# I have braced myself for this day for so long



## Karen519

*Doug*

I am so very sorry for the news about Tia.
Is she eating and drinking?
Is her breathing o.k.
Did he give you any idea what to watch for.
Where is the tumor?

My hubby and I have have lost two dogs to hemangiosarcoma. We did exploratory surgery on Snobear, but the cancer was on his liver, so we chose to say Goodbye to him while he was under anesthesia. With our Smooch, who was almost 12, they thought she had hemangiosarcoma or lymphoma. She had gagged up some blood and didn't want to eat. Smooch seemed to be having trouble breathing and did not go upstairs anywhere. She was sick about 2 wks. and the vet thought she was suffering because of her breathing, so Ken and I were with her as she crossed the Rainbow Bridge.


----------



## Doug

Thanks Karen. She seems to be breathing and eating fine.
The lump is on her side with likely muscular involvement.
The vet said that a bleed could happen quickly anywhere at anytime, probably in 3 months.

It so hard to see such a sweet life end like this.
Now I jump at any sound or movement she makes 
The unknown is the hardest part.

Gosh that must have been so incredibly heart shattering for you


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*

DOUG

I know exactly how you feel!! Is there someone at home with Tia most of the time?
I'm glad that Tia is eating and drinking and eating fine!

P.S. The only way Ken and I can get through losing our babies, is to adopt another. We now have Tucker and Tonka (picture in the pool).


----------



## Doug

We both work but our end of year holidays are in sight.
I ended up getting another golden after our cat passed. It sure does help you through the tough times by keeping you distracted. Fur buddies are great healers.
I don't think that this will happen this time around though.


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*

Glad you have another dog! 
There are MANY people on here who have lost their dogs to hemangiosarcoma.
There are a few that have lived for some time with it-they had surgery and chemo, radiation.
Our biggest fear was our Snobear bleeding out while we were gone and as you said, we could not bear to think Smooch and Snobear would suffer at all.


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

I am very sorry to see your post in this section. Will keep your sweet girl in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## Catalina

So sorry to hear this news! As many others here, we have dealt with this. Our Toby was diagnosed when he was 11. Following his ultrasound, the vet came out with tears in her eyes and told me to take him home and make him happy. He had a wonderful 3 months and we lost him just after Christmas. I look back at this as a gift though it was hard to do that at the time. So many lose their dogs unexpectedly but we knew it was coming and had the time to appreciate him to the fullest and make him extra happy every day. I'm sure he felt changes but he never knew he was dying until the end. So sorry for your diagnosis but I hope you can have some wonderful time with your girl until the end comes.


----------



## Laurie

I am so sorry to hear of Tia's diagnosis. I will keep her in my thoughts.

My Reno has been battling hemangio for 16.5 months......there is hope!!


----------



## Bentleysmom

I'm so very sorry to hear this news! You're all in my thoughts and prayers ♥


----------



## *Laura*

Doug I am so very sorry for your bad news about Tia. I will keep you and Tia in my thoughts.


----------



## cgriffin

I am so sorry about the diagnosis. 
I would not let her jump out of the car anymore, though. You mentioned in your first post about that.
I wish Tia all the best and that you have a lot more time and precious memories together!


----------



## Wagners Mom2

I don't have anything to add, but wanted to send my best to Tia and you all. I think Laurie's Reno is the best example that a dog with hemangio can live a normal life and beat the odds, even if for a time. I'm praying you have more time with your Tia. Enjoy each day. (((HUGS))).


----------



## gold4me

I am so sorry to read this. We lost our Emmy in April to intramuscular hemangiosarcoma. We had the first tumor removed and she did well but very quickly another tumor came back in the same place and we lost her 43 days later. She was our princess, our angel but her tumor did rupture and her leg was twice the size it should be. When it was time to make that decision we were with her as she crossed to the Bridge. 
My only advice is to be careful about bumping the tumor and then enjoy each and every day you have. My thoughts are with you.


----------



## PrincessDi

Very sorry to read about your beautiful Tia. Take lots of pictures and I know that you are loving her up as much as possible. This is such a tragic disease! Sending thoughts for much more time with your beloved Tia that is free of pain.


----------



## OutWest

I'm so so sorry. I have no experience in this and thus no useful advice. You clearly love her to pieces, so keep on doing that. There are many others on here who will have good advice to share.


----------



## vcm5

I am so sorry you had to receive this news! My heart goes out to you!


----------



## Harvey goldens

Doug,
I'm so sorry to read this. 
I feel your pain like so many here do. 
We lost our young 6yr old to hemangiosarcoma a year and a half ago, he was diagnosed the day before we lost him (long weird story, won't bore you with it). Our 13+ girl was recently diagnosed with hemangiopericytoma after a mass was removed from her front leg. It's so hard to see them age. 
Just love on your pup and be thankful for the time you have with him.
We have 2 younger goldens too, doesn't replace the ones lost, but helps heal your heart!
Take care and give your pup a hug every chance you get!


----------



## love never dies

I am so sorry about the diagnosis. I also do not have useful suggestions. But sending you many many hugs and prayers.

My immediate thoughts:
Second opinion to confirm possible best treatment? Dog ramp - get her to familiar with it if still need to use the car for transportation very often. Work arrangement - to see any more flexible schedule that can fit your family. Spoil sweet Tia every day with extra extra love. 

Keep us posted.
Hugs


----------



## Dallas Gold

I am so sorry to hear about Tia. I've gone through cancer twice with dogs. One we let go on the surgery table and the other we took through chemotherapy. I wrote a list of questions to ask the vet if you dog is diagnosed with cancer and I think it's a Sticky on this subforum. I hope those questions can help you with making the tough ones you will need to make in the coming days.


----------



## Doug

Thank you so much guys!! I could not sleep last night and tossed and turned throughout. I woke up early feeling like rubbish. To see your very kind messages is truely special

We noticed the lump had got significantly larger after my 2yr old GR bumped into her after a happy dance when we returned home from work. Could this have caused a bleed? Is this what made it appear larger all of a sudden? Is this why the vet can see so much blood in her fine needle aspirate?

I have read conflicting reports about whether 'the end' is painful. This is my greatest worry right now. I'm not sure if she will drift off in weakness or be in terrible pain. 

To be honest we have been in crisis mode with Tia for a year now. This time last year her leg weakness and stumbling began. 3 months later we had to start medication for seizures. We have installed carpet and have ramps set up for her. We even sleep with our mattress on the floor. We often take her in the car to restaurants or go for walks around different parts of the city. She is indeed very spoiled and deserves to be. 
Tia's photo link: Tia

Reno is a great inspiration  !!!!! Whoo hoo! Way to go Reno!!!!!


----------



## Karen519

*dOUG*

Doug

I am no doctor, but i don't think your 2 year old bumping into Tia caused anything.
As far as the blood when they aspirated, they aspirated Snobear and found blood and then took an xray or ultrasound and saw a shadow/mass. They couldn't tell if it was on the spleen or the liver and we were hoping it would be on the spleen and they would remove it and we might have a little more time with him. In the exploratory surgery they found a mass on the both lobes of the liver and they were 80% sure it was cancer. We said goodbye to Snobear while he was under anesthesia. We just couldn't take the chance that he would bleed out and suffer.

What does your vet say?


----------



## Doug

Our vet has already warned us two months ago that we are on borrowed time due to the seizures at her age as everyone suspected a brain tumor.

Our vet says that surgery would be very difficult given the location. I have yet to ask her the question about physical movement but she did say that a fast bleed could happen anywhere even on a walk.

In true golden style Tia is happy as can be this morning and is begging for my breakfast I cannot imagine having to end it all right now. So surreal.


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*

DOUG

I feel your pain. Praying for Tia and you!!


----------



## davebeech

Doug, I wish I could offer some advice, I can only say we're thinking of you and Tia


----------



## OnMyWay2MyDreams

I am so sorry you are going through this, I am also in the same boat as I just found out my rescued boxer has stage V lymphoma. Right now it's a matter of keeping him comfortable and enjoying every day with him. Also, to make sure I don't let him suffer and to send him to the bridge when it's time. I always worry that I will wait too long but most of the time my dogs have told me when it's time. Just follow your heart and listen to your dog..you will know when. Prayers to you and Tia.


----------



## Doug

Oh gosh it is so hard isn't it!
I never believed in _euthanasia until my cat got Lymphoma. After 9 weeks everything everyone had ever said about euthanasia suddenly became crystal clear and it was obvious it was time as we woke up one morning and found that he had crashed. At least it was peaceful. The after shock of it all and the loss after taking special care of a sick pet makes you so unbelievably numb. 
Life has lots of incredible highs but also some very cruel lows.
For now we must focus on the highs just like our pups
_


----------



## CarlosW9FE

OnMyWay2MyDreams said:


> Right now it's a matter of keeping him comfortable and enjoying every day with him. Just follow your heart and listen to your dog..you will know when. Prayers to you and Tia.



Very well said....I am sorry you and your dog are going through this tough time. Cherish each and every moment. You both are in our prayers.


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*



Doug said:


> Oh gosh it is so hard isn't it!
> I never believed in _euthanasia until my cat got Lymphoma. After 9 weeks everything everyone had ever said about euthanasia suddenly became crystal clear and it was obvious it was time as we woke up one morning and found that he had crashed. At least it was peaceful. The after shock of it all and the loss after taking special care of a sick pet makes you so unbelievably numb.
> Life has lots of incredible highs but also some very cruel lows.
> For now we must focus on the highs just like our pups
> _


Doug

What you said about the highs and lows is so true, but our pups take it one day at a time. I've heard a million times on this forum regariding euthanasia that someone would rather be a week too early, than a day too late, and I totally agree with this statement. As you said, the thought of them suffering is unbearable!


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*

Doug

Checking in on Tia and you-praying you have a good day!


----------



## gold4me

Doug, When Emmy's second tumor reappeared she did not seem to be in pain and even when the tumor ruptured she appeared to be her happy self. As our vet monitored her it was us seeing her leg become so swollen that she had a hard time getting around and would not lie down unless she was exhausted. She was still her happy golden self. Goldens don't let us know if they suffer, they live in the moment so each of the loving moments you are giving to Tia she feels and understands. I am sending lots of good thoughts to all of you.


----------



## ssacres

Doug said:


> Oh gosh it is so hard isn't it!
> I never believed in _euthanasia until my cat got Lymphoma. After 9 weeks everything everyone had ever said about euthanasia suddenly became crystal clear and it was obvious it was time as we woke up one morning and found that he had crashed. At least it was peaceful. The after shock of it all and the loss after taking special care of a sick pet makes you so unbelievably numb. _
> _Life has lots of incredible highs but also some very cruel lows._
> _For now we must focus on the highs just like our pups_


I had my Allie put to sleep at home. That didn't make it easy and I thought I couldn't do it. She died peacefully in my arms. Allie and I got so close toward the end and my vet told me she would let me know when it was time. I believe she did tell me. The night before the vet was to come I talked with Allie and asked her if she was ready to go. She gave me a big kiss and the sweetest look but her eyes told me yes mom. I am so sorry you are going through so much. I am praying and crying with you. It is just all so painfull. Hugs..


----------



## Doug

Awh now you all have me bawling! 

It is such a relief to know that the end can be peaceful. The tumor bursting and bleeding out sounds so violent and painful which is terrifying me. She is also a very vocal dog (happy and sad) so this also concerns me.

Every large breed dog that we have known has died at the age of 10 The fact that she has turned 12 is amazing to us We have known for a long time that she would need to leave to a better place sooner or later. I have a healthy belief system of the after life. I believe that she will always be with me continuing to be my protector and best friend along side others that have gone before her that I love so much. It is this transitioning part that is the hardest for me - the unknown of what the weeks ahead will bring. Where will be when it all happens? Who will be available to help? Will it be violent? 

For now there is part of me in denial. A biopsy has not been advised due to her neurological and age issues so it could be another fatty tumor (highly unlikely though) A part of me feels that she might be one the lucky chosen ones who does well on the tumeric etc.I guess this is the only way I can kind of cope.

The real kicker is that we have just bought her a magnetic collar and just this week posted about how she seems to be much happier this week. We take her on talks in the city. Of course lots of people stop us for a pat and a chat. They often tell us that she looks so good for her age. 

Tia has had issues with heat intolerance. It has just turned spring here. Everyone is happy to see the sunny warm weather ... except for us. After last summer I knew the return of the heat would bring us sadness. She is restless and has partial seizures when it is warm. We often hose her down to decrease these and in the last few weeks have bought her her own personal air conditioner.

After a busy day of work we went on an extra trip to the park. Tia was running around barking and having a ball in the sunshine just like our young golden. Today she is her normal gorgeous self.

Thanks again for all of your support and kindness. It is very much appreciated!!


----------



## ssacres

Doug said:


> Awh now you all have me bawling!
> 
> It is such a relief to know that the end can be peaceful. The tumor bursting and bleeding out sounds so violent and painful which is terrifying me. She is also a very vocal dog (happy and sad) so this also concerns me.
> 
> Every large breed dog that we have known has died at the age of 10 The fact that she has turned 12 is amazing to us We have known for a long time that she would need to leave to a better place sooner or later. I have a healthy belief system of the after life. I believe that she will always be with me continuing to be my protector and best friend along side others that have gone before her that I love so much. It is this transitioning part that is the hardest for me - the unknown of what the weeks ahead will bring. Where will be when it all happens? Who will be available to help? Will it be violent?
> 
> For now there is part of me in denial. A biopsy has not been advised due to her neurological and age issues so it could be another fatty tumor (highly unlikely though) A part of me feels that she might be one the lucky chosen ones who does well on the tumeric etc.I guess this is the only way I can kind of cope.
> 
> The real kicker is that we have just bought her a magnetic collar and just this week posted about how she seems to be much happier this week. We take her on talks in the city. Of course lots of people stop us for a pat and a chat. They often tell us that she looks so good for her age.
> 
> Tia has had issues with heat intolerance. It has just turned spring here. Everyone is happy to see the sunny warm weather ... except for us. After last summer I knew the return of the heat would bring us sadness. She is restless and has partial seizures when it is warm. We often hose her down to decrease these and in the last few weeks have bought her her own personal air conditioner.
> 
> After a busy day of work we went on an extra trip to the park. Tia was running around barking and having a ball in the sunshine just like our young golden. Today she is her normal gorgeous self.
> 
> Thanks again for all of your support and kindness. It is very much appreciated!!


I still believe tumeric helped my Allie. Allie hated the heat her whole life. She liked it cool. She spent more time in the air conditioning than outside. Plus she would get hot spots from a simple bug bite. I pray Tia can have more good days. At the end for Allie she would pick up her toy to play kill it and she would shake it a few times with such joy. Then she was tired. I so enjoyed watching my old girl have fun. They are such blessings. Hugs


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

Sending hugs and prayers for sweet girl Tia. Did I say I love her name.


----------



## Doug

That is great news Ssacres! Thanks for the ray of hope.

Thanks BMF!!


----------



## GoldensGirl

Such awful news. I'm so very, very sorry.

This thread by Hotel4Dogs tells her story of (His Royal Highness, or HRH) Toby's months with hemangiosarcoma: http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...or-center/99786-oh-toby-doesnt-look-good.html. There is a tremendous amount of information there, as well as powerful love story.

One obvious sign that a dog is bleeding internally is paleness in the gums and tongue. The tissues thin out from fluid loss and they get a funny grayish color. That happened to Joker last summer when his spleen ruptured. When we found him early that morning, he did not seem to be in pain but he was disoriented. We learned later that he was in shock from blood loss. He did not have hemagio, so his story is not really relevant to Tia's except for what we learned about symptoms of internal bleeding.

You can do this. There is so much heartache in knowing that your sweetheart has a terminal illness, but remember that Tia doesn't know what you do and she isn't worried about the future. Try to save the tears for after Tia is gone, hard though that is. 

Dogs live in the present - a precious gift that I keep trying to learn from my Goldens. Enjoy each day, spoil Tia rotten, take a lot of photos and make a lot of precious memories. 

Holding Tia and you in my thoughts and prayers.

Group *GRF* Candles - Light A Candle


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*

Doug

I can feel the love you have for Tia! I love the picture of her.
I am praying for Tia and for you.


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

Doug, we lost our Fozzie to hemangio back in July. His only symptom was a lack of appetite. It was about 6-7 weeks from the onset of symptoms to his collapse and death due to the rupture of his spleen. As long as Tia is still eating, enjoy her as much as you can, and give her lots of hugs and belly rubs. Just let your vet know when there are any changes in her. Positive thoughts headed your way..


----------



## gold4me

I am truly a believer that our precious goldens watch over us from the Bridge. Each of my goldens that have gone there give me little signs that they are close. I look for them and know that they are still in my life and my heart but just in a different way. Tia is such a lucky girl to have the love you are giving her. I took a small amount of hair from each of my kids to have and it may sound silly but looking at their hair is a comfort for me. May you have good days ahead and remember Tia lives for today and as someone said she is not worried about the future.


----------



## Lucky Penny

It is our worst nightmare, to hear our loved ones have cancer. Your heart just drops to the floor, and everything in the world comes to a halt. Unfortunately, many of us have been there, but thankfully, we have all found each other for support. May you find some comfort and support knowing thoughts and prayers from all around are being sent your way.


----------



## Doug

Absolutely Penny. This forum is full of heart wrenching stories. I my heart always went out to that golden and their families but I felt so inadequate as quite often I could not offer any helpful advice. You guys have reminded me that reaching out is just as helpful without having to give out any influencial tips. THANK YOU it does mean a lot and it is a form of healing in itself.

GG you are a very special person. I have learned SO much from you and your support is incredibly generous. No wonder Charlie held on for so long 
I am always confused about the colour of the gums. I guess the confusion comes from having never seen grey gums before. I shall have to Google some images. Sorry for missing Joker's spleen thread. It would have been an opportunity to support you in your time of need and I missed it I hope that things are back on track for you guys.

I am also a believer that prayer, reike and positive wishes do make a big difference. So thank you all, especially for the candles. 

Thanks Karen I should add some more photos

I don't let T see me cry as she does not like it. As GG often says Tia lives in the moment, she does not know what is going on. Her eyes are bright all she cares about is when her next walk will be, when her next feed is and that her guardians are safely by her side.

It is finally the weekend so it will be a happy day for her. We plan on a walk around the lake and lunch with friends which are Tia's favourite things to do. I hope that you all have a wonderful day with your pups


----------



## Laurie

Doug said:


> I don't let T see me cry as she does not like it. As GG often says Tia lives in the moment, she does not know what is going on. Her eyes are bright all she cares about is when her next walk will be, when her next feed is and that her guardians are safely by her side.
> 
> It is finally the weekend so it will be a happy day for her. We plan on a walk around the lake and lunch with friends which are Tia's favourite things to do. I hope that you all have a wonderful day with your pups


This describes my Reno perfectly. 16.5 months he's been battling hemangio and all he cares about is going for his walks, being with his brothers and family and of course, eating supper, cheese and cookies!! Unfortunately he has seen me cry too many times. I try my best not to, but it's hard.

Hugs to you and Tia!


----------



## GoldensGirl

Doug said:


> ...GG you are a very special person. I have learned SO much from you and your support is incredibly generous. No wonder Charlie held on for so long


Now you really made me cry. :uhoh: When I am able to support someone else, it is simply paying forward the abundant support from many people who held me together during the year that we fought for Charlie.



Doug said:


> I am always confused about the colour of the gums. I guess the confusion comes from having never seen grey gums before. I shall have to Google some images. Sorry for missing Joker's spleen thread. It would have been an opportunity to support you in your time of need and I missed it I hope that things are back on track for you guys.


Joker is doing very well now, thanks. He recovered from the emergency splenectomy without any problems. I will never forget the night his surgeon called to tell me, "You hit the splenectomy jackpot twice. The pathology report says 'consistent with benign hematoma.' " That's the same diagnosis we got for Charlie years before.

I hope that Tia gives you much to celebrate this weekend!

Hugs and prayers,
Lucy


----------



## Doug

Karen519 said:


> Doug
> 
> I can feel the love you have for Tia! I love the picture of her.
> I am praying for Tia and for you.



Thanks Karen. I have updated her website with a few more photos.
Tia's photo link is underlined here: Tia

These photos remind me of the way that she smiles, begs, thumps her tail on the wall as well as her OOooooo Rooowww She could also roll over in her day. I thought that all goldens do all of this but apparently not. She is a very special girl who is fiercely loyal. I feel sorry for those who don't know the love of a golden.

The mere mention of Reno is like a ray of sunshine

GG - I have learned that goldens keep us on our toes no matter what their age 
O I see what you mean about the grey gums now. Thanks, your description really helped.

Thanks again - your candles have set off my tears again with your sweet messages


----------



## Karen519

*Tia*

Doug

I hope you and Tia have a wonderful weekend and enjoy your walks!


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*



Doug said:


> Thanks Karen. I have updated her website with a few more photos.
> Tia's photo link is underlined here: Tia
> 
> These photos remind me of the way that she smiles, begs, thumps her tail on the wall as well as her OOooooo Rooowww She could also roll over in her day. I thought that all goldens do all of this but apparently not. She is a very special girl who is fiercely loyal. I feel sorry for those who don't know the love of a golden.
> 
> The mere mention of Reno is like a ray of sunshine
> 
> GG - I have learned that goldens keep us on our toes no matter what their age
> O I see what you mean about the grey gums now. Thanks, your description really helped.
> 
> Thanks again - your candles have set off my tears again with your sweet messages


Doug: All of the pictures are just gorgeous!! Do you have two Goldens?
My Smooch always thumped her tail and rolled over and so does my Tucker. Goldens surely are very special dogs! I remember our vet always told us to look at our dogs gums and if you pressed on them and they didn't return to pink to get them into the vet right away-it could be internal bleeding.
http://www.google.com/webhp?sourcei...ee84f1b4&bpcl=35466521&ion=1&biw=1087&bih=522


----------



## Doug

Yes I got another golden after my cat passed. We have never had two dogs of the same breed before but after having Tia we could not resist another golden. Hudson is another delightful fur kid with special qualities all of his own. Tia is his mentor, rock and safety blanket.


----------



## HolDaisy

So sorry you're going through this with your special girl Tia, we're all thinking of you!


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

Both of your dogs are beautiful!


----------



## Doug

Yesterday was a day of mixed emotions.

Tia had a great day. We spent some real quality time together. (I'm convinced that your prayers and candles were a great influence.)

I would like to thank those who have documented their stories. Knowing that someone has really been in these shoes before really is comforting even though the journey is so taxing. Each case has their differences just like our goldens.

I took some time to read Reno's thread. Laurie you are right. It is so hard to believe looking at my beautiful girl that the sands of her hour glass are running out. Photos don't really do her justice as her fur is super soft and healthy. She is not weak in any way. She has arthritis and she often pants but she does not look miserable and is always ready to chase a duck or fend off the delivery guys. Her personality is as strong as ever. I hope that Reno is just as fiesty for you today I love your photos!

I also took time out to read Toby's post. Tia's mass does not look anything like Toby's. Maybe the doc is wrong. Tia's mass looks like a large lipoma the size of a fist that popped up in a month and a half with no redness.

The reality is that the pathologist did find cancer cells in Tia's lump along with other evidence and that I know by our past experience with lymphoma that it will be a fast decline when it does hit. Until then being in denial and continuing to make hay while the sun still shines may not be such a bad thing.

I hope that you have a wonderful day and that you take some time to be eye to eye with your best friends.

Thanks again for your powerful well wishes!


----------



## cgriffin

Wishing your Tia many more great days,months with lots of good times, belly rubs and lots of loving!


----------



## love never dies

Sending more positive and powerful prayers for Tia. 
Wish you and your family can spend even more quality time with Tia.


----------



## Doug

One week on...
i feel sick to my stomach after finding a lump on the main lump which I had never seen before which gave me quite a reality check. (Maybe it was there, maybe not)

I'm finding the choices in treatment that I should take immensely confusing. 
The traditional treatments have been ruled out.
We do not have access to a good holistic vet where we live. 

We have discontinued the Budwig and the fish oil for now as it can facilitate bleeds.
Maybe fish oil is ok in the right dose but what is the correct dose?
We have started the tumeric but can this also facilitate bleeds?
We are assuming that she has the big H however it could be some other sarcoma.

We will also start Zeolite today.
Essaic tea is also on our radar. We had trouble brewing it last time.
I have fears about starting too many holistic things at once as it may cause a detox overload which would be disasterous for my currently happy girl.

After seeing her become brighter after wearing a magnetic collar we have also ordered a mangetic blanket.

I took some more time to read Toby's thread and we can relate on so many levels including the part of being in denial. The heat is not good for Tia either.

I guess a whole part of this experience is having your head spin knowing that making the right decisions on her behalf which is where we are at right now.

Thank you so much for your continuing special thoughts, prayers and well wishes.


----------



## HolDaisy

Sending lots of positive vibes Tia's way, it really is so difficult as many of us on here that have lost our goldens understand so well.

I personally have no idea about holistic treatments, but I hope that the other members that do can offer you some advice when they read this. Stay strong, you're doing everything you can for Tia and she knows how much she is loved.


----------



## Karen519

*Tia*



Doug said:


> One week on...
> i feel sick to my stomach after finding a lump on the main lump which I had never seen before which gave me quite a reality check. (Maybe it was there, maybe not)
> 
> I'm finding the choices in treatment that I should take immensely confusing.
> The traditional treatments have been ruled out.
> We do not have access to a good holistic vet where we live.
> 
> We have discontinued the Budwig and the fish oil for now as it can facilitate bleeds.
> Maybe fish oil is ok in the right dose but what is the correct dose?
> We have started the tumeric but can this also facilitate bleeds?
> We are assuming that she has the big H however it could be some other sarcoma.
> 
> We will also start Zeolite today.
> Essaic tea is also on our radar. We had trouble brewing it last time.
> I have fears about starting too many holistic things at once as it may cause a detox overload which would be disasterous for my currently happy girl.
> 
> After seeing her become brighter after wearing a magnetic collar we have also ordered a mangetic blanket.
> 
> I took some more time to read Toby's thread and we can relate on so many levels including the part of being in denial. The heat is not good for Tia either.
> 
> I guess a whole part of this experience is having your head spin knowing that making the right decisions on her behalf which is where we are at right now.
> 
> Thank you so much for your continuing special thoughts, prayers and well wishes.


Doug: As long as you hold her and love her she will be happy! That's all she wants.


----------



## GoldensGirl

Doug said:


> ...I guess a whole part of this experience is having your head spin knowing that making the right decisions on her behalf which is where we are at right now...


You love Tia and you will make the best possible decisions for her, but you cannot make her immortal. 

Remember that what Tia most wants from you is the pleasure of your company and to delight in your love for her. The end of the story is sadly certain, but that is true for every living being. Every single one of us is born with a congenital fatal disease; it's called Life. 

Tia wants you to celebrate every day with her and save the mourning until she is gone.

It is hard, but that is what loving a dog is all about.

Hugs and prayers,
Lucy


----------



## Penny & Maggie's Mom

Truer words were never written, Lucy. My prayers are with you and Tia...... your memories of reveling in every breath, every pet, every moment is a wonderful gift.


----------



## Lucky Penny

Doug said:


> One week on...
> i feel sick to my stomach after finding a lump on the main lump which I had never seen before which gave me quite a reality check. (Maybe it was there, maybe not)
> 
> *I know that feeling, it is the worst feeling in the world. Just take one step at a time, and remember that Tia does not care about the lump. She cares about the present and what you and her can do together to have fun. So make sure to enjoy every day to it's fullest with her. We think that dogs live short lives, but I think that they believe their lives are long. That is because they live each day to it's fullest. So when they leave us, they are not sad, they are happy with no regrets, because to them they lived a long fulfilled life. It is hard for us humans to sometimes do this, but it is the greatest gift we can learn from our four legged friends. "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that is why they call it 'The Present'".*
> 
> I'm finding the choices in treatment that I should take immensely confusing.
> The traditional treatments have been ruled out.
> We do not have access to a good holistic vet where we live.
> 
> We have discontinued the Budwig and the fish oil for now as it can facilitate bleeds.
> Maybe fish oil is ok in the right dose but what is the correct dose?
> We have started the tumeric but can this also facilitate bleeds?
> We are assuming that she has the big H however it could be some other sarcoma.
> 
> 
> *Are there any holistic vets that you could do a phone consultation with? That may be helpful with your supplement questions.
> 
> When it comes to supplements, there are a ton! Go with your gut, and choose the ones that you feel will work best. Don't over do it, it can be expensive, time consuming, and you may be repeating things.
> 
> Fish oil is a wonderful supplement. If you buy some, usually there is a dosage amount on the label. Tumeric, shouldn't cause any bleeds. I was giving Penny this curcumin from Thorne Research. I had no negative side effects what so ever. *
> *
> Thorne Research - Meriva-SR<sup>®</sup> - SF775
> 
> *
> We will also start Zeolite today.
> Essaic tea is also on our radar. We had trouble brewing it last time.
> I have fears about starting too many holistic things at once as it may cause a detox overload which would be disasterous for my currently happy girl.
> 
> *You are perfectly right, you don't want to over do her with to many new things. If she is seeming healthy, why rock the boat? I would defiantly look into a holistic vet in the area you could call for a consultation. What troubles did you have with Essaic tea? I got mine from Herbal Healer and it came with really good directions on brewing. I got it down pretty quickly.
> 
> A Herbal Healer Academy - natural medicine, herbs, vitamins, correspondence courses drherbs
> *
> After seeing her become brighter after wearing a magnetic collar we have also ordered a mangetic blanket.
> 
> I took some more time to read Toby's thread and we can relate on so many levels including the part of being in denial. The heat is not good for Tia either.
> 
> I guess a whole part of this experience is having your head spin knowing that making the right decisions on her behalf which is where we are at right now.
> 
> Thank you so much for your continuing special thoughts, prayers and well wishes.


*My head spins all the time. Every day, there seems to be a new curve ball being thrown at me. I try my best to take things apart, and just do things one by one. I also try my best to do something for myself. Go out with a friend, buy something new. You have to take care of your self, so you don't get to stressed out. Our dogs take in our emotional state. It is important for us to stay as healthy as we can emotionally, so they do as well.

I send continued thoughts and prayers your way. Tia is lucky to have you, your a wonderful doggie parent!
*


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

Sending healing vibes and prayers for sweet Tia and her people.


----------



## Doug

Thanks guys. 
Celebrating T and loving her is the easy bit. I've had 12 years of experience with this. She has taught me well he he That's a no brainer.

However as her guardian it is my role (on her behalf) to seek out ways to give her the best quality of life that she has left. I just want the best for her without all of the guess work. I know that most of you have been in my shoes and many of you have been lucky enough to have found the right helpful advice so I thought that it was worth asking.

For now we shall soldier on with our chin up and take each day as it comes but... I will always have my feelers out ready for any new info to help her feel brighter and esase her journey

Thanks again for your amazing support.


----------



## Doug

Ah Penny I love seeing your gorgeous golden's faces at the end of your posts

Thanks for your kind words Penny. I have been through the cancer supplement roundabout with other pets as well as with Tia back in January when we first suspected some kind of cancer. You are right it the cost is astounding. However nothing seemed as positive as the hints and tips that have been mentioned on this forum. We have resumed the fish oil after what you said but I'll leave the flax for now. We bought the tumeric from our long distance holistic vet which seems worth a try. I was surprised about the work needed for the essaic tea but it should be ok once it is all set up. I guess that instead of getting physically upset I try to chanel my energy into finding an active way to help Tia.

Thanks again and I hope that furry Penny and Luna are having a great day!!


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*



Doug said:


> Thanks guys.
> Celebrating T and loving her is the easy bit. I've had 12 years of experience with this. She has taught me well he he That's a no brainer.
> 
> However as her guardian it is my role (on her behalf) to seek out ways to give her the best quality of life that she has left. I just want the best for her without all of the guess work. I know that most of you have been in my shoes and many of you have been lucky enough to have found the right helpful advice so I thought that it was worth asking.
> 
> For now we shall soldier on with our chin up and take each day as it comes but... I will always have my feelers out ready for any new info to help her feel brighter and esase her journey
> 
> Thanks again for your amazing support.


What you said is SO BEAUTIFUL and SO TRUE. You and Tia are in my thoughts and prayers every day.


----------



## love never dies

cherish every day with Tia. I am on my way to light a candle for T.


----------



## T-Joy

I am so sorry that sweet Tia has health problems.
You are in my prayers and the candle is lit!


----------



## PrincessDi

On my way to light a candle for precious Tia.


----------



## love never dies

stop by and checking Tia? How is Tia? Hope all is good.


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*

Doug

Praying that Tia is alright. I miss my Smooch.


----------



## carolynk9

Catching up on this post. How is she doing?


----------



## Doug

Thanks guys!! if you saw her walking in the street you would not know about all of the turmoil beneath the surface. 

It really feels like the calm before the storm. It is a surreal feeling knowing that your world is about to take a massive blow at any time. 
The greatest gift has been that noone has told Tia that she is dying. To look at her you would not know that anything was wrong apart from the huge lump growing before our eyes on her side. She walks a little more slowly but her fur is so soft and her eyes are so clear. 

This forum has kept me in check by reminding us not to take anything for granted. It has also reminded me of my core spiritual beliefs. Only time will tell if I can remind myself of this advice that I so often dish out when the storm hits.

I am trying to prepare myself and be happy that she is finally going home to a loving joyous place that she so deserves after a life time of hard work but at the same time I am trying to brace myself for the big shake up that will leave us empty and desolate. 

I look around the house and see so many things that will change once she is gone. Gradually over time we have made major changes to the set up and furniture of the house to cater for her arthritis and heat intolerance that won't be needed anymore. 

I often wonder if it is best not to know as the mental torture has been difficult. There are tugs at the heart strings of any odd sound only to find that they came from our other young golden

I guess at least I have had the opportunity to stroke her soft fur with a more thoughtful intent, and take note of her funny quirks like resting her head on the coffee table, enjoy her genuine smiles and look into those big, innocent, loving and care free eyes.

I love the way some people make buckets lists for their dogs but Tia has been so spoilt over the years that there I am struggling to think of anything that we haven't done with her 

In the meantime we watch and wait with our faces towards the sun as we count the blessings that we have here and now.

Thanks so much for your kind thoughts and prayers


----------



## PrincessDi

Praying that you and Tia have much more calm time ahead before facing the storm! Just love her smile in your signature!


----------



## 4Goldens'

That was beautifully written, and I am sure Tia knows she is loved. Praying that you have many more days with your precious golden. ((Hugs))


----------



## Lucky Penny

Tia sounds as if she is enjoying life to the fullest, thanks to you! : ) Cherish your time together, and give Tia a hug for me!


----------



## cgriffin

I wish Tia and you a lot more golden smiles and memories.
Hugs to Tia.


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

Thinking of you guys, sorry I am to busy to post but all these beautiful ones who are fighting so hard are always in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs to sweet Tia.


----------



## Doug

We know that you have your hands full. Your other posts and *adorable* photos lift our spirits which is a form of healing all in itself.


----------



## dborgers

Hi Doug,

"Carpe Diem" - Seize The Day. You two have done a great job of just that.

Hope you two are out having fun right now.  We're having Thanksgiving Day here in the States. Counting our blessings which, of course, include the incredible unconditional love of our fur kids. They're counting their blessings for bites of turkey and green beans LOL


----------



## Dwyllis

So sorry to hear about Tia. I know how heart-broken you must be feeling. Thinking of you. Thinking of Tia.


----------



## Doug

Thank you guys (and GG). Your messages are quite timely as I got home from work to find Tia looking wooden and slow especially on the stairs so much so that hubby and I are rethinking our plans of our beach romp tomorrow and will sleep down stairs tonight.

She is so happy to see me at home but she looks so stiff as she walks. It is as if her spirit is super strong and beaming but her body is stiff.
I have no idea what this means.
Her gums look normal.

The weather here has turned awfully hot even at night and will continue to be hot for the next week at least. This has caused stumbling issues and seizure problems for us in the past

It reminds me how quickly things can change.

Have an extra slice of turkey and helping of dessert for us


----------



## cgriffin

Oh, I hope Tia feels better soon. 
Is she on any pain meds for her arthritis?

Keeping Tia in my thoughts and hoping for better days ahead!


----------



## GoldensGirl

Doug said:


> Thank you guys (and GG). Your messages are quite timely as I got home from work to find Tia looking wooden and slow especially on the stairs so much so that hubby and I are rethinking our plans of our beach romp tomorrow and will sleep down stairs tonight.
> 
> She is so happy to see me at home but she looks so stiff as she walks. It is as if her spirit is super strong and beaming but her body is stiff.
> I have no idea what this means.
> Her gums look normal.
> 
> The weather here has turned awfully hot even at night and will continue to be hot for the next week at least. This has caused stumbling issues and seizure problems for us in the past
> 
> It reminds me how quickly things can change.
> 
> Have an extra slice of turkey and helping of dessert for us


I hope that Tia is doing well today and that the heat is not triggering seizures or stumbling. This has to be so hard for you. Try to remember that as we get older all of us have bad days among the good ones and change can take us up again as quickly as it takes us down. That's the rollercoaster ride of growing older. There are times when it isn't fun, but consider the alternative! :uhoh:

Forgive me for not remembering the details of Tia's treatments, but have you tried massage and/or acupuncture for Tia? Several of our members have reported excellent results from these treatments, both in terms of improved mobility and reduced pain. Gentle massage is something you can do yourself, of course, though there may be professional massage therapists in your area who work with dogs as there are here. I always found that Charlie loved for me to give him a massage, understanding the love that it expressed. Also, adequan injections can help with arthritis, actually promoting healing, as well as reducing inflammation and pain.

Holding Tia and you in my thoughts and prayers,
Lucy


----------



## Doug

Thank you!!

We managed to make it to the beach today at 6am. We intended to walk along the beach path and on the jetty. However Tia seemed to be doing ok and had a bright smile on her face even though she was slower than usual so we went for a quick splash in the water before having a seaside breakfast. Usually we would go for a decent walk and swim but we didn't want to push it. I am just happy that we still got to enjoy a family outing together.

I am wondering if this is a cancer issue as the tumor is near her weak leg? She has only started slowing down on her walks in the last week. 

It _could_ also be arthritis as we have stopped the flax seed oil as it can facilitate bleeds. We tried the injections but they did not work for T. We also tried pain killers but these made her anxious and quite sadly vocal. I have read that you need to be careful about massage with cancer patients so we do our usual pats, hugs and rubs and leave it at that. We have also tried acupuncture and a chiropractor but it was quite expensive and we did not see any results. 

Thanks again for all of your kind thoughts!!
Sending bright and sunny skies your way in exchange for your cool breezes


----------



## cgriffin

I wish I was in Australia right about now, lol. I prefer summer weather over the cold. 

I am glad that you all had a great time at the beach and that Tia was feeling better.


----------



## Lucky Penny

I bet Tia felt much better when she arrived at the beach. She may not of been able to do everything she usually does, but it must of made her day to be there with you. : )


----------



## Doug

Cgriffin - So do I as I am cold intolerant but I'm willing to rug up to keep my BF cool. Maybe we should organise a house swap  LOL 

Lauren, T felt so much better that she even went for an ungraceful back roll in the sand. She cannot mange a full shake or glide down the stairs but she could still roll on her back! They are always full of surprises aren't they? I hope that your guys are having a good weekend!!


----------



## dborgers

Sounds like you had a great day. Nothing like a nice beach day 

Have you asked your vet about Rimidyl? It's an effective anti-arthritis med. However, it can't be taken while they're on Prednisone.

If T is on large doses of Prednisone could there be a possible ligament involvement on her leg? Our boy was on pretty heavy doses of Prednisone and tore a rear ACL. Healed up in 12 weeks OK. Just thinking out loud ...


----------



## Doug

T is not on either. I have kind of resisted these medicines due to the side effects but I guess at this stage they don't matter.
Feeling 'normal' is such an important part of dealing with cancer. They might help her do that. I'll look into it. Thanks!


----------



## dborgers

Doug,

As far as the Prednisone or any chemo meds goes, you can use a liver supplement to help her liver function. When dogs get old their livers could use it anyway. Andy takes two hepato supplements. One is expensive ($110 a month for Denamarin) and the other is Hepato Support, $30 (what the vet charged us) for 180 tabs @ 4 capsules a day. If T isn't doing heavy duty chemo the Hepato Support may be enough.

Anyhoo, perhaps your vet can prescribe something for arthritis. Most dogs, like people, get it when they're older. Glucosomine-Chondroitin is a great supplement to lubricate the joints and build cartlidge strength. We buy that at a supermarket cheap. 2000mg (2 tabs @ 1000mg) a day is the proper dose for a dog 60-90 lbs.

it sounds like there's something going on with her joints or something. Could just be that she's a 'mature' girl. Something an anti-inflammatory/pain killer could help with greatly. Andy can't take Rimidyl because he takes Prednisone, so he gets 2 tabs of Tramadol (pain reliever) daily. 1 tab twice a day. However, doing something to treat the underlying cause of her stiffness/joint pain would probably be the ideal choice, provided your vet agrees it won't clash with whatever T takes now.


----------



## Doug

Thanks for the great reminders.

We have been dealing with Tia's arthritis for over 3 years now so she been on the Glucosmine and Chondroitin for quite a while. I just thought that it was strange that it her arthritis has flared up quite quickly in the past week or two which made me think of a cancer link but then again I have reduced her fish oil and her flax seed oil as it facilitates bleeds so it looks as though I will have to look into some hard core pain medication.

Thanks again!! I'm off to go and check em out now


----------



## dborgers

Is it possible she stepped on something and hurt her paw, or got up too quickly and strained a joint or muscle? People do that too (like me now and then). Have you had any X-rays done? Andy hurt his paw a couple weeks ago. He was limping like crazy. Took a couple weeks to get all better. Luckily, no breaks, but the X-rays did show arthritis in his paw bones.

BTW, the Tramadol Andy takes is an opiate. Pretty good pain relief, but it does leave him more laid back .. until he knows we're going somewhere for fun, then he's a ball of energy. He's about 11-12 years old now. Growing old can suck.


----------



## Doug

I just clipped her paws and so there does not seem to be a problem there. Tramadol increased her anxiety levels. After a bit of research it seems that these medications increase our chances of having seizures. With Tia's history of seizures which increase it the heat it would be a huge risk. This must be why our vet didn't suggest it previously. I'll keep looking though I do appreciate you wanting the best for her


----------



## dborgers

Doug

I just sent a long Private Message (Quick Links or top right of the page by your user name). Hope there's something useful there


----------



## Doug

Sorry my first PM did not go through -oops!

Thanks again for your well wishes and I look forward to seeing plenty more of clever Andy's antics to brighten our days


----------



## GoldensGirl

Would Deramaxx be an option? It is very good for arthritis in dogs, though somewhat expensive. Here is a link to info on side effects: Common Deramaxx Side Effects - VetInfo. While seizures can show up as part of an allergic reaction, that's a risk with almost any medication. Charlie took this one for a while and I never saw any sign that it triggered seizures, but it helped him a lot with arthritic pain.


----------



## cgriffin

I just looked up Deramaxx and Metacam, both NSAIDS and none recommended when using steroids. 
Between seizures and steroid use, the type of pain meds you can use, are pretty slim. 

There is a medication called "Gabapentin". It is also a anti-seizure medication, but also pain medication. I cannot find anything online about how it interacts with Prednisone, though.

A warning given was however, not to be used in dogs with kidney problems. 

This might be worth checking into with your vet and getting more info about it. My sister was using Gabpentin for her old GSD when he had bad arthritis and started to have seizures.


----------



## Doug

Thanks Pred has a risk of seizure activity as well... sigh.

When I asked the vet about Gabpentin she said that she has only used it on cats. There does not seem to be a whole lot of solid info out there. 

The potential lack of coordination associated with the Deramaxx is a concern for me as we have already been dealing with this for over a year now.

I'll ask our vet again.

We went for a decent walk today along the pretty creek with shady trees and green lawns with lots of ducks which pleased the fur kids and also lots of parrots which pleased me

Tia seems to be a lot better now. I guess it is all apart of the mental torture once a terminal diagnosis has been given. I know that things can change so quickly so I am hypersensitive to any small change.

Thanks again for all of your continued support and positive energy!!


----------



## GoldensGirl

This may sound strange, but all of us have a terminal diagnosis! It's part of life. And I understand the extra layer of anxiety that comes with a particular diagnosis and prognosis. 

Here is a site that has useful information about newer medications to treat canine epilepsy: Newer options for medically managing refractory canine epilepsy - Veterinary Medicine. There is good info on gabapentin, including pointers to studies about effectiveness.
Perhaps this will help your veterinarian?

You are doing a great job with Tia. I hope you are also taking good care of _yourself_, since we hope that she will need your loving support for a long time.


----------



## Doug

Hmm interesting. Thanks GG!! The 8 hour dosage would be a lot to handle as it would require a dosage while we are at work. Since this would also be a seizure preventative this would be tricky. She cannot handle the normal dosage of Pheno let alone two anti seizure drugs at once which would be needed to cover our working hours.

When I feel concerned I sit with her and her beaming smile tells me that she is more than ok and then she walks away as if to say that's enough you can carry on with the things you need to do.  It is a bit hard to be down when she is so happy and content. As you say she lives in the here and now not in the future.


----------



## cgriffin

Good info!
My sister's dog did great on the Gabapentin for his seizures. The Gabapentin helps with neurological pain as well.
His seizures were most likely related to a brain tumor. He was also on Phenobarb for seizures.


----------



## cgriffin

I posted before I saw you post. I fully understand your predicament.

Enjoy Tia's beaming smile, obviously she is very happy!


----------



## cgriffin

Oh, if Tia is not on prednisone or any other corticosteroid, then Rimadyl or any other of the NSAIDS would still be an option if she gets very painful, as long as her kidney and liver function is still good. Of course, this is something to talk to your vet about, with NSAIDS also comes increased risk of GI bleeding.


----------



## Lucky Penny

cgriffin said:


> I just looked up Deramaxx and Metacam, both NSAIDS and none recommended when using steroids.
> Between seizures and steroid use, the type of pain meds you can use, are pretty slim.
> 
> There is a medication called "Gabapentin". It is also a anti-seizure medication, but also pain medication. I cannot find anything online about how it interacts with Prednisone, though.
> 
> A warning given was however, not to be used in dogs with kidney problems.
> 
> This might be worth checking into with your vet and getting more info about it. My sister was using Gabpentin for her old GSD when he had bad arthritis and started to have seizures.



This is true, Penny was on Deramaxx, but was takien off of it now that she is on Predisone. They can not be taking together. There has to be something out there though.

I believe the pain medicine that she uses when needed is tramadol.


----------



## Doug

Thanks guys!! Tia's history of seizures and stumbling complicates things. If the new pain killer does cause a seizure it takes 2 weeks for her to recover which for us is a significant risk. I have had this chat with our vet before. She suggested Tramadol as it had the least risk of problems. It caused stressful anxiety in Tia and we saw no improvement which was very difficult to witness. Hubby and I have looked at all of the suggestions and we are going to try some new natural options first since she can still function quite well but we want to see her at her optimal level... in the meantime I'll keep researching and investigating.


----------



## love never dies

Thinking of Tia and you. I hope all is good. Your signature is beautiful. Many love and hugs.


----------



## Karen519

*Tia*



Doug said:


> Thanks guys!! Tia's history of seizures and stumbling complicates things. If the new pain killer does cause a seizure it takes 2 weeks for her to recover which for us is a significant risk. I have had this chat with our vet before. She suggested Tramadol as it had the least risk of problems. It caused stressful anxiety in Tia and we saw no improvement which was very difficult to witness. Hubby and I have looked at all of the suggestions and we are going to try some new natural options first since she can still function quite well but we want to see her at her optimal level... in the meantime I'll keep researching and investigating.


Praying for sweet Tia!


----------



## Lucky Penny

I hope something will work out!


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

Sending hugs and prayers to sweet Tia.


----------



## *Laura*

Thinking of you and Tia and hoping it's a good day


----------



## Karen519

*Tia*

Praying for Tia and you!!


----------



## love never dies

sending prayers for Tia


----------



## Doug

Unfortunately it has not been a good night . Over the past week Tia has been stumbling, walking slowly on outings, battling a bout of diarrhea, has been off her food, we have been seeing an increase in seizure activity and last night she become depressed, listless and cool with shallow breaths (which is most unlike her). I have since learned that they are all signs of an internal bleed. I seriously thought that we were going to lose her there and then. 

After a terrible nights sleep for me this morning she is acting as if none of this ever happened. I was greeted with a high panting head lift and a swishing tail. I have never been so happy to see her feel so hot.

I have read that these dogs can rally but I cannot work out how long they can keep this up for. Does anyone have any idea??

It will be extremely hot here today so who knows what today will bring.

Thanks again for your touching and generous well wishes.


----------



## davebeech

sad to hear you had a bad night Tia, she certainly is a fighter. Thinking of you Tia and you 

love your sig by the way


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

Doug, just make sure to keep a close eye on her gums. With Fozzie, they turned a pale grey, and then he was gone.. If they aren't pink like they are supposed to be, get her to the vet. I'm so glad Tia is feeling better this morning, and extremely jealous that it is summer there. We are contending with temps in the 20s in the morning.


----------



## HolDaisy

Sorry that Tia had a bad night. We know exactly what you must be going through, before we lost Daisy she was able to come home for about 12 days and it was so hard watching her decline. It sounds like Tia is fighting hard and glad to hear that she was a little brighter this morning.

All I can say is just try and take it a day at a time. Goldens really are fighters! We are thinking of you and your beautiful little girl.


----------



## cgriffin

Oh, I am sorry to hear that Tia did not feel well. I hope she has a much better night ahead.
Like fozzies mom said, keep an eye on her gum color, white or grey gums warrant a speedy trip to the Emergency vet. 
You can check gum color by pushing on the gums and count how fast before the gums turn a pink color again, if it is more than 2 seconds, it is something to worry about.

Keeping Tia in my thoughts and hoping for the best for your girl and you!


----------



## Doug

Thanks guys To our relief Tia is still bright and very much alert this afternoon
However she is still staggering(which could be heat/seizure/cancer related) and has diarrhea

I got the impression that there is not much a vet can do once she starts to bleed out given her age with her cancer. My research tell me that even if a vet could help it is only a very short and invasive temporary measure. As hard as it is given her age drifting off when it is her time at home may be the kindest way to go since it is not a painful cancer. ...Not that we are at all in any way shape or form ready for that so after we suspected a bleed we gave her the Yunnan paiyao insurance pill which is probably why she is still with us. We checked her gums which were pale pink. We did not wait for them to turn white before we took action.

Tia is a real trooper and is not letting this stop her from what she wants to do. Tia has a larger than life character and is not afraid to tell people what she wants or how she feels She is not going to give in that easily

Thanks again for your support and I hope that you are also having a bright day with your pups.


----------



## PrincessDi

Please be sure not to leave her alone. They can get into trouble quickly. I understand how difficult it is to see your beloved Tia go downhill.


----------



## Lucky Penny

Oh I am so sad that Tia was not feeling well.  I am happy to read she is feeling better though! It is always an up and down roller coaster. I hope that she is able to stay feeling better and to cool off. Thinking good thoughts for Tia.


----------



## *Laura*

Doug I'm thinking of you and Tia. It's pretty tough having bad nights, very hard on Tia and hard on you as well. I hope she continues to be bright and alert.


----------



## cgriffin

Doug, how is Tia doing? 
I hope you are having a good weekend and hopefully not too hot for Tia.


----------



## Doug

Thanks for asking Christa. 

Tia is not doing very well 
She continues to go down hill with hind leg weakness yet her eyes are so bright and alert. This is more than just arthritis. Her uncomfortable heat intolerance makes things 100x worse. She is a strong willed girl so this is very confusing for her 

We fed her fillet steak and roast chicken yesterday which she loved. Her tummy is grumbling today so it may have been a mistake

I am very thankful that she can still get up and go about her business but I wonder how much longer that will last. Her eyes tell me that she refuses to give up and that she has no intention of going anywhere.

Over the past 6 weeks we have fallen in love all over again which I did not think was possible. I constantly check on her and she looks to me for comfort which intensifies our tight bond.

I hope things are a lot better at your end and that you have noticed some improvements or at least some extra sparkles in your pups eyes.


----------



## cgriffin

Thanks for the update, Doug. 
Tia sounds like a fighter! She knows that you are not giving up on her either, what a fantastic bond! 

My pups are fine. Toby is doing really well with the magnetic collar, he has not been limping. I have not put the collar on Thunder as much, but he is doing good. Right now, everybody is curled up and sleeping. It is warm here for December, about 19 degrees Celsius or 67 degrees Fahrenheit. 

I hope your vet can come up with something to help Tia with her arthritic pain and weakness. 
Please give her an extra hug from me and I am keeping your sweet girl in my thoughts.


----------



## cgriffin

Have you checked into acupuncture or laser therapy for Tia? 
Here is a link that explains laser therapy a bit. 
Two clinics offer it now in the adjacent town and I am considering it for Toby, if he gets worse. I have heard good reviews about laser therapy.

Veterinary | K-LaserUSA


----------



## Doug

Yes we tried acupuncture but didn't see any improvement.

The laser therapy looks amazing. I doubt that it is available here Tia is only expected to live for another month if that so it may not work out for us

We believe her leg weakness has more to do with a loss of blood from the tumor rather than the usual arthritis which we have been dealing with for the past 5 years.

Thanks for your kind thoughts


----------



## ChoppersMOM

Just catching up on this thread. My heart aches for Tia and her family. May you all hold on to the love and may Tia transition peacefully. It is all we can hope for when dealing with our heart dogs being so ill. God Bless Tia and her family during this time.


----------



## cgriffin

Doug, I am so sorry about Tia's prognosis, but you never know. Goldens are fighters, don't count her out yet. 
I do so hope for the best for your little girl and she has more quality time left with you! 

Hug that sweet girl of yours from me and the furry boys


----------



## *Laura*

Doug - I'm thinking of you and Tia ((Hugs))


----------



## Doug

THANKS guys!!

Just to clarify for anyone reading this in the future who has a pup with hermangiosarcoma and craves info like we do from our understanding Tia ihas experienced a couple of ruptures of her tumour this causes overall extreme weakness especially in her back legs. It is very intense when this happens as she can become weak and can fall and needs to lie down flat. During this time her eyes are bright and aware. We try to give her lots of water along with her YB insurance pill. Her gums do go pale but Tia's gums are usually pale anyway. After a few hours (when some of the blood is reabsorbed) she is able to get up. By the next day she is her usual sunny self and is fully mobile. Most dogs with this kind of cancer do not get a second chance however apparently episodic bleeds can happen but will eventually get worse. Our vet has confirmed that there is nothing we can do when this happens only to watch, wait and prepare ourselves. 

Over the last week and a half she has gradually become slow on walks even though she has a bright smile on her face so we take her to cafes for valuable mental stimulation as a compromise. Last month we bought a dog ramp so she could get into and out of the car without any bumps. However Christa was right to warn us about the car as we believe this caused her last bleed. Tia loves car rides and visits all over the city as we take our goldens with us where ever we can but now this cannot happen anymore 

Our vet has also gently suggested that we need to start thinking about the option of putting her to sleep as we cannot predict her final moments due to the possibility of seizures. However, there is also a possibility that she could go peacefully on her own. At this stage Tia continues to give us plenty of tail wags and smiles despite the couple of times where she has crashed and recovered. She has is larger than life character and lets us know that she wants to get back to normal. It is difficult to let her go when her eyes are beaming with life.

Tia is usually very keen to see what we bring out of the kitchen but today she has passed her breakfast so once more we shall watch and wait and reassess the situation moment by moment.

Thanks again for your kind thoughts


----------



## dborgers

Aw, Doug. You're such a good dad, and she's such a good girl.

Our hearts and prayers go out to you and Tia during this incredibly tough time.


----------



## cgriffin

It has got to be so hard when she looks at you, still full of life, but her body does not cooperate. I am so sorry. I guess I did not realize her condition is that dire.
I do hope that when her time comes, she will die peacefully in her sleep, at home, loved. She is a special girl.
Cherish every moment you have left, I am sure she appreciates everything you are doing for her and she is lucky to have you .

Sending more hugs Tia's way.


----------



## HolDaisy

So sorry that you are going through all this with your precious girl Tia. It really is just so horrible watching your best friend decline 

It sounds like she still has fight left in her though. Daisy was the same for us, she refused to give up almost until the very end. Believe me, when she has had enough though she will let you know. Sending you lots of prayers at this difficult time. We know what you're going through and how difficult it is.


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*



Doug said:


> Thanks for asking Christa.
> 
> Tia is not doing very well
> She continues to go down hill with hind leg weakness yet her eyes are so bright and alert. This is more than just arthritis. Her uncomfortable heat intolerance makes things 100x worse. She is a strong willed girl so this is very confusing for her
> 
> We fed her fillet steak and roast chicken yesterday which she loved. Her tummy is grumbling today so it may have been a mistake
> 
> I am very thankful that she can still get up and go about her business but I wonder how much longer that will last. Her eyes tell me that she refuses to give up and that she has no intention of going anywhere.
> 
> Over the past 6 weeks we have fallen in love all over again which I did not think was possible. I constantly check on her and she looks to me for comfort which intensifies our tight bond.
> 
> I hope things are a lot better at your end and that you have noticed some improvements or at least some extra sparkles in your pups eyes.


I am so sorry that Tia is not doing so well. I know how HEARTBREAKING THAT is! Give her extra hugs and kisses from me!!


----------



## GoldensGirl

With you in spirit, as always, and hoping that you find a path of light and love for the time you have left with Tia.

Hugs and prayers,
Lucy


----------



## love never dies

This situation is painful. I hope Tia is comfortable. Cherish all moments. Thinking of both of you. Remember to get some pictures of Tia and your family together. Hugs.


----------



## PrincessDi

Very sorry that you and Tia are going through this. I understand how difficult this is. Such a sad road to go down. Keeping you both in our thoughts at this hard time.


----------



## cgriffin

Hi Doug, how is Tia feeling today? 
I hope she is still bright eyed and bushy tailed  and not too hot!

More hugs being send Tia's way!


----------



## Lucky Penny

I am so sad to read what you and Tia are going through. This has to be hard on all of you. My postive thoughts are being sent your way. Hoping today is a good day for her.


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*

Doug and Tia, we are all with you in spirit.


----------



## dborgers

Thinking of you and Tia, Doug.


----------



## love never dies

Just checking in - thinking so much of Tia and you. Hope today is a good day.


----------



## goldensmum

You are both in our thoughts and prayers at this very sad time


----------



## Doug

Thank you, you are very kind people!! May your kindness be returned to you 100 fold!

We have had a few unusually cool days which we have loved but it is starting to warm up again today 

Tia has been off her food at times which sparks a panic attack in me as it could be a sign another bleed is looming. Yet other times she wolfs down her food and even has extra helpings. We have been dealing with diarrhea for the past week but this seems to have improved over the last couple of days after some chicken and pumpkin delights. 

Tia's eyes are still bright but I wonder if this is a bit of anxiety about not knowing what is going on or it could be from sheer boredom as we can no longer go on the decent walks and go for car rides like her usual routine. She continues to have hind leg weakness and is slow to get up she but still surprises me sometimes and climbs our stairs. Yesterday she fell up the 4 carpeted stairs so now these will be blocked off which she will hate. We sleep downstairs in the lounge room but I still have to shower upstairs.

The threat of another bleed can happen at anytime this is a major concern as a severe bleed out is not a bad way to go but a slow bleed out could cause some distressing moments ie seizures or breathing difficulties in the final hours. I worry about being by myself when this happens and not being able to get help when she needs it the most. There are no sedatives suitable for Tia given her seizure history and her anxiety issues with pain killers This brings up the question of letting her go before such a potentially distressing event happens. But how can we when she is very much interested in family activities, wants to go on walks, can take herself outside, has bright brown eyes and loves her chicken?


----------



## goldensmum

Wish I had wise words of wisdom to offer that would help, but all I can say is you will know when it is time to let Tia go - you know and love her so much you will know when the time is right

Take care x


----------



## Bob Dylan

So sorry you are going through this. I have been there 3 times and it isn't easy. Bobby was fast ( within 12 hrs. gone ) Dylan and Frankie went down the same road as Tia. Both at some point stopped eating and could not go outside without help. We knew it was time, and their passing was peaceful. HUGS!


----------



## TheZ's

Sending thoughts and prayers for you and Tia.


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*

Doug

Will be praying for you and Tia-I understand your fear of being alone and not be able to get her help in time. Is there an emergency animal hsptl. close to you that is opened around the clock? Is there a neighbor that could go with you?
Like Bob Dylan said, my Smooch stopped eating and her breathing seemed somewhat labored and I took her to the vet-he thought it was time.


----------



## cgriffin

I am sorry for your anguish. I fully understand your fears.
I know it has to be agony to know and decide what the right decision is. 
I guess you have to think about quality of life and whether she still has that quality. That is not something that anybody but you can decide and know. I think and also hope that Tia will let you know when that time comes. 
I lost both my previous goldens unexpected and fast without having to make that difficult decision. 
I so wish the best for your Tia! 
Hugs to the sweet girl!


----------



## HolDaisy

Sending prayers to beautiful Tia and you


----------



## Thalie

Holding you and Tia in my heart and thoughts at this difficult time.


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

Doug-sending positive thoughts to you and Tia and your family. Many of us know all too well how difficult it all is.


----------



## GoldensGirl

Many, many times I have read the advice "Better a day too soon than a day too late." This may resonate with you more in the days to come. 

Remember that Tia will not begrudge you a day, but she adores you and it would break her heart to cause you added pain. It is not only okay but really necessary to consider what you can handle and what is right for the rest of family. Each of us can only cope with so much before we break under the strain.

At some point, the side effects of meds don't matter anymore; what matters is being at peace... at rest. Death is not an enemy; it is just another transition - sometimes one to be dearly desired because it brings an end to agony, whether physical or emotional. 

Breathe, friend. Listen to your heart. Listen to Tia. You will do the right thing at the right time and we will be here for you. We all know that whatever you do will come from love for Tia.

Hugs and prayers,
Lucy


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

Many prayers on your way for you and your sweet girl.


----------



## Doug

We do have a 24hr vet 5 min up the road.
You would not know that Tia was ill if you saw her right now especially after she just scoffed her chicken which is what makes this decision so hard. 
Here is a underlined photo link of Tia today which gives you an insight of her quality of life: http://smedley.id.au/TiaToday.png

I have been reminded that people and animals are able to leave their bodies during times of extreme pain and that there are lots of special moments to enjoy in between bleeds. The harsh reality is that none of us know what will happen in the immediate future and when we will be thrown into crisis mode which is a part of dealing with everyday life. I am very grateful that at least we have been given a heads up and are able to partly prepare ourselves for the worst case situation.

Thank you for your ongoing heartwarming support  and prayers for a super smooth transition.


----------



## elly

Dear dear Doug, I am so sorry for all the anguish you feel. I remember it so well and in fact your post has left me breathless as it is so similar to the situation I faced with my last gorgeous Golden. She looked wonderful and didn't stop smiling but something told me it was time. To many it was a little before 'time' but like you I feared something would happen. She greeted our vet at our door with a favourite blanket in her mouth, tail wagging and he said it was THE right time, far better a day early than a day too late when something's happened to force the decision. I knew that in my heart but it helped to have him tell me  I think your heart will tell you too, listen to yourself when it does and have a very special final few hours with her. We went to the park, she walked there, and we took lots of family photos. It was such a special morning,..so very painful but special in its own way.
I am so sorry you have to face this too at some point, she's beautiful and that's a wonderful photo. No one can tell you when the times right, you know her and you are with her but we are all here to support you, whenever that is, before and after. 
Thinking of you all and hoping and hoping Tia picks up and enjoys more time with you. We had an extra three months with our girl that we never envisaged. These pups are full of surprises at times too


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

Love, hugs and prayers, Tia is so sweet.


----------



## cgriffin

Thank you, Doug. That is a wonderful picture!

I hope you did not misunderstand my question about quality of life. Obviously, Tia has a great life with you and is happy, that is not in question. 
By quality of life, I mean, does she eat, does she seem in pain all the time, has the spark left her eyes, does she seem very uncomfortable and restless, is losing weight drastically, no joy in life? I meant when those things start to happen, then it is a question of quality of life. 
I feel sooo bad, I so do hope you did not misunderstand.

Continued hugs to Tia from the Tennessee gang.


----------



## Karen519

*Tia*



GoldensGirl said:


> Many, many times I have read the advice "Better a day too soon than a day too late." This may resonate with you more in the days to come.
> 
> Remember that Tia will not begrudge you a day, but she adores you and it would break her heart to cause you added pain. It is not only okay but really necessary to consider what you can handle and what is right for the rest of family. Each of us can only cope with so much before we break under the strain.
> 
> At some point, the side effects of meds don't matter anymore; what matters is being at peace... at rest. Death is not an enemy; it is just another transition - sometimes one to be dearly desired because it brings an end to agony, whether physical or emotional.
> 
> Breathe, friend. Listen to your heart. Listen to Tia. You will do the right thing at the right time and we will be here for you. We all know that whatever you do will come from love for Tia.
> 
> Hugs and prayers,
> Lucy


I love what GoldenGirl said and I couldn't agree more!


----------



## Doug

Thanks Buddy and Charlie's Mum Forever - Your sweet photos have inspired me  I hope that the magical elves fix your camera asap

Christa, I totally agree with you and got what you were kindly saying. If Tia looked miserable, lost interest in family activities, could not take herself outside and could not eat this decision would be quite different. Our vet had a quality of life chat with us earlier on in the year so I am glad that you reminded me about it. As you say quality of life is about being able to smile and beam like she is in the photo (therefore we are on the same page.) I'm so sorry. Please don't feel bad! You have been a wonderful and caring and we appreciate all of the support you have given to us  Thank you!! 

We also very much appreciate GG and Karen's comments as we also know that they come from a good place of the best kind of love and friendship.  They are trying to spare me a great deal of heart ache. Thanks also to Elly for sharing her very personal experience and her positive wishes.

This decision is a gamble that I will have to live with for the rest of my life. Will she go quietly like so many other fortunate dogs or will trauma be a part of her passing? If an distressing death was most likely this would also be an easier decision but no one knows for sure what the odds are.

As my vet says noone (meaning herself) knows T as well as me. That photo sums up the special moments we have been sharing lately and what she has been telling me and that is that she wishes to stay which means like everything in life we must cross any difficult bridge when and IF we come to it.

Thanks again for all of your support which has been nothing than pure golden 
Hugs to all including your gorgeous fur kids!


----------



## cgriffin

Thanks Doug! I appreciate it.
I hope that Tia will be the picture of beaming joy, as displayed in the wonderful picture you posted, for a long time to come!

More hugs and positive vibes heading Tia's and you and your family's way!


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*

Doug

Praying for many more smiles from Tia. God Bless her and you!!


----------



## PrincessDi

Keeping Tia in our thoughts that she continues to enjoy life.


----------



## dborgers

Doug,

I wish you many days with Tia. Every day is such a gift, isn't it?


----------



## GoldensGirl

Holding Tia and you gently in my heart and in my prayers.


----------



## Lucky Penny

Tia is in my thoughts every day.


----------



## LucyMoosey

Hey Doug, I hope Tia is doing well today  That photo is gorgeous and shows just how much she is still enjoying life  It is the hardest and one of the biggest decisions to make but I promise you, you WILL know if and when the time is right. I see it on a weekly basis with my clients, and they worry themselves so much about whether they will know when the time is right. The truth is there is no set right time as such; some prefer to let them go when they still have a good deal of quality of life, prefering to spare them of any real pain and others prefer to wait till they have got to that point. You will know, though I really hope you don't have to. It is so so hard but it really is one of the most selfless and kindest things we can do. If only goldens could live with us on this planet for longer, they bring us such joy for such a short time in our lives but it is worth every minute; every chewed up blankets, socks, toys, every early morning walk, they can't help but make you smile even when they are driving you mad. I once read on a fridge magnet - dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. So very true. 

Wishing you, Tia and your family all the very best in this hard time. I hope that you still have many more happy days together xxxx


----------



## Karen519

*Tia*

Thinking of you and Tia all the time!


----------



## *Laura*

Doug I'm thinking of you and Tia today. I hope you've had a good day


----------



## Thalie

Thinking of you and Tia, hoping you both had a good weekend.


----------



## Doug

Thank you 

I did not want to say too much but *touch wood* I am very pleased to say that Tia has had a pretty good week and has been looking stronger every day. She continues to smile and boss us around. This is a complete surprise to me since 2 bleeds in 4 days indicated that things were going to escalate. I am so grateful that this has not happened yet. I have never been so excited about a dull and uneventful day. 

We have kept her very quiet (with brief walks to a nearby park) and we have tried to make her food quite bland due to the diarrhea. I am also convinced that your well wishes and candles have made a huge difference. 

Despite having a good week we are still on tender hooks and are watching carefully for any changes and make sure that she is comfortable now that summer has arrived. She did not want to eat her breakfast today which sends me into panic mode once again. I just hope that she can continue to hold on as we are on summer holidays next week when we can spend more quality fun times together.

Thanks again for your very kind thoughts and positive healing energy


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

Sending prayers for sweet Tia girl, fight hard and stay strong.


----------



## cgriffin

I am glad that your Tia is still hanging in there and doing good.
I hope her appetite improves today.
Many more hugs and positive thoughts coming Tia's way!


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*

Praying for Tia and you everyday.


----------



## dborgers

Hey, Doug

Glad things are going well at the moment. I wouldn't worry about her appetite too much. Bet if you put some ground turkey in that bowl it would shine from the tongue polishing it would receive after the last morsel is gone.


----------



## Doug

You are right - it was a false alarm  ... I think.
It gives me chills as Tia was off her food before her last two bleeds. It also reminds me of so many others who went off their food in their final week. It is heartbreaking to see a pet hungry and yet be put off food at the first smell 
Phew! we survived another good day. It really is true that everyday is a gift.

Sending healing and cooling energy to Andy's paw!


----------



## HolDaisy

Glad to hear that Tia is doing well, we're all sending lots of healing vibes her way!


----------



## GoldensGirl

Remember the power of vitamin B-12 to stimulate appetite. It is usually injected, but there are also chewable forms that work. When Charlie's meds put him off food completely, this is what did the trick and turned him back into my Cookie Monster. Of course, boiled chicken with broth helped, as did anchovies in oil. He would eat scrambled eggs from my fingers when nothing else would go down. Other members swear that green tripe works wonders for dogs whose appetite is not good, though it might not be good for a sensitive tummy. 

With you in spirit,
Lucy


----------



## Doug

Great tips as always GG  Thanks!!!


----------



## Finn's Fan

Glad to hear it was a false alarm. It is so very true that each day is a gift, and you're lucky if you recognize it and enjoy the moments.


----------



## PrincessDi

Very relieved to see that Tia is back to eating! Praying that today is a good day for your girl and that she eats well enough today to make up for yesterday.


----------



## Karen519

*Tia*

Thinking of Tia and you!!


----------



## Lucky Penny

Tia, stay strong!


----------



## love never dies

Doug said:


> Here is a underlined photo link of Tia today which gives you an insight of her quality of life: http://smedley.id.au/TiaToday.png


 
Your goldens are beautiful. Prayers for Tia.


----------



## Karen519

*Tia*

Praying for Tia and you!!


----------



## cgriffin

Wishing Tia a good day,cool breezes and lots of loving and hugs.


----------



## *Laura*

Thinking of you and Tia. I hope it's been a good day


----------



## HolDaisy

Think of you and Tia often, and sending lots of prayers your way.


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

Sending love and prayers for sweet Tia and her family, hope you have good time only.


----------



## njoyqd

Sending you wishes for only happy days, comfort & joy.
Enjoy every day
ale


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*

Doug

Thinking of Tia and you everyday!


----------



## Doug

Thanks so much guys 

The following message is to provide an update for the amazing and caring people who continue to support us but also for those who will find themselves on this rocky road in the future who crave info and find a spark of comfort in the "Me too" exclamation as I have from other healing blogs.

There have been many ups but also quite a few downs. The good news is that Tia has had no other major bleeds that we are aware of. Whenever I have said my good byes (3 times now) she has miraculously bounced back much stronger the next day. 

However, I have been on tender hooks and am a nervous wreck as I can hear the time bomb ticking (...well not quite a nervous wreck but I am on high alert). Having pets that have gone through this cancer journey before has made me sensitive to their last tell tale signs of the end so when I see these in Tia it sends me into a tail spin. I check her breathing, expression, any signs of wobbliness and the colour of her gums religiously. I should probably tone things down a bit but you never know if this is indeed a red flag for concern and prompt action _this_ time. I do not want to repeat my naive mistakes of the past and miss any signals. I do not want to live with regrets. 

Tia still has diarrhea and a grumbly tummy. At times she is off her food For a week now we have been cooking up chicken and pumpkin feasts (which she goes nuts over) and added probiotics to her diet but to no avail. Having cancer lowers her immunity to stomach bugs. Now she is on antibiotics. Hearing a churning tummy makes my heart sink only to realise that it is coming from my young golden who is more than fine  Fortunately she cannot resist a good piece of chicken which immediately restores her into a young pup.

The heat continues to be a significant issue. I hate to see her restless and have partial seizures when it starts to heat up. I do back flips to ensure that Tia is comfortable at all times by bathing her and following her with air conditioners and fans. We get up super early in the morning so she can enjoy a short walk without too much stress for her. She has learned to love her canine cooler bed 3 which is awesome We have had a short period of cooler weather over the last few days which has been a great relief to all of us.

Leaving the house is also a big issue. I want to be there for her when the bleed does happen. Going to Christmas parties or doing Christmas shopping that I would normally love is not what I want to be doing right now especially when I know that she is heat intolerant. Several people asking about how she is doing and repeating the painful story out loud at parties is also difficult as it makes it more real and then you can see the pity in their well meaning eyes which is another blow.

Tia is also quite vocal. She is a charming talker. For years we have been delighted over this amusing talent. Now I question if it has a different meaning. Cancer has a way of second guessing ourselves. I wish that she could speak English. Is she hungry for a midnight chicken snack because of the seizure drug Pheno? Is she bored and ready to party since we cannot take her for long walks anymore? Is she complaining about waking up hot and having to move to a cooler spot? (After much observation and consideration I do not think that she is in any pain) She is talking right now as hubby has not gone to work yet (He is on summer holidays) which disturbs her precise time keeping routine. She also starts talking an hour _before_ her snack or meal times. In her early days she would talk just to celebrate the fact the we got out of the shower. In the senior thread there is an endearing thread about how seniors become more demanding in their golden age and how they have deserve this right This is the time to spoil them. Yes she has us wrapped around her little claw.

The combination of all of these worries is difficult but the bright side is that we do all of these things happily for her. For more than a decade Tia has been by our side cheering us on and celebrating us, making sure that we know that we are loved and are as happy as can be. Ever since she was a pup she would listen out to hear if we ever used our serious voices then she will come over with a bright smile because she knows that our loving happy voices would return whenever she appeared. Tia has been a great healer for us over the years and she continues to be even during this challenge. She keeps her head held high and has an extra sparkle in her eye. We sleep down stairs because to us she is more than just a dog. It is our turn to be there for her.

POEM:
"It' Just a Dog

From time to time people tell me, "Lighten up, it's just a dog," or, "That's a lot of money for just a dog." They don't understand the distance traveled, the time spent or the costs involved for "just a dog."

Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a dog."

Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a dog," but I did not once feel slighted.

Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by "just a dog," and, in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of "just a dog" gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day.

If you, too, think it's "just a dog," then you will probably understand phases like "just a friend," "just a sunrise," or "just a promise."

"Just a dog" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy.

"Just a dog" brings out the compassion and patience that makes me a better person.

Because of "just a dog" I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future.

So for me, and folks like me, it's not "just a dog" but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past and the pure joy of the moment.

"Just a dog" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday they can understand that it's not "just a dog" but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a human."

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a dog." just smile....because they "just don't understand."

- Anonymous"

Now Tia is talking because it is my turn to jump in the shower.. I've gotta run!


----------



## Doug

_Author: Stan Rawlinson_ 
Dog Ten Commandments


1. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any
separation from you will be painful remember
that before you get me.
2. Give me time to understand what you want of me. 
3. Place your trust in me- it is crucial to my well
being.
4. Do not be angry at me for long, and do not lock
me up as punishment.
*5. You have your work, your entertainment,and your friends. 
I only have you.*
6. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understands your words,
I understand your voice when it is speaking to me.
7. Be aware that how ever you treat me, I will never forget.
8. Remember before you hit me that I have teeth that could
easily hurt you, but I choose not to bite you because I 
love you.
9. Before you scold me for being uncooperative,obstinate,or lazy,
*ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I 
might not be getting the right food, or I have been out to 
long, or my heart is getting to old and weak.*
*10. Take care of me when I get old; you too will grow old. Go 
with me on difficult journeys. Never say: "I cannot bear to 
watch" or "Let it happen in my absence." Everything
is easier for me if you are there, even my death. 
Remember that I love you.*


----------



## dborgers

You're a very special person . 

Meggie's Mom posted this last year:


> "May I tell you a wonderful truth about your dog? .... You have been given stewardship of what you in your faith might call a holy soul."


----------



## Doug

So true! That's why they do not last as long.
Thanks but I am not special, I have just been trained well 

I hope that Andy is having a good day!!


----------



## GoldensGirl

With you in spirit, as always.

Lucy


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*

Praying for Tia and Doug each day.


----------



## cgriffin

Beautiful poems and so true.
Always thinking about Tia and you and wishing for only good days, full of beautiful memories, no pain and only comfort and love.


----------



## dborgers

Doug said:


> So true! That's why they do not last as long.
> Thanks but I am not special, I have just been trained well
> 
> I hope that Andy is having a good day!!


You are special. It takes a special person to understand their dogs are special beings, and treat them as such


----------



## Lucky Penny

I love that poem! Every word of it is 100% true!


----------



## love never dies

Praying for Tia. 
Ten Commandments give me back so much memories. Thanks.


----------



## HolDaisy

That is a very beautiful poem and so true <3 thanks for sharing it. Thinking of you and Tia.


----------



## Doug

Our Christmas chaos is about to begin so I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has opened their hearts to us, sent us healing energy and shared personal experiences. You have all helped us sort out pieces of what is a very difficult and confusing puzzle. We are stronger thanks to your wisdom, well wishes and advice. Tia seems a lot more happier over the last couple of weeks but there are still worrying signs that remind us that we are still in the depths of the woods. 
Nevertheless we wish you all a holiday immersed in love and peace with your fur kids and skin families. May you feel the eternal love of those you have lost through cancer that also surround you. Thanks again for being our rays of sunshine and for guiding us through this thick fog. May 2013 bring you many clear sunny days and happy times and continued success to those who are still fighting. Cheers!


----------



## dborgers

Time with those we love - fur and skin - is the greatest gift of all.

We wish you and yours love and all good things as well


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*



Doug said:


> Our Christmas chaos is about to begin so I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has opened their hearts to us, sent us healing energy and shared personal experiences. You have all helped us sort out pieces of what is a very difficult and confusing puzzle. We are stronger thanks to your wisdom, well wishes and advice. Tia seems a lot more happier over the last couple of weeks but there are still worrying signs that remind us that we are still in the depths of the woods.
> Nevertheless we wish you all a holiday immersed in love and peace with your fur kids and skin families. May you feel the eternal love of those you have lost through cancer that also surround you. Thanks again for being our rays of sunshine and for guiding us through this thick fog. May 2013 bring you many clear sunny days and happy times and continued success to those who are still fighting. Cheers!


Doug

Wishing you, Tia, and all of your family a beautiful holiday.


----------



## HolDaisy

Glad to hear that Tia seems happier these last few weeks. Wishing your family and Tia a peaceful and happy Christmas


----------



## cgriffin

Thank you, and a very merry christmas with lots of joy and loving and beautiful memories from our house to yours


----------



## Lucky Penny

Merry Christmas to you as well! Glad Tia is enjoying the holiday season!


----------



## love never dies

This is beautiful...

Wish Tia and you both have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year


----------



## cgriffin

How was Tia's Christmas?
I hope all is well with Tia and you.
Keeping Tia in my thoughts


----------



## Doug

Awh Christa you are an angel

Tia had a good Christmas, thankyou  
The run up to Christmas was very low key for us, no tree or lights however as Tia got stronger I managed to bring out a Santa hat or two and took a Christmas portrait. We forced ourselves to go out and attend a couple of family celebrations and checked on T through our web cam regularly

Tia seems so much happier since her diarrhea settled down but then it returned the day after Christmas (I am very strict about not giving her any food that might upset her) but I think that she is ok today. Her partial seizures have gotten worse so we are upping the meds slightly which is what we had to do last summer so I am on alert for any wobbly walking or increased anxiety.

The last couple months have been intense for me maybe some people who have been on this road before can relate. I know our time is limited as her lump is clearly significant now even though her spirit is bright. As we see her lump every day we are not as shocked as our visitors. 

I resist going out so I can be by her side and make sure that she isn't hot and that she is comfortable. I wake up several times in the night to see if she is ok. Sometimes I hear her bark in my dreams only to find her snoring beside me so it couldn't have been her. Tia will bark if she thinks I have left her alone. She seems to be ok if we leave the house though according to our neighbours and the web cam. I'm not sure if this is her being a diva when I am around or if it is the seizure meds that give her anxiety. 

She seems to be stronger in the last few weeks so now finally I am able to get a good nights sleep and chill out a little more. I have done all the reading and worrying I can do on the subject. I made myself have a 'me' day and went out to the Christmas sales only to return with an arm full of dog toys that were definitely not discounted.  

After all of the running around and Christmas present, fashion and food stress I think that I am coming down with the flu. At least I know that I will be ok soon after a few vitamins. With us both being home for the holidays we are eating well although we are feasting probably a little too much One of the small blessings we have is not having to ration Tia's food. For years she has been on a diet but there is no need for it anymore 

Hot weather is around the corner so this concerns me and so we continue to juggle as Tia holds her head high, wags her tail, smiles and aaahhrrroooowws.

I hope that you had an awesome Christmas and managed not to get your tinsel in a tangle like me 

Hugs and much love to you and your pups!!

PS Karen your Christmas tree is gorgeous!


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*

Doug

Oh, how I love hearing about Tia. She surely is a dear! So glad you were able to enjoy Christmas and SPOIL her with whatever she likes to eat and with new dog toys!!

Thanks for the compliment on our tree. My hubby and I bought that when we were still dating, so some 27 years ago! I thought it was too expensive back then, but seeing that it's last all these years and still looks wonderful, I'm not complaining anymore. Kisses and hugs to Tia!!


----------



## cgriffin

Thank you so much for the update and the hugs.

No tinsle on my tree, so nothing to tangle, lol. I stopped using tinsel with all the dogs around that would spread it throughout the house 

I am so glad to hear that Tia is still going strong despite seizures. She has so much heart and is definitely a fighter  You go Tia ! 

I am sorry that you have the flu, I hope you get better fast. I am sure Tia is enjoying cuddling with you to make you feel better also 

Wishing Tia and you all the best for the new year and hopefully more quality time together!
Hugs coming your way from Tennessee


----------



## *Laura*

It's nice to read your Christmas update. Things sound pretty good (except your flu). I hope Tia continues to enjoy good days and I hope it doesn't get too hot (that's so hard for us in Canada to imagine right now  )


----------



## GoldensGirl

Glad to hear from you again. With you in spirit, as always.


----------



## HolDaisy

Thanks for the update and glad that you had a nice Christmas. Sounds as if Tia is continuing to do well and she's happy, I bet she enjoyed all her new dog toys


----------



## dborgers

You're such a good parent  

Hugs and belly rubs to Tia


----------



## cgriffin

I don't know the time difference, but I already wish you and your family, furry and non-furry a happy New Year 2013 and a lot more quality time with Tia and lots more loving, cuddles and joy, cool breezes, no pain!


----------



## Doug

Hear hear! 

HAPPY new year!!! May 2013 bring you many delightful surprises, good health and the most wonderful joyful times with your family.

We are ahead of you guys by about 14 hours.

Thank you so much for you kindness, support and candles.


----------



## Bob Dylan

*"Happy New Year"**give Tia Hugs fron NJ!!!*


----------



## HolDaisy

Happy new year to you guys too, sending Tia a big hug!


----------



## cgriffin

Thanks!  You are so kind 
Happy New Year!
Hugs to sweet Tia


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*

Happy New year to you and Tia and family!!


----------



## love never dies

Happy Happy New Year 
And all the best to sweet Tia


----------



## njoyqd

New year kisses for Tia &#55356;&#57225;❤


----------



## Thalie

Happy January 2 (yeah, I am late, as usual) to Tia and you. May 2013 be kind and bring you lots of good days.


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

Happy New Year to sweet Tia and her loving family! (How many hours I am late)


----------



## Doug

Thanks guys you are so sweet.

Thanks for your continuing candles. They have set off cleansing and healing tears again as we are going through a rough patch at the moment. The thought of you still supporting us even though we do not always post about our daily tribulations is just amazing. Your warm fuzzies _are_ being received and we are so grateful.

Tia continues to be up and down with being off her food with diarrhea issues. We can have an off night but be fine in the morning or vise versa. She was up last night and talking since it was 24 C / 75 F here overnight. Although she settled quickly I was wide awake for the next 2 hours. It will be 35C /95 F for most of this week. The heat increases her partial seizure activity and restlessness so we are juggling her meds and giving her multiple baths. However even a slight increase in her meds effects her ability to walk. Sigh. 

I feel like I am on the dreaded ghost house ride at the fair. Sometimes the concern and tension that you feel turns out to be nothing, sometimes the panic makes your heart race, for the most part it is ok as she does settle, but who knows what is around that next corner and when will our luck run out. 
(Just to clarify I do not like carnival rides and I _never_ have.)

I should take a dose of my own medicine and remind myself to look on the bright side as at least she does eat after a while, we can get some antibiotics, we installed a brand new air conditioner a few months ago and there are tail wags and she is very alert and restored as soon as our food appears. 

I love Stacy's quote about Willoughby which sums up why this is all worth while. 
*"Sometimes there is a dog who is so special he is able to wrap himself so completely around your heart it is impossible to tell where you begin and he ends."
*

May God continue to bless you sweet Willoughby!


----------



## cgriffin

Thanks for the update.
I am sorry about the ups and downs and rough patches. But, you are doing the best you can for Tia and she sounds like she is still having joy, despite everything. 
I would trade your hot temps for our cold temps, if I could 
Keeping sweet Tia and you in my thoughts and hoping that the heat will not bring increased seizures and discomfort and that Tia will continue to have joy in life.
Hugs to Tia and a hug for you


----------



## HolDaisy

Sorry to hear about Tia's rough time at the moment. You're doing everything you can for her right now and she knows that. Keeping her in our thoughts and prayers.


----------



## GoldensGirl

Good days and bad days. Sometimes good hours and bad hours. That's the way it is for all of us as we get older, both humans and canines. The bad times don't mean the end is near and the good times don't mean it isn't, which makes it even harder to know how to respond, let alone to feel sane. It is that familiar rollercoaster ride. I hope and pray that yours continues for a long time and that the highs far surpass the lows.

Remember to spoil yourself a bit, in addition to spoiling Tia.

Hugs and prayers for Tia and for you,
Lucy


----------



## dborgers

We continue to keep you in our thoughts and prayers. 

The medical roller coaster ride isn't fun. Especially when they need meds but don't want to eat.

You're doing an amazing job of loving and caring for Tia.


----------



## Doug

Thanks guys we are very moved by your support and kindness. We are usually pretty strong and positive but your candles and messages really touched me.



GoldensGirl said:


> Good days and bad days. Sometimes good hours and bad hours. That's the way it is for all of us as we get older, both humans and canines. The bad times don't mean the end is near and the good times don't mean it isn't, which makes it even harder to know how to respond, let alone to feel sane.
> Lucy


Lucy you have summed it up so well.

Tia is no spring chicken but at least we are able to keep her content and as comfortable as can be for whatever time she has left as we draw closer and closer to the prognosis date. The vet seemed pretty happy with her considering the challenges old age has brought her. Fingers crossed that these antibiotics help her get a back on top and keep the stomach bugs at bay.

BEST wishes and happy times to you all!


----------



## Bentleysmom

I just lit another candle, praying for y'all ♥


----------



## Doug

Thanks for keeping my spirits up by sharing your stories and bright personalities in your other threads. Love the latest photo of you Joyce and also Danny's flight video.


----------



## Lucky Penny

Praying that Tia is able to feel better; she is such a strong girl. As of medicine for you, have you ever tried Rescue Remedy? It is a herbal remedy geared to relax and calm you.


----------



## Doug

Yes, a good thought but things are pretty overwhelming right now, even for rescue remedy. Still worth a try though.

Tia had a bleed yesterday, she is off her food, has tummy troubles, along the 45 C 113F degree heat and hind leg weakness we are not happy bunnies right now.

As always Tia refuses to let things get her down and she refuses to give in. She still manages to take herself outside and wag her tail so I hope that this will be a good recovery/healing day for her. It has been approx a month since her last bleed. At least it is cooler today.


----------



## cgriffin

Keeping my fingers crossed for Tia. 
With her being so strong and stoic despite everything that is going on, is a testiment to the strength and uncondtional love of a Golden. They really don't want to leave their loved ones and will fight till the end. Tia knows she is loved and returns it tenfold.
I am sending only good thoughts, vibes and cool breezes


----------



## dborgers

One idea that came to me is wrapping freezer-chilled gel packs around her front legs or back of her neck when she goes outside - holding them in place with Ace bandages - to cool her and keep her body temp down. Would also work indoors to cool her down after she'd been outside while she lays in the AC. Just a thought. Something a paramedic did on site to a friend of mine who had heat exhaustion a few years ago.


----------



## Doug

While Tia is uncomfortable or restless when she is hot she hates any of our attempts to cool her. We have tried putting gel packs on her only to get filthy looks before she promptly moves away. In hindsight it was quite amusing really. I wish we could talk to her and tell her why we do these crazy things for her.

We have a cooling vest which we can put in the freezer so we could use that if going outside was a real issue but she usually only takes short trips outside when she goes out to the ladies and that is when we take the opportunity to spring a refreshing shower on her... which she does not seem to mind in exchange for a piece of chicken

Thanks Danny, you are so thoughtful


----------



## Bentleysmom

It certainly would be great if we could explain things to them! Sending belly rubs to Tia ♥


----------



## Karen519

*Tia*



Doug said:


> While Tia is uncomfortable or restless when she is hot she hates any of our attempts to cool her. We have tried putting gel packs on her only to get filthy looks before she promptly moves away. In hindsight it was quite amusing really. I wish we could talk to her and tell her why we do these crazy things for her.
> 
> We have a cooling vest which we can put in the freezer so we could use that if going outside was a real issue but she usually only takes short trips outside when she goes out to the ladies and that is when we take the opportunity to spring a cooling shower on her.
> 
> Thanks Danny, you are so thoughtful


Praying for Tia!!


----------



## cgriffin

I hope you guys are okay. I just heard about the wildfires in Australia and I don't know which part of Australia you are in.
Wishing and hoping for the best and that Tia is still doing good.


----------



## love never dies

continue to send prayers for Tia.
love never dies.


----------



## Finn's Fan

Doug, fingers crossed that you and Tia are still managing alright, and I hope you are no where near any of the fires!


----------



## Doug

Thank you for asking and for thinking about us 
Lyn I hope that you got my message. 

Fortunately the fires are a long long way away from us in other states. Our city has not seen a fire like that in 28 years and that was 50 mins away. We do live near bush land so it could happen at any time though. However we live in a populated area so there are lots of people around to keep an eye on things before things can get out of control. Touch wood!!!

We have not been spared of the heatwave though My stress level is sky high. Tia declined to a point where she found it very difficult to walk. We were dangerously close to letting her go as we thought that it was permanent. Since it has cooled down _a little_ and she has improved. I feel sick at the thought of the fact that we nearly made the wrong decision. It is only now that I remembered that Tia's slipping issues began at the beginning of the 2011 summer. No vets that we have seen have ever heard of heat being related to slipping or seizure activity but it is now obvious is in Tia's case.

We are also still battling tummy issues. She is on antibiotics and she is eating but we are doing back flips and cooking up a storm and hand feeding to ensure that she still eats. Our shopping list are long with the smelliest foods we can find. I'm sure that roasts or schmackos are not good for her tummy right now but that is the only thing that will get her to start eating wet food.

Tia is very pale indicating internal bleeding, the vets agree that there is not much that we can do. Of course we have the option to end it all now and push the panic button but this is so much easier said than done when she still smiles, woofs and wags her tail and continues to be the interactive diva that she always has been. 

They say that I'll know when the time is right. It was crystal clear when it came to my boy but this time is completely different. I look at her now and she seems peaceful, relaxed and content. I saw a poster the other day that said "If I had a penny for every time my dog made me smile I'd be a millionaire." Tia has already made me smile several times today and the day is far from over.

However I 'sleep' on the couch often waking up several times a night to see if she needs any assistance as well as assessing her every move throughout the day is making my head spin and I feel like rubbish. Thank goodness I am still on holidays. It is an incredibly painful decision to weigh up when the time is right to pull the trigger but we are reviewing the situation minute by minute, one step at a time.

Thanks again for your thoughtful support.


----------



## *Laura*

Doug I hope you see cooler temps soon for Tia's sake. Tough days for you these days. I'm thinking of you and Tia .....Sending gentle hugs for Tia


----------



## dborgers

You are such a wonderful mom to Tia  There aren't a lot of people in the world who'd restlessly sleep on a couch and provide that much care hour by hour and day after day.

At times like these one can only think about how precious each day and hour is with those we love, and to make the most of them. Which you're doing with unstoppable love and care. We think about you every day and send our prayers and positive vibes to you there Down Under.


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*



Doug said:


> Thank you for asking and for thinking about us
> Lyn I hope that you got my message.
> 
> Fortunately the fires are a long long way away from us in other states. Our city has not seen a fire like that in 28 years and that was 50 mins away. We do live near bush land so it could happen at any time though. However we live in a populated area so there are lots of people around to keep an eye on things before things can get out of control. Touch wood!!!
> 
> We have not been spared of the heatwave though My stress level is sky high. Tia declined to a point where she found it very difficult to walk. We were dangerously close to letting her go as we thought that that it was permanent. Since it has cooled down _a little_ and she has improved. I feel sick at the thought of the fact that we nearly made the wrong decision. It is only now that I remembered that Tia's slipping issues began at the beginning of the 2011 summer. No vets that we have seen have ever heard of heat being related to slipping or seizure activity but it is now obvious is in Tia's case.
> 
> We are also still battling tummy issues. She is on antibiotics and she is eating but we are doing back flips and cooking up a storm and hand feeding to ensure that she still eats. Our shopping list are long with the smelliest foods we can find. I'm sure that roasts or schmackos are not good for her tummy right now but that is the only thing that will get her to start eating wet food.
> 
> Tia is very pale indicating internal bleeding, the vets agree that there is not much that we can do. Of course we have the option to end it all now and push the panic button but this is so much easier said than done when she still smiles, woofs and wags her tail and continues to be the interactive diva that she always has been.
> 
> They say that I'll know when the time is right. It was crystal clear when it came to my boy but this time is completely different. I look at her now and she seems peaceful, relaxed and content. I saw a poster the other day that said "If I had a penny for every time my dog made me smile I'd be a millionaire." Tia has already made me smile several times today and the day is far from over.
> 
> However I 'sleep' on the couch often waking up several times a night to see if she needs any assistance as well as assessing her every move throughout the day is making my head spin and I feel like rubbish. Thank goodness I am still on holidays. It is an incredibly painful decision to weigh up when the time is right to pull the trigger but we are reviewing the situation minute by minute, one step at a time.
> 
> Thanks again for your thoughtful support.


Doug: My heart goes out to you and to Tia. I remember sleeping on the couch in the Family Room watching Smooch for the last 2 wks. she was alive.


----------



## cgriffin

Thank you for the update and I am happy that the wildfires are not in your area.

I am sorry that Tia is suffering so with the heat Sending you more positive vibes and cool breezes to keep sweet Tia comfortable.


----------



## GoldensGirl

Doug said:


> ...They say that I'll know when the time is right. It was crystal clear when it came to my boy but this time is completely different...It is an incredibly painful decision to weigh up when the time is right to pull the trigger but we are reviewing the situation minute by minute, one step at a time...


You will know. She will tell you so plainly that there is no mistaking it. If that doesn't happen, it will probably be because she slips gently and peacefully from sleep into her next life without help. 

Trust your heart in this. Whatever you do to spare her suffering is done with love. She knows that. All of us know that. 

Many here would tell you "better a day too soon than a day too late." With my Sabrina, there came a time when I pushed her vet hard and refused to let him leave the house without give me an escape hatch for her - something I could give her if things got awful in the wee hours of the night. Sure enough, the next morning she woke me around 4:30, begging for help. I was so glad to be able to give her the injection that eased her into peaceful sleep until we could get her to the hospital for the last two shots. She died in my arms, as other dogs have done. 

In the end, I think that's what all of us want - to die in the arms of those we love and who love us. The date matters much less than the love.

Holding you and yours in my thoughts and prayers, as always.


----------



## Bob Dylan

Keeping you and Tia in my prayers. HUGS!


----------



## Doug

* Please spare yet another special prayer for Tia as we have finally come to the heart wrenching decision that tomorrow she will be free of the cruel burdens of old age and will be given her wings. Words cannot begin to describe how incredibly painful this is for us and this reality makes me absolutely sick to my stomach.​

Tia's mind and personality is strong but her hind legs are so very weak despite the cooler temps  The simple things that we all take for granted like moving to get comfortable, getting a drink or going to the toilet are an extremely strenuous challenge for her  I have strived to help her as much as I can but it is just not enough. Fillet steak and Mc Donald's have been on the menu today and even that was a struggle. It is also very odd to see that even though it is hot she no longer pants all of the time as she has done for the last three years. The hardest part is that she still wagged her tail and smiled at me when I was silly enough to wag my tail bone at her this morning, she is still as beautiful as ever :,(

May we never take the ability to walk, eat, go to the toilet, or drink for granted ever again.


God, help us to brave the bitter grief and help us to understand.




A LOAN FROM GOD

God promised at the birth of time, a special friend to give,
her time on earth is short, he said, so love her while she
lives. It may be six or seven years, or twelve or then
sixteen, but will you, till I call her back, take care of her for
me? 
A wagging tail and cold wet nose, and silken velvet
ears, a heart as big as all outdoors, to love you through the
years. Her puppy ways will gladden you, and antics bring a
smile, as guardian or friend she will, be loyal all the while.
She'll bring his charms to grace your life, and though her stay
be brief, when she's gone the memories, are solace for your
grief. 
I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth
return, but lessons only a dog can teach, I want you each
to learn. Whatever love you give to her, returns in triple
measure, follow her lead and gain a life, brim full of simple
pleasure. Enjoy each day as it comes, allow your heart to
guide, be loyal and steadfast in love, as the dog there by
your side. 
Now will you give her all your love, nor think the
labor vain, nor hate me when I come to call, to take him
back again? I fancy each of us would say, "Dear Lord, thy
will be done, for all the joy this day shall bring, the risk of
grief we'll run." "We'll shelter her with tenderness, we'll love
her while we may, and for the happiness we've known,
forever grateful stay." "But shall the angels call for her,
much sooner than we've planned, we'll brave the bitter grief
that comes, and try to understand."







​ *


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

I am very sad reading your post. My thoughts and prayers are with you and have been all these days. Memories on the last night with my Buddy are coming back and I feel your pain as my own. Have long, loving talk with your sweet Tia and give her hugs and belly rubs from Buddy's mom forever. May God be with you tonight and in days to come. Hugs and peace to you my friend.


----------



## dborgers

You've been the most incredible mom a dog could dream of. The love, the sacrifice, the time, the life you've given her during her time here on Earth ... precious gifts you've given selflessly until the last moment. Tomorrow you'll be giving Tia the most unselfish gift you possibly could. 

Tia will be free to run with the wind in her face, free of pain, free to do whatever her heart desires. Full of life, full of love, full of fun. I believe we are all spiritual beings going through the Earthly existance. Tia will be there when you return to Heaven one day. Physical life is finite. Her spirit will live forever. You will see her again. 

We will all be with you in spirit tomorrow, and for tomorrows to come. She will not be forgotten by the hundreds of us who've grown to love her, and respect you deeply as well for the incredibly generous, loving person you are. 

Tia has had an amazing life because of you.



God bless you


----------



## njoyqd

Thinking of you. Crying with you. Sending love & hugs. God bless. 
Dale


----------



## davebeech

Thinking of you and Tia !!!!


----------



## ShadowGolden

I'm so sorry - thinking of you and Tia today.


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

Danny, you put that so eloquently. Doug, we are all with you in sprit...God bless!


Sent from my iPhone using Petguide.com Free App


----------



## cgriffin

Oh, I am so sorry for you and glad for Tia to be free of pain and suffering.

You are a great mom and Tia loves you so much and appreciates everything you have done for her and for giving her the final act of love by being unselfish and letting her go. 

My thoughts are with you and Tia today. Please hug the sweet girl from me one last time.


----------



## love never dies

Thinking of Tia and you.
love never dies.


----------



## Thalie

Peace be with you as you accompany Tia to the end of her journey. I am so sorry her time to leave you has come.


----------



## KathyL

Having just gone through this on Wednesday, I feel what you feel now. Be strong for Tia as she leaves this earth and goes to her true eternal home.


----------



## HolDaisy

We understand how very hard this is for you, and went through it with Daisy a year ago. It really is so horrible having to decide 'when'. You have given Tia a wonderful life and she knows how much she is loved. Stay strong, we are thinking of you.


----------



## GoldensGirl

With you in spirit,

Lucy


----------



## amy22

I have just read through this thread....I am so sorry to hear about Tia. Godspeed sweet girl. I have been in your shoes...sending you my thoughts and prayers. Xxoo


----------



## Finn's Fan

Doug, as you kiss your sweet Tia adieu as she begins her next journey, please know that your heartbreak is paying for her release from a failing body. It's a great gift you're giving her. Thinking of you and wishing you strength to get through this great sorrow of saying goodbye. Tia, wishing you a peaceful departure and a joyous time meeting all of our beloved angel pups.....


----------



## Sydney's Mom

Through tears I say I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't have any words to make it better; I hope your faith brings you comfort in this time. God bless, and send Tia to the bridge comfortably.


----------



## Doug

*The day I have feared and chilled me to the core for so long has come. 
Arthritis, muscle loss, neurological issues effecting her legs, heavy fatty lipomas and finally the large tumour itself causing internal bleeding all combined to cause hind leg weakness and gradually stole Tia's shimmer and glow despite the fact that her spirit was so strong and she fought so hard against it. 
She was struggling to walk and do the simplest of things like taking herself outside to the toilet which was the final crushing straw that broke all of our backs.
The final heart wrenching decision was made based on her quality of life rather than our wants or needs. 
I never thought that I could let her go but it got to the point where I could not let her endure this shadow of strain and stress any longer. 
As Bev says living was gradually turning into a curse and death was almost a blessing.
After battling through heat waves we can't remember the last time it rained, but today it has poured for most of the day long which seemed appropriate for our heavy hearts. At least she had a relatively comfortable day. The weather cleared and the sun shone brightly so we were able to take her to her favourite spot inthe front garden where we met the vet who helped Tia peacefully pass without any distress or seizures.

 I know that right now I am supposed to be brave, strong and happy for her but we are beside ourselves and feel shattered. The silence is deafening and the pain is incredibly raw. :'( 

Run aheadgorgeous girl, enjoy your 'welcome home' reunion to the fullest.
Give our love  to Grandpa, Grandma, your brothers as well as our forum fur buddies who have waited eagerly so long for your arrival. 
It is finally your turn to be lovingly rewarded in heaven after all of the hard work you have put in to teach us how to generouslylove, laugh and play every single  day. 
You are a truly special girl who's personality, regal beauty and confidence is larger than life therefore you will always live in our hearts and be a significant part of us.

Thank you to those amazing people who have been there to gently comfort us in our time  of need.
It has been an incredibly painful experience on so many levels but you offered us rays of healing light during the dark and scary times. 
I cannot thank you enough. 
Goldens attract such wonderful people.

Here is Tia's updated photo link which is underlined here: Tia
 When God perfected dogs He made golden retrievers.
God bless.

Gone From My Sight
by Henry Van ****​ I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side,
spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts
for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck
of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone"

Gone where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,
hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.
And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone,"
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"​ And that is dying...
​ 
*</h2>


----------



## Doug

* 

When I first posted this thread I was a desperate soul trying to make sense of this shocking diagnosis and what it all meant. I could feel the earth move under my feet dragging us into the unpleasant unknown. Seeking information is how I personally deal with stress. I tried to find info to tell me exactly what was in our future and how I should handle it. Many sources seemed quite vague so I started this thread in hope that someone could benefit from our experience in the future. Maybe I can offer a sparkle of comfort in the form of not feeling so odd or alone. 

What I did not expect was to learn a huge touching lesson in friendship and support from the very kind and wise people here. Nothing made me cry more than the responses I got on this forum. Those kind of tears brought cleansing healing and were not a bad thing. Tia doesn't like to see me cry so I was able to hide the gentle rivers behind the computer screen. To all of those people once again we thank YOU for being our rays of sunshine during the dark and scary storm.

I wish that I could alter my first post to highlight the valuable lessons that I have learned but apparently I cannot so I shall post it here now. Remember these thoughts are not Gospel but just reflect our personal experience. Every dog is different, every cancer case is different in the same way that no two dogs are identical or no homes are exactly the same. However there are common similarities to be found.

3 months ago Tia's tumour was discovered on her side while we were on holiday. It felt more solid than her fatty lipomas. At the time of her diagnosis the tumour was the size of a small lemon, the vet gave her 3 months which turned out to be quite accurate. She did not have any other symptoms. No bleeds were evident until the last 6 weeks. It was a surreal experience to learn that my smiley prancing, woofy girl was in reality in a battle that would cost her her life. On the other hand at the age of 12 we knew that it would be one thing or another. We thought very carefully about putting her through any invasive tests or treatments as we knew it would not buy her any significant length of time just more stress.

I was warned that one day Tia's tumour would rupture she would bleed to death internally. It could happen at any time, any where. I was told that it was quite possible that I could look away one minute and she could be gone. Apparently this is not a painful death, but one where she would just simply drift off. I was amazed to see that many people had lost their dogs in this manner from the very young age of 6  However thanks to the fantastic people of the forums I was also prepared by knowing that if the bleed was slower then the symptoms of shock could take over with breathing difficulties and seizures which the vet later confirmed was a real possibility. 

Your first purchase will need to be the Chinese Yunnan Baiyao herbal capsules. They help to control bleeding. We gave Tia two in the morning and two at night. In the centre of the pack you can also find a tiny red pill, which they refer to as the insurance pill. This helps with any shock. If a major bleed occurred we gave Tia two capsules and the red pill. Apparently these capsules can cause burping.

Actually most of the time it was not obvious that Tia was having a bleed. She would go quiet, have a rest and sit flat. At times she would raise her head and have a drink. She refused to get up which is not that unusual for her. It was often only in hindsight the next day that I realised that her legs seemed weaker but her personality and energy levels were way up as she felt so much better once she rested and the blood was able to be restored. I didn't realise that she could recover from the bleed. The first couple of times the bleeds were days apart and I feared the worst. She lasted until the next month until there was another. Apparently grey gums are also a sign but Tia's gums were often pale. She did stop panting though which makes sense when people say to also look out for cool toes and ears. We never had to rush her to the vet as our vets were honest enough to say that there was not much they could do during a bleed anyway. 
There are many highs and lows on this road. Make the most of of all of the many highs between bleeds and make a bucket list to enjoy with your BFF.

It was not until we saw signs of bleeds that we stopped taking her in the car and tried to prevent any bumps that could cause ruptures. It was also at this time that she had difficulty maintaining stamina on walks. Our walks became shorter and shorter. On the last week she could only walk a few steps at a time. We would carry her outside to go to the toilet even in the middle of the night. We created a sleigh out of a cane basket so we could pull her comfortably to the front garden so she could sit and guard the house and enjoy witnessing the activities out on the leafy street.

Dogs with cancer can get stomach bugs as they do not have the immunity to fight them off. Diarrhea is a big issue which can cause discomfort. You could try roast chicken and rice along with probiotics. However I wish that I had gone to the vet earlier to get antibiotics. You can also try antacid from the vet if a lack of appetite develops. During these bouts Tia was off her food. The advice about not underestimating the value of hand feeding and also catching food (if your dog does this) was very helpful. At first we tried different cans of food, raw food, roast chicken, BBQ chicken, roast beef, treats, fillet steak, meat patties, toast and even McDonald's. All were successful until she got used to them and needed something different.

Apparently "hovering" owners are also quite common. I watched Tia's breathing, expressions and movements super carefully to assess her well being. I never knew if and when a bleed with serious consequences was about to strike. I even slept on the couch near her as she grew weaker waking up several times a night to see if she was comfortable for if she needed assistance to go outside or move to a more comfortable position. Going out became extremely difficult as I wanted to be there for her at all times. We set up a web cam so I could check on her while I was at work. It was lovely and reassuring to see her resting peacefully.

Take as many photos as you can that show your pet's unique personality or quirks. In the future you will look back on them and manage to smile and glow. 

Make yourself familiar with the Petloss and Rainbow Bridge forums. They say that when you are at your lowest the best form of healing is to help others. The grief forums also help you to explore and solidify your beliefs in the afterlife. When the time comes and you need reminding of wise words you can reread your posts.

There is a virtual world wide service for those furkids who are in need of prayers. I found this extremely powerful in my raw state. http://www.mondaycandleceremony.com/ 
The candle site is also extremely powerful. http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=GRF

Knowing when the right time to let go is one of the hardest things you will ever deal with in your life. One of the best pieces of advice that I was given was to let her be happy if she was happy BUT don't wait too long. They say that you will know when the time is right. I had doubts that I would this time but it was true... when the time was right. The bad times become unbearingly painful to witness which outweighed the diminishing happy times. Apparently is it is normal to change your mind several times about ringing the vet for the final call until you are sure and suddenly it becomes crystal clear. 
I am convinced that we both need these painful bad times to help us accept the major changes that are about to occur. Some vets come to your house on the final visit. Our vet did not but fortunately we managed to find a kind soul with vet experience who specialises in setting pets free.

You must make an active decision to be the BOSS of your own thoughts. Negativity and the dark shadows can take over and will eat you up. Nothing good can come of this. It is also said that noone can make you feel bad without your permission. Grief is the price we pay for the purest love. Take a moment to grieve then use the fireball of negative energy and turn it into positive to help others. Also distract yourself with your dogs. As they say if you are going through hell keep going!! Time does heal but sometimes it is necessary to see how you handle difficult situations first. As with all good teachers God sits most quietly during a test. What did your dog spend so much time teaching you? Live in the moment and enjoy the blessings that come your way. I will be the first to admit that this is all easier said than done, it does not come naturally but this is also the challenge of living on earth.
<h2>Do post your thoughts as a journal. Not only does it help to organise your feelings, it helps others remember their loved ones. Their advice from those who have been in your shoes is incredibly valuable. Paying the favour forward and post about what you have learned along the way as others have inspired me to do is also an extremely important thing to do.​

Good luck with your continued journey and healing. 
Much love to your special friends where ever they may be.
A special shout out goes out to those who have contributed to my healing. May your kindness be returned to you and your pups time and time again.



Pawprints Left By You . . . ​ * You no longer greet me,
As I walk through the door. 
You're not there to make me smile, 
To make me laugh anymore. 
Life seems quiet without you, 
You were far more than a pet. 
You were a family member, a friend
. . . a loving soul I'll never forget. 
It will take time to heal - 
For the silence to go away. 
I still listen for you, 
And miss you every day. 
You were such a great companion, 
Constant, loyal and true. 
My heart will always wear, 
the pawprints left by you.</h2> *
*


----------



## davebeech

wish I had some words of comfort for you, but just know you did the right thing For Tia and she is no longer suffering.

Will be thinking of you


----------



## GoldensGirl

When your heart is aching at the loss of her and you need her so badly, try this: The Star. 

Run free, sweet Tia, and watch over the people who have loved you so dearly. Send them a sign that you're okay now and let them know that they have a new guardian angel. When the time is right, help them find a new Golden friend for Hudson, who will be lost without you.

Peace be with you,
Lucy


----------



## lgnutah

My heart is with you


----------



## Laurie

My heart aches for you......tears are streaming down my face as I read your last posts.

RIP sweet Tia.


----------



## goldensrbest

Thinking of you, today, i know the empty ness,your left with,right after them leaving, you did the right thing for your tia.


----------



## cgriffin

I am so sorry about Tia but so happy that she can run free now, without pain, without suffering. 
My thoughts are with you. 
Sending you a big hug, please don't be a stranger to the forum.


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*

My heart, prayers and thoughts are with Tia and you today!
God Bless you and I think this poem you've posted is so beautiful and true!
Tia's pictures are so beautiful and you are letting her go, BECAUSE you love her so much!

*A LOAN FROM GOD

God promised at the birth of time, a special friend to give,
her time on earth is short, he said, so love her while she
lives. It may be six or seven years, or twelve or then
sixteen, but will you, till I call her back, take care of her for
me? 
A wagging tail and cold wet nose, and silken velvet
ears, a heart as big as all outdoors, to love you through the
years. Her puppy ways will gladden you, and antics bring a
smile, as guardian or friend she will, be loyal all the while.
She'll bring his charms to grace your life, and though her stay
be brief, when she's gone the memories, are solace for your
grief. 
I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth
return, but lessons only a dog can teach, I want you each
to learn. Whatever love you give to her, returns in triple
measure, follow her lead and gain a life, brim full of simple
pleasure. Enjoy each day as it comes, allow your heart to
guide, be loyal and steadfast in love, as the dog there by
your side. 
Now will you give her all your love, nor think the
labor vain, nor hate me when I come to call, to take him
back again? I fancy each of us would say, "Dear Lord, thy
will be done, for all the joy this day shall bring, the risk of
grief we'll run." "We'll shelter her with tenderness, we'll love
her while we may, and for the happiness we've known,
forever grateful stay." "But shall the angels call for her,
much sooner than we've planned, we'll brave the bitter grief
that comes, and try to understand."*


----------



## PrincessDi

Tears are flowing with you from here. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Tia. You gave her a beautiful life. You both fought a valiant fight. Your sweet girl is at peace now and sending many thoughts for your heart to find peace as well. Godspeed dearest Tia.


----------



## HolDaisy

So very sorry for your loss of Tia. She was a very beautiful girl who had a wonderful life with you. You gave her the final gift of love by freeing her from her pain. Take care and please keep posting on the forum. You were by Tia's side every single step of the way and she knew exactly how much she was loved. She will never be forgotton on this forum, she was a very brave girl.


----------



## dborgers

Grown man with tears streaming down his face here. 

Those are beautiful pictures of a beautiful girl. A girl who had a wonderful life on Earth thanks to you.

Tia will never be forgotten


----------



## goldensmum

So sad that your special girls' battle has come to an end - it is only those that love them can make that final decision to let them go, and Tia will be at peace now as she runs freely at the bridge. I hope that our our words will bring some comfort to you, and know that you are in our thoughts




CUT THE LEASH THAT HOLDS ME HERE


DEAR FRIEND AND LET ME RUN


ONCE MORE A STRONG AND STEADY DOG


MY PAIN AND STRUGGLE DONE​


AND DON’T DESPAIR MY PASSING


FOR I WON’T BE FAR AWAY


FOREVER HERE, WITHIN YOUR HEART


AND MEMORY I WILL ALWAYS STAY​


I’LL BE THERE WATCHING OVER YOU


YOUR EVER FAITHFUL FRIEND


AND IN YOUR MEMORIES I’LL RUN


A YOUNG DOG ONCE AGAIN
​
Run free, play hard and sleep softly Tia


----------



## Bentleysmom

I am so very sorry for your loss! You did everything you could for your beautiful Tia. May she run and play, pain free at the bridge. ♥


----------



## Thalie

Sleep tight, dear Tia. You are so missed, you are so loved.


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

Having Tia was a true blessing, loving her was a gift, seeing her again is a promise. Hugs.


----------



## love never dies

*RIP - Tia*

life measures quality, not its length
gone from sight, but not from mind

love never dies


----------



## Vinnie's Mom

My heart is breaking and my tears are flowing for you. Rest in peace sweet Tia. 
I'm so sorry this day had to come for you.


Sent from my iPhone using Petguide.com Free App


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

Doug, I had printed that poem "The Pawprints Left by You" and I have had it on my refrigerator since our Fozzie died last July. I am now in the process of making a shadowbox and I am including that as part of it. I know how raw you are feeling right now--take comfort in the fact that we are all mourning with you...It's never easy, but you are not alone..


----------



## *Laura*

I'm so very sorry for your loss of your sweet girl. My heart is hurting for you. ....Run free sweet Tia. There are many wonderful puppies waiting to greet you at the Bridge


----------



## PrincessDi

Doug, just stopped by to check on you at this terrible time. We are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers at this dark time.


----------



## Doug

Thank you Your support on this forum is just amazing. 

I have seen some people go through some shocking grief that has absolutely disabled them so for many weeks I have been preparing myself for this moment. I can't help it but feel that they are also making their dogs spirit sad in some way. I have always worried about what losing such a large, selfless and loving BFF would be like. However I learned that you can never be fully prepared. 

i found that over the past year inspirational quotes have found their way to me so I have held on to those. Oakley and Segers Mom kindly guided me to the Pin Interest website which I am so grateful for as it has helped me so much. Those quotes have reminded me that this experience is a test of what Tia has taught me. So often while she was here I would break down in great emotional pain in the shower. As soon as I saw her again my eyes dried up as she had a way of saying 'Don't worry I'm fine (even though she wasn't) I want you to be happy.' I made a deliberate effort to remember this when I knew the dark times would return to haunt me and remember her expression and the message behind her eyes. Even at the end she would always lift her head and have a strong warrior look in her eyes. I have been practicing (but not fully mastering) honoring her in the right way.

My feelings about the after life are a little different from most of the people here. We are all different, just like we all look different we all think differently because life as taught us different things. I personally do not believe that our pups waiting eagerly and patiently just at a bridge just for us. I believe that these pure and amazing souls who we have been blessed to know already know how to love, forgive and show strength. They are the ones who are our masters and are wise souls who have been sent to us to teach us the right way to live and the path to happiness. This is why they do not stay long and why they are so happy. They are here to teach _us_. So when I think of Tia now I think of her as the newest spirit guide to join my guardian angel team. I imagine her as a powerful wolf spirit guide just like those of the native American Indians. She has always shown regal strength and confidence and has been highly protective and loving of me. I believe that nothing has changed. However I do believe that the angels have also given her some time to heal and restore and then have a reunion with the souls that are familiar to her, her spirit guides, her spirit family, my family and also her forum family. I believe that there is fun in heaven even for the advanced souls, there is time to play, so I also so imagine her coming together with the dogs on this forum to have fun and enjoy the freedom without the restrictions of a limiting body. She is not restricted she can also be with us when ever she likes.

While this is what I think there are some negative thoughts that have been creeping in to test me. I have to push them away because I have made a commitment to honour her the right way. I have tried to keep myself busy as I knew from experience that the firsts are the hardest. Every room was touched by Tia and her disabilities, we have packed up the non slip rugs, the air conditioners and her medicines because she is not ill anymore so she does not need them. She can move freely around the house because her body does not limit her anymore. Sleeping in my bed has been strange. We realised that we have been sleeping with our mattress on the floor for so long in our lounge that it became normal. The house seems so much bigger but not in a good way.

We took Hudson to the beach and watched him run freely like the wind. The weather was beautiful and the colours seemed to be so much richer. We laughed with him and we spoke about the memories we had of Tia and the look on our parents faces when they met her for the first time, her full on OOOoooorrrrooowwws, the way her lips curled to smile as her eyes beamed, the way that she would rest her head on the coffee table while sitting up, the way she would protect us from small yappy dogs, the way she would sit in the beg position to get our attention for some bacon, how soft her fur was with her crinkle cut ears and the way she would throw a party for us when ever we came out of the shower. She added so many sparkles to our day.

Hudson continues to offer us healing. He flopped down on me for a full body hug and sweetly went to sleep. He is a lovely boy but so very different from Tia. He has his own ways of making us laugh and play even on our darkest days. We invited Hudson in our home when we saw signs of Tia slowing down 2 years ago. He did wonders to lighten her up and keep her entertained. I feel that in some way in the last couple of days he has graduated. I am watching my pup become a proper dog. We are proud of what he has learned from Tia. She is an excellent role model and somehow knew how to handle him so well, except she never managed to stop him from planting a big sloppy kiss on her when ever he wanted and this is something that we also can't control. He is a very smoochy boy.

Sad thoughts continued to touch me in waves so I spent the afternoon focussed on your amazing messages. I am in awe of your kindness and am inspired by it. You guys continue to teach me so much. Your prayers, candles, well wishes and messages have been incredibly powerful and continue to hold their power.

Tia has managed to weave parts of herself into our souls. As Stacy said even now i do not know where she starts and I begin. Many of the messages have received have reflected that so we are truly grateful for our old friends who have reached out to us but also our new ones. 

In reality today Hudson and I face the quiet house alone but I intend to spend it surrounded by Tia's reassuring energy and your well wishes. 

I hope that you all have the most wonderful day and feel the love from your own precious protective guides.


*A Cherokee Legend*

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, *sorrow*, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is *joy, peace, love, hope, serenity*, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and *faith*. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."


----------



## Lucky Penny

I am just seeing this now, and my heart breaks for you. Tears filled my eyes as I read that beautiful poem. Tia was a wonderful girl, who taught us all so much. She will always be in our hearts. 

I just read your past post, and your message about the lesson that dogs teach us is what I have always thought. Those who are lucky enough to have a dog teach them that lesson in life are blessed.

I am so happy that Hudson is there for you. I am also glad that Tia helped raised him, so a part of her is still living on in him.


----------



## KathyL

I just saw your post and am saddened by the loss of Tia, yet feel strengthened by your subsequent post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. So much of what you say is what I feel and I needed to hear that. I believe in the end we must bear the pain to set our beloved pets free. You have allowed Tia to become whole again.


----------



## amy22

What a beautifully written tribute to your sweet golden Tia, may she rest in peace and may you enjoy Hudson every day. Our goldens sure are special, aren't they?


----------



## dborgers

What a beautiful tribute  I believe goldens are 'God's love ambassadors', sent here to teach mankind about unconditional love. Through your love, commitment, and chronicle of her journey, Tia has immersed so many in that spirit of love.


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

You do and believe what makes you feel good. I know for me different things work on different days. Some days I am lifted with pride and joy I had my Buddy and look in life as an amazing miracle, the others are foggy when I am overwhelmed with sadness and only tears help washing out my pain. Why we are here and why they are here sometimes I feel but cant explain. Those are the days when I am at peace. Hugs.


----------



## Doug

It is such a surreal feeling. It comes in waves. Saying the words out loud to well meaning friends and family has been the most difficult. Gulp! There are times where it just hits you and you wonder how this can all happen so quickly to such a strong girl. Less than a month ago were were playing on the beach. I was watching how her hair blew in the wind at cafes. We were talking to new friends at the park who did not even realise that she was sick. I think that I am still in shock. 

Today is bitter sweet. I got my Christmas ornaments from Cindi in the mail with Tia's portrait on it which I absolutely adore. I see Tia looking at me with the same strong and determined look as she has always done and I feel blessed and feel that she is still here.

However tonight the vet is coming to bring her ashes home to us and this brings tears because it makes it real all over again.

I do know one thing for sure and that is the messages that I have gotten from you guys and the ones that I continue to receive each day are incredibly powerful and so special. They have helped me keep my mind busy and manage all of the firsts. Thank you.


----------



## GoldensGirl

Homecoming. It's different when it's ashes coming home. Important. Special. Bittersweet. How my heart aches for you at the thought. 

Before Christmas I finally moved Charlie's ashes from the dining room table where that sat for more than a year. But not far - just to the china cabinet. Sometimes I sit and imagine that I feel his big plush head under my hand and see his incredible eyes again. Tears run. Still. 

Grief has it's own schedule and each of us has to work through it. Part of love. Part of life. A tribute in its own right.

You may be ready now for a piece that helped me make sense of Charlie's passing. By American playwright Eugene O'Neill, it was written for his wife after they lost a beloved fur-person: The Last Will and Testament of Silverdene Emblem O'Neill.

Peace be with you.


----------



## Doug

Wow so beautifully written. 

"In my life I have tried to be a comfort to them in time of sorrow, and a reason for added joy in their happiness. It is painful for me to think that even in death I should cause them pain."

This is what Tia has tried to tell me constantly throughout her battle and I had often asked her how I would cope. She would be very upset with me if I gave into the sadness. If I would shed a tear or exchange some tense words with hubby she would rush to my side nuzzle my arm, smile and wag her tail and my heart would melt. Even though she is not physically here to do that I can still feel her saying, "What's wrong? Don't worry, be happy." I still feel her strongly within me as I am sure that you still feel with Charlie and Sabrina.

I doubt that a little nugget is in our future. I think that it is now Hudson's turn to shine and not have to share. Just like Tia, we have never told him that he is not human and so this is how he sees himself, just one of us.

... However, I have learned to _never_ say never.


----------



## cgriffin

Just came online to see if you posted and see if you are okay.
I am sorry that the ashes make everything so real and painful again. But, you have Tia home, I think that would be comforting in a way.

My previous old Gold "Sam" is buried right in front of my bay window in the front yard, because I think he would have enjoyed looking out and it would have been his favorite spot if he had been able to move into our new house with us at the time. Sadly, he died the day before we were signing the contract, that was October 2001. 
It gives me comfort to have him so close and I can talk to him. I would think it the same with the ashes. 

Toby loves looking out the bay window, snout resting on the window ledge. He reminds me of my Sam. Sam was his uncle. 

Thinking about you daily, sending a hug your way


----------



## Doug

Awh wow thanks Christa

I have been trying to gain spiritual wisdom to help me cope but seeing the ashes bring the pain back to a physical reality. It _is_ good to know Tia's body is not sitting by itself somewhere strange. However the silence and stillness is bizarre. A part of me keeps expecting the really nice lady to bring Tia back from her holiday fully groomed.

Tia also loved the front garden so this is where she will be placed. In fact she used to sit on the balcony and bark at us any time we did the gardening out the back telling us to come back inside and sit with her when she could have easily joined us. However, seeing us do gardening out the front was a pleasure for her, we would eventually have to coax her inside. Hudsie also likes to lay his chin on the front window ledge 

I am so glad that Sam was able to move with you.
We also have fond memories of a Toby and a Sam, both of whom were special goldens. Thanks for prompting the memories of these magnificent souls.

Thank you for continuing to keep me in your thoughts. Warm hugs to you and hope that you are having a blessed day


----------



## the S team

Oh Doug, I read your entire thread and my heart goes out to you. You have such a gift with words. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions through it all. Our journey is relatively new but our time is limited. Thank you for sharing Tia with us. May she rest in peace and her memory burn bright forever. 


Sent from my iPhone using Petguide.com Free App


----------



## GoldensGirl

Holding you gently in my thoughts and prayers, as always.


----------



## dborgers

One thing that came to my mind as I held the first box with our first golden's ashes in it was that he truly is a spiritual being. 12 years on, he still lives in our hearts, his spirit just as strong as it was when he lived in a physical form.

God bless. We'll continue holding you in our thoughts and prayers.


----------



## Karen519

*Doug*



Doug said:


> Wow so beautifully written.
> 
> "In my life I have tried to be a comfort to them in time of sorrow, and a reason for added joy in their happiness. It is painful for me to think that even in death I should cause them pain."
> 
> This is what Tia has tried to tell me constantly throughout her battle and I had often asked her how I would cope. She would be very upset with me if I gave into the sadness. If I would shed a tear or exchange some tense words with hubby she would rush to my side nuzzle my arm, smile and wag her tail and my heart would melt. Even though she is not physically here to do that I can still feel her saying, "What's wrong? Don't worry, be happy." I still feel her strongly within me as I am sure that you still feel with Charlie and Sabrina.
> 
> I doubt that a little nugget is in our future. I think that it is now Hudson's turn to shine and not have to share. Just like Tia, we have never told him that he is not human and so this is how he sees himself, just one of us.
> 
> ... However, I have learned to _never_ say never.


Doug: I am so very glad that you have Hudson!!! Glad that your girl Tia will be in her favorite spot in the front yard. Smooch and Snboear's ashes are on a shelf in our Family Room, where we spent the most time as a family!!


----------



## HolDaisy

Thinking of you. It really is very bittersweet bringing their ashes home  very difficult indeed. It does help though as you know that she will be back home with you, where she loved to be and where she belongs.

It's been over a year now since Daisy left us and everything about her is still crystal clear. It's hard to believe that so long has passed without her and there is now a little golden bundle of energy bounding around. Sammy has only been here for a week but we can already see some of Daisy's little characteristics in him. Time really will help you and you will always be able to feel Tia's presence around you when you need her most. I'm glad you have Hudson to comfort you too at this difficult time. Take care, we understand how you are feeling so very well.


----------



## Doug

One week on as we close another chapter and plant our memorial rose, "Double Delight" we still live in a surreal state, trying to hold our heads up high like Tia always did but I can't help feeling broken or incomplete no matter what I rationally tell myself about the inevitable cycle of life and death.

It is now that most of our friends and family have passed on their condolences and the silence and stillness has returned as the dust settles. It is so heartwarming to see that you guys still remember us but to everyone else we seem like old news, way, way back in the archives of the Facebook pages. Things seem to return to normal but things are not normal for us. We are no longer the people that we used to be, our routines are similar yet so different. 

I feel as though I look different to others because inside I feel strange. I feel like my heart is bleeding under my shirt and yet I'm trying to limp on. You never know when the pangs and tears will hit. Today a bubbly waitress enthusiastically told me how beautiful my dog is. Then it hit me that I really do only have one single lone dog. I am so used to hearing how beautiful my dog(s) (plural) are. That one small well meaning detail (s) sent an arrow through my heart. It also must seem weird to others as we turn up to gatherings with one dog but they don't point it out out of politeness. It is all so odd that they must not feel her like we do.

Yes Karen, thank goodness we have Hudson. When we got him I knew that he would have an important job to be our support during this time in our lives just as we are for him. He is such a good boy full of sweet, love and gentleness with a hint of crazy fun for good measure. He is enjoying the extra attention and not having to share the car seat or wait for pats. Holdaisy I hope that you are enjoying your precious little nugget who I'm sure has already weaved himself into your heart

Buddy's Mom Forever, you are so right the emotions we go through are so fluid with good proud moments to moments of sorrow, then back to pride.
Danny, I know from experience that in some ways the spiritual bond gets even stronger but it feels so odd right now through this adjustment phase but we will get there. 

Tia would often return from a stroll outside covered with blue plumbago flowers. We will never know why she found that bush so interesting or how she managed to get so many of them stuck to her soft fur. As we plant Tia's rose and scatter her ashes next to the plumbago bush I pray that I never forget the look that she would give me, checking up on me to see if everything is ok and the upward gaze to say I'm happy because you are happy. I feel that protective 'look' around me but I know that at some point this memory will fade but I shall hold onto it for as long as I can. 

Thanks again for your continuing support and for keeping us in your thoughts, 
best wishes from our home to yours.


----------



## dborgers

You hurt so badly because you love so much. You are in the top 1% of people in the world who love their fur kids that much and would go to the lengths you have. 

After Hudson has a little time to be your 'super special boy' perhaps one day you'll feel like taking in another golden who needs so badly the kind of love you have to give ... and give Hudson a play buddy. 

When we've lost a golden, adopting another someone else threw away gave us purpose and them a shot at a life they may not have had otherwise. It honored the memory of the golden we lost. What they would have wished we'd do instead of feeling sad for a really long time.

God bless you. So many of us who have known the pain you feel care about you


----------



## elly

Oh Doug, I am so sorry it's so hard. Of course, with the level of love we share with our special dogs it will never be anything but that and even so, it's so life changing and devastating. There will always be things that dig deep and leap at you when you least expect it. After nearly three years there still are with my Cracker. The way you write about Tia reminds me so much of Cracker, always beside me at times of illness or sadness and full of fun and determination, including throughout her long battles with cancer too.
There are no rules in grief. Tia held your heart and will continue to do so..in the most unexpected ways and at the most unexpected of times. Hudson will make your days brighter and you will do the same for his,..right now these are your needs of each other and they will change as you all have to adapt to your loss and change in your lives. We are all here for you all of the time, feeling your pain and sharing it with you. Tia was special, Hudson is too..and you all are to us.


----------



## cgriffin

The thougt and vision of Tia covered in blue plumbago flowers made me smile. 
I think it is a very beautiful gesture of scattering Tia's ashes around the plumbago bush and planting a memorial rose for her. Both have a beauty that will always remind you of Tia 

I am also happy that you have Hudson to comfort you. Maybe you could post some more pics of your boy?

Keeping you in my thoughts, wishing you a beautiful day with nothing but sweet and beautiful memories of Tia and making more memories with Hudson.

Hugs to Hudson and hugs to you


----------



## 4Goldens'

Doug, I am so sorry for your pain. As I read your posts I feel as though you are in my heart and head expressing exactly how I feel with the loss of my Bridgett. Tia certainly had a wonderful life with you I know and is running free of pain. I feel so much gloom and sadness, the grief I have is at times unbearable. As I watch the world around me just keep moving as usual, I don't know how to face the day, it's just so strange. You will be in my prayers as I pray and pray and pray for some sort of comfort to get me through this.


----------



## ssacres

It is just such a loss. One that will always be there. How we miss them. A hole in the heart that never goes away. Yet what are we to do? I sure miss Allie. Part of me is gone and part of me died. Not an easy thing to let go. I just want to be with her. Yet life goes on. Not so easy but it goes on.


----------



## Doug

I felt that it was very important to include details about the aftermath of cancer and dealing with the empty firsts all alone in this thread as this is my reality right now and it comes up so often in this forum. 

Cancer is not only a physical battle but a powerful mental one. However, it is time to start to draw this thread to a close for now as Tia does not have cancer any more and It is time for me to 'golden up' and be the boss of my own thoughts and honor her the right way *full* time. 

I feel her getting a bit frustrated at me for not fully appreciating the fact that she is now able to jump on the bed, dance, roll over, beg and visit freely. Just like Patrick Swayze in the movie Ghost. I imagine her trying to get my attention and barking at me and telling me she's fine. Some people have kindly told me that they have told their pups that have gone before to show Tia the ropes of heaven. I love imagining that Tia is chasing squirrels with Charlie and Sabrina along with a gaggle of our other goldens getting up to chaotic mischief. I selfishly want her here with me but I cannot deny her of this.

In the spirit of appreciation and gratefulness of what Tia used to get up to and what she is still probably doing I was inspired by a recent thread "What quirks does your golden have?" I began to collect photos that made Tia so 'Tia' and made a few notes but then I realised that as they say "You just had to be there" and that "Photos do not do her justice." Nevertheless I'll reveal them anyway and hopefully you will feel the sweetness behind each photo. Hopefully they spark sweet memories of your own charming goldens. Christa I also included some photos of Hudsie for you. 

On the note of getting another dog (which also comes up so often on forums) I fully support it and it is never too soon. Goldens are great healers. I would only hesitate if you already have an elderly dog in your home as you may need to but it on hold for the sake, peace and respect for the existing dog. Golden pups are a handful and can be unrelenting. I do believe that dogs find you. You can hear them tapping on your heart and will not give up until you make that call. Ssacres and 4Goldens do you have this feeling? I have not felt that pull yet, probably because Hudson is already here but yes I am inspired by Danny's and Princess Di's fairytale rescue stories so this _might_ be on the cards ... one day.

It is hard to do justice to Tia but hopefully through these photos you can see 
Tia's strength and confidence in any situation
the way Tia's hair blew in the wind.
her furry feet.
her love of swimming despite how cold it may have been.
the way she was always ready to catch a flying nugget from the dinner table.
that we took her everywhere. People would allow her in their shop and we even took her inside a wine tasting room once.
her side ways look checking up on us.
the way she hated to miss out on any action.
her fuzzy head, especially the mane behind her ears.
the way that she loved ducks and hated seeing bread go to waste on them.
her love of the car.
the way she would carry toys in her mouth and squeal when we got home.
the fact that she could roll over.
the way she would beam when being lavished with attention.
the way she would suck on toys in her basket like a tiny kitten and
the way she would flag her fuzzy ears if she wanted something on our plate.

Check out her second website link underlined here: Tia&Hudson

Life is about doing your best to built and create your own joy while seizing the day with what you have. You are already one step ahead of the rest by sharing your life with a golden. My life is much richer from having known Tia. 

May you continue to have the most wonderful time with your fur buddies right up til the very end. Even on the last day Tia continued to warm my heart and make me proud. Thank you for being such amazing people and for restoring my faith in the human kind Once again your thoughts and candles have amazed me


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

Tia was a gorgeous girl! Hudson is a sweetie too! Your pictures definitely show what a major part of your life she was... Please stay with us and keep us posted about your adventures with Hudson!


----------



## cgriffin

Thank you, Julie! I loved loved loved your pictures. Both Tia and Hudson look soooo happy, content and loved  Both are just beautiful - I am thinking of Tia being a beautiful angel watching over you and your family


----------



## HolDaisy

Such beautiful photos! You can see what a wonderful life Tia had and lots of fun with best buddy Hudson


----------



## *Laura*

The photos of Hudson and Tia are beautiful. I can tell Tia lived a very happy life in your home, full of love and fun. I'm so glad that you have Hudson to help keep you moving forward in your sadness but I know it just helps a little .......... hugs


----------



## PrincessDi

I'm in tears looking at the pictures of beautiful Tia and Hudson. It is so hard when you loose them. I hope that you find comfort in the wonderful life that you gave your girl. That and the love that you shared, jumps right out of the pictures. Keeping you in our thoughts at this difficult time.


----------



## Claire's Friend

Beautiful pictures, thank you for sharing.


----------



## Lucky Penny

When Tia passed, I knew your pain from a few years ago when I last lost an animal. However, just losing my Penny I real feel your pain. It feels as if someone has ripped your heart out of your chest. I am so happy you have Hudson. (and I have Luna) Having another dog provides so much comfort when one passes. The other dog also keeps you busy. How old is Hudson? Has he been somewhat confused from Tia’s passing?
When you talked about how it hit you that you no longer have multiple dogs, it hit me as well. It is a weird feeling, and it hurts to think we only have one. I may of missed it, but what are your plans with Tia’s ashes?


----------



## Doug

Lauren I really feel for you as it was about your age that I lost my first real heart dog. Then later I lost another everyday buddy and now T. It does bring back all of the memories and lessons of the previous losses. 

Somehow knowing what to expect (even though I was dreading it at the same time) made things a bit easier. I knew that deciding to let go would be painful, then the lack of nursing and emptiness would hit, as well as all of the firsts. I also remember the pain as the dust settles and everything goes quiet as the world moves on without them. However, I had forgotten how hard it was to tell people as it will be for you at the nursing home. I remember feeling shell shocked then and this time I still do. I remember trying to keep busy to keep my head above water but this time I don't have the energy. 

I think about Tia constantly (as usual). Most of the time I have wised up to the fact that she really is a part of me. I can still remember her reassuring looks. I feel her with me even though she is not physically here like I did when I went out to dinner parties, went to work or went shopping without her. The gazillion of photos I took of her while she was here help me keep her memory alive. I think about what she would be doing if she was still here. Then I realise that she would be resting in her favourite spot (not too close but not too far away) and not be such a bundle of nerves like me.

However, sometimes I am shocked and wonder what the hell happened. Hudson is two. In the same way I have looked in amazement and often asked my sweet and wonderful 'little' boy over the years 'Where did you come from and how did you get here?' I have to remind myself that Tia is now in the magical place where Hudsie once was. A place that human's limited brains cannot fathom. Nor are we supposed to otherwise most of us would want to skip straight there. It is funny how you hear so many nice sayings about dealing with stress yet they carry so much more meaning at times like these eg "At least she is free from pain."

As with Tia I wish they would talk! I am sure that Hudson is missing his rock and anchor as I am but there are no obvious tell tale signs. He has mellowed a little. Tia would throw a party when I came out of the shower, or when someone was at the front door, or was out and about greeting people. He cannot feel her joy and high energy so these times are a lot more settled. 

We ended up putting Tia's ashes under a rose in the back garden. I thought that it would be in the front garden as it was her favourite but the last minute we decided to keep her with us at the back opposite a plumbago bush which turned out to be more private. We also scattered some forget me not seeds that the vet gave us. It has been surprisingly nice to go out there every day to water it and see the rose gain strength.

Thanks Lauren, it is great to hear from you I wish you all the very best in your journey. It is different and yet so similar for a lot of people just like our pups. I am glad to hear that Luna is proving to be a great source of healing for you as you must be for her. Best wishes to you and your family!!


----------



## OutWest

Doug, I missed your post about Tia's passing. I'm so so sorry. You did so much for her but I know it was hard to release her. I just looked over your photos and she was a such a sweetheart. I'm glad you have Hudson with you and lots of good memories of Tia to make you smile. Someday you should post a picture of the rose when it blooms.


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

I want to post what I've read in one of those books.
I learn that *"this numbness serves a valuable purpose: it gives your emotions time to catch up with what your mind has told you. This feeling helps create insulation from the reality of the death until you are more able to tolerate what you don't want to believe." *

It later says:
*The capacity to love requires the necessity to grieve when someone loved dies.* You cannot heal unless you openly express your grief. Denying your grief will only make it become more confusing and overwhelming. Embrace your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, *grief is a process*, not an event, be patient and tolerant with yourself. *Never forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever. It's not that you won't be happy again. It's simply that you will never be exactly the same as you were before the death.*

Hugs.


----------



## Doug

Thank you for these quotes  As the saying goes 
“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”

What I am rediscovering is that I am feeling _all_ of these things but I had forgotten that it takes a while for it to stop bouncing from the negative to the positive until it finally rests on the feeling of great pride and joy that I have that soul as a part of my team of angels. I now seem to remember that it takes years before this might happen.

I have always loved this quote that you taught us: "He took my heart and ran with it, and I hope he's running still, fast and strong, a piece of my heart bound up with his forever" - Patricia McConnell 
This is another example of it touching me when I first read it but now it has even greater meaning that I didn't realise was possible.

Thank you both


----------



## Lucky Penny

It is okay, we don’t have to keep our heads above the water. It is okay to feel tired and not have the energy. 

I agree, our dogs are apart of us. I believe that we connect with their souls and a part of us is always with them, and a part of them is always with us. Even though they are not with us anymore, they are STILL here. It is just hard to accept that they are not physically here. All of your feelings are mine as well. It is so hard.

Dogs leave earth so soon because they know of that magical place, and they know of their purpose right when they set foot on earth. They complete their purpose so quickly that they are sent right back up to that magical place. We humans don’t get it, and it takes us awhile to get it. 

I sure wish our pups could talk as well. I am glad your have Hudson and I have Luna. We need them for support and distraction. How funny you put Tia’s ashes under a rose bush. That is where we put our animals, and where we will put Penny’s! What a great way to remember them by, beautiful life.

I wish you well in your journey as well, Doug. My thoughts are still with you.


----------



## Doug

OutWest said:


> Doug, I missed your post about Tia's passing. I'm so so sorry. You did so much for her but I know it was hard to release her. I just looked over your photos and she was a such a sweetheart. I'm glad you have Hudson with you and lots of good memories of Tia to make you smile. Someday you should post a picture of the rose when it blooms.


Thank you OutWest 

To our surprise Tia's rose is already in bloom. It has the most heavenly scent ( just as I imagine your roses to smell like Lucy ). It also has the most wonderful buttermilk centre which is hard to capture in photos. At the moment our "Double Delight" rose bush is only small as it is a young standard but in time it will stand out as a tall strong bush with a full head of perfectly formed heads with its pop of colour that magically changes each day from a buttercup cream to red as it ages. Tia is a strong and out going soul with many delightful layers to her character and this rose will reflect this.
Hudson and I often go out there and visit this sunny spot just like we did with Tia who often lead us to this place.

A link to photos of Tia's rose is underlined here: Tias Double Delight

:wave:


----------



## cgriffin

Beautiful pictures of the roses and of Hudson of course  
What a beautiful reminder of sweet Tia


----------



## Karen519

*Tia*

What a beautiful reminder of Tia the double delight rose is!


----------



## GoldensGirl

How perfect that Tia's rose is a Double Delight! Back when I had about 30 rose bushes, several of them were Double Delights, which are among my favorites of all time. They even do well when cut, lasting a few days - especially if you put something like 7-Up in the water to nourish them.

By the way, Don Juans are also fragrant, long-lasting roses that are a deep, velvety red.


----------



## HolDaisy

Tia's rose is absolutely beautiful! What a perfect way to honour her where you and Hudson can spend time remembering her, just lovely.


----------



## *Laura*

Thank you for the pictures of Tia's roses. Beautiful way to honor your beautiful Tia


----------



## Lucky Penny

What a beautiful rose. Of course, beauty is what it has to be, because Tia is growing it.


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

Tia's rose is beautiful like she was. I don't know why I am crying right now, maybe just a thought of how many beautiful ones we lost makes me so sad. But when I think how much love was shared I feel this world is better place because they were here.


----------



## Madisonmeadows

I hear you. My golden Amber was diagnosed with leukemia in early January and she was 9 years old. . I went with the chemo as her quality of life was good, she ate, played, played frisbee, etc. I looked to the quality of her life. I was so thankful to have some more time with her, like Catalina said. We embraced everyday and she had her favorite treats and went to her favorite places. Enjoy each day -


----------



## Doug

Buddy's mom forever said:


> I want to post what I've read in one of those books.
> I learn that *"this numbness serves a valuable purpose: it gives your emotions time to catch up with what your mind has told you. This feeling helps create insulation from the reality of the death until you are more able to tolerate what you don't want to believe." *
> 
> It later says:
> *The capacity to love requires the necessity to grieve when someone loved dies.* You cannot heal unless you openly express your grief. Denying your grief will only make it become more confusing and overwhelming. Embrace your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, *grief is a process*, not an event, be patient and tolerant with yourself. *Never forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever. It's not that you won't be happy again. It's simply that you will never be exactly the same as you were before the death.*
> 
> Hugs.


Your words continue to ring true.

But I must confess, things have changed in the last few weeks as the sorrow suddenly strikes when you least expect it as the brace is gradually released. It is more intense now as the protective shock has started to lift. Now I feel great moments of pain for the hardship Tia went through when I least expect it. I surprised myself by bursting into a flood of tears after unexpectedly walking past the specialists office after getting lost. Flash backs of seeing her collapse was distressing, feeling her mushy hips which had no strength sends painful waves through me and the helpless expression on her face in my minds eye for the last week is extremely hard.

Thankfully these times don't hit too often and we still hold on to the butterfly analogy for the most part, in life she was confined to a limited caterpillar body who was limited to a backyard, in illness she was limited in a cocoon but in death her spirit is now incredibly beautiful and free to visit us as well as heaven just like a butterfly is free to fly without any restrictions.

The millions of photos of her still help me to focus on the good times and her bright smile and happy nature. She is always a part of our conversations as she always has been no matter how busy we are.

Don't cry, we are in a happy/proud (for lack of better words) place right now as are they. A new opportunity has opened up for us after an intense prayer to T, I am thoroughly convinced Tia is behind it all. She knows us so well and she knows what we need.

Our losses are huge but also remember that the people who have lost these magnificent souls have a new powerful angel on their team who now have more power and influence for good things to come into their guardian's lives. They become our guardians. I'm sure that Buddy is continuing to do the same for you.

Thanks again for your wise words that gain power every time I reread them. You are right, we do carry them in our hearts forever and we are not the same people, in many ways we are stronger.

God bless, may the sun shine brightly for you today.:wavey:


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

I remember those days well-- it hits you when you least expect it. You gave Tia a wonderful life. You are right in that we have a special angel on our sides, and they will always be there!


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## cgriffin

Julie, I am glad you are doing well and that the beautiful memories of Tia are helping you through her loss. Angel Tia is watching over and guiding you
Hugs to Hudson


----------

