# My dog isn't attached to me



## laprincessa (Mar 24, 2008)

How old is she? Sometimes Max seems the same way, but then he turns into a love bug other days.


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## Max's Dad (Apr 23, 2012)

How old? Our last Golden, Chewy, took a while to attach to us. We used to wonder when she would want "pets." But after a while, she changed and wanted pets and to be with us all the time. Some dogs take a little more time.


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## Jushing (May 22, 2012)

I agree it might take some time. Retto just turned 1 about 2 months ago and i feel like she is starting to become more attached to me in the past few months. I felt like she was closer with my husband, which always bothered me since he wasnt even around for the first 6 months we had her. But ive noticed small things recently, like if we are in different rooms she tends to want to be closer to me. Recently she will come to be pet and put her paw on my arm so i cant move and will even lay her head on me. She still gets more excited when my husband gets home vs me. But we also know that she wants to be near us no matter what. I think it just takes time and maybe there are some small things that you arent noticing. Ive also heard that females tend to be more independent that males.


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

May be you spend more time with captain, or she sees your more attached to him?


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

I'm another who thinks that the bonding process takes longer than we realize with many dogs. Mack is a year old now and I also feel that he is finally getting much more attached to me. Puppies take a couple years to turn into wonderful companions. I remember after Baxter died and I brought home a puppy that I realized I'd gone from a dog that was a friend to a dog that was a dependent. It just takes time.

I know I've read that you take classes with your dogs, are you still doing that? Are you able to carve out any one on one training or hiking time? (I imagine that's tough with two dogs, but I wonder if it could help if you do it consistently).


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## Sweet Girl (Jun 10, 2010)

What specifically is she doing (or not doing) that is making you feel this way?


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## kwhit (Apr 7, 2008)

Phoebe just might not have the typical Golden personality. Every dog's different, even within the same breed. She probably has more independent type of attitude.

Lucy, my Terrier mix, is like this. Loving, but extremely self-reliant. It took months for me to bond with her, I think in part, because of her having this type of personality. I was so used to all the dogs I've had being totally "in love" with me that I felt slighted by Lucy. But...then I just started loving her for _her_ and not for what I felt she should be or how she should act.

Phoebe may never change, so maybe it's your perception that needs to change in your outlook of her. Accept her for who she is and try to quit expecting her to be something that she may never be. It does make it more difficult to bond, at least it was for me, but try to remember that love comes in many different packages.


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## baumgartml16 (Jun 19, 2011)

I felt that way with Koda when she was younger. She is going on 14 months now and I have noticed a big difference the last couple months. She wants to be with me wherever I go now. She isn't a big cuddler, but some dogs aren't. She will sit by me or take pets from me while holding my arm but won't just come snuggle at night and thats okay. Some dogs are more independent and especially females.


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## Wyatt's mommy (Feb 25, 2011)

My first golden Cody was extremely idependent. Wyatt is totally dependent. All dogs have different personalities regardless if they are the same breed.


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## Sydney's Mom (May 1, 2012)

My previous golden Tasha was fairly independent but also let her love for us be known.

I've only had Sydney for just over a month, and I can tell she loves me, but also see that it will take time to bond and for that bond to strengthen.


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## Phoebe's mom (Jan 17, 2012)

She is 8 months old. We have had her for 5 months.


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## Sweet Girl (Jun 10, 2010)

Phoebe's mom said:


> She is 8 months old. We have had her for 5 months.


Don't fret. She's way young yet, and five months isn't that long. She's still learning how to be a well behaved dog and live by your rules. Once she has those down, you'll all relax and before you know it, she'll be attached.

When my dog was about ten months old, we drove to Nova Scotia to visit my mum. It was a 2 day drive, overnight in a hotel, stay at a strange house. THAT was when I realized how attached she really was. Out of her element, she was glued to me. I couldn't leave the room at my mum's without her following me. I felt like that was when our bond really started to deepen. So that was 10 months old - she had been with me since 9 weeks. 

It'll happen!


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## monarchs_joy (Aug 13, 2011)

Sweet Girl said:


> Out of her element, she was glued to me. I couldn't leave the room at my mum's without her following me.


I had the same experience. My bridge girl was very independent. She really only needed us to throw the ball or fill the food bowl, otherwise she wanted to do her own thing. But... when we would go places or when she was sick, she was glued to me. Each dog is different, but the bond will come with time. Truthfully, anytime she asked for love or came and sat by me it was wonderful. You appreciate it that much more.


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## Phoebe's mom (Jan 17, 2012)

Tonight she won't leave me alone  she is lying across my lap with her head on the computer. In all fairness I do have chocolate cake close by but lets just believe she is here for me 
She keeps bringing me toys, she never wants me to take them. She just wants to have them in her mouth and talk.


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## Rastadog (Oct 24, 2006)

*relax she's a bitch*

My first golden was an independent girl. I went away for a weekend when she was 3 or 4 months. I came home to find her in bed with my girl friend.She was completely indifferent to my return. She became my heart dog. To say we were bonded was an understatement. Give it time.


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## Summer's Mom (Oct 20, 2010)

Like everyone has said, it probably will happen over time  for Summer and I, the process was accelerated by lots and lots of tricks.. Getting her to weave my legs, heel with me, walk on my toes and even other training that didn't involve me physically in the picture really really deepened our bond.. It makes for excellent recall too, cos she always always takes the opportunity to come see what fun thing we can do next.. 











It's easy if you have a greedy dog  for us every mealtime is fun time


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## Phoebe's mom (Jan 17, 2012)

Thanks, took them to see ducks tonight. They had a lot of fun. I think I'm going to start teaching her more tricks. We never really spent time on that because we got captain at such a crucial time in her life (4 months) and he was 10 months do prime teenage time. She is attached to my boyfriend more and captain is attached to me more. But funnily enough, just for giggles we went into the middle of the park and just started walking seperate ways, cap immediately followed me and phoebe started following my boyfriend but then turned and ran to me. I know it was because Captain is her best friend but i like to think it was because she likes me


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## Loisiana (Jul 29, 2009)

My girl runs hot and cold with me....sometimes I am solely a food provider for her, other times she gets clingy. She is ALWAYS more excited when Grandma and Grandpa come to visit than when I come home. My boys, on the other hand, do not let me out of their sight.


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## Sally's Mom (Sep 20, 2010)

My six are all related and oh so different. Two, mother and daughter, like to sit in laps. Mantha, who was born here and is almost ten, is very bonded. But, it took years! She adores me and won't work for anyone else if I am around ... The two boys love everyone unconditionally....


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## Phoebe's mom (Jan 17, 2012)

I personally think boys are more affectionate. Captain is always by my side. Same with my golden before phoebe. My parents westies. Both girls won't even get out of bed when someone comes home. 
Captain is an attention hog and Phoebe seems perfectly ok with that. She will have her snuggle time but I feel so used, like a cheap date and then like she snuck out the back door!


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## vcm5 (Apr 20, 2011)

Aawh, I'm sorry! No one wants to feel like a cheap date! Remember that she is just a baby - she will grow and mature and I'm sure she will be extremely bonded to you.


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## brianne (Feb 18, 2012)

My first golden, Snapper, was one we adopted from our local shelter. In fact, it was our heart dog, Nikki who chose him, not us! He preferred the company of dogs rather than people so it was really difficult to bond with him. I knew he didn't have a great early life, so I just tried to accept him for who he was. 

When Nikki died a year and a half later, I'm not sure who grieved more - him or us. During that time before we got another dog he bonded to me, sort of. We adopted another dog soon after losing Nikki because Snapper was so miserable. Sophie was the greatest and she took charge of him right away. As soon as Sophie came into the picture, we humans were second-class citizens again. 

Sophie gave us so much love and joy that she made up for Snapper's aloofness. Sophie went to the Bridge a year ago this month. I'm sure she and Nikki are bossing their buddy Snapper around and he's really happy about it

Phoebe is so young. She has a lot to explore and discover. She'll come around. Have you ever tried ignoring her and showering Captain with your love and attention? Just wondering...


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## Phoebe's mom (Jan 17, 2012)

That's everyday life, we don't ignore her she just doesn't want to come over. The only problem with that is when Phoebe does come over for pets captain comes running over and bardges in and Phoebe is just like ok I will go play some where else. Trots away with her head and tail high like she is saying "I don't need that stuff anyway!"


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## Amberbark (Oct 5, 2011)

*Ours, too!*

Two of our dogs are very attached, but our adoptee does not like to play with humans or other dogs. She stays to herself and waits for dinner and treats. Our Golden has just become a velcro dog recently at almost a year. :wavey:


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## LibertyME (Jan 6, 2007)

Wash her food bowl and put it in the cupboard.
Start feeding her by hand and using her kibble to teach tricks...
Your value to her will rise sharply! ;-)


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## Tucker's mommy (Nov 9, 2011)

This is a great thread. I worry about our Tucker not being "lovey dovey" enough with us - he's not a big snuggler either. But as many here have said, we're starting to see the gentle love, that "velcro" dog coming out more and more often. He's 13 months now. Amazing how much they grow into their personality with time. He never will be that "lap" dog so many golden owners have, but that's okay. We love'em!


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## MaggieMom (Jul 5, 2007)

My Parsnip was the same way at that age. We began bonding exercises. OK, this sounds silly but I would leave an entire piece of cooked angel hair pasta dangling from my mouth and let Parsnip munch on it until it brought her to my face--then I would smooch her! When I realized she was not going to bite my face off I began to use pretzels to bring her close to me. I also began to hand feed her one kibble at a time. She became so much more attached very quickly.
Next I began touching her with one finger behind her ear since she let me. Then I used a couple of fingers and next thing I knew she allowed me to pet her with my whole hand. It was a process but she is not very attached and loves being petted. 
I'm sure in time Phoebe will attach herself!


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