# The loss of my beloved Jack to hemangiosarcoma



## Kayla2727 (Mar 28, 2017)

I have visited this site frequently in the past 6 weeks and can't thank my fellow Golden lovers far and wide enough for the comfort it has given me. My heart dog, Jack, was one month away from his 7th birthday when he suddenly started showing signs of lethargy and not wanting to eat. We took him to the vet where they did ultrasounds, x-rays and blood work, but all that they could discover was a low red blood cell count so they sent us home with the steroid prednisone. For 3 days, Jack returned to his happy and loving self, until one night we came home to find Jack barely able to catch his breath as his heart raced and his gums turned cold to touch. Once we were able to get him to the emergency vet, they found blood in his abdomen and we first heard the dreaded word "hemangiosarcoma". Unable to accept the diagnosis, I took Jack to 3 more vets. The first suggested a splenectomy and was optimistic about the surgery, but the next vet detailed to us the severity of such a procedure and indicated that there would be a high chance Jack might not survive it, something we couldn't bear to think of. The 3rd and final vet sympathized with my cry that there was just so many unanswered questions still seeing as Jack continued to rebound and no mass/tumor had been able to be detected, only the blood. She performed an ultrasound and blood work of her own while I prayed in the waiting room for a different prognosis, but she confirmed the blood was now not only in his left side (where the spleen is located) but in his right as well. She said although she could not get a clear look at the spleen, what she could see did not look normal, and she thought she could see a tiny something on his liver. If I wanted to go ahead with the splenectomy, it had to be right then and there for she feared he would suddenly decline in health again like he did the previous night. It was by far the hardest decision I have ever had to make, but opting to put my baby through a surgery that could potentially take his life, or if successful only buy him another few months of a possible pain-filled life, was something that I just could not do. I took him home instead, where we tried to give him the best last day we could - we visited his loved ones, ate cheeseburgers in the park, and walked his favorite trail one last time. We decided to have the vet come to our home, and we said goodbye as Jack peacefully laid in my lap and we told him how much we loved him. Our hearts are still beyond broken, and there are many days where I painfully struggle with the guilt from the decision I had to make - it is something I would not wish upon my worst enemy. I admire you brave souls who go ahead with the exploratory surgery and chemotherapy, I selfishly wish I would have done the same, but I know my boy was tired in the end and I wanted him to feel the comfort of his loved ones as he crossed that bridge. Jack was my best friend, my soul mate, and truly my everything - I feel for everyone who has ever had to endure this loss, but what a gift it is to be loved and to love a Golden. Thank you to everyone who continues to share their stories of their beloveds!


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

My heart goes out to you, it's a horrible and devastating diagnosis and unfortunately there are a lot of people here who understand your heartache. Please keep coming here and talking as you need to and sharing photos and stories of Jack when you are able, it really does help. This forum was a huge comfort to me with it's photos and Golden stories after the loss of my first Golden to cancer, and when I was ready, I learned how to find a reputable breeder for my future. I am so sorry for the loss of your gorgeous boy.


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## Neeko13 (Jul 10, 2010)

Im sorry to hear of your loss of Jack....it is heartbreaking making that decision. But what you did was selfless...you gave Jack away out of his pain....he thanks you for that...sounded like he was loved for seven years. Thats way too young to die, but unfortunately we have to say good bye to our friends much sooner than we would like. I myself had to make that decision twice, in six months time, it was not a good time for me... I was beside myself with grief, I kept busy, making shadowboxes, picking out urns for their ashes, and finding a perfect place for them in my home.. I wrote lots of stories, and posted pics, they were my heart and soul....but I found a new love, Neeko, not on purpose, but he found me, and I couldnt be happier..Oh I miss those 2 crazy dogs, Nitro & Nash, but they still hold a huge place in my heart, and I will never ever forget them... Prayers for you and your family as you try to get through your grief...


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## Caesar's Buddy (May 25, 2010)

I have gone through the same pain as you many times in the past. I am so sorry. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes for you. I know the pain is awful.

Hang in there.

Pat


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## dlmrun2002 (Mar 4, 2011)

Godspeed to your wonderful Jack. I hope he gets to play with all of our dogs who left us way to early. I hope you fell better soon.

dlm ny country

R.I.P. Jack


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## Duggie's Mom (Jan 30, 2017)

Kayla - Jack was so handsome. What a beautiful boy - I love the one of him smiling. He looks so happy. 

I'm so sorry for your loss :crying:


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## Sweet Girl (Jun 10, 2010)

That is just the saddest story. I'm so sorry. It is always devastating, but especially when the dog is so young. My heart goes out to you.


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## B and G Mom (Oct 29, 2014)

I'm so sorry, unfortunately we also know exactly what you went through. I'll never forget the moment I heard that awful word for the first time. 

Jack was a very handsome boy and your heartbreak is felt by all of us reading his story. I hope the good memories begin to comfort you.


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## Ginams (Jan 20, 2015)

I am so sorry for your loss of Jack and the heartbreak you are facing. Thank you for sharing him with us and please return when you feel a need to share stories about him. He was a beautiful boy.


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## murphy1 (Jun 21, 2012)

You are the epitome of a wonderful loving dog owner by putting Jack first. How lucky he was to have you. As I've said before, if you believe as I do, you'll see Jack again. I'm so sorry for your loss, I can say I know exactly how you feel. You will cry many times but never forget that wonderful loving face that looks down on you now, saying thank you.


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## alphadude (Jan 15, 2010)

I am very sorry to hear of Jack's passing due to this abominable disease. I lost my best friend Axl to it this past Labor Day @ 8.5 years old. He had a bleeding tumor on his spleen as well as one on his liver. I opted for surgery because he was an extremely strong, fit, and active for his age. I was told by several vets that saw him, that his heart and lungs were comparable to those of a much younger dog, due to his extremely active lifestyle. He had his spleen and a lobe of his liver removed, and came through it like a champ. We were given the prognosis of 1-3 months, possibly 6 with chemo. I of course expected him to beat the odds as he always did. He was able to come home for the 'long goodbye' which lasted exactly 40 days.

In retrospect, I still struggle with whether or not it was worth it to put him through all of that for a little over a month of extra time, the last week of which was *not* quality. Given a 'mulligan', I think I would have chosen the course you did.


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## Kayla2727 (Mar 28, 2017)

Alphadude,

Thank you for sharing your story about what you and your beautiful Axl went through. This disease is truly devastating, and as I said in my original post, I so admire your bravery and determination to do everything in your power to fight it. I recently saw someone write on here that Goldens are so loyal that they stay with us for as long as we need them for, which is obviously never going to be long enough, but what a gift Axl gave you for those 40 days. The grass is certainly always greener, because although you might envy the less invasive course I took, I would give anything for 40 extra days with Jack. I fear I was too hast in my goodbye, because it was all so painful and scary, and that's something I think I will always feel guilt over. I truly believe they will always be with us though, something you love so deeply forever becomes a part of us, and that we will see them again some day.


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## azzure (Dec 10, 2011)

So sorry...I lost my Gus this way last year at age 7. Terrible, terrible disease. Jack was a beautiful boy.


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## ceegee (Mar 26, 2015)

I'm so sorry. I went through almost the same thing with my Ruby in 2015; she had just turned 8 years old when I lost her to this crappy disease. I chose the same course of action as you, and wrote about the experience. The link is available in the first post of this thread: http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...bow-bridge/406866-losing-ruby-year-later.html

I wish you peace. It's a terrible thing to go through.


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## Wolfeye (Sep 15, 2015)

It's so hard to even read the story of your beautiful Jack. Thank you for sharing it - it must've taken great resilience to write it. While we always wish that they lived longer, healthy lives, all lives do end. My only words of comfort are that Jack's story is complete, and that it's a good book that you can open up time and time again to relive the happy moments, the special memories that made the story of you and Jack worth living. I'm so glad to see Alphadude and ceegee post here too and offer their condolences. Practically everyone here knows the tale of Ruby, and we all hoped and prayed that Axl would beat the odds. It's a dreadful disease that takes our pups away far too soon.

I wish you peace, when the grieving is done. Keep in mind that there's no time limit on grief. Sometimes it never completely goes away. I actually like the grief process. Each tear, to me, reaffirms the worth and wonder of a shared life.


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## Yaichi's Mom (Jul 21, 2012)

(((Kayla))) ...I am beyond sorry to read that you have become a member of a club that no-one wishes to belong to. 

I too lost my beloved Yaichi to the evil hemangiosarcoma in 2012....a terrible disease that comes like a freight train out of no-where, felling so many of our beloved dogs way before their time.

Please don't feel guilty for your decision. I think we all do, regardless of which ending came to be. You loved Jack with all your heart and he knew that. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful and precious boy....

My heart is with you in this time of great sadness.


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## 4goldengirls (Jun 10, 2014)

I'm so sorry for your and your poor pup. It is a devastating disease that sadly takes dogs way before their time. My sincere sympathies to you.


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## Altairss (Sep 7, 2012)

So sorry for your loss you did the selfless thing and put your dog first and gave him a wonderful spoiled together day. I was in your shoes not long ago and had to make the same decision it was not an easy one and one that seems to happen all too often. Your in our thoughts and prayers.


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## Laurie (Sep 20, 2009)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious boy. 

I lost a Golden boy to hemangiosarcoma as well. He was diagnosed when he was 11.5 years old. We opted for removal of the spleen but not chemotherapy. We were told he would have 3 to 6 months. We were one of the lucky ones as he survived another 17 months after surgery. He was 12.5 when we said good bye.

9 months ago, I lost my 7.5 year old boy to cancer as well but it wasn't hemangio this time. It was another form of aggressive cancer and we barely had time to react. We tried chemo but his prognosis was grave and we said good-bye 2 days after his first chemo treatment. Definitely the worst day of my life. I miss him terribly and it's still hard to believe he's gone.

My heart goes out to you and your family at this time.


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## Brinkleythegolden (Jun 18, 2012)

I lost my heartdog Fozzie to this when he was 8-It's awful! I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious furbaby!


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## alphadude (Jan 15, 2010)

Kayla2727 said:


> Alphadude,
> 
> Thank you for sharing your story about what you and your beautiful Axl went through. This disease is truly devastating, and as I said in my original post, I so admire your bravery and determination to do everything in your power to fight it. I recently saw someone write on here that Goldens are so loyal that they stay with us for as long as we need them for, which is obviously never going to be long enough, but what a gift Axl gave you for those 40 days. The grass is certainly always greener, because although you might envy the less invasive course I took, I would give anything for 40 extra days with Jack. I fear I was too hast in my goodbye, because it was all so painful and scary, and that's something I think I will always feel guilt over. I truly believe they will always be with us though, something you love so deeply forever becomes a part of us, and that we will see them again some day.


Kayla, regardless of the course chosen, we always second guess ourselves and feel guilty. "Why wasn't I able to save him?", "Why didn't I notice the signs, although subtle, that there was something terrible growing inside him?" I consider myself a strong individual but I can never 'unsee' the images of his horribly wasted body, that weeks before had been so lean and muscled, from a lifetime of extreme athletics, basically invert itself. The look of fear in his eyes asking for help at the very end, and the feeling of utter helplessness. He was the most fearless soul I ever encountered in my 53 years of life. Most on this forum knew of his exploits in two areas, catching discs at extreme distances and being utterly fearless.

Unfortunately, all we can really do is try to pick up the pieces and move on. People on here have been a great comfort because most have unfortunately experienced losing an irreplaceable 4 legged family member. You won't hear 'it was just a dog' here. Everyone tells me it gets easier as time passes (It's been just shy of 7 months for me now) and it does, but there is no expiration date on grief.

Once again I am so terribly sorry.


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## Kayla2727 (Mar 28, 2017)

Murphy 1,

Thank you so much for taking the time to message me. It was such an excruciating decision and an even harder one to make during a time where your dog seems relatively healthy and happy - on the outside, but we had seen what the decline could look like and we did not want to say goodbye to him during that time. I miss him beyond words, but people like you and this forum are making me feel far less alone.


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## Cpc1972 (Feb 23, 2015)

We lost Jake in Jan of 2015 to the same cancer. Since we didn't know what was wrong we had his abdomen drained. Then it was discovered it was cancer. When my parents went the next day to visit he was a happy normal dog. Draining it stabilized him. We brought him home and for two weeks you never knew he was sick. Then he had a small bleed but recovered the next day. Happy and normal dog again for a week. He then had a pretty major bleed. We had him out to sleep three weeks after disgnosis. For us we couldn't have him put to sleep on the day we found out because the vet stabilized him. When he comes in running with his tail wagging couldn't do it. It's crazy how he was normal for those three weeks. On the day he was out to sleep he fell backwards while sitting up trying to find my mom. Like the above post it was very sad when they are looking at you and you can't help.But we all do what we think is best. So sorry for the loss of your dog. Hopefully your heart will heal and you will get another one. Nothing healed our family more then gettin Chloe a month after he passed.


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## alphadude (Jan 15, 2010)

Cpc1972 said:


> For us we couldn't have him put to sleep on the day we found out because the vet stabilized him. When he comes in running with his tail wagging couldn't do it.


No way I would or could do that either.


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## Cody'sMom (Nov 7, 2010)

I lost my Cody this same way Dec 2016. 
But I was lucky. He was 13 so surgery was out of the question. 
We took him home, made him comfortable and were able to have 4 more weeks with him.

Jack was a stunning boy! And you are STILL his great mom!

Connie


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