# Joel Silverman - The Bond



## JoelSilverman (Oct 21, 2008)

OK... So my first thread.... I wanted to start something that I thought most people would agree with. It is something that I am very passionate about too. It is *building the bond*. In my opinion, this is something that so many new pet owners forget when they first get a dog. 

With Companions For Life, my core message focuses on teaching the new pet owner that the dog simply wants to be their friend. They have the ability to really build that up, and also tear it down. One of the ways this is torn down is by the owner training the dog before a relationship is established. They jump into training. Can professional dog trainers train a dog before a relationship is established? Yes. But remember that I am dealing with people that might be getting a dog for the first time, and need help.

Especially with Goldens, you are dealing with an animal that really just wants your approval. The bottom line is the technique is not really the issue, because there are so many. It is all about getting to know your dog, developing and awesome relationship, and building the trust. 

This lays a great foundation for training, and now the dog will be working for you because he wants to, not because he has to.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

I think if I were to jump off a bridge, my Shadow (Shadow is one of my Goldens) would follow. Tucker would jump if I had a treat! Just kidding...


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## TheHooch (May 9, 2007)

The Bond is definitely the first important step in my opinion.


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## hotel4dogs (Sep 29, 2008)

And to add my 3 cents worth (inflation), I think the stronger the bond, the better your dog will work for you. Each of mine knows me so well, they know if I'm pleased or not without me saying a word. I'm sure a lot of us with goldens feel that way. I spend hours and hours of times building the bond with my dogs so that we become a part of each other.
That said, I train my dogs starting at 8 weeks. But it's very low keyed, positive training, which I honestly think furthers the bond. It gives them a chance to succeed and build confidence in my love for them. JMO.


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## Oaklys Dad (Dec 28, 2005)

That is so true. Goldens especially really want to please. My boys sometime try a little too hard but being a single dog dad I can deal with that. : I think I tend to feed their exuberance for my own enjoyment.


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## AlanK (Jun 28, 2008)

Mr Tuff Dog came to live with me when he was 2 1/2 yrs old. We had to treat him for HW and we spent countless hours by his side while he had to be "still for 5 weeks". This is different circumstances than most people will deal with but I do believe we have bonded for life. He is my very best buddy and I hope I am his.

I seem to want to brag on him all of the time but anyone who owns a Golden knows what I am talking about! 

Love, devotion and trust goes both ways!


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## JoelSilverman (Oct 21, 2008)

Exactly!! And when I see someone with a dog that has that awesome attitude and the person tells me "my dog is great isn't he?" My response is .. no.. your dog is not great... YOU ARE!!! Because I know the love and the time the person put into the animal to get him to that place?? Just like you jumping off a bridge... and I totally believe it!!

That is what owning a dog is all about..


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## Heidi36oh (Feb 27, 2007)

I think I have a very strong bond with mine, all 4 of them..LOL
Like Kim said they would follow me everywhere even jumping of a bridge.
I go take a nap sometimes when I get home from work and all the dogs disappear with me in the bedroom...LOL


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## Pointgold (Jun 6, 2007)

My Puppy Kindergarten class, for puppies 7-20 weeks, is all about bonding. I have been stressing this for going on 25 years. I believe that bonding and training go hand in hand (or, hand in paw) and that neither is exclusive. You cannot have one without the other.


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## MILLIESMOM (Aug 13, 2006)

Here is my husband and our lab-golden mix Pearl spending some bonding time. These two are inseperable and Pearl will do anything for John, she adores him. They actually do watch Sat morning shows together. LOL Notice the similar "hair dos" from the back.


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## Lucky's mom (Nov 4, 2005)

My ADULT Golden and I have bonded and he is a great dog. But frankly...as a puppy it didn't happen for months. I'm not sure what I could have done different. He was definately trained first...bonded second. But the training helped the bonding.


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## LifeOfRiley (Nov 2, 2007)

I learned this at a very young age, having grown up with German Shepherds. I'm sure you know how they are and how they tend not to 'obey' just anyone. You have to earn their love, respect and trust first. Once you form that bond, they'll gladly do anything you ask of them, but you have to prove that you're deserving of it, first.

I was reminded of this when we got Riley. We brought him home at 7 weeks of age and I wanted to dive right in and start the training early. Riley had other ideas and we butted heads for a while. I learned that Goldens aren't much different from GSDs in that respect - you can make them obey you, but it's much easier if you make them _want_ to obey you. And now, I don't think I've ever had a dog with a stronger desire to please than Riley.


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## gold4me (Mar 12, 2006)

I have had 6 goldens and even though they were all different they all shared one trait. They wanted to be a major part of our family. The more bonding time we spent with them the more loving, happy and content they became. AND me too! The training just seemed to fall into place(with the help of some wonderful positive trainers). We are always so proud when people comment on how well behaved our kids are!!!


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## JoelSilverman (Oct 21, 2008)

Have you guys ever seen Carolyn Scott, the woman that does that synchronized dancing with the Golden? Aside from the fact that is absolutely amazing what she did, I could not help but just watch the Golden. He absolutely never takes his eyes off of her, and he just wants so bad to please her. The bond she has created with that dog is amazing. When I am trying to get my point across, I always send people to play that video on You Tube. I give that woman so much credit for not only training some very difficult things, but also that awesome relationship she has created with that dog!!


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## diana_D (Jan 27, 2008)

Oh yeah, Carolyn Scott did amazing things with Rookie. 

I had an incredible bond with my girl who died in March this year. And now, with Emma - we're getting close to that bond. It is, indeed the most important thing in a relationship, and the rest follows easily. 

What stroke me most was when Emma thought I was drowning (just taking a bath, nothing else) and tried to rescue me and alert everyone. This coming from a 4 months old! 

I also think the relationship with a dog is a unique one - this kind of unconditional love is hard to get from humans.


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## FranH (May 8, 2005)

JoelSilverman said:


> Have you guys ever seen Carolyn Scott, the woman that does that synchronized dancing with the Golden? Aside from the fact that is absolutely amazing what she did, I could not help but just watch the Golden. He absolutely never takes his eyes off of her, and he just wants so bad to please her. The bond she has created with that dog is amazing. When I am trying to get my point across, I always send people to play that video on You Tube. I give that woman so much credit for not only training some very difficult things, but also that awesome relationship she has created with that dog!!


She's actually a member here. Rookie was an awesome dog and that video was amazing.


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## Tanyac (Jun 18, 2008)

I do not do anything like dancing with my dogs, but truly admire the bond the owner and the dog share, it's awesome to watch.

I haven't what I would call highly trained my two goldens, although we have done basic training classes as puppies. Izzie has come to ringcraft classes with me on a regular basis. We may go to further training classes more for socialising and fun than because they are a problem and need to obey me, because they already do that.

I knew I had the 'bond' for sure when I was out on the walk one day and realised that both of my dogs were walking quietly behind me, one on each side. They were not trained to do this, they come and walk behind me at intervals during the walk when they take a breather from tearing about. I felt sooooo proud I can't tell you!

I feel that our dogs need the confidence to go and explore when out and about, we need confidence to know that they will reappear as soon as we whistle. Also, they have never ever shown aggression and see other dogs as playmates! 

My dogs are a complete joy to me and I love them so much, this breed fits into family life with such ease, and every member of my family can enjoy a cuddle with them at any time!


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## magiclover (Apr 22, 2008)

Ok so I am picking up my new puppy on Saturday. What tips do you have to start the bonding off right? I also have a 9 year oild Golden to introduce her to.


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## vrocco1 (Feb 25, 2006)

All of the K9 teams I work with actually take their dogs home with them every evening (even though they are actually "state" property) in order to cement the relationship. This is in addition to spending the entire working day with them training and being "on patrol". 

I believe that any serious trainer would agree that the bond is very important and without it, you really have nothing.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

JoelSilverman said:


> Have you guys ever seen Carolyn Scott, the woman that does that synchronized dancing with the Golden? Aside from the fact that is absolutely amazing what she did, I could not help but just watch the Golden. He absolutely never takes his eyes off of her, and he just wants so bad to please her. The bond she has created with that dog is amazing. When I am trying to get my point across, I always send people to play that video on You Tube. I give that woman so much credit for not only training some very difficult things, but also that awesome relationship she has created with that dog!!


Yes...the team brought me to tears. 

I remember Carolyn, or someone else who does freestyle, saying they used a treat held within their teeth to get the dog to look up and focus on them. 

I truly understand the bond. I may make light of the fact that Shadow may follow me off a cliff (which my family also believes), but I love when I turn to walk away, I'm leading a small parade.


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## Rob's GRs (Feb 25, 2007)

Bonding goes along ways with newly adopted dogs as well. I have seen such an improvement in Hogan in the last 8 months or so now that I have had him. From what I understand from the shelter I got him from Hogan had very little attention or bonding in his yearly life and was pen up outside 24/7. He came to me with some "issues" but over these last few months we have all but resolved these "issues", and most of it I believe is attributed to developing a strong bond with him ( and of course training as well).


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## Maxs Mom (Mar 22, 2008)

I have always had strong bonds with my dogs, I have been very fortunate. They have never wanted to displease me. It is clearly evident that they listen to me above my DH. I say it is because he doesn't change. Whether he is happy, sad or angry he sounds exactly the same and the dogs just tune him out. The funny thing is he feeds them but when they are done eating they come running to me. 

We are talking about a 4th dog. HE wants one HE can run agility and do the dock jumping with. I am all for #4. However whether it will be his dog or mine is completely up to him and I tell him that. I am the primary exerciser, trainer, hugger. I talk to the dogs. He does when I ask him to. I told him if he wants the next dog to be "his" he has to walk it, train it, LOVE it. My girls love him don't get me wrong, but if push came to shove they would side with me. I can step back and let him have this dog. I tried to let Belle be his, but she did not take to him. We will just have to see.


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## twogoldenboys (Mar 3, 2008)

magiclover said:


> Ok so I am picking up my new puppy on Saturday. What tips do you have to start the bonding off right? I also have a 9 year oild Golden to introduce her to.


I agree with Magiclover. I have an amazing bond with my 12 yr old, Alex. Now that I have a 6 month old, I'm more conscience of creating a bond with him also. Any tips on getting a good start?


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## jnmarr (Mar 7, 2008)

We are so close to our dogs.. sometimes it seems as though we can read each other's minds. They try so hard to please us.. praise will make them get all wiggly and put on that goofy big grin!


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## moverking (Feb 26, 2007)

This 'bond' you speak of is what brought me to my knees with my Sadie. I've had pups all my life, nearly all terriers. Wonderful dogs each of them, yet headstrong and independent. I loved them all.
BUT, I can remember the moment Sadie and I bonded, and I know I'd never had that depth with any pup.

I'm not trying to anthropomorpize (sp?), but to all the moms and dads out there, but remember when you held your firstborn, thinking 'oh now what am I supposed to do with this?' And the little eyes opened and locked with yours? A little silent communion occurred and you probably smiled and said, 'ohhh yes, now I understand'. Bonding Same with pups and essential.


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

moverking said:


> I'm not trying to anthropomorpize (sp?), but to all the moms and dads out there, but remember when you held your firstborn, thinking 'oh now what am I supposed to do with this?' And the little eyes opened and locked with yours? A little silent communion occurred and you probably smiled and said, 'ohhh yes, now I understand'. Bonding Same with pups and essential.


Oh yes...I looked into that puppy face (can't believe I let him ride on my lap because they always wear seatbelts) on the 2.5 hour trip home and we were both hooked. 

It's funny how Shadow and I can look right into each other's eyes with fondness, but Tucker will not make eye contact unless we are working. Tucker came to us just before he turned one. I wonder if this is his personality or if he'd do the same if I got him as a pup.


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## moverking (Feb 26, 2007)

Awww, Kim, maybe Tucker didn't learn eye contact was a good thing before he came to you.....I'm sure he has other 'bonding' rituals he does with you every day. Sadie and Loo do completely different love rituals with Sharon and I ...what ones does, the other won't do. As with our kids, they have to have their own 'thing', I guess, and can't be similar.


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## nictastic (Aug 21, 2008)

I feel like i have an alien pup... Tasha hasn't bonded with me the way my previous dogs have. I have never had a puppy before tho, normally 1yr plus...not sure if its normal. She tends to ignore me more often than not and will occasionally come for cuddles. That being said when we are out and off lead she follows all the time looking for me 
So my question is how do you build that bond with a pup who rarely likes to interact?


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## JoelSilverman (Oct 21, 2008)

Caorlyn Scott, I heard you were a member here, and I know I do not know you, but I hope you got a chance to read my previous post. You are a such great example of what I teach.....


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## GoldenJoyx'stwo (Feb 25, 2007)

moverking said:


> Awww, Kim, maybe Tucker didn't learn eye contact was a good thing before he came to you.....I'm sure he has other 'bonding' rituals he does with you every day. Sadie and Loo do completely different love rituals with Sharon and I ...what ones does, the other won't do. As with our kids, they have to have their own 'thing', I guess, and can't be similar.


Tucker does have his own ritual. I get that look like when he poses for the camera. He actually turns his head and looks snooty! I think Tucker does it out of respect more than anything.


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