# Craving attention on demand



## Tianna0423 (Mar 21, 2006)

Is it true that giving attention on demand is a negative thing?
Whenever I sit down, Barkley gets up an comes over to me so that I can pet him, constantly. If he's not doing that, then he's always following me around. I read that these are signs of insecurity. If true, how so? Isn't this something dogs do anyway. I don't want Barkley to lack confidence. Or, is it because he is still young at almost 9 months?


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## VeronicaLovesHerGoldens (May 27, 2005)

My dogs do that all the time - they're stuck to me like velcro. I don't feel that its being demanding in any way - I figure they just love me and want to be close to me (unlike my teenage daughters! LOL!). When I tell them to lay down Nugget (the old guy) will obey and Zazoo (my 19 month old) will listen . . . eventually. I consider Zaz a typical adolescent male! I'm no dog expert though so maybe someone who has more knowledge can help you out with this one.


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## Lexie's Mom (Dec 14, 2005)

i love it when Lexie does that. I think that there will be mixed opinions about this. The dog whisperer guy doesn't agree with the petting on demand thing but how can we resist. I wouldn't resist. I love it. Goldens love the attention i think.


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## Brandy's Mom (Oct 5, 2005)

If they didn't do that, they wouldn't be a golden! That's part of what's makes them special.


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## ty823 (Feb 7, 2006)

Our trainer told us never to mindlessly pet our dog for no reason, ESPECIALLY if they are just trying to get your attention. 

Its... impossible..... sorry. What fun is having a dog if you can't mindlessly pet them?


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## wendyma1 (Jun 7, 2006)

Wow, I didnt realize we needed a reason to pet our goldens, I would have to agree with the other posts here, what is the sense of having a dog if you cant pet it whenever you want and that is specifically why most of us choose our goldens!

Rufus follows us everywhere as well, if we dont mind him right away, he just climbs on the couch and slowly eases on your lap. I think he believes he's still a puppy! Keep it coming, when I'm down and all the family is out of the house, I know for a fact I can ALWAYS turn to my golden for the warmth and loving I need.


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## sashac (Mar 13, 2006)

It's awfully difficult to not respond. Charlie used to always lean on me and stuff his nose in my lap until I pet him and then he'd just get this dreamy look on his face. Now, with all his recent issues, we've had to be really strict and stand our ground as the Alphas - never petting him unless he works for it. It makes me so sad, but at least he's stopped begging all the time! 
I suppose with some Goldens you just can't give attention on demand, but I'm sure with most, it's fine - the worst you're doing is spoiling them.


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## Goldndust (Jul 30, 2005)

There is nothing wrong with giving ones dog affection! The secret is knowing when to give it, as well as when to withhold it. Goldens are noted for being velcro dogs, or to some they are called "Pocket Dogs". lol That is Kode, he is a pocket dog!

What your noting is not Insecurity, nor is it a lack in confidence. It is just the Golden breed. Many times Kode will come over wanting to be petted, and I will in turn pet him...but I also can call the shots and command him to go lay down as well when I feel I've given him enough lovin'.

Kody is a "Very" confident dog! All you speak of has nothing to do with that or insecurity. It is a "Golden Thang"!!


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## Tianna0423 (Mar 21, 2006)

ty823 said:


> Our trainer told us never to mindlessly pet our dog for no reason, ESPECIALLY if they are just trying to get your attention.
> Its... impossible..... sorry. What fun is having a dog if you can't mindlessly pet them?



You are right. It is nearly impossible. THe only time I tell Barkley to stop is when I'm really busy. But even so, I can see him from the corner of my eye sneaking up on me, and that's when he makes me laugh and I give in.


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## Tianna0423 (Mar 21, 2006)

wendyma1 said:


> Keep it coming, when I'm down and all the family is out of the house, I know for a fact I can ALWAYS turn to my golden for the warmth and loving I need.


I couldn't agree with you more. I have realized how wonderful it is to have a golden. Barkley is the only one who always receives me with a smile and doesn't judge me. At least I think he doesn't :crossfing . So its hard for me to turn him away when he wants affection. 
I've watched the Dog Whisperer. But Barkley is no where near those dogs on the show. He's a good puppy.


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## greg bell (May 24, 2005)

I don't know that anyone is much more demanding of their dog than I am.. we train hard every day.. and we push em.. hard.. but at home when they walk up to me..yeah.. I pet em.. 
I think you can do both.. I dont for a minute believe that because I pet Dixie, she doesnt realize who the boss is.. 
It's kinda like kids.. they need discipline and they need love..


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## monomer (Apr 21, 2005)

It greatly depends upon the dog in question and any other issue you may be having with your dog. Petting on demand is a sign of dominance and the Velcro dog is a sign of dependency. If your dog growls when you reach for his toy or at the food bowl, then petting on demand is reinforcing that dominance and unfortunately should be curtailed. If your dog shows signs of separation anxiety (Example: digs up your lawn during your absence or chews up your shoes and socks) then always allowing the Velcro reflex and mindless petting is only intensifying (and may actually be a source of) the separation anxiety problem. Cesar (AKA dog whisperer) does NOT say to not pet your dog... what he is saying is only pet your dog when s/he is in a calm, submissive state of mind... NEVER at any other time or you risk reinforcing that other state of mind.

I practice both with Sidney... sometimes when it amuses me I will cave-in to his demands for a pet, other times I will say "Enough!" and he will go somewhere and lay-down for a while. I try to 'call the shots' just enough times to reinforce my position but I do let him have his way with me often because I know its a safe thing to do with his basically submissive nature. And separation anxiety? never... not with our last dog either... though he likes to know where we are, Sidney doesn't have to be by our side every single minute... he can be anywhere in the house or outside by himself and be content, but he will 'make the rounds' every so often to keep tabs on exactly where everyone is... and then maybe join up or not.


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## Tianna0423 (Mar 21, 2006)

Now I'm a little worried, separation anxiety? Just yesterday I left for about an hour and I found my tennis shoe in Barkley's kennel. The day before that, my sister-in-law came in for a quick visit, he was outside and I didn't let him in because he was too excited, in minutes he chewed up the hose and one of my rose plants. I hope I'm not feeding that energy when I pet him on demand. This is so hard. I pet him when he is calm, I think. I have yet to hear Barkley growl. I let him know that I control his food and toys.


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## RickGibbs (Dec 16, 2005)

Brandy's Mom said:


> If they didn't do that, they wouldn't be a golden! That's part of what's makes them special.


I agree 100%. I WANT Samson to want attention....


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## Goldndust (Jul 30, 2005)

That is "Not" seperation anxiety Tianna0423, those are training issue's!


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## Brandy's Mom (Oct 5, 2005)

Yes, that sounds like boredom to me. 

One easy way to help prevent separation anxiety though is to reward them when you LEAVE, and ignore them when you get home. 

I give all my dogs treats before I leave. They get excited about going into their kennels. When I get home, I take my time. After a minute or two, then I acknowledge them. And only if they are quiet and not jumping around.


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## monomer (Apr 21, 2005)

I really disagree... sounds very much like it could be 'classic' separation anxiety... that's where: The destruction often happens within the first 30-minutes (sometimes within minutes of being separated). The destruction usually occurs around or near points of entry/exit (to and from the house and yard). And in the home, the destruction will often involve a (smelly) possession of the loved one, like a shoe, a sock, underwear, etc.

To be more certain, I would like to hear more of the details including age and history and behavior patterns. If this is indeed separation anxiety, then YES, your petting on demand is NOT helping the situation... but that's only the beginning, there is often more to the solution than simply not petting on demand and not allowing your dog to constantly shadow your every move all day long (I know its great for the owner's ego, but its really not good for the dog in the long run).


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## Tianna0423 (Mar 21, 2006)

Monomer, let me tell you what he does.

First of all, when we get home, he no longer jumps, we fixed that and still do if we see that he's about to jump. But if he doesn't get the attention right away, he will start crying.

Second, if I send him out to the yard, for even a moment to go potty, if he doesn't see me through the glass sliding door that looks into the family room, where he stays, he will place his front paws looking for me through the kitchen window, which faces the back yard. If he doesn't see me at all, he will walk back and forth, sit and cry. He has a digging spot and toys back there, but he doesn't like being alone. I think he likes being with us all of the time. If one of us was back there with him, he'd be fine.

Listen, I don't understand how bored he can be. My kids and I spend most of our time with him and play a lot. He's really not a chewer, and when he does it, I feel it is because he wants my attention, he wants to get caught so that I can come out and get him. 

When my sister-in-law came to pick something up, she left right away, fifteen minutes probably hadn't passed, he already had the hose in his mouth. I think he was calling my attention because he wanted to be inside greeting my sister-in-law, who was in a rush and honestly didn't look like she wanted to deal with Barkley at the time.

One thing, he is not the boss of me or my husband. He just hates not being with us. That's why I am confused a bit. First, spend a lot of time with your dog, socialize him, play, train, whatever. But for some reason, I feel like my little guy now can't be without us, for an hour or two, unless he is in his kennel, without being sad or getting a little destructive. That's one reason why my husband was trying to get him a friend. That's when the Beagle came around. But they just didn't get along very well.
Honestly, this is the only problem he's been giving us lately.

He is nine months, and this happens almost everyday. We've noticed this behavior for about two months now.


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## TobyLove (Mar 11, 2006)

My Toby does that.. he follows me around the yard and house.. I wouldn't have it any other way!!!


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## RickGibbs (Dec 16, 2005)

TobyLove said:


> My Toby does that.. he follows me around the yard and house.. I wouldn't have it any other way!!!


Yesterday, I left for the store, and because I had just fed Samson, I left him home (he usually goes with me).

My wife and kids say he wouldn't finish his dinner and alternated between laying at the front door and sitting on the back of the couch watching out the front window.....whining. He wouldn't eat until I came back...


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## Lucky's mom (Nov 4, 2005)

My past dog Beau had anxieties and issues. It was really hard to deal with. You have a feeling that something is not quite right. 

He demanded petting and I used to get so irritated. It was stressful being around him unless we were throwing the ball or on walks. The minute I stopped petting he'd nudge his head under my hand or start jamming me with his nose trying to get me and him into that petting position. It was a constant thing and I interpeted it to be that he was not getting enough time with me as he was an outside dog. That may have been part of it, but after reading this forum, I believe I could have helped him with this.


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## Goldndust (Jul 30, 2005)

Number one....sounds pretty much like most goldens i've ever had, as well as most others i've been around. Kody crys and whines too, he's a such a luv bug when someone comes in the door that he's not seen for a bit, you'd think he hasn't seen a soul for years the way he carries on sometimes, he just loves people...be thankful, I've owned dogs in the past that would show signs of aggression. What your seeing is the typical golden, to some extent it may vary depending on the golden, there all very individual. Some may talk or vocalize more then others. Just depends on the dog.
Number two...Kody likes me to actually go with him most times, this is how he was trained so he's kinda kept too it. I always took him and was with him on lead for housetraining as well as to be there if he were to get into something so as I was there too correct him for it. For the times he goes out alone, he does his business and usually runs right back to the door and will bark to tell me he wants in. For the most part, he isn't one to be out in my fence alone much and if by chance he is, he usually lays by the open glass door.
Attention too dogs can be be in many forms. It can be as you say a means to get your attention by doing something bad. To the dog, any attention is better then no attention. It can even be yelling a the dog, the dog getting into something simply to make you chase it, etc. Dogs are very intelligent...lol But, these issues are training issues. They are not anxieties...what you also could be seeing is you did not handle things correctly when it came to his crate training. Your golden has bonded with you, so naturally it wants to be with you all...as it would be in a pack. These things are not anxieties. You are the one that does all these fun things with him, naturally he is gonna want to be close. Kody is so close to me sometimes if I turn around I could trip over him. lol I too am the one that does all things with my dogs, I take them to beaches, I walk them, I socialize them, I take them around other dogs, I train them!
You say you feel your little guy can't be without you, if he was kennel trained correctly he well can! Being a little destructive in his kennel??? In what way do you mean this??? Chewing on a toy, etc?? Any toys a dog can rip apart, or eat should never be in the crate. I 'm not not exactly sure what you mean by "A little" destructive in his crate. In SA dogs, the crating would and does in most cases make a SA dog much, much worse. They would panic more do too the close quarters.
SA dogs are the equivalent of panic attacks. These are very serious cases, yours isn't one of them from what I have heard up too this point...don't worry, just keep working with him and make sure you get him out and about on daily walks, socialization with other dogs as well as people and work with any problem area's you see in your golden...such as the hose chewing outside when unnattended. Your golden knows he's not alone out there, you mentioned he is "Watching" you and he does infact know where you are...it may well be he's trying to get your attention to come out there by doing it because in the past it has worked, but thats still a training issue. My own goldens don't much care to be out in the fence alone, but take them too the beach and such off property and you see totally different dogs. I am there, but they have no problems moving out playing, but do too there training I can also call them back in by using Come/Here commands.
SA dogs will be very destructive and focus on intry ways, windows when left alone most times. They will also show serious other signs of panic attacks. These area's usually are hit on the most out of fear and the dog trying to get out. Other signs would like excessive vocalization and inappropriate elimination are the most common signs. Other symptoms would include anorexia, diarrhea, vomiting, depression, and excessive licking and drooling.
What I am reading in your post by what you are saying is, number one, goldens are very close dogs, number two, your dealing with training issues and number three, you have a very young dog that still needs work. 9 months can be very hectic with one of these guys, and some are just much worse then others until they are fully trained.
None of the signs of an SA dog have anything to do with being a boss! Alpha's are not bosses! They are very strong leaders that the dog looks too for direction.


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## Tianna0423 (Mar 21, 2006)

You are right. I probably haven't been using the crate properly. But to my defense, its my husbands fault, and his family too. They think that I'm torturing him. They feel that if he's not bothering anyone or chewing anything, then he shouldn't be in there. It got worse when I put the halti on him. At that time I was choking him.
All I know is that he'll be whining during the day if he goes back in there. I know that I'm guilty, probably because I gave him more freedom from the crate after he was housebroken. But if I still have time to change him a bit, I will. It is not going to be easy. 
I don't know how long to keep him in the crate.
He only chews things up when he wants my attention, like the hose. He only chews the hose when people come over and I can't let him in. Even though I tell him over and over not to. But that's what he wants. He wants me to stop doing whatever I'm doing to go out there and bring him in to where the people are. Next time, I'm going to ignore him, if that's what it takes.
What I mean by getting a little destructive is by him taking the hose for example. He only takes his snacks and bones inside his crate. He just takes my tennis shoes or any shoe of mine into his crate so that I can see that he has them. He doesn't chew them, he just wants me to see that he took them, so that I stop doing whatever it is I'm doing and come after him. I was thinking that maybe I should start putting a blanket over his kennel when he's in there.


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## monomer (Apr 21, 2005)

Tianna0423... I will try to explain what separation anxiety is from my perspective... evidently many people have their own ideas on just what separation anxiety is and how to treat it... well then, here are my own thoughts...

Do you ever remember being so infatuated with someone that it actually 'hurt' to be separated from that person?... remember how you felt a 'knot in your stomach' whenever that 'special someone' was not near? [other examples: ...say a loved one is very ill (maybe terminally so) and you can't do anything about it or maybe you screwed up really bad at work or in a relationship and you can't 'fix it']... in all these cases you have that 'knot in your stomach' and it just won't go away... and you can't even get much sleep [but if by chance you should manage to fall asleep, you find that it does offer a brief escape from this emotional pain]. The worst part of all about this 'knot' is that you have no control over it... and since you can't 'fix it', you end-up having to endure this wretched feeling. That 'knot in pit of your stomach' feeling is *anxiety*... and if it is being caused by *separation* from the one you adore, then that is *separation anxiety*... get it?

We humans will try to relieve/soothe that 'knot in the stomach' feeling by pacing, or wringing our hands, or smoking, or eating, or drinking (alcohol), or taking (anti-anxiety) drugs... however dogs can do none of these things. Since dogs are very orally fixated beings, they will tend to try and 'chew-away' their anxieties, just as a human being might try to 'drink-away' his/her anxiety. You cannot 'train away' anxiety, in fact I believe any attempt to do so may backfire and lead to developing yet even more intense anxieties and all the associated issues that stem from this. I think 'crate training' is a 'red herring' here and though it is a useful solution for many types of training problems, it doesn't really enter into the discussion of solutions for separation anxiety.

Often this anxiety is mistaken for spite... as if your dog is getting even with you for leaving him alone by chewing up your shoes ...or your dog is trying to 'teach you a lesson' or get your attention by chewing up the hose. No, the explanation is much simpler than all that... your dog is anxious when separated from you and so he tries to relieve those anxious feelings by chewing on something (some dogs will also dig and others will bark/howl/whine). Dogs can worry about being separated from their owners for diverse reasons... examples: a dog might be so insecure that he doesn't know what he is suppose to do without his leader... or say the opposite situation exists, where the dog is the pack leader and is worried sick when you are gone because he can no longer protect you and worries that harm will come to you.

There are a number of things I could suggest you do to help your dog overcome separation anxiety but much of that advice depends upon *why* your dog is experiencing his separation anxiety to begin with. However, there is one thing I can suggest in all cases and that is *EXERCISE!* and lots of it. A tired dog, even if anxious, is more likely to be able to sleep away the anxiety ridden times when you are gone.


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## gold'nchocolate (May 31, 2005)

I think that panic attacks are different from separation anxiety. I do believe that anxiety can _become_ panic given the right circumstances.

My lab, Hershey, (11 yrs old) has had anxieties all of her life. With her it's probably genetic because her mom was the same way but I probably aggrevated her problem thru ignorance--petting her and coddling her and I think it hurt more than helped. I know how hard it is to have a dog follow every step you take throughout the day--day after day, week after week, and on and on, but now I think the reason it was so hard to deal with is because _I_ always felt guilty...like _I_ wasn't doing enough for her, when in reality my world was beginning to center around her anxieties. This is the *wrong* thing to do! When there is a thunder storm or fireworks..._then_ I see a panic attack. She trembles, pant and drools--her terror is real. 
I am encouraging Jack and Biscuit to have some independance from me so I don't end up with the same situation this time around. They do play with each other a lot. When Hershey was 1 yr old I got my 1st golden, Sasha, to help Hershey be less focused on me (plus I always wanted a golden). It did help to some degree but not completely. It sounds to me like you have an average 9 mo old golden who is now in his "teen years" and so alot of it may be behavior issues as Goldndust said. Biscuit likes to go get my shoe too but he doesn't eat shoes...he just likes to lay with it while he waits for me to get his breakfast. He *does* eat sandals and flip-flops though.:uhoh:


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