# Ready to give up my dog...



## Serawyn (May 23, 2011)

I am so upset and I want to cry. I am literally torn and irrationally emotional about the thought of possibly giving my dog away. 

I never, EVER thought I would ever consider it, but here I am. Before we got our puppy, we did every research we could. We have a wonderful schedule and have a lot of time dedicated to making sure we get that family dog that we've dreamed of. However, Ellie is anything but that right now. 

Below is our schedule:
5:30am Wake up, eat, go on walk with DH for 1.5 hour
8:00am Spend time with me playing fetch in the backyard for about 30 minutes
8-11am Rest time with training in between (sit, stay, come, leave it, drop it, trade)
11:00am 1 hour hike with me in the hills
12:00- 3pm Rest time with training in between
4:00pm 1 hour swim or social time with other dogs we arrange for playdate in our fenced in back yard
5:30pm Dinner time
6:00pm Fetch with DH for 30 minutes
7:00pm Rest time (no more training)
9:00pm In her crate to sleep
*This is in addition two 2 days a week at daycare.

We've literally spent thousands of dollars in training classes, food, toys, daycare, etc. As you can see, our days are consumed by dog training and being with the dog. 

However, tonight, DH and I sat down and thought to ourselves, "What are we getting out of this dog?" It seems that with her resource guarding and food obsession, all we've done each day is to tire her out so she doesn't have a chance to show any of these behavior. The minute we wake up in the morning, we think about how to get her to be tired and sleepy. The minute she slumps down and sleeps, we sigh a sigh of relief that she won't growl, snap, or bark. 

With a newborn at home, we are always on edge. I used to say I could never give up a dog even if the dog bit. It is never the dog's fault, but the human since it is the human's responsibility to be a good dog trainer. I still firmly believe that. I do think I failed my dog. I failed in reading her behavior. I failed in making her be a happy dog. I hate that I am considering giving her away in 6 months when my maternity leave is over and she has not improved. 

We've worked with 4 trainers and have seen baby steps, but not enough to make it "worth it". If all we want is to have a tired, sleep dog I don't see the point. 

I've always imagined that happy family dog who is by my side. That is no longer a reality. It is a dream image I only see on tv. The more I learn about dogs, the more I realize they are not to be cuddled and hugged. Heck, that is considered "rude" by them. People should never leave a dog and child unattended? Really? Then what about those cute images with children all over the dog? No one ever said, "No, don't ever do that. Most dogs don't like it when you hug them." 

I had unrealistic expectations of a dog. I am such a dog failure.


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## Always51 (Feb 19, 2012)

wow..I can see you are really upset....could it be that you are completely exhausted?...that is some schedule to keep to...and its not easy having a new born and a puppy at the same time (I take it your dog is a puppy)...
Some dogs are just not cuddly..you may have one of those...
Believe it or not ,it really does get better...I also felt over whelmed by our puppy... but he has improved immensely ...
You are a caring person..look at all you have done for Ellie, but only you can make to right decision for your family ..


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## Kinjal (Dec 26, 2011)

Buddy, don't give up hope. We too have a low level resource guarder, just today after three weeks let a low growl when I bent over him to par him when he had a bone. He was caught off guard by my sudden looming presence ( my fault) he hasn't done this in a while as he had started bring his bone over to sit against us while he chews on it. So it caught me off guard as well. But it's work in Progress.


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## debra1704 (Feb 22, 2012)

As a mom of 3, that is some crazy schedule to keep while having a newborn. How old is the dog? How long have you had her? Does she growl/snap frequently throughout the day? Growling/snapping is NOT normal Golden behavior. Our Golden loves to be cuddled & hugged- she is a 45 lb. "lap" dog. My 6 year old lies on top of her. We can literally sit on the floor, grab her, and (gently) drag her onto our laps to cuddle- even if she's asleep. I've owned dogs my entire life- got my first as my 3rd birthday present. I have had only one, Carlos, a Pekingnese, who I couldn't 100% trust, because frankly, he shoudl have been an only dog & I had 2 others at the time. Had I to do it over again, I would have rehomed him. My advice? If I had a newborn in a house with a dog that I could not trust, and I had worked with 4 trainers already and had the dog a long time (you must have had it quite awhile to go through that many trainers), I would rehome.


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## Karin Wise (Mar 23, 2012)

I agree with Debra, that is not normal behaviour for a Golden.... Please dont beat yourself up so much, our Goldies are there to enjoy... I think sometimes we analyse too much, trying to do EVERYTHING right and stick to a spesific schedule 100% (which is not wrong, that is not what I mean) but I also think we need to let the hair down a bit and just enjoy the moments with our dogs without wanting to become too "technical" and "analytical" about all... Sometimes we need to be totally spontaneous as well and just let the puppie be to develop his character and slowly guide him/her along.. Its all work in progress, be patient with your dog and with yourself and try to relax... One day at a time! And I mean all of this in a "good way". Take care and let us know how it is going and what you have decided. Blessings to you!


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## aerolor (May 27, 2011)

Thats a really sad post Serawyn and you have my sympathy. Do you think you might have been trying a bit too hard and maybe you have now made a millstone around your neck for yourself over him. Puppies are very hard work during the first year of their lives and you also have a young baby to take care of which is also exhausting work. I think you need to be a little kinder to yourself - nothing and nobody is perfect - most just muddle through. 
It maybe that your pup has now come to expect to be "entertained" for the major part of the day and they do have to learn to be quiet and settle. It should not have to be a matter of tiring him out so that he sleeps when not occupied. I could not and would not give my pup the amount of attention you seem to be lavishing on your pup. Do you think that your pup has been a bit different and more difficult than other puppies? Some are more demanding, but even more demanding pups can learn to relax and not demand attention all through the day. If it were me I think I would try some stratetic ignoring of demands for a while. For at least some of the time during the day make sure he is safe and can do no harm to to himself or your house and leave him with a Kong, a food puzzle or a chew for a while and see if things improve. I don't think he needs the amount of exercise you are giving him and it can become a vicious cycle - the more they have the more they demand. Amend the routine so that *you* are not so restricted and can relax and enjoy the time you spend with him. If that is impossible, what about another day in doggy daycare? to give you a bit more space and relaxation. Best wishes and I hope it doesn't come to re-homing him. They are worth it in the end.

Edited - just re-read your post and realised you have a girl - so apologies.


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## Deber (Aug 23, 2011)

I too think you may be just really stressed. Your schedule tired me out just reading it and you have a newborn. Dogs should be fun, our time with them a way of comfort. When feeding, just leave her alone to eat for now, possibly leave out food a few times in her bowl so she will learn it is always there and no reason to guard. After this, start feeing her by hand then later in perhaps a Kong in the family room so you can laugh and watch her. 

I am so sorry you are hitting this. Goldens are a very loving breed on a whole. You shouldn't have to feel this way.


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## oakleysmommy (Feb 20, 2011)

I agree with all the responses..that is quite a schedule! Being a mom of 3 kids and 4 dogs ages 4, 1 year,8 months and 5 months, i am on a tight schedule myself. The difference is the dogs keep eachother company most of the day romping, playing etc. Not sure why she is growling and nipping and it looks like you have exhausted all avenues to curb this?? It doesnt seem normal for a pup and a golden pup at that to be "aggresive" this way? what does the vet think?? i had a mixed dog years ago i got from the dog pound she was young 12 weeks when i got her but she was so aggresive if you went near her bowl, we taught her it was ok by hand feeding and putting our hands in her bowl while eating with some kibble in our hands.


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## toliva (Nov 24, 2011)

I'm so sorry, I can tell you are exhausted and upset. You are working really hard for this dog, and you seem to be doing everything you can. I'm shocked at the behavior you are seeing from your golden. Can you discuss it with the breeder? Will they take the dog back? In our breeder contract, if we cannot keep our pup for any reason, the breeder will take him back at any time.

I think you need a break, but I just want to say that you CAN have what you are dreaming about in your family dog. Have you considered a rescue? The great thing about rescues is they are usually adults with established personalities, so you know what you are getting into. Just a thought. I'm so sorry.


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## momtoMax (Apr 21, 2009)

How old is your dog? I have a dog who has had food guarding issues. I just would feed her and knew never do bother her when she ate. When my son was little, I fed her in the back room where my son couldn't get to her and bug her when she was eating. I haven't found it to be a huge obstacle to get over - I know it's an issue so I have always kept it in mind and make sure she wasn't bothered around her food dish. Now with Max, she actually has learned to share her food and oddly, I can now take a dish away and not worry - but I don't really do that just because I can so food guarding - not really a huge issue IMO as long as you're aware and careful.

The resource guarding- If your dog is still a pup - that's not going to fix itself overnight. We say that 3 year old children define themselves by what they have not who they are. I think some pups can be like that too. Just keep trading up for things that you want from your dog. Doggy has a stick? Trade up for a really tasty treat instead. Then lots of praise - like at least 30 seconds of praise. A trainer taught me once that we don't praise our dogs long enough to make a huge impact when trying to change a solid behavior.

Lastly, that schedule is supposed to be fun. Everyone plays with their puppy and works training in. Maybe you should get away from the whole schedule idea. Pups are a lot of work to take on and to hear you have a newborn? That like having 2 infants even though your pup may be 6 months and 50 pounds - he/she is still a baby. As I said, try not to think of spending time playing and training your dog as a chore - your doggy will pick up on how you are feeling and if you don't enjoy being with your dog, the dog will know it. It will change both of your interactions.

I hope that you feel better about everything tomorrow! Puppyhood is very very tough. I think most of us have all broken down, and screamed up to the sky - when will this get better?!?! We've all cried some tears in desperation - including me. Max is 3 now and just such a great dog. It took a lot of work and time to get here. I wouldn't trade him for the world now. Just gotta keep getting back on the horse and give your doggy and yourself the necessary time to get through this rough patch.


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## Suni52 (Jan 18, 2012)

I agree with Debra too. Baby and your sanity comes first. If the dog isn't fitting into the house and causing so much more stress into an already stressful situation especially if it has to do with fearing for the baby's safety, then it is not a good fit. There are plenty of people out there who are older, or have older children that know how to respect the dog's space (unlike a soon to be toddler), that would be able to provide a good home for your dog. 
i think you should give yourself a huge pat on the back for trying just about everything possible for the dog, and give yourself a break. You did not fail this dog. He is just not a good fit for your family. There is no way that i could have been able to keep that kind of schedule with a newborn at home. It's impossible. I think people get caught up in the moment (I'm guilty of doing it myself with a former rescue that I rehomed) into thinking that we can change the dog, train things out of them, etc. But in my situation I realized, that I was making the dog miserable, constantly correcting her for certain things that she couldn't help, and these were things that wouldn't matter if she lived in a home that didn't have small children.In our case it was herding the children with either cutting them off and knocking them down or nipping at them whenever they ran. In her new home, there are no children, and she is so much happier, and so are we with our new dog that is such a better fit for our family.
((((((HUGS)))))))). Giving up a dog is not easy, but there is no shame in finding out that this particular dog doesn't fit into your life. It doesn't mean that no dog will, just not this particular one. Looking back on it now, (and I really agonized over the decision because I had invested so much time and training into it) it really was the best thing to do for everyone involved.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

My heart breaks reading your post, you sound so overwhelmed and I am so, so sorry. I'm afraid I don't remember what the advice is that you've received from the professionals...? Did they feel that this management would be a lifelong committment or that her behavior could be changed over time? That might be the key to my thoughts on this.

It sounds like it is time to contact your breeder (if you haven't already) and fill her in on the situation and find out if she is able to take your dog back. It will be heartbreaking and painful, but it sounds like your situation is unmanageable. If she is experienced with training dogs and willing to put the effort in, there is every possibility that she can make progress with the dog that you cannot. 

My heart goes out to you....


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## Aislinn (Nov 13, 2010)

I am so sorry. Please don't feel so guilty. You are doing more for your dog than anyone else I know if I can be honest. Your dog doesn't know how well she has it. BUT, your family and child do come first. Your schedule made me tired just looking at it. You have given all you can and then some. Sometimes we get a dog and it just isn't a fit, same as we make a friend and find it isn't a 'fit'. Personally, and some may agree and others disagree, but if I have a baby, soon to be crawling and then a toddler, the most important thing for me is the baby is safe with the family dog, at all times. I would contact the breeder and if the breeder won't take the dog back, then contact Golden Rescue in your area. I would then look at an older dog, one that's known to be good with children. Sadly in this day, age and economy, there are wonderful dogs available. I just rescued a seven year old who is the biggest sweetheart you could ever ask to meet. An adult will also be so much easier than a puppy who has to be trained, still has to go through the 'landshark' biting stage, etc. With all the work and time you put into a dog, your home would be heaven on earth to any Golden. Do keep us updated.


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## Charliethree (Jul 18, 2010)

Sorry you are having such a tough time, I'd be exhausted after a day like that, and I don't have a little one. Have you considered that your dog may be overworked and over tired - just like you? Doesn't sound like she gets a lot of time to 'chill'. Dogs generally most active morning and evening and sleep/ rest a good part of the day - they really don't 'need' you to 'entertain' them every waking moment - they need 'down time' as well, to relax, unwind, and just settle and so do you.


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## pmcadams (Apr 3, 2012)

I don't think you have unrealistic expectations at all. I am now raising my second golden. My first would lay in the floor while kids layed with her, she let our toy Yorkie crawl all over her like a giant play pal. He could stick his head in her food bowl while she was eating, and he was forever stealing her bones when she raised her head to look around. She just patiently waited until he was done, then walked over and picked it back up. She never had a cross word over anything. My new golden is only 4 months old. I take toys, bones, food away from her, praise her for a second and then give it right back. There has never been a problem. She loves attention and likes to cuddle. You would like to think that all Golden Retrievers, just by virtue of being a Golden, all shared exactly the same traits and personalities, but as you well know, that's not the case. I think by doing your homework and selecting the right breeder, your chances are really good you will get what you want, but occasionally you run into problem dogs. We fostered one for a very short duration that was like that, and it was a very unpleasant experience. Only you know the level of Ellie's aggressiveness, but if it's as bad as you say, I agree a new home (without kids if possible) might be a good idea. One day soon that new baby is going to be crawling/walking and I would hate to think what could happen if the baby gets near something that belongs to Ellie. I hope you don't let this one bad experience turn you off for good. I think Goldens are the most wonderful dogs in the world, and there are plenty of good ones that deserve a loving home, and based on what you have been willing to do with Ellie, you obviously care a great deal.


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## mooselips (Dec 4, 2011)

My heart hurts for you.......
This has to be such a heartbreaking decision on your part....

But, seriously, you have to do what you think is best.


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## cubbysan (Mar 13, 2007)

I think you have two things going on right now: 1) the stresses of raising a puppy and 2) the stresses of having a newborn.

How old is your baby and is it the first? My first 6 weeks of having a newborn, I was very stressed and overwhelmed, and felt guilty because I did not think anything I did with the baby was good enough. Now I realize it was probably post partum depression, but at the time I was too overwhelmed to realize it.

My Brady started cuddling at around 8 months, my MacKenzie around 2 years old. Some goldens just take longer to settle, but it is so worth it.

I am beginning to wonder if maybe your dog doesn't have enough down time. I am not a training, but even a child needs down time, I would think that would be very important for a dog too.


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## vcm5 (Apr 20, 2011)

I am so sorry about this. Reading your post is just heartbreaking. It is clear that you are doing everything you can. I am so sad that you have gotten the wrong impressions of what it is like to have a dog. Many dogs love love love to cuddle and chill out and I'm sorry that that is not what you got, but that is definitely not the norm. I hope that you are able to work things out.


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## willows pack (Apr 14, 2012)

I also have a very hyped golden - she is 4 months old now and she was showing early signs of resource guarding - especially with found items - ie tissue - she would lock the jaw and growl if you tried to pry it open - so we had to work hard in that area (got a few trainers in and got advice and tools to work with) - we still hand feed but are starting to give the bowl near the end and keep dropping things in it - and she is great now there - the found objects - we always carry treats and trade up - in a panic situation - i think i read your post on Lowes and the plant - pretty sure if was your dog - i would toss some treats on the ground - now she drops the item and goes for the treats. We are also teaching give and with towels which she loves, or clothes or anything fabric, she'll relent after a few seconds - then sometimes she gets a treat for the give

We also started to back off on items found if it wasn't a big thing - eventually they toss them out and keep walking - didn't want to turn every grab into a showdown - have to pick the battles

Because she is a more active temperament originally we started walking her longer, working her harder etc til someone said you are probably working her too hard - so we backed off and reduced the walk lengths - she stopped the leash grabbing and pulling (we see it sometimes now but much less) and she got better behaved - it could have been timing but I think we were working her harder than we should - not sure how old yours is so maybe this is not the case but your schedule looks hard for YOU = we certainly relaxed more when we slowed things down. 

Again - i don't know your true situation with the dog - i can't see her every day issues - so i don't want you to feel guilt on any decision you make - just wanted to add you're not alone - they all don't pop out perfect cuddlers and calm enough to sit nicely and watch tv with you - but I am seeing improvement and we are starting to enjoy the dog. 

I also don't have a newborn - if I had had a newborn that first month with Willow - I would have had a nervous breakdown.


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## goldhaven (Sep 3, 2009)

It looks like from previous posts that Ellie is about 1 year old and from your accounts a pretty great dog aside from the resource guarding. It also looks like you just had a baby about a month ago and he was premature. Ellie was spayed in January. At this point you may not want to make any rash decisions. Both you and Ellie are still dealing with some hormonal issues. It may be time to take a break and a deep breath and relax. The more relaxed you are, the more relaxed your baby and Ellie will be. 
The first year of a dogs life is the hardest. The second year is a little easier and it is all down hill from there. You have already weathered the toughest part.
I would say to continue to deal with the trainer or behaviorist on her resource/guarding issues and learn how to enjoy her. Play with her for the sake of spending time with her not just to wear her out. Make all of your training session something that you both look forward to. If you are going for a hike then take her along for company not to wear her out. Ellie is not a chore, she is a companion. 
Good luck and please keep posting. 

One thing that has me worried is that you have had many trainers and behaviorists helping you. IMO, you need to find ONE that is right for you and stick with it. Dogs thrive on consistency and if different trainers are giving you different methods then Ellie will just be confused.


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## Shalva (Jul 16, 2008)

I am going to take an alternate 

I do think you should find your puppy a home... I think that someday if what you are saying is true and you have truly invested all this time and money into your puppy and I have no reason to believe it is not true, then I think that someday you will probably make a great dog family. 

However, 

now may not be the time. I think from your email and the fact that you have a newborn and are still on maternity, that now may not be the time to have a puppy in the house. It may be best that you find the puppy another home... give yourself a break, find the pup a home that can spend the time and really focus on puppy where the pup is not a source of stress. If you really want a dog then maybe the answer is an adult dog who is already trained and who really needs a family... a rescue, or young adult or even a elderly dog. 

Then when your child is a bit older and you aren't quite as out straight and stressed ... THEN a puppy might be in the cards... 

So that is just my two cents. Honestly the fact that you are upset about this tells me that you would be a great puppy family someday... but puppies are hard work... and the pup could be feeding off your existing stress ... 

I think if you decide to rehome puppy the sooner the better... better for you obviously and better for him/her to get a fresh start. 

good luck 
S


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## Wyatt's mommy (Feb 25, 2011)

Charliethree said:


> Sorry you are having such a tough time, I'd be exhausted after a day like that, and I don't have a little one. Have you considered that your dog may be overworked and over tired - just like you? Doesn't sound like she gets a lot of time to 'chill'. Dogs generally most active morning and evening and sleep/ rest a good part of the day - they really don't 'need' you to 'entertain' them every waking moment - they need 'down time' as well, to relax, unwind, and just settle and so do you.


I totally agree with this. That schedule is crazy and I have no small children at home. It could possibly be that the puppy is being OVER stimulated. As far as resource guarding I have taught from day one and every day to share and never had that problem nor would I tolerate it. It is not a golden temperament and I purchased my goldens for that very reason.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

This OP made me so sad. It is extremely stressful to share life with a dog about whom you have elements of doubt that harm might come to a kid. When my niece was tiny, she used to take naps with my golden Tally. My dogs are 100 percent safe with little kids and do not consider it rude to be hugged. However, I would not say this to a client. There are too many variables, and the idea of a child being bitten is awful enough to make it a rule to teach parents caution with children & dogs. Even though this dog has a full schedule, it seems like there is not a true relationship formed. Maybe you could read the book Ruff Love by Susan Garrett and modify it and gentle it a bit for your situation. Do less with the dog but then set her up to please you and be praised whenever she is with you so a better relationship on both sides can snowball. Manage her with crates ex pens , babygates, and tethers/ mat so that behaviors that make you not trust her can't happen and she can't practice/rehearse negative behaviors for 3 months. Whenever she earns a treat, combine it with a sincere pat on the chest and a connected moment, but don't let her terrorize the house so it revolves around tiring her out- too much power for a pup.


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## AmberSunrise (Apr 1, 2009)

You sound exhausted.

My thoughts, for whatever they may be worth  It sounds to me like the dog is not allowed enough down time. Your dog, just like you, needs down time and time to just be. She needs to learn to be by herself, just hanging. Attention and fun times should be a pleasure for you and your husband not chores. 

My dogs normally get 1/2 to 1 hour of exercise a day and at most 30 minutes of training each - and that is divided between morning and evening. 


I wish you luck in your decisions.


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## Goldens R Great (Aug 19, 2010)

Serawyn,

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know you've been having issues with Ellie since last summer with her resource guarding, and then to add a baby in the mix...quite overwhelming. It sounds like you are trying so hard to do everything right - trainers, exercising her, etc. I do think that Ellie's schedule sounds exhausting. For you and for her. 

I wanted to mention that back in February you posted, under *What Happened to My Sweet Girl?*, some additional issues you were having with Ellie. 



Serawyn said:


> It's like over the last couple of months, we've had ups and downs. My sweet girl went from being cuddly to being unexpectedly annoyed at me. She snaps, shows teeth, or just turns away when I do something for her that she normally likes (pet on the head, treat in hand, brushing, etc.) She used to LOVE getting petted on the head. Now, there are times when she loves it, but there are times when I see her body tenses up and I know she wants me to stop. This morning, she even showed teeth and it wasn't a playful showing of teeth. She looked like she would lung at me if I had continue to reach for her. Then again, tonight, she was on the floor. I got down on the floor with her toys, ready to pet her. She laid down, rolled over to show me her belly. I reached over like normal to pet her and she showed her teeth in a not so playful way. She then gave me a side look as if to warn me that she would bite. I gave her a firm "No" and walked away. Petting session over. She also started licking obsessively at the carpet and when I told her "tsk, No" she lowered her head and looked at me from the side. Her body tensed up and I know she didn't like what I said. I had to throw a treat in another direction and tell her "Go find it!" to distract her.
> 
> I feel like I am constantly living in fear that my dog will lash out at me and it's not a happy way to live. Of course, there are wonderful days when I don't feel like this at all. But every time something like this happens, it takes me a while to recover and I get so upset at myself. I have no idea what I am doing wrong in raising her. I am trying to do what 3 dog behaviorists have advised us to do. Playing the trade game. Hand feeding. Not giving her any raw hides or bully sticks. Providing lots and lots of chew toys. Three 1 hour walks a day with lots of training in between to tire her out.
> 
> Did we get an aggressive dog? Is this something we just live with for the rest of her life?


I have to admit I think it's strange that she went from a cuddly dog to one that doesn't really want to be touched. If it was my dog I would want to absolutely rule out that there was any kind of health issue. Is it possible she is in some type of pain? Has she ever had her thyroid tested? 

Please know I wish you all the best with whatever choice you make. If you decide to rehome her, I totally understand that.


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## sameli102 (Aug 23, 2009)

If there is any chance your dog is not safe around kids I would not think twice about finding her a home now, while she is still young. By not safe I mean an unstable personality, not the typical landshark type of puppy play.

Otherwise I would relax and just enjoy her, I have never put that kind of time into a puppy. Maybe one nice walk a day and playing ball in the yard a little and having some free run time with short training moments. It sounds like a schedule like that is taking all the fun out of raising a pup.

There is no reason she can't be penned up with toys or a marrow bone or just crated. Look at all the dogs that are raised in working homes that do just fine spending a good part of the day by themselves. As my vet once said, dogs are very much creatures of habit and if she is getting that much attention all day every day she is becoming too accustomed to it.

I know that the more I do with my dogs the more they expect and the more hyper they get because they read me and they know if I pick up my Ipad or my camera it is OUTSIDE TIME yippee and they go nuts. They read every little sign. If I put on certain shoes to take them for an off leash run look out the next time they see me put those shoes on!! I have to conceal my Ipad if I just want to take it to the living room.

As someone said, maybe she is just overstimulated and all this fun stuff is expected now. You can believe most people, especially with babies do not do all that work for their dogs.


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## cubbysan (Mar 13, 2007)

Have you had her thyroid checked? 

Does she appear to be in pain somewhere?


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## Serawyn (May 23, 2011)

Hi everyone, 

Thank you so much for your thoughts, responses, and kind words. After a long talk with my husband and a good cry for both of us, we've decided to give it another 6 months. Ellie is one year old and I don't want to give up on her. I know we have a newborn at home, but I really am committed to get past whatever stage we are at right now. Until my son is crawling and in danger of possibly getting bitten, I don't think it's a bad idea to still give it another honest try. 

Since both my husband and I are home, we tag team to never leave the baby alone. Not even for one second. We are always within arms reach from the baby. So far, Ellie has been wonderful with our son so unless he goes after something she has or wants, I can't imagine her being aggressive towards him. 

As for our schedule, I agree. It is a lot. I thought it was a good idea to tire her out and to give her this much attention. My husband and I felt guilty bringing a baby (competition) home so we wanted to give her as much attention as we can. She does get rest time in her crate for up to 3 hours at a time. The training sessions are brief. Like she's in her crate and we let her out. I'd have her sit and stay for a bit. Or before she goes out of her crate, I'd put a piece of cheese and have her practice "leave it" by going in and out of her crate. She does very well during training. A training session may last about 2 minutes, but not more than that. 

The resource guarding isn't just with food alone, although it definitely is mostly related to food. Sometimes she would grab a sock, string, or found object. We've tried to trade or give her a high value treat to have her "drop it", but anything WE want that SHE has, whatever she has is higher value. It could be a piece of tanbark, hair-tie, wrapper, etc. Doesn't matter. I can give her bacon to trade and she wouldn't care. I try to pick my battle so if she has something that I don't want her to have, but it doesn't hurt her (cardboard for example), I'd just let her have it so as not to make her become guard full. However, if she has something like a mice, I don't want her to be poisoned. 

I hope in 6 months, we'll see something that will indicate she is still able to be the family dog we've dreamed of. Right now, I can't hug or pet her without her being skittish. Even though we enjoy walks and spending time together (I wouldn't keep to the schedule if I didn't enjoy her company), she still doesn't full trust me or DH. I see some sparkle in her eyes, but most of the time, she avoids all eye contact and her head is love, indicating she doesn't want to be touched or bothered. Yesterday, she obsessively licked at the bathtub and when I told her no, she bared teeth at me, hung her head low, and walked away. I realized later that the bathtub had mango shampoo residue that she must have picked up on. The behavior makes me feel she doesn't trust me or listen to me. I can be gentle but firm and she's still bratty (baring teeth) and fearful (hanging head low and walking away, tail tucked in). 

She is healthy. We've done a full health check for thyroid, neurological illness, etc. She is also spayed.


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## ashleylp (Jul 23, 2011)

I totally understand what you mean by not feeling that connection. Ever since we got Remy he has been daddy's boy... but with me he continues to do the head low, don't bother me moves. He'll jump in bed with my boyfriend, but when I get in he leaves. He'll lay on the couch with his head on my boyfriend's lap... but when i tell him "come here!" and signal to jump up on the couch, he lowers his head and won't come near.

so I don't have any advice for you. I do everything I know to do to bond with my boy, but he still has more of a "spark" with my boyfriend. Occasionally he'll be sweet with me, but it's kind of rare.

Nonetheless I love him, and I keep trying... I want what he has with my boyfriend... and I understand that sadness that accompanies the lack of a spark.


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## inge (Sep 20, 2009)

I keep coming back to this thread, so I might as well say something, too...I am really sorry you are going through this. The last time I read something about Ellie, it was your post about how sweet she is with our newborn, and that made fun reading, of course. I do not have advice for you, I never experienced the things you describe, but I do wish to express my sympathy, and I hope you get through this together and come out stronger than before. Please keep posting about her, good and bad days...


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## alliruiz (Feb 2, 2012)

I don't have a lot to say that has not already been said but I wanted to wish you the very best of luck over the next 6 months. I truly hope this situation is turned around and you all come out the other end a very happy family...Ellie and all.


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## vcm5 (Apr 20, 2011)

I think that it is wonderful that you are going to give it another six months, that is truly a commitment, you are a wonderful person. But just know that sometimes things don't work out and it is nobodies fault and that is just the way that it is. Good luck! Keep us posted!


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## momtoMax (Apr 21, 2009)

I'm glad you're getting on the horse again. One thing to think about is that a dog's idea of a hug and a person's idea of a hug are two seperate things. A lot of dogs aren't comfortable being hugged. So it might be an idea to stop with the hugging as the nervousness you are seeing when you pet her could be her nervous because she wonders if you're going to wrap your arms around her and hold her down (because her idea of a hug is perhaps leaning into you.) Moving your hands slowly to her head and reassuring her with your voice always ending in soothing pets will help her gain confidence over time. Maybe someday she'll really enjoy hugging but this is not that day. When you get her to the point where she really enjoys being petted and isn't skittish about it, you could try to slowly hug her while verbally soothing her but learn to respect and listen to her body language - she will let you know when she's comfortable with that.

Also, I'd start trading up when she's not too gung ho on an item she has often rather than only trade up with an item she cannot seem to live without. Trade for lots of low value items to start and then you'll see that she gets into the habit of trading with you and my automatically and habitually trade for a high value item without even thinking about it because it will become like a game to her.


Good luck - these teenage years that you are in right now can actually be the most trying. In six months with no hugs, pets only / and constant trading up, you should see a good amount of improvement in that kind of time. Just remember that they don't really start to settle into themselves until after 2 years old.


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## cubbysan (Mar 13, 2007)

Momtomax is correct. Dogs learn to let us hug them and to give us kisses because they sense the joy it gives us. You need to find what makes her happy, like I have had dogs that love their bellies scratched, and others that are uncomfortable rolling on their backs.

Also, I have heard of dogs personalities changing when their owners are pregnant. Not sure how much of that is old wives tales or not, something to do with the smell of hormones.


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## Sally's Mom (Sep 20, 2010)

It has been twenty years since the first of my two boys was born...but the memories are clear as day. When my first son was born, I almost died. I had severe hemorrhage and almost bled to death.... At the time, I had my rescue beagle and my perfect golden, Sally. Sally drove me nuts... I just had too much going on... And Sally was perfect... Then when both of my boys were under three years, I got Laney... The best thing to tire Laney and calm her down was obedience training. Making her mind tired made her a great pet. It almost seems to me, that you are trying too hard...


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## Deber (Aug 23, 2011)

As for affection, you might try to "talk" to her as if she was your human friend. Tell her your stress, of the times and why you feel insecure about something. Dogs love hearing our voices and the different ways we speak. May classify myself as a nut case, but even on the rescues we have, I spend a great amount of time just speaking to them, watching their facial reactions, their body movements. Soon I try to gently brush their backs after they smell the comb or brush, still speaking to them. Soon brushing becomes a really realxing thing and from there you can start touching her more around her body. She needs to know that human touch is good, anywhere we want/need to feel. Since the day our pups came to us we have a nightly routine where I sit on the floor, speak and gently rub them down from head to tail, lift each foot and rub nails as I gently massage. Soon they are literally in your lap which is WAY bigger than I can fit, and that is our signal for hugs. I HUG my dogs as I whisper to them and tell them how beautiful they are. The whole thing only takes minutes, but calms them for bedtime and dogs love being touched. 

Deal is, that slowly they learned that to be touched was something very pleasurable. That a human is the source of not only fun, training and treats, but good ole relaxing loving. Mine expect this each day no matter where we are. Think I enjoy it as much as they do, but YES I talk to my dogs all the time! So I'm a nut and what's more I think they answer me many times.


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## vcm5 (Apr 20, 2011)

What about signing up for an obedience class together? I don't know if you have already done that, but that would be something fun and new and different if you haven't for you to do together. Or what about play dates with other young dogs? They seem to be able to tire each other out better than we can!


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## Karin Wise (Mar 23, 2012)

I absolutely agree re the "talking" to your dog... They really do understand the tone of your voice.. My husband teases me constantly because I talk to Gabby and Levi as if they were humans. All the time! LOL! (but so does he, he just doesnt realise it and when I mention it to him, we both have a good chuckle!!) When I have an 'exited' voice, those two tails 'wags and wags and wags', I sometimes think it will wag right off! I am so blessed to have two very affectionate Goldies. I really hope that within the next 6 months positive results will starting to show after making this commitment to keep Ellie. All the best and lots of luck! Let us know how its going..


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## quilter (Sep 12, 2011)

Sally's Mom said:


> ... It almost seems to me, that you are trying too hard...



I was thinking "too intense." I wonder about the "obsessively licking the tub." My pup can lick the tub all he wants. It's what dogs do. Now, if he's pulling the hair out of the drain, that's icky. He can also chew up toilet paper rolls. (Clearly, my housekeeping bar is pretty low.) One of his favorite things is to get into the trash and run off with the empty rolls. He thinks he's really gotten away with something! 

I'm glad to hear you are going to give it another few months. Hopefully, things will change with the pup and the baby in that time, and life will be relaxed and enjoyable.


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## aerolor (May 27, 2011)

I think pups all do some odd things. I have a window licker and a scouring pan thief. She also enjoys picking a toilet roll to pieces and hiding stuff all over the house. She digs in the garden, empties the tumble dryer, removes the coals from the fire, tears newspapers, licks dirty dishes in the dishwasher. When she's done running through mud and water she brings me some of the most disgusting stuff when we are out and about - the list is endless. I've given up - but she is still a good dog, exasperating sometimes, but I wouldn't change her - she makes me laugh and keeps me on my toes. :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:


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