# Need some advice...



## Thor0918 (Feb 28, 2008)

It's so hard. Hugs to you and your husband. 16 1/2 years is good for an old gold. No one but you and your husband can make such a difficult decision.


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## Noey (Feb 26, 2009)

sorry your having to make this choice. 16 1/2 is a grand old age. I also think they let you know...it just takes us longer to listen sometimes.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

Wow this is such a painful and difficult decision. I'm sure you have pointed out all the ways Tyler is failing to your husband. has your vet talked to him? Goldens do have dignity and if can't stand to eat or go to the bathroom, his quality of life has to be very low. Hoepfully your husband will find a way to let Tyler go with dignity.


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## cubbysan (Mar 13, 2007)

I feel for you.

I went through this with my Great Pyr Goliath two summers ago. He was 13 which is very old for that breed. I was the one in denial. He would fall at least once or twice a day, and in the middle of the night would need to move his bowels and could not get outside fast enough, but he still had a smile on his face. 

Finally, one day he just could not get back up. He made the decision for us. We said our good byes, and I actually had to carry him to the vet. 

The spin to my story, was my husband was trying to talk me into putting him down in the earlier weeks, but when the day came, he wanted to wait overnight - in case he got his strength back. He actually left the house for day to go fishing - because he could not deal.

Once Goliath was gone, I was very surprised by the peace that I felt. I did not realize that all the worrying I was doing for him, and how heavy it was on me.


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

My golden Cody, who died at age 14 1/2, had a weak hind end from degenerative myelopathy. If Tyler is still happy, eating well, wagging, wanting to go out and sunbathe (you know, all the things that make quality of life for an old dog), then there are some things you can do. You can get him a harness to help him up and to keep him up when he's walking. A good one is a Hel p'Em Up Harness, another is much cheaper and much simpler, the Drs. Foster and Smith comfort lift. He doesn't know he's pooping because he can no longer feel when he has to go. You can time his poops by stimulating his anus with a q-tip lubed with Vaseline and just put some newspaper under him. Makes for easy clean up. Let him eat while lying down. However, if he seems sad and isn't interested in the normal things he enjoys, tell your husband that very few people regret letting their dogs go too early, but many owners have a ton of guilt for leaving it too late, even by a day. Tell your hubby that when he got this tiny puppy at 8 weeks, he made a commitmentto care for this creature who cannot speak his desires and to always make decisions that are in Tyler's best interest, so he should listen to Tyler's silent plea for release from a body that's failing him. Sixteen and a half is a wonderful, long life for a golden, one your husband doesn't want to let go of. Remind him that the decision isn't about him, truly it is not. It's about Tyler. To let him go with dignity, before he's in terrible pain, is the final gift you can give to this loyal companion. Share with your husband that it will be one of the most painful decisions and create such heartbreak for you and him, but that your heartbreak will be tempered knowing you did the right thing, the timely thing, and the most loving thing for Tyler. I wish you peace about this.....


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## MyMaggieGirl (Nov 12, 2008)

Wow. After reading everyone's posts, I am at a loss for words. My Maggie, age 13-14-ish, will poop in the house, she doesn't realize she's doing it because of loss of feeling and muscle strength in her rear end. She stumbles and falls often but she sounds stronger than your Tyler. Finn's Fan has a good thought: If Tyler is still happy and you can see enjoyment in his eyes, he's not yet ready. But if taking care of him, cleaning up after him and worry gets to be too much for you, well you already know your husband very well from what you said and it sounds like you have a difficult road ahead with him. Some people can clearly see their dog's signs, others can't.

I really don't have any advice for you, just offering you my support.


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

MyMaggieGirl, just wanted to say that I'm very glad your old girl is still having fun, despite falling and stealth poops. It is hard to read the signs sometimes, but mostly, I think we all know our pups well enough to listen with our hearts. From your avatar pic, Maggie looks to be a lovely, alert senior citizen I would've cared for Cody a lot longer, since he was still so happy, but the DM went to his brain, causing a series of devastating seizures, so it was time.


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## Jackson'sMom (Oct 13, 2007)

Finn's Fan said:


> My golden Cody, who died at age 14 1/2, had a weak hind end from degenerative myelopathy. If Tyler is still happy, eating well, wagging, wanting to go out and sunbathe (you know, all the things that make quality of life for an old dog), then there are some things you can do. You can get him a harness to help him up and to keep him up when he's walking. A good one is a Hel p'Em Up Harness, another is much cheaper and much simpler, the Drs. Foster and Smith comfort lift. He doesn't know he's pooping because he can no longer feel when he has to go. You can time his poops by stimulating his anus with a q-tip lubed with Vaseline and just put some newspaper under him. Makes for easy clean up. Let him eat while lying down. However, if he seems sad and isn't interested in the normal things he enjoys, tell your husband that very few people regret letting their dogs go too early, but many owners have a ton of guilt for leaving it too late, even by a day. Tell your hubby that when he got this tiny puppy at 8 weeks, he made a commitmentto care for this creature who cannot speak his desires and to always make decisions that are in Tyler's best interest, so he should listen to Tyler's silent plea for release from a body that's failing him. Sixteen and a half is a wonderful, long life for a golden, one your husband doesn't want to let go of. Remind him that the decision isn't about him, truly it is not. It's about Tyler. To let him go with dignity, before he's in terrible pain, is the final gift you can give to this loyal companion. Share with your husband that it will be one of the most painful decisions and create such heartbreak for you and him, but that your heartbreak will be tempered knowing you did the right thing, the timely thing, and the most loving thing for Tyler. I wish you peace about this.....


I agree totally with Molly. My Toby used to poop in the house when he was asleep. He never realized it, and I never made an issue of it. He, too, had weak back legs after he reached age 14. A couple of months after he turned 15, he couldn't get up one morning, and he growled at me when I tried to help him. That was his way of telling me he had had enough pain. 

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. Rest assured, Tyler is not doing any of the "on purpose." I hope you and your husband can agree on one thing -- doing what is best for Tyler. I know you both love him immensely.


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## AmbikaGR (Dec 31, 2007)

I can so understand the pain involved on both sides of this situation. While your's may the correct position, I think it needs to be Gary's call. All you can really do is be supportive and try to help him see with his mind and not so much his heart. The link below is to a page that helps "define" when it is time to say goodbye. I hope it can be of some help

http://dogtime.com/when-to-say-good-bye.html

Trish, my thoughts are with you, Gary and of course Tyler.


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## spruce (Mar 13, 2008)

I try to think of what I'd want for myself if I was in the dogs condition


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## Oaklys Dad (Dec 28, 2005)

My heart goes out to you and your husband in this very difficult time. The dogs I've had to put to sleep have always let me know. Be sure to be with your dog to the end.


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

I am so sorry for you, it is such a long climb. Hugs to you all.


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## Trish58 (Jan 25, 2009)

I want to thank you all for your suggestions and for your support. I'm pretty sure Gary knows we are going to have to make a decsion soon. Gary was talking about how he was 37 when he picked up Tyler from the breeders 161/2 yrs. ago and that he can't imagine not having Tyler around. Gary also made a comment that he thinks Tyler misses Casey and wants to go play with him again. I can't stop crying, this is so hard. We are now letting Tyler eat lying down which seems to make it less stressful for him. Gary had to put his 14yr. old Golden down before I met him, so he has experienced putting a dog down. When Tyler was at the Vet last month he told us Tyler's heart was strong and was at a good weight of 73lbs. He also told us Tyler would let us know when it was time. I don't know what I would do without this forum, you all are so supportive, thank you.


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## Jackson'sMom (Oct 13, 2007)

Making that decision is heart-wrenching, but Tyler knows how much you love him, and he is counting on you to take care of him to the end. It's a terrible choice to make, but it's the final loving thing we can do for our beloved pets.


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## Heidi36oh (Feb 27, 2007)

Gosh I feel for you and DH, I know it's so hard to let them go, I had a hard time with it. But in the end I knew it was for the best.


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## RedWoofs (Apr 19, 2008)

Hi. I"m just finding this thread. I want to send you and your husband Hugs! My beloved GR Custard is 15 and i've had him since he was a wee pup so i can sympathise with your ache in thinking of not having your Tyler there with you. Like your dog, mine is strong of heart and spirit but slowing in the body strength. It is hard. Just wanted you to know you are not alone. 
Best Wishes
Sarah


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## AmberSunrise (Apr 1, 2009)

What a tough position to be in. I do agree with Hank that it really needs Gary's call as hard as that is. This is the final kindness we can show our beautiful friends, but we do need to know that it is the right time.

The heart will know when its time. And, there is usually a distant look in the eyes when the dog starts gazing off towards his favorite things (in my case the woods).

My thoughts are with you all;


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## Maxs Mom (Mar 22, 2008)

I am so sorry for your situation.

I think I can understand where your husband is coming from. My Maxine was dx with cancer recently. She is 12 1/2, and we were deciding whether or not to do surgery. When my husband and I sat down to have our discussion, KNOWING this was my heart dog, he pointed out things about Max that I have either chose not to notice or didn't notice about her aging. I refuse to accept she is ANYTHING other than my fluffy puppy. Some bonds go deeper for some reason, and your husband's getting mad, may be him hating to face the facts. The facts suck, I can't blame him. 

I am sorry about Tyler (and Casey). He has had a WONDERFUL life and I am so jealous (and starting to cry) you got him for 16 1/2 years. I want more time with Max that won't happen. Please know you and your "family" are in my thoughts too. 

{{hugs}}


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## molsonsmom (Sep 14, 2009)

There is a checklist I go through every single day and as long as the checks keep coming, I put the list away until tomorrow. 

Is my sweetheart comfortable? 
is there still a sparkle in his eyes?
does he look depressed?
does he still have an appetite?
is he still a cookie fiend?
is he still alert?
does he still want to play with me in the backyard? (even though now when I throw his small stuffed mini football it is from a foot away)
does he still want to be a part of the action that goes on around him?
Is he still following me from room to room even though sometimes he needs a hoist and sometimes it is just him watching from one of the many beds we have placed all throughout the house so he can have a soft spot to lie on in every room?

and the one that is the hardest is when the time comes and the checks are not being ticked off will I be strong enough to take the next step. 

I have had to do that once before with my GR Dawn who had cancer at 9 years old, so I know I will be strong enough. Even though I am praying when the time is right for Molson he will go to sleep…

But in the mean time, create your own check list and follow your heart!

As you can see there are many of us who either have been in, are in or both your position! My heart goes out to you!


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Trish58*

Trish58

I feel for you and your Hubby and Tyler so much. 16 1/2 years is a long life for a Golden Retriever and I am sure Tyler is very grateful that you are his parents.

Ken and I have been in a very similar situation with our Samoyeds, Gizmo and Munchkin. They were very close and attached to one another. We had to put both of them to *sleep six weeks apart*-they were both about 12 years old. We now have a rescued Golden Ret. who is 10 years old and a Samoyed who is 9 years old.

We always promsed them we would never let them suffer. For both Gizmo and Munchkin almost overnight they could not stand and go out to the bathroom and would not eat.
Ken and I knew they had no quality of life anymore and were not enjoying life. The day after each of them could not eat or stand up we took them to the vet and stayed with them as they went to the Rainbow bridge.
Gizmo was the first to go to the bridge and I could tell how much Munchkin missed him. Munchkin went to the bridge six weeks later.

Personally, I think animals don't always tell us when it is time to go-they just keep trying so hard for us.

I will pray for you all.


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## Willow52 (Aug 14, 2009)

I know what your family is going through, we helped our dear Maggie to Rainbow Bridge this past July. She was 2 weeks shy of 14 y.o. She could no longer get up and she wouldn't eat. We knew it was time. I truly believed she wanted to go and keep what dignity she had left for us to remember. She is now buried on our property and not a day goes by that I don't think about her. 

((hugs))


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