# Did I bring home the wrong puppy?



## maximilian (Dec 10, 2012)

I have a 10-week-old, super adorable fella I brought home a week ago. But I’m wondering if we’re mismatched. I really hope not, but here’s what’s what:

My first-ever Golden, Max, was my soul pup. We bonded instantly and fell completely in love in about 10 minutes. I would have taken a bullet or given a kidney for that dog—he was so, so special and so, so close to me. I devoted my days to him. We hiked about 8 miles in the woods and swam in the nearby river or at the lake place every day. He went everywhere with me. He slept in my bed. He was my 24/7 companion and my best friend in the world. There was nothing like him. My son and boyfriend teased that they were just afterthoughts to Max. At not even three years of age, he was diagnosed with osteosarcoma. Imagine my devastation. We amputated, tried chemo, tried everything. For six months, he was a glorious tripawd and did everything he ever did on four legs. But the cancer took over his body, and nothing we could do could save him. I spent every one of those days by his side, spoiling him, sleeping on the floor with him, sitting outside and watching the clouds drift by, doing whatever he wanted. He passed away in October—not quite six months ago. I suffered through a sad winter after, and nothing fills his profound absence. My grieving is far from over.

Everyone told me to get another dog, but I thought it would be years before I was ready for another Golden. My boyfriend saw an ad and persuaded me to take a look at the litter. The breeder is reputable, and the parents are magnificent—gorgeous, sweet dogs with impressive pedigree. As irresistible as the puppies were, it was the parents who sold me.

The breeder recommended a boy from the litter who she said would be perfect for my needs: a loving companion, a fellow hiker, a best friend. I trusted her suggestion and went with him. I’ve named him Leo in honor of Max’s lion heart. He’s been home with me for a week… but I’m struggling a little bit.

He’s VERY independent and quite smart, already responding to some light training (sit, come). He follows me around and regards me as Person Number One, but he doesn’t seem to LOVE me—he won’t snuggle closely, and no puppy kisses. I pet him and kiss him and scratch his tummy, and he seems to like it, but he doesn’t respond to it—no licks, no paw. He’s absolutely obsessed with going outside. He whines and paws at the door. I have a third-floor condo, so there’s no yard for him to go hang out in. I have to go up and down two flights of stairs to take him in and out. This wasn’t a problem with Max—we went for long hikes and walks around the neighborhood and then just came inside. I’m not trying to compare him to Max—I want him to be who he is and appreciate his unique character—but I need him to love me. He seems slightly indifferent, or at least way more preoccupied with the world around him.

Am I overreacting? I just feel really disheartened? Is he showing deep-seated traits (himself over me, a need to be stimulated always) or just new puppy curiosities and quirks? Max was the only other dog I’ve ever had, and he was perfect. I’m smitten with Leo and really, really want this to work, but I don’t want to get too far down the road with him if it’s a mistake. Any insight or experience on this subject? I would be so grateful.


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

Many puppies who are that young aren't all lovey and snuggly. That doesn't mean they won't be, it's just they're distracted with all the new things in their world. Training sessions, lots of play, will forge the bond that you're looking for, perhaps just not in the immediate time frame you're seeking. The fact that he follows you around and looks to you as his person is good news. Just allow him time to mature and grow into himself because whether you want to or not, you are comparing him to Max. I'm sorry you lost your heart dog so young; cancer is the bane of golden lovers' existence, and most people here know the devastation of that diagnosis. Give little Leo time, attention, training and affection and he will become another beloved dog to help fill that empty spot in your heart that Max left behind.


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

> but I need him to love me





> I don’t want to get too far down the road with him if it’s a mistake.


I'm not sure if it's wise for me to respond, but here goes.

I'm trying to understand what on earth goes through a person's head to consider returning a puppy just because it doesn't love the person enough. 

I don't think it's necessary to have that close bond with a dog and have that dog giving you his whole heart... before you value that dog. 

If you ever heard the thingy - "If you love something, let it free... if it's meant to be, return to me"... I always had that in my head with each puppy we brought home. 

Our #1 and #2 goldens - they gave their hearts to my oldest sister. They were family dogs. They loved everyone - but they especially loved her. 

Never occurred to me to not value those dogs because they loved me less than they loved my sister! 

#3 golden was independent and not over affectionate. He bonded with the #2 boy best. Literally - he gave his heart to that other dog. They lived to old age together... that whole time, he was my dog. I still remember the way his head smelled. If you ever smell honeysuckle or those weird weeds that look like dandelions but they actually have a sweet flower like fragrance - that's what my Danny smelled like. To this day, I remember how touching his head, kissing his face, holding him, looking at him and so on... made me happy. It didn't really matter to me whether he was "my" heart dog the same way the #1 and #2 boys had been heart dogs for my oldest sister. I gave my heart to that dog. Even today, looking at pictures and remembering him... still makes me happy. That's love.

My Jacks... was the first dog to be mine absolutely. I still remember the exact moment where I looked down at his little puppy face (he was about 3-1/2 months or so) during a quick walk... and he was looking up at me. And as I smiled down at him, his face lit up and he started prancing for me. It was like a string pulling between us. That was the first time I've had any dog give his heart to me. It's not about being licked or having a dog give you paw... Jacks was our mouthiest puppy by the way. He didn't lick when he felt VERY HAPPY AND LOVVY... he mouthed.  And he's completely mine. We apparently have some kind of crazy bond where he knows when coming home when I've been away. Doesn't matter the irregular times or length of time - about 20-30 minutes before I pull up the driveway, he starts pacing and watching the windows for me. He's one of those dogs who - his whole heart is in his face when he looks at you. I've told my sister this as well... my younger dog will wag his tail for anyone or any reason... when my Jacks wags his tail - it's because he loves you and he's happy. 

Bertie was an independent puppy and actually when I was checking out the litter, he flunked a few of the little tests I did to determine if he had the traits I wanted. One of his brothers did the retrieve thing, wanted to be in my space, was crawling in my lap and wanted to snuggle and so on... Bertie meanwhile was nonstop movement chasing and playing with his brothers, after which point he was skittering away from everyone to crash under the furniture. His brother was a better choice based on the tests, however for sensible reasons - Bertie was a better choice. He was bound to have the health, confidence, and agility I wanted in a dog. Bertie was my first puppy who right from the beginning curled up right by my face at bedtime that first night and slept pretty much the whole time with either his face scrunched up and touching my face or propping his feet on me. And he just over time continued to grow more affectionate. To this day, he loves being touched. I joke with people at shows not to pet him because he won't leave them alone afterwards - he'll keep going up and trying to tuck his head under their arms to make them hug him or he'll be climbing up into their laps. Around 4-5 months - he also started showing definite signs of just being my dog. This is a dog who to this day - he will come up and push his nose/muzzle against my face and wait for me to kiss him. And sometimes he will hang out with his muzzle right there so I can keep kissing him (LOL). Licks and tail wags with this boy are meaningless in the grand scheme of things - because he licks and wags for everyone and everything. 

I still love Jacks best because he went through hard times with his anxiety issues - a lot of which involved me protecting him and taking care of him. And that's a kind of bond that gets stronger with more problems you throw in there. But Bertie is very close 2nd in my heart. 

Oh heck - I love our cat! LOL. And a huge show of affection from Lu - is him walking in a room that you are in, plopping down somewhere you can see him, and he will give you his "sunny eyes" and wink at you. 

I'm typing all this out while being on the road by myself for the night. I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow because I made special arrangements to go back and fetch my dogs and my sister for the rest of the week that I have to be away from home. I miss them so much! And I hate being alone in a hotel room. 

Long schpeel said... I want to reiterate and probably not as eloquently as I did a few minutes ago before the darn backspace button wiped out everything I said! 

To love a creature... it shouldn't be a primary requirement to be loved back. A lot of different animals love in their own ways. Even when you aren't their main person. It doesn't matter and it really isn't a reason to return a dog. My opinion anyway.


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## Harleysmum (Aug 19, 2014)

What if little Leo was thinking "I wish she loved me as much as she loved Max". Of course he isn't but he could be. When my first child was born I had no feelings for her at all. It was only on day four when they brought her to me in a little red nightdress and it made her poor little jaundiced face look suntanned that I was overcome by a feeling of complete love. And on a completely different slant I have found with other animals that they can be more interested in you if you ignore them. Ignore the cat and it will soon want to sit on your lap. Ignore the horse and it soon comes over to see what you are up to. Don't try and force the relationship but let it develop at its own pace and it surely will.


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## AmberSunrise (Apr 1, 2009)

I keep reading this and well, am saddened. Not only for your obvious heartbreak, but for your Leo - even named for your Max, not himself.

Do you think you can embrace Leo for all he is and see the world through his eyes? A whole new bright & shining world, to explore and get to know. A bright place but a place where nothing is yet familiar? A new family where there is a sadness he doesn't know how to address?

When you 'kiss' him (btw; this is a learned behavior for many dogs and they don't like it at first), are you seeing Leo in front of you or are you mourning Max? 

Let Leo learn his world and give him the space and gentle guidance he needs - he cannot go on 8 mile walks yet, he needs to climb up and down those flights of stairs for potty breaks, he needs to see where that leaf is blowing, where the breezes are carrying those scents, where those other dogs have left calling cards. 

Look into his beautiful eyes and see all he has to offer you - don't rush the connection, it will bloom in its own time as you get to know each other and train him in all he needs to know about living in your world. 

Good luck with your puppy ; he can never be Max but that is as it should be. He is with you to be Leo; on his own terms.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

maximilian said:


> ....Any insight or experience on this subject? I would be so grateful.


It is hard to bring home the next puppy after you've lost your first Golden, especially if that first one was special. I have been there and what I vividly remember was being hit with the realization that I had lost a compatriot, a companion - an adult soul. Now in his place (I was a one dog household) I had a needy handful of a baby. It is the same way with human babies and puppies: mostly take, take, take. Not too much giving until that first moment they put their arms around your neck and hug you (Holy cow, do you remember that amazing feeling of your toddler hugging you?) Well, it's the same with the puppy. There's going to be a lot of taking for a while and it's going to be some time before he is mature enough to do much giving. 

You're not the only one to have these feelings, but I will admit I"m surprised that you are expecting so much from a baby. All relationships take time to develop and dogs are no different. Your expectations from Max were much lower because you had never lived with a Golden before. Now you have set the bar for Leo pretty darn high, he deserves the investment of time and attention and training that you gave the first time so that he, too, can develop into a great dog. But he will never be Max.

I'm going to take a little leap here and make a guess: is your son your only child? People with multiple children learn early on that it is possible to have great love for multiple children but they can be for different reasons, for different gifts that each child has. I have 3 kids, I adore them all individually for vastly different personalities. It's time for you to let Max go and start learning about all the gifts that Leo is bringing to your life. 

Start investigating new things to do with Leo that you've never done before. Get out of your comfort zone and look for new adventures, new places to hike, a new place for him to swim etc. Start searching for a serious dog training club, one where they teach agility, competition obedience, rally etc. and get involved. (It's not too soon) Plan on taking classes with Leo consistently and make a commitment to do it for the first two years of his life. Develop new friends, interests and habits that are things you've only done with Leo. If he is independent and smart, the sky is the limit on what you can do with him. You said yourself that he sees you as his #1 human, now start working with that. 

This is a puppy who you've only had a week, you've described a normal, bright, loving Golden pup who is slightly more independent that your previous dog. You're the adult, the leader, and it's up to you to help him grow into the dog he has the potential to be. He will not grow up to be Max, but if you will invest the time and training and accept him as an individual, he will grow up to be an amazing Leo. (Incidentally, I absolutely love his name and I hope you will share some photos of him with us.)


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## Kathy4807 (Feb 9, 2016)

We lost our golden 14 years ago and brought our new puppy home 3 weeks ago. Our dog Nicky was absolutely the best dog...he would lie his head in my sons snuggli seat and sleep, and was the best behaved easy going dog. Our new puppy the 1st couple weeks was a handful but also the most sweet loving puppy. The past week she's just mellowed and become one of the family. If we go on walks she won't walk till we are all together. She knows her family. I'm sure your new puppy will bond with you and you won't imagine life without him. I know we can't. Good luck with Leo, he's a lucky boy.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

A facebook friend who is a long time Golden breeder just posted this on facebook and I thought it might be something that could be helpful to you:

https://nancytanner.com/2016/04/11/the-misunderstanding-of-time/


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## The life of Piper (Feb 24, 2015)

Thats exactly what piper was like! I thought the same thing! She is now the most wknderful dog I could have asked for!


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## maximilian (Dec 10, 2012)

Wow--lotta judgement out there. Trust me: I'm completely smitten with Leo. I named him in honor of Max the same way you name a child for his grandparents. It's a tribute, not an expectation. I know he will be different. He even looks different, and I'm glad for that. I told Max's story to give some context for my situation with Leo and explain that, besides Max, I'm a rookie at this. I pour everything into a dog--I can't help it. They aren't pets to me, but true companions and family members. I'm sure you can all relate to that. 

It was Leo's best interest I had at heart when asking for advice. My own, too, of course. Yes, I know all about training. Yes, I will take him new places to hike. I will absolutely give him the best life within my power. Clearly I'm not a heartless person--look how I cared for Max. 

I just wondered if there were ever any tragic mismatches out there. Didn't expect a barrage of condescension.


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## maximilian (Dec 10, 2012)

The life of Piper said:


> Thats exactly what piper was like! I thought the same thing! She is now the most wknderful dog I could have asked for!


Thank you! That is heartening to hear!


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

> Didn't expect a barrage of condescension.


It was actually a barrage of sincerity. 

Condescension... to me... comes with fake smiles and fake words. Saying stuff to make you feel better (regardless of what they may say or think privately) as opposed to actually being honest to your face.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

Before you know it, Leo will hold a very special place in your heart just as Max does. 
Hope you'll share pictures of Leo with us.


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## Tennyson (Mar 26, 2011)

maximilian said:


> Thank you! That is heartening to hear!


To spare you from more War and Peace posts just give you and Leo a bit more time. It took my boy about 2-3 weeks to adjust.
It's all been good.


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## maximilian (Dec 10, 2012)

Megora said:


> It was actually a barrage of sincerity.
> 
> Condescension... to me... comes with fake smiles and fake words. Saying stuff to make you feel better (regardless of what they may say or think privately) as opposed to actually being honest to your face.


All right, let's just call it a barrage of holier-than-thou high-mindedess. I'm looking at you, Megora. Much as I was awed by your riveting self-tribute to your endless fount of animal love--even the cat, gasp!--it was utterly unhelpful.

Sometimes, when people confess to feeling unsure and uneasy in a late-night forum post, they're just looking for a little support and understanding. An I've-been-there-too pep talk. Words of encouragement. Loving a new puppy in the midst of grief is bound to have its rough patches--that sort of thing. 

One of the most helpful resources during Max's amputation and cancer treatment was the a Tripawds community forum. Those people are so, so nice and supportive. We should try to me more like that here. Not so much one-upping and showing off expertise.


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## Sweet Girl (Jun 10, 2010)

I didn't read any condescension in any of the replies - just honesty. 

I think Nolefan's response was spot on. I, too, lost my heart and soul dog after 12 years. I never thought I'd be able to have another dog, let alone love another one the way I loved her. (And I will just add here that she was a very independent Golden. She was not a snuggler, she was good being in the same room as me, or on the couch, but she didn't need to be on top of me. But we had the strongest bond you could ever have. So it IS possible to have that even if you don't have a snuggler). But I DO love my new Golden. Not more or less - just along with. 

The thing to keep in mind is that your new puppy has only been on this earth for a few short weeks. You and your home are totally new to him. Why should he love you right away? He needs to get to know you first.  But trust me, it will happen. Puppies are like babies - they need a lot, they are a lot of work. But the bond develops as you are caring for him, teaching him new things, experiencing life together. The dog you remember was a grown up who had spent years with you. Your new pup will get there with love and caring. In six months, you will look back on this post and think, how could I ever have worried about this?


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## Kmullen (Feb 17, 2010)

I think people are giving you a different opinion or insight. If you are not happy with him, please return him to the breeder where someone will be matched better for him.

BTW: my oldest puppy was like that. She is now the love of my life!


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## BrianO (Apr 7, 2016)

Give it some time. What you are feeling is normal.

The first time around, you fell easily because you had a whole heart to give.

This time, part of your heart is occupied. You are still grieving. This time, the fall into love may be subtle. You might not realize you have gotten to that head over heals until you have a near miss and feel your heart in your throat. 

Your feelings are normal. 

Find reasons to celebrate the new relationship you have with Leo. It may be a serendipity sort of love that is growing: one that will surprise you with joy when you are least expecting it.


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## Wenderwoman (Jan 7, 2013)

I was going to write a long answer because I have three dogs and they all show affection in different ways and our relationships have changed over the years. Just know that every dog shows affection differently and it will change over time. Be open to accepting affection however they show it.

Most importantly, he will love you. If you are a loving and kind owner, don't worry, I can't imagine he won't love you.


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

maximilian said:


> All right, let's just call it a barrage of holier-than-thou high-mindedess. I'm looking at you, Megora. Much as I was awed by your riveting self-tribute to your endless fount of animal love--even the cat, gasp!--it was utterly unhelpful.


Maximilian, instead of assuming stuff about what people are saying - please take the time to read it as it was intended. I'm not going to bend over backwards to talk down to you. As I said, when people do the fake smile and "sweetie" routine to you - that in of itself is condescending. 

My thoughts last night were something of a recoil as far as the concept of somebody getting rid of a puppy because that puppy doesn't love them. 

The reason why I did my so-called War and Peace post was walking you through the history of dogs that I've owned and loved. Each dog was special. Each dog was loved. Each dog was memorable. Regardless of specific bonds with that dog. It doesn't always have to be naval gazing as far as relationships with the creatures we own and care for. 

The special heart-dog relationship thing isn't a guarantee with every dog you own. And it doesn't matter. Because love shouldn't be dependent on being loved. Love is something you give regardless. You are a parent - so this is something you know better than me. At some point your kid will outgrow you or start pushing you away as they branch out and become independent. It's actually the opposite of dogs. 

Dogs may start out as very dependent. There is an instinct with most puppies to stay close to their pack. A few weeks later - their world opens up and you start dealing with them wanting to go out and really showing true independence and blowing you off (this is usually the point when dog owners groan about their dogs "forgetting everything I taught them!". At some point, things begin turning the other way (around 7-15 months) and probably related to a latter fear stage they start needing to be close to their pack for comfort or safety... this is when they form those bonds generally. And years later as they become 6-8 year olds, they become those perfect dogs who do nothing wrong. The seniors especially... just seeing them warms your heart if you are loving person. Everything about them is sweet and they need their people very much at that point. 

Gist of what I said last night though is every animal that comes into your life who you raise and provide care for... it goes without saying that it doesn't matter if you're their idol. Doesn't decrease their value or make them less lovable or worth putting the time in as far as loving and caring for them.

I'm just saying all this because really truly everything I've said was sincerely meant. Regardless of it being sincerely taken. I know emotions blind or numb a lot of people when it comes to seeing or hearing stuff. I get that. Have been there done that....


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## Wenderwoman (Jan 7, 2013)

Okay, sorry, I decided to write a little more because he is, after all, a puppy. The first year is a lot of learning and exploring and crazy energy. So, I can honestly say that the first year just feels like a lot of work sometimes. But, there are moments where you see a peak of what the dog will be like when their energy really settles down. I have an 8 month rescue. Rescues are a bit different because you need to give them a little longer to settle into a "secure" mentality. I had another rescue that growled whenever we came close to his face. It took a year of work but now I can kiss him on the mouth and he will annoyingly get in your face and lick you like crazy. I can't complain though because of where he started.

Honestly, it will depend on you. If you love him and show him affection, he will grow into being a loving dog. He may never snuggle but he may sit by your feet or give you kisses or ask for belly rubs. He will show affection in his way and you have to be open to seeing it and accepting it. My 3 year old won't sleep in my bed, which bums me, but she loves belly rubs and sometimes licks my face off. There's no one way it's supposed to be.

My 8 month was different. She's very enthusiastic and curious. She's always exploring the world and that's a good thing. She has moments where she attacks me with kisses and right after will try to eat my shoe. That's normal. 

So, just give him the loving environment and be open to accepting his affection no matter how he shows it and be patient, one days you'll miss the puppy days that make us all wonder what the heck we were thinking when we got them.


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## ceegee (Mar 26, 2015)

maximilian said:


> He’s VERY independent and quite smart, already responding to some light training (sit, come). He follows me around and regards me as Person Number One, but he doesn’t seem to LOVE me—he won’t snuggle closely, and no puppy kisses. I pet him and kiss him and scratch his tummy, and he seems to like it, but he doesn’t respond to it—no licks, no paw. He’s absolutely obsessed with going outside. He whines and paws at the door. I have a third-floor condo, so there’s no yard for him to go hang out in. I have to go up and down two flights of stairs to take him in and out. This wasn’t a problem with Max—we went for long hikes and walks around the neighborhood and then just came inside. I’m not trying to compare him to Max—I want him to be who he is and appreciate his unique character—but I need him to love me. He seems slightly indifferent, or at least way more preoccupied with the world around him.
> 
> Am I overreacting? I just feel really disheartened? Is he showing deep-seated traits (himself over me, a need to be stimulated always) or just new puppy curiosities and quirks? Max was the only other dog I’ve ever had, and he was perfect. I’m smitten with Leo and really, really want this to work, but I don’t want to get too far down the road with him if it’s a mistake. Any insight or experience on this subject? I would be so grateful.


I can sympathize with what you're feeling because I've just gone through the process of getting a new pup after losing what I'm convinced was the best dog I'll ever own.

Some background: My dog Ruby was eight years old. She was my constant and much-loved companion (I'm self-employed) in addition to being a wonderful, high-drive agility partner. She was a three-time provincial champion and, at the time of her death, was the reigning Canadian national agility champion in her class. Six months after winning the national championship, with absolutely no warning, she became ill and died three days later of cardiac hemangioscacoma. To say I was devastated is a gross understatement. Our story is here: Losing Ruby if you're interested. It took me a year to be able to write it down. I've grieved for her as much as I've grieved for the humans I've lost.

Anyway.

For many months I thought I wouldn't get another dog. The grief was (and still is, to some extent) overwhelming. My agility friends told me I needed a pup in order to move forward. So I contacted a couple of breeders to ask about female pups, because I've always had females. Pups were offered - wonderful dogs from excellent working lines that were exactly what I wanted. I didn't take them. There was always something - not with the pups, I now realize, but with me. I guess I wasn't ready.

Then Ruby's breeder (who is no longer breeding) suggested that I consider taking a male pup this time, to lessen the feeling of guilt at "replacing" Ruby. A light bulb went off - I don't know why I didn't think of this myself. Fast-forward a few more months, and a boy became available from lovely working lines, exactly what I wanted. I gathered my courage and went to collect him at the end of January.

If it's been a while since you've had a pup, you forget what they're like. At least, I did. To a pup, the whole world is new. All they want to do is explore, discover, chew whatever they find, eat whatever's on the floor, pee everywhere and have fun. And then there's us: we put them in crates, we stop them from chewing, we don't like it when they pee in the house. We're not fun. In fact, we're the opposite of what a pup regards as fun, especially when we're tired because they wake us up at night ... So they don't immediately love us - why would they? I wouldn't, in their shoes. We're of absolutely no interest to them.

My Duster is 18 weeks old now. At eight weeks of age, all he wanted to do was to be outside and eat sticks, or pine needles, or rocks, or whatever. Indoors, all he wanted to do was play with my daughter's poodle and torture our cat. So I got him into puppy class and started training him to do fun tricks in exchange for treats. We're currently in obedience class. We hang out. I talk to him. I take him everywhere - shopping, visiting, to local events, whatever. The ice and snow have melted enough for us to be able to take long walks in the neighbourhood, so he can learn not to pull on leash. We sometimes go to the agility training hall, to look at the equipment and practise foundation handling (without obstacles). I occasionally give him high-value treats at unexpected times, just because.

About a month ago he started following me around the house like a little shadow. It was the first time he seemed to prefer me over the household poodle. A couple of weeks ago he chose a spot right by my feet to settle in the evening, so I moved his cushion there. Then one evening he brought me a toy to play with. Our nightly tug sessions have become a tradition now - I barely have time to sit down after supper, and there he is, with his tug, waiting to play.

Two days ago he climbed into my lap for the first time, to sleep. He didn't stay long. Last night, though, he came back, and he put his head on my shoulder and stayed for longer. I think he might be a lap dog after all.

Last weekend I was at an agility trial with my daughter, at an indoor venue normally used for horse events. A friend of ours was running his novice dog - a rescue that he's been training for about a year. They had a couple of nice runs, and then, in the next one, the dog went off to sniff the ground instead. My friend was philosophical. "At least I know what I have to do next," he said. "I have to make myself more interesting than horse poop."

That, to me, sort of sums up the human's role in the human-dog relationship. Our job is to make ourselves more interesting than anything else in the dog's life, whether it be horse poop or toy poodles. And that takes time. A week is nothing at all in the grand scheme of things. It's normal for young pups to focus on other stuff and to seem independent. They haven't had time to get to know their humans yet.

I don't think your pup is a mismatch - he's just being a pup. It sounds like you dealt with a good breeder who took care to choose a dog who would suit you. My advice: don't worry, and don't force things. Do stuff with your pup: train him, take him places, play with him, become a source of good food. You'll learn to love one another.

He'll never be what you lost, but he'll be something else. He'll make a second set of pawprints in your life, alongside Max's. And you'll love him just as much.

Best of luck. It will work out.


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## DebHow (Oct 30, 2015)

I went through this, also, when I brought Rusty home. It took a while for me to adjust to him and love him for him. Before him we had Rico, who we raised from a pup and died at age 11. He seemed perfect to me and I had a hard time adjusting to the fact that Rusty was COMPLETELY different. I tried to see things through Rusty's eyes, which really helped. Now that I can love him just for him, things are much better. It just takes time for both of you.

Does he beg to go outside when you've already been for a walk? Just wondered if it was his needing to get rid of energy. Rusty is like that. Wears me out (I have 33% lung function), but when I can take him out for exercise early in the day it helps with his begging and pacing later on.

I'm sure Leo is adorable. I love that name!


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## maximilian (Dec 10, 2012)

Thank you all so much! I truly appreciate your thoughtful responses and for sharing your own stories. Yesterday was rough, and I was very emotional. I love my little Leo to bits and I know we will develop a bond for the ages. That magic Golden temperament will conquer all! 

And my heart goes out to all who have lost loving dogs. It's an act of faith, entering back into this cycle of life again. I do trust that it will take all of us who do to amazing places.


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## Elsa Cholla's Mom (Feb 8, 2016)

I have a 6 month old pup, and I have really struggled with our relationship. Got her at 10 weeks and she was a very bity pup. She would bite inside, she would bite the leash outside, I was so frustrated I was driven to tears repeatedly. And there was no 'loving; in return. She simply wasn't approachable. Even caught her tooth on my nostril early on. In my down moments I felt like I made a big mistake picking her. Elsa is very much all about Elsa. Fetch was the only thing we could enjoy doing together, and have we done a lot of that!

Things have come a long way. She can now walk up to me and put her head in my lap and look at me without using teeth at the same time. Most of our walks are good bonding time, and others are very difficult. She is strong enough to rip my hands up with the leash, and in Elsa's case, it is fear of things that make her bolt. When we go for off leash walks, in the bush or on the beach, her recall is about 90 percent. I take that as a sign of Love. There is also lots of cliff side ocean where I live. Scares the [email protected] out of me taking her for walks near them, but since they are a part of life, we had to deal with it. So at first, on leash, every time we were coming to the edge of a cliff, I would say, 'Careful', 'Careful'. Now I can say that and she immediately slows down and proceeds cautiously. That is her Trust in me. In fact the other day, I crossed a board walk over a small ravine, and she come racing along about 10 feet off from the bridge, I yelled 'Stop!' as my heart raced, and she ground to a halt, looked down and then came to the bridge. She Believed in my command. 

What I am saying, is that Elsa is no cuddler, but she does love me. Her idea of love is chewing a piece of bone in your face while she leans on you, but she has learned so many subtle commands from me.

She won't Stay. Her Down sucks. And I often feel like she adores DH more than me because he's the fun person and I am the disciplinarian. But I just keep the image of my grown up Golden Girl in my mind. I have been doing that from the start. 

I send you Hugs about feeling judge. But there are a lot of us who do, 'Get it'. You wanted a chance to vent how you feel. You were brave to do it here. Better to get your feelings out in the open and look at them, then to bottle it up, and feel guilty for having them. It takes a lot of time and energy to raise an independent pup. I for one do not long for the puppy Elsa at all. Every time she acts grown up, I give her so much praise and hugs. She accepts hugs are part of the deal now, lol.


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## Kmullen (Feb 17, 2010)

It will get better! Puppies can be frustrating at times! Sometimes, the most rotten ones make the best dogs ;-)


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## Ljilly28 (Jan 22, 2008)

We get this post so often on this forum, and I think it is heartbreaking for those of us who breed or raise baby pups. They have only been on this earth for ten weeks- eyes open for fewer- but so so much is expected of them beyond learning this world by a new species' rules. Devote yourself to your puppy, and when he is two and grown up more, he will devote himself to you until he is grey. If you realize it is too soon, and your heart is closed to the baby, then return him and let him be a heart dog for someone whose time is right for him.


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## Charliethree (Jul 18, 2010)

'Second thoughts' - when the picture in our mind's eye is altered by reality. When what we wish is not what 'IS', but given time, opening of the heart and mind - CAN be - if we 'believe'. 

Don't give up on your puppy, love him for who he is, believe in him, help him be all HE can be. Give him a place in your heart and he will give you his.


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## woofiestarteditall (Mar 31, 2016)

All dogs have their own personality. And looking for a dog that is the same as your last is near to impossible. That being said I am more into picking my own dog. I picked Baci because he smiled and kissed me. 

I would give it time. A week is a tiny bit of time. If you have a puppy sitting that is cool. Mine knows where to go out and where his food is. But he doesn't like any treats yet. Just likes hearing "good". 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Coopsmom (Jan 13, 2015)

i remember- very early on- thinking (and saying out loud) that my puppy - now 18 months - doesn't love me! he was kind of independent, not really interested in "snuggling" and sometimes just ignored me! What I forgot is that his behavior is what puppies do - it's part of their development. As an 18+ month old, he is very sweet - loves to be with me, frequently snuggles on the couch, etc. Sometimes he gives "kisses" - other times he can't be bothered but we are certainly bonded!!


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## MoltenGirl (Aug 4, 2015)

To answer your question, YES……there are mis-matches that exist. You've been brave enough to open up this discussion and I respect you for that. Certain dogs prefer other people and will get along with them far better than others. Dogs are similar to children in that they can sense who they love, trust, and prefer. 

Give it time and do put in the effort which I'm absolutely certain you will do. And if this relationship is meant to be, then time will tell. If not, don't beat yourself up about it with guilt. Some relationships (take people for example) are simply not meant to be. 

Good luck and please update as to how you're doing.


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## LynnC (Nov 14, 2015)

I so sorry for your loss of Max. I just read through some of your threads during his amputation and can't even begin to imagine what you went through. It sounds like you are clearly still mourning his death. Perhaps when you experience the differences with your puppy Leo it just opens up those wounds and remind you of Max's loss. I believe this has more to do with your grief and less with the new puppy. In time you will appreciate the differences between Max and Leo and love Leo for being himself NOT Max! Be kind and gentle on yourself. This little puppy is depending on you . BTW can we see a picture of Leo?


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## aesthetic (Apr 23, 2015)

I've always wanted a dog. From the time I was 4-5 years old and I could read on my own, I'd pick up books about dogs. I once read the AKC Book of Breeds (though I'll be honest, it was mostly me looking at the pictures and wanting the ones I thought were the "prettiest"). I grew up with the Animal Ark series. When I was old enough to use a computer myself, I would look up my favorite breed at the time - grooming, standard height/weight, how to train basic commands, exercise needs, health problems, life span, etc., the most basic stuff. I grew up with this image in my mind of the "perfect" dog for me. A dog who would always be there for me, who would love my unconditionally, who would cuddle with me, who would understand me, etc. 

Kaizer is, in a way, the complete opposite of that. He slept most of the day as a puppy, so when he hit 5-6 months old and he could go an entire day without needing a nap, he was so incredibly mouthy. He was definitely mouthy as a pup, but it was so much less than 5 months. I couldn't walk into a room without him jumping up and clamping on my arm or my leg or my hand or even my hair. I was so upset about that for a really long time. He wouldn't bite anyone else in my family. For them, it was all hugs and kisses and cuddles. Part of me thought it wasn't fair because I was his primary caretaker, while they were helpers (very appreciated helpers, but nonetheless). I fed him, trained him, walked him, exercised him, played with him, groomed him, woke up in the morning for him, etc. I thought that if anything, he should love me the most. It was three long months of me not being able to appreciate my puppy. Now he's 10 months. At 8 months he just stopped being bite-y - he had his moments but they were few. He started coming to me for pets, he stopped biting me all the time, he wanted to be around me constantly. I think, if I paid more attention during months 5-8, I would've seen how he showed me his love. I was so focused on him biting me, that I forgot to appreciate him for everything else that he was, that he is.

Now he's 10 months. He still has his moments of mouthiness, but now it's easier to see how he loves me. He's never been a snuggly pup. He'd rather lay on the floor by my feet than jump on the couch and lie on top of me. But now every morning when he gets out of his crate, he sits down for pets and makes these happy little grumbly noises when he does get pet. He now comes up to us and rubs his body against our calves, like I imagine a cat does. When he gets a Kong, or a new bones, or a new chew toy, he comes and lies at our feet to chew on it. Sure, he still mouthes me a lot when he gets excited. 

We were just outside playing tag, and naturally, he got a little *too* excited and jumps up and grabs my arm in his mouth. It hurt, I have some marks on my arm, but I imagine he wouldn't have mouthed me unless I got him excited. Which is good right? I want him to be excited. Sure maybe we can both work on how much excitement is too much excitement, but it's easier and more fun to train him when he looks forward to it as much as I do (and if he thinks that coming to me when I call means that we'll play tag then I welcome all the marks and bruises I'll have one me).

You haven't had Leo for very long. Give it time before you immediately say he doesn't love you. There's so much that's new to him


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## alimusprime (Mar 19, 2016)

Sorry about Max, It's heartbreaking to lose a golden. I have gone through 3 now and have to say each one had different traits, manners and personalities. Alexis loved tennis balls, Maverick loved rope toys, Emma would look at you if you threw a ball, but throw a Frisbee and now your talking. You can never replace a golden only get another one. You will find that Leo will win your heart over time in his own way. Goldens have a way of doing that very thing. I agree with some of the other posts and he is busy seeing things for the first time. He will come around as he grows and learns. Just remember he can't replace Max but will take his own place in your heart. That I guarantee. Good luck and keep us posted.


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## my4goldens (Jan 21, 2009)

Give it time. The bond will come. And try not to compare your new puppy to the dog you lost. I know how hard it is, I did the same thing with my youngest dog. It wasn't fair to my Tugg, it wasn't his responsibility to fill the holes left by the two dogs I had lost prior to getting him. It took a while for me to figure that out. And now I can't imagine life without Tugg, and you will come to feel the same about your Leo.


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## maximilian (Dec 10, 2012)

This must have all been cathartic because little Leo and I had an awesome day together. He is SO sweet and I'm totally totally TOTALLY in love with him. And let me just say that the days preceding my post were good, too, and that, with the exception of a few stray hours, we have been together constantly since I brought him home. I told my boyfriend I was having a bout of post-partum depression or something. All is well here. Leo and I will be just fine. 

Thank you all, again, for weighing in and sharing stories and support.


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## Our3dogs (Apr 3, 2008)

Nice to read your post today. Sometimes it just takes voicing what we are thinking to get a grip on things. I can tell you I have had thoughts before when we walked into the house with the new puppy, put her down on the floor with our resident Golden and thought to myself "what have I done"! It was definitely a panic moment. We all go through those times, and being sleep deprived, etc. doesn't help our train of thought at all. Again, it was great to read your post this morning. Continued joy with little Leo. Post pictures when you can.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

maximilian said:


> This must have all been cathartic because little Leo and I had an awesome day together. He is SO sweet and I'm totally totally TOTALLY in love with him. And let me just say that the days preceding my post were good, too, and that, with the exception of a few stray hours, we have been together constantly since I brought him home. I told my boyfriend I was having a bout of post-partum depression or something. All is well here. Leo and I will be just fine.
> 
> Thank you all, again, for weighing in and sharing stories and support.


Really wonderful to hear, enjoy Leo, have fun. 

Looking forward to seeing pictures of him.


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## Otter (Feb 23, 2011)

maximilian said:


> All is well here. Leo and I will be just fine.


That's good news.


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## aesthetic (Apr 23, 2015)

The minute we came home for the first time after we brought Kaizer home, he squatted and pooped. In all of my excitement, I had completely forgotten that he was a little tiny 8 week old puppy with a tiny bladder. I think that's when everything hit me and I thought "what have I done? What made me think I could handle this responsibility?!" it hit really hard at night for the first couple of days, but now I honestly can't remember what I did with my free time pre-Kaizer. He's definitely a giant pain in my *** but he's the love of my life. I can't imagine coming home tomorrow and him not being there.


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## Frankie's mom (Mar 2, 2016)

I think you brought Leo into your life before you were ready. Are you maybe making the memory of Max such a high standard that no puppy can live up to your memories? You call Max a perfect dog. That's hard to live up to. You were also younger and possibly in a different place in your life when you brought Max home. Leo is a new scenario. When you got Max, your heart was open but when you brought Leo into your life, you had a bruised heart. Point is, your life is different now than it was with Max and you won't have a repeat. Even if you cloned Max, the cloned version would not be exact because the environment is different.
A lot of puppies grow into being cuddlers. They are so busy exploring the environment and learning that the"lovey" side takes a while to come out. My Frankie is like that. There were days early on that I thought he just did not like me. He is 5 months old and greets strangers far more enthusiastically that me. Took a bit of getting used to because I thought he should be happier to see me. Now, though, Frankie is nearly on top of me all the time,but he still doesn't lick my face or greet me like a lost love, and that is ok, I adore him anyway!
He loves you, of course he does, but he may show in a different way. If you are unhappy then you should talk to the breeder. It's not fair to Leo to expect him to be different in how he shows his love. I believe that pets are forever but I also believe that a dog needs to be special to someone.
My opinion is that you brought a puppy into your life before you were ready. Imagine,now, taking Leo back and giving him to the breeder. How would you feel? Relieved or sick to your stomach? If the answer is sick, adjust your expectations of overt affection. If it is relief then you owe it that sweet puppy to discuss options with the breeder because at 10 1/2 weeks old, he will feel the loss of his pack if you return him.


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## ktkins7 (Jul 20, 2013)

Your still grieving Max. Leo will grow into his own personality. Remember he is just a baby and is still adjusting to everything in life. Every dog is different.

There's still a good chance he will become the cuddler that you want him to be, but not every dog is. That doesn't mean that you will love him any less, you just have to accept him for who he is rather than trying to make into Max. Max will always live on forever in your heart. Once you'll let Leo be himself, you'll come to love his differences, his little quirks. Its definitely not easy moving on, but Leo will help you if you let him.

In June 2013 my family lost the sheltie we had grown up with. He was 16 years old and had been a part of the family for most of life. I had a hard time. In September I got Ella. She was nine weeks old at the time and the first dog that was mine, rather than a family dog, even though I still live at home with my parents. I chose a golden because I wanted a dog that would play fetch, go hiking with me, go on runs with me, and love swimming. I know a family that has a golden and saw how great their dog is, how cuddly and loving. The first day I brought her home she was so scared. Day 2 she was like a different puppy, "this must be my home now" and she was ready to face the world. There's huge adjustments to having a puppy in your life. While I never second guessed getting one my parents questioned if it was time. We had gotten our sheltie at 3 months and he had already been potty trained and knew basic commands. The breeder was going to keep him for a show dog and breeding stud until they saw that he was going to be too large for breed standards. So we had never gone through potty training before. Ella wasn't easy to potty train, and looking back on it I think it was just as much our fault as it was hers. My parents had a tendency to compare her to our sheltie, Derby. She was bitey and mouthy, chewed the bottom of the couch, was much more active than Derby ever was. Derby was as sweet as could be, wouldn't hurt a fly, reserved, would rather chill out inside than be outdoors playing, was petrified of the water, hardly ever did anything wrong. Ella is a little nut case, racing around, playing with her toys, running around outside, doesn't want to get out of the water in the summer, steals socks and dish towels. Two completely different dogs.

Where I ran into an issue that seems to be my expectations of Ella. The other golden I know (I think she's about 3 years old than Ella) is very attached to its owners. Always wants to be touched. Sits next you on the couch hanging on your lap. What I always pictured as a loyal companion. Loves jumping off the dock into the lake. Ella isn't quite like that. She isn't the type that will sit with you and cuddle. She wants you nearby but only wants to be close on her own terms. She'll lay or sit by your feet and want to be pet and paw at you if you don't or if you stop, but for the most part its only if she wants to. She runs to strangers and other people faster than she does to me. She sleeps on my bed at night but stays at the foot of the bed until the morning, when she'll sometimes army crawl towards me so she can be pet in the morning. Ella does love swimming in the summer, but she hasn't yet jumped off the dock. Maybe she'll change when she gets a little older, since she's still acts very much a puppy when she'll be turning 3 this summer.

Sometimes I even doubt our bond, but then I see it when she is nervous or scared I'm the one she runs to and hangs onto for comfort and protection. So I believe Ella just shows her love in a different way than I had expected. Little things like even though there are other people in the house, I'm the one she goes to for comfort, its only my socks that she steals and carries around with her (but never chews them). Also, when she wants to play I'm the one she carries her toy to and insistently shoves into my lap (this used to be my my dad, now its me).

Is Ella exactly what I wanted and envisioned? No. Do I love her any less? No. She's the love of my life and I would do almost anything for her. 

Basically, even though this post turned out longer than I had expected, give little Leo a chance. Don't try to compare him to Max. Max will always be with you and Leo will manage to latch onto your heart when your grief allows you to give him a chance. Without realizing its happened, one day you'll wake up and find that you love Leo just as much as you loved Max.

By the way, we'd love to see some pictures of little Leo.


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## Jud (Aug 10, 2015)

Megora said:


> I'm not sure if it's wise for me to respond, but here goes.
> 
> I'm trying to understand what on earth goes through a person's head to consider returning a puppy just because it doesn't love the person enough.
> 
> ...



You know. I agree with you. I don't think it was wise to respond in the way you did.. but...there you go again. You seem to think a lot of your knowledge in any situation of how people should respond in a situation regarding Goldens. The heart and the brain are not one organ and quite honestly, you sound like a text-book while giving lip service by saying 'I probably shouldn't say this'. Yes. You are right. What you write is not helpful and you are discarding the confused and sad person all for the sake of the animal. It is a 50/50 relationship. I grieve for this woman who is still in the middle of dealing with her loss of her 'Heart-Golden' at such a young age...just as I am still grieving everyday for Cara..even though she passed at 12 in July. Who knows why she is responding the way she is? Mis-matched? Possible. Too soon? - possible. But it is not about you and your philosophy when it comes to dogs. It is about the owner and her own UNIQUE situation at this moment. I had the same response as this Young Lady did when I saw Cara. It just worked from the beginning and was one of the great love affairs of all time....and this poor Gal lost her dog at 3 years.I would have had to be locked away if Cara had passed at 3..12 was unbearable as it was. As for my pup Skye. She is now just under 7 months and I love her and she has made the house a home again but...she is not the 'soul-mate heart-Golden' that I was spoiled by Cara. But..I went into having a new pup without looking for that 'once-in-a-lifetime-bond'. Could it have happened...hey..I was open to anything. Skye is similar but very different which is what I wanted. She is cuddly..when she wants to be...she loves me intensely..but she is too much at times and not calm like Cara was at this age and I am learning from the experience and molding her and we are working together. That being said....I am the type who can look at Skye and separate the fact that she has nothing to do with my sadness for Cara. I am so happy she is here.But.. are we a 'fit like a glove'?.No...and that is fine. Everyone is different and although I think much more time needs to pass before this Young Lady can sort out her feelings about her Golden that passed and then see how her relationship evolves with her pup...you should not judge her situation as you know nothing except what you read. Just offer some support for once ..instead of going of on tangents about what is 'right or wrong'.


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## Jud (Aug 10, 2015)

*I know how you feel*



maximilian said:


> Wow--lotta judgement out there. Trust me: I'm completely smitten with Leo. I named him in honor of Max the same way you name a child for his grandparents. It's a tribute, not an expectation. I know he will be different. He even looks different, and I'm glad for that. I told Max's story to give some context for my situation with Leo and explain that, besides Max, I'm a rookie at this. I pour everything into a dog--I can't help it. They aren't pets to me, but true companions and family members. I'm sure you can all relate to that.
> 
> It was Leo's best interest I had at heart when asking for advice. My own, too, of course. Yes, I know all about training. Yes, I will take him new places to hike. I will absolutely give him the best life within my power. Clearly I'm not a heartless person--look how I cared for Max.
> 
> ...


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

Jud said:


> You seem to think a lot of your knowledge in any situation of how people should respond in a situation regarding Goldens.


The term is confident. I'm confident in my experience and insight. 

I grew up with golden retrievers.

I've been in the position of losing dogs. I've lost a young dog. I've lost old dogs.

I've been in the position of bringing the next ones home.

Life doesn't stand still. It keeps going.

People who spend so much time gazing in the past and dwelling on their memories - miss out on the new life and joys in front of them.

Always remember that the one person who speaks up and says what they think is not the odd man out. There's a lot of people who read stuff and reserve their opinion because they are unwilling to be attacked by people who want "kind lies" or pandering. This subject and others.


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## MoltenGirl (Aug 4, 2015)

Many times, I think that we are our own worst enemy. As humans, we tend to compare pets, situations, even human beings, to past and present ones and is it right? Probably not, but we do it anyway. 

It's like parents of a second newborn child who will compare the first one with respect to sleeping habits, eating, and everything else! It's quite simply, human nature. 

As a child, I was constantly compared to my cousin who was an excellent piano player and I was 'ok'. I HATED being compared and to a certain extent, became resentful towards my parents for doing that. 

My point? I think just like humans, we need to allow dogs to be their own individuals and respect but they will never be like ones we have loved in the past- or we may end up resentng them, or vice versa.

I think if our Goldens could talk they would say, 'Hey! I don't really know you that well but I can sense you love me and you certainly talk about your previous golden quite a bit so I know you loved him/her very much. But what do you say we give our relationship a chance?!' 

If only dogs could talk!


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## sunnyseas (Mar 18, 2015)

Hey OP, I commend you for coming here and posting about your doubts to gain some insight. We're all human, we all get doubts from time to time, especially when it comes to the things closest to our hearts. And that's understandable because we just always want to do the right thing. The important thing is that you came to ask about insights and experience, which you received and we're really glad (!) that it came down to nothing more than passing thoughts compounded by new changes and a recent loss. You're not the first nor the only to feel doubt. We're all rooting for you and your pup.


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## Anele (Dec 12, 2014)

I haven't read through the responses but I just want to tell you that my dog, at 16 months, is a completely different dog than he was at 10 weeks, 7 months, etc. I know he will keep changing. At 3 he'll be different, and I know, if I have the privilege to see his face become white into his Olden Golden years, he will change even more. It's a journey with our pups, and it's normal to feel many emotions while you are on it. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dog, and wish you all the best on your next adventure in love.


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## Jud (Aug 10, 2015)

Megora said:


> It was actually a barrage of sincerity.
> 
> Condescension... to me... comes with fake smiles and fake words. Saying stuff to make you feel better (regardless of what they may say or think privately) as opposed to actually being honest to your face.



Honest. Confident. Wonderful virtues. But tunnel-vison judgmental posts when a person is obviously upset....does that imply that the 'confident expert' has good insight as each situation is different? Espousing dogmatic dog training tactics and point-of-views that are yours which does not make these views more important than others who have much experience with dogs. They don't help the situation of the poster at all. Possibly a problem...of being too confident? Not looking to be contentious here and I will not reply again....but I find your posts are very predictable and about a 'platform'....sort of like this political season. No discussion about specific situation....just hurling around a'belief system'.....


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

Jud - if my comments are predictable, it's because there has to be a bedrock and solid understanding before you can express opinions that are true and steady. 

Anyone who has fleeting emotions - will have an opinion. But because emotions are fleeting and rise and fall and come and go as the person's moods change you can't base all your opinions and positions on purely emotion. It's too erratic.

And fwiw - if you have an issue with me, I suggest you take it private. Even if I may not respond. Or just click the ignore button on me. It would be better than singling out my posts on various threads to continue one-sided personal arguments.


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## Debs66 (Aug 8, 2015)

I'd like to re-iterate what some have said. Up until about 18 months old my 8 year old Einie was the least affectionate pup I've come across. She didn't want to be stroked, fussed or cuddled she just wanted to play, be a landshark, eat and sleep. Their personalities don't develop until later, so just make sure any attention from you is a fun and positive experience and I'm sure things will come together. Dogs can sense things, so if there's any anxiety on your part Leo absolutely will sense it and it'll affect him. If it's at all possible just try and relax about it and let him develop into the awesome dog he's going to become, because he's nowhere near just yet. Good luck to you both xxx


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## Josh (Dec 8, 2016)

Maximilian,

I fully understand your reasoning for writing your original post and I completely understand what you were feeling at the time of your post. My wife and I got a new Golden Retriever puppy about one month ago (he's now 15 weeks old). I only got to spend 5 years with my first dog, a Pembroke Welsh Corgi named Poppy. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED Poppy. She was very affectionate and cuddly, and she ALWAYS smiled. Her happiness became a strong source of happiness for me. She was essentially a therapy dog. My wife and I spent months and months researching to find what kind of dog would be best for our current circumstances. One of our primary concerns was that our dog must be affectionate to provide a similar level of happiness/joy that my first dog brought me. I understand that dog/owner bonds take a long time to develop - but it is certainly disheartening when the puppy you have now doesn't seem to express affection in the same way that a dog did that you had previously. I don't see this concern as a bad thing at all, so I was somewhat shocked to find the first several responses to your thread to be so misunderstood.

I'll preface my question with this: it seems that you have had several months with Leo at this point. Have things gotten any better? We LOVE LOVE LOVE our puppy, Ollie. And he is VERY good with people. He loves to please our friends and family and even strangers. Everyone that meets him loves him. He very rapidly becomes friends with people, and he does fairly well with other dogs as well. We are very grateful for that. BUT, I am still somewhat disheartened that he doesn't seem to like to cuddle as my other dog did. He struggles anytime I try to put him close to me, or if I try to put him on my lap. He physically flails and and runs away if I try to bring him close. 

We chose a Golden Retriever primarily because we had researched and found that they are typically very affectionate toward their owners. As I mentioned, I know that dogs have their own personalities and a bond takes time to build. I know that it is likely that more affection from your dog will come later in its life as it learns to trust and love you back. I'm just curious if you have found that to be true with Leo yet. If you would reply and let me know how things are going with Leo now, I'd greatly appreciate it!

Josh


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## alphadude (Jan 15, 2010)

Kmullen said:


> It will get better! Puppies can be frustrating at times! Sometimes, the most rotten ones make the best dogs ;-)


Never were truer words spoken (or typed).


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## Kmullen (Feb 17, 2010)

Josh said:


> Maximilian,
> 
> I fully understand your reasoning for writing your original post and I completely understand what you were feeling at the time of your post. My wife and I got a new Golden Retriever puppy about one month ago (he's now 15 weeks old). I only got to spend 5 years with my first dog, a Pembroke Welsh Corgi named Poppy. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED Poppy. She was very affectionate and cuddly, and she ALWAYS smiled. Her happiness became a strong source of happiness for me. She was essentially a therapy dog. My wife and I spent months and months researching to find what kind of dog would be best for our current circumstances. One of our primary concerns was that our dog must be affectionate to provide a similar level of happiness/joy that my first dog brought me. I understand that dog/owner bonds take a long time to develop - but it is certainly disheartening when the puppy you have now doesn't seem to express affection in the same way that a dog did that you had previously. I don't see this concern as a bad thing at all, so I was somewhat shocked to find the first several responses to your thread to be so misunderstood.
> 
> ...



I promise it will get better. He is still very young and needs time to bond and trust. You both are still trying to figure out each other. Whether or not he will be a snuggler, you will learn to love him for who he is.


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## puddles everywhere (May 13, 2016)

My heart goes out to you for your loss. I too lost my heart dog in Feb. of this year. In a moment of complete empty heart sadness I emailed several breeders in my area and the only one that responded had just had a litter... the day I lost my Mollie. I wasn't sure if I was ready yet, truth is I was surprised to find a litter so quickly. 

This precious hair ball came into my life and wouldn't even look at me. Didn't follow me and just plain didn't seem to like me at all, I was crushed. Someone on this forum gave me some good advise to accept the pup as she is and not to put expectations or my heartache on her. I took that advice and put her in bed with me in hopes she would learn to snuggle. I gave consideration to returning her but so very happy I didn't. 

Somewhere along 4 months her body language changed, she looked at me with those soft eyes and the bond was made. I didn't think there would ever be another dog to fill the void my Mollie left but I was wrong. Loving the newbie doesn't mean you love the one you lost any less. Every day I'm thankful for my now 10 month old pup. This girl makes me laugh, snuggles and is the perfect lap dog... all 65 lbs. She never leaves my side and has been such a delight, no regrets.

Open your heart, you might be surprised how wonderful having him will be... even if he isn't the same.


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## Altairss (Sep 7, 2012)

Tink was like that so independent and stubborn about spending time with me. So I got on the floor all the time handled and brushed her and trained her. Took her for car rides I thought I was so far off with her. Then one day it just changed she is now the first to be at my side and the first one on the couch next to me or on me. When we are training our teacher is delighted with her absolute focus on me and to be fair the food  I had just lost my horse when I brought her home and I had to relax I had to let her be her and for her to get to know the real me. Not the one struggling to make a connection. Her independent nature I encouraged and supported and I now have a go anywhere try anything dog. Good luck and don't forget to be in the moment and enjoy it can seem so fleeting but oh so sweet.


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## jennretz (Jul 24, 2013)

My two dogs are 4 1/2 years old; one has been an attention seeking/lap dog since the day I adopted him at 1 1/2 years old. My other loves everyone (and I've had him since he was a puppy), but I felt like I wasn't "special" to him and was just the same as everyone else to him. I didn't realize how special he truly views me until a couple of weeks ago. I was picking him up at daycare and he came running to me in total exuberance. I told the daycare workers that I'm working on calming him down and they looked at me and said, "you're the only one he does that for". I don't usually pick him up from daycare, my husband does. They said he goes crazy excited when he sees it's me versus my husband. They said he does tail wags, etc for my husband, but the pure unbridled joy that I see (and incorrectly labeled as misbehaving) is indeed his way of showing me how much he loves me. I was just not seeing it for what it was and was trying to peg him into the same behavior as my other guy. Long winded story for saying, your dog will show you love. It just may be in a different way than you're expecting.


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## Larsbar79 (Mar 21, 2016)

I had a similar experience of attacking when I had posted here earlier this year. Slightly similar situation with a Golden pup. Sorry  Took me several months to write anything else in here.... 

I ultimately returned the pup to the breeder after 3 weeks. Long story short, the pup showed affection to other people (like strangers on the street) but not me, my husband or my son- well a little bit of affection to my son.


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