# How do I make him trust me again?



## Dallas' Mommy (Aug 1, 2015)

I've been following the forum for awhile now but finally felt compelled to post. Last week our family went on vacation. After trying to find a in-home dog sitter or friend I resorted to boarding my 11 month old dog at a kennel/daycare. He would've only been in the lodging kennel space for naps and at night and the rest in a daycare setting. Here's where it gets difficult, the day we were going to leave he developed bouts of diarrhea, to make sure he wasn't bringing something in like a virus I brought him to the vet the same day. She prescribed him antibiotics and gave him an injection and placed him on a special diet. Later on I brought him into to the pet lodge for lodging. During his stay I'd check in on him on the webcam and notice he was happy playing in the group daycare setting. We were gone for 6 days and yesterday July the 31st I was finally able to pick him up. He reeked of poop after I had asked the pet lodge to give him an exit bath, and he had yellow snot on his nose, and was sneezing and coughing. I brought him home and gave him a nice long bath. And of course being the good mommy that I am brought him to the vet again later on that day. 

At home he won't eat his own food at all, but will beg and take snacks from the kids and my hubby, he won't take ANYTHING from me. He will just look at me with a sad face and go back to his kennel. I've been reassuring and trying to pet him and telling him to sit with me, but he just leaves.

So I'm only to assume he's upset and thinks I dumped him at the pet lodge for being sick after bringing him to the vet. And when I picked him up again I brought him to the vet later that day. 

Am I to give him time? I just hate to think that he'll never trust me again.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

Give him time. He still doesn't feel well and just needs a chance to settle in at home. He doesn't hold a grudge, he just needs some extra love and attention and probably some sleep. Most dogs don't sleep at the kennel and will be tired when they come home and sleep a lot even when they're not sick. Just keep an eye on him and don't worry about him thinking you're a meanie.


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## laprincessa (Mar 24, 2008)

When Max had surgery for a small thingie in his mouth a couple of weeks ago, I was the one who dropped him off at the vet in the morning. My husband came with me to pick him up later, took him to the car while I got instructions, meds, and paid the bill. When I got in the car, Max was snuggling up to Daddy and he gave me a look that, well, I think it's a good thing he couldn't talk! He wanted nothing to do with me either for a while. It may take a day or three, but I think your baby will come around, too


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## goldlover68 (Jun 17, 2013)

There is a word for how humans put 'human' emotions on our pets....but I cannot recall that word. But dog trainers use it a lot to train people to realize their pets do not think like people think and they do not have the same emotions that people do!

You dog cannot hold a grudge against you as he cannot attach his 'boarding' to you! Dog just do not think that way! If you do not believe me do your own research and you will understand this better. What is going on is how humans always hold 'guilt' when they feel they have done something wrong. Dog doesn't need help to feel better about you, you need to feel better about you...!


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## Dallas' Mommy (Aug 1, 2015)

I feel fine about myself, and normally don't feel guilt. 
However I'm the one who will be with him most of the day while hubby and kids are at school and work. 

He comes when called to hubby and the kids, he brings hubby his toys or ball to play fetch, (Normally he does all the fun stuff with me.) 
However, yesterday and today with me he'll just look at me with a dejected face and go back to his kennel. I've called him a few times with his favorite treat and still doesn't come to me. 

I've been normal with him emotion wise, as in I'm always loving and give him lots of hugs. Normally, I wouldn't take it personal but since he's only behaving that way with me it's only natural to question it.


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## Chritty (Aug 17, 2014)

Millie will keep a wide berth from me after I've bathed her or cleaned her ears sometimes. After a nap she usually is back to her normal self. Dogs tend to move on.


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## goldlover68 (Jun 17, 2013)

Dallas' Mommy said:


> I feel fine about myself, and normally don't feel guilt.
> However I'm the one who will be with him most of the day while hubby and kids are at school and work.
> 
> He comes when called to hubby and the kids, he brings hubby his toys or ball to play fetch, (Normally he does all the fun stuff with me.)
> ...


 Until you understand how dogs think, you will not 'get it'...do your own research...or talk to some professional dog trainers...

The dog may be pulling up a 'picture' of you that is associated with being boarded. He of course would react to that picture. All you have to do is give him a new picture to focus on about you. e.g...if you were the one that drove him to be boarded, or the one that walked him into the building to be boarded...he may be pulling up that picture. So take him in the same car to a park and play with him, giving him a new picture of good fun. 

These are just examples...

Good Luck


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

Don't feel guilty. He's not blaming you for how he feels, he's just feeling yucky right now. He'll feel better soon and will be back to normal. Don't let it get you down!


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## laprincessa (Mar 24, 2008)

goldlover68 said:


> Until you understand how dogs think, you will not 'get it'...do your own research...or talk to some professional dog trainers...
> 
> The dog may be pulling up a 'picture' of you that is associated with being boarded. He of course would react to that picture. All you have to do is give him a new picture to focus on about you. e.g...if you were the one that drove him to be boarded, or the one that walked him into the building to be boarded...he may be pulling up that picture. So take him in the same car to a park and play with him, giving him a new picture of good fun.
> 
> ...


Not sure that this is really going to make the OP feel much better about the situation, I think she was just looking for reassurance that it's going to get better.


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

A few things come to mind. One night my Irish Setter, Red, rolled off the bed onto the floor. He got back in bed but would not look at me at all. If I trued to turn his face towards me, he used all his strength to turn away from me. . I had done nothing, had been on the other side of the kind size bed. Why would he not look me in the face. We were so close hubby called him Sandra's Shadow.

Hunter and Kaycee were litter mates. When Hunter was killed by ProHeart6 at age 4 yers and 2 months, Kaycee went into what I call a "funk" that lasted a couple of weeks. Instead of being on the sofa with me as always, she was uner the dining table. She, Hunter and Honey use to "pay" with the dogs behind us thru the fence. She would not even go out to the fence. It took Honeypestering the day lights out of her to get her to come out of the funk. And to the day she died almost 5 years later, she would often go lay where we had buried hunter.

He had spent 8 days in ICU before his death. He is buried 6 feet deep, but she must have been able to pick us his scent. And remembered where it was. I took pictures of her a number of times laying on his gave over the years.

When Kaycee died (cancer) Honey went into a funk She had no other dogs here and he wouldn't even lay on the patio as she and Kaycee had done for hours on end. She wouldn't even go to the back fence at all where she and Kaycee had run up and down playing with the dogs behind us. This went on a couple of months.

On more--We had a 9 year old Irish Setter when we got our first golden, a 9 week old puppy. He and Boots wre best buddies in no time. lost Boots to bone cancer 3 years later on July 9. Since he loved the beach, we buried him out in an area near son's duck blind. Said his spirit would always be able to chase the shore birds and gulls, he could try to catch crabs in shallow water, and hear the mullet jumping. 

To get to the duck blind we had to park on an old no longer used (pavement missing, over grown in crabs, etc) road and walk some 100 yards down to the water. Lots of slat water grass, bushes, etc. Boots was buried by a half buried old huge tree trunk. Well, Scooter always stopped to pee on the trunk going down to the blin and back--hd done this since he started hunting at 6 months, was barely 3 when Boots died and 3 1/2 when duck season opened Nov. 1. We went out, he went straight to that tree trunk, sniffed round and round it it and then went and peed on a bush. Same on trip back up to the car. Every hunt after that it was the same thing--he always went to the tree trunk and sniffed and went round and round it, but never peed on it again. We have no explanation for that.

And I do believe with all my heart and having owned dogs for 59 years that they do have emotions very similar to humans. Is like we were always told dogs could only see in black and white. But recently it was found they could see some colors. I had thought that for years. When Ihad my first Irish Setter 35 years ago Ihad 5 hairbrush all alike only different colors. I forget which color I used on him. I could have any of the other 4 colors in my hand and he paid no attention. but if I picked up the one I used on him, he was all wiggles. My vet at the time said it was probably the way I picked it up. Maye so. til that report came out a few years ago. Dogs can't talk so no wayof knowing exactly what they feel, what they see, what they hear, etc.


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## Anon-2130948gsoni (Apr 12, 2014)

Back when my husband and I used to travel for business all the time, my dogs learned what the sound of a suitcase meant and would start acting like the world was ending. 

Assuming everything is okay with his health now, I would just give him some space. He may be reacting to your reaction...you're worried so he's worried? Maybe focus on getting back to your usual routine. If he's not acting normal in a few days or even sooner if vomiting, not pooping, or acting really lethargic, back to the vet, yes?


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## Charliethree (Jul 18, 2010)

Having been the 'bad guy' more than a few times with my dogs and gotten the 'cold shoulder', and 'Yes, it does hurt', they do 'come around' sometimes it just takes a little time. What I often do, when it happens, is take the dog for a nice, long, one-on-one 'walk', (swim, game of fetch' something the dog really likes to do), just the two of us. It can help to relax both of us, add in a bit of fun, and start us off on a new and positive note.


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## Bwilson (Mar 25, 2014)

My Rottweiler has clued in over the years when my husband was going on deployment. Without fail he would destroy something of his before he left and when he got back after 8 months or more. It took a bit for him to warm back up to him but he always did. They have I tolerate you because of mom relationship. Not looking forward to how River reacts to him deploying because she adores him it will crush her. Hard enough to have him gone for a 24 hr period in her eyes.


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## quilter (Sep 12, 2011)

The first couple of times I left Casper at the kennel, he came home kind of spooked. Sort of like he didn't know who I was. The first time, it was day or so before he came around. The second time he was in the kennel, he ended up there way longer than planned (family emergency) and he was really hesitant around me. Then all of sudden on the second day, he looked at me, said to himself "oh, you're the one I get crazy with" and ran right to me. I could actually see him recognize me. (OK, dogs don't really think like that, but it's how I think about it.) Since then, we've paid a bundle to get him lots more attention at the kennel. In addition to exercise time, we also get him a 15-minute massage (petting) every day. It's made a big difference and he comes out a little less shocked.


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## BuddyinFrance (May 20, 2015)

quilter said:


> The first couple of times I left Casper at the kennel, he came home kind of spooked. Sort of like he didn't know who I was. The first time, it was day or so before he came around. The second time he was in the kennel, he ended up there way longer than planned (family emergency) and he was really hesitant around me. Then all of sudden on the second day, he looked at me, said to himself "oh, you're the one I get crazy with" and ran right to me. I could actually see him recognize me. (OK, dogs don't really think like that, but it's how I think about it.) Since then, we've paid a bundle to get him lots more attention at the kennel. In addition to exercise time, we also get him a 15-minute massage (petting) every day. It's made a big difference and he comes out a little less shocked.


Did I read that right? You have to pay extra at your kennels for them to pet him for 15 minutes everyday?


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

BuddyinFrance said:


> Did I read that right? You have to pay extra at your kennels for them to pet him for 15 minutes everyday?


I don't know about the kennel that the poster sends her pup to, but the ones around here include one 10 minute petting a day and if you want your dog to have more, you have to pay and additional fee for it. Same with outside time, they allow for 2 or 3 times outside, if you want you pup to have more than that, you have to pay for each additional trip outside.


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## goldlover68 (Jun 17, 2013)

Wow, I am always amazed by people on this site. Some are excellent trainers, breeders and handlers who have spent years studying animal behavior, animal training, and learning how to be experts in what they do.

Others are people who truly love their pets, and have limited knowledge or even no knowledge about dogs and how they learn and think.

Probably a typical 80/20 bell curve here. Where 80% of us are in the middle between the experts and those who simply have no formal knowledge of dogs...where are you? I am somewhere in the middle, but always trying to learn more from reading and researching...


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## quilter (Sep 12, 2011)

BuddyinFrance said:


> Did I read that right? You have to pay extra at your kennels for them to pet him for 15 minutes everyday?


Yes, I pay extra for the petting. It's officially a Relaxation Massage by a dog massage therapist. I could also buy him personal playtime, which would include petting, I suppose. But I really want someone to sit down with him and focus on touching him, so that he doesn't go days without human contact. 

Our kennel charges separately for activities and there are a bunch to choose from. Group play, individual play, private walk, group walk, swimming play, swimming therapy, relaxation massage, therapeutic massage, etc. It works great for us. But yes, it's expensive and I'm sure other people find it ridiculous.


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

quilter said:


> Yes, I pay extra for the petting. It's officially a Relaxation Massage by a dog massage therapist. I could also buy him personal playtime, which would include petting, I suppose. But I really want someone to sit down with him and focus on touching him, so that he doesn't go days without human contact.
> 
> Our kennel charges separately for activities and there are a bunch to choose from. Group play, individual play, private walk, group walk, swimming play, swimming therapy, relaxation massage, therapeutic massage, etc. It works great for us. But yes, it's expensive and I'm sure other people find it ridiculous.


I don't think it's ridiculous that you would want to pay for that! I do think it's sad that it's an additional charge.


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## TheZ's (Jun 13, 2011)

We haven't boarded our two most recent Goldens but Zeke was boarded a number of times. After a couple of times we realized that whoever dropped him off would get the cold shoulder after pickup. Nobody wanted to be the one to drop him off. The good news is the cold shoulder never seemed to last as much as 24 hours. I would just relax and try to go about your regular routine and not press him to be affectionate until he's ready.


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## Chritty (Aug 17, 2014)

Dallas' Mommy said:


> I feel fine about myself, and normally don't feel guilt.
> However I'm the one who will be with him most of the day while hubby and kids are at school and work.
> 
> He comes when called to hubby and the kids, he brings hubby his toys or ball to play fetch, (Normally he does all the fun stuff with me.)
> ...



So is he back to normal?


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## Brave (Oct 26, 2012)

I haven't boarded Bear before. We've used a pet sitter (close family friend) and didn't notice any change in behavior. However, ever morning as I get ready for work, Bear starts pouring. He gets sullen and won't look at me or wag his tail. He lays on the bed or couch and just stares at me. If I ask for a kiss, he just turns his head. 

So I just leave. By the time I come home he is back to being crazy and wild. 

Another story involves our cats. I came to my marriage with my two cats. And they never warmed up to my husband. A couple years into our marriage, we went on vacation and boarded the cats. My husband was the one to pick them up from the kennel. They've loved him ever since.


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## BuddyinFrance (May 20, 2015)

Message for Quilter (forget to add original message ) I don't find it ridiculous that you do all that for your dog. I am just surprised that in USA in kennels you pay "extra" for them to take " better" care of your dog! Seems so brutally commercial. Here is is just a price per day. But I totally understand that you want the very best for your dog when you are out of town! I would do the same.


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## BuddyinFrance (May 20, 2015)

goldlover68 said:


> Wow, I am always amazed by people on this site. Some are excellent trainers, breeders and handlers who have spent years studying animal behavior, animal training, and learning how to be experts in what they do.
> 
> Others are people who truly love their pets, and have limited knowledge or even no knowledge about dogs and how they learn and think.
> 
> Probably a typical 80/20 bell curve here. Where 80% of us are in the middle between the experts and those who simply have no formal knowledge of dogs...where are you? I am somewhere in the middle, but always trying to learn more from reading and researching...


Interesting question and subject .... but probably a subject for a new thread?


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## Brave (Oct 26, 2012)

BuddyinFrance said:


> Message for Quilter (forget to add original message ) I don't find it ridiculous that you do all that for your dog. I am just surprised that in USA in kennels you pay "extra" for them to take " better" care of your dog! Seems so brutally commercial. Here is is just a price per day. But I totally understand that you want the very best for your dog when you are out of town! I would do the same.



Most boarding kennels are just rows of runs. They often times house hundreds of dogs, especially during the busy days (around any holiday). 

For safety, dogs are kept in their runs except for potty time. When I worked at a kennel, there was two people in charge of four wings. Each wing had 40+ runs and one outside alcove. We were responsible for taking dogs out first thing in the morning, scrubbing down the runs, feeding, and collecting soiled bedding, and clean up poop from the outside area after each dog. Times that by 40+ runs and it takes a large chunk of time. 

After morning routine, the soiled bedding would have to be washed, folded, and put away. The floors had to be sweeped, mopped, bathroom cleaned, etc. all while we rotate dogs from their runs to the outside area for potty breaks. 

Dogs that paid extra got to go to group play. 

It's not necessarily that it's so commercialized. It's that if you want every dog to get twice as much attention, you going to need more people to pick up the slack while someone is playing with an individual dog. More hires = more money spent on workers and that buck is passed to the consumer. 

The dogs basic needs are taken care of. They are safe. They are fed. And they are routinely paid attention to and allowed access for potty breaks. 

Many kennels now cater to those owners that "spoil" their dogs by offering Frozen kongs, Etc for additional costs.


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## laprincessa (Mar 24, 2008)

I think that if you go to a smaller kennel to board, you'll get that kind of attention withut paying extra. Our groomer also boards dogs and she's been known to sleep in the kennel with them. (She's a bit of a crazy dog lady, and I see nothing wrong with that at all. )


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## quilter (Sep 12, 2011)

Jen describes the situation well.

Ultimately, it's all built into the price. Dogs aren't going to get 15 minutes of attention each unless you hire enough people to do that. Consider the kennel with 40 runs. If every dog gets 15 minutes of attention, you need to pay for 10 more hours of help. That will increase the daily rate.

The kennel-free places are different, but then the dogs need to compete for attention. Casper doesn't do well in those situations. There's actually too much activity for him, and he's been hurt. But he does great on the attention thing.

Not all kennels are run this way. We like this kennel because we can get Casper a large indoor/outdoor space and we can get specific activities for him. For example, I want him to get exercise, but I don't want them walking him on a leash (he'll practice pulling). So I can pick group play instead. I send him to swimming lessons while he's there, too. Now he'll swim to fetch balls. I just didn't have enough time left in my day to teach him to swim. And he wouldn't do it on his own.

But it is completely commercial, no doubt about it. It's a business. They charge what they can and offer services that people want. I think ours offers the frozen kongs, too. They even have a coffee shop on site and it has a little window at the bottom for delivering treats to the dogs. For some money, they will walk your dog to the coffee shop every morning for a treat. Yes, even I am laughing about it!


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## BuddyinFrance (May 20, 2015)

So different here.. Kennels are from 6 to 25 dogs as a general average. They have their own "hut" with a flap door which enables them to come in and go out to potty as they wish. Air con summer, heating winter. 2 organised walks a day each morning and evening, then access to the doggy "park" .. toys, tunnels etc for a couple of hours each day. Family environment with lots of cuddles... 12 euros ... around 13 dollars a day. (You provide your own food)


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## Dallas' Mommy (Aug 1, 2015)

Chritty said:


> So is he back to normal?


Hi thanks for asking, yes he's back to normal. I'd say by Tuesday he was back to normal. He and the cat spent time cuddling with me.


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## Dallas' Mommy (Aug 1, 2015)

On Thursday we noticed he picked up some aggressive behavior from the boarding facility. I had gotten him a very nice buffalo bone from the dog bakery, and later on he was chewing on it when my 8 year old son came over to pet him. He started growling at my son! Then he did the same thing to my 4 year old daughter, and she's usually his favorite.
He didn't growl at my husband or I. I was able freely take the bone from him and so was my husband, but didn't let the kids anywhere near it. I assumed he was getting treats stolen from other dogs at the kennel facility or got bullied. 

So Friday I spent the day letting the kids feed him his meals, and give him treats for good behavior. They also brushed his hair. 
Later, we tried giving him the buffalo bone again and he was still stubborn to let it go for the kids, but not growling. So when I tried to grab it, he released it, and I said good boy and gave him a treat. I think he figured ok so not growling gets me treats, so we tried again, the kids tried to grab the bone and he instantly dropped it and they gave him treats. Now he's been bringing them the bone haha.. Silly dog. Not sure if it fully solves the aggressive behavior but he hasn't exhibited any since. 

In case you're all wondering. The facility where I brought him is toted as a "Pet lodge" and there's the "just boarding option" and then you can pay an extra $9 for daycare. They let them out in the morning to the play yard with the other dogs for a few hours, then bring them in for a nap (in the kennel) and then let them out again at 3:30 to the indoor play area. They supposedly give them 3 walks a day but I remember the manager has told me that was extra, didn't even see an option for cuddling.
All in all, I'm not boarding him ever again. I found a Golden Retriever rescue that has foster families that will watch your golden for you in their homes while you're away, what better than people who know goldens the best?


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## Dallas' Mommy (Aug 1, 2015)

goldlover68 said:


> Wow, I am always amazed by people on this site. Some are excellent trainers, breeders and handlers who have spent years studying animal behavior, animal training, and learning how to be experts in what they do.
> 
> Others are people who truly love their pets, and have limited knowledge or even no knowledge about dogs and how they learn and think.
> 
> Probably a typical 80/20 bell curve here. Where 80% of us are in the middle between the experts and those who simply have no formal knowledge of dogs...where are you? I am somewhere in the middle, but always trying to learn more from reading and researching...



I'm definitely not an expert and am still learning, funny you mention research. When I went into google to find some answers (whether it was a informative article or study) this was the first website that came up. It's only logical to assume there'd be seasoned golden owners, trainers, or behaviorists on this site, and hence I asked a simple question.
If I didn't care, and brushed off "his feelings" I wouldn't have taken the time to come into the forum to ask questions.

I'm fairly new at owning a dog, this is my first one. 
I've always been a cat lady, but have always loved dogs as well. 
I actually still rescue kittens, my boy Dallas loves when I bring new foster kittens that he could keep company.


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## Dallas' Mommy (Aug 1, 2015)

laprincessa said:


> Not sure that this is really going to make the OP feel much better about the situation, I think she was just looking for reassurance that it's going to get better.


Thank you laprincessa


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## snoskr (May 31, 2015)

I agree just give him time but either every time you go to him bring him a tasty treat that you know he likes, maybe cheese, when you call him have a treat, then he will associate coming to you is a good thing, then in no time at all he will be back to normal.


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