# I need help with a GR that I don't like....



## sdain31y

Rehome her to a family that will love and want her? Contact the local rescue and they should be able to help.


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## Timmy

sdain31y said:


> Rehome her to a family that will love and want her? Contact the local rescue and they should be able to help.


 
I truly wish that was an option. The wife won't hear of it. It's been discussed. In short, she's not dealing with the dog and the guy that doesn't want to needs to. It's honestly hurting my marraige. Until my wife see's the light, my only option is to train the dog not to destroy my stuff. Any ideas?


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## sdain31y

There's are very experience and talented trainers and dog owners on the forum that can give advice or recommend books, but dogs "know" when they aren't wanted and that will complicate any training or behavior modification you attempt. You might contact the local golden club or AKC Club and find some basic obedience classes for a start. Your Vet might also know of some local trainers, etc.


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## momtoMax

Dogs dig when they get bored. Walk your dog. Play with you dog. There's a remedy for the only real issue with her behavior - couch sititng does not make her a bad dog and golden shed a lot - how can you hold that against her?

Honestly, I couldn't be married to you. What needs to change here is your attitude. The only remedy for you is to either put your foot down, take the dog to a golden retriever rescue (NOT a shelter) like a completely selfish, anal husband (-Which, if you could see past your nose, you'd see as your wife and you child love this dog and it's a good dog-) or you can suck it up and not only bare being around this dog and living with it, but embrace it.

If you can't see how selfish and unreasonable you are being with your family, there's not much we can do here. You need a positive can do attitude that includes at the very least, liking your dog and wanting to be around her to change behaviors.

Maybe your golden senses that out of everyone, you are the person who needs her most and I happen to agree with that.


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## SheetsSM

I hope this is a joke...I feel bad for the dog, perhaps it will run away and find a family where it is wanted.


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## sdain31y

I hope its a joke too, but am afraid its not and this golden is trapped in really bad situation. She's probably keyed on the guy because she's afraid of him - he did mention she was submissive.


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## RedDogs

Have you talked to your wife about how much this stuff bothers you? [and in a context where you aren't angry or upset.... THAT is not the time to talk about it!].

My best recommendation? One night a week, hire a baby sitter. Both you and your wife can take the dog to a basic training class. And when the class is over in 6-8 weeks, go to the next level. Or do agility. Go through 3-4 series. (More if you aren't practicing stuff at home...).

Some of your problems can be solved with basic training, others more through management (and esp if you don't want to put in the training time).

- Furniture: You could put covers on the couches, remove the sheets when you get home. Wash regularly. Put large plastic totes up there when you aren't home or asleep. She can't access them. Be sure she has a super comfortable bed in that room. Or gate her out of the room with baby gates.
- Yard: Don't leave her out there alone. She is practicing the behavior, having fun, getting better at it. Some dirt is more fun to dig in than others. Some areas can have more rodents and that will attract her to dig. When she's in the yard, someone is out with her or give her a food toy (... There are a ton of kibble dispensing toys...do a search). If she's working for her food she may be less likely to get in annoying and destructive habits.
- Toys: Put up baby gates in the area where you son plays. Point out to your wife that if your dog chews up a kid toy and swallows a piece... it could be a $1500+ surgery or even death. 
- Bothering you: Teach her to do a down stay. If she's staying on her bed on the other side of the room, she's still near you and with you, but not on top of you. I'm crazy about my dogs but there are times where I need to do this! Or put up a gate in your office door.


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## hotel4dogs

First, I think you need to explore honestly with yourself exactly why you don't like the dog.
Are you jealous of the love your wife/child have for the dog? 
does having a dog effect your lifestyle in negative ways, for example, you need to be home to let the dog out, or it costs you money for food and vet bills, etc?
Once you come to understand why you don't like the dog, maybe you can address the issues within yourself and come to accept, even if you never like, the dog. 
Dogs and cats often gravitate toward the person who doesn't really care for them, because that person tends to leave them alone and let them set the tone of the relationship rather than forcing themself on the dog or cat. That's especially true of cats; it's why they'll go to the one person in the room that HATES cats when everyone else is trying to pet it.
What do you like to do? Can you somehow incorporate the dog into some of your activities? 
As far as keeping the dog off the sofa, it's probably allowed when you're not there. Just sayin'. The dog is confused as to whether or not it's okay.
Same with the chewing, since your wife grins and bears it, the dog isn't learning what's off limits and what isn't. Perhaps if you were able to explain to your wife how many dogs die from blockages from swallowing things they shouldn't she would be more open to training the dog to chew only what belongs to her.
What you need (sorry to be blunt) isn't dog training, it's marriage therapy. Your wife should not have brought home a dog without your agreement. If you agreed, well then, suck it up and get over it. You and your wife should be able to reach a compromise about where the dog is when no one is around, whether it's a crate, confined to one room, or build a dog run outside. 
Dogs will NEVER learn if there is no consistency in the training. If it's okay sometimes (when your wife is around) and not other times (when you are around), the dog will be confused and your training is a waste of time.


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## hotel4dogs

just one more thing....
Many years ago when I was first married my husband had a toy poodle that I absolutely HATED. I won't go into the reasons why, it would take too long.
But then eventually I realized it was not the DOG I hated, it was my husband's attitude toward the dog, and how he treated it, that I hated. As soon as I came to that realization, things improved a lot. It wasn't the dog's fault, and the dog wasn't doing anything "wrong".
I suspect this might be the case in your house.


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## Megora

Please rehome the dog. What you describe are normal golden retriever traits (they like to be with the family, they need attention and company, they need love from their owners). If you can't stand to have the dog around and are (god forbid) considering kicking this needy dog outside, you should consider giving him to a better home. 

And adopt an independant cat.


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## jenlaur

My heart ached when I read this post. What you have described is typical golden behavior and a dog who is bored and seeking attention. There is no benefit to keeping this dog in your home. You would be doing the dog a disservice.


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## solinvictus

When I read your post it made me so sad. It is hard for me to understand, that the golden in your life is trying desperately to be loved by you and you see it as a ball and chain. 

IMO, you are fighting a losing battle if your wife will not work on training with you.
Both you and your wife have to make and agreement (compromise) on what it is you both can live with then set a training plan. Both of you must participate.

Suggestions on management on the couch issue.
As others have said...
Put a sheet or blanket over the couch - prevents the fur on the couch
Put something on the couch to block access - prevents dog from being on the couch when no one is there to stop it.
Block of access to the room - prevents dog from being on the couch
Teaching the off command - does not prevent the fur but become a humane way to get the dog off.

None of this will work unless your wife will also be consistent.

Digging in the yard
prevent the dog from being in the yard alone - management
giving the dog it's own space to dig - dog still needs a considerable amount of time being trained to only dig in its own area.

None of this will work unless your wife is on board with the consistent management or training.

Toys and shoes and other items must be picked up and put away.
Limit access to areas where itmes are not put away.

Again none of this will work well unless both parties are willing to manage and train consistently the same.

Dog following you around.
You watch your little one and your wife takes the dog for happy excursions such as a long walk, playing fetch in an enclosed field etc giving them time to do happy fun things together one on one. It won't change the dog following you around at home attempting for it to love you but It will give your wife and dog bonding time to strengthen their bond and give you the space with out the dog under your feet.

I also think finding a training class that both you and your wife can attend together with out your little one so you are both on the same page and can be consistent with your training.

I think you would like your dog more if you felt there was more sharing in the duties and responsibilities and if your wife would work with some of your wants.
I do see this as a wife/husband issue more than a dog issue. I see the dog paying the price for some type of non communication between you two.

I do hope it works out for all of you.
_And if she isn't willing to work/train with you_ I would suggest you find a way to rehome the dog.

And as we know habits don't always change sometimes there is some backsliding both on the human level and canine level so work on that communication. Don't hold it in and become resentful of the dog.


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## Pointgold

Sign yourselves (PLURAL - you all need training) up for an obedience class. The ideal situation would be if there is a kennel club, or, even better, a Golden Retriever Club, in your area that conducts classes. You would all benefit - you'd learn how to correct the problems that you are having, the dog would be trained with some consistency, and ultimately, you may even end up loving her (given that you recognize that she's not a bad dog, and is good with your child).

Good luck.


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## Solas Goldens

It is unfortunate that all of you are in this situation, especially the dog.This is what I'm wondering;*is your wife accepting the dogs behavior and making light of it because she is just really afraid of having a confrontation with you, maybe she is hoping that the dog will out grow the behaviors and all the trouble will go away*.If this is the case you all are the problem. Dogs are like kids, they feel the emotions in a household, and will act out accordingly.This problem won't fix itself; you all have to be on the same page to work it out. Ask yourself, 'Am I willing to take the necessary steps to help this situation". Maybe opening a dialogue with your wife and son in a non confrontational way, will help you all get on the same page, in regard to what is best for the dog; Also establishing who is going to responsible for what in regard to the care and training of the dog has to be worked out as well.

Even though you may feel like it isn't your responsibility to fix the situation, do it any way. Be the bigger person and do what is right for the sake of the animal that had no choice in being placed in our home. When I have anger at a situation, sometimes I have to ask myself 'would I rather be right, or would I rather be happy". I usually choose happiness, and then the situation works out because I have a shift in my attitude. I hope this all works out for your dogs sake.


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## mm03gn

Timmy said:


> One last irritation. When I'm at the computer, the dog lays there next to me. When I get up and move to a different chair, the dog comes and puts a paw on my leg or foot, basically asking for attention. I don't like this. I've petted and brushed the dog and petted some more...once for over an hour. She wouldn't leave. I've never seen such a needy animal. On top of this, if i change rooms, she has to follow. She's underfoot when I'm cooking, cleaning, or well hell, you name it. Why the dog likes me I have no clue. I don't really care for the dog...and you'd think she'd get the drift. While it's a strange request, I'd like to know how to get the dog to >not< like me so much and rather shift that focus toward my wife or child....
> 
> How can I train a dog that I can't catch screwing up minus the evidence and how can I get her to >not< like me? Why she's picked me I have no clue....
> 
> In all honesty, when she's not screwing up, she's a nice dog. She's good with my son and protective of the property without going out of bounds with visitors. She's a bit overly submissive and I'd like to take care of that as well.
> 
> Any ideas?


This just makes me want to cry. 

She so badly wants you to love her...that's all. 

Why can't you? I honestly can't understand that. 

The love that you get from a dog is so pure, so uncomplicated. It is most definitely YOU who has the problem here, and if I were you, I would be sitting myself in therapy until I figured out why I couldn't love this sweet animal back. 

Just my $0.02.


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## solinvictus

another thought.

Sometimes when we look at the big picture with all the things that need fixed the task looks overwhelming.

Pick one problem and you both work on that one problem consistently until it becomes a habit for everyone involved and then move onto the next item.

I would also look into who is giving most of the day to day/hour to hour care giving of the toddler. This can also be overwhelming which doesn't leave that person enough energy to put into other functions that need done. Maybe by organizing your time and switching out on who does what will change the stress level for both of you.


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## NuttinButGoldens

First, I'm going to have to assume that we aren't being punked here. That being said...

I'll just be blunt here. You have a dog. Everything you are _complaining_ about is 100% normal, daily life with owning a dog. Your dog is not doing anything wrong. It's being a dog.

It is also obvious that you do not desire her companionship.

The real entity getting the short end of the stick here is the dog.

Sorry for being so blunt, but it is what it is. I have no solution to your problem because your problem is never supposed to exist.

Well, maybe one. And it's all on you because the dog is doing it's part to foster the relationship. You need to decide if you want to put the effort in to accepting life with a dog, and a dogs companionship. If not, I really don't know what the outcome of all this is going to be.

Not being a dog person is fine. It really is  The problem is, you shouldn't have a dog if that's the case!



Timmy said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I need some help folks. I'm between a rock and a hard place. About a year ago, my wife brought home a golden retriever from a family that had to move and couldn't take the dog with them. The dog is what...about 2.5 years old I suppose. Without airing out too much of the dirty laundry, if I want the problems fixed, I'm going to have to take care of it myself....and I'm told that removing the dog from our home isn't an option.
> 
> Before I get to the dog and it's problems, let me state that I don't have time for a dog..nor the patience. Next stop: Irritations galore.
> 
> The dog likes to sneak in sleep time on the couch. I'm willing to put the dog in a cage to keep this from happening. I don't know that this is going to happen and since the dog only likes to do that when we're not home or asleep, I don't know what to do about this. I'm not sure that the wife is going to go for caging the mutt during these times and she's told me the boundary collars are out of the question...so how can i keep the dog off the couch short of stacking chairs on it. I hate the dog hair. If i wanted dog hair on me I'm pretty sure that I could find some elsewhere....
> 
> I'd like to put the dog in the back yard, but she digs. This isn't cute nor curious. Fecalmellon dug a hole in an area where I just got grass growing. I get to do that again next year. Joy. Is there a way to train her to stop digging? I've read some posts on here where owners seemed to just grin and bear it. Is this always going to be a problem? I don't want to replace parts of my lawn every year....
> 
> Sadly, the dog chews up stuff. She has plenty of chew toys and dog bones and pig ears and stuff. I have a 2yr old...keeping things out of her reach(the dog) isn't much of an option. If my son takes off his shoes and everybody leaves the room, the dog has them. My son's toys? Forget about it. Those are toast. I have no idea what to do about this crap. I could use some >good< recommended reading. My wife grins and bears it and doesn't have a problem spending money to replace stuff the dog destroys. I on the other hand, have a huge problem with this.
> 
> One last irritation. When I'm at the computer, the dog lays there next to me. When I get up and move to a different chair, the dog comes and puts a paw on my leg or foot, basically asking for attention. I don't like this. I've petted and brushed the dog and petted some more...once for over an hour. She wouldn't leave. I've never seen such a needy animal. On top of this, if i change rooms, she has to follow. She's underfoot when I'm cooking, cleaning, or well hell, you name it. Why the dog likes me I have no clue. I don't really care for the dog...and you'd think she'd get the drift. While it's a strange request, I'd like to know how to get the dog to >not< like me so much and rather shift that focus toward my wife or child....
> 
> How can I train a dog that I can't catch screwing up minus the evidence and how can I get her to >not< like me? Why she's picked me I have no clue....
> 
> In all honesty, when she's not screwing up, she's a nice dog. She's good with my son and protective of the property without going out of bounds with visitors. She's a bit overly submissive and I'd like to take care of that as well.
> 
> Any ideas?


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## NuttinButGoldens

Please let us know where you are located. Folks around here are pretty ****** good at finding a Golden a good home. In that regard, you came to the right place.


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## Jamm

Rehome the pooor dog who just wants to be loved and you clearly dont want to give him/her any. Or, since your wife wants the dog so badly explain to her that SHE needs to do all the training.


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## xSLZx

Some people aren't dog lovers. So, i can understand your frustrations. When your wife wanted to adopt him/her in the first place, you should have said no. Period. The fact that you got the dog, you took on the responsibility. So, you either have to step up, enjoy life and learn to love the dog or re-home the dog to a family that wants him/her (for life), or take her to a rescue. You're wife seems like she is brushing off your frustrations. You need to sit down with her and explain all of this.


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## TomCat'sGirl

If re-homing her is not an option then why don't you try and open your heart up a bit! If you don't like dog hair then you shouldn't have gotten a dog and a golden at that. It was very unfair of your wife to bring an animal home if the both of you were not going to be in it 100%. They are alot of work and time. The only thing I can say is get her into some training classes. Be positive with her yelling and being mad just like humans dogs can sense it and it will only make things worse. They should be a part of the family just like the "kids" if you invlove your dog more in your family life you will get so much more out of her. If you just can't seem to do anything but be angry about the "dog" things she does (because she needs some training) then just as your wife brought her home without you being in it 100% then find her another home because until your attitude changes then it will never be a happy situation! And that is so so so so unfair to the dog that your wife chose take in. It would be like taking in a child and not really wanting it could you imagine the damage to that child knowing all it's life it's unwanted. Very Very Sad!!! I feel sorry for your dog!


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## Megora

Reading the posts after mine, I realized (and hoped) you were overreacting due to the stress you are under in addition to be a non-dog person who is stuck with all of the caretaking of the house (cooking, cleaning) and the dog (brushing and petting). 

To a certain extent, I think everyone needs to watch the movie "Beethoven" and see the facts of life of owning a dog before they bring a dog home. Even if you manage to train a dog properly and keep them quiet and laidback in the home, you still are going to deal with the "dog smell" that everyone else notices when they walk into your home as well as the dog hair that gets on everything. 

I think the neediness and the vulnerability of your dog is something you have to accept and help with kind and loving care. Especially since this dog has had a huge change in her life. She spent the first couple years of her life with one family and was dumped with your family. *You can't blame her for needing attention and reassurance.* Putting her in a cage all the time is not going to fix this, especially if she was never crate trained. 

Our collie was an owner surrender too... admittedly, he did the opposite of what your dog is doing. He did not bond with anyone or come out of his shell until a year after my sister/our family adopted him. 

You might find it will take a year at least of kind and gentle handling and patience before your dog calms down a little bit. Meanwhile, there are little ways you can handle the issues you listed. 



> The dog likes to sneak in sleep time on the couch.


The way we fixed this with our dog is we have an extra comfy chair in our living room that is the dog's chair. Both dogs are allowed on our couches (we are long time golden owners and are immune to dog hair), but having that extra comfy chair that the dogs know is "OK" to sit on does help. And my golden looks adorable curled up on his chair with his chin propped up on the side. 

I also second using a sheet or a slipcover on the couch. Something you can throw in the wash. <- I come from a big family with two grubby brothers, so we had slipcovers on the couches long before we had dogs. 



> I'd like to put the dog in the back yard, but she digs.


1. Dogs who are kept outside become aggressive or even more neurotic. It ruins them. <- I say this as somebody who got bit by what had been a friendly and sweet chocolate lab. That lab also attacked kids in the neighborhood and had to be put to sleep. 

2. Don't leave your dog outside unattended. My Jacks is a digger (he's the type who will dig up grass and then mark the dirt for who knows what reason). Take her to her spot to go potty and bring her back inside. If you have time, you can also go out and sit with her in the yard so both of you can get fresh air and unwind. 

3. Urine from female goldens will be a bit more detrimental to your lawn, so make sure you find a spot in the yard for her to go potty that is out of public view. 



> Sadly, the dog chews up stuff. She has plenty of chew toys and dog bones and pig ears and stuff. I have a 2yr old...keeping things out of her reach(the dog) isn't much of an option. If my son takes off his shoes and everybody leaves the room, the dog has them. My son's toys? Forget about it. Those are toast.


The chewing on toys and shoes sounds like something that was permitted by her previous owners. 

The picking up and carrying around things she isn't supposed to have - is standard golden retriever behavior. I have a picture somewhere with my one golden in the middle of taking a mouthful of laundry back upstairs to his comfy spot. It's one of my favorite pictures of him, because that was him. It was that quirky thing he did. 

She's chewing, btw, because of stress. If you are stressed and taking frustration out around her, she will pick up on that and need to chew more. Be calm and happy, and take her for walks and play sessions outside, and you should see her acting more relaxed in the house. 



> While it's a strange request, I'd like to know how to get the dog to >not< like me so much and rather shift that focus toward my wife or child....


You are out of luck getting her to >not< like you, because goldens love everyone. Plus, there is that thing - the more you push a golden retriever away, the harder he/she will try to please you. Especially neurotic goldens. 

But I agree with the others, ask your wife to help take care of her dog. Maybe suggest a swap in the evenings. You take care of the kidlet and she takes her dog out for walks or play sessions somewhere. 

My golden sleeps most of the day and is active in the late afternoon and evenings. This might be the same with yours. 



> She's a bit overly submissive and I'd like to take care of that as well.


This is something that might calm down as she finds her place in your home. Remember, she was uprooted from her life and thrown in with yours. A lot of her behavior sounds like she is a very stressed golden who needs attention, kindness, and patience.


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## Laurie

Your post just made me sad!! You`ve just described normal Golden traits. All she wants is to be loved and is looking for your approval.

I agree with the others who recommended rehoming her. There are many families who would love and appreciate her for what she is (despite her few shortcomings).


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## NuttinButGoldens

I'd like to interject one more thing here...

A Golden Retriever never forgets anything. Ever. Good or Bad. They may forgive, they may ignore. But they never, ever forget.

Please keep this in mind when dealing with your dog.


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## tippykayak

Everything you're describing is the normal traits of a bored, untrained Golden. Instead of expending energy on disliking her, you should try training her and giving her some stimulation. It's not terribly hard to get a Golden to give up the wrong toys (shoes, kids' toys, etc.) and focus on the right toys. It just takes careful monitoring and reinforcing of the right behavior for a while.

If you can't rehome her, you need to train her. And you can't train her if you're leaving her alone and ignoring her a lot of the time. So one of those elements needs to change or you're going to continue to be frustrated.

A FAMILY training opportunity (like a class you all go to) might help with family bonding and the dog troubles all at the same time. It sounds like you have a loving, sweet dog who is bored, insecure, and untrained. The first two elements are what she brought to the relationship. The other three are your responsibility to take care of.


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## Jackson'sMom

OP, you and your wife have a serious problem. The poor dog is caught in the middle. Either you need to change your attitude toward the dog, your wife needs to step up and take more responsibility, or you need to find another home for the dog. Locking it in a cage or throwing it in the back yard is not the solution.

You're upset because the dog dares to lie by your chair and want attention? THAT'S WHAT GOLDENS DO! You need to either change your attitude toward this poor dog or rehome it. Dog hair in the house is a fact of life when you have a dog, any dog. And one of my dogs gets on the couch when we're gone sometimes, too. Big deal. Am I going to lock her in a cage to keep her off the couch? No way. I simply clean up the hair. 

I feel really sorry for this poor dog.


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## C's Mom

Is this a troll?

You've been given a lot of great advice in this thread. I hope that you at least try some of these solutions. Heck, you are already spending time grooming her so I know that there is kindness in your heart - why not go the little bit extra and try some of these ideas? Just think of the hero you will be in the eyes of your son and wife if you were to work with your golden girl to help her along. Perhaps your golden girl will be the best friend you never knew you needed.


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## Debles

After thinking this was a troll (who would come to a golden retriever forum to go on and on about how much they can't stand goldens?)

1)I will say you have received excellent advice from everyone here.
2)You and your wife need serious marriage counseling.
3) And you need to either fine a good golden retriever rescue or get to an obedience class. If you can't change how you feel about this poor dog (who can't help the fact she is stuck in a family where she doesn't get enough attention and love) then you need to get her to a good GR rescue who will find her a loving home.


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## CAROLINA MOM

Debles said:


> After thinking this was a troll (who would come to a golden retriever forum to go on and on about how much they can't stand goldens?)
> 
> 1)I will say you have received excellent advice from everyone here.
> 2)You and your wife need serious marriage counseling.
> 3) And you need to either fine a good golden retriever rescue or get to an obedience class. If you can't change how you feel about this poor dog (who can't help the fact she is stuck in a family where she doesn't get enough attention and love) then you need to get her to a good GR rescue who will find her a loving home.


*AMEN DEBLES, I couldn't have said it better!*


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## Jamm

debles said:


> after thinking this was a troll (who would come to a golden retriever forum to go on and on about how much they can't stand goldens?)
> 
> 1)i will say you have received excellent advice from everyone here.
> 2)you and your wife need serious marriage counseling.
> 3) and you need to either fine a good golden retriever rescue or get to an obedience class. If you can't change how you feel about this poor dog (who can't help the fact she is stuck in a family where she doesn't get enough attention and love) then you need to get her to a good gr rescue who will find her a loving home.



a.m.e.n. !


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## mylissyk

YOU ARE ABUSING THIS DOG WITH YOUR INTOLERANCE.

She is totally confused and desperately trying to appease the person in her home that she knows is irritated with her. She is desperately seeking your approval, and I can just imagine the reception she receives from you is harsh and unpleasant, once again increasing her confusion and desperation to please you.

What would your reaction be if your child were in a home with people like you describe yourself? The dog is equally unable to change her circumstances as a child would be.

If turning her over to a Golden Retriever rescue so they can find her a home with a family _that wants her_ is not an option, then YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE. And institute the very good suggestions in this thread. 

Be an adult, do the right thing by this innocent animal who has no control or say over where she lives, who she lives, or how they treat her. 

Everything single thing you describe is normal dog behavior, and most of it is the result of a bored dog that needs exercise. She needs to be walk, played with, and trained. If you are not willing to do that, then give her to someone who is - over your wife's objections if necessary.

I'm begging you, seriously begging you, please, please contact the Golden rescues in your area and turn her over to them so she can go to a home that wants her and will provide what she needs. You and your wife are not. You can find the list of national rescues here.

National Rescue Committee of the Golden Retriever Club of America


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## Karen519

*Timmy*

Timmy

I feel SO SORRY for this poor dog. 
Would you ignore your son?
How horrible.


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## LifeOfRiley

Timmy said:


> I don't really care for the dog...and you'd think she'd get the drift. While it's a strange request, I'd like to know how to get the dog to >not< like me so much and rather shift that focus toward my wife or child....
> ... and how can I get her to >not< like me? Why she's picked me I have no clue....


Goldens are very sensitive. She senses your anger and frustration, senses that you don't really like her and she's desperately trying to win your approval and your affection.

Please, please reconsider finding this dog another home, or contact a rescue group that can do that for you.

As everyone else has already said, she's exhibiting perfectly normal Golden behavior. Yes, the 'problems' can be fixed with training, but everyone in the house has to be committed to it 100%. There are no quick fixes and everyone HAS to be on the same page. Trying to do this by yourself is pointless. If your wife isn't going to step up and take equal responsibility for training the dog; if she's not going to respect your wishes and your boundaries where the dog is concerned and put in the time and effort necessary for you all to live happily, then she needs to do the right thing for you AND the dog and find her another home.

For the record, I don't think you're the bad guy here. I know that not everyone is a dog person. (I don't _understand_ it, but I know!) I think it was wrong for your wife to bring this dog into the house, knowing how you would feel about it. And then to not take responsibility for training her is really irresponsible. It wasn't fair to you and it's not fair to the dog. I really hope that you can get your wife to see that and will find her another home where she'll be wanted and loved by everyone in the family.


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## maggiesmommy

Like everyone else, I don't really see your issue...you don't like the hair, vacuum, you don't like the chewing, put the stuff up and give her something to chew, you don't like the digging, watch her outside, you don't like that she begs for attention, GET OVER YOURSELF AND LOVE ON HER! My husband was exactly like you...hated dogs on the couch, didn't like the pee and poo accidents during housebreaking, hated the chewing, etc. I had a heart to heart with him and told him that we are keeping her, so, get over himself or I'm gone...and he did..now he loves Maggie more than me sometimes. ;-) He bought a cover for our couch, a vacuum that sucks dog hair out of the crevices of the walls, and, she is indeed house broken and chew broken. Being that your dog has been taken out of her home, she's going to be a little unsure...you just have to work with her.


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## Adriennelane

Timmy said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I need some help folks. I'm between a rock and a hard place. About a year ago, my wife brought home a golden retriever from a family that had to move and couldn't take the dog with them. The dog is what...about 2.5 years old I suppose. Without airing out too much of the dirty laundry, if I want the problems fixed, I'm going to have to take care of it myself....and I'm told that removing the dog from our home isn't an option.
> 
> Before I get to the dog and it's problems, let me state that I don't have time for a dog..nor the patience. Next stop: Irritations galore.
> 
> The dog likes to sneak in sleep time on the couch. I'm willing to put the dog in a cage to keep this from happening. I don't know that this is going to happen and since the dog only likes to do that when we're not home or asleep, I don't know what to do about this. I'm not sure that the wife is going to go for caging the mutt during these times and she's told me the boundary collars are out of the question...so how can i keep the dog off the couch short of stacking chairs on it. I hate the dog hair. If i wanted dog hair on me I'm pretty sure that I could find some elsewhere....
> 
> I'd like to put the dog in the back yard, but she digs. This isn't cute nor curious. Fecalmellon dug a hole in an area where I just got grass growing. I get to do that again next year. Joy. Is there a way to train her to stop digging? I've read some posts on here where owners seemed to just grin and bear it. Is this always going to be a problem? I don't want to replace parts of my lawn every year....
> 
> Sadly, the dog chews up stuff. She has plenty of chew toys and dog bones and pig ears and stuff. I have a 2yr old...keeping things out of her reach(the dog) isn't much of an option. If my son takes off his shoes and everybody leaves the room, the dog has them. My son's toys? Forget about it. Those are toast. I have no idea what to do about this crap. I could use some >good< recommended reading. My wife grins and bears it and doesn't have a problem spending money to replace stuff the dog destroys. I on the other hand, have a huge problem with this.
> 
> One last irritation. When I'm at the computer, the dog lays there next to me. When I get up and move to a different chair, the dog comes and puts a paw on my leg or foot, basically asking for attention. I don't like this. I've petted and brushed the dog and petted some more...once for over an hour. She wouldn't leave. I've never seen such a needy animal. On top of this, if i change rooms, she has to follow. She's underfoot when I'm cooking, cleaning, or well hell, you name it. Why the dog likes me I have no clue. I don't really care for the dog...and you'd think she'd get the drift. While it's a strange request, I'd like to know how to get the dog to >not< like me so much and rather shift that focus toward my wife or child....
> 
> How can I train a dog that I can't catch screwing up minus the evidence and how can I get her to >not< like me? Why she's picked me I have no clue....
> 
> In all honesty, when she's not screwing up, she's a nice dog. She's good with my son and protective of the property without going out of bounds with visitors. She's a bit overly submissive and I'd like to take care of that as well.
> 
> Any ideas?


She's a golden retriever! She needs love! I'm both almost in tears and so angry I could spit nails right now. The dog doesn't sound like it has any problems that can't be addressed with positive reinforcement.

I will say this, your wife should not have brought home a dog if you were not ok with it. Having a dog affects an entire family. You - you don't sound at all like a dog person. You pretty muchly sound like a dog hater. You shouldn't have a dog if you feel that much animosity toward it just being a dog - what sounds like mostly a good dog, too.

She wants you to love her. That all most dogs want, especially golden retrievers. They're all about hugs and love and all the positive things in life. You make me thankful I'm married to someone who competes with me as to whom gets the dog or dogs in his or her lap.

Like everyone else said, either you ALL should go to obedience classes and start working with her, or you should let her go to a happy, loving home where everyone will appreciate her. Your home doesn't sound happy, because you seem anything but.

Please don't dump her somewhere, and don't take her to the pound. Find a rescue that will ensure she goes to the right place. You may not like her, but please don't subject her to those horrors. She sounds like such a sweetie.


----------



## diana_D

Please open your heart to your dog. You will discover a love so great you would never have thought it is possible. She is taking the first steps to BOND with you. Don't push her away, she wants to be around you, and I am sure if you open your heart you will soon discover a great new, incredibly loyal friend. The best you could ever dream of! 

If you take your time to read the forum to see how many people here are desperate to bond with their pups right away, you will understand why having her trying to bond with you is such a great thing. 

Establish a relationship first, have the bond and then things will change dramatically. She WANTS to please you! You will see that soon enough she will stop all the behaviour you dislike, and she will stop it for YOUR SAKE.


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## Florabora22

People are probably going to kind of dislike me more for saying this, but I too live with a dog that... well, that I don't really like. My roommate's papillion is untrained and completely understimulated, and so the dog is hyper, yappy, and annoying. I plain don't like the dog. I tolerate her, let her out, feed her treats when I'm giving Flora a treat, but beyond that I want nothing to do with her. So I can understand where you're coming from, OP, if you are indeed for real. However, I also understand that it is not the dog's fault she is the way she is. It's her owner's fault. Papillion's are supposed to be great little dogs IF RAISED RIGHT. Charlie was not.

That said... Golden retrievers are SUCH amazing dogs. Your dog could be so awesome if you spent some time with her, walking her, training her, etc. I know you don't care for the dog, but could that be simply because you resent her for digging/chewing/shedding? Maybe if you worked with her to help eliminate these problems you would find you don't resent her so much.

I'm sorry your wife is putting you in this situation especially when you are not a dog person, but please give this girl a chance. Golden retrievers are incredible animals and can be incredible companions if you give them the opportunity.

I still think this is a troll though.


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## Walker

Dear Timmy,

You’re a troll, aren’t you, sunshine. Well, no matter. I’m gonna address this anyway, just because. 

What a sad situation… for the dog. I hope you realize the lifespan of a dog is very short compared to ours. That’s roughly anywhere from ten to fifteen years, give or take, tops. The dog is under your roof. That means you have a responsibility to it. As I see it, you have three options: 1) choose to make its relatively short life miserable by continuing on as you‘re doing; 2) buck up, take some obedience classes and become a dog person; 3) rehome it to good people so it can have a chance at a good life. 

Geez, man, the dog likes you—is that a crime? *You’ve had the dog for a year.* Isn’t it time you either s**t or get off the pot? This is a _life_ we’re talking about, not some inconvenient piece of furniture, here. I just don’t get how anyone can turn away from something that likes them, but… hey, to each his or her own, I suppose. 

Glad you feel better about your child than you do your poor dog. Oh yes, and no obedience class in the world will help with the dog hair. Golden Retrievers are famous for it. That’s just the way it is.

By the by, I only addressed your post on the off chance that some non-dog person out in Internet Land might actually be going through something slightly similar. That, and I have nothing better to do at the moment. 

Troll? Yes, you have to be. Why else would anyone in their right mind come on a Golden Retriever site and say they dislike a Golden for being a Golden? Brilliant. So that’s it, sunshine. I’m not going to feed you anymore.


----------



## Bob-N-Tash

Timmy, you are indeed between a rock and a hard place. Good for you for stepping forward and asking for advice and help. 

Sounds like you were outvoted from the beginning... and a dog was brought into your life. 
As I read your post I have this vision of children begging for a pet and promising to take care of it, promising to feed it, and bathe it, and pick up the poop, and make sure it gets exercise, and training. And we all know how that usually works out. The person making all those promises doesn't always up their end of the agreement. Now you are faced with assuming a task that you knew you were not prepared for and never wanted in the first place. An unhappy situation for you, the family, and this dog.

In your first post it sounds like you are already in agreement with many of us, feeling the best option would be to re-home the dog. But you are not happy about delivering an "it's me or the dog ultimatum to your family."

The second best option is for you to take charge of the situation and see if you can turn this around. There are enough frustrations in training a dog that you want. Working with a dog that you don't want only makes it that much more difficult. 



Timmy said:


> In all honesty, when she's not screwing up, she's a nice dog.


That's a positive statement and one that I was happy to read. She's probably a nice dog all the time... just in need of supervision until she understands the boundaries of what is and is not acceptable.



Timmy said:


> Why the dog likes me I have no clue. I don't really care for the dog...and you'd think she'd get the drift. While it's a strange request, I'd like to know how to get the dog to >not< like me so much and rather shift that focus toward my wife or child....


Dogs are usually smart enough to figure out who is in charge
It seems you are the alpha in the house. Obedience classes help you learn how to use this to your advantage. I suspect you already know training the dog in how to please YOU specifically requires the investment of time and energy and your bonding with this dog.
My thought is that it is more important to pay attention to the dog when they behave then when they misbehave. 

My significant other asked if there is any possibility of you taking the dog to work with you. I don't get the sense that would be possible. But if it were you could provide more consistency in what is or is not allowed. 

Personally I am not fond of crates but when used for short periods of time they do help keep an unsupervised puppy safe and out of trouble and protect your belongings in the process. What is your spouses objection to using a crate? My objection is they are often too confining. I actually linked two x-pens together when house training our puppies. They were confined but still give had plenty of space to move around. 

Several good suggestions have been made.... obedience classes, using gates to block off rooms, exercise (both mental and physical), and really talking with your spouse and working out some important issues. Classes are a great idea... in my opinion classes are not for training the dogs but for training the people how to manage the dogs. 

Perhaps I am naive but I don't understand why any assume you are a troll. It sounds like you are unhappy with the situation that you are in and as the first step in 'taking charge' you came to a site devoted to golden retrievers looking for some advice on how to proceed from this point forward. 

Really hope you are able to work this out for everyone involved.


Christine


----------



## Mssjnnfer

Dude. You have to be a troll. Or an idiot.

I'm not going to give you any advice, because everyone else has done an excellent job of that... and seriously, if you ARE serious, I don't think any of this advice will turn your black heart into anything less selfish than it is.

That said, Timmy, if this IS real... I'd get rid of you instead of the dog. What a horrible person you sound like.

Get some help, please.


----------



## xSLZx

Bob-N-Tash said:


> Timmy, you are indeed between a rock and a hard place. Good for you for stepping forward and asking for advice and help.
> 
> Sounds like you were outvoted from the beginning... and a dog was brought into your life.
> As I read your post I have this vision of children begging for a pet and promising to take care of it, promising to feed it, and bathe it, and pick up the poop, and make sure it gets exercise, and training. And we all know how that usually works out. The person making all those promises doesn't always up their end of the agreement. Now you are faced with assuming a task that you knew you were not prepared for and never wanted in the first place. An unhappy situation for you, the family, and this dog.
> 
> In your first post it sounds like you are already in agreement with many of us, feeling the best option would be to re-home the dog. But you are not happy about delivering an "it's me or the dog ultimatum to your family."
> 
> The second best option is for you to take charge of the situation and see if you can turn this around. There are enough frustrations in training a dog that you want. Working with a dog that you don't want only makes it that much more difficult.
> 
> 
> 
> That's a positive statement and one that I was happy to read. She's probably a nice dog all the time... just in need of supervision until she understands the boundaries of what is and is not acceptable.
> 
> 
> 
> Dogs are usually smart enough to figure out who is in charge
> It seems you are the alpha in the house. Obedience classes help you learn how to use this to your advantage. I suspect you already know training the dog in how to please YOU specifically requires the investment of time and energy and your bonding with this dog.
> My thought is that it is more important to pay attention to the dog when they behave then when they misbehave.
> 
> My significant other asked if there is any possibility of you taking the dog to work with you. I don't get the sense that would be possible. But if it were you could provide more consistency in what is or is not allowed.
> 
> Personally I am not fond of crates but when used for short periods of time they do help keep an unsupervised puppy safe and out of trouble and protect your belongings in the process. What is your spouses objection to using a crate? My objection is they are often too confining. I actually linked two x-pens together when house training our puppies. They were confined but still give had plenty of space to move around.
> 
> Several good suggestions have been made.... obedience classes, using gates to block off rooms, exercise (both mental and physical), and really talking with your spouse and working out some important issues. Classes are a great idea... in my opinion classes are not for training the dogs but for training the people how to manage the dogs.
> 
> Perhaps I am naive but I don't understand why any assume you are a troll. It sounds like you are unhappy with the situation that you are in and as the first step in 'taking charge' you came to a site devoted to golden retrievers looking for some advice on how to proceed from this point forward.
> 
> Really hope you are able to work this out for everyone involved.
> 
> 
> Christine


I agree with you! This guy is simply looking for advice or help. He's gotten good advice, but i think the way people came off to this man is a little harsh. I think he's been scared away. And i think that is sad. It seems he was getting attacked or yelled at more than helped. 
I try giving people the benefit of the doubt, so i hope this wouldn't be a troll. I really don't think he is.


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## xSLZx

I know people who aren't dog lovers or cat lovers. They can't just flip a switch and love them. It takes time, patience and practice. If he'd like to try to love this dog, he needs to bond, take classes, be more relaxed with her. If he just wants her out of his house, he needs to talk to his wife and get it situated. This poor dog just wants a family to love and be loved back. It's not fair for the dog to be in the middle. To the OP: I hope you've read the responses and talk to your wife. The dog either stays and you need to change things, or please give the dog to a rescue or a forever home to someone you know and trust. She doesn't deserve to be bounced from family to family.

Good luck to you.


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## Mssjnnfer

xSLZx said:


> I agree with you! This guy is simply looking for advice or help. He's gotten good advice, but i think the way people came off to this man is a little harsh. I think he's been scared away. And i think that is sad. It seems he was getting attacked or yelled at more than helped.
> I try giving people the benefit of the doubt, so i hope this wouldn't be a troll. I really don't think he is.


I'm not sorry for my post and I do still think he's a troll. If he thinks I (or anyone else) came off a little harsh he should reread his first post and wonder why.


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## Jamm

Mssjnnfer said:


> I'm not sorry for my post and I do still think he's a troll. If he thinks I (or anyone else) came off a little harsh he should reread his first post and wonder why.


I couldent have said everything you said better myself!


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## Mssjnnfer

Jamm said:


> I couldent have said everything you said better myself!


Thank you!!

Someone else said something like... why would he come to a GOLDEN RETRIEVER SITE and bash them like he did?

And people expect us not to get "harsh"? Seriously?


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## Mssjnnfer

He referred to the dog as "Fecalmelon" ...

...


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## tippykayak

Slinging insults won't help the dog, if she exists. And if it's a troll, then you're giving him exactly what he wants.


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## paula bedard

Mssjnnfer said:


> He referred to the dog as "Fecalmelon" ...
> 
> ...


Now that's a new one... 

The guys a troll, he hasn't been back since his second post, I checked his last 'time' here. He's not been scared away by unkind responses, he never stuck around to read them. 

Think I'll call him Melonhead Troll, it fits.


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## Elisabeth Kazup

Yep, I smelled troll before I got through his post.


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## mylissyk

How do people make up this stuff?!


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## BeauShel

We dont know if this a true situation or not but he could have come on the forum as a guest and read the responses without signing on. Please stop with the name calling. Let's give advice that might help him and his golden. It will help to make him fall in love with her.


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## Abbydabbydo

Unfortunately, while I think this person is probably a troll and a d*ckhead this does happen. I watched my husband fall in love with our dogs while trying not to for years.

The only problem with the OP to me is that he doesn't even have a chewer/biter/peeer/. That is what makes it seem so unbelievable. 

But it has all been said. If you wanted all these replies, you got them. But if you really hate this dog rehome. Then I give the marriage, maybe another year. Poor kids. Probably lucky dog.


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## Abbydabbydo

BeauShel said:


> We dont know if this a true situation or not but he could have come on the forum as a guest and read the responses without signing on. Please stop with the name calling. Let's give advice that might help him and his golden. It will help to make him fall in love with her.


Love you Carol and I so admire all you do for GRF, but you can't make someone fall in love with a dog. If this thread shows him the possibilities, that would be fantastic, but it didn't sound like that was his agenda.


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## Jackson'sMom

If the OP is real and really dislikes dogs, there is nothing anybody on this forum of dog lovers can say that will make him love his dog. It is obvious that he doesn't like anything about the dog and never has. Who complains because the dog lies near his chair??


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## Jo Ellen

I think the problem is with the marriage, not the dog. But the dog is the one being targeted. That's not just very sad, it's ultimately very ineffective.


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## AlanK

This is very sad. If your wife wont care for this dog and you don't like it why on earth not contact a rescue. 

I am curious about the Fecalmelon comment??

Golden's are very smart and directly reflect the intelligence of their owners. If you wont find a loving home for you Golden smarten up and love your dog.


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## Timmy

*I expected no less hostility...*

...but that's ok. I get it. Many of your posts angered me, much as I imagine mine angered or confused many of you. I'm going to say my piece right quick and then I'm going to let it go and I hope those of you who know who you are will do the same. People are different and thusly have different value systems...and with that:

HOW DARE YOU! You have no idea what my family is going through, why it's going through what it is, or how long it's going to take nor what it's going to take to recover! How happy for you I am that your lives aren't currently as chaotic as ours. It would be interesting to see if you and/or your spouse held up as well. Casting upon me your castigation indeed!!! No where in my original post did I ask for your marriage advise or your marital armchair quarterbacking. It is said that you should walk a mile in a mans shoes, and since you most likely haven't, I'd appreciate it if you'd leave my marriage out of this. It's none of your business. What I did express however was my dislike for the animal and some of it's annoying behaviors and/or traits. Those are open for discussion. Thankfully, there are at least some people on the board who know what empathy is. I'm done with this portion now. 

I wanted to say a quick thank you to a couple of users. Namely "Bob-N-Tash", "Megora", and "LifeofRiley". It sounds like some things are trainable and others aren't. Bummer. I really dislike the hair, but having read up a bit more, it seems this breed sheds a lot. That's something that I'm going to have to learn to deal with. My stress level is way, way out there right now and it most likely won't change for a bit, so much of this is going to be rough. 

I work very long hours, many times, up to 14 a day. Factor in sleep, drive time, etc., and you can see how little time that I have to work with the dog. One poster mentioned something about dog's leaning towards alfa's in a home. I suppose that makes sense as I'm every bit the alfa in our home. I'm not sure what to do about the overly submissive nature though. Generally, when I move, I move with a very real sense of purpose, I.E., my movements are quick and sharp. The dog doesn't like this and I sense that she's really nervous, which leads me to believe that the previous owner beat her. Where would I look for reference to correct that nature? I'll work with the digging and the chewing. Maybe I'm wrong here, but those seem to be more behavioral than psychological.

Life is what it is and I'm stuck with this dog for a bit, so I might as well make the best of it.

Thank you for your time.


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## Timmy

AlanK said:


> I am curious about the Fecalmelon comment??


Welcome to my humor. Mostly dry and crass.


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## xSLZx

Timmy - i'm glad you came back. And honestly, as harsh as some people were to you, i hope you stick around here and learn more. There is a wealth of info on this forum and people ARE willing to help with questions. I think a lot of them here assumed you were a troll and just trying to get a rise out of people. Thanks for making it clear you are genuine. I'm glad you're taking steps to be a better owner (coming to this forum and joining being one of them).


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## riddle03

I hope things get better. I do have one comment - how about starting off by calling her by her name and not dog or animal ?


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## lgnutah

The amount of hair that Goldens generate is astounding, isn't it? I remember reading that they shed a lot before we got Brooks, but that sentence didn't prepare me for it.


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## AlanK

Timmy said:


> ..
> Life is what it is and I'm stuck with this dog for a bit, so I might as well make the best of it.
> Thank you for your time.


Do the best you can to make the best of it......you are not alone in a hectic life working long hours and trying to manage a complicated situation. 

So what is this doggy's name really? Fecalmellon don't get it!


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## AlanK

Timmy said:


> Welcome to my humor. Mostly dry and crass.


Fair enough.... I sometimes call my buddy Tuff "Turd Bucket" in good humor of course.


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## ebenjamin85

Timmy said:


> I'll work with the digging and the chewing. Maybe I'm wrong here, but those seem to be more behavioral than psychological.


 
Yes, training will def. help with these behaviors. For chewing re-direct your dog to an appropriate toy and reinforce the heck out of it when it starts chewing on it (lots of pets and praise). Same for digging, correct the dog, and as soon as it stops or moves on, maybe offer it a frisbee instead, reinforce it for behaving properly. 

For the shedding, I really like the Furminator. It's a super expensive dog brush, but I assure you that it really helps. There will still be a lot of hair, but not nearly as much as without using it. Maybe the kids can help with brushing each day?

For her reaction to startled movements, time may improve this. She may always startle a little easily though. This one takes a lot of patientce and reassurance. 

For the constant paw on the lap, etc. when you're on the computer... Our dog only does this to me because she knows that I will continue to pet her. She doesn't do it to my fiance. He will pet her once, and then have her lay down. She doesn't bother him again because she knows it won't pay off... no more pets. Try just being firm and ignoring it if it's unwanted. Some on here will prob. come down on me for saying that, but I believe that there is a time and a place for affection. I'm not saying don't pet her, but consider giving her 10 minutes or so of affection before you begin using the computer (or doing whatever it is you need to do). Then once you start, the affection stops... no matter how hard she tries. She will eventually learn that affection is on your terms and not hers. Love her lots, but at the appropriate times.

Hope this helps, and best of luck!


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## ebenjamin85

Oh yes, and for getting on the furnture. Crating the dog when you're not home is prob. the easiest option. Another easy one, put an old sheet over the couch before you leave. You're absolutely right that it's easy to block when you're home, but impossible to do so when you're not.


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## BeauShel

Timmy,

Since you work such long hours, what is your wife's schedule and your dog's schedule while you are gone? Can your wife pick up some of the brushing and exercise so when you get home she is calmer and more relaxed. To help build her confidence in your free time, work with her to do tricks giving her lots of praise. When you cant watch her, it is not wrong to put her in a crate or a place like a laundry room but leave her with toys like a kong filled with frozen with food and yogurt. When dogs are bored and not exercised enough is when they get in trouble with the chewing. 
Dogs love praise and using positive methods will build confidence so she wont be so submissive. 

I can tell you from someone that used to have a very stressful job years ago, brushing my dogs helped me to relax and destress. It also will help you two to bond also. 
Maybe you can find a obedience class that you can go to on the weekends that all of you can do as a family. That will help all of you to bond and build her confidence.


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## ebenjamin85

Also, if you're interested... you can private message me with your address and I will send you some of the training material that we've read but no longer need. The choice is up to you.


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## Timmy

riddle03 said:


> I do have one comment - how about starting off by calling her by her name and not dog or animal ?


The dog's name is "Pickles". I wouldn't name an animal after food unless I was going to eat the animal eventually, but that's just me. Since I'm not a big fan of her proper name, I just call her dog. I use animal in a separated structure for the purpose of distancing, which sadly, it looks like I'm going to have to alleviate. Aren't tone and inflection more important than the actual name used? Granted she knows "Pickles" and I refer to her by that when my son is around....

Grooming the dog is a challenge. She's very timid when she approaches me, even though she likes the brush. The front part and front quarters aren't the problem, but she insists on facing me. This makes getting the back half of the dog a pain in the butt. I move, she moves. When I'm lucky, will lay down in front of me and I can get a hind quarter. I actually have to roll the dog over to get the other side. She's uneasy about this part but seems to be okay again after the brushing resumes. Brushing is a daily ritual. I speak well to the dog in a calm and with what I hope is a reassuring voice. So far, no change in attitude. I've tried treats here as well. Since nothing is changing, I have to try something different. I could use some ideas.

A quick edit - 



ebenjamin85 said:


> Also, if you're interested... you can private message me with your address and I will send you some of the training material that we've read but no longer need. The choice is up to you.


Thank you for the offer. I'll pass. Being contacted or contacting people through the internet can be a risky thing. I would appreciate it if you could post up the titles of the books though. I'll check them out.

For right now, I'll be the one taking care of the dog. For those that still insist, let's assume that my wife cannot currently physically or emotionally take care of the dog outside of putting food in the bowl.


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## ebenjamin85

Timmy said:


> Thank you for the offer. I'll pass. Being contacted or contacting people through the internet can be a risky thing. I would appreciate it if you could post up the titles of the books though. I'll check them out.


I totally understand... I would have passed myself, but just wanted to put out the offer. One that really helped was an online book. Here is the link. Golden Retriever Savvy: The Ultimate Guide to making your Golden Retriever Happy, Healthy and Obedient!

Also, we've picked up several books along the way. Just go to your local bookstore and browse the pet section, I'm sure you'll find some a lot of useful information. Choose books that focus on positive reinforcement. 

Another helpful bit of information (but by no means conclusive) was one of those overpriced magaizenes that they sell near the checkout at the petstores... "Training your Golden Retriever." It was a good starting point.

I also like the dog whisperer books, we have several. They're a bit lengthy but have some really good foundational points. 

Best of luck!


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## BeauShel

When you brush her are you getting down on the floor with her at her level? That is the easiest and way to me to brush her. One thing that some people have used is to put some peanut butter on a spot to get her attention to licking that and then start brushing. Use her leash and tie it to a spot to keep her from moving around, talk calmly and also you can pet her with one hand while brushing. 
If you have the cable Animal Planet has a good show It's Me or the Dog. Victoria Stilwell has some good ideas on almost all her shows for working with dogs. It comes on during the week and on Saturday night. 
Here is a thread that names some good books for training
http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com/product-recommendation/41035-dog-training-books.html


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## Timmy

Yes, I get down to her level. Thanks for the training links. I'll take a look at them in a bit.


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## momtoMax

What I got from you OP is that you care more about your grass and your couch than you do for the feelings of your son or your wife. The "problems" in your marriage stemming from your dog likely have to do with the fact that your wife may also percieve the same thing.

What I get from your other posts is this: Your wife is not capable of doing anything more for the dog than putting food in her food bowl and you work 14 hours a day. Again, I'm going to suggest that you rehome her using a local Golden Retriever Recue as this situation isn't fair for anyone.


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## mylissyk

Timmy said:


> ...I work very long hours, many times, up to 14 a day. Factor in sleep, drive time, etc., and you can see how little time that I have to work with the dog. One poster mentioned something about dog's leaning towards alfa's in a home. I suppose that makes sense as I'm every bit the alfa in our home. I'm not sure what to do about the overly submissive nature though. Generally, when I move, I move with a very real sense of purpose, I.E., my movements are quick and sharp. The dog doesn't like this and I sense that she's really nervous, which leads me to believe that the previous owner beat her. Where would I look for reference to correct that nature? I'll work with the digging and the chewing. Maybe I'm wrong here, but those seem to be more behavioral than psychological....


Unfortunately a submissive nature is not going to change much. To some extent when you deal with her you will need to temper your movements so they don't appear so harsh to her. 

But you can teach her commands and then she will understand what you want and that will give her more confidence. For instance, teach her where her "place" to lay down is. We taught ours to "go settle" and that means go lay down on your bed and stay there for a while. Sit & Stay, Down & Stay can all be used to get her to calm down and know where you want her at that point in time.

Since she is submissive, you need to use very positive methods, no punishment when she makes a mistake, just praise and reward when she does what you want. I hope you will find an obedience class to take her to, sometimes you can also find classes for general good house manners.

Lots of chew bones and toys, and give her one of those when you catch her with a childs toy or something you don't want her to chew, and some people have put in a sand box in their yard and hidden things in it for the dogs to dig up and find. Digging in the sand box saves the rest of the yard.

After working 14 hours, coming home to a dog that offers you love and affection can be very calming and pleasant, if you let yourself see it that way. A little bit of play time with her can help you unwind too. If you give her a chance you very well could end up with your best friend.

I sincerely hope this situation gets better for both of you.


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## Pointgold

ebenjamin85 said:


> I totally understand... I would have passed myself, but just wanted to put out the offer. One that really helped was an online book. Here is the link. Golden Retriever Savvy: The Ultimate Guide to making your Golden Retriever Happy, Healthy and Obedient!
> 
> Also, we've picked up several books along the way. Just go to your local bookstore and browse the pet section, I'm sure you'll find some a lot of useful information. Choose books that focus on positive reinforcement.
> 
> Another helpful bit of information (but by no means conclusive) was one of those overpriced magaizenes that they sell near the checkout at the petstores... "Training your Golden Retriever." It was a good starting point.
> 
> I also like the dog whisperer books, we have several. They're a bit lengthy but have some really good foundational points.
> 
> Best of luck!


 
I would most definitely NOT recommend the Dog Whisperer books for either a novice, or someone who doesn't like a dog/dogs.


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## lgnutah

My dog"s reaction to brushing wasn't the same as Pickles', but the principle is the same. 
My Brooks, who is now 5 yrs, at first thought being brushed meant he should bite the brush. But I discovered he would stop doing that if I limited my brushing to his chest fur. So that's how we began it--I would just brush there and then gradually added just a tiny bit more of his body. 
He, like your Pickles, didn't want his hind leg feathers or tail brushed in the beginning. So we just worked at it gradually. He began allowing more and more of his body to be brushed without resorting to brush biting. Now after his front sections are brushed, he rolls over on his back for me to do his stomach and then it's like a game when I try to brush his feathers because he kicks his legs (it makes me think it tickles and he is kicking his legs with laughter)
Getting to know a dog means reading the dog's cues....letting the dog let you know what it is feeling, what is OK and what isn't.


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## Timmy

mylissyk said:


> Unfortunately a submissive nature is not going to change much. To some extent when you deal with her you will need to temper your movements so they don't appear so harsh to her.
> 
> I sincerely hope this situation gets better for both of you.


I spent a bit of extra time with dog this morning. It's hard. I'm not an animal person. I've already started tempering my movements and loving on the dog more. We'll give that some time and see how it works for the both of us.




momtoMax said:


> Stuff...


I don't care what you "got". I'm not here to discuss anything with anyone other than me and a dog. It's not that you can't follow a train of thought or move on, it's that you have chosen to continue on a discussion that I've asked board members not to broach, and with good reason. Both you and I know that I don't need clarification on what you think. It's that you "needed" to say it. Because you have chosen to do this, I'm going to do the best thing I can for the both of us. I'm going to place your narcicistic self in ignore. Poof. Problem solved. I'll bet you're not emotionally honest enough to admit that it burns you bad either. Have a nice life.


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## Timmy

lgnutah said:


> My dog"s reaction to brushing wasn't the same as Pickles', but the principle is the same.
> My Brooks, who is now 5 yrs, at first thought being brushed meant he should bite the brush. But I discovered he would stop doing that if I limited my brushing to his chest fur. So that's how we began it--I would just brush there and then gradually added just a tiny bit more of his body.
> He, like your Pickles, didn't want his hind leg feathers or tail brushed in the beginning. So we just worked at it gradually. He began allowing more and more of his body to be brushed without resorting to brush biting. Now after his front sections are brushed, he rolls over on his back for me to do his stomach and then it's like a game when I try to brush his feathers because he kicks his legs (it makes me think it tickles and he is kicking his legs with laughter)
> Getting to know a dog means reading the dog's cues....letting the dog let you know what it is feeling, what is OK and what isn't.


I need to pay attention to the dog's body language a bit more and see what's going on. I'll continue to monitor this thread for a couple of days, though I probably won't post up in it much. Many comments and things to try. Little time to try them.


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## Elisabeth Kazup

Exactly what I thought too. Can just imagine what will happen to Pickles if he's given "permission" by an expert. 



Pointgold said:


> I would most definitely NOT recommend the Dog Whisperer books for either a novice, or someone who doesn't like a dog/dogs.


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## BeauShel

Just take it one day at a time with Pickles. Dont expect to much from her and she will take her cues from you. Do alittle training every day. Then the next day maybe work on your brushing. Different things everyday. She can also be a great listener to your problems and you dont have to worry about her telling your secrets. LOL I hope in time you and her can find a good relationship and you will even love her. Dogs can bring such love into your lives. I hope you will keep asking questions when you have them.


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## Charliethree

Hi Timmy - Please remember that Pickles has the potential to be your best friend. It is wonderful that you are willing try to work with her and hopefully eliminate some of the things that frustrate you about her. Although your wife and child are not able to help substantially in her care - it is quite likely that she is 'good for them' just being there. And who knows in time - you might realize she is 'good for you' too. Start by spending a few minutes as often as you can just doing basic obedience- have her sit, or down, or stay - rewarded with treats or even just a few kibble or two and lots of praise.Working on training will help build her confidence- and ease the submissive posturing. If she had been abused in her former home she will be very sensitive to your moods and actions - so try to be calm and relaxed when you are dealing with her. I do hope that things get better for you and you are able to help Pickles become the dog that you can appreciate as a companion and a friend.


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## Timmy

BeauShel said:


> I hope you will keep asking questions when you have them.



Bank on it.


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## BearsMommy

I feel for everyone involved in this situation. I know a lot of people who aren't dog people and I know a lot of people that have gone through hard times.. myself included. I don't feel it necessary to press you about your marriage, that really is none of anyone's real business. As to training and not having time to train, I have seen that a lot. We are military, and as so soldiers are required to train a lot and work long hours , not to mention deployments. I know a lot of animals that are rehomed due to the lack of help from the spouse of the soldier when it comes to the animals. I myself, take care of the animals, and my husband just enjoys their company for the nost part, although he likes to play fetch with our golden as a way to reduce his stress from the work day, or walk him. Having an animal is an emotional thing to a lot of people. If your wife is going through something hard, she may have brought Pickels home to help her cope with that, in tunr not realizing how hard it would make things on you.Filling a void within herself, like many spouses do when their husbands are deployed, only to find it can makes things harder not easier. As far as digging goes, my goldie used to dig a lot as well when he was younger, despite adequate exercise. I finally went out and got a bunch of cinder blocks and buried them a few inches down and potted plants in them so they looked nice, after about a week he stopped trying to dig there. Also for shedding PetCo is doing this new thing in their grooming package that actually blows all the loose hair out of their coat, I have found that that has been WONDERFUL doing it every week or two really has made a difference and it doesn't cost a whole lot. Find an in home dog trainer, one that can come to you and that may make getting the training necessary easier.I know I do in home training with a lot of my clients who work odd or long hours. If you don't have time to exercise her what a bout a dog walker??? If she behaves wll on a leash you can usually find someone local that will do it for a good price, and can take care of a lot of other things that will help with the daily dog upkeep that you yourself may not have time for, such as grooming if it becomes too much.It sounds like your family is getting alot of joy having her around, maybe if you could find someone to help get some of the daily care off your shoulders, you could come home to a content relaxed pooch who just enjoys geing there. That might help you enjoy her more in the long run.


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## Mssjnnfer

Um... I'd hope people would understand why some of us were upset... Considering the title of this thread is about the dog that isn't liked? And the OP wanting advice on how to make the dog like him less... 

But whatever floats your boat, I guess.


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## BearsMommy

Oh no, I understand, sorry if it seemed like I was picking sides. That's the last thing I wanted to do. I was just trying to be neutral and help as much as I could. I myself, read the original post and was a bit baffled...then I kept reading the other 9 pages LOL... I don't mean to offend either side, just trying to help as much as I could, although it may not have been much


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## Mssjnnfer

BearsMommy said:


> Oh no, I understand, sorry if it seemed like I was picking sides. That's the last thing I wanted to do. I was just trying to be neutral and help as much as I could. I myself, read the original post and was a bit baffled...then I kept reading the other 9 pages LOL... I don't mean to offend either side, just trying to help as much as I could, although it may not have been much


Nonono! My post wasn't towards what you said! It was for anyone who thought my post... or any other upset post... was too "harsh" ...


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## Pointgold

Timmy said:


> The dog's name is "Pickles". I wouldn't name an animal after food unless I was going to eat the animal eventually, but that's just me. Since I'm not a big fan of her proper name, I just call her dog. I use animal in a separated structure for the purpose of distancing, which sadly, it looks like I'm going to have to alleviate. Aren't tone and inflection more important than the actual name used? Granted she knows "Pickles" and I refer to her by that when my son is around....


Are you also not a fan of your proper name so choose, as a grown man, to go by "Timmy"?

It is relatively easy to change a dog's name. Perhaps if you were to choose a name that you like (hopefully not a derogatory one...) it might help you move in the direction of actully liking her.


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## Cassie

I've read this thread with a great deal of interest and some dismay. Sometimes it is hard for dog lovers to understand non dog lovers but I truly appreciate your effort to at least understand your dog. A lot of folks here have given you excellent advise on training Pickles and solving some of the problems you are having. I will not add any more to that as I am by no means an expert. What I will say is that sometimes people, places and things come into our life for a reason that we really don't understand at the time and may even actually resent (don't ask me how I know this) but in the long run the universe knows what it's doing. It looks like maybe in this situation the universe is saying :no: you aren't getting rid of the dog because you have lessons to learn. What I had to do in my case was change my perspective of the problem and you know it made a lot of difference. Nothing changed....but me. Hope you have continued success with Pickles and please keep coming back here. These people are really know their stuff.


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## momtoMax

Timmy said:


> I don't care what you "got". I'm not here to discuss anything with anyone other than me and a dog. It's not that you can't follow a train of thought or move on, it's that you have chosen to continue on a discussion that I've asked board members not to broach, and with good reason. Both you and I know that I don't need clarification on what you think. It's that you "needed" to say it. Because you have chosen to do this, I'm going to do the best thing I can for the both of us. I'm going to place your narcicistic self in ignore. Poof. Problem solved. I'll bet you're not emotionally honest enough to admit that it burns you bad either. Have a nice life.


 
OMG I LOVE THIS!! Yeah, although you see me laughing at this post, I'm really crying inside. First time I've been called narcissistic (and loving that the man can't even spell it.)

Yeah, right, how dare I continue to have an opinion that does not coincide with what he wants to hear. If you don't have the time or the ability to give a dog what they need, you shouldn't have a dog. Add to that you don't like dogs should pretty much seal the deal. 

And if you don't like hearing opinions that differ from your own and think that others would be crushed that you dare put them on ignore, who here is the narcissistic one? :uhoh:


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## lovemydoggiesx2

Wow, I just saw this thread and like many people I thought maybe it was a joke, but now I am just sad...for everyone...the wife, Timmy and Pickles. It seems like no one is really happy. A dog should be part of your family. I know your wife does not want to give her to a rescue or find a new home, but if things are really bad I think thats maybe still the best option. The dog deserves to be in a family where she is loved...by everyone...good luck


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## Bob Dylan

I really feel sorry for someone that doesn't like their dog.
I still cry when I think about my Bobby, he was LOVED over and over and will be till it is my time.
Please let pickles know what it is like to be truly Loved, it would be the best thing for your dog.
I hope you will consider giving Pickles to a rescue.


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## diana_D

Timmy, one small step at a time. For instance when you hurry to get something done around the house ask Pickles to follow you. Use a nice voice so even if you're in a hurry, she knows you mean well to her. 

Work with her a bit every day, 5 mins sessions, use treats and praise (pretty much how you would deal with a puppy). In time this will build confidence between the two of you, and it will take your relationship to a new level. 

Good luck and keep us updated.


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## paula bedard

I've just reread the initial post and the OP's subsequent posts. Still doesn't sit right with me, BUT if this is the OP's true situation, then I feel very sorry for him, his family, and sweet Pickles...which I think is a very cute name. Seems to me that the OP's lashing out in frustration at the dog when he should be thankful for her unconditional love and embrace it. 

I guarantee you Sir, a little patience, some basic training, and a crack in your armor, will go a long way toward correcting the 'problems'. She just wants love and acceptance. They are after all pack animals, and she wants it from YOU.

If this situation is as you describe it, that she sits at your feet and follows you around from room to room...well, it breaks my heart because she could very easily be your Heart Dog, that once in a lifetime connection that many of us here have been privileged to have had... and you don't even realize it. 

And that, is just so so sad...


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## BeauShel

I understand everyone is upset about his not having the same feelings we do about our dogs but he is trying. He is coming back and asking for advice. He is taking what what some of us are offering and trying to work with her. It sounds like he wants to bond with her. Can we move past the first posts and try to help? I know we would like him to rehome her but that is not going to happen for whatever reason because his family loves her. His wife and kids spend time during the day with her so she is loved by several people. I for one am going to try to help Tim learn to love her and to help Pickles become more confident and overcome some of the problems. 

Timmy on the digging. Can you make a place in the yard just for Pickles to dig? Like her own little sand box. When the dog starts to dig in an area where they dont want, they take the dog to the place they can dig. To start them digging, they put toys or treats and let the dogs find them. If she is like most goldens she will catch on pretty quickly she can dig there. Just make sure to take her to the place each time she digs. Dont yell, make it a game. Keep a baggy with treats or dog food to call her over to you. And dogs will dig if they are left in the yard when they are bored.


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## Bob Dylan

I understand everyone is upset about his not having the same feelings we do about our dogs but he is trying. He is coming back and asking for advice. He is taking what what some of us are offering and trying to work with her. It sounds like he wants to bond with her. Can we move past the first posts and try to help? I know we would like him to rehome her but that is not going to happen for whatever reason because his family loves her. His wife and kids spend time during the day with her so she is loved by several people. I for one am going to try to help Tim learn to love her and to help Pickles become more confident and overcome some of the problems. 

Carol, you are so right.

"*Don't judge, you never know what a persons story is. Leave that to GOD!"*


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## Abby

The part abour her following you is typical of the breed. They are not 
"needy", they just love attention. You should get an obedience consultation.
But honestly, you really should rehome her to a family that wants her. I'm sure your wife has good intentions, but it sounds like the dog is doing for bad than good for your particular situation. If she wants a dog that bad, get a smaller, non shedding breed that doesnt require as much attention.


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## Abbydabbydo

Timmy, maybe she can help you get out of the well....


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## Jazz & Jules

Hi Timmy and welcome to the board! Sounds like you have your hands full right now. I hope over time you can see Pickles as a pal and find some endearing qualities that makes her presence a pleasure rather than a hindrance. She sounds like an absolute sweetheart despite some bad habits she might have and when you get a chance, I would LOVE to see some pictures of this cutie!


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## paula bedard

Sorry guys. His description of how Pickles follows him from room to room and lies at his feet....well that is my Sam, my Heart dog, and I cannot imagine anyone finding that a nuisance. 

I normally would have stepped back from such a Thread. This one really bothers me.


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## Pointgold

It's not "needy", it's a Golden Retriever remaining close to her human, to be there for HIS needs. 
Too bad he's too cold/dense to realize it. She deserves FAR better. 
And I'm not sorry for saying it, I'm only sorry that such a wonderful dog with so much potential is wasted on someone who doesn't, and likely never will, appreciate her.


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## Elisabeth Kazup

I hope Pickles opens his heart so he can lovingly call her by her name. No more "the mutt". And I hope he can say "my wife" instead of "the" wife.

Timmy, we all have a struggle to deal with. Some with health, some with finances, some with family, some with jobs, some with discrimination ...everyone here has some kind of problems. The difference is that our Goldens are an escape from our troubles, never the cause of them.

I hope you and Pickles get to that some day.


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## Jackson'sMom

Penny's Mom said:


> I hope Pickles opens his heart so he can lovingly call her by her name. No more "the mutt". And I hope he can say "my wife" instead of "the" wife.
> 
> Timmy, we all have a struggle to deal with. Some with health, some with finances, some with family, some with jobs, some with discrimination ...everyone here has some kind of problems. The difference is that our Goldens are an escape from our troubles, never the cause of them.
> 
> I hope you and Pickles get to that some day.


Nicely said.


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## FinnTastic

I don't know if this has been mentioned or if it is something that will help, but could you hire like a dog walker in your area while your gone that could do something like brush her, pet her, walk her, or play with her for an hour while you are at work?
Also, for the chewing- not sure if this will work - you could get Apple Bitter and spray it on the things you don't want her to chew. We did that with Finn when he was little. Though, his problem was more furniture than anything else. You could also get her a kong and put frozen peanut butter or yogurt in it so she has something to do while you are gone.
I don't know if any of that will help, but I hope it does.
I also don't think you should use Ceasar for a timid/submissive dog.


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## FinnTastic

I wish Finn was as affectionate as 'Pickles' 
If you don't like her name, you can change it. Many people change their dogs names when they adopt them. What name do you like?


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## Timmy

BeauShel said:


> Timmy on the digging. Can you make a place in the yard just for Pickles to dig? Like her own little sand box.


I thought about that yesterday actually. I have an area in mind. It's going to have to wait until next spring though. I have to repair the yard anyway....so it isn't going to matter if the dog digs a bit more. 




BeauShel said:


> I understand everyone is upset about his not having the same feelings we do about our dogs but he is trying. He is coming back and asking for advice. He is taking what what some of us are offering and trying to work with her. It sounds like he wants to bond with her. Can we move past the first posts and try to help?


I'm not sure if this is bothering you or not, and short of intentionally subverting your request, I'd just like to mention that I'm not bothered by the barbs and jests and requests and etc., etc., that comes this way. The vast majority of them are simply processing pain. I take what I need from the relevant posts, mull over the things that I haven't thought of and the rest is summarily dismissed. I don't mind if they believe I'm a monster or not. I'm not a rage machine. I'm not hurting the dog. It's all in their collective heads. 



FinnTastic said:


> Many people change their dogs names when they adopt them. What name do you like?


Dog actually. If I start using that in conjunction with her name, I'm pretty sure she'll come to recognize both as "her", correct? It doesn't send shivers up my spine if I say "Pickledog" vs. just "Pickles".


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## Enzos_Mom

My uncle actually had a dog named Dog...he also had a dog named Kitty. lol And I kind of like Pickledog.


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## FinnTastic

> Dog actually. If I start using that in conjunction with her name, I'm pretty sure she'll come to recognize both as "her", correct?


I think that would work. I like 'Pickledog' as well. You could always call her little P or something.


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## Chloe Braun

To stop digging:

1. make a digging spot for her... a sand box of sorts where she is allowed to dig.
dogs love the smell of freshly shoved soil (ex. new grass) and even the smell of 
fertilizer interests them... if you don't catch her in the act of digging you can't 
reprimand her as this will confuse her.
2. say "no" when you catch her.
3. if there's a specific spot she loves to dig in - do either of these 2 things:
mix her feces in the dirt where she digs or put chicken wire underneath. Dogs hate 
both.

I think you need time to digest everything... relax, take it easy. Like you said, she's a good dog -- great with your child. (That is one of the most important qualities of a dog that is hard to find) -- take it easy with your dog as well. She was left by her previous owners, imagine how she must feel and how confused she is. She adores you... better than her growling and wanting to bite you. You are lucky to have her, and she is lucky to have you... because although you are ranting here, you are actually seeking advice - meaning you are good - deep inside. She likes you because she senses you're good.

Think positive and hang in there! you got a good dog who got left behind... love her as she loves you and your family. TC!


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## Florabora22

My mom had cats that she called "grey kitty," "white kitty," and "black kitty." I don't see anything wrong with the name Dog.

I do genuinely hope you and Pickles/Dog can form some sort of bond that will make both of you satisfied, if not happy. Working 14 hour days and being the sole caretaker of a golden retriever as WELL as a husband and father is a lot of work, and I am sorry that your family is unable to help you. As someone else suggested, is it possible to hire a dog walker to walk her maybe during the day so when you come home she isn't so loaded with energy? I used to work 14 hour days doing hard labor outdoors, and god, when I came home I barely had enough energy to shower and pack next day's lunch, much less care for a dog.

Anyhow, I'm not an expert on training so I don't have much to say in that department. I just wanted to apologize for calling you a troll and say thank you for at least trying to see eye-to-eye with your dog. My heart aches for her, because she sounds wonderful and so loving, but I know you are trying your best. This dog has a home and a roof over her head, which is a lot more than what many dogs have.


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## Elisabeth Kazup

A family in the neighborhood where I grew up had 6 kids. They got a dog. They were all deciding on a name...no one could agree...so in the interim they would say "Here Girl". They never did agree on a name. She was known as "Here Girl". Then there's the sweatshirt that says "My name is No-No, Bad Dog; what's yours?" I think Pickledog is cute. You should get a wiener dog to go with her. 

Quote:

"The vast majority of them are simply processing pain. "

I find this to be a curious statement.


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## paula bedard

> I don't mind if they believe I'm a monster or not. I'm not a rage machine. I'm not hurting the dog. It's all in their collective heads.


I've not read each and every post, but I don't recall you being called a Monster. There are ways to hurt an animal that do not require physical touch...in fact, a lack of physical touch is an injury in itself. Dogs thrive on physical and emotional connections, which she's trying desperately to have with you.
Whatever we've gleaned 'collectively' has come from you.

I hope you warm to her, because she certainly sees something in you.

My husband always preferred the name 'Dog' too. It was the name of John Wayne's dog in one of his movies, a Collie, if I remember correctly. My Sam became known as Sammi-dog. 'Dog's' not bad.


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## paula bedard

I thought I'd also comment that it's been a couple of very sad months here at the Forum. Members have lost their beloved 4 footed family members to cancer, old age complications, and other Members pups are fighting for their lives or will be having complicated surgeries very soon. There are Goldens in need of rescue from horrendous situations and Rescues that work day and night to save them. We are a family here and we truly care about one another and our beloved pets (though to call them 'pets' falls far short).

So, when you showed up with these comments...Well, you see what happened.


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## Elisabeth Kazup

Well said, Paula.

Timmy, I think you are warming up. I hear a softness in your words that wasn't in your OP. I also hear patience and looking toward the future. We welcome you, Pickles and your family into ours. But like any family, we'll speak up if it seems necessary.


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## 3SweetGoldens

My best friend, knew someone who named their dog...D.O.G.....spoken like each letter!! I always thought the name was so CUTE!!
I have read through this entire post with much interest. I too see a more "gentle" side of you Timmy, since your original post. I truly hope from all the many great suggestions from all the golden Lovers here, this little girl will eventually steal your heart! :smooch: They really are able to do that you know! She deserves that unconditional love that happens between all of us and our beloved fur babies. it will happen, if you are able to open your heart to it.


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## Selli-Belle

I don't know where you live, but could you do daycare one or two days a week? A day walker is also a good idea.


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## FinnTastic

Day Care is a good option.


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## LifeOfRiley

Timmy said:


> I really dislike the hair, but having read up a bit more, it seems this breed sheds a lot. That's something that I'm going to have to learn to deal with. My stress level is way, way out there right now and it most likely won't change for a bit, so much of this is going to be rough.


Pledge Fabric Sweepers! It's a little thing, but they really do help to keep the hair under control. They won't help with the floors/carpet, obviously, but at least they help in keeping the hair off your furniture. They're a real timesaver and timesavers are always good. A couple quick swipes with one of those keeps me from having to drag the vacuum out every single day. 



Timmy said:


> I work very long hours, many times, up to 14 a day. Factor in sleep, drive time, etc., and you can see how little time that I have to work with the dog. One poster mentioned something about dog's leaning towards alfa's in a home. I suppose that makes sense as I'm every bit the alfa in our home. I'm not sure what to do about the overly submissive nature though. Generally, when I move, I move with a very real sense of purpose, I.E., my movements are quick and sharp. The dog doesn't like this and I sense that she's really nervous, which leads me to believe that the previous owner beat her. Where would I look for reference to correct that nature? I'll work with the digging and the chewing. Maybe I'm wrong here, but those seem to be more behavioral than psychological.


She does sound fairly timid either by nature, or because of past experience. If she hasn't gotten used to your movements by now, it might be a difficult trait to change. 
One book I really enjoyed is called 'The Other End of the Leash' by Patricia B. McConnell. She explains that we're basically primates, how our movements are completely alien to a dog and how they interpret _our_ body language and our actions. It's a good read. 

I really like the idea of doggie daycare a couple days a week, or a dogwalker to come once a day and run some of the energy out of her, if the cost of that isn't an issue for you. A tired dog is a good dog! Getting out more often could help her build some confidence, too. 
And yes, the chewing and the digging can often come from the dog simply being bored.

And like others have said, changing her name shouldn't be that difficult if it's something you want to do. Riley has several "nicknames" and he'll come to any and all of them, in addition to his real name. Goldens are very intelligent dogs and they're very 'tuned-in' to their people. They learn real quick that a particular word applies to them and means that they're about to get attention.


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## twinny41

Gosh, I have read this thread and also thought it was a wind up! It just beggars belief, if it's true, that someone who doesn't like dogs and also has no time to spend with one would actually agree to living with one. I have never understood it but do acknowledge that some people are not dog lovers and it makes me sad that this dog, who sounds as if she's done nothing wrong, follows the non dog lover of the house! 
Many people have a lot of stress in their household, me included, and I would give anything to still have my golden girl with me but since she died circumstances have been that it wouldn't be fair to have another. Contrary to adding to the stress though I find, and as is advocated, dogs actually help relieve it!
Poor Pickles. if that was my dog the husband would have to go! Sorry.


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## Ranger

Not sure where to start...so I'm going to go in no order whatsoever.

First, I recognize that while Timmy isn't a dog lover, he IS here on the site asking for help AND trying to fix things. More importantly, he's not just trying to fix Pickledog's habits, but his own as well. For instance, moving more slowly so as to not stress Pickledog. That, to me, is a huge sign this situation could easily work out to the benefit of the OP and Pickledog. 

Second, for not being a dog lover...I don't think we can lump him into a dog hater. To me, a dog hater is a person who abuses animals or neglects them. Like Ranger's previous "owner". Timmy is trying to make things work - asking questions, weighing the responses and dumping the insults. If I was in Timmy's place and working 14 hour days and my spouse got a dog and offered little to no help and now I'm responsible for one more thing...I'd be frustrated and probably resentful to the dog...until I figured out i was actually annoyed at my spouse for doing this. 

Anyway, insulting Timmy and whatever isn't going to help him like Pickledog more. What's going to help? Turning Pickledog into the kind of dog Timmy wants and thus alleviating stress.

So...on to that.

Timmy, sorry for referring to you in third person in the previous paragraphs. As an aside, naming animals after food bugs me too - the neighbour called her shepherd cheeseburger and her cat meatball and it always bugged me. I also don't necessarily like people naming animals after other animals. I know horses called "Hawk", "Bunny", "Snake", and back on the food theme "Peanuts". So, I would change the name to something you can call her without grimacing - if you dislike saying the name, your dog will pick up on the dislike but not realize it's the name you dislike - not necessarily her. I like Pickledog...but my ex-bf always called Ranger "D-O-G" - he spelled it out and Ranger started knowing that as his nickname. If you find a name to call her that you like to say, your tone will be different and she'll pick up on that and start to become more relaxed. 

With the pawing-for-attention thing: that can be "fixed". Some people like, some don't and I'm not going to judge those who don't, after getting a scratch on my eyeball from my old golden after pawing me in the face. One of the things I like about Ranger is that he doens't paw for attention. So if PD (pickledog) is pawing you for attention, you can ignore her - so long as you PRAISE her when she stops the behaviour and does something you want. If won't work if you just constantly ignore her since she won't know what's right and what's wrong. If PD is pawing you for attention...ignore her. Don't get mad (that's a reaction), don't look at her, don't sigh in exasperation. Just be still. Once she gives up (and it might take awhile) and lays down, then pet her and tell her good girl. In fact, anytime you see her laying down quietly (which is a behaviour you want), praise her calmly and rub her belly. It's easy to end up accidentally ignoring the behaviours you want. People will walk past a dog that's laying down quietly, but are quick to jump up and start yelling at the dog who's barking at the door. Make sense? Once she realizes that sitting/laying down quietly = praise and attention and paying = nothing...she'll be smart enough to give you the wanted behaviours. It'll take time, but it will happen as long as you and your wife are consistent. 

I'd seriously look into enrolling into some good obedience classes. I know some posters here recommended places to look - make sure it's positive reinforcement since as you say, your girl is pretty submissive by nature. That way you can teach her commands - sit, stay, go lay down, heel correctly and even walking her won't be a chore. I got Ranger when i was with a guy who didn't like dogs. I knew I needed my future dog to be well-behaved and well-trained so I immediately started training Ranger. Not only for the bf's sake, but mine and the dogs' too. Well trained dogs live a much better life than the dogs that are uncontrollable - yanking on leash, barking non-stop, craziness. Home life is more peaceful and relaxing with a well trained, well-exercised dog. I knew i wouldn't want to walk a dog who lunged and yanked and made my arms sore to walk...so i taught Ranger to walk nicely. Now we got out for a relaxing walk 2 times a day and it's fantastic. If I hadn't spent the time/money/effort to get him to this point...I wouldn't be walking him which would cause more issues at home. "A good dog is a tired dog". Conversely, an under-exercised dog is a bad dog - they are the dogs chewing shoes, chewing baseboards, barking at every sound (imaginary or not) and generally driving ME (a dog love) crazy. i can only imagine the effect on a non-dog lover. Keeping that in mind, I think it's in YOUR and your dog's best interests to get signed up for obedience classes right away. (If PD becomes trained to walk well, maybe your wife wouldn't mind taking her out for a walk a few times a day while you're at work. Ranger is the first dog my mom willingly walks because he doensn't pull - she wouldn't have been able to walk him when he did pull. There's only a 30 lb difference in their weight, not to mention she'd get so annoyed she'd never take him again). Unfortunately, everyone wants the benefit of a well-trained dog, but not everyone wants to go through the effort. It seems like that's happening in your household. You seem like the guy who wants to step up to plate so if you take PD to obedience classes and get her trained, your wife might start doing some more of the work - walking, brushing, etc during the day while you're away.

Staying off the couch is easy as long as everyone's consistent. If you don't want her up there, aluminum foil spread across the couch will work. Dogs don't like the crackling. Diggings already been covered by previous posters. If you want to keep PD occupied when you're home, get some kibble-dispensing toys - they were mentioned earlier. Kong Wobblers, a-maze-ball, squirrel dudes, etc. You stuff her kibble meals into the toy and then let her figure out how to get it to dispense the treat. It tires dogs out and keeps them occupied. You can also google "kong recipes" or check out the nutrition forum here for recipes. Get a black XL kong and stuff it with some kibble, a mashed banana and some peanut butter then freeze it for a day or two and the give to PD when you need some quiet time. I keep two on hand all the time so there's always one freezing in case I need emergency quiet time. Also, deer or elk antlers you can get at the pet stores work better than pig ears.

Finally, not sure how much money you have or how much you're willing to spend, but there are tons of people willing to provide services for your dog. If you hate dog hair and get frustrated brushing, be pro-active: book PD into a groomer's for a bath and brush every 2 months. Or once a month, whatever you want to spend - it'll cut down on dog hair drastically. Hire a good dog walker (check at your vets for recommendations) to walk PD 2-3 times a week. I have one for Ranger once a week - he gets to run and play with a ton of dogs and comes back exhausted. My brother's dog's personality sounds similar to PD's and after being in 2 group walks for 6 months is now much more self-assured and less needy. He's way more confident in himself and is blossoming. Again, it's all in how much you can or want to spend on her.

I really think taking the stress out of the relationship will help. I love dogs, but I wouldn't like it if my dog was barking, full of energy, jumping up on people, bugging me every three seconds...so I did what I had to do to turn him into the dog I want. Time/effort/money into training him. Time/effort/money into walking him and getting him onto group walks. I don't like dog hair all over either - he's only allowed up on the couch on his blanket and when he asks permission - he never goes up by himself, even when he's alone. I vaccuum 3 times a week to get rid of the hair and brush daily. Maybe that's something your wife can do - vaccuum more frequently while at your work and brush PD to lessen the amount of hair coming off. If she's not willing, then it might be time for the groomer appt every 2 months. Some groomers are mobile so they might be able to come to your house, even. Or hire a maid to clean your house twice a week and get rid of the hair AND the stress of coming home to a messy house (not necessarily just dog hair).

Seriously take a look at what bugs you and then think of what you'd like - make sure you're realistic, though. Then, think of ways to achieve that. Keep in mind there's no such thing as a perfect dog, but there is such thing as a dog who you enjoy sharing your home and life with. I think with time/effort (and a little money) PD can easily be that dog, and then both you and her are living a happy comfortable life together.


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## Cali & I

I would like to predict that once Timmy realizes the amount of stress that his dog can instantly alleviate after a bad day, PickleDog will be worth it's weight in gold to him. It just might be the catalyst that brings the family together. I understand the 14 hours-a-day thing with 3 businesses, a faimly of 4 and a job, but when we all walk to the park for a round of ball or go on a hike there is nothing better than realizing that those 45 minutes were more important to the two legged family members. All we really have is our family in the end, right?

Best of luck with executing some of the best Golden advice you're going to find Timmy. Goldens are the #1 therapy dog in many programs around the world and I hope this works out the way it's supposed to.


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## phizzypho

Digging is a sign that she needs more exercise. 

When she wants a pet but you are finished try the following. Say "no more" very clearly and refuse to pet her. Eventually she'll figure out when you say "no more" she isn't going to get any more pets and will leave you alone. (have to be more persistent than her at the start)
The chewing might get better as she gets older - more exercise will help.
Good luck with the couch I haven't figured that one out myself.


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## Ranger

The only thing with talking to a dog who's asking for pets is that you're still giving attention. It really depends on the dog - they don't always want pets, sometimes the pawing is just for attention. So saying "no paw" or whatever usually accompanied by pushing the paw away, looking at the dog, etc and that all equals one thing in the dog's mind - attention. The dog doesn't care if it's negative or positive attention. 

My brother has to be careful to not even look at his dog when his dog is mildly misbehaving (whining for attention, pushing nose under the arm, etc) because even a look into his dog's eyes counts as "attention". Blue automatically wags his tail and gtes excited (yep, just by a look) so it's a self-rewarding thing. I'd go with the ignore all irrating attention and only praise when you get the attention you want.


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## timberwolf

Abbydabbydo said:


> Timmy, maybe she can help you get out of the well....


Am I the only one that finds that line hilarious???


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## paula bedard

timberwolf said:


> Am I the only one that finds that line hilarious???


:doh: I just got the Lassie connection....

I'm gettin' old.


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## Pudden

Ya know, I sympathize. OP is not a dog lover, but forced to live with one. He does not sound to me like an unreasonable person, just an overworked, busy, stretched-to-the-limit guy who now has to deal with one more thing (apologies to OP if this analysis is all wrong).

Reminds me of when I had that obnoxious room mate who clipped her toenails and left them all over the couch and banged the cabinets very loudly at 2 am. If I had loved her the way I love my Pudden, I would not have minded those things. But since I didn't love her nor cared to try, I couldn't stand it and it gave me a lot of stress.

I think ultimately the path to peace would be if OP can somehow bond with the dog. Like, spend some one-on-one time with the pup, take her on walks or car rides. That might sound counterintuitive at this point, but as soon as the affections develop all this other stuff will not matter so much any more.

That said, I think wife should come part way by not allowing dog on couch and help with chewing problem etc.

Good luck; think of it as another adventure. This, too, shall pass


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## Elisabeth Kazup

I wonder where he went. I still have my suspicions but in the meantime, we're all having a lovely conversation!


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## Timmy

Penny's Mom said:


> I wonder where he went. I still have my suspicions but in the meantime, we're all having a lovely conversation!



I'm still here. I'm taking the time to work with the dog. So much information, so little time to implement, exercise, and evaluate.

Is there a way to get the dog to crap, say, in one particular area? I took stock the other day and found all of the small for a pickup truck residue in the greenest areas of the lawn. I have a better place for it that wouldn't require me traversing my entire lawn looking for small packages that my son might otherwise examine/wear/kick through. I have recurring visions of a face plant into a fresh pile.


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## maggiesmommy

Timmy said:


> Is there a way to get the dog to crap, say, in one particular area? I took stock the other day and found all of the small for a pickup truck residue in the greenest areas of the lawn. I have a better place for it that wouldn't require me traversing my entire lawn looking for small packages that my son might otherwise examine/wear/kick through. I have recurring visions of a face plant into a fresh pile.



The petstores have a pheromone spray that may help....that's what we used when we were housebreaking Maggie...you could also try walking her to the spot on a leash every time she goes out until she gets the hang of it.


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## Ranger

Also, the higher quality food you feed, the less volume you have to feed and then the less poop. When Ranger was on Iams, he was getting 4 cups a day and pooping out bucketfuls. When I switched to Orijen, he went to 2.5 cups a day and pooped out less. Now that's he's on raw, he only poops 2-3 golf ball sized turds a day. A 70 lb dog pooping GOLF ball sized poops. And they crumble and disintegrate within 2-3 days.

What are you feeding Pickledog? A jump to better food will save you pooper-scooping time.


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## AlanK

Timmy said:


> I'm still here. I'm taking the time to work with the dog. So much information, so little time to implement, exercise, and evaluate.
> 
> Is there a way to get the dog to crap, say, in one particular area? I took stock the other day and found all of the small for a pickup truck residue in the greenest areas of the lawn. I have a better place for it that wouldn't require me traversing my entire lawn looking for small packages that my son might otherwise examine/wear/kick through. I have recurring visions of a face plant into a fresh pile.


Well Im glad Pickle craps outside and not in your Cornflakes! 

Seriously when I first got my dog I always took him out on a leash and walked him to the edge of the woods to go. He craps at the edge of the yard almost always but still P's most anywhere.

Glad your taking time up with your dog. I honestly hope you understand someday and enjoy Pickles company.


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## Timmy

Ranger said:


> And they crumble and disintegrate within 2-3 days.


I am now interested. I will have to look into this. I couldn't tell you what the dog eats, but it can't be good. I'm getting more out of her than I'm putting in.


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## Ranger

If you're interested in feeding raw, search the forum for "raw fed" - there are lots of good threads there with links to informative websites. It takes some research to know what to do and how to do it safely (and may not be appropriate since you have young child - some vets are against raw feeding in households that have very young or very old people) and if you do it wrong, your dog's health could be at risk.

It might be easier and safer to upgrade to a higher quality food. Lots of people here like fromms, orijen, evo, innova, go!, etc. Just make sure you do the transition slowly or else there could be digestive upsets which aren't fun for dog or human.


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## eirepup

I have to say it sounds like you're doing a great for someone who isn't a dog lover. And it sounds like you're trying hard to make it work. I live with my mom and my golden. My mom is not an animal person she likes Finn "for a dog" but she wouldn't be bothered if we rehomed him. She'll only really give him the odd bit of attention if I'm not around but she is empathetic towards him and wants him to be happy. He's always been my dog so I've done all the training, I'm the only one who walks him and I give him nearly all his attention (he does also get some from my sister and niece who are around a lot) and I've always been the person he is closest too. She goes along with training him so if I'm not around she'll still have the same rules for him that I do. We have had some fights over things to do with him but nothing serious and it works suprisingly well. We've had Finn for 6 years now and Finn definatley likes my mom and he gets all the love he needs from me he's a very happy dog, so I think it is possible to have a house with a dog run smoothly with a non dog lover. I hope it works out for your family and who knows you might be converted into a dog lover after a while.


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## lgnutah

Our dog rarely poops in our own yard because I walk him to do his business (no, not in other people's yards, we live by a big forest with trails and he never goes on the trail always off to the side in the forest itself). He just started doing this on his own--associating his walks with taking care of business. I usually feed him 1/2 hr to an hour before walking him (food seems to trigger the impulse).
And by walks, I mean walks, not hard runs, as it is not a good idea to give a dog hard exercise immediately after he eats. If we are going to do something like that, I wait longer after eating.


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## paula bedard

Both of my boys have preferred certain areas of the yard to others and will only move to another area if their particular area hasn't been cleaned. I try to scoop the poop into the woods twice a week. 
Sam would never go into the woods, but Ike will. Sometimes he goes into the treeline to do his duty.

Hope you and Pickles are starting to have a camaraderie.


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## ron

I completely agree with MomtoMax! This Dog knows you do not like it, and is trying EVERYthing to do the right thing and be your friend. YOU are the problem here. EXCERCISE, EXCERCISE, EXCERCISE! will keep the dog worn out and for the most part stop the chewing and digging, but for Gods sake IT'S A DOG! Dogs dig. Get off of your pedestal, and realize GR's are one of the kindest, smartest, animals in the planet. I wish I could take this dog from you. I will be thinking about this poor girl for some time. Good Luck


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## Elisabeth Kazup

ron, could you please dial it back a bit. This man is doing a lot of good things with his dog and is genuinely interested in making it work. A softer tone would be appreciated. Thanks.


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## Elisabeth Kazup

I don't know how practical our system might be for you, but we keep the plastic grocery bags by the back door and try to pick up as soon as she does it. 

I completely understand how you feel about it with your son. When our grandchildren are coming for a visit (they live 700 miles away) we pick up before they get here, use the hose-end sprayer to spray anti-bacterial dish soap over the area and then take her on a leash to a different area while they are here.


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## tippykayak

Timmy said:


> I'm still here. I'm taking the time to work with the dog. So much information, so little time to implement, exercise, and evaluate.
> 
> Is there a way to get the dog to crap, say, in one particular area? I took stock the other day and found all of the small for a pickup truck residue in the greenest areas of the lawn. I have a better place for it that wouldn't require me traversing my entire lawn looking for small packages that my son might otherwise examine/wear/kick through. I have recurring visions of a face plant into a fresh pile.


We just moved and reseeded 90% of the lawn, so I'm having the dogs do all their business in a 15x15 area. The trick is to train a great recall and keep calling the dogs back to that area until they poop. Once they're done, praise and treat. If you leave it there, they won't want to poop in exactly the same spot again (so they don't step in it), but if you clean it up right away, the smell will stay around (not to you, but the dog will be able to tell), and they'll often want to poop in the same spot or right next to it.

After a week or two, I don't have to keep calling the dogs back. They just go right to the spot and do their business.

Now, this is greatly helped by the fact that they get a long walk off leash in the woods too, so some days they don't have to poop on my property at all (they tend to like to hold it until they're not at home), and I don't have to use the yard for exercise. If you exercise the dog in the yard, the exercise may bring on the need to poop and the dog will go right where he is. That would make this process a little harder.


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## paula bedard

My inlaws neighbor did the same as Tippy suggests. He created a gravel area for his dog to use. She's learned it pretty quickly and uses that spot consistently.


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## Florabora22

In the morning before I head off to classes/work I walk Flora about 10 minutes. She poops, I pick it up, and no one's yard is messy. When I come home in the evening I feed her and take her to the park for a walk, where she also poops, and I pick it up. I eliminate any need for cleaning up my yard, and Flora gets exercise out of the deal. Maybe trying something like this would work, although I know you said you work very long days so I can't blame you for not really having the energy to go on walks after work.

Good luck!


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## Elisabeth Kazup

Timmy, I think you've come a long way. How about starting a new thread to reflect that? Something like "Help me with the Golden who's starting to be okay?" LOL

btw, is Timmy your son's name? Cute!


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## Pudden

Penny's Mom said:


> When our grandchildren are coming for a visit (they live 700 miles away) we pick up before they get here, use the hose-end sprayer to spray anti-bacterial dish soap over the area and then take her on a leash to a different area while they are here.


I'd just like to hint that using antibacterial soap like this (on your lawn?) will have no effect whatsoever. On the contrary, you'll only discourage the bacteria in the lawn and soil whose job it is to break down poop and other detritus....


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## Karen519

*Timmy*

Timmy

I have a little Garbage Can with small plastic grocery bags, on our Patio Steps and as soon as Tonka or Smooch goes I pick up with a plastic grocery bag -you just pick it up with the bag and tie or use zip lock bag and put in garbage.

My Hubby and I walk both our dogs in the evening-sometimes it's only 15 mins. and sometimes a half hour.


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## pwrstrk02

Be careful Timmy. If this girl reaches your heart, you will be a dog person for sure. You may find it silly, but talk to pickles. They will listen to you, they may not understand, but they listen. I think you can call the dog anything you want, they don't know what it is, just that you are calling her. One of mine was girl, another was bitch. If you pay enough attention, you will see that they talk to you too, almost all day they talk. It's in the eyes, in their ears, it's in their mouths, it's in their bodies. They tell you how the feel about themselfs, they tell you how they feel about you, and other people. Another thing I think you aughta know, do not train when you are frustrated, and remember you have to teach a dog something, they do not come prewired to stay off of the couch. I hope you work through your differences with pickles. All she wants is attention, give her the respect and love that she deserves, and she will give you her heart.


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## Timmy

I have to give you folks some kudos. I can't pick up fresh dog poop. That stuff is right next to "dead bodies" on the list of things that will remove air from your lungs. I have to let it dry first.

It was mentioned that dogs get "the job" done where they smell it, even if removed. If this is the case, could one not shovel the fresh stuff into the area desired? I've discovered that when I take Pickles into the yard, all she wants to do is play. When the playing is done, she's quite happy to lay down and chew on a ball or bone, whichever was thrown. She won't crap any time I'm near. On some level, I'm actually pretty happy about that. A note on the gravel: I have some. She likes it, but only for play. It seems there is dirt for digging below that.

For *Penny's Mom*: Timmy. Sigh..., Timmy is a cartoon/clay/CG/something sheep character that my son likes to watch on TV. It's "voice" is grating and it's facial expressions are syrupy sweet,naive, and slightly retarded. Pickles reminds me of Timmy. It was the first thing that came to my mind when i picked a screen name. I could also start a new thread I suppose, but I couldn't title it as suggested. Progress is being made, but at a slightly slower rate. She's gone from "mass irritant" to just "irritant". Baby steps then?


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## jackie_hubert

It is useful to teach a dog a "go potty" command (we use "get busy"). They're only allowed to go on command and only before playtime or a walk. They know it's potty time. They on-leash and thus their potty place and time is controlled.


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## Chilton

Timmy, I hope you learn to warm up to Pickles. It's clear that you have a lot of stress in your life, and nothing can ease that like the love of a Golden, if you let him.

Have patience and resist any urge to be punitive. Punishment doesn't work with dogs, and it's harder to train a dog that fears you.

Be as amazing as that dog obviously thinks you are and it will pay off in spades for both of you.

Oh... and give the poor guy a better name – one that you won't be embarrassed to call out if he gets loose.


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## Elisabeth Kazup

Yes, Timmy, baby steps. We all take baby steps. The important thing is to keep going forward. 

And yes, you can shovel it where you want it to go. Many people 'teach' their dog where to go potty by 'seeding' the area with old poop. You may have to take her there on the leash for a bit in the beginning so she reinforces the seed with new stuff. 

We taught "go potty" from the first day. Before we went for walks, before getting in the car, before playing. Nothing fun happens until potty happens. Pretty soon they cooperate on their own. I remember one day I opened the hatchback for Penny to get in and she was no where around. She HAD been right there and I HAD told her to get in. I turn around and she's going potty first. As soon as she was done, she hopped in. So it does work, just needs patience and persistence.


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## tippykayak

Timmy said:


> It was mentioned that dogs get "the job" done where they smell it, even if removed. If this is the case, could one not shovel the fresh stuff into the area desired?


That's not quite as good as getting the dog to leave it there herself, but yes, it will help if you leave a little of the stuff near where you want her to leave the new stuff. The drier it is, the less well it will carry the smell.

On another note, we use a pooper scooper and make a compost pile of the stuff instead of running through plastic bags. Technically, it's not safe to use composted dog crap as fertilizer for food plant (herbs, veggies, etc.), but it is a nitrogen-rich manure that can be good for flowers, trees, etc. I know it sounds gross to have a composting pile of dog crap somewhere, but if your property's big enough (we use an actual composter, since we don't have a huge amount of land), it can work well. Only fresh stuff really smells, after a few weeks of composting, it just smells like dirt.


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## mylissyk

I am thrilled to see baby steps, baby steps are progress, progress is wonderful.


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## Karen519

*Timmy*

Timmy

You are doing great-small, baby, steps turn into progress!

Give Pickles a BIG hug from me!

Do you have any pictures of Pickles?


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## goldensare4ever

I have found that if you put their poop in the hole that they have dug they will not dig in that hole again. They will dig another hole but fill it again and again with each new hole and eventually they will stop digging holes. It worked for me. Has anyone else tried this?


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## Timmy

Karen519 said:


> Do you have any pictures of Pickles?



Nope. I'm not a picture kind of person. I'll see what I can do for you.


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## Lucky's mom

I've really enjoyed this thread...its so real to me. My husband and I have had conflicts of this sort.

The more you do with your Pickledog...the closer you become....until one day you look at your pup...and instead of feeling anxious and irritated.....you get this huge sense of pride....knowing you got "some" dog there.


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## Florabora22

I'd love to see pictures too.


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## Rhapsody in Gold

I pick up our poop every day and I have three dogs. We created a large area that has wood chips. It really works out well. As far as the smell - well, my husband is like you. He looks ill when I'm picking it up. I don't know - I've changed diapers and just don't think about it. I swear, its mental - I don't smell a thing and yet I could faint over other stuff. 

Anyway, I think you're gonna be fine. You're a smart man. Ask questions, observe closely as you are, always remember the energy you bring to your interactions with the dog (which you seem to understand in your descriptions) - and oh spend time together. If you like to fish or hike - that is something you will be able to do together. So many problems can be solved with exercise - get him down to zero. I walk my three pups 4 to 5 miles a day - it takes us about an hour and fifteen minutes . I reflect on my own life in that quiet time on our walks and it helps me relax. Its been the best therapy.


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## tippykayak

Marty's Mom said:


> So many problems can be solved with exercise - get him down to zero.


This is probably the greatest piece of dog management wisdom I know. So many common problems stem from understimulation, extra energy, or plain old boredom.

I am reminded of this wisdom each time my dogs are being a pain in the butt. It's usually because I haven't taken them on a significant outing in a couple of days. All weekend I had mellow dogs in the house and obedient dogs out in the trails, and it's because they got tons of exercise and work.

This wisdom is even more true in a dog with a working heritage, as Goldens have.

One piece to add is that simply exhausting the dog often isn't enough. The dog needs its intelligence and working ability stimulated in order to feel truly relaxed and mellow later. For Goldens that can mean competition work (obedience, field work, agility, etc.), going to a class, or even just a good fetching or tracking game. 

Here's the easiest one in the world: shut the dog in a room, hide bits of dry cookie around the house, and then let her out. Say "go find your cookie!" and help her understand what that means by walking her to one and pointing it out, then walking her to the next once she's finished.

She'll get the hang of it pretty fast and you won't have to walk around with her after the first couple of rounds. We do this right before we leave the house so Comet spends his first few minutes of alone time hunting for cookies. It can help reduce anxiety over the comings and goings of people in the house.

Use tiny cookies or break up larger ones so you don't make your dog obese in the process.


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## Timmy

I'm not sure who fed the dog last, but she crapped behind the couch. Hit the pillows...crapped down the vent, urinated on the floor. New carpet. Needless to say, I'm a bit frustrated today. 

Is is normal for a golden to hide and crap? I had her outside for a long time yesterday before we retired for the night. She normally makes her way to the door when she needs outside....so this is a first for me. I suppose 1 accident in a year isn't bad. Stinks like hell though. It also wasn't solid so I'm gonna go with she probably had an upset stomach and give her the benefit of the doubt.

I'm transferring pics from the camera. I'll link in a pick hopefully later today.


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## Bender

Sounds like she was sick. Might be a good idea to skip her next meal and then try adding canned plain pumpkin or some rice to her next meal if she's back on track by them.

Lana


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## Tahnee GR

goldensare4ever said:


> I have found that if you put their poop in the hole that they have dug they will not dig in that hole again. They will dig another hole but fill it again and again with each new hole and eventually they will stop digging holes. It worked for me. Has anyone else tried this?


LOL-I'm still working towards the "eventually they will stop digging holes" part  In fairness to the dogs, I'm pretty sure they are going after critters, mice or moles or voles. I have tons of small, shallow holes-just deep enough to for me to step in and jar everything good!


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## Jackson'sMom

When one of my dogs poops in the house, it's always because she's sick and just can't hold it. I hope your pup feels better soon.


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## mylissyk

Timmy said:


> I'm not sure who fed the dog last, but she crapped behind the couch. Hit the pillows...crapped down the vent, urinated on the floor. New carpet. Needless to say, I'm a bit frustrated today.
> 
> Is is normal for a golden to hide and crap? I had her outside for a long time yesterday before we retired for the night. She normally makes her way to the door when she needs outside....so this is a first for me. I suppose 1 accident in a year isn't bad. Stinks like hell though. It also wasn't solid so I'm gonna go with she probably had an upset stomach and give her the benefit of the doubt.
> 
> I'm transferring pics from the camera. I'll link in a pick hopefully later today.


You are exactly right in thinking she wasn't feeling well, she tried to hide when she couldn't wait to go out. Watch her a little closer the next day or so and make sure she is ok and not having repeats of the loose stool.

Being frustrated is ok, but try not to get mad at her, she couldn't help being sick.

We love pictures, can't wait to see your girl.


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## Florabora22

ONLY time Flora has ever defecated in that manner was when she had a really bad case of colitis. I would assume your dog ate something bad and had an upset stomach. Imagine if you had the runs and couldn't access a bathroom... she was probably trying to hide it, poor thing.

Sorry you have to clean that up. I remember cleaning up Flora's messes and ugh, it was so gross.


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## Karen519

*Timmy*

Timmy

She must have been sick.
I am looking forward to some pics of her!


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## Elisabeth Kazup

If you have multiple people feeding Pickles (you said you didn't know who fed her last) maybe you can put up a paper on the fridge or something simple like that so the person feeding her can make a note of the time.

But, it sounds like her accident was because of being sick, not really having to do with when she was fed. Especially if her normal stool is firm and formed. And yes, they will chose a spot that they consider outside the 'den'; behind the couch must be a place where she and/or the family never goes. We had a beagle who always had her accidents in the dining room. We never let her in the dining room so for her THAT was outside the den.


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## Timmy

That must have been it. I've been paying attention a bit closer since this has happened. Normally, I get up and let her out every couple of hours as a matter of habit figuring that she'd get the job done if needed and could stretch her legs if she didn't.

I'm happy to say that she whined until I woke up the other morning. When I opened the bedroom door, she bolted for the back door. Good dog. Do that outside.

I found out that my son is, much to his delight, feeding the dog his dinner on the sly. While I'm sure she enjoyed it initially, I don't believe her system did.

I still need to find the camera.


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## diana_D

Timmy, canned pumpkin or scrambled eggs help with an upset tummy. How is she now? Give her a big hug, it will make her feel better 

Can hardly wait to see photos of her


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## mylissyk

Timmy said:


> That must have been it. I've been paying attention a bit closer since this has happened. Normally, I get up and let her out every couple of hours as a matter of habit figuring that she'd get the job done if needed and could stretch her legs if she didn't.
> 
> I'm happy to say that she whined until I woke up the other morning. When I opened the bedroom door, she bolted for the back door. Good dog. Do that outside.
> 
> I found out that my son is, much to his delight, feeding the dog his dinner on the sly. While I'm sure she enjoyed it initially, I don't believe her system did.
> 
> I still need to find the camera.



Be sure and tell her "good dog" when she does something right, it helps them understand what you want and makes them want to do it again.

I'm glad you figured out where the upset tummy may have come from.


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## voltdomingo

i learned a lot reading on this thread.

to sir timmy, i think you're doing quite a great job, considering that you are not a fan of with four legs. but still, the effort, i gotta give it to you man. you may have been exerting more effort than those who consider themselves as dog lovers.. you even took the time to ask..


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## joysgirls

*Good dog*



Timmy said:


> That must have been it. I've been paying attention a bit closer since this has happened. Normally, I get up and let her out every couple of hours as a matter of habit figuring that she'd get the job done if needed and could stretch her legs if she didn't.
> 
> I'm happy to say that she whined until I woke up the other morning. When I opened the bedroom door, she bolted for the back door. Good dog. Do that outside.
> 
> I found out that my son is, much to his delight, feeding the dog his dinner on the sly. While I'm sure she enjoyed it initially, I don't believe her system did.
> 
> I still need to find the camera.


I'm glad I came in on the tail end of this drama- and you are trying to responsibly care for this dog. Dogs pick up on human attitudes and emotions- ( yes -Timmy they do!!) and they tend to live up to their names too!! Keep being patient with her, there are really no "bad" dogs , just owners. Good Luck.


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## Karen519

*Timmy*

Timmy

Glad you found out why she had an accident!!

Can't wait for pictures!!


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## Summer's Mom

Hi

I just saw this thread.. Haven't managed to catch up on all of it but I wonder if someone had mentioned solutions to the fur around the house? We live in an apartment and I'm pretty fussy so I have a strict regime going. 

I use the Furminator deshedding tool on Summer once a week and it really works! It helps remove the dead undercoat so it doesn't go everywhere. It doesn't take much time, just like brushing.. I get out a huge clump (2handfuls) in about 20 mins and all that fur stays off the carpet and couch! I only have to vacuum once a week now.. Maybe if u use it more, like twice a week, it'll help reduce you fur troubles..

Good luck! I really appreciate your efforts for Pickles.. =) 

You can get it off eBay quite affordably
FURminator.com


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## FinnTastic

Good girl, DOG.


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## GoldenOwner12

Hi i can understand your frustration as my Shelley was the same. Shelley use to dig holes all the time,chew up beds etc. She was also submissive too cower when there was loud noises or fast movements. Shelley wasn't treated right from the breeder,She was born and raised in a cement kennel run, No grass,dirt,plants,hardly any human attention. It took quite a while to fix all her problems actually took 20 months to fix. 

I found out the digging was cause she required a bigger yard. She still digs a hole once in a while mainly when its been raining. We think she is looking for the water as in saying where did the water go. The chewing and ripping out plants she kinda out grow it but i still trained her everytime i spotted her chewing or going near the plants i told her No called her to me and gave her a toy to play with. 

I also took her to obedience which helped too gave her a outing and meet other dogs she could play with. With the submissive behaviour i just kind of ingorned, I continued to do what i normally do she soon got use to all the movement,noise etc. When i first got Shellety she held her tail inbetween her legs took her a week to finally wag her tail.


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