# Aloof, non-cuddly puppy



## jackie_hubert (Jun 2, 2010)

Hi,

We got a 7.5 week old golden from a good breeder on May 29th (5 days ago) and we are noticing that he is very aloof and refuses to sit on our lap.

I know he is still adjusting and going through some depression with the changes and things but he is very unwilling to confide in us. It's almost as if he wished us away sometimes.

He goes perfectly limp when you lift him up but as soon as you put him on your lap he squirms and then throws a tantrum and never calms down. 

He spends a lot of time napping (which is normal for pups I guess) away from us in the corners of our living room (like his whelping box?). When he's sleeping and you go and sit with him on the floor he tolerates for a second and then gets up, moves away and lies back down. 

He doesn't often come running happily at us, tail wagging. Most of the time he'd rather to his own thing or lie in a corner.

He's only eating about half of his food, three times a day and does not have any diarrhea.

We have a wonderfully behaved young adult lab and he likes to play with her but not cuddle with her.

He's sleeping through the night in his crate now too. Yay!

We've never seen a puppy so aloof and refusing to cuddle. We got him to be a therapy dog and it is vital to us that he is a cuddly golden. We're worried he'll continue to be an aloof dog for the rest of his life.

We're thinking that he's not bonded yet and that this will come with time but I also don't want to spoil him. 

Any help is greatly appreciated.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

I think he is probably still adjusting from living with his littermates and used to piling up with them, to just him no siblings. He is a tiny, tiny INFANT, he is going to change so much, you can't tell what his personality will be like after only 5 days. Sleeping a lot is normal at that age too.

Make coming to you and being with you the best thing that happens in his day. Lots of treats, happy voices, fun toys. You need to be the best thing in his world, he will bond with you in time.


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## jwemt81 (Aug 20, 2008)

He's way too young right now to expect so much from him. He's just a baby. Neither one of our boys would stay still for more than a few seconds to cuddle when they were that young. Now that they are older, they have to practically be sitting on us at all times and sleep right next to us at night. However, some dogs never become super affectionate. There are some Goldens that just don't like to cuddle. He is just adjusting to his new environment and being away from his mother and littermates. It's going to take him time to get used to his new surroundings and develop his own personality. Be patient with him.


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## Retrievers Rock (Apr 4, 2010)

Chloe didn't like to cuddle until she was two. I thought she would always be like that. Piper still doesn't like it, and she'll also get up and move if you get close to her. It's just the way she is. 

Molly on the other hand, is a complete cuddle bug.


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## FlyingQuizini (Oct 24, 2006)

He's still adjusting but there are a couple things you can play around with that might help:

Find his favorite chew bone and allow him to chew it while you hold the other end. You're sharing the bone. Calmly pet and praise him as this happens. A bully stick usually works well for this.

Feed a portion of his daily ration by hand, piece by piece, for ANYTHING that he does that you like... i.e., willingly following you (when encouraged) as you walk around, turning his head your direction when you say his name, sitting or allowing you to calmly stroke him with one hand while you feed with the other. If he's not super interested in his kibble, put a portion in a baggie with one cut up hot dog. Let it sit overnight. Then use the hot dog-scented kibble.

If he's distancing himself more than you'd like, try keeping him with you on a leash. When you stop and sit down, drag the dog bed over by you and he lies there. B/C he's leashed, he can't go across the room to lie down.

Yes, they do sleep a lot. They need to.

When you pick him up and want to hold him, have the bone handy so he has a "job" and isn't so busy thinking, "Ew! I don't wanna do this!" Also, be sure to never put him down in the middle of a wiggle-fit -- otherwise he'll learn throwing a fit gets what he wants. Just calmly hold on until he relaxes just a little. Then you can put him down.


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## SophieP (May 7, 2010)

Great post Stephanie! I second FlyingQuizini's advice - I'm sure he'll bond with you in no time. Good luck!


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## jackie_hubert (Jun 2, 2010)

Thanks! We've been giving him more treats and doing some short training sessions and I believe he'll come around. 

However, he just growled at me when I got near his head while he was carrying his leash in his mouth. It scared me and I reacted by jerking away (probably not the right response). I my mind I know that puppies do this because they are learning but it does worry me because we always looked for a very friendly puppy. We've done a lot of insisting that he "give" his toys and his food and he'll give those up (after some time) without growlling. I didn't think he'd guard his leash.

Is this fairly common? I hope this doesn't mean that he's not going to be a super friendly adult.


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## RedDogs (Jan 30, 2010)

Read the puppy position statement on this page as well as the "find a trainer". 

http://www.avsabonline.org/avsabonline/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=80&Itemid=366


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## jackie_hubert (Jun 2, 2010)

Thanks RedDogs. Was there a specific section of these articles that would be beneficial to read? I think you're saying that we should get a trainer but I'm not sure...


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## RedDogs (Jan 30, 2010)

All puppies should go to puppy class AND to basic training class (two different things). A professsional will help you look at his behavior and note whether it's normal or abnormal and help you raise him to be the best puppy ever and the best therapy dog.

The puppy socialization and the "finda trainer" articles are the ones to read:

puppy:
http://www.avsabonline.org/avsabonline/images/stories/Position_Statements/puppy socialization.pdf

Trainer:
http://www.avsabonline.org/avsabonl...sition_Statements/how to choose a trainer.pdf


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## Nicole74 (May 30, 2009)

Give your puppy time to adjust. You will need to earn his trust. It's best that you don't force them to sit with you if he doesn't want to. I'd imagine that would create a setback. We would sit on the floor and give Bailey yummy treats and turn our back to her. Bailey is cuddly as long as she is not hot. She gets too warm snuggling with us and lays on the vent which is always blowing out air.


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## marshab1 (Aug 28, 2006)

My Tinkerbell wasn't very cuddley as a young puppy. but now...there are days that I wish we could go back to those days. lol When you sit onth couch she crawls into your lap, sit in the lazy boy recliner and you better put your feet up cause she's joining you. in bed at night she sleeps either stretched out with her back against mine or wrapped around my head or with her head on my shoulder.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

None of my dogs were cuddly as puppies and now they want to lie on me all the time! I thought Selka hated me the first few weeks but he was just adjusting. He is the most loving golden I have ever had.
Be patient and consistent and make sure when he has all his vacs you get to a positive puppy obedience class.


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

I agree with all of the great advice here, and the longterm hopefulness that you'll have a cuddly golden, especially if the parents have nice temperaments and the breeder socialized the litter thoughtfully. However, you are not wrong to worry either. Many golden pups are very friendly and engaged even as bitty beings. Quiz's advice is so good to modify the behavior- love the idea of you "sharing" the bone. The first 12 weeks are especially full of opportunity to shape the dog you want. Try to have the puppy meet 100 people, walk on 8-10 surfaces, see funny hats, wheel chairs, and kitties making sure it is all fun and under his worry threshold.


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## tippykayak (Oct 27, 2008)

Lots and lots of positive training for food rewards, affection, and life rewards (like fetching, getting to go fun places, etc.) can help build bonds and show your pup that working with you is rewarding and exciting.

Depending on weather, though, dogs may not enjoy a cuddle. Don't push it. If he's lying on hardwood or up against hard walls, it's probably because he's feeling warm and wants to cool down. Forcing him into your lap may just make him feel hot and restrained, and you don't want him to associate those feelings with cuddling.

Also, most dogs don't naturally like being hugged (encircled with your arms) without some training. It's just not natural dog body language, so they often resist it. Don't push it, but work through a process like what Quiz suggested so the dog experiences the contact positively and without being physically forced.

You can also cheat if you have climate control at the house and turn the temperature down. The colder it gets, the more likely your pup is to initiate physical contact on his own.


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## jackie_hubert (Jun 2, 2010)

Thanks! 

Just before I started this thread I booked a trainer who is doing a one-on-one session with us next week and then we'll be going to Puppy Kindergarten soon after. 

An update to my original thread, we took the puppy out for a half-day outing and he is very different when our other dog is not around. When she's not around he is attentive to us and lies beside us but when we're at home and she's around he is aloof and refuses to be very close to us. Any experiences with this for those of you who have brought a puppy into a home with an existing dog? While the two don't sleep directly touching, they get along splendidly with not a single problem so far. She is gentle with him and he is respectful of her. They love to play together and he gravitates to her much moreso than to us.

I'm really looking forward to meeting with the trainer who is apparently excellent.


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## Doodle (Apr 6, 2009)

I am not the voice of experience here, as I have only ever had one dog at a time. I have, however, researched having 2 dogs quite extensively as we have been considering adding a second dog to our family. My understanding is that it is very important that you have 1-on-1 time with the pup without your other dog around (maybe put them in their crate or have someone take them out for a walk/ride or some playtime) so that the pup will bond with you AND your other dog, not just to the other dog. Hopefully others with actual experience will offer advice.


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## HiTideGoldens (Dec 29, 2009)

We're in the same position as Doodle, potentially adding another dog. So we don't have the experience but I've been researching the issues that can arise. I think the bonding time is important for each dog, and from what I've read on here and in other places (like Doodle) both dogs need their own time with you. I also wonder if the puppy sees your bond with your older dog and is being respectful by maintaining his distance when she's around. 

Also, if it makes you feel any better, it took Jack a couple weeks to totally adjust to us, our house and his new routine. He was playful with us but not as cuddly as I expected. Especially on the way home when we picked him up. He was sweet but really just wanted to lay in his crate. Not at all what I expected. We would lure him into our laps with a bully stick and that worked well. Otherwise he just wanted to play! He also barely wagged his tail in the beginning. Now he's a very cuddly and happy boy at 7 1/2 months. It just took some time.


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## Noey (Feb 26, 2009)

Oh I HAD a aloof non-cuddle golden. And believe me it was frustrating and hard on the humans when you would go to hug the puppy and he would drop dead in your arms because he figured out dead weight limited hug time. 

Our first Golden was a hug monster...still is.
Scout I thought was broke. When we realized he was just not a hugger - we made sure to hug him anyway. Now I have not only a HUGGER but a Thanker. Everytime you give him somethin he really likes he has to give you a kiss and a hug. He is now more of a hugger than Noah. 

With Scout everything is on his terms as far as affection. He does not just deal it out freely like our free loving Noah.

Give him time...those non-cuddlers are really extra cuddly once they reach 6 month to a year.


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## jackie_hubert (Jun 2, 2010)

You guys are wonderfully supportive and understanding in our desire to cuddle with our puppy who just seems to want to be away from us. It's good to see that many of you had similar experiences but that your dogs still turned out to have that typical golden love of people.

We took him out without our other dog to the park today to meet our friend's toddler and while we were there he for the first time acted like a real puppy, climbing all over my husband who was lying on the grass, licking his face and nibbling on his nose. I think we're making progress.

We actually usually take them out separately (mostly because puppy goes out so frequently) so we're definitely giving him lots of one-on-one. 

Jackie


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## GoPack (Jan 3, 2010)

Our experience with Maggie was much the same as others here. She was a very independent, yet cautious spirit and offered affection "on her own terms"... especially to me, it seemed. However, at 8 months, I can barely get her off my lap. So be patient, offer the pup the leadership it needs right now, and you'll get your rewards in time! It sounds like you already are, in fact!


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## Lucky's mom (Nov 4, 2005)

Lucky was not a cuddler...he didn't seem to want anything to do with us except chew off our fingers and toes. I have to say...puppyhood wasn't a gratifying experience.

But suddenly without warning shortly before a year...he decided he wanted, needed and thrived on people.

As far as the leash thing...he hasn't been with you very long, doesn't know you well, and he's having to "give" something he covets too you. That might make him more growly. Instead of making him give something to you, try to make it a pleasent thing. Trade or reward him with a treat.


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## BayBeams (Jan 3, 2010)

I know how frustrating it can be to have a pup that, seemingly, doesn't meet your expectations. I have 3 Goldens. One that I raised from a pup is very independent, doesn't cuddle and is not oriented toward people. She acts more like a Saluki than a Golden. We have had our challenges over the years but, you know, we have grown into a great team and I wouldn't change her. She shows her love in small subtle ways. She will be 9 years old soon and we have a very special bond. She could never be the therapy dog that I imagined but she is a gem in her own right.

My other 2 Goldens are more outgoing and friendly and bouncy and loving but we don't share the same bond that I have with my special girl. Give your pup some time and allow the personality to grow. I spent a LOT of time trying to change my girl, and did succeed in overcoming some of her insecurities but her basic personality defined who she was and remained unchanged. 
It took me time to accept my Golden girl for who she is but now that I have, I can't imagine her being any other way.

Relax and enjoy your new pupster you have a long road ahead....


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## FlyingQuizini (Oct 24, 2006)

jackie_hubert said:


> We've done a lot of insisting that he "give" his toys and his food and he'll give those up (after some time) without growlling. I didn't think he'd guard his leash.
> 
> Is this fairly common? I hope this doesn't mean that he's not going to be a super friendly adult.


First of all, stop INSISTING that he give things up. Teach him a friendly trade. You want him to think that it's GOOD to give up what has has possession of. We humans get awfully grabby just b/c we have thumbs and think we can, but really, simply grabbing something away from a dog "just because" isn't a very respectful thing to do.

Teach it as a trade by using a treat. And no, you won't have to use the treats forever.


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## kb1998 (May 21, 2010)

Thank you, RedDogs! Love the info.


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## jackie_hubert (Jun 2, 2010)

I had written about our puppy who absolutely hates being held on our lap. Tippykayak had suggested that he might be warm. Today we had an idea; we put some icepacks on our lap and him on top...and guess what. He stayed there contently without a problem so long as the icepacks were still cold. Problem solved! 

We're thinking of getting a cooling blanket for his crate too as he gets really hot in there. Strange, because it never really gets above 23 (celsius) in our place, and quite a bit below that at night time. Oh well. Any suggestions on cooling blankets?


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