# Confronting Cancer



## kneubeck (Sep 23, 2008)

Our 12-year-old golden, Tanner, has a malignant melanoma in the back of his mouth, which I am told is a common site for such cancers. We had him evaluated at a university clinic, and learned that the cancer--which is an aggressive type-- had already spread to at least his neck lymph node and very likely into his chest. The folks at the clinic were really thorough and gave us options for treatment (which at best might add some months, but of course not cure). We've weighed it all. Tanner is 12, and also is at a health risk for complications from a benign growth in his bladder, which could cause problems at any time. We've thus chosen to do palliative treatment for the cancer with pain medications and antibiotics for secondary infections, and Tanner is a happy camper for now. He's up, about, engaged.

Tanner is a registered therapy dog who has been helping elementary school children learn how to read and also visiting with pre-schoolers in a homeless shelter. I took him to visit school children as recently as last week, as this is something he clearly loves to do--when his therapy dog vest comes out, he is ready! Tanner has been a wonderful member of our family and a a contributor to our local community, and we love him dearly. Before learning of his illness, we adopted another golden named Chuck, who is now two years old and who has just begun therapy dog orientation. We know that Chuck--who has become Tanner's good buddy--will be of great comfort as we come to have to put Tanner to rest. Our vet and a beloved vet technician will come to our home when that day comes.

I have been pondering how to process and deal with all this, as I have become so close to Tanner since we adopted him eight years ago. I read an article by someone who said that in putting our beloved companion animals to rest rather than let them suffer, we humans help by experiencing much pain temporarily so that they don't have to experience it. This makes sense to me. In thinking about putting Tanner to rest, I have come to feel that I am not so much doing something to him as I am reaffirming the value I place on our relationship and honoring what he has meant, and always will mean, to me.

On this web site, I have read about the pain that others losing their goldens experience, but I had had not thought ahead as to the possibility that I would be having that experience. I truly value the information and caring thoughts communicated on this site, and I know that I will draw upon what I have learned here in the coming weeks and months.


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## Oaklys Dad (Dec 28, 2005)

So sorry for the sad diagnosis for Tanner. Having had to make the toughest decision four times before I wish I could tell you it was easy or painless. I will tell you to be there with Tanner to the last. It is great that you have Chuck there to help you with the inevitable sense of loss you will feel. I'm sure he will step up to the plate to help you through the worst of it.


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## Heidi36oh (Feb 27, 2007)

So sorry for the diagnosis for Tanner, it's a tough decision to make.

I know I kept my little Charlie way to long, I know he was in pain. It's so hard to decide when it is the right time.

Enjoy Tanner as long as you can, hugs to you and Tanner!


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## Fidele (Sep 17, 2008)

I'm so sorry to hear of Tanner's diagnosis! He's a beautiful soul! I have walked the path you're just beginning, and it's never easy! Tanner will let you know when it's time, and letting him go is one of the most loving things you can do for him! Chuck will be great comfort to you, but expect him to grieve as well. Wishing you had received better news for Tanner, and thinking of you in the days ahead!


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

Your Tanner is a lovely old boy. Your thoughtful way of preparing for his leaving is a great thing, although I will affirm that the pain of his trip to Rainbow Bridge is not something you can actually anticipate. It will knock you out of your skin for a while. But, you love this wonderful dog, so you'll make sure he does not suffer to postpone your own suffering. I wish a peaceful journey for Tanner and many happy days before then continuing to make memories with your furry friend. I'm very sorry for his diagnosis.....


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

I am so sorry for Tanners diagnosis. No matter what you decide, know that you have given him the best and most loving home and life that he could ever have. We are here for you and if you want to rant, cry or just share some of his time with us, we will listen. So many of us have been what you are going thru and know that no matter what decisions you make we will be here to help you thru it. It is so hard to know what to do so until you can decide the only thing I can tell you is to spoil him, love him and take lots of pictures. So when the time comes you will have some happy memories and pictures to help with the pain.

There is a website that might help you with some information. It has everything from food choices, grants and everything that might help:
http://landofpuregold.com/home.html

My thoughts and prayers are with you.


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## 3SweetGoldens (Feb 28, 2007)

I am so deeply sorry to read of your beautiful boy Tanner's diagnosis. May you still have many days with him, loving him and making even more memories. Sadly, myself included....have lost our beloved family members to Cancer. My Jake had just turned 6, when we let him go to the bridge with Lymphoma. 
You will know when the time is right, though your heart will still tell you no. Loving them the way we do, it is that decision as you said, that we must make for them, to not suffer. Many prayers and thoughts going out to you. We will all be here to help you with your tremendous loss, when the time comes. I am just so sorry.


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

What a beauiful boy your Tanner is.

I made a bad mistake by keeping my first irish setter to long, letting him suffer. We don't know how old he wasy, showed up as a lost dog on our doorstep and we had him 8 years. The vet diagnosed him with a spinal infection and he tried antibiotic after another, in combos, etc, but Red just got worse and worse. Lookinb back, I do think it was more than an ifection, I think cancer. He got to the point he couond't get up or walk withou help, didn't want to eat......and I hung onto him hoping the next antbiotics would work. But I finally realized he was suffering to much and et hin go. This was in '85. 

When my 2ed irish Setter was diagnosed with bone cancer, rear leg about 3 months past his 12 brthday, we opted to forgo treatments. He already had arthrtis in his shoulders and hips and amputation just seemed to drastic for his age and condition. We had exactly 10 weeks, which we made special, very special for him. When it went to his shoulder, I let him go THEN. He had been fishing with me the day before, as we had been every day since his diagnosis. I decided to let him go before he was totally down. He had had fun to th end, enjoying life to the fullest. I almost changed my mind at the last minue, but decided if Ikept him it would be for me, if I let him go it would be for him. I let him go at 12 1/2.

Last May 23 my 8 yr. 9 month golden girl was diagnosed with a mass in her low abomen and surgery was done. She died in my arms just about 48 hours later as I waited for my vet to come release her. She ha been doing so well th next day, then the 2ed day went down hill. She was still in ICU when I went to visit her and one look at her and I knew I needed to end er to the Bridge and the tech put in the call to my vet. I sat on the comforter on the clinic floor holding her, telling her I loved her and she went on her own before Rickey got there.

It si so hard, but it is the right decision I decided after hanging onto Red so long, letting him suffer, I would never do that again, especially with a terminal disease like cancer, renal failure, etc.

Treasure each minue you have with your precious boy and know you will grieve, you will miss him, you will cry, you will never forget him, but in time you will think of him with smiles and laughs rather than tears.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

Your boy is so beautiful. I love that expression on his sweet face. It is a hard thing to go through, we have been there , three times in fact, and even though we would do anything to avoid it if we could, there is learning and growth in grieving. And as you said, we are giving something to them as they have given so much more to us.

My goldens are therapy dogs too. How great that Tanner has had such a wonderful fulfilling life!! We are here for you.


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## Hudson (May 18, 2005)

Welcome to the forum, so very sorry of your golden boy Tanners diagnosis, his photo is beautiful and shows what wonderful soul he has. Enjoy your time you have with Tanner and hope he is able to still bring more joy as a therapy dog.You and Tanner will be in our thoughts and prayers. Give dear Tanner a gentle hug from me.


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## Noey (Feb 26, 2009)

What soulful eyes he has. I'm sorry your family and Tanner have to deal with this. They let you know when it's time, we just have to listen. Bless Tanner and your family.


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## Meggie'sMom (Dec 24, 2007)

Your Tanner is so beautiful and has given so much to your family and community. What a special guy. Enjoy him, love him, give him the best days of his life. 

Hugs to you, we'll all be here when the time comes.


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## Blaireli (Jun 3, 2008)

I am so sorry to read about Tanner's diagnosis. He looks like such a sweet and handsome boy in his picture. Enjoy the time that you have with him and let him know that he is loved. 

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.


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## Muddypaws (Apr 20, 2009)

I am so sorry to read about Tanner and I know the terrible place your in right now. You will make the right decision for Tanner because you love him.

My sheltie was 15 years old when she passed, she had a tumor that effected 90% of her bladder. We put her on a pill that shrunk it down to almost nothing and had another year of quality time with her. It is so hard to watch a beloved pet get sick and suffer. She was my very special girl and she let me know when it was time. It was one of the hardest things I ever did, but I know that I made the right decision.

Sunny's heart just gave out on her and we didn't have to make the decision. But I had already talked to her doctors and we had in effect a DNR on her. It was almost harder loosing her because I didn't get a chance to say good-bye. 

Good-luck with Tanner, he is a handsome guy. We will keep you all close to our hearts.

v


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## gold4me (Mar 12, 2006)

I am so sorry to hear about Tanner. He is beautiful and has brought so much love to you and the children he has helped. We have been down this road 4 times and Oakley's dad is right it is never easy. It hurts. The best gift you can give Tanner is not to let him live with pain. I think you will know when the time is right to let him go to a happy place free of pain. The pain will be with you and here is a place you can go to share your feelings with people who truly understand. You and Tanner will be in my thoughts.


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## ggdenny (Nov 2, 2008)

It saddens me to hear of Tanner's diagnosis. He's such a beautiful loving boy. I hope you remaining time together will be full of fun, laughs, love, cuddling and joy.


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## fight4usmak (Apr 11, 2009)

I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer, though being that I'm going through something very similar, all I can do is read your post and feel your pain and struggle. My heart is aching for you. What an incredibly beautiful soul and spirit Tanner has (there I go, tears rolling down my cheeks). I'm so sorry you are going through this, it's so agonizing. I know how many members on this forum are going to be able to give you unconditional support, wonderful advice, and keep you all in their thoughts and prayers. I wouldn't be able to get through this if it weren't for the warm, loving people on this forum.
My thoughts are with you and Tanner, and I'll be keeping you both in my prayers.
Hugs,
Karen


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## SunsetSam (Sep 26, 2008)

I'm so sorry to hear about the diagnosis. How awful.  I hope you have many days left to enjoy his company before you have to reach the end. 

From one Tanner (now deceased) owner to another, many prayers and hugs.


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## zippybossrock (Jan 12, 2008)

I'm so sorry to hear about Tanner's diagnosis. Enjoy every minute you have with him and hold memories close. You've given him a wonderful life and its hard to think about the time he's no longer at your feet. You'll know when the time is right.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

Tanner is so very handsome. I'm so sorry you and Tanner are facing this...


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## paula bedard (Feb 5, 2008)

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Tanner's sweet face says he is a well loved boy. I wish I had found this Forum before my Sam passed. The support here is amazing. Fortunately for Sam, the end came very quickly and the decision was made for us. I'm sure Tanner will be able to let you know when he's ready to say Good Bye. In the meantime, just enjoy him. Hugs to you both.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*So Sorry*

I am so very sorry that you and Tanner are going through this.
What a beautiful boy he is!
Kneubeck: I believe you have weighed everything carefully and because you love him so much you will do what is best for Tanner.


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## sharlin (Feb 26, 2007)

Bless you for the adoption and the 8 wonderful and loving years you've given Tanner. By reading your words I can tell you will make the decision based on what's best for him~not an easy thing to do~but the right and loving way to think.


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## Augie's Mom (Sep 28, 2007)

I'm so sorry to hear of Tanner's diagnosis. What a beautiful soul Tanner is, there's something extra special about therapy dogs. It is one of the hardest decisions we have to make, to not be selfish and to do what is compassionate and right by our fur babies. My heart goes out to you and Tanner.


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## kneubeck (Sep 23, 2008)

I am very grateful for all the expressions of support! Tanner continues to be in good spirits and remains engaged with those things that make him happy. We're enjoying our time together and I am storing memories. Thank you all.


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## NuttinButGoldens (Jan 10, 2009)

Oh, dear. I'm so sorry to hear this. I've been through it 3 times with Rusty, Nikita and Comet. 10, 8 and 12 years of age, respectively.

All I can really say is, Tanner should tell you when it's time. It usually manifests itself in one of two ways:

1. He is in obvious pain, and medications won't help any more.
2. He will simply stop eating. This is the more likely case. This was my guys signal to me in all 3 cases, and it was due to the chest tumors that developed. You will probably notice short, quick breathing around this time.

Hopefully it will be a long time before any of this happens.

I do believe in my heart you are taking the correct course of action. I could never put my guys through the treatments necessary to have such a tiny chance of success.

Love him and spoil him for the time you have left.


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## Kelbys'Dad (Jan 19, 2009)

You and Tanner will be in our thoughts. And please know that when the moment is at hand, many people will be at your side to offer comfort and support when needed.


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## kneubeck (Sep 23, 2008)

*Tanner's Passing*

Tanner went to rest on Monday, passing without pain, relaxed, and will great dignity. We shall miss him dearly. Tanner was a wonderful member of our family and brought joy to many children in the Eugene, Oregon, community as a therapy dog. Our two-year-old golden, Chuck, is helping fill the void and we are comforted to have him help us in these days. We hope that Chuck will also become a therapy dog and take up where Tanner left off. Bless all goldens!!!


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear of Tanner's passing. What a beautiful, soulful boy he was. Godspeed sweet Tanner, and many thoughts and prayers to your family.


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## paula bedard (Feb 5, 2008)

I am sorry. Hugs to you and your family. Thank You for coming back to let us know of Tanner's passing. I had been wondering...my nephew's name is Tanner and your situation had stuck with me...God Bless. 

I hope Chuck becomes the Therapy Dog you wish him to become.


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## Meggie'sMom (Dec 24, 2007)

I hold you in my thoughts tonight. I am so very sorry. What a wise old man you had there and I know you will miss him terribly.


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## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss of that lovely boy. He's joined a pack of angels, all well-loved and thought of often. Godspeed, Tanner, fly free and check in on your family to let them know you're okay....


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## Judi (Feb 26, 2007)

Your Golden is georgious.
I am so sorry for what both of you are going through.
I recently brought my 9 year old Buddy into the Vet to have his teeth cleaned. A cancerous mass was found on his tongue which was removed. Yesterday, he had a chest XRay which seems to be clear but the mass might grow back. Take care.


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## cubbysan (Mar 13, 2007)

My heart goes out to you and your family. 

It sounds like Chuck has some pretty give shoes to fill. I am sure you will see little parts of Tanner, in the things he probably taught Chuck.


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet boy. Hope the memories will help to ease your pain. He had a very full and blessed life helping so many people. Run Free Sweet Boy.


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## New Golden Mom (Dec 17, 2008)

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your boy. How wonderful that you have so many memories of him helping children....he sounds like a very special boy.


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## Jackson'sMom (Oct 13, 2007)

Tanner was gorgeous. Run free, sweet boy.


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## desilu (Nov 2, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss . . .


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## AmberSunrise (Apr 1, 2009)

RIP Sweet Tanner. He looked like such a gentle soul. 
Good luck with Chuck, Therapy dogs are so very special.


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## fight4usmak (Apr 11, 2009)

I am so, so sorry to hear about Tanner's passing, what an incredibly handsome boy he was (and will continue to be). I lost my 2 1/2 year old Mak to cancer not long ago, I know just how difficult and heartbreaking it is to watch our loved ones sucumb to this horrible disease. I'm confident my Mak was there to greet Tanner, as he crossed over.....
Many prayers to you and your family,
Karen


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## goldensmum (Oct 23, 2007)

Am so very sorry for your loss of your beautiful boy Tanner. 

Run free and sleep softly Tanner


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## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

I am so sorry you lost that grand old man. But you know he will live forever in your heart.


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## jealous1 (Dec 7, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## Pez (Jun 9, 2009)

Sorry for your loss; Tanner was a lucky boy to have a good home with you and you obviously benefited greatly for having him in your family. This is the part of the Golden experience that is the toughest to go through. Know that you provided Tanner with a great opportunity and that there are others that need your help which may help alleviate the pain of loss, allowing for the pleasure of recalling some of those fond memories with Tanner, as you make new ones.


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## kneubeck (Sep 23, 2008)

Thanks all for your kind and comforting words. It is a blessing to have so many folks out there who understand what it means to lose a treasure like Tanner and who convey that understanding with sincerity and respect. Peace to you.


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## daisydogmom (Feb 26, 2007)

I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your beautiful boy. Rest in peace sweet Tanner.


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## Noey (Feb 26, 2009)

I'm sorry to hear about Tanner. I had to let my Belle go a few years back and the choice is hard, but I looked at it as a loving gift to her. I was able to stop her suffering. I think if you listen they let you know in little ways it's time. It's the listening on our end that is hard.

I must say it was extremely sad when Belle passed but a big part of me was glad she would not suffer any more. It was time for her to go and I think she was ready. I know sometimes when a dog is ill they will just walk away and find a place to die...she was wondering more and more towards the end...something she never did. So I think they show you signs of "its time" and you just have to listen.

Hug him, love him, spoil him rotten and let him see his reading kids. Saying goodbye is a gift, so is limiting his suffering. I'll be thinking of you guys and know you have a bunch of golden support as well.


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## Fozzybear (Feb 27, 2008)

I am sorry for your loss. Tanner was a very handsome Golden.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

I am very sorry for your loss of Tanner. I know it is a great comfort that he led such a wonderful full life.


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