# Devastated...



## Mark021 (Jan 26, 2015)

lost my boy on Saturday to cancer



https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B5mykR9l0MzLUWp0U2NKRklhU0U/view?usp=sharing


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## Anon-2130948gsoni (Apr 12, 2014)

What an absolutely gorgeous boy. I'm so sorry.

You're among friends...too many of us know what you're going through. Please feel free to vent or just grieve.

Sending you a hug.


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## gold4me (Mar 12, 2006)

I am very sorry. Noreaster is right too many of us here have lost goldens because of cancer. We do understand the pain and sadness you are feeling. We can be a support for you.
He is very very handsome. When you feel like it tell us all about him.


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## swishywagga (Nov 13, 2012)

I am so very sorry, what an absolutely gorgeous golden boy.


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## TagAndLeto (Aug 20, 2013)

I understand your grief having just gone through the same thing 3 months ago. My sincerest condolences  He's a beautiful boy


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## Mark021 (Jan 26, 2015)

*Sad coincidence re., "I miss my Buddy"*

I'm sitting here just floored with grief and don't know why I felt like I had to post on here. I ave been a lurker for information for several years now but have never taken the time to actively participate. 

I just read the original post "I miss my Buddy" and I'm just sobbing. Our story is very similar. I grew up with dogs (German Shepards) and my wife never really had dogs as pets (hunting dogs but not really pets that came in the house).

When our son was 10 we wanted him to have the "pet experience". We didn't know what to get and had seen several Golden puppies and they are so terribly cute that we thought about it and every time we ever asked about the breed the gushing was insane. So we went for it.

A little over nine years ago Boomer came into our lives. A big ball of adorable white fluff that was so cute it was ridiculous. Our son was so happy it made me cry.

Then...

Over the years I didn't really think to much about what was happening... the transition was so subtle and so natural. Events took place and I did some major work on an old beat up 1964 house. I focused a lot on the yard and patio as it's Southern California and you live outside. 

Boomer was always there by my side. A smile I will never be able to erase and one right now that crushes me I miss it so terribly. This animal was like nothing I had ever experienced in my life. I forgot he was a dog. He ended up going most places with me and (much to my wife's disapproval) I never took a leash. He just stayed next to me, never attempted to leave my side. People would always comment on how well behaved he was and I would just shake my head and admit that I didn't do anything, it was just his nature, all the while he would look up at me with a loving expression I had never seen in a dog's face before.

My wife was one of those slightly afraid people that did not like to touch dogs. Smile and say hi but hesitant to actually touch. Boomer used to follow her around the house when she was home and they established their own routine in the morning and I would often find her drinking coffee with him at her side and her hand absent-mindedly stroking his head.

He became such a huge part of our lives without us even recognizing that it was happening. He was half of everything we did.... he was completely human to us. In so many ways more then that. There was only love... such an open and unadulterated love that I feel like a really deranged drama queen as I sit here bawling my eyes out and raging at God for taking something so pure and good away. Boomer was smart... very smart, I could tell him to do two different things and he would do them. I never really ever trained him to do anything... a finger point, a head nod... he just seemed to get it. He didn't have an aggressive bone in his body. I used to joke that you could probably beat him to death and he wouldn't fight back. I gotta stop now... the grief is just to **** much.


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## Pemyquid (Jan 16, 2015)

I'm so sorry. He looks like he was lovely. You have come to the right place.


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## Pemyquid (Jan 16, 2015)

Well now I'm crying too. What a wonderful dog!


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## 02pinetree (Nov 17, 2014)

I am so sorry for your loss. Too many of us find this group through sadness. Somedays I can remember the funny things our Murphy did and other days the grief is still pretty raw. Hopefully in the near future you will be able to find a smile when you think of Boomer. Goldens are just love in its purest form.


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## Anon-2130948gsoni (Apr 12, 2014)

Our boy was named Boomer, too...we lost him to cancer last year.

Your boy sounds like such a gift and everything that is wonderful about this breed.


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## Harleysmum (Aug 19, 2014)

So sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute to your boy. This is the place where grown men can come to cry and everyone understands.


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## Melakat (Oct 9, 2010)

I am so very, very sorry to hear about the loss of your handsome Boomer. I have just read your words through my tears streaming down my face. Our family too was devastated to lose our boy last October to cancer. We were blind sided by grief and it affected each one of us in our family including my grown boys.

I too joined this forum after his loss and was comforted by many here wondering how I would make it through each passing day and ever feel happy again -you will get through this and the grief will not be so harsh as it feels at present. Please continue to post and share pictures of your handsome boy as I think this helps in our grieving. The words that you describe of him paint a beautiful picture of the life that you shared together and the loving and gentle Golden that Boomer was.

Thinking of you and your family.


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## MyMaggieGirl (Nov 12, 2008)

Your Boomer sounded like such a special part of your family. My sincere condolences to you. It is never easy.


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## 1oldparson (Mar 5, 2013)

I'm so very sorry for the pain you and your family are going through. Too many of us have gone through that same journey, many of us more than once. I'm praying for God's comfort for you all. 

There is another thread in the Rainbow Bridge section that may help - Poems or thoughts that give you comfort. (Sorry, I'm not smart enough to give you the link.)

Psalm 61:1-2 Hear my cry, O God;Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You,When my heart is overwhelmed;Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.


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## KKaren (Oct 29, 2014)

Mark021 said:


> ...A little over nine years ago Boomer came into our lives. A big ball of adorable white fluff that was so cute it was ridiculous. Our son was so happy it made me cry.
> 
> ...Boomer was always there by my side. A smile I will never be able to erase and one right now that crushes me I miss it so terribly. This animal was like nothing I had ever experienced in my life.
> 
> ....in the morning and I would often find her drinking coffee with him at her side and her hand absent-mindedly stroking his head.


Mark, what a beautiful tribute to Boomer. I love the phrases above because they highlight how he enriched the lives of your family in special and individual ways. I'm sorry for your grief and when I read this I grieve too. Take care and know that he was so lucky to be with you and your family


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## Mark021 (Jan 26, 2015)

I'm sorry, the sobbing fits come and go. I still look for him without meaning to, still put my hand down at my side and wiggle my fingers anticipating the cold nose that was always there gently nudging my hand reassuringly.

I didn't lose a pet, I lost my best friend in the purest sense of the word. I feel so silly saying it but my heart is breaking in a way I've only experienced once before when my father died. We chose to euthanize while he was still relatively comfortable. When we took him in to the vet a week ago he was simply puffing a little when it wasn't hot out so we thought maybe allergies. The vet took xrays just to be safe and the next thing I knew he was telling me that Boomer would be dead within 2 weeks. The whole world has just seemed like an insane bad dream since then, tormenting about how long was too long, when would we know. I spend the next 4 to 5 days watching his every move, listening to his every breath as it quickly got hoarser and more labored. He never complained, never showed anything other than his insanely gentle disposition. I kept looking in his eyes for a sign.... permission. He just stared back at me with that love that I had never experienced with another living animal and in the end after a long sleepless night where he couldn't lie down without fighting to breathe we made the phone call. I was not going to let him suffer and I didn't know if I could do it but I did. And I held him in my arms while the vet administered the injections and he just stared into my eyes, a little fear but that same deep love, and then the eyes went dark.... he never once fought all he did was gently lick my face once before he went to sleep but is eyes never left mine.

I feel like I've died inside.


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## 1oldparson (Mar 5, 2013)

Don't be sorry for your tears. God said it's ok to cry: 
Ecclesiastes 3:4 A time to weep,And a time to laugh;A time to mourn,And a time to dance; 
I believe one reason He blessed us with our pups is to show us what unconditional love is really like.


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## Anon-2130948gsoni (Apr 12, 2014)

He trusted you absolutely and he was right to, because when it came down to making the hardest decision, you didn't fail him. You stepped up. I hope knowing that will eventually comfort you a little.

He's still with you...you just have to listen a little more closely now...


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## HolDaisy (Jan 10, 2012)

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy  you must be totally heartbroken. Like you, I also found the forum when we lost our girl Daisy and the people here gave so much support and understanding. We've also had dogs all my life (german shepherds and rotties), but there's something very special about goldens and when we lost Daisy the whole family was absolutely devastated. It sounds like your boy was loved so much and he must have had a great life. I know it's so cliche, but time really does help to heal your heart...even though it doesn't seem like that now. Hang in there, we all understand.


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## Jennifer1 (Mar 31, 2012)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy.


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## Katduf (Mar 10, 2013)

I'm so sorry for your loss and for what you are going through. These babies grab hold of your heart with all paws and change you forever. Everyone on this forum knows exactly where you're coming from, and understand your deep grief. You gave him a wonderful dream life, and a selfless compassionate end. Reaching out to you with hugs and thoughts and prayers.


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## Mark021 (Jan 26, 2015)

*The boys*

thank you,, thank you all for the kind words... right now that love feels like a curse. I wish I could hate him, be angry at him for something, anything. Even my wife starts bawling and screams that there has to be something that was wrong with him, something that displeased us. But the guy was just the most gentle, caring, expressive, loving creature either of us had ever been exposed to, and he managed to communicate it all without even making a sound. He never made a sound. I don' think I heard him bark more then a dozen times in his life and then it was only in play.

Where it began


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## 1oldparson (Mar 5, 2013)

For a little over 9 years, Boomer blessed your family with unselfish, unconditional love and you returned that love to him. Then came the time we all dread, when all we can do is give our last unselfish gift by setting them free from pain and suffering. It's so very hard but it is the most loving thing we can do for our faithful friend. Still praying for you.


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## Mark021 (Jan 26, 2015)

*Soul of my Soul*

Neil Diamond song playing in the background and I'm just pouring... total drama queen I guess.

Good times never seemed so good. God I'm gonna miss those eyes.


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## muddypaws23 (Oct 20, 2014)

Mark- I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our boy Boomer (age 10.5) last summer due to cancer. It was beyond devastating; we were not expecting it at all. The grief was as intense as losing a close family member. Please allow yourself to fully grieve the loss of your Boomer. Don't feel silly or that your grief is any less than when you lost your dad. Love is love. As you pass thru the stages of grief things will be easier, but I can tell you that even now, 6 months later, I can still think of my Boomer and feel like I lost him yesterday. But I can also smile and remember his silly antics too. Your heart will forever have a place for him... and in time you will remember the good times fondly and think "my God he was a great dog". But right how it's too soon... God Bless and I am sending prayers to you and your family.


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## Susan: w/ Summit we climb (Jun 12, 2014)

Your tribute to Boomer is so meaningful to all of us here. He gave you everything he had to give, from the beginning to the end of his precious life, and you gave him love and trust and appreciation, and you didn't fail him at the end. I'm very sorry for your loss.


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## 02pinetree (Nov 17, 2014)

Sometimes it feels the Wizard of Oz had it right: "You want a heart? You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable. And remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others."

Even though I've now experienced a broken heart I wouldn't trade one second I had with my sweet boy. We share your pain. Tears are being shed and dried as we read your posts.


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## mybuddy (Mar 2, 2007)

This has really touched me. I feel so sad for you because I understand every word you said. I have the exact same bond with my boy, Buddy. He will be 13 this summer. I am so sad for you, your wife and son. I can't imagine the emptiness you are feeling.

Soooooo sorry. Your Boomer was amazing.


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## KiwiD (Jan 14, 2008)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Boomer. Your great love for him is evident from your posts which is why their loss leaves such a terribly big hole in our hearts and in our homes. I have never cried so much in my life or experienced a loss as deep and all consuming as when I lost my girl in 2011. You've found your way to a group of people who can totally relate to what you're going through.


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## 2golddogs (Oct 19, 2009)

I am so very sorry it was time for Boomer to leave your side. Such a beautiful, sweet and gentle soul.


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## Brinkleythegolden (Jun 18, 2012)

I am so sorry for your loss of Boomer-he was most surely your heartdog. It's never easy when we lose them.


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## SeanBH (Jan 18, 2015)

Mark: Got some heavy tears for you....I just lost my Heart Dog 13 days ago. All I could possibly say, though, is what people have been telling me: all that time you had him is what to cherish, and if you had to do it over again, you'd take the time with him. Gosh, I'm so sorry. I call it "God's Cruel Joke"- Man's Best Friend doesn't get to live as long as Man does. But rest assured, he's in a better place now.


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## Mark021 (Jan 26, 2015)

*It's just a ******* dog Mark*

and I will never be the same having known this one.


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## SeanBH (Jan 18, 2015)

Mark021 said:


> and I will never be the same having known this one.


 Same for me....my Jackie was my everything. Beyond Heart Dog...he was my best bud. I just picked up his ashes today and am making a good-sized plaque to mount the cedar box, a couple of his toys, and his footprint and picture to - to put right next to my computer.

God Bless you...think of all those times you had with him.


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## Anon-2130948gsoni (Apr 12, 2014)

No such of a thing as "just a dog."

Try to be gentle with yourself, the way Boomer taught you. There is no right or wrong when it comes to grieving, especially such a special boy.


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## gold4me (Mar 12, 2006)

Your tribute is beautiful, your pictures have touched me deeply and your deep and heart wrenching grief is because of the deep love you had for Boomer. He will always be with you but just in a different way. You gave him the most unselfish gift by letting him be free of pain and suffering and now he is in a better place. Just remember to take it one day at a time. My thoughts are with you, your wife and your son.


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## mybuddy (Mar 2, 2007)

If I ever hear anyone say "It's just a dog", my initial reaction is anger but then quickly turns to pity. Anyone who feels that way has never had the divine experience of this sort of love/bond. How sad for them. You have been given the gift, they haven't. There is no way they could possibly understand. Send up a wink to Boomer because you both know.


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

I am so very sorry for your loss of Boomer, he was a beautiful boy. Looking at his soulful eyes makes mine teary. He reminds me so much on my Buddy, the same loving soul that never left my side.
It is ok to cry, see how many of us are crying just reading your story. And many of us will tell you it is a kind of pain we never felt before. Sorry that time came for you to feel that pain. Hugs.


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## olliversmom (Mar 13, 2013)

I am so very sad for you and your family. 
These lovely Goldens just take pieces of us when they go.
We have our teen boys now. We love them to the moon and back.
But I still, 2 years later, get misty when I think of my Homer.
He was my best friend.
He was my Boomer.
All my best to you.
Robin


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

I am so sorry. All to well I know the pain. I have lost many many dogs since my first one, an English Setter I had gotten for my 11th birthday and lost at 8 months to distemper. My dogs have never been "just dogs" to me. Always family

On Aug. 13 we had to say good bye to our 13 year old girl, Honey. Your story was so like mine at that point. Honey was so active up until the last 2 weeks when she got sick that they joked she was 13 but acted like she was 3. However, her hearing was not very good any more. I held her head and she looked me right in the eyes and never took her eyes off mine. She probably could not ear me telling her how much I loved her but I truly believe she could hear my heart telling her that.

And on Sept. 23, just one month and 10 days later we went thru the same thing with our 7 year old blind Great Pyrenees, Shaggy. He could not see my face---he had never ever seen anything--but he could hear me telling him how much I loved him as I held his head. This time my husband was there with me, stroking Shag's side and telling him how loved he was.

Honey was lost to lymphoma, Shaggy to splenic hemangiosarcoma. Cancer claimed them just a month and 10 days apart.

Never apologize to anyone for shedding tears over the loss of a friend, human or animal. Love is love no matter where you find it and it is heart breaking to lose it. Your boy was BEAUTIFUL.


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## golfgal (Dec 31, 2013)

So sorry for your loss. Know that you are not alone and it's okay to cry, grieve, etc when you lose a cherished family member whether two or four legged. I always thought being in control like Data would be cool and then I realized that crying is just one part of being human. Go ahead and miss your Boomer. You've touched our hearts certainly.


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## Mark021 (Jan 26, 2015)

*While I wasn't paying attention life slipped right by me.*

I shouldn't be sitting here, it's like basking in the pain. The pictures make me smile and then the emptiness seems unbearable. The first girl I ever had a crush on didn't speak English and I didn't speak a word of German. She was staying with family in the States that were my friends. We were 15 I think and raging teenage hormones. We spent an entire summer watching each other day in and day out. There were no words spoken but we said more through our eyes then I think I have ever said to another person with words. I think I became aware of that capability at that time in my life but forgot about it as childish romanticizing until some 30 years later.

It was the same in a way with this animal. We didn't have words to share but for whatever reason he seemed to connect so strongly through the eyes and we spent many days and many hours studying each others eyes. Something was being communicated strongly and there was an intense awareness between us that seemed to pull at him as strongly as it did to me. At first it creeped me out but slowly it pulled me in as it was a kind and gentle curiosity seeking to connect. Over time with a relatively quick gaze we would both recognize things at the same time. 

I could sense very strongly that he knew that I knew what he was thinking. It even got to where he would tease me with his eyes in a playful way when he was feeling silly and would sneak around behind me and gently grab my hand with his mouth and pull on it to play and I knew what he was up to just by the look in his eyes. I told myself that what we were experiencing really couldn't be communication at a cerebral level but in my grief I realize that it probably was. We managed to connect on a common wavelength by the time he was probably about 4 or 5 and we spent the next few years not even attempting to understand the connection anymore... it just was.

Our son doesn't know yet. He is in his freshman year at college back East and this will just destroy him. We are terrified that it could cause a breakdown that would require his having to drop out for the semester... the connection was that strong for all of us.

I have no idea how I'm going to tell him.


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## Melakat (Oct 9, 2010)

Yes this is going to be very hard on your son. The death of our Oakley was tough for our boys too - especially my 24 year old. Oakley passed on a Wednesday night and none of us could return to working until the following week. I like you had not dealt with that kind of grief since my Father died 17 years ago.

For our sons... it was their first experience with death in that way - the way that rips your heart out and oh my I dont' know what to tell you as your son will need someone to comfort him when he finds out.

It's just so unfair. The first weeks are very hard and my heart goes out to you and your family.

You have a real spiritual connection with Boomer and I truly believe and have faith that that bond cannot be severed between you.


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## Harleysmum (Aug 19, 2014)

Please tell your son as soon as you can. Then you as a family can be united in your grief and help each other. The young tend to deeply resent not being told the truth. My son's girlfriend was not told the extent of her mother's cancer and because of that didn't spend the time with her mother that she feels she should have. She carries a lot of guilt and a great deal of resentment even 12 years later. It is a time that you should be together. Tell him.


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## olliversmom (Mar 13, 2013)

Your pictures are sweet. What a lovely family.
One of the hardest things I ever had to do was ring my son away at college the night I found out his dad suddenly died. Son was at work and fortunately was in south jersey, so he was close enuf to come home and had friends who drove up with him. 
Nonetheless, telling him over phone was awful as I felt terrible he was alone, though again, i alerted a good friend to come be with him when i called with news. 
A year later, he and i had talk and he told me it was a struggle for him to get thru first semester after his dad passed. Told me he was quite despondent for many months and almost dropped out, but plugged thru for me and his dad. Told me he was finally feeling back to himself and could finally tell me now that he was over rough patch as he didn't want to worry me while going thru it. 
We lost my young husband, then my other, 30 year old son in a space of 2 
years . Homer was there for me, head in my lap in the middle of those sleepless nights , never wavered once. When he died 6 months later, it was an awful blow.
I cannot compare the death of my husband or son to that of my dog, but the grief I felr upon the dearh of my best buddy was shattering. We spent every day together, him never 2 feet from my side.
Grief, whether it be for human or beloved pet, can be very hard. Altho it may be a tad easier on your son, now that he has left the nest and has begun his independent journey, keep good contact and watch for signs of despondency. Not easy from across country. If this is your son's first brush with a family death, it may be very hard. But children have a knack for growing up right under our noses and with that, gaining the maturity that comes with age and indeoendence. That maturity, while not diminishing the heartbreak, may allow him to grieve, but still move forward in a healthy way. It may be harder when he returns home, and the familiar waggy tail friend is absent.
This has been quite a ramble, for which I apologize. Your posts here have been so heartbreakingly sad, I am reminded of my own sadness. I would like to hug you and your family in your time of sadness, but all I can offer are empathetic words and my very sinxere condolences.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

There are no words, but I am so sorry for your loss.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Mark*

Mark

I am so sorry. I added Boomer to the Rainbow Bridge List!

Wonderful pictures!


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## DJdogman (Apr 23, 2013)

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your photos and sentiments about Boomer are just brilliant. I'm a blubbering mess. He's forever in your heart.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss of Boomer.
He was a beautiful and an incredible boy who touched your lives in so many ways.

It is devastating when you lose a dog, it's the hardest thing I've ever been through. Take the time you need to grieve, time will heal your hearts. Although the loss of my first Golden was so heartwrenching, I will always have goldens in my life because they are so very special. 

Our Goldens who have gone before Boomer, were waiting for him. 

My thoughts are with you as you go through this journey to find peace and your hearts to heal. 

Godspeed Boomer




> I'm Still Here
> 
> Friend, please don't mourn for me
> I'm still here, though you don't see.
> ...


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## mybuddy (Mar 2, 2007)

Your pictures make me cry  

I feel so horrible that your son has to go through this pain. ****, it isn't fair!


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