# In memory, my Fenris



## Wolfeye (Sep 15, 2015)

Why does it hurt still? It's been a year today, since I looked to my left, and there, lying in the yard, was by best friend of ten+ years. Dead. He was alive, just minutes before. I never saw him collapse, never saw if he struggled or went quickly, but perhaps its best i did not see. When I crouched down next to him I cried "come back to me Fenris, come back!" but there was no life, no heartbeat, no breathing. he was gone.

I know why it still hurts. It's a rhetorical question. It hurts because I loved him deeply. Something special, these golden dogs have, and they don't let you go. They hold onto you even in death. The love never dies. That's why the hurt goes on and on and will, forever, as long as I live. It's a bit less today than a year ago. It'll be less tomorrow too, but it won't ever be gone.

And I love that. Death may have separated us but love still binds me to him. And that... wow. It's as close to spiritual as an agnostic gets. 

I miss you, puppytoes.


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## Mayabear (Aug 26, 2015)

I lost my first dog when I was 16. My parents were out of the country. He was a German Spitz named Monty. He was ailing - cataracts, lost his sense of smell. My parents would later tell me they had contemplated putting him down, but were waiting to return. 

20+ years have gone by. The only picture on my nightstand is one of Monty and me, when I was 6 or so. My grandfather blew it up and framed it for me. 

Til date I remember Monty. We were not a good home for a dog 20 years back. My father was an architect and one of his clients was a renowned breeder. He gave my dad a pure bred Spitz as a gift. We had no clue how to train and set Monty up for success. 

Today when I try and do the right things with Maya, I always remember Monty and ask for his forgiveness for not doing right by him. 

The bond will always be there, between you and Fenris, between Monty and I. The memories bring joy and sorrow, but they won't diminish. No matter how much time lapses.

I wish you well. It does not take much to understand the special relationship you and your wonderful Fenris shared.


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## G-bear (Oct 6, 2015)

Some of them, like Ferris with you, do hold you long after they have died. I think with some dogs the bonds we have are as strong as those which we share with our human loved ones. They burrow into our hearts and when they leave us the loss is overwhelming and the hole is huge. I don't know that I would want it any other way. I am reminded on nearly a daily basis of my girl, Goldie. The memories no longer bring tears but more often than not, a wistful smile for a dog which will never, ever be replaced in my heart. Their bodies cannot stay with us forever but they remain in our hearts for all of time.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Fenris*

I was always encouraged at what Steve, Sharlin, used to say.
The reunion is guaranteed. I believe we will see our pets at the Rainbow Bridge!
Your Fenris was so sweet!


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## Wolfeye (Sep 15, 2015)

I made this composite to honor both my pups. They shared the Earth for about 24 hours. Perhaps the world wasn't big enough to hold them both? Fenris, April 2016. Bagheera, July 18th 2017. I call Bagheera "shrimp!" all the time.


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## solinvictus (Oct 23, 2008)

Thank you for sharing your memories and love for Fenris. I read it yesterday and it made me go hug my pups. They are family that give us unconditional love. It is so hard to say goodbye to their physical presence. I do believe that because they shared a large portion of our life journey that they actually become a part of us and as long as we remember they are still with us helping us and guiding us. I believe that some of Fenris's legacy is that all the knowledge you learned during your journey together is being passed on to Bagheera. 

Both Fenris and Bagheera are beautiful.


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## ceegee (Mar 26, 2015)

I love what you wrote. Some dogs just hold on and won't let go. Kind thoughts to you. Anniversaries are hard.


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## dlmrun2002 (Mar 4, 2011)

Thanks for sharing you story on Fenris. It made me feel I wasn't going crazy. There are certain "Stars" that shine brighter then others and if it happens to be your Golden consider yourself one of the luckiest persons to have that experience. I just passed one year on my "Skye" slipping away. The year thing was tough but after it passed I was feeling a little better. Today, while driving to work a song came on the radio that I like and I just started crying thinking of my "Star" golden. Keep feeling what you feel about your special Fenris. It is a testament to how much he loved you.

dlm ny country


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## brianne (Feb 18, 2012)

Anniversaries are hard. I agree that some of our dogs just never let us go. I lost my heart-and-soul dog nearly 20 years ago and I am STILL feeling the loss.

Love the pictures of Fenris and Bagheera. Adorable.


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