# Who trains in your household?



## Brave (Oct 26, 2012)

We have a two-person household, and we're trying to figure out the best training techniques and tricks, etc. The biggest roadblock we're running into is that my DH and I have two different training philosophies and at the moment I do 95% of the training at home, but when we go to class, my DH gets all fussy if he doesn't get to train Bear at class. I'm totally confused because what's the point of trying to train the puppy at class for an hour, if your not going to follow up on it at home? 

I realize, we're experiencing a break-down in communications between me and my DH and we're working on fixing that. I guess, my question is, if we cannot agree on a cohesive training style, signals, words, etc... should one person be the only trainer? 

An example, I taught Bear "off" meant "get off me, get off the couch, etc" but when he's on the couch, my DH will say "down" then get irritated when Bear lays down on the couch. 

I feel like a failure, cause come on, we're adults, we should be able to get our $tuff in gear and move forward as a unit, but all we're doing is confusing the puppy when we try to train together. When I train by myself, Bear is an angel and attentive and we make great strides. But then my DH comes home and all the work goes out the window. 

I'm trying to empathize with my DH, who gets annoyed and frustrated b/c the puppy "doesn't listen to him."

His biggest complaints are "he won't walk nicely" or "he won't get in the car" or "he won't fetch" and they all end with "like he does with you." 

I told him he has to work with Bear more frequently and be presistant, cause it's not like the puppy was born thinking "hey, I'm going to obey that funny acting female," it took alot of time and patience on my end and I STILL think my pup is a little brat.


----------



## Bentleysmom (Aug 11, 2012)

I had to smile reading your post, do you have cameras in my house?? It's been just like that here...for years! I worried about it in the beginning too but with each dog they have always figured it out.
Mommy teaches and makes them mind, daddy plays and pretends to make them mind. Mommy uses words they understand, daddy makes up words.
I wouldn't worry about it as long as you remain in charge in Bear's mind you'll be OK. My DH doesn't 'tell' a dog to sit he 'asks' ie: siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttt??????????? 
Dogs are smart and they figure these things out.
There's too many other stresses in a marriage to add dog training to. Have fun and let DH think he's training Bear


----------



## Vhuynh2 (Feb 13, 2012)

I am Molly's trainer. My bf goes to all of our classes and will take notes because sometimes I will miss something when I am working with Molly. We established that I am Molly's handler 100% before she came home. I am training for competition so it is important that the training is consistent so she doesn't get confused. Even differences in voice and tone when saying a command, marking a behavior, and praise can confuse a pup.

My bf also had a harder time with Molly as a young pup because she wouldn't listen to him. She grew out of that and is great with both of us now and he does NO training with her. She will behave and listen to him the way she listens to me. I think the real problem was my bf always wrestling and rough housing with her. She probably thought he was a dog. 


Sent from my iPhone using Petguide.com Free App


----------



## Brave (Oct 26, 2012)

Bentleysmom said:


> I had to smile reading your post, do you have cameras in my house?? It's been just like that here...for years! I worried about it in the beginning too but with each dog they have always figured it out.
> Mommy teaches and makes them mind, daddy plays and pretends to make them mind. Mommy uses words they understand, daddy makes up words.
> I wouldn't worry about it as long as you remain in charge in Bear's mind you'll be OK. My DH doesn't 'tell' a dog to sit he 'asks' ie: siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttt???????????
> Dogs are smart and they figure these things out.
> There's too many other stresses in a marriage to add dog training to. Have fun and let DH think he's training Bear


LOL! Thank you so much! I have been stressing so much over this, and b/c we're child-less (but want children in the future), I over-analyze it and question if we should EVEN HAVE children if we can't even train a dog together. 

My GF has been telling me to let my DH do things his way, even though I KNOW my way is faster and easier b/c she says if I take control too much, he'll get tired of it and leave. And he eventually does things, but they take forever for him to do. With Bear, there is a higher risk, b/c if I teach him xyz means put your bottom on the ground and he does behind me and teaches him zxy means put your bottom on the ground, then we'll get a dog that goes through the motions (hooman speakz! I *sits* *lays down* *shakes* *rolls over* *comes* *sit* so on and so forth "Iz rite?")

I'll try to beat out a command list so at least we use the same hand signals and words.


----------



## Bentleysmom (Aug 11, 2012)

That's the secret right there! I made DH learn the hand signals (I told him a dog doesn't understand without hand signals LOL) so no matter what word he uses the dog understands sssshhhhh


----------



## Brave (Oct 26, 2012)

Vhuynh2 said:


> I think the real problem was my bf always wrestling and rough housing with her. She probably thought he was a dog.


Do YOU have cameras in my house? This is what my DH does and he does it at night, right before *HE* gets to go to bed so I'm left with a wound up puppy who is over excited and nippy. :doh:

I've asked my DH to exercise Bear for an hour as soon as he gets home and again right before I get home (since I work major OT, at the moment, and don't get home until late) but I'm beginning to suspect my DH comes home and plays computer games until I get home. 

My first question, after "Honey, I'm home *kiss kiss* How was your day?" is "did you take Bear for a walk?" "Uh no. We wrestled." :doh:

When I get home, I take Bear out back and he runs around like someone stuffed a rocket up his bum for about 30-40 mins. My DH finds this "boring" but it lets my weary mind rest and his HYPER body run so it's a win-win for me. I'll even run around and let Bear chase me and we'll play tag (though he's starting to tag me with his teeth. :no then we'll come back inside and he'll get a chewie and I'll relax on the couch until bed time.


----------



## Brave (Oct 26, 2012)

Bentleysmom said:


> That's the secret right there! I made DH learn the hand signals (I told him a dog doesn't understand without hand signals LOL) so no matter what word he uses the dog understands sssshhhhh


When I showed DH my hand signal for sit, he was like "this makes no sense! I'm not doing that? How does that say sit? That says up! You're wrong! There has got to be a better hand signal for sit."

I listened to him for 30 mins, tried to explain the logic behind it; then the trainer comes in and shows him the same hand signal I've been using for weeks and he's all like, "Oh, that makes so much sense! I'm totally using that signal." 

I love you, DH, but sometimes... *shakes fists* You're so lucky your cuter than the puppy.


----------



## beemerdog (Dec 1, 2012)

My Summer has me well trained.

Dinner time? yes dear.

Cookie time? yes dear.

You want to bring you for a ride? yes dear.

You need more room on the bed? Ok I'll move over.


----------



## quilter (Sep 12, 2011)

Soon after we brought the puppy home, my husband and I made a list of all the commands our dog might ever learn and agreed on the words we'd use. Some of them, like "Heel", "Front", "Come", etc. are "reserved words" for formal obedience. No one is allowed to use/train those words except me. We have the list on the ipad.

Problem is, the dog can't read.


----------



## mudEpawz (Jan 20, 2011)

Bentleysmom said:


> That's the secret right there! I made DH learn the hand signals (I told him a dog doesn't understand without hand signals LOL) so no matter what word he uses the dog understands sssshhhhh


Ok this made me laugh out loud! 

Brave: 
I live by myself but my BF at the time use to come over and get frustrated when the puppy didnt listen to him. At times I felt like I was training two of them... Once chloe reached a level in her training she started to accept commands from other ppl too. I wouldnt worry to much, just hang in there and enjoy the ride 

ps at our training school they say that the person who holds the most "power" at home should attend the classes and work with the dog. Then once the dog is trained you train the rest of the house lol


----------



## Brave (Oct 26, 2012)

Krys! said:


> Brave:
> I live by myself but my BF at the time use to come over and get frustrated when the puppy didnt listen to him. At times I felt like I was training two of them...


Yes! Dear GOD YES! 




Krys! said:


> ps at our training school they say that the person who holds the most "power" at home should attend the classes and work with the dog.


Lol... then that would be me. My DH laughs (when he's no longer annoyed) and says "Bear knows who wears the pants in this family." 

I guess, one might say, I rule with an Iron Spatula and a Gold calculator. My DH is happy to let me do "wifely" things as long as he gets to hit things with a sledgehammer. His family raised dogs with one handler, but the pup had to obey everyone in the family. I wonder if we're working into that dynamic. Which, to be honest, I'm ok with - as long as we have that clear line of communication and everyone is on the same page.


----------



## Goldenmomma (Oct 15, 2009)

Seriously funny. I do all of the training and trust me Sully has spent years in training. (And he never came to see any of her training.) She doesn't listen to daddy because daddy is only to sit on and take her weekly to St. Louis Bread Co. *She* has them trained as well. They keep treats or bacon for her arrival. Yes, even after five years, I say off and he says down. I correct him, and he ignores me. That's why they're called DH. Good luck and Bear will figure it out soon enough.


----------



## TheZ's (Jun 13, 2011)

Even though it might not be fun for you, I'd let your husband do lots of the handling at the training class. That way he learns the command etc. Be glad he's willing to go and be that involved. Agreeing the words to use has definitely been a challenge here. DH just refuses to accept the fact that the dogs don't know what "chill" means and that they don't understand full sentences. Having said that maybe I should teach Zoe "chill".


----------



## Brave (Oct 26, 2012)

TheZ's said:


> Even though it might not be fun for you, I'd let your husband do lots of the handling at the training class. That way he learns the command etc. Be glad he's willing to go and be that involved.


Oh, I'm extremely grateful that he's even willing to go to class with me. I think I'll talk to my DH tonight (provided he's awake by the time I get home) and get a command list going, then try giving him the lead to handle at class. I can always train at home.



TheZ's said:


> DH just refuses to accept the fact that the dogs don't know what "chill" means and that they don't understand full sentences. Having said that maybe I should teach Zoe "chill".


I would like to see a video of this! LOL. "Dude.... just chill." I imagine the dog, looking sleepy and relaxed. Ha!


----------



## Tayla's Mom (Apr 20, 2012)

Rick is an idiot when it comes to training.  I love him and he is an incredible man, but can't remember hand signals, can't remember the one command one action rule and can't remember that "they don't want to" is not an acceptable reason to let them do something like go outside without sitting calmly at the door first. So I do all the training and he gets all the benefits. 


Sent from my iPhone using Petguide.com Free App


----------



## Alaska7133 (May 26, 2011)

All I get from my husband is, when am I going to get done training her so he can take her hunting. He likes to play and wrestle with them, but never walk them. He will do a little field training, like toss dummies. But he won't go to class with me. He's a great guy, but he does call them my dogs. We do. Pretty much agree to training methods around the house though. What I want to know is why there are always a majority of women in classes? In my hunt group, it's all females too, even the trainer. What happened to all the guys?


----------



## Claudia M (Aug 8, 2012)

Rose was my birthday gift and thus I am doing the training but took all the commands from DH as I started training. Even though some words may have seemed easier for me I felt it was important for everyone in the house to be on the same page.
Most training book that I have read recommend one main trainer. I do however want her to listen to everyone in the family with ALL commands. If I am sick or on a biz trip away from home I do not want the call that Rose got lost because she somehow got loose and did not come when called by my daughter; I do not want to get the call that she is injured because she ran into the road because she did not whoa (stay) when given the command.


----------



## Pixie (Jun 13, 2012)

I guess htere are a lot of cmeras going around in here! I also have the same thing!!! Includindg the "how will we ever raise kids"!

What annoys me the most is when he undo things I just did! Trying to teach Pixie not get out of the house without permition even if the door is open, and my boyfriend almost put a red carpet for her to run out of the house as fast as possible! gggrrrrrrr

But we talked about it and are trying to find a way everybody's happy 

He also goies to class with us (and even though I am clearly "the person" for her), I let him do a lot in the classes, so Pixie also learns to listen to him and for him to know how to do things 

Glad to hear I am not alone ih ih ih


----------



## LilBitBit (Jan 15, 2012)

I know what you mean, Brave! My husband likes to say he _has_ to be the one to train Buddy at class/walk him because "he's a strong dog and he'll pull you around too much". I let him think that, when in reality Buddy has a pretty good heel down and won't drag me.  I've accepted that to my husband, he's protecting me and helping so I let it go. 

It took Ryan about three months to get down the commands I use so there wasn't as much confusion over commands - my trick was I'd wait until he was coming home from work/out of the room and go "OMG RYAN YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS!!!!" and show him Buddy doing a trick successfully. Once he saw Buddy do it right with my word he was all over trying to get the dog to do the trick with him.


----------



## GinnyinPA (Oct 31, 2010)

My husband and I attended classes together and alternated working with Ben both in class and at home. We both walk him twice a day - except right now when my husband is dealing with an injury that mostly prevents him from walking. Jim is the easy parent and I'm less so. He constantly gives Ben treats for nothing, while I try to make Ben do something to earn his treats. I worry about Ben's weight. Jim gives him huge milk bones every time they go outside. I try to work on the loose leash walking; Jim doesn't care since he's strong enough he doesn't have to worry about being dragged or jerked off his feet, and of course, since he's injured we're going so slowly that Ben is going to pull regardless because he gets frustrated at the slow pace. We've always been pretty much on the same page regarding commands, but he is much more lax than I am about enforcing them.


----------



## Brave (Oct 26, 2012)

This is so encouraging! I'm not alone! We can form a support group!! 

I love hearing all y'alls stories. It makes my heart lighter knowing, that this is "normal" or at the very least "average."


----------



## BriGuy (Aug 31, 2010)

I (the husband  ) do the training and dog-related activity in our house. It is like the Little Red Hen story around here - if you don't help with the dog chores, then don't expect Dad to share Cookie when she wants to snuggle on the couch!

My daughter who is 11 has been accompanying me to our current training class. She is showing much more interest in training, and has been even helping the intructor in class. She will be getting her own treat bag and clicker for Christmas.


----------

