# I think I'm losing her



## Sweet Girl

Something has changed. My sweet, darling girl has eaten so little this weekend, and now, I can't even get her to take a Pill Pocket with a Tramadol in it. Even at the height of her nausea and illness post-op, on the awful antibiotic, on chemo - she never wouldn't take a Pill Pocket. She even turned down a cookie tonight. All she does, about every half hour, is go and drink a little water, and then go back into my room. She can't jump up onto my bed. I have been lifting her on - but I will pull my mattress off the frame tonight. I have had to carry her down the stairs a few times to take her out. She did have one poo today - no straining, and it was solid. 

I'm so profoundly sad and I feel so helpless. My heart is just breaking. When I think about her gone, I can't breathe. One moment, I think she's still here and still okay. And then I think, she is so tired and so sad. She didn't eat yesterday morning. She did eat cookies at the vet. She ate a little ground beef last night - but she wouldn't eat it today. She has hardly had anything today. She looks so weak. Here is a list of everything I tried today:

- ground beef
- ground beef pureed with broth
- lamb wet dog food
- duck and chicken wet dog food
- chunky soup 
- liverwurst (she ate some of this around 2pm - maybe 2 tablespoons. I thought, EUREKA! But then she wouldn't eat it when I offered it tonight)
- hard boiled egg mashed up with liverwurst (she licked a small amount off my fingers, but only twice before she turned away)
- straight beef broth
- peanut butter - she literally took the blob and spit it out
- baby puppy mousse (what puppies eat first after mother's milk)

I also bought some tripe - but I didn't even bother to try. It is my plan for tomorrow morning.

I sm so scared that I can't help her anymore. This cancer is bigger than both of us. What I did do today was take her to the park. I lifted her into the car and I helped her out. When she saw where she was, she perked up. I gave her a ball, just to hold. But she dropped it for me to throw. I did, a couple of times, just about a foot (if that). For that moment, she was happy. It gave me hope. But at home, she just looks so sad.

I am preparing myself to make the awful decision. All of my emotions are right at the surface right now. I started to cry when I saw a healthy Golden running in the park. I started to cry when I was driving to the store. I have told her already that she can go if she needs to. That I will miss her forever, but that I love her too much for her to stay only because I can't bear to lose her. Neither my vet not the oncologist - both of whom saw her yesterday - thought she was ready to go yet. But I feel like a lot has changed in 36 hours. 

I don't know what else to do. I can't believe how fast this has happened.

Here she was at the park today:


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## Pixies_big_sister

oh no, I'm so sorry, I know how hard it is to lose a pet having just lost 2 at once

you and your sweet girl are in my thoughts

*hugs*


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## Mayve

My heart goes out to you and your beautiful girl. I have no words of comfort that would suffice, just know I am thinking about you both and sending up prayers for you both. I'm also sending you both a hug!


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## Kally76

My heart just breaks for you. I'm so sorry.


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## Millie'sMom

I am so sorry to be reading this. Can you dissolve the tramadol in water and syringe it into her mouth? What about yogurt or ice cream or even cereal? My prayers and thoughts go out to you and Tee as you go through this trying time.


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## Jennifer1

I'm so sorry
I was going to suggest tripe so I hope she will eat it tomorrow. It was the only thing I could get bear to eat at the end.
Make yourself some nice memories with her


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## Phillyfisher

My prayers are with the both of you. I wish I knew what to say or could help...


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## love never dies

Just lit a candle for Tesia. I hope many good days for you two. Many prayers and hugs for Tesia.


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## GoldensGirl

I am so sorry that it has come to this. Remember that wise souls among us tell us, "Better a day too soon than a day too late." Tesia knows that you love her dearly and that you have fought for and with her with all that you have. Nobody could have done more.

Hold her close tonight. Soak up the smell of her. Clip a lock of her fur to cherish forever. Try to hold your tears until she is gone. And I do know how bitterly hard that is.

When the time comes, draw strength and courage from your love for her. You accept your own pain in freeing her from hers. That is the ultimate gift of love.

Holding Tesia and you gently in my heart and in my prayers.
Lucy


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## Wagners Mom2

I'm so sorry Sweet Girl. Many prayers for Tesia--and you. (((HUGS))).


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## hubbub

I'm so sorry for this turn. You have both been in my thoughts while I've been away from the forum. You are both such fighters and support each other with love and trust. We should all be so lucky to have someone like that in our lives. 

<hugs>


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## KiwiD

. Please give Tesia a gentle hug and kiss for me...thinking of you both.


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## the S team

Crying with you. Hugs and prayers to you and your sweet girl. You've tried so much but I'd add rotisserie chicken or canned salmon as a try, too. Love, love, love on her...as I know you will. Perhaps we can pray and hope that it's just an off day and tomorrow will be better. 

Lucy, can you remember to post those exact words to me in due time. 


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## Joanne & Asia

My heart breaks for you as I read this. Having lost Gromit not very long ago, I know how heart wrenching it is and also to not know when it is time to let them go.He told me when it was time and I truly beleive you will know when Tesia is ready. It does not make it easier to let them cross the bridge when it is time but having her tell you will give you a sense of peace through the grieving process I hope you know you are doing everything you can for her and she is grateful to have such a loving mom. I am sending prayers to you and Tesia.


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom

I'm so very sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are so wise to tell her it's ok to go if she must. Spend the night loving on her and soaking in every moment. She will tell you when it is time. Hugs.


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## Bentleysmom

I'm so sorry to get on here and read this! Sending prayers and hugs to both of you ♥


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## ChasingChase

I'm so sorry to read this. It's a very difficult thing to go through, but you have been such a wonderful mom to Tesia. And I also agree that although it's a horribly difficult decision to make, you will know when she is ready and take comfort in the fact that she is at peace. She's a fighter and I hope and pray that she is able to pull through this. Thinking of you both. 


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## luvbuzz

I can feel your pain, I am so sorry. Prayers to both of you.


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## dborgers

Not trying to offer you false hope, but Andy's been like that a few times this past year and bounced back. It Tess isn't feeling well (colitus or something) and hasn't been eating, she surely feels weak, like we would.


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## Vhuynh2

I'm keeping you and Tesia in my thoughts. I am so sorry.. I hope she turns around soon. 


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## princess heidi

i cried reading your post. i'm soo soo sorry. it's so painful i know...


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## lgnutah

I am so sorry


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## PrincessDi

You are the very best Mommy to your girl! I'm very sorry that she hasn't felt like eating. Praying very hard that tomorrow, the tripe will work. Try just a little at a time. When Max had refused everything, we started out with a spoonful on a tiny plate. He barely sniffed of it and then stood back. We put a tiny bit on our finger and touched it to his lips. He ended finishing the plate and we put more and more down. I think when nothing is appealing, to offer only a tiny bit isn't so overwhelming for them.

On my way to light a candle and saying many prayers for strength for you both and for the Palladia to kick in.


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## *Laura*

Sweet Girl my heart is aching for you and my tears are flowing. I know the feeling where you just want to stop time...


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## KathyL

I'm so sorry that your girl appears to have taken a turn. I know how hard it is to watch them. Our goldens are very stoic and often don't show us how they really feel. I will say a prayer for the both of you.


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## Rainheart

We are all with you in good thoughts... spoil her rotten and give her lots of love tonight -hugs-


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## GoldenMum

I am so very sorry that your Sweet Tee is struggling. Please know there are many who are praying for your girl. I too, have whispered in Clyde's ear many nights to go in his sleep if he is ready. Please know we are here for you. Belly rubs to Miss Tee....Dawn


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## Buddy's mom forever

As one who went thru all of that not so long ago in my mind, I feel so sad reading your post. I can feel your pain as my own. Sending many prayers and positive vibes for Tesia and you. Many hugs for both. I am going to light a candle for Tesia.


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## TheZ's

Sending prayers for peace and strength for both of you.


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## sophiesadiehannah's mom

words cannot express how sorry i am for the both of you. i do believe she will tell you when it is time. i lost my baby girl in aug 2012. she was an old yellow lab who was going to be put down at the pound. she was in pretty bad shape, but i wanted her to have a few good days with my family and i would bring her to the vet where she would not leave this world alone. well after that visit she stayed with us for a little over 11 months. she developed vestibular imbalance and stopped eating and wanted to sleep all the time. we knew it was time and although i did not want to do it, she crossed the bridge with her family, a loving vet and his staff. i miss her gentle soul. prayers for you.


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## Dreammom

am thinking of both of you, sending peaceful thoughts...


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## HolDaisy

I am so sad to read this  Tee is such a beautiful girl and thank you for sharing those special photos of her at the park, such a sweet little face.

Everything you are going through reminds me so much of us with Daisy. We tried every food possible I think praying that something would just work and get her strong again. The last few days she survived on eating a small amount of porridge from a teaspoon. Like PrincessDi said, a little tiny bit at a time might just do the trick instead of her seeing a dish of food. Even the sight or smell of some foods seemed to put Daisy off, but the plainer stuff she was slightly more keen to try with lots of encouragement from us. We also bought in jars of human baby food for her to try but she did not want it, maybe something you could try though just incase. It's so difficult though and heartbreaking to watch a dog that loved their food suddenly turn away so understand how you're feeling.

We understand so much how you must be feeling and sending all the positive prayers and vibes in the world your way. You are a fantastic Mom to Tee and are doing everything you possibly can for her. I really really hope you see some improvements soon. Tee is a little fighter and such a brave girl, sending her lots of hugs. Lighting a candle for her right now and hoping you have a peaceful night with her.


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## mudEpawz

I am so sorry. She looks so beautiful in the photos. Giver her lots of lovin' tonight. Hugs, hugs and more hugs.


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## Dwyllis

I'm so sorry. Tesia is a beautiful girl & she will be feeling your love surrounding her. Praying for a better day tomorrow & for strength for you both.


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## Thalie

I cannot say it better than Goldengirls did. 

It is a terrible time you are facing; it is the worst of times. We love you as you love Tesia. You know her better than anybody; you want her to stay as we all want ours to stay forever. Hold her, love her, and be at peace with the decision you make, whether it is to hold on to her another day or to let her go but I think, as you do, that the time is nearing.

Holding you close in my thoughts. Wishing I could do more to help.


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## Sydney's Mom

This thread makes me so sad. My heart is broken for you. Like everyone else, I want to say that you're the best mom to T and you have done absolutely everything to try to make her well. Tomorrow is a new day. For now, snuggle in with her and cuddle.


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## Claudia M

I am hoping that it is just one of those off days and everything will get better tomorrow. Lots of hugs and good thoughts going your and Tesia's way.


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## Seagodess

I'm so sorry to be reading this. My eyes are filled with tears. I hope she hangs in there.


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## Laurie

My heart goes out to you. Having just lost Reno in November, I know the pain all too well.

Praying that you have more quality time with your sweet girl!


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## kwhit

Oh no...:no: My heart is breaking for you right now. Ever since I first saw the beautiful picture of Tesia in your siggy, I could tell how special she is. Her face is so expressive...so much love and happiness shows in her eyes. You can just tell she knows how much she's loved. Only a dog that has a wonderful life can convey such contentment and joy through a mere photograph. 

I'll be thinking of you and Tesia during this very difficult time.


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## Buddysmyheart

I'm so sorry, I know how hard this is. Most of us here understand how you are feeling, and please know we are there with you in spirit. Many, many prayers are being said tonight for Tesia. Sending caring and positive thoughts your way!


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## Goldens R Great

Your post made me cry. I feel so bad for you and Tesia, and I understand what you are going through. It's so hard when you offer food that they normally would be thrilled to eat and would just gobble up..but they don't. 

Thank you for posting her picture. What a sweet sweet girl.

Please know you and Tesia are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## OutWest

Sending hugs and kisses to sweet Tee, and to you.


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## cubbysan

So sorry. Sending thoughts, prayers and hugs to you and Tesia.


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## Pipsqueak

So sorry for the pain you are both going through. It is such a difficult time, as many of us on this forum know and understand. 

Have lit a candle for you both


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## maizy's mom

I am so sorry. I am keeping you and your sweet girl in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Lynlegs

There are no words which will ease your pain, but having been through this agony with both May and Alice recently, these are my thoughts.

You have loved Tesia with all your heart and given her the best life you could possibly have done.
The pain will feel unbearable sometimes, but you will bear it.
At a point in the not too distant future there will be a glimmer of light and the beginning of a lessening of the pain.
We cannot have the joy of a dog in our life without accepting that there will be an end to our time together. Ultimately we all have to say goodbye.

I write this with tears streaming down my face - tears for you, Tesia and my girls. It's inescapable - when you love there will always be pain.

Please try to draw strength from all the love and understanding which is sent to you from round the world. My thoughts will be with you.

Love and hugs, 

Lyn


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## Yaichi's Mom

GoldensGirl said:


> I am so sorry that it has come to this. Remember that wise souls among us tell us, "Better a day too soon than a day too late. Tesia knows that you love her dearly and that you have fought for and with her with all that you have. Nobody could have done more.
> 
> Hold her close tonight. Soak up the smell of her. Clip a lock of her fur to cherish forever. Try to hold your tears until she is gone. And I do know how bitterly hard that is.
> 
> When the time comes, draw strength and courage from your love for her. You accept your own pain in freeing her from hers. That is the ultimate gift of love.
> 
> Holding Tesia and you gently in my heart and in my prayers.
> Lucy


More than beautifully said, that I can't add anything but echo the above and say that your heart will guide you. 

My love goes out to you and your precious Tesia...I and many of us know exactly what you are going through.

I am so sorry.....


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## Dallas Gold

I am so sorry- my heart is aching and so heavy for you right now. (((HUGS))). I'm praying for you to find clarity and peace with the heavy decisions you will be making.


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## coffenut

{{{{{HUGS}}}} Oh, I so know what you are going through. I really really do. Even if she is not eating, is she drinking? Can you get a large syringe and squirt water in her mouth? Will she swallow?

Hug her close, memorize her smell, and make her as warm and comfortable as you can.

Just remember that if you do have to say goodbye, Mazlon will be waiting at the Bridge wagging and smiling ready to show her all the best sunny places and places to chase butterflies.


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## elly

Oh bless you both, I am so so sorry. I truly know how you feel and there are no words to comfort you but please know we are all here for you. Our love for our babies is unlimited and unconditional as theirs is for us and part of that is having to make that awful but completely unselfish decision to help them to the bridge and stop their suffering worsening. She will always be by your side, in your heart and in your mind, always and forever a part of you and your life. So many of us here have babies that are at the bridge and will welcome her and look after her, including my Cracker. There's no 'goodbyes', just 'until later' ..you have had so many life journeys together and now she will make another with your help but I know letting go is so so hard. I took a deep breath inwards of Crackers fur smell, knowing that I could keep a part of her with me and I can still smell her when I close my eyes and think of her. It sounds in your post that your heart is almost already making the decision and she is letting you know she's tired. I hope whichever way you decide you both find peace and that your time together now is extra special and sweet.
Thinking of you and already shedding tears. Big hugs to you both and more care and thought than you can imagine x


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## Fella 77

Your words brought back a flood of memories for me..I am so sorry for you and your beautiful Tesia. Many here have gone through what you are now..My thoughts are with you and your loved ones furry and human...I know the great sadness you are facing but try and think of the positives..all the love and happiness she has brought you all these years..you will never loose that..


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## Barkr

Sending you & Tesia prayers,hugs and strength during this difficult time. What sweet gentle face she has !


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## Karen519

*Sweet Girl*

Sweet Girl

Tears in my eyes reading about Tesia and knowing how AWFUL you feel.
Praying for clarity for you, too!


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## Jessie'sGirl

Oh my, one thing is for sure, this girl is surrounded with love and I'm sure she feels it.


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## MercyMom

Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this! It must be so heartbreaking for you!


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## hotel4dogs

I'm so very sorry. Sending hugs, prayers, and good wishes.


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## Megora

Looking at these pictures, I can't help but feel you still have time... she is such a beautiful sweet girl. My heart goes out to you - I know there is absolutely no comforting words at this time. I only can say very strongly that the moment you feel it is time, do it for her. And even if it is her time, she will always be with you. And keep her close in your heart positively and happy and carry on. 

I was showing my sister the latest birthday video I made for Jacks and she began crying remembering those feelings she felt for her Sammy, as well as seeing glimpses of Sammy in Jacks especially visible in many of the pictures. 

Things will be OK. Be strong.


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## Ljilly28

Tramadol makes Finny so queasy, and also my human friend Teri gets a very upset stomach from it. Do you think she could switch to a Fentanyl(sp) patch?


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## goldensrbest

So sorry, it is hard letting them go, but we all have to do it, because we love them so much, they depend on us to help them,you have done everything any one could had possible done,you will know when it is time.


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## GoldenMum

Stopping in to let you know I am thinking of you and your girl this morning. Hoping Sweet Tee had a better night.


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## ssacres

I couldn't read all the posts as it brought back too much pain. I know how hard it is to think of letting them go. Someone told me once I wasn't doing it to her I was doing it for her. What a beautiful girl you have. Hugs..


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## Otter

Very sorry Sweet Girl.
We've been down this road three times in the past few years with our Goldens and cancer. Hate it.
Sorry.


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## khrios

What a lovely face. My prayers are with you and Tesia.


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## cgriffin

I am sorry that Tesia is not doing well.
You know your girl best and I think you will know what decision to make when the time comes.
Keeping Tesia and you in my thoughts.


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## Chaya

I'm so sorry to hear about Tess...and what you're going through. I'm just trying to think of some things that may entice her appetite, maybe some thin rice and lean chicken porridge, PB&J sandwich, or pizza? If she's feeling queasy from her meds, maybe the bready stuff will help settle her stomach. You're both in my thoughts.


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## tobysmommy

Thinking of you and sweet Tesia.


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## CAROLINA MOM

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your sweet Tesia.


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## Karen519

*Tesia*

Sweet Girl

Praying very hard for Tesia and you. You have done all that you can for her.


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## Joanne & Asia

I continue to pray for you both this morning.


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## HolDaisy

Thinking of you both this morning and hope that you had a better night


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## vrmueller

Sweet, Sweet Tesia, thinking about you and your mom. I hope you had a restful night and you have a huge appetite this morning.


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## nolefan

I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you, I am another one who will be praying for your strength and clarity....


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## Sweet Girl

I am truly overwhelmed and grateful for you all. Thank you for your kind words and loving and supportive thoughts and prayers for my sweet love. She is beside me on my mattress, breathing hard. We are going to the vet in about a half hour. 

I tried the tripe this morning - no interest. Nor for a cookie, or a bit of baby mousse. She is drinking water - that's all. I fear my poor lamb is getting ready to leave me. But I am going to remain hopefuly that we can give her an anti-nauseau injection, and maybe some sugar water and help her hold on a bit longer. 



Jennifer1 said:


> I'm so sorry
> I was going to suggest tripe so I hope she will eat it tomorrow. It was the only thing I could get bear to eat at the end.
> Make yourself some nice memories with her


I tried it - but even that didn't tempt. I am actually wondering if she isn't smelling properly. I tried putting some puppy mousse on my finger and putting it under her lip on her tongue, and she just drooled. Didn't really register that it was there. 



GoldensGirl said:


> I am so sorry that it has come to this. Remember that wise souls among us tell us, "Better a day too soon than a day too late. Tesia knows that you love her dearly and that you have fought for and with her with all that you have. Nobody could have done more.
> 
> Hold her close tonight. *Soak up the smell of her.* Clip a lock of her fur to cherish forever. Try to hold your tears until she is gone. And I do know how bitterly hard that is.
> 
> When the time comes, draw strength and courage from your love for her. You accept your own pain in freeing her from hers. That is the ultimate gift of love.
> 
> Holding Tesia and you gently in my heart and in my prayers.
> Lucy


One of my biggest fears is around losing her smell. I love her smell. She smells sweet. I finally decided about a month ago that she smells like French Toast - sweet, a little vanilla, a little cinnamon. I have been lying with my face next to her, smelling her sweet head. I will miss her smell so much. It is comfort to me. It must be how mothers and fathers feel about their children's smells. 



PrincessDi said:


> You are the very best Mommy to your girl! I'm very sorry that she hasn't felt like eating. Praying very hard that tomorrow, the tripe will work. Try just a little at a time. When Max had refused everything, we started out with a spoonful on a tiny plate. He barely sniffed of it and then stood back. We put a tiny bit on our finger and touched it to his lips. He ended finishing the plate and we put more and more down. I think when nothing is appealing, to offer only a tiny bit isn't so overwhelming for them.
> 
> On my way to light a candle and saying many prayers for strength for you both and for the Palladia to kick in.


I was hoping this would work. Everything has been tried by hand. I got her to take some liverwurst yesterday, just a few bits by hand. I tried the baby mousse this morning, a bit on her tongue, a bit on her nose. She didn't even lick it off her nose - I had to clean it off. It is absolutely heartbreaking. And I feel so helpless. I even tried broth on my finger. It didn't work. 

After talking to the internal specialist today, the decision is not to give her her Palladia dose today (I'm not sure I'd be able to get it into her anyway). It's a Mon-Wed-Fri medication. It's on hold while we try to get her to eat. I couldn't even get the tiny anti-nausea pill down her this morning. I fear she is just done. 



*Laura* said:


> Sweet Girl my heart is aching for you and my tears are flowing. I know the feeling where you just want to stop time...


I had that very thought last night. Stop time. Stop it and go back 3 months. 



GoldenMum said:


> I am so very sorry that your Sweet Tee is struggling. Please know there are many who are praying for your girl. I too, have whispered in Clyde's ear many nights to go in his sleep if he is ready. Please know we are here for you. Belly rubs to Miss Tee....Dawn


I, too, have whispered it in her ear. I told her it's okay, even if I'm not here. I told her I will miss her forever but that she will always be with me, and I will always be with her. She has always understood so much of what I say. I hope she understands this. 



kwhit said:


> Oh no...:no: My heart is breaking for you right now. Ever since I first saw the beautiful picture of Tesia in your siggy, I could tell how special she is. *Her face is so expressive...so much love and happiness shows in her eyes. You can just tell she knows how much she's loved. Only a dog that has a wonderful life can convey such contentment and joy through a mere photograph. *
> 
> I'll be thinking of you and Tesia during this very difficult time.


This made me cry with gratitude. It's all I have ever tried to give her - the best life possible. She has been adored every second and has given me so much. 



Lynlegs said:


> There are no words which will ease your pain, but having been through this agony with both May and Alice recently, these are my thoughts.
> 
> You have loved Tesia with all your heart and given her the best life you could possibly have done.
> The pain will feel unbearable sometimes, but you will bear it.
> At a point in the not too distant future there will be a glimmer of light and the beginning of a lessening of the pain.
> We cannot have the joy of a dog in our life without accepting that there will be an end to our time together. Ultimately we all have to say goodbye.
> 
> I write this with tears streaming down my face - tears for you, Tesia and my girls. It's inescapable - when you love there will always be pain.
> 
> Please try to draw strength from all the love and understanding which is sent to you from round the world. My thoughts will be with you.
> 
> Love and hugs,
> 
> Lyn


I know I will be coming back to read this in the future. Thank you. 



coffenut said:


> {{{{{HUGS}}}} Oh, I so know what you are going through. I really really do. Even if she is not eating, is she drinking? Can you get a large syringe and squirt water in her mouth? Will she swallow?
> 
> Hug her close, memorize her smell, and make her as warm and comfortable as you can.
> 
> Just remember that if you do have to say goodbye, Mazlon will be waiting at the Bridge wagging and smiling ready to show her all the best sunny places and places to chase butterflies.


She thankfully, is still drinking. Every half hour or so, she gets up and has a bit of water. She is also peeing regularly. If I can head her off, I bring the water to her so she doesn't have to get up. 



Jessie'sGirl said:


> Oh my, one thing is for sure, this girl is surrounded with love and I'm sure she feels it.


The love and caring here is an absolute treasure to me. It means more than I could ever say. 



Ljilly28 said:


> Tramadol makes Finny so queasy, and also my human friend Teri gets a very upset stomach from it. Do you think she could switch to a Fentanyl(sp) patch?


I am hoping there will be another option. She did great on Deramaxx before the cancer. Now that we are likely stopping the Palladia, we will be able to go back to any of the options. The oncologist mentioned Metacam. I assume it is maybe stronger than Deramaxx. 

We will be going to the vet shortly. Thank you for all the love and thoughts. I will let you know what happens as soon as possible. But know that you are all helping me so much.


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## Karen519

*Tesia*

Holding Tesia and you in my prayers!


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## Cathy's Gunner

Just seeing your post this morning. Sending good thoughts and prayers to you and your girl...hugs too !


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## HolDaisy

Good luck at the vets will be thinking of you and hope they can give her something to help her feel better. It's good that she is still drinking, I know she's not eating and that's the main thing but at least she's getting some moisture in her.

Please don't worry that you'll ever forget her smell. You never will. I can still smell Daisy when I think of her and every little thing about her is still crystal clear. Stay strong, I know your heart must be breaking but you really are the best Mom that she could ever wish for. Hugs to Tee.


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## GoldenCamper

Keeping you and Tesia in our thoughts and prayers. Stay strong for her.


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## cgriffin

Good luck with your appointment, I'll be thinking of you two.
Metacam is a pretty good NSAID. It had helped my boy greatly when he was first having arthritic issues. It comes in tablets or in liquid. The liquid smells like honey and comes with a syringe to be squirted into the mouth or holding it in the cheek pocket. Maybe Tee would take the meds easier this way.
Good luck!


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## HovawartMom

(((hugs & prayers)))


----------



## PrincessDi

Holding you both in our thoughts and prayers.


----------



## Capt Jack

Prayers for you & your sweet girl may God grant you comfort in what lays ahead.


----------



## Bob Dylan

Sweet Tesia is is my prayers every day.

Maybe the medication has turned her off from eating, glad she is still drinking. Give her Hugs & Kisses from us! I know you are holding her close to your heart.


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## dborgers

Keeping track of you and Tee. Never far from our thoughts


----------



## Penny & Maggie's Mom

Praying......


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## AmberSunrise

Holding you and Tesia in my thoughts and sending prayers that you are both granted comfort and peace for what lies ahead.


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## swishywagga

Prayers said and candles lit. Always in our thoughts.


----------



## Sweet Girl

Thank you all, so much. 

Tesia wagged her tail a little at the vet and was alert. Tired, for sure, but she was her sweet self. They gave her an injection of the Metoclopramide, and I have three more syringes to give her at home. I hope it helps her to eat again. She did actually eat some small pieces of cookie before we left - just a very few, but better than nothing. She took a long time to get out of the car when we got home, but with much encouragement, she did come in finally, and she is on my bed (mattress on the floor) sleeping. I can hear her breaths from the next room. 

Her breathing _is_ diminished. She has good breath sounds at the top of her lungs, not towards the bottom. We know there were nodules in her lungs 10 weeks ago; one can only assume they have grown as the ones on her body have. I mentioned that she doesn't lie on her side anymore (she was always a side sleeper) and she actually lay down in the vet's office the way she has been with her head out in front of her. My vet said she clearly can't breathe as well when she is compressing part of her lung (as when lying on her side) and she is trying to elongate her neck to get more air in. 

The best news is that neither of my vets this morning think she is ready to go. Still. We saw our vet we've been seeing while my regular vet is on maternity leave - but then we also saw my regular vet because she came by when she heard Tee was back at the clinic (she's the one we visited Saturday morning). Tesia is so loved - I'm very lucky. I did ask them if I am doing too much - trying to hold onto to her unfairly, and they pretty adamently said no. They said it is well worth trying the anti-nausea injection. They said it really does sound like nausea more than anything. My vet was VERY happy to hear about the trip to the park and the wagging tail and interest in the ball. She said that is not the reaction of a dog who is ready to go. 

I am feeling better. Hopefully she will be soon, too.The next 12-24 hours will be key. If she starts to eat, it will be a huge victory. I'm going to let her sleep for now. She had the injection just before noon, so i don't imagine she'll want anything much before 6 or so. I have everything under the moon available when she is ready!! (You all weren't kidding about the smell of tripe, eh? Holy. I bagged up what she didn't eat and threw it out, and I double closed the tin in the fridge. And it was the first thing I smelled when we came home). :yuck:


----------



## *Laura*

I'm so glad that you went to your vet and they confirmed that Tee is still enjoying life. I hope the anti-nausea meds work and that Tee will eat something soon. Thinking of you two all the time


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## TheZ's

So glad for the update and relieved to hear that things are a bit better . . . continuing to send prayers for the two of you.


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## Tennyson

My parents had a yellow lab that was 16 when he passed from colon cancer. The last few months he began to be a picky eater because of the pain meds. My Dad went out and got Gerber baby food in the jars. All the meats, veggies and fruits Sam would devour. He also got Sam the Gerber cereal in a box and Sam used to dive into it.
Maybe that would help Tee. I know you're getting a lot of food suggestions but maybe Gerber could help sweet Tee.


----------



## HolDaisy

I am so happy to read that your vets agreed that Tee isn't ready to go yet! Your vet team sound brilliant and seem to care so much for her, which is so nice. Really hope that the anti-nausea injection helps her and gets her eating again. Daisy's little sodium light by her ashes came on again tonight...I just know that she is Tee's special golden angel watching over her. Hang in there, we're all here for you.


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## tikiandme

I am praying, through my tears, for you and your magnificent Tesia.


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## PrincessDi

Sending thoughts and prayers that the antinausea meds kick in and she awakens hungry!!


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

Sending healing vibes to you and Tee....


----------



## Buddysmyheart

Encouraging news! We are all praying and thinking of you and Tesia today. Hope she has a better day, and can eat a little. Hope you can get some rest too.


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## Bob Dylan

We Love You Tee, hopefully you will eat something when you are rested up. ((HUGS))


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## Sweet Girl

Tennyson said:


> My parents had a yellow lab that was 16 when he passed from colon cancer. The last few months he began to be a picky eater because of the pain meds. My Dad went out and got Gerber baby food in the jars. All the meats, veggies and fruits Sam would devour. He also got Sam the Gerber cereal in a box and Sam used to dive into it.
> Maybe that would help Tee. I know you're getting a lot of food suggestions but maybe Gerber could help sweet Tee.


It's actually one of the few things I haven't tried - though I did stand in front of the baby food shelf in the grocery store yesterday. I tried to make my own "version" of baby food, but grinding up the ground beef with some broth and making it the consistency of baby food. No go. I am hoping that her appetite returns and returns back to normal - but I'll keep the baby food idea in my back pocket just in case.


----------



## Dallas Gold

Sweet Girl said:


> It's actually one of the few things I haven't tried - though I did stand in front of the baby food shelf in the grocery store yesterday. I tried to make my own "version" of baby food, but grinding up the ground beef with some broth and making it the consistency of baby food. No go. I am hoping that her appetite returns and returns back to normal - but I'll keep the baby food idea in my back pocket just in case.


Just make sure the baby food (and the broth) don't contain onion powder. Onion powder is toxic to dogs. Yogi's breeder suggested I get Gerber's Chicken Chicken Gravy baby food when he had a little digestive upset right after we got him home. He LOVES it and I still sometimes put a tiny dab on his Kong of food. It's onion powder free. Also, I discovered the broth I just bought contains onion powder, so I can't use it for the dogs. 

I hope she will be eating you out of house and home very soon!:crossfing


----------



## swishywagga

Really hope Tee starts to pick up, and eat a little something soon. We are sending you extra extra special thoughts and wishes to you. Try to get some rest yourself it must be so hard for you right now. Take care and big hugs to beautiful Tesia.


----------



## Tayla's Mom

I read your post earlier today and just can’t read the other responses. My heart goes out to you because I went through that in February with our 15 year old Aussie/mix and may be going through it again with our Golden mix who just turned 15 last month. She has Cushings and is becoming increasingly picky about eating. What she used to like she doesn’t anymore. I’m starting to cook for her, meat and veggies and hopefully she will eat that. As I was told when we were doing this with Cheyenne just find something that they will eat and it doesn’t have to be the healthiest of foods, just get them to eat if you can. Good luck and I’ll pray for you.


----------



## OutWest

Thinking about you and Tee today. Hope you can get some rest while she's resting.


----------



## Karen519

*Tesia*

Praying you both can get some rest and that she is able to eat something.


----------



## nolefan

Just checking in to let you know I'm thinking about your both. I hope it helps just a little bit to know you have so many people pulling for your girl and caring about you both....


----------



## LibertyME

Just reading this brings me flooding right back to Liberty.....know you are in my thoughts. FWIW Metoclopramide made a big difference with Liberty.....as did soaking her food over night and mashing it so it would breakdown more quickly and pass more easily ...


----------



## Sweet Girl

No sign of an appetite yet. I'm probably being impatient. She is still sleeping. She had some water about 20 minutes ago. I offered cookies - no go.  I need to be patient. I'm just so worried. It's been so long since she had anything of substance. 



Dallas Gold said:


> Just make sure the baby food (and the broth) don't contain onion powder. Onion powder is toxic to dogs. Yogi's breeder suggested I get Gerber's Chicken Chicken Gravy baby food when he had a little digestive upset right after we got him home. He LOVES it and I still sometimes put a tiny dab on his Kong of food. It's onion powder free. Also, I discovered the broth I just bought contains onion powder, so I can't use it for the dogs.
> 
> I hope she will be eating you out of house and home very soon!:crossfing


Oh, man!! Thank you for this warning! I will check the broth ingredients (though, after she drank it about 5 weeks ago, she has refused to touch it since. Certainly not this past weekend). And this is the first jar I will reach for if I need to try the baby food. Maybe I'll just buy it for her anyway 



swishywagga said:


> Really hope Tee starts to pick up, and eat a little something soon. We are sending you extra extra special thoughts and wishes to you. Try to get some rest yourself it must be so hard for you right now. Take care and big hugs to beautiful Tesia.





OutWest said:


> Thinking about you and Tee today. Hope you can get some rest while she's resting.


I actually lay down beside her when we got home and fell asleep. I admit, I have been waking up at night every time she moves lately - everytime she gets up to get water or just switch positions, and of course, when she needs to go out. But I don't begrudge one moment of it. She needs me right now. I just wish I could convince her to eat!


----------



## Sweet Girl

LibertyME said:


> Just reading this brings me flooding right back to Liberty.....know you are in my thoughts. FWIW Metoclopramide made a big difference with Liberty.....as did soaking her food over night and mashing it so it would breakdown more quickly and pass more easily ...


Thank you, and I'm so sorry if it brings up any sad memories. I actually worry about that all the time when I'm talking about it. 

Can I ask you - did Liberty have an injection of the Metoclopramide? Do you remember how long it took to kick in? I know after her Cerenia injection, it was 36 hours, but she was eating cookies and stuff. Right now, she is taking nothing. I'm not sure she can survive another 36 hours. I'm still worried. (It's only been 5 hours since the Meto injection).


----------



## Jennifer1

Have you tried hand feeding her some sort of soft stuff?
Bear was given something at the end also, I think it was metoclopramide maybe? In her case it was a pill that I dissolved in water and then syringe fed to her.
It did seem to help but would take maybe 12hrs to really kick in


----------



## ssacres

It is ok if it brings up our sad times. We just want to be there for you. I so remember the last few months when I knew maybe time was not on our side. I grew so close to Allie. She needed me more than ever and I was there for her. I so feel your pain and heartbreak. There is never a great time to say goodbye. I remember it like it was yesterday. I tried to stay strong for Allie. I am praying for you and your girl. God Bless..


----------



## CAROLINA MOM

I'm really glad to hear it's not Tesia time yet.

I went through the days of my bridge boy not eating also-I cooked for him and gave him whatever he would eat basically mainly to get something in him so I could give him the Tramadol.

Hoping you have lots of days to come with your sweet girl.


----------



## Finn's Fan

Thinking of you and Tee and hoping that the next hours and days lead you both in the direction you're supposed to go. Give her a gentle smooch from me and tell her she's got a whole team on her side....


----------



## Kasey'sLuckyMama

how blessed you were to have known she has cancer  My sweet girls went undetected until the last possible moment. 

I hope her appetite returns and she gets better.. you seem to love her unconditionally..the way we all love our babies


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## Sweet Girl

Jennifer1 said:


> Have you tried hand feeding her some sort of soft stuff?
> Bear was given something at the end also, I think it was metoclopramide maybe? In her case it was a pill that I dissolved in water and then syringe fed to her.
> It did seem to help but would take maybe 12hrs to really kick in


I have tried it all by hand. I have even put little bits of puppy mousse or liverwurst on her tongue. She spits it out. It's only been 6 hours now since the Metoclopromide injection, so hopefully it will kick in soon. 



ssacres said:


> It is ok if it brings up our sad times. We just want to be there for you. I so remember the last few months when I knew maybe time was not on our side. I grew so close to Allie. She needed me more than ever and I was there for her. I so feel your pain and heartbreak. There is never a great time to say goodbye. I remember it like it was yesterday. I tried to stay strong for Allie. I am praying for you and your girl. God Bless..


She seems to be *scared* of me suddenly. We just went outside - where she POOPED. How in the world does one poop without eating? Well, that was great. Anyway, we came in and I thought, maybe I'll offer some food. I put a bit of tripe in her bowl - she sniffed, but she wasn't interested. I offered a cookie - nope. I broke one piece and put it in the dish and left a piece on the floor. When I turned back to look at her, she was backing away from the dish backwards. I sort of laughed and said, yeah, it DOES stink. I lifted it up and threw it out and rinsed the bowl. When I turned back to her, she was backed up another step or two and was standing frozen looking at me. I said, what's wrong, honey? She backed up all the way into the guest room. She never goes into the guest room. Now she is lying in there. i decided to leave her. I gave her kisses and left her. I am checking her, but she doesn't seem to want to come out.


----------



## hotel4dogs

This is not a solution, but would your vet consider putting her on some prednisone? It bought HRH Toby about 6 weeks of decent quality time, and kept him eating.
Just palliative, I know, but maybe worth a thought.


----------



## Waggily Tail

Tesia, praying that your appetite returns and your sweet Mom has a good night's sleep beside you. Jill


----------



## Sweet Girl

hotel4dogs said:


> This is not a solution, but would your vet consider putting her on some prednisone? It bought HRH Toby about 6 weeks of decent quality time, and kept him eating.
> Just palliative, I know, but maybe worth a thought.


You are the second person in five minutes to suggest the pred. One by PM, too. I'll ask about it when we talk tomorrow. It has not been suggested yet. 

Sadly, everything for Tee right now is purely palliative. There will be no cure - but if I can keep her happy and feeling good, I will do anything for her. And if it also encourages eating, that is a huge plus. Thank you.


----------



## Sweet Girl

I just wanted to report what I answered to ssacres above, because it is freaking me out.

She seems to be *scared* of me suddenly. We just went outside - where she POOPED. How in the world does one poop without eating? Well, that was great. Anyway, we came in and I thought, maybe I'll offer some food. I put a bit of tripe in her bowl - she sniffed, but she wasn't interested. I offered a cookie - nope. I broke one piece and put it in the dish and left a piece on the floor. When I turned back to look at her, she was backing away from the dish backwards. I sort of laughed and said, yeah, it DOES stink. I lifted it up and threw it out and rinsed the bowl. When I turned back to her, she was backed up another step or two and was standing frozen looking at me. I said, what's wrong, honey? She backed up all the way into the guest room. She never goes into the guest room. Now she is lying in there. i decided to leave her. I gave her kisses and left her. I am checking her, but she doesn't seem to want to come out.


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## ssacres

Allie was still eating very well but she lost her vision in one eye very quick. She was afraid to go outside. That is why I carried her out and had her on a leash. She got up the steps ok but for safety reasons I never left her out there alone. My vet always asked me if she was still eating ok. I am so praying your girl will be ok. Sometimes we have to let them go. I know it isn't easy. When my vet came I thought I was going to pass out. It was not an easy thing to do. I pray the lord will help you throught this. Big Hugs.. Stay strong..


----------



## MercyMom

Sweet Girl said:


> Thank you all, so much.
> 
> Tesia wagged her tail a little at the vet and was alert. Tired, for sure, but she was her sweet self. They gave her an injection of the Metoclopramide, and I have three more syringes to give her at home. I hope it helps her to eat again. She did actually eat some small pieces of cookie before we left - just a very few, but better than nothing. She took a long time to get out of the car when we got home, but with much encouragement, she did come in finally, and she is on my bed (mattress on the floor) sleeping. I can hear her breaths from the next room.
> 
> Her breathing _is_ diminished. She has good breath sounds at the top of her lungs, not towards the bottom. We know there were nodules in her lungs 10 weeks ago; one can only assume they have grown as the ones on her body have. I mentioned that she doesn't lie on her side anymore (she was always a side sleeper) and she actually lay down in the vet's office the way she has been with her head out in front of her. My vet said she clearly can't breathe as well when she is compressing part of her lung (as when lying on her side) and she is trying to elongate her neck to get more air in.
> 
> The best news is that neither of my vets this morning think she is ready to go. Still. We saw our vet we've been seeing while my regular vet is on maternity leave - but then we also saw my regular vet because she came by when she heard Tee was back at the clinic (she's the one we visited Saturday morning). Tesia is so loved - I'm very lucky. I did ask them if I am doing too much - trying to hold onto to her unfairly, and they pretty adamently said no. They said it is well worth trying the anti-nausea injection. They said it really does sound like nausea more than anything. My vet was VERY happy to hear about the trip to the park and the wagging tail and interest in the ball. She said that is not the reaction of a dog who is ready to go.
> 
> I am feeling better. Hopefully she will be soon, too.The next 12-24 hours will be key. If she starts to eat, it will be a huge victory. I'm going to let her sleep for now. She had the injection just before noon, so i don't imagine she'll want anything much before 6 or so. I have everything under the moon available when she is ready!! (You all weren't kidding about the smell of tripe, eh? Holy. I bagged up what she didn't eat and threw it out, and I double closed the tin in the fridge. And it was the first thing I smelled when we came home). :yuck:


I still keep you and Tesia in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## ssacres

Praying for you and your little girl. Just cannot get you two out of my mind. Hugs for both of you girls. PRAYING...


----------



## cgriffin

I am sorry that Tee isn't doing much better.
Could she be getting a bit senile or dementia setting in? I know it is not a pleasant thought. 
I know it is hard for you to get pills down her throat, but have you tried Denamarin? It has SAMe in it which helps with mental clarity. 
Thunder, my almost 12 year old lab mix perked up by getting Denamarin and seems to feel a lot better and more playful. He originally got the Denamarin because his liver values were up. I had bloodwork done on him a couple of weeks ago and all liver values were back to normal. 

Did you ever try the prescription diet a/d on Tee?


----------



## GoldenMum

I am so sorry that Miss T continues to struggle, it is so hard to watch them struggle. Give her extra love and hugs from us. Hoping you both get a good nights sleep....{{HUGS}}..Dawn


----------



## PrincessDi

Praying hard for you and Tesia!


----------



## GoldensGirl

I'm so glad that Tee has more time with you. Do you suppose the fearful behavior might be something going on in her brain - a neurological condition of some sort? Or does she not see so well? It's definitely something I would share with her vets.

Holding Tee and you gently in my heart and in my prayers,
Lucy


----------



## Sweet Girl

It's been a really hard evening. I tried to get Tesia to take something, anything - liverwurst or puppy mousse - just off my finger, and she spits everything out. She started to just walk around my house and then stand and not move. I think she is in pain, but I cant even get a Tramadol into her. I was so upset when she spit it out and got the bitter taste on her tongue that I just started to cry. I'm not even sure she knew who I was.

I decided to take her out for a short walk because I have found that walking seems to help her. I got her out to the crescent on my street and she just stopped. Wouldn't move for a good 10 minutes. Thankfully, my neighbour up the street came out with her dog, and I called to her to come over. She could see something was wrong. What I wanted to see was Tee's reaction to seeing a human friend and a furry one. She did wag her tail and walk towards them. That was what I was hoping for. Then my other neighbour came out with her new rescue, and Tesia also went to say hi and gave a little wag. My first neighbour helped me get her home by walking with me back to my house so Tesia would walk, and then she showed me a better way to left her up, since I have been afraid that I am hurting Tee's legs the way I do it. 

She came in and seemed more aware. She got up on my mattress and went right to sleep. Oh, I gave her the second anti-nausea injection. I am now going to hope with every fibre of my being that she will eat tomorrow. I am emotionally exhausted right now. You are all so wonderful to still be reading this and helping me through this. 



cgriffin said:


> I am sorry that Tee isn't doing much better.
> Could she be getting a bit senile or dementia setting in? I know it is not a pleasant thought.
> I know it is hard for you to get pills down her throat, but have you tried Denamarin? It has SAMe in it which helps with mental clarity.
> Thunder, my almost 12 year old lab mix perked up by getting Denamarin and seems to feel a lot better and more playful. He originally got the Denamarin because his liver values were up. I had bloodwork done on him a couple of weeks ago and all liver values were back to normal.
> 
> Did you ever try the prescription diet a/d on Tee?


I did give her the a/d after her last surgery when she was very nauseous and sick. For a while, it was all she would take. I bought something very similar on Sunday because the vets were closed (it's a puppy weaning food - sort of a transition from mother's milk to solid food). But she won't eat it yet. 

I do fear she has been confused on occasion these past few days. It IS awful. It is perhaps the worst part of it all. It is possibel the cancer is in her brian; it is also possible that she is just a little spacey from not eating. I so hope it is the latter. I just feel like, if I could just get some nutrition into her... 

I'm going to head to bed now. I need to be strong for her tomorrow.


----------



## vjm1639

my heart is breaking reading about your dear Tesia and how bad you are hurting. I am saying a prayer for both of you!


----------



## GoldensGirl

When we came to the last day or two that I had with Sabrina, our family vet came to the house assured me that it was "not yet time." I refused to let him leave the house without leaving an escape hatch for her - an injection that I could give her in case things got awful in the wee hours of the night. Sure enough, she woke me at 4:00 a.m., telling me that she couldn't stand it any longer. Needle shy though I am, I gave her that shot and soon she was asleep at my feet, where she stayed until friends came to help me get her to the vet for the two injections that set her free forever. 

I tell you this because I'm not sure I could have survived that last night without having a way to ease her pain. The time when you need that escape hatch for Tee may never come, of course, but I encourage you to get some way to help your girl even if you can't get pain meds down her throat. She will bless you for it and you will be spared memories that you don't want.

Wish I could put my arms around you right now and just hold you.

Hugs and prayers,
Lucy


----------



## dborgers

Andy was not at all himself when he's been through bouts of days of nausea and GI upset. No interest in anything but sleeping. Who among us are when we feel like crap and haven't had anything to eat for a few days? I'm like a wet macaroni noodle after I've had the stomach flu. Tess isn't reacting any differently than we would under the same circumstances. Keep the faith


----------



## Sydney's Mom

Sweet Girl said:


> It's been a really hard evening. I tried to get Tesia to take something, anything - liverwurst or puppy mousse - just off my finger, and she spits everything out. She started to just walk around my house and then stand and not move. I think she is in pain, but I cant even get a Tramadol into her. I was so upset when she spit it out and got the bitter taste on her tongue that I just started to cry. I'm not even sure she knew who I was.
> 
> I decided to take her out for a short walk because I have found that walking seems to help her. I got her out to the crescent on my street and she just stopped. Wouldn't move for a good 10 minutes. Thankfully, my neighbour up the street came out with her dog, and I called to her to come over. She could see something was wrong. What I wanted to see was Tee's reaction to seeing a human friend and a furry one. She did wag her tail and walk towards them. That was what I was hoping for. Then my other neighbour came out with her new rescue, and Tesia also went to say hi and gave a little wag. My first neighbour helped me get her home by walking with me back to my house so Tesia would walk, and then she showed me a better way to left her up, since I have been afraid that I am hurting Tee's legs the way I do it.
> 
> She came in and seemed more aware. She got up on my mattress and went right to sleep. Oh, I gave her the second anti-nausea injection. I am now going to hope with every fibre of my being that she will eat tomorrow. I am emotionally exhausted right now. You are all so wonderful to still be reading this and helping me through this.
> 
> 
> 
> I did give her the a/d after her last surgery when she was very nauseous and sick. For a while, it was all she would take. I bought something very similar on Sunday because the vets were closed (it's a puppy weaning food - sort of a transition from mother's milk to solid food). But she won't eat it yet.
> 
> I do fear she has been confused on occasion these past few days. It IS awful. It is perhaps the worst part of it all. It is possibel the cancer is in her brian; it is also possible that she is just a little spacey from not eating. I so hope it is the latter. I just feel like, if I could just get some nutrition into her...
> 
> I'm going to head to bed now. I need to be strong for her tomorrow.


Just came to check on you guys before bed. I'm so, so sorry that she's not showing any signs of an appetite. I can't imagine how exhausted you are. I know it won't be possible, but try to get some sleep - everything is 10x worse when you're tired and this is already the worst you can feel. 

Remember that T loves you more than anything. You're her entire life. She knows you're with her. She knows you love her. She can feel it, even if she looks confused (or scared).


----------



## ChasingChase

So sorry that T isn't doing much better. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and hope to hear good news tomorrow. Definitely keep the faith. I know we all are!


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## Vhuynh2

I'm so sorry that she still isn't eating.. Fingers crossed that she will eat tomorrow.


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## ChoppersMOM

Just caught up on Tesia's battle... Read every post and please know I'm crying and praying with you... With all of you who are there, have been there, and will be there one day. May you both get some much need rest tonight and make some forward progress tomorrow... even if its not with appetite but with extra hugs and love!


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## Yaichi's Mom

Sydney's Mom said:


> Just came to check on you guys before bed. I'm so, so sorry that she's not showing any signs of an appetite. I can't imagine how exhausted you are. I know it won't be possible, but try to get some sleep - everything is 10x worse when you're tired and this is already the worst you can feel.
> 
> Remember that T loves you more than anything. You're her entire life. She knows you're with her. She knows you love her. She can feel it, even if she looks confused (or scared).


More than well said Sydney's Mom ...you wrote so well what I was about to write.

I too came by to check on the two of you and had hoped to read some better news. 

I hope the meds kick in by the a.m. and that your beloved T will show some positive response.

Remember that you are doing everything you can for your girl with unconditional love and she knows that. 

I hope while I write this that you both are getting some much needed rest.

Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Karen519

*Sweet Girl*

Sweet Girl

Praying that Tesia will want to eat and feel better in the morning.


----------



## MercyMom

Sweet Girl said:


> It's been a really hard evening. I tried to get Tesia to take something, anything - liverwurst or puppy mousse - just off my finger, and she spits everything out. She started to just walk around my house and then stand and not move. I think she is in pain, but I cant even get a Tramadol into her. I was so upset when she spit it out and got the bitter taste on her tongue that I just started to cry. I'm not even sure she knew who I was.
> 
> I decided to take her out for a short walk because I have found that walking seems to help her. I got her out to the crescent on my street and she just stopped. Wouldn't move for a good 10 minutes. Thankfully, my neighbour up the street came out with her dog, and I called to her to come over. She could see something was wrong. What I wanted to see was Tee's reaction to seeing a human friend and a furry one. She did wag her tail and walk towards them. That was what I was hoping for. Then my other neighbour came out with her new rescue, and Tesia also went to say hi and gave a little wag. My first neighbour helped me get her home by walking with me back to my house so Tesia would walk, and then she showed me a better way to left her up, since I have been afraid that I am hurting Tee's legs the way I do it.
> 
> She came in and seemed more aware. She got up on my mattress and went right to sleep. Oh, I gave her the second anti-nausea injection. I am now going to hope with every fibre of my being that she will eat tomorrow. I am emotionally exhausted right now. You are all so wonderful to still be reading this and helping me through this.
> 
> 
> 
> I did give her the a/d after her last surgery when she was very nauseous and sick. For a while, it was all she would take. I bought something very similar on Sunday because the vets were closed (it's a puppy weaning food - sort of a transition from mother's milk to solid food). But she won't eat it yet.
> 
> I do fear she has been confused on occasion these past few days. It IS awful. It is perhaps the worst part of it all. It is possibel the cancer is in her brian; it is also possible that she is just a little spacey from not eating. I so hope it is the latter. I just feel like, if I could just get some nutrition into her...
> 
> I'm going to head to bed now. I need to be strong for her tomorrow.


Still praying for things to be allright.


----------



## GoldenMum

Just looking in on Miss T. I am hoping today is a new day, and her appetite has awakened. You two are in my thoughts.


----------



## ssacres

Praying for you and Tesia. Just know what a great mom you are to your girl. Hugs


----------



## hubbub

Thinking about you two all night. I echo the others in saying every decision you have made and are making is out of love and it the best you can make at this time with the information that you have.


----------



## Joanne & Asia

Reading your last post breaks my heart as you love her so much and I can feel your pain as you struggle with knowing if it is time for your ultimate gift to her, to set her free. It is still quite raw for me and I truly know how terrible this time is. I pray she will clearly tell you when she is ready. Listen to her and to your heart and you will know. I pray she eats today and the meds start kicking in.


----------



## Jennifer1

I'm just checking in on her this morning, hopefully the meds are starting to kick in and she's getting her appetite back.
One thing about the prednisone. I seem to recall it helped with appetite but in Bear it really lead to hind end weakness. For her, that was my final straw. In her case the cancer had spread to her right front leg, so she was limping bad because of that. When we started her on pred, she could barely walk between the hind end weakness and the front leg.


----------



## HolDaisy

Just to say that I am thinking of Tesia today and hope so much that there have been some improvements. I know how exhausted you must be physically and emotionally  try and rest whenever she does. I'm glad that she got to see your neighbours dogs. When Daisy was so poorly the only thing that kept her going and seemed to perk her up was having a gentle walk outside and saying hello to the other dogs. It was as if it made her feel normal and not sick for a few moments and she would just stand watching them. When it got the point that my Dad had to carry her outside to the toilet and she wasn't drinking water we had to make the heartbreaking decision to end her pain.

I hope that the anti-nausea injection helps Tee's appetite. The anti-nausea drug unfortunately didn't make any difference to Daisy, she had it fed into her drip but I know that others have had great success with it so praying that Tee will be one of these! We're all here to listen and know what you must be going through, stay strong, we understand.


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## sierrabailey

Just want to let you know that I am thinking of you as you struggle with hard decisions. When you love so much its always difficult.


----------



## TheZ's

Thinking of you and sending prayers.


----------



## Vhuynh2

Checking in.. Wondering how Tesia is doing..


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----------



## Sydney's Mom

Also checking-in on you both.

We worry, but don't worry about spending your time on here when you can spend more time with T.

Hope today is a bit brighter (except for these grey Toronto skies).


----------



## Waggily Tail

Thinking of Tesia and her Mom


----------



## Sweet Girl

Tesia died this afternoon. I can't write anything else right now. I just wanted to say thank you for all the love and support. A part of me died with her. I will try to come back and write about her soon.


----------



## goldensrbest

Don't know what to say,except i am sorry.


----------



## Wendi

I am so sorry.


----------



## hotel4dogs

I am so so sorry. Please take all the time you need. We will all be here for you if and when you come back.
Run free sweet girl.


----------



## Tennyson

Just aren't any words..........I am so sorry.


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## elly

I am so terribly terribly sorry. I know there are no words that can help or even be of comfort now but please know I am thinking of you and sharing your tears. Bless you, what a terribly hard time.
Run free beautiful Tesia, find my Cracker and play play play. x


----------



## TheZ's

So, so sorry. Tesia's spirit is free and without pain now. You couldn't have done more for her. Praying for peace and strength for you.


----------



## KiwiD

I'm so very very sorry. Tears falling for you. We all know how very much you loved her and how hard you both fought. Rest in peace beautiful Tesia


----------



## Rainheart

I have no words for you... I am so so sorry.


----------



## Joanne & Asia

My tears are flowing with yours. I am so very sorry.


----------



## Capt Jack

My prayers are going out for you.There are no words.She now runs free at the Rainbow bridge.May you look to God for comfort as Tesia runs in his fields


----------



## OnMyWay2MyDreams

So sorry for your loss. Take comfort in knowing that she is free of all pain. Your in my thoughts and prayers


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## Finn's Fan

You cannot breathe now and think you won't ever again take a whole breath. So many of us share your pain, having walked this awful path before. Try to get some rest. Tesia has left her pain behind and has joined the pack of beloved angel pups, where she is free of suffering while yours begins. I am so very sorry for your loss....


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## hubbub

I'm so sorry for the loss of Tesia. I cannot begin to imagine your pain. Please know that I find strength in your love and devotion in making so many loving decisions to allow her the best quality of life possible.


----------



## ladyofherbs

I am so sorry. She looked like my girl Teddy Bear (1989-2003).


----------



## 2tired

(((hugs)))


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## my4goldens

So very very sorry.


----------



## Vinnie's Mom

I'm so sorry. I know your heart is broken. 


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## Jennifer1

I'm so very sorry


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## Karen519

*Sweet Girl*



Sweet Girl said:


> Tesia died this afternoon. I can't write anything else right now. I just wanted to say thank you for all the love and support. A part of me died with her. I will try to come back and write about her soon.


Sweet Girl: I am so very sorry. I know my Smooch and Snobear will be keeping her company.

I added Tesia to the Rainbow Bridge List:
http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...f-goldens-passed-2013-list-5.html#post2106002


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## GoldenMum

I am so very sorry to hear this, no more pain or cancer for beautiful Miss T. Please remember we are here when you need us, we have very big shoulders. My heart and thoughts are with you, I feel as though I have lost one too. Miss T had worked her way into many hearts through your love for her. Sleep softly sweet, sweet Miss T.


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## Brinkleythegolden

Oh no! I am so sorry! We are here for you when you are ready. R.I.P. Tesia...


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## swishywagga

We are so very sorry, our thoughts are with you at this time. x


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## ChasingChase

I'm so so sorry for your loss. Know that Tesia is at peace now and free
from pain. She will always be with you. Love never dies! Thinking of you. 


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## cgriffin

Oh, I am so sorry of your loss of Tesia.


----------



## Waggily Tail

God speed Tesia. You are in good hands. We will keep your Mom close to our hearts as well.


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## Phoebe's new mom

I am very sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please know you and Tesia were loved by so many people even people like me who only knew your story on this forum.


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## HolDaisy

Oh no I am so very very sad to read this  You both fought bravely for a long time. She was such a special girl who everyone loved on this forum. Take some time to yourself and come back when you are ready, Daisy will take care of her for you now. You're in our thoughts and prayers.


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## Laurie

I am so sorry to hear about Tesia.......so many tears today.

RIP Tesia!!


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## FeatherRiverSam

"Joy and loyalty wrapped in sunshine." It's so very hard...my thoughts are with you. And I promise you the sun will shine again further down the road...she wouldn't have it any other way...

Pete


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## Claire's Friend

I am so, so sorry.


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## Dallas Gold

I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Tesia.


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## GoldensGirl

You have a new Golden guardian angel now, who will watch over you until you are united. When you need her most, watch for a sign from her. 

Cry for hours. Laugh when you can. Clutch her favorite things to you. Sit in her favorite places. Try to remember that she is free of cancer forever now and nothing will ever hurt her again, except possibly your pain at losing her. 

Holding you gently in my heart and prayers,
Lucy


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## Millie'sMom

I am so very sorry for your loss. You were the best mom a dog could have asked for, you were her world and she was so loved. My prayers go out to you. RIP sweet Tesia.


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## Karen519

*Sweet Girl*



Waggily Tail said:


> God speed Tesia. You are in good hands. We will keep your Mom close to our hearts as well.


I love what Waggily Tail said-it is so true!


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## *Laura*

My heart is aching for you tonight. I'm so sorry you lost your sweet girl today. We all came to love her and we all mourn with you.


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## ssacres

So sorry for your loss. I too am crying with you. It is so hard to let go. She will always be with you. Hugs..


----------



## love never dies

*RIP - Tesia*

I am deeply sorry to hear about the death of Tesia.
Love and Hugs.


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## coffenut

Sweet Girl said:


> Tesia died this afternoon. I can't write anything else right now. I just wanted to say thank you for all the love and support. A part of me died with her. I will try to come back and write about her soon.


I am so so sorry .... 

I don't know if it will help, but I put a couple of the poems that helped me with the loss of Mazlon.

Blog - Meandering Thoughts - Grief


----------



## ggdenny

I'm so sorry that you lost Tesla and sorry for coming to this thread late. My heart aches for you.


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## Vhuynh2

I'm so so sorry. RIP Tesia. We're here for you..


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## Kally76

I am so sorry. I am sorry for the pain you are in. My heart is aching for you.


----------



## Barkr

*So sorry*

Off to the bridge you sweet gentle soul. Run to your hearts content!


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## kwhit

I'm so, so sorry. Tesia touched me...there's a candle lit on my mantle for her. Please know that we're here for you. 

RIP Sweet Tesia. You will be missed and forever loved...


----------



## Sydney's Mom

Oh S. I'm so sorry. You were the best mom to Tee. The proof of that was in her. She was a total love; ever faithful to you, sweet girl to everyone.

Nothing can take away your pain right now. Know that we all loved Tee and we all went through this fight with you. Our hearts break for you now that it's over. 

We're looking forward to seeing you again.

- Kat xo


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## Catalina

So very sorry for your loss.


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## PrincessDi

I'm so so sorry that you lost sweet Tesia. I'm in tears for you. You were the VERY best Mommy! Words are so inadequate.........


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## coppers-mom

I am so very sorry for you. We have to let them go, but it sure does break our hearts.

Many hugs and love being sent to you.


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## Phillyfisher

Run free sweet Tesia, play with all our dogs at the bridge, until we all meet once again...
Our prayers our with you...


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## cubbysan

Hugs! Prayers going your way to get you through this hard time.


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## OutWest

So, so sorry. She loved you very much, and you, her. I hope you will remember her chasing balls and giving you kisses. Sending prayers of healing to you.


----------



## Wagners Mom2

I am so incredibly sorry you lost her, Sweet Girl. But I'm so happy you had her--and she had you. All dogs should be as lucky to have been loved so much like Tesia was loved by you--and you her. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope eventually all of the good memories will bring you comfort and eventually you can smile more than cry. (((HUGS))).


----------



## Thalie

Holding you close to my heart in my thoughts. Tesia is loved and will always be. 

Rest softly, Tesia. You are missed.


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## jim421

I am so very sorry to hear that she, and you, are going through this. I am praying for you both tonight.


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## xoerika620xo

I am at a lost for words right now... I just read through this entire thread and thought she would get better...i am so deeply sorry for your loss. Praying for you guys tonight..My eyes water up just thinking about what your going through.


----------



## KathyL

I'm so sorry that Tesia is gone. She is now at peace.


----------



## Lilliegrace

God bless both of you

Candle lit to offer prayers for a safe journey to the Bridge

Godspeed Tes


----------



## Buddysmyheart

Oh, I'm so sorry....we share in the heartache. God sends us these angels for us to love and care for, and when it's their time to return "home", he lovingly calls their name, and they are surrounded by unending love, joy, light, and peace. Wishing you comfort and strength.


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## Buddy's mom forever

No words... I am so, so, so sorry.


----------



## SandyK

I am so very sorry you lost your beautiful girl. I did not know, and I just posted on your other thread. With tears for you right now....
Tesia will live in your heart forever!!!! RIP sweet Tesia!!


----------



## mudEpawz

I am so sorry. I am crying along with you. Run free...


----------



## KeaColorado

I'm so sorry and crying as I watch my own sweet youngster playing with my husband...you will make the right decision, I know how hard it is. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.


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## dborgers

If I could see the screen better I'd type more. Oh, I'm so so sorry


----------



## Dwyllis

I was so hoping you would have a little more time with your sweet girl. I know you will be hurting so badly right now, & for many days, weeks, months to come. She will always be with you .......we keep our loved ones alive in our hearts & our thoughts forever. The day will come when you find yourself smiling more than crying, & that will be the beginning of healing, but she will go right on walking beside you, & you will feel her there. I really am so sorry that you have lost her.


----------



## Rob's GRs

I am so sorry to read of your loss.


----------



## AmberSunrise

Godspeed beautiful girl. You were loved and loved greatly in return.

I am so very sorry for your loss.


----------



## inge

I am so very sorry...


----------



## Lynlegs

Draw strength from all the love and support coming to you Sweet Girl. You could not have loved her better.

You will be in my thoughts,

Lyn


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

Thinking of you at these hard moments full of pain and sorrow, sending hugs and prayers.


----------



## solinvictus

I am so sorry. Rest In Peace Tesia.


----------



## Miaya's mom

We are so sorry for your loss


----------



## HovawartMom

So very sorry,for yr loss.
(((HUGS)))


----------



## CAROLINA MOM

I'm so sorry for your loss of Tesia, my heart hurts for you.


----------



## Goldens R Great

I'm so very sorry about Tesia. Our pets can be one of our greatest blessings and when we lose them it can be one of our greatest heartaches. Please know I'm thinking about you.


----------



## Joanne & Asia

I am thinking about you this morning and sending cyber hugs your way. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful sweet girl. You were the best mom she could have ever asked for and she will be watching over you till you meet again.


----------



## Cocker+GoldenR

I am so very sorry for your loss of Tesia, even though I never posted on your threads i followed your journey and was touched deeply by your love for your beautiful T, she will always live in your heart. Hugs, Olga.


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## CarlosW9FE

Sweet Girl said:


> Tesia died this afternoon. I can't write anything else right now. I just wanted to say thank you for all the love and support. A part of me died with her. I will try to come back and write about her soon.


i am so sorry for you loss of sweet Tesla. You gave her all the best care that she could ever ask for. She's well now and making lots of wonderful friends at the bridge. 

I am reminded of the poem "The Greatest Gift" for you and Tesla. http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com/rainbow-bridge-grief-support-section/109016-greatest-gift.html

Run free now and play hard dear Tesla, you have many friends waiting to play with you at the bridge.


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## vrmueller

Thoughts and prayers sent your way. My heart breaks for you for the loss of Tesia. Peace and strength.


----------



## Bob Dylan

Peace Be With You Sweet Tesia!

You were loved by all of us, you are now living eternal life without pain. Hugs for your Mom!


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## _golden_maxsmom

I also have been following your journey and have such a heavy heart for your loss. Sweet Tesia truly won the dog-mom lottery with you. You were both so very lucky to have known and loved each other so deeply - and that love, you will have in your heart forever. Sending much love and light.


----------



## Yaichi's Mom

Please know that my and many hearts here are breaking with yours.

Sharing true love, like you and Tesia did, is a special gift and a bond that is never broken.

While I am crying with you today....tears streaming down my face as I write this and am myself still on the journey of healing from the loss of my Yaichi, your beloved Tesia and all other losses our friends here have suffered, I send you love and light to find peace in your heart and joy in the wonderful memories you shared and will share again one day.

I am so sorry for your loss.


----------



## PrincessDi

We're here for you, when you need us! We were there for your journey down this sad path while sweet Tesia was sick and we are definitely here for you on this tragic and heartbreaking journey after as well. Am so sad for your heartbreak. It is so hard to loose them. Please remember that you did everything that you could for your girl and she knows that. As hard as it is to be without her, you WILL see her again.


----------



## tikiandme

I'm so very sorry....Nothing can lessen your pain right now. But please know that Tesia is not alone. She is with the other Angel Babies at The Bridge.....


----------



## Tayla's Mom

Oh, I'm so very sorry. I went through what you did in February with the end and not eating and I've cried so many times reading your posts. I'm so sorry for your loss and the heartache that follows. Nothing I can say will make you feel better, but everyone here feels your pain.


----------



## leesooim

Thinking of you and sweet Tee. Many hugs and kisses!


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

Sweet Girl, please know that we are all thinking of you today. You were the greatest mom to Tesia. Even though they do leave us, a part of them remains. Just last night, I swore I saw Fozzie playing in the snow in the backyard. I honestly think it was him.. I hope that you come back to us when you are ready, though we understand how hard it is for you right now. Hugs to you..


----------



## Jingers mom

My prayers are with you. I'm so very sorry for your loss.


----------



## nolefan

You both have had so many people pulling for you, I hope you can feel the emotion and it brings you some sense of being just a little less alone. I am so very sorry for your loss.


----------



## Sweet Girl

I tried to come here earlier to write about my lovely girl, but I was just crying too much after reading all of your wonderful notes. It is still so hard to believe my beautiful, sweet, smart, fun, joyful Tesia is gone. She has left a huge hole in my heart – and in my life. I’m not even sure I know how to live without her. I feel like we grew up together. And she probably taught me more than I taught her. 

It all just happened so fast. I think, looking back, when she stopped eating on the weekend, it was because she was just too tired. The anti-nausea injections she got on Monday had no effect. She never ate another bite. Overnight, it just got worse. I tried again to get a Tramadol into her – and she just would not take it. I felt awful trying to get it down her, but I wanted to try to help her feel better. I know she tasted the bitterness. I started to cry. I just didn’t know what to do. She put down her head, and breathing heavily, she went to sleep. So I lay down beside her and slept, too.

In the morning, I called the vet and said we couldn’t wait for our afternoon appointment, and they met us at the door and helped carry my poor girl in. 

I won’t tell the very sad details, but in the beginning, there was hope. My vet gave her a pain killer by injection, and she quieted. Her breathing wasn’t as labored. She was still drinking water. We thought I could take her home, with plenty of shots of painkiller to give her, have one last night - and my vet would come to us the next day. But when we went to get her up, she just couldn’t move. And that’s when I knew that was her last day with me.

I am starting to cry again as I think about our last hours. I just talked quietly to her, told her how much I loved her and how much I would miss her, but that I couldn’t have her stay just because I couldn’t bear to let her go. I kissed her, and tried to memorize her sweet smell. I wouldn’t change a thing about how it played out. My vet was so caring and understanding. I had all the time I needed. She was there when I needed her and she gave me as much time alone with Tee as I wanted. She cried with me. She told me she knew Tesia was such a special dog and that she could see the bond we had the very first time she met us. I don’t think I have ever cried so much in one day. I still haven’t stopped.

Tesia was the most special dog. She was the puppy I wasn’t supposed to have. I had told the breeder I wanted calm, laid-back, not very high energy. And then, when the puppies were four weeks old, I met them. And I just fell in love with the little dark girl. “No, no, no,” they said. “That is NOT your puppy. She is mischievous, high-spirited, high-energy. Everything you didn’t want.” Thank goodness I somehow convinced then to let me have her, and five weeks later, she came home with me. 

She turned out to be _everything_ I wanted. I discovered I loved doing everything this super high-energy pup needed to do. Long, fast walks. Playing ball. Running in the park. I learned to love snow because she loved it so much. She was so fun-loving. I would say, *she loves the world and everyone in it*_._ She could not contain her joy at any occasion, and bless her heart, she just never learned to keep those paws on the ground. It was like the joy just couldn’t be contained. 

She never barked, she never nagged, she never chewed. She was patient. She never asked to go out – she just knew I would take her at the right time. 

I adored her. She was my heart. And she took a piece of my heart yesterday. But I told her I would keep a piece of hers, too. I will always have it. 

But right now, I still can’t believe she is gone. I looked at the clock earlier, and thought, “what time did Tee last go out?” I started to cry, for the millionth time. The pain is physical. My whole body hurts when I think about the fact that she is not here. That she won’t be here. It feels right now like it will never end. She is everywhere in my house. I can’t put away any of her things. All of her pill bottles and cans of food, plates of uneaten food in the fridge, her towels at the door, her toys – I just can’t put any of it away. I don’t want to lose her smell. 

I don’t want to lose her.


----------



## GoldensGirl

Remember to breathe. It takes effort at times like this. Will power. It will get easier in time. It will. But for now, it is enough to breathe, to sleep, to eat now and then, to cry when you need to. We understand. So does Tee.

Hugs and prayers,
Lucy


----------



## Tennyson

You're never gonna lose T. She'll always be a huge part of you.
She's at the Bridge, cancer free and no more pain and she's watching the love of her life grieving. She'll take care of you.
We're all here for you.


----------



## Maddie'sMom2011

I am so, so sorry. Tesia is at peace now. But for you, the grieving has just begun. They break our hearts when they leave us. Just remember, you did everything you could for your girl. It was your tribute to her.

There are many here that have a better way with words than I do, but I am so very sorry for your loss.


----------



## bioteach

I am so very sorry. My husband and I lost three over the years, and it never gets easier or less painful. At a time like this there are no words of wisdom because the end of a beautiful and loving relationship knows no logic. 

I send my love and heartfelt sympathy - you are in my thoughts. She will be missed by all of us.


----------



## Florabora22

I'm sorry about Tesia. I hope Carmella is up there giving Tesia a good tour of the Rainbow Bridge.

She was beautiful, and so lucky to have had a wonderful mom like you.


----------



## KiwiD

If your love alone could have saved Tesia, she would have lived forever. I'm so sorry for your immense pain and heartache. Your post about Tesia shows what a bond the two of you had. Thank you for sharing your beautiful Tesia with us.


----------



## Millie'sMom

I am glad you came back. Your words about Tesia are beautiful. Please take care of yourself, and know that people on this forum understand exactly how special Tesia was and how hard it was to lose her.

My prayers are that you find the strength you need to get through this horrible time.


----------



## Wagners Mom2

Oh Sweet Girl....I so wish I could ease your pain. My heart aches with you. (((HUGS))) and many prayers for you.


----------



## JAD

I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure Tesia knows how much you love her and always will. I wish there were words that could take your pain and sadness away....I went through this almost 14 months ago and it still breaks my heart. Tesia will always love you and she will always be by your side. Hugs to you during this difficult time xxx


----------



## Mr. Fuzzyface

After reading the beautiful story of how you came to be Tesia's mom, I am reduced to tears as my heart aches for you in this time of sadness. Your words illustrated to me what the meaning of a "heart dog" is....and her spirit will remain intertwined with yours forever. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and hoping that you can take comfort in knowing that you did all that you could for your sweet girl.


----------



## HolDaisy

Your words about Tesia really are beautiful and have captured her sweet spirit. It sounds like you two were meant to be together from day one, and you shared a very special friendship. All of us that have lost know exactly how you are feeling so well. You have cared for Tee day and night for a long time and it is going to take a while for things to start to get better. They do though. It's hard to believe it now, but time really will help you. Leave all of her things where they are until you are ready. It took us a very long time to move anything of Daisy's, literally months until I was able to put her toys into a box. Even now I have kept part of one of her favourite toys in the living room so that we always have a little something of Daisy's in here with us.

Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Tesia will always be watching over you and her spirit will never leave your side. Please come back to the forum when you need some support because we all understand your heartache.


----------



## vrmueller

Thank you so much for telling us about your life with Tesia. A beautiful face & an unbelievable spirit. You both were very lucky to have each other. My thoughts are with you & feel your immense loss.


----------



## TheZ's

Wishing that with the passage of time the pain and emptiness will ease. But the first while is so hard. What a wonderful gift she was to you.


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## xoerika620xo

Oh sweet girl I couldn't help but cry with you while reading your post... T seemed like a beautiful heart warming girl I can only imagine the pain you are going through just know we are all here for u when your ready... I'm so so sorry for your loss words cannot express how sorry I am 


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## Sydney's Mom

Your last note is so sad. I'm absolutely sobbing for you. I'm so sorry you're going through this pain. We all understand that it's physical, all-encompassing. 

Maybe take a quick trip to visit your family for some r&r and a change of scenery?


----------



## OutWest

I can't offer words that will lighten your pain... I've known from your first post how much you loved your sweet girl. Everyone grieves differently. I hope you are able to do all that you need to do. Remember how much she loved you back. And take your time. She's free now of all the discomfort, pills, treatments, and more. She's running free as the breeze. I hope you can remember her that way.


----------



## PrincessDi

Maddie's_Mom said:


> If your love alone could have saved Tesia, she would have lived forever. I'm so sorry for your immense pain and heartache. Your post about Tesia shows what a bond the two of you had. Thank you for sharing your beautiful Tesia with us.


Coulld not have said it any better than Maddie's Mom! Sobbing in reading your last post about sweet Tesia! Have been so concerned about Tesia and you. Am so, so very sorry for your heartbreak! You were absolutely the most loving, devoted and unselfish Mommy ever. Holding you in our thoughts at this dark time.


----------



## SandyK

Through my tears after reading your last post...I just want to say Tesia was ready to stop fighting. I really think she didn't want you to be alone at home when she passed. She loved you so much that she wanted to make sure people who understood would be with you. What better than her vet. Tesia's love will help you get through as time passes. Tears will come and go for a long time when you think of your girl. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts as you grieve for your beautiful Tesia. You did everything possible and then some for her....but most of all, you loved her and she knew it!!!


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

We have them and love them. We wrap our lives around them, take them places they like and do everything for happy tail wags and smile on their faces. We know once they were gone we gonna miss them. But we do not know until that moment comes how much is going to hurt and now you can feel that pain is so heavy and your heart is bleeding. Your body is still in one peace but you can feel it's going into the parts. Just one though in your head is playing over and over, again and again in your head for days that they are not here with you any more. It may take hours, weeks, months or years but one day you will realize that it must be love and that love will never dies. You received and gave, you gave so much even if you could live together forever you couldn't give any more, you couldn't love any more. You will realize you did not hold any love back, it is impossible to love more than you loved and cared, and that my friend will make you happy. But as I said it could take hours, weeks, months or years to come to that peace. Hugs.


----------



## goldensrbest

Your words are so loving, it was her time to go, we all face this, it breaks your heart,but it is a fact we have to expect,when we bring them into our life,they are here for a certain amount of time,then gone.


----------



## Vhuynh2

Your words make me cry. I can feel the bond you had with Tesia. She is playing ball at the bridge, and someday you two will see each other again.


----------



## love never dies

*If Tears Could Build a Stairway*

We hold them in our arms as long as we can, then we hold them in our hearts forever. Some friends can't be with us forever... But their love lasts a lifetime. Love never dies.




If tears could
build a stairway
And memories
make a lane,​

I'd walk the path
to heaven
And bring you
home again.​ 
So great has been
the sorrow,
Since we had 
to say goodbye,​ 
You were gone 
before we knew it,
And only God
knows why. ​ 
My heart still 
aches in sadness, 
And secret tears 
will flow, ​ 
What it's meant 
to lose you, 
No one will
ever know.​ 

_- Author Unknown_​


----------



## coffenut

Christine Lavin just posted this video ..... I thought it might help:


----------



## leesooim

I am so sorry for your loss. Your words were beautiful, and as I read them I cried with you, happy to share your pain and tears. I'm sure you and Tesia will meet again at the bridge, tail wags and ball in mouth and all. Much love and many hugs your way. Take care of yourself.


----------



## starshine

I am so very sorry for your loss ... take your time for mourning .. it will help


----------



## Karen519

*Sweet Girl*



Sweet Girl said:


> I tried to come here earlier to write about my lovely girl, but I was just crying too much after reading all of your wonderful notes. It is still so hard to believe my beautiful, sweet, smart, fun, joyful Tesia is gone. She has left a huge hole in my heart – and in my life. I’m not even sure I know how to live without her. I feel like we grew up together. And she probably taught me more than I taught her.
> 
> It all just happened so fast. I think, looking back, when she stopped eating on the weekend, it was because she was just too tired. The anti-nausea injections she got on Monday had no effect. She never ate another bite. Overnight, it just got worse. I tried again to get a Tramadol into her – and she just would not take it. I felt awful trying to get it down her, but I wanted to try to help her feel better. I know she tasted the bitterness. I started to cry. I just didn’t know what to do. She put down her head, and breathing heavily, she went to sleep. So I lay down beside her and slept, too.
> 
> In the morning, I called the vet and said we couldn’t wait for our afternoon appointment, and they met us at the door and helped carry my poor girl in.
> 
> I won’t tell the very sad details, but in the beginning, there was hope. My vet gave her a pain killer by injection, and she quieted. Her breathing wasn’t as labored. She was still drinking water. We thought I could take her home, with plenty of shots of painkiller to give her, have one last night - and my vet would come to us the next day. But when we went to get her up, she just couldn’t move. And that’s when I knew that was her last day with me.
> 
> I am starting to cry again as I think about our last hours. I just talked quietly to her, told her how much I loved her and how much I would miss her, but that I couldn’t have her stay just because I couldn’t bear to let her go. I kissed her, and tried to memorize her sweet smell. I wouldn’t change a thing about how it played out. My vet was so caring and understanding. I had all the time I needed. She was there when I needed her and she gave me as much time alone with Tee as I wanted. She cried with me. She told me she knew Tesia was such a special dog and that she could see the bond we had the very first time she met us. I don’t think I have ever cried so much in one day. I still haven’t stopped.
> 
> Tesia was the most special dog. She was the puppy I wasn’t supposed to have. I had told the breeder I wanted calm, laid-back, not very high energy. And then, when the puppies were four weeks old, I met them. And I just fell in love with the little dark girl. “No, no, no,” they said. “That is NOT your puppy. She is mischievous, high-spirited, high-energy. Everything you didn’t want.” Thank goodness I somehow convinced then to let me have her, and five weeks later, she came home with me.
> 
> She turned out to be _everything_ I wanted. I discovered I loved doing everything this super high-energy pup needed to do. Long, fast walks. Playing ball. Running in the park. I learned to love snow because she loved it so much. She was so fun-loving. I would say, *she loves the world and everyone in it*_._ She could not contain her joy at any occasion, and bless her heart, she just never learned to keep those paws on the ground. It was like the joy just couldn’t be contained.
> 
> She never barked, she never nagged, she never chewed. She was patient. She never asked to go out – she just knew I would take her at the right time.
> 
> I adored her. She was my heart. And she took a piece of my heart yesterday. But I told her I would keep a piece of hers, too. I will always have it.
> 
> But right now, I still can’t believe she is gone. I looked at the clock earlier, and thought, “what time did Tee last go out?” I started to cry, for the millionth time. The pain is physical. My whole body hurts when I think about the fact that she is not here. That she won’t be here. It feels right now like it will never end. She is everywhere in my house. I can’t put away any of her things. All of her pill bottles and cans of food, plates of uneaten food in the fridge, her towels at the door, her toys – I just can’t put any of it away. I don’t want to lose her smell.
> 
> I don’t want to lose her.


I am so relieved to hear from you. What you wrote about Tesia is so beautiful-so special-and so was your bond. You will ALWAYS have that bond and you will see her as I will see my Smooch, at the Rainbow Bridge. I am so grateful that I was with Smooch at the end and so glad that you were with Tesia.


----------



## mooselips

So sorry about your loss.


There is a very special place where beloved pets go after they die. This is only a temporary location. But there are trees and grass and lakes, and everything they love. Here they can play and eat and sleep, even better than they did, before they died. Now, there are no aches or worries or dangers of any kind to trouble or threaten them. The only joy missing is their beloved human companion, you. 
All health is restored completely, and all injuries are healed. Dogs and cats play with each other like youngsters, and they do not have time to feel lonely for you. They miss you, and with the special wisdom that animals have, they trust that this condition will get better. And they confidently wait as they frolic. 
A wonderful day will come for each of them, when in the middle of playing they will suddenly feel something is different. And all their senses will be at the height of excitement and exuberance. They will sniff the air and look off in the distance where they recognize that dearly loved special presence. Then they will call out in elation, and with eyes shining and tail going wild, tear off at a full gallop, almost flying over the green grass. 
Your expected arrival has been sensed, and now there is nothing that can keep the two of you apart, ever again. As you run toward each other the tears flow from your eyes. Your pet leaps into your arms, and you cling together in jubilant reunion. The joyous kisses are all over your face, and you kiss back, just as ecstatically. Your hands so lovingly caress once more the beloved fur, the head and neck and body you knew so well. And you look into each other’s loving eyes, and all those old, wonderful shared feelings are back, again. 
And then something will call the both of you on, to a different field of warmth and nurture, where all the love you knew now comes to fruition. With your pet, you leave that special waiting area, walk into the main part of heaven, and begin a new existence there, together. 
If you accept that pets can love us as much as we do them, then the logic is clear and cannot be denied. If you believe that there is a heaven for people, then they must be there, waiting for us, when we cross over. Heaven is love, and pets _ always _ share that with us.


----------



## Bentleysmom

I am so, so sorry to hear about precious Sweet Tee. I don't have any wise words for you. But I am sending you {{{Hugs}}}


----------



## Mayve

Sweet girl, 

I am so sorry for your loss. Your love for Tesia shows through every word you type...There are many of our pets at the rainbow bridge to meet your sweet girl and I do believe that we will see them again one day. Sending hugs!

Karyn


----------



## Seagodess

I am so sorry about your loss. I am sitting at work crying as I read your post.


----------



## Sweet Girl

I woke up this morning, and panicked. I felt I betrayed Tesia's memory because I only told you about her energetic, spirited self. I didn't talk about her sweet, loving, gentleness, too. So I hope you will read one more long post about her. 

As bouncy and fun and strong as she was - she was also a sweet, mushy, gentle soul. She was quiet and so loving. She would get up on the couch and curl up so that she was smushed into me. She would sleep on my bed, and come up and lie around my head on my pillow. She was always very careful not to step on me in bed. When she moved around, she would go slowly, and she would put her paw down very gingerly if I was in the way, and if she felt I was there, she wouldn't put her weight down. She would lie towards the bottom of the bed while I read, and then as soon as I closed the light, she'd move up right beside my head. 

She was an incredibly secure dog. And it felt like our hearts were truly connected. She knew I would never do anything to hurt her, and so she let me do things like clean her ears (which she hated, and yet, she didn't run away, she came and sat quietly when I asked her if I could do her ears). She let me put ice on that big, sore infected surgical wound last November. When she hurt a paw or ripped her dew claw, there was nothing that would touch me as much as her little face as she would come to me holding up the hurting paw so that I could make it feel better. She_ knew_ I would make it feel better. When we went to people's homes together - boyfriends' or to my mother's or sister's - she would follow me from room to room. Even though she knew those homes and those people, she just needed to be with me. It never failed to touch my heart. 

She was also incredibly intuitive. When she was a puppy, she was so bouncy. She pulled on the leash and she definitely greeted with excessive exhuberance. But when she was about 8 months old, her walker called me at work one afternoon and said, I need to tell you what happened. What happened was that she was walking the bouncy, overly enthusiastic puppy, and a very old, frail lady was walking towards them on the sidewalk. And as they grew closer, my walker was just going to move aside and hold her. But she said the lady wanted to pat Tesia. She said she loved Goldens, and so this old, frail woman started to walk towards this bouncy puppy who would easily knock her down. My walker said she was so worried. But she said Tesia just got very quiet and sat down as the woman came to her. And she sat quietly the whole time and was very sweet and gave gentle kisses. That was Tesia. She just knew. She was the same with little kids who could be knocked over. She knew she had to be calm and gentle with them, too. 

When I broke my wrists two summers ago, she suddenly started to bark anytime someone approached me, whether on my front patio (I live in a townhouse unit so my neighbours would walk by) or on our little walks to the parkette in back. I didn't understand why she was suddenly barking at my neighbours she had known for years - or why she was barking at my sister who came to stay that first week. I apologized over and over, but it kept up. I could not make her stop. It was only after I got my casts off six weeks later that she stopped. And I realized she had sensed I was vulnerable in some way, and she was going to make sure that no one would hurt me. Just as I would make sure no one ever hurt her.

I feel like I am never going to recover from the loss of this sweet soul.


----------



## Tennyson

Keep the posts coming, SG. We all love to hear about the sweet soul Tesia had.


----------



## leesooim

Thank you for sharing your account of this beautiful soul.

I know it's hard, so very, incredibly hard right now, but I always try to remind myself during times like these that times does in fact, heal all.


----------



## Karen519

*Sweet Girl*



Sweet Girl said:


> I woke up this morning, and panicked. I felt I betrayed Tesia's memory because I only told you about her energetic, spirited self. I didn't talk about her sweet, loving, gentleness, too. So I hope you will read one more long post about her.
> 
> As bouncy and fun and strong as she was - she was also a sweet, mushy, gentle soul. She was quiet and so loving. She would get up on the couch and curl up so that she was smushed into me. She would sleep on my bed, and come up and lie around my head on my pillow. She was always very careful not to step on me in bed. When she moved around, she would go slowly, and she would put her paw down very gingerly if I was in the way, and if she felt I was there, she wouldn't put her weight down. She would lie towards the bottom of the bed while I read, and then as soon as I closed the light, she'd move up right beside my head.
> 
> She was an incredibly secure dog. And it felt like our hearts were truly connected. She knew I would never do anything to hurt her, and so she let me do things like clean her ears (which she hated, and yet, she didn't run away, she came and sat quietly when I asked her if I could do her ears). She let me put ice on that big, sore infected surgical wound last November. When she hurt a paw or ripped her dew claw, there was nothing that would touch me as much as her little face as she would come to me holding up the hurting paw so that I could make it feel better. She_ knew_ I would make it feel better. When we went to people's homes together - boyfriends' or to my mother's or sister's - she would follow me from room to room. Even though she knew those homes and those people, she just needed to be with me. It never failed to touch my heart.
> 
> She was also incredibly intuitive. When she was a puppy, she was so bouncy. She pulled on the leash and she definitely greeted with excessive exhuberance. But when she was about 8 months old, her walker called me at work one afternoon and said, I need to tell you what happened. What happened was that she was walking the bouncy, overly enthusiastic puppy, and a very old, frail lady was walking towards them on the sidewalk. And as they grew closer, my walker was just going to move aside and hold her. But she said the lady wanted to pat Tesia. She said she loved Goldens, and so this old, frail woman started to walk towards this bouncy puppy who would easily knock her down. My walker said she was so worried. But she said Tesia just got very quiet and sat down as the woman came to her. And she sat quietly the whole time and was very sweet and gave gentle kisses. That was Tesia. She just knew. She was the same with little kids who could be knocked over. She knew she had to be calm and gentle with them, too.
> 
> When I broke my wrists two summers ago, she suddenly started to bark anytime someone approached me, whether on my front patio (I live in a townhouse unit so my neighbours would walk by) or on our little walks to the parkette in back. I didn't understand why she was suddenly barking at my neighbours she had known for years - or why she was barking at my sister who came to stay that first week. I apologized over and over, but it kept up. I could not make her stop. It was only after I got my casts off six weeks later that she stopped. And I realized she had sensed I was vulnerable in some way, and she was going to make sure that no one would hurt me. Just as I would make sure no one ever hurt her.
> 
> I feel like I am never going to recover from the loss of this sweet soul.


Sweet Girl: We are always happy to read more about Tesia and we all KNEW how sweet and loving she was from everything you've said about her. They are TRULY are BEST FRIENDS, our soul mates. My Smooch took care of me when I broke my ankle, too, and we had just adopted her! You will heal slowly. We never forget them. Please keep talking to us. I know my Smooch and Snobear are playing with Tesia and Molly!!


----------



## TheZ's

Glad that you've shared more stories of Tesia. You really did have a very special bond.


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## cubbysan

The posts you wrote are absolutely beautiful, but I guess they would be, because she was such a beautiful dog.

I lost my heart dog over five years ago, and I know he is still with me. Once some of the rawness of your loss has passed, you will start seeing parts of Tesia in everyday life. It will be at times when you are not looking, she will always be with you.


----------



## *Laura*

Beautiful memories of your sweet, beautiful girl. You two shared a special, loving bond and were very lucky to have had each other. If only our babies could live much longer. I hope you continue to tell us about her and share your pictures of her. She's so special.


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

Tesia was definitely an old soul. Thank you for sharing her stories with us. Please keep sharing her story with us.


----------



## Cocker+GoldenR

I can feel the love you have for Tee in every word you write, what a beautiful story of a beautiful dog, thanks for sharing. Hugs, Olga.


----------



## Cathy's Gunner

I'm so sorry for the loss of dear Tesia. I hope you are having a better day...know that she is not in pain anymore. She is watching over you and protecting you as she always did....RIP dear Tesia!


----------



## Lynlegs

How beautifully you have described your special girl.

You will feel better - one day. Better now to accept the grief and trust that it will ease. So many of us know just how you feel, losing that very special dog, and we know that time does eventually heal us.

Hugs to you,

Lyn


----------



## OutWest

I love reading your stories about Tesia, so keep on writing as you see fit. You two had a very special connection its obvious. 

I have a suggestion... which may or may not be premature. I'm wondering if there is a canine rescue group close by and if you would consider fostering a dog for them? Definitely NOT as a replacement for Tesia--I would _never_ recommend that. But so that one of T's sisters and brothers can help you through this period of grief just as you might help them. As I said, this might be way too premature... It was just as I read through your post about how physical T was and how she loved to get up against you, I thought that having a pooch to do that right now might be comforting to you. If I've said the wrong thing, I hope you'll forgive me. Sending prayers and thoughts of healing to you.

P.S. Came back to add, I wish I lived close to you. I'd drop by with my Tess, the comforter spaniel. She would love to sit in your lap right now.


----------



## jealous1

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Tesia. The love the two of you shared shine through in each of your posts. For now, the tears will fall and you need to grieve, but soon they will be replaced with a smile and a nod of your head as her memories come to you--those memories are Tesia letting you know she is and will always be watching over you. Please continue to share them.

_I'm Still Here 

Friend, please don't mourn for me
I'm still here, though you don't see.
I'm right by your side each night and day
and within your heart I long to stay.

My body is gone but I'm always near.
I'm everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I'll never depart
as long as you keep me alive in your heart.

I'll never wander out of your sight-
I'm the brightest star on a summer night.
I'll never be beyond your reach-
I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach.

I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around
and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond,
The clear cool water in a quiet pond.

I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring,
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
and you'll see that the face in the moon is mine.

When you start thinking there's no one to love you,
you can talk to me through the Lord above you.
I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
and you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.

I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep
and the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I'm the smile you see on a baby's face.
Just look for me, friend, I'm everyplace! 
Author Unknown_


----------



## HolDaisy

Thank you so much for sharing more stories about beautiful Tesia. It sounds like she was an incredibly special girl, so thoughtful and clever - such a wonderful representative of the golden breed. It seems now like the pain will never end but it will get better, honestly. Things will never quite be the same but in time you will look back on your lovely memories and smile. You two were both so lucky to find each other and it is clear that you were Tee's world and she loved you lots. I really hope she sends you a special little sign to let you know she's still near. Take care.


----------



## daisydoo79

My heart aches for you. I'm so very sorry.


----------



## goldensrbest

She was protecting you, what a sweet girl she was, i am so sorry for your loss.


----------



## Jessie'sGirl

So sorry that your Tesia has gone . Sounds like she was the perfect mix of sugar and spice, just what little girls should be. 
Please keep the stories coming.


----------



## Claudia M

Reading about sweet Tesia brought tears to my eyes. I am so so sorry for your loss. 
Even though we have Rose now after a year of no furbaby in the house I still cry and think of my furboys and go visit them every day. Please keep the stories coming!


----------



## Dallas Gold

Your Tesia was indeed so special. Thank you so much for writing her story here so we could get to know her too.


----------



## PrincessDi

I loved learned more about sweet Tesia. We are all crying with you. Her pain is over and she is young again and playing with our kids that have went ahead of us. Your pain is just starting. I cry and my heart breaks for your loss. I'm so sorry!


----------



## Waggily Tail

Sweet Girl, your tributes to Tesia are beautiful. And I know what she would say about you, if she could. You two will always have a very special bond. Take care, Jill


----------



## Ranger

I am so sorry for your loss...I have tears running down my cheeks and I can't even imagine how you feel right now.

I don't know what to say...I am just so, so sorry you lost your angel.


----------



## KiwiD

Continue to share your memories of Tesia with us, about what made her your sweet girl. When I lost Maddie and the grief was overwhelming I got a pad of paper and wrote down everything about her that I loved, everything that made her _my_ Maddie, silly things she'd do, thoughtful things she'd do, anything and everything as I didn't want to forget one single detail of her life that made her the girl she was. Just a thought for you if and when you're up to it. 

Sending hugs your way.


----------



## xoerika620xo

ooh sweet girl every time i read your post i cry. I feel like i know tesia now..again i am so so so sorry for your loss.


----------



## Fella 77

So sorry to hear about Tesias passing. We all cry with you, for we know too well the pain you feel. Your memories and stories about how much she touched your life are sweet and special thank you for sharing them with us and letting us see what a wondefull girl she was. These are the things that death cannot take away from you..the things you will come to cherish so much..it's been 5 months since I lost my sweet Sadie and I couldn't bring myself to clean the smudge marks off the walls in her favorite spots or put her toys away. I have two new wonderful dogs in my life now..but I still ache for my Sadie, and always will. I just made an appointment to bring my new guys in for a first visit with my vet, and I broke down in tears after I hung up realizing this will be the first time back at the Vet hospital since I brought Sadie there her last time...Please keep sharing your memories of Tesia with us, I love to hear stories about dogs, and I know it makes you feel better to share your memories with us, and tell everyone how special she was and what an amazing bond you two had..


----------



## SandyK

Thanks for sharing more stories about Tesia. My heart still aches for you. Take care of yourself.


----------



## Buddy's mom forever

I can't take you out of my mind, feeling your pain like my own. Hugs.


----------



## Sweet Girl

I just wanted to thank each and every one of you all for the love and care and support you've given me these past few days and weeks and months. I have read every single reply, and each one means so much to me. I re-read this whole thread this morning. At some point, I will re-read her other thread, that took us through the days from her diagnosis until the awful day this week when I knew I was losing her. It really does make a difference to be able to share this experience with people who understand it so deeply. Thank you for being here. 

Right now, I feel like this grief will never lift. I don't want to remove her presence from my house. I can still see her lying in her favourite places. If I put away her dishes, her food, her toys, her leash... she will really be gone. I can't talk about her without crying. I can't begin to imagine going on with life without her. How can I go back to normal when nothing will be normal again? 

I miss her sweet, quiet presence in my home. I miss having someone to take to the park, to the woods, to the beach. I miss her unfailing joy when I did. I miss her contented expressions, and her lovely paw that she always wanted me to hold. I miss just being able to turn to her and touch her sweet face, kiss her head, smell her sweet smell.


----------



## GoldenCamper

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear sweet Tesia. I know how tough all this is having been there twice. Take the time to grieve however long it takes. May the future memories bring nothing but smiles of her to you in time.

You did right by her.


----------



## hubbub

I'm so sorry I haven't been able to post more. Each time I start to, I begin crying and just have to log off. 

The other day I tracked back through your previous threads about Tesia and laughed at her silly grass rolls. I especially loved the story of when you had the accident with the mixer and she was the cleanup crew and even more so that she anticipated more accidents whenever the mixer came out.


----------



## Sam Hill

*I have to remove my pets bed /bowls when I go through what you are.
Life is going to be different and seeing their stuff smacks me in the face. If one second goes by a healing and I see their bowl I get yanked right back. I have a cabinet that I keep everyones stuff that passed. I go through it now and then when I feel like getting back there for a while. 

You know your dog liked when you were happy when she was with you.
You know she would not want you to be in this kind of pain.

As hard as it is at some point when you can, try to act less sad. That act will lead to acting to a fake happy. That fake happy will one day be a real happy. 

Everyone here knows what this feeling is now. It took me the longest time to read your post because I know the hurt and I want to hide from it. I dont think the pain can ever really go away when you love them so much. But over time you learn to fit the rest of life around it .

That is the bad thing about owning a Golden Retriever . They love you with everthing they have and hold nothing back. And you do the same. And when they go you are left with missing them

But I do take my own advice. I know everyone of my past animals loved me as I loved them. The wanted me happy. And Ill go though life acting happy even when Im not-If I can
At some point especially on this board, everyone goes through this. Only now its your turn. Im very sorry you are going through this.
*


----------



## Bentleysmom

My heart breaks for you. Tesia couldn't have had a better mommy. I wish there was a way to lift your grief but I know that's not possible. Sending Hugs.


----------



## Brinkleythegolden

Sweet Girl--We all understand what you are going through. My Fozzie has been gone for almost 7 months, and I still haven't parted with his beds, his toys, or the many tennis balls that are in various places in our house. To me, they offer comfort. Don't be in a hurry to do any of that--you will know when the time is right. Hugs to you....


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## swishywagga

Feeling so desperately sad for you, there are no words I can say that will take it all away. You are constantly in our thoughts and prayers. Take care x


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## cgriffin

I am sorry for your grief, having been through it twice before, I know the feeling all too well.
Don't be in a hurry to put away her things. It helped me having my furbabies' things around and burying my head in the favorite blanket, inhaling their smell, holding tight a favorite toy. Give yourself time to grief, there is nothing wrong with that.


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## Hali's Mom

So sorry for your loss but you did what had to be done. We have all been in your shoes and don't envy you for a minute. The love you had for Tesia is what helped you help her in the end. My condolences


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## dborgers

Thinking of you.


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## cubbysan

I read this quote at the beginning of the week, and it sounds so appropriate right now. It is by Patrick Swayzee's widow.

_Wait a minute . . . . . . there. I made it to the next moment. And that's how you get through a bad moment of grief. You do it one moment at a time. --from Worth Fighting For LISA NIEMI _


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## GoldenMum

Just stopping in to let you know I am thinking of you. Sending you strength.


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## HolDaisy

Thinking of you as I know how difficult those early days are  Don't be in a rush to move any of her things, when the time is right you will. We still hug Daisy's favourite duck that she had when she was poorly when we're sad and missing her as it gives us lots of comfort.

Maybe put together a scrapbook of Tee or a slideshow of her photographs to keep you busy. I know that when we lost Daisy I spent hours working on her video and a photoalbum as it helped me to look back at all the happy memories. Someone said to me when we lost Daisy that it hurt so bad because we loved her so much, and it's exactly the same for you. It will get better in time, it's going to take a long while though, you just have to try and see it through the best you can.


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## kwhit

Thinking about you and sending lots of cyber  to you during this very difficult time.


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## Karen519

*Sweet Girl*

Sweet Girl

Thinking about you so much. Just take it one moment, one hour, one day at a time.


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## *Laura*

Thinking of you Sweet Girl. I know these days are so difficult.


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## JaimeNTJ

Thinking of you during this difficult time. We all know how much you love Tee, I can't imagine your grief. Xoxo


Sent from my iPhone using PG Free


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## Joanne & Asia

I am thinking about you too. Your tributes to your girl are beautiful. Such a special dog she was.


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## daisydogmom

Oh, no! I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful girl...


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## goldy1

I wish there was some way to help you through this but the deep sorrow you feel is because of the deep loved you shared with Tesia. Through your stories you brought her into our lives so we could all love her.

You two are an inspiration and were so brave though it all. Just know how many hearts are with you during the difficult days ahead.


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## Buddysmyheart

Anyone who has ever loved and lost a dog will relate to your loving, heartfelt post about Tesia. I cried when I read it because it brought back all the same feelings, hurt, and overwhelming sadness I felt when my dog died. Time will help heal your heart, you take it one day at a time. There's no need to rush putting her things away, if it comforts you, leave them right where they are. I know this is so hard, so many of us have been there and know the pain. Through your loving words and stories, we all got to know and love Tesia. She will not be forgotten. She was loved here on earth, and she is surely loved in heaven!


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## Joanne & Asia

Just checking in to say I am still thinking about you at the horribly difficult time.


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## Cocker+GoldenR

Checking in to see how you are doing. Thinking about you. Hugs, Olga.


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## Vhuynh2

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. 


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## AmberSunrise

When my King died he first went to an Emergency Vet where we were together all night. In the morning we needed to transport my lovely boy to his regular vet. The blankie they used for the gurney to bring him to my Pathfinder went unwashed for months so I could still smell my boy - my Pathfinder went way too long as my car since he took his final ride in it. His bowls, toys, leashes etc I still have. I finally boxed his ribbons and trophies years after he had to leave. 

I still have locks of hair, collars and special toys from King & Rowdy.

Take your time and hold on to Tesia's worldly things as long as you like. The comfort they can bring are priceless.







Sweet Girl said:


> .
> 
> Right now, I feel like this grief will never lift. I don't want to remove her presence from my house. I can still see her lying in her favourite places. If I put away her dishes, her food, her toys, her leash... she will really be gone. I can't talk about her without crying. I can't begin to imagine going on with life without her. How can I go back to normal when nothing will be normal again?


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## Neeko13

I'm thinking of you as well, I'm at the same place, the hurt is unbearable, sometimes I feel like I can't breathe...I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have Neeko, he helps keep me going,....I will keep you in my prayers, hoping the pain gets easier.....take care.....


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## coppers-mom

It took me over 2 years to be able to talk about Copper without crying. Join the club of marshmallows, but it truly means you and Tesia shared a deep, deep love.

We spend so much of our lives with our dogs that their loss reflects on our lives every moment of our day.

"_Through your loving words and stories, we all got to know and love Tesia_. " That is so true - her smiling face gave me many, many smiles over the time we shared. I wish we had forever together.


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## ssacres

I still have Allie's blanket. Unwashed and her hair is on it. Don't know when or if I can ever wash it. It is the hardest loss I have ever had in my life and I have had many. I know how you feel. I still find it hard to go on day to day. My world just doesn't feel normal anymore without Allie. I try to focus on how much she gave me and how blessed I was to have her. Still the loss is unbearable at times. Your girl had a wonderful life with you and you were a GREAT mom to her. She knew what it felt like to be totally loved. Be good to yourself during this oh so difficult time. Tesia would want that for her mom. Hugs


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## Sweet Girl

It is comforting to be able to come here, even when I can't bear to write anything, and find continued support. And support for my not wanting to put away any of her things yet. I did clean out the fridge yesterday - everything I bought in her last days to try to entice her to eat. I sobbed as I cleaned off saran wrapped covered plates, and emptied the opened, but untouched cans of dog food (2), puppy mousse, and tripe. There was liverwurst, and boiled eggs, a full plastic container of savory soup that also went untouched, and a carton of chicken broth. I poured out the 1/2 bottle of fish oil I had started giving her about a month ago. There's a jar of peanut butter on my shelf with one spoon missing (it wound up spit out on the floor). I know it will be a while before I can even clear the counters of the pill bottles and Pill Pocket pouches. There is also a corner of the counter that was for her shampoos, ear cleaner, and daily painkiller. I think I'm going to leave it all for a while.

Her toy basket - I'm not really sure I'll ever move it. I might leave her leash hanging by the door. 

One way I do plan to memorialize her: there are probably 30-40 tennis balls in my car. At last count, there were about 75 in my garage. Through her whole life, if we ever went to a park or to the wooded area to walk without a ball, she would find one, and bring it home. I only ever bought one can of tennis balls in her whole life. And one bright orange ball for swimming - we had it for probably close to 10 years. She never destroyed a ball. All of the balls stayed (and seemingly multiplied themselves) in the car, or the garage, or in front of my front door (where I always told the neighbour Labs they were more than welcome to help themselves). They were outdoor toys, and she knew that and always dropped them before coming in. I plan to find a (big) beautiful basket and fill it up with all those balls - the whole dirty mess of them - and move them all into my house. Into the living room. Tennis balls were the source of so much joy to her. Two days before she died, we played very gentle ball at her park. She was happy. It will make me happy to honour her by keeping all of those tennis balls close to me. 

I also have spent a lot of time going through hundreds of photos of her, creating a slide show of her life, from four weeks old to her final hour of life. I have so many - and so many that capture her well. I saw FeatherRiver's thread about their "places" in the house. Well, I have her in all of her "places" - as well as lots in the park and even a few at the beach. I feel like I DO have her life in photos, which is a relief. I will post some over the next few days. 

This one is one that almost made me smile when I saw it this week. This is Tesia and her puppy siblings at four weeks old - the first time I met them. I think the photo says it all. Five exhausted, sleeping puppies... and one still curious about who I was and why I was there (and clearly making sure I knew she was the one for me).


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## Karen519

*Sweet Girl*

Sweet Girl

What a beautiful picture of Tee as a pup! Keep them coming!


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## Joanne & Asia

I feel your deep love for her when you describe her and many of your descriptions remind me of Asia. Especially the tennis ball ones and how she was always by your side. She is watching over you I know and free from her ailing body so she is grateful to you for setting her free. I know the pain you are feeling is overwhelming at this time. That picture of her as a puppy does say it all. I will look forward to seeing more pics of her through the years when you are ready to post them. My thoughts continue to be with you every day.


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## PrincessDi

How we grieve and how long is a very individual thing. We still have Golda's toys, collar and sweaters and we lost him 4/7/2007. We also have all of Di and Max's things as well. When they died, we put their collar, sweater and clippings of their fur into a resealable plastic baggy so that we would still have their scent. With losing each of them, we wouldn't vacuum for the longest time. It felt like when we vacuumed it was erasing them. I remember balling when we did finally vaccuum.

When they have a prolonged illness, we build our whole life around providing the best care that we can. Particularly during that time, everything revolves around them. When we lose them, we loose our purpose in life, our heart and ourselves. Everything is a reaffirmation that they are gone. 

We all fell in love with sweet Tesia. We all saw the absolute and total committment that you took in her care. Truly, you sacrificed everything to asure the best care. I can only imagine how devastating this is for you. Do whatever you have to do, to grieve your girl in your way. We are all here for you as you grieve your beloved Tesia. Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers as you face this dark time.


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## cgriffin

Aww, what a sweet picture! She knew who her mom was going to be


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## PrincessDi

That photo of puppy Tesia, is priceless. She sure knew to "wrap" Mommy, around her heart from the beginning. She was a beautiful puppy!


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## Sweet Girl

PrincessDi said:


> How we grieve and how long is a very individual thing. We still have Golda's toys, collar and sweaters and we lost him 4/7/2007. We also have all of Di and Max's things as well. When they died, we put their collar, sweater and clippings of their fur into a resealable plastic baggy so that we would still have their scent. With losing each of them, we wouldn't vacuum for the longest time. It felt like when we vacuumed it was erasing them. I remember balling when we did finally vaccuum.
> 
> When they have a prolonged illness, we build our whole life around providing the best care that we can. Particularly during that time, everything revolves around them. When we lose them, we loose our purpose in life, our heart and ourselves. Everything is a reaffirmation that they are gone.
> 
> We all fell in love with sweet Tesia. We all saw the absolute and total committment that you took in her care. Truly, you sacrificed everything to asure the best care. I can only imagine how devastating this is for you. Do whatever you have to do, to grieve your girl in your way. We are all here for you as you grieve your beloved Tesia. Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers as you face this dark time.


I didn't vaccuum last weekend when she was becoming so sick, because she didn't like the vaccuum and she would always want to go downstairs when I vaccuumed upstairs. I couldn't put her through that stress; I didn't want her to feel she had to go down the stairs so I just didn't vaccuum. I always respected her dislike of the loud noise and waited for her to be where she wanted to be before I turned it on. Now I can't bring myself to vaccuum away her fur, because there will never be any more. I thought I was the only person in the world that this happened to. 

And I think you hit on another thing that I have been dealing with. From the time of her diagnosis in November, everything _did_ revolve around her and her care - by my choice. Especially what she would eat. My 12 year old dog, who had never eaten anything but her kibble (with gusto) now suddenly wouldn't touch it. I spent hours researching dog foods and wet food and trying to find one that was good quality and that she would eat. Fromm Gold Duck and Chicken Pate will forever hold a special place in my heart (how silly is that?). My dog who was never sick suddenly had four surgeries, a hospital stay of six days, and endless medications and vet visits. I always loved taking care of her - including when she was well - but especially when she was sick, it was different. I would have done anything for her, anything to make her feel better. I confess, I did not go out socially from the time she became ill. I could not bring myself to be away from her having fun while she was sick. I didn't go Christmas shopping at all - it was all done online. I drove to work only so that I got home sooner at night. And it was no sacrifice. I am so grateful for every minute I had with her - even if she was sleeping in my room and I was watching TV in the next room. But yes, it now leaves an even huger sense of a void.


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## swishywagga

Quite simply beautiful! Always in our thoughts x


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## Sydney's Mom

I still have:

- Cat carrier for my cat who passed last year (and no need for it now but still have it)
- Custom horse blanket from my horse, which still has his hair on it - he's been gone for 8 years
- The same horses hair in a bag
- The bed and leash from my 'teenage' golden who I had from when I was 14-24. When I got Sydney my mom gave them to me - I use the leash a lot and the bed is at my parents for her. I also have her favourite toy but I didn't give that to Sydney (she would eat it apart)

There is NOTHING wrong with holding onto whatever you want. Tennis balls, fur/hair, toys or whatever. 

And take however long you want to vacuum. No one will know


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## *Laura*

Tesia's 4 week old picture is priceless. Yes she was waiting for you that's for sure I hope you will post more pictures of your amazing girl. We all grew to love her.


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## HolDaisy

I love that photo of little Tesia as a pup, it's so cute how your photo has captured her as the only pup looking at you too. It's clear that you two were meant to be together from the start. We have kept absolutely everything of Daisy's. Not one thing got thrown away. It took a very very long time before we could bear to move anything. Even her bed and water bowl stayed in the same spot for months. I have a shelf in a cupboard full of all her things and I get her box of toys out from time to time. I think it's a great idea that you're going to collect all of her tennis balls, she must have had hours of fun collecting them all and bringing them home! Please feel free to share any photos and stories of Tesia. She was loved on this forum and will always be remembered as such a brave and special girl and we would love to hear more about her.


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## dborgers

What a beautiful photo of Tesia at 4 weeks looking at her future mom. And what an amazing mom you were to her.


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## Mr. Bojangles

I am so sad to hear about Tesia. We definitely know what you're going through and there is nothing to say to make it any easier. I hope Tesia has found my Mr. Bojangles and they are playing and keeping each other company.


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## Buddy's mom forever

Thinking of you, sending hugs.


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## amy22

I just read throughout this entire thread...I am so so sorry for your loss. I know the empty feeling all to well. Sending you a hug. I am so sorry......


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## SandyK

Love the puppy picture!!! Yep...she knew she would be yours!!!


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## maizy's mom

I am so sorry to hear of your sweet girl. Sending you a big hug, to help ease this horrific pain and heartache.


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## daisydogmom

Sweet Girl, I am sending you such a huge hug from the east coast... (((((((((HUG))))))))))))). Take your time- everyone grieves in a different way, for different lengths of time. And remember- some days will be better than others...

I lost my Sadie almost 9 YEARS ago to the day & I STILL get sad or even pissed off sometimes- especially if something reminds me of her. When she passed:

1. I didn't vacuum for the LONGEST time. I could have made a huge afghan with all of it. Even to this day, I check for her fur when I'm cleaning out the heating vents...

2. I left her poop (which was quite frozen) in the yard for such a long time! I was so worried someone would say something!

3. I left her noseprints on every window. They stayed on my dodge neon's windows until we sold her a year ago.

But now I can look back and (usually) smile at my memories of her, but it took a LOOOONG time. I think that talking and writing about her, and making a scrapbook of her life, donating her remaining meds, etc. really helped me out in my own grieving process/journey...

Keep writing about sweet, beautiful Tesia!!! I'll be thinking of you!!!


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## Fella 77

The picture of Tess looking at you with all the other dogs are sleeping is so precious...that was your moment with her...that she took your heart and would never give it back..

Hang in there..I wish I could tell you in 5 months it gets better...sometimes I think it has..but then the slightest thing will remind me of Sadie and I will start to tear up. I left all her toys around the house, left her feeder in place, didnt clean the last smudge marks from all the surfaces she liked to rub against..funny, when she was alive I was constantly cleaning that stuff..now I couldn't bring myself to do it. She passed on a Saturday morning..we used to go for a long walk everyday after I would get home from work. Once she got sick she was too weak to go, so I couldn't walk her for the last two months. The first Monday after I lost her I was so beside myself with grief when I got home I took her collar and wrapped it around my hand and I went on one last walk for her....tears streaming down my face the whole time. Just a week ago, the first time I took my new pups, Ben & Jeri for a walk down the same route Sadie and I took so many times, again I had tears in my eyes...

The enormous grief you feel today, is a measure of enormous the love you have for her, and always will...


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## Joanne & Asia

Just wanted to say I am still thinking about you. Hugs.


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## Sweet Girl

Thank you everyone. I haven't vaccuumed yet - and I haven't cleaned the smudges off the wall, either. Anything that proves she was here, I just want to keep. 

I'm doing okay. Coming home from work Monday night for the first time without her being here was awful. I just sobbed. And my biggest challenge right now is sleeping, as in, I'm not. I don't know if it's because I can sense she isn't there, and I wake up. And then once I'm awake, I just lie there thinking about her and missing her.

She is being cremated on Friday morning. That is going to be a hard day. The company that my vet uses sounds like a really caring place. They offer visitation - which means I can see Tesia again on Friday. They have a private room, and she will be laid out as if she is sleeping. I guess it is like a visitation/funeral for a person. I had been feeling very anxious about the fact that I was never going to see her again. And I was having a hard time authorizing her release from my vet. I liked that she was just a few blocks away from me, even if she was at my vet's. And then when I found out I had the chance to see her again... I felt such a sense of relief. I know some people might find the idea kind of creepy, but I have just been dying to see her and touch her fur and her face again. I need to do this. Once my visit is over, they will take her directly to be cremated privately, and I will be able to bring her ashes home with me. They will also make a paw print in clay for me. This is really going to be the end. 

One thing that helped me yesterday was that I got something in the mail from the Veterinary College at Guelph. It said that my vet made a donation in Tesia's memory to the Pet Trust Fund, which goes towards funding health research (especially cancer research), and towards the building of their new Cancer Care Centre. I just love that my vet did this. I feel like it was the perfect way to honour Tesia's memory. And it is a Fund that I now plan to support in the future.


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## Seagodess

I'm glad you get another chance to see her and say goodbye. I like that they are also going to make you a paw print. That is such a wonderful thing that your vet made that donation. Sounds like a really great person.


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## Donatella

So sorry for your loss :heartbeat
Be kind to yourself during the grieving process, eat healthy, take walks, talk it out...it helps


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## GoldenMum

Take all the time you need, we all grieve in our own way. Your Vet sounds like a very compassionate person. Sending you strength.


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## BriGuy

So sorry to hear about your loss. That was a nice gesture that your vet made to help Tesia's memory live on to help fight cancer. I wish you strength on Friday.


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## PrincessDi

That is so amazing that the cremeation company has visitation! I've never heard of that before, but really wish that we had that option when we lost our kids. Your vet is so impressive! Just do everything in your time frame. There is no rush to vacccum or to do anything. Sleeping and eating was extremely hard after loosing each of our kids. Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.


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## leesooim

That you are getting her cremated and will be given an imprint of her paw is amazing. I'm so glad you get to see her one last time as well. My heart is with you, Sweet Girl!


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## HolDaisy

That's really nice that they are letting you see her one last time and are doing a pawprint, I've never heard of anywhere over here that does that but it's good that you have the option to go to give you some closure. Your vet was so wonderful looking after Tee and their kind gesture shows how caring they must be. Just take it a day at a time, it will take a while but in time you will start to feel better. I remember each time when we came home after losing Daisy and it was heartbreaking. Her spirit is there with you though, will be thinking of you on Friday.


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## Brinkleythegolden

SweetGirl--I have pawprints of both of our boys. It is such a nice thing. We will all be thinking of you on Friday....


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## Neeko13

I think it's a terrific Idea to see your girl once again.....take in her smell, and always keep it in your heart.....Im waiting for Nash's ashes to come back...cant wait til he's home again.....will be thinking of you on Friday....


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## ChasingChase

It's not really going to be over, just completely different. Your love and memories of her will live on forever. And it's so thoughtful and kind of them to make a paw print in clay and let you see her again. I've never heard of that but I think it's absolutely amazing. Hang in there, definitely keep talking about her. You're not alone! We all understand 


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## swishywagga

Our thoughts are with you, especially on Friday, we too have never heard of this either. So lovely you have the chance to see her one last time. Take care x


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## Wendi

On the day Jorgee passed. Before she passed, I knew she was dying. I was afraid she was suffering and wanted to have her put down so she wouldn't. On that day, my regular vet was not in and his partner was out of the office. I called another local vet that I knew and he was out on farm calls. So I called another clinic and they said to bring her in. She however, passed before we could get her there. I truly believe she knew she had to pass or I would never have been able to do it or forgive myself if I did give my permission.

Anyway, the crematorium she was taken to has a funeral home with viewing. The clinic we ended up at did not tell us this though, so my husband never got to say goodbye to her. If the clinic had given us any information on this crematorium we would have known. We did get a paw print in clay and a beautiful box with her ashes. I just wish we had known because we most definitely would have said goodbye one last time.

I just wanted to say, I don't think it odd you want last moment with her. I like you cried when I noticed her hair was no longer gathering in the places it always did and I didn't clean the nose prints off the glass door or wash the wall where she laid.


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## xoerika620xo

I'm glad your going to be able to see her again. I can imagine what a relief it will be to have some closure. It's not going to be easy but at least it's something you need. Even though i haven't posted on here your in my thoughts everyday.

Stay strong.


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## dborgers

Stephanie,

I think it's good you see her again. 

As to the not sleeping, sleep deprivation is a cycle. The CIA use it because it's very effective and self fulfilling. Once you're bone tired it's hard to sleep. I've been there when I've had to pull all nighters to get a music project done on schedule. You might think about getting something to help you sleep soundly for 12 or 14 hours. 

Hope you'll take the rest of the day off and get some rest once you get home. We'll all be thinking of you on Friday.


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## *Laura*

I'm glad you'll get to see your sweet girl on Friday. What a bittersweet day for you. I'll be thinking of you. .....hugs


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## AtticusJordie

Our family will be thinking of you both this Friday. Blessings to you...

Scott J.


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## love never dies

Hugs - thinking of you


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## GoldensGirl

I'm so glad that you get to see your girl again. When you do, remember that she is now free of pain forever. As much as you hurt - and we know that you will - that is a price you pay for her freedom. She is so very grateful and will watch over you forever. But nobody will be happier than Tesia when your grieving softens into smiles at her memory and you let another dog into your heart. That will be the greatest tribute you can pay her.

Peace be with you.


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## hubbub

A short post with teary eyes, but don't worry about the cleaning. I'll share a secret - - I only clean one storm door at the time because I can't imagine not having smudges or "bark" marks (drool ) on the glass. 

Hannah had a wild (for her) play session with a tennis ball earlier - it made me think of your girl.


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## Sweet Girl

Thank you all for understanding. I guess it really is like a funeral for a human loved one, which often includes being able to see and touch the person one last time. I know she looked very peaceful when I left her at my vet last Tuesday. I hope she still looks like that. I hope she still smells like her. I know she will still feel soft and I will be able to kiss her goodbye. 

I am trying to decide whether to keep some of her ashes separate from the urn, so that I can sprinkle them in our park. I know exactly where. But is it strange to put only most of her ashes in the urn that will stay with me, and sprinkle some in the park? I only need to decide when I get there. 

I am going to bring a tennis ball to be cremated with her. I looked in my backseat earlier this week and noticed there was a tennis ball still in the Chuck-It. That means it is the tennis ball we played with the last time she ran hard and fast - just a few days before her first surgery in November. We never got to play with the Chuck-It again - just shorter throws. So I think that's the right one. 

I am so grateful to you all, for your continued caring and support. This has been one of the hardest experiences of my life. But you have all helped me with your words and PMs to keep breathing and to move, one small step at a time, towards that time (still in the future) when I will be able to think about her only with a smile and no more tears.


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## KathyL

I wish I had the chance to see Harley one more time. He was put to sleep at home by my vet and one of the clinic technicians. I was with him but really "removed" and dazed. I never thought about asking to see him again. I did receive a statement certifying that the ashes were his and only his and it was signed by the same technician who performed the cremation and witnessed by another staff member. They also gave me a pawprint on cardstock and one made of clay. I had received the paper pawprint of my previous golden and forgot to even ask about that so I was happy when I received those. I also gave them the blanket he came with from the rescue which I had saved and one of his favorite lamb chop squeakers. One last thing -- I have his ashes and planned to do what you thought of, I want to sprinkle some in the yard and garden where to loved to be and keep the rest. I actually thought of burying them on my parent's grave to assure a final resting place for him. I will be thinking of you and Tesia tomorrow.


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## ChasingChase

I don't think it's strange at all to sprinkle some and keep some. I think it's really nice, she'll be able to rest in her favorite place and be with the person she loves so much forever! I know quite a few people who have done that. 

So happy you get to see her again! Will be thinking of you tomorrow!


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## Sirfoulhook

just logged in after an absence. Saw this thread. What a pretty girl she was. I really liked the puppy pic. I pulled out stuff (collars) from my old boys the other day while looking through my drawer. Still miss them. Take your time, do whatever you think helps you best and smile when you think of Tesia.


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## dborgers

Thinking of you this morning ...


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## puddinhd58

I am thinking of you today as well. Your story is so like mine with Rusty and so many more people here. 
Rusty was my heart dog and the grieving is an important part of recovery. 

I think it would be a terrific thing to take some of her ashes to the park and keep the rest. 

Rusty sits on my fireplace mantle in a beautiful wood carved box and I always feel he is close to me where he belongs. 

Many many hugs to you. And yes, take one minute, hour, day at a time....the pain does slowly lift and lessen.


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## Sweet Girl

I think I am leaning towards keeping some of her ashes aside to sprinkle - definitely in "our park" and maybe also in the lake at the beach where we went in the summer. I am mostly just thinking about seeing her again and kissing her face. I was so distraught when I said goodbye to her when she died. I know there will be tears tomorrow, but I am hoping it will be a more peaceful goodbye. She deserves that.


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## hubbub

A friend divided his girl's ashes - a sprinkle between a few special spots, some in an urn at home and also had a glass artist use some ashes to make a remembrance glass token that he keeps close. A second friend has some in a pendant she wears.


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## Karen519

*Tesia*



Sweet Girl said:


> I think I am leaning towards keeping some of her ashes aside to sprinkle - definitely in "our park" and maybe also in the lake at the beach where we went in the summer. I am mostly just thinking about seeing her again and kissing her face. I was so distraught when I said goodbye to her when she died. I know there will be tears tomorrow, but I am hoping it will be a more peaceful goodbye. She deserves that.


I think it's a wonderful idea to sprinkle some of T's ashes in your favorite park!


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## Cocker+GoldenR

Just stopping by to say I will be thinking about you tomorrow. Hugs, Olga.


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## ChasingChase

I think that's a wonderful idea to sprinkle some in both of your favorite and most memorable places. I've also been meaning to say that I'm so so happy you were able to be by her side when she passed. As hard as it was, you are the person she would want to be with during her last moments. She does deserve a peaceful goodbye tomorrow and so do you. I hope you get that and we'll all be thinking of you!


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## PrincessDi

Sweet Girl, We will all be with you tomorrow in thought! I know it will be hard tomorrow, but wonderful to see and touch sweet Tesia again. I hope that you're able to rest tonight.


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## TheZ's

It's a very personal thing but we spread all Zeke's ashes in a couple of his very favorite spots. They're places of great beauty and somehow it felt like he was finally completely free and returned to God.


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## GoldensGirl

It is so very hard when we have to say that final goodbye. I have no idea if you would be interested in such a thing, but this thread has photos of a beautiful memorial paperweight that includes ashes from a beloved Golden: http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...idge/89727-caseys-paperweight-memorial-3.html. 

Holding you in my heart and in my prayers as you make this transition.


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## Jesus Freak

I'm so sorry for your loss. I just lost my girl 12 days ago, she was almost fourteen. I've been praying for you. God bless and comfort you.


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## mudEpawz

just wanted to let you know that I will be thinking of you today


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## SandyK

Thoughts are with you today.


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## GoldenCamper

Thinking of you today. Wanted to say also that I have done the same private cremation/ceremony/viewing with Deardra and Tucker.


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## Joanne & Asia

Sweet Girl said:


> I think I am leaning towards keeping some of her ashes aside to sprinkle - definitely in "our park" and maybe also in the lake at the beach where we went in the summer. I am mostly just thinking about seeing her again and kissing her face. I was so distraught when I said goodbye to her when she died. I know there will be tears tomorrow, but I am hoping it will be a more peaceful goodbye. She deserves that.


I will be thinking about you as you say your final goodbye to your sweet girl. We sprinkled Gromit's ashes on his favorite trail. His grown up now kids and Asia were there too of course. I like to think it is what he would have wanted and I say hi to him and have a chat everytime we walk that trail.I helps me still feel close to him.


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## Karen519

*Sweet Girl*

I'll be thinking of you and Tesia today.


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## Sydney's Mom

S - thinking of you today. Hope it's not to hard to see T again and it brings you some peace.

Completely agree that you should do what you feel is right with the ashes.


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## Brinkleythegolden

We're all with you in spirit today...


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## *Laura*

Thinking of you today


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## Sweet Girl

I felt all of you there with me in spirit. 

That was the best decision I ever could have made. I am so, so glad I decided to see her again. She was wheeled in, lying on a blanket. I cried when I saw her, but I was so happy to see her. She looked so lovely and so peaceful - just as if she was in a very deep sleep, with her head on my pillow. She looked so good. She was just as soft as ever and I could still smell her sweet smell. I had lots of time with her, there were tears, but it was a much more peaceful goodbye. 

I'm glad I waited a few days after she died to decide what to do (she died ten days ago now), and I'm glad I trusted my heart on this one. I know that I had been so upset about the idea of releasing her body to the crematorium and I was just dying to see her again (I knew she was just a few blocks away at my vet, as they will hold pets for as long as the owner needs). And the sense of relief I felt when I found out the cremation service offered visitaiton was so huge. I got a bit nervous when I arrived there this morning, but I knew deep down that I needed to do it. 

I brought home a lovely urn of her ashes, and the gentleman there very kindly gave me two smaller bags that I can sprinkle in the spring. He put them into a little velvet bag, so I can just keep them aside. I'll know the right day when it comes. I have a paw print in clay, and one in ink that my vet to sent me. 

I feel like she is at peace. I know her soul had long left her body, and I know she is with me. She'll always be with me.


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## vrmueller

Tesia is with you heart & soul. So glad you had the time with her afterward. So happy you have a bit of peace. Thinking of you.


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## Seagodess

Ok I have got to stop reading your post's when I'm at work. I cry everytime.


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## HolDaisy

I am so glad that you got to see your beautiful angel Tee one last time. It must have been extremely difficult for you. It sounds as if you were able to say goodbye in your own way very peacefully and that it has helped you alot. Her soul will live on forever in your heart and your memories. Take care of yourself we are all thinking of you, and Sammy sends you a huge hug.


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## xoerika620xo

I always cry too when i read your post!! I'm glad you were able to see her i knew it would be good for you. Now you can say Tee is sleeping in peace. She will always be with you, and she will always watch over you. stay strong, and hugs from chester and I


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## swishywagga

Me too I cry at your posts I can feel your love for Tee. So glad you were able to see her one last time knowing that she is at peace. Candles will always be "Tesia" candles in our house and we will will always think of her when we light them. I hope you will continue to share your memories with us. Always in our thoughts. Take care x


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## *Laura*

Tee will always be with you. She'll always be in your heart. You sound at peace. I'm so happy that you were able to see her once again and have a loving farewell. We will always think of your special girl. We loved her too very much


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## PrincessDi

So glad that you had a little more time with Tesia. Though I'm crying too reading your post, it's wonderful that you felt she was resting peacefully! When they have been so sick, when they leave, they don't ever suffer again. They are released from their sick bodies to run and play as they did in their youth, as they wait for us. It is us that ache and yearn for them. I hope that you'll be able to rest tonight. Holding you in our thoughts.


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## dborgers

We were all with you in spirit this morning. I had to reach for my shirt sleeve too when I read your post. Brings back a lot of memories of those I've loved whose spirits have returned from whence they came. Now the healing can begin.


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## Karen519

*Sweet Girl*



Sweet Girl said:


> I felt all of you there with me in spirit.
> 
> That was the best decision I ever could have made. I am so, so glad I decided to see her again. She was wheeled in, lying on a blanket. I cried when I saw her, but I was so happy to see her. She looked so lovely and so peaceful - just as if she was in a very deep sleep, with her head on my pillow. She looked so good. She was just as soft as ever and I could still smell her sweet smell. I had lots of time with her, there were tears, but it was a much more peaceful goodbye.
> 
> I'm glad I waited a few days after she died to decide what to do (she died ten days ago now), and I'm glad I trusted my heart on this one. I know that I had been so upset about the idea of releasing her body to the crematorium and I was just dying to see her again (I knew she was just a few blocks away at my vet, as they will hold pets for as long as the owner needs). And the sense of relief I felt when I found out the cremation service offered visitaiton was so huge. I got a bit nervous when I arrived there this morning, but I knew deep down that I needed to do it.
> 
> I brought home a lovely urn of her ashes, and the gentleman there very kindly gave me two smaller bags that I can sprinkle in the spring. He put them into a little velvet bag, so I can just keep them aside. I'll know the right day when it comes. I have a paw print in clay, and one in ink that my vet to sent me.
> 
> I feel like she is at peace. I know her soul had long left her body, and I know she is with me. She'll always be with me.


So glad you could feel us with you! 

I have Smooch's paw print in clay, too, along with her ashes. Smooch and Snobear's ashes are in our family room, where we spend 80% of our time.


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## Buddy's mom forever

Crying reading your post. You made right decision, I am so glad you did. I wish I had a chance to see my Buddy a few days later and say final goodbye. Hugs.


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## Sweet Girl

*Laura* said:


> Tee will always be with you. She'll always be in your heart. *You sound at peace.* I'm so happy that you were able to see her once again and have a loving farewell. We will always think of your special girl. We loved her too very much





PrincessDi said:


> So glad that you had a little more time with Tesia. Though I'm crying too reading your post, it's wonderful that you felt she was resting peacefully! When they have been so sick, when they leave, they don't ever suffer again. They are released from their sick bodies to run and play as they did in their youth, as they wait for us. It is us that ache and yearn for them.* I hope that you'll be able to rest tonight.* Holding you in our thoughts.


I feel that yesterday helped me to feel at peace. And last night was the first night since Tesia died that I slept all night. Something did change for me yesterday. Maybe it's partly my acceptance of her death, which I think came with seeing her again. I will think of her every single day, and I will miss her forever, but I can already smile again when I think of her. I wasn't sure I would ever get there. 



Karen519 said:


> So glad you could feel us with you!
> 
> I have Smooch's paw print in clay, too, along with her ashes. Smooch and Snobear's ashes are in our family room, where we spend 80% of our time.


It took me a little while to decide where to put Tesia's ashes. I finally decided on a little side table in my bedroom - just because I know it was the room she loved the best and where she found greatest comfort at the end of her life. Three of her favourite spots to sleep were in my room, in addition to my bed. And when I miss her at night, I know she is close by. 



Buddy's mom forever said:


> Crying reading your post. You made right decision, I am so glad you did.* I wish I had a chance to see my Buddy a few days later and say final goodbye.* Hugs.


I can honestly say, it made such a difference to me. I don't know how many people take advantage of this service - I know it would be a very personal decision whether to do it. But to anyone who has the opportunity, follow your heart. It won't steer you wrong.


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## GoldenMum

What a wonderful post, you sound like you have found some closure. My first girl had osteoscaroma, and went to the bridge 25 years ago, and thoughts of her can still bring a tear. But it is happy tears, remembering the wonderful companion she was.


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## Joanne & Asia

I am so glad you followed your heart and have found a sense of peace. Tesia will always be with you in your heart and be watching over you, Everytime I walk in the area we sprinkled Gromit's ashes I stop to talk to him and it makes me feels close to him. Sending big hugs your way.


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## Sweet Girl

I felt like I was doing better. Friday felt right, I felt that Tesia was at peace. I was so helped by seeing her again.

Yesterday, I vaccuumed the house for the first time since she died. Cleaned up the fur for the last time. I washed the floors, too, which did give me a pang. No more salty paw prints on a newly cleaned floor. No more drips around the water dish. The water dish is still there, but there will never be marks on the floor around it again. I talked to her in my head as I did it. I said goodbye. I thought I was okay. Maybe something was happening subconsciously.

Last night, I couldn't sleep again. I kept thinking again of her last couple of days and the day she died. I was crying, my whole body was aching I was missing her so much. What I return to when I am upset is that I hope she wasn't scared and I hope she wasn't in pain. And I feel like I will never know. I feel like I failed her when she needed me most. I am afraid she was in pain that last morning, and it kills me. I can't even write this without starting to cry. I think she was scared and in pain. 

I thought I was doing better.


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## Lynlegs

Sorry you're having a bad time again. Grief is like that - one day we can feel better, stronger and then almost as soon as we've realised that, something can hit us and we crumble. The pain can be unimaginably bad. It's horrible, but normal. The journey through grief is not straight, nor does it always feel as if it's in the right direction.
Please be gentle on yourself and accept the pain as inevitable. It is part of the process of the acceptance of loss. Your darling girl is at peace now - try to focus on that and dismiss the painful worries and thoughts from your mind.
Three months after losing May and Alice - and with a new pup in the house - I still cry. Like now. But the pain isn't knife sharp any more and I know I'm doing ok.

Take care of yourself,
Lyn


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## ssacres

Sweet Girl said:


> I felt like I was doing better. Friday felt right, I felt that Tesia was at peace. I was so helped by seeing her again.
> 
> Yesterday, I vaccuumed the house for the first time since she died. Cleaned up the fur for the last time. I washed the floors, too, which did give me a pang. No more salty paw prints on a newly cleaned floor. No more drips around the water dish. The water dish is still there, but there will never be marks on the floor around it again. I talked to her in my head as I did it. I said goodbye. I thought I was okay. Maybe something was happening subconsciously.
> 
> Last night, I couldn't sleep again. I kept thinking again of her last couple of days and the day she died. I was crying, my whole body was aching I was missing her so much. What I return to when I am upset is that I hope she wasn't scared and I hope she wasn't in pain. And I feel like I will never know. I feel like I failed her when she needed me most. I am afraid she was in pain that last morning, and it kills me. I can't even write this without starting to cry. I think she was scared and in pain.
> 
> I thought I was doing better.


 For me I seem to do ok and then it hits me again. I wake at night thinking of my girl and I feel I cannot breath. I have never said this before because it is just to hard, but I feel so bad that the day I had Allie put to sleep she cried out when the vet put the needle in her leg. It haunts me to this day and always will. Yet we did the best we knew how to do and we loved them so very much. The pain of them being gone is just so hard. Hugs..


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## Bob Dylan

I feel so sorry for you, my heart aches knowing what you are going through. It will take time and even after much time you will still have those days of missing Tee.
I am here for you, we are all here for you! ((HUGS)) June


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## hubbub

Sweet Girl said:


> I felt like I was doing better. Friday felt right, I felt that Tesia was at peace. I was so helped by seeing her again.
> 
> Yesterday, I vaccuumed the house for the first time since she died. Cleaned up the fur for the last time. I washed the floors, too, which did give me a pang. No more salty paw prints on a newly cleaned floor. No more drips around the water dish. The water dish is still there, but there will never be marks on the floor around it again. I talked to her in my head as I did it. I said goodbye. I thought I was okay. Maybe something was happening subconsciously.
> 
> Last night, I couldn't sleep again. I kept thinking again of her last couple of days and the day she died. I was crying, my whole body was aching I was missing her so much. What I return to when I am upset is that I hope she wasn't scared and I hope she wasn't in pain. And I feel like I will never know. I feel like I failed her when she needed me most. I am afraid she was in pain that last morning, and it kills me. I can't even write this without starting to cry. I think she was scared and in pain.
> 
> I thought I was doing better.


Like the others have said, grief is like that. It's probably that the cleaning set you back and made the pain feel so raw again. 

Looking back it's easy to beat up on ourselves for what we "could/should/might" have done or known. No one could read your posts and think that you were making decisions without Tesia's best interest at heart. I don't doubt that Tesia was aware of that during her every waking moment. 

Speaking for myself, as my girl's chemo treatments have progressed, her recovery time has increased too. I can't tell you how much I was beating myself up after the last treatment - doubts creep in at every moment, but in my heart, I know I'm doing the right thing. Do I cry for her? Absolutely. Do I also cry for me? Yes.

Caring for someone 24/7 like you did puts all your senses on HIGH. Emotions are quickly compartmentalized to help us move on and we promise ourselves we'll deal with them later or say we're not that stressed. The truth is that afterwards, our emotions are like a jack in the box, all wound up and just waiting to pop out when you least expect it. <<HUGS>>


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## Thalie

She was not scared because you were with her. She spent her last hours sleeping close to you; her last minutes being petted by you. She knew you were there and she drew peace from it. She was not in pain because she got the painkiller injection at the vet. You gave her the last possible gift; a peaceful, painless, and loving departure.

The only loved being I have ever lost is my mother. Moving to a new version of daily life without a loved one takes time; it is a two steps ahead, one step back slow and painful dance. There is guilt and anger; it is a journey that each of us takes at one's own pace. I so wish we could take some of the burden of this journey off your shoulders.


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## ChasingChase

We've all been there, it will take time but please don't blame yourself. You did everything you could and you were able to be there by her side until the end. That made her feel most at peace I'm sure. We had to have our childhood dog put to sleep at the end, he was a 19 yr old jack russell and it was absolutely time but I still had those thoughts of what if he would've been okay, was it too soon, was he in pain, etc. Then every time I thought of him I pictured him there at the vet and I would lose it. But I do know he was at peace surrounded by people he loved, and that made him more happy and comfortable than anything. It just takes time but you'll get there. Don't be too hard on yourself!


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## HolDaisy

You didn't fail Tee at all, you did everything and more that you possibly could and she knew that. You were her entire life, she loved you so much and you were right by her side every single step of the way. She was a lucky girl to have you as her Mom.

Hubbub is right, it's the cleaning up that has set you back since Friday. I remember cleaning everywhere when we had lost Daisy and it felt like I was erasing her from the house  I wasn't, but you can't help but feel like it. There are certain spots in the house where Daisy would lie down and places outside she loved and they will always be hers. Sammy sits in different places but when he goes in one of her spots it makes me smile to think of her. 

It's still very, very early days for you in this process and everything you're feeling is normal. It's going to take time but I promise that you will start to feel better over the coming months. Right now you can't see how you ever will, but you will...and Tee will be watching over you to make sure.


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## PrincessDi

Wish that I could be there to give a real hug, not just cyber. Have been thinking about you this weekend. Tesia knows that you did everything that you could do for her. One of the ugly faces of grieving is the self doubt. Your girl would not want you to be so hard on yourself.


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## SandyK

I agree with what everyone has told you. You did not fail Tesia, you both loved each other so much, and most importantly you were by her side every step of the way. Grief just takes time and it will have its ups and downs. I also agree that cleaning was a trigger...but you will have other times to cry as well...there is no escaping missing your baby. Take care!!


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## goldy1

You were wonderful throughout Tesia's illness. No one could have done better. You and Tesia shared something rare and special. She is at peace now.


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## Sydney's Mom

Just to echo what everyone else has said - you did not fail T. She was *not *scared because you were with her.

If you had taken her the day before you would be in a completely different frame of self-doubt because that day the vets told you she wasn't ready to go. So you would be doubting your decision and wondering if you gave up too soon. And that's something that would haunt you.

You did EVERYTHING you could do. Find peace in that. Find peace in the fact that you loved T so much you tried everything you could possibly do to keep you together - but let her go once you realized there wasn't anything else you could do. You took her to the vet early that day because you didn't want her to wait until the afternoon. There's the proof that you didn't fail her.


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## swishywagga

I totally agree with what everyone else has said. There is no one in this whole world that could have been a better mom to Tee, she knew that all through her life right till the end. Please don't be so hard on yourself, you are an amazing person. All of us will always be here for you, I hope you have a better day today. Take care x


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## Sweet Girl

hubbub said:


> Like the others have said, grief is like that. It's probably that the cleaning set you back and made the pain feel so raw again.
> 
> Looking back it's easy to beat up on ourselves for what we "could/should/might" have done or known. No one could read your posts and think that you were making decisions without Tesia's best interest at heart. I don't doubt that Tesia was aware of that during her every waking moment.





Sydney's Mom said:


> Just to echo what everyone else has said - you did not fail T. She was *not *scared because you were with her.
> 
> If you had taken her the day before you would be in a completely different frame of self-doubt because that day the vets told you she wasn't ready to go. So you would be doubting your decision and wondering if you gave up too soon. And that's something that would haunt you.
> 
> You did EVERYTHING you could do. Find peace in that. Find peace in the fact that you loved T so much you tried everything you could possibly do to keep you together - but let her go once you realized there wasn't anything else you could do. You took her to the vet early that day because you didn't want her to wait until the afternoon. There's the proof that you didn't fail her.


I thnk you - and everyone here - who has posted similar sentiments. I appreciate the reassurance. 

*But here is what is haunting me:* when the oncologist prescribed the first chemo, her Sashas Blend and Deramaxx were pulled because neither could be taken at the same time. AND WE DIDN'T REPLACE THEM. My 12 year old dog was suddenly on no daily joint supplement or painkiller. I naively thought that the chemo would make her feel better, and so I didn't even think about the fact that she wasn't on a painkiller anymore. My dog had aggressive cancer and was on no pain relief. About eight weeks later, I knew she was having joint pain, and I started giving her fish oil, but I don't think it ever built up enough to help (she took it for about 3 or 4 weeks, until she stopped eating). It was only the Saturday before the Tuesday that she died that I asked the oncologist about putting her back on a daily painkiller in another class because she was so clearly striggling on the stairs and I was starting to carry her up them, and I was lifting her onto my bed (which I finally pulled back onto the floor). He gave me Tramadol x twice a day. I only ever got one single Tramadol into her because she stopped eating and wouldn't take a Pill Pocket or anything else. The Monday when I took her to my own vet, we were so focused on the not eating. She gave her an anti-nausea injection, but we didn't even consider a painkiller injection. And so that night, that overnight period, I _know_ she was in pain. And I couldn't do anything. I couldn't get a Tramadol into her. She was standing frozen at 2:30 in the morning, unwilling to move. I carried her inside when we went out that night, I carried her up and down the stairs. When she was backing herself into the corner of my kitchen - that HAD to be because she was in pain and scared. I am haunted by this. I feel ill and I hate myself that I allowed it to happen. Yes, I took her in early Tuesday morning, and the first thing we did was give her a pain injection, but HOW COULD I HAVE ALLOWED IT TO GET TO THAT POINT? I said I would do anything for my beloved dog, and I didn't. I allowed her pain meds to be pulled and didn't ask for new ones. I stupidly thought the cancer treatments would prevent pain. I feel so stupid and I feel like I failed her.


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## Brinkleythegolden

Sweet Girl, you did NOT fail Tee. She had so much going on, and you did what was best for her. I think what you are experiencing is a common part of grief, because when Fozzie died, I too thought that I hadn't done enough for him. Please be assured that you will get through this.


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## GoldenCamper

I was worried about this. We tend to second guess things after a passing. You did right by her.

Could have, should have. It will drive you nuts. Don't go there.


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## goldy1

I am worried that you're second guessing yourself. You did the best you could with the information you had EVERY day of Tesia's life. She was always first and foremost.

Please don't go in that direction. We all are only human and even the doctors don't have all the answers and cures in complicated cases like Tesia's. You may need to think through everything now that you have the time to reflect - and this reflection may even be cathartic. But I know that you did EVERYTHING humanly possible for her. It was just her time. I truly believe that. Every living creature now on earth will have to face mortality.

Knowing that doesn't make it easier - but I know you always did the best for Tesia and she will always love you for loving her so much.

Please take care of yourself now. We all care.


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## GoldensGirl

Sweet Girl said:


> I stupidly thought the cancer treatments would prevent pain.


Read this. Read it again. And again if you need to. You thought the cancer treatments would prevent pain. You probably even thought - as I would have - that caring vets would prescribe a pain med if it was needed.

The only thing you can do now to hurt your girl is to torture yourself this way. She wanted and wants nothing more than for you to love her and to be happy. All of us know that happiness comes slowly after losing a dog who was loved so much, but please don't destroy the beauty of your last weeks with her by focusing only on what you didn't know and didn't do. You did for her what you knew to do and you gave her what she needed to the best of your ability at the time, following the guidance of her vets. That is all that any of us can do.

I wish that I could hold you close and repeat these things over and over again until you believe them.

Peace be with you.


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## HolDaisy

You really did do the best for Tee. Try not to beat yourself up, you did everything you could - and you know that if there had been anything else you could have done to help her that you would have done. You were constantly researching and asking for advice on foods/medication etc... and you did not fail her at all, not for one moment. Look after yourself, we understand what it's like


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## Sydney's Mom

Ok. So I want to say that I hear what you are saying and I understand why you're feeling like this. 

BUT, I agree with everything Golden Girl and everyone else said. In the moment, you made the best decisions you could. Tee wanted nothing else than to be with you and always felt safe when she was with you. If you can, please try to put that time in the kitchen out of your mind. When animals are sick they can do a lot of things out of character. She was likely disoriented - didn't your vet even say that? Not scared. Why else would she let you lift her everywhere - she trusted you.

Nothing is ever good about the last final days when they're so sick. Try to remember all the happy times you had with her and *DO NOT FORGET THAT SHE WAS ALWAYS HAPPY TO BE WITH YOU AND FELT SAFE WITH YOU.*

Let me know if you want to go drinking. kidding (kinda).


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## FinnTastic

No words. I'm deeply sorry for your loss and was so hoping you would have more time.
Rest sweet girl . . . you are missed.


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## SandyK

I agree so much with what Goldengirl said. Also, I think when you are upset and grieving you tend to really think about negative things like you are doing. Tough times you are going through and I hope they will start to ease for you real soon.


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## Buddysmyheart

We have ALL been there with these feelings of doubt, the "what-ifs?" I finally had to accept that I would never have all the answers to my questions. The doctors did their best, but much was a guessing game and trial and error with meds. I have gone through this with every dog we ever had. You always think you didn't do enough. What I DO know now is that, every dog I've ever had was loved, well taken care of, healthy food, warm bed, lots of play and toys - cherished. Just like Tesia. She knew you loved her, and that you were her best friend. You always had her best interest at heart. When some time passes, that will become clear. Be kind to yourself, and let all the sweet, wonderful memories take over. Tesia and all of our Bridge babies are in God's hands now where they are forever safe, whole and very much loved. ((Hugs))


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## PrincessDi

Could not begin to tell you how many times I marvelled at your strength and persistence to provide the best care for Tesia! You were the very best Mommy! As GoldenGirl wrote, the vets are the ones that have experience to prescribe pain medication. I'm so sorry that you are going through this terrible time.


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## Sweet Girl

Thank you. This is just eating me up. I'm going to think about this for a little while. I just don't know how to get by this awful feeling. Her whole life I made sure she had everything she needed - tons of exercise, tons of love, good food, regular vet care, regular grooming, meds when she got arthritis, a comfortable bed (mine)... And I just can't get over the fact that maybe when she needed me most, I failed her.


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## Lynlegs

Try to hear what we're all saying to you. Try to question your doubts and feelings of guilt. Try to accept that you did all you could for the right reasons. 

We all find things we would have done differently in retrospect - life is like that. All we can do is our best at the time. There is nothing to be gained by the pain you are suffering with this guilt.

Do you trust your friends here? Do you trust that they love and have loved as you have? We DO understand. Please let us all help you. Please believe what we say, for it is the truth. You could not have loved her better. You have nothing to be guilty about. Spend some time thinking about the rest of Tesia's life - before she was ill. All the walks and games and fun she had with you. What a lucky lucky girl. If only all dogs could have a life like that.

Hugs to you Sweet Girl,

Lyn


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## Brinkleythegolden

Well said, Lyn.


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## swishywagga

Your so right Lyn. Sending big, extra special hugs across the miles to you, take care and please, please don't be so hard on yourself x


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## Fella 77

SG...I can really relate to everything you are saying and going through. I am still beating myself up with questions about how I cared for Sadie up until she passed..did I make the right decisions regarding her care...was she in pain? did I let it go too long? All you can do is trust your vet, and be there for your dog. You absolutely did the right things for Tess and you were there for her when she needed you and that's what is important. I waited almost three weeks after they called to pick up Sadie's ashes. I brought all her leftover food and medicine to donate to the clinic. I didn't really think it would be a tough thing to do. But I found myself frozen with grief and sadness once I got in the parking lot. I think I sat in my truck for a half hour crying before I went in...I could barley speak to the girls once I got in there, and sat in the car with her remains for another half hour crying once I left. You think your getting better..your starting to get over it..then you find a golden hair in your food, or a toy under the bed...and it all comes rushing back..the pain, the guilt, the doubt. You cared for her the best she could have been cared for..you loved her as much as you possibly could..and you were there for her in her last moments....and that's all that matters. I am finding with two new dogs in the house, it's a little better, but the pain and grief is still there..I still get emotional when I think of Sadie, and that will never go away..but having the new dogs in my life seems to be a pleasant distraction from mulling over all the other stuff in my head. So far every time I get sad about Sadie, one of the new dogs seems to find me and lick my tears away..


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## Sweet Girl

Lynlegs said:


> Try to hear what we're all saying to you. Try to question your doubts and feelings of guilt. Try to accept that you did all you could for the right reasons.
> 
> We all find things we would have done differently in retrospect - life is like that. All we can do is our best at the time. There is nothing to be gained by the pain you are suffering with this guilt.
> 
> Do you trust your friends here? Do you trust that they love and have loved as you have? We DO understand. Please let us all help you. Please believe what we say, for it is the truth. You could not have loved her better. You have nothing to be guilty about.* Spend some time thinking about the rest of Tesia's life - before she was ill. All the walks and games and fun she had with you. What a lucky lucky girl. If only all dogs could have a life like that.*
> 
> Hugs to you Sweet Girl,
> 
> Lyn


This is what I wish I could do. I keep saying to myself, you had 12 years and two months of the best life together. No regrets. She was adored and I loved spending time with her and being out at the park or in the woods or at the beach with her. I loved just watching TV with her scrunched up against me.

We had two months of sick, and less than two days of very sick. But right now, those two days are still so prominent in my head. I am hoping with time that those days will fade, and the previous 12 years will take over. 



Fella 77 said:


> SG...I can really relate to everything you are saying and going through. I am still beating myself up with questions about how I cared for Sadie up until she passed..did I make the right decisions regarding her care...was she in pain? did I let it go too long? All you can do is trust your vet, and be there for your dog. You absolutely did the right things for Tess and you were there for her when she needed you and that's what is important. I waited almost three weeks after they called to pick up Sadie's ashes. I brought all her leftover food and medicine to donate to the clinic. I didn't really think it would be a tough thing to do. But I found myself frozen with grief and sadness once I got in the parking lot. I think I sat in my truck for a half hour crying before I went in...I could barley speak to the girls once I got in there, and sat in the car with her remains for another half hour crying once I left. You think your getting better..your starting to get over it..then you find a golden hair in your food, or a toy under the bed...and it all comes rushing back..the pain, the guilt, the doubt. You cared for her the best she could have been cared for..you loved her as much as you possibly could..and you were there for her in her last moments....and that's all that matters. I am finding with two new dogs in the house, it's a little better, but the pain and grief is still there..I still get emotional when I think of Sadie, and that will never go away..but having the new dogs in my life seems to be a pleasant distraction from mulling over all the other stuff in my head. So far every time I get sad about Sadie, one of the new dogs seems to find me and lick my tears away..


It does sound like we're going though similar times, and I am so sorry for your loss. You said exactly how I have been feeling - I think I'm doing better and then something comes crashing in on me, and I am crying and grieving again. One thing that helped me a lot was that one of my vets called yesterday. I had dropped off a gift for everyone at the clinic and she called to say thank you. Then she asked how I'm doing... 

What was good was that she told me that she went through the same thing with her cat. All the same emotions, and she's a vet! She totally questioned if she had missed something, if her cat suffered because she didn't realize he was sick (she had another very sick cat at the same time - he had cancer - and she was focused on him). She wound up losing both very close together, the one expected but then when her second guy died, she was consumed with guilt. 

But she walked through the last 48 hours with me. (She wasn't the one I was at the clinic with; she is on mat leave, but she saw Tee the Saturday before she died and we have stayed in touch through this illness, and she knows what all happened). One of the things that has been bothering me so much, as you know, was the lack of pain medication. But she reminded me that I did get a Tramadol into Tee Saturday night, and she said it would have taken effect within 10 minutes, so she would have been feeling okay. So the fact that she wouldn't eat Sunday morning probably was not due to pain. It was probably that she was just feeling crummy from the cancer. And while she had no painkiller all day Sunday or Monday, she said, if (my other vet) had seen signs of great pain on the Monday when we were in for the anti-nausea, she would have given her a pain injection. So I _do_ know that pain was not evident at that point; it was not our focus. We had been at the park Sunday afternoon and she played a little ball - and would have played more had I not cut it short out of concern of her overdoing it). She was bright and alert and responsive Monday, in spite of not eating. It was Monday evening and overnight that were bad. And she did get a pain injection Tuesday, as soon as we arrived at the clinic. 

I know it helped me hugely to talk to her about this yesterday. I am hoping it is going to help me accept those last two days and help me to make peace with them. 

It also has been really helpful to be able to talk about it here. I am truly moved by the absolute support from everyone here. I honestly don't think I would have made it through this without the ability to share all this and hear from all of you with your advice and comfort and care. Thank you.


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## Lynlegs

You will get there. You will. 
Sending love and hugs,

Lyn


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## Brinkleythegolden

Sweet Girl, I am so glad you talked to the vet. Like Lyn said, you will get there. I didn't think I would when I lost Fozzie last year, but I am much better than I was. It just takes time. Sending positive vibes your way...


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## beemerdog

I don't know if this would help her. I've heard that smoking marijuana will reduce nausea and increase appetite with people that have gone and are going through chemo.. 

Don't get me wrong, I am NOT advocating you roll a doobie for your dog. I've never used it and with my health problems I probably never will. I was just wondering if blowing some pot smoke in her face or a piece of pot cookie would help relieve her discomfort.

I realize that this is probably not a good idea, but, its an idea.

O.K. now let the poop be flung on my lawn.


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## dborgers

> But right now, those two days are still so prominent in my head. I am hoping with time that those days will fade, and the previous 12 years will take over.


Trauma is like that. The goldens I've had to say goodbye to to my sister lying in an ICU. Those last moments are so traumatic they're the ones that stick to the brain and have the ability to cover all that's come before. It is true that with time those days become more and more translucent. Eventually the years of happiness shine through brightly and the trauma recedes where it doesn't have the power to block all that came before, which in your case were years and years of happiness and good health.

You were a wonderful mom to Tesia. As time goes by you'll think less and less of what was really a vert tiny portion of her life with you. As your vet said, she wasn't in pain. And you were there with her every step of the way ... the most comforting thing to her of all.


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## Anders&Aureus

*Condolences*

I am a recent addition to this forum and came across your thread. Just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I've been heartbroken just reading your story and know how difficult it is at this time to remember the good times without breaking down. Wishing you the best and hoping you have a strong family to keep you company in your time of need.


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## Sweet Girl

dborgers said:


> *Trauma is like that. The goldens I've had to say goodbye to to my sister lying in an ICU. Those last moments are so traumatic they're the ones that stick to the brain and have the ability to cover all that's come before. It is true that with time those days become more and more translucent.* Eventually the years of happiness shine through brightly and the trauma recedes where it doesn't have the power to block all that came before, which in your case were years and years of happiness and good health.
> 
> You were a wonderful mom to Tesia. As time goes by you'll think less and less of what was really a vert tiny portion of her life with you. As your vet said, she wasn't in pain. And you were there with her every step of the way ... the most comforting thing to her of all.


Thank you. Right now, knowing others have had similar experiences, and that things have gotten better, really is comforting to me. It definitely helped to speak to my vet Monday about it. The hard thing is knowing that I will never know if she was scared or in pain. No matter how much I cry, or worry, or play it back, I will never know. All I can do is hope she knew I was there, hope she could smell me, hope she could hear me talking softly into her ear, and feel me kissing her sweet head and face. (And I can only hope she didn't mind the tears making her head and ears wet).


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## xoerika620xo

Sweet Girl said:


> Thank you. Right now, knowing others have had similar experiences, and that things have gotten better, really is comforting to me. It definitely helped to speak to my vet Monday about it. The hard thing is knowing that I will never know if she was scared or in pain. No matter how much I cry, or worry, or play it back, I will never know. All I can do is hope she knew I was there, hope she could smell me, hope she could hear me talking softly into her ear, and feel me kissing her sweet head and face. (And I can only hope she didn't mind the tears making her head and ears wet).


I'm sure she did! from the way you speak about Tee im sure she knew you were there. she knows you love her soooo much. She knows your going to be ok. Were all here for you.


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## Karen519

*Sweet Girl*



Sweet Girl said:


> Thank you. Right now, knowing others have had similar experiences, and that things have gotten better, really is comforting to me. It definitely helped to speak to my vet Monday about it. The hard thing is knowing that I will never know if she was scared or in pain. No matter how much I cry, or worry, or play it back, I will never know. All I can do is hope she knew I was there, hope she could smell me, hope she could hear me talking softly into her ear, and feel me kissing her sweet head and face. (And I can only hope she didn't mind the tears making her head and ears wet).


Sweet Girl:

I am sure Tesia knew you were there holding her and loving her and that's all our dogs REALLY WANT from us. You were a wonderful Mom.
I can assure you that things will get better. We all give one another hope.


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## swishywagga

Tesia would have sensed you were there, she knew just how much she was loved. Things will begin to get easier. Our thoughts are with you and we will always be here for you. Sending you big hugs.


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## goldy1

Sweet Girl,

I think of you each day and hope you will find your own way to cope with the awful grief you are feeling.

One of my friends dealt with a deep grief when she lost her Brutus 3 years ago. The guilt she felt ( she did EVERYTHING she humanly could also) was haunting her. It was truly heartbreaking that after a year she would still feel the pain as if it has been only a day, not a year. She found a grief counselor and joined a group that helped her a lot.

I looked online and found an article about some "pet loss" groups that meet in the Toronto area: The Metro Toronto Animal Loss Support Group meets once a month.
This may or may not be something that you would be comfortable with but you could try it and see. Personally I know therapy can help greatly for some people. Maybe you could ask your vets or people you trust what they think.
The article below gives the details.

*http://www.examiner.com/article/pet-loss-support-toronto*

I think about what you are going through and my heart aches. I think about Chance and what decisions I would make for him if I were in your shoes. I have learned so much from your posts. Thank you for your courage to share what you went through. I don't know if I could but I thank you for it.

Please take care of yourself now.


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## PrincessDi

goldy1 said:


> Sweet Girl,
> 
> I think of you each day and hope you will find your own way to cope with the awful grief you are feeling.
> 
> One of my friends dealt with a deep grief when she lost her Brutus 3 years ago. The guilt she felt ( she did EVERYTHING she humanly could also) was haunting her. It was truly heartbreaking that after a year she would still feel the pain as if it has been only a day, not a year. She found a grief counselor and joined a group that helped her a lot.
> 
> I looked online and found an article about some "pet loss" groups that meet in the Toronto area: The Metro Toronto Animal Loss Support Group meets once a month.
> This may or may not be something that you would be comfortable with but you could try it and see. Personally I know therapy can help greatly for some people. Maybe you could ask your vets or people you trust what they think.
> The article below gives the details.
> 
> *http://www.examiner.com/article/pet-loss-support-toronto*
> 
> I think about what you are going through and my heart aches. I think about Chance and what decisions I would make for him if I were in your shoes. I have learned so much from your posts. Thank you for your courage to share what you went through. I don't know if I could but I thank you for it.
> 
> Please take care of yourself now.


 
Couldn't agree more with Goldy's post. 

I think about your frequently as well. Grieving is different for everyone and the time frame is different for everyone as well. My heart aches for you too. Can't begin to express how touched I was by sweet Tesia and what a wonderful Mommy you were to her. Your devotion and love for each other will last an eternity. They say that hearing is the last sense to leave one. I'm sure that if she couldn't see you, she heard you and sensed your love for her. That and all of the wonderful memories that you shared over the years is what Tesia took to the bridge with her. That will stay alive for you and her as she waits for the day that you will be together again.

I know how difficult the days, weeks and months are after losing a special goldie. Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers for strength to get through this difficult time.


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## Sweet Girl

goldy1 said:


> Sweet Girl,
> 
> I think of you each day and hope you will find your own way to cope with the awful grief you are feeling.
> 
> One of my friends dealt with a deep grief when she lost her Brutus 3 years ago. The guilt she felt ( she did EVERYTHING she humanly could also) was haunting her. It was truly heartbreaking that after a year she would still feel the pain as if it has been only a day, not a year. She found a grief counselor and joined a group that helped her a lot.
> 
> I looked online and found an article about some "pet loss" groups that meet in the Toronto area: The Metro Toronto Animal Loss Support Group meets once a month.
> This may or may not be something that you would be comfortable with but you could try it and see. Personally I know therapy can help greatly for some people. Maybe you could ask your vets or people you trust what they think.
> The article below gives the details.
> 
> *http://www.examiner.com/article/pet-loss-support-toronto*
> 
> I think about what you are going through and my heart aches. I think about Chance and what decisions I would make for him if I were in your shoes. I have learned so much from your posts. *Thank you for your courage to share what you went through. I don't know if I could but I thank you for it.*
> 
> Please take care of yourself now.


Thank you for reading it all, and caring so much. It has helped me to write about it here. I honestly spent three hours in the middle of the night about two weeks ago, googling pet loss support Toronto. That was when I was deep in the guilt and grief about her final hours. Writing about it here helped a lot, and then talking to my vet got me thinking about it differently, which was a big help. But I definitely have all the contacts for the group and for pet bereavement counselling in my back pocket. It's good to know they are there, and really, it's good to know you all are here. Thank you.


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## Buddy's mom forever

You wouldn't believe how many days I was on the computer and the only line I had in my search was "my dog died today". I don't even know what I was hoping to read, maybe some kind of miracle that one came back again. Now when I look back on to these days I just remember how I felt emotionally, all other things are so foggy. I am not so much of support, it is not good influence to see someone grieving so long, I hope and pray it lasts shorter for others, but I cant help it. I am thinking of you, hugs.


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## swishywagga

Thinking of you everyday, hoping that with each day that passes you will begin to take those small steps to help you feel better again which will eventually lead to the bigger ones that will make you smile again. Take good care of yourself.


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## Sweet Girl

Buddy's mom forever said:


> You wouldn't believe how many days I was on the computer and the only line I had in my search was "my dog died today". I don't even know what I was hoping to read, maybe some kind of miracle that one came back again. Now when I look back on to these days I just remember how I felt emotionally, all other things are so foggy. I am not so much of support, it is not good influence to see someone grieving so long, I hope and pray it lasts shorter for others, but I cant help it. I am thinking of you, hugs.


Oh, this touched my heart. I have come to the conclusion that I was utterly traumatized by the day of Tesia's death and in shock for the first 3 days afterwards, because I was in such a haze. All I did was cry. My whole body hurt. I didn't eat. And I sat at my computer and searched "My dog died," too. I think I was hoping someone would be able to tell me how to make the pain stop. I know in that first couple of days, part of me couldn't believe that she wasn't coming back. I'm sorry that you went through this kind of grief, too. Everyone keeps telling me time will help. But I know it will never take away the pain. It might lessen it, but I know it will never go away.


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## Sweet Girl

Buddy's Mom Forever: I just went back and read your thread "I miss my buddy." It made me cry. I could so feel and understand your grief. And I could have written this, just changing the he and him for she and her:

*He took with him a huge chunk of my heart and it still hurts a lot. He was the one who changed my life forever, taught me a lot. The only thing he did not teach me is how to live without him. *

I, too, cried when three days after Tesia died, we got the biggest snowfall Toronto has had in five years. It felt so unfair. 

Your Buddy's birthday, November 22, was the date I brought Tesia home in 2000.


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## Finn's Fan

Sweet Girl, time does help, not because the pain goes away but because you learn to live with it. Instead of feeling that stabbing grief every moment of every day, the grief tucks itself away, becoming a stealth bomber that will hit you when you least expect it. That doesn't sound very nice, but in a weird way, it is. When you still cry five or seven or fifteen years later, you know that you had a great love and that beloved animal is still very much a part of you. In the meantime, I wish I could help you fast forward through this part, but sadly, it must be lived in order to get to the other side. I've no doubt that my angel Cody is sharing all the treats at the Bridge with sweet Tesia....


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## GoldensGirl

When my Sabrina died several years ago, our vet gave me a printed copy of a piece that I have come to cherish. Written by American playwright Eugene O'Neill to comfort his wife after the death of a beloved dog, this touches my heart and may be of help to you: The Last Will and Testament of Silverdene Emblem O'Neill.

Here are a few favorite passages:
"I ask my Master and Mistress to remember me always, but not to grieve for me too long. In my life I have tried to be a comfort to them in time of sorrow, and a reason for added joy in their happiness. It is painful for me to think that even in death I should cause them pain. Let them remember that while no dog has ever had a happier life (and this I owe to their love and care for me), now that I have grown blind and deaf and lame...I feel life is taunting me with having over-lingered my welcome. It is time I said good-bye, before I become too sick a burden on myself and on those who love me. It will be sorrow to leave them, but not a sorrow to die...

"One last request I earnestly make. I have heard my Mistress say, 'When Blemie dies we must never have another dog. I love him so much I could never love another one.' Now I would ask her, for love of me, to have another. It would be a poor tribute to my memory never to have a dog again. What I would like to feel is that, having once had me in the family, now she cannot live without a dog!...

"One last word of farewell, Dear Master and Mistress. Whenever you visit my grave, say to yourselves with regret but also with happiness in your hearts at the remembrance of my long happy life with you: 'Here lies one who loved us and whom we loved.' No matter how deep my sleep I shall hear you, and not all the power of death can keep my spirit from wagging a grateful tail."

Peace be with you.
Lucy


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## dborgers

Stopping by to let you know we're thinking of you 

GoldensGirl, that was beautiful ... Expresses how I learned to feel about it after losing my first golden, Buddy. No coincidence how helping other dogs helped me. It's what he would have wanted too. I think of his gratefully wagging tail when I feel the wind on a beautiful, sunny day


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## Sweet Girl

Finn's Fan said:


> Sweet Girl, time does help, not because the pain goes away but because you learn to live with it.* Instead of feeling that stabbing grief every moment of every day, the grief tucks itself away, becoming a stealth bomber that will hit you when you least expect it.* That doesn't sound very nice, but in a weird way, it is. When you still cry five or seven or fifteen years later, *you know that you had a great love and that beloved animal is still very much a part of you.* In the meantime, I wish I could help you fast forward through this part, but sadly, it must be lived in order to get to the other side. I've no doubt that my angel Cody is sharing all the treats at the Bridge with sweet Tesia....


This is happening even now. I was just telling my neighbours last night - I don't even know what triggers it sometimes. I am sitting there, and suddenly I am crying. I assume these bouts will become less frequent over the years, but I know I will always grieve for her. She will always be part of me, for sure. And I do think that her sweet soul is at the Bridge, waiting with all the other beloved dogs, like your Cody, and that I will see her again someday. 



GoldensGirl said:


> When my Sabrina died several years ago, our vet gave me a printed copy of a piece that I have come to cherish. Written by American playwright Eugene O'Neill to comfort his wife after the death of a beloved dog, this touches my heart and may be of help to you: The Last Will and Testament of Silverdene Emblem O'Neill.
> 
> Here are a few favorite passages:
> "I ask my Master and Mistress to remember me always, but not to grieve for me too long. In my life I have tried to be a comfort to them in time of sorrow, and a reason for added joy in their happiness. It is painful for me to think that even in death I should cause them pain. Let them remember that while no dog has ever had a happier life (and this I owe to their love and care for me), now that I have grown blind and deaf and lame...I feel life is taunting me with having over-lingered my welcome. It is time I said good-bye, before I become too sick a burden on myself and on those who love me. It will be sorrow to leave them, but not a sorrow to die...
> 
> "One last request I earnestly make. I have heard my Mistress say, 'When Blemie dies we must never have another dog. I love him so much I could never love another one.' Now I would ask her, for love of me, to have another. It would be a poor tribute to my memory never to have a dog again. What I would like to feel is that, having once had me in the family, now she cannot live without a dog!...
> 
> "One last word of farewell, Dear Master and Mistress. Whenever you visit my grave, say to yourselves with regret but also with happiness in your hearts at the remembrance of my long happy life with you: 'Here lies one who loved us and whom we loved.' No matter how deep my sleep I shall hear you, and not all the power of death can keep my spirit from wagging a grateful tail."
> 
> Peace be with you.
> Lucy


Lucy, thank you. I am going to print this out. The passages you highlighted are wonderful, especially the one about not being able to live without a dog. I know it is going to be a struggle for me to get another dog, never wanting to diminish my memories of Tesia. But it may be that she, too, would want me to have another dog. She certainly was never a jealous type, either, and loved without discrimination. 

I hope she never felt a burden on me. She was never, ever a burden. I would have continued to do anything I could for her. I know it all became too hard for her, though. 

One part made me smile. The part about how dogs do not waste their days hoarding property. When I told my sister how many tennis balls I gathered up from my garage and car, she said Tesia was clearly a rare breed, known as a Golden Hoarder. There were 115 tennis balls, collected from various parks and woods. They're now all in a basket in my living room. 



dborgers said:


> Stopping by to let you know we're thinking of you
> 
> GoldensGirl, that was beautiful ... Expresses how I learned to feel about it after losing my first golden, Buddy. No coincidence how helping other dogs helped me. It's what he would have wanted too. I think of his gratefully wagging tail when I feel the wind on a beautiful, sunny day


Thanks you. It really IS beautiful, isn't it? I know that I already miss having a dog in my life, though I can't get another one right now while I am grieving so much for Tesia. But last night, I saw my two neighbours, the ones Tesia and I saw that last night of her life outside, and it was just so nice to hug and pat their dogs. It felt therapeutic, even though it made me cry. One is a yellow Lab, and one is a Golden Doodle. The Doodle just came and pressed his head into me, the same way Tee used to, and just stood there, the way Tee used to. It felt like he knew I was sad and someone was missing.


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## GoldensGirl

Sweet Girl said:


> This is happening even now. I was just telling my neighbours last night - I don't even know what triggers it sometimes. I am sitting there, and suddenly I am crying. I assume these bouts will become less frequent over the years, but I know I will always grieve for her. She will always be part of me, for sure. And I do think that her sweet soul is at the Bridge, waiting with all the other beloved dogs, like your Cody, and that I will see her again someday.


It hasn't been long at all since you lost Tesia, you know. In my experience, bouts of tears are simply a normal part of grieving for at least a month or two. Tearing up when thinking about a departed dog remains normal for months or even years later, but there does come a time when you remember them with a smile for all the joy they brought and save the tears for when something makes you focus on the last hours of their lives. 

Be gentle with yourself and focus on things that make you happy. More than anything else, Tesia wanted you to be happy and she would want you to aim for that now. I think we actually serve and honor the memory of them better when we don't cling to grief, though I do know that is easier said than done.

Holding you gently in my thoughts and prayers,
Lucy


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## hotel4dogs

The thing that comforted me the most right after my Toby died was the thought,
"whisper my name in your heart, and I will be there".
He is always with me.


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## Sweet Girl

hotel4dogs said:


> The thing that comforted me the most right after my Toby died was the thought,
> "whisper my name in your heart, and I will be there".
> He is always with me.


Getting all teary again. I do feel like she is always with me, too. I told her when she died that she would be taking a piece of my heart with her, but that I would keep a part of hers with me. That comforts me the same way - even though writing about it here is making the tears flow.


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## ssacres

It is almost 8 months since Allie Bean passed. Although it gets more distant the pain is still there. It suspect it alway will be. One day at a time. Somedays are better than others. I ask myself sometimes if I would give up all the years with her to not feel this pain. Of course the answer to that is no. As hard as it is without her. Take care of yourself. Your girl is still in your heart. Always will be.


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## Sweet Girl

GoldensGirl said:


> *It hasn't been long at all since you lost Tesia, you know. *In my experience, bouts of tears are simply a normal part of grieving for at least a month or two. Tearing up when thinking about a departed dog remains normal for months or even years later, but there does come a time when you remember them with a smile for all the joy they brought and save the tears for when something makes you focus on the last hours of their lives.
> 
> Be gentle with yourself and focus on things that make you happy. More than anything else, Tesia wanted you to be happy and she would want you to aim for that now. I think we actually serve and honor the memory of them better when we don't cling to grief, though I do know that is easier said than done.
> 
> Holding you gently in my thoughts and prayers,
> Lucy


Thank you. It feels like it has been forever since I've seen her. I feel like, I shouldn't still be crying everyday. But I am. Thank you for helping me to feel like it's okay that I am.


----------



## GoldensGirl

Sweet Girl said:


> Thank you. It feels like it has been forever since I've seen her. I feel like, I shouldn't still be crying everyday. But I am. Thank you for helping me to feel like it's okay that I am.


It's okay and completely normal. And this will pass when it passes. For your sake and for Tesia's, I hope that is not too long. 

Try to focus on what is right in life now, from days getting longer to the things that make you laugh.


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## Sydney's Mom

Sweet Girl said:


> But last night, I saw my two neighbours, the ones Tesia and I saw that last night of her life outside, and it was just so nice to hug and pat their dogs. It felt therapeutic, even though it made me cry. One is a yellow Lab, and one is a Golden Doodle. The Doodle just came and pressed his head into me, the same way Tee used to, and just stood there, the way Tee used to. It felt like he knew I was sad and someone was missing.


I can offer a visit with Sydney if you want a golden to hug. She's great for crying into, she never judges.


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## HolDaisy

Thinking of you and hope that you are doing the best that you possibly can do. It's still v.v.early days for you and totally normal that you are still so upset. I constantly think of Daisy throughout the day and still get so sad that she isn't here to be friends with Sammy 
That feeling of emptiness is so familiar and it is just horrible. It will get better though and you will start to pick up on little signs from Tee that she is letting you know she is still around and taking care of you, always.


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## dborgers

You might consider contacting a golden or other rescue group and fostering for a bit. I can speak from experience:

We hadn't planned to foster, but just about 2 weeks after Buddy died in 2002 a really sweet year old German Shepherd showed up back at the neighbor's catty corner from our house, and was sleeping under the porch of their then empty house. He'd run away 6 miles from the people he was adopted to when they divorced, where they'd evidently kept him chained up outside. We fostered Angus for 3 or 4 months. I trained him, made him a website, and we found him a wonderful home on 100 acres with a veterinary chiropractor and his wife, where Angus "Gus" has lived the life of Reilly the past 11 years.

Fostering Gus helped us as much, if not more, than it helped him. Just a thought ..


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## Karen519

*Sweet Girl*

Sweet Girl

What you are feeling is completely normal-the emptiness is the hardest.
I agree with Danny that fostering might help you and help save another life.


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## SandyK

Just checking in to say I am thinking of you!!


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## Sweet Girl

Sydney's Mom said:


> I can offer a visit with Sydney if you want a golden to hug. She's great for crying into, she never judges.


Aw, thank you so much. I just might take you up on it.


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## leesooim

Sending hugs your way, Sweet Girl.


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## Sweet Girl

HolDaisy said:


> Thinking of you and hope that you are doing the best that you possibly can do. It's still v.v.early days for you and totally normal that you are still so upset. I constantly think of Daisy throughout the day and still get so sad that she isn't here to be friends with Sammy
> That feeling of emptiness is so familiar and it is just horrible. It will get better though and you will start to pick up on little signs from Tee that she is letting you know she is still around and taking care of you, always.


I just can't believe all the tears. I am still crying everyday. I am okay at work, but especially when I go to bed and she isn't there, it's still just that physical pain. The weekend is also hard because the weekend was the best time. We went to the park and everything on workdays, but weekends were when we could go and walk or play without worrying about the time (as I'm sure it is for all of you). I have a lot of empty hours now that used to be spent with her. 



dborgers said:


> You might consider contacting a golden or other rescue group and fostering for a bit. I can speak from experience:
> 
> We hadn't planned to foster, but just about 2 weeks after Buddy died in 2002 a really sweet year old German Shepherd showed up back at the neighbor's catty corner from our house, and was sleeping under the porch of their then empty house. He'd run away 6 miles from the people he was adopted to when they divorced, where they'd evidently kept him chained up outside. We fostered Angus for 3 or 4 months. I trained him, made him a website, and we found him a wonderful home on 100 acres with a veterinary chiropractor and his wife, where Angus "Gus" has lived the life of Reilly the past 11 years.
> 
> Fostering Gus helped us as much, if not more, than it helped him. Just a thought ..


I would be afraid of falling too deeply in love again with a foster - and then having to give it away. Did you find that hard? 

It probably sounds silly, but I'm not ready to have another dog in Tesia's house either. All her stuff is still out, and it would be too hard to see another dog where she is supposed to be.


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## *Laura*

It takes time for the tears to stop, but they will. ...but for now let them fall for your Tee. I think about you all the time and hope that each day things will get slightly easier for you.


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## HolDaisy

Thinking of you. I know what you mean when you said you have lots of empty hours that were spent with Tee. I used to stay home with Daisy on my own on a Friday night and for a whole year I hated that time as it was just empty where she should be. Sammy is here now keeping us busy and we love him lots, but we will miss Daisy forever. Keep talking to Tee when you're alone, her spirit is still there with you and she will hear you. Hope that your pain starts to ease a little, it honestly will do, it will just take time.


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## dborgers

> I would be afraid of falling too deeply in love again with a foster - and then having to give it away. Did you find that hard?


When they leave it's bittersweet at the moment, but knowing they found great homes and are happy as can be it's all smiles. If you fall deeply in love you'd probably want to consider adopting


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## Mirinde

I just wanted to add my hugs and love to this post. You two were such a pair. I was so sad to see this when I came back. Sometimes I don't know what we're expected to do with all the love that is still there once they are gone, but I suppose that's the trade-off for getting to love them while they're here. Take care of yourself.


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## swishywagga

Always in our thoughts. Hoping your ok. Take care.


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## Sweet Girl

Thank you for the continued good thoughts. 



Mirinde said:


> I just wanted to add my hugs and love to this post. You two were such a pair. I was so sad to see this when I came back. *Sometimes I don't know what we're expected to do with all the love that is still there once they are gone,* but I suppose that's the trade-off for getting to love them while they're here. Take care of yourself.


This is the biggest challenge right now.


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## porchpotty

I am so sorry for your loss... You're always in my thoughts and prayers.


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## dborgers

Stopping by to let you know we're thinking of you.


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## goldy1

dborgers said:


> Stopping by to let you know we're thinking of you.


Me too......


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## Fella 77

Sweet Girl
Hope you are doing better every day..I'm at 7 months and I still get bouts of tears and sadness..even when my new dogs are licking my face. Yesterday they were sitting in front of me, and I was telling them all about their sister Sadie they never met. On my way to work last week I saw an older gentleman walking two golden oldies...they were red as Irish Setters, and had snow white faces! At first it made me smile, but then a few minutes later I had tears rolling down my face..I started thinking how unfair it was that Sadie didn't make it to that age..and how much time I missed with her..So your not experiencing anything out of the ordinary. Just feel what you need to feel and if you feel sad just let it out...


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## Buddy's mom forever

You are not very far from my thoughts, hope with time passing your pain easy a little bit, I know the feeling of missing her will never go away.


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## coldair

sorry for you loss. 
goldens they seem to leave too soon but their love lasts forever.

we lost our Bailey in October and sometimes I still hear his footsteps and his collar


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## CAROLINA MOM

I wish I could take away your pain and the loss you are feeling. If we didn't love our Goldens so much, it wouldn't hurt so much. Sometimes you don't realize how much they mean to you until they're no longer with us. 

It's been two years since we lost our boy, in some ways it seems like it was only yesterday and in others, it seems like it was a lifetime ago. We think of him and miss him everyday and wish he was still with us. With time, we eventually found peace with his passing, but it doesn't keep us from missing him or thinking about him. 

Tesia will always be with you, she lives within your heart and in your soul.


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## Brinkleythegolden

Sweet Girl, it does take time. Fozzie left us almost 8 months ago, and I still think I hear him in the house, see him in the yard, and even by my bed sometimes. I don't think we ever truly get over it. Tee was truly a special girl, and you were a wonderful mom to her.


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## Sydney's Mom

Hope your days are getting brighter S.


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## Sweet Girl

It seems impossible, but Tesia died one month ago today. I feel like it was yesterday, but I also feel like I haven't seen her in a lifetime. I still think about her constantly, and I miss her so much. I am so sad without her. Yesterday on the way to work, I shuffled my iPod, and a song came on that I was listening to a lot last summer. I hadn't heard it in months, and as soon as it came on, I flashed back to driving to the beach with Tee. I got all teary and had a lump in my throat. I won't be going to the beach this summer. 



CAROLINA MOM said:


> Tesia will always be with you, she lives within your heart and in your soul.


She does. She always will. But I just wish she were still here with me in real life. 



fozziesmom said:


> Sweet Girl, it does take time. Fozzie left us almost 8 months ago, and I still think I hear him in the house, see him in the yard, and even by my bed sometimes. I don't think we ever truly get over it. Tee was truly a special girl, and you were a wonderful mom to her.


I still look for her as I pass my room, or I turn and expect to see her behind me. If I drop something and it makes a loud noise, my immediate thought is still, oh, Tee is going to be startled. I have to keep myself from automatically saying, "it's okay..." 

It's 10:30am; this is the time we went to the park everyday or for a walk, before I went to work. On workdays, it was our time. It still feels so wrong to not get up from this computer and say, "want to go to the park?"


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## Karen519

*Sweet Girl*

Sweet Girl

I know how you feel that you can't believe it's been one month already and that is seems SO MUCH longer. We never get over losing our sweet dog, we just adapt the best we can. What helps me is knowing that Ken and I will see them, again. I think it would help you so much to foster another.


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## xoerika620xo

Sweet girl, wishing you a brighter day today. Your always in my thoughts.

Hugs from chester and i


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## PrincessDi

thinking of you today on this very hard 1 month anniversary! Every milestone without them is so hard, but this mark can be especially hard. 

It seems impossible, but Tesia died one month ago today. I feel like it was yesterday, but I also feel like I haven't seen her in a lifetime. I still think about her constantly, and I miss her so much. I am so sad without her. Yesterday on the way to work, I shuffled my iPod, and a song came on that I was listening to a lot last summer. I hadn't heard it in months, and as soon as it came on, I flashed back to driving to the beach with Tee. I got all teary and had a lump in my throat. I won't be going to the beach this summer. 

I completed understand, not being able to go to the beach this summer. We've been home from SC on 1/1. I have not been able to go down to our beach. I have no idea if I'll ever be able to go down there again. I walk Bae Lee and Keeper on the forest trails. The beach is just too hard.

I think about you often and send thoughts for the strength to get thru this dark time without sweet Tesia.


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## hotel4dogs

Sending hugs. It is so very, very hard. They are such a huge part of our lives, they leave a big gaping hole when they are gone.


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## HolDaisy

Just to say thinking of you and hope that you are doing a little better? I remember how difficult those first few weeks were, the loss of a golden best friend is just unbearable.


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## puddinhd58

Sweet Girl,
I am thinking of you today. The more we love, the harder the loss. 
I understand you not being ready to have another pup in "her" things and places....it takes a long time for some people.... 
It took me over a year when I lost Rusty. 

It does get easier..... not better, but easier. Big Hugs to you today....


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## swishywagga

Always in our thoughts, knowing especially how hard the weekends are for you. Take care of yourself.


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## Lennap

I don't know how I missed this post - I just read the first entry and started bawling my eyes out - and now I can't stop. I am so sorry for your loss. It is so clear how much you two loved each other from the way you wrote that first post, and the others. While you have a network of friends here who have all been there, it does not make it any easier.

It sounds silly but Remy and I are planning to be up in Toronto for a weekend at some point between now and the end of April - he would love to give you some golden love if you wolule like.

Just keep your girl in your heart, because she is always with you. And remember most people never get the love and joy you two shared for so long - so while you are mourning your loss, thank G-d you had those years.

I need to go clean up my face now, but please know we are all here with you.


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## Karen519

*Sweet Girl*

Sweet Girl

Stopping in to say I care. My heart hurts for you!


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## Sweet Girl

Thank you all for stopping by to check in. I'm... surviving. I do find mornings and weekends hardest. I no longer have anyone to take to the park, or for a walk in the woods, or just for a walk around the neighbourhood. Or anyone just plant a kiss on, or say hello to, or to make room for on the couch. And without her, I don't really feel like doing anything else. There is still part of me that can't really believe she is gone. It is such a big difference to suddenly not be out in your neighbourhood everyday. I wonder if people who saw us everyday must know that she has died. That makes me so sad to even think about. I passed the condo building site around the corner from me yesterday and was shocked at how much of the building has gone up. I'm never out anymore. I really miss being out - I always said I loved the lifestyle of having a dog. I like walking a dog, being active. I miss having a dog. But I can't imagine having another one yet. I would be missing Tee and comparing it to Tee. Yet part of me wonders if it would help me. And when I think of that, I feel like I am betraying Tee's memory even by thinking about it. 

I still think about her constantly. She is foremost in my mind, even when I am at work. I have moments where I worry if she is okay, and then remember that she is not at my house. It's also all the little things. I was walking to my car the other night, and as I approached, I could "see" Tesia sitting up in the backseat watching for me, her ears up, leaning forward a bit. I got all teary and choked up. I still have the cover over the backseat of my car, and of course, I still have all her stuff out in my house. I know I shouldn't, but I can't get rid of it all. 

I'm sure more time will help. Thank you for caring.


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## Sweet Girl

Lennap said:


> I don't know how I missed this post - I just read the first entry and started bawling my eyes out - and now I can't stop. I am so sorry for your loss. It is so clear how much you two loved each other from the way you wrote that first post, and the others. While you have a network of friends here who have all been there, it does not make it any easier.
> 
> It sounds silly but Remy and I are planning to be up in Toronto for a weekend at some point between now and the end of April - he would love to give you some golden love if you wolule like.
> 
> Just keep your girl in your heart, because she is always with you. And remember most people never get the love and joy you two shared for so long - so while you are mourning your loss, thank G-d you had those years.
> 
> I need to go clean up my face now, but please know we are all here with you.


Thank you so much. I'm sorry I made you cry. I have been thinking about how it would be to get together with all the Toronto area GRF members who've been so sweet to me here - maybe we could do it the weekend you're here, too. I know it would be good but hard, too. Let me know if you do come up - I haven't made any moves to organize anything. Part of me worries it would be so sad to be the only one without a Golden and would just make me feel worse. Part of me feels it would be helpful. I feel like I just don't know what to do right now.


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## jealous1

You will know when it is time but please know that you are not betraying Tessa. From the obvious love the two of you shared, I think she would be heart-broken to know that you feel so alone and would want you to share the love with another. Maybe take some baby steps . . . contact a rescue to foster for a week or two (many times fosters have to go out of town for vacation/work and need someone just for that time period). Or visit your local shelter to see if you can help just visit with some of the dogs and walk them. 

When I lost my very first dog (a sheltie mix), I worried much the same as you--that I could never love another the way I loved Nikki and that wouldn't be fair to the new dog. When I went to just "look" at a litter of pups a friend had, I cried over them all the time playing with them. I came away feeling so much better and knew Nikki would never have begrudged me having another in my life. Tessa would want the same for you.


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## FeatherRiverSam

Sweet Girl said:


> Part of me worries it would be so sad to be the only one without a Golden and would just make me feel worse. Part of me feels it would be helpful. I feel like I just don't know what to do right now.


I think you'll find it very inspiring to be around all those Golden's. It took me over a year to get my next golden Woody. The area I'm in we just don't see that many Golden's. I was taking a walk one afternoon one of the many I used to take with my dear sweet bridge girl Sammie and ran into a lady playing with her golden in her backyard. 

It was your typical happy go lucky golden with a very nice owner. I ended up spending over an hour talking with her and playing with her puppy. I realized what I'd been missing and even though I'd never be able to replace Sammie another dog, a golden, would bring a smile to my face and joy back into my heart.

Enter Woodrow...a total goof ball...I've never regretted it for a minute. I think it'll be good for you...it might just give the push you need to fill that empty spot inside. These Golden's of our's are very good at that! 

Pete & Woody


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## Lennap

Sweet Girl said:


> Thank you so much. I'm sorry I made you cry. I have been thinking about how it would be to get together with all the Toronto area GRF members who've been so sweet to me here - maybe we could do it the weekend you're here, too. I know it would be good but hard, too. Let me know if you do come up - I haven't made any moves to organize anything. Part of me worries it would be so sad to be the only one without a Golden and would just make me feel worse. Part of me feels it would be helpful. I feel like I just don't know what to do right now.


 
I most definitely will let you know when we make our plans. Please know there is a whole community of people and dogs out here who know what you are going though, and are almost going through it with you. 

i remember when my boxer girl passed, I KNEW I could never get another dog, ever! Then on eday I woke up and I HAD to get another dog. It was like she came down from heaven and planted the thought in my head - like she was ok with it. Only you will know when you are ready again, and the new dog will also bring you love and joy, but you will still always love your T - she will always be in your heart and with you.

Big huge hugs to you!


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## hubbub

Take your time and grieve at your speed - I can't remember if I've mentioned it here before, but a friend of mine lost her dog over 2 years ago and has yet to "clean" the smudges from the back windows. Tesia burrowed into your heart for a reason - you were both very lucky to have each other  <<Hugs>>


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## Sydney's Mom

Ohh ohh ohh I'm in for a get together!! Sydney promises lots of cuddles for you.


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## GoldensGirl

Grieving takes time and if you try to rush through it, you'll probably just make it show up later in strange ways. My Sabrina died years ago, but I still tear up when I think of her last illness. Charlie has been gone for almost two years now and I still miss the plushy feel of his head under my hand and the nuzzly kisses that were his specialty. 

Cry. Scream. Beat a pillow. Find a dog to caress. Visit her favorite places. Look at all her photos over and over and over again. Write about her. Find and cherish the bits of her fur that are hiding under the furniture. And do it all over again as many times as you need to. Many of us have been where you are now and we will understand. Promise.


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## swishywagga

Just stopping by to see how you are. We are thinking of you.


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## Sweet Girl

You're sweet to check in. I am doing okay. She is still front of my mind sort of ALL the time. I am fine at work, but I seem to cry every Sunday night. I guess it's the sadness of too much time without her on the weekend that just sneaks up on me. I start crying without really realizing it. I miss her so much. I know that will just never change. 

My neighbour injured her foot last week, and so I have been driving her and her new rescue Lab to the park every evening. I love having a dog in my car again. But at the same time, it makes me miss Tesia just a little more.


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## hubbub

Sweet Girl said:


> My neighbour injured her foot last week, and so I have been driving her and her new rescue Lab to the park every evening. I love having a dog in my car again. But at the same time, it makes me miss Tesia just a little more.


It really lifted my heart to know that you're able to help your neighbor out in this way  I imagine she knows how difficult it might be for you and is truly touched.


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## Buddy's mom forever

Time, time, sometimes I wonder how much time should pass before it stops hurting. Tomorrow is 22 months and I still miss my Buddy so much (and crying right now). Hugs.


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## GoldensGirl

Buddy's mom forever said:


> Time, time, sometimes I wonder how much time should pass before it stops hurting. Tomorrow is 22 months and I still miss my Buddy so much (and crying right now). Hugs.


Years, if then. Love doesn't end and sometimes the pain doesn't, either, but we learn to channel it somehow. If we work at it and we are lucky, we transform it into something positive. That doesn't just happen, but we can make it happen with effort, courage and determination. Love helps, too.

I have finally concluded that big dogs are not a luxury in my life - they are a necessity. We sometimes take a break and go away for a long weekend, but my human sweetheart has learned that I cannot pass a dog without asking if I can offer a hand and rub a head and that my biggest smiles come when we pass Goldens on the beach, chasing each other, a wave, or a ball. 

If you are like me, you will not feel normal until there is a dog (or two or three) to greet you when you come home, to warm your feet and to see that you get your exercise.

Peace be with you,
Lucy


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## dborgers

Sounds like you're doing better and better as time goes on. That's really nice of you to help your neighbor. I've heard it said (and proven true in my case) that when we're having a difficult time in life helping others helps us more than it helps them. Thanks for keeping us updated on what's going on with you. A lot of us care


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## PrincessDi

Very glad that you're able to help your neighbor! Seems like that was meant to be. Can definitely understand about Sundays and the weekends for that matter. I think about you often and keep you in my thoughts.


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## HolDaisy

That's really sweet of you to help your neighbour out. When we lost Daisy I remember how strange it was seeing another golden, it would upset us so much but it was also so good to be fussing a goldie again. When the time is right Tee will send a special friend your way. Sammy wants to send you a big puppy hug.


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## Sweet Girl

HolDaisy said:


> That's really sweet of you to help your neighbour out. When we lost Daisy I remember how strange it was seeing another golden, it would upset us so much but it was also so good to be fussing a goldie again. *When the time is right Tee will send a special friend your way.* Sammy wants to send you a big puppy hug.


Thank you. I do truly believe that, too. 13 years ago, I suddenly knew it was time to get a dog. I remember the moment. When I met the puppies, the little red(dish) girl let me know she was the one for me, even though she wasn't the personality I had said I wanted. And when it was time for her to go, she let me know, too. I know she will let me know when it's time to have a new dog come live with me, be it an older rescue, or a baby puppy. I miss having a dog so much, but it's not time yet. My heart is still healing.


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## swishywagga

What you have said is so true. When you met Tesia you knew she was the one for you, and in turn she will let you know when the time is right and you will be blessed with another golden and he/she will be blessed to have you. Right now, like you quite rightly say, you are still healing, but that day will come for you, just wait and see. Take care.


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## dborgers

I can only echo what others have said so well. Just wanted you to know we're thinking of you


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## Sweet Girl

Thank you all for your continuing support. I am doing okay - weekends are still hardest, and I usually feel quite sad by the end of Sunday. I miss every thing we used to do so much. And of course, I just miss having her here. I know Tesia wouldn't want me to stay sad for too long. At some point, I will honour everything she was by having another Golden. I know I need to. Not right now, but eventually. I miss having a dog so much. And if I wait for the hurt about Tesia to go... well, I'll never have another. I will miss her forever. But as someone here so wisely said, you're left with so much love still to give when they sadly die. I know I do. I want to have another dog. I will always feel a pang of sadness when I think about Tesia. But hopefully, her spirit will be in my next dog.


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## HolDaisy

Sweet Girl said:


> Thank you all for your continuing support. I am doing okay - weekends are still hardest, and I usually feel quite sad by the end of Sunday. I miss every thing we used to do so much. And of course, I just miss having her here. I know Tesia wouldn't want me to stay sad for too long. At some point, I will honour everything she was by having another Golden. I know I need to. Not right now, but eventually. I miss having a dog so much. And if I wait for the hurt about Tesia to go... well, I'll never have another. I will miss her forever. But as someone here so wisely said, you're left with so much love still to give when they sadly die. I know I do. I want to have another dog. I will always feel a pang of sadness when I think about Tesia. But hopefully, her spirit will be in my next dog.


I'm so glad that you are going to have another golden in your future. It took us over a year but you will know when you're ready. There was one boy available in a litter of 10, and when we went to visit them at 2 weeks old and saw one little light coloured boy amongst 9 dark golden pups we knew that Daisy wanted him to be ours. Sammy has bought so much joy back into our lives. For a year it's been horrible returning to an empty home and now there's a smiley golden face and wagging tail waiting again. We will miss Daisy forever, she was so special but we can definitely see her spirit in him.

You'll know when you're ready and Tee will make sure she sends a very special goldie your way when it's the right time. You gave her such a wonderful life and still have so much love to give she would want you to give another dog a lovely life like she had. Take care, we know how difficult it all is for you.


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## swishywagga

Just stopping by to see how your doing, hoping you are ok. Take care.


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## HolDaisy

Also thinking of you and hope you're doing okay.


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## SandyK

Just checking in to see how you are doing. You will know when the time is right to share your home and love with another golden. I hope your weekends start to get a little easier on you soon. Take care!!


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## dborgers

Thinking of you and hope you're doing OK


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## Sydney's Mom

Hi there - just popping in to see how you are and how life is going?


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## Sweet Girl

Thank you all for thinking of me. I am doing better. Time really does help, though I do still have her bowls out, and her toy basket. The towels are still at the door. And as I was driving home from work last night, there was a big slow moving truck I could see ahead of me, and so I turned up the little side street that runs along the park where we used to play ball. I drove up that street and parked there almost everyday with Tee. And as I drove up past the park last night, the road that I used to drive with her, tears sprung up into my eyes and I got a lump in my throat. It totally surprised me that I would have that reaction, just driving by. But it hurt. The little things still get me. 

I was away this weekend, and I kept having moments where I'd think, I hope Tesia is okay - I can't wait to see Tee when I get home. And then I'd remember. It was odd to be away without her being on a little doggy vacation with her walker. I also had to work really late one night this week, and when they asked if I could stay, I had one of those flash moments of worry thinking about Tesia being alone a few extra hours, and then as I was so tired going home (it was 12:45am), I thought about getting home and just being in bed with her beside me. It's still so hard not having her with me anymore.


----------



## dborgers

Remembering Tee and thinking of you just now


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## Sweet Girl

dborgers said:


> Remembering Tee and thinking of you just now


It says so much about you that at a time of such sorrow for you, you are thinking about someone else and their sorrow. Thank you.


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## swishywagga

Hi, just stopping by to check your ok, knowing the last few days have been hard on you with all the sadness on the forum. Take care.


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## cgriffin

Stephanie, thank you so much for your support, when you are yourself still grieving so much for sweet Tesia.

I remember telling you early after Tesia's passing about not worrying about putting her things away. I sure never thought I would be in the same situation so soon.

Also thinking of sweet Tesia and you. 

Thank you again!


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## dborgers

Thinking of you just now, Christa. 

Danny and Jane


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## Sweet Girl

cgriffin said:


> Stephanie, thank you so much for your support, when you are yourself still grieving so much for sweet Tesia.
> 
> I remember telling you early after Tesia's passing about not worrying about putting her things away. I sure never thought I would be in the same situation so soon.
> 
> Also thinking of sweet Tesia and you.
> 
> Thank you again!


(I still haven't put away Tesia's things)

I am embarrassed to admit that. Bowls, toy basket, food bin. The towels are still on the hook by the door. I'm so sorry you are in the same situation. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.


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## Sweet Girl

swishywagga said:


> Hi, just stopping by to check your ok, knowing the last few days have been hard on you with all the sadness on the forum. Take care.


Thank you. You're so sweet to think of me. I'm okay - I'm feeling so sad for Danny and Christa. I just feel so awful that they are going through what I am going through.


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## cgriffin

My Thunder was checking out Toby's empty bowls today. I wonder what he was thinking... I know he misses Toby..

Don't worry about not having put Tesia's things away, I don't think I can put Toby's things away either........
I think it has to do with, once we put their things away, everything becomes more final........ I am not ready for that...


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## Maddie'sMom2011

After we lost Lillie & Jake, we didn't put anything away. All the toys, bowls & beds were still out the day we brought Maddie home...April 16, 2011. The very first thing she did was to get Jake's big red rope ball. It was almost as big as she was. So cute. That's a really happy memory for me.


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## GoldensGirl

Sweet Girl said:


> (I still haven't put away Tesia's things)
> 
> I am embarrassed to admit that. Bowls, toy basket, food bin. The towels are still on the hook by the door. I'm so sorry you are in the same situation. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.


This is a badge of honor, really. It's part of what we sign up for when we accept their love and the pledge of their lives and hearts to us. That is never in our minds when we adopt or purchase them and it is never ever in their minds, but it is certainly part of the bargain. We get these tremendous gifts from them and when they claim their wings they leave a hole in our lives and hearts. 

They are worth it, no?

Peace be with you.


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## Sweet Girl

GoldensGirl said:


> This is a badge of honor, really. It's part of what we sign up for when we accept their love and the pledge of their lives and hearts to us. That is never in our minds when we adopt or purchase them and it is never ever in their minds, but it is certainly part of the bargain. We get these tremendous gifts from them and when they claim their wings they leave a hole in our lives and hearts.
> 
> *They are worth it, no?*
> 
> Peace be with you.


Every bit and more. Thank you.


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## HolDaisy

Please don't be embarrassed about still having Tee's things out. Honestly, it took us months to even move Daisy's bed and then even longer to put her toys and bowls away. Her water bowl is back out again now as Sammy has to use it because he tips every other one up and does zoomies with them, but Daisy's is a big ceramic one he can't lift  (he certainly gives it a good try though!).
There is also part of her pheasant toy on our fireplace even now that will always stay in here. Leave everything until one day Tee will send you the strength to move things. It doesn't matter how long it takes. Tee was your world and when they are gone the pain is so bad. Time really does help to heal though.


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## PrincessDi

Just echoing what others have said. There is no time line. We've left our kids things out for a VERY long time. We have never been able to part with any of their things. Each had their own toys that were dear to them as well as their sweaters, raincoats, dishes, colars and leashes. We still have all of them. I keep the toys that were dearest to them next to their boxes with their ashes. I keep their collars and sweaters in a resealable bag inside a leather box below the table with their ashes. There is no wrong or right way. Only the way that your heart says is right for you.

Truthfully, anyone that thinks there is something wrong with what you're doing and the stage that you're in right now, does not matter!


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## swishywagga

Thinking of you, especially today knowing that two months have passed. Sending you hugs across the miles. Take care.


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## *Laura*

Steph - We all still miss Tesia....she was a sweet, special girl


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## cgriffin

Stephanie, thank you for your support, I know it is not easy for you, considering all is still so recent with Tesia.
I am also thinking about you and remembering sweet Tesia.


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## coppers-mom

I kept my second rescue's collar and tag hanging on a hook. I still have his almost favorite stuffie (the favorite was buried with him).

It was a few years later that I was transporting a lovely, lovely senior from a shelter to his foster (foster failure - he was adopted by them!) and I put Boomer's collar on him in case he got away on a potty break. She sent it back and it is still hanging here. I put it on transports that don't have ID and I feel it keeps Boomer here and still giving.

Copper was my fourth rescue and he was with me the longest (they were all seniors). I think having to care for him through all of his health issues increased the bond as we searched for ways to make him feel better. I was absolutely absorbed in how he was doing every day and I know you were with Tesia too.

It sure does tear a hole in our hearts when they leave, but it is because they fill such a large part of our heart while here.

Time makes the grief softer, but I still miss Copper 2.5 years later. But no, even though it hurts now I don't regret the time we had.


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## swishywagga

I was so glad to read that you got to meet some other members and their dogs. Hope you got lots of special golden hugs!


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## HolDaisy

Thinking of you.


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## Sweet Girl

Thank you all. It's so nice to come and find your messages. Your timing is so perfect. I didn't have time to come to the board yesterday - had an early morning appointment and then a long, stressful day at work. As I was coming home late last night, I had a thought I had on so many other long, stressful days - I can't wait to be home and see Tee. It was just a second, and then I remembered she wasn't there. She was such a source of calm at the end of harder, stressful days at work. 



coppers-mom said:


> I kept my second rescue's collar and tag hanging on a hook. I still have his almost favorite stuffie (the favorite was buried with him).
> 
> It was a few years later that I was transporting a lovely, lovely senior from a shelter to his foster (foster failure - he was adopted by them!) and I put Boomer's collar on him in case he got away on a potty break. She sent it back and it is still hanging here. I put it on transports that don't have ID and I feel it keeps Boomer here and still giving.
> 
> Copper was my fourth rescue and he was with me the longest (they were all seniors). I think having to care for him through all of his health issues increased the bond as we searched for ways to make him feel better. I was absolutely absorbed in how he was doing every day and I know you were with Tesia too.
> 
> *It sure does tear a hole in our hearts when they leave, but it is because they fill such a large part of our heart while here.*
> 
> Time makes the grief softer, but I still miss Copper 2.5 years later. But no, even though it hurts now I don't regret the time we had.


Such truth in what you write. I think you're right about the bond and how it strengthens when they're sick. For the three months that she was sick, she was all I thought about. When she was having a good day, I had a good day. When she wasn't eating, or would suddenly throw up, or would just clearly not be feeling well, all I wanted to do was be with her. I drove to work only so I could get home 5 minutes sooner at the end of the day. 

At some point I know I will have to put away her things. I keep talking about it - just haven't done it. I did put her leash and collar on the table beside the urn of her ashes. But the towels are still by the doors, her bowls are still out, and her toy basket is where it was - sadly, all her toys were in it when she died, because she hadn't picked up a toy in her last few days. I had washed them on the weekend before she died, and put them back. Normally, they would have all been out, mostly in my room, within days. 

I don't regret one minute of the time we had either. I feel lucky that I had such a wonderful dog, who was so much a part of my heart. She did take a part of my heart when she died - but that actually gives ma a small bit of comfort, because I know she has part of me whereever she is.


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## *Laura*

Aw Tesia does have part of you and you will ALWAYS have a part of her. You two had such a sweet bond, a gentle quiet love for each other. I wish she was still with you ((hugs))


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## Dallas Gold

I kept some of our Bridge boys things out for quite a while. I eventually made shadow boxes that hang on our walls. They include a favorite photo, the leash and collar and a memento. I saved their special toys. I just pulled one out that belonged to our boy who died in 2004 and gave it to Yogi....bittersweet memories for sure but it makes my heart sing to see Yogi enjoying it....it took 9 years to be able to do that. 


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## cgriffin

It took me a long time to put things away from other bridge babies. 
Today, I put Toby's meds away, but it hurt. 
His toys are still scattered, his favorite pillow is still in his favorite spot, his bowls are still sitting there. I don't know if I will ever be ready to put those things away.
At night, I still put his dog bed and another of his pillows next to my bed. He was not big on dog beds but for a while at night, he would sleep there and then move on again. I stepped on him so many times when getting up in the dark but I only stepped lightly brushing him with my foot. 

You know, even if you don't ever put Tesia's things away, that is okay. Whatever gives you comfort and feeling close to her. You are in my thoughts.


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## Fella 77

Take your time..there's no time table..if it makes you feel better than leave all her things out..I only put Sadie's things away when we got the new dogs..otherwise they would all still be out..


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## Sweet Girl

*Laura* said:


> Aw Tesia does have part of you and you will ALWAYS have a part of her. *You two had such a sweet bond, a gentle quiet love for each other.* I wish she was still with you ((hugs))


That is exactly as I think of it, too. I wish she were still here, too. I still have moments when I can't believe she's not. 



cgriffin said:


> It took me a long time to put things away from other bridge babies.
> Today, I put Toby's meds away, but it hurt.
> His toys are still scattered, his favorite pillow is still in his favorite spot, his bowls are still sitting there. I don't know if I will ever be ready to put those things away.
> At night, I still put his dog bed and another of his pillows next to my bed. He was not big on dog beds but for a while at night, he would sleep there and then move on again. I stepped on him so many times when getting up in the dark but I only stepped lightly brushing him with my foot.
> 
> You know, even if you don't ever put Tesia's things away, that is okay. Whatever gives you comfort and feeling close to her. You are in my thoughts.





Fella 77 said:


> Take your time..there's no time table..if it makes you feel better than leave all her things out..I only put Sadie's things away when we got the new dogs..otherwise they would all still be out..


I still have all of the pill bottles, some empty, some with remaining meds. They take up a corner of the counter. It was the sick counter. Where all her meds went, all the print-outs from the vet about the drugs, the side effects, etc. Why did I keep them? No idea. I think when she was sick, I just was just going moment to moment, not worrying about things like disposing of pill bottles, just hoping something new would make her better. Now it's just another physical reminder that she was here. I will eventually put them all in a bag and take them to the vet so they can properly dispose of the leftover meds and recycle the bottles. Just still not the right time. 

Fella 77, I have a feeling I will only put all of her stuff away when the next dog arrives, too. That seems about right.


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## Dallas Gold

Sweet Girl said:


> That is exactly as I think of it, too. I wish she were still here, too. I still have moments when I can't believe she's not.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I still have all of the pill bottles, some empty, some with remaining meds. They take up a corner of the counter. It was the sick counter. Where all her meds went, all the print-outs from the vet about the drugs, the side effects, etc. Why did I keep them? No idea. I think when she was sick, I just was just going moment to moment, not worrying about things like disposing of pill bottles, just hoping something new would make her better. Now it's just another physical reminder that she was here. I* will eventually put them all in a bag and take them to the vet so they can properly dispose of the leftover meds and recycle the bottles. Just still not the right time.*
> 
> Fella 77, I have a feeling I will only put all of her stuff away when the next dog arrives, too. That seems about right.


You will know when the time is right for you. One of the most emotionally healing things I did was donate Barkley's unused medications to the pet orphanage in our neighborhood that is attached to the vet clinic. It included some very expensive refrigerated medication that they gave us to keep him comfortable that last night. I donated it in his name and the clinic owner called me later to tell me the refrigerated meds were used almost the next day on a critically injured dog brought into the orphanage after being injured out on the streets. If you are inclined you might consider donating them to a golden (or any animal) rescue to be used by their foster dogs.


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## PrincessDi

I feel your pain in your words. When they are gone, everything is a very sad reminder that they aren't here with us. As the finality sets in, it is so hard. Just follow your heart and your timeline. Whatever feels right, that's the right thing to do. We have never gotten rid of any of our golden's things. They are treasures to us, just as their photos are. I think about you often and how difficult this must be for you. Keeping you in our thoughts.


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## kwhit

Sweet Girl said:


> At some point I know I will have to put away her things. I keep talking about it - just haven't done it.


It's been 5 years since I lost Savanah and I still have her collar hanging in my car. And I carry all the name tags of the pets I've lost in my purse. Just something that makes me feel good. 

Take however long you need to find a special place for her things. There's never a time frame for something like that.


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## cgriffin

The meds I have of Toby are his pain meds. Having another senior that is slowing down,he is 2 years older than Toby, I know I will need the pain meds eventually.


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## Sweet Girl

Dallas Gold said:


> You will know when the time is right for you. One of the most emotionally healing things I did was donate Barkley's unused medications to the pet orphanage in our neighborhood that is attached to the vet clinic. It included some very expensive refrigerated medication that they gave us to keep him comfortable that last night. I donated it in his name and the clinic owner called me later to tell me the refrigerated meds were used almost the next day on a critically injured dog brought into the orphanage after being injured out on the streets. If you are inclined you might consider donating them to a golden (or any animal) rescue to be used by their foster dogs.


I like this idea a lot. I have a LOT of Deramaxx, a few anti-nausea, anti-diarrhea, and one week of Palladia. Probably some Tramadol. I wonder if the Ontario Golden Rescue would take it. I'm going to find out. Thank you for this suggestion.


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## xoerika620xo

Sweet Girl said:


> I like this idea a lot. I have a LOT of Deramaxx, a few anti-nausea, anti-diarrhea, and one week of Palladia. Probably some Tramadol. I wonder if the Ontario Golden Rescue would take it. I'm going to find out. Thank you for this suggestion.


I think thats really great of you and awesome idea. I hope they take it who knows what other dog might need it.


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## coppers-mom

I received a lovely box full of meds and supplements for Copper from a lovely forum angel. Unfortunately I lost him just a few days later.

I regifted the meds to friends who had seniors in need and I gave away many of Copper's things to other dogs. It made me happy to help another in his name and I still do that. His cool bed went to a senior lab and I hope it made him feel as good as it did Copper.

You don't ever have to put Tee's things up. I have a bookshelf with stuffies from all of my dogs. Well, except Copper since he was a destructive machine and left only small rags at best.:doh::smooch:


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## RecipeRenovator

Oh, so very sorry. We have Buddy Girl's "box" with a few of her things and her pawprint in our bedroom. I had a portrait painted of her for my husband's birthday and we hung it above, so every day when I wake up I am reminded of what a wonderful gift she was.

There are certain toys I just won't get rid of... we also have a storage tub with some things. We donated a lot of toys to the animal rescue right away, other things it has taken more than a year. You'll know when the time is right.

Stephanie
Golden Angels: Lessons in Love and Loss from Buddy Girl and Daisy May
Amazon.com: Golden Angels: Lessons in Love and Loss from Buddy Girl and Daisy May eBook: Stephanie Weaver: Books


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## Sweet Girl

coppers-mom said:


> I received a lovely box full of meds and supplements for Copper from a lovely forum angel. Unfortunately I lost him just a few days later.
> 
> I regifted the meds to friends who had seniors in need and I gave away many of Copper's things to other dogs. It made me happy to help another in his name and I still do that. His cool bed went to a senior lab and I hope it made him feel as good as it did Copper.
> 
> You don't ever have to put Tee's things up. I have a bookshelf with stuffies from all of my dogs. Well, except Copper since he was a destructive machine and left only small rags at best.:doh::smooch:


I just never thought anyone would want meds prescribed to another dog - or bottles already opened. I have to get on this. 

As for Tee's toys, I think they might just stay in the basket forever. She wasn't destructive, so most of her toys were just worn from being well loved. Her favourite, a stuffed frog, slowly broke down into a little green rag over years of being carried around and spinning through the washing machine. I could never throw it out - she would fish it out from under all the intact stuffies.


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## PrincessDi

All those well loved toys of Tesia's are pure treasure!! Can just see your sweet girl with her prize possession mr. froggie.


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## hotel4dogs

Sending hugs your way!


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## *Laura*

Somehow I just knew Tesia would be gentle with her toys. What a sweetie. It would be really great if her meds could help another puppy in need. That's a great idea


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## momtoMax

Coming in really late...but so sorry for your loss.


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## swishywagga

Just stopping by to say Hi, hoping you have a good weekend. Hugs sent!


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## *Laura*

Also stopping by to say hi. We always think of you and Tesia


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## Sweet Girl

I've been thinking about her a lot this weekend. I think just because it was a very long, very stressful week at work. On days like we had last week, I used to think, I can't wait to be home with Tee. It meant comfort. A couple of times this week, I had those thoughts. They were just moments - and then I remembered she wasn't at home.


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## Lennap

Indeed she is no longer with you physically but she will always be I your heart. I keep saying this, because I know it to be true - you will get another dog who you will love just As much because of who that dog is. That dog will never replace Tesia, only bring their own joy to your life.

When I first brought Remy home I used to tell him all about his sister who was no longer with us. I still miss her And love her and she lives in my heart. You've met my boy he too is wonderful and loving and calming and it goes without saying I love, love, love him.

To be honest I don't think he cares about his sister, he sort of yawns as if to remind me it's all about him. I am thrilled to be able to let him think that! 

When you get that next pup, we're coming back to visit!


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## Sweet Girl

Lennap said:


> Indeed she is no longer with you physically but she will always be I your heart. I keep saying this, because I know it to be true - you will get another dog who you will love just As much because of who that dog is. That dog will never replace Tesia, only bring their own joy to your life.
> 
> When I first brought Remy home I used to tell him all about his sister who was no longer with us. I still miss her And love her and she lives in my heart. You've met my boy he too is wonderful and loving and calming and it goes without saying I love, love, love him.
> 
> To be honest I don't think he cares about his sister, he sort of yawns as if to remind me it's all about him. I am thrilled to be able to let him think that!
> 
> When you get that next pup, we're coming back to visit!
> 
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


Thank you for this. She is definitely always in my heart. But, how much I missed having her to lie down on the couch beside me when I got home this past few weeks. There is so much truth to the calming effects of patting a dog. Especially my dog.

I know there will be another dog one day. Poor thing will definitely hear a lot about the sweet, funny girl who came first. But I'm already wondering what new feelings of love and fun a new one will bring.


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## HolDaisy

I'm glad that you think there will be another dog in your future. Tee had such a lovely life with you, and you would give another a life as special as hers.

Sammy hears alot about his special 'Auntie Daisy' too. I swear she's teaching him to do funny little things that she used to do, which always makes us smile. There were lots of similarities in them as puppies but now he is 5 months old I can see aready what a totally different character he is.

Everyone said it when we lost Daisy that a new golden was the best healer. We weren't sure how they could be and thought that we would just feel guilty and like we were almost betraying Daisy. However, I can safely say that everyone was totally right. Sammy has made our house a home again and it's the best to see a golden face waiting when you get home again after so long with everywhere feeling empty. Tee will guide you in the right direction


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## Buddy's mom forever

Sweet Girl said:


> I've been thinking about her a lot this weekend. I think just because it was a very long, very stressful week at work. On days like we had last week, I used to think, I can't wait to be home with Tee. It meant comfort. A couple of times this week, I had those thoughts. They were just moments - and then I remembered she wasn't at home.


I remember those thoughts. Thinking of you often, your sweet girl, Andy, Toby they were all close to my heart. Sometimes I am happy that Charlie is just getting to be more cuddly, I needed that time to adjust. Like I quoted early: *Never forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever. It's not that you won't be happy again. It's simply that you will never be exactly the same as you were before the death.*
Hugs.


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## swishywagga

I think of you and Tee often, I just know that one day you will be telling us all about your new dog lying on the couch with you, telling him/her all the wonderful stories of sweet Tesia. Of course she will always be your heart dog, but know that your heart is so big that it has room for that special one when the time is right.


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## *Laura*

Any dog would be lucky to find you. When the time is right you will find him/her. I was amazed how much it helped me to adopt Buddy after Echo passed. My sadness didn't go away and it's still there every day but hearing paws on the floor again filled a void more than I had expected. Tee will be truly happy when you are smiling again. ((Hugs))


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## Joanne & Asia

I think about you often as well. You will know when the time is right and it will be one lucky dog that gets to share a life with you.


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## *Laura*

Steph - I think of you and Tesia every day. It must be more difficult with this nice weather we're having. We all miss Tee very much


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## HolDaisy

Thinking of you aswell. We all really do miss Tee so much, she was a very special girl. I'm sure that Daisy is taking care of her for you at the bridge and they're both smiling down. It is so hard losing a golden best friend  we have lost lots of dogs over the years but losing Daisy was by far the worst. I hope that time is helping to ease your pain a little and that you're doing okay.


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## Sweet Girl

*Laura* said:


> Steph - I think of you and Tesia every day. It must be more difficult with this nice weather we're having. We all miss Tee very much


Thank you - yes. Both you and Kat have so considerately thought about this. It IS harder now that the weather is nice. Last weekend, I thought about her a lot (our first NICE spring weekend). Those were days we would have just hung out outside for many hours - walking in the park or playing ball. We would have gone up to the woods to walk and she would have gone in the little stream. I miss her so much.


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## Sweet Girl

HolDaisy said:


> Thinking of you aswell. We all really do miss Tee so much, she was a very special girl. I'm sure that Daisy is taking care of her for you at the bridge and they're both smiling down. It is so hard losing a golden best friend  we have lost lots of dogs over the years but losing Daisy was by far the worst. I hope that time is helping to ease your pain a little and that you're doing okay.


I have no doubt she and Daisy - and Toby and Toby and Andy and Buddy - and all the others so loved and missed here are all gathered together, just waiting for all of us.  

Time IS helping. Everyone who said it would was right. I still have my sad moments, but I think I always will. I spend a lot of time thinking of her and the details of her and the time we had. Just so I never forget anything.


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## cgriffin

Thinking of you and Tesia. 
I know, it is hard. There is so much more to do with our fur babies when the weather is nice. 
I miss having Toby by my side, working in the yard or just sitting and enjoying quiet time, listening to the birds.


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## Dallas Gold

Spring is always hard for me too since Barkley came alive with the nicer weather. We lost him in the spring so it's bittersweet as well. 

Writing your memories of Tesia down, like here in her thread, will also help you preserve your memories of her.


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## mygunner

So sorry for your loss! :--sad:I lost my 11 year old Golden to Lymphoma in April 2012 and my 4 year old Golden to an adrenal tumor April 2013 The pain is unbearable for me and I know it's the same for all of you that have lost one of these precious souls. We had a cool front this past weekend with tons of wind they loved that and it was not easy. Sending prayers to you all.


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## Sweet Girl

cgriffin said:


> Thinking of you and Tesia.
> I know, it is hard. There is so much more to do with our fur babies when the weather is nice.
> I miss having Toby by my side, working in the yard or just sitting and enjoying quiet time, listening to the birds.





Dallas Gold said:


> Spring is always hard for me too since Barkley came alive with the nicer weather. We lost him in the spring so it's bittersweet as well.


I think even though we spent a lot of time out in the winter, in the snow, in the rain... like me, I think Tesia preferred the spring, too. She would literally skip across the field - my friends actually commented on her skipping. I can totally understand the bittersweet feelings. 



Dallas Gold said:


> Writing your memories of Tesia down, like here in her thread, will also help you preserve your memories of her.


I do like knowing there are two years of her life written down here. I have re-read this thread a few times, which hurts, and helps. Every so often an old thread will pop up and I'll see something that I wrote about her. It is all good memories. And for that, I am so thankful. I have not re-read her diagnosis thread. I'm not ready to re-live the bad news and the surgeries and hospital stays and chemo treatments. It was a short two months and two weeks of her 12 years and four months and two weeks with me. Too many good memories and times with her to dwell on the few sad.


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## dborgers

_Too many good memories and times with her to dwell on the few sad.

_That's how I feel. The few bad days can't outweigh the thousands of good and healthy ones


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## Dallas Gold

Sweet Girl said:


> I have not re-read her diagnosis thread. I'm not ready to re-live the bad news and the surgeries and hospital stays and chemo treatments. It was a short two months and two weeks of her 12 years and four months and two weeks with me. Too many good memories and times with her to dwell on the few sad.


I totally understand. I took some photos of my Barkley his last week, right before we sent him to the Bridge. He was diagnosed with a total cruciate tear and I took photos of his cast. When I saw them I hid them in a folder in my computer. 3 years later I still cannot bear to look at them, even though they are our last photos of him. 

I'm seeing our puppy do things that Barkley used to do that I adored so much....and those memories make me tear up with sadness he's not here, but also joy that his spirit is living in my memories through little Yogi.


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## HolDaisy

Sweet Girl said:


> I have no doubt she and Daisy - and Toby and Toby and Andy and Buddy - and all the others so loved and missed here are all gathered together, just waiting for all of us.
> 
> Time IS helping. Everyone who said it would was right. I still have my sad moments, but I think I always will. I spend a lot of time thinking of her and the details of her and the time we had. Just so I never forget anything.


Glad that time is helping you. You will miss her forever and that will never change. When we lost Daisy I wrote down everything that she used to do that was special, funny little things she did that made me smile, her favourite little tricks she would do and any stories about her that I wanted to remember. I look back at the list every so often and it always makes me smile to remember her. Although we never forget them I wanted to make sure that absolutely every single detail about her would be remembered. I bet you have so many wonderful memories of beautiful Tee from over the years to look back on


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## Sweet Girl

Dallas Gold said:


> I totally understand. I took some photos of my Barkley his last week, right before we sent him to the Bridge. He was diagnosed with a total cruciate tear and I took photos of his cast. When I saw them I hid them in a folder in my computer. 3 years later I still cannot bear to look at them, even though they are our last photos of him.
> 
> I'm seeing our puppy do things that Barkley used to do that I adored so much....and those memories make me tear up with sadness he's not here, but also joy that his spirit is living in my memories through little Yogi.


Strangely, even though I have not been able to re-read about that time, I _have_ looked at the photos. I took photos of her everyday when she was in the hospital (even the day she was totally drugged up and didn't recognize me ), lots when she came home, some the last time I took her to the park (I think I knew), and I took one picture of her on her very last day, before she died, lying peacefully at the vet. I didn't know if I would ever want to look at it, but it's actually my screensaver picture so I see it everyday. 

It sounds like Barkley's spirit is definitely in Yogi. I'm pretty sure he played a part in you and Yogi being together.


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## Sodagirl

I came to the site today to get some idea of what to expect. My girl will be 17 in June. Your post caught my eye as I looked for some sort of support to deal with the thoughest thoughts that I will ultimately have to face, as you have recently. I'm so sorry to hear the pain you are dealing with. It is nice to see the strong support out there from the Golden community. Threads like this really offer strength in dark times.


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## Sweet Girl

Sodagirl said:


> I came to the site today to get some idea of what to expect. My girl will be 17 in June. Your post caught my eye as I looked for some sort of support to deal with the thoughest thoughts that I will ultimately have to face, as you have recently. I'm so sorry to hear the pain you are dealing with. It is nice to see the strong support out there from the Golden community. Threads like this really offer strength in dark times.


Wow - almost 17??? She should meet Miss Tiny - she's our lovely Sweet 16 girl around here.

Thank you for your kind words. If your girl is doing well, treasure every moment. Take lots of photos. Try not to worry too much about what is to come. But when it does, this place is the best place of support and comfort. So many have been through the loss. It is helpful to have a place to share memories and grieve. But I hope you don't need the support anytime soon.


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## RecipeRenovator

Hi Sodagirl,
You are in the right place. And soooo lucky to have gotten 17 years with your love. We lost our Buddy Girl last year at 11, and I wrote a book about the grieving process to help others through it. It is helpful in preparing to say goodbye.

Best,


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## swishywagga

Just stopping by to say Hi! Hoping you are ok, think of you and sweet Tesia often. Take care.


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## Sweet Girl

Thank you so much. I found myself missing her a lot the past few days (even more than normal). It's been a really busy, stressful time at work (actually no fun at all) and I miss her being here to make me smile when I get home and giving me an excuse to go to the park and throw a ball. I think there is something therapeutic about playing ball with a dog which is missing from my life right now. 

Thank you for thinking of me. I'm mostly okay, and then I have sad moments. I still have a really hard time going by "our park" - all these months later.  It'll be four months a week Wednesday. Hard to believe. It doesn't sound like long but it feels like a lifetime.


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## cgriffin

Thinking of you.


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## Buddy's mom forever

Thinking of you very, very often. First year is really tough one, you find yourself a lot comparing things with the year before when all was good and you had no idea what's coming. Even to this day I measure time before and after my Buddy's passing. Hugs.


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## HolDaisy

Thinking of you, and I remember Tesia often. It really is so difficult and it takes a very long time to get used to life without them not around  There is not a day that goes by where I don't think of Daisy several times and try to remember every little detail about her. We all understand exactly what it's like for you


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## Ylan's Mom

So sorry to read about your Tesia. She was a beautiful girl. Our fur angel walked on the bridge 3 weeks ago. I understand how you feel. My thoughts and prayers are with you in this though time. She is in your heart and spirit forever.


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## PrincessDi

I think about you and Tesia frequently. Weekends and holidays are especially hard.


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## HolDaisy

Just wanted to say hi and to see how you're doing?


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## swishywagga

Me too! So glad to read you got to see Laura and have some doggie cuddles last week!


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## olliversmom

Oh. So very sorry and sad to read this.
It may or may not be the time to say goodbye to your dear friend. But knowing her as you do, I think that will become clear when so.
I know my guy Homer was sick for 6 months and then all of a sudden the last week he just slid quick. I kept hoping he would pass and I did not have to make that awful decision, I just could not make that decision. But then one day he didn't eat. And then he had his first accident in house in 11 years. And then he stopped looking at me and that beautiful Golden smile faded. 
The vet came the next day. I spent the night before, lying next to him on the floor, on his bed, just stroking him, whispering how much I loved him.
It was the right thing to do, but it was awful. My heart broke in a thousand pieces. 
I am crying my eyes out relating this to you now. 
My very, very best thoughts to you and your Tesia.


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## kjack357

My broken heart aches for you and your DearTesia, I lost my 7 month old Lilly last week.
Just when i thought i was out of tears......
May God help mend your heart as the pain is almost unbearable.

God bless you and all the wonderful members of this forum.


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## dborgers

I'm so glad you and Laura and her family got together. You ladies are all very special people.

Betcha Buddy gave you some sugar, didn't he?


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## Sweet Girl

Thanks to you all for checking in. It always means so much. 

I have been really missing Tesia, as this time of year we would be spending a LOT of time outside - at the park, at the beach, in the forest. I went back to the hospital where her oncologist and surgeon were last week to finally get her records (there was a fire and flood in the building a week before Tesia died and they only JUST got back into the building). It was sad. I was standing up at the counter, and I was looking at the people there, and thinking they're all feeling like I was feeling last winter. I saw the same vet assistants speaking to owners about meds and follow up care who spoke to me. We spent too much time there. 

Danny, it was amazing hanging out with Laura and her family - human and dog! Buddy is a retrieving machine and I got a good arm workout with him! He is an absolute doll. It was nice to get a good dog fix. Burgundy and Bailey and Sadie were there, too!


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## dborgers

Thinking of Tesia this morning. She was quite a girl. No doubt she and Andy and Toby and Echo and Maddie and so many others are having a great time together this very moment.


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## *Laura*

dborgers said:


> Thinking of Tesia this morning. She was quite a girl. No doubt she and Andy and Toby and Echo and Maddie and so many others are having a great time together this very moment.


All of our wonderful puppies are running together and having lots of fun. We miss all of them SO MUCH. Beautiful Tesia we love you


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## *Laura*

Sweet Girl said:


> Thanks to you all for checking in. It always means so much.
> 
> Danny, it was amazing hanging out with Laura and her family - human and dog! Buddy is a retrieving machine and I got a good arm workout with him! He is an absolute doll. It was nice to get a good dog fix. Burgundy and Bailey and Sadie were there, too!


I enjoyed our visit so much and loved hearing about Tesia. I loved EVERY story about your Sweet Girl. i look forward to our next visit (and Buddy can't wait to see you again. He told me he loves your 'throwing arm'  )


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## Sweet Girl

dborgers said:


> Thinking of Tesia this morning. She was quite a girl. No doubt she and Andy and Toby and Echo and Maddie and so many others are having a great time together this very moment.


That's a really nice image.


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## Sweet Girl

*Laura* said:


> I enjoyed our visit so much and loved hearing about Tesia. I loved EVERY story about your Sweet Girl. i look forward to our next visit (and Buddy can't wait to see you again. He told me he loves your 'throwing arm'  )


Me, too! Tell him I'll make sure to keep it in fine shape til I see him again!


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## cgriffin

Danny's post about our fur babies made me cry.
It would be a pretty sight to see.


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## Sweet Girl

cgriffin said:


> Danny's post about our fur babies made me cry.
> It would be a pretty sight to see.


It's a lovely thought. When I think about Tesia now, all I hope is that she is happy. I do think that, in the way we have all found each other here, all of our dear dogs have found each other across the bridge.


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## SandyM

Rest well dear sweet Tesia. I haven't been on in a while and wanted to read about you, only to find you are now at the bridge.

If you look around and see a lovely handsome fuzzy butt named Maxwell Smart, say hi to him for me. He has only been there since the 6th of June but he is a gentleman and if you need protection, you only need ask him. He was my dear heart and protector.

You are both free from pain. hallelujah


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