# 12 hours in crate too long?



## LincolnsMom (Sep 28, 2010)

So my bf is hell bound and determined that Lincoln our 4 month old puppy can stay in his crate for 12 hours at a time while he is at work. His justification? "My brother did it to his puppy he was fine' My reply " I don't care if he did it, Lincoln will NOT be doing that"

I'm trying to explain to him that Lincoln can't possibly be expected to hold it that long and he will mess the crate and be miserable. He also wants to cut out the dog walker. I do NOT like these two options put together I think it's cruel to do this to Lincoln. I think that this all stems back to the fact that Kevin has never really had to take care of Lincoln by himself; his mother has always been there to care for him while Kevin is at work. Now as of the 11th he will be on his own. I don't think he realizes just how much work Lincoln is. And I really can't wait until it is just the two of them while I am away and he has to be the sole caregiver for more that 4 hours because then he will really know what it's like to be a puppy parent. 

I'm desperate to keep Lincoln out of the crate. I think that I can understand say 5-6 hours while we are at work but anymore than that for a puppy to me is too much especially when he's not use to it. I'm trying to convince him to puppy safe the spare room so he has room to move around at least until Linc gets older and can be trusted in the rest of the apartment all day.

Don't get me wrong; Kevin loves Lincoln dearly and wants the best for him. I think he really thinks that because his brothers dog survived crating for 12 hours that it's not bad. He also doesn't want Linc to get hurt while we are away and continue to reinforce housebreaking rules. I can understand some but honestly the crate is way too much for me especially without a dog walker. 

Has anyone crated a puppy for 12+ hours regularly and can tell me the effects it had? Or help me prove to my BF that it's really not whats best for anyone especially Lincoln. Or tell me if I'm over reacting and he really will be fine?

I have so many questions; right now Kevin's mom cares for him while we are away so he's fine right now. And he led me to believe that we would have a dog walker; but for the first week without his mom he doesn't want one to 'see what will happen' which I truly think is silly as well, but i'm willing to compromise. I'm just desperate to keep my Puppy as happy but safe as can be. While making sure this doesn't turn into WW3 ; (

I'm sorry for always asking you guys questions and for my rant I'm just getting worried about this situation. Maybe it's nothing and I'm just stressing over nothing; but i'm a worrier and just want to be doing the best I can for him. Thank you guys so much in advance for any help.


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

Holy hell, yes it is too long. And 12 hours alone in the house, without breaks or exercise, is too long for an adult dog. Eight hours is pushing it.

Tell your boyfriend he can sit in a box for 12 straight hours without going to the restroom for potty breaks, stretching his legs, or any interaction and come back and tell you how he felt later on.


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## Braccarius (Sep 8, 2008)

If he's in his crate during sleeping hours and then work hours.... that's upward of 20 hours of crate. That's just not acceptable. Go to war! This dog is going to be miserable with that much crate time especially if this is what happens most of the week. 

PS: My dog ate a bellyfull of foam mattress and lived.... does it make it a good idea?


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## ggdenny (Nov 2, 2008)

Do not ever crate a puppy or grown dog for that long. It's cruel, selfish and irresponsible. My doggies are in their crates a MAXIMUM of 4 hours at a time. Goldens and dogs are social animals and don't want to be alone. You and your boyfriend are the center of the puppy's world so you should treat him accordingly.


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## Jackson'sMom (Oct 13, 2007)

That is absolutely not acceptable, even for an adult dog. In my opinion, crating a dog for 12 hours (or anything close to that) without potty breaks, play time, etc., is abusive.


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## CarolinaCasey (Jun 1, 2007)

The words cruel, selfish, unreasonable, and just plain mean come to mind.

I would never do that to an adult dog, let alone a puppy. Get a dog walker, a neighbor, anybody to let Lincoln out. There has to be another way. If it were me, I'd be bound and determined to make sure my dog didn't have to stay kenneled up for that long. G-man is going on 6 months and he still is left out every 4 hours if we have to be away and he still gets lunch!


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

NO WAY! I would never think to leave any of mine nearly that long...... crate or no crate, but especially crated. Harsh as it may seem, you've taken on the responsibility of this little being, and care needs to be taken to provide for his well being not only physically but mentally too. Puppies need human care and stimulation to thrive. If you can't be there, he needs to be with a pet sitter or day care situation when he is old enough. Otherwise, there need to be some hard decisions to be made.


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## DianaM (Feb 18, 2010)

I agree that is way too long. And does he still eat lunch? How will he be fed during that time?


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## Jamm (Mar 28, 2010)

Omg yes way to long!! Joey is 7months and i feel terrible when i have to leave him in the crate for 5 hours. I think the longest hes beenin his crate BESIDES for sleep time, was 6hours, and what was because we had car problems when we were out.


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## LincolnsMom (Sep 28, 2010)

I'm so glad to hear you guys agree with me I thought I was going crazy! I agree that it's too long. Lincoln isn't crated when we sleep he actually sleeps on the bed with us. Crating is a little more than he's used to for him lately simply because we weren't having the best luck housebreaking without it; but the longest he's ever been in it so far is 2 hours.

Lincoln is the center of my world. For Kevin I know that he loves him but I think that because of the distance between them he has lost out on the crucial bonding and so for him Linc is more of the Dog than the family as I see him. 

I'm now 100% completely determined that I am right about this and will make sure Lincoln is not crated like he wants him to be and I will also demand the dog walker on days he is alone 6 + hours. I can't see it being that bad especially with the average gap he will be alone 3-4 hours. 

Would you guys think that 6+ hours is good for the dog walker? That way he is walked every 3 hours whether we are there or not? With a 4 hour max on the crate? I'm going to make sure that the spare room is puppy proofed like I want so he has an area to get up and move etc. 

I think I have to make it clear that Linc is never usually alone; and when Kevin's mom leaves I believe that 85% of the time he will be alone 4 hours on average. I'm making it sound like this would be an everyday thing trust me if it was Linc would be re-homed- as much as it would break my heart.

I should add that Linc eat four times a day and we got him an auto feeder to ensure that he eats; he really likes it too -thank god!- Also he always has access to clean water. But mostly either I or Kevin will be home to feed him on schedule. 

I'm so glad that I asked you guys! now I feel so guilty for his brothers dog poor thing crated for 12 hours : (


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## janine (Aug 8, 2009)

LincolnsMom I don't think you are going to find one person on this forum that is going to be ok with a pup or dog in a crate for 12 hours. Please look into that dog walker or and a neighbor to let Lincoln out 1 or better 2 times a day. Do you have any doggy daycare places in your area? We have all had family things or work that has kept us away form our dogs longer than a reg work day 6 to 8 hours but you will not end up with a happy healthy dog if this will be his normal life. Good luck...fight for your pup he needs the best.


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## iamswiss (Aug 6, 2009)

I think the longest Bailey was in the crate ever was during night for 8 hours, during the day she was maybe 2-3 hours in the crate. We also stopped very soon (maybe at 5 months) with the crate and left her in the kitchen/dining area all by herself and she was always doing great.
I could never have crated her for that many hours. Insist on the dog walker if you can't go home during the day, but don't leave her 12 hours in the crate.


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## Braccarius (Sep 8, 2008)

I think Harley lasted 15 minutes in a crate once. He was OK with it.... I couldn't take it though.


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## Emma&Tilly (May 15, 2005)

You are right with your insticts LincolnsMom, 12 hours in a crate for Lincoln would be neglectful...even for an adult dog, nevermind a puppy...but I think you know that anyway!! Your puppy needs to be let out several times during a 12 hour stretch...I personally don't agree leaving a dog alone for that long, there are some situations that just do not work with owning a dog.


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## donutboy (Nov 16, 2010)

12 hours would be horrible. I feel bad letting Donut have access to the kitchen and laundry room for 8 hrs nevermind 12. I think you should arrange for someone to come after 4 or 5 hours and take him for a nice long walk.


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

Yes, yes, yes, way too long.


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

I want to add, it would be better for your pup, to find him a home, that has the time to spend with him, and care for him, than to expect him to be crated all that time.


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## sterregold (Dec 9, 2009)

If the day is 6 hours+ then you absolutely need to have the dog walker in, or drop him at doggy daycare in the morning so he will get exercise and stimulation.


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## Dallas Gold (Dec 22, 2007)

Please don't let your little sweet puppy be abused by keeping him in the crate that long. 

This is too sad beyond words.


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## LincolnsMom (Sep 28, 2010)

goldensrbest said:


> I want to add, it would be better for your pup, to find him a home, that has the time to spend with him, and care for him, than to expect him to be crated all that time.


I can understand your concern. Rest assured as I said above; that if it was an everyday thing he would be re-homed. This will not be an everyday occurrence 85% of the time Linc will be alone approx 5 hours as I only work part-time. I was just concerned for the 12 hours that Kevin wanted him in the crate for on the days where we are kept away. Now that I am 100% positive that I am correct It will not be happening no matter what  

As I've said Lincoln is the center of my world and my first concern. I feel very blessed that there are people out there who care about his well being just as much as you would if he were your own, and understand my concerns and love their dogs just the same way I do. It is really helping me to be a better mom to Lincoln thank you all so much.


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## goldyjlox (Jun 27, 2010)

That is way too long, I use a crate for Samson who is 12 weeks and he is left in it maybe 1:30 mins max...and thats a long time for him I think. When i got my first golden kody I worked 4 hours a day and left him in the kennel and that was a long time I thought...I felt so guilty I put the kennel in front of the TV and turned on the animal channel!!!
Fight this one, Lincoln is your baby...


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## Florabora22 (Nov 30, 2008)

I once dated a guy who had a boxer. One day he told me he tried crating his boxer for 30 hours because he had to go out of town for work and couldn't find anyone to watch his dog. Thankfully his dog broke out of his crate and "pooped all over his house." I said GOOD, and that was my last date with him.

30 hours is abuse, 12 hours is borderline abuse. I would try to work something else out for your puppy, because 12 hours in his crate is unacceptable.


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## janine (Aug 8, 2009)

LincolnsMom said:


> I can understand your concern. Rest assured as I said above; that if it was an everyday thing he would be re-homed. This will not be an everyday occurrence 85% of the time Linc will be alone approx 5 hours as I only work part-time. I was just concerned for the 12 hours that Kevin wanted him in the crate for on the days where we are kept away. Now that I am 100% positive that I am correct It will not be happening no matter what
> 
> As I've said Lincoln is the center of my world and my first concern. I feel very blessed that there are people out there who care about his well being just as much as you would if he were your own, and understand my concerns and love their dogs just the same way I do. It is really helping me to be a better mom to Lincoln thank you all so much.


Nice to hear  Just show your bf all of our posts if he gives you any trouble


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## The Trio (Apr 24, 2010)

> Tell your boyfriend he can sit in a box for 12 straight hours without going to the restroom for potty breaks, stretching his legs, or any interaction and come back and tell you how he felt later on.





> Go to war!


 I fully agree! You know what's best Momma help Lincoln out before you are not around to take care of him.


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## Mssjnnfer (Aug 9, 2009)

That is really mean...

If I know the dogs will be alone for more than 4 hours while I'm in class, I'll leave them in their room... not in their crates. My mom or dad comes and lets them out potty and then they go back in their room. They have a TV that I leave on... and nylabones.

It's better than being crunched in a small crate.


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## TomCat'sGirl (Aug 27, 2010)

Megora said:


> Holy hell, yes it is too long. And 12 hours alone in the house, without breaks or exercise, is too long for an adult dog. Eight hours is pushing it.
> 
> Tell your boyfriend he can sit in a box for 12 straight hours without going to the restroom for potty breaks, stretching his legs, or any interaction and come back and tell you how he felt later on.


 
Couldn't of said it better


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

yes, linclons mom, i am glad you feel that way, he can not care that much about your pup, if he wants to do that to him.


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## GinnyinPA (Oct 31, 2010)

Frankly, I'd get a new boyfriend.

My husband and I held off getting a dog for years because we knew we'd have to leave it for too many hours while we were at work. We both believe that it isn't fair to a dog to not get exercise, play or human contact for 12 hours a day, plus there's the issue of not being able to hold his pee for that long. I know that if I sit still for a couple of hours, my body gets cramped and miserable, and I'm not a young high energy dog.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

I feel bad leaving Sasha in his crate for three hrs during the day!

Please have your boyfriend read all these posts, especially the one about how HE would like being in a crate for 12 hours!


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## Jessie'sGirl (Aug 30, 2010)

I was just sick reading the first post and thinking of that poor puppy. So glad to see that you will not crate this dog for such a long time.


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## GoldensGirl (Aug 2, 2010)

Megora said:


> Holy hell, yes it is too long. And 12 hours alone in the house, without breaks or exercise, is too long for an adult dog. Eight hours is pushing it.
> 
> Tell your boyfriend he can sit in a box for 12 straight hours without going to the restroom for potty breaks, stretching his legs, or any interaction and come back and tell you how he felt later on.


Yep, well said. 

Just find a better man for a boyfriend. That shouldn't be difficult. Anyone so insensitive to a baby of any species will not be a good long-term companion.


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## 2Retrievers222 (Sep 5, 2007)

Maybe if he was a Hamster


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## Florabora22 (Nov 30, 2008)

And honestly, 12 hours in a crate with no break? Your BF will be coming home to a poopy, urine filled crate at the least, and very likely a stinky dog as well. Would he rather clean up crap every day he comes home from work, or spring for a dog walker?


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## LincolnsMom (Sep 28, 2010)

I'm really hurt and disappointed right now. After hearing all your responses I asked Kevin if he truly would lock Lincoln in a crate for 12 hours and he said yes! I said I'd like to look you in a box for 12 hours and see how you like it! He just got angry. I'm really disgusted and hurt that the man I love could do this to a puppy. it is no lie enough to make me break up with him, but all I can think is if I break up with him Linc will be alone for 12 hours in a crate. Because I'm the one that comes home and takes him out. I told him I would have Linc removed by the SPCA he said they can't because it's not abuse. Which I believe it is. He's legally not my puppy. I'm just really pissed if I do choose to leave him Linc will be neglected. I think if I can't think of something and do want to leave I will stay for Lincoln


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## janine (Aug 8, 2009)

All I can think of to say is I am sorry :-(


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## ggdenny (Nov 2, 2008)

Maybe Lincoln would be best off if surrendered to a rescue and adopted into a home where he will be treated well, loved, respected and have gobs of human contact.


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## lgnutah (Feb 26, 2007)

Caring for a pet together is a good way for a couple to see if they agree on nurturing, to see how much empathy each has. These are important things to know about someone you are considering making your life partner.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

Take Lincoln with you, what can he do? Sue you for custody?


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## Jackson'sMom (Oct 13, 2007)

And your boyfriend is wrong. Locking a puppy in a crate for 12 hours IS abuse in the eyes of many. If he doesn't care about Lincoln, he needs to man up an find him another home where he will get the care he needs.


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## LincolnsMom (Sep 28, 2010)

I wish I could take him or surrender him but legally I can't. He decided to buy him before I knew. The only say I had was selecting the proper breeder he decided to get him and there was no changing his mind on that. It honestly was fine back then because his mom lived with him now it's all gone to hell. I'm so worried for Lincoln


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## 2Retrievers222 (Sep 5, 2007)

This might be a glimpse hows he going to treat your future kids or maybe you.

I met a rescued Golden that was kept in a crate for a year. I asked what golden mix. The couple said it was a rescue. Legs did not grow normal. Looked like a Golden with dachshund like legs. Its abuse.


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## lgnutah (Feb 26, 2007)

Cruelty to animals (lack of compassion or empathy) is a red flag


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## Mssjnnfer (Aug 9, 2009)

I would get out of that relationship.

Does your boyfriend walk him?

12 hours in a crate IS abuse and I'm pretty sure the SPCA would do something about it. I'm pretty sure anyone with a brain would do something about it.

What's the point in even having a dog if you're going to keep him locked up?

I really hope you can get this sorted out. <3


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

LincolnsMom said:


> I wish I could take him or surrender him but legally I can't. He decided to buy him before I knew. The only say I had was selecting the proper breeder he decided to get him and there was no changing his mind on that. It honestly was fine back then because his mom lived with him now it's all gone to hell. I'm so worried for Lincoln


Talk to the breeder. If your breeder is a respectable breeder, then he/she will want to know. 

Talk to his mom. If she was the one who paid for the puppy or signed the contract, then legally she can do something. 

Talk to the puppy's vet. See if they have any advice.


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## Florabora22 (Nov 30, 2008)

I'm sorry you're in this situation. Poor Lincoln, and poor you. Can you sit down with your boyfriend and have a rational discussion about this? Surely he's not so heartless as to completely close his mind off to listening to what you have to say.


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

Take that puppy, and leave, god only knows what he could do to him.


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## sameli102 (Aug 23, 2009)

I'd be leaving and kidnapping that poor pup. What a life for him.
Sounds like he doesn't really want him anyway. Suggest re-homing him and hide him out to get back later.


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## 2Retrievers222 (Sep 5, 2007)

I know 

Get 15 Golden Retriever Forum members in your area to picket your house with signs saying 12 hours in a crate is abuse. Animal abuser lives here. Call animal rights group.


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## Mssjnnfer (Aug 9, 2009)

Where do you live? I would come.


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## 2Retrievers222 (Sep 5, 2007)

Mssjnnfer said:


> Where do you live? I would come.


Oh no hes a Canadian and from my Province Ontario.


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## LincolnsMom (Sep 28, 2010)

I tried to talk to him. I asked him; "if i wasn't here to be with Linc would you surrender him" He said no. I asked why he said because I love him. I told him it was the most selfish thing I had ever heard in my life. He asked if i would i said yes BECAUSE i love him i would in a second. 

We just had a huge fight. I think this may be it for us; but I don't think I can let it go. I think that if i live now I will never forgive myself for leaving lincoln. I would run if i could but i'm a student that isn't possible plus i don't have the lifestyle to support him on my own either.

Kevin does not abuse him and he does walk/feed him. He is very kind and gentle to him; this is the only thing that we truly honest to god disagree on; and it is breaking us apart. As much as I love Lincoln so much I wish we had never gotten him and he had gone to a better home. 

I've decided though; that I'm going to stay. I can't leave Lincoln knowing that he would be left alone for 12 hours. He said "I would give him the spare room to be in." I just looked at him and said you can give him all the room in the world it isn't going to replace you being there.

Please everyone send prayers for Lincoln and I we are going to go through rough waters. Pray that I can ignore this and look at him in the eye; because right now I cant. But mostly Pray that I can teach Kevin how cruel it is to do that, because even if I do get Lincoln away one day he will get another dog.


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## Florabora22 (Nov 30, 2008)

Well... 12 hours alone is hard on a dog, but I suppose I would prefer a dog being alone 12 hours in a spare room than in a crate. Does your bf understand that he will very likely be cleaning up feces and urine every single day after work because it's very difficult for a young puppy to hold it that long? Surely there is an alternative to this.


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## 2Retrievers222 (Sep 5, 2007)

can,t you get a dog walker without him knowing. Make a key for dog walker.


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

Wow. I can't imagine at all any dog being in a crate for 12 hours. That is just so much loneliness, so much waiting...it hurts to think about it.

Is there a way to help your boyfriend see this? I don't know though ...something is seriously lacking here, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but really, it shouldn't be a stretch for anyone to see that that much time in a crate is just so cruel.

The question is ... what are you going to do with this information? I feel so bad for you, what a dilemma  I like Sameli's idea ... foster him out, far away, leave and then get him back. Far away. Is that possible for you?

Such a burden, hon, I'm so sorry. I hope you can work this out for everyone's benefit.

****
p.s. to Lincoln'sMom -- I posted while you were posting. So Sameli's idea won't work for you. You're going to stay. That's alright, it's best for Lincoln right now. You need to find a way to reach Kevin. Stay positive. Maybe some of us here can help with some ideas. Everything is okay right now, you're going through a rough period, but let's stay positive. We just need to figure out how to reach Kevin. No more fighting with him, we have to get creative, we need to be subtle. I need to think about this!


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## LincolnsMom (Sep 28, 2010)

I don't think it's fair. What hurt me is that I had to fight to give Lincoln the spare room. 

No he wouldn't care about the clean up. But it won't matter anyways because Lincoln will have me around. I'm going to stay.

Thank you all so much for the kind words. You have really helped me get through this and ground myself. Lincoln is sitting beside me right now whining I think he can tell that I'm upset and wants to help.


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

How about contacting his mom? She apparently cared for and hopefully about Lincoln. Maybe if she knew about the neglect he was planning for this poor puppy she would have a talk with him. I happen to know if he were my son, I would take the puppy from him regardless of his age and tell him I would turn him into animal control for abuse if he tried to fight me. Fortunately, my son would never do something like that.


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## CarolinaCasey (Jun 1, 2007)

If he can't be bothered to come home at lunch to let him out... someone or something has to change. You might have to sacrifice something to make sure that you can do it... spend less going out to eat or pack your lunch so that you can afford a dog walker or doggie daycare. There are cuts to be made for Lincoln... you can do it, even if he can't or won't.


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## mylissyk (Feb 25, 2007)

Hopefully once he sees how bad it will be with the potty messes he will understand it's much too long and the two of you can work out a solution.


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## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

Who, wanted to get a dog , first? Which one of you started hinting of a dog, started talking of a dog, did he buy it for you?


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## GoldensGirl (Aug 2, 2010)

LincolnsMom said:


> I tried to talk to him. I asked him; "if i wasn't here to be with Linc would you surrender him" He said no. I asked why he said because I love him. I told him it was the most selfish thing I had ever heard in my life. He asked if i would i said yes BECAUSE i love him i would in a second.
> 
> We just had a huge fight. I think this may be it for us; but I don't think I can let it go. I think that if i live now I will never forgive myself for leaving lincoln. I would run if i could but i'm a student that isn't possible plus i don't have the lifestyle to support him on my own either.
> 
> ...


There are so many issues here, many of them about controlling behaviors that border on abuse. While you may regret having gotten Lincoln because the fight is damaging your relationship with Kevin, what you are learning about him is very important. 

First and foremost, as much as you love Lincoln and want to protect him, it is not wise to sacrifice your own life for him or to keep Kevin from mistreating animals. A person who mistreats animals often goes on to mistreat his human companion(s). 

Please consider getting some professional counseling on how to handle this situation. Ideally, Kevin would go to counseling with you, but the process can work even if you go alone. Whether Kevin agrees to go with you would be a good indication of how he values your relationship.

Since it sounds like cost is an issue, counseling services are available for free or reduced costs in many places - churches, colleges, employee assistance programs, government agencies, etc. A good counselor can help you and Kevin address the issues in a way that may strengthen your relationship and have a happy outcome for all of you. Or counseling could help you determine whether the relationship is unhealthy for you and how best to either change the relationship or end it in a constructive way. 

Holding you, Kevin and Lincoln in my thoughts and prayers,
Lucy


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## em6984 (Dec 1, 2010)

It can be a very stressful time when you first get your puppy. When my partner and I got Henry, who isn't very well if you've seen my thread, we often got upset with one another because we were both so tired: emotionally and physically. 

My b/f and I agreed never to leave Henry alone for more than three hours until he was at least five/six months old. I've even cut my hours at work so it only needs to be two hours. 

Honestly, your b/f wouldn't really be able to leave Lincoln alone for 12 hours, is he not just winding you up? I really doubt anyone would actually do that, especially in a crate. Henry hates his crate; it only lasted two days, he cried and screamed: it was enough to drive both of us insane. As soon as we give him free roam of the kitchen/diner he was a zillion times happier and he doesn't really cause any trouble. Mind we have totally puppy proofed the room lol, which I suggest you do too.


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## Penny & Maggie's Mom (Oct 4, 2007)

em6984 said:


> It can be a very stressful time when you first get your puppy. When my partner and I got Henry, who isn't very well if you've seen my thread, we often got upset with one another because we were both so tired: emotionally and physically.
> 
> My b/f and I agreed never to leave Henry alone for more than three hours until he was at least five/six months old. I've even cut my hours at work so it only needs to be two hours.
> 
> Honestly, your b/f wouldn't really be able to leave Lincoln alone for 12 hours, is he not just winding you up? I really doubt anyone would actually do that, especially in a crate. Henry hates his crate; it only lasted two days, he cried and screamed: it was enough to drive both of us insane. As soon as we give him free roam of the kitchen/diner he was a zillion times happier and he doesn't really cause any trouble. Mind we have totally puppy proofed the room lol, which I suggest you do too.


Unfortunately I think people DO do that, and the OP stated that her boyfriend's brother does that routinely to his dog. Very very sad.


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## K9Jack (Oct 10, 2010)

Sounds like its time ot get a new BF


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

Unfortunately, the OP can't leave her boyfriend without also leaving Lincoln. Lincoln belongs to her boyfriend.


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## em6984 (Dec 1, 2010)

*Okay after reading the whole thread I guess people really do their dogs for shocking amounts of time.*

*I wouldn't be able to deal with a boyfriend like that. We always said if it was over four hours we'd hire someone to walk and feed Henry*

*You need to sit down and talk to your boyfriend. Lincoln is gorgeous and deserves better. *


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## momtoMax (Apr 21, 2009)

I haven't read this whole thread, only the first and last 2 pages...

This may seem mean but seriously, don't stay with a man because of a dog. I'm sorry, if he's not the one for you and doesn't make you deleriously happy - don't settle to spare Lincoln discomfort. 

Don't get me wrong, I feel for Lincoln as well but you can't just decide to stay with a person just because of the dog. A child, yes - then I can see how that is reasonable. He now knows that you will stay no matter what because you love his dog. He can use that to his advantage and start doing less/treating you with less respect/less care.

Now if the only real problem you two have is re: this puppy and otherwise, you are happy in love lovebirds - then as you calm down and you find a way to resolve this - I think that everything will come back into more focus.

I'm very much a dog person and couldn't be with anyone who hated dogs/had and stood by screwed up views of what's acceptable with a dog but I have that freedom and I can use that as a marker in my future relationships. Sounds like this torpedoed you/a surprise - but the good thing is - he can learn over time. You can train him. 

Good luck to you!


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## GoldensGirl (Aug 2, 2010)

momtoMax said:


> I'm very much a dog person and couldn't be with anyone who hated dogs/had and stood by screwed up views of what's acceptable with a dog but I have that freedom and I can use that as a marker in my future relationships. Sounds like this torpedoed you/a surprise - but the good thing is - he can learn over time. You can train him.


Some of the best advice I ever got was to treat a mate like I treat a puppy - lots of praise and rewards for doing the right thing, but never more than the gentlest reproach for wrong-doing. 

We just have to take care that we are not the ones being trained by harsh behavior directed towards us. Far too many women fall into that situation.

Lucy


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## Jo Ellen (Feb 25, 2007)

GoldensGirl said:


> Some of the best advice I ever got was to treat a mate like I treat a puppy - lots of praise and rewards for doing the right thing, but never more than the gentlest reproach for wrong-doing.
> 
> We just have to take care that we are not the ones being trained by harsh behavior directed towards us. Far too many women fall into that situation.


Wow, that's one of the most intelligent things I've ever read. Seriously.


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## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

I hope you can talk to his mom, the breeder, vet or even the Humane Society about him leaving the puppy for 12 hrs!


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## GoldensGirl (Aug 2, 2010)

Jo Ellen said:


> Wow, that's one of the most intelligent things I've ever read. Seriously.


Blush! :curtain: 

Second-hand wisdom it is, learned from a life coach training guru. I hope it helps. It has certainly helped to improve my own relationships.

Lucy


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## LincolnsMom (Sep 28, 2010)

Hey guys;

I just wanted to give an update on Lincoln. Things are going so well!! I'm done school for the sememster and only work 5-6 hour shifts a few days a week so that's fine. The best part is that one of my neighbours is a dog trainer & walker and has agreed to walk lincoln when I return to school!Best part is the BF went for it  

He is not crated when we are gone he stays in our bedroom  

I just wanted to say thank you again for everything. It was really amazing to have people to talk to about my concerns and help reinforce what I knew was right for Lincoln. We are both very grateful.


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## Megora (Jun 7, 2010)

This is awesome! 

I'm glad your bf came to his senses<:


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## GoldensGirl (Aug 2, 2010)

Splendid news! Thanks for sharing it with us.

Happy Holidays!
Lucy


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## janine (Aug 8, 2009)

Good news...happy for you and Lincoln!


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## davidbrent1972 (Apr 13, 2010)

I saw the "At my wits end.." thread before I saw this thread and felt bad that maybe you guys just got a difficult dog. 

Then I read this thread and it's plainly obvious that the dog isn't being raised in the best environment. To put it in perspective: we are extremely lucky that our Golden is a relatively laid back, calm-submissive girl who has shown ZERO separation anxiety since we picked her up on April 23d. No problems with sleeping in her crate and is fine to be left alone for a few hours every now and then. Not a barker at all. She gets SO MUCH love from us and she gets to go on daily trail walks (unleashed) so she gets plenty of outdoor time. 

Even with all that going for her, she is _STILL _a pain in the butt some times and _still_ requires a good amount of training/correction. She's a great girl but she is, afterall, a Golden Retriever. I cannot imagine what Lincoln must be like with that boyfriend being the primary owner. He sounds like has no business owning a dog at this point in his life. Lincoln definitely requires more involvement than what he's getting right now.


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