# Aggression towards toddlers



## Samiblack (Oct 23, 2018)

Hey all. So I have a 3 year old female Golden named Luna and a 5 year old male golden named Gizmo. Last year I gave birth to boy/girl twins and Gizmo does amazing with them. He will lick their face and let them crawl on him, and eventually when he has had enough, he just stands up and goes somewhere else. Luna, on the other hand, does not act this way. She growls if the kids go to lay on her or grabs her hair. But then she goes and licks their face. We are teaching the kids to be "gentle" with the dogs. But yesterday, my daughter did something (unsure what exactly happened) and Luna actually growled and snapped at my daughter. I thought she bit my daughter, but she didn't. But either way, it scared me and its not like Luna to do that. We punished her as soon as it happened, but I don't understand why she is like this. And its only with my kids. I have a 10 yr old step-son, who she loves and allows him to hug her and stuff. Then my 3 yr old nephew and my husbands 3 yr old niece has no problem with her either. They play with her and crawl over her also. Its just with my twins that she acts this way. And we have had Luna since 2015, so its not like we just got her and she had to be around the twins. They grew up with each other.


I just didn't know what else to do or how I can stop the behavior?


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## Charliethree (Jul 18, 2010)

I think this article may be helpful to you. 

https://drsophiayin.com/blog/entry/kids-and-dogs-how-kids-should-and-should-not-interact-with-dogs/


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## puddles everywhere (May 13, 2016)

Not all dogs want their personal space violated and if the avoidance or quiet warnings aren't working they will do what they need to to make their point. Your dog and your toddler don't speak the same language so teach the toddler doggie speak to know when it's time to back off.

Your dog is doing exactly what any dog would do with say pesky puppies... even momma sets the boundaries with her pups. Just watch closely and when the limit has become obvious, give your dog some privacy time with the other dog or a nap in your bed with the door closed. You don't want her to feel like it's a time out for bad behavior, just keeping everyone safe.


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## Riley's Mom (Jul 6, 2008)

Your dog is telling you she is very uncomfortable and you are not heeding her warnings and it could lead to a serious bite. I'm sorry but your children should not be allowed to crawl on your dogs or pull their hair. The dogs are being set up for failure. 
Dogs and children should always be supervised. You should seek advise from a good trainer as I'm not sure you are going to be able to make your female tolerate the kids. Your children are probably to young to understand how to interact properly with your dogs so for now especially with your female I would keep the dogs separate to avoid further incidents.


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## gdgli (Aug 24, 2011)

Be happy that your dog is letting you know what makes her uncomfortable. For the record, I feel that toddlers, young children and dogs are not a good mix. For example, your daughter does not speak dog. She is not getting the message whereas another dog would would understand the language.


My advice to you is not to let them mix. In fact when I had a litter I let my puppy people know how I felt. If you want to fully avoid a problem you will not let this happen.


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## rabernet (Feb 24, 2015)

It's up to you to manage this situation. The children should never, EVER be allowed to crawl on your dogs, or pull their hair/ears/tails. I remember when my little brother did that to our childhood dog and got bit in the face. My parents cleaned him up and said "we hope you learned your lesson". She was never blamed or punished for that. 

Luna didn't need to be punished for how she responded, she probably was giving you signals, asking for help in the situation that you didn't see, and didn't help her out of the situation, so she took care of it herself. She decided she couldn't trust you to help her out of that situation. 

As much as our dogs need to be trained, so do our children on being respectful of dogs' spaces. The link Charliethree shared is a very good place to start.


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## gdgli (Aug 24, 2011)

PS This is not exactly aggression. I strongly recommend that you buy and read THE CULTURE CLASH by Jean Donaldson.


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## ceegee (Mar 26, 2015)

Samiblack said:


> Hey all. So I have a 3 year old female Golden named Luna and a 5 year old male golden named Gizmo. Last year I gave birth to boy/girl twins and Gizmo does amazing with them. He will lick their face and let them crawl on him, and eventually when he has had enough, he just stands up and goes somewhere else. Luna, on the other hand, does not act this way. She growls if the kids go to lay on her or grabs her hair. But then she goes and licks their face. We are teaching the kids to be "gentle" with the dogs. But yesterday, my daughter did something (unsure what exactly happened) and Luna actually growled and snapped at my daughter. I thought she bit my daughter, but she didn't. But either way, it scared me and its not like Luna to do that. We punished her as soon as it happened, but I don't understand why she is like this. And its only with my kids. I have a 10 yr old step-son, who she loves and allows him to hug her and stuff. Then my 3 yr old nephew and my husbands 3 yr old niece has no problem with her either. They play with her and crawl over her also. Its just with my twins that she acts this way. And we have had Luna since 2015, so its not like we just got her and she had to be around the twins. They grew up with each other.
> 
> 
> I just didn't know what else to do or how I can stop the behavior?



The article referenced by charliethree is excellent. 



The problem here isn't your dog, it's what your children are being allowed to do to her. Toddlers should _never _be allowed to crawl on or lie on a dog, or pull a dog's hair, tail, ears, mouth or whatever. It's a recipe for disaster. I can't emphasize this enough. Dogs may be family members, but they aren't humans. They are animals, and they're going to react like animals if they're irritated or hurt or surprised. A human would react verbally: "hey, stop that". A dog reacts by growling and/or snapping the air.


In fact, Luna reacted appropriately. She gave your daughter a warning: I don't like what you're doing, please stop. She didn't hurt your daughter by biting, she simply warned her. If she had wanted to bite, she would have done so. You shouldn't punish a dog for growling, you should be very thankful that she's giving you the warning instead of simply biting. 



Imagine your dog's tolerance of your children as being a straight line, from very tolerant to not tolerant at all. There are stages along the line, between the two extremes: discomfort shown by body posture, licking of lips, ears down, tail down, etc. If the problem behaviour doesn't stop, the dog will then start getting up and walking away. If the behaviour by the children continues, the dog will then growl gently. Next stage is loud growling and snapping. And the final stage - not tolerant at all - is biting. Gizmo may be a bit more tolerant, but he's still reached the stage of getting up and walking away. 




You say in your post that you don't know exactly what your daughter did to the dog to provoke the growl and snap. Toddlers and dogs should _never _be left unsupervised, even for a few seconds. Interactions should always be closely monitored, no matter how kind and gentle the dog may seem. Toddlers are unpredictable. They don't know what they're doing. They are noisy. They fall over a lot. They grab and pull things because that is how the explore the world. They don't know how to interact with animals and can inadvertently hurt them. This can destabilize even the gentlest dog.


The important thing now is to learn from the warnings your dogs have given you. Both have clearly told you they don't like the way the children are treating them. Luna has told you very clearly indeed. This is something you can work with. You'll need to protect the dogs not only from your own children but from visiting children as well. Make sure all interactions are supervised closely and are positive for them: e.g. the children shouldn't lie on them or chase them or pull their hair. However, they can be taught to give treats, touch them gently, or roll a ball for them to retrieve. 



My strong recommendation would be to keep your children away from the dogs unless you are directly supervising their interactions. Use baby gates. You could also set up crates for your dogs, which would become their "safe space", and teach the children not to go near the crates under any circumstance. Never force a dog to interact with the children if it doesn't want to. And teach the children to respect the dogs and not treat them like toys.



The toddler years are the most difficult for households with dogs, but it does get easier once the kids are of an age to listen to instructions. I had a 5-year-old Labrador when my daughter came into my life at 16 months of age (I adopted her). The dog was a very gentle animal, but she'd been used to a quiet adult household and didn't really enjoy my daughter. She would quickly get up and move away if the child bothered her. We gave her a safe space (crate) and I never, ever left the two of them alone or forced the dog to interact with my daughter. They didn't really become friends until my daughter was about 4 years old and able to become involved in training the dog. In later years they were inseparable.


Best of luck. It sounds like you have two good dogs. They just need a bit of support from the adults in the household. It sounds complicated, but it really isn't. I hope things work out for you!


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## Golden_mama66 (Jan 20, 2018)

Hi! So, I have a 20 month old golden and 21 month old son  Very close together! I have a very hyperactive golden who can get a little too 'wild' with others but he's been great with my son. 

But, when my son was starting to walk our pup would growl at him at times when approached. I think he was just uncomfortable - my guess is probably because toddlers are unpredictable. I keep the two of them under close supervision at all times. I don't let my kiddo crawl over, step on, etc. on my pup. I especially keep my kiddo away when my pup is sleeping, lying down or eating. I try to encourage our dog to come over and play when I'm with our toddler and also bring him along with me when my son is up from naps, etc. to keep him involved. I was initially worried he was growling because he didn't like him and was jealous but he hasn't growled at my son for at least a year now. For me it was about making sure my pup had space when he needed it but also making him feel more involved with our toddler. They've created more of a bond that way. 

I'm dealing with some other issues with my golden so I am definitely not an expert. It took some time but things really improved and now the relationship between my toddler and pup are the least of my concerns. Good luck and hope it all improves!


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## gdgli (Aug 24, 2011)

"You shouldn't punish a dog for growling, you should be very thankful that she's giving you the warning instead of simply biting"...ceegee


So true. Do you really want a dog that doesn't let you know that she is uncomfortable?


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## Golden_mama66 (Jan 20, 2018)

gdgli said:


> "You shouldn't punish a dog for growling, you should be very thankful that she's giving you the warning instead of simply biting"...ceegee
> 
> 
> So true. Do you really want a dog that doesn't let you know that she is uncomfortable?


What about rewarding the dog every time they have a positive interaction with the toddler? Or any interaction at all which doesn't involve the growling? 

I ask because I have a toddler myself. I usually make a fuss when my pup is good around my toddler but don't know how much this helps.


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## gdgli (Aug 24, 2011)

Golden mama


OK, sounds good. But realize that there may also be a downside. What behavior are you really rewarding? What could be the pitfalls of having a dog seeking your toddler in search of getting treats from you? How will your dog interact with other toddlers? If you were clicker training I would say be careful of what you are clicking. Not only that, if you are not right there to treat, your dog may start to display a behavior like extinction burst. Think what happens when your dog nudges you at the dinner table and you don't throw him a scrap---what does he do?


I have never done what you are doing. Does not mean I am right.


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## DblTrblGolden2 (Aug 22, 2018)

Duke our 8 year old Golden grew up in a house with my youngest being 12 when we got him. He is hunt trained so a little higher strung then most, prey drive, etc. He saw me through two teenagers going off to college and is like a third son to me literally. Then my oldest son had my grandson. Duke wanted none of it from the first visit. He had never even seen a baby. The sound of my Grandson crying drove him crazy. We had to put Duke in his room whenever my Grandson was there. We live on a farm and they live 1 mile away. They are here a lot. This went on for a long time. We even had a few times that the gate wasn't enough if I was holding the baby so we had to actually close the door. Keep in mind this is a well socialized, professionally trained dog. He just didn't know what in the world this thing was that invaded his house. I'm positive that in public Duke would have ignored it, but not in HIS house. We didn't let he and my Grandson interact without extreme supervision. If we had Duke out and my Grandson was there Duke was on a leash. Once my Grandson was old enough to be interested in Duke we started allowing him to go to the gate, completely supervised, an adult with Duke and one on the other side of the gate with my Grandson just to say hello. We would simply let him pet Dukes head with Duke being given the command to sit. (not just sitting on his own) We then let them both be outside together. This way Duke could get far away if he wanted, he had plenty of space. We eventually, slowly were able to have them play together. At first it was always structured activities. Duke is trained to retrieve so we let my Grandson throw a bumper, something where we know Duke knows he has a job to do. It worked! They are the best of friends. I posted this picture in the October photo contest. We were all outside about a year ago and you can clearly see all the time we spent paid off. We have a new puppy now and my grandson has no interest in him at all. He says Duke is the best dog ever!! SUPERVISION, and TIME but make sure you respect the dogs position. Never assume it will be okay even for a minute. We still do not leave my Grandson unattended with the dogs, ever. I don't think Duke would ever hurt him intentionally, but 3 year old's are a handful.

Just on a side note we also always noticed that Duke never destroyed anything in the house until my Grandson was born. Anything he could get a hold of and chew up that belonged to the baby was history. It was like the minute my Grandson left and that gate opened he was going to destroy whatever he had touched. As soon as the two of them became friends it all stopped.


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## Golden_mama66 (Jan 20, 2018)

gdgli said:


> Golden mama
> 
> 
> OK, sounds good. But realize that there may also be a downside. What behavior are you really rewarding? What could be the pitfalls of having a dog seeking your toddler in search of getting treats from you? How will your dog interact with other toddlers? If you were clicker training I would say be careful of what you are clicking. Not only that, if you are not right there to treat, your dog may start to display a behavior like extinction burst. Think what happens when your dog nudges you at the dinner table and you don't throw him a scrap---what does he do?
> ...


Thanks gdgli! And sorry by rewards I didn't mean treats - I mean just making an extra fuss for being a good boy. Like giving him rubs and saying how good of a boy he was, etc.

My boy isn't motivated by food - just attention


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## Samiblack (Oct 23, 2018)

Thanks for all the advise!! 


But let me clear some things up a little, we don't allow our kids to pull on the dogs hair and tails. If they do, we tell our kids no and we tell them "We love the doggies. We are gentle with the doggies." And again, Luna is only like this with our toddlers, who are 15 months old. We have 3 kids under 5 that come around also, and our dogs love them. They play with them and everything, so I thought it was very odd when Luna acted this way with only my twins. 


I will say that the punishment of her actions was only to take her away from the situation and put her in the bathroom for a bit to calm down. We did not do more than that. We did tell her "no" but that is all. 


When I said I didn't know what exactly happened, its because my husband and I were eating in the living room and just as I looked down at my plate to get more food, this happened. Right in front of me. So I'm not sure what happened. I think my daughter just fell on Luna and scared her. Our kids are NEVER alone with the dogs. If the kids are in one room, I'm with them. Unless they are playing in their bedrooms, then the dogs are usually with me or in the kitchen. 


With all that being said, I did talk to my husband about it and I told him that we have to REALLY watch the babies now and make sure they aren't crawling on them or anything like that because we don't want this to happen again. It just really scared me and I didn't want it to happen again or get worse. 


Again, thanks guys!!


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## Gleepers (Apr 20, 2016)

I had 4 small humans go through my house, 3 of my own and a babysit kid. Along with a really patient husky and a not so patient Malamute with personal space issues. 
It really came down to training the kids to respect the dogs personal space. Even with the new set of dogs. (My golden and my wee mutt) my smallest kid was 5 years old and the first year we brought the new dogs in I had to holler at the kids as much if not more than the dog. 
I encouraged the warning growl. That was an easy and effective audible cue when I was out of direct eyeshot that I needed to go holler at the kids to leave the dog alone. 
We did have several nipping incidence with the Malamute when the kids were little. He never once broke skin. Once I got the kid to quit crying I’d have the kid apologize to the dog. Hold out a hand and the dog would then give a kiss and we could go on with life with some stern warnings about respecting the personal space of others. 
There were deffinatly days where I just had to separate them for everyone’s safety. 
It’s somewhat a constant battle trying to train small creatures (both dogs and kids) but a necessary one when raising a “blended species family”

Adding, my Malamute was way more tolerant of other people’s kids. Assuming that he figured HIS kids should know better. And the age 1 to about 3 is the worst.


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