# I can't fight this anymore.



## ssacres (Sep 29, 2012)

I get up every day and fight to find joy. I love my girls that I have right now but I am nobody without my Allie Bean. I am lost and I feel alone. I wonder why she is gone and I want so bad to be with her. My little girl and the love of my life. I have nothing without her. I smell her, I see her beautiful eyes looking at me and I miss everything about her. I will never be the same person without my girl. My heart is so broken. I can't do this life without her. Just cannot get through this loss. I see her grave and I cannot believe my girl is laying there in the ground. Just feel like I have no fight left in me to do this.


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## gold4me (Mar 12, 2006)

I wish I could give you a hug. There are no other feelings of grief than what you are feeling for you sweet girl. There is just no way to get through it but one minute at a time. The only thing you can do is talk to us - we understand. But we NEED you here. My thoughts and prayers are going to you.


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## Bentleysmom (Aug 11, 2012)

I too would love to send you a hug! I've been there, I understand. Words don't help. The only thing I could hold onto at the time was knowing how much it bothered my buddy when I was upset, he knew and felt it so I decided I had to be strong and fight my way through it to honor his memory. Hang tight, Allie would hate for you to be so sad ♥


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## jealous1 (Dec 7, 2007)

I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time right now. I have known that helpless feeling and wondering if you will ever be able to love another quite the way you loved a heart dog. The only advice I can give you is to allow yourself to grieve but know that while time right now seems to be an enemy it will be your friend and slowly dull the pain you are feeling so sharply right now. One day, your memories of Allie Bean will comfort you rather than bring tears--she would want that for you.


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

Please do not fight so hard, be gentle to yourself. I know it is not easy I am with you. Learn how to enjoy what you have. There are many days that I think I would be better off there with my Buddy than here. But my family needs me here, as your family and your girls need you. There are more for us to learn and give. It is just temporary separation, we will be together with them again.
Hugs.


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## ssacres (Sep 29, 2012)

I am fighting so hard not to let my two beautiful girls see how sad I am. I know they feel it and that hurts me. I guess working in the back yard and seeing Allies grave just got me going. Yet I will say I am not the person I was and I do not know if I can ever be the same without Allie. She was my life. I will soon be 60 and wonder what I have to offer this sweet puppy I have. I don't have much to give her but love. Cronic fatigue and puppies do not go together. Yet I try to give her every ounce of energy I have. What was I thinking? She makes me happy but can I give her the best life she should have. I sure hope so..


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## goldensmum (Oct 23, 2007)

If only we could wave a magic wand and it would take away our hurt and pain at having had to let our much loved ones go - but then it may also take away our happy memories of our lives together and that would hurt just as much.

There is no easy solution, personally I don;t think it ever gets easier, but we learn in time to cope with the hurt a little bit better. 

Mom, please don't mourn for me
I'm still here, though you don't see.
I'm right by your side each night and day
and within your heart I long to stay.

My body is gone but I'm always near.
I'm everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I'll never depart
as long as you keep me alive in your heart.

I'll never wander out of your sight-
I'm the brightest star on a summer night.
I'll never be beyond your reach-
I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach.

I'm the colourful leaves when fall comes around
and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond,
The clear cool water in a quiet pond.

I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring,
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
and you'll see that the face in the moon is mine.

When you start thinking there's no one to love you,
you can talk to me through the Lord above you.
I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
and you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.

I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep
and the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I'm the smile you see on a baby's face.
Just look for me, Mom, I'm everyplace!


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## jealous1 (Dec 7, 2007)

Please don't second-guess yourself on your new pup. When I lost my Nikki my house was so quiet I would volunteer for extra work, go to movies by myself, anything not to be alone at home. I, too, jumped into getting a new puppy (actually two brothers) and while they were adorable I initially just could not feel the same about them as I had Nikki and wondered if I would ever be able to love them the way they deserved. Fast forward several months and I could not imagine my life without them. Give yourself and your pup a chance--Allie would want that so much for you.


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

As hard as it is, grief has to be experienced and embraced and absorbed in order to move on. Your other girls know exactly how sad you are. So please just be kind to yourself.... don't force anything. Every day may be a different kind of sad......anger, disbelief, stabbing pain, tears that won't stop. BUT.... in time it does become better. You will be able to revel in the joys you had with her and be thankful for the time you shared. And that is what she would want for you. 

Here is a perfect place to share your feelings..... we know, we understand, we care. Hugs to you.

Oh... and the "only" thing you have to offer is love? Sounds like that is one blessed pup. Sounds like the perfect pair. She just may be the blessing that keeps you going!!!!


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*ssacres*



ssacres said:


> I am fighting so hard not to let my two beautiful girls see how sad I am. I know they feel it and that hurts me. I guess working in the back yard and seeing Allies grave just got me going. Yet I will say I am not the person I was and I do not know if I can ever be the same without Allie. She was my life. I will soon be 60 and wonder what I have to offer this sweet puppy I have. I don't have much to give her but love. Cronic fatigue and puppies do not go together. Yet I try to give her every ounce of energy I have. What was I thinking? She makes me happy but can I give her the best life she should have. I sure hope so..


I can tell you that you are a wonderful Mother to your two girls simply because you are trying. All that dogs REALLY NEED to be happy is love, and YOU ARE full of love.
It's true you will never be the same person without Allie, but you will grow from this pain. I am a different person since I lost my Smooch, but Tucker has taught me new things. I know what you mean about fatigue, I'm 63, but as I said all dogs really want and need is to be loved. Allie would want you to be happy. Give your girls a big hug!!


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## Claire's Friend (Feb 26, 2007)

"We will never be the same as we were before the loss. but we are ever so much better for having had something so great to lose."

I have been right where you are and it isn't fun, I know. So many of us seem so determined to cling to our grief for some reason, maybe we feel that's all we have left of them. But that's not true, they are always in our hearts and memories. It just takes time. I hope this will start to soften for you soon. You girls can help you, if you let them.

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.


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## MercyMom (Dec 19, 2011)

There is a man of sorrows who has felt what have felt and is hurting with you. I sympathize and offer my support, but the man of sorrows sympathizes and supports you more. His name is Jesus. He wishes you to comfort you in your sorrows if you will let him.


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

The ones you have will keep you going,they don't know how much you miss the one you lost, they just need you, your love, taking care of them, you will get through this with them.


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## HolDaisy (Jan 10, 2012)

Thinking of you  We lost our little girl Daisy 10 months ago and you've described exactly how we are feeling. I don't know what advice to offer you except just take it a day at a time and try your best to focus on your memories. It's so difficult though  all of us that have lost understand your pain. Sending lots of hugs!


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## PrincessDi (Jun 8, 2009)

I feel your pain! I'm so sorry that you're going thru this very tragic time without your girl. We lost our beloved Max 7/26/12. On many days, your post could be my own. On most days the grief going on without them just seems to be too heavy to bear. Many days, we have to take it one minute at a time. To take on more is just too big of a load. Try not to focus on the future, but getting to the next minute or hour. At some point we do learn how to live without them. That hole in your heart will never be filled. But we do learn to get by with it. As your other kids get older, they will make a space in your big heart of their own.


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## Doug (Jul 17, 2010)

Being human is not a physical battle it is a mental one.

I know because I also _suffer_ from this but I _must force_ myself to remember that there are so many things that happen on earth that we cannot explain. Our feeble human minds cannot comprehend how we even came to be.

There MUST be more out there that what we can see. That is why so many people believe have faith in a better place far more intelligent and wonderful than what we see here on earth. That is why there are so many organised religions out there with millions of followers.

Why have you_ decided _that Allie is in a bad place? 
Doesn't it make more sense that she was sent here for a short time to give you the gift of unconditional love and now she deserves to go back to heaven and rest and enjoy some reward time? Just because she is gone from your sight does not mean that she is gone altogether. 

It is only human nature to think the worst. It is an advanced soul (which we are all striving to be) that can stand the test and hold their head up high and have faith in heaven and beyond.

Allie would want you to have faith and focus on the positive relationship that you had together instead of the heart breaking inevitable loss that we all sign up for when we bring a new soul into our lives. She wants you to keep up the fight. 

_Decide_ and have faith that she is being looked after and being healed for by those people and pets that have gone before her. Know that earth is the testing ground of faith and that heaven is our real home where we feel the most loved happy and free. Allie deserves this even if it means being away from your sight. Be happy for her.

There will be times when you will feel weak use this energy to help others. Donate some clothes, continue your fantastic work on the forums or help out at the local dog shelter.

You have every right to miss her but when you do do it with pride for the beautiful eternal relationship that you have together. You have sent many waves of love and support to others may you feel the love and waves of support that is being sent to you tenfold! 

Good luck with your healing!!! You CAN do it



_"Turn your face to the sun_ and the shadows fall behind you." - by Proverb, Maori.

*
*


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## caseypooh (Dec 30, 2010)

She's not far away, She's with you even though you can't see her. She's guiding you and with you every day. We are not the same now, that is so true but we are better because of them. Casey taught me so much and now Jessie teaches me like your pups are teaching you. Be kind to yourself, you will see her again.


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## patrice (Nov 3, 2011)

It does get better, but it takes a lot of time, and a lot of searching. I understand completely the loss. I did not think that I would ever be the same. Time does heal, but it is ALOT of time. When we have loved so deeply to a companion that was with us everyday we need ALOT of time to a new normal. In my experience, I found peace in a couple of videos which I will upload. Yet, if I am honest, my peace really came when I was able to have another golden to love.





https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdlFtBRkDrQ


Kindest Regards, Patrice


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## love never dies (Jul 31, 2012)

*I read some article...*

Locking away grief doesn't make it go away. Express it. Cry, scream, pound the floor, talk it out. Do what helps you the most. Don't try to avoid grief by not thinking about your pet; instead, reminisce about the good times. This will help you understand what your pet's loss actually means to you.


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## CleosMom (Sep 3, 2012)

Oh gosh. I came here because I was crying for my Max we lost in July. I try to remember his smell and his face and when I would wipe his eyes. This is the best place to come to. 

All I can muster out is, we are here for you. Everyday. If you need to post every 30 minutes..we are here for you. It's so hard. I'm so sorry. 

I do have to say that when Max passed, someone sent me the following poem and it helped. As I cried right through it, it helped. It helped my husband more. 

A big huge hug to you. I'm so sorry. It's been 4 months and I still hate going down to the kitchen by myself. I still talk to him and cry for him to wake up and come "get it". 

But, what I have learned, I have support here. Come here. We are here to listen.... this poem helped us more then goldensmum even knows....



goldensmum said:


> If only we could wave a magic wand and it would take away our hurt and pain at having had to let our much loved ones go - but then it may also take away our happy memories of our lives together and that would hurt just as much.
> 
> There is no easy solution, personally I don;t think it ever gets easier, but we learn in time to cope with the hurt a little bit better.
> 
> ...


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

doug said:


> being human is not a physical battle it is a mental one.
> 
> I know because i also _suffer_ from this but i _must force_ myself to remember that there are so many things that happen on earth that we cannot explain. Our feeble human minds cannot comprehend how we even came to be.
> 
> ...


 i love what you said, all of it.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

I am so sorry for the pain and loss you are feeling. I've been there too many times, I know what you're going through. It can be a constant struggle until you are able to look at what Allie Bean brought to your life. The love, the joy, the many wonderful memories. She will always be with you in your heart.

Your girls are also grieving for Allie Bean, they need you to be there for them. Let them help you while you help them.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Ssacres*



goldensrbest said:


> The ones you have will keep you going,they don't know how much you miss the one you lost, they just need you, your love, taking care of them, you will get through this with them.


*Ssacres: I completely agree with what Goldensrbest said.
Your dogs will help you get through this-let them!!*


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## Sweet Girl (Jun 10, 2010)

All I can say is, I so understand where you are and what you are feeling. That feeling of utter loss and grief and emptiness. Allow yourself to weep and grieve. It may not ever feel okay - you may not ever understand why. I do hope your new pups can help you to heal. They will bring you great joy - but I know you will always carry your dear Allie in your heart. And that's okay. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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