# Help I cannot get my golden to obey and calm down



## Tayla's Mom

You have a typical golden puppy. What training has she had? Has she been in puppy class or basic obedience. They are wild dogs early on and consistent daily obedience training is important. They are also mouthy dogs so toys must be kept away that aren't safe or that are your son's.


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## Elisabeth Kazup

Definitely need obedience classes. Positive reinforcement only...you are probably stuck in a "no-no, bad dog" sequence of events.

The training will help YOU know how to handle these things and by practicing what you learn in class, you will be able to get her to focus on you. She also sounds like she needs more exercise...long walks, fetch in the back yard, etc.

It also sound like she's going thru her 'teen' phase...similar to terrible twos. It will pass...don't give up on her just yet...you're almost THERE!


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## Brave

I agree, both the dog and owner need training (as do ALL owners) because you need help figuring out what makes her tick and she needs help figuring out what makes you both happy. 

It also sounds like she is not getting enough activity. I have a one-year old who is on crate rest after double knee surgery. Trust me, I cannot wait to get him back out and active. He is a terror right now. Scratching, biting, growling, hyperactivity (which I have to suppress for his knees sake), etc. 

I think some puppy play dates would do her well, also vigorous games of fetch, walks and the such. Maybe even swimming if its available to you. 

Good luck and let us know how it goes!!


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## Cathy's Gunner

I agree with all the above....she needs lots of activities to tire her out and some kind of formal training to teach you how to handle her. Don't give up...it will get better.


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## Megora

daisys mum said:


> I'm on the verge of having to get rid of her, because if my son can't enjoy her, then I need a calm dog who he can sit by on the floor and bond with. There is no calm bonding happening here... just her getting into EVERYTHING, and can't be around my son or new people.


Not to take a sharp tone here, but it sounds like you had very unreasonable expectations of a young dog. The type of dog you are describing is out there. You can go through golden rescue and adopt a senior golden. With puppies, you have to understand you purchased a puppy of an active breed. They do not calm down without training, kind and calm leadership from their owners, and time. 

If you are looking for advice, this is the best I can offer. The more active and hyper your child is - the more active and hyper the dog. The more stressed and angry you are, the more anxious and nervous the dog will be. 

Practice calm and patience - and you will gradually get the dog you were hoping for when you purchased a puppy. This applies to you. It also applies to your six year old. If your child sits quietly and doesn't run around, squeal, or "hype" up the dog - it would be easier to handle the pup. 

I grew up in a big family with dogs.... and my sister and her hub had a daughter who is growing up gracefully with dogs. I can definitely say that even our 12 and 13 year olds could be active and silly when it came to my niece crawling around after them. 

Generally if things get too active in my household and we have visitors or kids running around, the dogs get to hang out in a quiet room with me. I would never expect them to be calm in the middle of bedlam.


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## nolefan

If you're a first time dog owner, I'm sure you must feel like you've jumped into the deep end with a Golden puppy. They are really a dog-lovers dog because they require a lot of patience and dedication to training and exercise to turn them into a first rate family dog. I hope you will understand that everyone here on this forum wants the best for your dog and your family and are trying to be helpful.

Also, I have 3 children and two young dogs and I keep baby gates up to keep the dogs from having full run of the house. It sounds like your dog should not have access to areas with kids' toys etc either. It just makes your life easier to manage your house differently. I agree with Megora, when I have a houseful of kids running around playing and squealing, I do not let the dogs get involved. It's just expecting too much from them not to run and jump on kids who are running at a high level of energy.

1) How many days a week do you get your dog out of the house for walks or exercise? (Be honest, how consistent are you?) If your dog doesn't have regular aerobic exercise he probably has so much energy to burn that a daily 30 minute walk is not going to be enough. Do you have any friends or neighbors with a nice young dog approximately the same size who you could arrange a play date with a couple times a week? This is the easiest way to exercise a young dog, they wrestle like crazy for 30 minutes and it will really take the edge off if you make sure you schedule this a couple times a week. If you network, start asking everyone you know from kids' schools, church, neighbors etc for anyone with an energetic young dog.

2) Search for an obedience club or dog training group and start taking your pup to obedience classes and practice daily. Mental challenge and games are important also and will help strengthen your relationship. After you build a foundation of some commands the dog will obey you can begin involving the kids with training the dog and they will build a bond that way. Until you exercise and train this dog he is simply not going to be a snuggly lapdog appropriate for children. 

A 'doggy daycare' that provides training and play time could be a good investment for you if you need help. If you will build it into your budget for just the next year it will be an investment in making this dog into a family member. I wish you luck, it is a commitment just like anything else worth having in life. You will find that the more time you put into the dog, the more return you will usually receive.


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## Heathhanly

I understand where you are coming from. Meeka is my second Golden, my firstGolden, Paddy ( who was female), came into the family when my youngest was a baby and the oldest, of four, was 10. She was a lovely dog but she dug holes and ate everything. Destroyed the garden. 

Basic obedience and lots of walks and she grew into a lovely dog, gentle and devoted to the children

I think part of the reason why people have problems with Golden puppies is the perception that is out there in the media that Golden are placid, gentle puppies that do nothing more destructive that play with toilet paper. They don't expect a real life puppy, with all the hassles that go with it. They think they have been sold a lemon.

I am now onto my second Golden, who is now one year old, but now I have no children at home. 

We have devoted a lot more time to Meeka, and she is working her way through obedience classes. However she is a dog who loves other dogs and is a "lunger" . She pulls madly towards any other dog she sees and it has been a lot of work to get her to walk nicely. She also digs, chews everything she can get her mouth on, she even ring-barked one of our lemon trees. 

During our learning period two comments that were made to us that really stand out. First, very early on in our obedience classes, one of the instructors said "despite what people think Goldens don't come trained, you have to work at it". Second, when we were walking Meeka, a man walked past us with his older Golden pulling like mad, he looked at us and said " you got an obedient one" . I didn't try to explain how hard we worked at it.

Goldens are lovely dogs, and very easy to train but they don't come trained. If you can devote time it them, they will pay it back in spades


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## Willow52

I think the first thing to realize about your young dog is Goldens aren't 'grown-up' at 1 year. She may look mature but she's still a puppy at heart and may take another year to calm down.

Managing your house differently is a great suggestion (from nolefan^^^) Baby gates are your friend. When Hank was a puppy our 4 y.o. granddaughter was living here. Nothing like a running, squealing little girl to get a dog wound up! Enticing toys were kept upstairs in her room (where Hank was not allowed), if DGD was watching TV and eating a snack in the Great-room, Hank was gated in the kitchen, if DGD was going a craft at her low table in the kitchen, Hank was gated in the Great-room. DGD didn't play on the floor with Hank because puppies view that as an invitation to play and always ended up with tears.

As they both matured it became easier, the gates came down and now Hank is 4 and DGD is 8. Our granddaughter doesn't live here now but are great pals when she visits. Now she can sit on the floor with him, have a snack while watching TV and just enjoy his company.

Also, make sure she's getting enough exercise, not just a 20 min. stroll but some real running, swimming or retrieving. A tired puppy is a good puppy.


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## Jige

I was wondering how much exercise this pup gets. I know for BaWaaJige he needs allot to really tire him out. We play fetch in the am after breakfast then in the afternoon he runs around with his dog pals for am hour or so. Later we get down to some serious training for about an hour to 1 1/2 hrs. That is a typical day. Since you have a small child I would start teaching your pup to fetch get a chuck-it so your son can throw the ball further and then go outside. This isnt a time for your son to race around like crazy but for him to bond with the dog doing some training that really isnt hard for either of them.


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## Sirfoulhook

Agree with everyone so far. Looks like a case of not enough exercise. It is critical that you get your six year old involved with your pup. I would suggest formal obedience training with your child being present and helping train her. Your pup needs to know that your child is above her in social structure. Your six year old should be in charge of feeding your pup. Anything to show the pup that she needs to follow your six year old. I would think a great goal would be to have the six year old be able to walk your pup. Have your six year old play fetch with her. Tennis balls are great for this activity. I hope everything works out. Big dogs can be tough just because they are big. I've had Chesapeake Bay Retrievers and Setters my whole life, on my first Golden. My boy is the most polite dog I've ever had, but he wasn't always.


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## smarshall

I know how you are feeling. This is our second Golden - and they can be 'different' in temperament. BUT the thing that breeders need to stress to buyers is that (like others have said) Golden puppies are not cuddly and automatically obedient, family dogs.
So many Goldens get turned over to rescue/pound situation because people are discouraged. I've been there and wanted to give up often.
Sometimes another discouraging thing is to read that Goldens should have tons of training - usually at a big expense. Most people don't have $500. + to put into training. My advice would be to get SOME good training and then commit to working with your dog as much as you can to reinforce. If you do not have time or energy, find a friend or family member who loves dogs and would be willing to help you reinforce.
You are looking at 2 to 3 years of crazy dog...with moments of sweet, obedient dog. I hope you see some ray of hope. Keep updating. People on here have more experience than I do...and seem to want to help.


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## Heathhanly

I posted before, but reading the last post I also wanted to share our training experiences. We joined a local training and kennel club which costs $60 a year. We go once a week for classes. We have been going for a year now because we, and Meeka, enjoy it. However you could pick up the basics quite quickly. 
Most importantly, we go everyday to a local park to "work" the dog. We practise for about 15 mins. Lots of distractions around but good for her. You could combine working your dog with a trip to the park for your son, a win- win. 
Also if she is not good at walking on leash I would highly recommend getting a "Gentle Leader" which will help stop the pulling and lunging. It will make walks more of a pleasure .
IMO Goldens want to please, and are very people oriented. I am sure with a little work, and not much money, your dog will grow into the fabulous Golden he is intended to be. Good luck !


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## Tucker's mommy

Hey there - we have a two year old golden, Tucker, who has been both a blessing and a curse to our family! I really do love him, but it has been a ton of work getting there. I have three kids - now ages 4, 8 and 9. They were 2, 6 and 7 when we brought Tucker into our home, and it was HARD. Tucker is a very high energy, playful - aggressively playful - dog. So we've had to be very diligent in our training to assure he was a good family pet. We had a horrible phase when he was between 9-12 months old when he became VERY aggressively playful/nippy/rough with us outside and it took a ton of work for us to work through it. We STILL work on it even now at almost 2 1/2 years of age. He has impulse control issues that will always cause us some trouble. Please search for some of my older posts - they may be of help to you as you try to figure out the best way to train your pup with your kids. Tucker has come a LONG way. He is absolutely wonderful with our 4 year old and our 9 year old. But our 8 year old, who happens to be our "crazy child" still struggles with Tucker. Tucker views him as another dog, vying for pecking order, so we constantly work at it, having our son feed the dog and work with him on the sit/down/stay commands. And it's definitely helping. But my point is this - it's been 2 and a half years for us, and we are STILL working at it. I believe training never ends - it's a constant in your life, especially if the dog is part of a family with young kids.

Up until just a few months ago, we had areas of our house gated off where Tucker and the kids could be separated, just to give each other peace and to keep the dog out of the kids' toys. Now, all of our gates are down. Tucker still goes after the small toys sometimes, carrying them into the other room with his mouth, but it's nothing more than an attention getter. He rarely destroys anything. BUT - it took a year for us to get to this point. 

What also helps us - Tucker is not allowed upstairs. There isn't a gate, we removed it months ago. But over time, he's been conditioned to know that his domain is the downstairs. It works great for us. That way, the kids can have their space when needed, as well as our family cat! 

Sorry for the long story - but I just want you to know that things will work out, but you need to give the situation both time, and some work. Exercise exercise exercise... the best solution ever for this age level. Plus, definitely have your child work with you in the training. My oldest son, who was 7 when Tucker came, was very excited to be involved in the training from the beginning, and it shows. His relationship with our dog is much stronger than that between Tucker and our middle son, who is only one year younger than our oldest. Best of luck to you - I know things will work out!


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## jroth

Tucker's mommy said:


> Hey there - we have a two year old golden, Tucker, who has been both a blessing and a curse to our family! I really do love him, but it has been a ton of work getting there. I have three kids - now ages 4, 8 and 9. They were 2, 6 and 7 when we brought Tucker into our home, and it was HARD. Tucker is a very high energy, playful - aggressively playful - dog. So we've had to be very diligent in our training to assure he was a good family pet. We had a horrible phase when he was between 9-12 months old when he became VERY aggressively playful/nippy/rough with us outside and it took a ton of work for us to work through it. We STILL work on it even now at almost 2 1/2 years of age. He has impulse control issues that will always cause us some trouble. Please search for some of my older posts - they may be of help to you as you try to figure out the best way to train your pup with your kids. Tucker has come a LONG way. He is absolutely wonderful with our 4 year old and our 9 year old. But our 8 year old, who happens to be our "crazy child" still struggles with Tucker. Tucker views him as another dog, vying for pecking order, so we constantly work at it, having our son feed the dog and work with him on the sit/down/stay commands. And it's definitely helping. But my point is this - it's been 2 and a half years for us, and we are STILL working at it. I believe training never ends - it's a constant in your life, especially if the dog is part of a family with young kids.
> 
> Up until just a few months ago, we had areas of our house gated off where Tucker and the kids could be separated, just to give each other peace and to keep the dog out of the kids' toys. Now, all of our gates are down. Tucker still goes after the small toys sometimes, carrying them into the other room with his mouth, but it's nothing more than an attention getter. He rarely destroys anything. BUT - it took a year for us to get to this point.
> 
> What also helps us - Tucker is not allowed upstairs. There isn't a gate, we removed it months ago. But over time, he's been conditioned to know that his domain is the downstairs. It works great for us. That way, the kids can have their space when needed, as well as our family cat!
> 
> Sorry for the long story - but I just want you to know that things will work out, but you need to give the situation both time, and some work. Exercise exercise exercise... the best solution ever for this age level. Plus, definitely have your child work with you in the training. My oldest son, who was 7 when Tucker came, was very excited to be involved in the training from the beginning, and it shows. His relationship with our dog is much stronger than that between Tucker and our middle son, who is only one year younger than our oldest. Best of luck to you - I know things will work out!


How do I find your old posts? I may need to read them lol. We get our puppy friday and I'm kinda nervous because my kids are 3, 5, and 6 

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