# Kola, I miss you.



## NickA (Aug 6, 2009)

Yesterday was the day that no one wants to happen.

The vet told me that cancer had spread. I could elect to have her take a shot to make some of her swelling in her leg subside. "That would give her a week of playing with you and your kids," he said. I could elect to give her chemotherapy. "Four to six months," he said.

I knew it wasn't going to be good. Didn't know it was going to be that bad. So, I stayed with her through the end... til her heavy head drooped down in to my hands. "You did the right thing," is all people have been telling me. No one else was in that room, though.

I am sure (as sure as a pet owner could be) that she was uncomfortable. But, now, I'm having feelings of guilt and remorse. And, I miss my dog so much. 

I just came in from our backyard... blue sky... green grass... no wagging best friend drooling all over my leg.

Kola, please forgive me. I love you.


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## paula bedard (Feb 5, 2008)

I'm so sorry...Sadly, many of us know exactly what you are going through. It's never easy. Kola knew you loved her and had her best interests at heart. I felt the same guilt about having to let my Sam go when the decision was really out of my hands, he was dying. All I could do was make his last moments as comfortable and loving as possible. Please do not beat yourself up with guilt.

When you're ready, I'm sure we'd all like to hear about kola and see pictures of her.


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## NickA (Aug 6, 2009)

*thanks*

thanks, Paula.

she was so awesome.

when i can get past all these tears, I plan on posting some pics.

so hard. my kids are both 8 & 5 - so - it's been real tough. have to keep my emotions in check so they don't feel awful. doesn't leave much time for 'me' though.

anyhow, thanks, again.


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## goldensmum (Oct 23, 2007)

Hello, welcome to the forum, just wish it could have been in better circumstances. Am sorry for your loss of Kola. So many of us here have had to face making that final ultimate decision, and it never ever gets easier. I have sadly had to make that decision 4 times, and every time I have come away from the vets doubting myself and asking did I do the right thing, and deep deep down in my heart I know that I did. Because we love these dogs that have buried themselves so deeply in our hearts it is awful knowing you have ended their life, but try to think of it as ending their pain and discomfort, and it is the ultimate act of love that we can give to them, to let them go peacefully and painlessly to the bridge, where they will play and run as a young dog again. 

I found it hard to walk into the house as you have said with no one there to meet you, and that is the reason that we have had more goldens - they will never replace the ones lost, but find their own places in your life and heart.

Kola has no need to forgive you, you have shown her how much you love her, and in time you will understand that - in the mean time stay around here and when you find you are able we would love to hear stories of Kola, you will find so much support and help here - you are not alone

Run free, play hard with your new friends and sleep softly Kola


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## Bob Dylan (Mar 31, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss, it is a hard decision to let your pets go. I also feel your pain but I know I did the right thing for my Bobby. I miss him every hour every day and will forever.
I will remember you in my prayers.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

Oh Nick, I'm so sorry. It's a hard, hard thing to do, but it's the greatest expression of love you can offer to your best friend. 

Kola would tell you there is nothing to forgive, be kind to yourself. Most of us on this board have been where you are, it does help to talk to people who understand. I'm glad you found the forum and I hope sharing memories of Kola will help you through the grief.


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## moverking (Feb 26, 2007)

No, Nick, no one else was in the room with you as many pet owners don't have the strength or compassion to be there, as you were, for Kola till the end. 

Making the decision you had to make is not an easy one...your head can be filled with "What if's".

You knew it was an aggressive cancer. You knew she hurt. You knew that a shot or chemotherapy ~might~ give her some relief, but definitely? And for how long? 

Above all else, you couldn't let her suffer from pain and watch her go downhill as the cancer progressed. 

'A day too early is far better than a day too late" is strongly believed in by many of the folks here.

You know in your heart that Kola couldn't even be capable of causing you grief or remorse...so please take gentle care of you. You'll have many days of tears and heartache missing her, but soon a smile will follow the tears as you begin to remember her with joy at having had her in your life.
Peace.


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss. What the others have said, I echo. To let them go is to truly an unselfish act of love..... you've assumed the pain and taken it away from her. Know that we'll always be here with shoulders to cry on and ears to listen. For now, be gentle and kind to yourself and just let your grief take you down whatever path you need to go. When you're ready we'd sure like to hear more about your life together and see pics. Godspeed sweet Kola and hugs to you.


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## olik (Apr 13, 2008)

i am so sorry.It's a hard decision to make.((hugs))))


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## paula bedard (Feb 5, 2008)

NickA said:


> thanks, Paula.
> 
> she was so awesome.
> 
> ...


My then 8 year old niece came to see Sam before he passed. We were all worried how she would be, seeing her best friend so ill and knowing that he was dying. 
She gave the adults in the room a moment we'll never forget. She told us that "My Head said to stay home, but my Heart said to come say good-bye to My Sam." She hugged him, said 'Good-bye' and left me with a picture she'd drawn of her Sammi-dog.
...I think your little ones will do better than you think. They might be able to help you grieve too. 
You might want to get out the paper and crayons...

Hugs to you all.


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss. You gave Kola the greatest gift you could. Setting her free from her pain. I am sure that she is telling all the other dogs at the bridge how she had the best family she could ever have. Grieving with the kids will show them it is ok to cry and will help everyone with the grieving process. I think it hurts so much because dogs love so completely and give us their all so when they are gone there is a big hole. One day I hope you will open your heart to another dog to show Kola that she gave you so much you want to share it with another dog. The new dogs dont replace the loved one lost but share another part of your heart. 
May your memories and the love you shared help to heal your pain.


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## Noey (Feb 26, 2009)

(((hugs)))
I believe you did do the right thing and Kola knows this. They always seem to know. You did the right thing to prevent prolonged suffereing, you did a hard thing by doing what needed to be done for Kola...and not for you.

It's ok to be sad. I'm so sorry for your loss. (((hugs)))


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## AmberSunrise (Apr 1, 2009)

Oh, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. As others have said, it is a very hard thing but you stayed with her until the end and set her free from pain - this is our final gift to the companions we love so well. 

God speed Kola, run softly at the bridge


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## Rob's GRs (Feb 25, 2007)

I am sorry for your loss. This is one of the hardest things in life we have to do for our four legged family members. No matter when we decide to make this decision there is still always some doubt if that day was the right day. However it is better to do it one day to early compared to one day too late. I am sure Kola knows you did the right thing for her and she will always remain with you in your heart and soul, until you meet again.


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## Sucker For Gold (Jan 13, 2009)

Welcome to the forum. I wish we were meeting under better circumstances, but you have found a wonderful place to help you through your loss. Most of us have been through what you are going through now and many have have been through it more than once. It is never easy, but you do get through it one day at a time.

I would suggest you do 3 things that helped us greatly when we lost our boy to cancer in January and I think it will be of great help to you in the coming days.

#1 - Please stick around and spend some time with us. Here you will find an extended family and a boat load of the greatest people and the biggest golden lovers you will ever meet.

#2 - Tell us more about Kola and give us the chance to know her as you did. Post photos if you have them. You will find that we love photos. Give us a chance to share in some of the laughter and some of the tears. We NEVER get tired of golden stories.

#3 - When you find the time right...and it is different for everyone....it may be tomorrow, it may be next week, and it may not be for 6 months, but I hope you will open your heart to a new golden child.

Finally know this...when we arrive at the end of the journey with our dogs, there is no right time and there is no right way to say good bye. It is a personal decision and a personal experience and it is by far the greatest cost we pay for the short time we have them with us. It takes great courage and love to let them go but we have a responsibility to do that when the time comes. It is perhaps the last and greatest gift of love that we give to them. You should not feel guilty or remorseful for the decisions you made.


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## MyMaggieGirl (Nov 12, 2008)

Everyone has written such eloquent words, I can't add anything other than I am so sorry, and I know how you feel. Hugs to you and go ahead and be gentle to yourself.


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