# Puppy doesn't seem to acknowledge me. Help!



## TinyPanini (Oct 21, 2016)

Hi All! We adopted a golden retriever puppy recently and he has been with us for a month now. Got him when he was a little over 3 months old. Thing is, he doesn't seem to care if we're here with him or not? I've taken care of my fair share of puppies over the years and they all seemed very interested in me and my partner from the very beginning. It really breaks my heart because I've been in love with this new little guy from the moment I saw him yet he acts like he doesn't need me. Doesn't follow me around and he doesn't even acknowledge when I enter the room. The only time he's near me is when I'm about to feed me and even then he eventually loses interest. 

Just to make sure everything is covered:
1. He goes on a number of short walks everyday. 
2. There is playtime (although short-lived as he loses interest really quick.)
3. I don't over-crowd him or bug him when he's asleep or tired.
4. I feed him. I've also tried feeding him by hand. 
5. We go to training classes together. 
6. Energy levels are high. Already went to the vet to ensure his health. 
7. We do have another older dog but they aren't constantly together. 

Apologies for the long post but I just need to hear from you guys. Maybe it's too soon to ask for so much?


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## Wolfeye (Sep 15, 2015)

Well, one of the reasons people say the 6-8 week period is the best time to take a new puppy home is because that's when their bonding is strongest. Earlier than that and they become TOO focused on people and may even fear other dogs. Too much later than 8 weeks and you risk the dog becoming dog-centric and never being able to form strong bonds with humans. That's the *theory* at least. What it really means is that you're going to have to work really hard to get this pup to bond. 

I'd keep hand feeding at the very least, and to restrict his diet enough that he stays hungry enough to appreciate being fed. It's a simple thing but knowing that you're not some indifferent, endless supply of food might wake him up to appreciating you. It's a start at least. Another important thing will be teaching him "look at me" even if you have to wave a treat in front of your face to get his attention. Once you find his passion and can share in it, he will bond. 

In "The Art of Raising a Puppy" there's a funny story about some new dog owners who return with their dog to the breeder for correction of behavioral problems. When the monk asks what's wrong they reply "He won't leave us alone". Somehow they had the idea that this dog would have much more independence and were disappointed by his velcro nature. Sounds like you have the opposite problem. Not all Goldens are velcro dogs, just as not every Lab is stoic and standoffish.


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## Piper_the_goldenpuppy (Aug 26, 2016)

Some puppies are more independent, some are more velcro-y. Sounds like you have a more independent one. Is he interested in greeting strangers or more aloof with them? 

I think training is the best way to bond with a puppy, and build a strong connection, so are walks. Its not so much that they don't like you--its just that they are very busy at that age. Practice recall, where your dog is coming to you and following you around--that can help as well. If potty training is going well, and you're comfortable with it, you can let your dog sleep in your bed--that can help too. You can keep hand feeding him, and holding toys for him to chew. Short playtimes (puppies get distracted easily), so your pup learns that you are a provider of fun. Sometimes pups just grow out of the independent phase and become more velcro-like.


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## G-bear (Oct 6, 2015)

Hi and welcome to the forum. While you have received good advice from previous posters I would also like to add this: at the age of about 5 months our boy, Bailey, entered what I call his teenage phase. I call it that because just like a teenager Bailey became somewhat rebelious, seemed to forget everything he had previously learned and began to completely ignore "his parents" (my husband and me). I swear he did the "I don't know these people" just as well as a teenage girl at a shopping mall with her parents. It was (fortunately) a phase for Bailey. Around 9 months he returned to his usual affectionate self and my husband, who frequently works from home, finds it difficult to get work done due to our 65 lb lap dog. So, it may well be a phase. The other advice I would offer is that you have to make yourself more interesting to your dog than anything else. This is NOT easy to do (especially when they are young and just discovering this wide and wonderful world). For example: if you are playing fetch with your puppy and he returns with the ball you don't just pat him on the head and tell him good dog. You throw a party with treats, many pets and lots of praise in a voice which his higher and more excited than the voice you use to speak normally. Believe me, I know it is not easy to be more interesting than the outdoors (especially at our house where we have many wild animals and it is always more exciting to roll in deer poop than to come to "mom"). If you do not look like a total idiot with your excitement when your dog comes to you you are not acting excited enough. You have to do it though. Keep feeding your dog by hand also. You want him to realize that ALL of the good things in his life are the result of his humans. I suspect it will take a while to happen, because your dog was adopted at a later age, but it will happen. The bond will be there. Hang in there


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## Wolfeye (Sep 15, 2015)

Just thought of something else - maybe take the puppy to a doggy daycare or boarding kennel. Reunion is always a joyful time, and I think it helps us and the dog bond. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.


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## Lucy222 (Aug 15, 2016)

I was having trouble with getting my puppy to pay attention to me in distracting environments. Not exactly the same problem that you're having but I think the solution is quite similar as I've done a lot of work in the past few weeks on developing relationship and engagement and it seems to have helped a lot!

Another member of this forum directed me to Denise Fenzi who has online courses and books on developing relationships.
Fenzi Dog Sports Academy - Foundations and Electives 
I bought some of the books on developing relationship and focus and they have been very helpful for Lucy and I building our partnership!
I was going to attach a photo of them but for some reason it's not letting me . At any rate, I highly recommend them!


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## AmberSunrise (Apr 1, 2009)

I would strongly second the Denise Fenzi books 

One thing not mentioned is to set up a fairly neutral environment - on a longish leash. Then you sit in a chair and be very very boring - until your pup comes over for attention  then party! Make paying attention to you worth his while ! Depending on his interaction and response your party might need to be low key and food delivery service or high key personal play.

When he disengages, you go very very quiet again.

If he engages for more than a second or 2, release him to go explore. Slowly expand the time you 'allow' him to engage with you.

When first starting this, you may need to bring a book to read. The underlying idea is that the environment is boring (you slowly increase thr environmental attraction) and offers minimal self rewarding while engaging with you creates a doggie paradise. But, you need to make sure you do not overwhelm him with your response so keep it low key and food oriented (if they are not chasing food, their response is calmer, toys play and chasing food will generally increase a dogs energy & drive) and slowly become exciting ad he shows you he can handle it.


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## hefeweizen (Sep 30, 2016)

I'm new to this forum and to puppyhood but a few things I would recommend is to tether the puppy to you during a busy time of day (I just clip or loop the leash to my belt loop) and every time the puppy follows you willingly or pays attention to you, give treats or praise. I would bond pretty quickly with someone who I was attached to and fed me treats all day! I use my puppy's kibble as training treats instead of feeding out of a bowl. Sometimes I do it on walks to practice formal heeling or I will do sits, downs, hand touches, crate games, etc. then head out for the walk.

Another thing is to go absolutely insane and jackpot with treats on the recall or if you are just training attention. Our breeder said to "pretend that the puppy cured cancer" every time you are trying to reinforce something really important.


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## Charliethree (Jul 18, 2010)

Relationships are built, bonds with our dogs are formed over time, and it can happen no matter the age of the dog. I got my golden when he was just over 3 months as well, that was 9 years ago - like yours he was not as 'dependant' on me as a younger puppies tend to be. However, it didn't take long before he decided he 'needed' me, that he 'loved' me, and 'lives' for attention and affection from me. 
Be fair, be gentle, be kind, love him for 'who' he is, teach him what you want him to know, help him become all he can be, and he will love you to the moon and back!


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## puddles everywhere (May 13, 2016)

I know exactly what you are going through. I saw all the sweet pics of pups giving kisses, chasing their family and snuggling, just broke my heart I missed all that. I was sure she hated me. We would be out in the yard and I would clap my hands, call her to me, squat down talking to her and she would stare at me like dah.... It took weeks of hand feeding to get her to even look at me and boiled chicken to teach her to follow me into the house. So....
I didn't use a crate and put her in bed with me at night and she began to snuggle, to keep warm. She had a UTI and needed to go out about every 15/20 minutes so this was easier for me as well. I would sit in the floor and she began to lay beside me between trying to rip my hands off... think they call it land shark on the forum.

The good news is all the extra personal attention I gave her paid off. We are almost 8 months and she never leaves my side. She is usually at my feet and if I'm standing say washing dishes, she likes to come through my legs and looks up with her happy face to get attention. She has to be in the middle of whatever I'm doing, climbs into the washer or dryer to help get the laundry out, brings me whatever I just had in my hands when I left the room... remote, sweatshirt?? doesn't matter, she thinks I misplaced it. Now when I sit on the sofa she is right next to me with her head in my lap. I'm never in a room alone. Hang in there, it will get better.


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## TinyPanini (Oct 21, 2016)

THANK YOU EVERYONE! I'm new to the forum so I'm still trying to figure out a few things. I'd like to respond to individual comments that you guys left but I haven't figured out THAT much just yet.

You guys are awesome and these are all really cool ideas. I will make sure to have a look at the Denise Fenzi books!

I was told that getting a puppy over 3 months would cause a few problems but I saw him and I really couldn't help it. I honestly fell head over heels IN LOVE with the him. We picked him up and he was underweight and barely ate for two or so weeks. I was so worried! He's eating way better now though and just decided that we're not worth much of his time. :crying:

Regarding praising him whenever he approaches or sticks to my side, I swear I look like an absolute idiot doing it. I do it even when I'm outside and the people around me look at me like I've gone nuts hey. HE just looks at me with that "meh" face. 

Oh and @puddleseverywhere, YES! I look at all these photos online and cry a bit inside haha! I want to go on camping and surf trips with my little dude so bad! I want kisses and cuddles! But I realize that it isn't always about what I want and some puppies take time to warm up to humans or some dogs just show affection differently. I had him sleep up on the bed a few times but he'd much rather stay by the edge of the mattress rather than snuggle up to me. 

I will definitely try bringing him up on the bed more often moving forward, and will keep training and hand feeding. By the way, the classes are going pretty well! He learns really fast and does follow whenever I ask him to do something. He just won't look at me. 

Again, THANK YOU EVERYONE. You really have given me hope!


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## TinyPanini (Oct 21, 2016)

Piper_the_goldenpuppy said:


> Some puppies are more independent, some are more velcro-y. Sounds like you have a more independent one. Is he interested in greeting strangers or more aloof with them?


Forgot to answer this. He greets strangers! And other people in the house. I'm with him 24/7 though as I work from home which could be why there is not much interest when I leave and return? BUT there is tail wagging when I come close! He didn't do that the first week I had him. I've learned to celebrate the little things and am really happy about that.


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## Charliethree (Jul 18, 2010)

In the dog world, eye contact can be perceived as a 'threatening' gesture, but we with some practice and patience we can teach our puppies that eye contact predicts wonderful things for them.

http://files.dvm360.com/alfresco_im...a9e-4982-8e9e-96098af844e5/article-707945.pdf


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## Piper_the_goldenpuppy (Aug 26, 2016)

TinyPanini said:


> Forgot to answer this. He greets strangers! And other people in the house. I'm with him 24/7 though as I work from home which could be why there is not much interest when I leave and return? BUT there is tail wagging when I come close! He didn't do that the first week I had him. I've learned to celebrate the little things and am really happy about that.


I think you've gotten a lot of good advice. Its reassuring that he's friendly with strangers, and not totally aloof with everyone. Piper is WAY more excited to see new people than me--unless I've been away for a few hours and am coming home. I would keep doing what you are doing, take the advice here, and see how the next few months go. Keep praising him for coming to you...you'd be surprised how you can shape their behavior. Piper wasn't much of a tail wagger when I first got her, but after lots of praise, and 4 months of bonding, I just have to start talking to her and I'll hear that "thump thump" of her tail :laugh:

I think sleeping on your bed can be good for bonding. Don't worry too much if he doesn't want to snuggle--some dogs get too hot! You can invite him to come see you for a nice bedtime snuggle or head scratch for a few minutes, but don't be surprised if he moves to the end of the bed to sleep. He might just be too warm!


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## Cpc1972 (Feb 23, 2015)

TinyPanini said:


> Forgot to answer this. He greets strangers! And other people in the house. I'm with him 24/7 though as I work from home which could be why there is not much interest when I leave and return? BUT there is tail wagging when I come close! He didn't do that the first week I had him. I've learned to celebrate the little things and am really happy about that.


I think you may be on to something. Chloe will greet my mom and dad a little when they leave and come home. I am disabled so am home most of the time. When I leave and come home she goes crazy. She isn't used to me leaving. Chloe will only play with my mom for a few minutes. But when my dad comes home after work all day she plays with him a long time. It's almost like she is so used to my mom being home most of the day.

I am sure your puppy will come around with lots of love and patience. On the funny side be careful for what you wish for when allowing him on the bed. Chloe gets right between my parents and puts her head on the pillow. Last night my mom shut the tv off and went in the other room to sleep lol.


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## TinyPanini (Oct 21, 2016)

Piper_the_goldenpuppy said:


> I think you've gotten a lot of good advice. Its reassuring that he's friendly with strangers, and not totally aloof with everyone. Piper is WAY more excited to see new people than me--unless I've been away for a few hours and am coming home. I would keep doing what you are doing, take the advice here, and see how the next few months go. Keep praising him for coming to you...you'd be surprised how you can shape their behavior. Piper wasn't much of a tail wagger when I first got her, but after lots of praise, and 4 months of bonding, I just have to start talking to her and I'll hear that "thump thump" of her tail :laugh:
> 
> I think sleeping on your bed can be good for bonding. Don't worry too much if he doesn't want to snuggle--some dogs get too hot! You can invite him to come see you for a nice bedtime snuggle or head scratch for a few minutes, but don't be surprised if he moves to the end of the bed to sleep. He might just be too warm!


Will do, thank you! I prefer having the dogs on the bed with me anyway so this shouldn't be a problem. Was just keeping him in the crate to help with the potty training. By the way, if he doesn't come to me automatically when I enter the room, would it be alright to call him then give him a treat once he comes to me? Or should I wait for him to acknowledge me before he gets any goodies? I would also give him a lot of pats and ear scratches but he doesn't seem to be into that sort of thing. :S


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