# Still in training. Need hope for things to get better



## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

Mercy still needs training. I accept the fact that she has quirks that I need to work on, and that I have to be patient. I know that accomplishing aspirations for your dog takes time and that there will be setbacks and disappointments. I accept the reality that Mercy still has issues of not being nice to every dog. I have to work to overcome them. One thing that helps me overcome is knowing that I am not alone and that I do not have to suffer silently. 

It's hard to admit my dog's weaknesses, because it is something I am ashamed of. Since I am recovering from past shame, I still project it on my dogs and family members. That is an issue I am working on and trying to get better at day by day. I just need to know that there are others who have been there, but yet have also overcome to accomplish better things.

No one gets a Golden Retriever especially while naming it something like Mercy, intending it to have aggression problems. It is a very painful ordeal when you learn that your Golden has aggression. I do believe that since Mercy is mostly friendly towards other dogs, that it is something that can be nipped in the bud. I am cautiously optimistic. She had resource guarding as a puppy and now she doesn't. I can nip this in the bud too with the right training. I am driving an hour away to a dog trainer in Stafford County whom I hope can help me. 

All I want is understanding and support as well as encouragement about helping Mercy to get better from where she is. I am not asking for Mercy to get her CD title tomorrow. I just want to take one step at a time with hope that she can improve from where she is now. I do not believe she needs to stay this way. I choose to believe in myself when it comes to improving Mercy's behavior and hopefully also improve on her other obedience commands.

Setbacks happen, and I am trying to handle them maturely. I still need to know that people care and understand what I am going through during setbacks, and that I will not be left to fend for myself in my struggles. Thanks for listening. No judgmental posts please.


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## Daisy123 (Jan 26, 2009)

Even the friendliest best behaved dogs can not like certain other dogs. Just keep up the good work and stop being so hard on yourself!


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## Pammie (Jan 22, 2011)

I think you have worked hard to shape Mercy into the dog you believe she can be. You know her weaknesses, you have admitted them, and continue to work to correct them. That is way more than a lot of people do!! Keep on keepin on!

I am glad you have come here to the board to talk about Mercy's aggression. I am sure there are many, many posters who will read this post of yours and relate and be relieved to see they are also not alone!

Believe in yourself, believe in Mercy and ignore outside voices that aren't supporting your goals. 

When I get discouraged at something in my life, including training goals I have with Bryley, I go to this quote. And if I feel I am doing my best _and_ enjoying it then its all good!


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

Daisy123 said:


> Even the friendliest best behaved dogs can not like certain other dogs. Just keep up the good work and stop being so hard on yourself!


Thanks man!


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

Pammie said:


> I think you have worked hard to shape Mercy into the dog you believe she can be. You know her weaknesses, you have admitted them, and continue to work to correct them. That is way more than a lot of people do!! Keep on keepin on!
> 
> I am glad you have come here to the board to talk about Mercy's aggression. I am sure there are many, many posters who will read this post of yours and relate and be relieved to see they are also not alone!
> 
> ...


This is just what I needed. I can feel my blood pressure drop! :You_Rock_You're awesome!


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## Tennyson (Mar 26, 2011)

You're a good enough trainer to be able to identify where Mercy needs attention. That's half the battle. 
There isn't one dog owner on this or any other dog forum that hasn't had some area of training concern.
You're on the right path and so is Mercy. Be easy on yourself. She'll get it eventually.


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## Jige (Mar 17, 2011)

I know several goldens that are a bit dog aggressive and everyone of them excel in something, hunt agility and rally. You have to find a sport that you both love and work on it and achieve it. I don't like a lot of people that doesn't mean that I can not excel at things it just means that I dont like a lot of people I could never understand why we think our dogs should like every dog they meet.


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## SunnynSey (Jan 17, 2015)

You are the best mom Mercy could have gotten, be proud of your relationship with her, together you can whether those storms facing you both. As long as you continue to love her for who she is and not try to make her into something she is not, only wonderful things can lie ahead.


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## DJdogman (Apr 23, 2013)

I've been there. Its one year on since we got our boy, and only last night we had him playing with 2 other dogs with no problems. A few months ago we thought that would never happen. We only started our proper training in February this year and have come so far since then.

The best thing we did was to stop putting him in situations where he would react. We kept trying, hoping it would desensitise him but it made him worse. We have another really good dog and we wanted the two of them to be able to play on the beach, run free in the woods, and socialise nicely and we pushed our "problem boy" to the limit. Once we realised that he was happier and more relaxed on short walks without much stimulation, the problem started easing and we built up his confidence very slowly. 

You can do this, and with the help of your trainer, you will start to see very small changes at a time, but they will spur you on knowing that change is happening. :crossfing


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## Pilgrim123 (Jul 26, 2014)

Mercy is lucky - she has somebody who cares about her and her behaviour. My grandmother always told me persistence pays off in the end, so have faith things will only get better.


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## Charliethree (Jul 18, 2010)

You are not alone! Though many of us may not speak of it on here plenty of us have dogs with 'problems' that we are struggling with, working with, to help them over come. The good news is that it can get better, it does get better, but it does take time, patience and the willingness to learn, the not so good news is that sometimes we need to try something new, a different approach, and that is okay, it really is! It doesn't mean that we have 'failed' or that our dog has 'failed', it just means that we should 'try again'. As difficult as it may seem, we should try to focus on and celebrate what our dogs CAN DO, no matter how insignificant it may seem to anyone else, that they perhaps could not do last week, last month, last year. 

I have a dog who, 4 years ago, could not even see a dog from 3 blocks away, without launching into a tirade of barking, lunging and growling at the other dog, he was that afraid of them. It took a long time, a lot of 'work', a lot of practice, and lot training to help him learn that he was safe and going to be 'okay'. Even today, though he is not 'dog friendly', and he may never feel comfortable and safe going for a walk down the street or to the park, we still hope and work towards making that happen for him, I am thankful, so proud of him, happy for him, he has come such a long, long ways. One day at a time, dealing with 'what is', keeping an eye on what I hope 'can be' works so well for him and me. 

I admire your commitment to Mercy, your desire to help her be all she can be, you have done, are doing a fantastic job! Believe in yourself, believe in her, try not to think of her inability to get along with all dogs as a 'weakness' but as an opportunity for you both to grow and learn together.


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## Anele (Dec 12, 2014)

MercyMom said:


> No one gets a Golden Retriever especially while naming it something like Mercy, intending it to have aggression problems. It is a very painful ordeal when you learn that your Golden has aggression.


If you take out the word "aggression" and replace it with "fear," then it might change your mindset. For whatever reason, Mercy is uncomfortable around dogs sometimes to the point that it makes her react-- this is not out of a mean spirit, but rather about not feeling at peace in certain situations. You are honoring her by recognizing this.

I think you chose a very beautiful and appropriate name for your dear Mercy. "Mercy" means forgiveness and compassion-- you have shown Mercy tremendous compassion in the way that you have worked with her, and not given up. She is a reminder to us all that no one is flawless; everyone has faults. We are all imperfect. Not only are we forgiven for our imperfections, but we are loved.


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## Elisabeth Kazup (Aug 23, 2008)

One thing that I have learned in this long life is that the "best I can do" may not get me where I want to go. It doesn't stop me from doing my best but it's with the understanding that my best doesn't guarantee reaching my goal. 



Pammie said:


> I think you have worked hard to shape Mercy into the dog you believe she can be. You know her weaknesses, you have admitted them, and continue to work to correct them. That is way more than a lot of people do!! Keep on keepin on!
> 
> I am glad you have come here to the board to talk about Mercy's aggression. I am sure there are many, many posters who will read this post of yours and relate and be relieved to see they are also not alone!
> 
> ...


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## Elisabeth Kazup (Aug 23, 2008)

My advice is that you take off 6 months from training, pressure and expectations. Give both of you time to decompress and just enjoy life. Cuddle, play ball, go for walks, take naps.

You will find that even the best animals need some time off to just be a dog or just be a horse.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Mercymom*

MercyMom: You are a great Mom.
I love what Penney's Mom said about take time off to cuddle and play, just you and Mercy!


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

Charliethree said:


> You are not alone! Though many of us may not speak of it on here plenty of us have dogs with 'problems' that we are struggling with, working with, to help them over come. The good news is that it can get better, it does get better, but it does take time, patience and the willingness to learn, the not so good news is that sometimes we need to try something new, a different approach, and that is okay, it really is! It doesn't mean that we have 'failed' or that our dog has 'failed', it just means that we should 'try again'. As difficult as it may seem, we should try to focus on and celebrate what our dogs CAN DO, no matter how insignificant it may seem to anyone else, that they perhaps could not do last week, last month, last year.
> 
> I have a dog who, 4 years ago, could not even see a dog from 3 blocks away, without launching into a tirade of barking, lunging and growling at the other dog, he was that afraid of them. It took a long time, a lot of 'work', a lot of practice, and lot training to help him learn that he was safe and going to be 'okay'. Even today, though he is not 'dog friendly', and he may never feel comfortable and safe going for a walk down the street or to the park, we still hope and work towards making that happen for him, I am thankful, so proud of him, happy for him, he has come such a long, long ways. One day at a time, dealing with 'what is', keeping an eye on what I hope 'can be' works so well for him and me.
> 
> I admire your commitment to Mercy, your desire to help her be all she can be, you have done, are doing a fantastic job! Believe in yourself, believe in her, try not to think of her inability to get along with all dogs as a 'weakness' but as an opportunity for you both to grow and learn together.


Thanks so much! This really helps!


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

I went to Stafford Dog Club last night and met with Lynne. Not sure why I was calling her Julie before.:doh: This is a great down to earth group of people who are more old fashioned. Just the way I like them. Lynne is awesome! She was able to clearly and accurately assess Mercy's unique combination of strengths and weaknesses and she took Mercy around to see how she was with other dogs and made sure the attention was on her. Based on last night, I do see that Mercy's aggression problems are reversible and that with the improved handling, can be prevented from checking out other dogs and showing aggression towards them. I just need to work on my confidence and reduce my anxiety as a handler. There also appears to be hope for Mercy's down command. I decided to take a formal class with Lynne that begins with the basics and works up to Novice level obedience. I am so glad that I finally found the right trainer who knows what Mercy needs!


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## Charliethree (Jul 18, 2010)

Wonderful that you have found a trainer that seems to be a good fit for you and Mercy. Hope it works out well for you both.


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