# When to let go?



## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

Welcome to the forum. 

I am so sorry you are faced with making this decision. I've had to make it 6 times over the last 20 years and it's the hardest one I've ever had to make. I had to my let girl go 2 months ago. 

For me it's always been about the quality of life my dogs had. If they were still eating, able to get up and go outside on their own, were alert and aware of what was going on, and didn't seem to be in any pain or weren't suffering, then I felt they still had time. If any of mine got where they couldn't get around, weren't eating, if they were in pain, then I knew it was time..... 


I'm so very sorry, letting our dogs go when it's time is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, in my mind, it's the ultimate gift of love we can do for them. 

Each time I've had to make this decision, it literally broke my heart. I couldn't bear the thought of life without them in it, but it broke my heart even more to see them suffering. 

My thoughts are with you


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## kelly425 (May 20, 2016)

Thanks for responding. I am very sorry for your recent loss. I can only imagine the pain you have felt having had to put down your other dogs. I lost my toy poodle many years ago (but I did not have to make the decision to put her down...my parents did), but now that it is our family's decision, it is so much harder. I do want to do what is best for her and I think I am slowly resigning myself to the fact that we need to let her go. I just don't want to have any guilt that it was done too soon. Her quality of life is so-so, more bad days than good any more with her decreased appetite, lack of energy, and back legs giving out. 

Thanks again for your insight!


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

Thank you. 

As I said, it's the hardest decision I've ever had to make, I also think having some regrets is natural. I've had them, I have read other members say they had regrets. 

It's not an easy decision to make, it's not easy letting them go. 

When the time comes, I hope you'll stick around, there's a lot of us that have been through it and we all know what it's like, we are there for each other.


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## KKaren (Oct 29, 2014)

Hello Kelly,

I came to this forum several months ago, like you searching for informtaion on how and when to let go of my golden girl Merry. It was and still is the most difficult decision that I have had to make and my heart still grieves. I know how awful it is.

One of the kind members of this forum posted this on my thread.

There is a sticky in this Senior Forum that has attached the Senior Care Guidelines from the American Veterinary Hospital Association. One of the passages that is most important to me says: "The five freedoms include freedom from hunger and thirst; freedom from physical and thermal discomfort; freedom from pain, injury, and disease; freedom from fear and distress; and the freedom to express normal behavior."

It may be of some help to you to look at that stidky. I also spent time reading the journeys of others here and it gave me some sign posts of what to look for.

Sending caring thoughts to you and your family


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## Tahnee GR (Aug 26, 2006)

Such a difficult decision to make  I have always said I would rather be one day early in making such a decision than one hour too late. Personally, I think when the bad times outweigh the good times, it is time.

I found this article to be helpful

How to Know When to Put Your Dog Down

Best of wishes to you and your old girl. I have a 13 year old and while she is healthy now, I dread the day when I too will have a decision to make.


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## GoldenFocus (Feb 28, 2016)

Very sad these decisions. I am glad you are taking the time and demonstrating high concern for the pup.....not all of them get such treatment.


If you can search on this there is a nice thread from about two weeks ago on this subject that has a lot of good posts in addition to the links and suggestions provided above. 


Best of luck and hang in there.


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## kelly425 (May 20, 2016)

Thank you to all who responded to my question and gave me helpful information. I truly appreciate your insight and kindness. It helps to know that we are not going through this alone.


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## GoldensGirl (Aug 2, 2010)

I'm so sorry that you and your gal have come to this difficult place. 

There is a sticky thread that may be helpful to you: http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...enter/106513-aaha-senior-care-guidelines.html. The first post has an attachment that provides valuable guidance from the American Animal Hospital Association.

In the section on "End of Life and Euthanasia," I found this passage especially helpful:

"Consider and discuss with the client the “five freedoms” to aid in assessing the animal’s welfare and in making an ethical decision. The five freedoms include freedom from hunger and thirst; freedom from physical and thermal discomfort; freedom from pain, injury, and disease; freedom from fear and distress; and the freedom to express normal behavior. Assess the severity and duration of the animal’s condition with these freedoms in mind and use them to help clients identify their own criteria for treatment or euthanasia. Such criteria might include financial, moral, religious, cultural, physical, and mental/emotional factors."

Every time I revisit this, I come to the conclusion that I have asked too much of my Golden sweethearts. People who say "Better a week too soon than a day too late" are true advocates of our fur people.

I wish you courage and grace as you consider how to proceed.


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## swishywagga (Nov 13, 2012)

I am so very sorry that you are having to make this heartbreaking decision. I lost my 15 year old golden boy last September, he passed away without help from the vet which I think made it easier if that is the right word, it broke my heart but I knew he was ready. I'm so sorry that I can't offer any advice on when is the right time for you but want you to know that I will be keeping you and your precious girl in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Figtoria (Apr 19, 2016)

I'm so sorry for you. Literally 9 days ago I had to go through the same thing with our elderly Border Terrier. He too would have been 14 years old next month.

We agonized about it for months. We've lived with his incontinence for years, but what turned the tide for us, was when he started losing control of his hind legs. Sometimes it would happen going down stairs and you'd hear thump, thump, thump as he fell down them. It was such a heart-rending a sound. 

He had Spikes disease (a BT seizure disorder) and survived that for years, but this time the vet agreed that the weakness in his hind end was degenerative spinal disease and there was really nothing reasonable to do for him. 

It's a horrible decision, but one that each owner must make for his or herself. Every case is different.

But I feel that if you're putting your dog's best interests first, then you are doing what is kindest for him.

Good luck...I'm so sorry you have to go through this.


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## Kalhayd (May 4, 2016)

I don't have any insight to offer as we've never had to do this(yet). Our senior is 10.5 and I dread the day when we have to make this decision. 


Sending love and thoughts as you do what is right for you and your sweet girl.


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## Pilgrim123 (Jul 26, 2014)

The trouble with deciding what to do about end-of -life issues is there's never a "right" time where a set of guidelines tell you the time has come. Each and every dog is different and so are the owners. In a way, I've been lucky - it has been obvious for most of my dogs when the time had come. Pilgrim was different, because he was just arthritic and had doggie dementia. There was no fun left in his life. He was fading away, a little at a time, and deciding how much was enough was what brought me here, too.
I still wonder if I did the right thing at the right time for him, but I didn't want him to suffer, either. When he looked lost most of the time, when he struggled to get up, we let him go. 
I can't tell you if it's time. None of us can. We can only say what we did, or what helped us make the decision. So many of us have been there, agonised over the same situation. May you have the courage to decide what's best for your family.


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## Tiny R Astar (Dec 26, 2015)

Hi 
I am so sorry that you and your dog have reached this truly difficult time. Last August when we were in your position, my best friend said that the fact I was even considering it showed that it was in fact time to say good bye. Because he was loved so much we obviously felt he was suffering greatly or we wouldn't have even considered it we would just be making a vet appointment for treatment.
It was totally heart breaking and there was guilt and doubt involved but in the end the vet came to our house and was wonderful. Ranger was so calm and he just looked at me and licked my hand as the vet injected him. I really felt he was ready to go, normally he would have complained at being touched by a stranger. It was so peaceful. I miss him every day but I do feel that it was kinder and better for him to end his suffering than let him linger in pain and distress for a little longer just so he died naturally.
Only you can make the call I"m afraid.Your dog is obviously very muched loved so you can be confident that whatever decision you make you are doing it out of love for your girl. I'm so sorry you are facing this pain but you will always find someone on here who understands and will listen and share. Best wishes Anne.


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## Fattner (Apr 1, 2015)

all i can say is these pups are a joy in our lifes that nothing seems to match , and all they depend on you to do the right thing !! ask yourself would you want her quality of life if that was you ?? you will know the answer !! huges and kiss to your girl from Harley !!


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## kelly425 (May 20, 2016)

Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and understanding where we are coming from. I know it is ultimately our decision but when she has some spurts of life, we question whether we are doing the right thing. We have much to think about this weekend but I am beginning to feel it's her time. 

We don't want her to suffer anymore and be at peace. It has helped reading all that everyone has gone through. It is giving me more clarity about my situation. I want to give her the final act of love that I can.

Again thank you for taking the time to tell me your stories.


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## Danasamber (May 22, 2016)

I am sorry to hear this. I had to put down my baby yesterday. She was diagnosed with Acute Leukemia and her health/quality of life just went downhill (in just two weeks!!). 

I was never a fan of euthanasia but after seeing my golden uncomfortable and constantly panting. She just took a turn for the worse and I knew it was the right thing to do. When she was put down, I was relieved that she was not in pain (although I did not feel she was in terrible pain but she was obviously very uncomfortable). I did not see her that calm in weeks and that brought me a sense of relief. I read online somewhere and it said it is better to do it one week too early than a day too late. I wonder if I did it a day too late? I woke up Saturday morning and she did not seem to have been sleeping at all the whole night and when we picked her up and brought her outside, she was leaning her head sideways and her body was facing the opposite direction, panting constantly and she wouldn't eat. She also wouldn't eat the night before. 

I knew it was time. I think about if this was a day too late...but a day too late is better than two days too late. It has been 24 hours since she passed and it is very sad in this house and very difficult for me. I know I have two other dogs who need me and I need to stay strong for them. 

I hope this helps you decide what to do. I think you will know when its time.


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## swishywagga (Nov 13, 2012)

Danasamber said:


> I am sorry to hear this. I had to put down my baby yesterday. She was diagnosed with Acute Leukemia and her health/quality of life just went downhill (in just two weeks!!).
> 
> I was never a fan of euthanasia but after seeing my golden uncomfortable and constantly panting. She just took a turn for the worse and I knew it was the right thing to do. When she was put down, I was relieved that she was not in pain (although I did not feel she was in terrible pain but she was obviously very uncomfortable). I did not see her that calm in weeks and that brought me a sense of relief. I read online somewhere and it said it is better to do it one week too early than a day too late. I wonder if I did it a day too late? I woke up Saturday morning and she did not seem to have been sleeping at all the whole night and when we picked her up and brought her outside, she was leaning her head sideways and her body was facing the opposite direction, panting constantly and she wouldn't eat. She also wouldn't eat the night before.
> 
> ...


I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious girl. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time, it's so very hard letting them go.


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## retriever718 (Feb 10, 2014)

I am in a similar situation. Mine is almost 14 and we just found out she has a bleeding tumor on her spleen, probably cancer. She is also on Tramadol. 

I find that with dogs, when it's there time to go, they will let you know without a doubt if they need your help getting there. I wish you strength and peace in the time to come.


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## murphy1 (Jun 21, 2012)

It is a hard decision yet an easy decision. When the dog you love with all of your heart has no quality of life, in pain and not eating, the time has come to say goodbye. As one person here said it's better to be a day early than a day late. I've been there many times. Most recently four years ago with a 6 1/2 year old. It's toughest for you as the dog feels no pain, only relief. I truly understand how you feel.


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## DonnaNew (Jul 11, 2016)

I too am a new member in search of help. I am so very sorry to hear and not sure if your furbaby has passed. My Max is 10 1/2 and he too has started the slide. I wish you all the best or sincerest sympathies on your journey.


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## tmsarrazi (Jul 8, 2014)

Omgsh' this sounds just like I am writing this. We also have a 13 year old Golden. Cut our vacation short because we needed to get Sadie home to the vet because of hard panting. ( over 140 desperation so per min.) she is on remedyl for pain when needed. And she is on medicine for congestive heart failure. So walking
into the vet in tears thinking we were saying goodbye was heartbreaking for my husband and I.

After checking her over he said it was not her heart but he said it was pain. ( she has artheritis in hips) he also suggested trying Tramidol for the weekend as long as she is stil going out to the bathroom, eating . She don't eat much of her food, but loves her treats. 

I feel bad she can hardly turn hersel around without falling. I know her time is getting closer, but it's so hard right now.

We lost her " daughter" 2 years ago to hemangiocarsinoma .


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## Lynn5707 (Aug 30, 2014)

Hi,

Our Golden, Molly, will be 3 in October. She also has pain, difficulty getting up. But when she does get up, even though it is hard for her to walk, she always is happy. We aren't ready now to say good-bye, but know in our hearts things will not get better. She is in 100 mg of tramadol twice a day and Vetprofen. ?


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## Prism Goldens (May 27, 2011)

Lynn, if that's Molly in the photo, surely it is a typo she is 3YO?
Before you give up on her feeling better, get some of the excess weight off her (again assuming she's the pretty blond in the photo) and maybe that will help her not feel so stiff and painful. It'd probably be helpful even if she is actually 13 and not 3, but if she's 3 I'd for sure try to get some weight off her!


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## Lynn5707 (Aug 30, 2014)

Oops! Yes Molly will be 13. Since that pic was taken, she has lost some weight, but still has difficulty getting around. Thanks for advice.


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## Kalhayd (May 4, 2016)

I am so sorry she is struggling.. 13 is an amazing life and I hope you're able to continue to keep her comfortable. She reminds me so much of our sweet Bayleigh.


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## Jim18655 (Dec 4, 2015)

We had to put two of our dogs down within the last 5 years. It had been about 14 years since the one before that. They were both within a month of 12 years old. We have one turning 11 next month and I'm already dreading what is to come. Yes, I realize it can happen at any age but every year the odds get worse. I found you know the time has come when you stop thinking about them not being here and start thinking its not fair to them to keep them here. You'll know what to do because it sounds like you really care about your pal.


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## Sue Anselm (Nov 4, 2016)

My boy is the same exact age- 14 in March  He seems alert (although recently pretty deaf), and happy...but his back legs are starting to slip. So here is where I'm at: Do I let him go a little early? (he's been on 2 different arthritis meds for the last 2.5 years, and have brought Brady SUCH quality of life). I have been with him since he was 8 weeks old, and my husband has been Brady's dad for the last 7 years. 

I am very ADAMANT on my pup not having a bad quality of life...I don't want to extend his life another 6 months just to make US happy. My husband would rather wait until things go wrong, b/c he wants him to have the most time he can, and he is still happy now, why stop it.

We are both in the right...because our opinions both come from complete love. So what is the answer?? Because honestly, the other option will really upset the other person. 

I wish he could just tell us.

(OK, so I'm new to the group, and this post I just wrote is SO depressing...the truth is no matter what happens in our decision, we've already had the gift of Brady for this long. I'm a better person bc he came into my life


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## murphy1 (Jun 21, 2012)

As a very wise member of this forum has said "better one day too early than one day too late". When the quality of life is gone, do the kind thing for you best friend.


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## Pilgrim123 (Jul 26, 2014)

When we had to make the same decision for Pilgrim, my husband was like yours. He couldn't see the changes taking place. (Pilgrim was arthritic, deaf and had doggy dementia. He had no major illness apart from old age.) One day, we sat down and wrote out five of his favourite things and then talked about those things he had lost, like chasing balls or hunting mice. It made us focus on how restricted his life had become. Even then, it was a difficult decision which we didn't make until he kept getting lost in his own home. It is such a difficult decision, but I wouldn't let him suffer, either.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Sue*



Sue Anselm said:


> My boy is the same exact age- 14 in March  He seems alert (although recently pretty deaf), and happy...but his back legs are starting to slip. So here is where I'm at: Do I let him go a little early? (he's been on 2 different arthritis meds for the last 2.5 years, and have brought Brady SUCH quality of life). I have been with him since he was 8 weeks old, and my husband has been Brady's dad for the last 7 years.
> 
> I am very ADAMANT on my pup not having a bad quality of life...I don't want to extend his life another 6 months just to make US happy. My husband would rather wait until things go wrong, b/c he wants him to have the most time he can, and he is still happy now, why stop it.
> 
> ...


Sue: I am so sorry for what you and Brady are going through. For Ken and I, the key word was that we didn't want our dogs to be in a lot of pain with no hope of recovering. It's hard when you both have different views.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

Pilgrim123 said:


> When we had to make the same decision for Pilgrim, my husband was like yours. He couldn't see the changes taking place. (Pilgrim was arthritic, deaf and had doggy dementia. He had no major illness apart from old age.) One day, we sat down and wrote out five of his favourite things and then talked about those things he had lost, like chasing balls or hunting mice. It made us focus on how restricted his life had become. Even then, it was a difficult decision which we didn't make until he kept getting lost in his own home. It is such a difficult decision, but I wouldn't let him suffer, either.


This. Write down, or just think about the things your dog enjoyed, their favorite toys and games, activities they loved all their life, and the basic things that are quality of life, eating, pottying on their own, can they get up and walk, breathing, cognitive ability. When they can't do those things anymore, or their health is failing, it's time to make a hard decision. (Actually, write it down, it helps you see it more clearly).

Robbie crashed, we could do nothing to save him. I am still asking myself questions, what if, could we have done another procedure.....Lilah could no longer walk or go potty, the last day she wouldn't even try to get up....I still ask myself could I have done something more for her....

The answer to those questions is no, and I do know that. It is never easy, or simple, even when you have no choice.


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## sterling18 (Oct 31, 2016)

I just stumbled across this thread. I am so, so sorry for everyone who's going through this difficult time. It's been 9 days since I said my good bye's and not one day I don't think about him, worry about him, and quietly sob for him. This is not something I would wish upon anyone.

I knew when it was time when my vet told me that my Scout would stay as long as I needed him. He was having difficulty breathing, seeing, enjoy eating, playing, and just day to day life. He started to get unsteady. But like a trooper, his head would pop up and wag his tail whenever I called looking for him or when I walked through the door.

And I think, our beloved pet's last acts of love is to stay as long as they can for us, no matter the cost on them. Wow, who's the parent and who's the child. That's a parents love, not one of a child's.

The decision is hard, **** hard. And it should be because it's not something that's taken likely.


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