# Past the second guessing stage



## AmbikaGR (Dec 31, 2007)

Donna, how unmercifully we can beat ourselves up. At times like this you need to let your head over rule your heart and understand you did what was best for Tess. Your heart is just now starting to understand that, eventually it will be in total agreement with your mind. :wavey:


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## goldensmum (Oct 23, 2007)

Have been exactly the same position, as I am sure many other people here have. I have been in a similar position in so far as when the time has come to make the hardest decision my hubby has always left it to me, and I have asked what if, and why.

We know that we are making the right decision and at the right time but it doesn;t lessen the feelings of doubt that we have. It takes time for us to realise that we did do the right thing


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## LibertyME (Jan 6, 2007)

Its so easy to second guess....Lord knows Im doing it a lot these days. Sometimes the treatment to buy time is filled with heartache and second guessing too. More often then not there just is no easy clear-cut, black-white, right-wrong answer.... Be gentle on yourself...there is no doubt the decision you made was with Tess' best interest in your heart.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Donna*

Donna

I thin secKondguessing ourselves is very normal, BUT I KNOW you did the right thing. Tess would say Thank You, if she could.

I saw that look in Smooch's eyes, too, and she did not want to eat, but I managed to hand feed her some. When the Doctor told us the three diseases she might have and that she was having trouble breathing, I just knew that I would not let her suffer!


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## PrincessDi (Jun 8, 2009)

I'm so glad that you took pictures of Tess while she was sick. Those pictures tell the story of why you took her pain above yours and sent her to the bridge. She is now running as she did when she was young and will forever be free of pain. You gave her the hardest gift to give. You absolutely did the best thing for your girl and I know that she knows this. I'm so very sorry, because I know how difficult this is and how cruel the what if's can be. We had to do the same for our Golda and our Di. Sending healing thoughts and prayers for peace for your aching heart.


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## cubbysan (Mar 13, 2007)

We all go through this - I had to make that decision multiple times now, and with every single one of them I have second guessed myself or felt some type of guilt. I even had guilt with two of my bridge babies for holding on too long. When my head takes over, or when I see somebody else going through the same thing, I know I did the best I could at that moment for all my bridge babies, and that decision was based on my love for them.

Hugs going to you and so sorry for your loss.


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

Hank said it so perfectly. It does take time for our head and heart to agree. Your decision was the perfect decision at the right time... made with much love and consideration. Nothing more could be asked of anyone.


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## musicgirl (Jul 26, 2009)

I actually second guess NOT helping Teddy to the Bridge. I wonder if we should have let him go right there in the e-vets office.

In the end, we need to believe that we did the best we could by them. We had the right intentions because we loved them, and they know this. If they knew how much pain their passing brought, they never would have left...and that wouldn't have been fair to them.

No matter what choice we made, it was for their own good. And they know.

RIP fur babies


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## magiclover (Apr 22, 2008)

It is harder when the decision is left up to you. My DH wanted to believe that Magic was doing ok as well. On the day I decided to let her go he knew that I was right but made the decision to stay at work. It was devastating to let her go and I certainly have felt guilt over it but I have always known it was the right decision for my beloved girl.

I'm sure Tess knew how much you loved her and that you made your decision with great love.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

It is by far the hardest thing/decision I have ever had to make in my life. I've had to do it five times now and it never gets any easier. I compare the loss of one of my dogs to losing a child-it's devastating, it's heartbreaking, but at the same time, you are releasing them from their suffering and pain which is the best gift you can give them out of love.

I think it's better to do it sooner than later if it's possible. 

Be kind to yourself, your Tess is in heaven running freely, playing hard and waiting for the day until you are reunited. She is watching over you, her spirit and love will always be with you in your heart. Cherish the memories you have, one day you wil be together again.


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## Nath (May 12, 2011)

Letting go isn't easy no matter how it happens. Second guessing is part of the mourning process. You love your darling Tess and she loves you no matter what. Love is the best gift you have together.


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## ebenjamin85 (Apr 13, 2008)

Your post is making me cry. It reminds me of my mother, who passed away from breast cancer nearly two years ago. I'm POSITIVE that you did the best for your pup. I know that if my mom was able to pass before she was SOO sick she would've done so, as the end stages of cancer are not pretty. Giving our pups a dignified passing is one blessing that our animals have.. no matter how hard it will be on us!

Sending healing thoughts your way!


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## outabout (Apr 10, 2011)

I am sorry that you went through the second guessing stage, and glad that you are turning the corner. With our beloved pet's life at stake, it is almost hard not second guessing oneself. But each one of us has to make the decision at that moment, I am sure that yours was the right one at that moment because you loved Tess so much!

I also took lots of pictures of Whiskey when he was ill. I see how frail he was, how old he was becoming in short few weeks. These pictures make me cry and miss him so much! It also reinforces my believe that I made the right decision to let him go in the end.

To me, the saddest part was to see him ill and suffer but couldn't help him, all the money and medicines in the world couldn't! He continued to decline, each day I felt my insides were being torn apart! Its been almost 2 months now, I am on the mend gradually.


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## caseypooh (Dec 30, 2010)

You put into words what so many of us go through. I still have moments when I wonder if I didn't do enough or what if I had done something differently..then I too look at my Casey's last pictures and I know I did right. What Hank says is so true, it takes time for our hearts and minds to meet. Wishes for peace to you coming your way.


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## GoldensGirl (Aug 2, 2010)

Our Goldens hide pain well and they want us to be happy. The combination makes it very, very difficult to see how awful things are for them. It takes a lot of love to see past what we want to see... to get to the reality of what they are living and what lies ahead for them ... a lot of love to let them go. I say this for you, for myself, and for everyone who has posted here. 

When our vet knelt beside Charlie, having given a first shot that eased him to sleep and before the second injection was given, I almost lost my nerve and stopped the process. Love for Charlie kept me silent, tears flowing. Knowing that last decision was made with love keeps me sane. 

Hold onto your love. It will still give you strength.

With you in spirit,
Lucy


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

GoldensGirl, it is so true what you've said, they want us to be happy. They want to please you to the last moment. The only thing what I could see in Buddy's eyes is love for me, following my every single move, laying and waving his tail to see me coming back. I knew what to say when somebody else was mourning, had a common sense applied, but now when I should follow it I fail to do it.
Run free sweet Tess.


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## GoldensGirl (Aug 2, 2010)

Buddy's mom forever said:


> ...I knew what to say when somebody else was mourning, had a common sense applied, but now when I should follow it I fail to do it.
> Run free sweet Tess.


I think this makes you human.  Grief is very heavy and lifting it is hard work. For me, the support of friends here is sustaining. I also think about what lay ahead for my boy that motivated my hard choice. It isn't easy, but it's a plan that works for me. That, and remembering the look of peace on Charlie's face at the end. 

Run free and play with joy, Bridge babies.


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## my4goldens (Jan 21, 2009)

GoldensGirl said:


> When our vet knelt beside Charlie, having given a first shot that eased him to sleep and before the second injection was given, I almost lost my nerve and stopped the process. Love for Charlie kept me silent, tears flowing. Knowing that last decision was made with love keeps me sane.
> 
> Hold onto your love. It will still give you strength.
> 
> ...


I had to step out of the room after the first shot, felt like a coward but just couldn't watch the second one. When it was over seconds later I went back in and laid on the mat next to her and held her for a while. I didn't stay long, just had to get out of there and head home, weeping the whole way. I know it was the right decision, just so hard to let go when something you love has slipped away from you.


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## GoldensGirl (Aug 2, 2010)

my4goldens said:


> I had to step out of the room after the first shot, felt like a coward but just couldn't watch the second one. When it was over seconds later I went back in and laid on the mat next to her and held her for a while. I didn't stay long, just had to get out of there and head home, weeping the whole way. I know it was the right decision, just so hard to let go when something you love has slipped away from you.


It isn't cowardly to do the best you can do. Our best is all we have to give and that's what you gave. 

Letting go is never easy. Grieving is hard, but not as hard as watching them suffer. You made the most loving decision, accepting the present pain to allow your girl to be at peace. It's a hard bargain, and real acceptance takes time and courage. 

Peace be with you.
Lucy


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

The first time i had to make this decision, i didn't do it soon enough and i let my beautiful irish setter, red suffer needlessly for several days. How ever at the time that vet was saying it wa a spinal infection and we were trying antibiotic after antibiotic and he just kept getting worse. He could nto get up without help, he could not walk without help, he would only eat a couple fo bite if i hand fed him. The morning he lay there and threw upyellow foam and couldn't even lift his head out of it i knew i had to let him go. I swore i would never ever let another dog suffer like that.

When my second irish setter was diagnosed with bone cancer over 12 years later, he was already on past his 12th birthday and had arthritis. The cancer was a very, very aggressive and day of daignosis, we were given options--amputate the leg that day and hope it had not spread. Bring him in about a week to send to the bridge becaue by then he most likely would not be eating nor able to get up. (he had started limping friday and we thought it was his arthritis. By money he was dragging that rear leg and we got him right in.

Our hearts said to amputate, but our minds were saying he is almost 12 1/2, he has arthritis in his shoulders and other hip. Would it be fair to put him thsi surgery and he be gone beor ehe even heals. We decided surgery was not right for conditions.

We decided to give him a couple of good days, take him to the beach (actually the bay where he coulg run free. But that few days turned into 10 weeks. He developed a sort of bunny hop where he didn't drag that leg. He chased crabs in shallow water, tried to catch shore birds and swam. One day i released an undersize flounder in about 6:" of water and he stuck his head under water and came up with that flouder. Another day he came out to where i was standing hip deepnext to my rod holder--which had a stringer of fish attached--and grabbed one of the trout on it.

We give him every doggy no-no food that he loved. He had a severe sweet tooth and preferred fruits and veggies to meat. He actually gained weight instead of losing. 2-3 times a week i took in him to see rickey and rickey would check him out, shake his head, and say "i don't udnerstand it, but we don't have to do it yet.

However, the day came it showed up in his left front shoulder (was in his left rear leg) and i knew the time had come. The day before (july 8) i had noted he had spent more time in the shde than in the water and palying and i had a feeling that day the end was near. But i tried to convince myself he was just tired.

But that lat day, july 9 i called my sone and dil to take him in. I could not do it and boots loved ronnie and ronnie stayed with him. After they left i almost called rickey to tell him i had changed my mind, send boots back home, i would do it in a couple of days.

But i thought of red and how i had let him suffer, and i ddin't call. Boots enjoyed life to the end. He had been at his beloved beach the daybefore, he had had his toossed sald and cantaloup and his dog food for supper, and even a dish of buttered pecan ice cream before ron took him for his last ride.

My golden girl kaycee was diagnosed with a tumor on friday may 23 2008 and rickey did the surgery that day. I knew it was bad when he had finsihed the 1 1/2 hour surger. He was surprised she had made it thru surgery. She died as i held her on the 25 eaiting for rickey to come. She had never left icu and i was visiting her 2 times a day. When i got thre that afternoon i could see it in her eyes. She couldn't even get up. I knew she wanted to go and i didn't hesitate. But at least this time she did go on her own even tho i had had the tech put in the call for rickey.

It isn't easy, but it is the right thing to do.


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## Dreammom (Jan 14, 2009)

I too have just gotten past the second guessing stage with Dream, she has been gone 1 month today. I hate that feeling, and have gone through it with every single dog I have let go. Saturday morning I remembered the look Dream gave me exactly a month before...the message she sent was so clear. Her eyes said it all, I need to go, I am so tired, but if you want me to stay I will keep fighting, for you. The rest of that weekend she still got around, although it was difficult for her, she still ate well (heck I was feeding her steak LOL). It was clear that we were expecting too much of our dog of steel.

You did the right thing for Tess, and she loves you for releasing her.


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## Gigi girl (Jul 4, 2011)

Gosh, just at my vet today with Gigi.s son with an ear infection....questioning the vet what if , what if.....i think when we make a decision to end a life it is normal to question out of the love of your animal....I think not to question is abnormal...


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