# Heavy heart



## MidasMom (Jun 2, 2010)

I write this with an extremely heavy heart although I feel I have to as to sort of cleanse my soul for I am missing my golden boys that have passed this last year. I lost my first best friend, Molson, at age eight in January 09 and my second, Tonka, just eight months later. They were brothers, best friends, taken too early both at the age of eight suddenly of hemangiosarcoma of the heart. I never knew they were sick until it was time to say goodbye. My heart aches and misses them every single day. There is a part of me I think will never heal. I know all of you out there that has lost a golden best friend know how I feel. Its amazing how the death of a loved one takes you on this crazy rollar coaster of emotion. I felt angry, of course at first. How could both my boys be taken so early and so unexpectedly? They say everything happens for a reason, what is the reason for that? And then, as days and months go by, after a million tear drops, I began to except that my best friends were gone. My husband would wonder, after seeing me cry for the millionth time, why I would ever want another golden after what happened to my boys. And this is what I tell him and everyone who has had a loss like I have: I would rather have just a moment of that feathered tail whoosh across my face. One gentle kiss on my cheek. One deep look into those brown eyes, the eyes that seem to look into your soul. One restfull sigh as their head rests on your knee. I would rather have all these things even just for a moment than live a lifetime without. So I write all this with tears in my eyes and an ache in my heart, but also with my one year old golden, Midas, resting his head on my feet. So I say to everyone out there: give your goldens an extra hug today, an extra gentle kiss. Live each day with them to the fullest. Go on that extra long walk. Throw the ball just one more time and love them every second you have them in your lives. Thanks for letting me tell my story.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

Having lost my heart golden Max in 1999, I cried every day for a year and thought I could never love another dog like I did Max. But I knew I had to have a golden in my life for all the beautiful reasons you describe. So Selka and then Gunner came and we adore them both. Selka literally saved my life and Gunnie is a goofy joy.
I treasure every minute with them. Thank you for sharing your story.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*MidasMom*

MidasMom

I am so very sorry for your loss of your two Goldens and so close together. I have experienced this with two Samoyeds-we had to send them to the Bridge only 6 weeks apart.

I feel exactly as you do-just one moment of loving a Golden Ret. is worth all of the heartache and grieving when they go to the Rainbow Bridge.

My Hubby, Ken and I just lost our male Samoyed, Snobear, on March 27th of this year-he was 10 years, 3 mos. old, no signs of illness-he had Hemangiosarcoma. On April 24th we got another male Sammy named Tonka, who is 9 months old and has helped us ease the pain of losing are Snobear.

Thank God, my rescued Female, Golden Ret., Smooch, who is 11 years old, is still with us, but I know I can't live without another Golden.

Glad you joined the forum and we'd love to hear about and see pictures of your sweet Golden Boy, Midas!!!!!


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## Laurie (Sep 20, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss of Molson and Tonka....I, too, lost one of my Golden babies at the age of 8 just last March. I think most of us here can relate to what you're feeling. We would much rather love and lose that not to love at all. We are now owned by 3 precious Golden boys and they are the light of our lives. We treasure each day with them.......

Welcome to you and Midas to the forum.


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## esSJay (Apr 13, 2009)

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It brought tears to my eyes reading it. There's nothing that I can say that will help comfort you in the loss of your boys so young, but I can tell that they were loved and enjoyed every day they had with you! 

I'll give my Molson an extra hug and a kiss tonight!


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

So beautifully put. The love they give is a continual cycle, whether here or gone before us. I cannot ever imagine my life without a golden.


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## Caesar's Buddy (May 25, 2010)

Your words hit home with me... I lost my buddy several months ago. I used to get up in the middle of the night and lay on the floor with him on his bed. Caesar would look at me with those big brown eyes and his white face with such total trust and love... I cherished each and every one of those nights.

As I would lay there with Caesar, I used tell myself, "this hug is for when I will not be able to hug him anymore". I would hug him and transcend time to when he was not there. Strange, but it worked. I can easily close my eyes now and see him and feel him. 

From a fellow griever, thank you MidasMom for your words. I gave Jenni an extra hug this morning in memory of Molson and Tonka.


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## MidasMom (Jun 2, 2010)

*Many, many thanks*

Thank you all so very much for your kind words. I knew that my fellow golden lovers would understand how I am feeling. Some days are just harder to get through than others, today is one of those days. I too, would lie on the floor and hug my sweet white faced boys and give that "hug", the hug that you would hold so tight and know that someday you would have to let go. But they never do really go. They live on in our hearts and our memories forever. And at night when I close my eyes, I can feel them and see their golden smiles for I know their spirits are still resting their heads on my knee with that ever so soft gentle sigh. Thank you all for welcoming me to the forum. Your words have embraced me and I cant tell you how much that means. I look forward to posting pics of my Midas and getting to know you all.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

I am so sorry for your doubles loss. Hemangiosarcoma takes more than a fair share of precious goldens from us, and it is so hard to say goodbye.


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

I am sorry for your losses but I am glad to hear you are balancing them with gains.

Beautiful post!


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## Micki's Mum (Jun 7, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss and so glad that you've be able to open your heart to another golden. You described beautifully how everyone who has loved and lost feels. Welcome.


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## coppers-mom (Jan 9, 2009)

Welcome.
I had to wipe eyes for your loss and the loss of all the ones I have known and loved.

No matter how long we have together, it is never enough. Your time with your boys was IMO unfairly cut short, but I've been there too.

I'm glad you have Midas and look forward to his pictures.


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

I know exactly how you feel. When I lost my very first "own dog" an Anelighs Setter puppy, age 8 monhts, to distemper back in Nov,. 56, I was so crushed I was sure I never wanted to go thru that pan again. But I have , over and over, my follow up "English setters, my irish Setters, my godlens.

I lost my beloved 17 year old cat, Pippi in April 2006, my beloved old red golden, Buck, at 12 yrs 3 months to heart attack May 2007, my beloved golden girl, KayCee May 2008 to cancer at 8 yrs.9 months, and then May 2009 my golden girl Honey was diagnosed with grade 2 mast cell tumor on her leg and had to have surgery. However, she is still here and doing great.

As with you, despite the heartache of losing all these dogs over 54 years time, I would not take for one second spent with them. I still miss every one of them and always will. By the wya, the one in the avatar is Hunter. He was a littermate to kayCee and I lost him in Oct. 2003 to that 6 monmth heartworm prevention, roHeart6 9which was pulled from the marekt 10 months after his death, "reformulaed and returned 4 yerars later. Hunter had just turned 4.


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## AmberSunrise (Apr 1, 2009)

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of both Molson and Tonka. So close and so young. You are right, sometimes it just hurts so much but then the brightness they brought to your life starts shining through and the thought of sharing your life with another golden or two (or three) just brightens your life (almost like a rainbow after the storm). They are different from your memory goldens, but fill your heart with love for just being themselves.

Thank you for sharing your story


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## 2golddogs (Oct 19, 2009)

I am so sorry you lost both your dogs at such a young age to hemangiosarcoma. I lost my Gunner at age 7 to the same cancer. It is heart breaking. But you stated so beautifully why we share our lives with this beautiful, loving breed. Thanks for sharing your story.


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## Bob Dylan (Mar 31, 2009)

So very sorry for your loss, many of us have been in your shoes and it is not easy.
Take care of yourself and in time I hope a Golden will help with your pain.


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## GoldenCamper (Dec 21, 2009)

I am so sorry for the loss of your 2 best friends. There was one sentence in your remembrance that struck me the most:



MidasMom said:


> I would rather have all these things even just for a moment than live a lifetime without.


So true. I am glad you have a new friend to share your life with and enjoy those many moments of joy.


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## Lego&Jacub (Jul 18, 2006)

wow... I couldn't even finish reading what you wrote before the tears were pouring down my face. The last dogs I lost were back when I was a child... and it stung so very very much. I miss them to this day. And the thoughts of losing either Geddy or Sawyer... well, I can not speak thru the lump in my throat. 

What you wrote was so well put... and I fully agree with you! There are things I wish I had done differently even with our current goldens... and things I will do differently with the next ones... but I know that I will never be without a golden baby, and I will both mourn and celebrate the ones who have to leave me.

(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry for the loss of your boys.
Sandra


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## sharlin (Feb 26, 2007)

Always temper your loss and grief with the knowledge that there WILL be a reunion and together you'll cross the Bridge in health and joy.
Bless you for the love and devotion you gave.


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## ggdenny (Nov 2, 2008)

Thank you for sharing your story and their lives with us. I know it hurts and it's a pain that never seems to go away. Bless you.


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## MidasMom (Jun 2, 2010)

Hi there, Bob Dylan. I got your private message. Thank you so much for caring and taking the time to write me. It really does mean a lot. I tried to private message you back, but couldnt and the forum wont let me email you until I have 15 or more posts. I am new to the forum so forgive me, if there is a way to write back that I am unaware of please clue me in. LOL!


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

Yes, you are so correct, it is very hard losing them, to lose two, so close together, would be even more hard, spencer left, over 4 months ago, i have never felt such loss, except for my son, some people just don't get it, but he was way more than worth it.


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## goldensmum (Oct 23, 2007)

So sorry for your losses. I've always said "no more", but you have summed everything up exactly. We know from the first day that we let these goldens tunnel themsleves deep into our hearts that one day we are going to have to face the pain and heartache of losing them, but they leave us with so many happy memories.

Run free with your new friends and sleep softly together Molson and Tonka


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*MidasMom*

MidasMom

I am so very sorry about the loss of your two boys.

*If you click on Bob Dylan's Green name a drop down will appear and choose
email him and then you can email him.*

Otherwise, just keep posting like crazy here and you will be up to 15 posts in no time!!


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## MidasMom (Jun 2, 2010)

Thanks for the tip. Forgive the newbie here. I will get the hang of it soon. LOL!


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## MidasMom (Jun 2, 2010)

Hi Karen519 again. I tried doing what you suggested and the forum still wont let me email anyone on here until I have 15 posts. Oh well...... a posting I will go! I love the forum. You guys are awesome!


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*MidasMom*

MidasMom

Thanks for teaching me-I wasn't aware of that.
You only need five more posts and then you can email or private msg. Bob Dylan.

Or..if you want you can type a msg. to Bob Dylan and email to me at:
[email protected] and I can get it to him!!


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*MidasMom*

MidasMom

I hope you will be able to open your heart to another Golden Retriever or two very soon-I know you will ADORE them, too, and they will need and be blessed with a MOM LIKE you!


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## Dallas Gold (Dec 22, 2007)

Thank you for sharing the story of your loves that were taken so prematurely and within monhs of one another to hemangiosarcoma. I just lost a precious one to this terrible disease and I cannot imagine losing two to it in the span of just a few months. Midas will never replace them but will expand your heart even more with new loving memories you will cherish for years and years. Living in the moment with them is so important and how often we forget to do that. Thank you for reminding us to do that. HUGS.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*MidasMom*

Midasmom

You only need 5 more posts!! Start replying in topics!!


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

Thanks for posting that... I'm so sorry for your loss and so glad for you that you aren't 'alone'. You can't replace a dog, but you can fill the hole they leave in your life. 

We lost our two old men (Sams and Danny) one year apart. They both had splenic cancer. They both were up in age (13). I thank God I went out and brought a puppy home and adopted another dog after we lost Sams. Losing my Danny without the comfort of warm fur and a friendly upwards smile to comfort me would have been devastating. 

One thing I'm doing with Jacks is kissing him goodbye every day, and I'm spending as much playtime with him and spoiling him rotten. I don't want to have any regrets if anything happens.


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## jimla (Oct 9, 2008)

MidasMom said:


> So I say to everyone out there: give your goldens an extra hug today, an extra gentle kiss. Live each day with them to the fullest. Go on that extra long walk. Throw the ball just one more time and love them every second you have them in your lives.


Thank you MidasMom for your advice. It means so much to me. Sending hugs to Midas.


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## MidasMom (Jun 2, 2010)

Ahhhh, thats what life is all about: no regrets, living each day as if it were our last, and spoiling our goldens with all the love our hearts possess. Thank you, again, everyone for reading my story and for sharing yours. I cant tell you how much it means to me.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*MidasMom*

MidasMom

I am so glad you are here on the forum and I am so sorry for what you have gone through-too many of us know this pain. You are so right: live each day like it's your last and give your dogs ALL THE LOVE you have to give-that is ALL THEY really want.


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## SweetSoul (Apr 27, 2010)

That was so beautiful and so true. I am sooo crying right now after just losing my heart dog in April. thank you for posting and I completely feel the same way.


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