# Feeling Guilty....



## Ash24 (Feb 20, 2012)

My 4 year old golden retriever, Vinny, died on January 29, 2012 due to complications from a liver shunt. He was in the ICU at Tufts Animal Hospital for 3 days. My husband and I went to see him the day before we had to let him go, and after sitting with him in his run for an hour, he started having seizures. The doctors asked us to leave when they started, but allowed us back an hour later. He was very sedated, as they had to drug him to stop the seizures. We got to give him kisses and tell him we love him, but he wasn't really there. We were hoping he'd wake up from the meds and the seizures would stop, but after many back and forth phone calls, that he was doing ok, that things were getting bad, but then some more hope, we were told there was nothing more they could do. He was having cluster seizures. The doctors asked us if we'd like to go say good-bye but we decided not to. I was hysterical and didn't feel like I could handle it. Now I can't stand the guilt I feel for letting him die alone. He was my heart, I can't stand living without him and feel like I failed him. The only time I wasn't there for him was when he needed me most. Is there anyone else who chose not to be there for that awful moment?? I miss him so much and this guilt is killing me.


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## mooselips (Dec 4, 2011)

He knew you were there.
Of course.
Dogs senses are WAY so much more than ours.

No reason to feel guilty......


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

Dear Ash, do not feel guilty. Vinny knows you love him more than anything. He told you his good bye earlier, at the time you were there, but you were too upset to notice that. He knows you were there for him for those beautiful four years you had together. I know how you feel. When my Buddy died, we had the vet coming to our place, my husband suggested I should go away, I said no. My husband held mu Buddy's head, I held his paw and had my hand on his heart. My daughter age of 20, Buddy was her dog at first, said her good bye and left, she could not handle it. I felt guilty later one why did not I hold his head. But it would not change anything, my Buddy knows how much I love him. I am sorry it still hurts a lot.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

Please, please be easy. You in no way failed your boy. A part of him was with you then and is with you now. As long as you have love and memories in your heart, you are never without him. It doesn't matter if it's a dog or a person. I believe this with all my heart. Allow yourself to grieve. Check in here for support. Peace to you.


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## HolDaisy (Jan 10, 2012)

Please don't feel guilty, you were there for Vinny when it mattered throughout his life and he knew that he was so loved. We lost our Daisy aged 3 a few weeks before you lost Vinny and I'll never forget those last few moments with her  Vinny would completely understand and he wouldn't mind, you looked after him and gave him a wonderful 4 years


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## Maisie (Mar 9, 2012)

I am so sorry


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## AlanK (Jun 28, 2008)

Im so sorry about the your loss of Vinny. Your love for him is obvious. 

Please do not feel guilty, everyone handles these situations differently. We all understand.


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## ggdenny (Nov 2, 2008)

I'm so sorry that you lost Vinny. How heartbreaking. Believe me when I say this: the guilt has to go away with time. You were wonderful, loving and responsible parents, and Vinny knows that. I've lost 2 goldens under slightly different circumstances, but each time I felt so much guilt. I felt like as the parent it was my job, my duty, to give my doggies a long and happy life, no matter what disease may come. Guilt is natural and it's okay. Be kind to yourself and remember all the good times with Vinny. Bless you.


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## Bob-N-Tash (Feb 24, 2008)

Sorry to hear that you lost your Vinny at such a young age. 

About your feeling guilty. You can't change the past. But I think that feeling guilty is often a part of the greiving process. No matter what happened, in retrospect we find ourselved re-examing the decisions that we made. Did I give up too soon? Did I wait too long? What more could I have, should I have done? 

You have to accept that at the time that the decision was made it was the right one for both you and Vinny.


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## desi.n.nutro (Mar 18, 2011)

Dear Ash24,

I am sorry for your loss. My dear, sweet Blake died on the 29th too. My husband wasn't home and I had walked away from Blake to call him and to get ready to go to the Vet. When I walked back to where he was resting, he was gone. When I called my husband back he was very worried that Blake died "alone" with only his friend Abbi by his side. My thought , Blake gave me a gift. He knew how sad I was and how worried I was and he didn't want me to go through that. Trust these guys when they say Vinny had already said goodbye. Once you are a little further down the road from your tremendous broken heart, you will see that he couldn't have handled seeing you so sad and you are his whole heart too. Your sweet Vinny died with your kisses and love in his heart. I see Blake and Vinny having great fun with each other and missing us dearly. Almost as dearly as we miss them.


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## Sally's Mom (Sep 20, 2010)

You did the right thing. Dogs sense when their owners are really upset, so it was probably less stressful for Vinny that way. I believe that we all have to do what we can handle, no one passes judgment. In fact, my childhood vet, did not allow us to watch... My husband and I have euthanized many of our pets together.. My Cookie, who went to the Bridge in June was very hard for us. Neither one of us was up for the duty, and I asked a colleague of mine to euthanize her. Let me tell you, it is the hardest thing in the world to come to grips with. All the guilt surrounding if you did the right thing and then actually making the decision that today is the day. It is very hard and eventually(some day in the distant future), not as painful. Cookie's passing still eats away at me....


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## Sally's Mom (Sep 20, 2010)

And liver shunts are tough. Did you tell the breeder? It is thought to have some hereditary basis...


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## Dallas Gold (Dec 22, 2007)

Ash, I'm so sorry. I've been where you were--our very first golden had a suspected splenetic tumor and underwent a splenectomy. We dropped him off at the vet and thought we'd be back that night to transport him to the ER for monitoring. The surgeon called us just a few minutes after we arrived back home and told us the cancer was everywhere and he didn't think we should allow him to wake up but let him go on the table. We were in shock and agreed--and later both of us felt guilty for not being there with him during his final moments. Just a few years later we were in a similar but different situation-- our sweet dear Barkley underwent a splenectomy but received a hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. When he began to deteriorate with little hope of recovery we had to make the decision to euthanize him--it was one of the worst experiences ever. We were there to say goodbye to him but it was so tough because we wanted him to not be afraid and feed off our emotions, but we were emotionally upset and already grieving. It took every fiber in my body not to break down in a sobbing cry. It was just as bad as our first time losing a dog. It's just not easy no matter what. 

I hope you can put any guilty feelings out of your mind because you have nothing to feel guilty about. Vinny died knowing how much you loved him and that's what matters.


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## Always51 (Feb 19, 2012)

so sorry for you....big hugs and there is no way you should feel guilty..he knew you loved him......


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## Blondie (Oct 10, 2009)

I am so very sorry for your loss of Vinny. It is heartbreaking to say goodbye. He knew you loved him. You did everything you could for him. Please go easy on yourself. Do something in his loving memory that will help you heal. Make a scrapbook, or a shadow box with his collar, leash and tags, along with your favorite picture. If you had Vinny cremated, there is a woman in Nashua, NH who makes jewelry using 1 tsp of cremains. Here is here website: *[email protected]*


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## coffenut (Jan 3, 2012)

Ash24 said:


> He was my heart, I can't stand living without him and feel like I failed him. The only time I wasn't there for him was when he needed me most. Is there anyone else who chose not to be there for that awful moment?? I miss him so much and this guilt is killing me.


Oh I completely understand what you are going through. When my dog, Missy, died, I too chose not to be there because I just couldn't face it. I still suffer the guilt even though I know she knew that she always was and will be with me. She was 18.5 when she died I had her since the day she was born. It took me 12 years to get another dog and that dog was Mazlon. When my heart cat, Misha, died I was with him as a result of not being there with Missy. To this day, I can still feel his heart stop under my fingers. I, honestly, don't know which is worse. I was also with Mazlon on Nov 21 when I had to say goodbye to her. There isn't a day that passes that I don't cry when I think of her despite having a goofy 10 week old puppy.

All I am saying is that the guilt and dispair you feel, you would feel regardless of whether you were with him or not. He is waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge, frolicking around chasing butterflies and running happily through green meadows. Every time you think of him, he is there with you, watching over you. {{{hugs}}}}


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## PrincessDi (Jun 8, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss of precious Vinny. Grieving can be so cruel. So many times we are haunted in hine site. Your Vinny would not want you second guessing yourself. He knows that you were there for him and did everything that you could do for him.


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## Jingers mom (Feb 10, 2012)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your Vinny new you loved him. I'm sure you've heard stories that people have a loved one that is very ill; they sit by the bedside for hours and then leave the room for a short time and return to find their loved one has passed. My belief is that sometimes we are not supposed to be with our loved ones when they pass be it a human or a furbaby. Know in your heart that your Vinny loved you for all your love and kindness and he knows just how much you loved him. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Ash*

Ash

Vinny knew you were THERE IN SPIRIT and he knew how much you loved him.
He would want you to forgive yourself. Vinny wasn't alone-the doctors and nurses were there and I am sure he could FEEL YOUR LOVE.


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

Ash, pretty soon your Vinny will come to visit you in your dreams to let you know he is ok and everything is fine. Many of us experienced that. You may check out this link:

http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com/golden-retriever-rainbow-bridge/88371-signs.html

I read somewhere in these dogs and afterlife books that they need time to recover from transition, from living on our plane and to figure out how "the system works" and then, they come for a visit.


"There is a bridge of mem­o­ries
from earth to Heaven above…
It keeps our dear ones near us

It’s the bridge that we call love."
- Author unknown

Hugs to you.


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## musicgirl (Jul 26, 2009)

The week Teddy fell ill and died, I was away at school. That week though, we had a free week where I could have gone home. Instead, I stayed at school and had my boyfriend come up. In the middle of it, I got the call from my dad that Teddy was sick. Four days later I got the one from my mom telling me there was no more Teddy.

I still feel guilty that I chose not to go home that week. I think I always will. He was my baby, and if there was a time I wished I could be with him, it was then. But I know he knew on some level that I was there, and that I loved him. I know Vinny too, knew you were with him. There are no right ways to say goodbye, there are no happy endings. You did everything you could, and you did it for Vinny. Vinny knew you were there.


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## goldensmum (Oct 23, 2007)

So sorry for your loss of Vinny, he knew as he crossed to the bridge that you loved him so much

Run free play hard and sleep softly Vinny


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## caseypooh (Dec 30, 2010)

I am so sorry, I believe we all do what we are supposed to do during those awful times. This is the only way I can get through what I did for my sweet Casey. It's been over 1 year and I still go through the what ifs, not as often but it's still there. You love your Vinny and you did what he would have wanted you to do.


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