# My heart is breaking....he is not even two!



## KML611 (Mar 2, 2015)

Hi Everyone, 

Well I have been lurking on this forum for a little while and decided that it was time for me to tell my story. 

My very first Golden, Amber, crossed to the rainbow bridge 2 years ago. She was my baby - well before I was married and had kids. We have many wonderful years together and I am so thankful to this day that she came into my life. 

Shortly after her passing I decided that I was ready to open myself up to a new fur baby and began researching breeders in DE, MD, NJ, and PA. I would have gone out to other states as well (traveled to Kentucky to pick up my Rotti 3 years ago) but ultimately I was able to find a breeder in Delaware. Long story short...met her a few times, met the mom a few times and went a visited the puppies twice before picking my baby up. This time I decided to go with a boy. So in May of 2013 I went down and picked up my baby boy, Fergus. 

Fast forward to July of last year....life was going along as well as could be...enjoying my family and my fur babies. Fergus was in great health, typical puppy and he and my Rotti, Nala were best of friends. We all would go to the beach, vacation in Outer Banks...they went everywhere with us. That is until I got the news that changed my life completely...see in July of last year I was diagnosed with stage 2A Breast Cancer....yes at the ripe age of 39 my life was forever changed. Fergus has been by side everystep of the way. Although I am still in going through treatment I am rounding the corner of this year long journey and I am beyond blessed to say I am cancer free (chemo and surgery did their job). What treatment that is left for me is more of an insurance policy. 

However, two days after my surgery I noticed Fergus was not right. He was not keeping any food down and something told me to get him checked out. We went to our vet who did an x-ray of his chest and referred us to a specialist as she noticed a mass on his lungs. The next day we go to the specialist office and words like, biopsy, aspiration, lymphoma, thymoma, lymph nodes were being thrown at me.....I was immediately thrusted back into the day I was diagnosed with my cancer and my whole world began to crumble again.....I had to leave Fergus to have an ultrasound and biopsy done..we did get him back that evening but an excrutiaing 72 hours later we received the news...my baby boy had lymphoma. LYMPHOMA!!! He is not even 2 years old! That was the second worse week of my life. 

Given all our options, which were few, we chose not to go down the chemo route. Although I knew I could not afford it financially I did not want to put my fur baby through chemo only to prolong his life by a few months. Deep down I just wanted to enjoy whatever time I had left with him. In a way I was glad to know I would be home the next four weeks for my recovery and I spent every minute I could with him. I played ball with him as much as possible, let him go outisde and lay in the snow longer than I probably should because I knew he enjoyed it. I was not sure how long I would have with him but I was going to enjoy him. Don't get me wrong I cried so hard..you know that heavy, can't breath cry. I did not eat or sleep for four days and it still breaks my heart to know I am going to lose him. 

It has been over a month since his dianosis and gradually my husband and i have noticed the changes that are occuring. His breathing is more labored and just this weekend he started to have a bloody nose. He still eats, drinks, and wants to play ball all the time but we are also softening his dry food so he can eat it better. I know my time is limited and I feel like it is so unfair that I have to lose him to cancer when I am dealing with it myself. My emotions are all over the place anymore. 

For those that may wonder, yes, I did contact the breeder and I will just leave it at that.

I guess ultimately I just wanted to reach out to this forum and tell my story. For me, it is kinda theraputic. I not only hope that i know when it is time as I do not want him to suffer I also hope I can find the strenght to stay with him when the time comes to say goodbye. 

I try to remind myself of this quote - It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will as generous and loving as they are. (Anonymous)


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## Cpc1972 (Feb 23, 2015)

I am so sorry. That is two young.


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## Hailey (Feb 26, 2015)

Hi KML611,

I am so sorry to hear your sweet Fergus is sick. I am happy you felt comfortable enough to share your story--as it is therapeutic and I know many people will benefit from hearing it. I can't imagine having to cope with this after just having fought a battle with cancer yourself. (Hugs)

I've lost a golden to cancer and, recently, my cat. Like you, we decided not to go the chemo route. It was such a hard decision--one I struggled with every day. I completely relate to the "heavy, can't breathe cry" you speak of. Just when you think you don't have any tears left to cry, they spring forth again. And, shoot, here they come again...

It's never easy losing a beloved pet, as you know. And I love your quote about giving and receiving pieces of our hearts. It is so true. We are so lucky to share our lives with our fur babies who love us unconditionally--for however long we are blessed with them. It sounds like Fergus lucked out with you, too. You have given him so much love--and continue to do so. Hang in there. You certainly are one strong lady. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

XOXO, Hailey


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

Welcome! I'm so glad you came. My heart goes way out to you dear. I can't imagine what you are going through. I am sure it has been very heartbreaking indeed. I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I am so inspired by your story. My heart breaks for you. Enjoy the time you have left with Fergus.


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## AmberSunrise (Apr 1, 2009)

I am so very sorry. Hold him gently - you'll know when it is time and you will find the strength.


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## KayBee (Oct 22, 2013)

I am so, so sorry. . .


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## TheZ's (Jun 13, 2011)

I'm sorry you're joining us under such sad circumstances. So many here can understand the pain you're going through. Even though it's very hard, try to enjoy each day you have with Fergus and just take things one day at a time.


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## Carmel (Feb 9, 2015)

I'm so very sorry! I couldn't help but wonder though what kind of Chemo you had and if it could have had an effect on your dog? The reason I'm asking, is that I have heard of this kind of thing happening before! Also when my Dad was being treated for his Lymphoma (he did die from it), he had some treatments that had if I remember correctly a "nuclear tail" and they warned him to keep away from pets and babies for several weeks after each treatment. Recently a co-worker lost his sister to breast cancer at 52, and he talked about her Golden who never left her side. Within a year the young Golden also got cancer! Anyway, prayers for your sweet baby! Life is hard sometimes


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

I am very sorry to read your story. There were a few threads about that type of cancer and people chose not to go down the chemo route, hope they share again some of the things they did. Sending good thoughts and prayers for both of you.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Kml*



KML611 said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> Well I have been lurking on this forum for a little while and decided that it was time for me to tell my story.
> 
> ...


KML: I am so glad that you found this forum and I hope we can offer you comfort. I am so sorry about Fergus, he is so young!


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## Test-ok (Jan 15, 2015)

I'm so sorry to hear that, it's hard to lose best friends and extremely difficult when their so young. My thoughts are with you and Fergus.


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## Bosn'sMom (Feb 11, 2013)

I am so so sorry to hear the news for both of you. I can't even imagine what you are going through. 

In some ways you just have to know that Fergus was meant to come into your life and was meant to be your pup. Maybe it was fate that you would get to be home with him and he with you while you are healing. You to help him and spend every minute he has with and for him to be with you while you need companionship. I wish the best for you two.


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## KathyL (Jul 6, 2011)

I wish there was something more I could say than "I'm so sorry." Two years old is awfully young to be diagnosed with cancer and after all you have been through it just doesn't seem fair. If you have some favorite pictures of Fergus I know a lot of us would love to see them. Sending positive thoughts and prayers to you and Fergus.


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## KML611 (Mar 2, 2015)

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the kind words. It is a nice feeling to know I can come here and receive support during a difficult time. Not only losing him is hard but trying to explain to my two daughters why we are losing him is just as hard. 

Here is a pic of my boy...wish I could figure out how to add a few more....


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## TheZ's (Jun 13, 2011)

What a handsome boy he is.

I'm not a whiz at this stuff but if you click on the box below the message box that says "Go Advanced", then click the paper clip (attachment) icon above the message box, it will let you browse to your picture file on your computer, open the ones you want to attach and then upload. Use the attachment icon again to place the pictures in the message. I think there's a thread in the technical help area of the GRF that explains this more clearly.


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## Eabeal (Feb 9, 2014)

I am so sorry for what you are both going through. What a great picture!


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## thorbreafortuna (Jun 9, 2013)

I'm so, so sorry. I can only imagine how painful this must be. My thoughts will be with you both.


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## Harleysmum (Aug 19, 2014)

What a beautiful boy. What a tragedy. Way too young. So, so sorry.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

He is a beautiful. I will never get over losing my Audie at only 3 years old to cancer, and he was my foster dog through rescue, not even one of my very own, although he will always be mine. I can only imagine how much more painful this is with one you have raised from a puppy. My heart aches for you. Words can never be enough, but I hope knowing there is a whole world of people sharing your pain helps a little.


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## mybuddy (Mar 2, 2007)

What a heartbreaking story. Your boy is beautiful. It just isn't fair! Not fair at all. I am so sorry


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## SandyK (Mar 20, 2011)

Tears are flowing for you and you handsome Fergus. I am so sorry. I am glad you found this forum so we can help support you during this difficult time.


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## Pooklook (Mar 10, 2014)

I am so very sorry and your story leaves me with a knot in my throat, my heart goes out to you and your Fergus.
I admire your love and strength in choosing to give Fergus a happy life however short it might be, he's so young.
He's been the angel by your side and now you are his. He will let you know in your heart when he's ready to go and you will have given him what no one else could give; a piece of your heart.
He found you, his angel, and that's why he's a happy fur baby and forever will be.
thanks for sharing with us... my thoughts and prayers with you and yours.


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

KML611 said:


> Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the kind words. It is a nice feeling to know I can come here and receive support during a difficult time. Not only losing him is hard but trying to explain to my two daughters why we are losing him is just as hard.
> 
> Here is a pic of my boy...wish I could figure out how to add a few more....


Oh my! He's a beauty! Too wonderful to die!


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## Test-ok (Jan 15, 2015)

> Here is a pic of my boy...wish I could figure out how to add a few more....


Go to your CP (User CP) and add more in pictures and albums.


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## 2tired (Oct 19, 2011)

I am so sorry to read of both of your stories. I am glad to know that you are now cancer free.

My first golden retriever, Brady, was diagnosed with lymphoma at age 2 1/2 years old. This was 1998. We opted to treat him with chemo, because of his young age.

At that time, our vet used the COP protocol (cytoxin, oncovin (vincristine), prednisone). It really wasn't too costly. Brady went into remission, and did fairly well for approximately 11 months, until the cancer came back and we could not get him back into remission. He was 3 1/2 years old when he passed.

I just wanted to share our journey with our young dog and lymphoma, as we found that chemo and the cost was not an unreasonable option.

Hugs to you and your family, and of course, scritches to Fergus.

Edited to add the link to Andy's journey with lymphoma
http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...cussion/107006-please-pray-andy-lymphoma.html


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## jenspup (Jan 2, 2015)

I'm so sorry about Fergus. He's such a handsome boy.

Thanks for sharing, and I hope that you find continued health.


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## MaureenM (Sep 20, 2011)

I'm so, so sorry. They're never here long enough, but to lose one so young....Many good thoughts for you, your family, and your so very handsome boy. I'm glad you joined the forum and hope you find some comfort here.


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## Susan: w/ Summit we climb (Jun 12, 2014)

I'm thankful that you are now cancer-free. What a year this has been for you. And now that you've come through such a difficult and scary time, your loyal friend Fergus is leaving you much too soon. I'm so very sorry.


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## Cookie's Mom (Oct 14, 2013)

So sorry. I've lost a dog to cancer and it's so true when people say cancer is the pits!! Just step back and enjoy every moment with him. Focus on the positive and don't dwell on the negative.


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## MomofKoda (Apr 18, 2013)

I can't begin to tell you how absolutely sorry I am that you're going through this with your sweet Fergus. My prayers will be with you for your continued recovery and for peace as you care for your handsome boy. This post made me cry because last year we too dealt with cancer in a puppy way too young. Our Koda was diagnosed with bone cancer at 19 months and we let her go at 22 months. So my heart breaks with you.

Your approach to this situation is to be commended. We all have to make decisions that we feel are best for us and for our furry family member. We get advice from all directions, but in the end we have to choose the option that works for our family. I'm so glad you have the opportunity to spend extra time with Fergus. 

From our experience, Goldens can rise above the pain and make you think they're fine. Koda did that - even on the day we took in her to let her go, she greeted everyone with great Golden enthusiasm - you would never have known she was sick. But I have a picture that I snapped when Koda wasn't paying attention, and you could see the pain she was in. Still breaks my heart to look at that photo. So keep that in mind as you care for Fergus.

Please keep us posted on how you and Fergus are doing. And know that many prayers are with you.


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## pb2b (Nov 8, 2013)

My heart breaks for you. That is so unfair. He is just way too young.


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## pholter (Jan 24, 2015)

My heart is so sad for you and Fergus  We are battling Lymphoma now as well and started Chemo, but I am going to stop it probably this week. It's so unfair that our Golden breed has such a high rate of cancer/lymphoma. Thank you for sharing your story and it's very wonderful to hear that you are Cancer free to help Fergus through his journey.


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## KML611 (Mar 2, 2015)

Hi Everyone - 

I just want to say thank you again for all of your kind words and support. Apologies for being off the boards for a little while - just needed to take some time to spend with my baby boy. 

To give you an update on Fergus - my husband and I have started to see the changes in his breathing. We can hear and see that it is starting to be a struggle for him although he still continues to eat, drink and want to play ball. During the snow storm last week I definitely let him stay outside longer than I probably should but he was so happy to be outside and I wanted him to enjoy every moment as I know I am on serious borrowed time. 

I try not to think about having to say goodbye and enjoy the time he is here with me. It has been a difficult struggle. There are days I feel horrible about going to work, doing errands or taking my daugters to their activities, etc. Every time I am home I make time specifically for him. Whether it is sitting on the floor throwing the ball or just giving him love as he lays down. 

I actually have to travel to Virigina Beach this weekend with my daughters for a cheer competition and said to my husband last night that in the event Fergus gets worse while I am away I give him "permission" to say goodbye. Not that I don't want to be here for if/when it happens, but I just felt that I needed to tell my husband this. I DO NOT want Fergus to suffer in any way. I have had a few sleepless nights these past few nights because I am so worried about his breathing. There were a few times I thought he had stopped. Last night as he was laying on slate by the fireplace I laid next to him and just talked to him. Told him how much he was loved and that I was sorry he did not feel good and that I need him to tell me when he was ready and that it was okay to leave. I told him I did not want him to suffer and that I would help him cross when the time comes but I needed him to come back to me and help me through the remainder of my treatment and to visit from time to time in spirit. Again, I just felt that I needed to tell him it was okay to go if he needed....as much as it will hurt and break my heart I know in time my grieving will turn into smiles as I remember him. The other difficult part of this are my two daughters especially my youngest daughter. She is having such a hard time realizing she has to say goodbye. It breaks my heart that I cannot take her tears and sadness away. 

Thanks for listening to me. I appreciate all the support I have received during this difficult time. I will keep you all posted.


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

My heart is just breaking too reading your post as I have one close to your boy's age. Sending good vibes and many prayers in this difficult time. Hugs.


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

KML611 said:


> Hi Everyone -
> 
> I just want to say thank you again for all of your kind words and support. Apologies for being off the boards for a little while - just needed to take some time to spend with my baby boy.
> 
> ...


Hang in there dear!


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

I'm so very sorry to hear about Fergus, he's a beautiful boy.
My heart goes out to you and your family, my thoughts and prayers are with you all.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Kml*



KML611 said:


> Hi Everyone -
> 
> I just want to say thank you again for all of your kind words and support. Apologies for being off the boards for a little while - just needed to take some time to spend with my baby boy.
> 
> ...


KML: My heart is breaking for Fergus and you. He knows you love him.
I am praying for Fergus and you.


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## HolDaisy (Jan 10, 2012)

I am so, so sorry that you are going through this with your precious boy, it's just heartbreaking and so sad to read - life really can be so cruel  We lost a golden young (she had just turned 3) to renal failure, so I understand how heartbroken you must be. When we lost Daisy someone here said to me that goldens are fluffy angels sent down to help us through tough times, and it sounds like Fergus was sent to you to help you through your own treatment. Reading your story of you looking after him at home and sitting with him telling you how much you love him took me straight back to losing Daisy. He will let you know when it's time, you will see it in his eyes.
Although he's only had a short life with you he knows how much he is loved and that's the main thing. Try and stay strong for him and sending lots of prayers your way. My Daisy will be waiting for him at the bridge to take care of him for you.


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## Prism Goldens (May 27, 2011)

I'm so sorry for you- what a tragedy.


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## swishywagga (Nov 13, 2012)

I am so sorry to hear this, my heart breaks for you. Gentle comforting hugs sent you and your gorgeous boy.


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## cubbysan (Mar 13, 2007)

Hugs and prayers for your family's strength.


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

So very sorry for you,and your loved boy, just is not fair,he is just to young.


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## Jennifer1 (Mar 31, 2012)

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.


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## Tripp43 (Oct 30, 2012)

I'm so sorry you and your family have to say goodbye to your precious Fergus. He is a gorgeous boy and way too young. Enjoy the time you have left with him.


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## 2golddogs (Oct 19, 2009)

I am so very sorry. This is heartbreaking and just unfair.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Kml*

KML

Thinking and praying for and Fergus!


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## HolDaisy (Jan 10, 2012)

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and beautiful Fergus.


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## Melakat (Oct 9, 2010)

Why does life throw us all of these curve balls at once ? My heart goes out to you and all that you have been through! I am so glad to hear that you are cancer free but so very sorry to hear about Fergus. He is just way, way too young.


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## Doug (Jul 17, 2010)

Sending our very BEST wishes to your family!!
May you have a lot longer than anyone expects.


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## pholter (Jan 24, 2015)

How is Fergus today?? Hoping all is much better


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## lhowemt (Jun 28, 2013)

Fergus is a blessed and charmed dog to have become part of your heart. I am so so sorry yhis jas come so soon. He must really be a lover because that is why they sometimes leave us so soon- they have burned through their love and it is time to move on. Do you know you are fortunate to have this time with him? I hope so, as it is very special and you will always remember it. For a while there will be much pain, but as time goes by his Heart inside you will overcome the paon and you will remember mostly the love and joy. We had 1.5 weeks with our Hazel. For that I am eternally greateful. May you enjoy your time with him and fill each other's hearts with love.


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## KML611 (Mar 2, 2015)

Hi - 

Well I got back from my trip over the weekend (with frequent check in to the husband about Fergus). He held steady all weekend so my concern about losing him while I was away did not happen..phew. 

Fergus is hanging in there....that is about best that I can sum it up. He was outside when I came home yesterday and when I opened the door and called him he wagged his tail and came trotting over to me (even though it did break my heart as I know if he was healthy he would have sprinted and jump up the stairs to me but I will take what I can get). We can still hear his labored breathing and it is slightly getting worse. The best I can describe it is that I have a puppy in an senior dog body. He ate some last night, but this morning he did not want his dog food. Although he was quick to take the peanut better I was giving him with his meds. I kind of think he just doesn't like the chicken broth we put on his food as much as he likes the beef broth..so off to the store I go after work to pick up some. 
My husband and I agree that we think he started to go down the slope last week and now has plateaued. I know every day is on borrowed time and I make sure I tell him every day how much I love him. He was outside Friday with my other dog, Nala, and my husband and I were watching them and I just said..you know, whether Fergus is 2 or 12 it still is going to hurt. I am still going to have my heart broken. It just really sucks it is happening way sooner than I would have liked. I have gone through so many emotions..sometimes I am okay with everything and sometimes I just break down and cannot understand why. It is really hard for me at times because being that I have gone through my own battle the raw emtions of my diagnosis is still there. 

Thanks for checking in about Fergus and for all the kind words of encouragement not only for Fergus, but for myself.


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## Chritty (Aug 17, 2014)

KML611 said:


> Hi -
> 
> Well I got back from my trip over the weekend (with frequent check in to the husband about Fergus). He held steady all weekend so my concern about losing him while I was away did not happen..phew.
> 
> ...



So unfair.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Fergus*



KML611 said:


> Hi -
> 
> Well I got back from my trip over the weekend (with frequent check in to the husband about Fergus). He held steady all weekend so my concern about losing him while I was away did not happen..phew.
> 
> ...


I agree that it is so unfair. Thinking and praying for Fergus and you every day. You are right, it breaks your heart no matter when we lose them.


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## KML611 (Mar 2, 2015)

Ugh..what a tough few hours since I came home from work. Fergus isn't doing too hot....I think we truly are on some serious borrowed time. I know I'm going to have to make a decision soon. I cannot let him suffer. His ball isn't even interesting to him and I just look in his eyes and just tell he is struggling. This is such a hard line to walk...am I going to make the decision too soon? Too late? Uaband said he had a good hour this afternoon playing ball. This just sucks.


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## Chritty (Aug 17, 2014)

You will make the right decision and he will let you know when. Hugs!


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## Kirsten (Jun 18, 2013)

My heart just broke reading this thread! I am so so sorry you are going through this. Thoughts and prayers are with you and Fergus- he is just beautiful. i have never had to make this decision, but I think you will know when it is time. Please keep us posted and give Fergus a kiss from me- thinking of you guys


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## wjane (Oct 12, 2013)

Keeping you and Fergus in my prayers.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Kml*



KML611 said:


> Ugh..what a tough few hours since I came home from work. Fergus isn't doing too hot....I think we truly are on some serious borrowed time. I know I'm going to have to make a decision soon. I cannot let him suffer. His ball isn't even interesting to him and I just look in his eyes and just tell he is struggling. This is such a hard line to walk...am I going to make the decision too soon? Too late? Uaband said he had a good hour this afternoon playing ball. This just sucks.


Kml: I feel your pain. Ken and I always said we would never let them suffer.
Praying for you and Fergus.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

I cried by the last few pages of this thread I am so sorry, and it just isnt fair for you to have a cancer battle yourself and then see your young dog have it too in a different form.

I had to write a paper about this poem about a zillion years ago in high school but I always loved it

Who goes with Fergus?
W. B. Yeats, 1865 - 1939
Who will go with Fergus now, 
And pierce the deep wood’s woven shade, 
And dance upon the level shore?
Young man, lift up your russet brow, 
And lift your tender eyelids, maid, 
And brood on hopes and fear no more. 

And no more turn aside and brood
Upon love’s bitter mystery;
For Fergus rules the brazen cars, 
And rules the shadows of the wood, 
And the white breast of the dim sea
And all dishevelled wandering stars.


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## Robo11 (Dec 31, 2014)

My heart breaks for you. I just went down the same road with my beautiful seven year old golden who battled bone cancer from Sept to Dec. Spoil him, love him every minute that you are together. It will be time when it is time and both you and he will know. Sit down with him and have a very good talk before you cross that road. Ask him to send you a sign that he is ok. Sounds crazy but it helped me and yes a few days later my wife and I felt that we received that sign.


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## KML611 (Mar 2, 2015)

It is with a very heavy heart that my beloved Fergus passed away in his sleep during the early morning hours. I sit here with tears streaming and my heart broken. Yet, I'm comforted knowing he passed away in his favorite spot by the fireplace with a tennis ball beside him. 
So many emotions right now....I keep thinking I waited too long. We were taking him today to say goodbye. I guess he wanted to go on his terms. I had been preparing for this moment for sometime but it is never easy. I made sure he knew it was okay to leave when he needed when I talked to him and told him how much he is loved and that I need him to check in from time to time.

This is just to hard and so unfair......I can't even wrap my head around it.....

Thank you for letting me tell my story and I appreciate each one of you and your kind words. Please give extra kisses and hugs to your furbabies in memory of my sweet and handsome boy who was taken from me far too soon.

Karina


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## AmberSunrise (Apr 1, 2009)

I am so very sorry. 

Run softly at the Bridge Fergus, gone too soon but loved & loving while here.


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## Doug (Jul 17, 2010)

What a very special boy he is, run ahead Fergus, our GRF bridge kids will welcome you with open arms. :')

He never liked to see you sad and I bet that hasn't changed and wishes that he could comfort you right now. Try to remember that he has gone back to the magical and loving place from where he came.

I wish you great peace and comfort during this very difficult and unsettling time. Our thoughts and prayers are with you!

I found the Monday night candle ceremony quite healing, perhaps you will too?
http://www.petloss.com/


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## Chritty (Aug 17, 2014)

Karina,

Fergus' story has made me hug my girl loads as I know you have held Fergus. I am so sorry. 

I don't believe you waited too long. I've had two cats as pets in my life. One we were lucky enough to have pass at home with us, it's not something every pet gets to do. Fergus' passing in his sleep let him be near you until the end.


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## goldenpaws828 (Jun 22, 2007)

I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your beloved Fergus. I pray that you and your family will find the strength to recover from this, he was just way to young. We lost our 6 year old Tanner last year to cancer and it was the most emotional ordeal we ever went through.

Please come back and share more photos of your beautiful boy when you are able. Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you today. 

Hugs,

Paula


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## Tahnee GR (Aug 26, 2006)

I am so so sorry for your loss.


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

Karina I am so, so, so sorry. I was thinking of you so much lately, such a sad story. Giving my Charlie many hugs, I know how you feel, lost my Buddy at nine and half and it was hard but 2 years old... Hugs.

Run free sweet puppy Fergus, run strong and fast...


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## pholter (Jan 24, 2015)

I am so sorry for the loss of your boy Fergus  It's with a heavy heart that I write this as I lost my boy just yesterday. It does get easier with time and know that your boy is now pain free and loves you.


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## ktkins7 (Jul 20, 2013)

I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you and I have tears in my eyes.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

I am so very sorry for your loss of Fergus.
My heart goes out to you, my thoughts are with you and your family. 
I pray with time you will find peace and your hearts heal. 

I know our Bridge Kids were waiting for him, they knew he was coming and welcomed him with open paws. My boy is probably showing him around and introducing him to everyone. 

Fergus will always be with you, he holds a very special place in your heart and he took a piece of your heart with him to hold until you are reunited. The day will come I promise you.

Godspeed sweet boy.


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## Carmel (Feb 9, 2015)

I'm so very, very sorry! Life is so hard sometimes! Prayers for your comfort and healing. May the angels take your baby to paradise to run free.


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## Simba's Mom (Monica) (Mar 17, 2015)

I am so sorry about Fergus, prayers for him and your family that are passing to this hard moment. :'( I know life is hard sometimes but Hang in there...


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Fergus*



KML611 said:


> It is with a very heavy heart that my beloved Fergus passed away in his sleep during the early morning hours. I sit here with tears streaming and my heart broken. Yet, I'm comforted knowing he passed away in his favorite spot by the fireplace with a tennis ball beside him.
> So many emotions right now....I keep thinking I waited too long. We were taking him today to say goodbye. I guess he wanted to go on his terms. I had been preparing for this moment for sometime but it is never easy. I made sure he knew it was okay to leave when he needed when I talked to him and told him how much he is loved and that I need him to check in from time to time.
> 
> This is just to hard and so unfair......I can't even wrap my head around it.....
> ...


Rest in peace, sweet Fergus. My Smooch and Snobear will take care of you and we will all meet, again. I am SO SORRY, Karina. 
I added Fergus to the 2015 Rainbow Bridge List.
http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...rainbow-bridge-list-2015-a-3.html#post5507346


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## Pooklook (Mar 10, 2014)

I'm so sorry, my heart goes to you and your family. I'm just so glad he was able to drift away in his sleep in his favorite spot at home with his family, you did right by him by letting him go on his terms.
Your furkid Fergus came to you to be by your side when you needed him most, then when you got better, you were there by his side when he needed you most.
Fate maybe, but it seems to me that he has always been your angel -and you, his. That bond and the love that you shared will transcend with your souls through eternity.
Hang in there, it gets better in time. I promise.


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## Neeko13 (Jul 10, 2010)

Im in tears as I write, to hear that your sweet sweet Fergus has passed..so so sorry...he is free of pain....it hits me hard since I have two 2 year olds, Neeko & Molson.... I will keep you, Fergus and your family in my prayers....


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## GldnLove (Mar 5, 2015)

KML611 said:


> It is with a very heavy heart that my beloved Fergus passed away in his sleep during the early morning hours. I sit here with tears streaming and my heart broken. Yet, I'm comforted knowing he passed away in his favorite spot by the fireplace with a tennis ball beside him.
> So many emotions right now....I keep thinking I waited too long. We were taking him today to say goodbye. I guess he wanted to go on his terms. I had been preparing for this moment for sometime but it is never easy. I made sure he knew it was okay to leave when he needed when I talked to him and told him how much he is loved and that I need him to check in from time to time.
> 
> This is just to hard and so unfair......I can't even wrap my head around it.....
> ...


Oh I am so so sorry for your loss. I'm still coping with the loss of our Sam last Saturday and all I can tell you is you just need to take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time. 
Sam and Fergus are now pain free and running free again, chasing those beloved tennis balls.
Hugs to you Karina


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## lhowemt (Jun 28, 2013)

I am so so sorry for your loss. Did you know that he left because there was a very important celebration at the Bridge today? Hazel is there waiting with party hats and horns, because it is her 10th birthday. I am sad she is celebrating at the bridge, instead of with me, but I am glad she and all our babies are welcoming Fergus with a celebration. I heard Hazel whispering on the wind today, she told me that he thought the party was for him!!!! So they made it a multipurpose party and celebrated everything and everyone.

Ride with the wind sweet Fergus

Big hug


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## rabernet (Feb 24, 2015)

I am so, so sorry to hear about your beautiful boy's passing this morning. So wasn't fair!


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## tikiandme (May 16, 2010)

I'm so very sorry you lost Fergus. You took wonderful care of him, he was a lucky boy to have you.


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## TheZ's (Jun 13, 2011)

So very, very sorry that you have lost Fergus. May his spirit run free and strong and his memory be always with you. I think it's a blessing that he left in his sleep while resting in his familiar place.


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## GoldenSkies (Feb 27, 2014)

I'm so sorry for your loss. It seems that Fergus was in such a peaceful place when he passed. You gave him the best life you could have.
Hugs and kisses from Chester and I. We will be remembering your furbaby today. It's never easy.


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## KiwiD (Jan 14, 2008)

I'm so very sorry for your loss.


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## Stefan (Aug 18, 2012)

I'm so sorry for your loss


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## Eabeal (Feb 9, 2014)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## daisydogmom (Feb 26, 2007)

Just so unfair... I'm so sorry...


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## MaureenM (Sep 20, 2011)

I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family.


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## SandyK (Mar 20, 2011)

I am so very sorry for you and your family. Fergus will live in your heart forever!! RIP sweet boy.


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## Rainheart (Nov 28, 2010)

I am so so sorry... my heart goes out to you. No one should ever lose them this young... especially to dreaded cancer.


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## swishywagga (Nov 13, 2012)

I am so very sorry for your loss, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Cookie's Mom (Oct 14, 2013)

So sorry to hear about Fergus's passing. All of our beloved dogs at the rainbow bridge were there to welcome him to a place with no pain but plenty of tennis balls and treats.


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## Sheldon's Mom (Dec 29, 2012)

Karina
I am so sorry for you loss of you boy Fergus.
It is so heartbreaking and I wish you comfort and peace during this difficult time.
Hugs to you.
Barbara Sheldon's Mom


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## HolDaisy (Jan 10, 2012)

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss of beautiful Fergus, life really can be so unfair 
It sounds like he made his journey to rainbow bridge peacefully on his terms where he felt safe and comfortable, in the home that he loved. You must be totally heartbroken and sadly so many of us know how you must be feeling. He'll live on in your heart and memories forever and his spirit will always be around you, take care.


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## KML611 (Mar 2, 2015)

Hello Everyone, 

I want to take a few moments to thank each one of you for your kind words and words of encouragement about the passing of my beloved Fergus. 

These past few days have been difficult. I find myself on either end of the emotional scale. Moments when all I do is breakdown and cry and moments where all I can do is smile remembering him. It is hard for me at night when I go to bed and lay there waiting to hear him come up the steps only to realize I won't hear him. Yet, I feel relieved that he is no longer suffering and can breath again. 

I cannot say that I hate cancer but I surely am not a fan. I cannot let cancer win. Yes, cancer my have took my baby boy and yes I have been fighting my own cancer battle but even on certain days when I am ready to give up and throw in the towel and let cancer break me I remember I am stronger than cancer and will not let it break me. I was able to have almost two years with my boy and I am thankful for every moment with him. I would love to have longer, but that was not how fate and the powers above wanted it....they needed him more. I find comfort in knowing he is with his sisters (my girls who passed before him) and all of your fur babies who have passed and are at the rainbow bridge. They are all just having one big party! That makes me smile  If it wasn't for my own cancer diagnosis I do not think I would have realized how things are but into perspective. I will never be the same person I was before my diagnosis and honestly, I do not want to be. I am forever changed in a good way. 

In my heart I know I will also love goldens...there is no other breed like them in my opinion. Please do not get me wrong..I love all dogs...I am that person that goes out of her way to go meet a dog I see walking by or stop and say hi if I see them and you can bet I am that type of girl who will flip out if I found out or see a dog being abused....As that saying goes I may seem quiet and reserved but if you mess with my dogs or any other dogs, I will break out a level of crazy that will make your nightmares seek like a happy place...yeah, that is me!

Here is another pic of my boy. Would love to share more but I just cannot figure out how to upload more on my Ipad! I have read all of your advice and it still does not work....guess it is user error! 

Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart. I am so glad I found this forum and decided to let you all know my story. I plan on staying on here for awhile. 

Karen519 - I tried to respond to your PM but since I don't have enough post I was not able. I will when I have enough posts!

XOXO
Karina


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

The words I am so sorry simply don't do enough. I feel your pain, and personally know how hard it is to lose them so young. I can only think he had a job to do and helped you through your struggle, and then it was time to go. Too soon I know. Eventually time will soften the hurt, but he will forever be part of you.


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## KKaren (Oct 29, 2014)

Dear Karina, Sending prayers and kind thoughts for strength and comfort for you and for your family. 
Rest easy sweet Fergus, I know that you have many friends at Rainbow Bridge


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## wjane (Oct 12, 2013)

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss of Fergus - just heartbreaking. Godspeed sweet Fergus.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Karina*



KML611 said:


> Hello Everyone,
> 
> I want to take a few moments to thank each one of you for your kind words and words of encouragement about the passing of my beloved Fergus.
> 
> ...


Karina: What a beautiful picture-wish I knew how to upload to an Ipad, but I don't. I am glad you plan on sticking around the forum!


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## 1oldparson (Mar 5, 2013)

I am so very sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Also praying for your complete healing. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

I am so very sorry, he was so young,and cute, when they are so young ,it really is just not fair.


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## KML611 (Mar 2, 2015)

Tomorrow I will celebrate you, Fergus, on your second birthday. You may not be here physically with us but you will always be in our hearts. In honor of you and your sisters that have passed to rainbow bridge, your sister that is still here and those that will find their way to join our family I chose to have this tattoo done. I love you sweet boy! I hope you and your sisters are having a wonderful time with all your friends at the bridge.


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## HolDaisy (Jan 10, 2012)

I will be thinking of you tomorrow on Fergus's 2nd birthday  Although you can't see him he will always be with you in spirit, especially at times when you need him around. Your tattoo is beautiful and is such a lovely way of honouring your beautiful boy. Daisy had only just turned 3 when we lost her, although the time we had with them was way too short, we were able to create special memories and in that short time Fergus knew how loved he was. I just know that she will be looking after him for you and they'll be having lots of fun together at rainbow bridge.


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## MommyMe (Jan 20, 2014)

What a beautiful tribute to your sweet boy. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.


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## The life of Piper (Feb 24, 2015)

Oh no!  is am so sorry!!!! I will pray for peace for you and your family tomorrow. He will be with you furever! I'm afraid words cannot mend the hole in your heart. I hope you have sweet dreams of him tonight. God bless you!! <3


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## wiznsox (Dec 11, 2007)

I am so sorry for the heartbreaking loss of your beautiful boy Fergus. May you find strength and comfort in the knowledge Fergus is now Cancer free, happy, running and playing at Rainbow Bridge. I truly believe, one day you will be reunited, he will spot you coming towards him over the Bridge - when that day comes, he'll run to you, into your outstretched arms and you will never be apart again.


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

Happy 2nd Birthday at the Bridge sweet boy!
Sorry you are not celebrating on this side of the Rainbow with your family, I try to believe there is reason for it that we might find out one day when we are all together again.
Big hug to your mom, please send her a sign that all is well there.


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## MyCodyBoy (Sep 27, 2008)

I am so sorry to hear this, it is very sad, I just can not begin to imagine how you feel.
Thank you for sharing your story.


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## Coby Love (Apr 9, 2015)

I am so sorry to read this. What a tragic story. Fergus was EXCEPTIONALLY handsome. What a big beautiful boy. I am so sorry for your loss and for the pain I know you are experiencing. Prayers for you and your family. 



KML611 said:


> It is with a very heavy heart that my beloved Fergus passed away in his sleep during the early morning hours. I sit here with tears streaming and my heart broken. Yet, I'm comforted knowing he passed away in his favorite spot by the fireplace with a tennis ball beside him.
> So many emotions right now....I keep thinking I waited too long. We were taking him today to say goodbye. I guess he wanted to go on his terms. I had been preparing for this moment for sometime but it is never easy. I made sure he knew it was okay to leave when he needed when I talked to him and told him how much he is loved and that I need him to check in from time to time.
> 
> This is just to hard and so unfair......I can't even wrap my head around it.....
> ...


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Fergus*

Wishing Fergus a very Happy Birthday at the Rainbow Bridge.


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## Lucky Penny (Nov 13, 2011)

Just reading your story now. My heart is broken for you. Fergus was such a handsome boy full of wonderful love. My thoughts go out to you and your family. It never gets easy.


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