# How Do You Give Up Foster You're In Love With?



## booklady (Mar 3, 2009)

I have a foster golden (through a rescue) who is just going up for adoption and I am in love with this dog! But, even though he is a perfect dog for me...I am not a perfect living situation for him. He needs kids and people all of the time. He is young and active and...just perfect. I am at work eight plus hours a day. He comes with me, but it's hard being confined. I know I am not the right person for him.

Sorry, this is just a rant and feeling sorry for myself. He will find a fabulous, perfect family to go with the perfect dog. I just am having a very hard time on this one. I've fostered many times before, this is the first one I've felt this way about.


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## Oaklys Dad (Dec 28, 2005)

I know it must be tough. I think the key is to find the perfect home for him and hopefully that will give you the warm fuzzies that will get you through it all. Thank you for fostering.


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## Jersey's Mom (Nov 25, 2007)

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to go through that. I don't think I could do it, and have all the respect in the world for those who are able to help in this way. Try to take comfort in the fact that you have set him on the road to a wonderful life, and know he'll always love you too!!

Julie and Jersey


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## missmarstar (Jul 22, 2007)

It would be sooo hard... I would want to keep every one  You are doing a great thing for him and for some lucky family out there!


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

You can ask me tomorrow, how I feel about it. My first foster Sadie (Dakota) is going to her new home at 9am. Right now she is laying next to me and was the perfect golden when we had company tonight. No jumping sitting beside them on the floor jut laying her head on their lap. And giving kisses. I think I will be crying after she leaves.


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## Abbydabbydo (Jan 31, 2007)

I think it is called failed foster.. many of us work all day, with happy, happy dogs. Good luck in whatever you decide!


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## booklady (Mar 3, 2009)

The funny thing some are really easy to let go. You are so happy they have found their people who understand what they've gone through and will give them a wonderful life. Or, you are relieved because they have been really difficult and you feel guilty because you may love them, but don't really like them all of the time.

Somehow, this guy just got to me and I was very surprised. I thought if I found a perfect dog, I would have the perfect situation to go ahead and adopt. Maybe that's why I can't go to a shelter or stop and look at roadside "free puppies"?


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## booklady (Mar 3, 2009)

BeauShel, my thoughts and prayers are with you. You did good!! This dog will live a long, happy life with people who love her and you (hopefully) you will be on to the next.

Easy for me to say. But it has worked that way for me and it will again. I know fostering has it's own special rewards and it is very weird when people keep telling you what a wonderful thing you are doing. These dogs have done wonderful things for me! It's a totally selfish activity. I just thought foster failing would be more black and white in it's presentation. And, no, I won't fail on this incredible guy. I have four applications of families with kids and room to run and a stay at home parent. He will be happy and life will be good and I'll try to clean up the two-foot deep hair (shedding season) in my house and on to the next one. Maybe that will be the one.


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## spruce (Mar 13, 2008)

can we see a pic of your friend?


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## Heidi36oh (Feb 27, 2007)

That has to be the hardest thing to do, I couldn't do it. 

I have much love and respect for all you guys that foster!

Hope everything works out for you and Carol too!


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

Yeah it is so busy in rescue right now, I will probably be getting another puppy (7 months) tomorrow afternoon or Friday. I do get so much joy out of fostering. Amazing to see how much especially when you see them come out of their shells and grow confidence every day. And when you get your first kiss from a scared dog. 
Bless you for fostering.


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## booklady (Mar 3, 2009)

Thank you all for your kind messages. I knew I would let him go before I even wrote this, but I just was a little depressed. Yes, you can work and have a dog. In fact I do have a dog; he's just a little less high-energy than my foster. 

The need is huge, the rewards are high and every dog saved is a dog one less on the streets, in a cage or abused. I only had him three weeks. He had never lived in a house, his owners didn't know if he got along with children or was housebroken. He is four years old, he loves children and IS housebroken. 

I do think I will be taking a week or two break after this guy. Between my last foster going to her adopter and him arriving I was fosterless for three hours. Please, please foster if you can. It does save lives and it is an amazing experience.


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## Oaklys Dad (Dec 28, 2005)

booklady said:


> Thank you all for your kind messages. I knew I would let him go before I even wrote this, but I just was a little depressed. Yes, you can work and have a dog. In fact I do have a dog; he's just a little less high-energy than my foster.
> 
> The need is huge, the rewards are high and every dog saved is a dog one less on the streets, in a cage or abused. I only had him three weeks. He had never lived in a house, his owners didn't know if he got along with children or was housebroken. He is four years old, he loves children and IS housebroken.
> 
> I do think I will be taking a week or two break after this guy. Between my last foster going to her adopter and him arriving I was fosterless for three hours. Please, please foster if you can. It does save lives and it is an amazing experience.


Very well said. And thank you again for fostering. I really hope that one day I am in a position to be able to foster.


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## Blaireli (Jun 3, 2008)

I'm not so good at the whole foster thing. I end up keeping them, hehe.  My Heidi was a failed foster. Best decision I ever made to keep her.


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## Karen519 (Aug 21, 2006)

*Booklady*

Booklady

I admire you SO MUCH for fostering, but if your heart tells you to adopt your foster then do. *I am sure the MAJORITY of dog owners have to work all *day-it's just reality. 

To me, the *quality of love* you have for this dog and the quality time you spend with them is THE MOST important thing, *and makes
the PERFECT home.*


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## FranH (May 8, 2005)

I would fall in love and want to keep a foster, too. Bless you, Carol, and everyone that fosters.


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## LullaBelle (Apr 24, 2009)

I've kinda done it. I've rescued dogs and cats and found them good homes. It's not easy to give them up. The hardest to give up was a pitbull puppy that I had bonded with. I cried for days. But I know she found a great home. Now that I've read your post, I'm thinking I'd like to get into fostering here. I'll have to see if it's possible. We'd have to wait until our pup is older though. Thank you for the post. What you're doing is very admirable.


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## DMS (Mar 1, 2007)

Thank you for fostering this guy. I would love to foster but DH is saying no... just for that reason.. we both wouldn't want to give any of them up. I really admire those of you who foster and rescue.


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## Rob's GRs (Feb 25, 2007)

I have only fostered a few times...... You are correct in that saying it is easier to let one go that is not quite the dog you would have wanted. It is also so much easier for me if I get to deliver the dog to the house it is going to so I can see the whole interaction for a while before I leave the dog there for good. I can say the longer a dogs stays with me for fostering the harder it gets to let them go.... 
My last foster (Hogan) ended coming back to me, after he was adopted out, and I felt it best to adopt him myself with some of the issues he was having. However this has ended my fostering for while now.....

Good luck with your fostering and I can understand how you feel.


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## Merlins mom (Jun 20, 2007)

He sounds like such a wonderful boy! Hopefully what ever family adopts him will stay in touch with you and send pictures. It's hard sometimes, and like you mentioned in a later post, sometimes it's not!  

It also sounds as if you have some wonderful families lined up for him. And if you decide ultimately to keep him, you'll be wonderful too! 

I feel the same way about my current foster Sunny. The saving grace for me is that the vet that did her cataract surgery is going to adopt her. I couldn't have picked a more perfect home for her if I tried and she will have the best of everything for her whole life. but I know when she leaves I will miss her terribly....and probably cry my eyes out. 

good luck to you in your decision!



booklady said:


> I have a foster golden (through a rescue) who is just going up for adoption and I am in love with this dog! But, even though he is a perfect dog for me...I am not a perfect living situation for him. He needs kids and people all of the time. He is young and active and...just perfect. I am at work eight plus hours a day. He comes with me, but it's hard being confined. I know I am not the right person for him.
> 
> Sorry, this is just a rant and feeling sorry for myself. He will find a fabulous, perfect family to go with the perfect dog. I just am having a very hard time on this one. I've fostered many times before, this is the first one I've felt this way about.


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## Maxs Mom (Mar 22, 2008)

BLESS ALL OF YOU FOR FOSTERING!!!!!

It is something I know I could not do. The emotions would kill me. If it were LITERALLY a couple of days (temporary foster until a new foster available) maybe. I would be a failed foster every time. 

I know there is a need, and I do what I can financially and with supplies, I just can't take one in.


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## MyGoldenCharlie (Dec 4, 2007)

The rescue that I foster for allows the foster families to pick the right forever home for the dogs and that is a BIG help when letting them go. 
Knowing in your heart that the family is the right one and seeing the happiness on their faces on adoption day is a real treat. 
My husband loved Gyro, There was something about Gyro that just touched him and didn't want him to leave, but when he saw the family's reaction when we took him to their house, he knew it was right for Gyro and that Gyro would have a wonderful life with them. 
I stay in touch with the families and get pictures and updates pretty often. I also have dog sat for some.


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## fostermom (Sep 6, 2007)

There are always going to be some extra special fosters. We have had around 40 in the last 6 years. There were probably 7 of them that touched us so much that we had a hard time letting them go. Danny and Jasper are the two that I just could not let go. 

Your foster sounds a lot like my Danny. I think you will know after you meet some potential adopters whether you really can let him go. We had Danny to every adoptathon for 6 months, met many, many potential adopters and finally said that he was already home and signed the papers. The fact is, I could give Danny what he needed, which was a lot of exercise, plenty of training and an appreciation of all of his quirks.

Jasper was just an old soul in a puppy's body. He was sent to me to ease the pain of the inevitable loss of my senior permanent foster who was my heart dog. He did that and I am very thankful that I adopted him.

We had one more after we adopted Danny that we would have adopted if the inn wasn't already full. Okay, maybe two. LOL. Forrest and Crew. But we know that the fourth slot is for a foster, plus we could not afford another permanent dog.

Good luck. It can be hard. It does sound like you might be the right one for him. But only you can make that decision. I really appreciate your ability to step back and admit that you might not be. You are trying to follow your head and not your heart.


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## Maggies mom (Jan 6, 2006)

For me it's not as hard to give them up. In my house Maggie has to except them and she doesnt except many! I also find it bitter sweet finding a family and knowing the joy and love my foster is going to bring them.


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## BeauShel (May 20, 2007)

Well my Sadie is gone. I am sad but really happy too. Seeing the joy on her new Mom's face when she saw her, made up for the pain. And Sadie seemed to know. She sat when her Mom put new collar and told her all about she had a big gang of people waiting to meet her. Her grandmother was coming over to see her too. Linda was so happy and thankful it made me feel really good. And Shelby was happy to see her go, they didnt like each other. 
I have a very rewarding feeling right now. And Sadie didnt look back once she got in the car. I think she will be very happy and spoiled. Her new Mom also got my email address so she can send me updates and pictures of her new life.


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## FranH (May 8, 2005)

BeauShel said:


> Well my Sadie is gone. I am sad but really happy too. Seeing the joy on her new Mom's face when she saw her, made up for the pain. And Sadie seemed to know. She sat when her Mom put new collar and told her all about she had a big gang of people waiting to meet her. Her grandmother was coming over to see her too. Linda was so happy and thankful it made me feel really good. And Shelby was happy to see her go, they didnt like each other.
> I have a very rewarding feeling right now. And Sadie didnt look back once she got in the car. I think she will be very happy and spoiled. Her new Mom also got my email address so she can send me updates and pictures of her new life.


I'm sure it's so heartwarming to know that she's going to a home where she will be loved and have lots of attention. Spoiled is ok when it's a rescue


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## Merlins mom (Jun 20, 2007)

good job Carol!! It sounds like Sadie will have a wonderful future!! 




BeauShel said:


> Well my Sadie is gone. I am sad but really happy too. Seeing the joy on her new Mom's face when she saw her, made up for the pain. And Sadie seemed to know. She sat when her Mom put new collar and told her all about she had a big gang of people waiting to meet her. Her grandmother was coming over to see her too. Linda was so happy and thankful it made me feel really good. And Shelby was happy to see her go, they didnt like each other.
> I have a very rewarding feeling right now. And Sadie didnt look back once she got in the car. I think she will be very happy and spoiled. Her new Mom also got my email address so she can send me updates and pictures of her new life.


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## booklady (Mar 3, 2009)

Good job, Carol! And I know that is how I will feel when my dog goes to a great forever home. My prayers are with you because I do understand. As happy as you are that Sadie will be cared for and loved, a little piece of your heart has gone with her. Just remember that she left a little piece of hers with you to fill the hole.

For me, I know Boo will go to a wonderful home and I will then be able to foster another who desperately needs a chance. If I were to keep him, I would probably not be able to foster again. When I say that I have an eight-hour job I mean that I have my own retail business so I am everything from clerk to CEO to janitor. No employees (the economy does take it's toll). I live alone with my resident dog and have no children so everything does fall on me. I love my life...not complaining. If there were more hours in the day I would keep every foster that came my way. "Catch and release" lets me be involved at a level that is important, but I can keep from getting over my head with responsibilities. Thank heaven (after a few days of tears) I am able to keep on keeping on. You do know when you are doing what you are supposed to be doing.


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## booklady (Mar 3, 2009)

Just to finish up this thread. Boo went to his new adoptive family this morning. My eyes are keep leaking a little bit every time I think of him or pick up a new-found wad of hair in a corner, but I know it was the right thing to do and the right family. My rescue, also, allows me to meet and make the decision on where the dog goes. This makes it a lot more personal and a little bit easier. No questions are ever asked if I do not find the adopter acceptable.

He went to wonderful family with three pre- or teenage boys who absolutely fell in love. This was not a surprise to me as everyone who met him wanted to take him home. I guess that was a good educational experience for my friends on rescues and how to adopt.

I'll be taking a short break in fostering (week or two) for me and my resident dog to have a little time and then on to the next. Maybe that will be the one I give up.

Thanks for the support and Wow! that's one lucky family.


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## booklady (Mar 3, 2009)

Ooops! That last line should have been "the one I CAN'T give up."


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## Rob's GRs (Feb 25, 2007)

Congrats on finding Boo a great home!! I am sure it was not easy to let him go. With 3 boys in that family he will be busy with a lot of play time.


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