# When does the pain lessen?



## Rainheart (Nov 28, 2010)

I am very sorry for your loss. It is so hard... Today is the 6th anniversary of sending our first golden girl to the bridge and it still hurts. I hope you can find some comfort here. Welcome to the forum.


----------



## MikaTallulah (Jul 19, 2006)

Some say time heals all wounds. I think time let's you forget the bad and remember the good. I know my Lucky was not angel but looking back I can't remember many thing he did wrong. Hope that makes sense.

I saw a Snowflake on the anniversary of Lucky's death- Only one- He loved the snow. 

Nov. 21 had a beautiful sunset this past year. I remember because I was my birthday. 

Sorry for your loss.


----------



## Huggenkiss (Nov 3, 2009)

I wish I knew. I lost Sophie unexpectedly in September of 2010 and for some reason the last few days I've been having a VERY hard time with it. I keep replaying her death in my mind and I can't stop thinking about it and want to just sit here and cry. It's been over 15 months and some days are so much harder than others. There have been stretches of time that are easier though. When I'm down I try really hard to think about the good and funny times that I had with her. I'm wondering if it isn't the time of year. The holidays are always hard when there's been a loss and then I thought I'd be starting off my New Year's with Sophie for at least a decade and this is the second one I've been without her. 

When I can't stop being sad I've found that I have to distract myself. I'll read, meet up with friends, go for a run with loud music so I can't think, play computer/internet games, do puzzles, ect...

If anyone else has some words of wisdom I'd love to hear them too!


----------



## attagirl (Aug 11, 2011)

For me, rescuing another dog is therapy. It is a pleasant distraction from the pain, and a celebration of the fact I can actively help and prevent another dog from the stress (and potential death) of not having someone to love them. I think there are other dogs out there that need me just as my past dog did. My last golden Ruby (my avatar) welcomed everybody as a friend, I do it in honor of her warm, caring spirit.


----------



## Ithaca (Jul 24, 2011)

*It takes time... and more love!*

It took about a year for me to feel better after letting go of one of my cats. She was a rescue cat and she really was close to death and terrified of humans when I rescued her. I took so much love and so much patience to prove her I meant her good... I still cry about her from time to time. I felt few people wouldn't understand so I kept it to myself and just wrote a little about it.
But the best cure is indeed giving another furry creature a second chance. My Poppy comes from a shelter. Oh, her situation does not compare to my cat's. While it took years to make my cat a relaxed, outgoing cat, Poppy was perfectly happy and healthy from the start and had obviously had a happy life before being left at the shelter. But still... although I still think about my cat from time to time, it's good to see that life goes on and that there is still so much to enjoy and share!
While our furry friends are unique, love does not come in limited edition! The more you give, the more your heart fills up again!
Hang on... more beautiful moments are headed your way when you will be ready!


----------



## lucysmum (Sep 2, 2010)

I know how you feel . I lost my girl 1 year ago tomorrow. 

She sent me a little kitten to make me smile again. I do smile but my heart is still broken. 

Sending you hugs. 

From Tracy who is dreading tomorrow.


----------



## goldensrbest (Dec 20, 2007)

I THINK, if this is the toughest loss you have had, that it takes time, about a year,for me ,but also, i got spencers, nephew, about a few months after spencer passed, it was not planned, just happened, that has helped me.


----------



## GoldenCamper (Dec 21, 2009)

Takes me a year or more for me. Sorry for your loss. Hope you don't mind my posting your video here. Love the over the rainbow rendition by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. Great remembrance you did there.

[vimeo]32900426[/vimeo]


----------



## GoldensGirl (Aug 2, 2010)

Welcome to the Forum.

If you haven't started a thread to share stories about your lost sweetheart, that might help. Lots of people here will be interested and understanding.

I still mourn dogs I lost decades ago and most especially Sabrina, who died more than 6 years ago. I'm not sure the pain ever goes away, but it does evolve into something less jagged and sharp. In time.


----------



## magiclover (Apr 22, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss. I am going on 10 months now since I lost my girl. The pain becomes less intense as the days go on. I find that grief comes when you least expect it. Right when you are doing well something brings it back front and center. Jazz my 3 year old golden was very sad and stressed so I focused a lot on her needs. We welcomed Maverick in August and he has brought great joy to all of our lives. Jazz is happy again and loves to play with her brother.

No dog could replace Magic in my heart but I find that there is plenty of room for other pups. I hope you find comfort and hope here.


----------



## PrincessDi (Jun 8, 2009)

I'm in tears reading your blog and watching your video tribute to Mazlon. I can tell what a beautiful and gentle soul your girl was. The pain does get better in time. But truthfully, I still shed tears for Golda that we lost 4/7/07 and still cry frequently for Di lost 5/21/11. I'm so very sorry for your loss. It is so tragic that you lost her at such a young age.


----------



## Buddysmyheart (Dec 28, 2011)

Sharing with others on this forum has helped me, and hopefully it will help you too. We lost our "Buddy" on November 26th, so we're kind of traveling the same road here. I have days that are awful and filled with pain, knowing he isn't here any longer, but I also am experiencing some healing. I don't think the "missing", and "wanting him" part ever really goes away, but I'm hopeful it gets easier to bear. At least here, people understand our grief and let us share our feelings. Keep sharing your story...


----------



## goldensmum (Oct 23, 2007)

So sorry for your loss - I;m not sure that the pain lessens, but we do get better at dealing and coping with it.


----------



## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Coffenut*

Coffenut

Just watched Mazlon's video-tears!!
How beautiful!!
I lost my Golden Girl, Smooch, on Dec. 7, 2010, and still tear up. We adopted our Male Golden, Tucker, the next day.


----------



## Kristin (Nov 16, 2011)

Coffeenut, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my boy literally one day after you did (November, 2011). I keep hearing the "it will get better with time" thing and, like you, I'm still waiting for some proof of this...

I have endless insomnia and random sobbing fits that sometimes come out of the blue that feel as powerful and crippling as the day I lost him. I'm starting to come to the realization that the pain is always going to be there for me, one way or another.

I've had many losses in life but I always suspected I might not ever truly recover from losing Teddy. The only thing I can compare it to is losing a child. Some might balk at that idea and say there is no comparison, but I think it depends on the bond and the impact they had on your life.

Your video memorial is absolutely beautiful and I absolutely feel your pain... I just wish I had some better suggestions or advice on making peace with everything. I've tried, but every day is still a struggle for me too.


----------



## Aislinn (Nov 13, 2010)

I don't think the pain ever goes away completely, but it does lessen. I've had two heart dogs over the years, one was a rough collie, Deja, that I just talked about in another post. The pain of her loss kept me from getting another rough collie. My other heart dog was one of my first Papillons, Young Man. Being a shower and breeder, he wasn't my only Papillon, but the bond between us was known to all who know me in the PapWorld. When he died I was brokenhearted. Then his breeder asked for him to be cremated and to send her the ashes, and a good picture of him. I was lost beyond words at the request, but I did it. I cried for weeks. Then another friend went to a show and brought be back something. Young Man's breeder had taken his ashes and had a stained glass artist make a head of him which was placed into a garden stone with his ashes. His name and years were added in stained glass as well. I just looked at it this morning in fact, it's in my front closest to be placed in my new garden. It's one of my most treasured possessions which thank God survived the house fire. I plan to place it in the front garden with new butterfly plants around it. Papillon is french for butterfly.


----------



## Finn's Fan (Dec 22, 2007)

I don't think the pain ever goes away, I think we just learn to live with it. Every day isn't always knife sharp, and many days the smiles are equal to the tears. Most of the time, I choose to celebrate the great gift that was my Cody, forever grateful that I knew such a soul and knew him so well. Each person must discover how to lessen their pain, whether it's through getting another dog, doing animal volunteer work or some other means. I'm very sorry for your pain...it's an all too familiar feeling.


----------



## kimmysq (Jan 5, 2012)

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our Golden Girl in April of 2010. I still have times where I feel like I can't breathe I miss her so much. Just earlier today, tears came to my eyes thinking about her. We are finally getting ready to get our next golden....I wish I could watch your video, but just going on the rainbow post makes my heart hurt so much I can barely stand it. I just wanted to post for you, and say I sorry and I am sending hugs.
(((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
kimmysq


----------



## ValerieS (Nov 29, 2011)

Hello Lida,

First I want to say that I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my first golden on November 28, 2011 and have cried every day ever since - some days less, some days more. I know what you are going through and I hope that you will let the tears fall as they may.Don't hold back as the tears are showing the love you felt for Mazlon and the loss you now feel. I guess it's part of the sad journey we must all go through when we lose our heart dogs. Thank you for sharing the beautiful video - it brought me both tears and smiles.

Run with joy dear Mazlon and please say hello to my beautiful girl Muana when you meet her. I know you will be great friends at the Rainbow Bridge.


----------



## goldenrio (Jan 7, 2012)

I personally dont believe that you ever really get over the pain. It's been nearly 3 years since I lost my 'heart' dog and I can tell you I miss him more everyday and at times when we do something I know he would/used to love I get a deep pinching pain in my heart that literally reduces me to tears. I do have more days now where I remember the good memories but there are days when I still think about how different life is without and how I would do anything to have him back. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved sweet dog and pray for you during this time because I know how painful it is.


----------



## coffenut (Jan 3, 2012)

Playing around with a couple of pictures I took over the years.


----------



## Caesar's Buddy (May 25, 2010)

I lost Caesar almost two years ago. He was my special buddy for over a decade. I am now preparing to go through it again with my little girl friend Jenni. The pain never goes away completely, if it did we wouldn't have loved them so much.

I believe that it is that pain that keeps our special friends alive forever with us. That is why we keep it and don't let it go away. Our minds feel if the pain is there, they are still with us.

The pain changes though and becomes almost a beautiful pain. It is hard for me to explain, but the pain becomes beautiful because it allows me to know that our souls are tied together forever. I don't know if this makes much sense to you or not, but it keeps my Goldens with me forever. Pat


----------



## mainegirl (May 2, 2005)

Caesar's Buddy said:


> I lost Caesar almost two years ago. He was my special buddy for over a decade. I am now preparing to go through it again with my little girl friend Jenni. The pain never goes away completely, if it did we wouldn't have loved them so much.
> 
> I believe that it is that pain that keeps our special friends alive forever with us. That is why we keep it and don't let it go away. Our minds feel if the pain is there, they are still with us.
> 
> The pain changes though and becomes almost a beautiful pain. It is hard for me to explain, but the pain becomes beautiful because it allows me to know that our souls are tied together forever. I don't know if this makes much sense to you or not, but it keeps my Goldens with me forever. Pat


It makes perfect and beautiful sense. Thank you
Beth, moose and angel


----------



## Kaia's mom (Dec 16, 2011)

I love the video you made and it is so clear how much you loved Mazlon. She was clearly an incredible girl! We lost our first golden, Hannah, this fall. She was our first baby - we had her before we had any of our children - three of them, one born with special needs. She was everything to me - I miss her every single day. We all do. The only thing that has made the loss any more manageable has been our puppy, Kaia. I thought it would feel like a betrayal to get another dog so soon - but it hasn't felt that way. I feel that Kaia keeps us one step closer to Hannah. I wish you some peace and relief from your grief. It is overwhelming. Take some comfort in the wonderful years you spent with her - she left a huge footprint in your life - and your memories of your time with her will be with you always.


----------



## coffenut (Jan 3, 2012)

Kristin said:


> Coffeenut, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my boy literally one day after you did (November, 2011). I keep hearing the "it will get better with time" thing and, like you, I'm still waiting for some proof of this...
> 
> I have endless insomnia and random sobbing fits that sometimes come out of the blue that feel as powerful and crippling as the day I lost him. I'm starting to come to the realization that the pain is always going to be there for me, one way or another.
> 
> ...


It really is like losing a child ... and I think most people on this forum would agree. The rest of the world, perhaps not. Of course, it doesn't help that she left during the worst 2 years of my life. Now if I could just stop crying at the drop of a hat. It's getting embarrassing. So I complete understand your crying fits!

I have thought a lot about getting another dog. I need it and my cats need it ... particularly Leprechaun who still waits by the front door for Mazlon. If I do it will be a full golden retriever puppy as I want to be able to grow with the dog and not inadvertently put Mazlon's traits on the new member of my family. Unfortunately, I am still unemployed and there is no way I can afford $1200-$1500 for a puppy despite my having time for a puppy. I don't think that a breeder will take pity on my and just give me a puppy.


----------



## cgriffin (Nov 30, 2011)

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss.
I don't remember how long it took me to not feel as much pain when I lost my last boy in October 2001. The pain will get less with time, but I still start to cry when something reminds me of Sam or I think of a beautiful memory of him or ..... when I remember him dying. Sam died at home in my arms, no vet. He crashed, had just been diagnosed with Lymphoma and DIC, had just brought him home from the vet for the night, and there was not time to take him back to a clinic. The vet had told me that Sam was better off going home with me, because they don't have staff there during the night and that Sam was NOT going to die, he could do treatment for his cancer.
Anyway, with time the pain will get better. Hold on to the beautiful memories, they do help a lot.


----------



## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Cofeenut*

Cofeenut

Have you looked at the GOlden Ret. Rescues near you?
Sometimes they do get pups or young dogs.
We adopted our Golden REt., Smooch, when she was 16 months old from a GOlden REt. Rescue.
http://www.grca-nrc.org/localrescues.html

This girl sounds wonderful!!
http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/19317358


----------



## 3 goldens (Sep 30, 2005)

It does get better as time goes on, God knows, I have lost enough dogs over the past 55 years to know that. The pain is really bad for several months, then you start to remember then with smiles instead of tears. But you never forget them, not one. You never stop missing them and you never stop loving them.


----------



## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

I watched the video crying, it is beautiful tribute to your special girl. I am sorry you lost her. 
Being there 8 months ago I know how sharp pain is and feeling of missing especially for the first couple of months. And tears, you just cant stop them. If you truly love your dog, pain is very deep. My Buddy was my heart dog and I miss him so much every second of the day. 
The hardest part is to accept you had to let them go and they are not coming back. My loss changed me on so many ways, I know I am not the same person. 
I wish I could help, I am truly sorry.


----------



## Chris J (Jan 9, 2012)

I had been feeling better the last few days,but yesterday was just terrible.It was the first time I had been in the house alone since Rosie's passing and all the pain and tears came flooding back.It was a lovely day too,the sort of day she loved being on the beach and saying hello to everyone she saw.I couldn't even move at all for a while I was feeling so numb

I also think the circumstances surrounding the passing of your Golden make a big difference to how long the grief lasts.

Rosie was our 2nd Golden we have lost.Tarka our first Golden was nearly 15 and at the end she lost the strength in her legs to walk more than a few yards before falling down,so knew her time had come.A golden not being able to walk is just heart breaking to see.

Rosie though was fine.She had never been to the vets all her life with anything wrong with her apart from her injections and a couple of visits ,once when she got too excited with a kitten and it scratched her eye and the other time when she cut her pad on some glass bottle some inconsiderate person had thrown on the floor.

That was it.She was still active for 12 and a half and still had the occasional sprint on her when sniffing a foxes scent or hearing a squirrel.

So to come home and see her collapsed on the floor like that when she had been fine and having had to say goodbye to her a few hours later has been so hard to take.

I know the grief will eventually ease,when I have no idea


----------



## gold4me (Mar 12, 2006)

Your video is beyond words. Saying it is beautiful just doesn't justify it. I have lost 4 goldens and my horse over the past 20 years. Each of my boys lives in my heart and I think of them daily. The hurt is still there but the tears don't come as often but they still come. I believe, for me, the pain of loss is just the price I have to pay for the years of love, devotion and loyalty that they gave me. It is hard oh so hard. 
Your Mazlon was a beautiful girl!


----------



## coffenut (Jan 3, 2012)

gold4me said:


> Your video is beyond words. Saying it is beautiful just doesn't justify it. I have lost 4 goldens and my horse over the past 20 years. Each of my boys lives in my heart and I think of them daily. The hurt is still there but the tears don't come as often but they still come. I believe, for me, the pain of loss is just the price I have to pay for the years of love, devotion and loyalty that they gave me. It is hard oh so hard.
> Your Mazlon was a beautiful girl!


Thank you for your kind words. I still can't look at her pictures and the video without bursting into tears.


----------



## Debles (Sep 6, 2007)

I still cry when I watch Selka's video and probably always will. He died over a year ago. Every memory brings tears but I cherish all the wonderful times we had and he had an amazing life. I am so lucky I got to share it. I will always miss him so.


----------



## DaisysDad (Jan 18, 2012)

Well, you ask, when does the pain lessen, and I say don't think of it as pain, think of it as LOVE. I lost my Daisy last week and just today I was thinking, man I am over it. And then I just watched your video and BOOM, my throat closes, eyes tear up, cheeks start to ache..... But as I watched your little pup turn into a teenager, I realized that it isn't pain I feel, I realized that it is Love. As they say Love hurts, but to live life with out Love, well it isn't worth living. 

So don't think of it as pain, think of it as Love! 

Best, Tim


----------



## dirtengineer (Dec 18, 2011)

I do understand how you feel. We lost our girl to hemangio in the span of 6 hrs and I still yycle between moments of shock and sadness. We now have a rescue Lab puppy we got from our local shelter to put our energy into- however, even this hasnt helped lessen the pain. My husband and I found this forum at 3am on the night emergency told us our girl wouldnt last more than 24 hrs and it has been a blessing- even though I wish we would have met on better times. Its helped us a lot to eead stories of other nnimals people have lost and also to share our memories of Sigma. I spend a few hours a week on here and it definitely does help. As my husband put it, you never replace your old pooch, the feelings just change with time and hhe pain becomes less but you always remember. Posting blogs on this forum has helped for me.
I hope you can find some comfort in this forum as well as youre uurrounded by people who truly understand *hugs*


----------



## coffenut (Jan 3, 2012)

I still find myself bursting into tears every time I see a picture of Mazlon, anyone talks about her, or find myself talking to her and then realizing she's not in the room.

I made the decision to open up my heart and home to a new pup and thanks to wonderful friends and family, I should be welcoming a new golden puppy into my family at the beginning of March.

But I miss Mazlon so. I am so tired of feeling this way. While I am excited about the puppy and it gives me something positive to concentrate on, the hole is still there.

"_Goldens disappear, but they never really go away. The spirits up there put the sun to bed, wake up the grass, and spin the earth in dizzy circles. Sometimes you can see them dancing in a cloud during the daytime when they're supposed to be sleeping. They paint the rainbows and also the sunsets and make waves splash and tug at the tide. They toss shooting stars and listen to wishes. And when they sing wind songs, they whisper to us, "Don't miss me too much. The view is nice, and I'm doing just fine._"

I just want to thank you all for being there.


----------



## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Coffenut*

Coffenut

The hole will always be there-I will always miss my Smooch and my Snobear, but our other dogs have helped fill a little piece of the hole.
I am so happy you are getting a puppy and Mazlon would be, too!!


----------



## coffenut (Jan 3, 2012)

Thanks Karen. I am so excited about the puppy ... and it gives me something else to concentrate on ... but it still hurts so. I am deathly afraid that I am going to put Mazlon's expectations on the puppy ... one of the reasons I am getting a puppy rather than a grown Golden is because I want the distance.


----------



## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

It is going to be a new journey for you. Mazlon will always be the one and only. I am glad you decided to make a move. Your puppy will be lucky to have you.


----------



## mike409 (Dec 23, 2007)

I'm sorry for your loss. Beautiful tribute video! 

I just lost my best friend on 2/12/12. I'm afraid this is going to take an awful long time. Some say, "time heals all wounds". It does not. As time passes the wounds seem less painful, but they are not healed. We will get there, in time.

My mother passed away in 1994 and I can equate my Jake passing to my moms passing. That is, in the sense of loss and emotional turmoil. Lord please help us all through these difficult times.


----------



## Nath (May 12, 2011)

It is very hard for me. I am coming up on almost a year after losing two of my golden babies back to back and still cry everyday.


----------



## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

Nath said:


> It is very hard for me. I am coming up on almost a year after losing two of my golden babies back to back and still cry everyday.


It was just a year for me that we lost our boy (2/18/11). I was not looking forward to the anniversary at all, it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected, not to say I didn't cry though. 

I think I am finally at peace with his passing- I know in my heart he is pain free and no longer suffering. We really miss him though. 

I hope it won't be as hard for you.


----------



## patrice (Nov 3, 2011)

I lost my boy 10-30-11. Mike409 you are right when you say that time does not "heal" all wounds. For me, time has made me accept that the pain of losing Buddy will always be with me. It will always be there, it will always sting. It has broken my heart and made me more vulnerable, more sensitive, more like him. As days go by, I just accept this new part me.


----------



## 2tired (Oct 19, 2011)

coffenut said:


> Thanks Karen. I am so excited about the puppy ... and it gives me something else to concentrate on ... but it still hurts so. I am deathly afraid that I am going to put Mazlon's expectations on the puppy ... one of the reasons I am getting a puppy rather than a grown Golden is because I want the distance.


I feel the same way. I am so worried that the new pup will not be as beautiful as Casey was!


----------



## CarlosW9FE (Jul 17, 2012)

Very touching video tribute to your boy. So many photos reminded me of my Rhett and it was hard to hold back the tears. I wish I would have taken more photos before he left us. Thank you so much for posting


----------



## Yaichi's Mom (Jul 21, 2012)

I am so sorry for your pain and I totally understand how you feel.

When we give a piece of our heart, it always belongs to whom we gave it to and it goes with them forever when they pass beyond this physical realm. 

When we really love someone, that is the way it is and the way it should be IMHO.

I try to rejoice that someone, in this case my beautiful girl Yaichi and others before her touched my heart and soul so much, that my heart will never be the same if I had not had the wonderful gift of having them in my life.

I still wake up sobbing at night, with what feels like a huge knife through my heart, even though I have a new little girl, Brisby that I adore...however she will never be my Yaichi, or any of the others I have painfully lost and I don't expect her to be.

I thank their spirits everyday and cry that their temporarily leaving me has created such a void in my heart and spirit. 

In Yaichi's and all my previous love's honor, what I try to do is find another wonderful canine or feline soul to give my love to, in their honor and with their guidance as they have been my greatest teachers, my best friends and I feel they are my angels compelling me to do this again, until we all meet again.

Bottom line is that I don't think the pain ever goes away....all we can do is learn to live with it, as we can't turn back time, nor change what is.

Sending you a huge hug and letting you know I totally undersand.


----------



## love never dies (Jul 31, 2012)

love never never dies...
I cannot hold back my tear. My pain will never go away.
They are nice goldens, why they left so soon? I really want to turn back time. 

Beautiful tribute video!


----------



## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Coffeenut*

Coffeenut:


What an amazing tribute you wrote about Mazlon-I can tell what a SPECIAL GIRL she was and I know that my Smooch and Snobear are romping with her. I couldn't watch the video, as I miss my GIRL, Smooch, so much!!


----------



## Mausann (Oct 9, 2010)

What a beautiful video, thanks for sharing. She was beautiful and you really loved her and she had a wonderful life with you. My golden, Billie Jean, went to the rainbow bridge Apr 21, 2011 and I still miss her and the little kirks she had. I enjoyed the video very much, but I cried the entire time I was watching it. Hugs to you and God bless!


----------

