# every first



## my4goldens (Jan 21, 2009)

Every first thing since Tess left us April 20 makes me sad. The first meal, the first time to bring them in from outside and she isn't there, the first weekend without her. We had the first trip to Petsmart last night to buy dog food since she's been gone. I stood in the aisle trying to figure out how much to buy, trying to adjust in my mind what we need now since we now have only two on senior food, one on regular food, rather than what we had when she was with us. Today was a nice day and today was the first day I brushed the other three outside, wishing I had my girl Tess to brush too. I miss her so. I miss her quiet goodness, her regal attitiude, I miss her in my bed at night. The one that has taken her place is a bed hog and crowds me, while she slept on the foot of our bed, on her blanket, not needy but just there. I miss her waking up early and hopping off the bed, to go downstairs. I miss her spinning and barking to go outside, and I miss her keeping the others in line, when they are digging or barking, or being silly, with that look as if to say, knock it off, guys, I am the queen, and you must obey me. I miss the evenness of having four dogs. Things now are new and strange, life without her doesn't seem right.


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## sharlin (Feb 26, 2007)

The missing will gradually turn to loving thoughts and memories which warm your heart. She'll drop a sign every once in awhile to remind you she is watching over you and waiting in health & good spirits at The Bridge.


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## Dallas Gold (Dec 22, 2007)

I can relate to what you are experiencing. I felt the same way. It felt odd only filling one bowl that evening after Barkley left us, then walking only one dog. Everything was just surreal at first. As Sharlin said eventually the happy memories take the place as a new normal begins and you will be looking for signs everywhere. It does get better, but right now is the hardest time. 

We lost Barkley one year and one day ago, on April 30, 2010. We lost my DH's mother just 3 years before, on April 30, 2007. I was somewhat apprehensive about yesterday, wondering how the day would go, semi-dreading the feelings of grief that would resurface. Yesterday was OK....there were moments of sadness, but those happy memories are there now and helped so much. I think you will feel something like I felt for at least the first year, as you approach firsts, relive those last few weeks and then approach the one year anniversary, but I know Tess will somehow fill your heart with memories of the good times, and those memories will help you so much.. HUGS....


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## hotel4dogs (Sep 29, 2008)

She truly was a special girl. I look at my Tiny often, and think how much she reminds me of Tess, and it breaks my heart.


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## magiclover (Apr 22, 2008)

It's just hard.....that's all I can say. I know it will get better at some point but for now I am right there with you. Just know that you are not alone in your feelings.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*My4Goldens*

My4Goldens

I know exactly how you are feeling, too. It does get easier with time.


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## AmberSunrise (Apr 1, 2009)

It is hard and while it will get easier with time, each first is just plain hard. 

Just know that many of us have walked the path you are now on and we understand what you are going through so post away if you find it helps. You _will_ start to smile at the memories of her and you will be grateful for each minute you got to share, but for now, it hurts and I am sorry.


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## caseypooh (Dec 30, 2010)

Me too. We bought tomato plants today and I cried the whole way home. Our Casey loved picking the tomatoes off of the vine. I would find her in the middle of the garden and she was so happy. Sharlin, you are so right about the signs. You do see signs from them.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

my4goldens said:


> Every first thing since Tess left us April 20 makes me sad. The first meal, the first time to bring them in from outside and she isn't there, the first weekend without her. We had the first trip to Petsmart last night to buy dog food since she's been gone. I stood in the aisle trying to figure out how much to buy, trying to adjust in my mind what we need now since we now have only two on senior food, one on regular food, rather than what we had when she was with us. Today was a nice day and today was the first day I brushed the other three outside, wishing I had my girl Tess to brush too. I miss her so. I miss her quiet goodness, her regal attitiude, I miss her in my bed at night. The one that has taken her place is a bed hog and crowds me, while she slept on the foot of our bed, on her blanket, not needy but just there. I miss her waking up early and hopping off the bed, to go downstairs. I miss her spinning and barking to go outside, and I miss her keeping the others in line, when they are digging or barking, or being silly, with that look as if to say, knock it off, guys, I am the queen, and you must obey me. I miss the evenness of having four dogs. Things now are new and strange, life without her doesn't seem right.


I understand exactly how you feel. I feel the same. It feels like i am living in an alternate universe and I want to go home, where Selka is.


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## Neigesdad (Nov 15, 2009)

*This is normal, don't worry*

Hello- those who have gone down this sad road know how you are feeling right now as we have all had the exact same experiences. There are some things I have just plain avoided doing so that I can still say that the last time I did this I had my Neige...


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## magiclover (Apr 22, 2008)

Debles said:


> I understand exactly how you feel. I feel the same. It feels like i am living in an alternate universe and I want to go home, where Selka is.


Me too Deb.


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## goldensmum (Oct 23, 2007)

Know what you mean - i also found it hard on birthdays or christmas, would be looking at presents that I know mine would have loved and had to put them back on the shelf.

Still thinking of you


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