# So Very Sad



## koscht (Feb 25, 2009)

hey everyone, my name is tim and i am new here. my dog - my beautiful, loving, best friend - passed away on sunday afternoon and i am having such a hard time.

i'm a 21 year old junior at the university of arizona, but i live and grew up in allendale, nj, and i found out that my little girl died over the phone. 

penny was truly, truly my best friend. she followed me everywhere i went in the house, and when i came home she would always come and greet me regardless of how deep her sleep was. friends and family were amazed at how much my dog loved me, and being so close to my dog was something i took such pride in. she wouldn't start her day until i woke up, and whenever i ate, drove somewhere, or just relaxed around the house you could count on her being right next to me.

every night before i went to sleep i would always lay right next to her, hold her head, and whisper to her that i truly loved her more than anything, and that she was my best friend. i would then kiss her goodnight and go to sleep. now i know she never understood what i was saying, i always liked to think she did. she would always look up right before i did it as if she was waiting for it, and as i walked away she would just watch me go and just look so content.

ever since i got to college it's been so hard not being with her everyday, but coming home for breaks was so special because we could finally hang out and it made us both so happy. but now that i know that she spent the last month of her life and even died without me is tearing me apart.

i miss the way she would play with me and her stuffed animals, i miss the way she wake up in the middle of a nap and look up at me with that scrunched up and sleepy face, i miss the way she'd get so excited when i'd come home, i miss the way i would feel when i saw her. but most of all i miss my best friend. there is such a huge hole in my heart right now, and i don't know if it will ever be filled.

i just hope that as she was going out she was thinking of me, and now that she's taking a nap right next to God's bed i hope that she is thinking about her life and that it's making her happy. i hope i meant half as much to her as she meant to me, and i really hope that she knows just how happy she made me.

i miss you penny, and i love you so very much.


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## missmarstar (Jul 22, 2007)

I'm so sorry  I found out my childhood dog Josh died over the phone as well.. and it tears me up inside that I was never able to say goodbye to him. Losing a pet is never easy.. but it does help sometimes to share stories and talk about them. And one day, when you are ready, you can open your heart to another dog. Welcome to the forum Tim.. do you have any pics of Penny?


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## RoxyNoodle (Nov 9, 2007)

Penny sounds like she was truely loved and knew it her whole life. You were both very lucky to have known each other, and I'm so sorry she's gone.


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## Hudson (May 18, 2005)

So sorry you have lost your special friend and companion, I'm sure Penny will watch over you and will wait for you at the Rainbow Bridge.RIP Dear Penny.


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## New Golden Mom (Dec 17, 2008)

I am so very sorry for your loss of Penny. It sounds to me like Penny had an awesome life and knew she was loved very much...and I guarantee you meant the world to her!


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## AquaClaraCanines (Mar 5, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your post really touched me. One thing I do believe is that they know they are loved. Whether or not they know the words we say, they know the feelings. Dogs are so in tune to our moods and thoughts. 

Welcome to the forum- even if it is under very sad circumstances. We'd love to hear more about your wonderful friend Penny.


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## magiclover (Apr 22, 2008)

Tim I am so sorry to hear about your loss of Penny. I think she knew how much you loved her and she will be waiting to see you again someday at the Rainbow Bridge.


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## Jackson'sMom (Oct 13, 2007)

I'm so sorry. You and Penny had a wonderful, loving, very special relationship. She's still with you, and always will be, just in a different way. Godspeed, Penny.


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## Mandy's Dad (May 27, 2008)

Greetings Tim and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Mandy and I share a very similar relationship, one that I hope will never end.
Rest in peace sweet Penny.


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## tess (Mar 24, 2008)

I'm so sorry for your loss of Penny.Your post shows how much you loved her. Take care.


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## paula bedard (Feb 5, 2008)

I'm sorry you lost your best friend and couldn't be there with her at the end. Your post is very touching and a testament to the love you shared.


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## MyBaileyGirl (Jun 11, 2008)

I have tears in my eyes after reading your post. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of Penny. I promise you that she knew how much you loved her and "understood" every single time you told her. I hope you will find this site to be very helpful during this time, and hopefully you'll stick around to tell us stories and show us pictures of Penny when you're ready! Welcome to the forum and we're all here for you during this difficult time!


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## jealous1 (Dec 7, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, would like to think that our four-legged friends know how much we love them and try to tell mine often. May your memories of Penny comfort you in the coming days. I don't know who to credit the following poem, but it is my favorite.

_Never Gone, Never Far 
In My Heart Is Where You Are. 
Always Close. Everyday. 
Every Step Along The Way. 
Even Though For Now We Have To Say Goodbye, 
I Know You Will Be Forever In My Life 
Never Gone. _


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## Florabora22 (Nov 30, 2008)

Tim, I am so sorry to hear about your loss.  I was fortunate enough to be home from college when my Carmella died last summer, but I almost wish I hadn't been there - it was extremely difficult.

Reading what you wrote brought tears to my eyes. Penny was truly blessed to have a family as loving as yours sounds, and I know she is up at the Rainbow Bridge playing happily with all the other dogs. Rest in peace, sweet Penny.


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## Oaklys Dad (Dec 28, 2005)

So sorry to hear of your loss. Many of us here on the forum know the pain you are feeling right now. I'm afraid that only time can begin to take that ache away. We would love to see some pictures of your treasured pup.


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## coppers-mom (Jan 9, 2009)

Tim, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it hurts that you weren't there to say goodbye, but Penny surely knew you loved her. They may not understand the words, but they understand the love you share. Keep her always in your heart and I hope time eases the pain and it gets easier to just remember the good times.
Hugs from my boys.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

It is so difficult to lose one of our beloved goldens. They are our best friends and Tim, it sounds like Penny knew how much you love her and is loving you from Heaven.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Please share pictures of her if you can.


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

Oh Tim, I am so very, very sorry for your loss of your heart dog Penny. It is so evident how much you loved her.... and she you. I'm sorry that you were unable to say goodbye... that makes it harder to have closure. Time will help to ease the raw pain you feel now, and although you'll miss her, the smiles of memories and her spirit will always be there to help you through the pain. And perhaps someday, she will help lead you to another gentle soul who will love with every fiber of their being..... Penny will never be replaced, but I believe she would be greatly honored by caring for another. And, know that many of us have been down this path and we will always be here with ears to listen and shoulders to lean on. Hugs to you, Tim.

BTW, Tucson is one of my favorite of places. I was raised in Phoenix and most of my family are UofA alums ( yes, I was the black sheep and am a SunDevil!). Even though we've been in Dallas for many, many years, my heart is still in the desert. AND.... my heart dog is a 5 1/2 year old red girl named Penny.


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## goldensmum (Oct 23, 2007)

Tim, so very sorry for your loss of Penny. Just because Penny is no longer with you in body, the bond that you had will remain firm and fast in your heart, and she will always be walking with you on silent paws.

Run free, play hard and sleep softly Penny


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## Miss Happy (Dec 22, 2007)

Sorry for your loss. Precious memories help.


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## Auretrvr (May 6, 2008)

I am so sorry. I still miss my B and think I always will. Every night I would hug her and give her a kiss goodnight. She always looked at me with the same affection I felt. I have no doubt that Penny understood how much you loved her. She will always be with you!


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## Kelbys'Dad (Jan 19, 2009)

We're very sorry for the loss of your Penny girl. It's never easy losing that special girl or boy, whether you're 21............or 55. They make such an impact on our lives.

A warm welcome to the forum. There are a bunch of good people here to help you ease the pain.

We'll keep you in our thoughts.


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

Welcome to the forum,
I am sorry you found us during this sad time but most of us here know what you are going thru since we have been there too.
I am sure that Penny is at the bridge telling all of the other pups what a great Dad you are and she loved you so much. It sounds like you had a very special relationaship and shared a great deal of love. I truly beleive that we hurt so much because they love us unconditionally with their whole heart and we can do the same. 
May all the memories and loved you shared help you thru the pain you are going thru right now. When you feel up to it, please share some stories and pictures, we would love to hear more about this special girl.


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## sharlin (Feb 26, 2007)

Always remember that the reunion you will have with Penny at Rainbow Bridge will be joyous and everlasting. Until that time she is healthy, happy, and watching over you daily.


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## Thor0918 (Feb 28, 2008)

It sounds as though the 2 of you grew up together. Remember the happy times. She knew you loved her and will always love her. Of that I am sure!


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## twinny41 (Feb 13, 2008)

Tim, your post has touched me very much too. The way you said goodnight to your girl was exactly the way I used to say goodnight to my Meg too, laid next to her telling her how much I loved her. It was a nightly routine to tell her and to tell her to sleep tight and that I would see her in the morning. I still do this but now of course it's to her photo at the side of my bed. I also was seperated from her for a while as I had to change jobs and Meg lived on the farm with my parents during that time. She had a great time there and was well cared for but I missed her and I used to get so excited to go and see her during time off. She eventually came back to live with me (along with my parents!!). I am sure Penny knew exactly how much she was loved and she was one lucky girl to have so much love from you. I always try to think that we must celebrate that they lived a good, happy, well loved life and try not to dwell upon their death. Not all dogs have such great love bestowed upon them so for that be thankful. Unfortunately they must all leave us at some time and many of us here understand too well your feelings. I found this forum after Meg died too and you couldn't have come to a better place. Please post photos of her when you are ready, we would love to see your special girl. {{{Hugs}}}


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## marieb (Mar 24, 2008)

I'm so sorry ... the same thing happened to me too. I was a senior in college and my parents didn't tell me that our family dog wasn't doing well because they didn't want to worry me ... I was so upset when I found out that he had to be put to sleep (he had bone cancer). I felt like I had lost a part of me because Jake was my buddy and he had always been there for me. And it was soo hard when I came home from school shortly after he was gone and I saw his dog bed, I guess my parents hadn't been able to move it yet - but I just burst out into tears. It was very hard for awhile and I know that I will always miss him. I am so sorry for your loss ...


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## cyman1964uk (Jan 6, 2008)

Tim,

Your initial post is such a wonderful tribute to your beautiful Penny. I have yet to go through that pain, but your post brought me to tears. Wish I could say something that would take your pain away, but I think only the passage of time will do that.

Sorry for your loss.


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## 3SweetGoldens (Feb 28, 2007)

I am so very sorry for your loss of Penny. She knew how close you two were, and how much you loved her. That is what is most important. Your story really touched my heart, and I am so sorry for your pain. May you remember all the wonderful times you shared stay with you in your heart forever.


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## Elisabeth Kazup (Aug 23, 2008)

Oh Tim, I'm so sorry for your loss. And be assured: she knew just how much she was loved. That's why YOU were so special TO HER! They know.

Our son was away in the NAVY when his Golden died. He'd gotten her as a birthday present when he was 10 and she lived until he was 24. He knew she was failing and probably wouldn't be with her when she passed.

He wasn't. He was at sea in a submarine. His only request was that he not be told while they were submerged. So she had been gone 6 weeks by the time they surfaced and came into port.

It's doubly hard to read your story because our dear one is named Penny too. I know that, inevitably one day, I'll be writing the same story.

We'd all love to hear your wonderful stories about Penny and get to know you both through your pictures. We know that with college and all you may not be getting another Golden for a while. Please stay with us. We'll share our Goldens with you when you're ready, even if it's just in cyberspace.

(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) to you and your family.


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## riddle03 (Jun 9, 2005)

I am very sorry for your loss. Play hard at the bridge sweet girl.


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## maggie1951 (Apr 20, 2007)

So Sorry for your loss of such a lovely dog.


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## koscht (Feb 25, 2009)

wow, thank you so much for the kind words everybody. i decided that after i posted my story last night i would wait until the morning to read responses and hopefully brighten my day, and it certainly did. yes i did cry yet again, but it was happy tears. thank you so much again, everyone. you guys are very special people and your dogs are very lucky. 

here is a picture of penny. it's the last picture i ever took of her, but it's my favorite picture of all.


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

What a sweetheart.... and a treasure of a picture. Please consider staying with us if you want. When you feel ready, we'd love to hear more stories about sweet Penny and see more pics. It's a very special gift to have that kind of relationship with something so pure as a Golden.


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

*WHAT A LOVELY GIRL SHE WAS. i AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND I KNOW THE HOLE YOU FEEL IN YOUR HEART RIGHT NOW.*

*I HAVE OWNED---OR I SHOULD SAY BEEN OWNED BY, DOGS FOR 52 YERS, MY FIRST AN ENGLISH SETTER PUPPY I GOT FOR MY 11TH BIRTHDAY. SINCE THEN I HAVE LOST MANY MANY DOGS, ENGLISH SETTERS, IRISH SETTERS, GOLDEN RETRIEVERS. I LOST MY KAYCEE AT 8 YRS 9 MONTHS LAST MAY 25TO CANCER AND ONE YEAR AND 10 DAYS BEFORE THAT, MAT 15, 2007, I LOSTR MY BIG RED GOLDEN, BUCK, AT 112 YRS. 3 MONTHS TO HEART ATTACK. BOTH DIED IN MY ARMS. THE BEAUTIFUL BOY IN MY AVATAR WAS LITTERMATE BROTHER TO KAYCEE AND I LOST HIM OCT. 16, 2003 TO AUTOIMMUNE HEMOLYTIC ANEMIA AND LIVER DAMAGE BROUGHT ON BY THAT 6 MONTH INJECTION HEARTWORM PREVENTION, PROHEART6, THE AVATAR PICTURE WAS THE LAST ONE TAKEN OF HUNTER.*

*BUT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF LOVING DOGS WITH ALL MY HEART, THERE IS ONE THING I AM 100% SURE OF. THEY MAY NOT KNOW WHAT THE WORDS ALL MEAN, BUT THEY CERTAINLY KNOW WHAT THE ACTIONS MEAN. THGE HUGGING AND SWEET TALKING, LAYING NEXT TO THE, KISSING THEM---THEY KNOW WITHOUT DOUBT IT IS LOVE FROM YOU. AND GIVEN THAT THEY LEARN COMMANDS BY REPEATED HEARING A WORD, I DO THINK SINCE THE ACTIONS SHOW LOVE AND THE WORD IS CONNECTED TO THE ACTION, THEY KNOW WHAT LOVE MEANS.*

*WE ONLY HAVE OUR 7 YEAR OLD GOLDEN MIX STILL STILL US AND NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT I DO NOT HUG HER, KISS HER ON THE MUZZLE AND TELL HER I LOVE HER AND I KNOW SHE KNOWS WHAT I MEAN. AND I KNOW YOUR PENNY KNEW ALSO.*


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## cyman1964uk (Jan 6, 2008)

Awww so sweet. Just look at that picture ... says it all. The glint in the eye and the expression. She loved you and she knew you loved her. Simple as that!


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

Beautiful Penny will live in your heart and soul forever. It is so hard to lose them. They take a piece of your heart with them.


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## rictic (Feb 16, 2009)

i truly dont know what to say tim that hasnt already been said.

but i can see by the expression on her face she adored you.

if it helps mate i get my new puppy in 2 weeks and if you fancy being his american uncle i'd be honoured.
i'll keep you up to date and send you loads of pics.

he'll even send you cards at christmas.

all the best
dave


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## cyman1964uk (Jan 6, 2008)

What a brilliant idea ...


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

Oh she was a beautiful and regal girl. You can see the love for you in her eyes and big smile.


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

Yes the end is bittersweet, inevitable and ultimately very painful, but you have your wonderful memories and she was a beautiful, loving girl.

And of course she understood your love and devotion as you understood hers, silly! Maybe not in the same human way, but in a better more loyal dog way.

Thanks for posting.


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## younggtx (Jan 30, 2009)

Sorry to hear about your great loss Tim.
I understood how you felt. I always had a seperation anxiety w/ my beloved Beau, I'm forever grateful what pet can bring to one's life. Time will heal all wounds, just give yourself some time. There has never a single day gone by that I don't think of my beloved Beau. Welcome to GRF and again sorry for your tragic loss.


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## amy22 (May 11, 2008)

Tim, I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet girl Penny. Dont you worry, she knew you loved her and even if she couldnt understand the words she knew. She is now waiting at the Rainbow Bridge for you, playing with the other dogs till you get there. I lost my girl Sandy in Feb 2007 and I still miss her, every minute of every day, but it does get easier
That is a beautiful picture of her. You can tell how much she loved you.
If you are not familiar with the poem "the Rainbow Bridge" I hope this is the link to it. 
http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm


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## koscht (Feb 25, 2009)

thank you so much for all the kind words everybody. it's certainly been a trying week, but i'm happy to say that i am getting by. today was a very good day, and for the first time since it happened i've been able to laugh about my very fond memories of penny.

i'll share a quick story with you all...

i was way too nice and easygoing on her, and my two sisters and dad were as well. that left my mom to be the disciplinary force in penny's life and it was a responsibility that led to the funniest relationship between the two of them. 

one day i was sitting in the kitchen as my mom was baking. whenever there was food around penny would jump around and do all sorts of dances to try and get some scraps. this time, though, she was sitting patiently behind my mom as if she had a master plan. after a few minutes my mom ran to the garage to get some paper towels and, sure enough, once she left the room penny jumped up and tried to get a hold of a tub of butter.

she reached and reached with her mouth to try and get it but it was just too far. stubborn as she was, though, she kept trying to get it - until she heard my mom getting close. once she heard her footsteps she jumped down and ran away so fast and then as she saw my mom walking in she shot her this look as if to say "it wasn't me!" it was one of the cutest, funniest thing i've ever seen. 

five minutes later my mom and i went to the store to pick up some things and when we got back to the house, wouldn't you know it, the ENTIRE tub of butter was gone. there were NO remains whatsoever, and there was penny grinning like she just won the lottery.

i thought of that occasion in my english class today and started laughing out loud - i couldn't help it! it was embarrassing, yes, but it was so relieving to finally get over the hump and be able to remember penny for the wonderful dog that she was.

thank you again for the words of encouragement. i've passed them along to my family and you guys have helped us come a long way. i'm glad that i've become part of this community.


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## Duke's Momma (Mar 1, 2007)

Tim, she was absolutely beautiful. When I saw the picture, the first thing I thought of was that she was table surfing for that bit of, breakfast is it? Then your story - I'm sure that's what she was doing.

I'm sorry that she's gone. Your loss has touched me as well.


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

Tim, I'm glad to hear you are remembering the fun, loving times you shared. That's so important .... it keeps your love alive until you meet again. I hope you'll stay around and share more about your life with Penny and maybe at some point there will come another sweet furry soul to share your love. It would be a great way to honor your relationship with Penny.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Tim*

Tim:

Hope you keep coming back here we all share our sorrows and I hope someday you share the love with another furry sweetheart!!


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## Tanyac (Jun 18, 2008)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your special girl Penny. You are very lucky to have had such a special dog in your life and she in turn was very lucky to have such a special human to love and who loved her so much.

Its such a heartbeaking fact that our dogs don't live nearly as long as we do as much as we so wish they would.

Penny will always have a very special place in your heart, she can never be replaced, but one day you will be able to open your heart to another special furry friend.

RIP sweet Penny, your words have really touched my heart.


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## *~Pry&Kasper~* (Dec 25, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss I am sure she loved you as much as you love her....


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## goldenluver (Feb 26, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet girl. She sure was beautiful inside and out. I'm glad you joined here, there's a lot of wonderful people here. Glad to see you're able to talk about the sweet memories you shared with each other and looking forward to hearing more. She sure knew she was loved. If you don't mind me asking, how old was she?


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## clairer (Dec 27, 2008)

So sorry to hear I can not imagine it must be so hard... You are in my prayers...
Claire & Lola


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## june007 (Jan 3, 2009)

Hi Tim.....your writing brought tears to my eyes...I am so sorry for your loss..Penny sounds like true gold in every way..I grew up in fair lawn by the way and my mother still lives there..I just lost my golden in december ..my first dog and the love of my life...thank god for GRF..i found a lot of love and support here and you will too..write often..you have a lot of new friends here who went thru similar losses and will understand...everyone is different of course and you will find your way but what I did was after an intense mourning period I knew that the only thing that would help in addition to time and talking it out would be to get a new golden and thats exactly what I did. May I suggest to you ...see of there is a grief support group or grief pet therapist at a local animal hospital or shelter that you could join...read a pet loss book on how to cope and talk to friends who care and understand( I did all these things) Write in and let me know how you are doing...we all care....sincerely june


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