# Its doesnt seem to be getting any easier...



## coppers-mom (Jan 9, 2009)

Jess,
It does get easier, but it does take time. I had Copper longer than I had any other dog (I rescue seniors so only 6 years and 16 days with him) and I am having a hard time with this. It seems like it was easier with my other dogs, but I don't really know.
I cry and I miss him just like you do Kody. I have lost 4 dogs, 1 horse and 4 cats (I believe - don't want to count right now) in the last 9 years so I unfortunately have experience with this.
I skipped thanskgiving with my family after I lost my GR Chance 4 years ago. It was 11/18/2006 and I could't even pretend to want to be around people that soon. do what you need to this christmas.
As Samson fills the void I believe it will get easier and time heals all wounds they say.
How much time just depends and give yourself all the time you need.


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## goldyjlox (Jun 27, 2010)

Thanks. Comforting to know that we are going through this together...and that our babies are together up there, Kody loved all other goldens its like he knew his own kind.


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## musicgirl (Jul 26, 2009)

You are 100% not alone in what you're feeling. I think about Teddy every night before I go to bed. His picture is on my bedside table. I cry whenever I look at it. 
This is a difficult time, but you just need to take it one day at a time. Feel free to talk about how you're feeling if you're having a bad day, we're all here to listen and help.
I'll say again what another member said before...well..something similar.."don't be sad that they're gone, be happy they were here".
It helps me a lot knowing how much we shared, how much he loved my family and how much my family loved him, even my brother, who never shows emotions, broke down when Teddy passed. It's hard and we wish these wonderful souls could live forever, but we need to accept that they don't. We can cherish the memories they've left us, the loved they showed, and how they enriched our lives.
Big hugs to you and I hope you start feeling better


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## goldyjlox (Jun 27, 2010)

Thanks. Your teddy crossed over the week after my Kody did, so sad. I am sorry for your loss also, its hard to look at his photos which are all over my house. I know that it will get easier, its just going to take time. Samson is helping me cope, he is just so darn cute that you cant help but fall in love with him. 

'don't be sad that they're gone, be happy they were here"....I like that!!!


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## Florabora22 (Nov 30, 2008)

It does get easier. I was an emotional wreck for probably the first 6 months of Carmella's passing. The first month I actually didn't eat well nor did I sleep well, I was so upset. I still think a lot about Carmella, and how much she would love Flora, and even thinking about her brings tears to my eyes (like right now, lol), but they are no longer tears of pain... they are warm tears of remembrance. I am no longer sad when I think of Carmella. She makes me smile.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so, so hard to lose a cherished friend, but you will feel better over time.


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## sophiesadiehannah's mom (Feb 11, 2007)

it will get easier, however your pup will always be in your heart, i have had 3 pups of my own cross over and i still miss them, in fact my first golden's name was roxanne or roxy for short and she has been gone about 7 years, i find myself calling my sophie roxy at times because she looks and acts like her.


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## Claire's Friend (Feb 26, 2007)

It's not getting any better for me either. I just keep telling myself, that I just need to get through the holidays. Everything seems to have a joy theme this year. I am seeing a Grief Counselor next week. Maybe that will help??????


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## k9mom (Apr 23, 2009)

I wish we all lived close to each other then we can visit in person. I've had a bad last couple of day. Dec 5 was 1 mo for Nugget. Nugget use to love taking her medicine up until the last two days then she seemed to resist. Well I put some of her ashes in one of her medicine bottles and I fall asleep holding it. 
I'm sorry for for loss


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## goldyjlox (Jun 27, 2010)

I am sorry for the loss of all your golden companions. I wish we all lived closer too, at least we can all talk here and that is comforting.


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## Duke's Momma (Mar 1, 2007)

Believe me those of us who have lost our beloved companions know exactly how you feel. Everyone is different and the grieving process is also different for everyone.

I still cry over Duke. I never, ever want him to become a distant memory which is what I was so afraid of. Now, with Cole - so many things he does reminds me of my bridge puppy that it helps. Sampson will help as well.

I'm so sorry for your loss and all the losses we have all endured this past year. I'm so ready for this year to be OVER!


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## cubbysan (Mar 13, 2007)

Everybody deals with losses differently. 

Personally, I think it is better to to feel all this pain now, rather than to suppress it for later.

Your loss is still quite new and fresh, it will take time. I think I averaged about 4 - 6 months before the pain no longer felt so raw. I also think the first pet is often the hardest and the rawest, but trust me it does get easier.

I find that after a loss of a pet, I need to get out of the house as much as possible. It makes it easier for me to heal.


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

It helps if you have people who, really know how it feels, i wish we knew each other, like have a cup of coffee together, or something, that would be nice, holidays are just tough, for me, and those that have lost more than one dog, in the same year, i don't know how you do it, that would be extra hard.


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## coppers-mom (Jan 9, 2009)

I know BC is out of my country, but if any one else wants to call they can. I'll call back from home if needed since I have unlimited long distance.

Of course, I am still a big fat crybaby so talking takes me a few minutes.
(864) 506-6212
Teresa


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## Dallas Gold (Dec 22, 2007)

It's really tough and it takes time. Your loss is still so fresh, so raw. Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve. We lost our beloved Golden Barkley on 4/30 and I'm just now feeling steady on my feet so to speak. Some days are better than others. 

I knew that one thing that would help me deal with Barkley's loss was to permanently memorialize him in some way. If you haven't done so, it might help. It can be really anything--writing a poem, a letter, a memorial service, a donation of cash, unused medications or supplies to an animal charity in your dog's memory, volunteer work done in his memory or making some other lasting remembrance. The grief experts say this act helps many people and gives them a way to keep their dog's memory alive somehow. 

In our case we donated Barkley's unused medications and supplies to our vet's 501 c rescue. We also gave them a cash donation in Barkley's memory in honor of all the veterinarians who cared for him during his final battle. We also purchased a memorial tile in his name that will be on the floor of the veterinary clinic. I also wrote personal thank you notes to each of his veterinarians (5 of them!) and the staff at the clinic. It was very hard to do, but it helped me so much to do this. I journaled my feelings during his cancer journey and after he died I wrote a book detailing our feelings and emotions, memories of him and what we learned through the experience. It was cathartic for me, though it will never be a best seller. Then I organized the thousands of photos of him and created a photo book of our favorites. I did the same thing for the videos we took of him during his life. These are the permanent and personal reminders of Barkley that I'll take with me to the nursing home with me when that time comes in my life. 

Posting here is very therapeutic as well. There are a lot of kind supportive members here who want to help.

It's absolutely normal to grieve more as the holidays approach as memories of times past come to mind. At first I dreaded the approaching holidays, then I realized Barkley would not want that--he LOVED them and wouldn't want us to be sad on his account. I also realized Toby, our other Golden, is here with us right now and he deserves to have a good Christmas no matter what else is going on--especially because we only have a limited number of years to celebrate with him too. So I'm putting on a brave face and trying to create a new normal for us, with new holiday memories and new traditions. I still have my Bridge Boys stockings hanging in the house and I still have their photo ornaments on a wreath we hang inside. They are still here with me, just in a different form--in spirit. At the same time we are doing some things a little different this year, trying to create new memories to ease the sting of missing Barkley so much. It's a work in progress but hopefully we'll come out okay in the end.


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## mygoldenkids (Oct 4, 2010)

Jess, your situation is identical to mine. I lost my Maggie on Aug 6, and not a day goes by that I don't think about her. She was my first golden and such a perfect dog in every way. She was also my only kid (I don't have any human children.) I had to put her at peace, and that image was stuck in my mind for a very long time. However, as time has passed, I now have erased that image from my mind, and have instead replaced that with all the images of her when she was happy. They gave me a clay paw print as well. I keep this next to a beautiful urn, in which I keep her ashes and her collar. I can't speak for the tattoo, but what I can tell you is that Kody will always be with you, ink or no ink. I would give it a little time before getting a permanent tattoo--if you still feel as strongly after some time has passed, it would be a nice tribute. (I'm not against tattoos--I have one--but I do know that it's a decision best left for a less emotional state of mind.) 

I got my puppy Molly a little less than a month later. At first it was hard because it was like having a little Maggie around. I'll tell you--she definitely has her own personality, and I no longer confuse the two! 

As for the kids...they are talking about Kody because that's how kids deal w/ loss. I'm sure it's hard to hear. I still get choked up when talking about Maggie. I think it's okay to show the side to your kids that's not as strong. They should know that it's okay to mourn a loss. Perhaps tell them "Mommy is having a hard day today because I still miss Kody very much. Would you mind if we talk about something else?"

As for the holidays--I'm a firm believer that it helps to be around people that love you. If you make the choice to go to your in-laws, it will be difficult. However, I think that the first Christmas will be difficult no matter which house you are at. I know my Christmas will be difficult this year.

I like to think of those reminders that sadden us is our dogs' ways of letting us know that they are still very much a part of us--that we did our job well--they were loved and cherished.


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## goldyjlox (Jun 27, 2010)

Thanks everyone, brings tears to my eyes reading these. I sometimes think that I am dreaming and that I will wake up and Kody will be sitting beside me, I never really thought I would lose him. And I guess I never really thought I would feel this empty that he is gone.
Samson is so different then Kody, this guy is alot of work...definately keeping me on my toes. I am glad that he doesnt look so much like him either, but remembering back to when Kody was a puppy, he was alot of work too but I didnt have kids so it was different. We have already talked about rescuing another golden when Sam is older, I think it would have helped if there was another golden there for comfort. We had talked about getting another but never did.


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## Florabora22 (Nov 30, 2008)

Having a puppy after losing a cherished golden is hard, imo. I got Flora about 6 months after Carmella passed and it was very rough for me. But now it's totally different. I know you love Samson, but that love will just explode in a few months, believe me. Flora really helped me in letting go of Carmella. I still think about Carmella frequently, and she still brings tears to my eyes, but as I said before, it's now a happy thing for me to remember rather than a sad and painful thing. Samson will help you with your grief.


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