# Resenting my golden



## jwemt81

It sounds like this is a dog who is not being stimulated enough and the 2.5-mile hikes just aren't aren't cutting it for him. He is a young adolescent male, so some of this behavior is to be expected. Do you have a fenced in yard where he can run and play fetch with you? Have you considered getting into a sport, such as agility or dock diving, with him? These dogs need mental stimulation, some more than others. A tired dog is a well-behaved dog. You said that you are unable to watch TV in the evenings due to him constantly needing attention. This is a time when he needs to be crated. He needs to learn what quiet time is and he needs to have some boundaries set. As far as the growling, this is something you should continue to work with your trainer on. I personally have never had that issue with any of my Goldens. 

If you do end up deciding to re-home, make sure you contact your breeder first. If it was a reputable breeder, they likely would want the dog back to re-home themselves. If your breeder gave you a contract, that may be in there, so I would suggest double checking that.


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## Carolina Golden!

Hi,
I am going through a similar situation, I wanted a golden retriever and from what I read they are good dogs. But, I didn't realize that they do have some behavioral problems. Our 4 month old golden Gus can be very loving and sweet at times and I love him but sometimes it is very frustrating. He bites a lot, will jump up and bite your clothes. He also will grab your food from when you are eating so we shut him up when we are eating. He grab anything he can reach on the kitchen counter, table or anywhere else, tears paper towels, papers. He will eat anything that is not ties down and if we try to get something away from him he is like a totally different dog. I am the one that wanted Gus, my husband didn't think we should get another dog so my husband is always complaining when Gus is acting bad. It makes our home stressful because I want Gus to not behave so badly. I am going to sign him up for some training classes to see if that will help. Any suggestions? And, I am sorry you are having a difficult time with your golden.


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## jwemt81

Carolina Golden! said:


> Hi,
> I am going through a similar situation, I wanted a golden retriever and from what I read they are good dogs. But, I didn't realize that they do have some behavioral problems. Our 4 month old golden Gus can be very loving and sweet at times and I love him but sometimes it is very frustrating. He bites a lot, will jump up and bite your clothes. He also will grab your food from when you are eating so we shut him up when we are eating. He grab anything he can reach on the kitchen counter, table or anywhere else, tears paper towels, papers. He will eat anything that is not ties down and if we try to get something away from him he is like a totally different dog. I am the one that wanted Gus, my husband didn't think we should get another dog so my husband is always complaining when Gus is acting bad. It makes our home stressful because I want Gus to not behave so badly. I am going to sign him up for some training classes to see if that will help. Any suggestions? And, I am sorry you are having a difficult time with your golden.


I posted a response to your thread last night...


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## mylissyk

Carolina Golden! said:


> Hi,
> I am going through a similar situation, I wanted a golden retriever and from what I read they are good dogs. But, I didn't realize that they do have some behavioral problems. Our 4 month old golden Gus can be very loving and sweet at times and I love him but sometimes it is very frustrating. He bites a lot, will jump up and bite your clothes. He also will grab your food from when you are eating so we shut him up when we are eating. He grab anything he can reach on the kitchen counter, table or anywhere else, tears paper towels, papers. He will eat anything that is not ties down and if we try to get something away from him he is like a totally different dog. I am the one that wanted Gus, my husband didn't think we should get another dog so my husband is always complaining when Gus is acting bad. It makes our home stressful because I want Gus to not behave so badly. I am going to sign him up for some training classes to see if that will help. Any suggestions? And, I am sorry you are having a difficult time with your golden.


You have a BABY. He is behaving like a 100% normal puppy. They do not come knowing how to behave in a human household. You have to teach him what you want him to do and not do.

Absolutely training classes are essential, and not just one course, when you finish one sign up for the next level, several. You should already be working on training at home with basic commands, if you aren't you are behind in your "parenting"

Please read this article. 

https://denisefenzipetdogs.com/2015/08/30/its-a-puppy-not-a-problem/


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## jwemt81

mylissyk said:


> You have a BABY. He is behaving like a 100% normal puppy. They do not come knowing how to behave in a human household. You have to teach him what you want him to do and not do.
> 
> Absolutely training classes are essential, and not just one course, when you finish one sign up for the next level, several. You should already be working on training at home with basic commands, if you aren't you are behind in your "parenting"
> 
> Please read this article.
> 
> https://denisefenzipetdogs.com/2015/08/30/its-a-puppy-not-a-problem/


EXACTLY. This is 100% true. Goldens do not have "behavioral issues." As mentioned above, you have a baby, the equivalent of a human toddler. He needs to be taught how to behave. He is not just going to know what you expect from him without your guidance. This is going to be a good 12+ year commitment, if you're one of the lucky ones to have your Golden live that long. This is not something that is going to happen overnight. You need to be consistent and work with your dog DAILY. Just "shutting up" your pup when you don't want to deal with his behaviors is not going to accomplish anything and you will be setting yourself up for a never ending cycle of frustration and, trust me, your pup will be frustrated as well. Use these as training opportunities. Your puppy so badly wants to please you, but you need to teach him how. Classes are a great place to start, but also as previously mentioned, it doesn't end there.


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## Wicky

OP sorry you are having a hard time. I think one challenge you have is that you are comparing the behaviour of an 11 year old adult goldie with a pup. Try not to focus on the difference between them but on the plan to ensure that Benny will exhibit the behaviours you want as he grows older. You are working with a trainer and you are playing games which are great. What games are you playing? It sounds like he needs to learn boundary and impulse control type games. Do you feed dry food? If so are you using his meal for games or do you feed in a bowl? What kind of training classes are you attending - would you (or the teenage sons) be interested in doing agility or some other sport with him? Sounds like more mental tiring games and activities are required. What does your trainer think regarding rehoming? Also what behaviours have you tried to train to replace the scratching?

PS we would love to see a photo of Benny


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## threenhgoldens

Hi! I read a great quote on a Breeder site yesterday, "Goldens can be hard as puppies but make the BEST dogs". Raising a puppy is HARD, it is exactly like a little baby and I think sadly some believe that is not true. Everyone has already posted that pups don't come "pre-programmed", a lesson my husband I had to remind ourselves of and continue to remind ourselves. We are not novice golden owners, we are on golden #6. We usually have two or three at one time but when we lost Bentley, Bella did NOT want anyone else around - we tried. We lost Bella in March 2016 - it was horrible and my husband works so much and I was so very lonely that we went to our awesome breeder and brought home Dylan in July. Let me tell you, I can't remember how many times we thought we wouldn't make it through puppy hood with those teeth, ripping my clothes, doing crazy puppy things. We did three session of 6 week puppy classes and they helped some BUT if you don't keep it up at home, it doesn't work. You can't expect your 3 month old golden to remember something when he goes one day/week for an hour. Having a newborn is hard work but worth it. All of a sudden at 6 months when all of his baby teeth were gone, we turned a major corner, at least with the nipping! THEY TRULY DON'T KNOW, they have been removed from the only family and litter they know and all they have for guidance is YOU. Your puppy WANTS to be with YOU. I'm not saying the pup doesn't need training or to learn good manners but you have to be consistent. Having lost five goldens, I can tell you I would take ANY of the challenges to have every one of them back in our lives.


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## ceegee

Username1234567890 said:


> I am very resentful of this dog and I hate to say this, as I am a HUGE animal lover and moreso, golden lover but I find no redeeming value in Benny aside from his gorgeous looks and that he sleeps all night. He is into everything, garbages, pantries, etc. He rarely naps during the day when I am home. We've invested so much money in him with training and everything else but to no avail. He knows his commands and we play train games but the rest of his behavior leaves a lot to be desired. He is not affectionate, very stubborn, growls when you move him and needs a ton of attention.
> All I want to do is watch tv with my husband at night for an hour or so and for 1 whole year that has been virtually impossible as Benny needs attention. We've tried all the tricks with toys, exercise before, train before, bully sticks, kongs.
> 
> My husband has wanted to re home him since the summer but my kids and I have fought to hold on and see if he calms. He is 14 months but I am getting tired. I hear the magic number of "2" years old to calm down but I don't know if I can last. Even then, it is a crap shoot and he can be this way his whole life and that I can't handle.


It sounds like nobody in your household likes Benny very much, except for your children, and they don't want to put any effort into him. Honestly, it sounds like careful rehoming would be the best thing for everyone, especially the dog - and I don't say that lightly. What you have appears to be a combination of unrealistic expectations in the wake of a "perfect" dog, plus a poor choice of puppy (one that is far too active and assertive for your household) and lack of structure (since he's able to get into garbage and steal things).

Sadly, dogs don't just magically "calm down" at age two. Some might. Some never calm down (I had one of those). Some take several years. If you're hanging in there in the hope that Benny will spontaneously become a perfect dog in a few months' time, you're probably going to be disappointed.

A dog like this shouldn't be allowed freedom in the house. I know this - I own two like him, who are simply not trustworthy if left to their own devices. They are both intelligent, high-energy dogs chosen specifically to become agility dogs. They are exactly what I wanted. But in the house, they're either with and under the control of a human, or in their crates. There's no middle ground. They aren't left to wander around unsupervised, because if they did, they'd steal stuff off tables or get into the garbage.

Most of the things you describe are training and management issues: growling, damaging the house, scratching the doors, bullying the smaller dog, etc. The picture you paint, in your description, is of a dog who is in charge, calling the shots, with no respect for the humans in the household. With proper guidance this can be overcome, but it requires a _lot _of effort, and you sound, from your post, as if you're at the end of your rope as far as that is concerned, and just want to move on to other things.

If you do rehome Benny, you should, as others have said, check your purchase contract to see if he has to be returned to the breeder. Every good breeder will have this type of clause in their contract. If the breeder won't take him back, I would suggest that you go through a golden retriever rescue organization that can help identify a suitable home for him, one that's able to work with his personality and energy level.

If Benny is rehomed and you decide, at some point in the future, to get another dog, it will be important to go to a reputable breeder. One of the biggest benefits of doing this is that the breeder will choose a pup that's suited to your lifestyle. I'm guessing, with Benny, that you chose your own pup from the litter. You wanted another dog like the one who died: calm, quiet, easy-going. All these traits can easily be identified when the pup is 8 weeks of age by someone who knows what they're doing. What you have, unfortunately, is the polar opposite of what you wanted: a dog who is energetic, assertive and perpetually active. A pup from a reputable breeder may seem expensive, but as you've found to your cost, trying to make the wrong dog fit into your lifestyle is even more expensive.

I know this is a hard decision for you, and I wish you the very best.


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## GoldenCamper

My Goldens were 2,3,7 and 8 years old when I rescued them. Two were always mellow and 2 were very high energy. You might have a high energy dog this time. 

Sure I miss my all so polite mellow ones and my first high energy dog was a surprise but he was the best boy ever. My current girl turns 8 this March and is a crazy whirlwind and always will be. All of them had behavioral issues when I got them but turned into the best dogs ever.

I'd recommend to give your dog a chance but then again he might be too much for your household. I've seen it happen where a golden puppy owner tried so hard from the start and it didn't work out but others embraced them and they shined. If you truly need mellow play it safe and get a turtle next time


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## GoldenCamper

Forgive me for reminiscing about my first high energy boy that I got when he was 3 when a client of my veterinarian was looking to re-home him.. We spent over 10 wonderful years together exploring.

He never ever got old and once chased a deer and didn't come home until 10pm after his own selected playtime in a thunderstorm, little ******* ♥ I did not have a digital camera until he was 10 so hence the gray face.


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## mylissyk

Username1234567890 said:


> Hello Everyone. I am just venting on here to see if anyone ever experienced anything similar with their goldens. Let me give you all an update. We lost our beloved Golden in 2016 at 11 years old. His name was Mickey and he was the BEST golden. Calm, quiet, obedient, all he wanted to do was please and was so calm.
> 
> Fast forward. Adopted my golden from a breeder at 8 weeks and have had him one full year. His name is Benny and he is now 14 months. It has been a tough year as he is high energy and VERY VERY different from our beloved calm, quiet Mickey. He is about 95 pounds and full of energy and into everything. We did puppy kindergarten and he did well. Knows basic commands. The problems lie with his energy, stubbornness and growling. He started growling at 10 weeks but only when he is made to do things he doesn't want to or be moved from someplace. Vet and trainer both concerned. We've learned NEVER to collar pull but to lure off with food. That is ok. He requires a good 2.5+ mile hike/walk daily and even with that, has leftover energy which he releases by play fighting my little 20 pound rescue dog. My rescue dog's head is perpetually wet from being in Benny's mouth from playing. I fear for my little dog sometimes when Benny gets a little too excited. My house is all wood inside and Benny, not on purpose, has learned from housebreaking earlier on to scratch to go in/out. By doing that, he has ruined every wood door in my house which sends goosebumps down my husband's back.
> The stress level in my house is VERY high already from 2 teen-age boys who PROMISED to help but virtually do nothing so it all falls on me.
> I am very resentful of this dog and I hate to say this, as I am a HUGE animal lover and moreso, golden lover but I find no redeeming value in Benny aside from his gorgeous looks and that he sleeps all night. He is into everything, garbages, pantries, etc. He rarely naps during the day when I am home. We've invested so much money in him with training and everything else but to no avail. He knows his commands and we play train games but the rest of his behavior leaves a lot to be desired. He is not affectionate, very stubborn, growls when you move him and needs a ton of attention.
> All I want to do is watch tv with my husband at night for an hour or so and for 1 whole year that has been virtually impossible as Benny needs attention. We've tried all the tricks with toys, exercise before, train before, bully sticks, kongs.
> 
> My husband has wanted to re home him since the summer but my kids and I have fought to hold on and see if he calms. He is 14 months but I am getting tired. I hear the magic number of "2" years old to calm down but I don't know if I can last. Even then, it is a crap shoot and he can be this way his whole life and that I can't handle.
> 
> We can't do family stuff like go away and take him with us and he's so into everything no family/friends want him around their house. So different from Mickey who we took EVERWHERE
> 
> Oh, did I mention since about 6 months he developed social anxiety with dogs and is fearful and afraid of ALL other dogs besides his brother? SO dropping him at a doggy day care with other dogs is out of the question as he is so anxiety ridden around other dogs. My trainer suggested I not do that yet as it is too much to throw him into that environment.
> 
> Just wanted to vent as I am 87% done and am thinking of re homing.
> 
> Thanks!


There is a lot here, and sadly I think the bottom line is that this is not a good fit for the dog or for you.

Two things that are really working against your dog, one, you are comparing him to a dog you remember as the perfect, well behaved, best dog. What you are not keeping in mind is that the dog you lost was a senior, had learned over many years what you expected, and you had a comfortable easy relationship that took years to create. No young dog will ever fit that image in your mind, and it's unfair to compare him to the "perfect" dog you lost.

Second, you got a high drive, high energy puppy from a background of working dogs. He probably won't ever be that Calm, quiet, obedient, only wants to please dog. He is a different personality, and while he will be wonderful boy and great dog as he matures, I am betting he won't ever be described as calm and quiet. He needs a job, and more mental exercise to work his brain. 

He is still very much a puppy, in a big body, but still a teenage puppy with all the puppy behaviors. And he also knows that you are not happy with him, which makes for an unhappy dog. That's not fair to him.

If your breeder is reputable, and will take him back, I think it's time to talk to them about returning him. They could place him in a working home. If the breeder is not an option, there are really good rescues that can take him and make sure they place him in the right type of home.

I'm sorry for you and him that his has been a disappointing relationship.


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## GoldenCamper

My soon to be 8 year old wouldn't mind a feisty 14 month old boy. I'm kidding just sayin'  Really don't need 2 whirlwinds.


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## Jessie'sGirl

I'm am not an experienced trainer or canine behaviour expert, I'm just an ordinary dog lover and owner.
On the left is my son's golden Angus, my boy Jess is on the right. They are about 6 months apart in age, but very different.
I've looked after Angus many times, while his family goes away for a week or so at a time. Angus is very high energy, Jess is quite mellow. It takes Angus about three days to settle down and realize that there is a routine here : two to three times daily walks , some running through the woods and some on leash.
Rough housing is not permitted on the couch, but resting is. 
Angus and Jess are both sweet boys, but very different. They each have their own positive qualities. Angus would have been someone's dream agility dog. I love Jess for his calmness, but if he had turned out to be more like Angus, I would have gone with that, too.
As the Rolling Stones said" you don't always get what you want, but if you try , sometimes, you get what you need."
Love your boy for who he is. I might add, Jess is almost eight, and despite his natural calmness, he has been in training classes most of his life.
Also, get your teenagers more involved. My grandson Jacob was the very first to get Jess to go through the tunnel at agility class. He was 8.
I'll end this with three words of wisdom: structure, structure, structure.
You CAN do this. 
.


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## nolefan

I'm sorry that Benny has been such a disappointment to you. Unfortunately when you are dealing with living creatures, this is a risk we take. It sounds like you have two choices here, return the dog to his breeder to be rehomed or suck it up and start managing the dog a little differently in an effort to salvage this. He will never be Mickey but with time he may very well be a good dog. I will say that taking the easy way out and returning him to the breeder is going to teach your boys that they don't have to follow through with responsibilities or promises and that living creatures are disposable. Doesn't seem like a great option. If they promised they would help with exercise and training, make them step up and help. I assume that you pay for the cell phones and the cars at your home, you're holding the cards here.

When you say that Benny gets a 2.5 miile walk/hike are you talking on leash in your neighborhood or at a park? Or is this off leash where he can run and get aerobic exercise? If he's not getting daily aerobic exercise that leaves him tired and panting, you all are not getting him the exercise he needs to be healthy and mentally happy. Leash walking is not exercise for a young healthy dog, it's just not. 
The stress of your household because no one is happy is most likely being transferred to the dog and if the dog isn't getting the kind of exercise he needs, it's really unfair to expect more of him.

I hope that if you're not willing to change your outlook where the dog is concerned and the responsibilities you have to set him up to be successful that you will not spend too much time until contacting his breeder. It's a shame that it's come to this.


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## GoldenCamper

After a 2 mile hike in a blizzard my soon to be 8yr old is still a nut. Maybe Benny might calm her down after all


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## Username1234567890

*Update*



Username1234567890 said:


> Hello Everyone. I am just venting on here to see if anyone ever experienced anything similar with their goldens. Let me give you all an update. We lost our beloved Golden in 2016 at 11 years old. His name was Mickey and he was the BEST golden. Calm, quiet, obedient, all he wanted to do was please and was so calm.
> 
> Fast forward. Adopted my golden from a breeder at 8 weeks and have had him one full year. His name is Benny and he is now 14 months. It has been a tough year as he is high energy and VERY VERY different from our beloved calm, quiet Mickey. He is about 95 pounds and full of energy and into everything. We did puppy kindergarten and he did well. Knows basic commands. The problems lie with his energy, stubbornness and growling. He started growling at 10 weeks but only when he is made to do things he doesn't want to or be moved from someplace. Vet and trainer both concerned. We've learned NEVER to collar pull but to lure off with food. That is ok. He requires a good 2.5+ mile hike/walk daily and even with that, has leftover energy which he releases by play fighting my little 20 pound rescue dog. My rescue dog's head is perpetually wet from being in Benny's mouth from playing. I fear for my little dog sometimes when Benny gets a little too excited. My house is all wood inside and Benny, not on purpose, has learned from housebreaking earlier on to scratch to go in/out. By doing that, he has ruined every wood door in my house which sends goosebumps down my husband's back.
> The stress level in my house is VERY high already from 2 teen-age boys who PROMISED to help but virtually do nothing so it all falls on me.
> I am very resentful of this dog and I hate to say this, as I am a HUGE animal lover and moreso, golden lover but I find no redeeming value in Benny aside from his gorgeous looks and that he sleeps all night. He is into everything, garbages, pantries, etc. He rarely naps during the day when I am home. We've invested so much money in him with training and everything else but to no avail. He knows his commands and we play train games but the rest of his behavior leaves a lot to be desired. He is not affectionate, very stubborn, growls when you move him and needs a ton of attention.
> All I want to do is watch tv with my husband at night for an hour or so and for 1 whole year that has been virtually impossible as Benny needs attention. We've tried all the tricks with toys, exercise before, train before, bully sticks, kongs.
> 
> My husband has wanted to re home him since the summer but my kids and I have fought to hold on and see if he calms. He is 14 months but I am getting tired. I hear the magic number of "2" years old to calm down but I don't know if I can last. Even then, it is a crap shoot and he can be this way his whole life and that I can't handle.
> 
> We can't do family stuff like go away and take him with us and he's so into everything no family/friends want him around their house. So different from Mickey who we took EVERWHERE
> 
> Oh, did I mention since about 6 months he developed social anxiety with dogs and is fearful and afraid of ALL other dogs besides his brother? SO dropping him at a doggy day care with other dogs is out of the question as he is so anxiety ridden around other dogs. My trainer suggested I not do that yet as it is too much to throw him into that environment.
> 
> Just wanted to vent as I am 87% done and am thinking of re homing.
> 
> Thanks!



Thanks to everybody who wrote in suggestions and updates. I appreciate them all. For those that say that I am comparing my golden Mickey that passed to the puppy Benny and that Mickey was a senior and learned from living with us what we exactly wanted. I wanted to answer those people and tell them that as I had written above, Mickey was adopted at 5 months and was the same the day we brought him home as he was the day he passed. Naturally obedient, naturally calm, naturally quiet, naturally kind and affectionate. He did not have to learn these. He was born that way. It was not his age and maturation that caused those qualities. That was who he was. He set the bar high.
Once again, I was not delusional when I adopted Benny at 8 weeks. I was prepared for most of what puppyhood would entail. Benny is 14 months and great with his commands and training. His destruction in the house is not purposeful. It was caused by us inadvertently. When we housebroke him, he would scratch at the door to let us know. Because of this, he picked up the habit of scratching at doors to get in/out of rooms. It's fine if I had metal unpainted doors but my doors are ALL wood as is the molding so every one of my moldings and doors and 1 kitchen cabinet (treats) have scratch marks. He is not destructive in other ways with that house. As a matter of fact, he has been uncrated for a few months while I am at work or out and he just sleeps all day. I have not found anything destroyed as of yet. 
When I do his daily walk it is half on leash to get to the woods and then a solid portion off leash on a path in the woods where he runs ahead. I have tried the dog park but as I mentioned, he has social anxiety and is scared of all other dogs except his brother. When I take him into the run, he jumps on the bench and shakes. I took him one time last week with 1 other golden and he did well. Groups of dogs, forget it. Therefore doggy day care which would be a great exhausting option is not an option per my trainer as at this time it will only intensify his anxiety and make him more fearful by throwing him into the environment. 
I find Benny's bad qualities mostly involve periods of high intensity where he jumps on me or my kids, humps (he was neutered) and just meddling into things even when under my watch. In addition the the growling when being moved or touched sometimes when he is quiet, he is not very affectionate (as I was hoping he would be) and he is VERY VERY STUBBORN. If he doesn't want to go somewhere or do something, it is impossible even with treats, luring, etc to get him to do it. Even my trainer was privy to it. He often stands outside my door from coming inside from the fenced in yard and just stands there for 10 min. He wants the door to remain open so he can lie in the threshold between outside and inside. That's fine in summer but not when it is 0 degrees out. I either need to offer a high value treat to lure him in (no collar pulls) or put a leash on and try to walk in him with a quick "lets go". 
I think someone mentioned the fact that dogs are very intuitive and pick up emotions and stress and because there is tension because of him, he senses it which may make his behavior slightly worse. I get that. I think it is so chaotic here that it affects him. 

Thanks for listening. I am trying to work with him as best I could as I have invested much time, effort and money into the last year and would hate to just throw up my hands. I see him for who he is but I just was wondering if there are others who have experienced this. The only post I saw was from a Cindy in 2008 with a dog named Lucy who described a situation similar to mine. I would love to know if she saw it through or re homed him. 

Thanks all! I appreciate it. I really do. I am a HUGE animal lover and a HUGE golden lover and I am not resigned to the fact that I can't ever have another golden again because Mickey set the bar so high. I just didn't think this one would be so high energy, stubborn and not affectionate.


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## jwemt81

As many have already stated, this is a dog with a much higher energy drive. He needs a job or some method of channeling that energy. At 14 months old, he is still VERY much a puppy. Sure, he will mellow out some as he gets older, but will he ever be at the energy level and have the exact temperament that you are looking for in a Golden? There is no way of telling. I know that you have been working with a trainer recently, but have you spoken with your breeder about any of these issues? If he came from a reputable, responsible breeder, they can be an excellent source to turn to in these situations and may be able to offer some advice. All Goldens have different personalities. Some have more drive and need to constantly be mentally stimulated in order to keep them happy and some are much more mellow. Our almost 10-year-old Golden is our highest energy boy. Our 16-month-old is fairly mellow, but definitely needs a good bit of exercise. Our 8-year-old is borderline lazy and is perfectly happy to sleep all day. They all have their own personalities. Unfortunately, the pup you selected obviously requires much more than a 2-3-mile walk per day to be tired out. He needs mental stimulation. If you are not able to provide that for him, I would speak with your breeder about possibly returning him. If they won't take him back, a rescue group would be the best avenue. It's only fair to the dog that he be someplace where he is wanted and with someone who is able to provide the type of stimulation that he needs.


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## gdgli

Sorry that you are having problems with Benny.

I get the feeling that your dog is from working lines and needs work. I also get the feeling that he needs more socialization. Plus he is still a puppy.


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## jwemt81

gdgli said:


> Sorry that you are having problems with Benny.
> 
> I get the feeling that your dog is from working lines and needs work. I also get the feeling that he needs more socialization. Plus he is still a puppy.


Yes, a point that I forgot to mention. Socialization. Given his anxiety around other dogs, it definitely sounds like he was not properly socialized as a young pup. This is incredibly important.


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## GoldenCamper

However it works out and as a old GRF member I send our love to Benny. I found opposites attract for the best but hey that's just me. Boy do I have stories about my 2 crazy pups.


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## acetheretriever

Username1234567890 said:


> Hello Everyone. I am just venting on here to see if anyone ever experienced anything similar with their goldens. Let me give you all an update. We lost our beloved Golden in 2016 at 11 years old. His name was Mickey and he was the BEST golden. Calm, quiet, obedient, all he wanted to do was please and was so calm.
> 
> Fast forward. Adopted my golden from a breeder at 8 weeks and have had him one full year. His name is Benny and he is now 14 months. It has been a tough year as he is high energy and VERY VERY different from our beloved calm, quiet Mickey. He is about 95 pounds and full of energy and into everything. We did puppy kindergarten and he did well. Knows basic commands. The problems lie with his energy, stubbornness and growling. He started growling at 10 weeks but only when he is made to do things he doesn't want to or be moved from someplace. Vet and trainer both concerned. We've learned NEVER to collar pull but to lure off with food. That is ok. He requires a good 2.5+ mile hike/walk daily and even with that, has leftover energy which he releases by play fighting my little 20 pound rescue dog. My rescue dog's head is perpetually wet from being in Benny's mouth from playing. I fear for my little dog sometimes when Benny gets a little too excited. My house is all wood inside and Benny, not on purpose, has learned from housebreaking earlier on to scratch to go in/out. By doing that, he has ruined every wood door in my house which sends goosebumps down my husband's back.
> The stress level in my house is VERY high already from 2 teen-age boys who PROMISED to help but virtually do nothing so it all falls on me.
> I am very resentful of this dog and I hate to say this, as I am a HUGE animal lover and moreso, golden lover but I find no redeeming value in Benny aside from his gorgeous looks and that he sleeps all night. He is into everything, garbages, pantries, etc. He rarely naps during the day when I am home. We've invested so much money in him with training and everything else but to no avail. He knows his commands and we play train games but the rest of his behavior leaves a lot to be desired. He is not affectionate, very stubborn, growls when you move him and needs a ton of attention.
> All I want to do is watch tv with my husband at night for an hour or so and for 1 whole year that has been virtually impossible as Benny needs attention. We've tried all the tricks with toys, exercise before, train before, bully sticks, kongs.
> 
> My husband has wanted to re home him since the summer but my kids and I have fought to hold on and see if he calms. He is 14 months but I am getting tired. I hear the magic number of "2" years old to calm down but I don't know if I can last. Even then, it is a crap shoot and he can be this way his whole life and that I can't handle.
> 
> We can't do family stuff like go away and take him with us and he's so into everything no family/friends want him around their house. So different from Mickey who we took EVERWHERE
> 
> Oh, did I mention since about 6 months he developed social anxiety with dogs and is fearful and afraid of ALL other dogs besides his brother? SO dropping him at a doggy day care with other dogs is out of the question as he is so anxiety ridden around other dogs. My trainer suggested I not do that yet as it is too much to throw him into that environment.
> 
> Just wanted to vent as I am 87% done and am thinking of re homing.
> 
> Thanks!


Curious if you trust his breeder? Had a VERY similar experience with my last dog and it turned out to be a neurological problem due to poor breeding. No fix in our situation and had to put him down): Discuss with your vet options of using a calming aid for dogs such as colmicalm (not sure of spelling) or even Benedryl? Medication may not be ideal but it can help a lot.


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## Pytheis

I'm not saying this to be argumentative, but it seems like you keep making excuses to explain why he ISN'T working out. It seems like you already have one foot out the door with him, and your husband has already left the building. This is clearly not the dog that makes you happy, whether that is because you are subconsciously comparing him to your old golden, or he just has too much energy, drive, annoying behaviors, stubbornness, whatever.

I think it would probably be in everyones best interest for you to find him a new home that is prepared to give him more attention, and I don't say that in a bad way! I'm sure you have tried everything you can think of and that your time/energy allows, and it just isn't working. Sometimes we need to admit when the best thing for a dog is not us. And vice versa.

If you do decide to stick it out, he may surprise you. Whatever you decide, I wish you and your family the best.


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## Username1234567890

Funny but he was well socialized as a young puppy. We went to puppy kindergarten and then another training class and he was fine with other dogs. All of sudden about 5 to 6 months old he became very very anxious around other dogs. Happened suddenly and no, there was no precipitating factor that led to it (he wasn't hurt by another dog or anything like that). It happened suddenly. Up until them he liked to meet other dogs. Now, he runs away and jumps in anxiety all over me.


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## Username1234567890

Funny you say that but I am questioning the breeder but it's AFTER the fact....not before I got wise. This is why. Benny was born in Nov 2016. His same parents went on to have a litter in June 2017 and now is due ANY DAY with another litter from same parents. That would be 3 litters in a little more than 1 year.

That is rather scary. There is only 1 sire for ALL the litters and probably 5 or 6 females rotated so a dog is almost always with puppies. I also never met the father only saw a video which I should have picked up on and insisted.


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## jwemt81

Pytheis said:


> I'm not saying this to be argumentative, but it seems like you keep making excuses to explain why he ISN'T working out.



I completely agree. I feel so sorry for this poor pup.


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## jwemt81

Username1234567890 said:


> Funny you say that but I am questioning the breeder but it's AFTER the fact....not before I got wise. This is why. Benny was born in Nov 2016. His same parents went on to have a litter in June 2017 and now is due ANY DAY with another litter from same parents. That would be 3 litters in a little more than 1 year.
> 
> That is rather scary. There is only 1 sire for ALL the litters and probably 5 or 6 females rotated so a dog is almost always with puppies. I also never met the father only saw a video which I should have picked up on and insisted.


Unfortunately, this sounds like a typical backyard breeder and the very likely won't be much if any help.


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## acetheretriever

Username1234567890 said:


> Funny you say that but I am questioning the breeder but it's AFTER the fact....not before I got wise. This is why. Benny was born in Nov 2016. His same parents went on to have a litter in June 2017 and now is due ANY DAY with another litter from same parents. That would be 3 litters in a little more than 1 year.
> 
> That is rather scary. There is only 1 sire for ALL the litters and probably 5 or 6 females rotated so a dog is almost always with puppies. I also never met the father only saw a video which I should have picked up on and insisted.


Talk with your vet about your concerns over the breeder. My Akita came from an upscale puppy mill and we didn't realize until it was too late. Pretty much got scammed. He ended up being the last one alive from his litter at only 2 years old. The medications I mentioned helped my Akita with his anxiety but he also had very bad behavioral issues even though he was extremely well socialized as a puppy. We went through two different private trainers and none of that worked. I do recommend that if your family isn't on board with trying the most that it might be best to rehome. Benny sounds like he needs constant attention and monitoring and it will stretch you too thin doing that on your own. I was the only one doing everything possible with my Akita and I found myself angry that he had these problems (even though they weren't his fault at all) and I very much resented having to give up a normal life to accommodate him. It was less of a companion and more of a chore. If you can ask your breeder for contact information for other parents of puppies from Benny's litter. Investigate and see if they have similar issues then you might be looking at genetics.


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## mylissyk

Username1234567890 said:


> ......Mickey was adopted at 5 months and was the same the day we brought him home as he was the day he passed. Naturally obedient, naturally calm, naturally quiet, naturally kind and affectionate. He did not have to learn these. He was born that way. It was not his age and maturation that caused those qualities. That was who he was. He set the bar high.......
> 
> ....... I just didn't think this one would be so high energy, stubborn and not affectionate.


Benny will most likely never be any of those things you claim Mickey was from day one. It is one in a million who is that way from puppyhood. Benny simply does not have that personality. What he will have is maturity and more self control as he gets older, and he can be that loving companion you are looking for, but not now, and probably not for a couple of years. 

If you can't love who he is, and enjoy him the way he is, if you can't find pleasure in his personality and see things you like about him, then you owe it to him to find someone who will. It is not fair to the dog, and not a happy life, to be in a family who resents him.

It really sounds like there is nothing you like about this dog, and everything about him is a chore for you. Please contact Golden Retriever rescue in your area and let them find him a home with people who will appreciate and enjoy him.


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## puddles everywhere

I took in a golden rescue with the same issues. She was from a good line of working dogs, strong personality, strong prey drive and had lived the 1st few yrs with a family that did their best to "contain" her. Gratefully they asked me to take her. She was a wonderful dog but had an overwhelming desire to eat my cats  and with my schedule ... well there just wasn't enough time in the day to give this girl what she needed.
I contacted the local golden rescue and the rep. for my area came to check her out so they could find her the right family. As it turns out it was love at first sight. They were a younger couple with no kids, another golden and 5 acres. The two dogs hit it off on the first meeting. They are active in agility and obedience so she is getting 24/7 attention. This wonderful dog no longer has to live with a shock collar on her neck to keep her out of the flower beds or be locked in the laundry room all night. Because of all the training & exercise with the other dog she is now a happy house dog and loved for just who she is.
It doesn't sound like she is a bad dog or you a bad owner... sometimes it's just about how the two fit together and this doesn't sound like it's working for either of you.
Learn from this and be more selective about the next breeder.


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## DaisyMom

I had a very mischievous and energetic puppy that could not be left alone for a second without chewing furniture or swallowing something that led to a visit to the vet. He once sneaked a pie from the counter when I left the room for 1 minute and I found the pie pan licked clean, but still so hot I couldn’t touch it with my bare hands.

A colleague who had 2 Goldens convinced me that a 2nd dog would help , so I adopted a puppy when my first boy was around 14 mos. The 2nd puppy was already house trained and well-behaved, but so aggressive with other dogs that I couldn’t take him anywhere and he bullied my first dog to compete for my attention. Training helped a little, but I could never let him off leash with other dogs and he continued bullying my 1st dog.

About a year later, a friend mentioned his wife wanted a Golden but knew that a puppy might be too much. We agreed to a trial adoption of my 2nd dog knowing that I’d take him back if it didn't work out. I sobbed as I left the dog at their house that day, feeling as if I had failed and dumped a problem dog on someone else. But he became a happy and beloved companion as the only pet in the family until he passed at 12 years old. I realized that he was not a problem dog but he was just not a good fit for me, and I regret not owning up to it sooner. My 1st dog continued to be a mischievous boy, but brought great joy to my life until I lost him to cancer at 10. My 3rd, and current dog, is a 3 yr old girl who was the best behaved puppy ever. I'd like to think her good behavior is from training, but she was a doll from the first day and never chewed on anything but her toys.

While behavior could improve with continued training, I think a dog's personality is unlikely to change. I recommend coming to terms now and decide what is best for the dog and how much your family will commit to, rather than waiting to see if he calms down later. I would never condone treating a dog like a purchase to be returned to the store, but there is great demand for Goldens and the breeder or a rescue org could find a good home if you decide to take that route.


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## CoopersMom16

I understand exactly how you feel. My Golden is now 16 months and is the hardest dog BY FAR FAR FAR I have ever had or even met. Every other dog I had (5 previous Collies, Shepherds and mixes) were allowed the run of the house by 6 months and calmly chewed their bones and played with their toys well before a year. As did every dog my brothers and sisters had as well. They were joys to have and easy to raise. Cooper cannot be trusted alone for 5 minutes and destroys everything. He still bites when excited. He is obsessed with food. He chases the cats. He has every bad habit a dog can have. I successfully raised 5 previous puppies so it’s not just me. I think it’s the breed. I don’t know of a single person who spends hours a day exercising and training their dog but that seems to be the recommendation of many people here for Goldens. Unfortunately it’s just not real world advice for working parents. 

The one good thing I can tell you is that in the past couple of months I do see positive changes. He is very slowly calming down. He does now lie down for several minutes at a time instead of constant motion. He takes naps in the afternoon even on weekends when we’re home. He loves to be pet and hugged. I’m finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. He still has a long way to go though before he will be an enjoyable family pet. And I still resent how the puppy my son begged me for for over two years turned out to be a maniac land shark that made enjoying him as a puppy almost impossible and who has made my son cry so often because he couldn’t play with him and kept biting him. My son does not have a good relationship with his dog despite his best efforts to play and help train and exercise him because he’s just too bitey and hyper. But I think the worst is over. I have also been told by Golden owners 2 years is when they finally settle down. I guess a 2 year old Golden is the equivalent of 1 year of most other breeds. I’m hoping.


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## ceegee

CoopersMom16 said:


> Cooper cannot be trusted alone for 5 minutes and destroys everything. He still bites when excited. He is obsessed with food. He chases the cats. He has every bad habit a dog can have. I successfully raised 5 previous puppies so it’s not just me. I think it’s the breed. I don’t know of a single person who spends hours a day exercising and training their dog but that seems to be the recommendation of many people here for Goldens. Unfortunately it’s just not real world advice for working parents.
> 
> (...) He still has a long way to go though before he will be an enjoyable family pet. And I still resent how the puppy my son begged me for for over two years turned out to be a maniac land shark that made enjoying him as a puppy almost impossible and who has made my son cry so often because he couldn’t play with him and kept biting him. My son does not have a good relationship with his dog despite his best efforts to play and help train and exercise him because he’s just too bitey and hyper.


Posts like this, and others in this thread, make me sad. There are clearly a lot of families out there that have chosen Golden retrievers for all the wrong reasons and who didn't find, or weren't given, information on what the breed is actually like. I also suspect that some of the problems stem from the fact that they were allowed to choose their own pup from the litter and chose one that was too assertive/bold/active/whatever for their lifestyle.

It's why forums such as this are so valuable. With luck, people who are thinking of getting a Golden retriever will come across threads like this one and realize:

(a) Goldens are _retrievers_. This means they explore the world through their mouths. They are therefore more likely to play-bite and put their teeth on humans. It takes training and effort to stop them from doing this. If you don't train them out of it, they will keep doing it.
(b) If you pick your own puppy out of the litter, you're taking a risk. It's far better to pay more and go to a reputable breeder who will ask a lot of questions about your lifestyle and choose a pup with a personality that will fit into that lifestyle. 
(c) Golden retrievers need training - they _need _training. If you get one, you should at the very least do some basic obedience classes and practise the exercises regularly at home. You don't need to spend hours on training each day - three five-minute sessions per day, every day, for the first year or so, is all you need to transform your pup into a well-behaved family member. Most people spend longer than that on Facebook.
(d) Young golden retrievers need structure: a crate, a management system, etc. They are intelligent dogs, originally bred to do a job. If you don't give them a job, you have to manage them, otherwise they're going to develop bad habits.
(e) If you want a calm, laid-back dog, don't get one that was bred to work.

It really is worth finding a good breeder and taking their advice. The initial expense is higher, but you're far more likely to end up with a dog that makes you happy.

I feel sad for all the families who are living with dogs they don't particularly like. And especially sad for all the dogs who aren't loved even though they're just being themselves.


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## Wicky

CoopersMom16 said:


> . I think it’s the breed. I don’t know of a single person who spends hours a day exercising and training their dog but that seems to be the recommendation of many people here for Goldens. Unfortunately it’s just not real world advice for working parents. .


 I’m not sure I agree it’s the breed. I don’t believe all collies or cocker spaniels etc are the same personality wise nor are goldies. And whatever their personality is when they join a new home, surely their behaviour will reflect both their traits but also their experience. I don’t think all goldies require hours of exercise and training per day. You can train life skills in 5-10min sessions a couple of times a day. It’s an investment in maximising the chance you will have a happy, relaxed, dog that is nice to be around Regardless of their personality.
I think people suggested more physical/mental activity for this dog as it sounds like he needs a job. Taking a class also helps people bond with their dog and it could be a way of encouraging the teenagers to engage. In addition you can gain a wider support network. I feel for the OP because it must be exhausting mentally and physically to have to constantly be trying to manage and control their dog and his environment constantly and feel like it’s not working.


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## Wenderwoman

I can say that my girl is pretty active but I don't think as much as yours. She loves to be outside for sure and loves her walks. She definitely didn't start calming down until 3. She's 5 now and still has a lot of playfulness in her. The other thing that really seemed to help her is that we got another dog. That was a min pin. Then we got another lab mix that was closer to her in size so I think that helped too. I know that's probably not the answer for you but the bottom line is that the dog needs more stimulation or exercise.

My girl was taught to ring a bell and scratching the wall came with that. So, I put a protective guard behind that spot. It's just a clear sheet of plastic.

As for play, you will have to supervise them. When my dogs are getting too rambunctious with each other, they are told to stop. If you don't want him putting the other dogs head in his mouth, tell him no. The only way to stop this behavior is to train him. 

He may also still be in the teenager phase and that is a rambunctious time for them. I don't know for sure but I think that can last up to 24 months. Personally, I think if he knows his commands, he will come out of his teenager phase a pretty good dog. 

My instinct is to say that he is still very much a puppy and you really need to keep an eye on him.


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## jwemt81

This entire thread makes me incredibly sad. I feel so horrible for this poor dog who is just begging for structure and love, but is only being resented. This is why it is so important to find a reputable breeder who does not allow people to select their own puppy and instead matches them with a puppy that they feel best meets their lifestyle. These breeders perform extensive temperament testing, such as the Volhard Puppy Aptitude Test, which really helps to fit each puppy with the perfect home. This situation here is a classic example of a combination of a lack of research and a less than responsible breeder and now everyone is unhappy and frustrated. I truly, truly hope that everything works out for this dog and that he will find someone who will love him and who will be willing to work with him to help him become the best dog he can be.


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## alphadude

Benny sounds a lot like a dog I knew and loved. His name was Axl and I put him on CL TWICE! Thankfully nobody took him because he turned out to be the BEST. DOG. EVER. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I had him back a dozen times. What he required and I'm sure Benny does as well is PATIENCE, RELENTLESS TRAINING, and I can't stress this enough, being EXERCISED TO THE POINT OF NEAR EXHAUSTION. Give him a JOB whether it be fetching a tennis ball, chasing a lure, or what worked for me catching frisbees. There is no substitute for devoting the time and patience to a high energy dog. 

If you end up deciding to re-home Benny, by all means contact me...Seriously


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## mylissyk

alphadude said:


> Benny sounds a lot like a dog I knew and loved. His name was Axl and I put him on CL TWICE! Thankfully nobody took him because he turned out to be the BEST. DOG. EVER. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I had him back a dozen times. What he required and I'm sure Benny does as well is PATIENCE, RELENTLESS TRAINING, and I can't stress this enough, being EXERCISED TO THE POINT OF NEAR EXHAUSTION. Give him a JOB whether it be fetching a tennis ball, chasing a lure, or what worked for me catching frisbees. There is no substitute for devoting the time and patience to a high energy dog.
> 
> If you end up deciding to re-home Benny, by all means contact me...Seriously


This dog would thrive in your home, and you would laugh at his antics. Wish we could make that happen for him.


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## Username1234567890

I am happy to hear someone has a golden like mine. I may have portrayed things a little too overkill on here. Benny is not a bad dog. He's a golden puppy who is high energy and he's just doing his job. However, what you wrote is how I feel. I wanted to so much to have an active enjoyable family dog to pal around with this big outdoors family. You dog is 2 months older than mine. I hope mine follows in your track. He has calmed some in the last few months. There are evening periods after his long walk that he sleeps under my island in the kitchen. But then, a few hours later when I am ready to go to bed he's ready to play again. Truthfully, after reading the posts, I am very upset at the breeder who is over breeding and making it a form of a puppy mill. Never suggested fitting a puppy to my lifestyle. Just let us choose among the 10 adorable 5 week old puppies (at the time). To think a sibling of Benny's may be calmer and more suited for this family. Well, to all, I am toughing it out now and have changed my approach to appreciate who Benny is and work with him. IF he calmed down a teeny bit more, it may all work out.


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## jennretz

Username1234567890 said:


> I am happy to hear someone has a golden like mine. I may have portrayed things a little too overkill on here. Benny is not a bad dog. He's a golden puppy who is high energy and he's just doing his job. However, what you wrote is how I feel. I wanted to so much to have an active enjoyable family dog to pal around with this big outdoors family. You dog is 2 months older than mine. I hope mine follows in your track. He has calmed some in the last few months. There are evening periods after his long walk that he sleeps under my island in the kitchen. But then, a few hours later when I am ready to go to bed he's ready to play again. Truthfully, after reading the posts, I am very upset at the breeder who is over breeding and making it a form of a puppy mill. Never suggested fitting a puppy to my lifestyle. Just let us choose among the 10 adorable 5 week old puppies (at the time). To think a sibling of Benny's may be calmer and more suited for this family. Well, to all, I am toughing it out now and have changed my approach to appreciate who Benny is and work with him. IF he calmed down a teeny bit more, it may all work out.


I thought I was prepared for a puppy and then cried the first few weeks I had Duke. I did not know the meaning of "landshark" until I got him  For me, it was really rough the first 8 weeks until he was old enough to start playing with other dogs at daycare (once he had all his vaccines). I didn't know about the forum then lol. What I would do differently, is have focused on a puppy class before he was 16 weeks old. I did enroll him at 16 weeks. I now have a 5 1/2 year old wonderful Golden. He's still playful and full of mischief, but he loves to just hang out too. He didn't really settle down until he turned 3 or so. And I have to admit, a part of me misses the wild child ;-)


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## mylissyk

Username1234567890 said:


> I am happy to hear someone has a golden like mine. I may have portrayed things a little too overkill on here. Benny is not a bad dog. He's a golden puppy who is high energy and he's just doing his job. However, what you wrote is how I feel. I wanted to so much to have an active enjoyable family dog to pal around with this big outdoors family. You dog is 2 months older than mine. I hope mine follows in your track. He has calmed some in the last few months. There are evening periods after his long walk that he sleeps under my island in the kitchen. But then, a few hours later when I am ready to go to bed he's ready to play again. Truthfully, after reading the posts, I am very upset at the breeder who is over breeding and making it a form of a puppy mill. Never suggested fitting a puppy to my lifestyle. Just let us choose among the 10 adorable 5 week old puppies (at the time). To think a sibling of Benny's may be calmer and more suited for this family. Well, to all, I am toughing it out now and have changed my approach to appreciate who Benny is and work with him. IF he calmed down a teeny bit more, it may all work out.


If you can change your view of him it will all work out! He _will _calm down as he matures. Maturity is not neccessarily being less active, but having self control and more impulse control comes with maturity and brain development. Right now he has what I call "puppy brain", and doesn't know when to quit. 

Alphadude does have a good suggestion though. See if you can get him excited about energy burning play like chasing a frisbee, or flirt pole. Agility is a great sport for high energy dogs if there is a training center near you. Even a few practice jumps in your yard will work his body and his mind. 

Please let us know how things go. Everyone here just wants the best for Benny.


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## mylissyk

Thinking about his reaction to other dogs. I really think enrolling in a training class where he is around other dogs but is focusing on you will help. Just a thought.


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## alphadude

mylissyk said:


> This dog would thrive in your home, and you would laugh at his antics. Wish we could make that happen for him.


He absolutely would. 

My wife would probably kill me considering the inn is kind of full with 2 goldens and a lab-shepherd rescue currently. I am working through some aggression issues between 5.5 y/o Puffy and 14 month old Max, both intact males with raging hormones right now, but nothing I can't handle. 

Might be fun to add an Axl type personality to the mix...lol


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## drew510

I've only had one Golden but I swear she was a puppy until she was about 8, lol! Super high energy. Even though my wife and I did a pretty good job training her, she still had her issues, just like any dog. For her, it was counter surfing. Leave something on the counter and look away for a second and it was gone. She even figured out how to open the bread drawer!! The other thing we struggled with was when we had company. It didn't matter if it was family she knew or a complete stranger, she would get SOOOO excited and could barely contain herself and would overwhelm guests. If we had a family gathering, it would take her quite a bit of time to calm down, but even then, because of her counter surfing issue, we had to isolate her at times. That said, I wouldn't have traded her for anything. She brought immense joy, laughter and love to our family. We can't wait for our next one later this year. Now our kids are old enough that they will be very involved in training the little one.

If you are going to "tough it out" as you say, I would suggest more training. You should be able to train the scratching out by replacing it with some other notification and then your hubs can go by some tools and do some woodworking to replace all your trim (a project I am doing right now actually). Good luck!


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## alphadude

mylissyk said:


> If you can change your view of him it will all work out! He _will _calm down as he matures. Maturity is not neccessarily being less active, but having self control and more impulse control comes with maturity and brain development. Right now he has what I call "puppy brain", and doesn't know when to quit.
> 
> Alphadude does have a good suggestion though. See if you can get him excited about energy burning play like chasing a frisbee, or flirt pole. Agility is a great sport for high energy dogs if there is a training center near you. Even a few practice jumps in your yard will work his body and his mind.
> 
> Please let us know how things go. Everyone here just wants the best for Benny.


Another thing I'd like to point out, dogs are very sensitive and they can *TELL* when you don't like them, are frustrated or angry at them. I learned this lesson with Ax after butting heads with him for the better part of a year. His transformation from demon puppy to an extraordinary dog started essentially with a change in *MY* attitude...not his. By the time I discovered his natural talent and love for catching discs that sealed the deal, I had already began to focus on spending lots of time with and training him. I really started to like him and he responded in kind. Our bond quickly developed and became immensely strong.

Hang in there...you will be glad you did, just like I was.


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## CoopersMom16

I also wanted to suggest to the OP maybe trying some calming aids. My dog gets especially hyper at night between 5-8. I’ve found a handful of calming treats (I’ve been using Zekes Calming treats) can take the edge off and settle him fine. It doesn’t knock him out and put him to sleep but just settles him down a couple of notches.


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## CedarFurbaby

Username1234567890 said:


> I am happy to hear someone has a golden like mine. I may have portrayed things a little too overkill on here. Benny is not a bad dog. He's a golden puppy who is high energy and he's just doing his job. However, what you wrote is how I feel. I wanted to so much to have an active enjoyable family dog to pal around with this big outdoors family. You dog is 2 months older than mine. I hope mine follows in your track. He has calmed some in the last few months. There are evening periods after his long walk that he sleeps under my island in the kitchen. But then, a few hours later when I am ready to go to bed he's ready to play again. Truthfully, after reading the posts, I am very upset at the breeder who is over breeding and making it a form of a puppy mill. Never suggested fitting a puppy to my lifestyle. Just let us choose among the 10 adorable 5 week old puppies (at the time). To think a sibling of Benny's may be calmer and more suited for this family. Well, to all, I am toughing it out now and have changed my approach to appreciate who Benny is and work with him. IF he calmed down a teeny bit more, it may all work out.


My golden Cedar is like that too. He is about 21 months now, I'm happy to report I haven't got many problems with him right now. He still takes my stuff and will chew it, if you leave paper within his reach he will shred it, he still is stubborn and tells me he doesn't want to do things my way, and he's not good with big dogs and is anxious and stressed around dogs. Those personality traits haven't changed, but they are all manageable now. In the past, I had cuts and bruises from him from his expressing his frustration and stress. This got fewer and fewer episodes and I haven't got any since several months ago. You can see how he would be definitely difficult to like sometimes!

I did specific training on each issue I encountered.

As for not being able to pull his collar to get him where I want to go, I did this slowly. I touched his collar and marked (say Yes or click) and treat. Then I pulled him from side to side and marked and treat. I pulled him from the hallway to my room, mark and treat. Progress was slow, and I just did a bit of this with his dinner every other dinner time. Now when he's barking at some random thing, and I can pull him into my room, slowly with lots of praise and he's fine. 

We practice 'quiet time' and 'settle down'. Teach him to 'settle down', which is to lie down. Then for some time in the evening (we do an hour now but it was much less when I started doing this), I sit down in the living room, read a book (not really), and give him a treat every once in a while when he's lying down. Ignore him if he's not , and ignore him if he barks outside. You can do this while watching TV, but I have to say you can't really concentrate on watching tv, because at the start you may have to treat every 5 seconds. Give him that treat before he jumps up and every time he lies down of his own accord and every time he rests his head on the ground. 

Overall, I would say my approach to this active, easily frustrated, overexcitable dog is to teach him to relax. Take him out only as much as you would like to, definitely every day, and definitely with some off leash time, and then teach him to relax all other times. He will learn to love it, especially if he gets treats every few seconds just for relaxing. Sometimes I cook dinner and give him bits and pieces (may not be an encouraged thing to do, but this ended up being great for me) so the kitchen was the first place he learnt to settle down and wait for food even when there is none coming. I could be reading a book there and he would settle down for me. He is not the most cuddly dog, but he has bonded with me much more over all that training and all that getting through his stress together. 

Hoping it all works out with Benny, he sounds just as stubborn as Cedar. Know that Benny is also confused and having as much a hard time as you are. And that if he needs to be by himself for your sanity, keep him confined in room or crate and give yourself a break to 'recharge'.


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## LdyTlfrd

Benny sounds like he could be Luna's sibling. She was brought home at 8 weeks and was a terror, wouldn't let us hold her, we all have scars from her biting, etc. I had moments where after being literally bound to her, I would cry my eyes out and considered rehoming her BUT I didn't want to give up on her as we saw how smart she is. For almost the first year we had her, my husband was constantly away on business so it was left to me to take care of her. My daughters were in school, son was working. She could never be left alone indoors and outdoors as she would inevitably get into something. The only time I was away from her was when one of the kids was home to watch her while I ran errands, mostly grocery shopping. We crate trained her from the get go, she was taught to nap in her crate and I could steal away for a quick shower, get dinner started, etc. 

Walking her was a nightmare as she did not like the leash, pulled at every chance. I walked her alone, came home to let her nap while I took my other dog & foster dog for their walks. I finally found a harness and anti chew leash that worked on her. I can now walk my 20 lb terrier along with 65 lb Luna together. They have their moments, but I can get them under control. 

We had our moments with her but with consistency, I see she is starting to calm down more and more as she gets older and we are taking the time with her. She is still a land shark but we learned not to leave things within her reach. My mil is harder to train lol. 

Luna is now almost 21 mos and we are slowly but surely getting there. She loves retrieving the newspaper for a treat. Weather permitting, she loves playing fetch. She still steals stuff but not as badly as before. She still tries to swallow our terrier's head when playing but understands "gentle" and they play less aggressively. 

We are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There are days when it is overwhelming. Last week I was sick but they must have sensed that and were relatively well behaved. I am glad we didn't give up on her. 

Best wishes to you and Benny.


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## Username1234567890

Thanks for the encouragement and tips. From the start of my initial "resentment" post to know, after reading all the notes and tips, I have changed my approach to embrace and accept Benny as who he is. He is a high energy, typical male golden retriever puppy. He is doing his job and doing it well. He's supposed to be into everything and curious and high energy...retrievers are. 

He is a smart dog and knows all his commands very well. He has always done well with leash walking. The ONLY problem is that my 20 pound mutt (sprollie) is his leader and god. So if I don't take Jerry (sprollie) out on the walk with Benny......Benny won't go. Life is all ok if Jerry is with us. The moment Jerry isn't around.....Benny is anxious. I am not happy about this because Jerry is almost 6 and 20 pounds so he really can't do miles and miles of hikes and runs and walks. Sometimes Benny needs all that but he simply won't go if Jerry isn't coming. 

Slowly Benny is calming a little. The 1st year, I was unable to "sleep in" on the weekends (something I LOVE to do) because at 7 a.m, Benny would go out, come in and refuse to go back to bed in my bedroom. I would have to come down and lay on the couch and have Benny lay on the floor under me. It was like he needed a "change of scenery" from having slept all night in our room. Happy to say, over the last 5 months or so, he's become a morning sleeper and will go out at 7a.m and come back in to the room and go back to sleep with me for a few hours! This is a positive change and has made me happy. He is slowly slowly becoming more affectionate with the family.....he will sometimes grab a bone and jump up next to us on the couch and put his paw on my leg while he chews his bone. Slowly, slowly.

Biggest issues are really when he is ultra excited (when I come home or strangers enter) he is jumpy and mouthy. Those are typical traits of all dogs and we are working on it. Also, the scratching at the wood doors to go in/out of rooms/outside. It has destroyed our wood which is upsetting as we are neat freaks and like our home in pristine condition. Don't know how to stop him from scratching as it was a learned response to potty training and was reinforced so much when he needed to go out.

Thanks again for your response. I am still holding strong and not ready to give up on Benny. I see bits and pieces of a great golden in there!


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## Username1234567890

as I read this, I want you to know, I have changed my approach and am embracing Benny for who he is. His nuances, his good, his bad, all of it. Over the last week, since I have changed my approach, he slowly is getting better. It is a baby step type of deal but I see part may be in the vibe he is feeling in the house from the stress. I have changed my approach to embrace ALL of him and maybe that will be the key.


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## Our3dogs

Nice to ready your update! Just hang in there. One thing I might suggest, is definitely work on is getting Benny to be able to go for a walk without the other one. One thing about having an older dog around the house when a puppy comes home, is that they usually bond with it. Since Benny needs to learn to go for walks by himself - perhaps just load up your pockets with some really yummy treats. Once he starts following you, just keep going. Not always will it be practical to walk both dogs together. You'll do Benny a favor by getting him used to being able to walk alone. Good luck!


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## Anele

Your dog is helping your doors have "patina." 

Someone once posted that they saw gnaw marks left from puppy days as cherished memories. I bet you will feel this way, too! 

Thank you for the update!


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## mylissyk

Username1234567890 said:


> Thanks for the encouragement and tips. From the start of my initial "resentment" post to know, after reading all the notes and tips, I have changed my approach to embrace and accept Benny as who he is. He is a high energy, typical male golden retriever puppy. He is doing his job and doing it well. He's supposed to be into everything and curious and high energy...retrievers are.
> 
> He is a smart dog and knows all his commands very well. He has always done well with leash walking. The ONLY problem is that my 20 pound mutt (sprollie) is his leader and god. So if I don't take Jerry (sprollie) out on the walk with Benny......Benny won't go. Life is all ok if Jerry is with us. The moment Jerry isn't around.....Benny is anxious. I am not happy about this because Jerry is almost 6 and 20 pounds so he really can't do miles and miles of hikes and runs and walks. Sometimes Benny needs all that but he simply won't go if Jerry isn't coming.
> 
> Slowly Benny is calming a little. The 1st year, I was unable to "sleep in" on the weekends (something I LOVE to do) because at 7 a.m, Benny would go out, come in and refuse to go back to bed in my bedroom. I would have to come down and lay on the couch and have Benny lay on the floor under me. It was like he needed a "change of scenery" from having slept all night in our room. Happy to say, over the last 5 months or so, he's become a morning sleeper and will go out at 7a.m and come back in to the room and go back to sleep with me for a few hours! This is a positive change and has made me happy. He is slowly slowly becoming more affectionate with the family.....he will sometimes grab a bone and jump up next to us on the couch and put his paw on my leg while he chews his bone. Slowly, slowly.
> 
> Biggest issues are really when he is ultra excited (when I come home or strangers enter) he is jumpy and mouthy. Those are typical traits of all dogs and we are working on it. Also, the scratching at the wood doors to go in/out of rooms/outside. It has destroyed our wood which is upsetting as we are neat freaks and like our home in pristine condition. Don't know how to stop him from scratching as it was a learned response to potty training and was reinforced so much when he needed to go out.
> 
> Thanks again for your response. I am still holding strong and not ready to give up on Benny. I see bits and pieces of a great golden in there!


This is beautiful. You already sound so much more positive! You might even like Benny! :grin2:

If you want to get Benny to go out on walks alone, try just a block or two at first if you need to, or even just a house or two. Increase the distance over time. I would even make it a treat dispensing event at first. 

For the door scratching, teach him to ring a bell hung on the door knob. I use a strap of leather with Christmas bells on it, but you can buy "poochie bells". Then you can get clear plastic covers to protect the door from his nails if he misses.


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## pawsnpaca

First - I feel your pain. I have had four goldens. The first was like your first dog - she came to me perfect at 7 weeks. Dogs 3 and 4 had some "normal" challenges. But dog 2.... OMG.

The good news is, as you seem to have chosen to do, I was eventually able to accept him as he was and came to enjoy working with the dog I had. I'm afraid he did NOT calm down at the age of 2, but by the age of 3 he had learned some self control and we had learned to be a team (working him in agility helped a LOT). He was a fabulous working dog, and by working with him in agility and obedience he learned self control and we became a team. By the time I lost him at 11 he had become my first heart dog, and one of the most amazing dogs I've ever owned. I'm glad you've decided to hang in there for awhile longer.

In the meantime, you may want to check out some of the training advice/tools offered by Susan Garrett. Especially, Google her "it's yer choice" games. The basic concept is to limit the dog to only one or two choices and then set him up to make the "right" choice - and then make that choice REALLY rewarding. As an example, if you are trying to teach "place", put him on a leash, sit near him with his "place" (bed, mat) also near by. If he wants to wander around within the six feet of the leash, that's fine (assuming there isn't much to "entertain" him within reach of that 6-feet), but if he chooses to get in the bed, then the treats rain down! Eventually he learns to CHOOSE the thing that you also want.... That's an oversimplification, but you get the idea. Google it - there's some videos out there that make the process clearer.

Good luck with him... I hope you end up with the best dog ever and decide all the hard work is worth it in the end!

(PS - my "challenge" dog is/was the one in my photo - I think he did OK for himself!) :smile2:


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## Wyatt's mommy

Benny's sounds like my Wyatt when he was younger. Total butt head ha ha! Fast forward.... 7 1/2 years later he is not only the smartest but also the best behaved (still puppy) golden I've ever owned. Hang in there! It will be worth it.


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## CedarFurbaby

Username1234567890 said:


> He is a smart dog and knows all his commands very well. He has always done well with leash walking. The ONLY problem is that my 20 pound mutt (sprollie) is his leader and god. So if I don't take Jerry (sprollie) out on the walk with Benny......Benny won't go. Life is all ok if Jerry is with us. The moment Jerry isn't around.....Benny is anxious. I am not happy about this because Jerry is almost 6 and 20 pounds so he really can't do miles and miles of hikes and runs and walks. Sometimes Benny needs all that but he simply won't go if Jerry isn't coming.


Nice to hear an update! Hang in there he sounds like a lovely boy. 

Benny sounds like he is still learning to manage his anxiety and frustration, very much so like Cedar. Some of that he will learn just by growing up, but you can also help him learn by making sure you’re not giving in to his demands all the time. My current attitude towards Cedar’s craziness is a mix between accepting him and also setting boundaries.


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## Peri29

Just a quick note. I am sure your vet made a biochemical blood test. However, thryoids are also very very important. 3o% of hyperactive dogs have thyroid problems.


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## Username1234567890

Thanks for the update and encouragement. As I had posted a few times, my original post may have been overkill and written at a moment when I was emotionally drained and frustrated. Benny is 14 months and a normal typical male golden. He has moments in the morning where he is quiet, calm and lays around. However, that is counteracted by moments later in the afternoon of jumping, grabbing my arm in his mouth and roughhousing me to play with him. If he is bored (even after a walk or training) first thing he does is find his mutt brother, Jerry, who is 20 pounds and start rough housing him. Jerry is perpetually wet and discolored from Benny's saliva 24/7. I am hoping that this behavior calms with maturity as well. Someone mentioned that their 24 month old now plays much more gently with the terrier brother. Most days I take Benny and Jerry on a solid 2.5-3.0 mile walk in the woods of which 75% is off leash to run and chase each other. That walk is absolutely necessary daily to tire Benny out. Sometimes it does the trick and he is more calm in the evening/night napping and being quiet. Other times, even with a long romp in the woods, he still is looking to play and bother us. Sometimes we even use the flirt pole in the evening and that STILL doesn't tire him out. Eventually though, about 9pm or so, he starts to nap and calm. It is a routine we are getting into and perfecting. I have learned to leash him when strangers or family come into the house to prevent the jumping on them due to excitement. Counter surfing, which many dogs do (instinct) is still a problem but I've learned to keep food in the middle. He also gets into the garbage which we are setting boundaries for. So my acceptance of Benny as is, is slightly improving our bond. He is still not the cuddle bug dog I desire like his little mutt brother who is the cuddle monster of the year. I am hoping with time Benny will be more affectionate and cuddly. Maybe its a male thing. Maybe it's his personality or maybe it's the teenage years (14 months). The scratches on the doors will always continue to be sore points for my husband and I. I am dealing with it better but my husband is reminded numerous times a day seeing huge huge scratches in our beautiful wood pine doors/moldings and sometimes it really negatively affects him. I don't know how to ever stop him in a split second from scratching to get in/out of rooms. The bell idea is good but my trainer warned me that she has done that with clients and the dogs are constantly ringing bells even if they don't have to go in/out. Then you need a trainer to stop the bell ringing . All in all, I am keeping with Benny. There are good qualities, I have to remind myself that those should outweigh the day to day shenanigans.


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## Foxster

I can relate and understand your feelings. I adopted fox at 7 months he is now almost 1.5 years. It has been a tough journey and at times with many tears. I never met him or chose him. He arrived in a car as I heard he was homeless.

He bit, never been socialised, tore clothes, stole (everything and still does) and he is super hyper. The more exercise we did he became fitter and more hyper. No tv for us ever. Did I mention he ate my sofa...

I had surgery last year and had to move in with my partner as needed help. He has a 2 year old female gsd but low energy. She began to train fox. When over excited she tells him to stop and he does. We saw some improvements. 

The thing which now is really helping is a very young king shepherd pup was abondond before the holidays and of course we took him as there are no shelters here. Him and fox play all the time and are inseparable. Fox needs a huge amount of attention and exercise which we do our best to give but the pup is filling gaps. Its not easy but fox now shares, doesnt bite and is not calmer but has a pup to rough and tumble with and burn off that extra golden energy.

Now we are a three dog family. Perhaps you should consider adding to your family a pup with a strong personality and similar energy.


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## Our3dogs

Nice to hear from you again. As Benny gets older hopefully he'll settle down a bit more. Regarding the counter surfing. Not sure what you have tried for this, other than keeping food well away from his reach. But for myself, I was fortunate not to have counter surfers. However, the one time I did, our Logan was about a year old. Up until then I had not seen it happen or missed anything on the counter. I happened to walk into the kitchen just in time to see him pop up to grab some cheese. I was so shocked I let out a scream like a wild woman. Not that I planned to, I was just so shocked. Let me tell you, he jumped about 3 feet back, and never did it again. Of course, if a paper towel was hanging over the edge of the counter and had something on it, then he would pull it off. I figured that was our fault. But actual counter surfing was not something we would tolerate. I know another forum member also did the same to her dogs as I did. Also I have read some of the other forum members putting a lightweight cloth on the edge of the counter and putting some tin pans on it. When the dog jumps up, they pull down the tin pans. The clatter and noise they do not like and it can help break them of the habit. A friend has also done the pennies in a can. She puts something on the counter (like baiting the dog), when the dog starts to rise up she would shake the can. She broke her dog of the habit. Of course sometimes no matter what you try, they will be counter surfers their whole life and you just manage it by never having anything within their reach. You might try the pennies in the can with the scratching at the door and casings. When he starts to scratch, shake the can and give some sort of command like "no-scratch". Best of luck!


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