Apr 30, 2016)

This is just wonderful to hear. Thank you for the update. 
I love how you have turned things around, such determination. 
You and Ben are perfect for each other. 
Love the pictures. Bravo!


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## puddles everywhere (May 13, 2016)

So happy you posted an update. What wonderful news for you both.... happy faces all around. May blessings continue to be with you both.


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## Cpc1972 (Feb 23, 2015)

What a beautiful story. You both look very happy. The smiles on both of your faces says it all.


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## Jaxmommy (Oct 21, 2017)

I read your original post and I'm so happy that things have turned around for you and Ben. After reading the initial postings, I already felt like you were headed in the right direction and just needed to push on with encouragement. I'm so glad that your faith and Ben has gotten you through these rough times.


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## danoon58 (Jul 1, 2015)

As someone who has suffered with an anxiety disorder, I am so glad you are feeling better! It is so very hard to overcome. Ben is absolutely gorgeous and it seems you are making great strides together. Congratulations!


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

I am genuinely so happy to hear this update! Seriously, tears of happiness for you and Benjamin. 

God bless and keep going!


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

Wonderful update, great to hear how well you and Ben are doing.

Great pictures, he's grown into a handsome boy.


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## WharzTippy (Oct 30, 2017)

such a wonderful testimony! I surely wish I could say that I have read more stories like this happy ending. I hope many people do read this and spread the example for people they encounter who contemplate re-homing a dog, cat, or bird.


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## Sweet Girl (Jun 10, 2010)

Thank you so much for coming back and updating - and especially telling us about YOUR recovery and successes. I am so happy for you, and I hope everything continues to go so well. You are incredibly brave and strong. I'm so glad you can now enjoy your life - and Ben!


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## AmberSunrise (Apr 1, 2009)

Such a wonderful update  thanks! Ben is so handsome a d obviously well loved & cared for.

Great news that yoh therapy was helpful and you 2 really look great together! Well done


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## Crosby7 (Sep 28, 2017)

I just now read your original post and read all the comments. Reading your update, I am literally in tears. I am so happy that you stuck with Ben and you both got through the tough times together. This is truly inspiring. The pictures you posted are absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing and please keep updating!


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

thepuppydog said:


> So, I’m bringing this thread back up to give an update..... I felt God continually heal me more and more daily. From a strength not my own, I started to be able to get out of my room. I got a job. I started working and saved up enough money to put him through an expensive, extensive dog training program....If I’m having a bad day and need to stay in, he stays in bed with me instead of his crate. But most of the time, those bad days don’t happen anymore and we’re out and about living our lives.....I take him with me when I can whenever I have to go out. I try to give him car rides, and new scents, new experiences, and new friends. ....



I can't put into words how happy and proud for you this update makes me feel. Absolutely you had help from God, He gave you strength, but honestly it was you who used the tools He gave you and put in the hard work and effort to get to this point. I am so happy for you and for Ben and your grandmother that you have made such progress in your life. 

Thank you so much for showing us your progress and letting us know that this has had a happy ending, I know that it won't always be easy for you but I'm sure with help from your Grandmother and Ben and your Faith that you have a wonderful, happy future in front of you. Keep up the good work


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