# Survived the first night with new puppy, but I'm absolutely exhausted.



## ArchersMom (May 22, 2013)

First, congratulations. So far he sounds like a totally normal puppy. Do you have an x-pen of another kennel to keep him in downstairs? It would be more convenient for you since he should be sleeping in his crate with you in the room. It's the only way you'll hear him when he does need to go out. How big is the kennel now? If it's big enough that he can pee/poop in one corner and then go back to sleep, it's too big. You want it small enough that he'd have to potty in his sleep area and he won't want to do that. It's usually recommended to take a new pup to the vet within the first 3 days he's home. Just to make sure evwrything is still going well. It is normal for puppies to sleep a lot between bursts of energy though. They're like babies.


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## Sweet Girl (Jun 10, 2010)

First off, you're not the worst person ever because he had an accident in the crate. It has happened to us all. Clean it well, with an enzyme cleaner or vinegar and water (50-50) and move on. There will be more accidents.

He probably IS a little lonely and sad. He just left the only world he knows. He's in a new home, new people... you both have to get used to each other. Just love him, be gentle with him, handle him. He'll come around. But give him time.

My pup hated the crate, too. Bringing it up to your room was the right thing. He was scared and lonely. Some pups do great on their own (my first girl loved the crate, was fine in the living room). Others... don't. My current girl took a long time to get used to it. She resigned herself to sleeping in the crate at night in my room, but never liked it. I let her sleep on the bed from 5 months old. The day crate in the living room, where she stayed when I was at work, she cried when I left for months. It got better when I started feeding her in the crate. I left her a good, solid chew toy and I would actually watch herself (on a wireless cam) soothe herself by chewing it after I left. 

Hang in there... it's only day one. The first few weeks are the hardest by far. You won't sleep much, you'll be totally off routine. But it gets better. Just be consistent and gentle with him. He's only been on this earth for 8-9 weeks. He has a lot to learn. And you have a lot to teach!


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## LawDogMom (Jul 20, 2016)

Thanks, Archersmom. We don't have a playpen for him now but have considered getting a "gate" to block off our kitchen so that he can roam and play by himself at points. His overall kennel is big, but it came with an extra grate thing to place inside that makes it smaller to his size. We are gradually going to increase it to his size as he grows. We have a vet appointment for him on Saturday, so looks like we are on track with that. His next round of shots are due until the 17th, so we will be on track with that. Thanks so much for your insight. It's genuinely appreciated.


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## TexasTom (Aug 6, 2016)

Welcome to the forum, and the wonderful world of Golden Retrievers.

Puppies area ton of work! Just realize it is part of a long relationship, and you want to do the best for him.

A typical rule is "months old" to "hours between going pee". Two months old, don't expect him to hold it more than two hours. You really don't have to get up every two hours, but understand the going pee is part of a small bladder.

Think of his perspective, his whole world flipped upside down. Crate training is good. It is always a good place (toss in clean towels, toys, small food treats) and leave the door open. He will want to explore the house that first few months, so leave the crate open so he can nap. Covered 1/2 to 3/4 gives the feeling of a safe "cave", then covering almost fully at night is a good thing to say "it is nap time". As he gets older (6 to 8 months), when you get home, wait five to 10 minutes before letting him out. Ideally when he is quiet. 

I love all the books by Patricia McConnell, haven't read this one but I'd still get it and read it:
The Puppy Primer book | Puppy Training Book | Patricia McConnell

Lots of great articles:
Learn all you need on how to train a puppy | Patricia McConnell | McConnell Publishing Inc.

So best to leave the crate in the Kitchen. Buy ear plugs. Good luck.
UPDATE: Just realized distance between kitchen and bedroom.... you can see how we crate our kids.... (now 3, 10, and 11).


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## neve (Jul 21, 2016)

Awww. Sounds like a rough start for the pair of you. I brought my pup home a few weeks ago so everything is very fresh in my mine. I picked her up mid-morning and left the crate open with a couple of toys. She picked up a toy and took it in there and went to sleep! I was thrilled. However after she was shut in there the first night she was less enthusiastic and I had to start crate training her. We sleep upstairs and the crate is downstairs. For the first two weeks I took her out twice a night to pee (I set multiple alarms and did accidentally sleep through a couple due to exhaustion). Only once I thought she could hold it did I cut back to once a night. She's still on once a night and has never messed in her crate.

So, now you need to get her ok with it and that's harder I think after a bad start. During the day, put toys and treats in there. I read not to let puppy see you do it, I wasn't always able to do that though. The crate should be full of surprising treats. Every couple of days I put a brand new toy in for her to find. This got her going in and out of the crate during the day but she never voluntarily slept in it after the first night unfortunately. She prefers to sleep on the laundry tiles.

The treats are very helpful for getting her to go in at night. I do at least two, so I have time to shut the door. One is a calming treat, with goji berry. She loves it. She still did fuss for a few nights so I learned to really tire her out in the evening first and wait until she was ready to sleep before putting her in. That really made a difference.

I've had her three and a half weeks now and I'm starting to put her in the crate during the day more so I can get stuff done. Also for the occasional time-out when she gets too hyper. She only fusses occasionally now, mostly she just goes to sleep even if she looks a bit pissy about it lol.

I'm no expert, but this is what I did after reading some articles online. I wish I had put treats and things in that first day, but I didn't because she was going in there on her own.


As for the lethargy, I don't know. Call the vet if you are concerned. Puppies can be lazy and sleep for a few hours at a time, but full of energy for play time. I think in your gut you know if something isn't right. On Monday I felt Willow was off and the vet agreed. Turns out she has a UTI. Doesn't seem to have affected her energy much though. I've read in here that UTIs and giardia are common in pups. I wouldn't take a chance with a baby so small, if I think something is wrong she's at the vet. 

Good luck! You can do this. First week is the toughest it gets easier I promise. Once you start getting some sleep.


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## LawDogMom (Jul 20, 2016)

Thanks, Sweet Girl. I totally agree. There is no "one size fits all" for a puppy. I'm glad to know that we did the right thing last night! He seemed much calmer in our room. I appreciate the kind words and reassurance.


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## LawDogMom (Jul 20, 2016)

Thanks, neve! Where do you suggest keeping the crate so she can "find" the surprises? It was upstairs last night (for sleeping) but we brought it back down this morning. We live in a house where the entire downstairs is the kitchen, dining room, and kitchen as "one." It's in the middle dining area right now, but he seems to navigate where I am in the living room. I'm considering moving it more near me.


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## TexasTom (Aug 6, 2016)

Vet checkup is always a good thing.

CAUTION: CARRY HIM EVERYWHERE! When you get to the vet place fresh towel/sheet down on the counter. Not the time to wonder around for a puppy, way too many diseases.

Ditto on socialization, wait until all shots are complete. OK to have other dogs over, if they have all vaccinations. Parvo and a few other things no puppy should have to deal with.

Do post photo's of the furrball.

EDIT: When crate is down stairs, leave it with the door open to line of site with you. So where you spend most of your time, you can see each other.


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## gdgli (Aug 24, 2011)

Sounds like you are doing OK.
My puppies continually get treats and toys in their crates. Even when older, I continue it. They get conditioned to like their crate.


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## Figtoria (Apr 19, 2016)

Also - make sure you feed him in the crate - make it a happy place to be.

Good luck!! I've had my puppy for 4 weeks and there were nights that first couple of weeks where I thought I'd lose my mind.

It passes. He will be fine and so will you.


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## Wolfeye (Sep 15, 2015)

I'm reading "The Art of Raising a Puppy" by the monks of New Skete. When we got Fenris we did exactly what you did, and yes, he hated it. Cried non-stop for days when we put him in the crate. **** that dog was LOUD. Nobody got any sleep.

So this time, I'm gonna try what the monks suggest. I'm taking a week off to be with him his first week with us. As he'll be 7 weeks old when we get him we want him to have as much socialization as possible. For bedtime, no crate. He'll be tethered on a sleeping mat right beside my bed. When he cries I'll be there to comfort him. Eventually the sleeping mat will be moved to a crate, for naps that first week. 

I'm hoping it works.

FWIW, Fenris eventually loved his cage. It was his fortress of solitude. We always knew when he did something bad b/c he instantly went there for refuge.


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## Our3dogs (Apr 3, 2008)

Ah, yes, I remember those first puppy nights. If you are a sound sleeper, yes, set an alarm to take them out every couple of hours at night. Don't make any sounds, just pick them up, walk out to potty, say "go pee". I have to admit, I loved carrying that sleepy, warm little puppy at night. Not so much standing outside in bathrobe and slippers. Then after pee, pick them back up, quietly put them back in the crate and go back to bed. During the day, take him out every 20 to 30 min. Yes, it will be that often. I think the first month or so I never watched an entire 30 minute TV show, as every time a set of commercials came on, I was taking the puppy outside to pee. If you are outside playing with him, when you come back in the house, count to 15 and quietly take him back outside to pee. Otherwise I can guarantee, within just a few minutes he will pee in the house after being outside playing. They don't put "pee while I am outside playing" together in their little brains. Check into buying an exercise pen or "x-pen" as most refer to them. This is a really mobile way of containing him in different areas of the house. It actually comes in handy their entire life for one reason or another. They are pretty inexpensive. Yes, you will definitely be sleep-deprived. I am the one who does all the late-night potty breaks. I can tell you when I came home from work, I would have my husband keep an eye on the puppy so I could grab a quick nap before dinner. Anytime I could sleep a little bit, I did. Then, as I mentioned in another thread, you will wake up one morning and realize you and the puppy have slept through the entire night. The first time this happened to me, I thought "oh no, he has died in his sleep". No, I walked into the master bath where he spent the night, and he was just sitting there waiting for me. Good luck! Don't worry, every week gets better.


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## LawDogMom (Jul 20, 2016)

Thank you, everyone! All of your insight has been so helpful and has really helped to put my mind at ease. 

GOOD NEWS: He is doing his first 30-minute crate training session for the day. I put a toy and a few kibbles of his food as a "treat" in his crate and he went right in. Shut the door behind him. He only whined and barked for a little bit!!!! I stayed visible while folding some laundry and walked away when I saw he fell asleep. Good boy!


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## puddles everywhere (May 13, 2016)

I picked up my pup in late April and she came with a UTI so totally understand the sleepless nights. I know everyone is big on crates but I put my pup in bed with me. As soon as she started to get restless I swooped her up and took her out (on leash). Gratefully the number of times she needed out extended so I got a couple of hours of sleep between visits. We never had an accident at night, just wanted a warm body to sleep with.

We are at 5 months and she still snuggles with me each night and just love that. These babies are alone for the 1st time, no siblings to snuggle with and no mom. She was sleeping through the night by 3 months.

This might not work for everyone but wouldn't change a thing. . I love the bonding time. We have taught her how to be crated as it is important to know how to be alone. If they ever have to stay at the vets you don't want to add more stress because they don't know how to be crated.


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## CedarFurbaby (Jun 6, 2016)

Aww big hugs - I remember also feeling really exhausted and guilty that I didn't know what I was doing. The first 4 weeks were the hardest for me and then after that my puppy was little easier but also it was that I got better at managing him. I read so much advice and books (Ian Dunbar's before and after you get your puppy) and ultimately you will come to know what's best for your puppy and what works for him. 

Sounds like you've made some progress. Some training he will get quickly and then some things will take a while. Don't be disheartened, it will get easier with time! 

When toilet training at night, I initially set an alarm every 2 hours. Then I started stretching it slowly. It may be that he could pee every two hours, but he doesn't need to, so I would trial and error to find that limit for the night. The night limit isn't the same as the day limit, so take him out more often during the day. Make sure the crate is the right size for him, so there's no space to pee and sleep in the other corner. 

One accident also shouldn't be a problem - I got really really stressed out trying to make sure he had zero accidents so I would stay awake worrying and waiting and then wake up before the alarm. So try not to put too much pressure on yourself, you need the rest and sleep so you can take care of him. And keeping in mind that he may sleep through the night in a few days or a few weeks, and you want to reserve your energy to last for how long that may be. 

Also second the person who said the first time they sleep through the night, all you do is worry omg they died in the sleep! Lol!


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## Lambeau0609 (Aug 3, 2015)

Right from the beginning I put his crate right next to the couch and slept on the couch for the first few weeks. The livingroom is near the outside door. And from day one he slept so good. If he woke I would take him outside without talking or without turning on to many lights. And right back in his crate with a milk bone. If he did whine in his crate which wasn't to often I could stick my hand in and calm him. After 2 weeks he was so comfortable in his crate at night he didn't need me near by I just used a baby monitor than since my bedroom was on the second floor of the house.


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## Panama Rob (Nov 26, 2015)

Relax and enjoy your pup. They are only little for a short time. Over the next twelve weeks he/she will go from 8lbs to 40lbs....Dakota did. The growth is amazing. Savor having a puppy. Dakota would go out every two to three hours. Even now at six months we just had some regression. He has had a few accidents recently. We have had epic rain the past week here in the Florida panhandle on a level not seen since the great flood. Dakota's outside routine has been interrupted and I think that is the cause of the regression. I think you are doing great. Just relax and enjoy/savor having that puppy and all his misbehavior.


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## kansasgoldenmom (Jan 17, 2012)

Trevor will be four months this Saturday. What we've noticed is that not wanting to go in the crate sort of comes and goes. I think he has figured out more fun happens when he is not in it so sometimes he just decides he's going to have a little fit when he first goes in. As a result, he barks for five minutes or so sometimes but then settles down. Other times, he goes in without a peep. Depends on his mood. lol 

I think you are doing fine. It's a fluid situation when they are that young. Just be flexible and roll with it. What is his name?


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## LawDogMom (Jul 20, 2016)

Thanks for the kind words, everyone. I genuinely appreciate them! Today, he crated well for a little bit while he was also occupied with a toy while I ran to Pet Smart. I came back and he was crying. I waited until he calmed down to take him out. He's having his second crate session for the day and is in there with a smelly Nylabone so he's quite content right now. I've also realized that his barks are now becoming a little more "whiny" rather than just an outright yelping and screeching. I don't know if that's progress, but I'd almost rather hear him whimpering than barking and scratching at the crate.

He also did GREAT in his crate last night. We left it downstairs, covered it with a sheet on all but one side, put in a warm water bottle, and a Nylabone. He was quiet the entire night -- even after he went out for his potty breaks! It's so easy to focus on what goes _wrong_ instead of what goes right when, quite actually, he is doing very well for just a pup!

His name is Archie!


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## neve (Jul 21, 2016)

Our layout is open plan too, no dividers between living, kitchen, dining. The crate is against the wall between the living and dining area. Opposite the couch. So she can see us if we are watching TV and she's in there.



LawDogMom said:


> Thanks, neve! Where do you suggest keeping the crate so she can "find" the surprises? It was upstairs last night (for sleeping) but we brought it back down this morning. We live in a house where the entire downstairs is the kitchen, dining room, and kitchen as "one." It's in the middle dining area right now, but he seems to navigate where I am in the living room. I'm considering moving it more near me.


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## neve (Jul 21, 2016)

Oh and hubby brought home two new toys. I put the little beaver stuffie in the crate and she found it in less than two minutes  She'll just wander in to see what's in there and pull out a toy. She doesn't ever stay in there with the door open though, not after that first day.


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