# Losing Ruby - A year later



## ceegee (Mar 26, 2015)

I wasn't sure where to post this, since it seems appropriate to both the "Cancer" and "Rainbow Bridge" sections.

It's been a year since I lost my once-in-a-lifetime dog to cancer. Last week, as a tribute to Ruby and to mark her anniversary, I wrote a blog post about the decisions I made and the grieving process. I thought it might be of interest to others who are going through the same thing. My original blog is attached to my photography site so I can't link it here. However, I've copied the post in question to another, separate location:

Losing Ruby


I still miss her, every single day.


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## Harleysmum (Aug 19, 2014)

That is such a beautiful testament to Ruby. You have been truly blessed.


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## craigtoo (Jan 6, 2016)

Beautiful.


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## Prism Goldens (May 27, 2011)

Untethered- a good word for the feeling. I loved your post. It perfectly described so many things, you are good with words. Thank you for sharing it.


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## nolefan (Nov 6, 2009)

Cancer is a cheat.... You are a talented writer, bringing both your dad and your Ruby to life with your words. Making me cry.... striking close to home, my heart dog lies at my feet as I type this, her own mother passed away last year - identical story to your Ruby and almost the same age. Now I look at Ellie and think of not wasting time, she's already 3... I rarely walk past her without stopping to touch her or tell her I love her, wonder if I should continue working on obedience when she doesn't love it nearly as much as field training...

Thinking of you and your beautiful Ruby, I'm sorry you were cheated.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Ruby*

We never forget them. What a wonderful girl she was.

Ceegee: What a beautiful tribute to Ruby. So glad you have another Golden Retriever under your desk now! That is the only way my Hubby and I have even begun to heal.


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## Pilgrim123 (Jul 26, 2014)

That tribute to her is so beautiful and yet so very, very hard to read. Thank you for writing it, thank you for giving me another chance to grieve for all the dogs who have gone over my lifetime. You've summed up the devastation I've felt every time. 
Ruby was a special girl. Thank you for sharing her.


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## ceegee (Mar 26, 2015)

Thank you all. Your kindness is much appreciated.


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## azzure (Dec 10, 2011)

That is just beautiful. As I read this, my "heart dog" is lying behind my office chair. His heart sac filled with fluid two weeks ago, for reasons no one is able to explain to me yet...maybe cancer, maybe infection, maybe a cardiac problem. Right now he is fine and his tests look good. As we work to diagnose him, I will keep your essay in mind...that is the kind of ending I would want for my boy, too.


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## Holly♥ (Jan 9, 2014)

That was one of the most beautiful and hardest things I have ever read. My heart breaks for you and it brings back memories of loosing my first golden "Bo" to cancer. I remember holding him for hours before I was able to do what needed to be done. My sweater smelled so strong of him I didn't want to take it off. When I finally did I would go get it and just smell it and there he was. I was embarrassed and knew I was torturing myself but my heart just wouldn't let me stop. He loved me with all he had. I loved him with all I had. This beautiful creature was a special gift to me. He truly was. He is still so sadly missed by me and my family. We tell the same stories over and over about our time together. When reading this I could see Ruby doing all that you described. I could feel what a strong bond you had through your wonderful words. Heartbreaking. Thankyou so much for sharing your story. It really touched me.


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## Buddy's mom forever (Jun 23, 2011)

Thank you for sharing your story. 

They are all special and great, loving and wonderful ... but there is that one dog who grabs your heart and soul and will never ever let go, and like you all I was blessed to share my life with that one, my heart dog, my Buddy.


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## vict (Jun 5, 2014)

Hi CeeGee,

Thanks for writing that heartfelt blog post. It was hard to read but it was good to read... I think you know what I mean.

My best friend, Ginger, had a similar story. After I read your post, I wrote a PM to you about my story, but unfortunately I can't send those types of messages until I have a certain number of posts. Anyway, your words ring so true to what I went through (and am still going through, to be honest)... that I just wanted to thank you for writing. Your words really capture how I felt when I went through this. I am sure many others here have felt something similar.

I'll keep that PM and when I am able to, I'll send you a copy.

Vic


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## Krissi2197 (Apr 23, 2016)

This was really hard to read, but it helped me appreciate what I have in life. Thank you for sharing your story. I know Ruby is at the Rainbow Bridge waiting for you.


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## Baileysmommydog (Dec 27, 2015)

Wow! What an incredible tribute. I'm coming up to a one year anniversary of losing my Bailey. Our stories are almost be the same. Bailey had a hemangiosarcoma of her spleen. Got sick on Saturday of May long weekend and was gone on Wednesday the 20 th of May. You captured what many of us feel. Thank you.


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## Yaichi's Mom (Jul 21, 2012)

ceegee, I can barely type my response as the tears are still flowing from reading the tribute to your precious Ruby.

The tribute was one of the most eloquently written, heartfelt yet heart breaking that I have ever read. 

You not only captured the beauty of Ruby's spirit and your once in a life time relationship, but also the tremendous pain and love you both shared during your time together and particularly in those last days together in the physical. 

Exceptional tribute. Thank you so much for sharing your journey, your love, your pain in that outstanding written piece.


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## CAROLINA MOM (May 12, 2009)

Your tribute to Ruby was so beautiful, heartfelt and endearing. 
I think putting your feelings into words was very therapeutic and healing for you. 

I'm sorry for what you went through, the loss of Ruby, then your father. 

Many of us are lucky enough to be given the very special gift of a once in a lifetime dog, Ruby was certainly that and more. 
Sometimes we don't realize just how special of a gift we have until we no longer have it.


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## ceegee (Mar 26, 2015)

It's been four years to the day since Ruby died and I still miss her joy, intensity and uncompromising loyalty. It was such a privilege to be her human. Thanks for an incredible ride, Ruby. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.


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## cwag (Apr 25, 2017)

She was beautiful and I can see her zeal for life even in a still picture. It's been almost 20 years and I still miss my Honeybear.


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## Deborus12 (Nov 5, 2017)

Just now I read your tribute for the first time. Not everyone can put into words what we have all felt losing that one most special dog. I almost stopped breathing reading it......it hits so close to home. Ruby was a beautiful, incredible dog and deserved someone as loving as you must be.


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## Brinkleythegolden (Jun 18, 2012)

It's my first time reading it as well. So many of us know the loss of losing our heartdog, but you've summed it up so eloquently. Thank you for sharing her with us.


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## Brodys Rockies (Jan 8, 2019)

CeeGee, what a beautiful tribute to Ruby...Wow! Your words were both eloquent and heartfelt...Very well written! Thank you for sharing...

In reading your tribute to Ruby's amazing life, I have to admit that it brought back so many memories of River. I fully respect the decision you made for Ruby... I remember being there on the floor with River in the vet's office. River's prognosis was the same, though a bit different in that the cancerous tumor on his throat was beginning to impact his ability to breathe. I had this constant fear of River gasping for breath as the tumor grew in size, and it would have. I had this fear of River looking at me in a panic, wanting me to help him, but there would have been nothing I could have done for him. As you mentioned, a dog lives in the now. They don't have the ability to understand the pain and fear they experience in moments like the one I described. So for us, we made the hard choice to keep such a fearful thing from happing to our River and us. 

I remember when the vet cut a patch of fur from River's leg in preparation for administering the sedative to induce sleep before putting him down. I wish so much that I had kept that small patch of fur from his leg. At the time, I was thinking more about River as I petted him gently on his head making sure he was being loved in his last moments. I still have his ashes, and like you, the last thing I did before leaving him was to unclip his collar, which I clipped next to Sven's collar on a limb of one of the beautiful Aspen trees in our yard. Brody, my wife and I will take small portions of River's ashes on the many hikes we enjoyed with River in the Central Rocky Mountains. While hiking, we'll spread River's ashes in his memory so he will always be with us on our hikes this summer. 

We never know for sure what we will do until we encounter situations like this. Once River was gone, I cried my eyes out uncontrollably as I sat there for the longest time before leaving his side. I tear up now reliving that moment as I type this. Though we never competed for national titles in anything, River was loved just as much as you loved your Ruby. 

God bless!


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## NC Golden Lover (Jan 19, 2019)

Your story was beautifully written, thank you for sharing it with us.


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