# Looking for help correcting behavioral issues



## ArchersMom (May 22, 2013)

It sounds like he's got some tough issues to deal with. And at that age, he might need professional help. Have you talked to a behaviorist or a certified trainer?


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## Izziebeth (Mar 26, 2018)

I have an ancient childhood fear of having my hands bit up from dogs takings treats too aggressively, so have always trained my dogs to “do nice.” When I offer the dog a treat, I say “do nice,” and if he comes in too aggressively, I withdraw my hand and treat and try again. It takes a few tries, but it is very trainable. We used to laugh at my Golden, Jake, because you could actually watch his face muscles twitch while he was gathering the self-control to “do nice” ... but then he would, just as gently as could be.

Folks here who are more well-versed in training, especially for hunting when a gentle mouth is key, may have a more formal way to do it, but it has always worked for me. I have read that even a puppy has the jaw strength to sever a finger. Our job is helping them learn how to control their biting power.

For your carpets, if they are ruined, I wonder if you are using a spray such as Nature’s Miracle. Used properly, it will neutralize the stain and odor as if it has never happened.

You may need some sessions with a trainer to correct your dog’s behavior around the kids. My hunch is he is reading their excitement or nervousness as an invitation to play and reacting accordingly. If the little ones are carrying food, it may be too irresistable for now, and I would recommend keeping them separate from the dog with food or drink for everyone’s safety.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

I'm sorry you all have had a hard time. I suspect that he didn't show bad behavior during his foster time because he was not settled. Now he is comfortable and more confident in your home and is sort of doing as he pleases because no one ever taught him differently in his prior life. 

I strongly second the advice of hiring a professional trainer who specializes in behavior and has experience with retrievers to come to your home for a few sessions to work with you all. 

I suspect from your description that he just needs manners, that his is boisterous, careless behavior on his part an not motivated by true aggressiveness or you would have had a big incident by now. There are games to play every day to teach him to take things gently. He needs on leash obedience work on a daily basis and "nothing in life is free" protocol to help him remember that he is the dog and you are the people. 

Do a search for Nothing in Life is Free dog training and read a little bit. You can get started on it now if you have some basic obedience commands with him. If this were my dog there would be some things happening:

1) No more freedom of the house. He is baby gated into the kitchen with no access to carpet or drapes or upholstery. You can use an exercise pen, baby gates and his crate to block off large entryways. Peeing in the house is simply not acceptable. Is he neutered?

2) He wears a drag leash, short about 3' long at all times during the time he is not crated. This is to use to control him when his mouthiness or 'bull in a china shop' behavior shows itself. Keep treats in your pockets at all times or in an easily accessible spot to reward good behavior and distract him with obedience commands when he gets excited. At first sign, grab the leash, and immediately give a command he knows such as 'sit' and shorten the leash until he obeys. Reward with food and praise. Breaking the cycle and then giving him something 'good' to do is key.

3) Children do not walk around with anything resembling food or drink in the house. Everyone sits at a table to eat and drink. I know this is a hassle but it will really help. I've raised 3 kids in a house with multiple large dogs and it can be done. The toys and 'high value' things that you know are tempting should be kept in areas of the house where the dog isn't allowed. Your number one priority is the safety of the kids but also to keep any (even accidental) bite from happening which will make him unadoptable in almost any situation should you need to remove him from your home ultimately.

4) If you're not enrolled in full time, weekly obedience class with this dog, one of the adults needs to make this their new hobby. It will make a world of difference in managing this boy.

Some things to do to teach him to be more gentle: Wipe some butter on the back of your hand, present it to him and tell him to "kiss". Start having an adult hand feed him his kibble. At least part of his meal every time or at least once a day. Consistently working with him on this is going to help. He may also need some help with self control. Search Kikopup on Youtube and look for videos on how to train "Place" or "settle".

It's ok to admit that you all have a dog who may not be the best fit for a household with very young children. If you all give this another 3 months and are honestly working hard at changes in training and management with no real improvement, maybe contacting the rescue where he came from is best for everyone.

If you tell us where you are located, we can help you get in touch with a good trainer. A dog training club or obedience club can also be helpful. You need more than just the standard pet trainer.


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## goldenmom3 (Jun 6, 2018)

Thank you all so much for your responses thus far. I feel extremely overwhelmed, these are just SOME of the things he does-he really does not have any manners at all. He is also counter surfs constantly, which we have tried to work on as well, with no avail. My husband and I are having our 3rd child this summer and I/we feel defeated with his behavior. To be quite honest with you, I don’t think we will have the time to see a professional until a bit after the baby is born because we will have a lot on our plates. I am definitely willing to try as much as I can at home, to try and help this behavior.

Another thing we are trying to correct; if you are not constantly petting him, he will paw you, and very hard. So hard that you can’t just ignore the behavior-he will leave scrape marks/bruises on your leg/thigh. This is something that we have consistently tried working on with him and nothing has changed whatsoever. This is why I am feeling so defeated, and I agree, a professional would probably be our best bet at this point.

I also want to mention, it doesn’t matter what my children have in their hands, he will grab it. It could be a toy, a stuffed animal, a napkin..it’s not just food/cups. My biggest concern was when my 1 year old was a a month or two old and he took a pacifier directly from her mouth when she was in her car seat. He literally did it so quickly/sneakily..we had set the car seat down and not even a second later he snuck in and grabbed it. I realize this was my fault, but I never in my wildest dreams would think a Golden would do this! Luckily she was not hurt, just extremely startled.

A lot of this is negative, but I will tell you, he truly is a sweet boy. When I say he takes things aggressively, I know he is not doing so to necessarily BE aggressive, he just doesn’t know that’s not how to take things. My other Golden’s have been super easy to train and learn. I do NOT expect a perfect dog, but I do expect a dog to be respectful with children.

He is neutered.

I know that some dogs are just not a good fit, however, at this point we have had him for 2+ years and I’d feel extremely guilty giving him back to the rescue. Also, we DO love him! I just don’t want to live like this anymore! I feel bad; we already keep him gated off a lot because of his behaviors. The other two get free roam of the house and I feel so guilty that he has to see the other two with “freedom.”

I will truly take everyone’s advice into consideration as far as suggestions/books. I want this to work! I want to feel like he is truly a part of our family, but I also want him to feel happy too.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

You've gotten good advice. I know he's not a puppy, but he is behaving like a puppy and needs to learn basic "living with humans" manners. 

The one thing that will help a lot is to teach him impulse control. Wait at doors, wait for a release word when you set his food bowl down, wait for permission for basically everything. Teaching him "settle on a mat" can be a huge game changer. Once he knows the command you can send him to lay down on the mat when he is being too pushy. 

You really do need to get a trainer to come into your home and works with you, a good trainer with behavior training experience. I know you have a lot on your plate, but he is part of that and if you want to live peacefully with him you have to put in the time to work with him.


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## CedarFurbaby (Jun 6, 2016)

It sounds like he is one smart cookie and keeps himself well entertained. Sorry to hear how tough it must be with young kids.

My Cedar is a bit like that, as a teenager he can’t be trusted around children not to knock them over or to take things suddenly. He is also very smart and would make a dash for something even if you disallowed it. He just had this personality where he was a lot less attached to me and to people and he had such a high drive for the things he wanted. Not at all eager to please like many goldens are.

I’m guessing yours sound a bit like that too. It might just take time, lots of management and training. And especially time to bond, so that they want to listen to you, not just because you have treats in your hand.

With my pup it is only after 2+ years that I feel we’ve bonded and we’ve worked out how to live together. Because of his high drive, we have 2 outings every weekday, off leash running. and obedience class and tracking on weekends. I suspect that if he didn’t get these things he would most likely be havoc in another home, so don’t feel bad if you decide that your dog is not the right fit. If you decide to keep him, then it sounds like it’s possible to teach him ways to live with you. Good luck!


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

Really, these are all things that you can work through if you're very serious about it. He really needs some boundaries. Keep his nails dremmeled on a weekly basis and when he paws for attention, use your forearm and give him a quick check with the flat of your arm while telling him "eh" in a deep gruff voice. Get up and walk away from him. Every time. Be strict with his boundaries. Use the leash - have him drag one in the house to manage him and let him know you're strict and serious when you correct him.

Giving him things to do instead of misbehaving could be a big part of the issue. I agree with comment above, sounds like he's a smarty and needs a job, some daily training to occupy his brain. Does he get any daily aerobic exercise?

If you think you don't have time now to get serious about obedience work, (it's not cheap but having a pro come to your house really would be ideal ) you really will not have time after the baby comes and you all are going from man to man coverage to zone defense  The laundry alone with a 3rd child will crush you - (I have 3 daughters). I know you love him and he sounds like a doll, but the sooner you return him, the sooner he can start with rehab or go to a family that has older kids.


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## gdgli (Aug 24, 2011)

Sorry you are having these problems. To be honest with you I think that you need to learn some other ways to train a dog. I detect some weakness in your relationship with your dog. Example: You caught the dog in the act and told him "No" which is apparently ineffective. And it happens only once a month? You are probably wrong on this one. 

Start with a strong basic manners obedience class to help establish the dog's position as it relates to the rest of the family. Establish pack leadership and I do not mean alpha rollovers, there are better ways. I love the expression "alphabetize yourself". Learn to better manage him. Hint: Why is he catching rabbits? Why is he grabbing things from the children's hands?

Not meaning to be judgmental but I must let you know that you need to make some drastic changes immediately. It is not hard. But you have children involved and you need to avoid what could be bigger problems. 

And here is one way to offer treats to a dog like that: Hold your treat in a closed fist. As the dog sniffs it open your hand to let the dog get the treat from your palm. 

Other good advice: Keep the dog away from the kids when they are eating or have any food in their hands.


I wish you luck. Don't give up.


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## FosterGolden (Mar 10, 2014)

He sounds bored, not bad. He sounds pushy. He wants to do stuff and he wants to do it with you. He sounds like a dog that was made to work, have a job. You have told us all the stuff the dog does, but what do YOU do? What kind of exercise does he get? How do you feed him and what do you feed him? Do you train him and if so, how? He sounds like a dog that is just begging for something to do! 


Lastly, have you contacted the rescue? If they are a good rescue, especially a breed rescue, they should be able to help you out, and if not, they might have a better match for him.


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## jdavisryan (Jan 28, 2018)

I can't add anything to the excellent advice you've received here, but I'm rooting for you, and for your sweet stinker of a dog. Our first Golden, Moses, was a hooligan for the first few years, mostly because we had two toddlers and too little time to devote to the training and exercise he needed. I can't tell you how many times he brought me to the brink of madness and we had plenty of tears from our little boys who were getting mugged by this outlaw of a dog. I enrolled in several sessions of obedience classes and took the kids with me, and as a family we brought things under control (mostly,) Moses became a constant companion to my boys and as teenagers they held him and sobbed as we had to say goodbye. I truly hope you can see your way through this rough patch, but if not there's no shame in admitting he might be better off with another family. I hope you'll continue to post on your family's progress. Good luck.


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## goldenmom3 (Jun 6, 2018)

FosterGolden said:


> He sounds bored, not bad. He sounds pushy. He wants to do stuff and he wants to do it with you. He sounds like a dog that was made to work, have a job. You have told us all the stuff the dog does, but what do YOU do? What kind of exercise does he get? How do you feed him and what do you feed him? Do you train him and if so, how? He sounds like a dog that is just begging for something to do!
> 
> 
> Lastly, have you contacted the rescue? If they are a good rescue, especially a breed rescue, they should be able to help you out, and if not, they might have a better match for him.


Hi, I just want to clarify-I don't think he's bad. He just has no mannerisms because he was never taught differently. Which I understand is my responsibility to teach him some. I just never had a dog like this and really needed advice. I dont want my posts to come off as people thinking he is this bad, horrible, dog. I dont. 

He is given his food with our other two dogs-we taught them to "leave it", "watch me", and then "take it." If he gets done before the others he will try and take our other dogs food, so we stand by. 

He was not a working dog. He lived freely outside a majority of his life, or kept in a crate in a basement. He was used for breeding. 

As far as exercise goes, he does get it daily, but I'm sure he could use more. I just don't always have the time. Not much can change this unfortunately. 

We have never had a dog that has these types of behaviors, so as far as training goes, I can only go off what I was offered here. He knows basic commands of, sit, stay, down, and about 60% of the time will come when called.


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## goldenmom3 (Jun 6, 2018)

Thank you all!

We have already started doing some research on dog trainers in our area. I think this is going to he our best bet. We will also probably get him enrolled in some classes, which I think may help him be a better listener, but also give us a tool to work on daily with him. 

We are not ready to give up on him-we are fully aware that we took on this dog and while his behavior is incredibly frustrating right now, we know he is not doing it to spite us ? He deserves to feel like a member of our family, and we are willing to put in the effort to make that happen!

Thanks again all!


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## FosterGolden (Mar 10, 2014)

goldenmom3 said:


> Hi, I just want to clarify-I don't think he's bad. He just has no mannerisms because he was never taught differently. Which I understand is my responsibility to teach him some. I just never had a dog like this and really needed advice. I dont want my posts to come off as people thinking he is this bad, horrible, dog. I dont.
> 
> He is given his food with our other two dogs-we taught them to "leave it", "watch me", and then "take it." If he gets done before the others he will try and take our other dogs food, so we stand by.
> 
> ...



As far as feeding, maybe try a slow bowl or a Kong or something that makes him work. This is great for bored dogs. You can put up a babygate or x-pen panel and let him go to town while your other dogs eat out of bowls. 


Working dogs are bred, not made. Regardless of his upbringing, some dogs are bred to work. If they don't get that, it's really hard for them and they are bored. I once dated someone who got a dog while we were dating. Field bred, he was produced in a puppymill, shipped to a pet store at six weeks, purchased by an elderly couple, and lived in a crate or tied in a breezeway until we adopted him. He required an hour of fetch per day to be a good house dog. I didn't know at the time that I could also do things like puzzle feeders and training and if I had, we could have decreased the physical exercise. 


All this to say, working dogs need to use their brains, too. So train tricks, feed in a puzzle feeder, do things that make him have to think. I bet that will help with these behaviors.


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## ceegee (Mar 26, 2015)

He just sounds like a dog who hasn't been trained to behave appropriately. I'm glad you're looking for a trainer to help you, and classes are also an excellent idea. However, both these methods will only work if you practise what you learn, every day, several times a day.


In the meantime, I have a suggestion for you, in addition to what everyone else has said. IMHO, the most useless dog training command ever invented by humans is "no". It's a general word that the dog will hear in lots of contexts unrelated to dog training, and it doesn't work well because it doesn't teach the dog what you actually want him to do.


I'd suggest using a different verbal cue to mark inappropriate behaviour. In our house, we use "ah-ah", in a firm tone of voice, instead of "no". It's something we only say to the dogs, and when they hear it, they're in no doubt of the fact that we don't like what they're doing. "Ah-ah" is _always _paired with a positive command. For example, if the dog is jumping on visitors: ah-ah, sit. He immediately knows that what he's doing isn't acceptable, and he also knows what you want him to do instead. Or if he grabs something out of a child's hand: ah-ah, drop it. Or if he gets on the furniture and you don't want him there: ah-ah, off. If he pees on your rug: ah-ah, go outside (and then you take him out). Of course, you have to teach the desirable behaviours first, but in many cases you can just use one of the everyday commands he already knows (sit, lie down, etc.). We've used this system in our household for the last 30 years or so, with multiple dogs, and it works well.


Unfortunately there's no short-cut to getting a well-mannered dog - you have to train him. But it sounds like you're on the right track, and I wish you success!


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