# Formal vs informal dog groups and activities



## Vhuynh2 (Feb 13, 2012)

As a 23 year old, I have been the youngest at everything we do involving dog sports, be it obedience, rally, or field. Regardless of my age, I'm not very casual at dog sports events. I'm working and training my dog, so of course I do not allow her to meet other dogs and wouldn't appreciate it if other dogs were allowed to come up to mine. 

Some people were probably treating the dock diving event as a training opportunity. It's best to not let dogs meet. An event related to dog sports would be formal. A meet up for the dogs to just get together and play would be informal. 


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## JessCDoyle (May 21, 2013)

I can definitely relate. I had joined my local club and the only event we had gone to was supposed to be a "fun" day. BBQ, dock diving, overall it sounded pretty fun on paper. However what I didn't expect was the cold shoulder and the clique like atmosphere I got from everyone. I am a new member and I had expressed my enthusiasm on the Facebook group.. No response from that either beforehand. 
I am 24 and my boyfriend is 27. The members there seemed -much- older than us. Our golden was adopted - she needed a home and we have made her the focus of our lives. However, she was not from a registered breeder. Instead of the typical (I thought anyways) questions you ask a new member or someone who may be interested in joining, it was "where did you get her" and the conversation ended when I explained how she came to be ours. Even though I have an interest in purchasing a reputable bred pup later on and looking into obedience, dock diving and field, to even try to start gaining more information or knowledge from these people was impossible. I am a social girl and yet I felt outcasted instantly. And at this "fun" event, the dogs stayed right at their owners side and didn't interact much with each other. We left shortly to go to a dog park where we knew our pup would have fun.

I messaged an active member on Facebook about my feelings and even mentioned if she was not the person I should speak to then please forward that information. Ignored. 

And yet in their minutes they bring up membership and trying to get more and maintain. I can easily see where some of the problems are. 




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## CarolinaCasey (Jun 1, 2007)

Your comments are all too familiar and remind me of many clubs, not just dog clubs. I'm in my late 20's and my husband and I are the youngest club members. I am surprised that your club members didn't relax a bit given the venue you had today. 


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## Vhuynh2 (Feb 13, 2012)

Forgot to respond to the part about people being clique-y.. I have only been out to one event with the GR club and in general I thought everyone was really nice. I did already know some members so that may have made me feel more at ease, but people I had never met before were very helpful and thanked me for coming out at the end of the day. I knew I would feel at least a little left out being a newbie, but that comes with every new territory. I normally would not, in a million years, go any place where I don't know everyone, stick out like a sore thumb, and try to join their club, but my dog is quite the motivator. I'm doing it all for her. I'm pretty shy and not extremely outgoing, so it was hard for me too. I say just be yourself, that's all you can do.

And, I drive a Prius. Hey, I didn't know I was going to have a dog a few years later. I drive onto the retriever training grounds and go off-road in that thing and I'm not the least bit embarrassed (anymore). I WILL be getting a dog car soon though.


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## laprincessa (Mar 24, 2008)

There was a dock diving event in town several months ago, and there were also a lot of booths set up for various charitable groups. Our therapy group had a tent set up, so Max and I went to be representatives of the group for a couple of hours. During down times,when we had no visitors, Max and I walked around. I noticed the same thing you did, the people who were there competing were very stand-offish, and didn't want me bringing Max anywhere near their dogs. (I do believe I heard Max whispering "rood" to me a few times.) It was a definite "do not come near us!" attitude.


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## AlanK (Jun 28, 2008)

Sorry you feel like you do. I left the snobbish world years ago and moved to the backwoods of Georgia. Im happy tromping through the woods with my dog. Our only worry is kicking up a deer and the coyotes at night.


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## Loisiana (Jul 29, 2009)

I don't care where I am, I do not want strange dogs running up to my dogs. If I want to allow my dog to play with another dog, I will give my dog that permission, otherwise I want him ignoring all dogs around him. I don't want my dog thinking it is okay to just go up to a strange dog, because you never know what dog is going to be aggressive. Even dogs that have never shown aggression ever in their lives previously can suddenly click on that way (often happens around two years old). Not to mention as a competitor I want my dog to be able to focus on me, not be worried about getting to socialize.

If you go to official dock diving events, there are rules, including maximum leash length so each dogs stays in his own space. I went to a dock diving practice a few months ago and the only dogs socializing with each other where the ones that belonged to family, not always same household family, but something like mom's dogs and daughter's dogs. In generally most dog savvy people just don't go around having their dogs socialize with strange dogs, it's is more important to get their dogs used to being in the presence of other dogs and not have it be a big deal.


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

Did you have fun - and did Mercy have fun? I saw the other thread with her pictures jumping into the water, so I imagined that part was cool.  

As far as what I'm reading here - I have never been to a dock dog thing, but I imagine it's not that much different than some of the other events that I've gone to with my dogs. You have the idea that you are there to do something FUN with your dog.... your dogs are still expected to be under control. 

And I'm not saying Mercy was out of control. I'm just saying that when I go to some events, I'm keeping my dogs on leash and observing personal dog-bubble space. And that may be what people were doing with their dogs.


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

Vhuynh2 said:


> As a 23 year old, I have been the youngest at everything we do involving dog sports, be it obedience, rally, or field. Regardless of my age, I'm not very casual at dog sports events. I'm working and training my dog, so of course I do not allow her to meet other dogs and wouldn't appreciate it if other dogs were allowed to come up to mine.
> 
> Some people were probably treating the dock diving event as a training opportunity. It's best to not let dogs meet. An event related to dog sports would be formal. A meet up for the dogs to just get together and play would be informal.
> 
> ...


I certainly agree that canine sports are serious business. This was a dock diving educational event where beginners were supposed to be welcome. I already felt our of place when I was almost the only person with a car and not an SUV or minivan. I kinda wish this club had more casual get togethers where the dogs can meet on leash at least. It looks like any casual fun relaxed togethers they might have are private and in small clique groups. I also understand that most of the people in this particular group are handlers of dogs with field trial titles. I did not once allow Mercy to go up to another dog. The other handler had told me to keep away before Mercy even had a chance to pull to her. My biggest priority other than having fun with my dog especially at a formal event is to keep her away from dogs and people unless they initiate a meeting. In fact when I take Mercy for a walk, I always assume that the other person doesn't want to say hello. I did that with my other dog also. I always pull her to the side on the sidewalk or trail when someone's coming. I actually introduced myself after the rebuke by this person and I then I asked if I could say hello to her dog and she obliged. She allowed her to go to Mercy, rather than the other way around. Other people also had to correct their excited dogs from pulling towards one another. I used my treats to keep Mercy's focus on me and away from the other dogs. I'm more interested in *myself* meeting the other dogs, not Mercy so much. I had to put Mercy in the car at times where I husband and son ended up going to wait for me in order to say hello to a few people and their dogs. They were cordial. That makes me happy. I wish someone could have come up to me and said hello. Nobody said hello to Mercy. I wish I could find a mentor who could be my friend and seeing me and Mercy's potential, take me under her wing. I am still trying to find connections and network with other dog people. It's probably going to take me a little while longer. The person at the registration table asked me where I got her and I told her and she could tell that Mercy was a Timber kid. But other than that, no interest in getting to know Mercy or me. I am still far behind in my social skills. I consider myself to be immature for my age. At 37, I am still learning my social skills and the lingo as well as unspoken rules of more mature people. I wish other people would have been more interested in getting to know me and Mercy. Other people's Golden's were able to jump off the dock to retrieve, but Mercy didn't, at least this time around. She just went for a swim. She did retriever a couple of times though. I did feel like Mercy and I were the Underdogs of the event, no pun intended.:


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## Pammie (Jan 22, 2011)

Sorry the social aspect of the event did not meet your expectations. :no:
I think that the more events you go to and the more you see the same people repeatedly the more likely they will warm up to you! I am sure the dog club sees a lot of people who breeze in and breeze out of events never to be seen again. They may not want to invest their time and energy in someone who they think they will never see again? 

I really don't get the car part. Who cares what you drive? 

The best you can do is go to the events that interest you, have fun with Mercy, smile and acknowledge people and chat when it seem appropriate and keep Mercy at heel. Just have fun with your pretty girl! Try not to make these events work. I feel you are going always looking to make connections. Just like in the dating scene, people can _smell _your desperation. Relax and go without an agenda.


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

JessCDoyle said:


> I can definitely relate. I had joined my local club and the only event we had gone to was supposed to be a "fun" day. BBQ, dock diving, overall it sounded pretty fun on paper. However what I didn't expect was the cold shoulder and the clique like atmosphere I got from everyone. I am a new member and I had expressed my enthusiasm on the Facebook group.. No response from that either beforehand.
> I am 24 and my boyfriend is 27. The members there seemed -much- older than us. Our golden was adopted - she needed a home and we have made her the focus of our lives. However, she was not from a registered breeder. Instead of the typical (I thought anyways) questions you ask a new member or someone who may be interested in joining, it was "where did you get her" and the conversation ended when I explained how she came to be ours. Even though I have an interest in purchasing a reputable bred pup later on and looking into obedience, dock diving and field, to even try to start gaining more information or knowledge from these people was impossible. I am a social girl and yet I felt outcasted instantly. And at this "fun" event, the dogs stayed right at their owners side and didn't interact much with each other. We left shortly to go to a dog park where we knew our pup would have fun.
> 
> I messaged an active member on Facebook about my feelings and even mentioned if she was not the person I should speak to then please forward that information. Ignored.
> ...


Thanks for speaking up man! I thought I was the only one. I would have thought they would have applauded you for adopting because my local group has rescues also. They team up with the local GR rescue. My girl is from a prominent member of this local group. The registrar recognized that Mercy was a Timber kid. But she didn't pet her or say hello to her. The elders of these groups should be running to the newbies asking them about their goals for their dogs.


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

laprincessa said:


> There was a dock diving event in town several months ago, and there were also a lot of booths set up for various charitable groups. Our therapy group had a tent set up, so Max and I went to be representatives of the group for a couple of hours. During down times,when we had no visitors, Max and I walked around. I noticed the same thing you did, the people who were there competing were very stand-offish, and didn't want me bringing Max anywhere near their dogs. (I do believe I heard Max whispering "rood" to me a few times.) It was a definite "do not come near us!" attitude.


These are often the same people you go to for puppy referral. I remember e-mailing then on October 2011, asking for a list of breeders. I got a generic message telling me that I could find them on the site. I joined the club in January 2013, but never got any newsletters from them. I still have to check online for events.


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

AlanK said:


> Sorry you feel like you do. I left the snobbish world years ago and moved to the backwoods of Georgia. Im happy tromping through the woods with my dog. Our only worry is kicking up a deer and the coyotes at night.


Ha Ha! My husband hit a deer with our rental minivan on the way back from TN on I-81 in SW Virginia. Yee hah! Thank goodness we had rental insurance!

Reputable breeders are supposed to be among these people. I keep my opinions to myself about how I think that they can be over the top. I agree wholeheartedly that these show breeders are the ones to go to for the well bred puppies, but some of them are full of themselves. There! I said it.

Proud to be a Generation X *******!


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

Loisiana said:


> I don't care where I am, I do not want strange dogs running up to my dogs. If I want to allow my dog to play with another dog, I will give my dog that permission, otherwise I want him ignoring all dogs around him.


 I agree with you. I am still teaching Mercy not to pull towards other dogs unless I say it's okay. But do me a favor, reach out to new people and welcome them into your fold. They might appreciate your help with training. Make friends with them, and they will not longer be strangers.


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

Pammie said:


> Sorry the social aspect of the event did not meet your expectations. :no:
> I think that the more events you go to and the more you see the same people repeatedly the more likely they will warm up to you! I am sure the dog club sees a lot of people who breeze in and breeze out of events never to be seen again. They may not want to invest their time and energy in someone who they think they will never see again?
> 
> I really don't get the car part. Who cares what you drive?
> ...


I am very shy. But at the same time, I long to be social with people and make new friends. I am desperate, but then again not so much. I am trying to learn how to be properly social. I reach out and then run back into my shell. I know it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Another problem is that most of these events are in Maryland, and I live in Manassas VA. Virginia does not have it's own GR club, yet Maryland has 3. Our local Maryland based club is supposed to include Virginia. I have been eyeing a club based in WV and even plan on perhaps getting a puppy from one of their members in the future.


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## laprincessa (Mar 24, 2008)

I'm very shy, too. I conquer it by being the first one to do the greeting, by forcing myself out of my shell. 
Most people who meet me for the first time have no idea that I'm actually quaking inside. 
You can overcome it, I know you can. You've made great strides - just being here and talking to people is a step forward, and going to all the places you do with Mercy is even bigger. 
Don't let this discourage you too much.


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## LibertyME (Jan 6, 2007)

Do you think that others are able to read your discomfort and trying to offer you space?


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

LibertyME said:


> Do you think that others are able to read your discomfort and trying to offer you space?


It's possible. I'm suspecting it to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I try to be friendly. There's a battle raging inside of me. Still trying to find a place where I belong and feel comfortable.


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## lhowemt (Jun 28, 2013)

Shy people can often come across as aloof or unapproachable. I recommend you take the initiative, smile, introduce yourself, compliment their dog, ask about it. If you want to break into an existing group you really need to make the effort.


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## Alaska7133 (May 26, 2011)

I'm in my late 40's and have been a member of many groups over the years some social, some business, some dog stuff, and some political. One thing that resonates is the lack of volunteers. If you are interested in becoming a part of a group and interacting, VOLUNTEER Whether it be folding chairs at the end of the event or hauling out trash. Whatever needs to be done. A couple of weeks before an event contact the organizer directly and offer your help. Offer to come early to set up or stay late to tear down. You can talk to people in a more informal setting then. 

I will say that many events and clubs of all types are shutting down due to a lack of volunteers. Now the clubs don't always treat volunteers as well as they could, but as you get more involved with your club, you will be able to change that.

Remember events don't just happen, they happen because of volunteers.


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## AmbikaGR (Dec 31, 2007)

Alaska7133 said:


> I'm in my late 40's and have been a member of many groups over the years some social, some business, some dog stuff, and some political. One thing that resonates is the lack of volunteers. If you are interested in becoming a part of a group and interacting, VOLUNTEER Whether it be folding chairs at the end of the event or hauling out trash. Whatever needs to be done. A couple of weeks before an event contact the organizer directly and offer your help. Offer to come early to set up or stay late to tear down. You can talk to people in a more informal setting then.
> 
> I will say that many events and clubs of all types are shutting down due to a lack of volunteers. Now the clubs don't always treat volunteers as well as they could, but as you get more involved with your club, you will be able to change that.
> 
> Remember events don't just happen, they happen because of volunteers.



Really OUTSTANDING advice. 
If no club newsletter, offer to start one. If there is one inquire how it works.


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

One thing I'm thinking - and this is the advice I've given my oldest sister who is about your age and likewise is a bit shy about bothering people and feeling left out. 

... don't analyze people. Don't worry about what they are thinking. So assume they are judging you or your dog. Don't over analyze stuff.

People are generally nice and don't always approach events the way you may have. I have to kinda say that when I go to events, I usually am there with one of my sisters or sitting with friends and don't really use events to network. 

I'm one of those types of people who likes hanging out and absorbing stuff around me. I think there are a lot of people out there like me who get involved with dogs. Some are more reserved than others and more comfortable with people they know. 

I will definitely say if you were sitting nearby with your dog someplace where I was, I would have seen you were uncomfortable and feeling left out - and I would have chatted you up and got you talking about Mercy and fussed over her. But, that's really only if you were nearby and looked like you welcomed company. If people smile and make eye contact and talk back - I generally see that as a clue they don't mind talking. If people are not looking at you and seem distracted and aren't talking back, that's a case where I gather they aren't interested in talking and I chatter with somebody else. 

Mary/LibertyMN mentioned a very important point earlier - but if you were flustered and anxious about Mercy, your husband, your child.... and or not offering the right social signals, that may have pushed people off.

Generally if you are involved and committed to working with your dog and being involved with something with other people, that will help you get a bit more comfortable in your skin and being around other people. 

I wouldn't stress it out too much trying to make friends. Fit in first, and friends will come as people get to know you. Get involved with dogs, ask people questions - be interested in them and their dogs and what they are doing. Other people will come out of their shells. 


Get going with Mercy - you got that CGC with her and are doing well with her. Get involved with that local club and just let things happen as they do. Don't stress.


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

lhowemt said:


> Shy people can often come across as aloof or unapproachable. I recommend you take the initiative, smile, introduce yourself, compliment their dog, ask about it. If you want to break into an existing group you really need to make the effort.
> 
> 
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Easier said than done.


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## lhowemt (Jun 28, 2013)

MercyMom said:


> Easier said than done.


I completely understand. Even a smile, eye contact, and simple hello will start to open doors. Baby steps.


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## Baggio (Oct 18, 2013)

*No worries!*

Hmm…I see what you mean, but I think that it reflects just how serious dock diving training is in the community - even if it’s among rookies, right, I think that it’s something that you need to be 100% engaged in with your dog, so interaction might be limited to a flurry of exchanges of useful tips instead of casual talk when you’re in a dog park hanging out with other dog owners. 

I don’t think you should feel ostracised…it’s just how the community rolls, and I mean, once you start training your GR, I’m thinking that you’d probably want to go through the training undisturbed as well?

I think the important thing is to have a great time with your family and the dog, and as long as you can do that, you probably shouldn’t worry too much about the “minimal” or non existent social atmosphere in the group! 

Dog Training Kingdom | Overcome your dog training frustrations...


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## Caecey (Aug 21, 2011)

MercyMom, I understand completely. I stinks to feel like an outsider. I usually default to obnoxious, so people have to be overtly rude to snub me 
Guess what, though: I, too, have a Timber pup. My boy Baxter (Steadmor's Call An Audible) born 3/10/2012.


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## Tayla's Mom (Apr 20, 2012)

One of the reasons I wanted to join a local GR club was to meet people with a love of Goldens. After contacting them I felt like we would be out of place. Our dogs are both rescues. Their meetings seem to be after conformation shows and we don't travel to those shows. We feel more at home with our local GR rescue group.


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

Caecey said:


> MercyMom, I understand completely. I stinks to feel like an outsider. I usually default to obnoxious, so people have to be overtly rude to snub me
> Guess what, though: I, too, have a Timber pup. My boy Baxter (Steadmor's Call An Audible) born 3/10/2012.


 Is snitch the mom?


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## Selli-Belle (Jan 28, 2009)

I am a rather quiet/shy person and I know how you feel. I have found that working with a trainer will introduce you to a social clique that you can hang with at events. That and volunteering at things like trials and shows.

In terms of interactions, most people who are involved in the dog "fancy" are not interested in having their dogs interact or play with other dogs at all. Most do not want their dogs to meet other dogs at an event. Even "fun" days are more about a handler and dog having fun with each other than a picnic free-for-all. It is a completely different world than the world of pet dogs at the pet-store or the dog park.


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## Claudia M (Aug 8, 2012)

As far as clubs I have only been to the field training clubs. Everyone has been more than wonderful and they are all in their 30s or older but encourage people to bring in children and teach the children to handle dogs and thus perpetuate the training with the future generations. 
Only one time, when there were less dogs (total of 4) did we let them play after training. 
LOL, I guess I will see what you mean in a couple of weeks when we will take Darcy to a show to continue her CH points. For some reason I expect these people to be more uptight than the field people. I hope I am wrong.


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

*Please Golden Experts, have patience with us rookies*

The only events I plan to attend through my local club will be obedience events from now on when Mercy and I are ready to earn points towards our CD, since I am *very *business minded when it comes to obedience. With that said, I wanted to briefly express something that has been on my heart for a while now. As you know, I commit probably more social faux paus' than most other people. I struggle with my social skills in part because I do have a disorder on the autism spectrum. I have seen cases in which more relatively inexperienced and/or awkward Golden people including myself have experienced what I call a lack of grace by some of the more expert Golden people due to gauche questions or observations. Sometimes people accidently say things that are untactful when they are simply stating facts. People like myself are still learning and trying to understand what it really means for Golden Retrievers to represent their breed well. What matters most is that we are all passionate about the breed's best interest. I just think that if a rookie Golden person accidently says or asks something that seems uncouth to a more accomplished Golden person, they should be given the benefit of the doubt instead of what I can best describe as being censured.


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

MercyMom said:


> I just think that if a rookie Golden person accidently says or asks something that seems uncouth to a more accomplished Golden person, they should be given the benefit of the doubt instead of what I can best describe as being censured.


Sometimes what feels like "being censored" in reality is people backing off and being polite. Try not to feel like people are judging you or thinking meanly. Sometimes I think people don't know what to say in response to something and they shrug it off and move on. 

A good example I can think of is my sister and I were shopping at a dog show. She bought a bracelet and walked off without the change. It was just a couple dollars nothing major.

The clerk came running with the change. I had a good laugh and joked about Amy taking her jewelry and running. : And the clerk said something like "she needs the money" or something like that. 

It was awkward and just a really weird thing to say. I stopped laughing and Amy gave the woman a very awkward "haha - thank you" and we hurried away. Both Amy and I are pretty easy going about laughing things off, but sometimes when you don't know how to respond to something odd, it's best to skedaddle. 

To this day, we don't really know if the lady just tried saying something funny and it flopped or if she meant my sister looked shabby enough that she NEEDED the spare change. Who knows. 

The flipside of that btw and something my sisters and I joke about a lot but other people "don't get". :bowl: Amy for some reason gets mistaken for my mom. I don't think I look that much younger than her, nor does she look OLD. One time somebody made that mistake, I cracked to Amy that it must be her "Mom hairdo". The other person FREAKED OUT and commented that wasn't nice. Both Amy and I were flustered because of the lady's reaction. We didn't know what to say because the joke totally FLOPPED, that lady didn't know what to say because she thought Amy had hurt feelings (Amy has been hearing about the "mom hairdo" since she was 12 years old and had her hair chopped short rather than deal with curls) - we _all_ walked off. 

What I'm trying to say is that there is a lot of give and take out there - and sometimes people walking off quickly could really be them trying to spare a person any embarrassment or get out of what they perceive as an awkward position. It doesn't have to be so deeply considered or overthought.


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## Claudia M (Aug 8, 2012)

MercyMom said:


> I just think that if a rookie Golden person accidently says or asks something that seems uncouth to a more accomplished Golden person, they should be given the benefit of the doubt instead of what I can best describe as being censured.


And that is what I have found with the field people. They have been nice, helpful and full of advise. The first time we went as guests and they made sure we did not leave without a duck for practice. Before we ran Rose on the field they came to the side and threw bumpers for her to see if she will accept a stranger as a thrower. And they are owners of labs, goldens, flat coats and tollers. It is the love of the sport and the retriever dogs that brings them together and makes them work together. When Darcy did not take the duck one guy got in the water with her and showed me how to work with her to take the duck. 
I got to he point that I like this venue even more because of the people I am surrounded by. I feel bad that I cannot dedicate as much time as they do to train my two brats.


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## SheetsSM (Jan 17, 2008)

MercyMom said:


> The elders of these groups should be running to the newbies asking them about their goals for their dogs.





MercyMom said:


> Reputable breeders are supposed to be among these people. I keep my opinions to myself about how I think that they can be over the top. I agree wholeheartedly that these show breeders are the ones to go to for the well bred puppies, but some of them are full of themselves. There! I said it.


I see conflicting signals. On one hand, you want to be part of the group but then you shun their expertise & recommendations, I can see how that can be creating barriers and potentially create a reputation in which one avoids such a person.


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

SheetsSM said:


> I see conflicting signals. On one hand, you want to be part of the group but then you shun their expertise & recommendations, I can see how that can be creating barriers and potentially create a reputation in which one avoids such a person.


Again, this is due to my shyness and perhaps also unrealistic expectations. I tend to be a dreamer by nature. 

I was also speaking of Golden experts on the forum who chide people for stating what they observe as fact. e.g. about titles or whatnot. I chimed in on a thread discussing breeders and titles and I was stating my observations perhaps in a gauche (accidently rude) manner about which titles dogs had or didn't have after others had made comments. I could see some of the people who were not experts making comments that were perhaps somewhat ignorant in nature and then see a reply or reaction from a Golden expert addressing what they said as if the poster was being antagonistic or reproachful. I will not state in detail what happened, but I said something that might have been rude or inappropriate in nature without meaning for it to sound that way, and a more seasoned GRF member addressed what I said in a way that I felt was captious. I might use the wrong choice of words or phrases, but opposing others or being vindictive is not my objective. It seems even though I tiptoe through landmines, I still tend to step on bombs quite often . That last thing I want is to make enemies of people or get on their bad side, since I see myself as a peacemaker. I am not adversarial by nature. I am also very sensitive. My being so passionate about the virtue of mercy, hence my dog's name, is why I tend to be more bothered by the lack of patience and lack of grace from more accomplished persons in general.


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## ashleylp (Jul 23, 2011)

I have only been to a few dog clubs around here but I understand your feeling... I am so introverted and anxious about putting myself out there.

BUT one of my goals for 2014 is to get more involved with Remy and Caira so I will have to put myself out there more.

I once had a teacher (in high school) that told us, "oh, if you only knew how little people actually think about you, you'd never worry about your image." And I found that to be true. Often I over think the situation and worry that others hate my hair, or my clothes, or that they are laughing at my smile... But I'm no superstar, no one is paparazzing me... And likely, they don't give a crap about my hair 

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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

Ashleyp, I have plans to take Mercy to sub-novice (WKC's Beyond Basic) and agility classes at local kennel clubs. I might then start putting her in obedience and perhaps agility competitions. I actually volunteered for my local club as a union steward last year, so I have an idea what they are looking for.


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## Bentman2 (Sep 30, 2013)

*Called to be gracious to others*

:wavey:Mercy's mom is exactly correct in her expectations of others. There are none, who walks on 2 legs,that should not reach out to others in making them feel comfortable or wanted regardless of the setting. We were all new to this sport of dog handling at one time or another. Regardless, we should accept everyone at face value and treat them as we want to be treated. At the end of the day we will account for the way we treated others and not be able to hide behind whatever our rational of what is good for our dogs.


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## Selli-Belle (Jan 28, 2009)

I think we all need to have more patience with each other. For the novices, we need to remember that the experts are also dog people and are likely as socially awkward as we are. While there are more nice people in the dog fancy than nasty people, personalities in the dog world run the gambit from outgoing and helpful to pathologically shy and rude. Most of the truly outgoing social people of the world who have no problem interacting with people don't go into dog sports. We are the people who found dogs easier to deal with than people.

We need to remember that what looks like a exclusive clique unfriendly to outsiders may be a group of friends who have known each other decades and spend every weekend and many weekdays together. Be friendly and helpful and don't take things personally. Most importantly, keep going and get a reputation as that nice, helpful young girl and you will come to be VERY welcome.


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