# Almost 1 year since my Dear Polly passed...feel guilty



## blerner (Feb 11, 2018)

Friends,

Like many of you here, I lost my best friend, Polly, 11 months ago. She was my first Golden (and first dog for that matter). The grief has been hard on me for all these months since.

Quite often I go out for a walk in the evenings, along our same neighborhood route and I carry her leash in my hand so I never forget her. I never thought I would ever be able to have another dog. 

Over the past few months, the grief had begun to subside. I recently made the decision to bring another golden into my life, and have contacted local breeders. As soon as I did so, a tremendous feeling of guilt and sadness came over me. I feel that if I bring a new Golden into my life, that I am somehow disrespecting her memory. It feels like I am letting her go all over again. 

Has anyone else dealt with these feelings of guilt, when considering your next Golden?


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## Redmoon (Feb 4, 2010)

So sorry for your lost . Yes I know how you feel, lost my first Golden Bailey almost 9 years ago, it was hard they leave a big hole in your life when they pass, but I got another Golden pup about 4 months later, I'll never forget Bailey. Ginger help fill that hole, she didn't replace Bailey but keeps her memory alive they act so much alike I can see a little of Bailey in her. Now Ginger has passed last November and another piece of me is gone. You will never forget them, I found some comfort in looking at puppy ads, I know they would want me to get another Golden because have so much love for us and they want us to be happy. With any luck my life will be filled with Golden puppy love by summer. I can't see my self without a Golden, and I don't want to be, and I know they would want that to. They are special dogs.


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## cwag (Apr 25, 2017)

I am sorry for your loss of Polly. I didn't feel guilty but I think when I got Rukie I grieved all over again for my heart dog Honeybear. I had another Golden between Honeybear and Rukie so I was surprised that I ended up feeling that way. I think it was about opening my heart to love that much again too. If you think about it, don't you think Polly would be happy for you to have a new puppy and be happy again? I think she would. After 4 years with out a Golden Retriever I will say Rukie makes me happy. Though I'm not a morose or sad person I didn't realize how much I needed a Golden Retriever to be totally happy. My world was just not right and now it is. I wish you the same happiness when you are ready for a new dog and I know Polly would not want you sad. A new dog never replaces the old dog but it brings love and distraction from your grief.


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## Zoeys mom (Apr 26, 2008)

I know exactly how you feel.... it will be one year tomorrow that my Zoey girl passed... We bring our boy home next Friday. I don’t think my Zoey would want my heart to hurt forever. She can never be replaced. We have a lot of love to give. Good luck in your search.


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## blerner (Feb 11, 2018)

Cwag,

I think you summarized it well when you said...”my world was just not right”. 

I am going to move forward with my plans for a new golden. I plan on walking him/her with Polly’s leash, so that she is always with us on our walks.

Thanks all for the support and kind words.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

Polly will always be with you.......I don't believe you can replace one dog with another, but you can choose to open your heart to another. 

Each dog I've had in my life has been very very special and unique in their own way, they each have had a special place in my heart. I've always missed them when one has passed-I've lost 6 years over the last 20+ years and they all lived well into their teens. 

I've always had a dog or several at a time, not having at least one dog in my life is unbearable for me, I am much happier with a dog in my life and life is so much more enjoyable. 

Try not to feel guilty about getting another dog, I think Polly would be happy knowing you have another one to share you life with.


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## Gleepers (Apr 20, 2016)

Don’t feel guilt. No reason for that. 
You will likely always miss you dog. No shame in that. Doesn’t mean you can’t build a new and wonderful relationship with another 
I lost my last 2 in 2015. I still get weepy over them sometimes and miss them like crazy.


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## dgalow (Jan 23, 2018)

I know your feeling all too well. We lost Rudy last month, and I am now hunting for a pup. This is not disrespecting Rudy. Rather, I feel it is a tribute to him. Our lives involved me, hubby and Rudy. A chunk of us is now missing, there is a void. No new pup will ever replace him, we have enough love to honor his memory and share with a new friend.


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## rabernet (Feb 24, 2015)

blerner said:


> I feel that if I bring a new Golden into my life, that I am somehow disrespecting her memory. It feels like I am letting her go all over again.
> 
> Has anyone else dealt with these feelings of guilt, when considering your next Golden?


You are not disrespecting her memory - you are honoring her memory by opening up your home to a new dog. 

Yes, we dealt with those feelings of guilt, and we thought we would wait for at least six months before getting another dog. Instead, 2 weeks later we were bringing home Noah. It is 3 years this month that we said goodbye to Diamond. We also honored her by using her name in Noah's registered name (Diamond's I Noah Thing or Two). 

On the way to first meet the puppies, I was having a mini panic attack, because I felt we were disrespecting Diamond. At almost the same moment, we passed by a huge mural on the side of a building advertising for........Diamond's Peaches. My girl sent me a sign when I most needed it - that it was ok to share our love with another!


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## dlmrun2002 (Mar 4, 2011)

I understand the mixed emotions you all feel after loosing your special Golden. 

Cwag... I can't believe you made it 4 years with out a Golden. I feel bad not having a dog for the first time in my life. I lost my Skye June 2016 and still haven't pulled the trigger on another dog. I hope I don't go 4 years. 

Blerner. Sometimes I feel the same as far as disrespecting the memories but not entirely. I feel that of my 3 Goldens, Skye WAS "the one". I know a new Golden would have it's own place but in an odd way by not getting a Golden just yet I get to keep Skye as " the one". On a philosophical level, I feel selfish for thinking I need a dog to give me all that greatness and affection. 

dlm ny country


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Blerner*

Blerner:

There's another way to look at it, that you loved Polly so much you want to give another dog a loving home in her honor.


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