# He's killing me today



## Dancer (Apr 5, 2010)

He's killing me today with his absence. With my fear that I'll miss whatever signs there were again. I'm heartbroken still at the sudden loss of our 5 yr old Sonny a year ago. I'm haunted by it a little bit. I've never lost a dog before the age of 15 yrs before, and I'm having a lot of trouble accepting '5'. Even a year later.

Fuzzy, the pup we got to heal us, our 'life-boat' dog, is amazing. He's so sensitive that I'd almost swear he knows. Tonight's grief outburst was brought on by Fuzzy- who looks a lot like Sonny, even has similar mannerisms- who brought up an old 'booty' of Sonny's from somewhere in the basement. I don't know where. 

I guess nothing productive will come of this. There's not really any point. Sonny will still be dead tomorrow. I guess one of the things I wonder about is this: does anyone have dreams about them? I dream of my terrier (the dog who raised me for over half of my life). I dream of my greyhound ( who I didn't even own- I was his 'agent' as a teen, but we shared a real bond). I dream of my Dalmatian, who I know loved me more than she loved air- she told me in every way she could. 

I don't know that I have a question that anyone can answer. I want to know why I haven't dreamed of my beautiful golden boy, my Sonny-bones. Not that dreams mean anything, but....what if they did? All I know is I miss him. I feel guilt- what if I'd stayed home from work that day?? Would Sonny still be here?? Would our Fuzzy be alive- whom I think would've died if he hadn't gone home with a family like us????

I'm just having a hard time this evening, I think. I miss him terribly. And we just sold 'his' truck. There's a strange truck in our driveway, and it will never have any Sonny-hair in it.


----------



## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Sonny*

I am so very sorry about Sonny! I believe all you are feeling is a normal part of grief. We always second guess ourselves and whatever we do we question it.
We lost both our Smooch and Snobear pretty suddenly-Snobear was literally overnight-he had hemangiosarcoma.

Maybe you aren't ready to dream about Sonny, although I haven't dreampt of my Smooch and Snobear who we lost in 2010 either. They will always be with us no matter what! So glad that you have Fuzzy now! It's amazing how our Tucker (who we adopted after we lost Smooch) does things that Smooch used to do.

P.S. Sometimes there are no signs and even when we see them, sometimes there is nothing we can do.


----------



## coppers-mom (Jan 9, 2009)

Of course losing the truck brough back your grief. Every little thing will.

I don't dream of Copper much and know I miss signs, but he's still got a piece of my heart with hm.

Anger is also a part of grief and losing Sonny so young surely makes you feel cheated. We love so much that wer grieve very hard. Spew it out and then let the good memories soothe you.


----------



## Dancer (Apr 5, 2010)

I just worry so much that there were clues and signs and I missed them. If I made a mistake, missed something, how can I learn from it if I don't know what it was??? How can I change something, and save my current boys from the same fate? I can't even explain what it was like to come home and find him dead. Disbelief and shock, and trying to wake him up and hoping there's a heartbeat but ultimately failing to revive him, he was gone to long when I found him. Then having to tell my husband. How am I supposed to avoid this happening ever again if there weren't any signs to watch out for???


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## Pudden (Dec 28, 2008)

My Pudden also died suddenly with few or no previous signs. She had just passed a vet exam with flying colors, blood work and all. 

I don't know what killed her, but a likely cause is hemangiosarcoma of the heart, which suddenly burst and bled. That would produce instant cardiac arrest. She died within a minute or so, without warning. I held her and gave CPR, but she was gone.

Quite possibly Sonny died of a similar cause and equally suddenly - he would not have suffered. Even if you had known, there would have been nothing to do about it, it would only have produced a prolonged agony for you.

But losing them so suddenly and without warning is hard for us, that's for sure...


----------



## PrincessDi (Jun 8, 2009)

So very sorry for the loss of Sonny at such a young age.


----------

