# Our Foster, Duke - Totally Confused About What to Do



## missmarstar (Jul 22, 2007)

I truly believe when a dog fits in that well with your family, and you've become that attached already, that it's meant to be. Nothing wrong with having a failed foster... lots here do.  Do what you feel in your heart is the right thing. I think he's yours!


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## kaysy (Jan 9, 2010)

ditto missmarstar. Such a sweet story..I'm crying.


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## Laurie (Sep 20, 2009)

I'm with the others and with Kaysy....sad story. Makes me tear up even thinking about Duke having to go to yet another home when he seems so happy where he is. I don't foster and probably never could because I'd fail everytime. I just get way too attached.....Do you go with your head or your heart????? I'd say go with your heart......and Connor gets a new brother.


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## mm03gn (Sep 24, 2008)

Even if you can't help dozens more dogs - you've helped HIM...and if the shoe fits... 

I think that you should keep him, not just for your sake, but Connor's. If they are acting like brothers, it would be a shame to split them up... I say you give him the official title of "Failed Foster Duke"  

Whatever your final decision may be, I wish you luck, and thank you so much for helping this special boy!!


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## Thor0918 (Feb 28, 2008)

you brought tears to my eyes. I think you already have your answer. You have joined the group of failed fosterers.


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

It's very hard not to fall in love with your fosters (I am a 2 time foster failure, so I speak from experience!). The first one is almost always the hardest. The way that I have always thought about it when I fell in love with my fosters was "am I a better home for him than anyone else could be?". Twice I could honestly say yes. 

Regarding Duke. He will adjust to a new home. He won't feel rejected. That is one of the wonderful things about the breed, they do adapt pretty darn well.

Now, should you adopt Duke? Only you can answer that one. If you do adopt him and can't foster anymore, will that make you unhappy? Would you be willing to volunteer in some other manner? Because if you can, that might make the decision easier. Maybe you can take him to an adoptathon or two and see how you feel when people show interest in him. Does it make you happy because you feel like you have helped him come so far in such a short time, or does it make you anxious because someone might take your dog?

Believe me, many people fall in love with and adopt their first foster! I was actually the odd one because I fostered about 20 dogs over a 2 1/2 period of time before I failed the first time. LOL. And again 10 foster dogs and 1 1/2 year later....


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## C's Mom (Dec 7, 2009)

I really do hope that you decide to keep Duke. 
You set out to help Goldens and you did. Perhaps you won't be able to take in any more fosters but that doesn't mean that you won't in the future. I agree with you that 4 homes in two years is too much for a dog. 
Your boys looks so happy together. Duke deserves to be happy and it looks likes he's found that happiness with you and Connor.


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## coppers-mom (Jan 9, 2009)

I do not have the room or ability to foster, but I have adopted/rescued 4 GR or GR crosses in the last 8 years. They do adapt and will love a new home as long as they are treated well.

On the other hand, if you would always be sad that you didn't keep Duke then by all means join the failed fosters. You would not be able to foster any other dogs, but you would mean the world to the one you kept.


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## Merlins mom (Jun 20, 2007)

I thought I would have a really hard time letting my fosters go, but with the exception of one, Sunny, it wasn't as hard as I thought. I still miss Sunny, but I knew the home she was going to was the BEST and she would never lack for anything for her entire life. The vet that did her cataract surgery adopted her!

So I think that fostermom has a good point with this sentence 

>>does it make you anxious because someone might take *your* dog?<< 

If you keep Duke, it may mean you can't foster another dog, but there are many other ways to keep volunteering for the rescue and all of them are important!


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## Willow52 (Aug 14, 2009)

Sounds like Duke has found his forever home!


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## Duke's Momma (Mar 1, 2007)

So, why do they call it a "failed foster" if the dog finds his forever home? It sounds like a "success foster" to me. Am I nuts?


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## ldoret94 (Feb 8, 2010)

Sounds like it was meant to be, Duke has found his forever home and Connor now has a new brother


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

I know if I adopt another dog I won't be able to foster, and I want to continue fostering....so for me it would have to be a dog that I simply could not part with.

My dogs have not developed a close relationship with any of my foster dogs, they get along well but are not attached. If we ever have a foster that fits in as well as you say Duke does with Conor, I would adopt that dog - that is a rare relationship.

Most of the time I tell fosters, please don't adopt if that means you can't foster, because there so many we need to help and every foster home is critical...but I think Duke is already home, it's clear he fits right where he is.


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

Duke's Momma said:


> So, why do they call it a "failed foster" if the dog finds his forever home? It sounds like a "success foster" to me. Am I nuts?


We as foster homes have failed because our job is not to keep the dog, but to give him a loving home until his permanent home comes along. Though I believe all of us who have failed wear that badge proudly. LOL


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## CarolinaCasey (Jun 1, 2007)

It really sounds like Duke has a special place in your home and in your heart. 

If you adopt him, it doesn't mean that your days helping your GR rescue are over, they'll just change. You might have to help recruit more foster homes , do home visits, appear at PetCo or other fund raisers. I think that this is a good question to ask yourself ">>does it make you anxious because someone might take *your* dog?<< "


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## Sophie_Mom (Jan 21, 2009)

Keep Duke! It sounds like he is yours, and you (and Connor) are his. It sounds like your mind just hasn't caught up to your heart. It's a great, moving story!


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## Jackson'sMom (Oct 13, 2007)

I fostered 3 goldens while living in Houston. The first was so hyper that he went to another foster home the day after he arrived. He simply would not sit still for 2 seconds. The second and third goldens were adopted by people at work, so I was able to keep up with their new lives. It was hard to let them go, but under the circumstances, not that hard. But I had to wonder how long before I ran out of friends and colleagues willing to adopt my foster dogs?


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## ggdenny (Nov 2, 2008)

Thanks everyone for taking the time to share your thoughts.

Let me see if I can tell you what I'm feeling: I look at Duke, see how far he has come and how happy he is. I see his 3 legs and feel like I need/want to protect him. I worry that any future health issues he may have because of having only 3 legs (arthritis, joint problems, dysplasia) are best managed by me. I worry that another owner might not do everything to keep him healthy and happy if/when these problems arise.

Yes, you could say I do feel anxious.


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## mm03gn (Sep 24, 2008)

ggdenny said:


> Thanks everyone for taking the time to share your thoughts.
> 
> Let me see if I can tell you what I'm feeling: I look at Duke, see how far he has come and how happy he is. I see his 3 legs and feel like I need/want to protect him. I worry that any future health issues he may have because of having only 3 legs (arthritis, joint problems, dysplasia) are best managed by me. I worry that another owner might not do everything to keep him healthy and happy if/when these problems arise.
> 
> Yes, you could say I do feel anxious.


It really sounds like Duke has really touched a soft spot for you. If you think that you would be constantly worrying and thinking about Duke if he were to not be in your home...save yourself that stress


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

If you cannot envision anyone else taking as good care of Duke as you do and will, then I think he's home. Do you automatically get a big grin on your face when you watch Duke and Connor together? Sometimes, you just shouldn't fight what is meant to be. Good luck with your decision....


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## kathi127 (Sep 17, 2009)

I've only been fostering for a week and already I know I have failed as a foster mom! LOL We've been fostering Lizzie, an 8-10 year old Golden Mix. She has been at Almost Heaven Golden Retriever Rescue & Sanctuary for 2 years now and not one person ever inquired about her so I agreed to foster her. She was so stressed and anxious at first but has settled in very quickly and has already become a big part of our family. My other dogs love her and she seems so happy to be in a home. I already think of her as "my dog" and can't bear the thought of anyone taking her away from me. It sounds pretty much like you feel the same way about Duke!


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Ggdenny*

*GGDENNY*

Just reading what you wrote about Duke,this poor boy and all he's been through, in my humble opinion, he belongs with you and your family! I'm sure he is very happy with you guys and his brother. It takes a special person/persons to really love and adore a special needs pet and you and your family are obviously one of the few.

*Kathi127*
So glad you love Lizzie and I know she loves you!


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

ggdenny said:


> Thanks everyone for taking the time to share your thoughts.
> 
> Let me see if I can tell you what I'm feeling: I look at Duke, see how far he has come and how happy he is. I see his 3 legs and feel like I need/want to protect him. I worry that any future health issues he may have because of having only 3 legs (arthritis, joint problems, dysplasia) are best managed by me. I worry that another owner might not do everything to keep him healthy and happy if/when these problems arise.
> 
> Yes, you could say I do feel anxious.


Just a side note, because I'm voting you keep him! But, people who are willing to adopt a 3 legged dog are a very special set of people who usually are the cream of the crop dog owners. The kind that will go to great lengths to ensure the very best care is provided for their tri-pod pups.

That sounds like someone Duke is already living with!


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## tennisball (Oct 14, 2009)

Wow, what a coincidence! When I was looking at dogs to adopt, I came across Duke and fell in love with him. I could tell by reading his .pdf file that you were in love with him as well, and the picture of him and Connor sleeping together at the top of the .pdf file is precious. I was seriously interested in adopting him until my boyfriend pointed out that he might not be a good match with my overly hyper golden, Rocky, because he might play with him too rough and overwhelm Duke. Even though I adopted a dog last week, I still have Duke's page bookmarked and have been checking for new updates.

What do you think will make Duke happy? You know him better than anyone else, so I think you know what's best for him


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## booklady (Mar 3, 2009)

I have fostered, I have failed x two, I am now on the sidelines. But I don't regret it at all. I mainly deal with seniors (thank you Kathi127!) and knew I would have mine awhile before they could be placed. So now it's three seniors and that's my personal limit, BUT I still do home visits for the rescue, work to recruit foster families, will help with transport when I can. There are other ways to do rescue until you have another opening to foster - may it be a very, very long time.

It may be foster failure, but it's adoption success. (And it's a pretty big and really lucky club!)


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## Sophie_Mom (Jan 21, 2009)

I keep checking back on this thread in hopes that you've decided to keep Duke forever!


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## olik (Apr 13, 2008)

You are the greatest failed foster!


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## Ruby'smom (Feb 4, 2008)

you seem as if you are already doubting whether anyone else can be as good an owner of Duke as you are his fosterer 
the picture of Duke and Connor together is precious 
how do you think Connor will feel if his new brother goes on to another home ?
do you think he will take on another new brother who fits into his life as good as Duke does ?
only you know how well they get on and whether Connor will be ok without Duke and visa versa 
as for someone saying only special people will take on a three legged dog you also have to think of the people who may adopt him because he is a novelty and they may not realise the health implications of taking on a dog with a disability 
keep us all posted on what you decide


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Duke*

Just checking in.


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## blepus01 (Feb 8, 2010)

just read through this whole thread. very touching story... any decision yet?


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